The Depression Thread: Lucky Number 7?

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Will this be it? The DT that ends all depression? Only if we're lucky. Until then...

Welcome, one and all, to DT 7. It’s become tradition to lay down some ground rules. While some remain exactly the same, this being a marvelous cut-and-paste and all that, there are a few minor alterations. Please read and follow what’s written here.

1: As understanding as we try to be on this thread, there are still rules to be followed (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/announcement.php?a=1). If you haven't read them in some time, it would be a good idea to refresh your memory before your emotional posts become something that will get you in trouble. There have been more than a few posts featuring "****" quite frequently. Remember that if you can't try for some modicum of control, someone in charge may send you a less-than-kind message filled with warnings or violations, and that’s not exactly what you want when you’re already feeling out of sorts. Please, please, please try to control yourselves a bit.

2: We call this "the Depression Thread," but we're not picky. Just about every psych issue is welcome here. That said, there's a specific issue that we try to avoid. In fact, there's a whole thread dedicated to Relationship Woes and Advice (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=175964)*. Really...I'm sorry Cupid keeps spitting in your eye, and not shooting arrows in your tuchas, but please take such concerns to those better equipped to handle it.

3: YOUR PROBLEMS, WHATEVER THEY MAY BE, ARE NO BETTER OR WORSE THAN ANYONE ELSE'S! No matter how often it's repeated, someone ALWAYS comes along and writes an approximation of, "My problems are petty and stupid and not worth posting." If such a statement were even vaguely true, your problems wouldn't be problems at all. Contemplating suicide? We're here to help. Strained relations within your family that are causing you to burn out? We're here to help. Your favorite MMO is being revamped in such a way that's it's causing an emotional meltdown? We are STILL here to help. And should you say your problems are worthless in the midst of your post, you WILL be slapped with a goat. :smallbiggrin:

4: No better way to say this: We are friends helping friends. Our advice is not professional, nor is it always the best. If you feel you are not receiving the help you need, or deem yourself a danger to yourself and/or others, SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP IMMEDIATELY!

5: Akin to seeking immediate help is the fact that some of us are on medications to help with our various conditions. Kudos! You’ve gotten professional help. Now it’s up to you to maintain contact with the professional when you have issues with your medications. No one here can prescribe something new if what you’re on isn’t helping. No one here can tell you to safely stop your meds if you’re having a problematic side effect. As said before, no one here is a doctor. If your medications aren’t doing what they’re supposed to, or are doing more than they’re supposed (and in the BAD kind of way), YOU NEED TO CALL YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY!

6: Amidst the emotional releases and the dispensing of advice, there seems to be quite a bit of random banter. I seem to be guilty of it on rare occasion, as well. I can't DEMAND that it not happen, but if you could bring it to Random Banter (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=164224)*, it would be appreciated. If the communication would best be kept private, send PMs. TRY not to let basic RB dominate the thread, okay?

6a: NEW! There’s a reason I posted rule #6, and it seemed to get washed away during DT 6. Thus, I’ll explain. First of all, it’s a bad sign, in my eyes, at least, when this thread is rocketing along, with page after page flying by. Another thing is that it becomes difficult to track someone’s problems when the original issue is now several pages back. For the sake of this “old man’s” sanity, keep the one or two word posts to a minimum.

7a: It is without a doubt 100% unacceptable to suggest someone do something to harm themselves. If you’re frustrated by someone or angry with them, and I personally don’t CARE why you’re mad, don’t read their posts. Don’t reply. Leave it alone completely. Do not bring private arguments here, and NEVER SUGGEST SOMEONE DO SOMETHING TO HURT THEMSELVES OR OTHERS!

7b: NEW! – This includes the idea of self-medicating with the use of alcohol. Not everyone here is of the legal drinking age. And someone with a chronic psych issue could well end up on the path to alcoholism if booze becomes their answer to stress and depression. It’s a bad idea overall. If you use a drink to unwind, that’s your choice. But it’s not the answer to any of the problems that come here, and often creates new problems in the future.

8: When giving advice, THINK before you post. There's a lot of emotional distress going on here. Many, including myself, are in delicate shape psychologically. Sometimes it takes just ONE wrong word to cause someone to blow all of their emotional fuses. If you can't help, it's okay to simply offer *HUGS* and stand back; an online hug is a perfectly acceptable way of letting someone know you care.

9a: This is the Depression Thread, not the “Give Me Attention Thread.” Extreme loneliness and isolationism is a symptom of mental illness, and we’ll try to help. But if you keep coming back with the same old song, admitting along the way that you’ve done nothing with the advice previously given, then it becomes clear that you don’t want help; you want people to notice you. That’s easily done in other threads, where a simple post can garner you all the attention you could ever want. But if all you can do is make the same post using different words, go back and read all of the advice you were given the last time around and DO SOMETHING!

9b: This is not to say that you cannot post if there’s a new development in your existing problem. If the last run of advice produced no results, despite your best efforts, another post is certainly warranted. Update us on what’s been happening in the past, how you did your best to follow the advice that was given, and anything else you think is important. Maybe someone new will come along with some other words of wisdom to lend a hand.

10: It’s all well and good that people rely on this thread to cope with their psych issues, but we’ve always been lacking something…like a follow-up on how things are going. Has your situation improved? Did the advice we gave actually help in some way? TELL US! Better than a “thanks” and a pat on the back is a report on how we actually DID something for you. You don’t need to name-drop, although credit where it’s due would be nice. In fact, if you took someone’s advice and gave it a personal twist, tell us about that! Many of us rely upon experience as the best teacher, and sharing how you overcame your issues would be greatly appreciated, especially if someone else is coming along with problems that are similar to yours. TELL US YOUR SUCCESS STORIES! :smallsmile:

11: Not so much a rule as it is a goal. You see, this thread came along as an accidental response to quite a bit of drama. (Does anyone even remember “he who must not be named” anymore?) (No, not Voldemort! :smalltongue: ) The goal, however impossible though it may be, is to see this thread fade into little more than a memory. As a GitP friend once said about his job as a therapist, “I’m trying to work my way out of a job.” Ultimately, it would be nice if everyone ran out of mental illnesses, and the world was a psychologically sound place. It doesn’t work like that. Here’s hoping that those who come here looking for aid will find the help they need, and return to tell their success stories and go on to help others! :smallsmile:

And so, my friends, the new thread begins. If you have the need, feel free to post what's happened in the past nice and early as a refresher, and then follow up later with further developments. Some of us don't have the best memories, so reminders often help, especially if you were in the middle of an issue when the last thread was closed.

As we move forward, and the masses unload their collective woes onto this thread, I suggest you try with all you have in your heart and mind to BE WELL, and STAY WELL! :smallsmile:

*Links are subject to become useless as the respective threads move forward.

[RabbitHoleLost]

My rat, Alfred, ate his brother, Jarvis.

Rabbit, you must be thinking, Rabbit, that's what rats do. Its just a silly rat. Stop crying.

But he was my favorite and I spoiled him and loved him and I'm just so unhappy.

[Ranger Mattos]

Will this be it? The DT that ends all depression? Only if we're lucky. Until then...

Sadly, I doubt we will be able to end depression. At least not this time around.


My rat, Alfred, ate his brother, Jarvis.

Rabbit, you must be thinking, Rabbit, that's what rats do. Its just a silly rat. Stop crying.

But he was my favorite and I spoiled him and loved him and I'm just so unhappy.

Sorry, that is freaky. It reminds me of the story my bio teacher told about Buddha the Cannibalistic Mouse. But that's a story for another time.

[AtlanteanTroll]

I'm not depressed, just pissed at the world. (Same thing?) WHY IS EVERYTHING A FREAKING CARCINOGEN!!? :smallfurious:

[arguskos]

Sadly, I doubt we will be able to end depression. At least not this time around.
Not with that attitude we won't! :smalltongue:

Still, you're probably right. At least we can continue to encourage people to come here, share their concerns, and let us try and comfort and help them. These threads have a long history of doing great things for people, let's keep that going.

Also, I want to draw especial attention to the following point, from the first post, which is so often neglected:

10: It’s all well and good that people rely on this thread to cope with their psych issues, but we’ve always been lacking something…like a follow-up on how things are going. Has your situation improved? Did the advice we gave actually help in some way? TELL US! Better than a “thanks” and a pat on the back is a report on how we actually DID something for you. You don’t need to name-drop, although credit where it’s due would be nice. In fact, if you took someone’s advice and gave it a personal twist, tell us about that! Many of us rely upon experience as the best teacher, and sharing how you overcame your issues would be greatly appreciated, especially if someone else is coming along with problems that are similar to yours. TELL US YOUR SUCCESS STORIES!
This is a big deal. We didn't use to get much of this, but in DT6 that began to change. This thread's always had a vaguely funereal air to it, and actually getting some positive responses from folks like The Rose Dragon and similar have bolstered spirits somewhat. If you have improved and are feeling better, please by all means, let us know. All the better to serve as a living example that the blackness we suffer through is not for naught. :smallwink:

@Rabbit: Uh, I honestly have little consolation for you. I've never had a pet eat another pet before. I guess all I can say is stay strong, remember the now-deceased rat, and just hold onto the good memory of him. That way, he's not really gone.

[Cobra_Ikari]

My rat, Alfred, ate his brother, Jarvis.

Rabbit, you must be thinking, Rabbit, that's what rats do. Its just a silly rat. Stop crying.

But he was my favorite and I spoiled him and loved him and I'm just so unhappy.

v.v

I had hamsters that did this once. Except the killer one only ate the faces off. =\

*snuggles* Is sads.

[Innis Cabal]

Well, I have some other stuff on the list first, like a new and more impressive computer, car maintenance, getting my own place to LIVE, you know, crap like that. Still, 2011 is looking like it'll be a year for some limited travel. I've a few people to go and see (you, Bor, CyCy [], MK [depending on where he even IS at the moment], etc), and I'm hoping to make that happen in 2011, depending on how this job works out.

Well, all things considered I'll probably still be in Flag, no real intentions of moving back to the C-Bus or Ohio in general. There's always a couch to be crashed on, and if I stay where I am, it's a fairly nice condo with an awesome view and central to the whole city itself. Would love to have ya come by.

[Lady Moreta]

First, a quick note: I am at work, and currently in the middle of a massive pile of crap that needs sorting. If I end up repeating something someone else has already said, I'm sorry.

For the record, it is currently 9:13am - let's see how long this takes me to write...


I don't need any advice or anything. I just really need a place to vent. And it is a very, very long vent, so I don't expect or need anyone to sift through it all. Just writing it all down made me feel a bit better anyway.


So, it turns out that the worst mistake I ever made in my life was relying on my family for anything. At all. In this case, a house, and money.

The lesser issue first: Tomorrow is the very last day to register for classes for next quarter. It is also the first day of the next quarter. I'm still not registered, because I still owe my college more than 800 dollars. My problem is not that my mom can't pay for it. My problem is that I offered to pay for it myself, because I had just gotten a new job, and my mom insisted that she would take care of it. So like an idiot, I went off and spent my first few paychecks on frivolous things (although a large portion of it went to a trip to Washington DC, which I don't regret). So now that I'm just about out of all that extra money . . . my mom can't pay anything towards the bill. I've only just managed to scrape up enough money to pay it tomorrow, but I'm really pissed that she promised to take care of it, and can't.

In fact, money in general is pretty tight now. I'm typing this with the computer hooked up to my mom's phone, because she couldn't afford internet or cable this month. There is a mound of garbage bags behind my house, because we can't afford the garbage bill. And we're getting final notices from the electric company now. Part of it is because my father stopped paying child support for some reason, and she's getting a few hundred dollars this week - but it's still going to be really tight.

But again, fine. So long as I know that I have to pay for tuition, I can do it. But tying into the whole 'biggest mistake of my entire ****ing life' them - I will forever regret not moving on-campus for this year. Yeah, it would've added $10,000 to my bill, but anything would be worth not having to listen to what I am now.

I came home from work tonight with my mom, who had to pick me up (my car insurance? Also something she said she would pay and didn't.) A few minutes after we got home, my sister came out of her room wearing her new dress that she got for a school dance. My mom came out, and then - I'm honestly not entirely sure how, I got distracted by the internet - they suddenly started fighting about how my mom supposedly doesn't care about my sister at all. It ended with my mom storming into her room and slamming the door.

My sister hung around and complained that my mom doesn't care about her, since she showed no interest at all in the dress or the dance or pretty much anything about her life, then retreated to her own room, where I could hear her crying. I went to my mom and talked to her for a bit, and told her to basically grow up, because I feel like I'm babysitting a bunch of three year olds, and storming off and slamming the door is not a mature way to handle things. And I pointed out that she should show a bit more interest in my sister's life, to which she countered that "why bother, since all she does is throw lies in my face about how I never do anything for her?"

So I head back out and am on the internet, feeling sad, when my sister comes out again, still complaining about how my mom doesn't care about her. Not watching where she's going, she trips over my dog, then starts screaming at the dog and leans down to hit her. Now, it wasn't really a hit - I'm not even sure it touched the dog - but it's still unacceptable to hit my dog, so I stood up and was like, "What the **** was that?!" Whereupon she started hitting me wildly, screaming something unintelligible before running back to her room. I don't think she's ever done something like that before.

So my mom called me in and asked what had just happened, and I explained, and again told her to try actually doing something with my sister once in a while (rebuffed with "Well, she doesn't want to do anything with me.") Then she went into my sister's bedroom and they've just been yelling at each other for about twenty minutes now. From what I could hear, it consists of both sides lying and exaggerating to make it seem like the other person is the source of every single problem the family has ever had. It's calming down a bit now, but it sounds like it's just going to end with everyone resenting each other even more.

This is coupled with problems I'm having with college. I failed two courses in my very first quarter. One of them was First-Year Enrichment. I. Failed. First. Year. Enrichment. The only thing you have to do is show up and write a journal entry once a week. And it's especially my fault, because the teacher told me that to pass, I'd have to do the 'optional' final (basically, write your thoughts about your first quarter) - and I forgot. I just . . . there's not even a justification for that. And the other course I failed, I also forgot the final project, and it's the one course that I absolutely loathed. I couldn't stand it, at all, and now I have to repeat it. The only upside is that I don't feel obligated to tell my mom, since she's not the one paying for my schooling.

And finally (yes, this insane post is nearly over!), I've just been feeling . . . dull, lately. My life goes in cycles. I'll spend a month doing nothing but playing video games, and next month I won't play a single one. For a few weeks, I'll watch a ton of TV, the next few I watch hardly any. Now, it feels like every single cycle died at once, and isn't planning on coming back. I don't play games, or watch TV, or even knitting or anything. And worst of all, writing, which normally makes me feel better about anything, feels more like a chore now than anything else. I'm not a fantastic writer, but writing about a particularly interesting or creative idea, or thought, or concept, or setting or character or plot or whatever, makes me feel so much better. Now, I can't even come up with ideas. I just feel completely dry. No interest, no creativity, no hobbies, nothing more than "School, work, lurk on forums."


*hugs* I'm sorry you've been having a bad time lately. It's good to get things out though. I can understand feeling dry, I've been feeling a bit like that myself lately (though I blame work). It does pass though. I like to write as well, and have struggled with ideas. I've found it helpful to just sit and force myself to write. That - oh what's the name? Free writing or something, where you sit and just write whatever comes into your head for 10mins or so. It really does help get the creativity flowing again.

But we're here for you *hugs* come and vent any time. :smallsmile:


Aaaaand judging by the fact that I was on the verge of bursting into uncontrollable tears for the last half hour, I'm gonna need to talk to my doctor about the birth control I'm on. Meaning my choice for next year: uncontrollable mood swings and hormone issues, or crippling pain once a month that prevents me from going to school or work. Yeah, my life is going great right now.

Why are they the only two choices? there are heaps of birth control options out there, surely you haven't tried them all yet?


Just got back from a job interview. Good news: I have the job if I want it. Bad news: not sure I want it, and I need to decide fast. There's a recipe for a stress sandwich.

So I'll sleep on it and go to the follow-up interview thing tomorrow. But meanwhile I feel tired and sad.

I'm so glad my pets are here to snuggle with me. You know, when I began my cross-country move, my family were so excited I was coming "home" and everyone talked about how much time we'd spend together. But so far my sisters have both bailed out on me and I am feeling hurt.

I'd rant in more detail, but I'm just too tired.

Oooh Monkey I know the feeling *hugs* I interviewed for a job a while back, and then having heard more about the job had a massive "not sure I want this" moment. They would have offered me the job, however the girl who they were replacing decided not to leave at the last minute so I got out of making a decision. I had in fact decided to decline it if I was offered it. It was another reception position, and I'd rather sell my soul than take another reception job. I guess that's a good litmus test for you - will it absolutely destroy you and make you horribly miserable forever if you take the job? If so, decline it. If not, it could be worth taking, just for having some income. Nothing says you can't look elsewhere :smallsmile:

As for your family, remember that while you've only just moved back, they have ongoing lives. Things come up all the time that make catching up difficult. I know it sucks, I have a nightmare of a time keeping in touch with my sister (though we are in different countries). But even friends over here, I struggle to see beyond home group and church. Keep at them, make sure they know that you really would like to catch up and spend more time together. Maybe they thought you'd appreciate a chance to rest and catch your breath after your big trip? *hugs*


*bearhugs* for Lillith and Monkey, and anyone else who needs them.

Had a bouquet of harsh truths given to me last night, but thankfully in the nicest way possible. Hopefully I can keep myself away from wallowing too much, and actually do something about it. :smalleek:

*hugs* Glad it was done nicely :smallsmile: It's never fun being told hard truths, but you seem to be handling it gracefully. :smallsmile:

(and, for those interested... the time is now 11:30am. I don't think it's ever taken me this long to write a post before ever. Ah well, back to the grind...)

edit: Aww Rabbit, I'm sorry :smallfrown: *hugs*

[KingOfLaughter]

I'm happy about something that saddens me...

So in my countless restless hours, such as this one right now (Being 3am and all)
I tend to think about my life, and have come to the conclusion that of 300 or so people I know I only truly like 6 (Family not included). This saddens me because it shows how I went form a pile of good friends laying around 80 to 6... but this makes me happy cause atleast I know who I can trust.. (I think)

I've also decided for some reason or other, that I'm to die by the age of 26, and to die alone. Most likely due to my current state of the girl I like (a lot) almost at the brink of hating me for some reason and she won't even talk about it.

I'm someone who has no qualms with suicide, go right ahead I won't think wrong of you, but I myself would never actually get to it. But I contemplate it so much, I've gone to drawing on the back of my hands tallies of how many times a day I think about it and then recording that somewhere (Usually a sticky note which looks random since it's just covered in numbers) I'm currently sitting at around 38 for the past 4 weeks.

Finally, I realized that, I act all weird just to keep people away, and this is the worst part for me. I push people away but inside I'm dieing because I care, I care a great deal more then most... I hate that I do it, but it's this image of my crazy sadistic self that everyone knows. Sure my inner workings (Liking to hunt etc etc) are all the same, but my outside "I'M CRAZY" isn't me...

Gah I hate it all but yet it makes me happy to know I've figured it out... :( :)

[The Rose Dragon]

This thread's always had a vaguely funereal air to it, and actually getting some positive responses from folks like The Rose Dragon and similar have bolstered spirits somewhat.

I'm a beacon of hope!

...wow, that is something I never thought I'd say. Next I'll be parting the Red Sea.

[EmeraldRose]

My rat, Alfred, ate his brother, Jarvis.

Rabbit, you must be thinking, Rabbit, that's what rats do. Its just a silly rat. Stop crying.

But he was my favorite and I spoiled him and loved him and I'm just so unhappy.

Aww, Rabbit, that sucks! I had gerbils when I was a teenager and when they'd have babies the same thing would happen....

*hugs Rabbit*

As far as Bor's plea for follow up, not too much has changed for us. Andre is still searching for work. I am still off work, and we currently have zero income. I see my OB today for surgery follow up, and I plan to ask him what the soonest is that I can return to work. Yes, I know it's way too early, both for me and the baby, but we have to have some income. It can't continue like this.

I also plan to start job hunting again. I need something that will pay more than my current job, which is more or less any other social work job. :smallsigh:

Mom is still here for another couple of weeks, which both helps and hinders my mental health.

Our 2 year old is really starting to act out with the changes. He just needs his own 'baby' time, and I try to give that to him, but since I still can't pick him up for hugs, it makes it difficult. He is doing well climbing into my lap though, and we snuggle and watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. He is also beginning to have quite a temper and will throw things, and not listen to me...ah well, we'll work on it.

I don't want to go back to work yet. Can't the bills just pay themselves?

Right now, coffee is the most important thing. I need to go get another cup...

[Lady Moreta]

Finally, I realized that, I act all weird just to keep people away, and this is the worst part for me. I push people away but inside I'm dieing because I care, I care a great deal more then most... I hate that I do it, but it's this image of my crazy sadistic self that everyone knows. Sure my inner workings (Liking to hunt etc etc) are all the same, but my outside "I'M CRAZY" isn't me...

Gah I hate it all but yet it makes me happy to know I've figured it out... :( :)

I can understand that - the hating it yet being happy to figure things out. I'm like that with almost everything. I don't always like what I come up with but I tend to feel better for getting things straight in my head. I find that's the first step in actually doing something about it.

And on that note - have you managed to figure out why you act crazy to push people away? It's obviously negatively affecting you, since you're feeling sad that you've gone from a big group of friends to just a small one. If you can understand why you're behaving this way, you can get a handle on it and start to change it. On the other hand, there's nothing wrong with having a small group of friends, you just have to be sure that you're happy with it. :smallsmile:


*snip*

Good plan on the job hunting :smallsmile:

I'm sorry I can't really offer any other advice, partly because I don't have kids and partly because for all that you're going through, you seem to have a really good handle on it. I can easily imagine it must suck (Peregrine and I are currently a one-income household, so money is not exactly plentiful), but you're handling it really well *hugs* :smallsmile:

[KingOfLaughter]

And on that note - have you managed to figure out why you act crazy to push people away? It's obviously negatively affecting you, since you're feeling sad that you've gone from a big group of friends to just a small one. If you can understand why you're behaving this way, you can get a handle on it and start to change it. On the other hand, there's nothing wrong with having a small group of friends, you just have to be sure that you're happy with it. :smallsmile:


I'm pretty sure it's due to something that happened in grade 9, cause that's when it started, but I don't remember a whole hell of a lot from that year.
I tend not to remember that isn't overly important but still...

[Lady Moreta]

I'm pretty sure it's due to something that happened in grade 9, cause that's when it started, but I don't remember a whole hell of a lot from that year.
I tend not to remember that isn't overly important but still...

Seems like it might be fairly important seeing as it's still affecting you :smallsmile: Might be worth thinking about to see if you can remember. Or asking someone who was around at the time to see if they remember.

[corpusaant]

*waves hello*

Hey, although it might be a tad insensitive to say this in a forum entitled depression, I hope that everyone is doing well!


I was just hoping for some insight on a little problem I've been having, and I really can't share this with my friends.



Currently, I'm a college student, and in one of my classes is my ex-boyfriend, who was extremely abusive to me when we were in a relationship. (The police told me I had no case, so this is why he isn't in jail, otherwise he'd be in on a minimum of three felony charges)

Whenever I hear the same voice that told me that I deserved to be hit, it's like a little part of me is dying on the inside, a bit more with every sentence, because of the rather negative memories it stirs up. Thankfully, my teacher hasn't started assigning us into random groups yet, but she will be next week, and she's one of those no-nonsense teacher who probably won't care about my plight unless I explain exactly what happened, which is just humiliating.

If I end up in a group with him, if I have to talk with him, do work with him, look him in the eye every day, I have no idea what'll happen.

I guess my question is, what in the world should I do? As far as I see it, I have three options:

1. Withdraw from the class (I would strongly prefer not to!)
2. Talk to my professor (any ideas on how to phrase it? I don't want to seem immature by just being like "please do not pair me up with him! we used to date!)
3. Suck it up and stick through it. (Any tips on how to do this?)

THANK YOU for your input. :smallbiggrin:

[Lillith]

@Corpusaant: Dear ouch, that is a nasty thing to have to deal with. I think you're not going to like my advice, but you're going to have to talk to your teacher. No seriously, talk to her. You don't sound immature if you tell her what happened. And I don't mean 'I don't want to be in his group because we dated' but state clearly 'that guy used to be my boyfriend who physically (and mentally) abused me. Being in the same class with him is torture, but I want to make it because (insert reason here, I'm guessing you love the class). It's just that being in his group and having to deal with him means tearing up old wounds.'

Honestly if that woman has a heart then she knows it would be a horrible thing to put you through that. You don't have to go into great detail into what happened to you, just make it clear to hear he was abusive to you and you don't want to go near him. That's not 'no nonsense' that's common sense.

[Haruki-kun]

I agree with Lillith. It is going to be uncomfortable, but I'm sure the teacher will understand if you explain it thoroughly. And I doubt s/he'll go around telling people.

[KingOfLaughter]

Seems like it might be fairly important seeing as it's still affecting you :smallsmile: Might be worth thinking about to see if you can remember. Or asking someone who was around at the time to see if they remember.
I've been trying after you mentioned that, although I kinda fell asleep all day :) One of three 'safe havens' from life.

Edit: Thinking it over, part of it might be that most of my friends started smoking weed almost every day.


*waves hello*

Hey, although it might be a tad insensitive to say this in a forum entitled depression, I hope that everyone is doing well!


I was just hoping for some insight on a little problem I've been having, and I really can't share this with my friends.



Currently, I'm a college student, and in one of my classes is my ex-boyfriend, who was extremely abusive to me when we were in a relationship. (The police told me I had no case, so this is why he isn't in jail, otherwise he'd be in on a minimum of three felony charges)

Whenever I hear the same voice that told me that I deserved to be hit, it's like a little part of me is dying on the inside, a bit more with every sentence, because of the rather negative memories it stirs up. Thankfully, my teacher hasn't started assigning us into random groups yet, but she will be next week, and she's one of those no-nonsense teacher who probably won't care about my plight unless I explain exactly what happened, which is just humiliating.

If I end up in a group with him, if I have to talk with him, do work with him, look him in the eye every day, I have no idea what'll happen.

I guess my question is, what in the world should I do? As far as I see it, I have three options:

1. Withdraw from the class (I would strongly prefer not to!)
2. Talk to my professor (any ideas on how to phrase it? I don't want to seem immature by just being like "please do not pair me up with him! we used to date!)
3. Suck it up and stick through it. (Any tips on how to do this?)

THANK YOU for your input. :smallbiggrin:

I agree with Lillith, explain it and hopefully she'll understand.
*hugs*

[MonkeyBusiness]

Well, here is the Monkey News Moment: I turned down the job. It wasn't easy to do, but I realized the main reason why I was considering accepting was because I was afraid to tell my family (who knew I'd applied and gone to an interview and basically had the job wrapped up) that I'd turned down a job. Nevertheless, I decided that I needed to consider only my gut feelings and the concrete concerns about the lack of employee support I was witnessing in that workplace.

They are indeed clearly disappointed and trying (very transparently) to act like they don't mind. I love them for acting supportive (even though their acting skills suck) and I hope I can give them better news soon.

It's even a bit comical. I just came in from walking the dog, and my dad tells me his girlfriend (whom I love) called and asked how my interview went. He added, "I broke the - erm, I mean, I told her the news ..."

I spent a large part of my morning searching for new jobs to which I can apply. I'll spend tonight sending out my resume and cover letters. I feel relieved to have made this decision. (I also feel anxious and guilty, but that has faded as the day has progressed.)

Here are a few thoughts for you, my friends:

Rabbit:

Oh, poor Jarvis! How devastating to find your pet like this! I am truly sorry, Rabbit!

It makes no difference that he was "just a rat". He was your companion and you loved him. And I just know he loved you too, girl: because rats are very social critters and respond to many of the same things we do. He was lucky to have someone who gave him so much love!

Try to forgive Alfred.

And ignore anyone who scoffs at you for grieving for a rat. A person who can feel love and sadness for a "mere rat" is a good person. <hug>

Corpusaant:

You are really brave to stay in that class! I admire you for your nerve!

If you are tough enough to endure the presence of the person who abused you, then you are tough enough to talk to the teacher about this. Keep the explanation minimal and simple, for your privacy and dignity ... but also for believability.

The teacher wants you to be safe. She also wants to avoid unnecessary drama and stress in her classroom. It might be enough if you say, "In the interest of my peace of mind, and to avoid any flare-ups in your classroom, please don't put us in the same group. I have good reasons for making this request ... but I'd rather not say anything that might bias you, or that might embarass him or me ... let's just say our past history is not good."

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

[Blue Ghost]

Best wishes, Monkey. I hope you find a good job soon, and I know everything will work out fine. :smallsmile:

[Lady Moreta]

Currently, I'm a college student, and in one of my classes is my ex-boyfriend, who was extremely abusive to me when we were in a relationship. (The police told me I had no case, so this is why he isn't in jail, otherwise he'd be in on a minimum of three felony charges)

Whenever I hear the same voice that told me that I deserved to be hit, it's like a little part of me is dying on the inside, a bit more with every sentence, because of the rather negative memories it stirs up. Thankfully, my teacher hasn't started assigning us into random groups yet, but she will be next week, and she's one of those no-nonsense teacher who probably won't care about my plight unless I explain exactly what happened, which is just humiliating.

If I end up in a group with him, if I have to talk with him, do work with him, look him in the eye every day, I have no idea what'll happen.

I guess my question is, what in the world should I do? As far as I see it, I have three options:

1. Withdraw from the class (I would strongly prefer not to!)
2. Talk to my professor (any ideas on how to phrase it? I don't want to seem immature by just being like "please do not pair me up with him! we used to date!)
3. Suck it up and stick through it. (Any tips on how to do this?)

THANK YOU for your input. :smallbiggrin:

Oh honey, ouch... *hugs*

The others are right though, you're going to have to talk to your teacher. First things first though - don't go into it assuming she won't care unless you go into lots of detail. She may be no-nonsense, but that doesn't mean she won't care.

I suggest giving her the bare bones of the story first, tell her that he was abusive, both physically and mentally and while you don't want to drop the class, you are not comfortable being in the same small group as him. You have a right to tell her that you're concerned for both your physical and mental well-being. You don't have to go into any more detail than that unless you want to, or she requests it. It's obviously not an easy subject for you to talk about and she should be able to see that.

I'd also like to point out that nobody deserves to be hit *hugs*


*snip*

I think you made the right decision *hugs* you have to do what's best for you, not what's best for your family. You've already had one place offer you a job, there will be others :smallsmile:

[RabbitHoleLost]

Monkey: I'm glad you came to the decision you did- working in a place without employee support is stressful, and often not worth the money.
I'm sure something will come along- any place would be lucky to have you :smallsmile:

Corpusaant: I don't have much advice here, since I literally dropped out of a college that I was attending partially because of an abusive relationship (though, mostly because I couldn't afford it anymore, after dropping out of ROTC, through which the Army was paying for my tuition).
All I can really offer is my hope this will work out.
Talk to your teacher about what happened in the past, and, if that doesn't work... maybe talk to an advisor? There has to be someone on campus who specializes in this kind of thing.

[Lioness]

So...updating on me?

I'm pretty good lately. I tend to slip back into depression/anxiety when I've got a really tight schedule, and I have periods of two weeks content, two weeks much more volatile, which is making me think it's maybe a hormonal/biological thing. I'm managing things pretty well. Instead of lumping housework on me, mum's given me a list that I have to work through, one job a day. I've managed to put a positive spin on most things, and treat them as an opportunity to learn new things (Learning to paint walls, learning to fix laminate flooring, learning the most efficient way to scrub mould, etc.). I've been getting enough sleep, though only because I keep sleeping until 10-11am. I've also been having Harry Potter dreams, which are pretty cool XD.

I'm having a couple of relationship doubts, mainly whether BF is as committed to the dance partnership as me. But it's mostly stupid overthinking, and he's gota sore foot at the moment, and so can't dance. When I'm actually spending time with him it's fine, so yeah.

But overall, I'm pretty content.

[Lady Moreta]

So...updating on me?

I'm pretty good lately. I tend to slip back into depression/anxiety when I've got a really tight schedule, and I have periods of two weeks content, two weeks much more volatile, which is making me think it's maybe a hormonal/biological thing. I'm managing things pretty well. Instead of lumping housework on me, mum's given me a list that I have to work through, one job a day. I've managed to put a positive spin on most things, and treat them as an opportunity to learn new things (Learning to paint walls, learning to fix laminate flooring, learning the most efficient way to scrub mould, etc.). I've been getting enough sleep, though only because I keep sleeping until 10-11am. I've also been having Harry Potter dreams, which are pretty cool XD.

I'm having a couple of relationship doubts, mainly whether BF is as committed to the dance partnership as me. But it's mostly stupid overthinking, and he's gota sore foot at the moment, and so can't dance. When I'm actually spending time with him it's fine, so yeah.

But overall, I'm pretty content.

Yay! good to hear *hugs*

Mould - grab some Exit Mould, spray it on, wait 30secs and wipe it off again. That stuff is fantastic. It's brilliant and it really does work. Only problem is that it stinks so make sure you're well ventilated :smallsmile:

[Lioness]

Yay! good to hear *hugs*

Mould - grab some Exit Mould, spray it on, wait 30secs and wipe it off again. That stuff is fantastic. It's brilliant and it really does work. Only problem is that it stinks so make sure you're well ventilated :smallsmile:

Heh...bathroom is seriously hardcore mouldy...it's covering the walls...But I'll give it a try ^^

[Lady Moreta]

Heh...bathroom is seriously hardcore mouldy...it's covering the walls...But I'll give it a try ^^

It should still work. Might take a bit longer or need a couple of applications, but it should still get rid of it. You may find that it stains though. The ceiling of the bathroom in our old apartment had mould stains on it. It wasn't actually moldy any more, but it was stained quite badly.

[KingOfLaughter]

So I think I found my solution. I'm going to attempt to drop my facade and hope like hell it works.

Praying to Odin that it does.

[Lioness]

It should still work. Might take a bit longer or need a couple of applications, but it should still get rid of it. You may find that it stains though. The ceiling of the bathroom in our old apartment had mould stains on it. It wasn't actually moldy any more, but it was stained quite badly.

Cool. Doesn't matter too much...I'm repainting the walls after I've gotten rid of all the mould.


So I think I found my solution. I'm going to attempt to drop my facade and hope like hell it works.

Praying to Odin that it does.

Good luck, man :smallsmile:

[Malfunctioned]

I'm not really sure what's up with me at the moment. I seem to be in this really odd melancholic mood and it's seriously starting to annoy me.

I think I can trace it back to Sunday/Monday but it might be connected to my relationship 'problems', full story somewhere in the RWA thread but to sum it up quickly......

I really liked Girl B, she really liked me and things were going well.

Another girl showed up, me and her hit it off instantly and had an incredible connection with each other.

Things moved really fast and we became a couple in a few days.

After a few days of being together we realised that we didn't actually have romantic feelings towards each other, no spark or anything, and decided to be just good friends because of that connection we have.

I then saw Girl B at college the day after, we smiled and each other and I realised how stupid I was to have deviated. I am now trying to see if I can get another chance with her.

Almost as soon as me and Other Girl broke up a friend of mine asked if he can go out with her. I couldn't see her yesterday because of trains (Snow....) but he lives in the same area as her and they spent they day together.



So that's the abridged version. I think my whole mood may be because of what happened but I not convinced.... I just wish I could force myself out of these moods like I usually can but I just can't seem to summon the willpower to do it. :smallfrown:

EDIT:Also, I not sure if this is the right place for it but basically yesterday I ended up arguing with my parents about me coming home from places late (admittedly around midnightish, I lose track of time easily), normally I just stand there, take it, and then just head up to my room but I think because of my mood I just said "Fine, I'm off." and walked out of the house into the (with windchill) -12 degree snow. I was perfectly fine, using the time try and sort out my head and it was actually working, I was thinking clearly whilst just walking around the streets but my parents decided that I couldn't be trusted to do that and decided to follow me and shout and try to guilt trip into coming back to the house.

I had keys, I could've let myself in, I was actually somehow getting my issues sorted and they wouldn't even listen.

GAH. :smallannoyed:

[Kastanok]

Okay, this is me talking typing. I'm not even sure I want to be here (in this thread, primarily; but 'here' works too but that's for another paragraph) but here I am. Typing.

I'm not even sure I approve of the goal/methods of this thread. To solve people's problems through discussion and *look of distaste* understanding support? Does that ever actually work? Doesn't sound exactly practical to me, more of a temporary relief at best. A (moderate) lottery win, a new partner or a decent job would be a greater investment, but of course they're difficult to provide.

@Rabbit - Did you consider this possibility when you acquired them? I don't know much of anything about keeping pets but if this is a fairly common occurance, it might that... hmmm... think I was on a very unhelpful train-of-thought there. So I'll just say 'I am sorry for your loss'. Rats are lovely creatures, often thought I might like to keep one after reading a book as a kid where the hero had a couple of pet rats named "Boris" and "Karlov".

@Cobra - (Lot of animals on this forum) Do you think this thing with your hamsters, was it a 'raargh, I hate you' thing or was it just a little peckish?

@Monkey - You turned down a job?! :smalleek: ... It must have been real bad, though not bad enough that you applied in the first place. Confusing. Well, good luck with finding another one. I expect you'll need it.

@KingofLaughter - (C-c-c-combo breaker!) Hmm, that suicide-thoughts-tally idea is a good one. I think I'll try that myself. Could be a long tally...

@Malfunctioned - A lone, nightime wander in the snow can do wonders for one's sanity, I find. It was very rude and self-centred of your parents to intrude upon that. Similarly, I have never understood it when I hear stories of curfews and furious lectures. So long as you're back safe the next day, or check in, I don't get the problem. Have fun with future walks. :smallsmile:

So, my state of being? See below! Oooh, what wonders and mysteries might remain hidden between those spoiler tags if you never click it the button!

Let's take a quick tally (there's that word again) before I take a look at a few of my issues in further detail. I, as the great explorer once said, may be some time.


I sleep for unnecessarily long times - often 12+ hours
I am always tired
I have regular (several times a day) intricate thoughts of suicide and plans
I have no job, no income, with rent and internet to pay
I rely on debts to the govenment and to my Mum to live
I have several acquaintances that tolerate me...
... but few friends who all live far away
I have no motivation in my uni studies though Games Design is what I love
I often talk to myself, both just rambling and in conversation with other 'me's
^ (Not like DiD, just other voices assuming different attitudes)
I sometimes shout out random noises, unstoppable, when I am alone
I am nearly always alone
I see no good reason to remain alive, other than the pain it would cause to those around me and there's some games I want to play first


Let's get the biggy out of the way first, shall we? Suicide. My attitude is, if a person's net enjoyment of life is less than 'average' (and they have no dependants) there is no good reason not to die. My net enjoyment is somewhere around 'abysmal', -6 on a scale of -10 to 10.

But, perhaps more importantly, I look around at reality and deem it not good enough. It's not the world we were promised and certainly not the reality I would choose to live in, given a choice. If it's a world without magic, unaided flight, true adventure and/or new worlds and new civilisations, then frankly I don't want to be a part of it. Living, in short, is a waste of my time.

And if anyone tells me anything that amounts to 'suicide is wrong', I will punch them in the face.

So why aren't I dead already? Lack of easy, sure-fire way to do it. A serious lack of tall buildings (10 floors+) in the area or accessible handguns. Besides, as I said, there's some movies and games I want to see. I'd hate to die before having played Deus Ex3, for example. Well, not that I'd care when I'm dead but you get the idea. Most of all, it would destroy my Mum. Oh, and Dad but sod him.


Okay, next point. Auditory hallucinations etc. They're not really that bad, and full blown arguments with myself are fairly rare (though I always talk to myself in the kitchen for some reason) but nonetheless I recognise these things should not be happening. I guess these things occur to give me someone to talk to - cue Hello by Evanescence. Just to hear my own voice and know that I can infact still speak.

I keep thinking I should see a doctor about this. But I don't know. What can a doctor in the UK do? What does it take to get anti-depressants? What would it cost me (as a 23-year old)? Would I even be taken seriously? Is my situation bad enough? Come on, I'm a university-educated white male from a middle-class background and a family (Mum, Dad (separated), maternal grandmother I sometimes see) that loves me. Will they think I am deserving of tax-payers supported-treatment?

Sometimes I consider if my 'problems' are just delusions in themselves or excuses for being lazy or really not as smart as I think I am. Shouldn't the guy I think I am be able to get a job? A girlfriend? Feel love at all? Be excited about making computer games? Does talking to yourself really make you insane? ... I can't tell sometimes.

Quickly, friends. Well I think two of the people I live with could be considered friends. I think they think of me that way. And there are people at uni that talk to me sometimes, does that make them friends? Do I hide away in my room for days on end because I have no-one to talk to or because I am afraid of talking to them? People I've known for a year. Oh, I can't wait to get back to my old D&D group, my true friends I have known for far far longer. People I can be myself around.

[Cobra_Ikari]

@Cobra - (Lot of animals on this forum) Do you think this thing with your hamsters, was it a 'raargh, I hate you' thing or was it just a little peckish?

They had plenty of food, water, space, etc. And the killer one was female, and only ate the face off the one it killed. We have NO clue what happened. o_o

[Helanna]

Kastanok: I will probably be ninja'd, or at least quickly followed, by people that are much better at giving advice than I am. But I'll try.

First things first: DEFINITELY see a doctor .Telling any doctor that the only reason you haven't committed suicide is because of lack of ways to do it is pretty much guaranteed to get you on some type of medication. And while I don't know much about the UK's medical system, being a college student can almost certainly get you some aid. Check your college's health system too - they might give free or reduced aid.

About suicide itself: Not hurting those that care about you is an excellent reason not to commit suicide. Suicide would hurt even your acquaintances, not just close friends and family.

And I agree that this isn't an ideal world, but devoid of adventure or new civilizations? There's plenty of adventures here, plenty of new civilizations and cultures that you could explore. Not right now maybe, while you're still in debt, but it's a distinct possibility in the future. Don't end your life prematurely while there's still hope for the future, at all. -6 on that scale is bad, but not irreversible.

And of course, a good way to release your frustration in living in a less-than-ideal world is to create new, more fantastic worlds. Writing or drawing is a good way to accomplish it, of course, but game design is an even cooler way. Are you actually in a game design major? If so, hello fellow game design major! My view of it is that if I'm stuck in this world, then I'll damn well make my own world, one of fantasy and magic. Game design is the newest form of creativity and innovation, not just in the terms of technology or art or storytelling, but through the gameplay itself. We're still in early stages. Very, very early stages. We're moving along, with stuff like the Kinect, but we're still taking baby steps. Seriously, I wrote an entire paper on it last quarter for class. How the user interacts with the game, through controllers or interfaces or emotionally or mentally or whatever, is still changing, and I am going to be there to help usher in the next stage, and I really hope you will be too.

And your problems are not delusions. A lot of the things you mentioned seem like they might be symptoms of depression - again, talk to a doctor. I guarantee you can get help somehow.

[Ranger Mattos]

Just a little rant.

While getting a B in a class I'd normally take as a junior or senior (I'm a freshman currently) is something I'd usually consider a good thing, I'm getting worried. I'm doing good in other classes, but lately my grade in math is dropping. I'm usually good at math, I've gotten straight A's in math since as far as I can remember. I get what we're learning, but I just can't apply it. I can solve a normal equation, but when I have a more complicated problem, I have a hard time figuring it out. I think I just have a problem concentrating. Gah.

I'm done now.

Sorry if it was written a little confusingly.

[Blue Ghost]

Mattos, what math class are you taking now? It's quite normal to have more difficulty with math as you move up to higher levels.

[Ranger Mattos]

Mattos, what math class are you taking now? It's quite normal to have more difficulty with math as you move up to higher levels.

Precalculus. And it'll probably be worse when I take Calc next year.

[Lady Moreta]

So I think I found my solution. I'm going to attempt to drop my facade and hope like hell it works.

Praying to Odin that it does.

I was going to suggest it :smallsmile: I think it's the right decision. Just be prepared that not everyone will react favourably. There will be some who will applaud you and say that it's fantastic you're attempting to be yourself... but there will be others who out of surprise or some other emotion may react negatively. Try not to let them get you down. You deserve to be known and liked for who you are, not who you pretend to be :smallsmile:


*snip*

Honestly? Just walking out like that - probably not the smartest thing you could have done. Think about it from their point of view - you were home late, they were worried, and what do you do? Turn around walk out in the snow and freezing wind. They probably freaked and thought you were going to walk off to your death, or were worried you wouldn't come back at all.

I'm not saying the guilt trip was okay, guilt trips are a pet peeve of mine, it's never okay to do that to someone. Now that it's after the incident try talking to them again, tell them you'd had a bad day and were already in a bad mood and it was the straw that broke the camel's back. Explain that you really were okay, you were sorting things out for yourself and you would have come back home once you were done. Assure them that you know to call for help if need be and maybe assure them that you won't go too far from home. If you want to keep late-night wanderings on the table, you may need to find a compromise with your parents to keep them happy as well.


Okay, this is me talking typing. I'm not even sure I want to be here (in this thread, primarily; but 'here' works too but that's for another paragraph) but here I am. Typing.

I'm not even sure I approve of the goal/methods of this thread. To solve people's problems through discussion and *look of distaste* understanding support? Does that ever actually work? Doesn't sound exactly practical to me, more of a temporary relief at best. A (moderate) lottery win, a new partner or a decent job would be a greater investment, but of course they're difficult to provide.

One thing I'm curious about - if you don't like the idea of the thread, why are you posting here? Not attempting any sort of censure at all, I'm geniunely curious.

But to answer your question - yes it does work. We don't always know about it, because up until lately people haven't been coming back with success stories. However, we do make a difference here. And yes, Rose Dragon, you are a beacon of hope... you've come back here to tell us that your sessions are going well. Other success stories off the top of my head? Skeppio for one, me (:smalltongue:), and okay, I'll admit I'm not good with remembering names. While it would be fantastic if we could provide monetary improvements, or jobs or relationships, we can't do any of that, so we provide what we can. And that is advice garnered from years of individual experience - and sympathy, from the hearts of people who genuinely care about others.

No, we're not always able to solve everyone's problems. Rose Dragon has an ongoing problem that he is seeing a professional for as well as coming here. Skeppio just needed a nudge in the right direction (sorry I'm picking on you guys, but you make such good examples :smalltongue:) And you know what - this thread is only partly about 'solving problems'. A huge part of it is simply providing a place for people to come and receive support and consolation. I've mentioned this to others before - a lot of people come here knowing that there isn't necessarily anything we can do to help - I'm sure Rabbit for instance didn't expect us to be able to bring her poor rat back for her. We come here to experience companionship. To walk away knowing that we were heard, that we were valued, that we are cared for by another person. I've had conversations with a friend who feels like he can't do any good here because he has no pertinent advice to offer. I have told him what I just said - yes, advice is great, but it's not the only reason we are here. We as people need to know that they're cared for, that they are valued, and that they have worth as a person. If I can convince just a single person of that fact, then this thread is 'working'.


I keep thinking I should see a doctor about this. But I don't know. What can a doctor in the UK do? What does it take to get anti-depressants? What would it cost me (as a 23-year old)? Would I even be taken seriously? Is my situation bad enough? Come on, I'm a university-educated white male from a middle-class background and a family (Mum, Dad (separated), maternal grandmother I sometimes see) that loves me. Will they think I am deserving of tax-payers supported-treatment?

Yes, you should see a doctor. You are experiencing suicidal thoughts, and the only things stopping you are the means to do it and the fact that your mother at least would be upset. You are also experiencing auditory halluncinations, by your own admittance. These are serious problems, your background makes no difference to your worthiness or how deserving you are of treatment.


*snip

Well said Helanna :smallsmile: you seemed to be unsure that what you said would be helpful - I think it was fantastic. I would never have thought of the idea of creating your own world, but it's a great idea :smallsmile:


Just a little rant.

While getting a B in a class I'd normally take as a junior or senior (I'm a freshman currently) is something I'd usually consider a good thing, I'm getting worried. I'm doing good in other classes, but lately my grade in math is dropping. I'm usually good at math, I've gotten straight A's in math since as far as I can remember. I get what we're learning, but I just can't apply it. I can solve a normal equation, but when I have a more complicated problem, I have a hard time figuring it out. I think I just have a problem concentrating. Gah.

I'm done now.

Sorry if it was written a little confusingly.

Go talk to your teacher :smallsmile: that's what they're there for. Explain that you're a bit concerned that complex things seem to be doing your head in and get some help. There might be an older student who can tutor you, or the teacher themselves may know of an outside tutor who can help. I had a tutor for maths at one point, and while they were unable to completely solve the problem I have with maths, they definitely made a difference to my confidence if nothing else. I learned I can do (basic) math, it just takes me twice as long as everyone else. :smallsmile:

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Kastanok: The best way of my helping others is to give examples from my life. I'm 43, and have had what one might call "a few adventures" when it comes to surviving in the world. It's rarely easy, but there are things worth living for.

The best example is LOVE. Yeah, I'm kind of a sap like that, but there's someone for everyone. For the record, I'd given up. I was still out and about, flirting when it was possible, but I had no true prospects of finding romance. Being disabled, I was probably the last person who would be chosen by any beautiful woman wandering the Earth.

But it happened. In fact, it happened when I was least expecting it. All of the odds were against the romance actually blossoming. Miraculously, it all came together, and now I'm engaged to a woman that is 18 years (and four days) younger than myself. We are nauseatingly happy...for the most part.

We did, however, hit a moment of crisis. That is, *I* hit a moment of crisis. I had "fallen off my meds," and my depression was kicking in full strength. Every time I told my fiancee that I loved her, the feeling wasn't quite there. Intellectually, I knew I cared, but there was a distinct lack of emotion. Only recently, as my meds start to take effect once again, am I actually FEELING that love of which I speak.

Right there is a prime example of how my depression works. It will taint my thoughts and acts as much as a strictly physical illness might. And this is what seems to be happening with you.

Helanna had it right. You need to see a doctor. My issue here is that I don't know how "the system" works in the UK. Here in the States, I can walk into any hospital and explain that I'm in a psychological crisis, and they will get me taken care of. In the UK...? I just don't know.

If it works as simply as it would here in the States, then you should take yourself to a hospital and see what they can do for you. And once the proper psych meds are found for you...Well, I can only hope your perspective on life will improve. It certainly did for me.

Without my meds, my life is a questionable one. Even with so many people stating that they care about me, I battle daily internally, arguing mentally what my true self-worth is. I not only have surefire ways of ending my existence, but some of my methods might well take a few others with me. It's somewhat terrifying when such thoughts come into my head and refuse to leave. Blessedly, the proper psych meds have been found, and I am under control.

DON'T LET YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL WOES DICTATE YOUR ACTIONS! I can see it in your post, doubting the care you might receive, or if you're able to afford it. Those things are secondary to the fact that you apparently have an actual illness and need care! Your excessive sleeping, auditory hallucinations, and thoughts of suicide are all legitimate symptoms. GO GET SOME HELP!

And this is what we do here. We don't just offer an understanding ear. We make suggestions, as best we can, to see people find genuine solutions, if possible, to their problems.

And if "the old, disabled guy" can make it through life's various trials and tribulations, so can you. End the debate in your head and get help.

[Ranger Mattos]

Go talk to your teacher :smallsmile: that's what they're there for. Explain that you're a bit concerned that complex things seem to be doing your head in and get some help. There might be an older student who can tutor you, or the teacher themselves may know of an outside tutor who can help. I had a tutor for maths at one point, and while they were unable to completely solve the problem I have with maths, they definitely made a difference to my confidence if nothing else. I learned I can do (basic) math, it just takes me twice as long as everyone else. :smallsmile:

My teacher does have a help session before schools (except on wednesdays). I do go there, but just to wait since it's my first class. Perhaps I should actually ask for help instead of just reading.

[Lady Moreta]

My teacher does have a help session before schools (except on wednesdays). I do go there, but just to wait since it's my first class. Perhaps I should actually ask for help instead of just reading.

Maybe you should :smalltongue:

And Bor - you are a legend. :smallsmile:

[Coidzor]

At what point do you write off a missing pet as dead? My dog's been gone for 4 days now, after running off in the middle of the night as we were getting out of the car after we got home from Thanksgiving vacation.

I'm sad and all, but I'm actually disturbed that I don't think he's coming back and yet am not more sad than I actually am. :smallconfused: And kind of confused and annoyed at how my expectations for how sad I should be don't match up with what I'm feeling. Also that I had any expectations at all. Really confused by that one.

Throw in the recurring feeling, that I can only hope is a paranoid delusion which is freaking me out in its own right if that's the case, that I've alienated half of the forum through some inadvertent action, and you could say that my December is off to a surreal and thoroughly unpleasant start.

Bought the only good thing that can be said of it is that I managed to mostly avoid getting depressed by Thanksgiving. :/

[Lady Moreta]

At what point do you write off a missing pet as dead? My dog's been gone for 4 days now, after running off in the middle of the night as we were getting out of the car after we got home from Thanksgiving vacation.

I'm sad and all, but I'm actually disturbed that I don't think he's coming back and yet am not more sad than I actually am. :smallconfused: And kind of confused and annoyed at how my expectations for how sad I should be don't match up with what I'm feeling. Also that I had any expectations at all. Really confused by that one.

Hmmm, it really depends on where he's gone and what happened when he ran. The family cat ran away after the earthquake a while back, and he was found, and then returned and then ran away again for about five days. He eventually came back though.

Have you put up posters etc? try contacting your local pound or vet, they might have a better idea of how long to wait. Also, remember that someone else may have found him and decided to keep him, he may not be dead.

There are conventions for grief just as there are for everything else. We just don't normally become aware of them until we're in the situation. It's possible that a part of you just doesn't believe he's dead and that's why you're having trouble feeling as sad as you think you should. But remember that everyone is different, you feeling less sad than you thought you should doesn't make you 'bad'.



Throw in the recurring feeling, that I can only hope is a paranoid delusion which is freaking me out in its own right if that's the case, that I've alienated half of the forum through some inadvertent action, and you could say that my December is off to a surreal and thoroughly unpleasant start.

Bought the only good thing that can be said of it is that I managed to mostly avoid getting depressed by Thanksgiving. :/

Yay for no Thanksgiving depression! :smallsmile:

If you're worried about having alienated people and it's really starting to affect you, why don't you contact one or two of the people involved? Get them to clear up any lingering doubt one way or the other.

[KingOfLaughter]

I was going to suggest it :smallsmile: I think it's the right decision. Just be prepared that not everyone will react favourably. There will be some who will applaud you and say that it's fantastic you're attempting to be yourself... but there will be others who out of surprise or some other emotion may react negatively. Try not to let them get you down. You deserve to be known and liked for who you are, not who you pretend to be :smallsmile:


My friend is going through the EXACT same thing I am (freaky I know, it's even freakier he's one of 6 people I care about) and we spent like 4 hours last night talking which helped, and today at lunch I told the other 5 of those 6 people how I felt and they all took it well (The 2 guy friends making jokes as expected, the girls were a little flustered? Happy? Honored? (Everyone knows about my skill with knife and gun) I don't know.) Everyone else just assumes themselves my friends... A few of these people however I want to punch in the mouth, repeatedly. But for now me and my friend are attempting the most direct fix to our problems (Dating the girls we like).

Thusly all is good... I hope like hell it continues...


Essentially I told them all they're the 6 people I actually care about at the school and that I'm completely willing to risk my life or be a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to or vent to. I'm pretty sure it was a surprise to most of them but hey I felt a lot better after.

[Lady Moreta]

*snip*

Yay! I like hearing that things have gone well :smallsmile:

I didn't want to freak you out with what I said, I just didn't want you to get discouraged if people reacted badly. I'm very glad to hear your friends are being supportive :smallbiggrin:

[KingOfLaughter]

Yay! I like hearing that things have gone well :smallsmile:

I didn't want to freak you out with what I said, I just didn't want you to get discouraged if people reacted badly. I'm very glad to hear your friends are being supportive :smallbiggrin:

No ones really commented yet on how I'm not being my usual chaotic self, but then again I was hanging out with a different group of friends today.

Also, Thanks for the support :D

[Lady Moreta]

No ones really commented yet on how I'm not being my usual chaotic self, but then again I was hanging out with a different group of friends today.

Also, Thanks for the support :D

It may take them time before they really notice any difference. And you'll probably find yourself slipping back into old habits from time to time. That's why they're habits :smallcool::smalltongue:

And you're welcome :smallsmile:

[KingOfLaughter]

It may take them time before they really notice any difference. And you'll probably find yourself slipping back into old habits from time to time. That's why they're habits :smallcool::smalltongue:

And you're welcome :smallsmile:

Well the other group hasn't known me for very long, and I've only hung out with the whole group twice. As for old habits, I'll deal with them later :smallsmile:

[Kastanok]

Don't have much time to post - heading off to a meeting to work on the Final Pitch for a game (yes, Helanna, I'm on what you'd call a games design Major, BSc Gameplay Design and Production) but we'll see what I can do. So, in order!

@Helanna - World design... yes, that has been lacking since I don't have a D&D group anymore. I've got half a dozen similar projects on old - I never seem to be able to finish anything - such as a Werewolf: The Forsaken story, a Campaign Setting Guide for my old group's homebrew world, a Campaign World Supplement detailing a fantasy-apocalypse region set in said homebrew world inspired by Fallout3... etc etc ad infinitum. Heading back to a couple of these would be a good, and cheap, distraction from the world.

Well, yes, there are other places in the world to visit and explore but I'm not going to be able to do so in the foreseeable future. Having played Assassin's Creed 2 for weeks on end, I keep thinking of learning Italian and heading off for a trip around Italy. It's just not going to happen and I can't ever imagine having the money to do that. Games Design is not known for its high salaries.

@Mattos - Helping you in this situation is what teachers are for. :smallsmile: I know - well, I presume, maybe I'm just projecting - you feel that asking for help is a failure but as horrible a cliché as it is, not getting assistance when it would help you in the greater error and one that is entirely fixable.

@Lady Moreta - "One thing I'm curious about - if you don't like the idea of the thread, why are you posting here?" I was wondering that myself. :smalltongue: No, it's because I think I secretly want it to work and want to believe that it can work for me in particular. I don't like being susceptible to manipulation of my emotions and believes - except for means of entertainment - and even allowing other people to relieve my troubles feels like an agenda. I know, it's crazy, but it's an instinctual fear of my thoughts not being my own. And if my natural state is to be miserable, a part of myself says 'so be it'. I am fighting that instinct.

@Bor - First response off the top of my head was 'rub it in, why don't ya?' but luckily I instantly recognised that as childish and puerile. Hmm, I also appear to have misread 'End the debate in your head and get help' as 'End of debate, get help'. Freudian slip I think. I know it's weak but sometimes just being told what to do makes things easier, so I'll pretend it was the second version in fact.

[Kastanok]

Well, that was fast progress... shortly after posting the above I did a little more research and found out the first step is to speak with my GP (General Practicioner, ie local doctor). Then I went to uni where, just across the road, is the doctors where I'm registered so I headed inside and asked for an appointment. I'm booked in for 2.20pm tomorrow afternoon. Let's see what they can do for me.

So... damn. You'd think that would have taken longer for me to pull my finger out but, no, thanks to you lot telling me what to do (man I'm weakminded :smallsigh:) I took the first step. Um, thanks. :smallredface:

But - and there's always a 'but' - things got particularly bad today. Seemingly to balance out the good that is me seeking the opportunity to seek the opportunity to get aid I had to have the bad of swiftly degenerating mental state. That is, unless I'm faking it...

You see, it occurs to me that this is rather attention seeking of me. And I'm certainly getting it, I mean you're talking to me aren't you? I wonder if I am in fact normal or merely just common-or-garden-variety sad and this is a case of Münchhausen's or fashionable-depression. Probably not, but there's always the possibility.

Anyway. Today I found myself giggling ("You have a kind of sick desperation to your laugh") and berating myself out loud far more than usual. I had 'nervous ticks' that were more like shuddering convulsions, like the motions of broken animatronics. I stood in the middle of Asda and laughed that I was spending £5 of my last £15 in the whole world. And finally I practically shouted - over the sound of my MP3 player with Coheed and Cambria playing in my ears - at a charity collector in the street that "[The two bags of shopping my hands] was my last fiver! I have no money left!" (Okay, so I sorta lied but the other £10 was next to irrelevant.)

And I'm not even sure why I'm telling you all this... :smallfrown: sorry

[The Rose Dragon]

I just realized something.

Remember when I mentioned about my urge to cut myself? Well, that seems to only happen when I'm feeling good and I don't have any problems worth mentioning. It's like I'm punishing myself for feeling good, because I don't deserve to be happy.

That's weird, but it's there.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Well, that was fast progress... shortly after posting the above I did a little more research and found out the first step is to speak with my GP (General Practicioner, ie local doctor). Then I went to uni where, just across the road, is the doctors where I'm registered so I headed inside and asked for an appointment. I'm booked in for 2.20pm tomorrow afternoon. Let's see what they can do for me.

So... damn. You'd think that would have taken longer for me to pull my finger out but, no, thanks to you lot telling me what to do (man I'm weakminded :smallsigh:) I took the first step. Um, thanks. :smallredface:

But - and there's always a 'but' - things got particularly bad today. Seemingly to balance out the good that is me seeking the opportunity to seek the opportunity to get aid I had to have the bad of swiftly degenerating mental state. That is, unless I'm faking it...

You see, it occurs to me that this is rather attention seeking of me. And I'm certainly getting it, I mean you're talking to me aren't you? I wonder if I am in fact normal or merely just common-or-garden-variety sad and this is a case of Münchhausen's or fashionable-depression. Probably not, but there's always the possibility.

Anyway. Today I found myself giggling ("You have a kind of sick desperation to your laugh") and berating myself out loud far more than usual. I had 'nervous ticks' that were more like shuddering convulsions, like the motions of broken animatronics. I stood in the middle of Asda and laughed that I was spending £5 of my last £15 in the whole world. And finally I practically shouted - over the sound of my MP3 player with Coheed and Cambria playing in my ears - at a charity collector in the street that "[The two bags of shopping my hands] was my last fiver! I have no money left!" (Okay, so I sorta lied but the other £10 was next to irrelevant.)

And I'm not even sure why I'm telling you all this... :smallfrown: sorry

This is all good news. Now for the next task: STICKING WITH IT! It somehow manages to be easier to set up appointments than going to them. You're already thinking in a manner that asks, "Am I really sick? Am I wasting the doctor's time on little old me?" Yes and no, respectively. Or so it seems to my amateur eyes. Your description of things sounded serious enough for me to skip self-relaxation methods and mere therapy. No, I skipped right to, "Get thee to a nunnery doctor!"

Go to that appointment tomorrow. And you make ABSOLUTELY SURE to mention your thoughts on suicide. You see, that and several other things you mentioned pretty much eliminate the idea of you being "common-or-garden-variety sad." Stick with your plan, and keep us posted.

Oh...and I think you apologized because of the way you came roaring in here, thinking this thread ineffective. (Just a guess on my part.) Yet here you are, feeling the power of us DTers. :smallsmile:

I misread you're "apology," but overall, my sentiment stands. And I think you told us because we like hearing about people making progress. :smallsmile:

[Ranger Mattos]

Well, I got to school roughly 5 minutes before class started. So I wasn't able to talk to my teacher much, but he did say that the unit we're on will be the hardest for the whole year. So here's hoping things will get easier for me after this.

[Castaras]

After a few days of uncertainty, my grandmother passed away 2 hours ago, peacefully drifting away in her sleep.

I don't feel as upset as I probably would normally be. Mostly due to the fact that despite her being exceedingly intelligent, full of life, and so happy to be alive ; she lost it all over the past 2 or 3 years. Alzheimers is such a cruel thing to have happen to someone as wonderful as Granvy was.

She was old. She had lived a very long, successful, and happy life. She wrote books for children on some of the more industrial history, she had 3 sons, she sang... She even after retiring was filled with such enthusiasm and drive, going as far as to get a Doctorate in History in her 70s, for her work on the Poor Law of 1833.

I remember small things about her - she knew me better than I knew her, mostly because she had spent more time with me when I was around a year old, and every time I think of her face it is always smiling and cheerful, watching her little grandchildren talking of all their recent exploits.

There are two memories that are most vivid to me - the first would be her piano and music. Granvy was always a music lover, and she had a piano at her house that every time I went there, I would delight in sitting at the keys and playing silly little tunes. And she was there encouraging me, taking delight in my love of music as much as my parents did.

The other would be when I was working on a piece of homework - to write down my family tree as far back as I could. Now, one of Granvy's passions was Family History, and she had managed to trace my family back to 1636 - where a [mysurname], a farmer, married a lady named... Alice, I believe. And I remember having mum and dad ring her up and her explaining to me all the different people that were my ancestors, as I wrote it down for this school project. I can't remember the school project, but I can remember sitting at the phone hearing her enthusiastically talking about the work on the family tree she had done.

I also remember her house. Every year for Christmas (normally January/Feb time...) our side of the family would gather, and those gatherings I remember fondly. She was there, cooking, talking, playing with us grandchildren, showing us around various bits and bobs. No matter when I saw her, she was there, cheerfully talking with us children.

It is a cruel thing for fate to have given her Alzheimers. I haven't seen her for the past few years - and quite honestly, I didn't want to. She died 2 years ago, when she lost her memory. What happened 2 hours ago was nothing more than her finally being released from the pain and worries.

I don't want to remember her as the grandmother who faded away. She will probably end up being that for a few months, possibly a year or two. But she is so much more than that. I want to remember her as a caring grandmother who loved life. And that is how I will write her as.

I love you, Granvy. I hope that if there is somewhere beyond, you are forever happy there. You deserve to be.

[Viera Champion]

{Scrubbed}

[Dallas-Dakota]

*hugs Cassy*

[Jessicat]

Happy cat has run out of happy.


My life seems to be a cannonball of crap lately. If it's not friends causing me issues, or my pathetic excuse for a love-life, it's family causing trouble. Now i'm faced with an unexpected car repair bill ontop of my previous financial crisis and I'm about to entirely give up.

My car engine practically exploded the other day when I was on the highway. I'm amazed I was able to pull over in time, because my mechanic is impressed that I didn't hit the moon. I'm so glad it happened on my way to a concert, rather than on my way across Ontario in the middle of a snowstorm - which could have happened if the timing had been slightly different.

Now I'm looking at almost three thousand dollars to repair my car. The bank won't lend me money because I just bought a condo and money is very, very tight. I'm going to school in January, so money will become even tighter.

The problem is that I won't be able to go to school AND keep my job without a car. Busing will take me hours and hours every day and there's no way I could go from one place to the other on time via transit. So I can do one or the other. Either way that is depressing as hell and I'm at a complete loss.

If I empty my savings and cash in my shares I can maybe pool half the amount. I tried to get a limit raise on my VISA it was declined, they won't even let anyone co-sign for me. I'm at the point where I've considered doing some things I would not be proud of just for the money.

I have a splitting migrane. My world feels like its crashing down around me and I'm trying to avoid crying at my desk. For the first time in a very long time I wanted to really hurt myself. The only thing that stopped me was the thought that someone will see it tomorrow when I end up in a dress for my office christmas party.

I'm tired. I'm more broke than i've ever been before in my life and I'm going to have to pinch pennies harder than ever. I'm stressed and I'm going through life totally alone. The only thing I want right now, more than my beloved car back, is a hug from someone that cares.

I also write in this thread far too much. :(

[Cobra_Ikari]

Happy cat has run out of happy.


My life seems to be a cannonball of crap lately. If it's not friends causing me issues, or my pathetic excuse for a love-life, it's family causing trouble. Now i'm faced with an unexpected car repair bill ontop of my previous financial crisis and I'm about to entirely give up.

My car engine practically exploded the other day when I was on the highway. I'm amazed I was able to pull over in time, because my mechanic is impressed that I didn't hit the moon. I'm so glad it happened on my way to a concert, rather than on my way across Ontario in the middle of a snowstorm - which could have happened if the timing had been slightly different.

Now I'm looking at almost three thousand dollars to repair my car. The bank won't lend me money because I just bought a condo and money is very, very tight. I'm going to school in January, so money will become even tighter.

The problem is that I won't be able to go to school AND keep my job without a car. Busing will take me hours and hours every day and there's no way I could go from one place to the other on time via transit. So I can do one or the other. Either way that is depressing as hell and I'm at a complete loss.

If I empty my savings and cash in my shares I can maybe pool half the amount. I tried to get a limit raise on my VISA it was declined, they won't even let anyone co-sign for me. I'm at the point where I've considered doing some things I would not be proud of just for the money.

I have a splitting migrane. My world feels like its crashing down around me and I'm trying to avoid crying at my desk. For the first time in a very long time I wanted to really hurt myself. The only thing that stopped me was the thought that someone will see it tomorrow when I end up in a dress for my office christmas party.

I'm tired. I'm more broke than i've ever been before in my life and I'm going to have to pinch pennies harder than ever. I'm stressed and I'm going through life totally alone. The only thing I want right now, more than my beloved car back, is a hug from someone that cares.

I also write in this thread far too much. :(



*hugs really really tight*

I wish I could do more than that to help.

...*lends you his car*...ignore all the flashing warning lights on the dashboard. >.>

[Viera Champion]

I am now going to start helping one of my friends. Her father has died recently and she has no one to talk to about it because her mom is in therapy herself because of it. She always talk to another one of my friends about it because she is her best friend, but that friend has never had anyone close to her die, so it really only serves to stress her out. And since my mother died when I was seven, I said that I should talk to her, since I understand what she's going through. They all said that was a good idea, so I told her if she ever wanted to talk to me she could.

[Blue Ghost]

I am now going to start helping one of my friends. Her father has died recently and she has no one to talk to about it because her mom is in therapy herself because of it. She always talk to another one of my friends about it because she is her best friend, but that friend has never had anyone close to her die, so it really only serves to stress her out. And since my mother died when I was seven, I said that I should talk to her, since I understand what she's going through. They all said that was a good idea, so I told her if she ever wanted to talk to me she could.

Best wishes, Shi. Give it your all. :smallsmile:

[Kastanok]

{Scrub the post, scrub the quote}

Did I say that? Did I hint at that? No. I'm even participating in it. And if you had read my other posts, namely my reply to Lady Moreta (quoted below) you'd see I said these things hoping to be wrong. Desperate to be wrong!

I don't know how to explain myself and right now I'm inclined to let you hate me as much as you want. Or be disgusted by me or whatever.


@Lady Moreta - "One thing I'm curious about - if you don't like the idea of the thread, why are you posting here?" I was wondering that myself. :smalltongue: No, it's because I think I secretly want it to work and want to believe that it can work for me in particular. I don't like being susceptible to manipulation of my emotions and believes - except for means of entertainment - and even allowing other people to relieve my troubles feels like an agenda. I know, it's crazy, but it's an instinctual fear of my thoughts not being my own. And if my natural state is to be miserable, a part of myself says 'so be it'. I am fighting that instinct.

@Castaras - She sounds like a wonderful person and so successful too. I think you've got a very positive attitude about the circumstances of her end, I hope others around you have such strength.

I'm struck by the similarities I read in my own 'Grandby'. She must be easily over 80 now and, while she's in the finest health I've ever seen her, every time we meet she's a little more forgetful. I don't know whether to hope it's the cancer or the inevitable mental degeneration that gets her first. God, I didn't realise I felt so worried about her... :smalleek: *sniffs*

@Jessikat - Damn :smallfrown: I don't know what to say but you're not alone (I apologise for the platitude). You have options - maybe education will have to be put on the back burner for a while but life is long. You're not going to go stale in the year or two it takes to sort things out. I'd offer hugs but we've only just met. You get the idea :smallredface:

[Viera Champion]

Did I say that? Did I hint at that? No. I'm even participating in it. And if you had read my other posts, namely my reply to Lady Moreta (quoted below) you'd see I said these things hoping to be wrong. Desperate to be wrong!

I don't know how to explain myself and right now I'm inclined to let you hate me as much as you want. Or be disgusted by me or whatever.

Woah?! What the hell?! I never said I hated you! That was an even bigger jump to a conclusion than I made.

[Lady Moreta]

@Lady Moreta - "One thing I'm curious about - if you don't like the idea of the thread, why are you posting here?" I was wondering that myself. :smalltongue: No, it's because I think I secretly want it to work and want to believe that it can work for me in particular. I don't like being susceptible to manipulation of my emotions and believes - except for means of entertainment - and even allowing other people to relieve my troubles feels like an agenda. I know, it's crazy, but it's an instinctual fear of my thoughts not being my own. And if my natural state is to be miserable, a part of myself says 'so be it'. I am fighting that instinct.

You know, I can't believe I didn't think of that explanation myself. My head has been switched off this week...


*snip*

Because you're worried about it and you're seeking validation that you're doing the right thing. Trust me, you're doing the right thing. Even if you were 'faking it' (and I don't believe you are), then a doctor will be able to tell you that.

You've done the right thing - and Bor is right. It's often easier to make the appointment and much harder to follow through. I'm proud of you for taking the first step - now make sure you go the appointment and tell the doctor what you've told us. Heck, if it's easier (and you haven't had the appointment already), print off the posts you've made here so you can reference them. If you think you're likely to leave things out, you can just hand them to the doctor and tell them "I probably wouldn't mention these, so here, read this instead". *hugs*


I just realized something.

Remember when I mentioned about my urge to cut myself? Well, that seems to only happen when I'm feeling good and I don't have any problems worth mentioning. It's like I'm punishing myself for feeling good, because I don't deserve to be happy.

That's weird, but it's there.

It makes sense to me... you're so used to feeling down and bad that when you don't you feel like it shouldn't be and that you are meant to be always down. So your subconscious brings up cutting as a way to drag you back to where you 'belong'. Make sure you mention it to your psych. They might have suggestions for helping you stop it.


Well, I got to school roughly 5 minutes before class started. So I wasn't able to talk to my teacher much, but he did say that the unit we're on will be the hardest for the whole year. So here's hoping things will get easier for me after this.

That's good, there's a light at the end of the tunnel :smallsmile: Make sure you do ask for help if you're still struggling though. It won't do you any good to just cling on til the next unit if you come out of this one not knowing what you're doing.


*snip*

*hugs* I know how you feel. My grandmother passed away Jan 2 this year (at the ripe old age of 97). She was very much the same as yours, very old, quite far gone in dementia. She passed away in her sleep with as much of the family who could make it there in time around her. I cried, and I cried at the funeral as well, but that was it. Other than that, it was mostly relief that she had finally gone and could be at peace. I can't imagine her existence for the past few years had been a happy or comfortable one, so I was grateful that she was free of that.


Happy cat has run out of happy.


My life seems to be a cannonball of crap lately. If it's not friends causing me issues, or my pathetic excuse for a love-life, it's family causing trouble. Now i'm faced with an unexpected car repair bill ontop of my previous financial crisis and I'm about to entirely give up.

My car engine practically exploded the other day when I was on the highway. I'm amazed I was able to pull over in time, because my mechanic is impressed that I didn't hit the moon. I'm so glad it happened on my way to a concert, rather than on my way across Ontario in the middle of a snowstorm - which could have happened if the timing had been slightly different.

Now I'm looking at almost three thousand dollars to repair my car. The bank won't lend me money because I just bought a condo and money is very, very tight. I'm going to school in January, so money will become even tighter.

The problem is that I won't be able to go to school AND keep my job without a car. Busing will take me hours and hours every day and there's no way I could go from one place to the other on time via transit. So I can do one or the other. Either way that is depressing as hell and I'm at a complete loss.

If I empty my savings and cash in my shares I can maybe pool half the amount. I tried to get a limit raise on my VISA it was declined, they won't even let anyone co-sign for me. I'm at the point where I've considered doing some things I would not be proud of just for the money.

I have a splitting migrane. My world feels like its crashing down around me and I'm trying to avoid crying at my desk. For the first time in a very long time I wanted to really hurt myself. The only thing that stopped me was the thought that someone will see it tomorrow when I end up in a dress for my office christmas party.

I'm tired. I'm more broke than i've ever been before in my life and I'm going to have to pinch pennies harder than ever. I'm stressed and I'm going through life totally alone. The only thing I want right now, more than my beloved car back, is a hug from someone that cares.

I also write in this thread far too much. :(



Oh honey... *hugs* I'm sorry. Go to the bathroom and have a good cry, you need it and it will help to get it out of your system.

As for money things - try going to a welfare office and explaining the situation, they might be able to help out. Also, look around for a food bank or similar in your area. It might not relieve all your money-woes, but if you can at least get some groceries from a food bank, that's one less thing you have to spend money on. They aren't just there for those who live from day-to-day on whatever they can find. They're there for people like you and me who suddenly find that they need an extra hand to get back up again. :smallsmile:

[Lioness]

I think I've mentioned this before...my grandma has liver cancer.

She went in for an operation about a week ago, and came out of it fine, but in pain. Because she's who she is, she refuses help, assisstance, etc. If Chemo gets too exhausting for her, she'll likely stop it.

Mum has suggested that I go around to her place every couple of days and see whether she needs any help...

I'm not strong enough to do that. I don't know how to deal with terminal illness, possible death. I don't want to spend every last minute with her, because I want to pretend that it's not happening, and that the world is normal and I'm not about to lose a rather important part of my family.

I don't know how to deal with it. I can't just go around to her place and help her out...it's something I've never done before. It makes it seem like something's actually wrong. And yes, it is, but I can't cope with it. So I ignore it.
No doubt when she actually dies, I'll pretend that it doesn't affect me. I'll cry myself to sleep, but won't show anything to the world around me. And then people will think that I don't care.

But I do. Oh so much.

[Quincunx]

Coidzor: Haven't seen anything particularly alienating out of you lately, and you've been speaking clearly when you're correct, but I have seen a whole lot of talking to people who don't want to listen to what you have to say. Pick conversational partners who are less frigid to conversation.

Jessicat: Buy a clunker. It'll probably cost less than that repair. (Advice given in light of local used car market which is not your car market, and not taking new registration fees into account. Still, look into it.)

[Zeb The Troll]

@Jess - I second what Quincunx says. Look into getting a cheap car (I also have no idea if it's even possible to get a car for that price where you are).

I can also offer *hugs* though I'm sure that's not quite what you meant, even though we've actually met. :smallcool:

Is there any program like ZipCars (http://www.zipcar.com/) or anything in your area?

[blackfox]

Jessicat--This may not be the best idea, but it's something to consider: if you do end up buying another car, you could scrap your current car for parts. If there's only one bit of your car that's messed up then the rest of them could probably net a good deal of money. Not sure exactly how much, but I know in the case of some totaled cars that may or may not have previously belonged to friends of mine, that the parts have been worth more than the car itself.

[Kastanok]

Well I am officially depressed. Doctor said so.

It was a close thing, too. My bus never came up so I was 40 minutes late for my appointment. I was afraid I'd just have to go home, having wasted the £1.30 bus fare, and see if I could work up the strength to attempt to go again on Monday. Luckily then managed to slot me in a bit later, so I just had to hang around a little.

To my astonishment, the doctor I spoke to had no problem believing me. I've been given a antidepressants (Fluoxetine 20mg/day) to try for 2 weeks, with an appointment booked for two weeks from today with the likelihood of counselling etc.

We'll see how this works out. And thank you, again, for giving me the kick and support I needed to do this.

[The Rose Dragon]

My psychologist decided that I need a girlfriend. Like, right now. Apparently, that's the only problem I need fixing at the moment.

Also, I need to stop saying "but". And I need to learn to accept positive comments about myself.

But first, I need a girlfriend. Who knew depression could be fixed by getting laid?

[Kastanok]

Girlfriends - and 'a life' similarly - are rather difficult to come by. Can't get that at the pharmacist or off a shelf.

It seems rather unhelpful advice, not the kind of thing I'd expect from a professional.

[The Rose Dragon]

Girlfriends - and 'a life' similarly - are rather difficult to come by. Can't get that at the pharmacist or off a shelf.

It seems rather unhelpful advice, not the kind of thing I'd expect from a professional.

The best of solutions can be the hardest to come by.

Then again, if I avoid intimacy for all my life, how will I get over my fear of intimacy?

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Kastanok: Congratulations on taking some of the biggest steps toward addressing your problem! :smallsmile: Seriously, there are many who don't even get as far as posting here, thinking that their problems simply aren't worth making a post about them. But here you are, in with a complaint, out with some advice, and on your way. I should make you the thread's poster child. :smalltongue:

Now for some words of caution: psych meds can have some scary affects, so be on the lookout for them. Read the information about your medication carefully, and take them as directed by your doctor. Watch carefully for greater onsets of negative emotions or inexplicable, illogical emotions.

"What's an illogical emotion?" I'm glad you asked. It's something like this:

I was living with a girl, and had been to the doctor earlier one day, and he gave me samples of a new antidepressant to try. I picked her up from work, she dropped me off at home, and then she was off to night classes. While she was away, I took the first dose of this new medication.

When she came home, she found me in bed, curled into the fetal position, crying hysterically. She rushed to my side and asked me what was wrong, to which I sobbed, "We don't have enough bread crumbs for dinner!"

Her response: "Oh, honey...You're PMSing." :smallamused:

It's an amusing tale, but it can be distressing when you're experiencing such a thing. Pay attention to your moods, and make a note of differences. If you have any kind of difficulties, DON'T HESITATE TO CONTACT YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY!

Also, don't expect the meds to be an instant fix. Psych meds tend to take four to six weeks to start working at their optimum capacity. What's more, the Prozac you're taking might not be the right medication. It's a learning process. So be patient, and keep us posted.

Oh...and you're welcome. It's what we do here. :smallsmile:

[The Rose Dragon]

Also, don't expect the meds to be an instant fix. Psych meds tend to take four to six weeks to start working at their optimum capacity. What's more, the Prozac you're taking might not be the right medication. It's a learning process. So be patient, and keep us posted.

Don't actually expect them to be a fix, either. Think of them as a wheelchair, while therapy is physical exercises. Sure, the wheelchair will let you get around, but it won't let you walk normally. That's why you do your physical exercises, so your muscles and neurons will get in working order.

[Zeb The Troll]

Don't actually expect them to be a fix, either. Think of them as a wheelchair, while therapy is physical exercises. Sure, the wheelchair will let you get around, but it won't let you walk normally. That's why you do your physical exercises, so your muscles and neurons will get in working order.I find this to be a rather apt analogy. My wife the therapist agrees. :smallcool:

[Lady Moreta]

*snip*

*hugs* Honey, I know how you feel. My grandmother had - cancer of some variety (I'm honestly not sure what), and although she was in a home I hated going to visit her. I hated having death shoved in my face (especially because it was a dementia home, so the patients were all a little loopy).

Firstly - I would suggest that your Mum's idea isn't a bad one at all, I think it would be good for you. But not that frequently. Do you think you could handle going over maybe once a week instead? And perhaps not staying for too long at first, you can gradually build it up as you get more comfortable.

Second thing I would suggest - see if you can find a counsellor or even ring a helpline that talks about dealing with grief. Because you are dealing with that even though she's still alive, and you're struggling with it. It's not an easy thing to accept that someone we love will likely die, but it is something that we do need to accept otherwise we are likely to end up crippled ourselves and unable to do anything with the person. You need someone to talk to who can help you figure out a safe way to grieve and help you to accept what may happen (I don't know how likely it is your grandma will pass away).

Part of me wants to say that you need to stop ignoring it, that the only thing that'll really make this better is if you face up to it. But I'm honestly not sure that's the best advice or that it would even help you. So there it is, one other suggestion, just thrown out there for good measure.


*snip*

*hugs* Good for you for taking these first steps! And thank goodness the surgery was able to slot you in again. Buses are a pain.

I second everything Bor said about side effects from drugs, they do happen. My husband is on anti-depressants, and the first lot made him incredibly paranoid, the second lot just didn't work and now he's on version #3 but has had to increase the dosage three times. The point to that little story is that you need to be careful you don't just go on them and then forget about it and assume they'll solve all your problems. They may have side effects you can't handle, they may not work very effectively. That's why you need to keep up regular appointments (my husband has to go once a month) so the doctor can check up on your progress and make sure the drugs are still working. Obviously if you realiser sooner that they're not, make an appointment straight away, don't bother waiting.

And Rose Dragon is right - counselling will also be needed. The wheelchair analogy was fanastic, listen to him :smallsmile:


*snip*

Endorphins my friend, endorphins :smalltongue:

Seriously though, that's what they told you? :smallconfused: I second the 'that sounds odd coming from a professional' thought. They do know it's not that simple right? What if there are no girls you like? What if none of them are interested... Honestly, I'd be going back to your psych and asking for some clarification. Exactly what is the girlfriend supposed to be doing for you?

And everyone needs to learn to accept compliments :smallsmile: *hugs*

[bluewind95]

I'm.. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be writing here. I can't promise a follow-up, I can't even promise to be following all the rules. So you're all free to ignore this, I guess... I'll even spoiler it, for ease of ignoring.


Work has been... awful. I work in systems, programming.

And well, we've been having some pretty nasty issues with the project.

It's been all wrong from the start. And... the project leader/boss, well, she didn't really know what to do about a lot of things, and it's my first big project, too, and I don't have much experience. But anyways, she'd change bunches of things without telling me, and whenever I asked what I had to do, she'd tell me to do whatever I had to do, but it HAD to work, and everyone was too busy to ask for help and... well... just bunches and bunches of issues. And then the boss had this horrific knack for programming the database functions... and NEVER testing them. She'd just run them, see that they were giving out data and that's it. She never made sure the data was correct. She also told me that many things could not be done when they COULD. And later confessed she just thought they were very complicated. Those would have saved us WEEKS of work. So she'd just run the program and go "It doesn't work" when many times it was due to mistakes she made, and I was not authorized to get access to the database so I could, y'know, correct thme or anthnig.

So as things began to get behind schedule and many limitations we were not aware of as to the tools we were using became apparent, they began making me stay waaay after the work hours were done. Waaay after. I get to work at 7:30, and I generally work since I get to the office. Well, it would be 7pm, ot 8 or 9, even 10 before they'd let me go.

Then they started making me work weekends. 17-20 hours. Both days.

Last weekend? On Saturday, they forced me to go to work at like 7:30 and such... and then... they let me go. At 4 pm or so. I get home and I'm barely starting to relax when they start calling my home number and force me to go back. I got there at 5-6. .... and had to stay till... 4:40. AM. I did not sleep. I had bloodwork to get done, too, and, of course, got real faint and only didn't finish fainting cos the nurses got me to a bed before I dropped completely unconscious. It still took me over an hour to get recovered enough to go. I didn't sleep at all till like 9 am.

This has made my health issues become way too apparent, and have made me miserable. I simply cannot deal with it anymore. I feel horrifically ill every day. I am tired, my heart pounds, I feel weak, I can't think, there have been days where I can barely get up...

And today the boss of the project boss told me he's "worried" about my health issues and that I should consider stopping work.

... but how can I? I only barely started... how am I going to live if I don't work? How will I pay the bills, the doctor, the medicines?

He kept telling me everything's wrong and horrific and badly administrated, and I nearly broke down crying.

And tomorrow I have to go to work too. Even though I was 12.5 hours working non-stop today. I didn't even eat, I just got up to get a bag of chips from the vending machine.

I feel I'm doing a dreadful job. There are still a few errors in the program code. I never got to test things properly because there was no data. And I had no access to put data in the database, and I asked and asked and the project leader never listened to me.

And the boss pretty much implied its'my fault, cos I should've kept asking and asking till the data was put there. But the project leader was so rude every time I asked for help, or asked her ot do osme extra work. I get she's overworked too, but... she kept taking things personally, when they weren't.

And... and....

I don't know what to do anymore. I LIKE systems. But I can't take this kind of workload and I'm told it's like that everywhere. I already lost so, so many of my dreams and goals... th eONLY one I managed to half-salvage was my studies... to work in this... and now it's going to be taken away too!? Because, due to my frail health, I can't take the workload?

It's not fair, it really isn't. I don't want to stop working... but I do need a lighter load... at the rate I'm going only a part-time job... and there's not much of that in ths area.

And speaking of health, it's not been good. I'm so exhausted I can't function properly. I feel so weak and my heart pounds so much and is so erratic in its speed/strength that I need to use a cane to walk anywhere more than , say, two minuts. I'm BEYOND exhaustion, drained to the point even the trip to the bathroom (less than 100 steps away from the office. Mayve 40-50 steps) is an exodus. Stairs? 3-5 rests in the way, I can't take it. 2-minute walk to the cafeteria? I end up dizzy after it. I'm getting a lot of tests done, because we don't know all that I have that's causing me this. If I'm lucky, it's fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue (in addition to the neurocardiogenic syncope). If I'm unlucky, it could be something else neurological or autoimmune.

I just feel like all my life's collapsing around me. And I don't like it. I'm depressed enough as it is... last thing I need is everything else going to hell. And it seems to be heading pretty stubbornly in that direction.

[Helanna]

I'm.. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be writing here. I can't promise a follow-up, I can't even promise to be following all the rules. So you're all free to ignore this, I guess... I'll even spoiler it, for ease of ignoring.


Work has been... awful. I work in systems, programming.

And well, we've been having some pretty nasty issues with the project.

It's been all wrong from the start. And... the project leader/boss, well, she didn't really know what to do about a lot of things, and it's my first big project, too, and I don't have much experience. But anyways, she'd change bunches of things without telling me, and whenever I asked what I had to do, she'd tell me to do whatever I had to do, but it HAD to work, and everyone was too busy to ask for help and... well... just bunches and bunches of issues. And then the boss had this horrific knack for programming the database functions... and NEVER testing them. She'd just run them, see that they were giving out data and that's it. She never made sure the data was correct. She also told me that many things could not be done when they COULD. And later confessed she just thought they were very complicated. Those would have saved us WEEKS of work. So she'd just run the program and go "It doesn't work" when many times it was due to mistakes she made, and I was not authorized to get access to the database so I could, y'know, correct thme or anthnig.

So as things began to get behind schedule and many limitations we were not aware of as to the tools we were using became apparent, they began making me stay waaay after the work hours were done. Waaay after. I get to work at 7:30, and I generally work since I get to the office. Well, it would be 7pm, ot 8 or 9, even 10 before they'd let me go.

Then they started making me work weekends. 17-20 hours. Both days.

Last weekend? On Saturday, they forced me to go to work at like 7:30 and such... and then... they let me go. At 4 pm or so. I get home and I'm barely starting to relax when they start calling my home number and force me to go back. I got there at 5-6. .... and had to stay till... 4:40. AM. I did not sleep. I had bloodwork to get done, too, and, of course, got real faint and only didn't finish fainting cos the nurses got me to a bed before I dropped completely unconscious. It still took me over an hour to get recovered enough to go. I didn't sleep at all till like 9 am.

This has made my health issues become way too apparent, and have made me miserable. I simply cannot deal with it anymore. I feel horrifically ill every day. I am tired, my heart pounds, I feel weak, I can't think, there have been days where I can barely get up...

And today the boss of the project boss told me he's "worried" about my health issues and that I should consider stopping work.

... but how can I? I only barely started... how am I going to live if I don't work? How will I pay the bills, the doctor, the medicines?

He kept telling me everything's wrong and horrific and badly administrated, and I nearly broke down crying.

And tomorrow I have to go to work too. Even though I was 12.5 hours working non-stop today. I didn't even eat, I just got up to get a bag of chips from the vending machine.

I feel I'm doing a dreadful job. There are still a few errors in the program code. I never got to test things properly because there was no data. And I had no access to put data in the database, and I asked and asked and the project leader never listened to me.

And the boss pretty much implied its'my fault, cos I should've kept asking and asking till the data was put there. But the project leader was so rude every time I asked for help, or asked her ot do osme extra work. I get she's overworked too, but... she kept taking things personally, when they weren't.

And... and....

I don't know what to do anymore. I LIKE systems. But I can't take this kind of workload and I'm told it's like that everywhere. I already lost so, so many of my dreams and goals... th eONLY one I managed to half-salvage was my studies... to work in this... and now it's going to be taken away too!? Because, due to my frail health, I can't take the workload?

It's not fair, it really isn't. I don't want to stop working... but I do need a lighter load... at the rate I'm going only a part-time job... and there's not much of that in ths area.

And speaking of health, it's not been good. I'm so exhausted I can't function properly. I feel so weak and my heart pounds so much and is so erratic in its speed/strength that I need to use a cane to walk anywhere more than , say, two minuts. I'm BEYOND exhaustion, drained to the point even the trip to the bathroom (less than 100 steps away from the office. Mayve 40-50 steps) is an exodus. Stairs? 3-5 rests in the way, I can't take it. 2-minute walk to the cafeteria? I end up dizzy after it. I'm getting a lot of tests done, because we don't know all that I have that's causing me this. If I'm lucky, it's fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue (in addition to the neurocardiogenic syncope). If I'm unlucky, it could be something else neurological or autoimmune.

I just feel like all my life's collapsing around me. And I don't like it. I'm depressed enough as it is... last thing I need is everything else going to hell. And it seems to be heading pretty stubbornly in that direction.


Um . . . . WOW.

Okay, first things first, check whether that's even legal where you are, for both your country and company. In my company you can't work shifts less than eight hours apart. Your country might have labor laws against that type of stuff too, because your company is putting your health in severe danger. They (probably) can't tell you "Work until you literally pass out from exhaustion or you'll get fired." If nothing else, your company probably offers some type of leave for medical reasons. You might be discouraged from taking it because of how busy you all are, but if there is any way at all to get a break, you really need to take it.

Also, you are NOT doing a dreadful job. You are actually doing a fantastic job under the circumstances. It's not your fault that every other person around you is ****ing up so badly. It sounds like your boss shouldn't have even graduated, let alone be put in charge of other people. :smallmad: I don't even know anything about the situation and I'm pissed about it - she clearly can't do the work, she shouldn't be put in charge of it. Not testing your code? Freaking SERIOUSLY? I'd fail every class I'm in now if I tried **** like that, and I'd deserve it, too.

Did you have such serious health issues before your workload increased? Is it creating health issues for you, or just building on problems you had before?

[Ceric]

Bluewind:

Wow. That's awful. My mom was a computer programmer and later a project manager at the same computer company and she's told us about her work, so I'm reading through your story and everything's so wrong. Everything your project manager did was just wrong. Of course, you don't need me telling you that. I'd be feeling like :smallfurious: if I wasn't feeling :frown: for you instead.

Agree with Helanna, is this legal? How do they work you to exhaustion and then recommend that you quit? :smallmad: That's not frail health. That's just hell. At least that boss knows how *****y the project is right now. Maybe he'll fire your project manager afterwards?

Sorry I'm not much help... This sounded more eloquent in my head... I just came out of lurking to say that :smallmad:

[Moonshadow]

My psychologist decided that I need a girlfriend. Like, right now. Apparently, that's the only problem I need fixing at the moment.

Also, I need to stop saying "but". And I need to learn to accept positive comments about myself.

But first, I need a girlfriend. Who knew depression could be fixed by getting laid?

No offence, but your psych is a moron. Getting a girlfriend isn't going to fix your depression. Unless you have a girlfriend with the patience of a saint, any depressive episodes you have aren't going to be a positive thing for your relationship. Relationships are hard enough as is, without throwing a crippling mental illness into them.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Blue: Okay, you know me. You know I care a great deal about you, as I do so many of our other..."patients" here. And by now, you and I kind of have a sense of what's what in your life. So here's the way *I* see things, and you're welcome to ignore pieces or all of what I have to say.

1: That's too much work for a HEALTHY person. Seriously, you are not a slave. When you go home, you should be home for the night. The only time they should be calling you back to work for more hours of absurd labor should be if someone's life is in danger. Unless you're writing code for a medical machine that is currently in use, I don't see how that would be possible. It can wait for the next day.

2: When you use the phrase "let me go," one of two things goes through my head. One is that they fired you, as I grew up with it meaning that. ("I was forced to let one of my employees go," Dad would sometimes say.) The other is that you are being held captive, without chance of release until the work is done. That's not work; that's slavery. :smallfrown:

3: If many of these problems at work are due to the project manager's ineptitude, SAY SO! Speak to someone higher up and give detailed examples of how her inability to do the job properly is the source of this project falling behind. If you think you're up to it, be bold! "I can get this project saved, but it will still be late. We're going to start from scratch, and if you put me in charge, I'll get it completed." Oh, and insist on a pay raise if they agree. :smallwink:

4: Since you like your work, but not the high pressure of the work environment, perhaps they could allow you to bring the proper equipment home so you can work on it there? You could be "telecommuting," working on the clock while relaxing at home, but still being productive. Go to the office for meetings and making sure your codes are being input correctly, but see if there isn't a way for you to do some in some degree of comfort.

5: Let's be clear about this: without your health in at least decent working order, you won't get ANYTHING done. You have a chronic heart problem. It's internationally accepted that dead people are 0% productive. I sincerely think the telecommuting idea would be ideal for you, as you might even be able to produce more in less time without someone breathing down your neck all the time. And if they're afraid you'll be at home, getting paid for doing nothing all day, they need only look at the work you produce to know you're not sitting around watching television all day.

That's all I have at this moment. If more comes to me, I'll speak up. Meanwhile, this: "I'm.. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be writing here. I can't promise a follow-up, I can't even promise to be following all the rules. So you're all free to ignore this, I guess... I'll even spoiler it, for ease of ignoring." That gets you slapped with a goat. You should know better. :smalltongue:

[Lady Moreta]

I'm.. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be writing here. I can't promise a follow-up, I can't even promise to be following all the rules. So you're all free to ignore this, I guess... I'll even spoiler it, for ease of ignoring.


Work has been... awful. I work in systems, programming.

And well, we've been having some pretty nasty issues with the project.

It's been all wrong from the start. And... the project leader/boss, well, she didn't really know what to do about a lot of things, and it's my first big project, too, and I don't have much experience. But anyways, she'd change bunches of things without telling me, and whenever I asked what I had to do, she'd tell me to do whatever I had to do, but it HAD to work, and everyone was too busy to ask for help and... well... just bunches and bunches of issues. And then the boss had this horrific knack for programming the database functions... and NEVER testing them. She'd just run them, see that they were giving out data and that's it. She never made sure the data was correct. She also told me that many things could not be done when they COULD. And later confessed she just thought they were very complicated. Those would have saved us WEEKS of work. So she'd just run the program and go "It doesn't work" when many times it was due to mistakes she made, and I was not authorized to get access to the database so I could, y'know, correct thme or anthnig.

So as things began to get behind schedule and many limitations we were not aware of as to the tools we were using became apparent, they began making me stay waaay after the work hours were done. Waaay after. I get to work at 7:30, and I generally work since I get to the office. Well, it would be 7pm, ot 8 or 9, even 10 before they'd let me go.

Then they started making me work weekends. 17-20 hours. Both days.

Last weekend? On Saturday, they forced me to go to work at like 7:30 and such... and then... they let me go. At 4 pm or so. I get home and I'm barely starting to relax when they start calling my home number and force me to go back. I got there at 5-6. .... and had to stay till... 4:40. AM. I did not sleep. I had bloodwork to get done, too, and, of course, got real faint and only didn't finish fainting cos the nurses got me to a bed before I dropped completely unconscious. It still took me over an hour to get recovered enough to go. I didn't sleep at all till like 9 am.

This has made my health issues become way too apparent, and have made me miserable. I simply cannot deal with it anymore. I feel horrifically ill every day. I am tired, my heart pounds, I feel weak, I can't think, there have been days where I can barely get up...

And today the boss of the project boss told me he's "worried" about my health issues and that I should consider stopping work.

... but how can I? I only barely started... how am I going to live if I don't work? How will I pay the bills, the doctor, the medicines?

He kept telling me everything's wrong and horrific and badly administrated, and I nearly broke down crying.

And tomorrow I have to go to work too. Even though I was 12.5 hours working non-stop today. I didn't even eat, I just got up to get a bag of chips from the vending machine.

I feel I'm doing a dreadful job. There are still a few errors in the program code. I never got to test things properly because there was no data. And I had no access to put data in the database, and I asked and asked and the project leader never listened to me.

And the boss pretty much implied its'my fault, cos I should've kept asking and asking till the data was put there. But the project leader was so rude every time I asked for help, or asked her ot do osme extra work. I get she's overworked too, but... she kept taking things personally, when they weren't.

And... and....

I don't know what to do anymore. I LIKE systems. But I can't take this kind of workload and I'm told it's like that everywhere. I already lost so, so many of my dreams and goals... th eONLY one I managed to half-salvage was my studies... to work in this... and now it's going to be taken away too!? Because, due to my frail health, I can't take the workload?

It's not fair, it really isn't. I don't want to stop working... but I do need a lighter load... at the rate I'm going only a part-time job... and there's not much of that in ths area.

And speaking of health, it's not been good. I'm so exhausted I can't function properly. I feel so weak and my heart pounds so much and is so erratic in its speed/strength that I need to use a cane to walk anywhere more than , say, two minuts. I'm BEYOND exhaustion, drained to the point even the trip to the bathroom (less than 100 steps away from the office. Mayve 40-50 steps) is an exodus. Stairs? 3-5 rests in the way, I can't take it. 2-minute walk to the cafeteria? I end up dizzy after it. I'm getting a lot of tests done, because we don't know all that I have that's causing me this. If I'm lucky, it's fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue (in addition to the neurocardiogenic syncope). If I'm unlucky, it could be something else neurological or autoimmune.

I just feel like all my life's collapsing around me. And I don't like it. I'm depressed enough as it is... last thing I need is everything else going to hell. And it seems to be heading pretty stubbornly in that direction.


My word... that can't possibly be legal what they're doing to you. I'm sorry, but that is absolutely unacceptable from a workplace. You need to check up with the appropriate authoriities, obviously we're in different countries but I highly doubt what they're forcing you to do is legal.

As for the rest, I agree with Bor - your health is far more important than anything else. If your direct boss is useless, go higher, go to their boss and even higher if you have to. This is utterly ridiculous. I'm so sorry they're putting you through this *hugs*

[bluewind95]

Okay... dragged myself out of bed for a weekend workday again... (I pray that I get done fast so I can get back and nap a while). I probably won't get to reply to everyone, but I'll try to edit/repost later for everyone else.


Um . . . . WOW.

Okay, first things first, check whether that's even legal where you are, for both your country and company. In my company you can't work shifts less than eight hours apart. Your country might have labor laws against that type of stuff too, because your company is putting your health in severe danger. They (probably) can't tell you "Work until you literally pass out from exhaustion or you'll get fired." If nothing else, your company probably offers some type of leave for medical reasons. You might be discouraged from taking it because of how busy you all are, but if there is any way at all to get a break, you really need to take it.

It's not legal... for those under the normal employee contracts. I don't have that. I'm on a kind of commission-based contract. Translator calls it "fees", though I don't think that's the right word for it. It basically means I'm an "employee of trust" and I don't get a fixed contract. I'm not on the normal payroll. Thus the law that protects people on a payroll... doesn't quite apply to me. Also, yes, they have been telling me to keep working long after I already told them I am too exhausted to work anymore. The one time I finally snapped and refused to work and went home (at midnight) earned me extreme rudeness from the project boss the next day and many, many "You can't leave unless you're done working" from the big boss. They have only not fired me yet because I'm the only one familiar with the code and they can't afford time to study it now. I'm sure that once it's done, they'll be even harsher. Medical leave? That's for "wimps" (AKA people on a payroll who have the legal grounds to demand it. Me? I get told I should consider changing careers or stopping working...)



Also, you are NOT doing a dreadful job. You are actually doing a fantastic job under the circumstances. It's not your fault that every other person around you is ****ing up so badly. It sounds like your boss shouldn't have even graduated, let alone be put in charge of other people. :smallmad: I don't even know anything about the situation and I'm pissed about it - she clearly can't do the work, she shouldn't be put in charge of it. Not testing your code? Freaking SERIOUSLY? I'd fail every class I'm in now if I tried **** like that, and I'd deserve it, too.


Oh, I make mistakes too. Like picking a solution without working a consensus (how I can do that when they don't listen because they're busy is beyond me, but...), making silly code mistakes (some REALLY stupid ones, too, though most of that is because I'm SO tired), not testing enough (I had no access to the data, though! I wanted data, I was going to add data, but they didn't let me! So I could only test for one or two scenarios and had no way of validating the results anyways. I could see there was data. Was it the correct one? I didn't know because I couldn't see the tables). Also her idea of testing was... for ANY code change (even a print statement which, aside from that line changes NOTHING in the program), it was to drop all the tables, check the display with no data, run the process to fill them up again,
check the display again, open a report, then export it to Excel. This... even though each part was totally independent of each other and, say, I moved a single line in the Excel report. Why did she waste all that time with a test that was useless!? And testing a single scenario is useless on its own, I think.



Did you have such serious health issues before your workload increased? Is it creating health issues for you, or just building on problems you had before?

I had the health issues, but nowhere near as bad. Before this, I could usually get up, and I didn't need to use a cane to walk around...

[The Rose Dragon]

No offence, but your psych is a moron. Getting a girlfriend isn't going to fix your depression. Unless you have a girlfriend with the patience of a saint, any depressive episodes you have aren't going to be a positive thing for your relationship. Relationships are hard enough as is, without throwing a crippling mental illness into them.

Why is it that 90% of the time when someone says "no offense", they follow it with a statement that is greatly offensive?

No, she is not a moron. I would appreciate it if you refrained from repeating that in the future without knowing the details about my therapy sessions or my life in general.

[bluewind95]

Bluewind:

Wow. That's awful. My mom was a computer programmer and later a project manager at the same computer company and she's told us about her work, so I'm reading through your story and everything's so wrong. Everything your project manager did was just wrong. Of course, you don't need me telling you that. I'd be feeling like :smallfurious: if I wasn't feeling :frown: for you instead.


Good to know it doesn't sound totally wrong just to me. Because of health/finance/studies, I have only fairly recently started my work experience. So I have no real point of reference... but this just has seemed so wrong. My coworkers seem to think that the more extra hours someone works, the more "committed" they are to the company. They say things like "I haven't had vacations in ten years!" like it's a super-great thing they should be proud of. And when speaking of other outsourcing companies, they say things like "Pfft. You don't see THEM working weekends." (See, that's because they're smart, dear. They actually care about their health). Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that I'm not being paid all these extra hours. The boss of the outsourcing company that put me to work in this company says that he'll see about maybe giving me some kind of compensation, but I'm not being paid these extra hours.

I dunno. Maybe I learned wrong, but... when you have to put in all these extra hours, it's NOT a good sign of you being super-committed or whatever. It means something is *wrong*. Highly, highly wrong. It means your efficiency is down the drain, because how can you be working 40+ (in my case at least 55) hours a week and it's STILL not enough? You're either wasting time, or tackling more than you can handle, or simply doing things wrong. That's what I think. That's apparently not what they think over here. They even give me very ugly looks if I get out of work at 6:30 (keep in mind I get to work around 7:30).



Agree with Helanna, is this legal? How do they work you to exhaustion and then recommend that you quit? :smallmad: That's not frail health. That's just hell. At least that boss knows how *****y the project is right now. Maybe he'll fire your project manager afterwards?


It's not legal, but sadly, with my kind of contract, it's not exactly illegal either. And though this is hell, I already started out with a health issue, as Bor pointed out (though it's more of a pseudo-heart problem as the heart is structurally sound even when its function is not correct. It's due to a fault in the vagus nerve, which makes certain triggers cause hell to my state of health. One of them, just to add to my frustration, is lack of sleep...). It's debilitating enough that I'm pretty sure in the US I would qualify for disability. ... At the better times, too. So my health is indeed frail. It means that while a healthy person would take it and just feel ill and lose a bit of functionality, I start out feeling ill and this just makes me feel extremely ill and unable to function at all.

As for firing the project manager... I'm new. She's been there for 13-15-or-so years. She's not complaining of the workload. I am. We're both making pretty bad mistakes. I don't think she's the one to get fired for it.



Sorry I'm not much help... This sounded more eloquent in my head... I just came out of lurking to say that :smallmad:

It's okay. Knowing people care is already a very good thing.

Okay... back to slaving away at the code. I'll try to finish replying as soon as it's possible.

[Lady Moreta]

You're not being paid?! Honey, I hate to say it, but I think you should start looking for another job *hugs*

Wish I was good at programming, I'd offer to help :smallsmile:

[EmeraldRose]

A new update.

I return to work on Monday. Yes, after just under 4 weeks since surgery. I had to have the director of my facility check to make sure I even could return to work so early. After getting the green light, and requesting the doctor's note faxed, I got off the phone and cried.

I'm not ready to go back. Just picking up stuff around my house and sweeping tired me out so much I was dizzy yesterday. I'm not ready to leave my baby and go back to work.

I don't have a choice.

[Lioness]

A new update.

I return to work on Monday. Yes, after just under 4 weeks since surgery. I had to have the director of my facility check to make sure I even could return to work so early. After getting the green light, and requesting the doctor's note faxed, I got off the phone and cried.

I'm not ready to go back. Just picking up stuff around my house and sweeping tired me out so much I was dizzy yesterday. I'm not ready to leave my baby and go back to work.

I don't have a choice.

<hugs>

Biiiiiiig hugs


*hugs* Honey, I know how you feel. My grandmother had - cancer of some variety (I'm honestly not sure what), and although she was in a home I hated going to visit her. I hated having death shoved in my face (especially because it was a dementia home, so the patients were all a little loopy).

Firstly - I would suggest that your Mum's idea isn't a bad one at all, I think it would be good for you. But not that frequently. Do you think you could handle going over maybe once a week instead? And perhaps not staying for too long at first, you can gradually build it up as you get more comfortable.

Second thing I would suggest - see if you can find a counsellor or even ring a helpline that talks about dealing with grief. Because you are dealing with that even though she's still alive, and you're struggling with it. It's not an easy thing to accept that someone we love will likely die, but it is something that we do need to accept otherwise we are likely to end up crippled ourselves and unable to do anything with the person. You need someone to talk to who can help you figure out a safe way to grieve and help you to accept what may happen (I don't know how likely it is your grandma will pass away).

Part of me wants to say that you need to stop ignoring it, that the only thing that'll really make this better is if you face up to it. But I'm honestly not sure that's the best advice or that it would even help you. So there it is, one other suggestion, just thrown out there for good measure.


You're amazing. Thank you.

The thing is...we don't know how long we had. Because mum isn't a blood relative, they won't tell her whether the operation was successful, etc.
I could probably ask, because I'm blood granddaughter, but I don't particularly want to know the details and stuff.

I do need to stop ignoring it...because it won't magically go away...the world doesn't work like that.

[MonkeyBusiness]

Individually wrapped replies for ease of reading, not for privacy.

Bluewind:

Why are you apologizing for telling us your problems - no, wait, don't answer that! :smallsmile: But please know: no apologies are necessary. (And don't you dare apologize for apologizing! :smallbiggrin:)

What you descibed sounds like hell. It would be hell for anyone without health problems. I am amazed you have held up under all this stress and exhaustion. And I agree with you: working overtime is not a sign of dedication: it's a sign of fear. Fear is a cause and a result of crappy management.

It sounds as if a good 50% or more of the problems would be resolved if your hyper project manger person were no longer in the equation. She has a serious "Jesus is coming ... look busy" problem, not to mention a total disregard for the abilties of the people in the group to do their job.

You say that she's got seniority, and so it's unlikely that she'll be held responsible. And that might be true. However ... are you the only person who has this issue with her? There is strength in numbers ... and a bit more safety

Meanwhile, I agree with Moreta. This job sucks and you need deserve better. It ain't easy to find a job (I'm doing this myself right now) but I hope you will look.

Good luck, Bluewind. <hug>


Rose Dragon:

I think it's great news that your therapist thinks you are ready to do look for a girlfriend! I don't know you as well as I'd like, but it seems to me that if you've been in therapy to deal with fears of intimacy, then this is a huge vote of confidence from a good source! So ... yay for you!

And it's not like your therapist said, "You need to get laid". No. This is about the process of finding someone to love and seeking that special someone out. It's a journey that will take a while, and that might involve some wrong turns. And I imagine, since intimacy has been one of your concerns (if I recall your posts correctly), then you are on the verge of acchieving your goal.

And the goal is not finding someone to love. The goal is being strong enough to seek someone to love; and to be strong enough to offer your lovable self. It's about you being complete enough to do this, not seeking someone who will make you complete.

But you know this, I imagine. :smallbiggrin: I'm just crowing with delight.

And if the other big issue you are confronting is to be able to accept compliments ... let me help you with that! May I say how impressed I am with the level of insight and sensitivity in your posts? In short: you rock!



Emerald:

I am so sorry you have to return to work now. I have nothing to offer but my concern and sympathy, which you have.
<hug> You are a tough mama.


Hugs to you all.

[The Rose Dragon]

And if the other big issue you are confronting is to be able to accept compliments ... let me help you with that! May I say how impressed I am with the level of insight and sensitivity in your posts? In short: you rock!

*bites tongue*

Well, thank you. I'm glad I'm not an utter idiot like I often think I am. :smalltongue:

The reason I'm not able to compliments is the same reason I have the urge to cut myself, I imagine: because I feel I don't deserve to be happy or loved. That's something I should work on.

[MonkeyBusiness]

<snip>

Also, you are NOT doing a dreadful job. You are actually doing a fantastic job under the circumstances.

Can I just say ... Helanna, you are my hero for writing this post, even though it was not written to me!

I had to deal with a similar situation once (it was in the middle of what I call "The Year from Hell") and it is still painful to think about it. But knowing that someone like you is there for Bluewind helps me in retrospect. So you helped more than one person today.

You get a cookie ... a cookie the size of Saskatchewan.

.

[Lady Moreta]

A new update.

I return to work on Monday. Yes, after just under 4 weeks since surgery. I had to have the director of my facility check to make sure I even could return to work so early. After getting the green light, and requesting the doctor's note faxed, I got off the phone and cried.

I'm not ready to go back. Just picking up stuff around my house and sweeping tired me out so much I was dizzy yesterday. I'm not ready to leave my baby and go back to work.

I don't have a choice.

*hugs* I'm sorry you're having to go back so early. Are you able to just go back part time or something? at least for a little while? You're a therapist right? are you able to schedule appointments so you've got a break between each one so you can rest? See if there's a place you can go an lie down during your lunch break or something. I know where I work there used to be a beanbag in the conference room. One of the girls got a migraine once so we put her in the room (it was dark) on the beanbag and let her rest. Having a safe place to go and rest if you need it could help.



You're amazing. Thank you.

The thing is...we don't know how long we had. Because mum isn't a blood relative, they won't tell her whether the operation was successful, etc.
I could probably ask, because I'm blood granddaughter, but I don't particularly want to know the details and stuff.

I do need to stop ignoring it...because it won't magically go away...the world doesn't work like that.

That whole blood-relative stuff is silly, well okay I kinda understand it, but I'd be seriously pissy if someone told me I couldn't know the wellbeing of my mother-in-law if I was in that place.

You do know that you can ask for a simple "how successful was it? what are the odds?" question without getting all the gory details right? You're entitled to know, and it strikes me that part of what's stressing you is the unknown factor in this. You don't know exactly what's going on, so your mind is filling in the blanks. In these situations, reality is often less terrifying than what your brain comes up with.

You're right, it won't magically go away. Asking for a brief 'how are things standing now?' is a gentle way to ease yourself into accepting what's going on. It will give you facts instead of conjecture, and it will force you into stopping ignoring it for even a little while.


Rose Dragon:

I think it's great news that your therapist thinks you are ready to do look for a girlfriend! I don't know you as well as I'd like, but it seems to me that if you've been in therapy to deal with fears of intimacy, then this is a huge vote of confidence from a good source! So ... yay for you!

And it's not like your therapist said, "You need to get laid". No. This is about the process of finding someone to love and seeking that special someone out. It's a journey that will take a while, and that might involve some wrong turns. And I imagine, since intimacy has been one of your concerns (if I recall your posts correctly), then you are on the verge of acchieving your goal.

And the goal is not finding someone to love. The goal is being strong enough to seek someone to love; and to be strong enough to offer your lovable self. It's about you being complete enough to do this, not seeking someone who will make you complete.

But you know this, I imagine. :smallbiggrin: I'm just crowing with delight.

And if the other big issue you are confronting is to be able to accept compliments ... let me help you with that! May I say how impressed I am with the level of insight and sensitivity in your posts? In short: you rock!



Monkey... you win. That was incredible and insightful and I am an idiot for not seeing it. Rose Dragon, ignore everything the rest of us said and just listen to Monkey, she knows what she's talking about :smallsmile:

For that matter, as someone who dated-then-married someone with depression, it can be hard for the partner. If/when you find someone, be gently honest with them (as much as you can be). Perhaps offer to let them sit in with you for an appointment. Ask your psych for the name of a support group for partners of those with depression. One of the first things the doctor who diagnosed Peregrine did was give him the name of a support group for me. I never used it, but it was helpful knowing it was there.


*bites tongue*

Well, thank you. I'm glad I'm not an utter idiot like I often think I am. :smalltongue:

The reason I'm not able to compliments is the same reason I have the urge to cut myself, I imagine: because I feel I don't deserve to be happy or loved. That's something I should work on.

Yes you should :smallsmile: You do deserve to be happy and loved *hugs*

[Helanna]

Can I just say ... Helanna, you are my hero for writing this post, even though it was not written to me!

I had to deal with a similar situation once (it was in the middle of what I call "The Year from Hell") and it is still painful to think about it. But knowing that someone like you is there for Bluewind helps me in retrospect. So you helped more than one person today.

You get a cookie ... a cookie the size of Saskatchewan.

.

Hurray! Helping people and getting cookies! Tonight is turning out better than I thought.

Anyway, Bluewind, what you said about both you and your boss making mistakes - it sounds like 90% of your mistakes are because other people screwed up first, or because your company is working you so hard, so they're not really your fault anyway. However, your company is unlikely to see it this way (or to admit that they're the ones screwing up), so I'm gonna go with the suggestions you at least start looking for another job. I know it'll be difficult, but you gotta get out of that situation. Either you can confront and stand up to your bosses, which may simply end with you out of a job anyway, or you can find another, less-stressful job.

Also: You are necessary for the project because you're the only one that actually understands it, and they're still treating you like that and not freaking paying you? Definitely start making plans to leave. I wouldn't put it past them to make you the scapegoat of the project when it's over.

[tgva8889]

Does anyone have any experience with dysthymia? I have always felt like I wasn't doing very well, and I've for the past 4 or 5 years suffered from pretty minor symptoms of depression, never to the extreme of what is popularly considered depression but it was always there. I've had two depressive episodes in my life, one of which very recently. And I recently found out I have a family history of depression, which has scared me into thinking that this feeling I've always had that I just attributed to being "part of who I am" is actually a medical condition of some sort. I'm just wondering whether this is something I should get help for, or whether I'm overreacting.

[EmeraldRose]

*hugs* I'm sorry you're having to go back so early. Are you able to just go back part time or something? at least for a little while? You're a therapist right? are you able to schedule appointments so you've got a break between each one so you can rest? See if there's a place you can go an lie down during your lunch break or something. I know where I work there used to be a beanbag in the conference room. One of the girls got a migraine once so we put her in the room (it was dark) on the beanbag and let her rest. Having a safe place to go and rest if you need it could help.


I plan to take things as easily as possible the first week. I'm not even sure what time I'll actually make it in tomorrow, or how long I'll be able to make it. I will have pretty regular breaks, since I'll have to lock up my office to pump at least two to three times during the day, plus lunch. And there is a couch in the break room if I just have to get away.

I'm a social worker in a nursing home, so I see people when they need me, not so much by appointment. And they are usually in and out of my office all day when I am not on the floors.

The rather stressful thing is that absolutely everyone from work that I've talked to over the last few days is saying how they are so happy I'm coming back, since my boss has been rather overwhelmed since I've been gone. Plus we still haven't had our annual survery, so I didn't even manage to miss out on that... :smallsigh: Oh well, at least it is good to have job security...

Thanks for ll the hugs, guys, today I am very touchy, and just trying to spend as much time holding the baby as possible.


Does anyone have any experience with dysthymia? I have always felt like I wasn't doing very well, and I've for the past 4 or 5 years suffered from pretty minor symptoms of depression, never to the extreme of what is popularly considered depression but it was always there. I've had two depressive episodes in my life, one of which very recently. And I recently found out I have a family history of depression, which has scared me into thinking that this feeling I've always had that I just attributed to being "part of who I am" is actually a medical condition of some sort. I'm just wondering whether this is something I should get help for, or whether I'm overreacting.

It is always a good idea to at least make an initial visit with a licensed professional to discuss your concerns, rather than just agonizin over whether you may or may not have a certain disorder. Even one visit with a therapist can help set your mind at ease. Often, people feel some relief just knowing what the diagnosis (or lack of one) might be. Find a therapist and make an appointment.

Good luck!

[MonkeyBusiness]

Individually wrapped ... because I love y'all. But anyone can read what's below ...

Bluewind:



Also: You are necessary for the project because you're the only one that actually understands it, and they're still treating you like that and not freaking paying you? Definitely start making plans to leave. I wouldn't put it past them to make you the scapegoat of the project when it's over.
This is more sound advice from Helanna. May I add that, although it's more work and you are already tired, you ought to keep a journal of what is going on in this place.

If part of the project falls on its nose and it's because your project (mis)manager has f-u'ed again ... write it down, giving details as to how/why. When projects aren't properly tested ... write it down.

Also ... if anyone calls you a wimp - to your face or in your hearing - write it down. This is harassment and bullying. It is against the law no matter what kind of contract you have, or how you get paid.

Keep notes in case you need them in the future ... and meanwhile search for another job.

And please take care of yourself! If you get tired at the end of the day you don't need to stay just because the boss acts like a jackass! You are the only one who can do what you do. Point out that you can't do it if you are exhausted, and that you won't do it if you aren't getting paid. I know that's hard to do ... but really, are these people worth it?

You deserve much better than this.



Moreta:

Ignore everything the rest of us said and just listen to Monkey.

Forget sig lines ... I'm buying a billboard and printing this on it! :smallbiggrin: Thanks!

Hugs ...

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Does anyone have any experience with dysthymia? I have always felt like I wasn't doing very well, and I've for the past 4 or 5 years suffered from pretty minor symptoms of depression, never to the extreme of what is popularly considered depression but it was always there. I've had two depressive episodes in my life, one of which very recently. And I recently found out I have a family history of depression, which has scared me into thinking that this feeling I've always had that I just attributed to being "part of who I am" is actually a medical condition of some sort. I'm just wondering whether this is something I should get help for, or whether I'm overreacting.
Whether or not you get help, and what kind of help, really depend on the severity of your problem. Even a seemingly minor issue can become overwhelming, but you gave little detail as to what you're experiencing. Ah, but I don't give up because of that. I'll run through my usual list, and you tell me - US, actually - what you think.

Relief of depression comes in several stages. The first is trying to go it alone, and finding ways of coping on your own. Sometimes a regular exercise routine, with it's release of endorphins, will help. You don't need to invest in an entire free weight set; a regiment of calisthenics will do just fine. Or you could distract yourself with a book, television, and/or movies to help you relieve some of the depression.

Next, there's therapy. Trying to go it alone won't work, or hasn't worked, and you think it's time for a professional ear. The reasons to see a therapist are numerous, but one of the key reasons is that friends often aren't trained to listen to your problems regularly. The most many can do is listen, unless they have a miraculous epiphany to resolve your problems, and that tends not to be enough. If ll you wanted was someone, or something, to listen, then you could sit with your favorite pet and talk until you're blue in the face. But a therapist can aid in teaching you coping methods, and that's a good thing.

The third thing you could do is seek out psych meds. Maybe you don't need an antidepressant, but a mood stabilizer. I don't know, as I'm not a doctor. But if you think your symptoms are severe enough, there's nothing wrong with talking to your doctor about it. He/she could easily say you don't need meds, but can recommend a good therapist. He/she might not even say that, and simply suggest diet and exercise to help improve your mood. Note: if things don't get better after seeing the doctor and following his/her advice, it may be time for a second opinion.

Finally, there's any combination of the above. For some time, I relied on meds and therapy. Alas, therapists for someone of my meager income are hard to come by, so I've been getting by without it.

It all depends on how YOU feel. What do you think you need? Asking us for our opinion is all well and good, but we're not professionals. If you're that concerned, consult a doctor and see what a pro has to say. And, as always, try to keep us posted as to the results of your efforts.

Kastanok: I would like to back up what The Rose Dragon said, in that psych meds aren't a fix, really, so much as a tool for coping with a problem. I've actually made that exact point several times in the past, but haven't been operating at peak capacity myself for the last few weeks.

Just correcting myself.

Bluewind (and others): My advice was seemingly overlooked, but then it seemed a lot was thrown out there at the time. I just want to say that my advice was based on the fact that I know you a bit, and was thinking that work in your part of the world isn't exactly easy to come by. If you could quit and find other employment that easily, I would have suggested that. But I personally though it might be better to hang on to what you have, as something else may not be found easily. :smallfrown:

[blackfox]

I'm just wondering whether this is something I should get help for, or whether I'm overreacting.Can't hurt, might help, will probably help a lot. Go for it.

[Galileo]

Does anyone have any experience with dysthymia? I have always felt like I wasn't doing very well, and I've for the past 4 or 5 years suffered from pretty minor symptoms of depression, never to the extreme of what is popularly considered depression but it was always there. I've had two depressive episodes in my life, one of which very recently. And I recently found out I have a family history of depression, which has scared me into thinking that this feeling I've always had that I just attributed to being "part of who I am" is actually a medical condition of some sort. I'm just wondering whether this is something I should get help for, or whether I'm overreacting.

First of all, thank you! Disthymia is the word for what I had! It's been bugging me on and off for the past 5 years. Anyway, yes I do have experience with disthymia. I just went to take a look at the wikipedia page for it, to double-check it was the word I was after, and it said this:

As dysthymia is a chronic disorder, a person may often experience symptoms for many years before it is diagnosed, if diagnosis occurs at all. As a result, he or she tends to believe that depression is a part of their character.
Sure, it's from wikipedia, but I'd still say that's a very telling point against it being simply part of your natural outlook. I would definitely recommend talking to a therapist. Every time I've had need for one, they were very helpful in overcoming my depression/other problems.

[tgva8889]

Sometimes, I don't really feel that bad about anything, but sometimes it's crushing and I can't concentrate on anything and my sleep structure is completely thrown off and all these other, very annoying consequences. In case there was some more clarification needed.

I'm gonna talk to my school counselor, see what help she can provide me in terms of finding a professional who can help, and we'll see where we can go from there. Thank you for the encouragement, though.

[Lady Moreta]

Moreta:

Forget sig lines ... I'm buying a billboard and printing this on it! :smallbiggrin: Thanks!

Hugs ...

You're welcome :smallsmile: *hugs*


Sometimes, I don't really feel that bad about anything, but sometimes it's crushing and I can't concentrate on anything and my sleep structure is completely thrown off and all these other, very annoying consequences. In case there was some more clarification needed.

I'm gonna talk to my school counselor, see what help she can provide me in terms of finding a professional who can help, and we'll see where we can go from there. Thank you for the encouragement, though.

This is a very good idea :smallsmile: I am a firm believer in the idea of 'there's no point worrying about it if you can do something about it'

[bluewind95]

Bluewind (and others): My advice was seemingly overlooked, but then it seemed a lot was thrown out there at the time. I just want to say that my advice was based on the fact that I know you a bit, and was thinking that work in your part of the world isn't exactly easy to come by. If you could quit and find other employment that easily, I would have suggested that. But I personally though it might be better to hang on to what you have, as something else may not be found easily. :smallfrown:
No, it hasn't. I was just too exhausted to keep replying and I'm going in order (although isnce your post is next, I'll cheat and reply to both).

Yeah... finding new employment wouldn't be easy for me, much less given my health. I'd have to take MONTHS just to recover enough to seem healthy enough for an interview.


Blue: Okay, you know me. You know I care a great deal about you, as I do so many of our other..."patients" here. And by now, you and I kind of have a sense of what's what in your life. So here's the way *I* see things, and you're welcome to ignore pieces or all of what I have to say.

1: That's too much work for a HEALTHY person. Seriously, you are not a slave. When you go home, you should be home for the night. The only time they should be calling you back to work for more hours of absurd labor should be if someone's life is in danger. Unless you're writing code for a medical machine that is currently in use, I don't see how that would be possible. It can wait for the next day.


Try explaining that to the boss and project leader... After the 20-hour Saturday, I was asked to stay late on Monday (they didn't have me work Sunday ONLY because, since I went and half-fainted in the blood test, I went to sleep, everyone turned the house phone ringers off, I did not check my email, my cellphone has no signal at home and the project leader had to leave before any of those factors were changed). That's the Monday I left at midnight. Well, close to that time, the project leader found some mistake in the code that had happened because of something she'd gone and changed recently (... that Saturday, to be precise). I could envision a kind of path to a solution, but my thoughts were too hazy to pursue it, design it properly, put it on paper, and implement it. I was pretty sure that just the mental/desk tests I would have to do to test the code would already take me a few hours. And running it several times to make sure it was tested with as many scenarios as I could think of (granted, not enough, I'm so tired and drained) would take me a few more hours. So I was thinking, at least 5 hours of work under half-decent efficiency. At least 10-20 under the efficiency I was at at that hour. I told my boss there was just no way I could do that then. Simply no way. The problem was very complex and I could stay all night and I would not finish. Her reply? "It needs to get done today. We're not leaving until it does." To that, I replied that I didn't think I was going to be able to tolerate staying awake that long. She snapped and very rudely told me to leave, then. .... Which I did. She was extremely rude the next day and I have been told off several times by the boss because of it.



2: When you use the phrase "let me go," one of two things goes through my head. One is that they fired you, as I grew up with it meaning that. ("I was forced to let one of my employees go," Dad would sometimes say.) The other is that you are being held captive, without chance of release until the work is done. That's not work; that's slavery. :smallfrown:

It's kind of the latter. There's no physical restraints, but... the threat of being fired is a pretty big restraint...



3: If many of these problems at work are due to the project manager's ineptitude, SAY SO! Speak to someone higher up and give detailed examples of how her inability to do the job properly is the source of this project falling behind. If you think you're up to it, be bold! "I can get this project saved, but it will still be late. We're going to start from scratch, and if you put me in charge, I'll get it completed." Oh, and insist on a pay raise if they agree. :smallwink:

Because I work VERY differently from them(I'm not as rigid in form/process/etc, for one thing) , have demonstrated less-than-stellar number sequence memory (which for some reason the boss has generalized to "very bad memory" in general...) the boss apparently thinks me extremely inept at my job. There is NO way he'd let me be in charge. He'd probably laugh if I asked for a pay raise. And the problems? I've tried explaining them. I get "Don't defend yourself" and "Don't give me excuses"....



4: Since you like your work, but not the high pressure of the work environment, perhaps they could allow you to bring the proper equipment home so you can work on it there? You could be "telecommuting," working on the clock while relaxing at home, but still being productive. Go to the office for meetings and making sure your codes are being input correctly, but see if there isn't a way for you to do some in some degree of comfort.


Tried THAT on that Saturday I was made to work 20 hours. That's when the boss called home, told me to get back, when I explained I have no car and didn't have the money for the taxi, he said he was either going to pick me up at my home or pay the cab, but I better darned well get back to work there...



5: Let's be clear about this: without your health in at least decent working order, you won't get ANYTHING done. You have a chronic heart problem. It's internationally accepted that dead people are 0% productive. I sincerely think the telecommuting idea would be ideal for you, as you might even be able to produce more in less time without someone breathing down your neck all the time. And if they're afraid you'll be at home, getting paid for doing nothing all day, they need only look at the work you produce to know you're not sitting around watching television all day.


"If you can't deal with the schedule, work in something else and stop programming."



That's all I have at this moment. If more comes to me, I'll speak up. Meanwhile, this: "I'm.. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be writing here. I can't promise a follow-up, I can't even promise to be following all the rules. So you're all free to ignore this, I guess... I'll even spoiler it, for ease of ignoring." That gets you slapped with a goat. You should know better. :smalltongue:
OW. I didn't say that the problems are not important. I said that I shouldn't be posting them if I may not be following the rules. :smallfrown:


You're not being paid?! Honey, I hate to say it, but I think you should start looking for another job *hugs*

Wish I was good at programming, I'd offer to help :smallsmile:

Yeah... I need a new job. Or I need to find a rich husband that would support me while I got a part-time job somewhere. Or I dunno... something. I can't take this...


... Okay... will reply to the rest later. I am too tuired now..

[Serpentine]

Christ almighty Bluewind. That is NOT reasonable working conditions! I think you need to start official measures. Make official complaints to the boss/es, talk to a lawyer, find out your rights, etc. Of course, if you're in the US, it's my understanding that you don't really have any :smallsigh:

[Lady Moreta]

I agree with Serps... it's time to think about your rights. What they're doing to you is beyond appalling.

Have you considered looking for some sort of advocacy group? Someone you can go to, explain the situation and have them come in as a sort of mediator? Try to get you better working conditions?

I would also suggest getting in touch with a law firm, a human rights firm specifically if you can find it. I don't know exactly what the law is like over there, but what they're doing has to be bordering on illegal, surely... (at least if it's not, it should be!)

Also look up any general human rights advocacy groups. I know they're usually about third world country-type issues, but what you're going through is absolutely ridiculous. I would like to come over there and beat some sense and decency into your bosses!

[blackfox]

third world country-type issuesIIRC bluewind is in Mexico. NGO's or something might actually get involved in that.

[Lady Moreta]

IIRC bluewind is in Mexico. NGO's or something might actually get involved in that.

Really? I did not know that.

In that case, take everything I said and double it!

[MonkeyBusiness]

I agree with Serps... it's time to think about your rights. What they're doing to you is beyond appalling.
<snip-a-dee-do-dah ...> I would also suggest getting in touch with a law firm, a human rights firm specifically if you can find it. I don't know exactly what the law is like over there, but what they're doing has to be bordering on illegal, surely... (at least if it's not, it should be!)

I am so glad this suggestion has been made ... advocacy groups exist for exactly this kind of situation!

Now hear this ... just because you've made some errors is not a reason for them to trample your needs and rights. It sounds to me as if others have made equal-or-greater boo-boos, including your project manager. They are being bullies, and bullies use anything to make you too scared to resist.

At the very least, you ought to get worker's compensation for injuries sustained while on the job. The working conditions are directly responsible for the deterioration in your health.

Oh, and please don't feel you need to answer each of our posts. We all understand that you are exhausted, and we won't think you are ignoring our advice if you don't happen to reply. Just keep us posted as you can and as events warrant, because we care. And Monkey, at least, is a worrier. :smallwink:

.

[Flying Elephant]

Spoilered 'cuz it's long. And because I realized that my writing is so weird it confuses itself.

Sooo... Umm... I occasionally (Maybe once every two months?) have times (like an hour or two) where I just kinda lose focus and start crying and get all depressed and start thinking crap about myself. In between I'm usually mostly OK (I'm writing this as I am in the middle of one of said times, so I probably don't have the best perspective right now). I'm a high school student, and I'm wondering if it would be a good thing for me to try to set up an appointment with our counselor/psychologist person.

I met with a different high school counselor two years ago, when my parents noticed me in one of these times, but I've managed to hide them since then. It wasn't helpful; I made up some dumb excuse about being sad because school wasn't challenging enough, he told me I should ask my teachers for extra help, and I ignored that and we went on our merry ways and never met again. But I'm at a different school now, and I'm thinking that if I choose to go to a counselor and actually open up to them they could help me?

Now that I've written this, I realize that I probably should and it probably would be helpful. Now I just have to figure out where the counselor is and try to muster up the courage to meet with them. So, I guess I kinda wrote to ask for advice, but now I'm not asking anything.

Also, would it be a good or bad idea to email the counselor now, so I can't back out later? Or would that be pinning and forcing myself, and I would regret it? I know I would normally be to nervous/self conscious to see a counselor. Heck, I wouldn't have written this if I was acting like I normally am.

[Lady Moreta]

Spoilered 'cuz it's long. And because I realized that my writing is so weird it confuses itself.

Sooo... Umm... I occasionally (Maybe once every two months?) have times (like an hour or two) where I just kinda lose focus and start crying and get all depressed and start thinking crap about myself. In between I'm usually mostly OK (I'm writing this as I am in the middle of one of said times, so I probably don't have the best perspective right now). I'm a high school student, and I'm wondering if it would be a good thing for me to try to set up an appointment with our counselor/psychologist person.

I met with a different high school counselor two years ago, when my parents noticed me in one of these times, but I've managed to hide them since then. It wasn't helpful; I made up some dumb excuse about being sad because school wasn't challenging enough, he told me I should ask my teachers for extra help, and I ignored that and we went on our merry ways and never met again. But I'm at a different school now, and I'm thinking that if I choose to go to a counselor and actually open up to them they could help me?

Now that I've written this, I realize that I probably should and it probably would be helpful. Now I just have to figure out where the counselor is and try to muster up the courage to meet with them. So, I guess I kinda wrote to ask for advice, but now I'm not asking anything.

Also, would it be a good or bad idea to email the counselor now, so I can't back out later? Or would that be pinning and forcing myself, and I would regret it? I know I would normally be to nervous/self conscious to see a counselor. Heck, I wouldn't have written this if I was acting like I normally am.

The fact that you're wavering between seeing one and not, and wondering if you'd follow through on it at all says to me that it'd be a good idea. So yes, email the counselor and set yourself in so that you can't back out.

My husband and I saw a counselor a few times and yes, I was nervous. But remember this - you are not the first person to be nervous about seeing a counselor! It reminds me, oddly enough of the time I went to a dentist a couple of years ago. I was a new patient, so had to fill out the forms. Last question, right at the bottom "are you nervous about seeing the dentist?" that was a big YES for me :smalltongue: My point is that the dentist office knew people are nervous about dental work and they accounted for it. Any counselor - especially one working in a school with teenagers will be aware of exactly the same thing. You wouldn't be the first person to wander in hestitantly and have the first thing out of your mouth be "I'm not sure it's even worth me being here".

Fact is, you've done well already. You've identified the problem and identified the appropriate solution. You just need a bit of encouragement to follow through with it. So yes, go - make that appointment. You can even tell them you're uncertain and nervous about it - I think they'd be aware that it's likely anyway, but if it makes you more comfortable, tell them.

If you have big ups and downs like this where you're mostly okay but then suddenly crash, it could be lifestyle related. It sounds to me like there's some sort of trigger setting off these episodes. That's where a counselor is going to help you most. They will be able to lead you through a normal period of your life and help you really think about what you do, what happens. They'll get you thinking about your depressive episodes and help you figure out what, if any triggers there are. It could end up being something as simple as every two or three months you aren't getting enough sunlight or exercise. Easily solved, but not always easily figured out without an outsider's viewpoint.

Go for it. Being able to say that you've done something pro-active feels good and you'll also have the comfort of knowing that you're seeing a professional and soon you won't have to play guessing games any more :smallsmile:

[TIPOT]

Well where to begin...

I haven't posted/been on these forms in quite a while because I decided to stop because I was spending too much time browsing the forums then doing college work, and figured that it would be easier to quit all together than to cut back.

I was really into my school work, the classes were more interesting and I was finally being challenged in school. I had lots of great friends (all of whom I've known for 3+ years) and was really enjoying my time at college, I was doing fine and doing pretty much best in all my classes...

but since last week I just stopped caring :(

Nothing happened (or at least I can't think of anything :/) but just I can't be bothered well doing anything anymore, talking to my friends, just generally being happy. I just really can't see the point and why I should bother. Last week I tried to pretend everything was alright, hoping things would get back to normal, but I just don't care enough to pretend to be happy, being happy just seems like a chore and I hate it. :smallfrown:

Last weekend my friends and I had a day playing mtg, but despite loving the game the I just couldn't enjoy myself, it all just seems so pointless and just really bleh :(

I'm currently skiving one of my classes (meh its only maths) to post this so really because I remember reading some good advice on these forums, what should I do? I liked being happy but now i'm just not... :smallfrown:

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

TIPOT: Are you SURE nothing happened? Think back. The event could have been very small. Maybe a moment on television, when someone said something that struck an ancient, sleeping nerve. Maybe you passed a playground and something you saw touched a repressed memory. Biggest one yet, did you smell something that ignited something that's been lost in your mind for many years?

The human brain can be seen as a wondrous device that does a great many things, among them storing tons of data. It often is astounding what memories that one thought was forgotten that can be triggered by almost anything. And, strangely, one's sense of smell can be the greatest culprit.

That's just one theory. The other going through my head is that mental illness is creeping up on you. Well, not really creeping, so much as jumping in your lap and shouting, "How do?"

Psych issues can crop up at any time. Life may have been treating you well until now, and all of a sudden there's something in your brain that...well, let's say it "broke." Now you're on unfamiliar ground, and you're fearful that something is seriously awry. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't. We can't tell you because we're not doctors.

But you know who COULD tell you? A doctor! :smallwink: My first suggestion would be to visit a therapist and have a chat. If they're trained in it, you might ask to be hypnotized to see if there was anything recently that set your mood into this seemingly perpetual cycle. But get a professional's opinion.

If you believe your apathy is bad enough, you MIGHT want to consider seeing a physician/psychiatrist to see in maybe medications won't help. Just because you're not displaying every known symptom of depression doesn't mean that that's not what's wrong with you.

Personally, I'm thinking something triggered this without your conscious knowledge of it, and a therapist would be your best place to start. Give it a shot and see what comes of it. And, as usual, keep us posted on your progress. :smallsmile:

Flying Elephant: It sounds like you may have something akin to bipolar disorder. Just because your moods aren't swinging back and forth all the time doesn't mean you don't. Bipolar cycles, according to one therapist I spoke with, can occur as little as twice a year. That's my perfectly unprofessional guess.

So, Lady Moreta is correct. If you're vacillating between going and not going, help yourself by locking yourself into place. When you get there, BE HONEST! Without disclosure on your part, there's no use going to get help. As pointed out, it's a bit nerve wracking. That's okay. You're allowed to start small. But I believe you must start, or there will be no end to your emotional suffering.

Oh...There was nothing confusing about your writing. It was clear and concise. You should work on not judging yourself too harshly, as there will be plenty of people in your life who will do that for you.

Keep us posted.

[smellie_hippie]

Don't actually expect them to be a fix, either. Think of them as a wheelchair, while therapy is physical exercises. Sure, the wheelchair will let you get around, but it won't let you walk normally. That's why you do your physical exercises, so your muscles and neurons will get in working order.


I find this to be a rather apt analogy. My wife the therapist agrees. :smallcool:

Missed this one earlier, but I like the analogy. I have typically used this one in my own sessions with kids and their families...

Medications are like a moving truck/van. They most definitely make it easier to move from X to Y, but the van doesn't load itself. You still have to put the effort into loading the truck and getting it there safely. It also helps to do things slowly and consistently to avoid having your china and your free weights packed in the same box...

[Salbazier]

I think I will fail at least one class this semester. Maybe two or at worse three. Yes, two seems like the right number, seeing I still unable to make sense Fourier or whatever XXXX. Anyway, The one class i almost certainly fail at? Its Mechanics. The whole, I mean the whole class got an E! All that's left is the finale exam. Even if I got an A, I'll only make it to C at best. At this rate I sor of thinking that it is actually better for me to just repeat. Opportunity cost and fear of disappointing my parent aside, I don't think I'll survive future course without understanding mechanics. I mean, I'm studying Astronomy, its a guaranteed death if can't even make sense of the forces.

Also, I really should be sleeping right now.

[ApeofLight]

This is great, just F-ing great.

My family runs a business out of our home and part of that business is selling war games on our website. When a game goes out of print, we don't carry it anymore or there are games that we don't personally want anymore we've been putting them up on ebay for sell. Logged on today to do my work for the family company and put up some games to sell on ebay to find out that our account has been suspended due to too many complaints about our communication and shipping time. So our account has been suspended indefinitely on the sellers part so we can no longer go up and sell the games on ebay any more. This sucks because it was a good source of income for us and now we don't have it anymore. What a great Christmas gift from ebay.

Guess what it gets better. Now my dad is in an awful fit and yelling and everything. He says he's going to shut down the store once we can get all the inventory sold and once he does that he says he's going to throw out my brother and sister who are 21 and 25 and have been living at home. My sister has a legitimate reason having to work through health problems and having things like that but my brother doesn't. For some reason I feel like this is all somehow my fault in some way or another. I really wish there was some way I could make this better, just some way.

[Form]

I feel like writing a big whiny/ranty post (and not just about the stuff I mentioned in the relationship thread), but it'd probably be long and I prefer to do this through PMs instead if that's alright and if anyone's up for it. It involves some stuff I consider to be very personal anyway.

[Lady Moreta]

I think I will fail at least one class this semester. Maybe two or at worse three. Yes, two seems like the right number, seeing I still unable to make sense Fourier or whatever XXXX. Anyway, The one class i almost certainly fail at? Its Mechanics. The whole, I mean the whole class got an E! All that's left is the finale exam. Even if I got an A, I'll only make it to C at best. At this rate I sor of thinking that it is actually better for me to just repeat. Opportunity cost and fear of disappointing my parent aside, I don't think I'll survive future course without understanding mechanics. I mean, I'm studying Astronomy, its a guaranteed death if can't even make sense of the forces.

Also, I really should be sleeping right now.

If the whole class got an E, then I'd say either your lecturer isn't doing a very good job, or that the course material is harder than you're all used to.

I think you're right - it sounds like the best thing for you to do is to repeat the course. If you need to understand this material for your chosen career, then that will be the best thing for you. There's nothing wrong with doing it again, it's very mature of you to realise that this is the best option. Sometimes we just need to go over things again before they really get into our head.


*snip

Seconding everything Bor said :smallsmile:

It sounds to me too like something's happened to trigger this that you aren't consciously aware of. Perhaps you can talk to your friends? Maybe they noticed you react differently to something over the past few weeks that you hadn't noticed yourself.

Otherwise, the therapist idea is a good one. They are trained to ask the questions and guide you back through the past few weeks. They will be able to ask you questions to help you remember things that you may have forgotten, or are only in your subconcious at present. Either way, it's better than stressing about it :smallsmile:


This is great, just F-ing great.

My family runs a business out of our home and part of that business is selling war games on our website. When a game goes out of print, we don't carry it anymore or there are games that we don't personally want anymore we've been putting them up on ebay for sell. Logged on today to do my work for the family company and put up some games to sell on ebay to find out that our account has been suspended due to too many complaints about our communication and shipping time. So our account has been suspended indefinitely on the sellers part so we can no longer go up and sell the games on ebay any more. This sucks because it was a good source of income for us and now we don't have it anymore. What a great Christmas gift from ebay.

Guess what it gets better. Now my dad is in an awful fit and yelling and everything. He says he's going to shut down the store once we can get all the inventory sold and once he does that he says he's going to throw out my brother and sister who are 21 and 25 and have been living at home. My sister has a legitimate reason having to work through health problems and having things like that but my brother doesn't. For some reason I feel like this is all somehow my fault in some way or another. I really wish there was some way I could make this better, just some way.

Well that sucks... I'm sorry for your family *hugs* first thing though - this is not your fault. You're not responsible for it.

I wonder - I assume that ebay wouldn't suspend your account for no reason - had you yourselves received any complaints from buyers? Is it possible that they're right? that your communication and shipping time isn't the best? If you yourselves haven't received any, try talking to ebay and asking them for examples. If people have been complaining directly to ebay the right thing to do would have been for ebay to contact you and let you know so you could make changes. If this is the case you could possibly argue that it's their unfair practices that have landed you here, and you might be able to get them to reactivate your account.

Your dad? He's frustated, he's upset, he's mad, and it's almost Christmas. He's venting. Let him vent and rant and stay out of his way til he's calmed down. I think you'll find once he's had a chance to relax, he'll be better.


I feel like writing a big whiny/ranty post (and not just about the stuff I mentioned in the relationship thread), but it'd probably be long and I prefer to do this through PMs instead if that's alright and if anyone's up for it. It involves some stuff I consider to be very personal anyway.

Happy to be PMd :smallsmile:

[MonkeyBusiness]

Spoilered responses for the look of the thing, not privacy.

Flying Elephant:

You've been going through this for two years?!

I'm glad you recognize that you started to ask us for help ... only to realize you don't really need our advice. But we'll gladly give our support, because this is a big step for you.

Yes, going to an advisor for help is good. So is being honest about your feelings and experiences. I mean, if you had the flu and went to the doctor and made up some nonsense about a wart on your elbow you would never get the help you need, would you?

It can be hard to talk about your feelings. But as you do, you'll find that just the process of talking helps you to understand ... just as you understood, halfway through your post, what you needed to do without any actual response from us. You will also find that talking is cathartic. As you talk about your sadness it will become more manageable.

The fact that you are experiencing these feelings of overwhelming sadness and helpless negativity chronically is important. There are many causes for chronically occuring depression.

I do not want to diagnose you, but if you are a woman, please do not rule out PMS as a possible cause. For some of us, severe monthly depression is part of the cycle. But it need not be this way. For some strange reason, PMS is often forgotten or dismissed as a cause of depression.

Whatever the cause of your depression, I'm glad you have the guts to take charge of this, and I hope you feel better soon.

Tipot:

Apathy usually follows stress. You might have not noticed the stress if it was combined with a great deal of excitement. But even "fun stress" wears your body and emotions down, especially when you have created a very high standard for yourself.

It's not unlike driving really fast ... and suddenly hitting a speedbump: WHAM! It might be as simple as that.

My advice is this: keep going to class. Tell your teachers about how you are feeling. They've seen it before, and they'll probably be sympathetic. (Students often feel better after thses meetings.) Go through the motions, do your assignments because if you fall behind you will have even worse stress when you try to catch up. But don't worry about being the brightest student in the class. Most likely, you'll catch your second wind.

Also keep spending time with friends. It's easy to lose touch with people, and once that happens it's hard to regain contact.

While you are doing this, treat yourself well and be patient.

By all means, see a school counsellor or a therapist. If this turns out to be more than hitting an emotional speed bump, then you'll be glad you did. And really, you can never have too much support.

As you start to regain your emotional equilibrium, think about how you can do your work without burning out. This is also a good topic to bring to a counsellor or therapist.

Don't worry. The most likely explanation is that you stressed out, drained your emotional batteries, and now you are "recharging". Your enthusiasm will come back.

[KingOfLaughter]

SO following my previous post. It worked out awesomely! I mean a few people hate me and I told them "fine I have other friends go be an ass." (In those words)


But the rest of them are epic good friends now :D AND I made new friends! AWESOME WEEK!

Sidenote: My friend called me her Straight Gay friend.. That confused me for a bit...

[MonkeyBusiness]

King of Laughter: Rock on! That took guts!

[Skeppio]

That's awesome to hear, KingOfLaughter! Well done! :smallbiggrin:

[KingOfLaughter]

Why thank you Monkey, and Skeppio! :D

Guts, skittles (Totally makes things easier just to have a pack of skittles), and the fact that there is actually a group of people like me :D. They came from a different school that's why I never met them before!

To everyone!: Remember that no matter how super ****ty life gets! That it is always possible to fix or change the problem! ALWAYS! Never give up and remember these great people here at the forums care!

[Lady Moreta]

Why thank you Monkey, and Skeppio! :D

Guts, skittles (Totally makes things easier just to have a pack of skittles), and the fact that there is actually a group of people like me :D. They came from a different school that's why I never met them before!

To everyone!: Remember that no matter how super ****ty life gets! That it is always possible to fix or change the problem! ALWAYS! Never give up and remember these great people here at the forums care!

That's FANTASTIC :smallbiggrin: You have totally just made my day :smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin:

*tacklehugs* I am so incredibly proud of you for determing to just be yourself and stop hiding behind a mask. I speak from experience when I say I'm aware of how incredibly hard to do that can be.

On the other hand, you've made me want Skittles... grrr at you :smalltongue:

... one small (okay not so small) rant of my own. Just wanted to get this off my chest, completely and utterly shamelessly copy/pasted from an email I just sent my friend. With an extra bit added in if I can be bothered...

WARNING: I ramble quite badly, it is very long... :smallredface:

Erm... what's new? Dunno really. Peregrine has almost finished his degree. He had a bad bout of depression just after his last prac (partly due to his mentor being really good at the start and then suddenly not-so-good at the end), which made the last assignments a struggle. Fortunately the course coordinator is fantastic and they worked out a plan. Still, he's sitting on 40% for one of his papers, but the lecturer has given him a chance to make up the grade. If he fails he'll have to wait til second semester next year to have another go at it. Which, as I pointed out to him the other day, isn't the disaster it could be. Come February we've served the 12 month waiting period for our insurance, and I want him to get his nose operation to help him breath/sleep better, and hopefully help me sleep better too! Would potentially be difficult to get time off right then if he had only just started working. If he's not, it's much easier. He would still get a job for the first half of the year obviously. Downside is - well obviously he'll struggle with depression even more if he fails, but also I will have to stay working full time which I really don't want to do. I am quite desperate to go part time.

I started looking for new jobs around October, and then realise that what I really want is to go part time. I stopped looking and decided to just hang on til the end of the year and once Peregrine starts working, I would go part time. If he has to repeat a unit I wouldn't be able to do that, because he'd likely stop working when he studies (he doesn't cope doing both) which would mean we wouldn't have enough to live if I was working part time. Still, time will tell and there's time yet. Either way, once we hit the new year I'm outta here! Sick of this place. Sick of this job.

The BDM did ask me if I'd like to come work for Marketing (after I spent about a week helping her with a tender document)... part of me would love to, and I've thought about asking her if she was serious. Another part of me is thinking about offering to take on the Commercial Assistant role full time (I do this, it's full time in every other office but this one) if they'll get someone else to do Reception. But the thing is I just don't want to stay working for this company, so I feel bad about asking these questions when I know that as soon as I find a new job I'm outta there. Haven't yet made up my mind if it's worth it. If I knew how long it'd take me to find a job that would make it much easier!

Of course, there's another part of me that would like to flag work and go back to study. Of course, I don't know what I would like to study. I think the biggest problem is that I'm just not sure what I want to do any more. I've been working in admin long enough to realise that I'm good at it, and that apart from reception work, I quite enjoy it. But I always maintained I didn't want to be an admin-slave forever. And I don't. I just don't know what I do want to do. My experience is crap, my degrees are bordering on useless... part of me rather likes the idea of up and moving back to NZ, except I don't really want to, it'd just be an easy way out.

Another friend suggested taking a look at uni courses to see what's out there, which was a good idea. She also suggested talking to a careers advisor, which I thought was rather brilliant, and if I can just get up off my butt and do something about it, I shall try to hunt one up.

So yeah, that's me... I'm music leading on Sunday and already stressing out about it and wondering why I volunteered in the first place. Okay, I volunteered because the current people who are doing music leading are - quite frankly - bad at it and it's driving me bonkers. One lady uses the hand signals, but always too late for them to be of any use - you kinda need to signal we're going into the chorus before the chorus actually beings. Another lady just doesn't use them at all - which is really annoying... other leaders just aren't good in general. People don't know the music well and they struggle to lead properly which makes the music sound bad. If the singers who are supposed to be leading aren't coming in til halfway through the line, how on earth is the congregation supposed to know what to do?

I am currently the strongest singer on the worship team, I probably know the songs better than anyone else (save the musicians) and I know the signs. I'm also a control freak, which probably isn't helping. But it's gotten to the point where I'm not enjoying singing or worship any more because I'm too busy stressing about the singers. And I know it's not about the music, but I like to sing and that is the main way I worship. It is stressful knowing that when I'm rostered on, even if I'm not leading, I will be the one who is leading the entire congregation on my voice alone. I thought I'd volunteer to lead, honestly because I figured I couldn't do any worse a job. Which I freely admit is a terrible reason.

And it's not only that. Like I said, I know the songs better, I've been rostered on in the past with people who were really good at it so I've seen what they do. Currently we end up with 7 songs on any given Sunday. That is way too many, especially when it's communion as well... and when people are picking their favourites or the ones they know best, so we virtually sing the same songs every week. I have gone out of my way to avoid doing that this week. I'll probably annoy someone with it, but I don't really care any more. So we'll see how it goes. I'm on this weekend and leading again in January. I'm also on for Christmas Day, and Noal (the pastor) is leading, so he may ask me to do the music. On the other hand, one of the other ladies who has been music leading for ages is also on so she may do it. And I think I'd rather she do it anyway. Her husband is the only musician, and he tends not to listen a lot of the time. I think I'd rather she deal with that instead of me. Besides they're only going to be carols, we all know carols.

I do think I'll talk to the new coordinator (who's in my home group anyway) and see if we could arrange some sort of workshop for leaders - getting them used to the songs, and to using the hand signals because it makes such a huge difference if you know where you're going as a singer.

Also trying to figure out a polite way of telling the girls at home group that I don't appreciate the geek jokes any more. Every single Wednesday they come up. Just because I happen to like Star Whatever, and I know how long an X-Wing is. Yes, I'm a geek. I am aware of that and I honestly don't have a problem with it. I know you're teasing, but you know what. Jokes over now. It's not funny any more. I actually had one of them say last week "you're a geek, we don't want you". She was joking, which was probably the only thing that stopped me bursting into tears then and there. I did however start crying when we got home and I went to bed. Really really getting sick of it. A friend mentioned looking for an author who writes about how to handle/behave in awkward social situations, so I'm going to have a look at the library. You know what I'm like with confrontation... I hates it I does. But I think I'm gonna have to say something if I want to keep my sanity. The other issue is that one of the girls is pregnant and she is very touchy. Say anything the wrong way and she will bite your head off. I realise she's hormonal, but that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with!

Yeah, so life is - just life at the moment. Not a whole lot of living going on. Mostly just plodding day-to-day right now. Can't wait for Christmas break, I've got two whole weeks off and I don't think I've ever needed them more!

Also, Christmas in general is depressing me. See my family back home go all out for Christmas. The house is down a long drive so we never decorated the outside, instead we went nuts on the inside. Over 400 lights. 200 on the tree, 100 around the living room, 100 in the kitchen, 50 on the bannister, another 150~ on the two poles and chimney... One very overloaded tree, tinsel/garland/baubles on the poles & chimney, baubles in the kitchen (hung from the lights), two wreaths, nativity scene, stockings, whatever other decorations/ornaments we happened to buy. Yeah, it was kinda a big deal... Over here I get? one $20 tree (still overloaded :smalltongue:) and a $120 nativity scene (that was totally worth the price). I miss it :smallfrown:

My mother/sister and I are also massive gift givers, we go overboard every year. We always had a main present, under the tree, plus 'stocking' presents (the 'stocking' was actually a sack), plus other presents under the tree because they wouldn't fit in the sack! Drove dad bonkers :smalltongue: Peregrine comes from a one-present only family. Well, one main present and then little things like giant candy canes as well. I have struggled since moving over here to get used to a different type of Christmas. My instincts are to go mad like I always have done, but A) we can't afford that, and B) it kinda freaks out Peregrine because he's not used to it. He did give me permission to get garland & lights for the mantlepiece, and Mum is sending me a tree skirt. :smallsmile: That's the other problem, back home there are a couple of good mid-range shops for things like tree skirts and stocking hangers. Over here only one place stocks them and they're minimum $45. I'm sorry, I'm nuts but I'm not that nuts.

I just find myself wishing that we could go home for Christmas every year... which I know isn't possible. I'm going to really encourage bringing bro-in-law up to stay with us for Christmas, since mum-in-law is going to be working (and she works away, it's a something-hour flight). We'll have him for Christmas, and then when mum-in-law gets back, we can do it all over again :smallsmile: I like having people around for Christmas. I'm used to it, my parents place is pretty big so the entire family used to come over to our place for Christmas afternoon/evening. I miss that so much :smallfrown: I get like this every year, but for some reason this year it's hit me much harder. Probably becasue there's so much other crap going on...

[KingOfLaughter]

That's FANTASTIC :smallbiggrin: You have totally just made my day :smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin:

*tacklehugs* I am so incredibly proud of you for determing to just be yourself and stop hiding behind a mask. I speak from experience when I say I'm aware of how incredibly hard to do that can be.

On the other hand, you've made me want Skittles... grrr at you :smalltongue:

... one small (okay not so small) rant of my own. Just wanted to get this off my chest, completely and utterly shamelessly copy/pasted from an email I just sent my friend. With an extra bit added in if I can be bothered...

WARNING: I ramble quite badly, it is very long... :smallredface:

Erm... what's new? Dunno really. Peregrine has almost finished his degree. He had a bad bout of depression just after his last prac (partly due to his mentor being really good at the start and then suddenly not-so-good at the end), which made the last assignments a struggle. Fortunately the course coordinator is fantastic and they worked out a plan. Still, he's sitting on 40% for one of his papers, but the lecturer has given him a chance to make up the grade. If he fails he'll have to wait til second semester next year to have another go at it. Which, as I pointed out to him the other day, isn't the disaster it could be. Come February we've served the 12 month waiting period for our insurance, and I want him to get his nose operation to help him breath/sleep better, and hopefully help me sleep better too! Would potentially be difficult to get time off right then if he had only just started working. If he's not, it's much easier. He would still get a job for the first half of the year obviously. Downside is - well obviously he'll struggle with depression even more if he fails, but also I will have to stay working full time which I really don't want to do. I am quite desperate to go part time.

I started looking for new jobs around October, and then realise that what I really want is to go part time. I stopped looking and decided to just hang on til the end of the year and once Peregrine starts working, I would go part time. If he has to repeat a unit I wouldn't be able to do that, because he'd likely stop working when he studies (he doesn't cope doing both) which would mean we wouldn't have enough to live if I was working part time. Still, time will tell and there's time yet. Either way, once we hit the new year I'm outta here! Sick of this place. Sick of this job.

The BDM did ask me if I'd like to come work for Marketing (after I spent about a week helping her with a tender document)... part of me would love to, and I've thought about asking her if she was serious. Another part of me is thinking about offering to take on the Commercial Assistant role full time (I do this, it's full time in every other office but this one) if they'll get someone else to do Reception. But the thing is I just don't want to stay working for this company, so I feel bad about asking these questions when I know that as soon as I find a new job I'm outta there. Haven't yet made up my mind if it's worth it. If I knew how long it'd take me to find a job that would make it much easier!

Of course, there's another part of me that would like to flag work and go back to study. Of course, I don't know what I would like to study. I think the biggest problem is that I'm just not sure what I want to do any more. I've been working in admin long enough to realise that I'm good at it, and that apart from reception work, I quite enjoy it. But I always maintained I didn't want to be an admin-slave forever. And I don't. I just don't know what I do want to do. My experience is crap, my degrees are bordering on useless... part of me rather likes the idea of up and moving back to NZ, except I don't really want to, it'd just be an easy way out.

Another friend suggested taking a look at uni courses to see what's out there, which was a good idea. She also suggested talking to a careers advisor, which I thought was rather brilliant, and if I can just get up off my butt and do something about it, I shall try to hunt one up.

So yeah, that's me... I'm music leading on Sunday and already stressing out about it and wondering why I volunteered in the first place. Okay, I volunteered because the current people who are doing music leading are - quite frankly - bad at it and it's driving me bonkers. One lady uses the hand signals, but always too late for them to be of any use - you kinda need to signal we're going into the chorus before the chorus actually beings. Another lady just doesn't use them at all - which is really annoying... other leaders just aren't good in general. People don't know the music well and they struggle to lead properly which makes the music sound bad. If the singers who are supposed to be leading aren't coming in til halfway through the line, how on earth is the congregation supposed to know what to do?

I am currently the strongest singer on the worship team, I probably know the songs better than anyone else (save the musicians) and I know the signs. I'm also a control freak, which probably isn't helping. But it's gotten to the point where I'm not enjoying singing or worship any more because I'm too busy stressing about the singers. And I know it's not about the music, but I like to sing and that is the main way I worship. It is stressful knowing that when I'm rostered on, even if I'm not leading, I will be the one who is leading the entire congregation on my voice alone. I thought I'd volunteer to lead, honestly because I figured I couldn't do any worse a job. Which I freely admit is a terrible reason.

And it's not only that. Like I said, I know the songs better, I've been rostered on in the past with people who were really good at it so I've seen what they do. Currently we end up with 7 songs on any given Sunday. That is way too many, especially when it's communion as well... and when people are picking their favourites or the ones they know best, so we virtually sing the same songs every week. I have gone out of my way to avoid doing that this week. I'll probably annoy someone with it, but I don't really care any more. So we'll see how it goes. I'm on this weekend and leading again in January. I'm also on for Christmas Day, and Noal (the pastor) is leading, so he may ask me to do the music. On the other hand, one of the other ladies who has been music leading for ages is also on so she may do it. And I think I'd rather she do it anyway. Her husband is the only musician, and he tends not to listen a lot of the time. I think I'd rather she deal with that instead of me. Besides they're only going to be carols, we all know carols.

I do think I'll talk to the new coordinator (who's in my home group anyway) and see if we could arrange some sort of workshop for leaders - getting them used to the songs, and to using the hand signals because it makes such a huge difference if you know where you're going as a singer.

Also trying to figure out a polite way of telling the girls at home group that I don't appreciate the geek jokes any more. Every single Wednesday they come up. Just because I happen to like Star Whatever, and I know how long an X-Wing is. Yes, I'm a geek. I am aware of that and I honestly don't have a problem with it. I know you're teasing, but you know what. Jokes over now. It's not funny any more. I actually had one of them say last week "you're a geek, we don't want you". She was joking, which was probably the only thing that stopped me bursting into tears then and there. I did however start crying when we got home and I went to bed. Really really getting sick of it. A friend mentioned looking for an author who writes about how to handle/behave in awkward social situations, so I'm going to have a look at the library. You know what I'm like with confrontation... I hates it I does. But I think I'm gonna have to say something if I want to keep my sanity. The other issue is that one of the girls is pregnant and she is very touchy. Say anything the wrong way and she will bite your head off. I realise she's hormonal, but that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with!

Yeah, so life is - just life at the moment. Not a whole lot of living going on. Mostly just plodding day-to-day right now. Can't wait for Christmas break, I've got two whole weeks off and I don't think I've ever needed them more!

Also, Christmas in general is depressing me. See my family back home go all out for Christmas. The house is down a long drive so we never decorated the outside, instead we went nuts on the inside. Over 400 lights. 200 on the tree, 100 around the living room, 100 in the kitchen, 50 on the bannister, another 150~ on the two poles and chimney... One very overloaded tree, tinsel/garland/baubles on the poles & chimney, baubles in the kitchen (hung from the lights), two wreaths, nativity scene, stockings, whatever other decorations/ornaments we happened to buy. Yeah, it was kinda a big deal... Over here I get? one $20 tree (still overloaded :smalltongue:) and a $120 nativity scene (that was totally worth the price). I miss it :smallfrown:

My mother/sister and I are also massive gift givers, we go overboard every year. We always had a main present, under the tree, plus 'stocking' presents (the 'stocking' was actually a sack), plus other presents under the tree because they wouldn't fit in the sack! Drove dad bonkers :smalltongue: Peregrine comes from a one-present only family. Well, one main present and then little things like giant candy canes as well. I have struggled since moving over here to get used to a different type of Christmas. My instincts are to go mad like I always have done, but A) we can't afford that, and B) it kinda freaks out Peregrine because he's not used to it. He did give me permission to get garland & lights for the mantlepiece, and Mum is sending me a tree skirt. :smallsmile: That's the other problem, back home there are a couple of good mid-range shops for things like tree skirts and stocking hangers. Over here only one place stocks them and they're minimum $45. I'm sorry, I'm nuts but I'm not that nuts.

I just find myself wishing that we could go home for Christmas every year... which I know isn't possible. I'm going to really encourage bringing bro-in-law up to stay with us for Christmas, since mum-in-law is going to be working (and she works away, it's a something-hour flight). We'll have him for Christmas, and then when mum-in-law gets back, we can do it all over again :smallsmile: I like having people around for Christmas. I'm used to it, my parents place is pretty big so the entire family used to come over to our place for Christmas afternoon/evening. I miss that so much :smallfrown: I get like this every year, but for some reason this year it's hit me much harder. Probably becasue there's so much other crap going on...

Block that tackle hug with a *light bear hug*

Thanks for the support glad I made your day! My past week and a halfish area has been the best time ever! I managed to make 4 or 5 new friends, find a group like me and get my friend off drugs (Extra bonus! BOO YAH!)

As for you! I must admit that sucks and is a downer, BUT! Never fear. Caring bear man is here! (New name maybe? Change it to Bearman?)

Anyways! YOU! Need to totally do what YOU want to. I mean if for now life is making you stick in that job you hate, then maybe stick with it, but if you can find something you like, take it instantly, like a fat guy (Me :D) with cake, take it, gobble it and love it! If that doesn't happen look at the brighter side of things! It could ALWAYS be worse! If you have any friends at work, talk to them when you can, talk to us on here. Do whatever you can to get that stress and pent up feelings out! Message someone if you want it to be private, or just post your heart out!

[Lady Moreta]

Thanks for the support glad I made your day! My past week and a halfish area has been the best time ever! I managed to make 4 or 5 new friends, find a group like me and get my friend off drugs (Extra bonus! BOO YAH!)

You got a friend off drugs? Wow - you too are a legend :smallbiggrin: That's awesome you win the entire internet and good chunk of the world too :smallbiggrin:


As for you! I must admit that sucks and is a downer, BUT! Never fear. Caring bear man is here! (New name maybe? Change it to Bearman?)

Heehee, that's just making me think of Care Bears. I miss my old Care Bear, it was pink and had a rainbow...


Anyways! YOU! Need to totally do what YOU want to. I mean if for now life is making you stick in that job you hate, then maybe stick with it, but if you can find something you like, take it instantly, like a fat guy (Me :D) with cake, take it, gobble it and love it! If that doesn't happen look at the brighter side of things! It could ALWAYS be worse! If you have any friends at work, talk to them when you can, talk to us on here. Do whatever you can to get that stress and pent up feelings out! Message someone if you want it to be private, or just post your heart out!

You made me laugh with the cake analogy :smallbiggrin: My biggest problem is that I'm no longer sure what I want to do. I'm hanging out for my holidays to give myself time to sit down and really think about it. And to talk things over with Peregrine, which is a bit hard right now because he's stressed himself. If he is stressed I must not be!

I have occassionaly whined to one of the girls at work... she mentioned that one of the temps who covered for me loved the job and if I was ever to leave could she be told so she can apply. I laughed and said if she was crazy enough to want it I'd be happy to give co-worker a heads up :smallsmile:

I do feel better for venting, thank you for listening :smallsmile: and the friend I actually emailed all that to is my dispenser of fantastic and 'Moreta-cut-the-crap' advice, which I need from time to time. So once she gets over the shock of the huge email, I'm hoping for great things from her :smallsmile:

[KingOfLaughter]

You got a friend off drugs? Wow - you too are a legend :smallbiggrin: That's awesome you win the entire internet and good chunk of the world too :smallbiggrin:

Keep all that stuff. I'm content with the hugs and love from my friends!

Heehee, that's just making me think of Care Bears. I miss my old Care Bear, it was pink and had a rainbow...

lol I've been called a bear, a teddy bear and all other manner of bear related things before.

You made me laugh with the cake analogy :smallbiggrin: My biggest problem is that I'm no longer sure what I want to do. I'm hanging out for my holidays to give myself time to sit down and really think about it. And to talk things over with Peregrine, which is a bit hard right now because he's stressed himself. If he is stressed I must not be!

I have occassionaly whined to one of the girls at work... she mentioned that one of the temps who covered for me loved the job and if I was ever to leave could she be told so she can apply. I laughed and said if she was crazy enough to want it I'd be happy to give co-worker a heads up :smallsmile:

I do feel better for venting, thank you for listening :smallsmile: and the friend I actually emailed all that to is my dispenser of fantastic and 'Moreta-cut-the-crap' advice, which I need from time to time. So once she gets over the shock of the huge email, I'm hoping for great things from her :smallsmile:

NO PROBLEM! :D I'm a lot happier now and am always willing to help, it's who I am! I LOVE when I help someone to feel better, even if slightly :D If YOU need to talk! Feel free to talk PM me! (I don't answer my emails so avoid that :D)

[golentan]

Does anyone else visualize their thoughts as something painful? I have this recurring thing going on where I think of them as a fanged creature burrowing into my brain, or a hot iron wrapped around my mind.

I've even started trying to claw some of them out when they hit, as a reflex action. :smalleek:

[Lady Moreta]

Does anyone else visualize their thoughts as something painful? I have this recurring thing going on where I think of them as a fanged creature burrowing into my brain, or a hot iron wrapped around my mind.

I've even started trying to claw some of them out when they hit, as a reflex action. :smalleek:

I have never done that no... but I can easily imagine how horrible it must be. You're obviously a visual person - perhaps instead of trying to claw them out re-visualise them. Take the fangs off the fanged creature, imagine pouring cold water over the hot iron. It might help :smallsmile:

You're talking to a therapist aren't you? Definitely mention it to them... they'll probably have better ways to help you than anything I can suggest.

[Salbazier]

If the whole class got an E, then I'd say either your lecturer isn't doing a very good job, or that the course material is harder than you're all used to.

I think you're right - it sounds like the best thing for you to do is to repeat the course. If you need to understand this material for your chosen career, then that will be the best thing for you. There's nothing wrong with doing it again, it's very mature of you to realise that this is the best option. Sometimes we just need to go over things again before they really get into our head.


Ah, Thank you. It's feel a bit funny to be called mature when most of my problems come from my immaturity. I guess I own my family for that's realization. I remember my brother having problem along that sort, passing a course before fully understanding it.

[bluewind95]

Does anyone else visualize their thoughts as something painful? I have this recurring thing going on where I think of them as a fanged creature burrowing into my brain, or a hot iron wrapped around my mind.

I've even started trying to claw some of them out when they hit, as a reflex action. :smalleek:

I think of mine as "the monster". Something horrific, with matted fur, sharp claws, sharper teeth and a very, very dangerous attitude. It's caged, usually, but then it escapes. Doesn't just sink into my head. It shreds all of me apart.

I'll agree that it's not a very pleasant visualization!

[Lillith]

Seems like all my papers that I have to send in for classes have something wrong with it. I feel like such a failure.

[rakkoon]

Working from home is not that great for my mood. Every time I post here it's from home:smallconfused:. Anyway just found out I'm getting some knee surgery done. Gonna cut some miniscus stuff away. Not that important a surgery but I prefer it when they fix something and not just cut parts of it way.
Also I've been having back problems for the last 3 months, apparently this will go way in another two months.
Where's the time they just gave you pills and everything was better two days later?

[Kastanok]

SO following my previous post. It worked out awesomely! I mean a few people hate me and I told them "fine I have other friends go be an ass." (In those words)

But the rest of them are epic good friends now :D AND I made new friends! AWESOME WEEK!

Sidenote: My friend called me her Straight Gay friend.. That confused me for a bit...

Congrats on dropping the façade and I'm glad to it worked out so well for you. I hope it's a real weight off you shoulders. I don't know what things are like where you're from but I'm guessing it's not an especially easy thing to do.


Seems like all my papers that I have to send in for classes have something wrong with it. I feel like such a failure.

I once read that 'failure' is something that happens, not what a person is. It was on a poster, and I remember wanting to tear it down at the time but maybe there's some truth to it.

By papers, I assume you're talking about forms? Eh, I really wouldn't blame yourself there. Any confusion on your part is the fault of the person or organisation who created the papers - they should be easy and intuitive to complete but so rarely are. To paraphrase Susan Sto-Helit, 'Don't get sad, get angry'. :smallamused:


Where's the time they just gave you pills and everything was better two days later?

I don't think there ever was that time. It was more that they gave you pills and two days later you had better BE better or you'd starve. "Put up or shut up, stiff upper lip, pull your weight, there's people worse off than you in X"... all that crap. Now you're actually getting practical help - hopefully the surgery will help, right? Better than just trying to ignore it.

[Lillith]

No I mean like essay and research papers that I have to hand in. I can't seem the hang of university standards and it's frustrating as hell to never get a compliment or a remark that I at least did -something- good. It's always 'this is wrong, this is wrong, that is wrong too, you didn't do that right'.

[Flying Elephant]

I emailed the counselor, asking how I would set up an appointment. At least I think it was the counselor. They have such a nice webpage set up, with stuff about how being ashamed or embarrassed is normal, that you could come to them with your problems, etc. but they didn't have contact information, names, or anything, so I had to go through the school directory looking for someone with the right sounding job.

Well, I guess I'll get a reply sometime. I'm really stuck with this now, I guess.

It's kind of odd how scared I was before I sent the email, but now I feel really happy that I did, because I can't back out of it now.

Thanks for encouraging me on this! I thought about not contacting the counselor, but then I realized you guys would be mad at me, so I did. :smalltongue:

About what it actually is: Last summer, after an instance of whatever, I went through a couple of websites trying to figure out. I eventually realized I was pretty much self diagnosing everything. I decided it was a bad idea, since that just made me feel even worse. And since I'm hopefully going to meet with someone who knows much more than I do soon, and can tell me what it is and what I should do about it.

I think I can rule out PMS though, because it occurs irregularly. Sometimes nothing will happen for two months or so, sometimes it will hit me three or four times a week. Also, I'm a guy, so if it's PMS I have a lot of other problems, too.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

I emailed the counselor, asking how I would set up an appointment. At least I think it was the counselor. They have such a nice webpage set up, with stuff about how being ashamed or embarrassed is normal, that you could come to them with your problems, etc. but they didn't have contact information, names, or anything, so I had to go through the school directory looking for someone with the right sounding job.

Well, I guess I'll get a reply sometime. I'm really stuck with this now, I guess.

It's kind of odd how scared I was before I sent the email, but now I feel really happy that I did, because I can't back out of it now.

Thanks for encouraging me on this! I thought about not contacting the counselor, but then I realized you guys would be mad at me, so I did. :smalltongue:

About what it actually is: Last summer, after an instance of whatever, I went through a couple of websites trying to figure out. I eventually realized I was pretty much self diagnosing everything. I decided it was a bad idea, since that just made me feel even worse. And since I'm hopefully going to meet with someone who knows much more than I do soon, and can tell me what it is and what I should do about it.

I think I can rule out PMS though, because it occurs irregularly. Sometimes nothing will happen for two months or so, sometimes it will hit me three or four times a week. Also, I'm a guy, so if it's PMS I have a lot of other problems, too.
Emphasis mine.

We wouldn't have gotten mad. (I'm making what I assume are educated guesses, here.) Heck, we wouldn't even have been disappointed. I think most of us would just sit here and wish there was more we could do for you, other than make suggestions. Many of us want to be able to perform miracles, and are entirely too mortal to do so.

Conversely, the thing that irritates me, as I can't truly speak for others on this one, is when we give advice and it's not taken, yet the person repeatedly comes here to lay their woes before us. If someone truly wants to fix things in their lives, they take the advice and DO something with it. Even if they alter the suggestion to put a personal spin on it, doing something is better than doing nothing at all. However, there have been a few too many, and that means even just one person in my case, that have vented to us, received advice, and then come back to repeat that things are terrible, and admit to the fact that they did nothing that was suggested. These "attention seekers" end up pushing this thread along at an accelerated pace, using up the time of those who care tremendously, without actually seeking solutions. They just want attention, and they come here to get it.

Hence, on the first page, there's rule 9a. After giving the same advice repeatedly to one particular individual, I was ready to reach through the screen and throttle said person. I don't like getting angry, and becoming so only made me more upset.

So, when it comes to upsetting me, at the very least, the worst you could do is...nothing. Literally, do nothing. Vent, receive advice, and do nothing at all, and you will earn at least my ire.

But that's not the case with you, FE. You even put yourself in a position where it would be difficult to back out. So kudos to you, and good luck. And don't forget to keep us posted. :smallsmile:

[Flying Elephant]

I didn't think you would get mad; it's just I knew that there were people who knew that I needed to, so it made it easier for me.

[smellie_hippie]

Okay, so I have to post this. Take it as you will, but I am amazed at the strength some people have...

My wife just got off the phone with one of my son's friend's mother. I know who she is, but I can also honestly say that I really don't know her. She has cancer, and is entering into home hospice care. She is not going to live, and she knows this. It is my understanding that this service is to make her last days more peaceful.

She apparently petitioned the school board recently, asking if her son (who is a senior this year) might be able to have a graduation ceremony early. She wants this so she would be able to attend before she dies, knowing full well that he will still need to finish all of his classes.

The phone call was to specifically invite my son to come to his graduation, because he has been such a support and a good friend.

I don't even know what to say... I am so overwhelmingly proud of my son for being who he is, and what this invitation means to us.

[Lady Moreta]

Seems like all my papers that I have to send in for classes have something wrong with it. I feel like such a failure.

Have you gone to your professors and asked for more constructive critisim? Nothing bugs me more than a bunch of 'this is wrong' without any advice for fixing the problems. Is it that you're not getting the material, or that they aren't happy with your formatting/technical aspects? If it's the latter, your uni should have short courses available to teach you how to write to a university standard. If it's the former, you need to talk to your professors and go "all you've said is 'this is wrong' I need to know what I'm doing wrong so I can fix it. Please explain". Maybe get them to sit down and go through your essays with you so that you can get a clearer idea of what's expected.

Jumping to uni-level work from school isn't easy... was a bit of a shock for me and according to one teacher at least, I was already writing at uni level. You're not a failure, you just need an extra helping hand for a while *hugs*


Working from home is not that great for my mood. Every time I post here it's from home:smallconfused:. Anyway just found out I'm getting some knee surgery done. Gonna cut some miniscus stuff away. Not that important a surgery but I prefer it when they fix something and not just cut parts of it way.
Also I've been having back problems for the last 3 months, apparently this will go way in another two months.
Where's the time they just gave you pills and everything was better two days later?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't they cutting stuff away in order to fix it? Surgery sucks, but surely they wouldn't be doing it if it wasn't going to help in some way?


It's kind of odd how scared I was before I sent the email, but now I feel really happy that I did, because I can't back out of it now.

Thanks for encouraging me on this! I thought about not contacting the counselor, but then I realized you guys would be mad at me, so I did. :smalltongue:

Sometimes locking yourself in is the best option. I am very glad you've made this step. The next key is to make sure you are honest with them when you see them. If you think you'd struggle to talk, firstly tell them that, so they're aware of it and can perhaps take things a little slower til you're comfortable. Otherwise I always suggest writing it down and just saying "here read this" - you can work your way up to talking later :smallsmile:


We wouldn't have gotten mad. (I'm making what I assume are educated guesses, here.) Heck, we wouldn't even have been disappointed. I think most of us would just sit here and wish there was more we could do for you, other than make suggestions. Many of us want to be able to perform miracles, and are entirely too mortal to do so.

I'll admit, I wouldn't have gotten mad but there would have been some disappointment :smallredface: probably because I'm used to my husband's particular form of depression which generally means I have to push him pretty hard and sometimes getting mad/disappointed is the only thing that works.


*snip*

Wow... your son is awesome :smallsmile: That's incredible - thank you for sharing :smallsmile:

[afroakuma]

Hello Depression Thread!

It has been brought to my attention (aka hammered in with mounds of evidence) that I very likely suffer from some genre of depression, and that whatever genre it is is now screwing with my life beyond tolerable levels.

Now that I've conceded that point, what sort of professional should I seek help from, specifially for diagnosis/treatment. Am I looking for a "therapist?" A "psychiatrist?" Having sought counseling in the past and found it many degrees of useless, I'd like to know exactly who I should be looking for.

[MonkeyBusiness]

For Smelly:

I only know you through your posts, but they have impressed me enough to say: I'm not at all surprised that a son of yours is valued and loved enough to be invited to a gathering of such intimacy and importance.

Thank you for raising an exceptional young person.



Afroakuma:

If you are having depression accompanied by a desire to hurt yourself or others, or if you are having hallucinations, you need an MD.

That aside, you choose a counsellor for depression the same way you choose any other specialist. Recommendations help.

The best thing to do is to write down a list of symptoms and a list of things you want to accomplish by seeing a counsellor. If you have insurance, ask them for a comprehensive list of counsellors who deal with depression. Print out the list and take it to your GP along with your own lists. A good doctor will help you to determine what sort of counselling you need, as well as which persons on the insurance list are helpful. Also, you GP can rule outt certain causes of depression (such as thyroid related issues) that even a psychiatrist can't test.

An excellent counsellor who is a therapist or a psychologist is great for altering behavior and helping you gain insight. They do not prescribe medication. Sometimes it is best to start with one of these, but be open to switching to a psychiatrist if your counsellor recommends this. Psychiatrists prescribe medications. (FYI: Recently two regular posters here made some good observations about the role of medications.)

Without knowing you and your needs, that's the best I can tell you.

If you don't have a good doctor, but know some Psychology professors at the local U, ask them instead.

Best of luck!


Rakoon:

Those pills were called valium. They didn't fix anything ... just made you stop caring.

Darn it. Knees are proof that someone did not use proper quality control. I suggest you demand a refund - no, on second thought ... don't.

I am sorry you are in pain, Rakoon. And I'm sorry about the surgery; but I hope it will help.



Monkey must go to bed.
Hugs to all. Be well.

.

[bluewind95]

Sometimes there raelly isn't much to be done when it comes to advice. Sometimes the problem goes beyond what can be advised.

In my situation, for example... I have done pretty much nothing about the advice given. I'd like to, but at the same time, going legal? That practically guarentees I NEVER get a job again. Ever. Burns my reputation with the outsourcing firm, and I WILL have them all give terrible references. And yes, any potential future employer WILL get them sometime (I've already heard of such a thing happening to someone who used to work at this firm. Never got a decent job afterwards. Granted, he was indeed guilty of what was said, but... and I've seen it happen in other areas, too. You just don't go and demand your rights over here. Besides, corruption. They pay the judges and walk all over you). Working from home? Sadly, not an option. Information security and, really, in Mexico that's mostly a HUGE no in any company either way. Leaving the job? Not an option either, since I need a job to pay for all the doctors, at least, and medicines, and I need to work on my retirement fund, too, even if that comes far earlier than I would like it to. Putting my health first? I'm TRYING to. Have to, I'm forced to due to my health. It's landing me in trouble at work either way. I'm going to get terrible feedback and have already been told I should just stop working in systems programming, that it all makes me a terrible programmer. Going against the project leader? Grand way to end up looking antagonistic and having the same issue that I would have seeking legal action. Bad references and getting fired. They're not gonna fire the one who's been at it for 15 years over the newbie. They're just not. There's freindships there, too.

So I've done nothing about it, except grin and bear it (to my limits). This has made me feel worse. And honestly, I DREAM of quitting the job and going "Deal with it yourself!" and running off mid-day. But I can't. It's just a fantasy. But, see, it helped me to come here with my woes because of the advice given. I may not be able to take it, but at the same time it helps that it's THERE. It helped me validate my feelings in the matter, knowing that I am NOT just over-reacting to things. I may not be able to do anything about it, but I feel a little bit stronger in knowing that indeed I am not so wrong. If you guys think that it's wasted time, I'm sorry. That's kind of why I shy away from posting here. Because I know that the most likely things to be suggested (in the case of depression, for example, things like "seek professional help") are not things I can do at the moment (or at all, even). And the biggest (and many times only) help I can really get is perspective and validation of my feelings so that I can manage to cope with what's rreal rather than skewed perception that is so common with depression.

... And, really, sometimes (and this may not even apply to me, just a general thing), inability to act upon things is a mental illness in and of itself, rather than something one can just snap out of. Sometimes people want to do things, really, really want to. And they can't because the parts of their brain that deal with acting upon plans like that just don't work.

... That... was a long ramble. I should be finishing my chores to sleep rather than typing here...

[Zeb The Troll]

I don't even know what to say... I am so overwhelmingly proud of my son for being who he is, and what this invitation means to us.That's awesome, hippie. This is a testament to the job that you and Mountain Faerie are doing as parents. Give each other a hug and a pat on the back for being the parents you guys are too.

[MonkeyBusiness]

Bluewind, I'm glad it helps you to relase steam here. I, for one, do not feel you are disregarding advice if you choose not to follow it. It's a tough situation you are in.

I was in a similar situation once, and lost the job through no fault of my own. I could have sued. I chose not to, because like you I had a whole plateful of Other Things that were more important.

Do I regret my decision? No, because it was best for me. I regret only that there were too many Other Things that had to take precedence. I'm sorry if I lived out a little of my regret in my advice to you.

Confiding here takes trust. But trust works both ways. I trust that you listen to the advice and comfort, and use what you can.

If it would be more helpful to you if we focussed more on words of comfort for now, rather than words of advice, please say so. I mean that sincerely.

I am sorry that your manager and boss are disrespectful of your basic human rights. I am sorry, shocked, and sickened that your co-workers are falling for this "rest is for wussies" malarky.

Hang in there.

And now I really am going to bed.

[Lady Moreta]

Hello Depression Thread!

It has been brought to my attention (aka hammered in with mounds of evidence) that I very likely suffer from some genre of depression, and that whatever genre it is is now screwing with my life beyond tolerable levels.

Now that I've conceded that point, what sort of professional should I seek help from, specifially for diagnosis/treatment. Am I looking for a "therapist?" A "psychiatrist?" Having sought counseling in the past and found it many degrees of useless, I'd like to know exactly who I should be looking for.

I would suggest that anyone listed as just a 'counsellor' is probably not what you're after. And it also depends on what sort of treatment you need. Some people may just need sessions with a counselor or some description, others may need medication. Not everyone can prescribe though.

My husband saw a counselor first (not sure exactly what he was he was just listed as a counselor) who told him that he'd need to see a MD to get formally diagnosed. His doctor is the one he sees on a regular basis to get new prescriptions. He is now also seeing an actual psychistrist as well.

There are psychistrists and psychologists and I've never been able to figure out what the difference is. But I'm pretty sure only one of them can actually prescribe.

If you're not sure, the best bet is probably your local GP. They will be able to do a formal diagnosis and are probably the fastest/easiest way to get medication if you end up needing it. They will also have a list of counselor-types they can refer you to.

Otherwise I'd suggest everything Monkey did (:smalltongue:) but also try calling a depression helpline for your area. They are also likely to have a list of people you can contact and are more likely to be able to ascertain which would be best for you.



So I've done nothing about it, except grin and bear it (to my limits). This has made me feel worse. And honestly, I DREAM of quitting the job and going "Deal with it yourself!" and running off mid-day. But I can't. It's just a fantasy. But, see, it helped me to come here with my woes because of the advice given. I may not be able to take it, but at the same time it helps that it's THERE. It helped me validate my feelings in the matter, knowing that I am NOT just over-reacting to things. I may not be able to do anything about it, but I feel a little bit stronger in knowing that indeed I am not so wrong. If you guys think that it's wasted time, I'm sorry. That's kind of why I shy away from posting here. Because I know that the most likely things to be suggested (in the case of depression, for example, things like "seek professional help") are not things I can do at the moment (or at all, even). And the biggest (and many times only) help I can really get is perspective and validation of my feelings so that I can manage to cope with what's rreal rather than skewed perception that is so common with depression.

I can understand this... sometimes we just need someone to tell us we're not being unreasonable. And believe me, you're not. I'm sorry your bosses aren't being decent human beings, and of course we don't mind you coming to vent here. As much as it's fantastic when someone grabs all the advice and goes nuts with it, we also realise that there are situations where there is literally nothing you can do. Those situations suck more and I'm sure I'm not the only one who wishes they could wave a magic wand and make everything better for you.

Some extra thoughts, because I'm a compulsive problem-solver

1. How much longer is this project meant to last? can you get yourself some time off when it's done to rest and recuperate?

2. Have you thought about possibly changing jobs just for a while? something that might be less stressful to give your health a chance to recover? I realise it might not be that easy since your health is iffy enough that you'd probably struggle to find the energy to even look, but it's worth mentioning right?

And for a brief I-need-a-hug rant of my own:
Apparently, I’m incompetent. Not that I’ve been told this to my face mind you.

Quick story:
I had to call for a plumber to come in and fix a leaky tap. He arrived and said he would need to turn off the water to the building while he worked. I was at that point, in the middle of another issue that was completely doing my head in, so I forgot to send my usual ‘here’s what’s happening’ email to all staff. Normally I would have sent an email advising everyone that the water had been turned off.

I remembered in the end, when I went to rinse off a spoon, turned on the tap and no water came out. I went back to my desk and started up the email. At this point, co-worker whom I shall call J came in from the ladies and told me the water wasn’t working. I explained the situation – something along the lines of “oh the plumber is here fixing a tap he’s turned the water off. I’m just sending out an email now”. Her response was to get rude and snarky and say something along the lines of “Oh well, thanks for letting us know” – very sarcastically. She then went back to her desk and talked to the other lady in her department something about “Oh and did you know the water was off. It really gives me the *beep’s*. Incompetence.”

None of this was said to me mind. I however, am not an idiot and I know she was talking about me, just not too me. J has been like this for the past two years I’ve been here. Every time I forget to do something (which I’ll admit happens from time to time, my memory isn’t perfect) it’s because I’m incompetent and bad at my job. And yet she has never ONCE challenged me on it. The BDM once challenged me on my occasional forgetting and suggested getting a notebook to write things in. While being told ‘you’re not quite up to scratch’ wasn’t pleasant her comment was helpful and the notebook thing has been great. Not ONCE has J ever come to me with a ‘can you try better next time?’ or anything. Heck she’s never even said directly to me that she thinks I’m bad at my job.

I simply cannot tell if she’s doing all this ranting on purpose because she knows I can hear her or not. If she’s really whispering then I can’t hear here talk, but in general she doesn’t so I can hear every word. I think I struggle with it because I’d never pull that sort of passive-aggressive crap on anyone and I find it hard to believe it of anybody else (and yes I know that’s naïve, so sue me).

Not helped by the fact that later on in the day – right when I was about to leave for lunch as it happens, she asks me about a piece of mail one of the guys apparently asked me to post last week. I told her that anything that was given to me was posted as I always do. She then demanded to know if there was an outgoing log book for mail (which there isn’t) and that the document was very important (what that has to do with me I’m not sure). She was very rude and very much implying that once again, I’m not doing my job properly. Honestly what I got from her tone and attitude was that she thinks I’m lying when I say that if I was handed mail, I posted it.

I was on my way out the door when she jumped me, so I never actually mentioned that I don’t remember the guy ever giving me anything to post. I don’t have much to do with him, so I think something like that would stick in my memory. I don’t remember him giving me anything… okay so I say that and promptly a vague memory pops up in my head of something like that (but I just checked my stuff and there is no document sitting waiting to be posted). Honestly I felt like saying to her “I don’t remember it being given to me, but if it was I would have posted it. If it was that important, you should have couriered it.” There is no traceability on posted stuff, if it’s important send it by freaking courier!

I had to duck to the toilet before I went on my lunch break and by that point I was so upset I burst into tears. And I have to lead worship practice tonight… I tell you if the guys start fooling around I may just bite their heads off.

[Moonshadow]

And for a brief I-need-a-hug rant of my own:
Apparently, I’m incompetent. Not that I’ve been told this to my face mind you.

Quick story:
I had to call for a plumber to come in and fix a leaky tap. He arrived and said he would need to turn off the water to the building while he worked. I was at that point, in the middle of another issue that was completely doing my head in, so I forgot to send my usual ‘here’s what’s happening’ email to all staff. Normally I would have sent an email advising everyone that the water had been turned off.

I remembered in the end, when I went to rinse off a spoon, turned on the tap and no water came out. I went back to my desk and started up the email. At this point, co-worker whom I shall call J came in from the ladies and told me the water wasn’t working. I explained the situation – something along the lines of “oh the plumber is here fixing a tap he’s turned the water off. I’m just sending out an email now”. Her response was to get rude and snarky and say something along the lines of “Oh well, thanks for letting us know” – very sarcastically. She then went back to her desk and talked to the other lady in her department something about “Oh and did you know the water was off. It really gives me the *beep’s*. Incompetence.”

None of this was said to me mind. I however, am not an idiot and I know she was talking about me, just not too me. J has been like this for the past two years I’ve been here. Every time I forget to do something (which I’ll admit happens from time to time, my memory isn’t perfect) it’s because I’m incompetent and bad at my job. And yet she has never ONCE challenged me on it. The BDM once challenged me on my occasional forgetting and suggested getting a notebook to write things in. While being told ‘you’re not quite up to scratch’ wasn’t pleasant her comment was helpful and the notebook thing has been great. Not ONCE has J ever come to me with a ‘can you try better next time?’ or anything. Heck she’s never even said directly to me that she thinks I’m bad at my job.

I simply cannot tell if she’s doing all this ranting on purpose because she knows I can hear her or not. If she’s really whispering then I can’t hear here talk, but in general she doesn’t so I can hear every word. I think I struggle with it because I’d never pull that sort of passive-aggressive crap on anyone and I find it hard to believe it of anybody else (and yes I know that’s naïve, so sue me).

Not helped by the fact that later on in the day – right when I was about to leave for lunch as it happens, she asks me about a piece of mail one of the guys apparently asked me to post last week. I told her that anything that was given to me was posted as I always do. She then demanded to know if there was an outgoing log book for mail (which there isn’t) and that the document was very important (what that has to do with me I’m not sure). She was very rude and very much implying that once again, I’m not doing my job properly. Honestly what I got from her tone and attitude was that she thinks I’m lying when I say that if I was handed mail, I posted it.

I was on my way out the door when she jumped me, so I never actually mentioned that I don’t remember the guy ever giving me anything to post. I don’t have much to do with him, so I think something like that would stick in my memory. I don’t remember him giving me anything… okay so I say that and promptly a vague memory pops up in my head of something like that (but I just checked my stuff and there is no document sitting waiting to be posted). Honestly I felt like saying to her “I don’t remember it being given to me, but if it was I would have posted it. If it was that important, you should have couriered it.” There is no traceability on posted stuff, if it’s important send it by freaking courier!

I had to duck to the toilet before I went on my lunch break and by that point I was so upset I burst into tears. And I have to lead worship practice tonight… I tell you if the guys start fooling around I may just bite their heads off.


*LOTS OF HUGS*

I have some time off between the 17th and the 3rd or so. I should have enough money to fly over and give you real hugs, if you like.

You're not incompetent, either. I'm more than ever of the opinion that these co workers of yours are retarded douchebags. Maybe I should come sort them out, it's almost time for my yearly anger explosion anyways :smallamused:

[Skeppio]

And for a brief I-need-a-hug rant of my own:
*snip*

*HUGS* *TONS OF HUGS* You're not incompetent, and blast anyone who would say you are. You're a kind, hard working person and an excellent big sis to me. Let no-one tell you otherwise. :smallsmile:


*LOTS OF HUGS*

I have some time off between the 17th and the 3rd or so. I should have enough money to fly over and give you real hugs, if you like.

I have plenty of time and cash on my hands. We could make a trip of it. I smell a wacky adventure... :smallbiggrin:

[Lady Moreta]

*LOTS OF HUGS*

I have some time off between the 17th and the 3rd or so. I should have enough money to fly over and give you real hugs, if you like.

You're not incompetent, either. I'm more than ever of the opinion that these co workers of yours are retarded douchebags. Maybe I should come sort them out, it's almost time for my yearly anger explosion anyways :smallamused:


*HUGS* *TONS OF HUGS* You're not incompetent, and blast anyone who would say you are. You're a kind, hard working person and an excellent big sis to me. Let no-one tell you otherwise. :smallsmile:

I have plenty of time and cash on my hands. We could make a trip of it. I smell a wacky adventure... :smallbiggrin:

Awwww... you guys are the best :smallsmile: *hugs*

Also: don't tempt me :smalltongue: automatic response is: no! save your money! secondary response is: it'd be so cool :smallsmile:

Only 25mins til home time, most people have left and Peregrine is coming to pick me up! Yay... mostly yay. I will get home, have a shower and then have about 20mins to half an hour before we have to leave again for worship practice...

[Zeb The Troll]

There are psychistrists and psychologists and I've never been able to figure out what the difference is. But I'm pretty sure only one of them can actually prescribe.As I'm told, the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist is that the former went through medical school and can therefore prescribe medication.

This is Zeb's Understanding of Tiered Psychiatric Professions*. He may be wrong.

Counselor - Has some formalized training in psychiatric practices. Is usually your first line for people who need help dealing with things. They are typically intended to be seen for a few sessions, not the long term.

Therapist - Has more extensive training in practices and methodologies as well as diagnosis. Is more long term than a counselor, but still not someone you expect to be seeing for years and years.

Psychologist/Psychiatrist - Is an expert in the field of psychotherapy, having undergone rigorous graduate level training and education. These are your "go to" people for long term mental health care.

It is not uncommon for any or all of these tiers to work together towards a common goal. For example, Alarra is a therapist with an outreach program. That program also has counselors and a staff psychiatrist. Some of the children enrolled only see the counselors. Some see counselors and therapists, and some make regular (though far less frequent) visits to the psychiatrist in addition to the counselors and therapists, particularly if it's determined that medication would be beneficial.

*It is also worth noting that the terms counselor and therapist are loosely defined in many cases. A psychologist/psychiatrist may be referred to as a therapist or counselor, for example, and the latter terms are sometimes used interchangeably (even when there is prescriptive licensure for both, those outside of the profession are often unaware of the distinctions).

[Moonshadow]

Awwww... you guys are the best :smallsmile: *hugs*

Also: don't tempt me :smalltongue: automatic response is: no! save your money! secondary response is: it'd be so cool :smallsmile:

Only 25mins til home time, most people have left and Peregrine is coming to pick me up! Yay... mostly yay. I will get home, have a shower and then have about 20mins to half an hour before we have to leave again for worship practice...

You're a silly billy, I'd have no problem with flying over to harass you until you murder me and feed me to the dolphins visit for a couple days. My only real problem is that I'd hate to impose on you guys like that, and that you'd probably be all annoying and refuse any money I'd try to give you to compensate for having to put up with me for a couple days :smalltongue:

[rakkoon]

Rakoon:
Those pills were called valium. They didn't fix anything ... just made you stop caring.
Darn it. Knees are proof that someone did not use proper quality control. I suggest you demand a refund - no, on second thought ... don't.
I am sorry you are in pain, Rakoon. And I'm sorry about the surgery; but I hope it will help.



Hugs and a siggable quote? I feel much better already :smallsmile:
Surgery in a week btw so should be better for the holidays

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

bluewind95: There is a HUGE difference between not doing something and not being ABLE to do something. I know you a wee bit better than many here...or so I assume. You're not living in a part of the world where people can run to the government to receive all sorts of aid. There's simply too much violence and corruption for you to ask for such help.

It's why I feel oh so helpless in your situation. Remember a couple of years ago, when we would chat on Skype for hours on end? I never told you this, but my desire to make things better for you became a kind of desperation. I was practically ready to say, "Come to the States, we'll get married, and then we'll get you the help that you need." All I had back then was merely a crush on you, as you're such a sweetheart. And, without fail, my brain sought one of the more complicated routes to getting you the help you needed. What kept running through my head was all of the aid available to an old, disabled guy like me, and all of the aid completely unavailable to a young, sweet woman like yourself.

Alas, international romances, even though you weren't all that far when my crush was occurring, tend not to work out so well. Said crush never blossomed into anything more, and to offer marriage without love would have been...well, wrong.

And why I'm putting this on an open post is somewhat beyond me. I guess I just want to show folks how far I'm sometimes willing to go to help. This is me baring my heart, so no snide remarks, please. :smallredface:

You coming here and venting without doing anything to improve your situation is an exception. Don't EVER think that I'm getting upset because you don't follow advice. I mean, to the best of your ability, you did. You got yourself to a doctor and discovered there was a real problem, and not one that was imagined. Now, once again, you're stuck. There's little you can do about it. :smallfrown:

[Form]

Happy to be PMd :smallsmile:

Done. Sorry if it turns out to be too much.

[Ytaker]

I simply cannot tell if she’s doing all this ranting on purpose because she knows I can hear her or not. If she’s really whispering then I can’t hear here talk, but in general she doesn’t so I can hear every word. I think I struggle with it because I’d never pull that sort of passive-aggressive crap on anyone and I find it hard to believe it of anybody else (and yes I know that’s naïve, so sue me).

This is why I (college student) refuse to live with girls anymore. They bitch so much about each other, about fatness, sluttiness, personality, and so many little things which are just hurtful. Apparantly it helps you bond to other girls, and gives you a pleasurable sense of superiority.


I was on my way out the door when she jumped me, so I never actually mentioned that I don’t remember the guy ever giving me anything to post. I don’t have much to do with him, so I think something like that would stick in my memory. I don’t remember him giving me anything… okay so I say that and promptly a vague memory pops up in my head of something like that (but I just checked my stuff and there is no document sitting waiting to be posted). Honestly I felt like saying to her “I don’t remember it being given to me, but if it was I would have posted it. If it was that important, you should have couriered it.” There is no traceability on posted stuff, if it’s important send it by freaking courier!

http://dennisq.fileave.com/smiley-hug1.gif

I'm sorry for her hurtful comments. She is cruel, for so, so little reason, especially when you do nothing but try to help her. She should have gotten a copy directly from the guy if it was important.

[Salbazier]

If people who have no will to fix their life upsets you, don't open the spoiler. It's just incoherent rambling.


I don't even know what to say about myself anymore. I am at the lowest point of my life so far.

I post on one of the previous depression thread about my internet addiction problem. At that time i said that I'm leaving Gitp and hopefully much of the internet until i can be a better person. When, I come back (dunno what I think at that time) I didn't come here to say stuffs how I have been better and such.. because I didn't. I fail. Utterly fail, in fact it has gotten worse especially this week. Nevermind studying or working my assignments, Yesterday (well the day before yesterday now) i even almost got nothing to eat. Too lazy to do anything else but sit in front of my PC.

I've told, promised, even swear once to myself to change. No result. I made promise I'll be better to my mother, more than once, I once again do not have guts to tell her how dissapointing I am.

Even when opening my study materials or working my assignments is just several clicks away. I never managed it.

I don't know. I'm sorta giving up on myself. Weird.

I better stop before this became even more incoherent.

Sorry if this upset you. Even I don't know why I'm posting anymore. I intent to seek help RL, but I haven't got the chance except for a brief talk with one of my friend yesterday and this is 4 AM in the morning here.

Maybe I'll try later today to talk to someone again (if I'm sane enough). At the very least I'm going to student conseling next Monday.

[Phase]

So over the past several months I've been pretty depressed, probably with a capital D. It's been due in part to a combination of intense work-based stress, some relationship woes, self-esteem issues, and some basic existential "what's the point of going through all this crap if I'm just gonna die and none of it will matter anyway" stuff. Long story short I've not actually felt happy in like five months.

Anyway today is the day I was gonna get the acceptance letter from the college I've pretty much always wanted to go to, and to which I applied ED. I was gonna be happy for once in that I finally can take a breather, finally have the next step in life solid. Manage to stay with a girl.

Guess what lame-ass mother****er got rejecteeeed.

I just miss being sincere when my response to "How are you?" isn't "Suicidal."

[TIPOT]

Well i'm here again to report how its going.

This last week has been well meh really, I've started to try and talk to my friends again, and i've gone to most of my classes.

On a recommendation from my friend, I've arranged a meeting with the school psycologist person or whatever they're called tomorrow, and i'm going to see what they think.

[Innis Cabal]

So over the past several months I've been pretty depressed, probably with a capital D. It's been due in part to a combination of intense work-based stress, some relationship woes, self-esteem issues, and some basic existential "what's the point of going through all this crap if I'm just gonna die and none of it will matter anyway" stuff. Long story short I've not actually felt happy in like five months.

Anyway today is the day I was gonna get the acceptance letter from the college I've pretty much always wanted to go to, and to which I applied ED. I was gonna be happy for once in that I finally can take a breather, finally have the next step in life solid. Manage to stay with a girl.

Guess what lame-ass mother****er got rejecteeeed.

I just miss being sincere when my response to "How are you?" isn't "Suicidal."

Life is worth living because it's the only one you're given. Sorry you didn't get into the college of your choice but you can always go to your second choice and transfer later when you meet their standards. Ideal? No...but sad as it is...them's the breaks.

Suicide is never the answer. Even when what does S u i c i d e spell. There are people who love you and honestly...this patch of negativity in your life seems very much a rough spot. Is killing yourself over a very finite period in your life worth it? Is the pain and sorrow that you will cause to your loved one's worth it?

[AtlanteanTroll]

Sort of started thinking about this over in the Random Banter when I asked when should people start buying Christmas Presenst for their presents.

Melodrama ahead, that may or may not be worthy of a response.

Christmas time always gets me upset. My parents got divorced when I was 10 years old, and it was a huge slap to the face. The 2 had been together for 25 years before the divorce, so it was a shocker. (Obviously I, only being 10 at the time, was not around for a good part of that time.) Ever year on Christmas Eve, we would make a 3 hour pilgramage to my Uncles house where near all of my dad's side of the family got together (as most lived in the same state, except for 2 who live in Texas). Christmas was about family. Sure, there were presents, and all that nice stuff, but it just was... And now, I spend Christmas with one parent, and one only. No one else. I just feel like I've been betrayed and like my parents are hypocrites.

[Lady Moreta]

You're a silly billy, I'd have no problem with flying over to harass you until you murder me and feed me to the dolphins visit for a couple days. My only real problem is that I'd hate to impose on you guys like that, and that you'd probably be all annoying and refuse any money I'd try to give you to compensate for having to put up with me for a couple days :smalltongue:

I believe you :smallsmile: the problem isn't with you, the problem is with me. I don't know that I could let you...

On the other hand, no you wouldn't be an imposition, and yeah I'd probably be all annoying :smalltongue: Be warned though: I'd also likely drag you kicking and screaming to a psych :smalltongue:


This is why I (college student) refuse to live with girls anymore. They bitch so much about each other, about fatness, sluttiness, personality, and so many little things which are just hurtful. Apparantly it helps you bond to other girls, and gives you a pleasurable sense of superiority.

Thank you :smallsmile: I'd love to be around the girls I flatted with... they were fantastic


If people who have no will to fix their life upsets you, don't open the spoiler. It's just incoherent rambling.


I don't even know what to say about myself anymore. I am at the lowest point of my life so far.

I post on one of the previous depression thread about my internet addiction problem. At that time i said that I'm leaving Gitp and hopefully much of the internet until i can be a better person. When, I come back (dunno what I think at that time) I didn't come here to say stuffs how I have been better and such.. because I didn't. I fail. Utterly fail, in fact it has gotten worse especially this week. Nevermind studying or working my assignments, Yesterday (well the day before yesterday now) i even almost got nothing to eat. Too lazy to do anything else but sit in front of my PC.

I've told, promised, even swear once to myself to change. No result. I made promise I'll be better to my mother, more than once, I once again do not have guts to tell her how dissapointing I am.

Even when opening my study materials or working my assignments is just several clicks away. I never managed it.

I don't know. I'm sorta giving up on myself. Weird.

I better stop before this became even more incoherent.

Sorry if this upset you. Even I don't know why I'm posting anymore. I intent to seek help RL, but I haven't got the chance except for a brief talk with one of my friend yesterday and this is 4 AM in the morning here.

Maybe I'll try later today to talk to someone again (if I'm sane enough). At the very least I'm going to student conseling next Monday.


You're going to student counseling on Monday? good :smallsmile: why are you demeaning what you've already done. That doesn't sound like 'not making an effort' to me. It's a little step, but it's still an important one.

I would suggest getting someone to keep pushing you to A) go to your appointment on Monday and B) continue to get whatever other help you need. The inability to just get up and move is something I am familiar with through my husband, he went and did something about his depression largely because I pushed him into it. And now that I think about it, I actually made his first appointment for him. Perhaps the counselor you see on Monday can make an appointment for you... you need to get yourself locked in so you can't back out.


So over the past several months I've been pretty depressed, probably with a capital D. It's been due in part to a combination of intense work-based stress, some relationship woes, self-esteem issues, and some basic existential "what's the point of going through all this crap if I'm just gonna die and none of it will matter anyway" stuff. Long story short I've not actually felt happy in like five months.

Anyway today is the day I was gonna get the acceptance letter from the college I've pretty much always wanted to go to, and to which I applied ED. I was gonna be happy for once in that I finally can take a breather, finally have the next step in life solid. Manage to stay with a girl.

Guess what lame-ass mother****er got rejecteeeed.

I just miss being sincere when my response to "How are you?" isn't "Suicidal."

Okay, I know it might not seem like it to you right now, but trust me on this. It's not the end of the world.

You still have choices, you can still take a solid next-step. It may not be at the uni you wanted to go to, but there are other options. I am sorry you didn't get in... you can either wait and try again later, or perhaps go to another uni to start with and maybe you can transfer later. Do your graduate work elsewhere and go to this place for post-grad. There are other options for you out there. Not getting into your first choice doesn't mean that the rest of your life is now going to be screwed up forever. *hugs*

Also, are you doing anything/seeking help for your depression? Because if you aren't, you should be :smallsmile:


Well i'm here again to report how its going.

This last week has been well meh really, I've started to try and talk to my friends again, and i've gone to most of my classes.

On a recommendation from my friend, I've arranged a meeting with the school psycologist person or whatever they're called tomorrow, and i'm going to see what they think.

Good for you :smallsmile: That is a very good place to start. Let us know how it goes :smallsmile:


Sort of started thinking about this over in the Random Banter when I asked when should people start buying Christmas Presenst for their presents.

Melodrama ahead, that may or may not be worthy of a response.

Christmas time always gets me upset. My parents got divorced when I was 10 years old, and it was a huge slap to the face. The 2 had been together for 25 years before the divorce, so it was a shocker. (Obviously I, only being 10 at the time, was not around for a good part of that time.) Ever year on Christmas Eve, we would make a 3 hour pilgramage to my Uncles house where near all of my dad's side of the family got together (as most lived in the same state, except for 2 who live in Texas). Christmas was about family. Sure, there were presents, and all that nice stuff, but it just was... And now, I spend Christmas with one parent, and one only. No one else. I just feel like I've been betrayed and like my parents are hypocrites.

I'm sorry Christmas isn't good any more :smallfrown: *hugs* What would make it better for you? being with friends? why don't you see if you can invite other people around? I find that I enjoy Christmas more when there are lots of people around. It makes it much harder to be sad.

I'm afraid I don't really have much else, my parents are still together... I do have heartfelt sympathy for you and I do wish I could make it better *hugs*

[Ytaker]

Thank you :smallsmile: I'd love to be around the girls I flatted with... they were fantastic

We had a lot of drama. The people were fantastic, and great fun to be with, but the endless fights (hot and cold) drained me so much.

My main point is that it's quite possible that lady's rude actions aren't so much directed at you, but rather you are used so that she can entertain her friends raise her (nigh universal for ladies) low self esteem. You have authority, so you're an obvious target. I dunno if that provides any relief, but it's not so personal.

[Galileo]

Expletive my wisdom teeth.

About a month ago I went to the dentist for my last free checkup. (In NZ, dental care is free till you're 18.) It turned out that my wisdom teeth were coming in at an absurd angle, and I have to have them removed. If it's not done before I turn 18, I have to pay.

My birthday is on the 26th. The only appointment before then is the 21st, meaning I get to sit through Christmas lunch with 4 giant holes in my gums. Whee.

And just to make it worse, the dentist mentioned something about my teeth having long roots and the possibility that the surgery could bump the major nerve in my lower jaw, making it tingle. Maybe permanently. I know it's an extremely long shot, but it's still got me worried.

[Haruki-kun]

Sort of started thinking about this over in the Random Banter when I asked when should people start buying Christmas Presenst for their presents.

Melodrama ahead, that may or may not be worthy of a response.

Christmas time always gets me upset. My parents got divorced when I was 10 years old, and it was a huge slap to the face. The 2 had been together for 25 years before the divorce, so it was a shocker. (Obviously I, only being 10 at the time, was not around for a good part of that time.) Ever year on Christmas Eve, we would make a 3 hour pilgramage to my Uncles house where near all of my dad's side of the family got together (as most lived in the same state, except for 2 who live in Texas). Christmas was about family. Sure, there were presents, and all that nice stuff, but it just was... And now, I spend Christmas with one parent, and one only. No one else. I just feel like I've been betrayed and like my parents are hypocrites.

It's not the same case, definitely, but I go through a similar situation.

My grandparents on my mom's side are divorced. We used to have a party with both of them, even after they got divorced, but eventually, over 10 years later, they both decided they can't be in the sameroom together. Now we have to have two parties on different days. To top it all off, my grandma now had a fight with one of her brothers and won't spend Christmas with them and... well, it all falls apart. It must be very hard on my mom.

Still, I love Christmas. It's my favorite holiday. And I really don't want to have it ruined by them.

Before I get derailed into telling you the whole story of my mom's family (cuz we'd be here for a while), what I'm trying to say is: Try to spend it the best you can. The feeling really sucks when family just can't get along, but there's nothing we can do about it... so just try to enjoy it.

And if the subject about the other parent comes up (I know it does with my grandparents), and that makes you uncomfortable, just look them in the eye and say "let's talk about something else, please".

--------------------------------------------------------

I really want to post here, but I've been having trouble putting it into words... So I think I'll just do it later. Maybe I'll come up with what I want to say.

[Lady Moreta]

We had a lot of drama. The people were fantastic, and great fun to be with, but the endless fights (hot and cold) drained me so much.

My main point is that it's quite possible that lady's rude actions aren't so much directed at you, but rather you are used so that she can entertain her friends raise her (nigh universal for ladies) low self esteem. You have authority, so you're an obvious target. I dunno if that provides any relief, but it's not so personal.

Ahhh, I see what you mean now :smallsmile:

Only problem with that is that I have no authority at all. I am at the bottom of the ladder and that it is. You're quite possibly right, but it won't have anything to do with my having authority because I have none. Most of my problems at work stem from the fact that I have no authority. Also from the fact that people don't seem to realise that I'm actually doing three separate jobs. And I'm a corporate receptionist, which means I am in essense a receptionist for four completely separate legal entities, covering five different departments.


Expletive my wisdom teeth.

About a month ago I went to the dentist for my last free checkup. (In NZ, dental care is free till you're 18.) It turned out that my wisdom teeth were coming in at an absurd angle, and I have to have them removed. If it's not done before I turn 18, I have to pay.

My birthday is on the 26th. The only appointment before then is the 21st, meaning I get to sit through Christmas lunch with 4 giant holes in my gums. Whee.

And just to make it worse, the dentist mentioned something about my teeth having long roots and the possibility that the surgery could bump the major nerve in my lower jaw, making it tingle. Maybe permanently. I know it's an extremely long shot, but it's still got me worried.

First thing to remember - when the dentist says it's a long shot, he means it. The chances of it happening are pretty remote.

I had to get a wisdom tooth taken out a couple of years ago, and honestly it didn't take that long for it to heal. It might take a bit longer for you, because you're getting all four out - but seriously the holes aren't that big. The biggest thing will be stopping yourself from poking your tongue into the hole and playing with it. There was this random gap there!

Otherwise, just be careful how you chew and make sure there's jelly and ice cream, just in case :smallsmile:


I really want to post here, but I've been having trouble putting it into words... So I think I'll just do it later. Maybe I'll come up with what I want to say.

Do what I do in that situation. Just start writing... the more you just let your thoughts flow out the easier you'll find it to start forming them more cohesively. Start writing and gradually you'll find that you start to figure out what it is you're trying to say :smallsmile:

[Galileo]

First thing to remember - when the dentist says it's a long shot, he means it. The chances of it happening are pretty remote.

I had to get a wisdom tooth taken out a couple of years ago, and honestly it didn't take that long for it to heal. It might take a bit longer for you, because you're getting all four out - but seriously the holes aren't that big. The biggest thing will be stopping yourself from poking your tongue into the hole and playing with it. There was this random gap there!

Otherwise, just be careful how you chew and make sure there's jelly and ice cream, just in case :smallsmile:

Thanks. My mother's coworker had to get his wisdom teeth out yesterday, and he says he barely needed the painkillers they gave him. So I should be fine. That was mostly me freaking out about the worst possible situation. Of course, I'm not exactly doing that well, because the worst possible situation would be the universe collapsing as the surgery starts, causing the dentist to slip. Oh, and then everything ends. :smalltongue:

[Moonshadow]

I believe you :smallsmile: the problem isn't with you, the problem is with me. I don't know that I could let you...

On the other hand, no you wouldn't be an imposition, and yeah I'd probably be all annoying :smalltongue: Be warned though: I'd also likely drag you kicking and screaming to a psych :smalltongue:


That's okay, I can just ask Perey instead. I'm sure he won't mind as much :P

And you can be annoying as you like, but I'll just be sneaky. And no, you'd try to drag me to a psych, but I can pretty much assure you that the only way you're going to succeed is if you somehow attach me to a herd of wild horses and full on bodily drag me there :smalltongue:

[Lady Moreta]

And no, you'd try to drag me to a psych, but I can pretty much assure you that the only way you're going to succeed is if you somehow attach me to a herd of wild horses and full on bodily drag me there :smalltongue:

Is that a challenge?

Bring it on :smallbiggrin:

[Moonshadow]

Does that mean I can come over then? :smalltongue:

[Lady Moreta]

Does that mean I can come over then? :smalltongue:

That entirely depends on how serious you're actually being... bearing in mind that I'd have to talk to Peregrine first...

And so as not to completely derail the thread... a little update of my own, and a possible insight... crazy pscyho lady I was complaining about yesterday? today was her (slightly more usual) lovely self.

I think I'm starting to realise that she 'acts out' for want of a better phrase, when she's stressed. I think she's taking it out on the people she can, those lower than her on the totem pole, which unfortunately, is me. And the fact that I don't like confrontation so I rarely (okay never in this case) stand up for myself and tell her to shove it.

One day I'll get a slight personality transplant that will give me the guts to march over the next time she mutters something not-so-under-her-breath about me and how I do my job and tell her "If you have a problem with how I do my job, you come and tell me. I've had enough of you bitching about me behind my back. If you don't have the decency to talk to me, at least keep your voice down so when you're talking behind my back I don't have to listen to it."

[Amiel]

This may be the depression thread, but the love, support and care you all have for and show toward each other is amazing and very beautiful :smallsmile:

[Moonshadow]

I'm totally serious, I'd love to come over. I realise that right before Christmas isn't the best time though.

I'd suggest Dutch Courage as an alternative to a personality transplant... but you don't drink, and your personality is wonderful as is :smallsmile:

And just because she's stressed doesn't give her the right to bitch out everyone else. But I guess not everyone can be mature...

[Form]

One day I'll get a slight personality transplant that will give me the guts to march over the next time she mutters something not-so-under-her-breath about me and how I do my job and tell her "If you have a problem with how I do my job, you come and tell me. I've had enough of you bitching about me behind my back. If you don't have the decency to talk to me, at least keep your voice down so when you're talking behind my back I don't have to listen to it."

She shouldn't be taking out her stress on you. :smallannoyed:

If you are going to adress the issue it's probably best to do so when she isn't so stressed. She'll be more reasonable then and less likely to act out again in response.

[Lady Moreta]

I'm totally serious, I'd love to come over. I realise that right before Christmas isn't the best time though.

I'd suggest Dutch Courage as an alternative to a personality transplant... but you don't drink, and your personality is wonderful as is :smallsmile:

And just because she's stressed doesn't give her the right to bitch out everyone else. But I guess not everyone can be mature...

I'll talk to Peregrine... tomorrow, when I'm not so tired :smallsmile: I would love to see you little brother.

Yes, no dutch courage for me, especially not at work :smalltongue:


She shouldn't be taking out her stress on you. :smallannoyed:

If you are going to adress the issue it's probably best to do so when she isn't so stressed. She'll be more reasonable then and less likely to act out again in response.

I know on both counts :smallsmile: The small rant was more of a 'I'll never say this to her face so I'll just say it here because it will make me feel better'. Perey would like me to say something to somebody... I feel bad for admitting that's unlikely to happen :smallfrown:

And Form, I promise I haven't forgotten you! Work's been really random the past couple of days and sometimes it takes me a while to sort out my thoughts into a coherent reply. But I WILL respond :smallsmile:

[Skeppio]

I'll talk to Peregrine... tomorrow, when I'm not so tired :smallsmile: I would love to see you little brother.

Sounds like I gotta get in on this. I'm right here if you want a travel buddy, Naoto. :smallbiggrin:

[Amiel]

Sounds like I gotta get in on this. I'm right here if you want a travel buddy, Naoto. :smallbiggrin:

Definitely likewise! :smallbiggrin:

[Form]

I know on both counts :smallsmile: The small rant was more of a 'I'll never say this to her face so I'll just say it here because it will make me feel better'. Perey would like me to say something to somebody... I feel bad for admitting that's unlikely to happen :smallfrown:


If you're feeling bad for not ranting at your superior when the oppertunity presents itself, don't be. Not exploding in anger shows restraint and is a good thing!


And Form, I promise I haven't forgotten you! Work's been really random the past couple of days and sometimes it takes me a while to sort out my thoughts into a coherent reply. But I WILL respond :smallsmile:

I'm actually relieved to hear that, but take your time. I'm starting to feel a bit better again anyway.

[Salbazier]

You're going to student counseling on Monday? good :smallsmile: why are you demeaning what you've already done. That doesn't sound like 'not making an effort' to me. It's a little step, but it's still an important one.

I would suggest getting someone to keep pushing you to A) go to your appointment on Monday and B) continue to get whatever other help you need. The inability to just get up and move is something I am familiar with through my husband, he went and did something about his depression largely because I pushed him into it. And now that I think about it, I actually made his first appointment for him. Perhaps the counselor you see on Monday can make an appointment for you... you need to get yourself locked in so you can't back out.



First, thank you for the kind words. I'm kinda feeling bad that I never contribute in this thread with comforting others.

Well, I was really in awkward state of mind this morning. Aside from that small period of reduced internet activity i haven't done any concrete effort. I realized that I should seek help IRL instead of just whining when I read one of Bor's earlier post (dunno how one lead to other but thanks anyway, Bor). Previously I'm just too ashamed/embarrassed/afraid to bother/don't know how should ask to do it. Things has became really bad though.

Didn't talk to any of my friends today (well, not explaining my problem in detail at least). I'll find a chance if to do so tomorrow (if I can kick myslef out the house) there's a basketball game tomorrow so i should go. My .. well, i duuno the term you english speakers use, Its some sort of organization of students with same major. They have a division which jobdesc should include handling students with problems.

I really don't know how this will work out. The campus' conselling especially, after some bad experience at Junior high I kind of distrusful to such body.

Lack of will should be something stupidly easy to fix, and yet it was stupidly difficult for me.

[MonkeyBusiness]

Each item is wrapped, because I've gift-wrapped everything else: why not my replies?
:smallwink: I just wish I could put a bow on each one.

Anyone can open any of the spoilers below, regardless of whether your name is on the gift tag.

Amiel:

Your most recent post made me smile. It is a kindly community, isn't it?

Insanealien:

Expletive wisdom teeth indeed.

Most people have much less pain with this than they expect: I hope you will be one of this majority.

Meanwhile, hedge your bets by asking to be put on the cancellation list. This is the holiday season, after all. Most people look for reasons to cancel dental appointments, and this busy seaon provides the perfect excuse. If someone has to reschedule ... you might get their spot. It's worth a try, at any rate.

Goodluck, and be sure to have things you can eat in a newly wisdom toothless state that are still holiday/birthday/festive treats. (I like eggnog icecream, personally.)



Salbazier:


First, thank you for the kind words. I'm kinda feeling bad that I never contribute in this thread with comforting others.
<snip>
Lack of will should be something stupidly easy to fix, and yet it was stupidly difficult for me.

Moreta's awesome, isn't she?

Don't feel bad that you haven't had the opportunity to offer comfort. When you feel better, you will have a great deal of wisdom to impart. One advantage of depression is that it can make you wiser and more compassionate. And stronger.

I think of it as being like a blade of Toledo steel: the forging process was terrible, but now I am so strong I can withstand nearly any blow.

As for lack of will: I see it the opposite way you do! I think it is the hardest thing to fix, especially alone. To use a metaphor: if you were a car and your tires all fell off, or if you had no fuel, how would you drive yourself to get help? Yet you have somehow managed to do this. Well done!

I have been impressed that you've been asking for advice on small-but-important coping strategies (such as easy recipes, so you can feed yourself when you are low on will). That shows excellent common sense, as well as a determination to beat the depression. Those details are just as important as going to therapy.

Keep at it.



Moreta:


... incompetent? You? I think someone needs to give that woman a dictionary for Christmas, because "the state of being compassionate and conscientious while being overworked, unappreciated, and underpaid" is not the definition of "incompetence".

I can think of some other things she needs for Christmas as well. A kick in the pants, for example. (A nice bright ribbon on the toe of the boot is always a nice Martha-Stewarty gift wrapping touch.)

Have a Christmas cookie and ignore the fool. She's getting coal in her stocking. You're not. 'Nuff said.

XO XO



Haruki, Atlantean Troll, and others:

Family changes at holiday time are rough. Even if the change itself happened "awhile ago" it's still hard to adapt during the holidays.

One thing I do is to keep old traditions as best I can, while creating new ones. For example, when The-Man-Previously-Known-As-My-Husband was too busy playing WOW online on Christmas Eve to trim the tree with me, I decorated it myself while listening to Christmas carols. That was me keeping an old tradition as best I could: my mother started that tradition and I kept it my whole life no matter where I was, no matter who did or did not help. The tree looked great, even if the process was not entirely what I'd hoped it would be, and the comforting old ritual did help.

Then, when he was still busy playing online, I decided to start a new tradition. Rather than sitting there alone, I built a fire, made myself some hot cocoa and read The Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. And I decided that this was my new tradition: to re-read that good old story every December before Christmas. And I have kept that tradition since then. It is an even better one than I realized: because every time I read that story, I am reminded of how far I have come since then, and how much better my life is.

Christmas, ultimately, is in our hearts. But sometimes, when our hearts are broken, we rely on traditions - old and new - to help us keep Christmas alive.

That's how I see it, anyway.

[Indurain]

Hey Thread,

I'm back. Unfortunately, things haven't been improving in my situation lately, so I haven't been updating this thread.

However, I've come to the conclusion that I probably need some professional help to get over some of my issues.

What I'm hoping you guys can help me with is the process of finding a therapist/psychiatrist. How do you pick one? Are there credentials I should be checking for? Is it all just how well you get along with the person? Since finances are one of the my main concerns I don't want to waste my money with a person who is unable to help me.

So, does anyone have any tips that could help me out?

[Ytaker]

Hey Thread,

I'm back. Unfortunately, things haven't been improving in my situation lately, so I haven't been updating this thread.

However, I've come to the conclusion that I probably need some professional help to get over some of my issues.

What I'm hoping you guys can help me with is the process of finding a therapist/psychiatrist. How do you pick one? Are there credentials I should be checking for? Is it all just how well you get along with the person? Since finances are one of the my main concerns I don't want to waste my money with a person who is unable to help me.

So, does anyone have any tips that could help me out?

In statistical studies, three factors have been shown to be important in the effectiveness of psychotherapy. The therapist's belief in their type of therapy. The personality of the therapist is a signifigant factor. And the relationship between you are the therapist is a key factor. The type of treatment, and the strictness of adherence to the type of treatment are not factors.

From a statistical analysis in The Great Psychotherapy Debate.

As such, your relationship is core. If you don't feel you can talk to them, you'll get no social benefits.

For a number of disorders, CBT has been shown to have statistically signifigant effect on individuals, depending on your problems.

[MonkeyBusiness]

Hey Indy:

Sorry to hear you are still feeling down.

You already know the kinds of things you want to tackle, but make a list anyway. You might write down things like this:
Chronic Depression, possible seasonal affective disorder
Apathy: need coping strategy and motivational goals
Support & encouragement while I find a job

You can take this list to your doctor and ask for a referral.

If you (and your doctor) think you might benefit from medication then a psychiatrist is what you need. Many psychiatrists use talk therapy as well as meds, which is a good combination.

But if you do not want/need medication, then you need someone trained to help you identify your unhelpful thoughts (this is called cognitive psychology) and to change you behavior (behavioral psychology). So whether you go with a psychologist (a person with a PhD in psychology, but no MD) or a licensed therapist (who might or might not have a Master's degree) you want someone with some cognitive/behavioral training. So when you call to make an appointment, you'll ask about this.

Sometimes it can be hard to find the right therapist. It's a very personal choice.

When a person gets stuck in a rut like this, one helpful thing to do is to identify the time of day that makes you feel most energetic. Some people are early-morning types, while others feel at their peak in the middle of the day. Set aside a few tasks that can be accomplished and do them at this time of day. You might decide to fill out one job application, buy some groceries, and pay the electric bill. Or you might clean the cat's litter box, retype your resume, and make a doctor's appointment. Then you are free to play video games, because you have done your alloted tasks.

In time, you will be able to tackle longer lists. For now, keep it simple.

The thing is to do something, no matter how small. Stationary objects tend to remain stationary.

Hang in there.

[Haruki-kun]

What I'm hoping you guys can help me with is the process of finding a therapist/psychiatrist.

Sure thing.


How do you pick one?

Every psychologist I've ever been to see has been someone recommended by someone my parents knew, or a teacher. A teacher recommended my current psychologist. The best way to find one, I think, is if you know someone who might know one.

Alternatively, you can go to a hospital and ask to see someone, orlook it up in a phone book, but if the former is an option, then you should probably go with that.


Are there credentials I should be checking for?

I... never did. But I'm not sure if I should say "no", so I'll leave this one to someone else.


Is it all just how well you get along with the person?

YES.

I cannot stress this enough. If you can't connect with your therapist, it won't lead you anywhere. It doesn't even mean s/he's a bad psychologist, it's just important to connect.


Since finances are one of the my main concerns I don't want to waste my money with a person who is unable to help me.

=/ I'm afraid I can't really suggest anything else. But if you have a friend who went to a psychologist and can honestly tell you s/he's good, then follow that advice and go see them.

Also, it's not very important to me, but I noticed when I sought help at school that they asked me if I'd be more comfortable talking to a man or a woman. I said I was OK either way, but if you'd be more comfortable with either, then go with that.


So, does anyone have any tips that could help me out?

Well... last tip, if you can't connect with them, then... don't be afraid to look for someone else. Heck, one of the counsilors I saw this semester directly suggested I switch to someone else. Hopefully, you won't need this tip.

[Salbazier]

Salbazier:



Moreta's awesome, isn't she?

Don't feel bad that you haven't had the opportunity to offer comfort. When you feel better, you will have a great deal of wisdom to impart. One advantage of depression is that it can make you wiser and more compassionate. And stronger.

I think of it as being like a blade of Toledo steel: the forging process was terrible, but now I am so strong I can withstand nearly any blow.

As for lack of will: I see it the opposite way you do! I think it is the hardest thing to fix, especially alone. To use a metaphor: if you were a car and your tires all fell off, or if you had no fuel, how would you drive yourself to get help? Yet you have somehow managed to do this. Well done!

I have been impressed that you've been asking for advice on small-but-important coping strategies (such as easy recipes, so you can feed yourself when you are low on will). That shows excellent common sense, as well as a determination to beat the depression. Those details are just as important as going to therapy.

Keep at it.





Yes, she is :smallsmile:

Err, you're right. I guess is not something easy.. it just well, it's a silly problem. Not something like health/family/mental problem or something like that. Basically, I'm just being overly lazy.

And Thank you MB :smallsmile:

A different little problem




I suddenly cannot access any sites on the net except for GiTP, Briliiangameologist, youtube and google (even the latter is error for a few moment).:smallmad: This is more worrying for me than total cutoff because it once through a period where I cannot access a number sites like wordpress ect. (and as far I know #@$ provider ignore my friends inquiry/complaint)

*sigh* hope this is not a repeat because this is far worse.

just a sudden urge to rant. Don't mind it :smallwink:

[Lady Moreta]

Hey Thread,

I'm back. Unfortunately, things haven't been improving in my situation lately, so I haven't been updating this thread.

However, I've come to the conclusion that I probably need some professional help to get over some of my issues.

What I'm hoping you guys can help me with is the process of finding a therapist/psychiatrist. How do you pick one? Are there credentials I should be checking for? Is it all just how well you get along with the person? Since finances are one of the my main concerns I don't want to waste my money with a person who is unable to help me.

So, does anyone have any tips that could help me out?

The others have pretty much said everything, but I just wanted to reiterate the point that you may have to see a few different people before you find someone you really click with. This doesn't mean you're a problem child, it doesn't mean they're useless. It just means that you didn't click. Kind of like the way you'll never be friends with everyone in the world. I know plenty of people who are perfectly nice, but I'll never be friends with them, we just don't click. It's the same way here. You need to find someone you're comfortable talking with.


Yes, she is :smallsmile:

Err, you're right. I guess is not something easy.. it just well, it's a silly problem. Not something like health/family/mental problem or something like that. Basically, I'm just being overly lazy.

No you're not. Okay I'll be honest, that could have something to do with it.

On the other hand, being unable to just get up and do something is a sign of a mental problem. It is one of the major signs of depression. It was probably the strongest hint that Peregrine had it. He just couldn't get himself to do anything. His attention would wander or he just couldn't get himself up and moving. He still struggles with it.

My point is don't just dismiss it as laziness when you see the counselor. Make sure you tell them about it and how it manifests and how much it's affecting your life. It is a symptom of depression and it's not as simple as just 'getting over it'.

[The Rose Dragon]

YES.

I cannot stress this enough. If you can't connect with your therapist, it won't lead you anywhere. It doesn't even mean s/he's a bad psychologist, it's just important to connect.

Note that connecting does not necessarily mean being friends. Every person requires a different kind of relationship with his psychologist. Some people find being friendly is good, while others require a more distant relationship. I prefer to keep things "strictly business", for example.

[RabbitHoleLost]

My friend got his hand blown up in Iraq.

Note this is not an invitation to talk about politics, but do note that those politics make me even more upset about the situation.
I told him not to go.
But he never did listen to a damn word I ever said.

[Haruki-kun]

*snip*

That's... awful. *hug*

Nothing else I can say. :smallfrown:

[Serpentine]

My friend got his hand blown up in Iraq.Caution: inane optimism ahead.

There's worse things to get blown up. And hey, now he gets early retirement, a good pension, and a ha- uh, neat conversation piece!
The above pause was in real-time.

[RabbitHoleLost]

To be fair, I don't think he lost his whole hand, as in its, like, gone, but I'm not exactly sure he'll ever be able to use it again.
Also, when he called me about it, he was all "Don't say a word, Ms Nay Sayer, don't you say a fricken' word."
Like he thought I was going to chastise him, or something. Like my first instinct was going to be " I TOLD YOU SO", or something.

[Lioness]

*hugs* Rabbit.

I don't know what else to say...but many many hugs.

[Haruki-kun]

To be fair, I don't think he lost his whole hand, as in its, like, gone, but I'm not exactly sure he'll ever be able to use it again.
Also, when he called me about it, he was all "Don't say a word, Ms Nay Sayer, don't you say a fricken' word."
Like he thought I was going to chastise him, or something. Like my first instinct was going to be " I TOLD YOU SO", or something.

He was upset about it. :smallfrown: Don't take it the wrong way.

[Serpentine]

Sounds like your advice was weighing heavily on his mind, to me. Means he listens to you.

[blackfox]

For what it's worth, Rabbit, there's significant research being done on smart prosthetics. Some team in Italy had a functional mechanical hand that they hooked up to an amputee, who was able to relearn how to use the hand within a few months or so. This was last year. Given that, within 10 years? or so, they'll have at least a clinical trial out of one that can stay relatively attached to the person. These things are going to be marketed towards veterans. To put it bluntly, it's the biggest market of amputees. All hope is not lost for a 'normal' or functional life for your friend.

[bluewind95]

Well. I just came back from the rheumatologist. That visit added another lovely diagnosis to the several things wrong with me. Fibromyalgia. While I'm happy to know a name for the enemy, I'm not happy to see another diagnosis added to the list.

[MonkeyBusiness]

spoilers for organization, not for privacy.

Rabbit:

I'm sorry to hear about your friend's injury. I'm even sorrier to hear he said what he did. That must have seemed like a real slap in the face, when what you wanted to say were things like, "I care about you," and "Tell me what happened"!

I'm sure you know he only said that because he was under stress. Pain, anxiety, and depression - all normal post-trauma reactions - often lead to words we wish we could unsay. Hell, maybe he even thought he was being funny, and (as Seprentine pointed out) tell you he knows your advice was sound.

Still, what he said hurt you.

I've been thinking about you often, Rabbit, and hoping you've been coping okay with missing Jarvis. I've been wanting to share something about that, but I wasn't sure if I should. Well, I'm bringing it up: but I've spoilered it in case you are not in the mood for old Monkey.


I've had many pets over the years. Sometimes even good friends of mine expect be to be "all done" with missing a pet who has died after only a few days. And for some reason people often assume I grieve less for rabbits than I do for cats or dogs.

I don't know how it is for anyone else; but I really grieve a long time. And I grieve for my pets about equally, because each one has had a special place in my life. I sometimes wish someone besides my vet would acknowledge that. I've often wished a friend would say, "How are you coping with your pet's death?" And repeat that question every so often.

I've been meaning to share that with you, just to let you know that I know Jarvis was special. I'm not saying you need to grieve any particular way or amount for him ... I'm saying that if you are still feeling sad, that's normal.


Take care of yourself, Rabbit.


Bluewind:


I am sorry to hear that this is the diagnosis.

Maybe you haven't had a chance to think about this, but there are many support groups out there. I hope you can find the support you need.

May I also suggest that you consider applying for a service animal? I mention this for a few reasons. First, you have a great deal of fatigue, and some service critters can be very helpful in the fetch-and-carry way, which is surprisingly helpful. Second, I get the impression you live alone and while I myself prefer the independence of living alone I also know how isolating it can feel when a person is ill. When you are feeling depressed, isolation is the worst thing for you. But a service animal can allieviate that without invading your privacy. Finally, after hearing about those jerks at your workplace, I feel that anyone who deals with so much crap might benefit from a little unconditional love. You have more than earned it.

Edit: I thought of a fourth reason. Forgive me for being alarming, but a dog is great for security, and a woman with a a painful, fatiguing disease is an obvious target. A neighbor of mine who had lupus got the crap kicked out of her and her purse stolen (with her medication), because some jerk followed her home from the pharmacy. Evidently he'd planned this mugging for a while. Again, I am truely sorry to mention this (like you need more stress, right?) But it is an important concern.

I don't know if this is right for you (maybe you are allergic or just don't care for animals) but I thought I would mention it.

I wish I could offer more. I've barely gotten to know you, and yet I think you are pretty darn awesome. Please hang in there.



Hugs to all of you.

[RabbitHoleLost]

:: spreads hugs around. But especially for Monkey::

Yeah, I'm alright. I miss his silliness, but I was sort of neglecting Alfred with my obvious favoritism for his brother.
Alfred has become very snuggly in the meantime.

[Lady Moreta]

*snip*

Oh... :smallfrown:

I agree with the others though, he was stressed he blurted out the first thing that popped into his head without thinking it all the way through. I have had friends do exactly the same thing and it's usually because they're blaming themselves for it happening anyway, so they just assume that everyone else is too.


Well. I just came back from the rheumatologist. That visit added another lovely diagnosis to the several things wrong with me. Fibromyalgia. While I'm happy to know a name for the enemy, I'm not happy to see another diagnosis added to the list.

I know of a lady who has that. She does manage it, but I don't know that it's always easy. She has good and bad days and I imagine you do too. Still, sometimes you're better off knowing exactly what it's called. From what I know of the disorder, I'd say the the fibromyalgia is probably the cause of most of your symptoms so instead of adding another diagnosis to the list you can probably chuck out a fair chunk of the list.

[TigerHunter]

I'm glad you're happy, because I'm not. (That sounds bitter and resentful, but I genuinely am glad.) Of course, I'll never tell you that, because the last time I felt this way I alienated my friends by complaining too much, and I really don't want to ruin this relationship, even though we haven't talked about dating at all and the possibility that I've misinterpreted everything and you're not actually interested worries me to no end. But I guess it doesn't matter right now since we're stuck at opposite ends of the country for a month now that break's started.

Five minutes alone in my dorm is enough to send me spiraling into depression, even if it's five minutes after I just got back from having the time of my life with friends. It defies all reason, which makes me feel like I have no right to be miserable. Yeah, sure, it says right there in the rules that nobody's problems are better or worse than anybody else's, but that doesn't do anything to make the feeling that I should just man up and get over it go away.

I'm in college not because I want to improve my mind or my job opportunities, but because I couldn't think of anything better to do. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I have no hobbies, no particular interests. I tried to think of something I could do instead of playing video games all break and came up with nothing. I'm going to look into volunteering somewhere, probably a homeless shelter. It's not because I'm a good person and want to give back to the community, but because I have nothing better to do and don't want a repeat of summer vacation.

I'm not suicidal. Honestly, I'm not. For the most part, I enjoy my life, and when I'm depressed, it's only because I realize that it has the potential to be so much better. But at times like this, I feel like I can empathize with those who are.

[Winthur]

I am pathetic.

Background: A few months ago I had been pressurized to go to that one school which is supposed to be super-elitist with great teachers. I finally got over the idea once I figured that there shouldn't be much of a problem with people and that I will receive great education, and perhaps even a lot of motivation to learn.

Reality: Unfortunately, I must have managed to screw up Public Relations big time, since I'm vilified. Why? No idea. I'm rather used to being a class pariah, though, so that wouldn't be such a big deal. I don't care for the people in my class at all. So I should be happy, right?
Except every day I have to spend with a bunch of snobbish jerks who are in the same class as I do just because they didn't get enough points at their exam (but apparently enough to get to that elitist mold of "education"). Yup, I'm in a class focusing mainly on history, Polish, etc. where nobody actually has any interest in those subjects. Or any other subjects; in fact, we're the worst class in the entire school. And this entire class is divided among small circles of friends. And what they do is fight with each other, causing havoc and hatred.
Frankly, I've started losing interest in any subjects and just wallowing myself in depression, hating everything about that school except for my history teacher. That's why I'm writing this post by the virtue of avoiding my first class today, which is Geography.
Speaking of classes, I'm definitely going to fail if I keep up at this route, because I'm already at the danger of failing Physics and Chemistry, which will, of course, cause me to repeat my year if I don't do something about it in the next six months. And I doubt there's really a lot I can do about it.
And you know what? This school doesn't have that many great teachers either. I have Philosophy as a part of my class set-up, and it's completely useless, especially with the horrible teacher that is there. I am only genuinely interested in lectures by my history teacher. And that's all.
In junior high, I wasn't exactly very happy, but I at least managed to get my chores done and had friends. Right now, I'd rather not live at all, or never leave the bed (because I have sleep issues ever since September that barely let me function) at the very most. All I am going to that school for is because my mother, of course, hates me skipping entire days and faking diseases (or in some cases, even genuinely manifesting them; I never had so many issues with my stomach until I started that damn school)
Speaking of my mother, she reduced me to tears during our first conversation about that school, which changed into an argument. First she was so sure that this school is the only place I'd be happy in. Now, she just kinda shrugs her arms stating that she just wanted to give me the best she could. I know she didn't want to do me any harm... but it makes me feel like bursting into tears even more.
I don't feel like there's any rhyme or reason to living anymore. I'm just vegetating pathetically and waiting for the next weekend to arrive so that I can be useless for three whole days without any interruptions. I'm not doing my homework and my grades suffer because of that, and I don't see the point. Except I actually know that I might ruin my life by being such a lazy dork, but what is there to ruin at all, to be honest? What's it all about? Seriously? When you get right down to it?
All I do for the whole day is leech electricity like a vampire. And look really ugly.

:smallfrown:

[Ytaker]

I'm not suicidal. Honestly, I'm not. For the most part, I enjoy my life, and when I'm depressed, it's only because I realize that it has the potential to be so much better. But at times like this, I feel like I can empathize with those who are.

What do you feel you're missing? Romance, the chance to aid someone, people who value you for who you are, academic success?


Five minutes alone in my dorm is enough to send me spiraling into depression, even if it's five minutes after I just got back from having the time of my life with friends. It defies all reason, which makes me feel like I have no right to be miserable.

It's ok to be sad if you're not fulfilling your full potential. I find I am much, much happier when I have someone to care for, or some cause to fight for.

What thoughts are spiralling through your head, which get you down?

[EmeraldRose]

Haven't read thru the last few pages yet. On my way out to work, I'll actually spend some time on here later and read other's stuff.

So much apathy. Very hard to make myself care about anything right now...

[TigerHunter]

What do you feel you're missing? Romance, the chance to aid someone, people who value you for who you are, academic success?
Fulfillment. The ability to lie back in bed at the end of the day and honestly say to myself that I accomplished something worthwhile. Romance would probably help with that.


It's ok to be sad if you're not fulfilling your full potential. I find I am much, much happier when I have someone to care for, or some cause to fight for.

What thoughts are spiralling through your head, which get you down?
Doubts. Doubts about what other people really think of me, my own self-worth, my future... basically worrying that college is just a fluke and I'll end up spending my whole life as bored and lonely as I was in high school.

[Eon]

Been busy lately (I don't mind business :smallsmile:), forgot about 10:


It’s all well and good that people rely on this thread to cope with their psych issues, but we’ve always been lacking something…like a follow-up on how things are going. Has your situation improved? Did the advice we gave actually help in some way? TELL US! Better than a “thanks” and a pat on the back is a report on how we actually DID something for you. You don’t need to name-drop, although credit where it’s due would be nice. In fact, if you took someone’s advice and gave it a personal twist, tell us about that! Many of us rely upon experience as the best teacher, and sharing how you overcame your issues would be greatly appreciated, especially if someone else is coming along with problems that are similar to yours. TELL US YOUR SUCCESS STORIES!



I gotta say thanks. In the last thread I vented about my legs hurting every step from swimming and having 1 week to research, perform and display a 2 month project due to her telling me a little more than a week before it's due I need to change it.

My legs stopped hurting later that week, and now it's my High School's season (Looks like I'll be making Varsity :smallbiggrin:) and now it's my shoulders, but thankfully that was an error in my technique, it was addressed and getting better.

Got my end of Trimester report card... I had a B in Science. Well, a B-, but still...

The Tri ended the week after the projects were due, and I got a perfect in the remaining parts of my Science project, and my final went well. I PASSED :smallbiggrin:


So just gotta say, thanks, and hope you all are doing well. :smallsmile:

[Ytaker]

Fulfillment. The ability to lie back in bed at the end of the day and honestly say to myself that I accomplished something worthwhile. Romance would probably help with that.


Doubts. Doubts about what other people really think of me, my own self-worth, my future... basically worrying that college is just a fluke and I'll end up spending my whole life as bored and lonely as I was in high school.

On another thread, we were talking about a sick girl. It does feel pretty good to have a girl boast about you to her friends, for caring for her when she felt ugly and repulsive. You feel like you're a wonderful person for being so loving.

Sounds like the only cure then, to end loneliness and boredom, is a lot of flirting.

[TigerHunter]

Sounds like the only cure then, to end loneliness and boredom, is a lot of flirting.
It's probably bad that I don't actually have any idea what that entails.

[Ytaker]

Read magic bullets by savoy. It explains the basics of how to flirt and how to talk to people you are attracted. Based on in the field experience.

Broadly speaking- walk up to them. Tell them stories, jokes, listen to them, reward them when they give you something you want with a smile. Touch them, at first with excuses, later on just because.

[Ranger Mattos]

Oh yeah, success stories. Remember how I was worried about my math grade?

On my chapter 2 test, I got a 92! Even better, my teacher turned all my other test grades to 92's too! Now my math grade is 89.2% and chapter 3 is looking easy so far. Yay!

[KingOfLaughter]

I'm back. With updates.

So my friend is still smoking pot. ******* lied to me.. But I'm not gunna **** with his life. I want him to stop but I don't have the time or patience to try....

On the brighter side of things. The rest of my friends take me for what I am and it's worked out great thusly. Yay for being a bear! So yea I'm sort of becoming that big brother who you can talk to when you need it or who can scare that annoying guy into screwing off :D

My guy friends still know me as that crazy kid. But hey I don't expect that to change too much for them.

So I've found my little almost perfect spot in life. I am however still hopelessly alone. :(

[TigerHunter]

Broadly speaking- walk up to them. Tell them stories, jokes, listen to them, reward them when they give you something you want with a smile. Touch them, at first with excuses, later on just because.
That sounds like normal conversation. I'll check out the book, though. Thanks.

[Lady Moreta]

*snip*

I'm sorry you're feeling this way... you're not the only one who is able to empathise though you don't feel suicidal. I've felt the same way myself. I also think it's good that you're still getting out and doing something like volunteering. No matter your reasons, you're still helping others and that's a good thing :smallsmile: I'm sorry I don't have much advice to offer, just someone to listen *hugs*


*snip

School can be a horrible time, I'm sorry the change hasn't worked out for you. It may be a silly question - but is there any reason you can't go to another school instead?

As for work - if the teachers you have aren't great, is there someone you can talk to - a guidance or careers counselor or someone to see about getting you into different classes? A rearrange in your timetable might get you some better teachers and away from the idiots in your classes.

Your mum? She was expecting it to help and it hasn't, so now she feels guilty and that she's failed you as a parent. Try not to beat her or you up, you couldn't know.

What is there to life? Well to your life specifically I can't really say, since I don't know you that well. But I do know that a large part of your apathy is probably because things aren't going well- and I am saying this really badly - I think my brains have been replaced with cotton wool this afternoon. What I'm trying to say is that yes there is a point to life. You're having trouble seeing it because things aren't going well. I think you'd be better off talking to a professional to be honest, I think you need more assistance than we are capable of providing here. Those are not feelings to be treated lightly.


*snip*

*HUGS* cause you need 'em :smallsmile:


*snip*

Whooo! that's awesome! Well done :smallbiggrin:


*snip*

Whooo! Again that's fantastic! As a person severly lacking in any mathematical ability whatsoever, I am impressed :smallsmile:


*snip*

No you're not, you just don't have a girlfriend :smallsmile: and yes, I know that's not what you meant. I just don't want you wallowing :smallsmile: There is a significant difference between not having anyone and not having a significant other. And you know what, you're well on your way to being able to change that. The new-(well old-just-out-of-the-box) you will be far more attractive :smallsmile: People are more attracted to those who are being genuine. Besides, what girl wouldn't want a teddy bear? :smallwink::smallsmile:

Forgot to mention, I'm sorry your friend lied to you, but am impressed that you're able to recognise your limits and realise that you've done all you can.

[rakkoon]

My knee operation is up next Friday and I just heard (because I phoned them) that I will not be able to drive for a week or work for three weeks. It would have been nice to have known this beforehand.
Apparently there are no financial drawbacks to me and my medcare will take care of the bills. Which is good news of course.
Only thing I'm thinking about know is whether to go for local anaesthetic or te be put under completely. I was a fan of the second option but leaning towards the first now. I'd rather not know anything but it is a risk. What do you guys think?

[Serpentine]

If cost isn't a problem, I recommend general. Local anaesthetic injects hurt like Hell, and general is wonderful.

[Ytaker]

That sounds like normal conversation. I'll check out the book, though. Thanks.

For flirting you need to do two things.

1. Demonstrate confidence. A lot of guys talk to girls by just sprinkling them with compliments. That works sometimes to get them to talk, but it seems desperate, and indicates you are needy and not confident of yourself. That's why you have to react emotionally only when she gives you some sign of interest, like her name, some information, or whatever.

2. Gradually ramp up touching. Poke her, tickle her, stroke her like a cat, feel her muscles, check for stress points on her neck- lots of little things. Only do it when she's willing, of course, but by doing this you engender physical attraction.

[KingOfLaughter]

No you're not, you just don't have a girlfriend :smallsmile: and yes, I know that's not what you meant. I just don't want you wallowing :smallsmile: There is a significant difference between not having anyone and not having a significant other. And you know what, you're well on your way to being able to change that. The new-(well old-just-out-of-the-box) you will be far more attractive :smallsmile: People are more attracted to those who are being genuine. Besides, what girl wouldn't want a teddy bear? :smallwink::smallsmile:

Forgot to mention, I'm sorry your friend lied to you, but am impressed that you're able to recognise your limits and realise that you've done all you can.

I don't wallow, bears hide :D But yea, the reason I say hopelessly is I like one person, who as of last has no interest in even knowing me. I do however consider this a small thing in my remaining life span and have complete and utter plans to leave behind this city the second I can. Bad memories and what not (I'll go visit you perhaps, scare off them clowns :D). Although the reason I'm leaving would cause me to leave anyways (Military for either Psychologist or infantry). I'm also quite different my school is full of 'gangstas' I'm the shy quiet nice guy, yep yep! Dance tonight.. not sure if I'm going or not... :l I'm going!

Anyways! Thanks for the kind words! It's nice to talk about it. :D

[MonkeyBusiness]

Oh, Winthur. I don't like to use the phrase "I feel your pain", because it is trite and seldom true ... but after reading your post I was caught up in some of the memories of how rough it was being in high school and if I didn't feel your pain, I sure remembered my own.

Let me start by saying that you are not pathetic. But when a person feels as ground down as you do, it's hard not to feel bad about yourself.

I think the first problem you need to tackle is your insomnia. Not getting enough sleep affects your mood as well as your ability to study and socialize. In addition to the sleep problems, you also mention stomach problems and depression. You already know these are due to stress, but you need some help immediately until you can resolve the problems that are causing the stress. Please go see a doctor.

The second important issue is your mom. It's hard to talk to your mom right now. You feel trapped in a situation you got into to please her. Ironically, she pushed you to do this because she thought it was "the only place that would make you happy".

To solve this situation, you will have to set aside your blame. She did make a mistake to pressure you. But you know what? Parents do that to their kids all the time. I'm forty-two and my dad still tries to influence my decisions.

Anyway, my point is: your mom means well, and you love each other. It's important to have your mom as your ally now, because you are under tremendous stress.

I suggest that you tell her something like this: "Mom, I need your help. You know I've been having a hard time at school. We both thought this would be a good place for me, but I'm miserable. I'm struggling in my classes, and I'm so worried about that I can't sleep and I get sick to my stomach. I'm lonely and I'm tired and I'm so depressed I feel like there's no point to anything. I want you to be proud of me, but I also want to be happy. Can we find a way for me to do both?"

If you can't say that to her, write it down and give her the note.

The next issue is your classes. Right now you are exhausted and if you spread yourself too thin, you run the risk of failing multiple classes, and that would really suck. I had a similar problem in high school and I got permission to drop one class and use the time for independent study instead. If you can't do this, then you might have to decide which classes you can salvage and concentrate on those. As you improve your grades in those classes, you can go back and try to fix the others as you have time.

Find a tutor if you can; or stay after school and get help from your teachers. Ask your mom specifically to help you arrange this, because it's hard for you to want to do these things in your current state. Or, ask that history teacher you like for advice.

You cannot change the way your teachers teach or the way your fellow students act. But you can change the way you think about them. For right now that means to trust that they are struggling as much as you are. Feel some compassion for them. Yes, they are horrible ... but isn't that sad?

Later ( .... after you have talked to your mom, been to the doctor, gotten some sleep, and found a tutor or other help ... ) you will have the interesting task of being the change you want to see. But for now you have enough on your plate.

Winthur, I know I have made many suggestions here. That might seem a little overwhelming. But try to take on one problem at a time. You will get through this.

And when you wonder, "What's the point" remember that there were times in the past when you were happy. You will feel that way again.

Please keep us updated on how you are doing.

[Lady Moreta]

I don't wallow, bears hide :D But yea, the reason I say hopelessly is I like one person, who as of last has no interest in even knowing me. I do however consider this a small thing in my remaining life span and have complete and utter plans to leave behind this city the second I can. Bad memories and what not (I'll go visit you perhaps, scare off them clowns :D). Although the reason I'm leaving would cause me to leave anyways (Military for either Psychologist or infantry). I'm also quite different my school is full of 'gangstas' I'm the shy quiet nice guy, yep yep! Dance tonight.. not sure if I'm going or not... :l I'm going!

Anyways! Thanks for the kind words! It's nice to talk about it. :D

This may sound odd, but you need to get over her. Try thinking about the things that annoy you about her. Look for things that aren't perfect, remind yourself that she wouldn't be right for you. And if she's not interested then she's not right! Probably you're better off in the Relationship thread, I suck at relationships...

In other news, crazy lady was crazy again this morning. Had a go at me for not putting paper in the printer when it ran out. Normally I do, because the beeping it makes is fairly loud. This morning I was flat out doing some work on a spreadsheet for the Sales/Marketing GM and I just didn't have the time. I figured whoever was printing would come to get it, see it was out and fill it up (otherwise I would have done so when I was finished). She comes out and we have a conversation roughly like this:

Her: Can't you hear the beeping?
Me: Huh? oh the printer... yes I can but I'm busy right now.
Her: Well you should have put more paper in.
Me: I. Am. Busy right now. I will do it when I'm free.
Her: Yeah well, we're all busy. You're holding us up. It's your job.
Me: *goggles and says nothing*

Only good to come out of this? The GM heard her go off at me, called me into his office and asked me what the deal was. I explained my theory - she gets stressed and I'm an easy target. He told me that no one should be talked to like that (duh!) and that refilling the printer isn't my job. He also mentioned that apparently she had a go before I got here about the lack of coffee (there is now coffee in case you were wondering). He said now that he's aware of it he'll keep an eye on it and if she continues he's going to pull her aside and have a word to her about keeping her mouth shut.

In venting to another co-worker I get on really well with, I discovered I'm actually just the latest in a long line of people she's been horrible to. The last one being said co-worker. She told me that she got in touch with the HR manager in Melbourne who gave her advice, and that it ended up getting her manager involved too. But since she did so, not a peep from crazy lady. Co-worker gave me the work policy on handling grievances in the workplace which I have shoved in my bag to take home. It's her theory that crazy lady knows perfectly well we can hear her and she does it deliberately. It was nice to know I'm not alone to be honest. Co-worker also told me that crazy lady's manager is aware there's a problem as well. So if I complain (which I may yet) I'm not the first person to do so and there is a precedent.

What I am going to do is talk to the senior admin who I sort-of report to (on a day-to-day basis at least, my actual manager is in the Melbourne office) and ask her to see if we can clarify what are my duties and what are "anyone who happens by" duties. Like filling the printer paper, if I'm not busy I will. If I am, I'll leave it til I'm free. I have always understood if you were printing and it ran out, you filled it up!

s'not rocket science... but it is 1:30pm so I'd better get off my behind and go have lunch!

[KingOfLaughter]

This may sound odd, but you need to get over her. Try thinking about the things that annoy you about her. Look for things that aren't perfect, remind yourself that she wouldn't be right for you. And if she's not interested then she's not right! Probably you're better off in the Relationship thread, I suck at relationships...

That's the hard part, and which leads to my depression in the end. I don't like her, I LIKE her. I'm trying to get her to see me in a new light. I'll keep trying until I either finally do get over her, she sees me, or I graduate high school.


In other news, crazy lady was crazy again this morning. Had a go at me for not putting paper in the printer when it ran out. Normally I do, because the beeping it makes is fairly loud. This morning I was flat out doing some work on a spreadsheet for the Sales/Marketing GM and I just didn't have the time. I figured whoever was printing would come to get it, see it was out and fill it up (otherwise I would have done so when I was finished). She comes out and we have a conversation roughly like this:

Her: Can't you hear the beeping?
Me: Huh? oh the printer... yes I can but I'm busy right now.
Her: Well you should have put more paper in.
Me: I. Am. Busy right now. I will do it when I'm free.
Her: Yeah well, we're all busy. You're holding us up. It's your job.
Me: *goggles and says nothing*

Only good to come out of this? The GM heard her go off at me, called me into his office and asked me what the deal was. I explained my theory - she gets stressed and I'm an easy target. He told me that no one should be talked to like that (duh!) and that refilling the printer isn't my job. He also mentioned that apparently she had a go before I got here about the lack of coffee (there is now coffee in case you were wondering). He said now that he's aware of it he'll keep an eye on it and if she continues he's going to pull her aside and have a word to her about keeping her mouth shut.

In venting to another co-worker I get on really well with, I discovered I'm actually just the latest in a long line of people she's been horrible to. The last one being said co-worker. She told me that she got in touch with the HR manager in Melbourne who gave her advice, and that it ended up getting her manager involved too. But since she did so, not a peep from crazy lady. Co-worker gave me the work policy on handling grievances in the workplace which I have shoved in my bag to take home. It's her theory that crazy lady knows perfectly well we can hear her and she does it deliberately. It was nice to know I'm not alone to be honest. Co-worker also told me that crazy lady's manager is aware there's a problem as well. So if I complain (which I may yet) I'm not the first person to do so and there is a precedent.

What I am going to do is talk to the senior admin who I sort-of report to (on a day-to-day basis at least, my actual manager is in the Melbourne office) and ask her to see if we can clarify what are my duties and what are "anyone who happens by" duties. Like filling the printer paper, if I'm not busy I will. If I am, I'll leave it til I'm free. I have always understood if you were printing and it ran out, you filled it up!

s'not rocket science... but it is 1:30pm so I'd better get off my behind and go have lunch!

You Missy have more patience then me. I would have told the lady to go **** herself. I am however quite different then most people. :)

[Lady Moreta]

That's the hard part, and which leads to my depression in the end. I don't like her, I LIKE her. I'm trying to get her to see me in a new light. I'll keep trying until I either finally do get over her, she sees me, or I graduate high school.

Ahhh, I see :smallsmile: Well then, it sounds like you've got a plan all sorted.


You Missy have more patience then me. I would have told the lady to go **** herself. I am however quite different then most people. :)

Not patience so much as an utter inability to stand up for myself and a desperate hatred of confrontation :smalltongue:

Which brings me to a question. Should I bother mentioning this to the HR manager in Melbourne? Bearing in mind that if I did I would also contact my own line manager (also in Melbourne). Also bearing in mind that I have never challenged or said anything to crazy lady herself. (Although I am getting shorter and shorter in my responses to her so a retort isn't necessarily off the books.) Since the GM here is aware of it and going to keep an eye out, I'm not sure it's worth saying anything to anyone else. The GM and I get on really well and he is very good at looking out for me (since I am also his PA). I'm just not sure what to do...

quick edit: the GM just walked out the door and told me he's going to have a word to crazy lady's (I really need a new name for her...) boss tomorrow morning. Now I'm paranoid that they'll all be like "it's your own fault for not saying something" :smallfrown:

[potatocubed]

@Moreta: Since things seem to be in hand at the moment, I wouldn't start the HR ball rolling just yet. Save that for later, if the GM's intervention doesn't do any good.

And it's not your own fault for not saying anything: the failure here is her failure to give you due respect.

[Salbazier]

This Update should have done yesterday, sorry.


So I haven't go to conselling yet. I was busy at Monday with studying for exam/working on assignment, or at least trying to. I have the assignment submitted in the end. So, I guess it is a bit of an improvement (I gave up on different assignment last week. Too stressed to work anything)

It drive nuts, nutter than I was last week. The studying I mean. When I managed to push myself there isn't much time to study and there is still assignment to be done plus I am lost in understanding the material.

Then I made long distance call to my mother. It... Well, It just help a lot, to talk it out with my mother. Its not an instant fix but nothing is.

After that things got better I guess. The exam is not a success bu it was as worse as I thought, and I face it with light feeling. At least I'm confident I'll make a good score if I must repeat. Then, Classes I've given up on failing, turn out may have still some opening to increase my score a bit.

So, I still need to do things. I mean I need to actually start do stuff instead of just thinking 'I'll be better". But, ...what I should say? I guess I regained courage to try promise to myself once again. Hopefully next semester I really can do better.

And, people once again thank you for the encouragement. It helps. :smallsmile:

[Winthur]

The next issue is your classes. Right now you are exhausted and if you spread yourself too thin, you run the risk of failing multiple classes, and that would really suck. I had a similar problem in high school and I got permission to drop one class and use the time for independent study instead. If you can't do this, then you might have to decide which classes you can salvage and concentrate on those. As you improve your grades in those classes, you can go back and try to fix the others as you have time.

Yesterday there was a mention to "intentionally" fail one class (that, I think, was edited just now), and I'm afraid if I don't spread myself thin, I will never salvage anything. Polish system implies that in order to get to the Dr. Wily stage that is the next grade, you need to beat all the Robot Masters (as in, pass all the classes). If I fail against any of the Robot Masters, I can't go to Dr. Wily stage. And if I fail one class, I'll have to do all the same Robot Masters again. :smallsigh: (Not to mention the stigma from repeating a grade; it's just shameful.) And everything wraps up to me having an abysmally low, unsalvagable grade from two subjects.



The second important issue is your mom.*snip*

Somehow, I'm scared of her reaction to similar messages due to failures of such endeavors in the past.


And when you wonder, "What's the point" remember that there were times in the past when you were happy. You will feel that way again.

Please keep us updated on how you are doing.
So far, I've evaded another two days at school. I should be reaaally proud of myself. :smallsigh:



School can be a horrible time, I'm sorry the change hasn't worked out for you. It may be a silly question - but is there any reason you can't go to another school instead?

There is too much hassle involved and my mother still doesn't want me to give up on that school, having me wait for at least the next year.

In other news: my friend whose mother is deceased got over his angst at last. So much so that he apparently doesn't need me anymore, because I'm annoying. Awesome. ... ... :smallfrown:

[Lady Tialait]

Well, i'm both depressed and extremely angry. So, I decided that you guys could help me clam down/cheer up. This requires some background.

My husband works nights at a boy's home, and for a few hours each day taking care of his mother. Recently, she stopped breathing and was put into the hospital. A week ago she came home, and my husband has been spending almost 12 hours a day with her. 8 to 10 at work, 12 with her. The nurses that were hired to take care of her, said that because her bruising on her chest, they could not lift her. So, he has been doing that. It hasn't even been a week, and they have him giving her all her medications, doing all her bathing, moving, and pretty much everything else.

Yesterday, he didn't go. He came home after work, called his mother and told her he needed to sleep. He then fell asleep, holding me, as married people often do. This morning, he comes home from work and is bawling. I thought his mother had died. However, that isn't what happened. The nurse who was on duty called Adult Protective Services, and had her put into a nursing home, and gave the State Guardianship. Calling it neglect on his part. I showed up at the Nursing home demanding to take her home with us, and they called the police, who almost put me in jail, for 'causing a scene'. I was just trying to make sure my mother in law was properly cared for.

I got a lawyer, and there is a court hearing soon. So, legally everything is being done that can be done. I just need some emotional support here before I go punching police officers.

[Moonshadow]

What the heck? How on Earth did they think they had the right to do that? Your husband sounds like an absolute saint, who obviously loves his mother very much, and I'm sure this is hard on both of you =/

You can't call it neglect when your poor hubby needed some sleep, and from what I can gather, has basically been doing what the nurses SHOULD have been doing and yet weren't.

The situation is just ludicrous. Sheer stupidity on the nurses part :smallsigh:

Is the court hearing for the supposed making a scene or for (I'm not quite sure how else to phrase it, sorry) the custody of your hubbies mother?

*HUGS* You've got one lil Aussies support at any rate.

[KingOfLaughter]

Well, i'm both depressed and extremely angry. So, I decided that you guys could help me clam down/cheer up. This requires some background.

My husband works nights at a boy's home, and for a few hours each day taking care of his mother. Recently, she stopped breathing and was put into the hospital. A week ago she came home, and my husband has been spending almost 12 hours a day with her. 8 to 10 at work, 12 with her. The nurses that were hired to take care of her, said that because her bruising on her chest, they could not lift her. So, he has been doing that. It hasn't even been a week, and they have him giving her all her medications, doing all her bathing, moving, and pretty much everything else.

Yesterday, he didn't go. He came home after work, called his mother and told her he needed to sleep. He then fell asleep, holding me, as married people often do. This morning, he comes home from work and is bawling. I thought his mother had died. However, that isn't what happened. The nurse who was on duty called Adult Protective Services, and had her put into a nursing home, and gave the State Guardianship. Calling it neglect on his part. I showed up at the Nursing home demanding to take her home with us, and they called the police, who almost put me in jail, for 'causing a scene'. I was just trying to make sure my mother in law was properly cared for.

I got a lawyer, and there is a court hearing soon. So, legally everything is being done that can be done. I just need some emotional support here before I go punching police officers.

I have to say that this is complete and utter Bullocks, your mother in law is probably better off in her home being taken care of by your husband then in any home. Even if your husband only visited her 3 or 4 times a day for an hour at most. A family's love and care is always better to anyone then any medical professionals would be.

You have hugs from me, and my ear or shoulder if you need them.

*hug*
*hug*
*hug*

[Galileo]

That is absolutely insane. The nurse first makes your husband do her job, then calls it neglect on his part when he finally realises he needs some sleep? I'm really sorry that you got stuck with such imbeciles taking care of your mother-in-law. I hope you manage to get her safely home with a caretaker who won't try and palm her job off on your husband.

[Meg]

We're learning about abusive relationships in health class. Today's topic of discussion was emotional abuse, and while we're learning about abuse in the context of a romantic relationship, I had a nasty realization that a lot of what we were talking with applied to how my mother treats me.

I'm really hesitant to classify my mother as emotionally abusive, but the more research I do, the more it seems to fit. In particular, I found a list of behaviors common in victims of emotional abuse. Every single thing on the list described me. I cried.

I also remembered being eight and learning about abuse in Girl Scouts. When we were discussing emotional abuse, I went "Huh, that sounds exactly like my mom," before pushing the thought away. I didn't want to confront and still don't want to confront the fact I have been abused emotionally since childhood. My mother constantly accuses me of lying, of being overly sensitive, of blowing things out of proportion, of holding grudges, and of thinking myself better than others. She refuses to accept fault for anything and nothing I do is good enough for her. For example, I made the A honor roll this year, and as we were walking out of the ceremony, told me that if I only worked a little harder, I could be in the top ten.

This is very much a pattern, and the more I recognize this, the worse I feel. I know my mom loves me, but I don't know what to make of this. If I talk to her about this, she'll accuse of taking small incidents out of proportion and trying to get attention by self-diagnosing problems that aren't there.

Even writing this, I keep telling myself that my mom loves and that she's a good mother, and that I'm ungrateful and being a hypochondriac. In two and a half years, I can go to college and get away from my mom, but I can't get away from myself, and I'm worried that I'm somehow incapable of being happy. I really have no idea what to do.

[Moonshadow]

No one is incapable of being happy... for some people, it just takes a little more work, that's all.

You need hugs though. *HUGS*

[Haruki-kun]

We're learning about abusive relationships in health class. Today's topic of discussion was emotional abuse, and while we're learning about abuse in the context of a romantic relationship, I had a nasty realization that a lot of what we were talking with applied to how my mother treats me.

I'm really hesitant to classify my mother as emotionally abusive, but the more research I do, the more it seems to fit. In particular, I found a list of behaviors common in victims of emotional abuse. Every single thing on the list described me. I cried.

I also remembered being eight and learning about abuse in Girl Scouts. When we were discussing emotional abuse, I went "Huh, that sounds exactly like my mom," before pushing the thought away. I didn't want to confront and still don't want to confront the fact I have been abused emotionally since childhood. My mother constantly accuses me of lying, of being overly sensitive, of blowing things out of proportion, of holding grudges, and of thinking myself better than others. She refuses to accept fault for anything and nothing I do is good enough for her. For example, I made the A honor roll this year, and as we were walking out of the ceremony, told me that if I only worked a little harder, I could be in the top ten.

This is very much a pattern, and the more I recognize this, the worse I feel. I know my mom loves me, but I don't know what to make of this. If I talk to her about this, she'll accuse of taking small incidents out of proportion and trying to get attention by self-diagnosing problems that aren't there.

Even writing this, I keep telling myself that my mom loves and that she's a good mother, and that I'm ungrateful and being a hypochondriac. In two and a half years, I can go to college and get away from my mom, but I can't get away from myself, and I'm worried that I'm somehow incapable of being happy. I really have no idea what to do.

*hugs*

In any of these scenarios, the person is hesitant to use the "emotional abuse" term. It makes you feel uncomfortable. It's hard to admit, especially when the abuser, does, in fact, love you.

And this IS the case in several occasions. I have a friend who had an emotionally abusive boyfriend. I don't doubt that he loved her for one second, though to an obsessive level. He made her feel miserable. It was awful, and it took her very long to break it up. (Actually, it took her 6 months to break off the relationship, 3-4 years to actually get rid of him.)

Even worse is that emotionally abussive people don't realize they're doing it. It's one of those "there's no bad guy" scenarios. There's a "responsible" party if you will, but no bad guy.

My suggestion is: Talk to someone first. A friend or relative you trust a lot. Tell them how you're feeling and fully discuss the situation. Ask them for help on how to approach your mother. You will have to approach her eventually, but take your time if you're not ready. When you talk to her, don't say "I feel you're abussing me", instead approach it as "Mom, we need to talk. See, sometimes I feel..."

I hope some of this is useful.

PS: And as Naoto said, no one incapable of being happy. It just feels like that when we go through hard times.

[Lady Tialait]

Thanks for the support guys. *hugs*

[Salbazier]

@Lady Tialait

Whoa, that just so unreasonable. :smallannoyed: Really, sometimes I don't know if this whole protective service is a good or bad thing. Good luck on the court.

[KingOfLaughter]

So despite having solved one edge of my depression my parents now feel fit to yell at me for everything.

I am having serious thoughts of suicide. I never will but my thoughts haven't ever been this bad.

I cannot wait to graduate high school, move as far away as i can, and never ****ing return...

[Ytaker]

My mother constantly accuses me of lying, of being overly sensitive, of blowing things out of proportion, of holding grudges, and of thinking myself better than others. She refuses to accept fault for anything and nothing I do is good enough for her. For example, I made the A honor roll this year, and as we were walking out of the ceremony, told me that if I only worked a little harder, I could be in the top ten.

She probably thinks she's helping you. Wrongly.


This is very much a pattern, and the more I recognize this, the worse I feel. I know my mom loves me, but I don't know what to make of this. If I talk to her about this, she'll accuse of taking small incidents out of proportion and trying to get attention by self-diagnosing problems that aren't there.

My general response is to focus on emotions. My mother is mostly awesome, but if she says something weird I'll say "Thanks, now I'm depressed" and walk out. Bringing up past incidents rarely works well as she won't know how you felt back then, and will assume you are making up your feelings. If you do want to confront her, you should do it when she says something bad, and only confront her with your feelings then, not with what that means about her as a person.

Don't argue if she responds as arguing implies she should be taken seriously. At most, shake your head disapprovingly and go 'sure'.


Even writing this, I keep telling myself that my mom loves and that she's a good mother, and that I'm ungrateful and being a hypochondriac. In two and a half years, I can go to college and get away from my mom, but I can't get away from myself, and I'm worried that I'm somehow incapable of being happy. I really have no idea what to do.

I've a friend with a crap mom like yours. She's been totally messed up by it. She, with my help, found out the likely reason was that her mom wanted to protect her from what she long ago had lived- teenage pregnancy, promiscuity, and such. Loving, but the result was depression, illness, and weakness in exams. Her mom's words still rebound in her head, and she always has that shadow over her.

Doesn't make her uncapable of happiness. The emptiness her mom left in her means that she gets very happy if I value her for what her mom didn't. If you have someone who you believe in tell you you're a really smart, great person for making the A honor roll it will likely make you even happier than you would be normally.

What you should do is 1. Instantly leave the room if your mother starts abusing you. 2. Try and listen to the bad thoughts in your head, and consider whether they are compassionant and rational (I am useless at everything is neither- you have won honors, and it is cruel). 3. See if you can find someone to talk to about your mom.

[Innis Cabal]

@Megs




What you should do is 1. Instantly leave the room if your mother starts abusing you. 2. Try and listen to the bad thoughts in your head, and consider whether they are compassionant and rational (I am useless at everything is neither- you have won honors, and it is cruel). 3. See if you can find someone to talk to about your mom.

There are...dangerously vague at best. Or woefully mis-informing at worst.

Firstly, self diagnosing the issues and events is...a very bad idea. Compact the fact that you're not trained in that sort of study...you need professional help. Especially if you -feel- like you've been abused. It may be cathartic to rest your problems on a friends shoulders, that is not the solution to this issue.

Secondly. Do not flee your mother. Do not under any circumstances give her more fire in which to use against you even if she's -not- abusing you. Walking out of the room of a parent will be seen as disrespect, something she already thinks you are. It will give her more reason to question and malign you and that won't help the situation at all. You live under her roof and her laws as awful or not as they may be. Do not in any way escalate the issue. Which is exactly what leaving the room when your parental figure is speaking to you is going to do.

[blackfox]

Secondly. Do not flee your mother. Do not under any circumstances give her more fire in which to use against you even if she's -not- abusing you. Walking out of the room of a parent will be seen as disrespect, something she already thinks you are. It will give her more reason to question and malign you and that won't help the situation at all. You live under her roof and her laws as awful or not as they may be. Do not in any way escalate the issue. Which is exactly what leaving the room when your parental figure is speaking to you is going to do.Yes, if you leave without explaining why. Tell her, succinctly, why you won't engage in this conversation with her. Then don't. And if she gets manipulative then call her on it.

[Lady Moreta]

This Update should have done yesterday, sorry.


So I haven't go to conselling yet. I was busy at Monday with studying for exam/working on assignment, or at least trying to. I have the assignment submitted in the end. So, I guess it is a bit of an improvement (I gave up on different assignment last week. Too stressed to work anything)

It drive nuts, nutter than I was last week. The studying I mean. When I managed to push myself there isn't much time to study and there is still assignment to be done plus I am lost in understanding the material.

Then I made long distance call to my mother. It... Well, It just help a lot, to talk it out with my mother. Its not an instant fix but nothing is.

After that things got better I guess. The exam is not a success bu it was as worse as I thought, and I face it with light feeling. At least I'm confident I'll make a good score if I must repeat. Then, Classes I've given up on failing, turn out may have still some opening to increase my score a bit.

So, I still need to do things. I mean I need to actually start do stuff instead of just thinking 'I'll be better". But, ...what I should say? I guess I regained courage to try promise to myself once again. Hopefully next semester I really can do better.

And, people once again thank you for the encouragement. It helps. :smallsmile:



Naughty. No excuses... get your ass out there and get to a counsellor.

And yes, I know I'm going all 'mean and nasty'. I know from experience (with my husband) that sometimes that is the best approach. You already know what you need to do, you just need the impetus to get out there and do it. So I shall bug you. Get that appointment made. Make the time and get to it.


*snip*

My mind boggles. It really does. Your husband does the nurse's job and she has the termacity to call it neglect on his part when he realises that he needs to sleep?! That is such rubbish...


*snip*

Honey, I know it's not easy to accept something negative about a person you love and who loves you, but you need to be honest with yourself. Friends are great, but for this I think you need to talk to a professional. Someone who can teach you how to cope with and handle your mother when she gets abusive. Someone you can perhaps get your mother to see with you. This is obviously something that she herself needs help with as well.


So despite having solved one edge of my depression my parents now feel fit to yell at me for everything.

I am having serious thoughts of suicide. I never will but my thoughts haven't ever been this bad.

I cannot wait to graduate high school, move as far away as i can, and never ****ing return...

:smallfrown: Don't do that... I would miss my bear. I've decided I want to steal you. May I adopt you as a brother too?

And seriously - what are your parents yelling at you for? You've been doing so utterly fantastically with your new resolve, I would hate to see it all go for nothing because your parents can't see what an awesome son they have. You're doing the right thing in telling us, those thoughts are poisonous, you don't want them festering. If it makes you feel better write them out, get them out of your head so they aren't just sitting there.

Remember that no matter what they say, your parents do love you, sometimes they have a hard time expressing that love. *hugs*

[NineThePuma]

You wanna know what breaks my heart most? That there's even kindness left. I'm so used to being stone cold that when I see a random act of kindness, I can't help but think that there's still hope. When I see people who are willing to give everything for someone else, it breaks my heart because I see so much care and devotion and everything. It really makes me see how much better I could be. Maybe some day, the world won't be so cold. Won't hurt people who are willing to sacrifice. Won't have so much senseless hate. Why should the people that try so damn hard to care about others suffer? I know this probably isn't the place for this, and I know that it doesn't really matter what one person in six billion feels, but damnit, why do the nice guys finish last? Why the hell are there so many people willing, no eager, to hurt others if it makes their lives easier? Isn't a little pain for the whole better than having people who fall apart trying to carry the world on their shoulders?

And why is it that every time I give up on humanity there'll be that act of kindness from a stranger to prove me wrong? I already know what the response to this will be, so don't bother. I just need... to let my emotion out.

[KingOfLaughter]

You wanna know what breaks my heart most? That there's even kindness left. I'm so used to being stone cold that when I see a random act of kindness, I can't help but think that there's still hope. When I see people who are willing to give everything for someone else, it breaks my heart because I see so much care and devotion and everything. It really makes me see how much better I could be. Maybe some day, the world won't be so cold. Won't hurt people who are willing to sacrifice. Won't have so much senseless hate. Why should the people that try so damn hard to care about others suffer? I know this probably isn't the place for this, and I know that it doesn't really matter what one person in six billion feels, but damnit, why do the nice guys finish last? Why the hell are there so many people willing, no eager, to hurt others if it makes their lives easier? Isn't a little pain for the whole better than having people who fall apart trying to carry the world on their shoulders?

And why is it that every time I give up on humanity there'll be that act of kindness from a stranger to prove me wrong? I already know what the response to this will be, so don't bother. I just need... to let my emotion out.

I know these feelings. Although for a different reason.



:smallfrown: Don't do that... I would miss my bear. I've decided I want to steal you. May I adopt you as a brother too?

And seriously - what are your parents yelling at you for? You've been doing so utterly fantastically with your new resolve, I would hate to see it all go for nothing because your parents can't see what an awesome son they have. You're doing the right thing in telling us, those thoughts are poisonous, you don't want them festering. If it makes you feel better write them out, get them out of your head so they aren't just sitting there.

Remember that no matter what they say, your parents do love you, sometimes they have a hard time expressing that love. *hugs*

I meant leaving this town. Not killing myself, I never would!
They're yelling at me about garage cause I didn't do it even though we're in agreement about me doing it at 9pm (It was like 8:30 when they yelled at me)
Having not started the dishwasher (Which they told me not to do until 9pm) and some other stuff that I ignored.

Yes, you can adopt me :D Although little doesn't work too well, maybe bigger but younger brother :). I think that for my vacation during College I should go and visit you! cause yea, I've wanted to go Australia for a while anyways.
Thanks for the help, talking about it helps me a lot. Hugs to anyone who needs them or wants them!
*hug* *hug* *hug* *hug* *hug* *hug* *hug*


Update (I think? I don't know)
Due to quite that large mount of prodding and pushing from two friends, (One who is going through the same relationship depression I am, and one who is est friends with the girl I like) I'm now going to talk to her whenever I can (christmas break makes this harder) but yea. I WILL make progress! In due time, and such!

[Ytaker]

@MegsThere are...dangerously vague at best. Or woefully mis-informing at worst.

Instantly leave the room is vague?



Firstly, self diagnosing the issues and events is...a very bad idea. Compact the fact that you're not trained in that sort of study...you need professional help. Especially if you -feel- like you've been abused. It may be cathartic to rest your problems on a friends shoulders, that is not the solution to this issue.

Self diagnosing is the best way to seek professional help. It's rare someone else will diagnose a problem for you.

She evidently believes that it's all her fault. Getting a second perspective would be helpful, and it would provide someone else to diagnose her problems.


Secondly. Do not flee your mother. Do not under any circumstances give her more fire in which to use against you even if she's -not- abusing you. Walking out of the room of a parent will be seen as disrespect, something she already thinks you are. It will give her more reason to question and malign you and that won't help the situation at all. You live under her roof and her laws as awful or not as they may be. Do not in any way escalate the issue. Which is exactly what leaving the room when your parental figure is speaking to you is going to do.

If your hand is in the fire you shouldn't keep it in. It's never good to stick around in an abusive relationship, as your mind will be damaged in such a way that will echo in on you for decades. Her mother clearly has issues, and needs little reason to malign her- why deliberately allow herself to be mentally damaged?

Preventing mental damage is more important than maintaining a horrible relationship with her mom

[Innis Cabal]

Instantly leave the room is vague?

No, other parts were.




Self diagnosing is the best way to seek professional help. It's rare someone else will diagnose a problem for you.

She evidently believes that it's all her fault. Getting a second perspective would be helpful, and it would provide someone else to diagnose her problems.

You'll note I did mention this. It is still often incorrect due to personal bias.


If your hand is in the fire you shouldn't keep it in. It's never good to stick around in an abusive relationship, as your mind will be damaged in such a way that will echo in on you for decades. Her mother clearly has issues, and needs little reason to malign her- why deliberately allow herself to be mentally damaged?

Preventing mental damage is more important than maintaining a horrible relationship with her mom

I am well aware of what happens to people in abusive relationships. If this were one she could leave readily my advice would have been vastly different. But it isn't. She could leave, move out on her own and never speak with her mother again. That would be ideal, but since that option hasn't been brought up or even mentioned this as an option (the mention of her going to college in two years also places her at the age of minority).

You will also notice I never said she should maintain a relationship with her mother. She shouldn't maintain a relationship with her mother, and her mother's problems aren't really up for discussion either. It doesn't matter she doesn't need more ammo to throw. Avoiding her is going to make her angrier and more prone to lash out and punish, thus making Megs life more miserable then it already is.

I come from a very long history of abuse, emotional and physical both. You never provoke or give reason to the abuser to take things to another level. Yes, it is terrible what her mother is (presumably) doing to her, and sadly the lasting effects will be difficult to deal with and beyond arduous to fix in the long run. But, she is (at least from what I gathered) not able to live on her own at the moment. Sadly, she will have to endure or find a way to remove herself from the situation in other ways. Leaving the room after telling her mother that she's being abusive...probably won't open her mother's eyes. It will make her angry and defensive...the worst kind of abuser to deal with. If you think for a moment she won't be chased down and castigated for her comments...think again. If her mother is truly emotionally abusive, it will only create more fights. Which means more abuse, more punishment, more misery. This. Is. A. Bad. Idea.

Nor is running to a friend to replace the "love that she should be getting from her mother". That is asking for the person in question to develop co-dependency problems, which is a form of abuse in and of itself. In fact, Manson used those tactics when he was forming his cult, oh wait...that's one of the major brain washing techniques of almost every cult. Seriously...running to someone to "replace" the love you are or are not getting is...a very dangerous and slippery slope. Don't tread it. Go to a medical professional, and one that is not your friend. They are trained to take care of the problems you are going through, the chances your friends are are slim indeed.

[Ytaker]

@Innis Cabal I think our point of disagreement is that you are assuming I think 1. Meg should insult her mom and 2. She should become a cult member (honestly, not sure what point you're making) with a friend. I actually think 1. She should, if she wishes to confront her mom, vocalize her feelings when insulted, and otherwise try leaving and 2. She should find a friend to talk to.


You'll note I did mention this. It is still often incorrect due to personal bias.

I'm just not sure quite what you're saying. Are you saying, no, continual put downs and insults aren't emotionally abusive? Her mother is engaging in a number of behaviours which are classified by psychologists as abusive (see say, the Conflict Tactics Scales). This means, as her mom is engaging in emotionally aggressive behaviour, she could be classified as emotionally abusive.


You will also notice I never said she should maintain a relationship with her mother. She shouldn't maintain a relationship with her mother, and her mother's problems aren't really up for discussion either. It doesn't matter she doesn't need more ammo to throw. Avoiding her is going to make her angrier and more prone to lash out and punish, thus making Megs life more miserable then it already is.

I'm talking about, leaving when her mother is throwing ammunition at her. It's worth trying, because it might be a solution.

Fairly normal scenario. Mother starts ranting about some random thing. You ignore her for a while. Then you argue using logic, which fuels the fire when she twists your words. Then you yell a bit, and leave. Why not skip the other steps? She may well not follow, and it won't necessarily make her angrier and prone to lash out, unless she really feels an urge to stalk her daughter.


I come from a very long history of abuse, emotional and physical both. You never provoke or give reason to the abuser to take things to another level. Yes, it is terrible what her mother is (presumably) doing to her, and sadly the lasting effects will be difficult to deal with and beyond arduous to fix in the long run. But, she is (at least from what I gathered) not able to live on her own at the moment. Sadly, she will have to endure or find a way to remove herself from the situation in other ways. Leaving the room after telling her mother that she's being abusive...probably won't open her mother's eyes.

Me "If you do want to confront her, you should do it when she says something bad, and only confront her with your feelings then, not with what that means about her as a person."

Yes, I agree. But if she wants to confront her mom-

Meg "If I talk to her about this, she'll accuse of taking small incidents out of proportion and trying to get attention by self-diagnosing problems that aren't there."

She needs to establish how her emotions (I feel hurt) are working by telling her mom what she feels. This offers two scenarios, her mom realizing she's being cruel, or her proving that she feels hurt, and her mom realizing she is being cruel. If she wants to challenge her mom about it.

Otherwise my suggested idea was that she leave the room instantly. Not call her mom abusive.


It will make her angry and defensive...the worst kind of abuser to deal with. If you think for a moment she won't be chased down and castigated for her comments...think again. If her mother is truly emotionally abusive, it will only create more fights. Which means more abuse, more punishment, more misery. This. Is. A. Bad. Idea.

Yes, which is why I didn't suggest she call her mom abusive, as I realize she would be chased down and abused.


Nor is running to a friend to replace the "love that she should be getting from her mother". That is asking for the person in question to develop co-dependency problems, which is a form of abuse in and of itself. In fact, Manson used those tactics when he was forming his cult, oh wait...that's one of the major brain washing techniques of almost every cult. Seriously...running to someone to "replace" the love you are or are not getting is...a very dangerous and slippery slope. Don't tread it. Go to a medical professional, and one that is not your friend. They are trained to take care of the problems you are going through, the chances your friends are are slim indeed.

Who are you "quoting" saying she should replace "Love that she should be getting from her mother"?

You can, as I suggested, "talk to a friend" without becoming a "cult member". Are you suggesting that she shouldn't find a friend to talk to because they might be Manson?

Medical professionals are difficult to get, expensive, and embarassing. Talking to friends about it, as she is say doing here, is helpful in pushing her towards it.

[Meg]

Thanks for the responses, everyone. It's true that I have a few more years before I can move out, but I'm going to make an appointment to see my school counselor soon.

I don't think confronting my mom is an option at this stage. As Innis said, I'm really not interested in giving my mother something else to get mad at me about, and walking out on her would almost certainly be filed under 'insolence.' I'm not really interested in replacing my mom with a different mother figure. She may be a crap mother, but she's still my mom. I don't want a friendship-type relationship with her, now or later. However, I don't want there to be open hostility, I'm going to talk to the school therapist and focus on getting through the rest of high school. Maybe we can improve our relationship when I'm no longer in a position to constantly have her taking her bad mood out on me, but for right now, keep calm and carry on.

Again, I'm not even sure what my mom is doing can really be classified as emotional abuse. My gut says 'yes,' but I don't know enough about what that really means to say anything for sure. I'd much more readily call it emotional neglect, as she's not (probably) intentionally mistreating me.

I think what I need to do is figure out who I am, outside of the context of any sort of relationship before figuring out who and what I am to other people.

Thanks again,

[Lady Moreta]

And why is it that every time I give up on humanity there'll be that act of kindness from a stranger to prove me wrong? I already know what the response to this will be, so don't bother. I just need... to let my emotion out.

Because as much as the world sucks sometimes, not everyone is bad :smallsmile:


I meant leaving this town. Not killing myself, I never would!

You did say that, but you also mentioned you were thinking about it. I have a bit of a 'sucide' radar at the moment, not your fault :smallsmile::smalltongue:


Yes, you can adopt me :D Although little doesn't work too well, maybe bigger but younger brother :). I think that for my vacation during College I should go and visit you! cause yea, I've wanted to go Australia for a while anyways.

Yay! Another little (:smalltongue: you're younger than me that makes you little :smalltongue:) brother! :smallbiggrin: *hugs*

And more visits! :smallbiggrin:


Update (I think? I don't know)
Due to quite that large mount of prodding and pushing from two friends, (One who is going through the same relationship depression I am, and one who is est friends with the girl I like) I'm now going to talk to her whenever I can (christmas break makes this harder) but yea. I WILL make progress! In due time, and such!

It's good that you're so sure of what you're doing :smallsmile:


Thanks for the responses, everyone. It's true that I have a few more years before I can move out, but I'm going to make an appointment to see my school counselor soon.

I don't think confronting my mom is an option at this stage. As Innis said, I'm really not interested in giving my mother something else to get mad at me about, and walking out on her would almost certainly be filed under 'insolence.' I'm not really interested in replacing my mom with a different mother figure. She may be a crap mother, but she's still my mom. I don't want a friendship-type relationship with her, now or later. However, I don't want there to be open hostility, I'm going to talk to the school therapist and focus on getting through the rest of high school. Maybe we can improve our relationship when I'm no longer in a position to constantly have her taking her bad mood out on me, but for right now, keep calm and carry on.

Again, I'm not even sure what my mom is doing can really be classified as emotional abuse. My gut says 'yes,' but I don't know enough about what that really means to say anything for sure. I'd much more readily call it emotional neglect, as she's not (probably) intentionally mistreating me.

I think what I need to do is figure out who I am, outside of the context of any sort of relationship before figuring out who and what I am to other people.

Thanks again,

Meg, that is one of the most mature, sensible responses I think I've ever seen here. It is hard to even admit the possibility that someone you love is doing something they shouldn't, especially if it could fall under the banner of abuse. I think talking to a school counselor is the best thing you could do under the circumstances. They are trained to handle this sort of situation, they will be able to give you a much clearer idea of what's going on and what you can do to calm the situation and deal with your mother until you're at a point where you can move out.

Good for you *hugs*

[KingOfLaughter]

Because as much as the world sucks sometimes, not everyone is bad :smallsmile:

I agree with this one, there is also those people who look and act bad to hide the soft side (as I previously did but no longer am)


You did say that, but you also mentioned you were thinking about it. I have a bit of a 'sucide' radar at the moment, not your fault :smallsmile::smalltongue:

I think about it a lot, but I couldn't do that to my friends.


Yay! Another little (:smalltongue: you're younger than me that makes you little :smalltongue:) brother! :smallbiggrin: *hugs*

And more visits! :smallbiggrin:

No, bigger but younger brother....
lol Yes visits for everyone! :D


It's good that you're so sure of what you're doing :smallsmile:

I have to give credit to my friends for this one.

Thanks for the support and the listening guys, hopefully after break this will all somehow go better then it is now.

Tee hee! Update: I reconnected with a friend I haven't seen in two years, I was totally digging her in grade 9, she's even more awesome now, so since she talks to me, and likes me and I still have feelings for her, they stirred after talking to her, I figure I found my solution. :D Happy, happy me! I only see one problem in our religious differences but it is nothing that I assume we cannot work out.

[Trog]

Pre-holiday funk. Happens every year. I'm looking forward to Dec. 26th so I can get back to normal. =/

[Lady Tialait]

Pre-holiday funk. Happens every year. I'm looking forward to Dec. 26th so I can get back to normal. =/

I totally understand this, with the family ripping details I revealed before. The pre-holiday funk is just adding like....a backdrop to the whole thing. Yes, indeed. Plus, I never feel good on my b-day, that is Tuesday.

[Lady Moreta]

Pre-holiday funk. Happens every year. I'm looking forward to Dec. 26th so I can get back to normal. =/

I know the feeling. I get like that every year as well *hugs*


No, bigger but younger brother....

Oh all right, fine :smalltongue:


Tee hee! Update: I reconnected with a friend I haven't seen in two years, I was totally digging her in grade 9, she's even more awesome now, so since she talks to me, and likes me and I still have feelings for her, they stirred after talking to her, I figure I found my solution. :D Happy, happy me! I only see one problem in our religious differences but it is nothing that I assume we cannot work out.

Well, that's good news :smallsmile:


I totally understand this, with the family ripping details I revealed before. The pre-holiday funk is just adding like....a backdrop to the whole thing. Yes, indeed. Plus, I never feel good on my b-day, that is Tuesday.

It was your birthday? Happy Birthday anyway *hugs* I hope you can sort out the situation with your mother-in-law. Remember we're here to be vented to :smallsmile:

[KingOfLaughter]

I wrote my replies in red


I know the feeling. I get like that every year as well *hugs*

I've never been anything but happy over Christmas but since it's really my friends keeping me from spiraling into darkness I feel this Christmas will be a depressing one.

Oh all right, fine :smalltongue:

YAY!

Well, that's good news :smallsmile:

Yep. I don't have quite the same level of feelings but I still like hr and it's been two years so that has to mean something. :)

[Zeb The Troll]

Pre-holiday funk. Happens every year. I'm looking forward to Dec. 26th so I can get back to normal. =/I usually get this too, but I don't have a specific date I can look forward to when it will end. So far so good this year, though.

*sends Trog some gingerbread cookies he just learned how to make, but they are digital and so not very tasty :smallconfused:*

[Lady Moreta]

I usually get this too, but I don't have a specific date I can look forward to when it will end. So far so good this year, though.

Me neither. Generally sometime after Christmas.

At the moment I'm feeling rather good about the whole thing... I think I realised that I didn't actually need to abandon all my family traditions when I moved over so I've pulled a few of them back out and now I feel better :smallsmile:

[The Rose Dragon]

Update time!

Apparently, I need to show my inner child that it is loved. So, as a homework, I need to get a totem of myself and figure out how I can show enough affection to something that is all in my head.

Also, need to learn to only say "thank you" when someone says something good about me.

((I like the word "totem". Has a nice primal ring to it.))

[Haruki-kun]

Update time!

Apparently, I need to show my inner child that it is loved. So, as a homework, I need to get a totem of myself and figure out how I can show enough affection to something that is all in my head.

Also, need to learn to only say "thank you" when someone says something good about me.

((I like the word "totem". Has a nice primal ring to it.))

IRN: I got homework too. I am to make a list of good things about me, with a minimum requirement, in different aspects. And I'm NOT allowed to ask for help. I have to make the list on my own. It's supposed to be a self-perception exercise.

Should be... interesting. I think. <.<

[Lady Tialait]

It was your birthday? Happy Birthday anyway *hugs* I hope you can sort out the situation with your mother-in-law. Remember we're here to be vented to :smallsmile:

It WILL be my B-day on tuesday. In other news, that is when the Court Date happens.

[Trog]

I totally understand this...
*nodnod*

I know the feeling. I get like that every year as well *hugs*
*hugs*

I usually get this too, but I don't have a specific date I can look forward to when it will end. So far so good this year, though.

*sends Trog some gingerbread cookies he just learned how to make, but they are digital and so not very tasty :smallconfused:*
:O OMG PIXUL SPRANKULZ OMNOMNOMNOMNOM!!

[TigerHunter]

So... the volunteering thing didn't quite work out. Seems a lot of other people had the same idea. I'll keep trying to find a place that needs help. In the meantime, tomorrow I'll have access to a car during the day for the first time all week. Any ideas on what I should do? If it were summer I'd drive to a state park and go hiking, but it's a bit cold for that.