What Did You Just Say? Redux [Archive] - Giant in the Playground Forums

Amiel

2010-11-18, 02:56 AM

Because people say inexplicable things. The last thread was a delightful read.

We hear these every day; from inane chatter to frivolous conservation, they interrupt our lives like persistent flies; offering hilarity (perhaps unintentional) but more facepalms than not

Guy: "I hated what they did with the new Alice In Wonderland. They ruined it by taking out the yellow brick road."
---
Woman at casino: "Yay, let's play Russian roulette. No, wait - that's the one with the gun."
---
Guy 1: "Do you even know who Mozart was?"
Guy 2: "Didn't he write Beethoven's 5th?"
---
Girl 1: "Why does everyone like her? She's not even pretty."
Girl 2: "It's because she's so tall. They can't see her face."
---
Girl 1: "He is like a butterfly to my flame."
Girl 2: "Don't you mean moth?"
Girl 1: "Nah, I don't like moths. They fly like they're broken."
---
Schoolgirl: "I'm sick of my ancient history teacher. Why can't he actually teach us about history instead of always harping on about the past?"
---
Platform announcer: "To everyone trying to cram into the fifth car, there's another 15 doors on this train."
---
Guy: "Telepathy..... It sounds like a disease."
---
Chef: "Bring me the new wheel of cheese."
Apprentice: "Which one?"
Chef: "The round one."
---
Girl 1: "I can't breathe."
Girl 2: "Me either. My nose is blocked."
Girl 3: "My mouth is blocked."
---
Train driver over loud speaker: "Please ensure that you take all your personal items with you and if you do happen to leave anything behind, make sure it is something I am able to use, wear or sell."

Mecharious

2010-11-18, 03:05 AM

My friend had this total blond moment during a brain dissection.

"So are these brains from dead people?"

Cyrion

2010-11-18, 10:13 AM

Christopher Columbus: "...because I had ordered them [his crew] to capture some [Arawak indians] in order to treat them well and make them lose their fear..." Translated from his journal, Dec. 12, 1492.

Devmaar

2010-11-19, 07:13 PM

A great line from a friend of mine:
"On a scale of 5 to 5, how bored are you?" It took him a few moments to realise what he said :smalltongue:

Snares

2010-11-19, 07:18 PM

There was a girl in my history class last year who came out with gems like that on a regular basis. Alas, I can only remember one, but it was one of the best...

"How do you understand all these Chinese names? It's like another language!"

:smallbiggrin:

Comet

2010-11-19, 08:12 PM

Guy: "Telepathy..... It sounds like a disease."

It totally does. Shun the psychic!

Train driver over loud speaker: "Please ensure that you take all your personal items with you and if you do happen to leave anything behind, make sure it is something I am able to use, wear or sell."
Honesty is a virtue. Also, lols.

I haven't run into that much stupidness lately, oddly enough, but I'll be sure to post if I can just remember some of the good stuff I've heard before.
In the mean time, there was this one guy at uni, with whom we were supposed to pull a team assignment. When we were discussing possible topics for the thing, his suggestion was a presentation on 'why teamwork is stupid'. He then proceeded to rant on and on about how he would rather just sit in a lecture and take notes and how talking to people is a huge hassle and not worth his time. The rest of us just kind of stared at him and nodded politely.

Worlok

2010-11-19, 08:22 PM

I remember a certain biology teacher explaining how ribose is a component of spermatozoa. Some girl in the back asked: "What's ribose?" - Cue our biology nerd: "We had that already. It's a type of sugar." Girl: "So you're telling me sperm contains sugar?" Nerd: "Duh, 'course it does." Girl: "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?" Everyone else: "..." :smallbiggrin:

Moff Chumley

2010-11-19, 08:25 PM

I am a never-ending factory of these. Although quite a few of 'em are simply outragous nonsequiters. :smallwink:

Don Julio Anejo

2010-11-19, 10:00 PM

Me at a gun class when inquired about my plans for the weekend:

"Oh, I'm planning to go shoot the homeless on Saturday."

... I was referring to a photography gig I was doing for a charity. No-one else seemed to think so.

CynicalAvocado

2010-11-19, 10:12 PM

some of my classmates were having a discussion about basketball at wingstop, when asked for my input i absentmindedly stated "i wouldn't know, i dont watch football"

MeatShield#236

2010-11-19, 11:10 PM

I overhear a lot of stupid things, mostly from the new Freshmen at my Highschool. Here's one I remember:

Girl: "I don't like my art teacher, whenever I show him my stuff he always critiques it." :smallsigh:

bluewind95

2010-11-19, 11:29 PM

"So the most evolved creature in the whole world is the virus."
"Yeah! There would be nothing worse than a giant virus the size of a building. Imagine that! It would take over the world!"
"Yeah! They're amazing. The body can't do anything against them, either. The virus enters the body and NOTHING kills it! And then it reproduces and reproduces and finally, when it reproduces too much, it dies!"
"Yeah! Isn't it scary?"
"You know what's worse? The way they infect you. They turn you into a giant virus, making more viruses. They... they make you into a zombie! It's a real-life zombie attack!"

.... You know what's worse? Those two speakers? They were adults...

Partof1

2010-11-19, 11:35 PM

Well, I don't remember the context, but, I had called my friend ignorant for a reason. His reponse?

"Well, I don't even know what that means, [so it's not important (or something along those lines)]"

Em Blackleaf

2010-11-19, 11:39 PM

Well, today I overheard a girl walking by me say, "I'm purposefully a bitch on purpose." To her friend. :smallconfused:

That's all I got. :smalltongue:

Moff Chumley

2010-11-19, 11:48 PM

Springs to mind... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bin3eB66Pd4)

THAC0

2010-11-19, 11:58 PM

Guy on airplane to his wife: "Wow, I'm glad I went through those full-body scanners. Who knows, I might have forgotten I had a pocket knife or something, and then what would have happened?"

He was being completely serious.

Roc Ness

2010-11-20, 03:55 AM

I have a few from my friends; the funnist bit about the first one was that people, myself included, actually looked. :smallbiggrin:

---
Friend: "Look over there! It's a distraction!"
---
Friend: "He tripped over the cordless phone."
---
Friend: "You can't say that to her, that's gender rascism!"

Lady Moreta

2010-11-20, 09:38 AM

Cobra_Ikari

2010-11-20, 10:38 AM

My history teacher once told a student to "wipe that constipated look off your face"

And a girl in my bio class once asked "What's the point of an orgasm?" - we never did figure out if she actually meant orgasm, or if she meant organism. Which also didn't make sense...

Well...maybe she meant, like...biological reason? I mean, the function of the male orgasm is kinda...apparent, but I think scientists have argued what benefits the female one provides.

...benefits other that "It feels good", I mean.

Teddy

2010-11-20, 10:56 AM

Two persons in my parallell class did two good ones in the same lesson. Sadly, one of them is a bit hard to translate, but nevertheless...

First out: "Kepler discovered that the planets move in epileptic orbits.

And a bit later: "When Newton discovered the pregnancy...". The fun part here is that gravity in Swedish ("gravitation") is easily confused with the word "graviditet", which means pregnancy.

CynicalAvocado

2010-11-20, 10:58 AM

i was trying to open a box and accidently thought out lound "how do you open, magic box?"

Trobby

2010-11-20, 11:17 AM

Cobra_Ikari

2010-11-20, 11:48 AM

In the car yesterday...

----------------------

Me: Oh hey! A pig!

Sister: Oh, really? *driving, so did not see it*

Me: Yeah, it's a fuzzy pig.

Sister: Like, a pot-bellied pig? A real pig?

Me: Well, not really...it was a pig though. Definitely not a dog.

Sister: Um...okay?

Me: *Reconsidering...* It might have been a sheep.

----------------------

She still hasn't let that one go. :smallsigh:

Aww. =3

My mom and sister do this constantly. The one I used to torment her with was when her boyfriend handed her his new athletics bumper sticker from our school, and while holding it, she asked if he had put it on his car yet.

Mr. Moon

2010-11-20, 03:53 PM

On a ferry, over the PA: "Um... Attention passengers. Someone has left their baby in the cafeteria. Could you come pick it up?"

@Roc Ness: "Look it's a distraction!" has actually worked for me before. I was hanging out with my friends at lunch time, and one of them was eating pizza. I yelled it out, she looked, and I grabbed the pizza.
The awesome thing is, she agreed she totally deserved that. Yay free pizza. ^^

Dvil

2010-11-20, 04:16 PM

Over lunch a few days ago my friend said "This ham and pea soup tastes suspiciously like ham and pea soup".

KuReshtin

2010-11-20, 04:38 PM

I usually get a few of these when officiating football.

Best example was this past May, when I was in Cornwall.
A bit of a shoving match broke out between a couple of players, and they were both penalised for it.
When I got back to the sideline, the coach came up to me and wanted the opposing player ejected for punching his player.
When I told him that the officials hadn't seen any punching, just shoving back and forth, he blurted out that:

'Man, even I could see that their player punched our guy, and there were three people standing in the way.'

Apparently, that coach has X-ray vision.

Malfunctioned

2010-11-20, 04:45 PM

Malfunctioned has a sister a year younger than him. Geography is not her strong suit.

Me: Where is Mexico?
Her: Underneath Spain? *pauses for a second* Yeah, underneath Spain, they speak the same language.

Her: So where did you go with the college?
Me: Barcelona, well, close to Barcelona anyway.
Her: Isn't that the capital of Paris?

Me: What's the capital of China?
Her: Japan?

Me: *discussing my old Biology teacher* And then she started talking about how pandas come from Australia...
Her: Don't they?
Me: No, they don't.
Her: Oh right, they're from......
*half and hour later and she's been texting friends to try and find this out*
Her: South-East Asia! But I thought they might be from China as well.

DeadManSleeping

2010-11-20, 04:50 PM

Malfunctioned has a sister a year younger than him. Geography is not her strong suit.

*the worst geography*

:smalleek:

...and here I thought I was bad at geography. I will never take my knowledge of basic geography for granted again.

Cobra_Ikari

2010-11-20, 05:04 PM

Moff Chumley

2010-11-20, 05:33 PM

I've pulled off "look, a distraction!" before... :smallbiggrin:

Partof1

2010-11-21, 12:46 AM

"Hey look: a distraction!" is common among my circle.

"Het look, something shiny!" has come up as well.

Eon

2010-11-21, 01:08 AM

I've used "Look a Distraction!" and the results were positive. AAAHHHH! Been writing a science paper all day... :smallfurious::smalleek:

Also, although this was in an MMO so don't be too surprised:

Told by someone that (essentially) that if I was smart, I shouldn't play on the test server. :smallconfused:

Lady Moreta

2010-11-21, 01:10 AM

Well...maybe she meant, like...biological reason? I mean, the function of the male orgasm is kinda...apparent, but I think scientists have argued what benefits the female one provides.

...benefits other that "It feels good", I mean.

Possibly... I'm not sure she actually meant to say orgasm either, no one could figure out what she meant. I'm not even sure she knew what she meant.

I have once announced to my flat that I drew on the pen with the couch... oops.

Roc Ness

2010-11-21, 02:03 AM

Ooo, I just remembered an embarrassing one I said that my friends didn't drop for months.

---
Me: Why am I a Bebo? Could somebody please tell me why I'm a Bebo?

Amiel

2010-11-21, 05:52 AM

I have once announced to my flat that I drew on the pen with the couch... oops.

I take it, "once announced to my flat [...]" was unintended? :P

Me: Why am I a Bebo? Could somebody please tell me why I'm a Bebo?

At least you didn't refer to yourself as Beber

Guy: "You know eggs? I wonder who first thought of eating something that popped out of a chicken's ass"
---
Boy on mobile after kissing girl: "Yes mum, I've eaten, in fact, I'm having a snack right now"
---
Guy 1: "The police said I'm a threat to people"
Guy 2: "At least you're not a danger to society"
---
Girl to boy trying to kill a wasp: "No, don't, it could be someone's former life"
Boy to wasp: "OK, Superman, your life is saved by a woman"
---
Girl: "You didn't know the time?"
Guy: "Yeah, it was 3.98"
Girl: "What?"
Guy: "No, 2.98"
Girl: "Um?..."
Guy: "No, 4.98. Whatever! It was 98 past something"
Girl: "You can't have 98 in time"
Guy: "Huh? Oh, whatever"
---
Girl: "I've never seen real snow before, except in Canberra, but that doesn't count 'cause it doesn't snow from the ground"
---
Girl: "How many 10 Commandments are there?"
---
Girl on the phone: "I'm sorry but you sound really fat"
---
Guy: "I'm stoked, I get my tooth back tomorrow"

Roc Ness

2010-11-21, 06:22 AM

At least you didn't refer to yourself as Beber

Well, at least I can say that that happened before Beber was popular well known.

Guy 1: "The police said I'm a threat to people"
Guy 2: "At least you're not a danger to society"
---
Girl: "You didn't know the time?"
Guy: "Yeah, it was 3.98"
Girl: "What?"
Guy: "No, 2.98"
Girl: "Um?..."
Guy: "No, 4.98. Whatever! It was 98 past something"
Girl: "You can't have 98 in time"
Guy: "Huh? Oh, whatever"

I find that the former is classy and that I have been guilty of the latter. Several times. :smallredface:

Amiel

2010-11-21, 06:36 AM

Well, at least I can say that that happened before Beber was popular well known.

It means that you're more popular than Beber :)

I find that the former is classy and that I have been guilty of the latter. Several times. :smallredface:

I wish time worked like that.

Klose_the_Sith

2010-11-21, 07:11 AM

I can't remember any right now, so have some I've stolen off of friends >.>

Guy: Nowadays, I just tend to look at things and see if they would look better in some panties.
--
Guy: I could probably meet more interesting girls on the internet...

Boy on mobile after kissing girl: "Yes mum, I've eaten, in fact, I'm having a snack right now"

Maybe it's a question of context, but this sounds kinda cute to me >.>

Girl: "I've never seen real snow before, except in Canberra, but that doesn't count 'cause it doesn't snow from the ground"

Pretty blatantly false. There's no snow in Canberra :smalltongue:

Lady Moreta

2010-11-21, 07:42 AM

I take it, "once announced to my flat [...]" was unintended? :P

No, I meant to say I drew on the couch with the pen...

Amiel

2010-12-24, 04:34 AM

Just had a chat with a friend; apparently right around Christmas, consumers ask more special questions than any time within a given year.

He told me that an adult asked this question seriously "excuse me, but do you sell pens with ink".

Heliomance

2010-12-24, 05:21 AM

The BBC is showing a Nativity in four parts this year, and mum, dad and my sister were catching up on iPlayer last night. So Mary goes off to see her cousin, comes back obviously pregnant. Joseph is unimpressed. Episode end.
Sister: "So are we stopping and going to bed now?"
Mum "Yes, I think so."
Sister: "Aww, man! I wanted to know what happens next!"
Other sister: "Don't worry, it's the film of the book. We've got a bunch of copies upstairs, if you really want to find out what happens next you can read the book!"

(I would note we've all been brought up Christian and know the Nativity story perfectly well)

Amiel

2010-12-24, 05:40 AM

Girl 1: "What's that thing called to contact the dead?"
Girl 2: "A Luigi board"
Girl 3: "No, it's a Oujia board"
---
Girl: "Do they only do autopsies on dead people?"
---
Girl with spiked hair: "It's not like I don't like this hair, it's just inconvenient. I can't afford to fall asleep"
---
Boy: "Was it Jesus or Mozart who split the sea?"
---
Girl 1: "What's that hormone females have? Minestrone, that's it. She had too much minestrone"
Girl 2: "Oh my god, you idiot"
---
Girl taking off glasses: "Finally! Now my eyes can breathe!"
---
Student 1: "How cool would it be if dogs laid eggs"
Student 2: "Don't they?"
---
Colleague 1: "Have you heard of Ali G?"
Colleague 2: "No. Wait, is that when you have a bad reaction to food?"
Colleague 1: "No, that's an allergy"
---
Girl to friend: "Do you think wearing sunglasses makes your eyeballs sweat more?"
---
Guy chatting up girls: "My house is cool. I have a door"

Serpentine

2010-12-24, 05:46 AM

My Boy relayed this one to me with a work-mate of his last night.

Workmate: How's [Serpentine's sister]'s party going?
Boy: Not too well, apparently. Alex choked on some ham and had to go to hospital!
Workmate: Ha! What a dumbarse. Who chokes on ham? How could he not chew properly?!
Boy: Uh... Alex is a baby.

Extra background: not only is Alex a baby, but he's a baby who had to have serious surgery when he was 2 weeks old to fix a problem with his oesophagus which often results in problems swallowing.

Lady Moreta

2010-12-24, 06:00 AM

Colleague 1: "Have you heard of Ali G?"
Colleague 2: "No. Wait, is that when you have a bad reaction to food?"
Colleague 1: "No, that's an allergy"

To be fair... this one is understandable if you've never heard of Ali G or if person 1 was speaking quickly.

My Boy relayed this one to me with a work-mate of his last night.

Workmate: How's [Serpentine's sister]'s party going?
Boy: Not too well, apparently. Alex choked on some ham and had to go to hospital!
Workmate: Ha! What a dumbarse. Who chokes on ham? How could he not chew properly?!
Boy: Uh... Alex is a baby.

Extra background: not only is Alex a baby, but he's a baby who had to have serious surgery when he was 2 weeks old to fix a problem with his oesophagus which often results in problems swallowing.

Oh dear... :smalleek:

One of mine from about - half an hour ago...

Me: Melt my little chocolately minions! Melt!

Serpentine

2010-12-24, 06:12 AM

To be fair, my Boy had one of his own the same day:

Boy: So what are you doing for Christmas?
Regular Special Needs Customer: [mumbles something while searching his wallet]
Boy: [thinks he said "I'll pay for this with my card"] Oh yeah, that's cool, come down to this register...
Customer: [pays with cash]
Boy: [confused] Oh...
Workmate: Did you hear what he said?
Boy: No, what?
Workmate: He said his mum got hit by a car.
Boy: :smalleek:

Dusk Eclipse

2010-12-24, 11:12 AM

Didn't heard this one, I read it; a bit of context I was helping my history teacher to organize some first years test and I couldn't help but read them, the test where on Greek history and one question was "What where the types of people in ancient Greece?"

A girl answered:

The first, the second and the third

I actually facepalmed.

CarpeGuitarrem

2010-12-24, 11:29 AM

Cealocanth

2010-12-24, 03:42 PM

Overheard this at school last week

Guy 1: You do know that gold doesn't float?
Guy2: What?
Guy 1: It's just too heavy.
Guy 2: That doesn't make any sense! If gold doesn't float, then why does the sun work?

:sigh:

Fuzzie Fuzz

2010-12-24, 06:40 PM

AshDesert

2010-12-25, 12:12 AM

This is an old one, but I have honest to God seen it in real life:

Questioner: What weighs more, a pound of gold or a pound of feathers
Answerer: Gold, duh
Q: No, you're not listening to the question, one POUND of gold or one POUND of feathers?
A: I don't see what your getting at

That actually went on for about 5 minutes. The person who didn't get the riddle was an MD. I decided that if I were ever in their particular town I would go to a different doctor.

Also, "Look a distraction!" works very well when other people aren't expecting it. Do Freudian slips count? If so I have so many I could recount from my group of friends.

Dogmantra

2010-12-25, 02:28 AM

Questioner: What weighs more, a pound of gold or a pound of feathers
Answerer: Gold, duh
Q: No, you're not listening to the question, one POUND of gold or one POUND of feathers?
A: I don't see what your getting at

That actually went on for about 5 minutes. The person who didn't get the riddle was an MD. I decided that if I were ever in their particular town I would go to a different doctor.

Most people don't get that question right unless they've been tricked by it before. It's a pound of feathers. Gold traditionally uses Troy Weight (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troy_weight). A "regular" pound is around 14.5 Troy ounces, with 12 Troy ounces in a Troy pound. Most people think they weigh the same. :smalltongue:

Cealocanth

2010-12-25, 11:01 PM

Fusion? :smallwink:

I think his train of thought was more on the line of

"The sun is a giant glowing ball of gold in the sky. If it doesn't float in water, then it can by no means float in air. So why the hell does it stay up there?"

Marillion

2010-12-28, 09:32 PM

I intentionally caused one of these today.

Server: Mos pain, por favor!
Me: Sorry, I don't speak German.
Server: :smallconfused: I bet you don't. :smallamused:

AsteriskAmp

2010-12-28, 10:49 PM

I intentionally caused one of these today.

Server: Mos pain, por favor!
Me: Sorry, I don't speak German.
Server: :smallconfused: I bet you don't. :smallamused:

I think it's spanish, or potuguese or something but definitely not german.
Por favor is please in Spanish
Mos Pain could mean a myriad of things but it's not spanish.

bluewind95

2010-12-28, 11:25 PM

I think it's spanish, or potuguese or something but definitely not german.
Por favor is please in Spanish
Mos Pain could mean a myriad of things but it's not spanish.

pain = bread in French. Similar, kind of to "pan" which is the same word in Spanish.

Mos is not a word that I know. But in context, it could be "mas" which would be Spanish for "More".

Serpentine

2010-12-29, 12:25 AM

That would be the joke, dear Arav.

Marillion

2010-12-29, 12:29 AM

I think it's spanish, or potuguese or something but definitely not german.
Por favor is please in Spanish
Mos Pain could mean a myriad of things but it's not spanish.

That would be the joke, dear Arav.
Yep:smalltongue:

Mos is not a word that I know. But in context, it could be "mas" which would be Spanish for "More".
Yeah, it was supposed to be Spanish, but I misspelled "mas". :smallredface: Gimme a break, I didn't take Spanish in high school! :smalltongue:

Mordaenor

2010-12-29, 03:37 PM

[QUOTE=Amiel;10032703]Girl 1: "What's that thing called to contact the dead?"
Girl 2: "A Luigi board"
Girl 3: "No, it's a Oujia board"
[QUOTE]

A Luigi board must be used to ask the dead any video game related questions. :)

Rob Roy

2010-12-29, 06:28 PM

Cobra_Ikari

2010-12-29, 07:32 PM

Klose_the_Sith

2010-12-29, 07:44 PM

More amusing when you realize music is impossible without math. >.>

Those cavemen with their tribal drums sure couldn't get enough of their pythagoras :smallsigh:

Fuzzie Fuzz

2010-12-29, 09:47 PM

A wile ago I heard two people talking in a restaurant, and heard this quite amusing exchange.

Person 1: "Scientists always say that math is the universal language, but their wrong, music is".
Person 2: "That is so right! Not every society has had math, but they all have had music!".

They were both adults too.

Well they're... kind of correct? Music comes way more easily than math to most cultures. True, current music relies on patterns and rhythm that require math, but it's not Math math. Even various primates have music, but no math beyond few/many.

unosarta

2010-12-29, 10:42 PM

Well they're... kind of correct? Music comes way more easily than math to most cultures. True, current music relies on patterns and rhythm that require math, but it's not Math math. Even various primates have music, but no math beyond few/many.

Not at all. Music is entirely subjective, allowing a personal interpretation of events and songs, which is entirely not the point of a language. Music would be one of the worst languages, unless the language itself was not based on the contents of the song, but the notes and keys, which would still be vibrating waves, which are still under the domain of math. So, no, music is not the universal language. It is a universal art, but not a language.

Fuzzie Fuzz

2010-12-29, 11:26 PM

Not at all. Music is entirely subjective, allowing a personal interpretation of events and songs, which is entirely not the point of a language. Music would be one of the worst languages, unless the language itself was not based on the contents of the song, but the notes and keys, which would still be vibrating waves, which are still under the domain of math. So, no, music is not the universal language. It is a universal art, but not a language.

Hmm. I'll concede that point, but I would say that a language is also subjective. Any given word in any spoken language has so much meaning beyond the dictionary definition, which varies based on personal experience. Same with music. And actually, music is often much better at conveying emotion objectively (if such a thing is possible) than words are. "Sadness" doesn't really convey sadness beyond the fact that English-speakers understand that is is supposed to represent it. On the other hand, there is lots of music that anyone would understand was sad.

Also, while math could be used to describe the waves, waves are no more about math than about music.

(Disclaimer: I don't disagree that math is the "universal language" and that music isn't a great one, I just don't think that the claim to the contrary is as ridiculous as inclusion in this thread would imply.)

unosarta

2010-12-29, 11:33 PM

Hmm. I'll concede that point, but I would say that a language is also subjective. Any given word in any spoken language has so much meaning beyond the dictionary definition, which varies based on personal experience. Same with music. And actually, music is often much better at conveying emotion objectively (if such a thing is possible) than words are. "Sadness" doesn't really convey sadness beyond the fact that English-speakers understand that is is supposed to represent it. On the other hand, there is lots of music that anyone would understand was sad.
A language is going to be a lot less subjective than most music is though, especially if said music has no lyrics, and lyrics being a part of an actual language. And that music that displays sadness only does so because our culture dictates that it does. Another culture, with different musical definitions might take that tone to be happy, or angry, or what have you. No one has to learn about music in order to understand it, and listen to it, but that doesn't necessarily make it able to convey emotions or feelings any better than a language does.

Also, while math could be used to describe the waves, waves are no more about math than about music.
The description of the waves is what is important. Simply speaking about waves doesn't tell you much, but being able to measure them and quantify them is what is important. It is not a very useful tool for communication simply because the human mind cannot comprehend and parse that much large scale data within the time confines of a conversation.

(Disclaimer: I don't disagree that math is the "universal language" and that music isn't a great one, I just don't think that the claim to the contrary is as ridiculous as inclusion in this thread would imply.)
I think music can be a great way to communicate; within cultures. Outside of cultures, music is about as useful as any other language. Math is a constant, that does not change unless the rules of the universe in which it is practice change. This means that it is a universal language. I would hardly call it a multiversal language, though. :smallwink:

Rob Roy

2010-12-29, 11:44 PM

Well they're... kind of correct? Music comes way more easily than math to most cultures. True, current music relies on patterns and rhythm that require math, but it's not Math math. Even various primates have music, but no math beyond few/many.
If we ever find another species in the infinite void of space, do you think they're more likely to understand math or music? There's a reason we send mathematical equations into space to prove we're intelligent and show that we're there rather than say, the best works of Mozart.

Serpentine

2010-12-30, 12:00 AM

If we ever find another species in the infinite void of space, do you think they're more likely to understand math or music? There's a reason we send mathematical equations into space to prove we're intelligent and show that we're there rather than say, the best works of Mozart.Actually, the best works of Mozart is exactly the sort of thing we did send into space (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Contents_of_the_Voyager_Golden_Record#Music), as well as some science and mathematics.

Rob Roy

2010-12-30, 12:03 AM

Actually, the best works of Mozart is exactly the sort of thing we did send into space (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Contents_of_the_Voyager_Golden_Record#Music), as well as some science and mathematics.
Really? Well then said hypothetical aliens would would most likely be able to understand the science and math. It is kind of we sent Mozarts work into space though. Shame we don't send that much into space any more.

Serpentine

2010-12-30, 12:09 AM

John Cribati

2010-12-30, 12:12 AM

Eighth grade. I got fed up with being the only prepared person in my corner of the class, and blurted out "Loose-leaf doesn't grow on trees, you know."

Rob Roy

2010-12-30, 12:26 AM

Not just Mozart, a big range of music (albiet more classical than other types). And they sent a huge range of stuff to make sure that they understood something - not just a matter of "maths vs. music", but biology, art, photographs, literature, etc. etc. so on and so forth.
Art I could understand. If something finds it and that something has something comparable to eyes, it makes sense to show them what where the spaceship was from looked like, even when they don't understand any of the hidden meanings behind the piece of art.

Anyway, I would have said something on topic but I can't remember anything both funny and stupid someone said recently.

unosarta

2010-12-30, 12:31 AM

I had the really awkward line a little while ago of "But I don't want to interrupt her spanking!"

Let's just say that it was even funnier in context.

Heliomance

2010-12-30, 05:55 AM

Mordaenor

2010-12-30, 10:21 AM

So my 12 day old daughter needs to learn to eat before she's released from the NICU. The other day she had a particularly successful succesful epsiode, drinking conisistently for about twenty minutes. I then almost posted to my Facebook, "Lillyan sucked long and hard today." I reconsidered that one at the last minute.

unosarta

2010-12-30, 10:56 AM

See, I really don't buy that maths is the universal language. How do you say "Hi, how are you?" in maths? How do you say "The tourist information bureau is that way"? How do you say "I think I've broken my arm, where's the hospital?" How do you say "Your mother is a big hippopotamus"?

The fundamental principles of maths are universal, yes. But it's not a language. It fails the most basic requirement of being a language: being usable for everyday communication.

A song is not able to do so either. And I think the "universal language" is more of a mislabeling than anything else. Because we can use math anywhere- unlike language, or music- and it will still be relevant and useful, it is considered the "universal language". Language in this case not being an actual form of verbal communication, but sort of being able to connect cultures with a single thing.

Serpentine

2010-12-30, 11:11 AM

I find this to be an absurd and silly false dichotemy.
Music is older than mathematics. Arguably, it is also less "useful".
Music communicates emotions. I believe that it is, in fact, fairly consistent across cultures: sad music is (I think) sad no matter who's listening to it, happy music always happy, etc (I'd like to see a paper that's studied this, though).
Mathematics, on the other hand, is a system used for communicating and forming numerical concepts. It is, now, universally used or near to it (but it wasn't always, at least not all of it), and (sort of, basically) universally understood.
One is a language of emotions, the other is a language of facts. Both are very important to humanity.

This argument is stupid :smallannoyed:

Fuzzie Fuzz

2010-12-30, 06:42 PM

This argument is stupid :smallannoyed:

Hear, hear! I concur. I wasn't saying that one was a better language than the other, except as a Devil's Advocate. I just thought that it wasn't nearly as ridiculous a statement as others seemed to think.

And! Parting shot: waves can be described musically as well. A particular wave makes a C#, or a B, or whatever other note. If you have a good enough ear, and know enough about waves, you know what that wave is like. Thus! No more about math than music.

Popertop

2010-12-30, 11:28 PM

One time after a late-night party, I woke up groggy.
My eyes weren't awake yet, and I looked the clock
and SWORE it said 1:37:46.

I said, "Oh god, It's one-thirty-seven-forty-six!
Did someone come up with a new way to tell time,
and implement it, while I was asleep? How long was I out?"

My friend walked in and said, "Dude, that's definitely
one-thirty-seven."

Me: *epic frown* "Hand me a doughnut."

unosarta

2010-12-30, 11:30 PM

Checking my list of facebook quotes:

"I don't think there are any pants under that elephant."

"I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road without having their motives checked."

"I do NOT rape women!"

"Wait, wait, [Friend] has AIDS?"

My old teacher: "Minna yaritai!" (Literally: I want to try everyone. Colloquially: I want to have sex with everyone!)
Me: O_o...

"Maybe it is metaphysical aids?" -Me
"Um..." -my friend.

DeadManSleeping

2010-12-30, 11:38 PM

My old teacher: "Minna yaritai!" (Literally: I want to try everyone. Colloquially: I want to have sex with everyone!)

Or "I want to kill everyone" or "Everyone wants to try" or "Everyone wants to have sex".

Eldan

2010-12-30, 11:40 PM

Music isn't universal. I, as an example, don't get any of it. It's just noise that's more regular than other noise.

Serpentine

2010-12-30, 11:43 PM

Music isn't universal. I, as an example, don't get any of it. It's just noise that's more regular than other noise.I put it to you that far more people "don't get" mathematics than "don't get" music.

Rob Roy

2010-12-30, 11:53 PM

unosarta

2010-12-31, 12:03 AM

Or "I want to kill everyone" or "Everyone wants to try" or "Everyone wants to have sex".

Since when does yaru mean to kill? "Minna korosh!tai" would make sense. Also, those others are incorrect because they are missing a particle. "Minna yaritai" doesn't really work either, but it does make sense if you consider that the subject is implied. Also, you can probably get away with an implied particle between the object and the verb, but between the subject and the verb less so.

Serpentine

2010-12-31, 12:07 AM

You went from trying to get people to stop arguing to arguing about the thing you wanted people to stop arguing about. Really?There is no conflict. I'm continuing to point out absurd arguments - and "I don't get any music at all therefore music is less universal than mathematics even though almost every person in the world "gets" music on a deep emotional level but few "get" mathematics beyond knowing numbers and maybe basic algebra" is a deeply absurd argument.

unosarta

2010-12-31, 12:21 AM

There is no conflict. I'm continuing to point out absurd arguments - and "I don't get any music at all therefore music is less universal than mathematics even though almost every person in the world "gets" music on a deep emotional level but few "get" mathematics beyond knowing numbers and maybe basic algebra" is a deeply absurd argument.

I really didn't want to get back into this, but the fundamental thing you are missing is, music is a cultural thing. Simply because the world (our world) thinks X type of music is sad, or Y type of music is happy, doesn't mean the rest of the universe does. Math doesn't need you to believe it. It doesn't need understanding. It is always there, whether you think about it or not. Thusly, it can be used to communicate cross-culturally in all cases; whereas music cannot.

I am done. More quotes, yay!

Serpentine

2010-12-31, 12:32 AM

All mathematics can communicate is mathematical concepts. A truly "universal language" doesn't just need to be understood by all, but also to communicate everything. Neither mathematics nor music does so. A lot more people have a deeper understanding of music than they do mathematics, and music can get across far more information to a poorly educated person than mathematics. More people understand complicated music than complicated mathematics. More people know that slow, high pitched music is sad than know that a2+b2=c2 is the formula for calculating the hypotenuse of a triangle. Mathematics, conversely, is far less subjective, and more useful for communicating facts.
Which brings me to my original point: this is a stupid argument because this is a false dichotemy.

Innis Cabal

2010-12-31, 12:33 AM

Going to step in and actually agree with Serp for once. Music may be cutural by sound. But...that's not true either. Dirges sound the same no matter where they are sung. Songs of celebration sound the same in Africa as they do in Native American communities. Yes, the songs themselves may be linked to the culture. But every culture has music. Each and every single one of them. Show me a culture that does not have music, and show me one where slow melodies are attributed with happy occasions while fast paced songs are linked with sorry and unhappiness.

Math may be a "universal language" but Music is just as much of one. Neither is "better" as a universal language as another. They're both the same. That's what it means to be universal.

DeadManSleeping

2010-12-31, 07:58 AM

You know what's universal? Stupidity. Hey, I managed to connect this discussion to the thread's actual topic! Doesn't it feel good?

Lord Loss

2010-12-31, 08:08 AM

A girl in my Grade seven class:

The teacher describes a sqaure and asks what shape it is.

Girl Raises Hand
Teacher: Yes?!
Girl: I know this one! It's a rectangle
Teacher: No, try again.
Girl: Oh Right! It's a parralelogram!
(Someone had to whisper it to her for her to get it.

Another moment, same person.

Teacher talking about the Universe

Girl Raises Hand
Techer: Yes?
Girl: The Universe is like the sun and the planets and stuff, right?

Another moment (same person, again).

Girl: Medival Times were real? There were actually, like, princesses and stuff?

Imperial Psycho

2010-12-31, 08:10 AM

In fairness, a square is both a parallelogram and a rectangle.

KuReshtin

2010-12-31, 08:54 AM

In fairness, a square is both a parallelogram and a rectangle.

I disagree.
Both parallelograms and a rectangles are squares, however a square is not necessarily a rectangle or a parallelogram.

A square with four equally long sides and 90 degree angles in each corner is neither a parallelogram, nor a rectangle, but it's still a square.

Edit: Damn. Thought about rhombuses.
Therefore, I will amend my reply thusly:

Never mind.

DeadManSleeping

2010-12-31, 08:58 AM

I disagree.
Both parallelograms and a rectangles are squares, however a square is not necessarily a rectangle or a parallelogram.

A square with four equally long sides and 90 degree angles in each corner is neither a parallelogram, nor a rectangle, but it's still a square.

Please, please tell me you're joking. Even if you're not, just say you are.

KuReshtin

2010-12-31, 09:01 AM

Please, please tell me you're joking. Even if you're not, just say you are.

See amended post above.
Brain fart.

Prime example for this thread though, right? :smallwink:

Mordaenor

2010-12-31, 09:01 AM

Actually:

A Parallelogram is defined as a four-sided object that has two sets of parallel sides. All Rectangles meet this requirement, thus all rectangles are parallelograms.

A Rectangle is defined as any four-sided object that contains all 90 degree interior angles. All squares meet this requirement, thus all squares are rectangles.

So the girl's initial statement was completely correct both times, although the teacher may have been looking for a more COMPLETE definition.

Edit: Ninja'd

Heliomance

2010-12-31, 10:55 AM

See amended post above.
Brain fart.

Prime example for this thread though, right? :smallwink:

Rhombi are also parallelograms.

KuReshtin

2010-12-31, 10:58 AM

Rhombi are also parallelograms.

They are, but they are not rectangles.

Serpentine

2010-12-31, 11:22 AM

I just experienced a beauty.

Background: My Boy and I just played a game of League of Legends. That that it matters, I was Alistair and he was Garen. We killed a Shaco early in the game, and he proceeded to spend the rest of the game complaining that Garen must have hacked.
It started with a "one of you hacked! I used Flash AND Heal at the same time and neither worked! One of you must've hacked!" Then, I think mostly because he was the first to respond, he focussed his attention on my Boy as without a doubt the hacker.
I can't remember most of the jewels, but there were a lot of them. The best one, though, was this: "If you can't prove that I'm wrong then I'm right."

Sipex

2010-12-31, 11:38 AM

The internet is a treasure trove for idiocy.

Cobra_Ikari

2010-12-31, 11:50 AM

I need to ask my little sister about this. Her friend's mom is a bit...not from this world. The one that sticks most in my mind is her plan to retire and become a goddess. >.>

Foeofthelance

2010-12-31, 12:50 PM

"Hey look: a distraction!" is common among my circle.

"Het look, something shiny!" has come up as well.

"Hey, look! Something shiny!" can back fire as well. Pulled this on a friend of mine, he whips around and goes, "Ooooh, shiny!" Cue all of us turning around to realize he's staring at the brass dome on the campus admin building...

My personal favorite:

I'm in an environmental science class giving a project on nuclear waste disposal. There's five minutes left in the class, and the teacher is deliberately killing time by debating me on the merits of the Yucca Mountain dump site. "So," he asks, "What happens if there's an earthquake under the mountain?"

Before I can answer the girl next to me, and yes, she was a blond, and yes, she was a cheerleader*, so yes you can see where this is going, blurts out, "There aren't earthquakes in the US!"

* Yes, I know not all cheerleaders are the stereotyped dumb blond. Half the girls in my AP classes were cheerleaders, using it as an extracurricular for college applications. Sometimes, however, you just can't escape the cliche, no matter how hard you try.

Partof1

2010-12-31, 01:27 PM

Sometimes cliches become cliches due to truth.

Dihan

2010-12-31, 01:34 PM

A friend and I were watching 'The Impressions Show with Culshaw and Stephenson' on the iPlayer one night. Culshaw had just done an impression of Prince Charles where he was taunting this guy. He eventually asked this poor guy if he knew who his mother was... My friend and I had the following exchange:

Friend: Who is his mother anyway?
Me: Umm the Queen... Who else would it be? :smallconfused:
Friend: Really? But isn't she old?!
Me: ... Think about what you just said...

This isn't the only time he had a brainfart but I can't remember the other times.

RandomNPC

2011-01-01, 03:27 PM

Eighth grade. I got fed up with being the only prepared person in my corner of the class, and blurted out "Loose-leaf doesn't grow on trees, you know."

We had one working in a retail store. A friend found a shipping skid with the end boards replaced by heavy duty plastic boards. He showed them to me, and exclaimed
"There aren't any splinters, they'll hold up longer, and they'll break clean when they do break. All skids should be made entirely out of this plastic."
I promptly replied
"Ya know what thought, plastic doesn't grow on trees."
He came back with
"Neither does wood."

To this day we argue about it, does a tree growing count as the wood growing on the trees? He doesn't think so, I do.

GuesssWho

2011-01-01, 04:36 PM

The ultimate website for this stuff: http://www.overheardinnewyork.com

ninjalemur

2011-01-01, 08:44 PM

At my school, history and English are team taught by pairs of teachers, ant the pair I have for this year are infamous for the ridiculous things that go on in their classes. Some choice examples:

English Teacher: Can any one who didn't miss points on number 31(on a test) please read their answer?

Girl: I will [reads answer]

Teacher: I should have counted points off for that. Bring your paper up here.

---
Boy 1: (to an Indian kid) hey, [kid's name] , have you ever seen Slumdog Millionaire?

History teacher (who is overweight): Hey, [boy 1], have you ever seen Jackass?

Boy 1: Hey, [teacher], have you ever seen Supersize Me?

---
History Teacher: The answer to 13 is BASEBALL. I repeat: BASEBALL.

Girl: Wait, what the answer to 13?

Teacher: My God. That has to be an act. Their is no possible way a human being can be as stupid as you are.

---
History Teacher: This is the point in your life you have to make a decision: you can try hard, go to college, and have a successful life, or you can be like [boy 1 from before] and work at McDonald's for the rest of you life and drink your self to death by 50 trying to forget what a failure you are. The choice is yours.

Marillion

2011-01-01, 10:36 PM

---
History Teacher: The answer to 13 is BASEBALL. I repeat: BASEBALL.

Girl: Wait, what the answer to 13?

Teacher: My God. That has to be an act. Their is no possible way a human being can be as stupid as you are.

I think I had those teachers :smallamused:

On the subject of put-down-by-teacher

Teacher: You have clown hair.
Me: Is that all you've got?
Teacher: That's all you're worth.

Ouch. My pride.

Gamerlord

2011-01-02, 01:45 PM

Person : Civilization IV made so many errors in the leader/nation party!
Me: Name one.
Person: Napoleon was a US president, yet they made him French!
Me: *Facepalm*

Also:

Me: Haven't you ever heard of Aristotle?
Student: No.
Me: He was a famous Philosopher!
Student: How can a guy who makes pancakes be famous :smallconfused: ?

fknm

2011-01-03, 12:12 PM

History Teacher: This is the point in your life you have to make a decision: you can try hard, go to college, and have a successful life, or you can be like [boy 1 from before] and work at McDonald's for the rest of you life and drink your self to death by 50 trying to forget what a failure you are. The choice is yours.
I always hate high school teachers who use this kind of line, as though spending 4 years in college and then getting a job that pays peanuts isn't a huge failure in and of itself.

Especially in a case like this, where [boy 1] has displayed far more wit than [History Teacher] is capable of, and so [History Teacher] tries to look like the alpha by saying "hey, [boy 1] is going to be poor! Speculative ad-hominem! Aren't I cool?"

Marillion

2011-01-03, 12:15 PM

Especially in a case like this, where [boy 1] has displayed far more wit than [History Teacher] is capable of, and so [History Teacher] tries to look like the alpha by saying "hey, [boy 1] is going to be poor! Speculative ad-hominem! Aren't I cool?"
Wit? :smallconfused: All I saw was a fat joke.

fknm

2011-01-03, 12:20 PM

Wit? :smallconfused: All I saw was a fat joke.
A fat joke using a movie title to continue the reference is far more creative than simply "hurr hurr jackass".

Oh, and it's also far wittier than "hey everyone, student 1 will die poor and alone!"

History teacher, in this case, comes off sounding like a bitter prick. I'm guessing the "drink away the memories that you work a crappy job for little pay" example is something he knows a lot about (hey, I can play speculative ad-hominem games too!)

Marillion

2011-01-03, 01:38 PM

Yeah, in that instance boy 1 and teacher were about on the same level.
"hurr hurr you're talking in class"
"hurr hurr you're fat"

bluewind95

2011-01-03, 02:27 PM

Marillion

2011-01-03, 02:54 PM

I find the teacher saying a thing like that, especially using a student as an "example" is horrific, unnecessarily cruel and immature. On par with bullying. Despicable. That is no way to gain respect. I would be quick to report that teacher.

I...don't necessarily agree, circumstances notwithstanding.

Buuut in the interest of not starting an argument, I think I'll leave it at that.

Foeofthelance

2011-01-03, 03:22 PM

I find the teacher saying a thing like that, especially using a student as an "example" is horrific, unnecessarily cruel and immature. On par with bullying. Despicable. That is no way to gain respect. I would be quick to report that teacher.

Depends on the age of the student, in my opinion. If we're talking about an elementary or junior high student, then no, it isn't appropriate. On the other hand, if it is a high school kid and they make a point of disrupting the class, then I have no problem with the teacher shooting back, so to speak.

Case in point, I was in an Astronomy class. Half the class was there because they wanted to be, half the class was there because their guidance counselor wanted to keep them out of trouble while trying to get them an easy A. This particular student was from the latter half of the class, and any time we would discuss something like dino-killing asteroids, the eventual death of the sun, or the heat death of the universe, his response was always, "Does this mean we're going to die?"

Eventually the teacher had enough and responded, "These things will not happen for billions of years. But if you're that eager to shuffle off this mortal coil, I've got sixty acres of mountains and a backhoe to hide the body."

He also made a similar offer that if anyone wished to insult him, all they had to do was allow him to take shots back. One kid took him up the offer, and called the teacher fat. The teacher than proceeded to go of for five minutes on himself, pointing out all the much more creative and insulting remarks the kid could have tried. Then asked if the kid was willing to take his lumps. Kid sat down immediately.

A classroom is a place of learning, and discipline. And its also a place where strutting young bucks will go out of their way to make a fool out of themselves if they think it will get a laugh from the class. Since the teacher is in charge of maintaining discipline, we have to leave them at least a few tools to make sure that they can make it work.

Betropper

2011-01-03, 04:57 PM

So, my humanities (aka history) teacher had somehow trailed of in his lecture to talking about how education is expensive and got into this:

Teacher: ...My wife, a medical surgeon, decided to get an American degree because...
Girl, Interupting: Isn't that the degree above Masters?
Teacher: Umm... No... she is from Uzbekistan and needed to go to an American college so she could...
Girl, Inturupting again: So she's a forigner? Does she speak American?
Teacher: ...
Class: ...
Girl: ...

Girl: Also, is she tall?

I've never heard so much fail in a single conversation.

AshDesert

2011-01-03, 05:19 PM

---
History Teacher: The answer to 13 is BASEBALL. I repeat: BASEBALL.

Girl: Wait, what the answer to 13?

Teacher: My God. That has to be an act. Their is no possible way a human being can be as stupid as you are.

You have no idea how many times I've had the urge to tell that to people in high school. Example there is a guy who sits next to me in my English. During note-taking, the teacher will hand out notesheets that have everything but just a couple of words that have blanks you have to fill in. The teacher says the word, slowly, for every blank and gives a good ten seconds after every blank, followed of course by several "What was it?"s before moving on, and people asking what the answer to the blank a few blanks back was. At the end of the class period every day we have notes, he comes up to me and says "I didn't get any of those notes, can I borrow yours?"

Snares

2011-01-03, 06:24 PM

Me and my brother put down a fair few teachers in our time...

Teacher: Snares, seriously, why don't you cut your hair?
Me: At least I've got some.
Teacher (is bald): Fair point.

Teacher: You're all so sad for going to this school.
Brother: At least we don't work here, sir.

:smallbiggrin:

I also had one of my science teachers tell a class, and I quote, "If you ever get the chance, try ecstasy. It's a really interesting drug."

My school had some pretty interesting teachers. Most of them were genuinely good though. I maintain that ecstasy guy was the best teacher I've ever had. The guy should've been in a university, seriously...

RebelRogue

2011-01-03, 07:03 PM

I also had one of my science teachers tell a class, and I quote, "If you ever get the chance, try ecstasy. It's a really interesting drug."
That reminds me of my old religion teacher from high school. During discussion of american indian beliefs the use of peyote came about. One of my classmates jokingly referred it using terms usually used for smoking marijuana, to which he - very seriously - corrected him, saying the effect was much more similar to dropping acid. He was quite a hippie too, which may explain something.

PairO'Dice Lost

2011-01-05, 10:17 AM

On the subject of bantering with teachers, I had one history class in high school full of both witty lines and things better left unsaid. Some highlights:

--------

Student: How did we get into the war in Korea?
Teacher: We took boats and planes.

--------

Teacher: Back when I was in school, we had dress codes. Girls had to wear skirts. Guys had a dress code, too.
Student: You had to wear a skirt?

--------

Taking a practice standardized test.
Student: Why isn't 'F' a choice on the bubble sheet? Do the answer choices alternate or something?
Teacher: *writes on blackboard* F=A, G=B, H=C, J=D
Student: No, [Teacher], F=ma.

--------

Teacher sees some of Teacher B's pictures with French captions.
Teacher: C'est cute. [That's cute.]
Teacher B: Lisez pour nous! [Read it for us!]
Teacher: Did you just say that it's porno?! *walks away quickly*

--------

In a lecture on the Vietnam War:
Teacher: Nixon began advocating troop reductions...
Student A: *joking* Dude... they began using midgets!
Student B: *serious* Yeah, they'd be really tough to hit.

--------

Teacher: The 1960s began much like the 1950s ended...

--------

Teacher: *tells joke about Teacher B*
Student: You know, [Teacher], you need to stop telling those jokes about [Teacher B], they're getting really old.
Teacher: Yeah...but so is [Teacher B].

Morph Bark

2011-01-05, 04:19 PM

I also had one of my science teachers tell a class, and I quote, "If you ever get the chance, try ecstasy. It's a really interesting drug."

The teaching assistant for Chemistry I had for years once told me and a couple of others: "In a few weeks we'll synthesize ecstacy. That's going to be interesting for you."

TigerHunter

2011-01-05, 05:04 PM

That reminds me of my old religion teacher from high school. During discussion of american indian beliefs the use of peyote came about. One of my classmates jokingly referred it using terms usually used for smoking marijuana, to which he - very seriously - corrected him, saying the effect was much more similar to dropping acid. He was quite a hippie too, which may explain something.
While I've never done peyote (I'll say nothing about the acid), I understand that it's far more intense. It lasts all day, you probably want someone sober babysitting you (which is advisable but not really necessary for acid), and you'll probably throw up multiple times.

The teaching assistant for Chemistry I had for years once told me and a couple of others: "In a few weeks we'll synthesize ecstacy. That's going to be interesting for you."
That's a lot more fun than what we did in O Chem lab. The teacher warned us to do everything properly because if we screwed up in the right way we'd end up with mustard gas.

Asta Kask

2011-01-05, 05:09 PM

I cooked up cyanide gas. But it was a mistake.

(My father, OTOH, constructed a pipe-bomb rocket that nearly shot down an airplane. Also by mistake.)

Mystic Muse

2011-01-05, 05:11 PM

"

He also made a similar offer that if anyone wished to insult him, all they had to do was allow him to take shots back. One kid took him up the offer, and called the teacher fat. The teacher than proceeded to go of for five minutes on himself, pointing out all the much more creative and insulting remarks the kid could have tried. Then asked if the kid was willing to take his lumps. Kid sat down immediately.

This sounds pretty awesome.

I cooked up cyanide gas. But it was a mistake.

(My father, OTOH, constructed a pipe-bomb rocket that nearly shot down an airplane. Also by mistake.)

How do you...never mind, I don't want to know.

John Cribati

2011-01-05, 06:02 PM

Teacher: You have clown hair.
Me: Is that all you've got?
Teacher: That's all you're worth.

sss... I need some ointment, and that wasn't even directed at me. I'll have to use that one day.

Popertop

2011-01-05, 07:24 PM

I cooked up cyanide gas. But it was a mistake.

(My father, OTOH, constructed a pipe-bomb rocket that nearly shot down an airplane. Also by mistake.)

I don't even.

Also, that teacher who pointed out all the jokes the kid could have made to shut the kid up is awesome.

Teddy

2011-01-06, 02:34 AM

Teacher: *tells joke about Teacher B*
Student: You know, [Teacher], you need to stop telling those jokes about [Teacher B], they're getting really old.
Teacher: Yeah...but so is [Teacher B].

Heh, this is so much like my former physics and Swedish/religion teachers. They were always telling jokes about eachother. Especially the physics teacher did so.

I cooked up cyanide gas. But it was a mistake.

(My father, OTOH, constructed a pipe-bomb rocket that nearly shot down an airplane. Also by mistake.)

Cyanide gas? :smalleek:

My parents once talked about this kind of experimentation with some friends we were visiting. Someone had built a pipe bomb in their (extra) chemistry that blew a lot of windows in the neighbourhood.

Someone had dropped a blank grenade down the toilet in their caserne. Over every toilet in the caserne there was a wet spot on the ceiling, except in one place. Someone had been sitting there. :smalleek:

I've also been reminded of this story which might or might not come from that meeting:

Someone's class were doing an experiment with something. The students were supposed to heat a substance of some sort, and the teacher said that they shouldn't under any circumstance let it boil. Naturally, one of the students' solutions started to boil, and when he came with the boiling liquid to the teacher to tell these news, the teacher simply screamed "I won't take responsibility for this" and ran out of the room. All the students took cover under the tables, except for the poor guy who were holding the mixture, who simply held it as if it were a bomb about to explode.
Of course, this was just a joke from the teacher's side, but I love the way he went about it.

Morph Bark

2011-01-06, 04:53 AM

Heh, this is so much like my former physics and Swedish/religion teachers. They were always telling jokes about eachother. Especially the physics teacher did so.

The same goes for my former physics and math teachers. The physics teacher was one of the youngest teachers there and had gone to that school as a kid himself, so my math teacher had also been his teacher at some point, making it all the more interesting.

Eldan

2011-01-06, 06:22 AM

Same here.
My high school chemistry teacher was somewhere in his upper fifties, my biology teacher in his late twenties. The former was the later's teacher ten years before.

They even gave lectures together. Usually, the biology teacher was talking about some biochemistry, and the chemistry teacher rolling his eyes in the back of the room :smallbiggrin:

Castaras

2011-01-07, 05:52 PM

My old Chemistry teacher was always insulting our class, and we bantered with him back. Can't remember any specific things, other than our last lesson with him.

"Here..." *pours some chemicals on a heatproof mat* *puts the bunsen burner to it* *pretty flames!*

"I'll be back in a moment, you guys have fun..." <- this is to 8 17-18 year old Chemistry students. When he comes back, me and a friend have put 3 heat proof mats together, mixed loads of these chemicals together, and are trying to set light to them.

"Oh, you'll need some magnesium to make all that burn." So my friend takes the small tube of magnesium pellets and pours half of it on the board. :smalleek:

Massive explosion, and we scarred our teacher for life. :smallbiggrin: Lovely going away present.

Dvil

2011-01-07, 06:10 PM

My two physics teachers tend to compete. Our class just help it along though; whenever we're in physics we just talk about how great the other teacher is.

Mikhailangelo

2011-01-07, 06:18 PM

This is a story from some years back, but it still amuses me to this day, so I'll recount it:

While out shopping one day, I came across a couple arguing loudly in the street. A small crowd had gathered around them. It was clear that the man was winning the argument, as the woman was all but speechless, and getting angrier by the minute.

In what many would consider a rather unfair move, without warning, the woman suddenly exclaimed "WELL IT'S NO WONDER YOU CAN'T GIVE ME AN ORGASM THEN!" And stormed off.

Amusing, though I definitely felt sorry for the poor lad...

Amiel

2011-01-17, 05:32 AM

Train announcement: "Attention passengers, the train on platform...oh, sorry, there is no train"
---
Guy: "Is that a Porsche?"
Girl: "I think so"
Guy: Or is it a Peugeot?"
Girl: "I think those two are very different from each other"
Guy: "But they both start with P"
---
Girl 1: "Oh my god, I don't how, but I got sunburnt in the shade"
Girl 2: "Yeah, that's where you get sunburnt the most"
---
Girl: "This game is really confusing"
Guy: "No it isn't, the balloons float past and you just shoot them with monkeys"
---
Son: "Where does the word licorice come from?"
Mother: "I'm not sure"
Daughter: "Does it have anything to do with licking the Irish?"
---
Daughter: "So Dad, if you are nearly 50 and I am nearly 21, that means I was born, like, 30 years ago"
Dad: "Oh my god, are you serious?"

Gadora

2011-01-17, 05:55 AM

Girl: "This game is really confusing"
Guy: "No it isn't, the balloons float past and you just shoot them with monkeys"

I'm pretty sure I know that game.

fizzybobnewt

2011-01-17, 01:25 PM

Bloons?

(Since I need more words before I can post this, I will take this opportunity to ask you all to click the dragon in my sig.)

AsteriskAmp

2011-01-17, 02:24 PM

I still remember an event in a High-School science fair.
I had made Ferrofluid and filled a vase with it, while explaining to the bystanders what it was and their properties, I came across a father who just wouldn't understand that the concept of cancerous tumour.
While explaining its use as localized cancer killing fluid, he would keep asking what were it's uses, annoyed I just screamed: IT CURES FREAKING CANCER!

I won the first prize that year.

Sipex

2011-01-17, 03:28 PM

Asta Kask

2011-01-18, 05:29 AM

Cyanide gas? :smalleek:

Turns out you shouldn't mix thiocyanate and acid.

It has a beautiful red color with iron, though.

AsteriskAmp

2011-01-19, 06:06 AM

Turns out you shouldn't mix thiocyanate and acid.

It has a beautiful red color with iron, though.

1. Which Acid? The range of things bellow Ph 7 is gigantic
2. How the heck did you get thiocyanate in the first place?
3. Who was supervising you at the time?

It seems weird that you manage to do that on accident when many (like me) couldn't even do it on purpose on High-School Lab.

The most dangerous thing I ever did was homemade powder, the garden had a lot of holes that day, my mother was not pleased.

Asta Kask

2011-01-19, 06:56 AM

1. Which Acid? The range of things bellow Ph 7 is gigantic
2. How the heck did you get thiocyanate in the first place?
3. Who was supervising you at the time?

It seems weird that you manage to do that on accident when many (like me) couldn't even do it on purpose on High-School Lab.

1. Well it happens with any acid, but I was trying to determine if there was iron in some more concentrated stuff. It was 20 years ago, so I don't remember specifics.
2. Thiocyanata is used to see if there is iron in a sample. Blood red color.
3. My teacher. I asked her if I could have some to see if there was iron in a sample. She thought I knew what I was doing, since I usually did.

Luckily it was in a fume hood - I'm not completely stupid.

Serpentine

2011-01-19, 07:00 AM

1. Which Acid? The range of things bellow Ph 7 is giganticI suspect it could be pretty much any... Could be wrong, but I think it's the fact that it's acidic that matters in the reaction.

Mecharious

2011-01-19, 09:59 AM

I remember in my senior year of high school during the 2008 election, my history teacher decided to answer any questions we may have had about the election. Now, I was in a regular history class since my schedule was already loaded with difficult classes, so some of the people weren't that... bright.

Girl: "Yeah, I have a question. What's a biden? [she pronounced it "bidin"] I keep seeing all these signs that say "Obama Biden," and I don't know what this biden thing is."

Me: o_O

Girl: "Don't give me that look!"

The teacher bursts out laghing at my face.

AsteriskAmp

2011-01-19, 10:15 AM

From a High School English Class on Literature, this was the Introductory class were we went over what we should already know before the assignment was given (it was a big assignment spawning a whole bimester consisting of writing a Sci-Fi story with 5 chapters).

Teacher: And pretty much any genre on film is also on books, in fact, books spawned this genres, like erotic literature spawned well... and sci-fi (he is cut by the following question)
Student: How can there be sci-fi literature? How do they get the special effects on the book?

Teacher has a what the heck look for a whole minute and then proclaims WTF!, seriously, WTF!, I'm just going to ignore that question, please, for the sake of my sanity wait outside.

Heliomance

2011-01-19, 03:35 PM

Mordaenor

2011-01-19, 04:03 PM

Um... what does it mean?

Joe Biden is the Vice President of the United States.

Edit: Something one would be expected to know if one lived in this country, although I believe 50% of Americans don't.

Mecharious

2011-01-19, 06:17 PM

Um... what does it mean?

Yeah, he's the running mate. The fact is, this particular girl was a huge Obama fanatic, and she didn't even know who the vice president would be (she didn't even seem to know that Biden is a person).

She'd have an excuse if she wasn't from the U.S.

22Charisma

2011-01-21, 03:30 PM

So this happened a real long while ago but I'll always remember it. I was at work and this girl who was "vegan" was talking about how she liked shushi.

Me: You can't eat fish, you're vegan. Fish are animals.

Her: Fish aren't animals.

Me: Uh... yes they are.

Her: If fish are animals then why are they called fish?

Me: *bewildered that such a stupid person exists* for the same reason birds are called birds and mammals are called mammals.

Her: What ever, they aren't cute anyways.

Me: *brain asplodes*

We had a similar argument about insects and honey...

Mystic Muse

2011-01-21, 03:54 PM

Me: *brain asplodes*

I can see why. Of course Fish are cute! Yes, I'm deliberately doing this because I thought it would be funny.

Partof1

2011-01-21, 03:57 PM

Well, my friend and I were reviewing for a history exam, and he had mentioned to me a bit earlier that the Japanese sinking the Lucitania brought America into WWI.

Of course, I wasn't paying the most attention, and a while later:
"It was the Lithuania that was sunk that brought USA into the war, right?"

RebelRogue

2011-01-21, 07:11 PM

So this happened a real long while ago but I'll always remember it. I was at work and this girl who was "vegan" was talking about how she liked shushi.
Technically, sushi only refers to the rice.

But in the same vein, I once knew a guy who insisted he and his girlfriend were vegan even though they ate cheese. But he was sort of a joke anyway, in that he claimed to be an expert in a lot of areas, yet whenever the topic of conversation veered close to topics I knew something about, it became clear he was anything but.