Drive your T.A. up the wall! (A how-to guide)

[Jade_Tarem]

Hi!

So we're approaching the end of the college semester - a semester very near and dear to my heart, as it was the first one where I held a position as a Graduate Teaching Assisstant (for a distance-learning position, no less). Having now done so, I am ready to offer you advice on all the different things you can do to be the perfect pain for your GTA instructor next semester! (For those of you who are wondering, I've seen all of these this semester, and dealt with all but a couple personally).

Alternative title: The 11 Habits of Highly Irritating Undergraduate Students

1. Always keep in mind that your T.A. isn't actually enrolled at the university, and therefore has nothing better to do with his time than grade your work the moment it's turned in. Since he has no classwork, projects, thesis, or studying to work on, every minute that passes between when your work goes in and when you receive your grade back is a moment that he's slacking. It's your patriotic duty to make sure that the university gets its money's worth out of him, so badger him about when the grades will be out on a regular basis.

2. Also keep in mind that you are the only student in the class, regardless of the fact that the class roll reads 167 - that number was placed there by the university's Evil Overlords to make you feel insignificant. Since you are the only student in the class, monopolizing the TA's time shouldn't cause you any guilt. This also means that if you spot a mistake in one of his emails, you are the only one who can correct it, thus preventing the cataclysmic calamity (we're talking erupting volcanoes, tsunamis, the sun going nova, and an N'Sync reunion tour all rolled into one, here) that would result were the TA not aware that the mail system arbitrarily made a second copy of his class email. See #1 for other advice on making the most of this helpful tip.

3. You, of course, were a total hot-shot straight A student at whatever high school spawned you. Therefore, any points that you've lost on your assignments were a result of poor grading on the TA's part, or maybe sun spots. It certainly wasn't your fault, at any rate, so it's up to you to correct such an obvious problem. If the TA insists that the grade is correct, that's him secretly telling you that he hates you.

4. There is, of course, no such thing as a program that can grade electronically submitted multiple choice tests - anyone who swallows that whopper will believe anything! This means that any poor grades that you receive from an alleged "program" are also an expression of the TA's hatred toward you, rather than impartial machine grading. Question the results whenever you can.

5. Douglas Adams was too cool for deadlines, and so are you. Be sure to insist that grades can be turned in late, and email them to the TA if the web-based turn in system won't accept them late.

6. Always remember that the university runs on your schedule, rather than the other way around. Rescheduling things like exams and even the final is an easy thing for the TA to do, even if you don't have any form of excuse or reason. Only present an excuse when forced, and the more vague and sketchy it is the better.

7. Nobody ever puts anything important in the course syllabus or the class website, so reading them is a huge waste of time. Since you are the only student in the class (See #2), feel free to bombard the TA with questions that are answered in the materials provided at the beginning of the semester and online.

8. Similarly, the TA only sends out class-wide emails because he's lonely. These can be safely skimmed or ignored. Even the ones labled "Important" are only a cry for attention. Also remember that answers to questions that you emailed the TA about while in the process of #7 that are provided in class-wide emails don't count, so if you don't receive a personal response, feel free to email the professor complaining about the TA's obvious negligence.

9. Since you were smart and managed to free up extra time by not studying and letting your chump partners do all the work in group projects, this leaves you free to go badger the TA to give you extra points for no reason. Be sure to remind him that you need to pass this course to graduate. Emotional blackmail is your friend!

Bonus: If your TA belongs to a different major, ask uninformed questions at awkward moments. For instance, Software Engineers love it when you ask them "So do you, like, hack computers and stuff?"

10. The TA is, of course, the top of the food chain. He isn't working for a professor, and if he is, that professor isn't working under a complex system of Deans, Department Superiors, etc. As a result, he (the TA) has the power to move any number of mountains to accomodate your latest whatever. If he refuses to do so, it's not because he's a small cog in a big machine who will get fired for doing what you're suggesting, it's because he's a sadistic punk who likes watching you squirm. Complain to his nonexistant superiors about him.

11. Finally, remember that it's ok to cheat and copy another student's assignment or get your solutions from online as long as you don't really feel like doing it. It's not like the TA actually looks at what he's grading, so you won't be caught. Even if you are, the TA will be impressed with your time-saving efficiency! Sure, there are dire consequences for academic dishonesty spelled out in the Student Handbook, but they're just bluffing, right? Seriously, what's the worst that could happen?

Please don't be these people next semester. :smallfrown:

[Mr. Moon]

... Well, I'm officially never going to be a teacher. Thanks for that, man. =D

And I can safely say that I've never been guilty of any of those habits. Hurrah for lazy studenting! Also none of my classes have had a TA, but that's beside the point.

[Syka]

Yeah...I've gotta agree. I'm not a TA but I did take some undergraduate classes this term as special topics, and just..wow. I mean, the graduate student's aren't fantastic- there is definitely plagerism that occurs- but just...wow.

In one memorable class, the students wondered why they didn't get an A on the project, or why they got lower than they expected. Maybe it's cause of how you act? I peer-graded them fairly based on their contribution to the project itself and their interaction with the other group members (respectful, etc). Not on what they wanted to hear. They also thought their test grades were oh so unfair and all the evil teachers fault. But then why did I do so well? I've got exactly one year in this field under my academic belt; y'all have three or more. Despite that I'm a graduate student, it doesn't mean I know more. If you actually tried studying, maybe you'd've done fine.

In my other class, two out of eight groups was caught plagerising the first assignment.


...then again, my graduate student comrades are just as bad. One girl I know swears one of our professors is a horrible person. Guess what...said professor didn't tolerate (I assume) her and another student turning in the exact same work, nor does she allow you to slack on work. She is a wonderful teacher, but the subject sucks. Just because you can't buck up and accept you can't slide through doesn't mean she hates you. (Said girl also said the same thing about one of the teachers I have now, about how mean he is...he is so far from mean it's not funny.)


(Also, I know I spelled plagerise wrong...sorry...>>)

[Sipex]

Okay, I have a friend who is a TA and this seriously sounds like his day-to-day complaints. The final hour leading up to a deadline is the best he tells me, his email server just dies from over-exposure.


Bonus: If your TA belongs to a different major, ask uninformed questions at awkward moments. For instance, Software Engineers love it when you ask them "So do you, like, hack computers and stuff?"

I laughed incredibly hard.

[Thufir]

I wonder if this is why at Newcastle we never had any direct contact with TAs unless the lecturer was missing and they had to cover for him/her... maybe it was to avoid all this stuff...

[Mr. Moon]

I wonder if this is why at Newcastle we never had any direct contact with TAs unless the lecturer was missing and they had to cover for him/her... maybe it was to avoid all this stuff...

I'm sorry, I hate to go off-topic, but your avatar nearly made me fangirl-squee in the middle of a busy campus library.
X3

[Eloel]

Drive your T.A. up the wall! (A how-to guide)
*I really needed this guide. I now know I have been missing on 2 of the 11, so I'll do my best to complete it.

Thank you.**
A couple of those are biased against the student very hard.

"You, of course, were a total hot-shot straight A student at whatever high school spawned you"

Err, while I was not, there certainly are people that are. Oops.

* -
** -

[Don Julio Anejo]

Dude, I will put this to very good use next semester! :amused:

[Moonshadow]

Okay, I have to admit, this is freaking hilarious.

[Rockphed]

*hands Jade_Tarem a puppy*

I have been one of those students in days past. What is really scary is when you, a grad student, end up having to keep an undergrad who gets paid to SLEEP THROUGH YOUR CLASS happy lest your superiors get mad. That has actually been the bane of my friend's semester. I offered to go be big and scary for her when she went to complain to sleeping person's superiors, but she has never responded.

[Ceric]

3. You, of course, were a total hot-shot straight A student at whatever high school spawned you.

Yeah, this actually could be true for some people. I mean, if it's a good college, almost everyone who was admitted was probably getting straight As and Bs. And then, with the normal curve, 84% of them suddenly have Cs, Ds, and Fs.

(I'm a freshman and one of my suitemates said earlier that, in all seriousness, her parents were going to pull her from within-5th-best-college-in-this-state and send her to the local community college if she didn't get straight As. After all, that's what she got all through high school, right? I really don't think they'll follow through at this point, but still :smalleek::smallannoyed:)

That said, this list is great and I'm glad I've never done any of it.

[TFT]

I laughed at most of these, but I did kind of get annoyed at your point #3. I've had TA's and teachers be wrong multiple times on stuff like, for example, them not realizing the decimals you put in your work were equal to the fractions they had on their answer sheet and deciding that if the answer isn't in the form they wanted(It didn't specify fractions, by the by), then it was obviously wrong and there was no need to check it. I mean, I get your point, but at the same time, when 1 point can make or break your grade you shouldn't be getting 2 points off from mistakes the teacher or TA makes, taking your grade from a B to a C.

Half the time the person asking is a person who's actually trying in the class and needs(And quite frankly, deserves) those extra points for their grade, not secretly going "I got one wrong? What? I never get one wrong!" But you almost sound like the student your using satire on here, assuming you can't make mistakes.

It was quite hilarious though.

[Keld Denar]

We had a really sweet, attractive, and smart math TA for my freshman calc seminar. We spent at LEAST half of our alloted 4 hours a week trying to hook her up on dates with...pretty much every male TA any of us had, and even a couple of our younger professors. It was pretty much hillarious because she would get all red and flustered. She took it pretty well though, I'll give her credit for that.

[Jade_Tarem]

Heh. #3 wasn't put there because I hate straight-A high school students. I was one myself. And yes, mistakes sometimes *are* made in the grading. #3 was put there for the people who insist that because they made straight A's in high school, they can't be wrong now. And yes, it has happened.

[Nomrom]

This list made me laugh pretty hard, cuz I can recognize all of these from other students in my classes. But sometimes the ta deserves all this and worse. I understand you're a busy grad student, but I really do need my quizzes and homework back before the next test so I can study. And rolling a d10 is not an acceptable alternative to grading assignments worth 10 points.

[MonkeyBusiness]

This was hilarious. I laughed out loud at #8. Yes, the TA sends emails out of loneliness. :smallconfused: Sure.

.

[ZombieRockStar]

Ooh...I've got one to add:

12. Because you pay through the nose for university, you're entitled to a good grade no matter what you do. Harass your TA about "ripping you off thousands of dollars" if you get a low mark. Remember: you're buying a degree, not an education.

Man...I didn't appreciate my TAs enough during my undergrad. Especially since it was English and a lot of people were just taking it to get their undergrad so they could go on to a masters in whatever (like Law) and couldn't have cared less about literary theory, etc.

[Lady Moreta]

Oh you poor soul...

Not being in whatever country you're in, I didn't have TA's, but our tutorials were run by people in similar roles - just with different names. We called them - funnily enough - tutors :smalltongue:

I am thankful that I can report I never did anything on that list to any of my tutors :smallsmile:

[HalfTangible]

:eek:

Such scathing, loathing sarcasm...

I STUDY AT THE FEET OF THE MASTER! MY LIFE IS INSIGNIFICANT!!

[/halfjoke]

Slightly more serious:My math teacher has hammered one thing into my head over the last three months: Whoever is grading your stuff will not care about half-assedness.

Now i see why (even if he didn't specifically mean TAs)

Your job is awful

[mucat]

I did not write this, and I would give credit to the brilliant author, but I don't know who he/she is. It's one of those things that's been floating around the Internet since forever...but unlike most of such things, it's great.

(Spoiled for length)
The teaching experience:

TA: What went on in this lab?
Student: What do you mean?
TA: What did you do in this lab?
Student: Lab 3.
TA: And what did you do in lab 3?
Student: We measured the result.
TA: Assume I've never seen this lab before, and you're going to explain it to me. What would you say?
Student: (pause) Well, it was all about getting the slope.
TA: The slope of what?
Student: The slope of the plot.
TA: I know that, but you have to assume I've never heard of this lab, ok? How would you explain what you did?
Student: We got the wires and measured at each point.
TA: Measured what?
Student: What the meter said.
TA: (pause) Look. Your report tells me nothing; this could be an experiment about baking cakes. What's this number here?
Student: 5.
TA: Yes I KNOW it's 5. What did it measure?
Student: The slope. Of the line.
TA: What line?
Student: The line. On the plot. We measured the points and plotted them.
TA: Why?
Student: (knowing smile) Because that's what the lab said.
TA: If I was a total stranger, how would you explain this to me?
Student: You just connect it up--
TA: Connect WHAT up?
Student: The circuit.
TA: Why?
Student: I'm sorry, I don't know what you're asking.
TA: I'm asking: what is this lab all about?
Student: Well, we put in the wires and got 5.
TA: 5 what?
Student: The slope.
TA: WHAT was it slope?
Student: 5.
TA: I KNOW that, but what was it a measurement of?
Student: The meter.
TA: (sigh) One more time -- consider me a total stranger. How would you explain this to me?
Student: You just put on the wires and vary the dial until you get the readings.
TA: What dial?
Student: On the power supply.
TA: Why was there a power supply?
Student: Well, for the circuit.
TA: And what readings are you talking about?
Student: The readings in the plot.
TA: They gave you a plot in the lab manual?
Student: I'm sorry, I don't know what you're asking.
TA: Where did the plot come from?
Student: We drew it.
TA: From what?
Student: From the experiment.
TA: The experiment about what?
Student: About lab 3.
TA: (expires)

[blackfox]

Oh man, the poor TAs everywhere.
Never been a TA for an academic class, and probably won't as long as I'm still undergrad.
The TA's for my hardest class right now are some of the most tolerant and patient and least condescending that I've ever seen. A couple of them stayed way after office hours to help people with a project due at midnight that day... we're gonna make them a cake.

[mucat]

Oh man, the poor TAs everywhere.
Never been a TA for an academic class, and probably won't as long as I'm still undergrad.
The TA's for my hardest class right now are some of the most tolerant and patient and least condescending that I've ever seen. A couple of them stayed way after office hours to help people with a project due at midnight that day... we're gonna make them a cake.
See, you guys are the kind of students who make it all worth the trouble.

One of my favorite exchanges from my own days as a T.A.:


Student: Hey, I think you made some mistakes grading my exam.
(We go over the exam in detail. If anything, I've been too generous, but he still failed, badly.)

Student: So, have you turned these grades in yet?

Me: No; I've still got a whole stack left to grade.
(What I'm too polite to say: ...so quite whining, get out of my office, and let me work.)

Student: (shiftily) Has anyone ever offered you money to change a grade?

Me: No.

Student: If someone offered you $500 to pass them, what would you do?

Me: Turn them in. If the school didn't expel them, report their name publicly on the Net.
(I was way too nice back then. Today, I'd play along till the student quit being cagey and made an unambiguous offer, then I really would get him expelled.)

Student: But why? No one would know. You wouldn't have to give them an A or anything, just pass them.

Me: Self-respect. If I wanted money, why would I be a scientist instead of a banker?

Student: But you're not a real scientist. You're a TA.

[WalkingTarget]

Student: But you're not a real scientist. You're a TA.[/INDENT]

...wow.

Talk about a total lack of survival instinct.

Luckily, I managed to snag an assistantship that doesn't involve teaching (well, beyond telling individuals how to use the library/databases/etc). Dealing with students regarding grades is not something I'd want to deal with.

As an undergraduate, years ago, I don't think I ever bothered a TA about anything more than once or twice, and that was mostly for help/pointers on an assignment before it was due, not after. Then again, I still tend to work on assignments as early as I can due to pessimism about getting them done at all.

[Kallisti]

...wow. Y'know, I was considering a TA program at my school in my senior year, but...is it always that bad? To be fair, it's a high school, so the classes would be a lot smaller, but still, it sounds really, really rough.

[wadledo]

In my defense, the school bureaucracy doesn't care about me enough to notice that I'm in a concentration that doesn't exist anymore, and haven't since I got to college (for the past year-and-a-half).
Then again, I haven't seen a TA since my second semester here. Which is kinda sad.

[Eloel]

Student: Hey, I think you made some mistakes grading my exam.
(We go over the exam in detail. If anything, I've been too generous, but he still failed, badly.)

Student: So, have you turned these grades in yet?

Me: No; I've still got a whole stack left to grade.
(What I'm too polite to say: ...so quite whining, get out of my office, and let me work.)

Student: (shiftily) Has anyone ever offered you money to change a grade?

Me: No.

Student: If someone offered you $500 to pass them, what would you do?

Me: Turn them in. If the school didn't expel them, report their name publicly on the Net.
(I was way too nice back then. Today, I'd play along till the student quit being cagey and made an unambiguous offer, then I really would get him expelled.)

Student: But why? No one would know. You wouldn't have to give them an A or anything, just pass them.

Me: Self-respect. If I wanted money, why would I be a scientist instead of a banker?

Student: But you're not a real scientist. You're a TA.

500$ and you refuse it?
You're doing it wrong.
You're supposed to take the 500$ (yay free cash!) AND make them fail (make them take the grade they deserve. If they deserve straight As because they study on from that point, you don't make them auto-fail. Think of the 500$ as cash for "forget I tried to bribe you and don't turn me in"). Serves them good.

[mucat]

...wow. Y'know, I was considering a TA program at my school in my senior year, but...is it always that bad? To be fair, it's a high school, so the classes would be a lot smaller, but still, it sounds really, really rough.

Naw, it's not always bad at all. It's like any form of teaching...there are students who make you wonder why the hell you bother, and there are students who make you say "Man, I've got the best job in the world!"

When you're a TA, just ignore the first kind of student (except when you want to vent by trading stories about their lunacy) and concentrate on the second. And when you're a student, make sure to be the second kind!

[Jade_Tarem]

...wow. Y'know, I was considering a TA program at my school in my senior year, but...is it always that bad? To be fair, it's a high school, so the classes would be a lot smaller, but still, it sounds really, really rough.

mucat is correct. For every student who inspired one of the points on the list, there are about a dozen who turn in their work on time and learn quickly without any fuss. Truthfully, this job is putting me through grad school, and I have a fairly laid-back professor, so I don't have that much to complain about.

However, this time of year (the days around the Final Exam and when all the grades are due) is like some kind of insanity magnet, which is why I chose today of all days to vent. It's like the witching hour, but stupid. It's the stupid hour.

[Rockphed]

This list made me laugh pretty hard, cuz I can recognize all of these from other students in my classes. But sometimes the ta deserves all this and worse. I understand you're a busy grad student, but I really do need my quizzes and homework back before the next test so I can study. And rolling a d10 is not an acceptable alternative to grading assignments worth 10 points.

When grading backs up, my friends have jokingly told our friends who teach(one is doing an internship at a high school, and the other is a graduate instructor) to just either give the students the grades they normally receive, or to just give everybody the grade they are instructed to give students. Yes, my institution mandates the average. I don't know what happens if the mandate is not met, but I suspect it comes down to forcibly changing the professor's grading criteria and grade cutoff points, or if they haven't given the professor tenure yet, firing them out of the nearest cannon.

[Eldan]

I did not write this, and I would give credit to the brilliant author, but I don't know who he/she is. It's one of those things that's been floating around the Internet since forever...but unlike most of such things, it's great.

(Spoiled for length)
The teaching experience:

TA: What went on in this lab?
Student: What do you mean?
TA: What did you do in this lab?
Student: Lab 3.
TA: And what did you do in lab 3?
Student: We measured the result.
TA: Assume I've never seen this lab before, and you're going to explain it to me. What would you say?
Student: (pause) Well, it was all about getting the slope.
TA: The slope of what?
Student: The slope of the plot.
TA: I know that, but you have to assume I've never heard of this lab, ok? How would you explain what you did?
Student: We got the wires and measured at each point.
TA: Measured what?
Student: What the meter said.
TA: (pause) Look. Your report tells me nothing; this could be an experiment about baking cakes. What's this number here?
Student: 5.
TA: Yes I KNOW it's 5. What did it measure?
Student: The slope. Of the line.
TA: What line?
Student: The line. On the plot. We measured the points and plotted them.
TA: Why?
Student: (knowing smile) Because that's what the lab said.
TA: If I was a total stranger, how would you explain this to me?
Student: You just connect it up--
TA: Connect WHAT up?
Student: The circuit.
TA: Why?
Student: I'm sorry, I don't know what you're asking.
TA: I'm asking: what is this lab all about?
Student: Well, we put in the wires and got 5.
TA: 5 what?
Student: The slope.
TA: WHAT was it slope?
Student: 5.
TA: I KNOW that, but what was it a measurement of?
Student: The meter.
TA: (sigh) One more time -- consider me a total stranger. How would you explain this to me?
Student: You just put on the wires and vary the dial until you get the readings.
TA: What dial?
Student: On the power supply.
TA: Why was there a power supply?
Student: Well, for the circuit.
TA: And what readings are you talking about?
Student: The readings in the plot.
TA: They gave you a plot in the lab manual?
Student: I'm sorry, I don't know what you're asking.
TA: Where did the plot come from?
Student: We drew it.
TA: From what?
Student: From the experiment.
TA: The experiment about what?
Student: About lab 3.
TA: (expires)


The great thing about that is that you can apply it to pretty much any subject that has lab courses :smallbiggrin:

And yes, I've known people like that. Not as a TA, I never was one but as lab partners.

Example:

Me: "What did you just do?"
She: "I put in the acid."
Me: "What acid? Why?"
She: "It says we have to put in acid."
Me: "Yes, after we do five other steps first! And not the entire bottle, five milliliters!"
She: "Oh."
Me: "Remember those last two hours of work? We can now do those again."
She: "Then why didn't you tell me?"

[Eloel]

The great thing about that is that you can apply it to pretty much any subject that has lab courses :smallbiggrin:

And yes, I've known people like that. Not as a TA, I never was one but as lab partners.

Example:

Me: "What did you just do?"
She: "I put in the acid."
Me: "What acid? Why?"
She: "It says we have to put in acid."
Me: "Yes, after we do five other steps first! And not the entire bottle, five milliliters!"
She: "Oh."
Me: "Remember those last two hours of work? We can now do those again."
She: "Then why didn't you tell me?"

I found the easy way to get around that.

Me: "Stay away"
He: "Ok"
Me: "Here, lab is done. Now, write the report"
He: "Ok"

Both of us happy, since my lab partner is crap at doing lab, and I don't get stuff to do out of lab time. Yay cooperation!

[Eldan]

I found the easy way to get around that.

Me: "Stay away"
He: "Ok"
Me: "Here, lab is done. Now, write the report"
He: "Ok"

Both of us happy, since my lab partner is crap at doing lab, and I don't get stuff to do out of lab time. Yay cooperation!

Didn't work either. First of all, we both had to be present in the lab, and whenever she got bored, she wanted to help. She genuinely thought she was helping.

Second, handing in the reports this way got problematic:
"Can you do the report since I did most of the work?"
"Sure. Sorry about screwing up."
... three days later...
"Have you done the report yet?"
"What report?"

[SaintRidley]

Going to grad school will be so worth it for the ability to have my own stories like this.

[Dragonrider]

We don't have TAs at my college. :smallamused: Perhaps because my biggest class has only 30 people in it. Small liberal arts FTW. . . .

(That said, we still get whiny slackers who complain about failing. Most of them are self-aware enough to get that it's not the professor's fault, though, it's their own.)

[pffh]

The great thing about that is that you can apply it to pretty much any subject that has lab courses :smallbiggrin:

And yes, I've known people like that. Not as a TA, I never was one but as lab partners.

Example:

Me: "What did you just do?"
She: "I put in the acid."
Me: "What acid? Why?"
She: "It says we have to put in acid."
Me: "Yes, after we do five other steps first! And not the entire bottle, five milliliters!"
She: "Oh."
Me: "Remember those last two hours of work? We can now do those again."
She: "Then why didn't you tell me?"

I have a similar story:

Me: "Hey mind getting the dihydrogen peroxide and putting it in the solution while I do this other stuff"
She:: "Sure"
5 hours later
Me: "hmm why isn't this working? Lets go over what we did and see if we forgot something"
*Start going over the list and she stops me at the dihydrogen peroxide*
She: "Oh I didn't put that I put hydrogen chloride instead"
Me: "what, why?"
She: "I couldn't find the other thing and both start with hydrogen"

And then there is the story of someone pointing the exhaust from boiling hydrochloric acid in his friends face as a joke and countless times someone tries to pour water into acid.
:smallannoyed:

[Keld Denar]

and countless times someone tries to pour water into acid.

Man, one thing they they literally branded to our foreheads in HS chemistry was ADD ACID ADD ACID ADD ACID ADD ACID ADD ACID ADD ACID ADD ACID ADD ACID ADD ACID ADD ACID ADD ACID ADD ACID!!!!!

I'll never forget that. Evar. I'll be on my death bed, and someone will ask me for the most important thing I ever learned in my life, and all I'll be able to respond with is ADD ACID ADD ACID ADD ACID!

[pffh]

Well maybe I shouldn't be so hard on them for it I've done far worse things at work like accidentally pouring my leftover acid into the base spill container. Lets just say I didn't know plastic could stretch like that. :smallredface:

[Mr. Moon]

Man, one thing they they literally branded to our foreheads in HS chemistry was ADD ACID ADD ACID ADD ACID ADD ACID ADD ACID ADD ACID ADD ACID ADD ACID ADD ACID ADD ACID ADD ACID ADD ACID!!!!!

I'll never forget that. Evar. I'll be on my death bed, and someone will ask me for the most important thing I ever learned in my life, and all I'll be able to respond with is ADD ACID ADD ACID ADD ACID!

You just made me choke on hot chocolate, sir. I hope you're proud.
...
Ow.

[Eldan]

We had a famous case...

One student put his leftover glycerine in the acid container, instead of the solvent container. Which contained, among other things, sulfuric acid and nitric acid.


Three guesses what resulted.

I wasn't there that day (the student in question was in another year), but the building was evacuated and the bomb squad called.

[Flickerdart]

Man, this sounds fun. I've been debating doing a Master's after I graduate, and I'm really tempted now, just so I get to be snarky to lazy deadbeats.

[Eldan]

At least in ecology, a Master's degree is a great excuse to be lazy...

I hate it, but I just don't have enough to do to fill a week with. At least until it's summer again and I can do field work. I've started sitting into random lectures just to have something do to. Master-level astronomy is really confusing.

[pffh]

Well at the risk of turning this into the horrible chemistry thread I'll add another story.

We were supposed to gently boil some solution over a long time to do something (can't remember what) and one of the people (can't call them children since we were all at least 20) decides to save time by boiling all the materials seperately while he prepare other stuff and them add them together later. So yeah not on to a good start are we?
Well it turns out that it didn't only mess up his lab but also that trying to boil a CLOSED glass bottle of glacial acetic acid is NOT a good idea.

Luckily no one was hurt.

[Eldan]

Which reminds me:

In our lab, someone smashed a mercury thermometer. It was nearly a meter long. Another case for evacuation.

[Keld Denar]

You just made me choke on hot chocolate, sir. I hope you're proud.
...
Ow.

My job here is done. If you need me, I'll be in my trailor enjoying my delicious internet cookie. Good day!

[horngeek]

We had a famous case...

One student put his leftover glycerine in the acid container, instead of the solvent container. Which contained, among other things, sulfuric acid and nitric acid.


Three guesses what resulted.

I wasn't there that day (the student in question was in another year), but the building was evacuated and the bomb squad called.

Oh dear god. You, sir, are lucky I wasn't eating anything.

[Cyrion]

I had a student who ignored the whole "Do what ya oughtta, add acid to wattah" and added water to a glass (not pyrex) bottle with a bunch of hydrochloric acid. He didn't hear the POP or notice the crack that went around the entire circumference of the bottle (at the bottom, of course). He was quite surprised when he picked up the bottle and left the bottom as well as two liters of acid all over the lab bench.

This is also the dear boy who kept a sample of most of his titration endpoints because he liked the colors. He had almost the whole RYGBIV spectrum by the end of the quarter. Disposing of them at the end of the class was entertaining...

[Mr. Moon]

This is also the dear boy who kept a sample of most of his titration endpoints because he liked the colors. He had almost the whole RYGBIV spectrum by the end of the quarter. Disposing of them at the end of the class was entertaining...

Is it bad that I approve of keeping a full rainbow of possibly dangerous... chemical things? Shut up I don't know science. <<
Because I can totally see myself doing that.

[AshDesert]

Now for dangerous stuff you can do in Physics! In our AP Physics class, we use spring-loaded shooters (which we figured out have a muzzle velocity of about 150 mph in one lab) all the time. No one ever calls out when they're shooting, combined with a complete lack of caution as to where people are walking have led to nearly everyone but me and the only other smart person in the class getting hit with a 100 mph stainless steel flying ball. One of the really dumb guys (you know how high school boys are) broke his middle finger by putting it in front of the barrel.

All of my classes have convinced me that being a teacher would be terrible.

[Eloel]

Is it bad that I approve of keeping a full rainbow of possibly dangerous... chemical things?
Because I can totally see myself doing that.
I actually love doing that as well. Then again, I tend to mix everything I got left-over in the beakers and stuff that can't be reused. Needless to say much smoke, heat and weirdly colored bubbles tend to happen after my labs :smallbiggrin:

Hint: Do it in the sink. Worst case scenario, you open the tap to full cold water, and let it completely annihilate any reaction going on there.

Worth noting is my TA (or teacher, in high school), do not hate me, or even go nuts for it. Dunno, maybe they know I'm only doing it with diluted stuff :smallsmile:

[Jade_Tarem]

So! The semester is finally over for reals, and having finished grading, I have a couple more. As someone added a 12, these will start with 13.

13. Remember, only losers quit. Of course, only losers actually do any real work, so you need to pick and choose your battles - and there is no more noble battle than to fight the "powa!" Once all of the scoring is completed and documented, and your halfhearted and shoddy efforts have earned you your final grade, badger the TA endlessly about searching for more points. Be sure to tell him that you're sure you submitted a random assortment of assignments that you didn't so much as look at - the TA has a memory like a goldfish, and there's no way he's more organized than you are, so he should be easy to manipulate. Persistence is key - keep pressuring him to dig up the few points necessary to give you a passing grade, even after graduation has come and gone. Again, lay on the emotional blackmail - TA's never get sick of that!

14. As the old adage goes, it's easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission. This is true regardless of the situation - that's why it's an old adage, right? This fact saves you the trouble of using your better judgment when you plan on doing something questionable.

15. One fun bit of university trivia: if you manage to sneak something by your TA or Professor, such as taking a make-up exam when you didn't have an excuse for the original, then they have to go along with it even if they discover it later. It's an unwritten rule somewhere in the student handbook. Probably.

16. Another fun bit of university trivia: if you send an assignment to your TA, he has to grade it, regardless of how late it is or how long the grades have been finalized. No exceptions. Take advantage of this to score those extra few points. Note: this works extremely well in conjunction with #13.

17. If, by some crazy alignment of the stars, the previous tips do not help you acheive the grade that you (the Center of the Universe) deserve, then it is time to break out the big guns. Drawing on wisdom aquired from long hours of watching Voltron reruns, you may notice that the university is divided into different departments, run by different people, and this is their weakness.

These others are not your TA's superiors (#10), because you will recall that he has none. No, these are merely people who get paid more than the TA, have "Dr." in front of their names, and have the authority to overturn your TA's decisions. The division between them is your best friend - present (part of) your sad story to each of them in turn, including and excluding various details (such as that evil web-based turn in system eating your assignments, permissions that you're sure *would* have been given by the professor if you'd talked to her, and excuses that you don't actually have but sort of thought about getting, because hey, that's like, the same thing, right?), until one of them gives you what you want. These people never, ever communicate with each other, so nothing can go wrong with this plan.

Now, some people might point out that you effectively lied to everyone in the department, but these lesser people also couldn't earn a passing grade without doing their homework, so what do they know?

BONUS STAGE: All of the items in this post were utilized by the same student. No joke.

[Sipex]

Wow, you have some...uh...crafty students.

This is just one or two students, right?

[AshDesert]

BONUS STAGE: All of the items in this post were utilized by the same student. No joke.

Wow. Who does something like that? They must have been babied by their high school teachers and never learned that due dates are due dates, not suggestions of when you should turn it in. That's the only explanation I could possibly think of for behavior like that.

[Cyrion]

Is it bad that I approve of keeping a full rainbow of possibly dangerous... chemical things? Shut up I don't know science. <<
Because I can totally see myself doing that.

Not at all. Colors and color changes can be a very cool part of chemistry. One of my goals is to design a lab curriculum in which every experiment centers on one of the three essential elements of a good lab: something either changes color, smells bad, or catches fire/explodes.

It wasn't so much what he did as it was the ongoing episodes. It was a long quarter...

[Asta Kask]

We had a professor who mouth pipeted concentrated sulfuric acid. Now THAT'S manly (and stupid).

[Eloel]

Not at all. Colors and color changes can be a very cool part of chemistry. One of my goals is to design a lab curriculum in which every experiment centers on one of the three essential elements of a good lab: something either changes color, smells bad, or catches fire/explodes.

All of the above. At once. And then we'll talk about actually exciting experiments. :smallbiggrin:

[PPA]

@Jade Tarem

Man, I can honestly tell you that it sounds like you work in the same College I do.

I hear all of those every semester/trimester, as well as many more.

My personal fave is when a student sends an e-mail in reply to one you sent, asking exactly what the original message said.

For instance, I got this one today:

"Re: Final Grades Posted.

Hi, Prof!

I was wondering when you'd post the final grades, since I'm dying to know if I passed!

From: PPA [[email protected]]
Sent: Wednesday, December 1st, 2010.
To: students
Subject: Final Grades Posted.

Hello, NAME OF STUDENT.

I just wanted to remind you that all final grades for the course have been posted and you can consult them throught the grading system.

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me.

Have a great day!

Prof. PPA."

Another personal favorite was when a student sent me an e-mail telling me he was currently unable to turn in his homework because he had no access to the internet where he was. Er.... okay.

[Syka]

Another personal favorite was when a student sent me an e-mail telling me he was currently unable to turn in his homework because he had no access to the internet where he was. Er.... okay.

To be fair, he could have been using a smartphone. I've had to update my professors if my internet was being wonky (and oh, it gets very wonky...especially my boyfriend's internet...it hates everyone who uses wireless).


...then again, I generally specify that I am posting from my phone due to the issues. Or that, while I'm able to send an email, the internet is being ridonkulus and not allowing attachments to upload (true story...boyfriend's internet is NOTORIOUS for that). So...maybe not...

[PPA]

Yeah, I should've been more specific.

In this case, the student wrote to me from his computer. It was a little bit before smartphones became widely available in my country a few years back.

Thing is, I got my degree and my master's in this same college and I had to deal with the same systems my students use, both as a TA and a student throughout the years and I've never had any of the myriad catastrophes my students supposedly suffer happen to me. Much less every week like some of them. :smallwink:

[CoffeeIncluded]

Oh. My. God.

Well...Uh...I don't really have many events of this type to tell so far, but since I'm starting college next year, I may have some to share...

[Moff Chumley]

Disgraceful. There's cheating, and then there's that. :smallyuk: If you're gonna cheat, at least be clever about it. :smalltongue:

[Mr. Moon]

Disgraceful. There's cheating, and then there's that. :smallyuk: If you're gonna cheat, at least be clever about it. :smalltongue:

Speak of which, is it bad that at my final final, I spent the last half hour coming with a very elaborate plan involving at least three people for cheating?
... Yeah, probably.

[Rockphed]

Speak of which, is it bad that at my final final, I spent the last half hour coming with a very elaborate plan involving at least three people for cheating?
... Yeah, probably.

Did you actually go through with it? If not, then it isn't that bad.

[Elder Tsofu]

Very fun read, especially as it happens to someone else than me. :smallbiggrin:

[Jade_Tarem]

Wow, you have some...uh...crafty students.

This is just one or two students, right?

About six or seven, counting everything listed, out of a class of 167, so a very small percentage of the students are actually doing this, but it seems like more.

@PPA: That sounds about right. Our 'duh' moment was the students who were caught cheating because the assignment involved writing your name down (in a database) about halfway through. They copied the files from a student that had taken the class previously and submitted them without even looking at the assignment, and that step of it gave them away.

[Keld Denar]

When I took the one and only CSE class I had to take, ~25% of the class got caught cheating. Someone had gotten the code to work (kinda), and a very large number of other people got ahold of it. Most of them then just submitted it without any changes, comments and all. Except it had the "written by X" line in the comments. The grading code caught the rest. I spent about 40 hours that week on that one assignment, including at least 15 with either the prof or one of the TAs, and still only got a C. Still, its pretty bad when people turn in homework with someone else's name on it. MatLab coding....*shudder*