Family Issues In The Playground

[Leliel]

I was just visited by police that I called.

To pick up my drunkard, stupid, narcissistic ******* for a father for hitting my mom with a pumice stone.

Most people don't want to talk about it, but for me?

It feels like I have to put it online, so I can talk to people about it.

Sorry about this, but if I don't say it, it feels like it will be worse.

[thubby]

you have my sympathies. i know what an abusive father can be like.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Ugh. Oh man, I'm sorry. Is your mom okay? How are things now?

Look, it's good to let your feelings out. If you need some place to stay, I'm sure your friends will help you, and if you need to talk, we're all here for you. :smallsmile:

[Leliel]

Thanks.

I've actually asked a mod to delete this, because it feels irresponsible to clog up the forums with my issues.

But thanks for the sentiment.

[Saint Nil]

No, forums exist to allow people to express their feelings. If you need to rant, rant. Theirs is no sham in it and we are here to help.

[Cobalt]

It's never irresponsible to want to talk to others about your problems; the Playground especially is a great place to go to for this sort of thing. Of course, your decision, but if you ever change your mind there are people here for you.

[Leliel]

Thank you.

I sent SMEE (is she the mod for General Discussion, by the way?) another PM requesting this thread not be deleted.

Again, I am sorry if this violates a forum rule.

[Mr. Moon]

What Nill said.

And with that said, good on you, man. It takes a special kind of courage to do what you did. Good work, man.

[Cobalt]

I sent SMEE (is she the mod for General Discussion, by the way?) another PM

One of them, I believe; Zeb, averagejoe, and Grey Watcher are the others for Friendly Banter if the listings are correct.

But back to the point; is everyone okay? How badly was your mother harmed, and were you hurt during this ordeal at all?

[Lycan 01]

The Playground is a community, and as a community, we look out for our own. If you need somebody to talk to, you've easily got hundreds of people here who are willing to listen, and willing to care.


How is your mom doing? Did the cops arrest your dad? And most importantly, are you okay?

[rakkoon]

Kudos Leliel, something like that needs to be reported, so that either it will never happen again or that there is a trace of earlier conduct. How is everybody?

[Boo]

most importantly

Just a quick note: His mum is just as important (if not more important in his eyes). Sorry, but that singling out thing always irks me. I know it wasn't intentional, but... yeah. Pet peeves.

As with many others, Leliel, I hope you and your mother are doing okay. I also hope that your father isn't required for economic stability.

[Skeppio]

You did the right thing Leliel. Like a fair few others have said, how are you and your mother? Doing okay? I'm certainly hoping so. I wish you all the best. *hugs*

[MartytheBioGuy]

I'm glad this is here. I've actually thought about posting something similar for some time now, because my family issues are almost crippling right now. And now that we have an open forum for it, I feel like I could at least get some sympathy and a chance to get it out of my system.

I really feel for you, Leliel. Honestly, my dad has never been to the point that we've called the police, but I know where you are. My dad's big thing is manipulation. He feels that if we all say aloud that we love each other and do whatever he says, then we're a happy family, but that couldn't be further from the truth. He also feels that all of us are still his children, and should not question his authority over us. Or grow up in any way other than get a job, a spouse, and have kids. We can't have adult attitudes or change from who we were as children.

My dad is a religious leader, which would ordinarily be neither here nor there, but because he is, he expects that all of us will want him to perform our weddings. He also wants to do all of our pre-marriage counseling. Both of my sisters and both of my brothers that have been married have been so by my father. But one of my sisters, the one that I am closest with, Kristina, refused to receive pre-marriage counseling from my father. And this made him angry.

He has essentially blocked her out of the family by alienating her and saying that her dear husband was controlling her and telling her lies. Of course, he was really just helping her out from under the weight of the toxic relationship that my father had set on her, but since it was distancing her from the "ideals of the family" it made him angry.

This summer, Kristina started receiving counseling for all of this, and her counselor told her to officially break off communication with my father and any members of the family that were supporting him in his attitude toward my sister. This meant almost everyone, not including myself, as I had retained communication with her and helped her understand her life as an adult.

But this is still causing tension. A lot of tension. My other sister, Kate, Kristina's twin, got pregnant last spring. And then this summer she started having complications and being confined to her bed. But Kate still made it her job to "fix everything" between her twin and my father, a job that neither of them wanted her to do, wanting instead to work things out between themselves, even if it was slow-going. And then the stress made her lose the baby. And she blames Kristina.

And here I am, the only one that everyone still talks to, and I feel like I'm caught in the middle. I know it's not actually my job to fix anything, and that it would just drag me into a depression spiral like the rest of them, but I don't know what to do. It hurts.

To complicate everything else, I'm currently dating the girl I want to marry (we're 20, turning 21, I'll be popping the question next year, probably). And I don't want my dad to do my marriage counseling or wedding any more than my sister did. It's intensely personal, and my dad has hurt me too much for me to give him this. It would feel like I was saying that the things he's done to me and Kristina didn't really hurt me, and that everything's okay. But it's not.

But I don't know how to do this without alienating myself from everyone in my family who I love. I have 4 brothers who I love dearly, and a mother who has supported me through everything I've done, including working two jobs to get me through college. My dad is blind, and therefore unemployed, and therefore unable to assist me monetarily, but my mom loves me a lot, and wants me to be the best teacher I can be, and so she's working like crazy to put me through school. And I don't want to cut things off with any of them, but it would be almost inherent if I told my dad that I didn't want him to do my wedding and pre-marriage counseling.

It hurts.

[rakkoon]

Wow, Marty,that is indeed a very sticky situation.
It's easy to say that you should break off contact with your father but if that means also with your siblings and mother that is a giant step to take.
I would say try and find some middle ground but apparently there isn't that much room to your father's views...try it anyway?
Hugz?
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/06/hugz.jpg

[MartytheBioGuy]

Thanks, Rakkoon. I really needed that. It's been bottled up since this summer, and it all just kinda exploded on to the post.

[Mecharious]

I'm going to advise against a middle ground. If there's a point where two people are unwilling to compromise, trying to please them both can make you lose both. Sometimes you just have to choose.

I haven't been in a similar situation, so do what you think you have to.

[Leliel]

Thanks for the concern.

Mom is actually fine, really. The wound drew blood, but not much else.

And yes, my father was arrested. Mom wants to pick him up today so we can start the healing process, and talk to his doctor about the medication she thinks has been putting him over the line.

Don't know if it will help, but it's worth a shot.

EDIT: Oh, and Marty: My heart goes out to you. I really don't know what to say, other than that it feels that you have it even worse. I'm truly sorry for you.

[MartytheBioGuy]

Leliel, I want it to be clear. Neither of us has it worse. Don't minimize your own problems. I hope that things go better for you when all is said and done. And know that you're in my thoughts.

[Kobold-Bard]

My sentiments have already been expressed far better than I could have done, so instead for future reference I'll just mention the Depression Thread (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=166145). No need to close this thread but since you were concerned if this thread was allowed, the people who frequent have been nothing but excellent at helping in my experience.

[valadil]

Most people don't want to talk about it, but for me?

It feels like I have to put it online, so I can talk to people about it.

Sorry about this, but if I don't say it, it feels like it will be worse.

I can't relate to what you're going through, but I can sympathize. Post it all and I'll read it for you.

Getting these things out of your system is therapeutic. Especially so if you post it to the internet for all to see. People dwell on things they keep inside them. Writing it up will set the event free and will free you to get on with other things.

[Dusk Eclipse]

.... and I think I have issues with my father.... sorry to hear that (both Leliel and Marty), still if you need anything I am willing to lend an ear.

Hope everything becomes better.

Hugs.