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Dust
2010-10-14, 06:52 PM
Long title, self-explanatory question. From swordchucks to a mummy-filled sarcophagi, what's the wierdest weapon you've wielded?

One Step Two
2010-10-14, 06:54 PM
Not something I've wielded, but in one of our campaigns, we have a Master of Many Forms, who took Sun Giant form, and proceeded to grapple a Battle-Dragon to death, then used it as a club and thrown weapon.

Greenish
2010-10-14, 06:57 PM
If you have a few ranks in Craft: Woodworking (or similar), you can just convert any handy piece of wood into a club or a quarterstaff as a free action. :smallwink:

One of my early characters used a ship's mast as a spear.

Malfunctioned
2010-10-14, 07:02 PM
A tavern.

The same character also managed to use himself as an improvised weapon, granted the character was currently in a mirror universe of his own but he still did use himself as a weapon.


Another character also used their opponent's eyeballs as improvised sling bullets.

dsmiles
2010-10-14, 07:04 PM
A deceased kobold on a rope. It was also used to disarm tripwires and pressure plates.

Ravens_cry
2010-10-14, 07:10 PM
Ah, chucking books at what we quickly called a "Land Octopus" (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/otyugh.htm) in d20 modern, good times. You must forgive us for miscounting in the heat of battle.

Mordrigar
2010-10-14, 07:11 PM
Not me, but my friend once throwed a dwarf with a catapult to orc horde, while dwarf was reading a fireball scroll that targeted on landing area.

(Scroll has read, dwarf has landed and fireball exploded succesfully.)

He said that he saw that move on a computer game...

big teej
2010-10-14, 07:14 PM
a gnome paladin in full plate with a lance.... (thrown weapon)

an orc (melee weapon)

DaragosKitsune
2010-10-14, 07:16 PM
Not me, but one of my players decided to use a troll's, um, "extra limb" as a buckler ornament. He liked to shield bash people.

dsmiles
2010-10-14, 07:19 PM
Not me, but one of my players decided to use a troll's, um, "extra limb" as a buckler ornament. He liked to shield bash people.

Did he continually have to cut it down to size? (In theory, he could have grown a whole new troll out of it. :smalltongue:)

Urpriest
2010-10-14, 07:25 PM
A little off topic, but on the improvised weapon tack, and an entertaining read:

In this campaign we were checking up on McGuffins around the world placed by the gods themselves. The dungeons in which these McGuffins were located would each have two side entrances, each of which led to a different test befitting the god who built the dungeon. Successfully completing the test gives an appropriate boon. We reach an old temple of Kord, and we see these two entrances, labeled the Test of Endurance and the Test of Strength. As the party's two primary melee characters, the Monk and I (Dervish) argue over who should go into which entrance. The Monk, incidentally, was a Drunken Master. His current weapon of choice was an improvised club, but he yearned for what every melee fighter yearns for: reach! He had been pestering the DM for a ladder with which he could smite his enemies, but so far had not been in a position to acquire one.

Eventually we decide that I would do the Test of Strength, and he would do the Test of Endurance. The Test of Endurance involves running through the digestive track of a Purple Worm, an experience he only barely survives. The Test of Strength, meanwhile, is essentially a logic puzzle. While it was a well-conceived one I cracked it almost immediately, disappointing the DM. When emerging from the place I was granted my boon, as a voice rang out from the darkness,

"Name a weapon."

Naturally, I said, "Scimitar." Upon saying this, an enchanted scimitar appeared in my hand. And not just an enchanted scimitar, but an intelligent scimitar, which immediately announced that its name was Zaspirus.

Now after the session I did some thinking. We didn't have to make the choices we did. I could have attempted the Test of Endurance, and the Monk could have done the Test of Strength. In which case, the conversation would have gone something like this:

"Name a weapon."

"Ladder."

"...You sure?"

"Yes, give me my goddamn ladder."

"...Alright..."

At which point the intelligent ladder Zaspirus would appear. The most miserable intelligent weapon in the entire world.

Greenish
2010-10-14, 07:28 PM
A little off topic, but on the improvised weapon tack, and an entertaining read:

In this campaign we were checking up on McGuffins around the world placed by the gods themselves. The dungeons in which these McGuffins were located would each have two side entrances, each of which led to a different test befitting the god who built the dungeon. Successfully completing the test gives an appropriate boon. We reach an old temple of Kord, and we see these two entrances, labeled the Test of Endurance and the Test of Strength. As the party's two primary melee characters, the Monk and I (Dervish) argue over who should go into which entrance. The Monk, incidentally, was a Drunken Master. His current weapon of choice was an improvised club, but he yearned for what every melee fighter yearns for: reach! He had been pestering the DM for a ladder with which he could smite his enemies, but so far had not been in a position to acquire one.

Eventually we decide that I would do the Test of Strength, and he would do the Test of Endurance. The Test of Endurance involves running through the digestive track of a Purple Worm, an experience he only barely survives. The Test of Strength, meanwhile, is essentially a logic puzzle. While it was a well-conceived one I cracked it almost immediately, disappointing the DM. When emerging from the place I was granted my boon, as a voice rang out from the darkness,

"Name a weapon."

Naturally, I said, "Scimitar." Upon saying this, an enchanted scimitar appeared in my hand. And not just an enchanted scimitar, but an intelligent scimitar, which immediately announced that its name was Zaspirus.

Now after the session I did some thinking. We didn't have to make the choices we did. I could have attempted the Test of Endurance, and the Monk could have done the Test of Strength. In which case, the conversation would have gone something like this:

"Name a weapon."

"Ladder."

"...You sure?"

"Yes, give me my goddamn ladder."

"...Alright..."

At which point the intelligent ladder Zaspirus would appear. The most miserable intelligent weapon in the entire world.…You were traveling around the world, collecting artifacts from gods, and you were unable to acquire a ladder?

holywhippet
2010-10-14, 07:29 PM
The first 3rd edition game I ever played I was controlling a pair of NPC halflings. The fight was against a barghest and a congo line of goblins. We were having trouble hurting the barghest due to it's damage reduction. There was a door we'd kicked in at the start of the fight so I said the halflings were going to make torches out of the pieces of the door to try and jab the barghest with them or toss them at him.

DaragosKitsune
2010-10-14, 07:30 PM
Did he continually have to cut it down to size? (In theory, he could have grown a whole new troll out of it. :smalltongue:)

No, it was only the lesser troll from Sunless Citadel and he cut it off after it died.

molten_dragon
2010-10-14, 07:31 PM
My frenzied berserker once tore off a zombie's arm and beat the zombie to death with it after he lost his greataxe.

I played a half-giant fighter in another campaign that used the party's hafling frenzied berserker (our group loves that class) as a grenade-like weapon.

Amphetryon
2010-10-14, 07:32 PM
Half-Giant PsyWar with a Gnome + Spiked Armor + 50' Silk Rope = Spiky Ball o' Doom.

Lateral
2010-10-14, 07:45 PM
I DM'ed a game once where the players were all demigods. One had Divine Blast.

He fired a divine blast, then GRABBED it and wielded it as an improvised weapon.

Also, once, I played a monk who specialized in improvised weaponry. One time, we were inside a city under siege by an army of insane cultists. Some of the enemy tried to scale the wall using a really, REALLY tall mithril ladder. Our party's wizard zapped them off. I grabbed the ladder, vaulted off the wall, then wiped out half the army in one colossal ladder swing. It was the most awesome thing. EVER.

Project_Mayhem
2010-10-14, 07:45 PM
It was a Vampire the Requiem game. One player, a Deava stealth fighter, was going undercover as a prostitute. A bunch of ghouls attacked. She beat them to death with a 12 inch ... tool of her trade.

arguskos
2010-10-14, 07:48 PM
The Pain Train, also called the Man Train.
...
...
...
...
...I fear I might need to explain this further.

Ok, so my players (level 2 at the time) were assaulting this evil cult lair and found themselves outgunned when they were hitting the main force (in the second cavern of the cult, they'd cleared the first one, which was also the training room, so lots of spare weapons around). So, the fighter guy decides to grab some nearby tables, strap lots of sharp stuff to the front, and have the rest of the party carry a few other tables over them as they charged down the single-file hallway into the next room. The lead character's table of charging spikey doom caught and pasted a dude too (he crit with his... attack), and thus was the legend of the Pain Train (called the Man Train by one player) born.

cdrcjsn
2010-10-14, 07:48 PM
Half Orc Drunken Master monk PrC. He was carrying a party member who died in a previous encounter when the group was ambushed.

He decided that rather than drop the halfling, to wield him as an improvised weapon instead.

It was surprisingly effective, thanks to the Drunken Master bonuses to improvised weapons.

Rowsen
2010-10-14, 07:50 PM
I once drove Skeppio into a laughing fit when I described a plan to use corpses with Flesh to Stone as catapault ammo. Assuming that counts.

Logalmier
2010-10-14, 07:50 PM
Jello sword. Nuff said.

Urpriest
2010-10-14, 07:50 PM
…You were traveling around the world, collecting artifacts from gods, and you were unable to acquire a ladder?

The Monk's player had an odd grasp of...well, most things, really. It never occurred to him that he could simply go into a town and purchase a ladder. He thought the DM had to give him one as treasure.

Logalmier
2010-10-14, 07:52 PM
The Monk's player had an odd grasp of...well, most things, really. It never occurred to him that he could simply go into a town and purchase a ladder. He thought the DM had to give him one as treasure.

"I need a latter! Quick, find a psion so he can make one with his mind!"

Rowsen
2010-10-14, 07:54 PM
The Monk's player had an odd grasp of...well, most things, really. It never occurred to him that he could simply go into a town and purchase a ladder. He thought the DM had to give him one as treasure.
So...was he ever awarded a +1 Ladder of Climbing?

Now I want to add improvised weapons to random loot tables.

Greenish
2010-10-14, 07:57 PM
The Monk's player had an odd grasp of...well, most things, really. It never occurred to him that he could simply go into a town and purchase a ladder. He thought the DM had to give him one as treasure.Maybe he thought that most ladders in the world had been turned into 10' poles by greedy adventurers?

Thurbane
2010-10-14, 08:01 PM
Not that I've wielded personally, but in a game earlier this year, a giant ape wielded a plesiasaur neck and head as a club against us!

...oh, I almost forgot! Back in our 1E ToEE days, we had the Dungeon Trolley. This was a modified mining cart, with a bussell of spears and pointy stuff attached to the front. Basically, a couple of party member would rush this towards the enemy, while two haflings sat in the cart, firing off a sling a short bow. Happy times. :smallbiggrin:

VirOath
2010-10-14, 08:02 PM
In a ludicrously high powered game I was playing a Hulking Hurler (with a str score to throw a small moon, and yet I wasn't completely optimized or the worse thing there.) and we were tossed into a room with squid-like things, never really caught their name and could have been a monster he actually created.

Anyways, the monsters start with the buddy system to throw their friends at the party and start grappling/constricting the group, with means to get around rings of free action.

Well, catch anything, they -were- smaller than me at the time, so I catch it and hurled it back at his friend, dealing damage to them both and for some reason they would just throw themselves back at me. While the rest of the party spent the next few rounds taking care of the rest, I killed my pair by playing catch and making use of thrown power attack.

Masaioh
2010-10-14, 08:11 PM
Does using a crossbow to shoot dwarves count?

theMycon
2010-10-14, 08:17 PM
A flaming bookshelf.

Once upon a time, I was in a two barbarian party.
We were sent to search for a certain book in a library. Neither of us were able to read. We got attacked by some invisible, incorporeal undead with a terrible to-hit Bonus, and were high enough level to have uncanny dodge & DR1. The DM ruled that, since we spent about 10 rounds sucessfully dodging/not being hurt by the attacks we had no way of noticing*, we didn't know we were being attacked up until the party sorc noticed we were spasming.

So he launches a fireball at us. In a Library. While we're peacfully looking for books, unaware of anything except that someone just launched a fireball at us.

He obviously regrets the action the moment it occurs. We both charge at him, KO him in a round (before realizing he's a friend), then see flaming ghosts between the flaming books. Not having a magic weapon, I rage, pick up the burning bookshelf, and chase the ghost around, swinging the bookshelf at random while it's doing equal amounts of fire damage to me. Through the massive, massive HP difference between myself and this unknowable undead, it works, and they "re-die" before my HP are even half gone.


*In character only, of course. He flat out told us "such and such an undead hits you." We then decided we were too absorbed in the books to notice.

The conversation went like this:

DM: "Such and such an undead hits you for 3 damage & 4 CON. Roll for Initiative"
Me: "What's the attack roll?"
DM: "It's flat-footed touch. It doesn't matter. It's over 10."
Me: "We have uncanny dodge."
DM: "Uhh... Does a 14 hit your touch AC?"
Me: "No..." "Okay, something invisible swipes at you and misses. Roll initiative."
Me, no longer sure uncanny dodge SHOULD work that way: "Do I have to notice it swiped at me?"
DM: "What?"
Me: "Something invisible just swiped at me and missed. I don't know why I'd notice."
DM: "But you dodged it."
Other Barbarian: "We didn't notice before we dodged, did we?"
Me: "And we don't have any magic weapons yet. I don't have any chance to hit it. Wouldn't matter if I did."
DM: "Alright, fine. You weave and continue looking at books you can't read."
...
Five rounds later
DM: "Okay, it finally hits and does... *rolls* 1 damage. And for Constitution..." *picks up dice*
Other Barbarian: "We have DR 1/-. No effect."
DM: "Uh... Do you want to notice it yet?"
Both of us together: "No way!"
DM: "Okay, your chest itches slightly."
...
Five rounds later
Sorceror- player hears whole conversation, so he walks in the door, sees us spasming, and decides to fireball the room.
DM: "Someone shoots a fireball at you from the doorway. Make a reflex save."
*2 sub-5 rolls*
Both of us: "We fail & charge."

Starfols
2010-10-14, 08:27 PM
Depending on how the next encounter goes, either a shard of a ceramic plate or feces. They thought they could take my items, did they.. :smallamused:

Crossblade
2010-10-14, 08:31 PM
First time playing DnD 3.5; I hadn't played DnD before since I was like 7 (20 years ago or so, to narrow down the edition, not really sure which one it was) I was playing a rogue... and didn't own a sap, but had to defend myself somehow against a new player who I happened to circumstantially be fighting against. (Long story short, it was the wizard's fault not mine).

Low level rogue, unoptimized, wanting to do non-lethal damage. I didn't have a sap, but I did however have a bottle of wine. I don't recall it breaking after contact either.

Captainocaptain
2010-10-14, 08:34 PM
I once used a mortally wounded opponent (an elf actually) who was at the time bedridden and at -2 HP. I used him as a javelin... to kill his fleeing ally. Yes a javelin. I dealt more damage with the elf than my regular weapon actually.

DracoDei
2010-10-14, 08:35 PM
Well, in the campaign I am currently GMing, set on the Semi-Elemental Plane of Candy (bless whoever thought up the idea of turning Candy-land into a plane), I had one of the villians wielding a pair of hookswords that had been ground from candy-canes, with the cross-peices and handle wrappings added separately.

Soranar
2010-10-14, 08:45 PM
Well, I designed a pianoforte tossing half-ogre bard/hulking hurler build, it never saw much play outside of a DM ex machina NPC that could happen to pass by and fix plotholes (he's actually a recurring character in my games as most groups are terrified of him)

I did see a monk /drunken master build focused on using thrallherds as improvised weapons (who themselves used smaller thrallherds as improvised weapons)

there was also the 20 foot adamantine +5 ladder for yet another drunken master build but that's hardly ''improvised'' at that point

grarrrg
2010-10-14, 08:56 PM
Does using a crossbow to shoot dwarves count?

No, not really, I'm sure everyone here has shot a dwarf with a crossbow at least once.

Unless you mean using dwarves for ammo. But either the dwarf would have to be tiny, or the "crossbow" would be more of a ballista.

Road_Runner
2010-10-14, 09:12 PM
My friend once played a Half Minotaur with Butterfly wings who somehow got 320 movespeed and could throw playing cards and chopsticks for full unarmed strike damage. He could also charge in an uneven line (Drunken Master). Our party was greatly amused when he charged in corkscrew shapes and mortally wounded opponents with the Ace of Spades.

Greenish
2010-10-14, 09:17 PM
…mortally wounded opponents with the Ace of Spades.Ace of Spades is always Vorpal.

Quietus
2010-10-14, 09:39 PM
Ace of Spades is always Vorpal.

Man. I need to get a boatload of decks of cards, and take all the Aces of Spades out.


Let's see.. there was one campaign that featured improvised weapons heavily. This is because one player had the great idea to start the game with Weapon Proficiency : Improvised, and had the personal goal of never using the same weapon in more than one encounter. Of his list of things he used (I'm sure I'll forget some)...

A wall sconce
A "7" - a chunk of metal gate in the shape of the number 7
A greatsword - improvised as a throwing weapon, to great effect.
A foot locker, with my dire-rat-shaped wererat inside

I'm pretty sure he also took something from that holy tomb to use, too.. though I can't remember what. He also had a spiked chain (magic, even!), but that was just for when he didn't have a new improvised weapon nearby to use.

In that same campaign, my own character (who became a wererat after being bitten by a crazy two-headed mutant wererat in the sewers) at one point was using roofing tiles as thrown weapons. This is the only reason I still remember his name; He had a different one originally, but after that event, I redubbed him "Kyle Tucker, tile chucker". :smallbiggrin:

jiriku
2010-10-14, 10:12 PM
When attacked in a barnyard without any weapons I once dual-wielded a pair of live chickens to defend myself. Successfully. Sort of.

Knaight
2010-10-14, 10:14 PM
Hmm. My best story so far was when, in my "23rd century adventurers try to find El Dorado before the demons do" comedy campaign, the main PCs went to a church, and when they couldn't get the priest, they got the janitor. One of them got knocked unconscious in later fighting against the hordes of demons, so he takes over the Janitor, and fights them off with cleaning supplies. Notable highlights includes blocking a bite with a bottle of concentrated bleach and watching the demon doing the biting die due to accidentally swallowing some of it, and fighting off a flying serpent demon with twin spray bottles of window cleaner.

grarrrg
2010-10-14, 11:26 PM
what's the wierdest weapon you've wielded?

I'm sorry it took me so long to think of this but...

YO MAMA!

It makes sense in context.

Ok...probably not even then...

Newbieshoes
2010-10-14, 11:39 PM
Not used by me but the party was beaten violently by a herzou that was using the party bard as a club.

Probably not as odd as the rest but in a modern era game, a duece. Followed by an APC being hurled as us. (big army truck). We needed to break into a compound and search for something. Leader was trying to plan a way in quietly. I get impatient hop into the truck and run is full speed (rest of the party had barely enough time to dive into the back before he takes off going through the gate and over 2 guards and rolling it into the doorway of the barracks.

Amiel
2010-10-14, 11:48 PM
Awesomely ridiculous or ridiculously awesome?

Massive granite pillars at one stage, duel-wielded of course. Each time they were swung, a swarm of vermin and verdigris would also attack the enemy. You have got to love epic.

The Vorpal Tribble
2010-10-14, 11:53 PM
I had a main character barbarian NPC who had been stuck in a special fever for months with the rest of the characters. They awoke and got into a fight, right there in the asylum. The barbarian had specially picked feats so he could pretty much swing anything he could lift.

So he grabbed his bed in a rage and swung it around. Beat a creature of nightmares to death with it. I hadn't intended this per se, but I appreciated the poetic justice.

Otherworld Odd
2010-10-14, 11:56 PM
In a game I played in, we were confronted by enemies riding large wooden kayaks. My comrade proceeded to flip a kayak and use it to beat the riders to death with it.

Harris the Ford
2010-10-15, 12:05 AM
I once threw a Gazebo at a group of Dire Aligators.

Brainstomper
2010-10-15, 12:18 AM
I once had a naked dwarf beat a group of rust monsters to death with a stick, bare hands and grappling in order to save his metal.

Amiel
2010-10-15, 12:19 AM
I thought that said you wielded a naked dwarf.

DragonOfUndeath
2010-10-15, 12:40 AM
one of my friends knocked out a wolf with beer. he was playing a drunk wizard wth several bottles of Orchish Lager (DM ruled 1D6 CON damage when the wizard drank a glass of it). he cast Hold Person and sent 3 glasses down its gullet :smalltongue:

fratar11
2010-10-15, 02:22 AM
Wielded a monkey and critted with him. Both the monkey and the foe ended up dead.

Daelen
2010-10-15, 02:33 AM
This wasn't a character I used, but I was there and it was epic. We were playing in my first Eberron campaign, one of the modules (Kiss of the Vampire's Blade, I believe it was called.) Lucan had us at a state function, weaponless and having to fight him. Our Paladin, a Goliath, looks at the DM and says "What is the strength check to pick up the banquet table. Oh, and can I smite evil with a banquet table?" The DM gave him a number and said yes... and the rest is history.

Tvtyrant
2010-10-15, 02:40 AM
One of my many clerics (all I ever seem to play...) once killed a bugbear with a poisoned caltrop after being grappled. Thravak was paralyzed for two weeks while we found another cleric to heal me.

TurtleKing
2010-10-15, 02:44 AM
Ok here are two of mine. The first improvised weapon was .....me! I was able to explode for 1d6 fire per hit die in a 10 ft area when thrown. If you guessed that I was a prinny then you are correct.

The second improvised weapon I have used is The Justice Sap of Silencing. All I had to do was attack by shoving it down the person's throat. The way to get the sap out is to pull it out. I am going to let that image sink in for a moment.
....
....
....
....
Yea.

Ertwin
2010-10-15, 03:45 AM
Well early on in the last campaign the enemies were using warg grenades. (I guess they worked sort of like a pokeball, but instead of a cute rat, an uncontrollable warg.) I got my hands on a few of those >=D

Then there were the trick cards that turned into knives. The Joker turned into an exploding knife.

I also tried to use a fox puppy as a club, but alas roled a 1 when I tried to swing it.


Then I defeated the Big Bad by being annoying. clearly this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qj1heGiIehU

sung loudly and offkey is the greatest improvised weapon....no I was not a bard.

Skaven
2010-10-15, 03:57 AM
A door. It was an ironbound heavy oak door.

"The servant seems to have heard your searching of the room, you can hear footsteps coming"

"I position myself behind the door, shoulder to the door"

*GM assumes i'm hiding*

"Ok he walks in the doorway and.." *reaches for the dice to perform a spot/listen check*

"I put all my weight and strength behidn the door and slam him with it"

"Ok.. roll an attack roll."

I love 20's.

Critical hit door KO!

John Campbell
2010-10-15, 04:26 AM
I once leaped out a second-story window with a live wolf under my arm, and then threw the wolf at a sentry.

Esser-Z
2010-10-15, 06:18 AM
A captured necromancer. My Barbarian, in charge of carrying the prisoner, threw him at his apprentice, who had shown up with a giant undead to be the real boss fight.

Dr.Epic
2010-10-15, 06:19 AM
I wanted to play a monk that used a shovel. That's about as ridiculous as I've gotten.

Altair_the_Vexed
2010-10-15, 06:25 AM
In my game last night, the party - without a blaster caster - had to cope with swarms of bats. Finding their usual weapons useless, they improvised heavily. Flaming brands fro mthe fire, dealing damage as a torch (i.e. 1 point of fire damage) Bar towel tied onto a spiked chain, soaked in rum, set on fire and flailed at the bat swarms. Gobfuls of strong spirit, blown out over said flaming brands to make a firebreather's flash

bokodasu
2010-10-15, 07:13 AM
Last week, I dropped an earth elemental on a green dragon. Not very effective, but apparently inspiring, as the entire party began summoning creatures at the mouth of a cavern in such a way that they'd fall in.

Unfortunately, most of them landed on our cleric. But it seemed like a good idea at the time!

Drascin
2010-10-15, 07:21 AM
In a 40K setting game, I cut the top of a building and chucked it on a horde of Chaos cultists by ramming it with a speeder. Does that count?

panaikhan
2010-10-15, 07:38 AM
Let's see....

In a Darksun (2e) campaign, my half-giant used to use the psion halfling for a 'fastball special'

In a 3.5 campaign, I actually convinced my DM to let me take the Exotic Weapon Proficiency: Improvised Weapon. Much hilarity ensued, with said character hitting people with sandals, forks (cos knives are too easy), small woodland creatures - basically anything that conformed to the 'light' weapon classification that came within grabbing distance.

Humanaut
2010-10-15, 08:35 AM
back in 1e days, fighter with gauntlets of ogre power had a sword vs skeletons and didn't like the reduced damage... so he ripped off the nearby door from it's hinges and started to bash them with his new blunt weapon.

ErrantX
2010-10-15, 08:45 AM
Not a weapon per se, but I played a fighter in 2nd Edition that, when pinned down by some kobold archers (we were level 2) grabbed the tied up kobold prisoner we had with us and tied him to my shield to add thickness to it, affording me some extra protection when I charged the archer's position. From that point forward I tied all manner of lower lifeforms to that thing!

-X

Worlok
2010-10-15, 09:03 AM
A library shelf. The Barbarian (Me) had crushed a few ghouls and mummies with the thing and decided to keep it around as his main weapon.
Later we would also give it a reinforced backside and use it as an impromptu barricade. And had it reworked so it would serve as a portable platform for about forty heavy crossbows fixed onto the boards, with a horde of trained Squirrel Monkeys operating them.
Also, it ended up being propelled out of a planar portal to the Nine Hells, taking an evil assassin with it on the way out and baiting the Tarrasque to follow suit. Closing narrative: ''And so the shelf brought the Tarrasque to Baator, where it plowed through the ranks of the devils like, man, I don't even know. Seriously, what the hell, guys?''
For most of the time it doubled as an emergency float, a sleigh, an elevator, a bridge or a ladder, too. All coupled with Use Rope and extraplanar storing in the drawers. Good times.

The following scene has been translated and spoilered for your convenience:
Our DM: ''There is a chasm ahead. Shelf?'' (By this point he assumed our every strategy would somehow involve our glorious shelf.)
Me: ''Shelf.''
DM: ''Alright. Tell me exactly how you go about it this time.''
Ranger Guy: ''We instruct the monkeys to fire the two sidebows, you know, the big ones. But with the Grips (Grappling hooks we had previously grafted to some really huge bolts.) in them and the ropes on those. Have them take ten, try 'til they've got the ropes up and fixed, not like we really need to watch the time.''
DM, doing more or less as told: ''Well, there is that whole 'army of vampires' thing you've been running from...''
Sorcerer Guy: ''Are you serious? We're advancing on their headquarters, aren't we? And I think I'm speaking for all of us when I say: 'Those are &%$§-ing scary.' We take ten, the later we get there, the better.''
RG, giving SG the evil eye: ''Well, actually I am still aware of the vampire thing. But you specified that it's still a day's march to the exit of this ruin, minimum. Plus, I don't think there's a much faster method than this one, anyway, seeing how none of us can compete with a bunch of monkeys in terms of accuracy.'' A moment of dangerous silence, but then he continues, wisely: ''With grappling hooks, that is. And my man Ov (His character, obviously) sure wouldn't want to wait too long to get back at those baby-eaters.''
DM: ''Alright. I assume once the ropes are up, you'll put the monkeys back into the cage, (The 'monkey cage' actually being something very much equal to a demiplane contained within a drawer of the shelf) enter the shelf, hold on to your pets and go 'automatic rewind' on the winches?''
RG: ''Sure.''
Me: ''Not the first time catapult-based bungee jumping saves our lives.''
DM: ''You know, I love you guys. I really do. But that shelf-thing has to stop... Strength checks for holding on, everyone.''
Everyone rolls, SG fails. DM: ''You failed yours. Roll a Reflex Save and a Balance check for reestablishing your grip.''
He does and succeeds barely. SG, in character: ''Alright, alright, I got it. Comrades, I think I know how to improve our trusty shelf once more.''
DM groans. RG, eyeing both of them nervously, in character: ''But did you not notice you're the one most frequently endangered by its use? Did it not occur to you that all this shelf improvements may be tempting fate?''
SG: ''That's what I'm getting at, my trusty fiere, that's what I'm getting at: Safety handles.''
DM: ''Alright, you've reached the other side. As I said, I love you guys. Now roll for initiative, vampire swarm.''

You get three guesses as to how that problem was solved...

Tetsubo 57
2010-10-15, 09:27 AM
A gargoyle. Used to beat on other gargoyles. The party didn't have any weapons that would harm the gargoyles. But they managed to kill one with spells. So the fighter, with his belt of giant strength, picked up the corpse and beat the other gargoyles to death with it.

A wooden bucket. It became the characters chosen weapon.

Gerrtt
2010-10-15, 09:40 AM
I once wielded a lantern full of oil, but technically I was using it as means to light a huge room/chamber full of flammable gasses on fire by throwing a flaming, oil filled object into the room and shutting the door.

Other than that, I once speared a blind cave fish and kept the fish on the spear. It was lovingly referred to ever-after as "The Fish Pokey."

Interestingly enough, same character now that I think about it.

Bruendor_Cavescout
2010-10-15, 10:01 AM
I stole this from a much better GM than myself (sorry, Rob!), but it's still one of the most talked about incidents in my City of Lies L5R game. The party of Emerald Magistrates were tracking down a person that they knew killed a samurai and harvested some of her organs in a very Jack the Ripper style murder. They headed to where they knew he would be, and found a peasant woman nursing a baby. The group's face (the Hida Berserker, but that's another story) asked where the man was; the peasant replied that he was in his office, and pointed to a sliding door behind her. He started to head on in...

...and the woman, who was his brainwashed slave, grabbed her child by the ankle and struck the Hida Berserker with it.

Yeah. I hit people with babies.

Fallbot
2010-10-15, 10:14 AM
A rhinoceros. That was levitating. And on fire. Ran up the side of it, kicked it's rider (I don't know why someone was riding a trained rhino, we work with the tools we're given) in the face, knocked him off, then the warlock levitated it and set fire to it (admittedly overkill), then proceeded to drop it on the rider's henchmen. It wasn't very happy about that and went on to trample the rider, more henchmen, the warlock and me, but omelets and eggs. It was worth it.

The Big Dice
2010-10-15, 10:58 AM
There's the usual raft of things you hit people with in Superhero games. Cars, buses, trains, tanks, lamp posts, bits of pavement and so on. Also shark.

In less OTT games, I've seen stools, ladders and bread so stale it was used as a thrown improv weapon. But think with me and my players being the Jackie Chan fans we are means we tend not to think that weird improvised weapons are that weird.

some guy
2010-10-15, 11:02 AM
I was DM-ing for a bunch of first-time players, the druid threw her badger at a harpy several times. I thought it was awesome.
That same player later asked if she could have a badger in my CoC-campaign, but, alas throwing a badger towards a shoggoth will not save your sanity.

LibraryOgre
2010-10-15, 11:12 AM
An anvil. Followed shortly by an elaborate plan to put wheels on a table.

dsmiles
2010-10-15, 11:16 AM
An anvil. Followed shortly by an elaborate plan to put wheels on a table.

If this was Toon, an anvil would be pretty standard. :smalltongue:

LibraryOgre
2010-10-15, 11:47 AM
If this was Toon, an anvil would be pretty standard. :smalltongue:

It was 4e, fairly early in our experience. My Minotaur Paladin (posthumously known as St. Hecar) did a fair amount of improvised weapon use.

The table with wheels was my party, though.

Feliks878
2010-10-15, 12:02 PM
Our Drunken Master once found a Robe of Useful Items in a treasure drop. Darn thing turned into a "Robe of Imrpovised Weapons whenever I want." We rolled quite high for the number of additional patches, and ended up containing such things as

A Mule (never used as an improvised weapon, thankfully)
A Portable Ram
A window (Which was used as an improvised weapon...once. You can probably imagine why.)
A bag of gold pieces (makes a pretty good weapon, actually)
You get the idea.


Additionally, he once broke a Skeletal Dragon's Rib off, then used it to help beat the thing to death. Good times.

zyborg
2010-10-15, 12:21 PM
There's the usual raft of things you hit people with in Superhero games. Cars, buses, trains, tanks, lamp posts, bits of pavement and so on. Also shark.

In less OTT games, I've seen stools, ladders and bread so stale it was used as a thrown improv weapon. But think with me and my players being the Jackie Chan fans we are means we tend not to think that weird improvised weapons are that weird.

Was it Dwarf bread? (1 internets to whoever gets the reference). Also, weirdest one I've ever used was a leg of mutton. I hit my drunken friend over the head with it to knock some sense into him, and accidentally rolled a critical.

Greenish
2010-10-15, 12:24 PM
Was it Dwarf bread?Dwarf bread isn't an improvised weapon. It also never goes stale (even though that might make it more edible).

zyborg
2010-10-15, 12:33 PM
Dwarf bread isn't an improvised weapon. It also never goes stale (even though that might make it more edible).

True... so very, VERY true.

Postmodernist
2010-10-15, 01:07 PM
Most ridiculous I've ever seen used at a table I DMed: another player's dead toad familiar.

kestrel404
2010-10-15, 01:11 PM
I've got some amusing ones.

There's the time when I was fighting a troll with a vorpal sword. It cut my arm off. I picked my arm up and beat him to death with it.

More ridiculous was when I attacked Godzilla using Tokyo tower as a lance (BESM Mecha/kaiju game).

And in a Douglas Adams based one-shot larp, I managed to squash someone with a sperm whale dropped from orbit (followed shortly thereafter by a potted plant). Getting them to stand on the giant glowing X was ridiculously easy - I told them not to.

Rodimal
2010-10-15, 01:23 PM
The Halfling Monk.

cardboardbox!
2010-10-15, 05:33 PM
I used a PC to attack a barstool. The player didnt mind though :smallbiggrin:

Kulture
2010-10-15, 10:44 PM
My 120 year old Dragonwrought Kobold alchemist Lord Engineer Tib-Tib was a cross between MacGyver and Hannibal from the A-team and had skill ranks in weaponsmithing, trap smithing, engineering, alchemy and siege weaponry.
As a result his weapons in the pathfinder campaign were rather interesting.
To put Tib-tib in perspective, his usual combat tactics/method of transport was to jury-rig a ballista or catapult and glide into battles with his wings, dropping bombs and grenades all the way.
His pride were the SMAUG weapon system, the shoulder mounted anti-gnome useful gargant, a rip off of the M202A1 FLASH rocket launcher, made from some telescopic tubing, tinder twigs, a periscope and the fireworks rockets from the adventurer's armoury tipped with alchemist's fire or thunderstones.
He also weaponised a sprayer into a chemical thrower and brought about potions/infusions of offensive spells for ammo, to the point where he was hosing enemies down with contagious fire, liquids that caused instant suffocation or disentergration and in one case liquid anti-magic.

What made it all the better is that we used gnome as the basis for the Kobold homebrew, meaning Tib-Tib was a master Tinker, and therefor proficient in anything he built.

After the campaign he wandered the land, righting wrongs before building a catapult and traveling to the next town, the catapult standing majestically in the town square as a tribute to the Do-decagenarian chibi-dragon who saved the world several times over just to try and find out what dragon he was descended from.

There's an after-campaign epic adventure coming up during which I hope to follow up on Tib-Tib's return to his tribe to take down the Chromatic dragon that exiled him (he was visibly chromatic in origin.)

I'm thinking of rigging up a Kobold expansion on the gnomish calculus.
Namely the Kobold gatling calculus.
8 barrels, all firing alchemical shells.
I think I'll rig it up on a dragon of some kind, maybe iron.

They'll get more bang for their buck...:smallcool: (YEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!)

Tyndmyr
2010-10-15, 10:48 PM
Not something I've wielded, but in one of our campaigns, we have a Master of Many Forms, who took Sun Giant form, and proceeded to grapple a Battle-Dragon to death, then used it as a club and thrown weapon.

On the topic of bodies, explosive spell is a great way to use them as weapons.

For instance, an enlarged, explosive spelled wings of flurry will hurl bodies 60 feet away from you. Given the damage, probably dead bodies by that point in time, which you then hurl at anyone still living.

The awesomeness of this is too great to resist.

Raimun
2010-10-15, 11:11 PM
Martha Stewart.

Don't ask.

BobVosh
2010-10-15, 11:27 PM
Martha Stewart.

Don't ask.

What cooking implements did she wield?

In exalted I wielded a chair that was meant for a 12 foot tall man, shaped like a hand that was cut off at the wrist with the palm as the seat. It continuously bled as well.

Same game I also pile-drived a horse down two miles to A) hit an enemy god, B) piss off a fellow solar (it was his horse, after i nuked his pool by -10 for any social interaction; the horse cost 3 jade talents by that point)

Darth Crater
2010-10-15, 11:44 PM
My Barbarian/Horizon Walker used an entire wooden plow as a weapon. The group had been temporarily mind-wiped into commoners by some vampires, and they'd made him a farmer. He was even angrier than usual...

Kaldrin
2010-10-16, 04:48 AM
I had a priest and another character duel with holy books once.

FelixG
2010-10-16, 05:50 AM
Gnome-chucks

Clovis
2010-10-16, 06:33 AM
A loaf of bread. Wizard out of spells and enemy mage began casting. The only thing within reach was bread. I rolled a nat 20 and the enemy was taken down shortly thereafter.

Rust monster. A gnome-made shark-submarine needed to be taken out. We dropped a rust monster on top of it. It managed to breach the hull enough to take the sub out of equation. Granted, the rustie was not there conveniently on hand, finding it was a nice side-quest. But the need to take out a metal sub was known months before.

dsmiles
2010-10-16, 06:42 AM
The Halfling Monk.

Did you play at Camp Humphreys in Korea a few years back, by any chance?

I had a bunch of players there that put a Halfling Monk on a rope and sent him in to deal with a bunch of paralyzing fluid-spewing zombies.

Lycan 01
2010-10-16, 02:57 PM
Dark Heresy: Bullet riddled police van I drove through a crowd of Genestealer Hybrids. Then I ran over a purestrain Genestealer with it. The van, named Deus Ex Machina, eventually developed its own bloodthristy machine spirit and killed a horde of heretics off-screen later on in the game.

Dungeons & Dragons: Logic. I convinced a fountain statue it didn't exist. I asked "what statue?" and rolled extremely high on my charisma roll, and it epic failed its Will save, resulting in an explosion of dirt, stone, and blood. Turns out the statue was sentient and was going to be sub-boss... Whoops. :smallcool:

balistafreak
2010-10-16, 03:34 PM
A dire dire gopher.

"I need gopher chucks!"

zyborg
2010-10-16, 04:10 PM
Dungeons & Dragons: Logic. I convinced a fountain statue it didn't exist. I asked "what statue?" and rolled extremely high on my charisma roll, and it epic failed its Will save, resulting in an explosion of dirt, stone, and blood. Turns out the statue was sentient and was going to be sub-boss... Whoops. :smallcool:

Heh. Man, that's epic. That's what I like about 'tabletop RPGs' as opposed to video games (I really like video games, don't get me wrong). They are much more open-ended than any 'sandbox game'. You can try to do pretty much anything, instead of just hitting things. Quick-thinking is a MUST for good RPing.

Greenish
2010-10-16, 04:28 PM
Dungeons & Dragons: Logic. I convinced a fountain statue it didn't exist. I asked "what statue?" and rolled extremely high on my charisma roll, and it epic failed its Will save, resulting in an explosion of dirt, stone, and blood.That's… that's not logic. :smallconfused:

The Ghul
2010-10-16, 05:02 PM
1. callapsed a tavern on top of someone.
2. used prestidigitation to turn a dire rat hot pink and then used it as a flail.
3. strapped a troll's "you know what" to my arm sheild and c**k slapped several monsters to death.

Lycan 01
2010-10-16, 07:00 PM
That's… that's not logic. :smallconfused:

It was what the DM asked for, probably because I had to say it in a convincing manner. I think it was a Bluff roll, actually, since I was pretty much lying to the statue about its own existance.

Allanimal
2010-10-16, 07:12 PM
Tonight I used myself as an improvised weapon.
I drank a potion of enlarge person before trying to bellyflop onto the enemy below me.
I missed.

Chrono22
2010-10-16, 10:41 PM
Death attack + toothpick.

Dusk Eclipse
2010-10-16, 10:52 PM
Not me, but a friend once threw another friends character using a portable ram as an improvised catapult (for the record both characters where barbarian, one a half orc and the other a gnome).

James the Dark
2010-10-17, 09:07 AM
KO with an airline biscuit?
Beating a monsterous rat with another monsterous rat?
Cuisinarding a Hydra?
KOing a demon with a suitcase nuke to the face? Without detonating it?
Running a son of the Jormungandr through a hydroelectric dam?
Hitting a vampire in the head with a flaming vampire head so hard that the flaming vampire head replaced the vampire's head?

I've done some weird stuff in Scion.

zyborg
2010-10-17, 10:26 AM
KO with an airline biscuit?
Beating a monsterous rat with another monsterous rat?
Cuisinarding a Hydra?
KOing a demon with a suitcase nuke to the face? Without detonating it?
Running a son of the Jormungandr through a hydroelectric dam?
Hitting a vampire in the head with a flaming vampire head so hard that the flaming vampire head replaced the vampire's head?

I've done some weird stuff in Scion.

Heh. Scion is a fun game, especially if you have the one ability to extend your godly endurance to an object you are using as a weapon...

TaliaJacta
2010-10-17, 06:49 PM
The party was fighting lizardfolk on a beached ship, and one of the bad guys was thrown off the ship onto the sand below. He landed with 1 HP remaining. My paladin, having no ranged weapons and being unable to jump off the ship safely, takes a broken piece of wooden railing and hurls it at the lizardfolk. Nat 20; it pierces him in the neck.

In another game, my halfling rogue has threatened to use her thieves' tools as improvised weapons against male characters who hit on her. She hasn't had a chance to use them yet, though.

TheAmishPirate
2010-10-17, 08:22 PM
Through a long and complicated series of events involving a town festival, dissatisfied farmhands, poor advice, and an over-helpful party member, I ended up using our party's gnome Cleric in a a fistfight.

We now always ask ourselves, "How can the Gnomecannon solve this problem?"

Etrivar
2010-10-22, 08:09 AM
A rogue of mine once used a piece of parchment to sneak attack someone: papercut to the jugular.

Kansaschaser
2010-10-22, 10:05 AM
Well, in 2nd edition AD&D, I had a Fire Giant party memeber pick up the dead dwarf that was wearing full plate with armor spikes.

The player of the Fire Giant then looks at me (the DM) and asks, "What's the weapon speed of a dwarf?"

We couldn't stop laughing for several hours after that.

ScionoftheVoid
2010-10-22, 11:44 AM
I once "killed" a Golem using Ghost Sound to approximate the voice of the Golem's owner (DM had me roll to see if I could guess what the master's voice was, he shouldn't have had me use a die on which I had a 5% chance of success) and telling it to turn itself off.

I'm not sure whether or not Ghost Sound can create understandable voices actually, but it worked that time. As a Core level 14 Sorcerer locked in with a magic resistant creature, both of us trapped in a Web due to another player convincing the DM that the lost space in one dimension should be made up in another, I am quite proud of defeating it with only a level two spell and a cantrip.

Squally!
2010-10-22, 02:35 PM
Feather Token: Trees.

ahh, the wonderful uses of these low level magic items.

any problem can be solved w/ the proper use of trees.

sadly, they are now banned from any game i play in :(

El Dorado
2010-10-22, 02:49 PM
Giant once ripped my bard's head off, spine still attached. He then used his improvised flail for 2d8 dmg. Weapon held together for a couple of hits.

subject42
2010-10-22, 04:34 PM
A rogue of mine once used a piece of parchment to sneak attack someone: papercut to the jugular.

That's pretty awesome.

My best was when I was playing as a 1st level dwarven druid that I just played like a fighter. We were searching through an abandoned factory and I kept carrying a barrel of flour around. The DM thought I was out of my mind, but it seemed handy to have around to spring traps or provide cover.

Eventually we found the BBEG for that chapter and when he stood up to attack I had to attack with the only thing that I had in my hand: the barrel.

I ended up critting on the attack and rolling max damage with a 75 pound barrel of flour. The barrel cracked and spewed flour everywhere, which ended up catching on fire and exploding the barrel. The BBEG also got hit with 6 fire damage. I ended up doing something like 38 damage to the main enemy, knocking out our fighter with fire damage, setting the warlock on fire, and singing my beard.

foxfax
2010-10-22, 04:49 PM
Our lvl1 Orc Fighter Grobin nearly one-shotted a lvl9 Lizardfolk Cleric with a sarcophagus lid from 50 yards. EDIT: BTW this was right in the middle of his opening monolgue. Turns out he could have been a possibly-friendly NPC helper. Oops. :smallbiggrin:

Also, this probably doesn't count as an Improvised weapon after we were done with it, but we created our very own Sledge o' Death: a sledge with two everlasting vials of Infinite Slick and Universal Solvent (one each for each runner), thirty Decanters of Endless Water on a swivel mount (usually pointing backwards), a Halfling-operated, Bag-of-Holding-mounted Ballista (with Sneak Attack as who the hell would think that would be a bloody weapon?), two Ghost Touch lances of Pretty-Much-Everything Slaying (especially when we mathematically worked out our fully-laden Sledge o' Death could reach 340mph), modified to be an imprimptu Necklace of Adaptation, with grenade-launchers firing Elemental Gems.

We got all this from discovering a sledge and accidentally running over someone. The Sledge has since returned in our current campaign as Bruce the Talking and Transforming Australian Sledge-Goat. :smalleek:

dsmiles
2010-10-23, 10:19 AM
Got a new one from last night's game. Ever thrown alchemist's fire into the AoE of a grease spell?

Seracain
2010-10-23, 10:29 AM
I once crashed a planet into an advanced alien starship of mysterious and hostile origin. :smallamused:

Dvil
2010-10-23, 10:37 AM
Hmm. I haven't had any good ones yet, but in our session yesterday a door blew up and one player didn't manage to duck in time, resulting in door shrapnel being modelled as an improvised weapon for the purposes of damage. Also our Astropath decided to read the mind of a nearby Chaos Spawn, but thankfully didn't damage himself too badly in the process.

El Dorado
2010-10-23, 08:21 PM
Our resident gnome mage-thief once used a pair of Mordenkainen's swords to pick the lock on a giant, adamantine door. So, not an improvised weapon, but more of a weapon used as an improvised lockpick.

TurtleKing
2010-10-24, 06:52 PM
The group I was in once used a Psionic Snotling shot from a frozen meat launcher.

Quietus
2010-10-24, 07:10 PM
Just remembered another fun one - I once, as a druid, hit an Avatar of Hextor with a guard tower. The tower was next to the four-man summoning circle to provide (paired with another on the opposite side) a Lesser Globe of Invulnerability effect over the summoning circle so we couldn't just fireball-bomb them. So I ran over in Cougar form and, one round too late to stop the summoning, Soften Earth and Stone-d the ground beneath it, causing the tower to fall over. So the Avatar of Hextor spawned into existence, and had a tower dropped on it as a welcome gift.

It promptly beat the everliving hell out of me and left me in the negatives, of course.. but I remember that moment fondly.

Lateral
2010-10-24, 08:06 PM
I just had one in my game session a couple hours ago.

Okay, so I have a character in an awesome campaign whose sole purpose is to do insane stuff. My character had a Portable Hole, a Bag of Holding, and 60,000 gp worth of loot to blow. So, this being a game where constant MacGyvering is encouraged and magic items can be sold at full price provided something epic is done with them first, I make a ring of Commanded Dimensional Anchor Aura. (Creates an aura with a Dimensional Anchor effect within a couple feet of me, turning on and off on command-- the DM let me have it but it was DAMN expensive.) Next fight, a horde of orcs. They charge at us, I move up front. The rest of the party is all, "OMGWTFBBQSQUISHY?!" 'cause I'm squishy. I smile, activate the ring, put the portable hole in the bag of holding, and I now have a Portal bazooka. BAOOM!

TaliaJacta
2010-10-25, 01:34 AM
I'm DMing for a half-ogre with Rock-Throwing, Fling Ally, Fling Enemy, and a +15 to grapple checks. We've only played one session so far, and already he's used a barrel and a gnome wizard as improvised weapons.

DragonOfUndeath
2010-10-25, 01:55 AM
a gnome wizard as an improvised weapon.

flying gnome+fireball+AoE spells centered on the Wizard= MWAHAHAHAHAHABYEBYESQUISHYENEMY

Lev
2010-10-25, 02:04 AM
Long title, self-explanatory question. From swordchucks to a mummy-filled sarcophagi, what's the wierdest weapon you've wielded?
Swordchucks are not improvised, they are exotic but require flail and staff weapon focuses and greater 2 weapon fighting.

Souce: Me, a swordchaku master.

http://img521.imageshack.us/img521/8308/17138410887855007548370.jpg

http://img576.imageshack.us/img576/8422/17138410887655007548370.jpg

http://img695.imageshack.us/img695/4222/17138410887805007548370.jpg

grimbold
2010-10-25, 07:51 AM
the party wizard
the barbarian hated him and was like 'yeah you know what they disarmed so i need a weapon mr wizard.'
The wizard was out of spells for the day and could just scream... it was hilarious

dsmiles
2010-10-25, 09:55 AM
the party wizard
the barbarian hated him and was like 'yeah you know what they disarmed so i need a weapon mr wizard.'
The wizard was out of spells for the day and could just scream... it was hilarious

I've heard of the 'Fighter-douken', but 'Wizard-douken'? :smalltongue:

FelixG
2010-10-25, 09:57 AM
the party wizard
the barbarian hated him and was like 'yeah you know what they disarmed so i need a weapon mr wizard.'
The wizard was out of spells for the day and could just scream... it was hilarious

I must ask, how much damage did the DM let you deal using the party wizard as a weapon? :P

Cicciograna
2010-10-25, 10:00 AM
A pirate. Aganist another pirate.

grimbold
2010-10-25, 10:17 AM
well the wizard had 8ish strength and he was a skinny elf
he decided that the flailing and his body mass did about 1d10 damage, before the wizard fainted that is. his limp body was a mere 1d6 damage.

wielding cats is another fun option

Electrohydra
2010-10-25, 04:29 PM
A Dorje of divert teleport.

I was playing a psion at high level, and had just escaped from a castle full of demons, who had taken all my items. And I was out of power points. One last week demon stands in the way, and I had found this long psionic crystal as my only item. I use it on the enemy hopping its offensive. I use it on me hopping it's a boost. i use it in front of the enemy hopping it's an Area of effect power. Finally I say f*** that and start stabbing a CR4 monster with a fragile, 70 000 gp magic item.

Callista
2010-10-25, 04:49 PM
A halfling-size blanket drenched in otyugh slime.

OK, here's the setup: My character's a halfling paladin, though she's got some rogue levels (and the usual conversion backstory). The party is mostly chaotic and don't like being lectured, which is something my character does with abandon whether or not they're listening; so they decide to start a prank war.

We're trying to get across an otyugh-infested pit, and we've just got the rope and grappling hook setup; so we stretch the rope across and hope we can make the balance checks. In what ends up as more slapstick than heroic, everybody but my character falls in and has to tangle with the resident otyugh, with my character stabbing at the thing from the edge of the pit. They climb out, looking like slime monsters themselves, and my character's standing there in her shining chain shirt, offering her extra blankets to use as towels.

Well, wasn't long before everybody but the bard (Prestidigitation, lucky bum) was getting pretty annoyed that they had to get dirty and my character didn't. The party's single-classed rogue is especially annoyed because she botched her balance check particularly badly. So it's not long before somebody decides to twist those otyugh-slime-drenched blankets into towel whips, and it all goes downhill from there. We had a big ol' nasty otyugh towel fight, and by the end of it my character was just as dirty as anyone else. Thankfully the bard still had spells left...

DragonOfUndeath
2010-10-28, 10:01 PM
wielding cats is another fun option

cats are ok as long as they arent housecats :smallbiggrin:

adventurer: lets use this ordinary cat as a weapon
housecat does: *censored for extreme violence and 4-D pwnage*
adventurer is now being tortured incessantly by Balors in hell
adventurer: *censored for foul language*

Hawriel
2010-10-29, 02:51 AM
D&D
Bookshelf
The Paladin killed an evil drow cleric by smiting evil with a book shelf.

Doorknob
A bard named Jack the Dashing killed a wizard by critting him with a thrown doorknob. Jack's hand was still on the doorknob after slamming a door shut when he saw a wizard preparing a lighting bolt. The bolt destoyed the door so jack chucked the knob at the wizard. Nat 20 on the die. The ranger rushed in and beat the mana out of the wizard befor he recovered.

Crown.
Jack the Dashing threw a crown at the king who it belonged to. Again a nat 20.

Shadowrun

My character Vic has used many an improvised weapon. Keep in mind hes not a gun bunny. The only crome he has is a smartlink.

Upright vacume cleaner.
A to dilagent security guard got nosy when Vic was inserted as a janator for a job. Wile finagaling a computer into the garbage can on his cleaning cart the guard walked in. when the guard looked into the can Vic picked up his upright vacume and beat him unconcious.

Three foot piece of rerod.
Vic was investigating a lead in redmond. Wile looking for a BTL dealer in a partialy demolished building he got jumped by a city spirit guarding the place. Vic grabbed a three foot piece of rerod and killed it.

Boat ore. (sp?)
Vic team was on a boat in Puget Sound. The team was attacked by a water spirit. Vic grabbed a boat ore and splattered it. Then a black spot posessed are cromed out orc. Things got bad from there.

Pillowcase full of loot.
Vic was in the Tir tracking down a mage circle. It was some plot to take over the world with forgotten mojo. Wile sneaking into one of the mage leaders tents to find intel (books, artifacts, foci) Vic was imporvising at this point so he was using a pillowcase to take the items out of the tent. Thats when the owner of the tent and the stuff walked in. Reacting faster than the mage Vic swung the pillowcase full of loot and cracked the mage in the head knocking him onto his cot. Vic then beat him to death with his own research notes and foci inside the pillowcase. Vic then joins the rest of the team bloody pillowcase in hand. Alot of elf mages died during the extraction. Vic no longer does runs invalving the Tir.