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Balor01
2010-11-05, 07:46 AM
Hey fellow gamers. This is a topic, that fill probably not result in much constructive fruition, but it is an interesting question never the less. For a couple years now I have been grim, tough, semi-fair and often rage-inspiring DM to a bunch of more or less D&D talented guys. We had some good, some bad and mostly decent days of gaming.
Well, a couple of days ago Gygaxian god of gaming decided to present me with a challenge of unfathomable magnitude, so I am posting on Internet for comments, suggestions and advice. (a futile attempt in itself)
Anyway, we have this guy in our group who mostly plays meatshields, is fun, intelligent and all in all a player I like. Recently we ended a short campaign and on the last session he came to me, saying he really liked the way I DM and asked me if his girlfriend could come by and join us on our next campaign.
Now, I have played with and DM-ed with girl gamers before, so I said sure, why not, it will be nice to have a nice, calm, non-munchkin powergamer in a group. But then I met her.
The thing is, babe is OMFG hot it is just mind-blowing.

Yeah, anyway ... I am a great DM, but I have this real problem with hot boob-ish players and the way I see it, this does not spell anything good for potential future gaming. No, I will not man up/keep my thing in my pants or anything. I just know it since I know how I act in such situations. Heck, I could seriously fall in love in this babe in matter of a single session.

So, quite a predicament, GitS fellas. Thoughts?

FMArthur
2010-11-05, 07:50 AM
No predicament. Don't ever hit on players while you're the DM. Don't treat girls differently or they feel unwelcome/uncomfortable. Don't go after other peoples' girlfriends. Just don't be a weirdo.

Foryn Gilnith
2010-11-05, 07:51 AM
Talk to him, perhaps? Depending on his personality you might be able to straight-up say that you doubt your self-control (based on your experiences with similar situations in the past) and that this would end in trouble for all involved. Or you could just make a nonspecific withdrawal, citing general fears of awkwardness (that I expect the player was considering, given that his girlfriend hadn't been at the game table before).

Or, hell, a really out-there idea; in a moment of lucidity, ask the girl to strongly rebuke you if you're coming on to her in any way. For the sake of long-term smooth relations.

Psyx
2010-11-05, 07:54 AM
It's someone else's girl.

/thread

Fallbot
2010-11-05, 07:59 AM
I'm not seeing how there's a predicament. It's not cool to hit on people who've come to game with you, and it's definitely not cool to hit on people who are spoken for.

If you can't be mature about it then quit the game. All there is to it.

Foryn Gilnith
2010-11-05, 08:04 AM
IIf you can't be mature about it then quit the game. All there is to it.

Is that really a viable option? "Hey, you guys, we've been having fun gaming and it's been great running adventures for you but I have to stop playing D&D because I'm immature." That would go over about as well as trying to hit on a player.

BridgeCity
2010-11-05, 08:14 AM
Is that really a viable option? "Hey, you guys, we've been having fun gaming and it's been great running adventures for you but I have to stop playing D&D because I'm immature." That would go over about as well as trying to hit on a player.

As much as I love D&D I would never say that leaving a gaming group would be worse than hitting on another guys girlfriend. Seriously, it is one the the biggest jerk things a guy could do to someone, let alone a friend who he likes.

If he really isn't mature enough to show restraint, and he clearly isn't given he outright stated in his OP that he is not going to "man up/keep it in his pants," then hell yes he should remove himself from the situation.

And what about the guy who is currently with the girl? He should just have to tolerate some dude hitting on his girlfriend right in front of him because otherwise they will have to find a new DM? That's just terrible.

Lhurgyof
2010-11-05, 08:15 AM
As much as I love D&D I would never say that leaving a gaming group would be worse than hitting on another guys girlfriend. Seriously, it is one the the biggest jerk things a guy could do to someone, let alone a friend who he likes.

If he really isn't mature enough to show restraint, and he clearly isn't given he outright stated in his OP that he is not going to "man up/keep it in his pants," then hell yes he should remove himself from the situation.

And what about the guy who is currently with the girl? He should just have to tolerate some dude hitting on his girlfriend right in front of him because otherwise they will have to find a new DM? That's just terrible.

Indeed, I'd tell him to stop bringing her or you should find another group/quit.

Fallbot
2010-11-05, 08:17 AM
In a different situation then you'd be absolutely right, but



Yeah, anyway ... I am a great DM, but I have this real problem with hot boob-ish players and the way I see it, this does not spell anything good for potential future gaming. No, I will not man up/keep my thing in my pants or anything. I just know it since I know how I act in such situations. Heck, I could seriously fall in love in this babe in matter of a single session.


I just don't see how this can avoid being excruciating for everyone involved. If it's really as bad as he makes it sound, his friendship with the boyfriend could be damaged, and everyone will have a miserable time. It sounds like it would be better in the long run to bow out of this campaign, and try to set something up for the future, without the girlfriend involved.

Yes it's silly, and yes it would be letting people down, but it's better than potentially permanently trashing a friendship.

Edit: Ninja

Myth
2010-11-05, 08:18 AM
Do you consider him a good friend? Or friend enough to warrant keeping your hands off his girl? If not I can give you some advice on getting girls that are in a relationship. But that would:

1. Ruin your game.
2. Ruin your relationship with the guy if you succeed (possibly get you in a fight)
3. Have a high probability of failure since you seem somewhat inexperienced when it comes to romance (if you can fall in love over the course of a single session)

If he is your friend just resort to fantasizing to release the pressure. If that fails - ask for him to not bring her over as she is too distracting for you with her looks. He'd understand (unless he is a complete douchebag)

kamikasei
2010-11-05, 08:23 AM
No, I will not man up/keep my thing in my pants or anything.
Please clarify. This seems like you left out a negation or something (or you're making yourself sound very bad).

I just know it since I know how I act in such situations.
How is that? I'm genuinely curious as to what you think you'll do that you can't restrain yourself from doing.

If you can't be mature about it then quit the game. All there is to it.
Were this an established group he were joining (or already a member of) than I'd agree; in this context, since he's being asked to run a game, I'd say it'd make more sense to say "please don't bring X as I'm not comfortable around her". Of course, that's functionally more or less identical to how you cast it in your later post, where "quit the game" becomes "end that campaign and start a new one minus said player" rather than "quit the group" as I think most took you to originally mean.

Killer Angel
2010-11-05, 08:23 AM
It's someone else's girl.

/thread

Seconded.
There's nothing you can or could do, unless you wanna be a jerk. I hope not, both for you and your gaming group.


If that fails - ask for him to not bring her over as she is too distracting for you with her looks. He'd understand

Good suggestion

Myth
2010-11-05, 08:27 AM
Seconded.
There's nothing you can or could do, unless you wanna be a jerk. I hope not, both for you and your gaming group.

It is ultimately her responsibility and her decision. If the girl does not want to stay faithful the man she is cheating with is not a jerk. He is a jerk only if he backstabs a friend by doing this instead of telling him his GF is prone to sexing around behind his back. Random guys one does not know are generally not one's concern. Considering he is bringing this guy over for DnD sessions the chances of him being a friend are high though, so in this particular situation OP will seem as a jerk if he does something (unless he gives us more info).

Jack Zander
2010-11-05, 08:28 AM
{Scrubbed}

Second, go outside sometime. Talk to people. Talk to girls. Gain some social tact.

HalfTangible
2010-11-05, 08:29 AM
Unless she's coming on to you (in which case you've got a whole other set of problems) i don't see any reason you can't just ignore that she's hot. I really don't. Just play the dang game and treat the characters as just that - characters.

Telonius
2010-11-05, 08:30 AM
Somebody else's girl, and DM + love interest at the table usually = trouble. Really, hitting on your friend's girl is bad news for all involved. Suppose something actually happens? You'll be with a girl who you know for sure could think about leaving you for another one of your friends, and the gaming group shatters into a million little pieces. Suppose nothing happens and she turns you down flat. You look like a giant douche in front of everybody, and risk shattering the gaming group into a million little pieces anyway. Seriously, either figure out a way to calm yourself down (like maybe getting a girl who's not already attached to your friend - does she have a sister? :smallwink:) or avoid the situation entirely.

If you do go through with it, record what happens and try to sell it to darthsanddroids.net as their next plot line.

AslanCross
2010-11-05, 08:35 AM
It's someone else's girl.

/thread

Thirded. Hitting on her is going to make things at the very least awkward for everyone, and at worst might break friendships.

Killer Angel
2010-11-05, 08:39 AM
It is ultimately her responsibility and her decision.

Of course!


It is ultimately her responsibility and her decision. If the girl does not want to stay faithful the man she is cheating with is not a jerk. He is a jerk only if he backstabs a friend by doing this instead of telling him his GF is prone to sexing around behind his back.

I said "jerk" because of this:


I have this real problem with hot boob-ish players. No, I will not man up/keep my thing in my pants or anything.

If there wasn't a typo or something else (hope so, in this case I apologize), it seems something in the line of "I'm going to harass her, I cannot contain myself".


Random guys one does not know are generally not one's concern.

If a random guy tries (and fails) to have a relation with my GF, I wouldn't be exactly happy.... and probably I wouldn't game with him, for a certain amount of time.

jiriku
2010-11-05, 09:07 AM
Well, first of all, congrats on knowing your limits. A lot of guys would lie to themselves and say "I can handle this situation" and then go step directly in the poo and wonder what happened. You're smart enough to know that you've got trouble on your hands.

While I haven't been in this kind of situation before, I've watched it happen to others. Surprisingly often, actually. I can't really give you advice, but I can give some examples I've seen of how people in your situation have handled it well or badly.


1.) I've seen guys just go for the girl. This sometimes works in the sense of getting the girl, but universally, the pickup (or even the attempted pickup) makes an enemy of the current boyfriend. Anyone who considers themselves a friend of the current boyfriend also becomes an enemy of the dude making the move. In your situation, you can probably expect that making a pass will make enemies of the current boyfriend and all of his friends (which may include most or all of your gaming group).

2.) I've also seen lots of relationship drama of various kinds play out during game sessions. Universally, this annoys everyone involved, because they're there to play a roleplaying game, not to watch the live filming of the next big-hit reality TV show. The dude creating the drama usually gets ridiculed behind his back, and often, the group breaks up. In your situation, you can probably expect that creating drama during the actual game session will make you the least popular guy in the room and possibly break the group.

3.) I've also seen guys handle this by using the "lay low and keep it cool" approach. By this I mean, hey, 90% of all relationships end in a breakup. The odds are VERY HIGH that this girl will become unattached at some point within the next few months to a year, even if you do nothing. I've known guys who see an (attached) girl they're interested in, stay occasionally in touch with her (but only occasionally, that's the keep-it-cool part), and then when she eventually ditches her guy and starts dating again, they ask her out. If the guy comes across as a good pickup to her, sometimes the girl actively initiates the ditching of her old boyfriend for the express purpose of making room for the new guy (watch out for those women though, because if they'd ditch a guy to trade up to you, they'll ditch you just as quickly if they think they can trade up to someone else). In this situation, the keep-it-cool guy sometimes even keeps the friendship of the ex-boyfriend, although not often.

So, again, I can't really tell you what's the best thing to do, but the most successful guys, in terms of getting the actual girl and maintaining the respect of their friends, are usually the keep-it-cool types.

If you wanted to go that route, it sounds like your only hope of "keeping it cool" would be to (politely) kick her out of the game or make an excuse to remove yourself from the game, because her presence is a major provocation for you. That would also have the advantage of giving you time to cool off that "hunka-hunka-burning-love" thing so that when the time comes to talk to her, you come off as suave, detached, and in control, rather than being in a hurry. A woman usually appreciates a man who's in control of his emotions.

Sleepingbear
2010-11-05, 09:10 AM
So, quite a predicament, GitS fellas. Thoughts?

You already know what you should do, you're just unwilling to do it. Offering you further advice is pretty pointless in the face of that.

Balor01
2010-11-05, 09:15 AM
@kamikasei
Well the thing is I totally dig hot girls and are at this moment single. There is no way I would deal with this babe the same I do with my regular buddyes. Not manning up and leaving her well alone is not really an option - I just know it will happen if I get her into my gaming group.

I can not restrain from flirting with her. One way or another this thing will come back to bite me in the ***.

Also, point is I had similar experience once ... Luckilly in that case the girl was single. Well, semi-single. It took us exactly 2 game sessions (I was not the DM) to end up in bed. Yeah ... what are chances of that happening ... but it did.

@Sleepingbear
Well, I thought there may be some good way to pull this off without just not accepting the girl into gaming group. She is a nice person after all, I think. But Ill go the sane way, of course.

BridgeCity
2010-11-05, 09:17 AM
@kamikasei
Well the thing is I totally dig hot girls and are at this moment single. There is no way I would deal with this babe the same I do with my regular buddyes. Not manning up and leaving her well alone is not really an option - I just know it will happen if I get her into my gaming group.

I can not restrain from flirting with her. One way or another this thing will come back to bite me in the ***.

Also, point is I had similar experience once ... Luckilly in that case the girl was single. Well, semi-single. It took us exactly 2 game sessions (I was not the DM) to end up in bed. Yeah ... what are chances of that happening ... but it did.

Then, as has been stated, you already know what you need to do. Remove yourself or her from the group. Or are you just hoping someone here will condone you hitting on her and tell you to go for it?

Kurald Galain
2010-11-05, 09:18 AM
It seems to me you have four options,

(1) run a game and let drama ensue; imho the worst option,
(2) find some excuse for not having this girl at your table, slightly better,
(3) run a game and restrain yourself, a lot better,
(4) talk it out with your friend, the best option.

As you claim to be a great DM, picking one of these four shouldn't be hard for you.

kamikasei
2010-11-05, 09:20 AM
Not manning up and leaving her well alone is not really an option - I just know it will happen if I get her into my gaming group.

I can not restrain from flirting with her.
Oh yes it is and oh yes you can. Telling yourself otherwise is simply an attempt to excuse yourself from your responsibility to behave decently. If you have anything close to a legitimate claim that you can't restrain yourself, you should be talking to a psychiatrist, not to us.

Balor01
2010-11-05, 09:20 AM
@BridgeCity
It was worth a thread :smallbiggrin:

Serpentine
2010-11-05, 09:24 AM
{Scrubbed}

Seriously. You are incapable of controlling yourself around an attractive female? Forget the game, you need to fix yourself. This is messed up. A counsellor, psychiatrist or psychologist. See one.

Okay, better that she not be allowed in the game at all than be subject to sexual harrassment, but it's not exactly fair for her to be excluded from the game just because you are a slave to your testicles.

BridgeCity
2010-11-05, 09:26 AM
@BridgeCity
It was worth a thread :smallbiggrin:

Worth a thread to try and have someone justify a totally scum thing to do? I don't agree.

Mastikator
2010-11-05, 09:27 AM
[snip] No, I will not man up/keep my thing in my pants or anything. I just know it since I know how I act in such situations. Heck, I could seriously fall in love in this babe in matter of a single session.

So, quite a predicament, GitS fellas. Thoughts?

Sounds like you've already made up your mind. You want her, you want her more than you value your friendship and gaming group.

So get her.
Simple as that.

Serpentine
2010-11-05, 09:29 AM
{Scrubbed}

Leon
2010-11-05, 09:33 AM
You could fall in love with her at the drop of a hat is one thing but what HER choice is a very different matter and if you really do feel the need to try and mess up a couples apparently happy relationship then at least you should have the sense to not mix it up in your current stable group.

As others have said learn to have associations with people that you may well like but are out of bounds for what ever reasons and you'll find that you can indeed manage it and that there are plenty of other chances out there (and by the sound of it the next babe that wanders along could well distract you from her anyway)

The J Pizzel
2010-11-05, 09:35 AM
{Scrub the original, scrub the quote}

Seriously. You are incapable of controlling yourself around an attractive female? Forget the game, you need to fix yourself. This is messed up. A counsellor, psychiatrist or psychologist. See one.

Okay, better that she not be allowed in the game at all than be subject to sexual harrassment, but it's not exactly fair for her to be excluded from the game just because you are a slave to your testicles.

Agree. How old are you anyway?

Mastikator
2010-11-05, 09:36 AM
Then I suppose he's screwed.

Kurald Galain
2010-11-05, 09:37 AM
{Scrub the original, scrub the quote}

Well, that would be poetic justice, wouldn't it?

gbprime
2010-11-05, 09:39 AM
Consider this your opportunity to learn to interact with females in a team environment. Learn that, and you'll be better prepared for life. :smallamused:

Cespenar
2010-11-05, 09:42 AM
Challenge your friend to a D&D duel of epic proportions, in which the winner would get the girl.

It is the only logical thing to do.

Quietus
2010-11-05, 09:42 AM
@kamikasei
Well the thing is I totally dig hot girls and are at this moment single. There is no way I would deal with this babe the same I do with my regular buddyes. Not manning up and leaving her well alone is not really an option - I just know it will happen if I get her into my gaming group.

I can not restrain from flirting with her. One way or another this thing will come back to bite me in the ***.

Also, point is I had similar experience once ... Luckilly in that case the girl was single. Well, semi-single. It took us exactly 2 game sessions (I was not the DM) to end up in bed. Yeah ... what are chances of that happening ... but it did.

@Sleepingbear
Well, I thought there may be some good way to pull this off without just not accepting the girl into gaming group. She is a nice person after all, I think. But Ill go the sane way, of course.



Look, I'm not going to harp on you like others in this thread have done - I do respect that you have the ability to self-examine closely enough to know that this is bad news. I do think you should talk to someone about it if you seriously can't control yourself, but let's look at advice.

This guy is your friend. ANYTHING you do with this chick will lose you that friend, and everyone else at the table. What I suggest is talking to your friend, and being forthright with him. "Look man, your girlfriend is smoking hot, and I'm a hormonal ass. I don't want to go back on saying she could game with us, but I don't trust myself not to hit on her, and that'd make me a tool. I need your input."

It'll make things awkward with your friend in the short term, but hopefully the fact that you're acknowledging that he's got a great woman - for what little you know of her, she might be a total *****, even if she IS hot - and outright SAYING that you're trying to avoid being a bad friend should help with that. It'll definitely be less awkwardness than you'd have in the long run if you went ahead and hit on this chick, that's for sure.

Starbuck_II
2010-11-05, 09:45 AM
Dice before hoes. Dice before Bros too.

jiriku
2010-11-05, 09:51 AM
Dice before hoes. Dice before Bros too.

Werd. Nothing should be allowed to separate a man from his dice.

Morph Bark
2010-11-05, 09:52 AM
Dice before hoes. Dice before Bros too.

So dice > bros > hoes.

Just don't ditch a bro too fast over dice.

Adjustment: dice > bros >> hoes.

AtwasAwamps
2010-11-05, 09:52 AM
{Scrubbed}

However, allow me to present an option that has not been offered.

1. Kidnap player and girlfriend
2. Secure passage via charter flight (where they will not ask questions) to Rome, Italy
3. Upon arrival, free player, but not girlfriend
4. Tell player that to free his girlfriend, he must best you on the field of battle
5. Take over Rome
6. Tie girlfriend to upright stake in coliseum. If feeling particularly villainy or intending to appeal to a male audience, tear off her outer layer of clothing first. If she is wearing granny panties, leave bottom half on.
7. Threaten her with marriage and/or UNSPEAKABLE THINGS
8. If possible, summon demon and sign pact. Sacrifice a virgin. NOTE: YOU MAY HAVE TO HAVE VIRGIN IMPORTED FROM OUTSIDE OF ROME.
9. It’s probably about dinnertime. There’s this really nice restaurant near the coliseum. I ate their once. Its great. Get the roast suckling pig. No, really. Eat the whole pig. So good.
10. Wait in the coliseum for player to show up..most likely around midnight. He will show up, possibly wielding a sword or other form of weaponry. If he shows up in a tank, skip to step 15.
11. Engage in duel for girlfriend.
12. Lock weapons, claim your victory is inevitable
13. Be thrown back by sudden determination of the player
14. Be rendered almost helpless by a furious assault of player
15. Activate hidden death trap bomb in coliseum
16. Watch helplessly as player and girlfriend escape just before you are consumed in an enormous explosion, your plans shattered beside you, your hopes dashed, your machinations crumbling apart.
16.5. Yell "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" ("Blast!" or "NEVEEEEERRR!" are also acceptable).
17. Die
18. Credits roll

Tiki Snakes
2010-11-05, 09:53 AM
Agree. How old are you anyway?

Thirded.

Don't be a douche, man.

Morph Bark
2010-11-05, 09:53 AM
{Scrub the original, scrub the quote}

However, allow me to present an option that has not been offered.

1. Kidnap player and girlfriend
2. Secure passage via charter flight (where they will not ask questions) to Rome, Italy
3. Upon arrival, free player, but not girlfriend
4. Tell player that to free his girlfriend, he must best you on the field of battle
5. Take over Rome
6. Tie girlfriend to upright stake in coliseum. If feeling particularly villainy or intending to appeal to a male audience, tear off her outer layer of clothing first. If she is wearing granny panties, leave bottom half on.
7. Threaten her with marriage and/or UNSPEAKABLE THINGS
8. If possible, summon demon and sign pact. Sacrifice a virgin. NOTE: YOU MAY HAVE TO HAVE VIRGIN IMPORTED FROM OUTSIDE OF ROME.
9. It’s probably about dinnertime. There’s this really nice restaurant near the coliseum. I ate their once. Its great. Get the roast suckling pig. No, really. Eat the whole pig. So good.
10. Wait in the coliseum for player to show up..most likely around midnight. He will show up, possibly wielding a sword or other form of weaponry. If he shows up in a tank, skip to step 15.
11. Engage in duel for girlfriend.
12. Lock weapons, claim your victory is inevitable
13. Be thrown back by sudden determination of the player
14. Be rendered almost helpless by a furious assault of player
15. Activate hidden death trap bomb in coliseum
16. Watch helplessly as player and girlfriend escape just before you are consumed in an enormous explosion, your plans shattered beside you, your hopes dashed, your machinations crumbling apart.
17. Die
18. Credits roll

You forgot 16.5: Yell "nooooooooooooooooo!"

AtwasAwamps
2010-11-05, 09:54 AM
You forgot 16.5: Yell "nooooooooooooooooo!"

Editing now.

Kurald Galain
2010-11-05, 10:02 AM
{Scrub the original, scrub the quote}

However, allow me to present an option that has not been offered.

1. Kidnap player and girlfriend
2. Secure passage via charter flight (where they will not ask questions) to Rome, Italy
3. Upon arrival, free player, but not girlfriend
4. Tell player that to free his girlfriend, he must best you on the field of battle
5. Take over Rome
6. Tie girlfriend to upright stake in coliseum. If feeling particularly villainy or intending to appeal to a male audience, tear off her outer layer of clothing first. If she is wearing granny panties, leave bottom half on.
7. Threaten her with marriage and/or UNSPEAKABLE THINGS
8. If possible, summon demon and sign pact. Sacrifice a virgin. NOTE: YOU MAY HAVE TO HAVE VIRGIN IMPORTED FROM OUTSIDE OF ROME.

Or, you know,
1. Find virgin from outside of Rome
2. Teach her to play D&D
3. Forget about the original girl and fall in love with this one
4. ???
5. Profit!

Before you do this, please ensure said virgin is of legal age, because D&D contains material not suitable to minors :smalltongue:

Jolly
2010-11-05, 10:03 AM
If you are incapable of not being a lecherous fool around pretty girls, I would suggest you worry less about gaming and more about your... how shall I say this without getting banned, lack of self control and maturity. If the way you present yourself is accurate you have some serious issues that go beyond anything relating to the gaming table.

Tharck
2010-11-05, 10:03 AM
Perhaps they are swingers, never know until you ask.

Whammydill
2010-11-05, 10:06 AM
{Scrub the original, scrub the quote}

Seriously. You are incapable of controlling yourself around an attractive female? Forget the game, you need to fix yourself. This is messed up. A counsellor, psychiatrist or psychologist. See one.

Okay, better that she not be allowed in the game at all than be subject to sexual harrassment, but it's not exactly fair for her to be excluded from the game just because you are a slave to your testicles.

It really doesn't get more simple than that really.

If you don't have the integrity to not be a douche then you aren't ready for a relationship (of any sort) anyway.

EDIT: PS.....This woman is not an object.

WildPyre
2010-11-05, 10:16 AM
Don't touch your friend's girlfriend.

Don't think naughty thought's about your friend's girlfriend.

Dear Lloth in the underdark whatever you do don't make any advances to your friend's girlfriend and if she makes any sort of advance at you, don't take her up on it.

THIS IS YOUR FRIEND'S GIRLFRIEND!!!

I've seen it happen... I've had it happen to me. It's not cool dude.

Look at it this way... your friend is your brother... once she started dating your friend she became your sister... that's just sick man.

kamikasei
2010-11-05, 10:20 AM
EDIT: PS.....This woman is not an object.
Yeah. While the points being made and repeated that it's a jerk move to hit on a friend's current SO are valid, fewer people seem to be making the point that it's a jerk move to hit on someone currently attached who you can presume not to be interested, too. Harrassing this girl isn't bad only because she's already been "claimed" by someone you know; that just compounds the offense because you're being a jerk to your friend as well as to her.

Myth
2010-11-05, 10:25 AM
In light of the new information presented, I say that growing up would be the preferable choice of action. It does take time though.

Aotrs Commander
2010-11-05, 10:26 AM
{Scrub the original, scrub the quote}

However, allow me to present an option that has not been offered.

1. Kidnap player and girlfriend
2. Secure passage via charter flight (where they will not ask questions) to Rome, Italy
3. Upon arrival, free player, but not girlfriend
4. Tell player that to free his girlfriend, he must best you on the field of battle
5. Take over Rome
6. Tie girlfriend to upright stake in coliseum. If feeling particularly villainy or intending to appeal to a male audience, tear off her outer layer of clothing first. If she is wearing granny panties, leave bottom half on.
7. Threaten her with marriage and/or UNSPEAKABLE THINGS
8. If possible, summon demon and sign pact. Sacrifice a virgin. NOTE: YOU MAY HAVE TO HAVE VIRGIN IMPORTED FROM OUTSIDE OF ROME.
9. It’s probably about dinnertime. There’s this really nice restaurant near the coliseum. I ate their once. Its great. Get the roast suckling pig. No, really. Eat the whole pig. So good.
10. Wait in the coliseum for player to show up..most likely around midnight. He will show up, possibly wielding a sword or other form of weaponry. If he shows up in a tank, skip to step 15.
11. Engage in duel for girlfriend.
12. Lock weapons, claim your victory is inevitable
13. Be thrown back by sudden determination of the player
14. Be rendered almost helpless by a furious assault of player
15. Activate hidden death trap bomb in coliseum
16. Watch helplessly as player and girlfriend escape just before you are consumed in an enormous explosion, your plans shattered beside you, your hopes dashed, your machinations crumbling apart.
16.5. Yell "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" ("Blast!" or "NEVEEEEERRR!" are also acceptable).
17. Die
18. Credits roll

Yes. Yes, this. You should totally do that.



Alternatively, I can also suggest the ancient advise of English wisewomen would apply here (for the sake of argument, let's call the girl, I dunno, say Bob.)

1) Kill yourself.
2) Kill Bob.
3) Kill everyone apart from you and Bob.



I suppose you could messily castrate yourself with a kitchen knife, that might be another option.



Or, more seriously, become a Lich.

This is the best option, obviously, because then you won't care about petty mortal concerns like sex or romance or not vivisecting people whenever you feel like it, anyway. Plus you get smarter, become immortal and gets loads of cool powers (depending on what type of Lich you are), and two claw attacks, don't need to sleep or go to the loo anymore1 and can devote more time to the important things in unlife, such as conquering the universe, mass devastation or Pokemon (and D&D, obviously). It's also a lot easier to control your players when you have the will and ability to abruptly and without warning kill one of them when they get uppity. It's win-win-win, really.



1That said, it's totally worth putting a nice evil-themed toilet in your lair. Just to sit on. It's a statisitcally-proven fact (that I read somewhere in a source you'll never have heard of or ever be able to find anyway) that all your best thinking and ideas come when you're sitting in state. Even if it's only a pretend state...

pffh
2010-11-05, 10:26 AM
Talk to your friend. Explain how you feel about this and tell him you would be more comfortable with her not there.
Also NEVER Hit on a friends SO. NEVER!
If you can't control yourself that is your problem not theirs and it is a problem that you need to fix. Not for them but for yourself because this will get you trouble (fx getting your ass kicked) and you will lose the friend and most likely the friends that you two share as well.

Rising Phoenix
2010-11-05, 10:27 AM
It's someone else's girl.

/thread

nthed.

It would be disrespectful to act that way to your friend, his gf and above all yourself.

Also as others have said you will only end up with a mental frying pan slammed into your face. Not nice.

Khatoblepas
2010-11-05, 10:32 AM
Purely pragmatically:

- Girl wouldn't want someone who was willing to break the social contract and be dishonorable about relationships. Who says she won't think you will try and get in with some OTHER girl somewhere down the line?

- You won't want someone who is willing to break a relationship to get with you. They might do it again with someone else. You wouldn't be that special.

- Your friend is a friend for a reason. Don't make him have no reason to like you.

If you don't understand these, better start wearing top hats, grow a twirly moustache and start cursing in an antiquated fashion.

Because you sir, would be a cad and a bounder.

Besides which, she is already in love with someone else. Honour her feelings, matey.

Shademan
2010-11-05, 10:36 AM
A DM should keep his personal lust/love and his DM masterminding seperate. Fail this and you are WEAK!
This is the code of the DM!

shadow_archmagi
2010-11-05, 10:40 AM
Start wearing top hats, grow a twirly moustache and start cursing in an antiquated fashion.

Wait, there are people who don't do these things on a regular basis anyway?

That said, @OP:

Obviously you have three options

1. Deny either yourself or the girl entry to the game, thus avoiding the problem.

2. Allow the girl into the game and then don't backstab your friend and don't ruin the game and behave like a human being with an ounce of restraint.

3. RUIN EVERYTHING FOR EVERYONE

Now, it sounds like you consider yourself incapable of 2, and 3 is a terrible option, so it looks like 1 is all you have.

Kerrin
2010-11-05, 10:40 AM
{Scrubbed}

Psyx
2010-11-05, 10:41 AM
If he's really lucky, the boyfriend might not be the type who'd punch someone repeatedly in the face for cracking onto their girlfriend, and he might only loose a bunch of friends.

Gamgee
2010-11-05, 10:47 AM
The DM is impartial and above petty human concerns when at the table and all of those involved at the table. This is law, and if you can not abide by it the high council will strip you of your table, group, and powers so forth until we can determine your once more fit to use such powers.

Killer Angel
2010-11-05, 10:48 AM
OK, I think our position and moral statements regarding Balor01's behaviour are pretty clear.
Now, I propose to let the things falls down, with no more belittlement for Balor01. Better to avoid warnings, do you agree? :smallsmile:

Incorrect
2010-11-05, 10:49 AM
Tell your friend that you cannot game with his girlfriend, she is simply too hot for you to concentrate. This is a great compliment to both your friend and the girl. You become closer friends, and he cant really get mad about got being honest, complimenting both of them, and opting to save the group.

If you are just a little lucky, your friend will go home and tell the girlfriend that she cant come, because she is too beautiful for you to concentrate.
Then, IF they at some point break up, this girl will remember your actions, and thats a pretty good basis for scoring with her later. You were honest, a good friend, you complimented her on her stunning beauty, its the perfect setup.

Its a long play, but girlfriends are no-go. X girlfriends are gogogo.
(By my standarts YMMV!)

pffh
2010-11-05, 10:53 AM
Tell your friend that you cannot game with his girlfriend, she is simply too hot for you to concentrate. This is a great compliment to both your friend and the girl. You become closer friends, and he cant really get mad about got being honest, complimenting both of them, and opting to save the group.

If you are just a little lucky, your friend will go home and tell the girlfriend that she cant come, because she is too beautiful for you to concentrate.
Then, IF they at some point break up, this girl will remember your actions, and thats a pretty good basis for scoring with her later. You were honest, a good friend, you complimented her on her stunning beauty, its the perfect setup.

Its a long play, but girlfriends are no-go. X girlfriends are gogogo.
(By my standarts YMMV!)

Actually depending on how good friends they are (and how messy the breakup was) ex-girlfriends are under most circumstances also no-go and I would always recommend talking to the friend before making a move on his ex.

Balor01
2010-11-05, 10:59 AM
A decent answer. I like it :smallbiggrin: Oh and it's not that much of a friend as he is an acquaintance ...

BTW I'm 33. Growing up failed somewhere along the way I guess ...

Notreallyhere77
2010-11-05, 10:59 AM
Don't touch your friend's girlfriend.

Don't think naughty thought's about your friend's girlfriend.

Dear Lloth in the underdark whatever you do don't make any advances to your friend's girlfriend and if she makes any sort of advance at you, don't take her up on it.

THIS IS YOUR FRIEND'S GIRLFRIEND!!!

All of the above. You wouldn't steal your friend's car or credit card, would you? Well, stealing a person is infinitely worse.


...Look at it this way... your friend is your brother... once she started dating your friend she became your sister...

This is the best way to look at it. She's a new friend, and if you have to, pretend she's a man. No matter how difficult this may sound, it is easier than you think.
Look, I know where you're coming from, I really do. But you CAN not flirt. Manning up IS an option, even if you only have to do it for a few hours a week. Even if she's Helen of Troy, only NPCs can flirt with her character, and even then only if she's okay with it, and not all the time (unless her character has 17+ cha, then it goes with the territory).

Gamgee
2010-11-05, 11:00 AM
We need a DM Codex. A set of guidelines on appropriate behavior when being a DM. A canonized higher code of conduct and honour if you will. That would actually make a good topic. *hint hint anybody*

Jack Zander
2010-11-05, 11:01 AM
A decent answer. I like it :smallbiggrin: Oh and it's not that much of a friend as he is an acquaintance ...

BTW I'm 33. Growing up failed somewhere along the way I guess ...

That just made your situation infinitely worse. Seek psychiatric help if you never learned how to handle social situations.

Oracle_Hunter
2010-11-05, 11:05 AM
We need a DM Codex. A set of guidelines on appropriate behavior when being a DM. A canonized higher code of conduct and honour if you will. That would actually make a good topic. *hint hint anybody*
What's stopping you from making it? :smalltongue:

I'm pretty sure Balor01 has gotten the message by now.

As a general rule, don't DM for people that you can't DM for: if you can't run a game they would find fun, then don't have them at your table. Adapt your style when you can, talk to disruptive players when you can't, and get them out of your group when all else fails.

The J Pizzel
2010-11-05, 11:13 AM
Ooh, ooh.

New idea. Watch the film Love Actually. Not only is it a great film, but it shows what a good friend does when he's got a crush on his best friends girl.

kamikasei
2010-11-05, 11:15 AM
New idea. Watch the film Love Actually. Not only is it a great film, but it shows what a good friend does when he's got a crush on his best friends girl.
...by counterexample, I hope you mean.

Psyx
2010-11-05, 11:19 AM
That just made your situation infinitely worse. Seek psychiatric help if you never learned how to handle social situations.

My rates are reasonable...

AtwasAwamps
2010-11-05, 11:20 AM
My rates are reasonable...

You're just going to hold up a pretty picture of a woman and beat him with a sock full of nickles, aren't you?

The J Pizzel
2010-11-05, 11:21 AM
...by counterexample, I hope you mean.

Hehe. I meant the whole "avoid her at all costs, make yourself scarce, never show her you like her, etc" part.

Not the part at the end where he stands in her doorway holding signs that says how much he loves her. Ignore that part :smallbiggrin:

Ruinix
2010-11-05, 11:30 AM
It is ultimately her responsibility and her decision. If the girl does not want to stay faithful the man she is cheating with is not a jerk. He is a jerk only if he backstabs a friend by doing this instead of telling him his GF is prone to sexing around behind his back. Random guys one does not know are generally not one's concern. Considering he is bringing this guy over for DnD sessions the chances of him being a friend are high though, so in this particular situation OP will seem as a jerk if he does something (unless he gives us more info).

totally seconded.

jerk is the guy who hit GF of his own friends.
hit a GF of some unknown guy is ok, but u have to be clear of this is 1 night only situation, cause if she cheat that guy it totally would do again.



Seriously. You are incapable of controlling yourself around an attractive female? Forget the game, you need to fix yourself. This is messed up. A counsellor, psychiatrist or psychologist. See one.

totally seconder too.

if u have some problem fo stay focus when a hot girl is right next to you then u have a seriuos problem and u should consult with a profesional.

WarKitty
2010-11-05, 11:33 AM
That and, GF or not, hitting on a girl on her first introduction to a gaming group is bad manners.

Cespenar
2010-11-05, 11:34 AM
By the way, judging solely on the reaction rate, this has the potential to be an excellent attempt at trolling.

Merellis
2010-11-05, 11:36 AM
{Scrubbed}

Marnath
2010-11-05, 11:37 AM
That just made your situation infinitely worse. Seek psychiatric help if you never learned how to handle social situations.

I'd have to agree. Social tact is something you really should have learned in grade school.

kyoryu
2010-11-05, 11:37 AM
A decent answer. I like it :smallbiggrin: Oh and it's not that much of a friend as he is an acquaintance ...

BTW I'm 33. Growing up failed somewhere along the way I guess ...

In all seriousness, avoid going to bars. Higher chance of teh hawt + alcohol = high chance of emergency room visit.

Seriously, see a therapist or something. If you find it impossible to not flirt with pretty girls, you are in all sorts of impending trouble. Sexual harassment, stalking, all of these things can possibly get filed against you. Not a good situation.

kamikasei
2010-11-05, 11:42 AM
Hehe. I meant the whole "avoid her at all costs, make yourself scarce, never show her you like her, etc" part.

Not the part at the end where he stands in her doorway holding signs that says how much he loves her. Ignore that part :smallbiggrin:
Okay, yes, this I can get behind. It was fine apart from the creepy ending.

BeholderSlayer
2010-11-05, 11:45 AM
I can't really say anything that hasn't already been said. However, I find it saddening that you consider yourself unable to refrain from flirting with her. It would be one thing if she wasn't in a relationship with somebody at your table, as I don't find flirting with some total stranger's girlfriend distasteful. However, that's not your situation. You have a responsibility to this player, friend or not. Not only that, but you have a responsibility to the group as a whole. Nobody wants to sit at a gaming session and watch a player or DM flirt with the only female in the room all night. It's just boring, uncomfortable, and annoying.

The best advice I can give has already been stated. IF you absolutely cannot refrain from making advances, you must excuse yourself from the group. This will make you look immature, but much less immature than actually flirting with a girl during a gaming session in front of her boyfriend.

Killer Angel
2010-11-05, 11:50 AM
All of the above. You wouldn't steal your friend's car or credit card, would you? Well, stealing a person is infinitely worse.


Totally agree. An accusation of kidnapping is worse than one of theft. :smallamused:



jerk is the guy who hit GF of his own friends.
hit a GF of some unknown guy is ok

To be fair, I don't think the thing is so OK, only 'cause you don't know the other guy. You're still messing with a couple.

BTW: the more this thread developes, the more it seems more suited for the Friendly Banter...

Ruinix
2010-11-05, 12:09 PM
This will make you look immature, but much less immature than actually flirting with a girl during a gaming session in front of her boyfriend.

now that isnt immaturity, that is just plain stupidity


To be fair, I don't think the thing is so OK, only 'cause you don't know the other guy. You're still messing with a couple.

BTW: the more this thread developes, the more it seems more suited for the Friendly Banter...

NO, you are not messing with the couple, you are messing with the girl wich if the girl is a nice and good girlfriend then she should reject the guy at first glance.

IF the result is messing with the couple, then the couple alredy had issues before he enter in the equation.

Partysan
2010-11-05, 12:10 PM
Dammit guys (and gals), can you maybe just stop trampling on the guy? I mean seriously, yeah, he SHOULD be able to restrain himself, but when he's asking for help because he's afraid it would break out, then it's still not nice...
I mean, he's made the thread BECAUSE he knows hitting on his friends girl is not ok, you don't have to tell him, dammit. Especially if there's a chance of him not just being sexually but emotionally interested.

As to your problem, most things have been said.
1. If you really really try, then you should be able to DM and not hit on the girl. Then you can hope for them to break up and take the chance.
2. Failing that, talk to your friend and honestly tell him you are in danger of having the hots for his girl and don't think it's a good idea to be at the same table. In the best case he'll inform you of the relationship being an open one, in the worst case he'll call you an immature jerk, but it's still the most realistic option to clear the situation.

I won't include that you should in no case whatsoever DM for the pair and hit on the girl, because you already know, since you made the thread.

Although, IF he ends up in bed with another's girl, the girl is as much to blame as he is. Also meaning, both the relationship and the friendship will be heavily damaged.

I know why I only have polyamor and open relationships, it really spares you all of this jealousy sh*t.

Psyx
2010-11-05, 12:16 PM
You're just going to hold up a pretty picture of a woman and beat him with a sock full of nickles, aren't you?

Aversion therapy and positive punishment still have a place in modern psychology.

... I was thinking more of a shock collar, wired to the groin.

Notreallyhere77
2010-11-05, 12:17 PM
BTW: the more this thread developes, the more it seems more suited for the Friendly Banter...

Seconded. This has become a social advice column, not a game-related discussion.

Dr.Epic
2010-11-05, 12:31 PM
So, quite a predicament, GitS fellas. Thoughts?

Um, what predicament? There are a few reasons why you shouldn't even think of hitting on her:

-she's your friend's girlfriend (that alone is enough)
-you're there to DM, not pick up girls
-it could break up the gamming sessions should things go awkward
-aside from looks, is there anything you actually like about her and know what she's like

Killer Angel
2010-11-05, 12:33 PM
NO, you are not messing with the couple, you are messing with the girl wich if the girl is a nice and good girlfriend then she should reject the guy at first glance.

IF the result is messing with the couple, then the couple alredy had issues before he enter in the equation.

THen, please tell me the difference, if the couple is formed by one of your friends.
If the girl doesn't reject you, it means that she and your friend, already had issues, right?
It's the same thing, only, if you don't know the other guy, you don't have social repercussions (AKA your friends won't turn their backs on you).
If a thing is bad if done to a person you know, is bad even if done to some stranger...

If the good/bad, is based only on the broken friendship, I agree, but imo it's not the main point.

Notreallyhere77
2010-11-05, 12:47 PM
IF the result is messing with the couple, then the couple alredy had issues before he enter in the equation.

...which you will only make worse by meddling.

DwarfFighter
2010-11-05, 12:58 PM
It's someone else's girl.

/thread

I don't see no ring on that finger.

if ((valueOfGirlFriend * chanceToScore) > valueOfFriendShip)
{ return LaunchBreakUpStrategy(); }
else
{ return null; }

-DF

mikeejimbo
2010-11-05, 01:02 PM
There is honestly nothing wrong with seeing a psychotherapist. Some insurance companies even cover it (though I imagine usually only if you have some sort of condition, which only a psychologist or psychiatrist can determine, but I wouldn't worry, everything is a condition these days).

averagejoe
2010-11-05, 01:03 PM
The Mod They Call Me: The OP has been thoroughly answered, and there's been a few too many flames sent his way. Thread locked.