View Full Version : Knife Puns are needed!

2011-01-05, 10:14 AM
Ok someone gets stabbed in the chest and dies from then wound. They're just lying there and my character walks up, looks at the knife. Another guy from my party askes: "I wonder what killed him", to which I reply " I can take a stab at it" :smallcool:

I need more! Give my your best knife puns!

2011-01-05, 10:19 AM
In that case, you can't go without the King of Cheesy Oneliners (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDztrw_0N8M).

2011-01-05, 10:26 AM
Jafar's "Get the point?" from Aladdin is pretty basic.

Maybe some on edges? Elan in OOTS also has a few rapier themed ones that might be co-opted.

2011-01-05, 10:46 AM
After stabbing someone to death: "It was knife to know you."

2011-01-05, 11:05 AM
I hate to cut and run?

Deth Muncher
2011-01-05, 11:09 AM
After knifing someone: I see you've gotten my point.

If accused of knifing someone: Dagger? I barely knew her!

2011-01-05, 11:11 AM
I tire of these cutting remarks.

Still-lett-o me make-a some points.

Poign-ard one: at least he was stabbed in the front; backstabbing would have been a base-lard thing to do to him.

Two: the victim has suffered a kukri-tion of the chest.

Three: does it look like waki-slashy?

Now, stop dirk-ing us around and get back to work.

The Rose Dragon
2011-01-05, 11:13 AM
Good knife and sweet dreams!

2011-01-05, 11:42 AM
So, you're looking for jokes that are a cut above the rest?

If you're a knife dancer, does that mean you're a member of the Slice Capades?

2011-01-05, 11:53 AM
Sorry to have holed you up

2011-01-05, 12:01 PM
The excitement has put me on EDGE.
Really makes you think... Whats the POINT of it all?
something about cutting the tension.
at the rookie detective saying something stupid: Don't be so DULL! or You can't HACK it!
Any way you SLICE it, this wasn't an accident.
It was cheaper than paying a surgeon to go under the knife.

2011-01-05, 12:57 PM
"It was knife meeting you!"
Can't think of anything else right now, a lot of good ones are already taken.

Elric VIII
2011-01-05, 01:12 PM
Law Enforcer: We are unsure what killed this man. Do you have any ideas?
You: I don't know, all I can offer you is a stab in the dark... Oh wait...

2011-01-05, 01:39 PM
"See, I'm sharper than you"

"Give him a cut"

"This is your cut of the treasure" (backstabbing former party member)

(I'm not good at this)

2011-01-05, 01:42 PM
"Its been knife meeting you. Shanks for your time."

Works especially well if you're dual-wielding and can time the 'knife' with the first thrust, and 'shanks' with the second.

2011-01-05, 01:43 PM
In that case, you can't go without the King of Cheesy Oneliners (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDztrw_0N8M).

Just don't play a caster that primarily uses ice spells.

2011-01-05, 01:50 PM
Shanks for the memories.
Oh look, I just poked a hole in your argument. Among other things.
(Upon stabbing a cleric to death) NOW he's holey. :p

Keld Denar
2011-01-05, 01:52 PM
From RA Salvatore's Homelands:

"Another student died from natural causes. A dagger to the heart would NATURALLY kill someone."

2011-01-05, 02:32 PM
"Time for some sharp wit"

2011-01-05, 02:43 PM
After stabbing a guard: "You gotta stay sharp, you know."
The more brutal version: ,,Keep your eyes peeled." :smalleek:
"See, this is the cutting edge of weapon technology."
Not exactly a knife pun, more of an assassination one. "This poisoned needle may not be much, but it will do in a pinch".
-In a punching dagger assault: ,,Talk about a cathartic experience."
-Decapitating someone with a wave-bladed short sword (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kris) "Looks like a krisis had come along."
Some ones for different weapons:
-Here is something to help your spiritual life and purify your chakras."
-"What a nasty boil you have on your face. Let me lance it for you."

2011-01-05, 03:06 PM
After the throat-slitting or somesuch:
Typical slice-of-life drama.