Commitment? Psh!

[Admiral Squish]

So, some of you may know of my recent issues. Now, before someone gets on me about how I should put this in the depression thread, I'm actually here for a little more than support. You see, I've found the root of the issues and I'd like some advice on fixing it.

I've got a problem with commitment. Well, commitment that requires effort. I'm not exactly sure what the reason for it could be apart from some deep-set laziness. I tell myself I'm going to start excersizing. I tell other people. I set up a system to punish myself should I not follow through. But no matter the measures I take, I can never follow through. I just give up as soon as it starts to be painful or unpleasant or takes too much time or is vaguely inconvenient.

Of course, this only serves to contribute to the depressive spiral of failure upon failure. I've given up on grades, I've given up on college, I've given up on a job, I've given up on exercise, I've given up on learning an instrument, I've given up on pretty much every facet of my life at one point or another. I'm sick of this, and I know the fault is entirely my own. I want this to change. But I don't know how.

So, the basic questions. Firstly, anyone happen to have a magic bullet of sorts that makes you lose weight, gain muscle, self-confidence, musical aptitude and social skills without any sort of effort or unpleasantness whatsoever? Failing that, I was hoping for advice. Does anyone have some way to 'fix' me? Did anyone else have a similar problem, and how did they resolve it? Does anyone have some method of forcing themselves to make a commitment that could possibly help?

[Flickerdart]

Punishment doesn't work, because you just won't go through with it. Reward, now that's a motivation. Ideally a reward you couldn't get without doing the thing (either directly helping you reach it, or prompting a third party to give you said reward for said action).

[Trog]

So, some of you may know of my recent issues. Now, before someone gets on me about how I should put this in the depression thread, I'm actually here for a little more than support. You see, I've found the root of the issues and I'd like some advice on fixing it.

I've got a problem with commitment. Well, commitment that requires effort. I'm not exactly sure what the reason for it could be apart from some deep-set laziness. I tell myself I'm going to start excersizing. I tell other people. I set up a system to punish myself should I not follow through. But no matter the measures I take, I can never follow through. I just give up as soon as it starts to be painful or unpleasant or takes too much time or is vaguely inconvenient.

Of course, this only serves to contribute to the depressive spiral of failure upon failure. I've given up on grades, I've given up on college, I've given up on a job, I've given up on exercise, I've given up on learning an instrument, I've given up on pretty much every facet of my life at one point or another. I'm sick of this, and I know the fault is entirely my own. I want this to change. But I don't know how.

So, the basic questions. Firstly, anyone happen to have a magic bullet of sorts that makes you lose weight, gain muscle, self-confidence, musical aptitude and social skills without any sort of effort or unpleasantness whatsoever? Failing that, I was hoping for advice. Does anyone have some way to 'fix' me? Did anyone else have a similar problem, and how did they resolve it? Does anyone have some method of forcing themselves to make a commitment that could possibly help?
...

So let me get this straight.

You've given up on everything and now you come here asking for advice? Because you've also, apparently, given up on trying to solve your own problems and want someone to solve them for you?

Ain't happening.

All you're gonna get here is a lot of people leading you to water and you being the horse not drinking.

Fix yourself.

[Savannah]

There is no magic bullet. There never has been and there never will be. But it is possible to change.

The two biggest things are going to be rewarding yourself for succeeding, and breaking your goals down into tiny steps so that you can succeed. It's also important to keep track of your progress, so that you can see where you are progressing and if you aren't change your plans.

I can go into more details if you want (I know quite a bit about behavior modification), but it would help to know exactly what you are trying to do.

And, having said all that, I'm horrible at carrying through on plans like that....I can if I really set out to do it, though, which always makes new changes easier.

[golentan]

Ya gotta find yer own motivation, son. A lot of people have trouble committing in the first place because they're trying to commit to something someone else wants them to do. With a proper motivation, results will follow.

[Copacetic]

Leave yourself no option. Want to lose weight? Sell your car, run to work. But mostly what Trog said.

[thubby]

start small, something very simple. it depends on just how severe this problem is, but try parking around the corner when you get home, or always eat 1 fruit a day.
you don't have to make a big commitment, just try to get into good habits. if you find there's something you aren't doing, drop it and take a smaller step.

forgiving yourself when you screw up is important, if somewhat hard to do at times.

[leakingpen]

So, some of you may know of my recent issues. Now, before someone gets on me about how I should put this in the depression thread, I'm actually here for a little more than support. You see, I've found the root of the issues and I'd like some advice on fixing it.

I've got a problem with commitment. Well, commitment that requires effort. I'm not exactly sure what the reason for it could be apart from some deep-set laziness. I tell myself I'm going to start excersizing. I tell other people. I set up a system to punish myself should I not follow through. But no matter the measures I take, I can never follow through. I just give up as soon as it starts to be painful or unpleasant or takes too much time or is vaguely inconvenient.

Of course, this only serves to contribute to the depressive spiral of failure upon failure. I've given up on grades, I've given up on college, I've given up on a job, I've given up on exercise, I've given up on learning an instrument, I've given up on pretty much every facet of my life at one point or another. I'm sick of this, and I know the fault is entirely my own. I want this to change. But I don't know how.

So, the basic questions. Firstly, anyone happen to have a magic bullet of sorts that makes you lose weight, gain muscle, self-confidence, musical aptitude and social skills without any sort of effort or unpleasantness whatsoever? Failing that, I was hoping for advice. Does anyone have some way to 'fix' me? Did anyone else have a similar problem, and how did they resolve it? Does anyone have some method of forcing themselves to make a commitment that could possibly help?

Yes, actually. Committing to a relationship did all of those things for me. (she dumped me 6 months later, but it was worth it. )

Until you find out exactly why you don't want to commit (and theres moreto it than just laziness, I think) you won't know how to fix it. You have determined that there is something to fix, which is a good start, but from there... I'd really suggest professional help, not strangers on the net.

[Evil DM Mark3]

Keep trying. I know you are probably going "Yes, but I will give up!" but listen, if you keep trying you WILL eventually succeed at this. The human brain is a weird thing, by giving up on a thing permanently you are teaching your own mind that giving up is a valid option. You need to teach yourself that not giving up is preferable, by keeping on doing it. Its amazing how much you can change yourself if you try.

[golentan]

Again, though. Everyone's saying you've got to do it for yourself/find your own answer, and I agree. But the only way you're going to do that is if you have a reason.

[Rockphed]

As I told a friend a week ago, you become more responsible by being responsible. You become more committed by being committed. You become happy by being happy. Yes, paradox is the nature of the universe. :smallamused:

However, I'm not joking about it. If you want to get better with commitment, commit to something that isn't very hard to commit to and slowly work up from there. Of course, when I say "isn't very hard," I mean "is harder than anything you are currently doing, but not by much."

In the specific case you mentioned of trying to work out, get a friend involved. It is much easier to keep a commitment if somebody else is involved. Also, it is much more fun to work out with a partner than alone. Furthermore, don't expect to go into a gym for a week and come out looking really buff. Set a couple times a week to go, and start small. Pick a half dozen exersizes that pretty much cover all of your body, and do them such that you can do 3 or 4 sets of 6 to 10 repetitions each. Then be sure to rest between sets. If on the last set you can keep going, then the next time you work out, increase the resistance. Yeah, you will hurt, but you will also have a very good idea how much strength you are gaining.

As I said, start small. As somebody else said, break your goals down into pieces. Then commit to doing a single piece a day. So, if you want to read books to make yourself more learned, but find the book you want to read a bit dry, commit to reading some small number of pages a day. Makes sense?