Jayng's Homestuck RP: It is NOT your Birthday

[Taisuru]

http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r181/NTATai/banner.png
http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r181/NTATai/drakeinroom.png

A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, is probably not this young man's birthday. Though it was about thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!

What will the name of this young man be?

[DarkMonkey]

> Enter Name.

"Gary Randal"

[Taisuru]

You're unique name astonishes the entire universe.

Your name is GARY. As was previously mentioned it is NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY. A number of UPTURNED OBJECTS are scattered about your room. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a passion for CONSTRUCTION AND LANDSCAPING. You like to participate in MUSICAL THEATER. You live near an AIRFORCE BASE, and are an aspiring AMURICAN. You also like to play GAMES sometimes.

What will you do?

[DarkMonkey]

> Gary: Fondly regard poster

[Taisuru]

http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r181/NTATai/thewizardposter.png

It's a poster of THE WIZARD, an epic tale of VIDEO GAMES from THE 80'S.

It looks different up close for some reason.

[DarkMonkey]

> Gary: Examine room and assorted memorabilia

[Taisuru]

http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r181/NTATai/confertablebrandbed.png

You see that most of your furniture has been OVERTURNED for some reason, though everything is still in place. In the corner of your room is your MAGIC SET OF DRAWERS. In the middle of your floor is a CONFERTABLE BRAND BED, currently set to BEDROLL.

On your walls is THE AMERICAN FLAG, obtained from the nearby army base. On your desk sits you COMPUTER and STEREO SYSTEM.

In the corner of your room is a model of YOUR HOUSE and the surrounding area.

[DarkMonkey]

> Gary: Overturn self, seek plot with computer

[Taisuru]

http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r181/NTATai/Jayngchatbubble.png

After wasting time trying to do a headstand for several minutes, you flip the ORIENTATION SWITCH on your wall, uprighting the objects.

You find THE PLOT nestled in your PESTERCHUM program, where your friend trakidaeAggregator (OOC: Jayng) demands your attention.

[DarkMonkey]

> Gary: Respond

http://i51.tinypic.com/1zmgmsh.jpg

-- trakidaeAggregator [TA] began pestering meticulousDraftsman [MD] at 1:25 --

TA: Yo
TA: Hows it hangin?
MD: It is hangin like a treasonous colonist my good man
MD: By which I mean the weather is fairly unremarkable
MD: And you? How does this day find one such as yourself
TA: Eh
TA: Everybodies away except my Aunt. Which generally means I've got the place to myself.
MD: Eh? That doesn't sound too bad
TA: It'd be better if I wasn't in the middle of gogdamn nowhere
TA: I mean I've got vidyagames, some ocean and...
TA: Thats it
MD: Haha, yeah. Forgot you're even more of a crazy hermit than me.
MD: At least you've got moisture
TA: Salt moisture
TA: Which is kind of anti moisture
TA: But whatever, I guess I'll go fishing
TA: Again
MD: Catch some sharks for me man
MD: Or at least like
MD: Fight them or something, I dunno
TA: *looks to wall*
MD: There are starving kids in africa who would kill for that opportunity
TA: If I have room on the Jaw wall
TA: Did I mention how it was REALLY boring here?
MD: You might have mentioned it. I thought you started using the ceiling though?
TA: It kept jamming the fan
MD: Oh. That sounds... kinda dangerous and terrifying actually
MD: Even moreso than the shark-wrestling itself
MD: If you're really that bored we could probably play a game or something
MD: I mean you seem to have an internet connection
TA: I finally got the SPURB beta delivered
MD: All the way out there already? Damn, I should probably check my mail then
MD: Wish I'd sprung for the download, this has just been too much of a hassle
TA: Damn right. But then it's not like theres much else to do.
TA: Out here it's the same vidya games, same webcites, same waves
TA: Same skull crushing boredom
MD: Rough, man. I'll go see if it's here yet and hit you up later
TA: K
MD: Assuming my stebro isn't passed out and in need of assistance
TA: I should probably do the same then
MD: The man can sing and dance with the best of them, but he can drink with the worst of them too
MD: Alright, seeya later man

-- trakidaeAggregator [TA] ceased pestering meticulousDraftsman [MD] at 1:29 --

> Gary: Assess inventory, seek out stepbrother.

[Taisuru]

http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r181/NTATai/axekind.pnghttp://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r181/NTATai/melodymodusa.pnghttp://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r181/NTATai/drakeinventory.png

Your Inventory is currently EMPTY. Your current Strife Specibus is AXEKIND. Your current Fetch Modus is MELODY. You assume you know what each of these means. Seriously, what kind of eghead doesn't know how to use his own inventory.

You journey downstairs into your LIVING ROOM. Scattered about are various PARTY SUPPLIES. In the center of the room is a STAGE, complete with OFFSTAGE AREA and SOUND EQUIPMENT. Bottles are also strewn around the room, but your STEP-BROTHER is nowhere to be seen.

[DarkMonkey]

> Gary: Search kitchen. If he's alright the mail will be there. If he's not, well then the game can wait

[Taisuru]

The kitchen is littered with GARBAGE, probably from one of STEP-BRO'S parties. On the counter you see your SBURB BETA CLIENT DISK and a NOTE FROM STEP BRO.

SB: Hey little brother, I'm gonna borrow your server disk for awhile, see if I can get it to run on ~~~~~(Illegible)'s old comp. Maybe we can play together later.

[DarkMonkey]

> Gary: Captchalogue garbage and beta, return to room to check up on friends

[Taisuru]

http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r181/NTATai/garbagecardb.pnghttp://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r181/NTATai/betacardb.pnghttp://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r181/NTATai/vampbubblea.png
http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r181/NTATai/drakeinventory3.png

You are pretty sure that this is the most colorful garbage you've ever seen.

You captchalogue the -GAR-BAGE- -PI-LE- and -SBURB- -BE-TA- to the fourth and third slots of your sylladex (For readers: It's assigned by syllables) and head to your room.

You see you have messages from debtDoctor.

[DarkMonkey]

> Gary: Be the other guy

[Jayngfet]

http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z17/jayngfet0/hamstack1.png?t=1286617994

You are now the other guy. An overbearingly effeminate and slightly creepy boy standing alone in his room.

It is definitly not his birthday, but he still hasn't gotten a name until now.

[Fan]

> Enter Name

"Gabriel M. Moore XIII."

[Jayngfet]

Your name sounds out, as GABRIEL M. MOORE XII. A name that is VERY WEIRD and ALSO A LIE. You enjoy OVERSENTIMENTAL ROMANCE MOVIES, collect SHINY GEMSTONES, and watch OVERSTYALIZED CARTOON PROGRAMS featuring RIDICULOUSLY PROPORTIONED HUMANOID ROBOTS.

You live in THE MIDDLE OF THE MOUNTAINS, aka THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. While it seems rugged and self sufficient at a glance it is clearly a MATTER OF INCONVENIENCE.

[Fan]

> Check Pesterchum while being annoyed at slowness of goat based mail service.

[Jayngfet]

http://i759.photobucket.com/albums/xx233/Micheal_Murray/ScreenCapBrother.png?1286673837

You open PESTERCHUM and begin conversing with noisetankAndroid.

-- noisetankAndroid [NA] began pestering debtDoctor [DD] at 8:52 --

DD: Oh hey.
NA: Hey m*n.
DD: What's up?
NA: Not much, w*iting for SBURB to *rrive.
NA: Sis will probably get to it before me though.
DD: Same, damn mountinous terrain. The goat is getting on in it's years too
DD: My GUARDIAN has no interest in video games.. just that creepy taxidermy stuff he does down stairs
NA: heheheh
NA: You still h*ving your little h*te**** sessions with T*? :P
DD: Eh, he hasn't been on in a bit, but yeah. SSDD bro.
NA: Heheheh, well, I did get * p*ck*ge tod*y, so m*ybe SBURB will *rive *s well.
NA: *nyw*ys, I gonn* go check. See y* l*ter.
DD: Eh, I was SUPPOSED to get mine yesterday, but a storm ****ed that
DD: and later dude.
NA: H*h*, you cr*zy Mount*in Folk

-- noisetankAndroid [NA] ceased pestering debtDoctor [DD] at 8:58 --

[Fan]

>Examine poster while thinking about how your name is most definitely true, and not in any way a lie.

[Jayngfet]

http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z17/jayngfet0/gooeyguyguar.png?t=1286674860

You examine the poster of GAOGAIGAR. The image seems to be a bastion of MANGRIT and COURAGE in a life filled with MANGRIT and COURAGE. This makes NO SENSE, but given that someone surrounded by MANGRIT and COURAGE seems to be wearing eyeliner and peter pan cosplay this is PAR FOR THE COURSE.

[Fan]

> Inspired by MANGRIT, and COURAGE, go to CHEST to retrieve HAMMER.

[Jayngfet]

http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r181/NTATai/jaynganim1.gif

You walk over to your HAMMER CHEST to retrieve your SLEDGEHAMMER. Out pops your Sledgehammer, a GARNET, a piece of LAPIZ LAZULI, and MALCHITE, which quickly fall to the floor.

[Fan]

> Pick up various VALUABLE ITEMS OF IRREPARABLE BEAUTY, admire, then pick up sledge hammer. Proceed to ABSCOND with WEAPON to hunt MAIL GOAT.

[Jayngfet]

http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z17/jayngfet0/Hamstack5.png?t=1286688350

You CAPCHALOGUE the three gems using your WEIGHT MODUS. Each of your three MINIMUM WEIGHT(0-5lb) slots are filled. Instead of going to your Modus, your hammer is sent to the HAMMERKIND ABESTRUS.

Your other three slots, two 6-10 and one 15+ lie empty.

[Fan]

> Abscond to hunt mail goat.

[Jayngfet]

http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z17/jayngfet0/krakoom.gif?t=1286756051

You go down the hallway to hunt the MAILGOAT. However you hear the ominous crack of THUNDER and DINNER.

This is going to be difficult.

[Fan]

> ABSCOND FASTER. FASTER I SAY. :smalleek:

[Jayngfet]

http://oi56.tinypic.com/10qhool.jpg

You ABSCOND. As your BEARDAD chases you down the hallway, you pray you don't BREAK A HEEL and fall back on the BAD HORROR CLICHE.

[Fan]

>Don't Trip, Don't Trip Don't Trip! Aww, ****. Tripped.

[Jayngfet]

http://oi52.tinypic.com/il99hj.jpg

You TRIP LIKE A BITCH. Your URSINE GUARDIAN catches up to you on his STUBBY BEAR LEGS. He informs you that you are currently HOMESTUCK FOR HAMSTACK.

Somewhere, somewhen, an exile is executing a sweet FACEPALM X2 COMBO.

[DarkMonkey]

> Gary: Stop being the other guy and respond to your chum

http://img96.imageshack.us/img96/5809/drakecompvamp.gif

-- debtDoctor [DD] began pestering meticulousDraftsman [MD] at 9:42 --

DD: There we go
DD: Damn buggy software
MD: I hear that
MD: it even says you're offline
MD: I've given up on that
DD: Maybe it'll get better with the next patch.
MD: Hopefully
DD: Anyways, I heard you got that sburb beta.
MD: Well, kinda
DD: Kinda?
MD: It came alright, but my stepbro lifted the server disk
MD: Said he was gonna try to make it work on someone else's computer
MD: But I totally got the client disk. You get your copies yet?
DD: Nah man, I live up in the moutains, **** always takes forever to get here
DD: mountains
MD: Dude, TA got his already and he lives in like, the middle of the ocean
MD: or something, I've never been too clear on that
MD: Point is, may be a good idea to check the mail
DD: Really? **** bro, but then again they can use a frieghter for him, they have to drive their asses up these crags
MD: I guess that's true
DD: So, step bro d blocked your copy huh? That's gotta suck. Well, hopefully you'll have it back before every jackass goes ahead and spoilers it for you online
MD: Oh yeah. I've gone all china on my dealings online ever since people started getting it
MD: And it's not like any of you guys would do such a thing...
DD: I'm just glad the gaming magazines were exceptionally sparse in their preview. I like going into a game fresh, brings out a challenge that I normall don't get anymore.
DD: I unno about you. What do you think this is gonna be like?
MD: Yeah. I mean, I understand that you've gotta let people know what they're buying but for the sake of a dramatic reveal? Bleh
MD: Well I'm psyched, at least from what I have heard
MD: Which is thankfully not much
MD: But it seems like some sorta funky genre crossover. Should be interesting at the very least
DD: Me as well, I'm normally not too big on these kinds of games because they feel kinda fake, but this one is supposed to be the most broad spectrum game in existence, I heard every single character is voice acted fully. For a World spanning game.. that is incredibly impressive.
MD: Yeah. Wonder if they'll have any big names? I've always loved realizing who voiced who
DD: Yeah, that oughta be fun, but hopefully we don't get struck with Mafia 2 again and end up with every other char being Nolan North
MD: Haha, yeah. They probably wouldn't brag about it if that was the case though
DD: True, but you know Nolan's in there.
MD: Without a doubt, he's everywhere.

-- debtDoctor [DD] ceased pestering meticulousDraftsman [MD] at 10:0 --

DD: blagh
MD: ?
DD: Bad click
MD: Heh, is alright
DD: Cool.
DD: so, when do you think your bro will be back?
MD: Well if he can't get the game working, it'll take him a while trying to make it work
MD: And if it does work, who knows how long he'll play it for
MD: Probably best to just hope on a special mountain goat delivery
DD: Rofl. How'd you know about the goat? :p
MD: Lucky guess :V
MD: Well I'm gonna go ahead and install this client at least, maybe go grab something to eat
MD: Keep me posted as to your post, man
DD: Will do, have fun bro.

> Gary: Use SBURB BETA on COMPUTER, go get some FOOD

[Taisuru]

http://img826.imageshack.us/img826/8559/installan.png
GOG DAMN

You venture back to the kitchen. Most of the food is gone, but you do find a JAR OF PICKLE and PACKAGE OF HOTDOG.

All male households sure are weird.

[DarkMonkey]

> Gary: Take JAR OF PICKLES and return to room for delicious snackings

[Taisuru]

http://img839.imageshack.us/img839/1296/drakeroom2.png

You captchalogue the -JAR- -OF- -PICK-LE-, Ejecting the GARBAGE PILE into the REFRIGERATOR, and head back to your room.

[DarkMonkey]

> Gary: Set CONFERTABLE BRAND BED to MUMMY BAG, munch on PICKLES in safety

[Taisuru]

http://img291.imageshack.us/img291/9846/pickles.gif

[DarkMonkey]

> Gary: Hop over to computer to check if anybody messaged you

[Taisuru]

http://img291.imageshack.us/img291/6669/jayngandvampmessagedrak.gif

You turn your CONFERTABLE BRAND BED back to BEDROLL and check the computer.

Looks like TA is back and that you missed some messages from DD.

[DarkMonkey]

> Gary: Respond to this deluge of digital friendship

http://img801.imageshack.us/img801/7494/chatn.png

-- debtDoctor [DD] began pestering meticulousDraftsman [MD] at 10:28 --

DD: I'm off to play some ****ty 8-bit shooter. Be back soon, if you get it installed and I'm offline go ahead and message me, I'll get it when I get back.

-- debtDoctor [DD] ceased pestering meticulousDraftsman [MD] at 10:29 --


-- trakidaeAggregator [TA] began pestering meticulousDraftsman [MD] at 10:31 --

TA: Sir Emopants isn't responding and I'm bored
TA: What're you doing?
MD: Oh not much. Just havin a snack, installing SBURB, that kinda thing.
TA: Boring
TA: Boring everywhere
MD: Hey man, not my fault my bro took one of my disks.
MD: Or that you're on gilligan's island for that matter
TA: Too bad
TA: I'm still blaming you
TA: For this, for yesterdays boredom, and every day of boredom for the past six million years
MD: Pff
MD: What happened to getting your copy of SBURB? I may not have the server disk, but if I understand right you could host
TA: If I HAD the ****ing disc
TA: I got no idea where the mail boat is
MD: I thought you said you had it already
TA: You got some ****ty memory bro
TA: Boat is MIA
TA: Probably stolen by XIII's ****ing goat
TA: Somewhere out there
TA: Is a goat
TA: Chewing on four ill gotten discs
MD: Goats, boats, stoats, moats
TA: Laughing it's furry ass off at us
MD: Goats laugh at ****ing everything
TA: I have begun to hate goats
TA: So very very much
MD: Do you like, even have any around? Or is it a conceptual thing
TA: I think theres a farm on an island waaaaaaay far away
MD: Goats are pretty loud, yeah
MD: Well I'm gonna go ahead and let you stew in your billy boredom. Maybe when your ship comes in we can get proper game of this **** going
TA: K

-- trakidaeAggregator [TA] ceased pestering meticulousDraftsman [MD] at 10:34 --

>Gary: Fire off a response to DD and wonder where the heck your sleeping bag went

-- meticulousDraftsman [MD] began pestering debtDoctor [DD] at 4:32 --

MD: Turns out this thing doesn't even have an installer
MD: It's just like, some wierd command prompt
MD: Maybe the server disk is more informative
MD: Ring me up when you've bested the mail goat, yo

[Taisuru]

http://img198.imageshack.us/img198/9056/rightthere.png

It's right there in the middle of your room! Only it's in bedroll mode.

It's starting to get dirty from you walking on it all day.

[DarkMonkey]

> Gary: Disregard bedroll, examine model

[Taisuru]

http://img209.imageshack.us/img209/9784/model.pnghttp://img229.imageshack.us/img229/3154/noirdrake.png

It's a MODEL of YOUR HOUSE and the nearest MILITARY BUILDING.

Inside the MILITARY BUILDING is a small figure of YOU as a FILM NOIR CHARACTER.

[DarkMonkey]

>Gary: Fondly regard fenestration and beyond

[Taisuru]

http://img827.imageshack.us/img827/6919/windowf.png

It appears that someone ripped your tire swing right off the tree while doing donuts in the yard. It appears mostly intact though, luckily.

There are also a few other houses near yours, and you can see the main part of town in the distance. Closer is the Air force base where jets are taking off and landing.

They seem pretty busy today.

[DarkMonkey]

[S] (http://megaswf.com/serve/57563/) ==> (http://www.megaupload.com/?d=315UOZH3)

As used to it as you are, you never do get tired of that sight. The sweat of steel eagles criss-crossing the sky, weaving a tale of pride to those bound to trudge below. But the pattern today seems different, almost... afraid. Instead of embracing the sky an air of helplessness falls, like the last frantic tuggings on a spider's web. A fitting backdrop for the demise of your swing, you suppose. Joshua trees never were the sturdiest of things, and everything dessicates out here.

"Nothing beside remains. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away."
~Jeff Goldblum

==>

[Taisuru]

http://img198.imageshack.us/img198/9056/rightthere.png

After staring out at the surrounding area and thinking of how cool it would look from a third person perspective with music playing in the background, you return to being boring.

[DarkMonkey]

> Gary: Venture outside to retrieve fallen swing

[Taisuru]

http://img801.imageshack.us/img801/6387/housezoomedoutwithtire.png
http://img801.imageshack.us/img801/8933/swingget.gif

You captchalogue the -SWING-, maybe STEP-BRO can get it reattached later.

[DarkMonkey]

> Gary: Hide evidence of tree-mangling from the prying eyes of the EPA

[Taisuru]

http://img844.imageshack.us/img844/1560/branchget.gif

You retrieve the offending and associated objects (-TREE-BRANCH-) before anyone notices the foul deed.

[DarkMonkey]

> Gary: Be the other other guy just in case

[Fan]

http://i759.photobucket.com/albums/xx233/Micheal_Murray/Homestack.jpg?t=1287620208

You are the other guy, a prudish looking unwashed seaman who, while it is not his birthday, has yet to be named until today.

What will the name of this young pri- I mean man be?

[Jayngfet]

Enter name:

>Kris Hanson

[Fan]

Enter name:

>Kris Farley

http://i759.photobucket.com/albums/xx233/Micheal_Murray/Homestack.jpg?t=1287620208

You are Kris Hanson, you enjoy COMPUTER PROCESSING and are NOT THAT BAD AT IT, you enjoy MANLY HENSHINS and ROBOTS OF DISPROPORTIONATE SIZE TO THEIR PILOTS, and occasionally PLAY GAMES too. You are occasionally considered a BIT OF A TOOL, and have POOR HYGIENE HABITS. Your INTERESTS are MATH and you like to talk with friends, however, you occasionally devolve into RABID HATE SESSIONS with DebtDoctor who is AN OVERBEARINGLY GIRLY PRUDE WHO NO ONE LIKES. (or so you say.)

Speaking of overbearingly girly men, it seems Debt Doctor sent you a message from his mobile.

[Jayngfet]

>Ignore the Slow DM and beign pestering the other other other guy.

[Taisuru]

~Assuming Direct Control~

Wait, what? Whatever, anyways, you have a chat with the suave young man on the other side of the internet.

http://img513.imageshack.us/img513/2536/jayngdrake1.png

-- meticulousDraftsman [MD] began pestering trakidaeAggregator [TA] at 1:20 --

MD: Dude, your boredom is rubbing off on me
TA: Great
TA: Bored party
MD: No
MD: The party is over
TA: We'll break out the bored games
MD: and the attendees have wrecked my ****
MD: Also that pun is bad and you should feel bad
TA: I don't
TA: I only feel
TA: BORED
MD: Didn't you go shark-fighting
MD: Or boat-hunting
MD: Or whatever
TA: Shark fighting is easy once you know how it's done
TA: Drop a bit of chum in and stab a couple of times
MD: ...oh
MD: I thought you like... wrestled them or something
TA: I would if I could get the gear
TA: But it's supposed to be coming in
TA: With the Spurb discs
TA: So you see my problem here
MD: Wait, you need gear to wrestle sharks?
MD: More than you need to stab them?
TA: Well there's the suit. It needs to be some kind of crazy chainmail ****
MD: Oh, like, legit safety. I gotcha
TA: But eh
TA: It keeps the shark population down so there'll be fish for later
TA: So there's that
MD: I never thought of it that way
MD: I guess it's like, spiders and flies
MD: Except larger
TA: Spidersharks
TA: Now that would be
MD:......
TA: ...unsettling
MD: D:
MD: I am physically recoiling in terror here
MD: That concept is of the sort that is too horrifying to simply ignore
MD: because then it will get you from behind
TA: Oh god
TA: I read that the wrong way and it became even worse
MD: Dude no
MD: Just
MD: No
TA: ****, now I'm terrorfied
TA: Ima go hunt a shark to establish dominance
TA: WHO HAS THE THUMBS NOW BYOTCH

-- meticulousDraftsman [MD] ceased pestering trakidaeAggregator [TA] at 1:26 --

[Jayngfet]

>Chris: Jump out the window and hunt down shark.