Another Grief Thread

[Elm11]

Hey everyone, i'm just coming in to say hi, but i've also got a quick question about dealing with grief.

Sadly for my family and for myself, my beautiful golden retriever, Nugget, is dying and is not likely to last for more than a month at most. While he's been battling with medical issues for the last 11 months (at the beginning they said he'd live two months), he's not really eating, doesn't really get up, and worse still our vet has identified a mass the size of a cricket ball in his stomach, just in case he made a miraculous recovery. In other words, terminal.

Now, i'm aware the pet death is a sad thing, but many have already had to go through it and seen much worse, so i don't feel good posting here, but the thing is, i'm 14 and Nugget is nearly 13. I've known him for my entire life, and to me he's been a member of the family as much as many human relatives, so the fact he's going is hitting my pretty hard, though i'm trying where i can not to show it.

I suppose, what i'm asking, is how do you think i should try and deal with the reality of it, and that he may well be here when i leave for Germany in a month and gone by the time i've come back?

Apologies for the moping, i just feel like i should let it out a bit.

Oh and naturally, Christopher, though you'll have read the whole thing if you're reading this, please don't comment here.

[Blue Ghost]

I'm sorry for you, my friend.
Don't feel guilty about grieving. Losing a pet is not something trivial, so don't pretend it is. Don't bottle it up. Grieve as it comes to you.
That's all I can say... I don't really have a right to advise you...

[Innis Cabal]

Hey everyone, i'm just coming in to say hi, but i've also got a quick question about dealing with grief.

Sadly for my family and for myself, my beautiful golden retriever, Nugget, is dying and is not likely to last for more than a month at most. While he's been battling with medical issues for the last 11 months (at the beginning they said he'd live two months), he's not really eating, doesn't really get up, and worse still our vet has identified a mass the size of a cricket ball in his stomach, just in case he made a miraculous recovery. In other words, terminal.

Now, i'm aware the pet death is a sad thing, but many have already had to go through it and seen much worse, so i don't feel good posting here, but the thing is, i'm 14 and Nugget is nearly 13. I've known him for my entire life, and to me he's been a member of the family as much as many human relatives, so the fact he's going is hitting my pretty hard, though i'm trying where i can not to show it.

I suppose, what i'm asking, is how do you think i should try and deal with the reality of it, and that he may well be here when i leave for Germany in a month and gone by the time i've come back?

Apologies for the moping, i just feel like i should let it out a bit.

Oh and naturally, Christopher, though you'll have read the whole thing if you're reading this, please don't comment here.

As unpopular and seemingly cold this statement is going to be. You need to put the dog down. The dog is in a great deal of pain, your all in a great deal of pain seeing it in a great deal of pain. It lived a long life relative to it's species and while it's truly terrible and painful to lose a pet...it is honestly best at this point to ease everyone's suffering.

As I said, the statement will be unpopular, and while not the nicest thing to say, I say it with the knowledge having done so to several of my own pets. I'm deeply sorry your pet is dying.

[Elm11]

As unpopular and seemingly cold this statement is going to be. You need to put the dog down. The dog is in a great deal of pain, your all in a great deal of pain seeing it in a great deal of pain. It lived a long life relative to it's species and while it's truly terrible and painful to lose a pet...it is honestly best at this point to ease everyone's suffering.

As I said, the statement will be unpopular, and while not the nicest thing to say, I say it with the knowledge having done so to several of my own pets. I'm deeply sorry your pet is dying.

To be honest, i actually agree with you, and i've raised the point of having him put down to may parents already, as much as none of us want to do it. My parents say that while he doesn't feel well, he doesn't suffer in the same way as humans and doesn't realise he's dying, but i can't believe them. He's vomiting every few hours, he's not eating much and he can't even groom himself. I appreciate your comment to tell the truth, it shows me i'm not the only one who thinks so.

[Lady Moreta]

I agree with that too. It sounds like the kindest thing would be to put Nugget down.

It also gives you a chance to say goodbye and leave for Germany without having anything hanging over your head.

As for grieving - you grieve for him like you would any member of your family - since that's what he is. *hugs*

[Mr. Moon]

:smallfrown:
I am so sorry.
But, Elm, please don't bottle this up. I did the same thing when my first pet died and it just made the inevitable breakdown even worse. Even if it's just to the Playground, let it out. We're here for you.

[Innis Cabal]

To be honest, i actually agree with you, and i've raised the point of having him put down to may parents already, as much as none of us want to do it. My parents say that while he doesn't feel well, he doesn't suffer in the same way as humans and doesn't realise he's dying, but i can't believe them. He's vomiting every few hours, he's not eating much and he can't even groom himself. I appreciate your comment to tell the truth, it shows me i'm not the only one who thinks so.

Honestly...that's total bull pucky. Your dog does know it's dying. The average dog is as smart as a six year old. Even six year olds know when they're deathly ill. They may not understand the neat science and everything, but they know their slipping away.

And I'm glad your not upset, it really wasn't the intent. I'd be crying in a corner if I had to put another dog down...but dogs are our best friends, they help us out. I'd rather have one more good day with my dog then two months of watching him slowly die. I think that'd be even harder to see.

[Elm11]

Honestly, you're right :smallfrown: but none of us want to see him go, especially my mother, and she doesn't believe that he's suffering. the way she puts it is
"He doesn't feel well at the moment, but there are times when he feels all right, and he doesn't realise that he's not long for the world".

It's not that any of us want to be cruel, we just don't want to see him go.

I'm inclined to think that to do right by a friend is the best thing i can do, even if it breaks my heart, but i just don't think the family is ready yet :smallfrown:. Five stages of Grief and all that.

Denial (Dad, Mum)
Anger
Bargaining
Depression (Everyone)
Acceptance (To a lesser extent, Me)

I'm just not sure how it's going to be without him. While he's not the biggest influence in my life, he's been one of the only constants, so i'm not sure how i'll go when he's not here

[Savannah]

Everyone's pretty much beaten me to everything I wanted to say reading the OP. Don't treat this death as any less important than another would be just because Nugget's a dog.

I've had way, way too many of my pets die, including on that had to be euthanized while I was away at college and I'd had to leave him with my parents. I knew he was dying, but I was hoping he'd hold on until the end of the term when I could be there with him. What helped me most there was knowing that I'd said goodbye before I left, so the same might help you if Nugget's still there when you go to Germany. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me.

Also, I want to point out that the "stages of grief" don't work like stages you progress through. They're just some of the common emotions in grief. You feel what you feel, and you can bounce from feeling fine to being miserable. It's all normal.