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View Full Version : Things I am no longer allowed to do while gaming.



Tyndmyr
2011-01-07, 04:27 PM
Contribute the arcane knowledge you have found, or wizardly rules of gaming your group adheres to.

Link o' Inspiration (http://www.triplebotch.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=981)

1. The party half elf does not taste like chicken.

Kansaschaser
2011-01-07, 04:28 PM
If you also allow out of character stuff...

2. Facebooking is not allowed.

Saint GoH
2011-01-07, 04:32 PM
3. Texting... the PERSON RIGHT ACROSS THE &*%#@(*^ TABLE.

I don't care how long you have been dating its bloody rude when the DM is trying to explain the tense scene and someones phone vibrates loudly and they start giggling.

Stegyre
2011-01-07, 04:35 PM
4. No LARPing at the table, no matter how much it "gets you in the mood."

Tyndmyr
2011-01-07, 04:39 PM
Oh yeah. I got my longbow banned from the gaming table for that.

5. I am not permitted to take Weapon Focus: Air Guitar.

MammonAzrael
2011-01-07, 04:43 PM
Pay for the pizza. Your character will thank you for it.
(alternatively, never pay for the food. You don't pay for the tribute your PCs offer you to gain your favor and mercy)

Just because you don't need sleep doesn't mean your wizard wants to stay up all night drinking with you.

hamishspence
2011-01-07, 04:43 PM
Link o' Inspiration (http://www.triplebotch.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=981)

That looks like the Mr Welsh list.

There's quite a few such lists out there.

For Eberron:

EDIT: list is incomplete- replaced with list of separate pages:
http://wiki.rpg.net/index.php/Forgotten_Freedom:Rules

Amphetryon
2011-01-07, 04:49 PM
6. Not allowed to shout "skip to the END" during the Big Bad's monologue.

TheWhisper
2011-01-07, 04:57 PM
Make Champions characters:

Retribution Man:
10 dice killing attack, area effect, doubled multiple times to several light year radius, no conscious control, only useable on death, 1 charge, charges do not recover.
17 or less reputation, as "Retribution Man".

PlastiqueMan:
15d6 EB, damage shield, area effect: explosion, personal immunity.

Corporate Man:
This was the entire party. "Legs" had movement powers and lots of carrying capacity. "Arms" was very strong, "Torso" had a protective forcefield. I was "Head".

Wealthy Man:
His "base" covered the entire world, and all six billion people were his loyal followers.

And then, there was Captain Macho and his sidekick, sidekick...

Christopher K.
2011-01-07, 05:18 PM
Connor and I actually had a list of things I can no longer do in RPG's(both dming and playing)


1. Surgery is best left to the professionals.

2. Getting naked is not a way to boost your stealth check.

3. If the wizard|rogue can vanish while having vanished, he needs to tone down the stealth skill.

4. Christopher is no longer allowed to encounter any form of construct.

5.Biomechanical wizards are just something that the world is not ready for.

6.. Christopher is banned from warforged in general.

7. Mountain Dew" is not a valid power source for a homebrew class.

8. Pun-pun is not a playable character, legitimate deity, or villain when playing OR DMing. (Though I'm breaking this rule in my next campaign. :smallwink:)

9. Preferred enemy: Gazebo is not a valid option.

10. Nor is Preferred enemy: Gods.

11. Brooms are not for hitting Pokemon.

12. I am no longer allowed to guess that the helpful NPC is the main villain. Especially if this guess turns out to be correct.

13. The Unown are not valid Eldritch abominations.

14. When GMing: Abigail. Never. Gets. Magikarp.

15. If it takes a god to kill it, the players should not have to fight it.

16. Even if the druid has a secret, I can't say he's more than meets the eye.

17. Nuclear Death" is not a valid wizard spell, even if they ARE already overpowered in D&D Essentials.

18. Thor did NOT at one point have a hammer, screwdriver and drill.

19. Stephen Hawking is a really dumb concept for a player character; dungeons do not have wheelchair ramps.

20. Can't have a weapon that requires 3 different rulebooks to create.

21. The Dungeon Master's Guide does NOT include a page dedicated to reasons for swatting a player upside the head.

22. Christopher is banned from communicating with Mr. Welch in any way shape or form.

23. This goes doubly so if the medium of communication is messenger pigeon.

24. Making one's own pantheon does not involve taking a high school yearbook and randomly picking members of clubs to be patron gods of that club's activities.

25. Zapdos does NOT bleed battery acid.

26.The ritual "Make Whole" is NEVER to be abused.

27. Not allowed to buy mounts just to carry his stuff.

28. "Awesome-tacular" is not a valid battle cry.

29. "Christopher is no longer allowed to use math when coming up with traps for magical villains."

30. If the dungeon makes Euclid cry, it's time for the party to find a new adventure"

Cieyrin
2011-01-07, 05:22 PM
7. Not allowed to buy up all the stray dogs in town and use them as trap detectors.

8. Not allowed to polymorph the dwarven uber charger into a Legendary Ape before cutting him loose on the enemy party.

Lateral
2011-01-07, 05:42 PM
There's a game in SMBGs that's pretty much exactly the same as this. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=142337)

Cieyrin
2011-01-07, 06:09 PM
9. No unarmed attacks may be pelvic thrusts

10. My character is not a reincarnation of Elvis

Dr.Epic
2011-01-07, 06:13 PM
3. Texting... the PERSON RIGHT ACROSS THE &*%#@(*^ TABLE.

I don't care how long you have been dating its bloody rude when the DM is trying to explain the tense scene and someones phone vibrates loudly and they start giggling.

What if you prepared a spell for that?:smallbiggrin:

Keinnicht
2011-01-07, 06:25 PM
When the police come knocking on the door, it is not an acceptable move to string up the guy you just shot with a flamethrower and stabbed three times with monofilament wire and use him as a marionette to answer the door.

It is also not acceptable to then attempt ventriloquism to make the charred, mutilated corpse tell the cops that everything's fine.

Gamerlord
2011-01-07, 06:30 PM
Craft ( Molotov cocktail) is not an acceptable use of craft.

I cannot play an awakened chicken mage who specializes in fire spells (Called him KFC).

Necroticplague
2011-01-07, 06:35 PM
Perform: Ventriloquism is not an acceptable substitute for the ventriloquism spell. Nor can a certain perform skill in BoEF be used to qualify for Dirgsinger.

Lateral
2011-01-07, 06:35 PM
Craft (Molotov cocktail) is not an acceptable use of craft.

It should be.

dsmiles
2011-01-07, 06:40 PM
I, as a bard, am no longer allowed ranks in both Perform: Sing and Perform: Dance. Because it always leads to just a jump to the left, and then a step to the riiii-iiiiiiiii-iii-iiiiight...:smallwink:

Duke of URL
2011-01-07, 07:30 PM
When the police come knocking on the door, it is not an acceptable move to string up the guy you just shot with a flamethrower and stabbed three times with monofilament wire and use him as a marionette to answer the door.

It is also not acceptable to then attempt ventriloquism to make the charred, mutilated corpse tell the cops that everything's fine.

Is this for in-character or out-of-character?

dsmiles
2011-01-07, 07:32 PM
Is this for in-character or out-of-character?

Obviously OOC. :smalltongue:

Saint GoH
2011-01-07, 07:39 PM
Obviously OOC. :smalltongue:

Oops. BRB getting marionette down

Chilingsworth
2011-01-07, 07:50 PM
Spells I'm discouraged from casting:

Glitterdust

Spelltheft

Amplify

Angry Bob
2011-01-07, 08:14 PM
I know your character just woke up from being KOd by the monstrous spider, but try to refrain from saying "By the seven hundred and seventy-seven names of the God of Blood". The LG cleric might get the wrong idea.

druid91
2011-01-07, 08:15 PM
I am no longer allowed to touch any form of bow, while wearing bracers of archery.

Necroticplague
2011-01-07, 08:29 PM
My group, both in character and out of character, has prohibited me from saying Gloves of Object Reading and Red Light District in the same paragraph.

Trekkin
2011-01-07, 08:51 PM
Skinning an NPC and making an astral tasker to wear their skin does not grant a circumstance bonus on Disguise checks, no matter how high my Sculpt check, and I can't try any more.

"Examining the bodies" does not, and never will, entail dissection.

Halae
2011-01-07, 08:51 PM
I am no longer allowed to laugh maniacally when I get open rolls in Anima

AslanCross
2011-01-07, 08:53 PM
I am no longer allowed to wear monsters as hats.

elonin
2011-01-07, 09:08 PM
I'm not allowed to demolish the building. Even if the inkeeper over charged me.

None of my characters are allowed to become daleks.

druid91
2011-01-07, 09:26 PM
I'm no longer allowed to take part in looting. I can have my cut after the party takes the reasonable items.

Doors, Wall material, corpses, and the very land the dungeon was built upon are not reasonable items.

EDIT: Add people to that list of items.

Halae
2011-01-07, 09:30 PM
I am no longer allowed to wear monsters as hats.

Take Craft: Taxidermy. Then NOTHING CAN STOP YOU!

Gamerlord
2011-01-07, 09:34 PM
I cannot create a warforged, get a wand of magic missle attached to his hand, get him a ring of fly, and call him Iron Man.

I did not do this, but a friend of mine did.

Antonok
2011-01-07, 09:45 PM
I am not allowed to play a Cancer Mage. Ever.

If I do, I am not allowed to lend one of my party my cold weather gear.
(friend did this trying to be nice. took us til the next session to catch the ramifications of it)

Rod of Wonders do not exist. Especially when I'm playing a CE halfling with the winged templete.

Masaioh
2011-01-07, 10:16 PM
1) I am not allowed to play any character with more than two arms unless it is a Thri-kreen. Insectile Thri-kreen are especially banned due to redundancy.

1.5) I am forbidden from speaking the words "insectile" and "two-headed" (or any of it's variants) in the same sentence."

2) I am forbidden from changing alignment more than once, and by more than one step in any direction, per character.

3) The maximum number of templates allowed for any of my characters is 2.

Cieyrin
2011-01-08, 04:23 PM
35. My character is not Ramona's 8th Evil Ex.

36. My Gunmage cannot be named Gene Starwind.

37. I'm never to cast Girallon's Blessing and Spellflower to load 4 touch spells into rune bullets for my quad-barreled magelock ever again.

38. I am not a necromancer school dropout.

39. I am in no way related to Twilight Suzuka nor know any of her techniques.

40. I am no longer allowed to explain the current plot in terms of Harry Potter.

41. My gnome will never have access to a Device of Kwalish again after the Pig and Whistle Noodle Incident.

42. I'm not to check every elf to determine gender (they're all androgynous she-men, who can tell? :smallconfused:).

43. I need to charge up the Staff of the Magi before I threaten to break it in a retributive strike and destroy myself while dealing a measly 8 damage to those near me.

Lord Loss
2011-01-08, 04:39 PM
37."Cut off the kobold's toes during interrogation, because apparently thsi makes me evil :smallsigh: (one of the many reasons I returned to DMing)"
38. "Set the kobold on fire. See previous post"
39. "Use any violent method of interrogation on the kobold, even stuff we can heal up with ease. See first post."
40. Pazuzu, Shmazuzu.
41. Use my oversized die that makes lots of noise unless rolled on softcover books and/or piles of paper and is also spindown and only switches numbers a few times each roll.

Gamerlord
2011-01-08, 04:44 PM
42: A AK-47 does not count as a craftable magic item.
43:I cannot have any character who has a bonus to Bluff higher then +20.
44:If the above is somehow allowed, I am not allowed to commit some minor crime, then claim innocence due to a giant vamperic plot against me which has tried to frame me, which I then use to violently seize control of the city against its "Vamperic King"
45:Drow poison is considered cheating (Even if I am DMing)

Antonok
2011-01-08, 05:15 PM
Party members are not considered 'Structures', therefore I cannot set them on fire to meet the prerequsites for Pyrokineticist.

^Nor can I set them on fire 'just to watch them burn.'

Use fellow party members as Shot Puts for my pet Roc.

AyeGill
2011-01-08, 05:25 PM
I am no longer allowed to cast contact other plane.
Also, i cannot try and enter a battle of will with god-killing elder evils.

ScionoftheVoid
2011-01-08, 05:28 PM
46. I am not allowed to perform amputations using Seven League Boots.
47. I am not allowed to kick people whilst wearing Seven League Boots.
48. I am not allowed Seven League Boots.
49. I am not allowed to think about Seven League Boots.
50. I cannot explain how to make Dwarven beers.
51. I definitely cannot explain how to make Dwarven spirits.
52. I am, under no circumstances, allowed to ignite either of the previous substances (or Seven League Boots) just to see what would happen.
53. The BBEG(s) may not have a Xanatos Gambit planned as the final confrontation with the party.
54. I am not allowed to have this confrontation take place on "Xanatos Bluff".
55. I am not allowed to name places on the world map just to amuse myself when they come up (see 53 and 54).
56. If you ever knock out and rob the clothes from another fat halfling priest and a pre-teen(equivalent) elf girl before listening to the first bit of plot again I will remove you from the group.
57. This goes double if you end up leaving the city with the friendly, retired adventurer NPC in his underwear carrying a keg of Dwarven spirits, again.
58. I am no longer allowed to let the players have any actions before the first NPC speaks (see 56 and 57, note particularly: "again").

Not in place yet, but probably will by the time the campaign ends.

And before I forget:

59. I am not allowed to introduce the physical manifestation of an evil god as anything less than the BBEG.

Gamerlord
2011-01-08, 05:49 PM
59: Having a jug of dwarven spirits does not mean you have a jug of dwarven souls, and this is no excuse for a dwarf to kill you.

Happened to some of my NPCs repeatably :smallsigh:

Kaulesh
2011-01-08, 11:25 PM
I'm not allowed to demolish the building. Even if the inkeeper over charged me.

You would love the Shadowrun game I play in. It's not a session unless we blow up a building.

Speaking of which,

60: I'm fairly certain I'm no longer allowed to purchase frag grenades ever again.

61: Or any other explosives, for that matter.

62: Even if the game is not Shadowrun, if there are explosives available in the system, we may not have them.

63: Our method of gaining entry to the ten-story hotel is not to drive my van to the top of the also ten story parking garage next door and ramp off.

64: My van is not a bludgeoning weapon.

65: If my van is used as a bludgeoning weapon, no, I don't have to roll damage. The guy was hit by a speeding van. He's dead.

66: We are never allowed a minigun. In the event that we are given a minigun, the Street Sam must tote it manually. It may not be mounted on my van.

67: I'm fairly certain that I may no longer be allowed to hack into enemies' cyber and play "stop hitting yourself!" or "guess who's blind!"

68: Even though my hacker is Reality Impaired, I may not use this as an excuse to poke Mrs. Johnson's ample... real estate.

Keinnicht
2011-01-08, 11:37 PM
36. My Gunmage cannot be named Gene Starwind.


I thought you should know I greatly approve of this reference.

Trekkin
2011-01-09, 12:31 AM
65: If my van is used as a bludgeoning weapon, no, I don't have to roll damage. The guy was hit by a speeding van. He's dead.



If the guy is a street sammy, it's entirely possible that he can withstand more of an impact than the van.

Kaulesh
2011-01-09, 12:37 AM
If the guy is a street sammy, it's entirely possible that he can withstand more of an impact than the van.

Don't I know it. I was going to post one more about our Street Sam soaking a frag grenade point blank but couldn't figure out how to word it.

Milo v3
2011-01-09, 01:57 AM
69. Kill anyone who insult's Deekin just because they insulted deekin.
70. Trick one of our mages into putting thier hand in a bag of devouring
71. Break into song about how "Cheese is a type of Meat"
72. Kill a gnome just because s/he is a gnome
73. Burn down a quarter of the city because a halfing child stole my stuff.
74. Use the "Rain of Blood" spell on the fire to stop it (Spell on DND wiki)
75. Use the touch variant of "Alter Self" on the golem to turn him into one of my female companions underwear.
76. No teaching the elan-like (Oots not Psionic) wizard that the less armor you wear the harder you are to be seen. (Yes. He did go invisable.)

Erith
2011-01-09, 03:50 AM
Mostly exalted stuff:
77. I am not allowed to use glance oration technique to convince someone they have whispers 5.
78. Even if I could, the neverborn would never task a dragon blood with "build monuments to prominent lunars out of crumpled up immaculate texts."
79. Relentless lunar fury is not a toy.
80. I may not intentionally limit break in the middle of formal events hosted by foreign heads of state.
81. Perfect defenses do not protect against paternity.
82. Siderials are not the source of all life's woes, and I am no longer allowed to assert this at every opportunity.
83. I may not buy paranoia comboes "just in case."
84. Just because the resources system says I can buy all of the slaves does not mean I should.
85. Mentioning white veil style is not intrinsically a blasphemy effect, and I'm no longer allowed to force npcs to say it to get them killed.
86. I may not inform the party I am going on a sacred hunt by readying a dagger and shouting "kah lee mah" over and over.
87. Yes, stunts allow you to add bits of scenery. No, this does not mean I can stunt finding the activation codes to the 5 metal shriek behind random tapestries.

TheCountAlucard
2011-01-09, 05:11 AM
81. Perfect defenses do not protect against paternity.Except for Duck Fate, assuming you catch on to it early enough. :smalltongue:


No more plotting against my own conspiracy.
ESPECIALLY if it almost gets the mage killed.
I am no longer allowed to give the Tremere "guidance."
ASK before you make someone emotionally-dead inside.

molten_dragon
2011-01-09, 05:41 AM
Some of these are D&D, others are from Darwin's World.

88. If a trap or puzzle is so complex that the players do not understand the solution even after I have explained it to them multiple times, I may never use it again.

89. I will stop littering the outer planes with statues of our enemies.

90. Trap the soul may no longer be mimicked using shadow illusions.

91. Especially not on efreets.

92. I may not drop balls of semtex behind me 'the way hansel and gretel dropped breadcrumbs'.

93. I will stop pointing out that the powered armor suits are ripped off from warhammer 40k. The DM doesn't care.

94. No, I can't have one anyway.

95. I will stop speaking with a Scottish accent when playing dwarves. The DM appreciates that I'm trying to get into character, but frankly my accent is terrible.

grimbold
2011-01-09, 05:48 AM
96. even if i am the most qualified member of the party i am not aloud to dictate how i torture people

AslanCross
2011-01-09, 08:17 AM
97. The dwarf crusader is not a telekinetic railgun slug.

98. Even if he has the heaviest pack in the party.

99. And we are not allowed to make his pack even heavier by weighing him down with rocks.

100. Even if he isn't slowed down by a heavy load.

Necroticplague
2011-01-09, 10:36 AM
75. Use the touch variant of "Alter Self" on the golem to turn him into one of my female companions underwear.


I can no longer use the psionic sandwich trick to turn myself into a female companion's underwear, Black Hoisery of Laciness, or Gnomish Sutra Manta manual.

dsmiles
2011-01-09, 01:21 PM
I thought you should know I greatly approve of this reference.

I thought you should know I greatly approve of your great approval of said reference. :smalltongue:

Aurenthal
2011-01-09, 02:02 PM
101. I may not make more than one comment per encounter. Yeah itīs sad
103. I may not use the number 102

Arbane
2011-01-09, 02:14 PM
From Feng Shui:

104: Never give the Jammers a nuke, no matter how good an idea it seemed at the time.

grimbold
2011-01-09, 02:15 PM
When the police come knocking on the door, it is not an acceptable move to string up the guy you just shot with a flamethrower and stabbed three times with monofilament wire and use him as a marionette to answer the door.

It is also not acceptable to then attempt ventriloquism to make the charred, mutilated corpse tell the cops that everything's fine.

this made my day
you win the thread keinnicht

Elvenoutrider
2011-01-09, 05:17 PM
105) plan A for the boss battle is not loading your backpack with blast disks and leaping into the creatures open maw

106) not allowed to convince other players to do the same by convincing them that their new "disk belt will protect them from harm

107) not allowed t do this to npcs either

108) you do not get bonus xp for killing party members or plot central npcs, unless it was really funny

109) Neon pink is not an intimidating color in any culture and thus is not an appropriate paint scheme for armor, vehicles, or contructs

110) may not divert party payments to the contruction of war machines without their consent

111) war machines do not play obnoxious polka music as psychological warfare

112) not allowed to alter the course of the star wars movie plot lines within a d&d campaign

113) especially not allowed to bring star wars technology back into a d&d setting

114) luke skywalker has no interest in joining the pink side

115) a controlled detonation is not an acceptable substitute for surgery

116) magic items created using party funds must have an apparent and obvious purpose that benefits the campaign

117) May not turn your mustache into an intelligent item

118) create greater undead is not a substitute for resurrection

119) create greater undead is not meant to be used as a combat spell

120) create greater undead is also not plan A

121) create greater undead is now banned

122) beings of the diety status are not intimidated by your law degree

123) profession(taxidermist) may not be used on any creature from the book elder evils

124) now limited to one profession per character

125) the wish spell is now banned

126) the spell ray of stupidity is now banned, especially when used in conjunction with mindrape

127) dual wand wielder feat is now banned

128) for all of the reasons listed above, the artificer class is now banned

Dr.Epic
2011-01-09, 05:19 PM
Send a horde of 2 owl bears per PC at a group of level 5's.

Smeggedoff
2011-01-09, 05:57 PM
I thought you should know I greatly approve of your great approval of said reference. :smalltongue:

I thought you should know I greatly approve of said reference AND your great approval of said great approval of said reference

Foeofthelance
2011-01-09, 09:38 PM
-No longer allowed to approach random Paladins and ask them if they know what Peasant tastes like, even if I am a Dragonborn
- When playing a Dragonborn Paladin, no longer allowed to confuse which God I worship. This confuses the DM, the other Paladin, and my God.
- I am no longer allowed to arm wild board with repeating crossbows before the Royal Hunt. They tend to be better shots.
- The Dragonborn is no longer allowed near any God associated weapon or artifact. He breaks them.
- The Dragonborn is no longer allowed to run around without a basic ranged attack.
- If I do build a character without a basic ranged attack, I am no longer allowed to substitute a wagon wheel instead.
- No longer allowed to have my Bardic followers break out into, "When the Dragon Lies Bleeding" by Hammerfall when in the process of being attacked by a dragon.
- I am no longer allowed to try modifying weapons with plot important artifacts, especially if said weapon is a Holy Avenger.

banthesun
2011-01-09, 09:48 PM
If a player asks if there are any nurseries, childcare centers, or "baby creches" in town, I WILL ANSWER NO

Erith
2011-01-09, 10:00 PM
137. I may not destroy regional economies just to prove a point.
138. There is such a thing as too much firedust.
139. The resources background is a privilege, not a right.
140. I am to stop rolling dice to randomly determine if every solar we encounter is my mate.
141. I am also to refrain from doing this for other members of the group.
142. Although there is theoretically no upper limit to the amount of specimens in my hearts blood library, this does not mean I can hunt down and kill every little thing we come across.
143. Appearance is not a substitute for resources.
144. It is impolite to take a join battle action every time a debate begins going poorly for you.
145. There are no such things as andalites, and the elimnist is not using you as a pawn, no matter what exalt type you play.
146. Yushan does not have a freedom of information act
147. There is no such thing as eidetic memory in third edition gurps, no matter what the book says.
148. Just because the Hunter book mentions the vigil spreads like a virus does not give me the obligation to call in the center for disease control when I start to get hunter problems.
149. It doesn't matter that I have nothing better to do with 3rd level spell slots, I may not create explosive rune nukes.

Gamerlord
2011-01-09, 10:04 PM
150: If I am a bard and have ranks in Perform (Dance), I cannot perform Thriller and use it to create a spelllike effect similar to control undead.

Arbane
2011-01-09, 11:16 PM
145. There are no such things as andalites, and the elimnist is not using you as a pawn, no matter what exalt type you play.

145a: That's what Sidereals are for.

Cieyrin
2011-01-10, 05:14 PM
I thought you should know I greatly approve of this reference.


I thought you should know I greatly approve of your great approval of said reference. :smalltongue:


I thought you should know I greatly approve of said reference AND your great approval of said great approval of said reference

:smallbiggrin:

151. The druid is no longer allowed to enter drinking contests.
152. No more badass names for the Whisper Gnome. He's making the other players feel inadequate.
153. Diplomacy doesn't mean beating all nay-sayers with the biggest stick I can find.
154. When the smartest character in the party is the Thri-Kreen, something has gone horribly wrong.
155. The Thri-Kreen can't solve all problems through his expert janitorial skills.
156. The Thri-Kreen does not know Two Mop Fu.
157. The Kobold Rogue will not create the adventure by just having other players trying to enter his trap-riddled home.
158. Helping grappled characters doesn't mean shooting into it in hope of hitting the baddy.

TheCountAlucard
2011-01-10, 06:22 PM
153. Diplomacy doesn't mean beating all nay-sayers with the biggest stick I can find.No longer allowed to name my greatclub "Diplomacy." :smalltongue:

Vauron
2011-01-10, 06:55 PM
If a player asks if there are any nurseries, childcare centers, or "baby creches" in town, I WILL ANSWER NO

In the same vein, the answer to questions along the lines of "Does the hospital have a ward for terminally ill children?" is always no. They'll just burn it down. Again.

Quincunx
2011-01-10, 07:08 PM
The "singing" subset of no-nos:

No karaoke in Woking
No known culture yodels in this world
No Doom Song under ANY circumstances
No singing unless you know ALL the words
No amplifiers, not even if carried by groupies
No wielding instruments larger than a euphonium

Gamerlord
2011-01-10, 07:11 PM
160: There is a difference between "Restoring order" and "Burning down the whole city via demon lord summoning", riot included.
161: It does not matter how well-intentioned your rebellion is, burning down and then looting half a city is still a evil act.
162: There is such a thing as too many fireballs.

AslanCross
2011-01-10, 07:33 PM
163. PCs are not to be named after lewd puns.
164. Neither are their family members.
165. NPCs will not entertain lewd puns when addressing PCs by their full names.
166. Warforged PCs are not allowed to solicit help from the artificer in creating certain body parts they were not made with.
167. Ornate water pipes found in treasure are meant to be sold as art pieces, not used by the PCs.

TheGeckoKing
2011-01-10, 07:41 PM
168. The Dread Necromancer is not allowed in the children's graveyard.
169. The Dread Necromancer is not allowed to reanimate the Druid's dead Animal Companion.
170. The Elan Erudite does not gain bonus powers for being "Old out the Wazoo"
171. Old out the Wazoo is not an age category.
172. You may NEVER play an Aberrant Blood Tibbit ever again.

Wardog
2011-01-10, 07:51 PM
109) Neon pink is not an intimidating color in any culture and thus is not an appropriate paint scheme for armor, vehicles, or contructs


Not neon pink... (http://www.dragonrealm.com/exlibrismortis/ExLibrisnewSistersArmy.html)

Makiru
2011-01-10, 10:34 PM
173. I am not allowed to play a Troll.
174. Especially if that Troll is also a VoP pacifist.
175. In fact, no pacifists ever. Last time that happened, I dragged out an encounter against a single prinny for an hour.
176. Any prestige class that has "Evil subtype" as a prerequisite is right out.
177. Communists are not allowed to eat poison-berry pie. Apparently, it leads to deification, which is promptly interrupted by a spear-wielding midget on a flaming chicken.
178. When my character build requires knowing whether or not a mount counts as a weapon, I need to think of a new character.
179. I am not allowed to play Hellen Keller in Pirates vs. Ninjas. Not for any reason of taste: a blind, deaf female is the twink option in that system.
180. Sanguinizers now require a ranged touch attack and a round of warm-up. In melee range.
181. Freezing someone at -9 HP and stable is not a substitute for healing. Not anymore.
182. Triggering Perils of the Warp cannot be used to intimidate Chaos Demons. It also leads to strained party relationships.
183. Blaming the above on senility doesn't fly after the second time.
184. If an evil character takes vile damage, he still has to go to a Good church to get it healed.
185. The giant blob cannot eat all of the toast. All of it.
186. The giant blob cannot also hide in plain sight by posing as the Iraqi edition of the Loch Ness Monster.
187. When my infiltrator is asked if he wants to join the organization of the big bad, the proper response is to fight or run, not to say "Sure!" without hesitation.
188. When your character can outrun a motorcycle or a person transformed into a motorcycle, something has either gone horribly wrong or horribly right.
189. I cannot be a cancer mage and use disease form to drop the party member I hate off a cliff. It at least gives them another save.
190. I am not allowed to just pay the bandit's toll road and leave the rest of the party to fight. Even if I'm Lawful Evil. It makes the fights too easy.

Ranger Mattos
2011-01-10, 10:54 PM
191. I cannot give my Frenzied Berserker a level in Wizard.
192. My Frenzied Berserker cannot take Vow of Nonviolence.
193. Even if my bard rolls a natural 20 on his perform check, the BBEG can still touch this.

Elvenoutrider
2011-01-11, 06:31 PM
194) no longer allowed to avert carefully constructed dungeoncrawl by diverting a nearby river intot he enterance

195) nor by mechanical digging machine,

196)Nor by posing as girl couts/ wandering cheese salesmen/ chimneysweeps/ plumbers/ or trap inspectors

197) Defeating a dungeon by opening a rival dungeon across the street and hiring off all of the BBEG's followers for higher wages and better benefits is likewise diallowed.

Keinnicht
2011-01-11, 06:57 PM
Play an epic level Half Ogre War Hulk/Frenzied Berzerker.


The specific incident that prompted this was a fight that involved being on floating castles, held aloft by a combination of magic and propellers. It was full of homebrew, freakishly strong golems. One of which would auto-bull rush you when it hit you, possibly smashing you into the propeller and shredding you.

I had deathless frenzy. I could frenzy for a really, really long time due to high CON. Eventually, I was reduced several hundred HP below 0.

At this point, I decided I should sunder the castle with my gigantic fullblade.

...I had like 63 strength.

So I made a full attack against the castle. Dealing, in total, something like 8D10+104 damage to various parts of the floor and the propellers.

So...I fall like five miles. DM ignores the maximum falling damage rule and inflicts some gigantic (But totally reasonable for a five mile fall) amount of damage on me.

But, you know. Deathless Frenzy.

The only thing I really, specifically remember about this character is this:

-4308 HP.

Ouch. It's kind of ridiculous, but I feel the Rule of Cool justifies having let me live a few more rounds despite being, basically, disintegrated.

Gullintanni
2011-01-11, 07:03 PM
Not neon pink... (http://www.dragonrealm.com/exlibrismortis/ExLibrisnewSistersArmy.html)

This fills me with so much joy. You have no idea.

doctor_wu
2011-01-11, 07:11 PM
pathfinder one
199. No longer allowed to have my familiar take additional traits.
200. my fox familiar cannot have an hierloom glaive.
201. Nor be poverty striken.

ZeroGear
2011-04-23, 04:26 PM
202.If in a forest, and your signal arrow lights a tree on fire, do not use said tree to light a new arrow.

Yukitsu
2011-04-23, 04:42 PM
203: I'm not allowed to use improved unarmed strike, the BoEF, and perform weapon drill with a sparring partner as a combination of any sort. Especially if this would provide fanatics.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-04-23, 04:49 PM
You know, there's a thread just like this in the silly message board games section of the forums. Here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=142337) it is.

elonin
2011-04-23, 06:32 PM
204. I'm not allowed to take profession/craft cooking with the intent of eating defeated monsters (abberations, lizard men, harpies etc)

205. I'm not allowed to chase after any aberrations with a knife and fork while taunting them that I'll turn them into calamari.

206. I must not jump into any creatures mouth in hopes of getting down to its stomach so I can do damage from the inside.

207. not allowed to use anyone as ammunition or weapons.

208. I'm forbidden from playing a pyromaniac. Burn down one village and you never live it down.

209. If I'm using ranged weapons I must take precise shot. (shot allies too many times)

Gamerlord
2011-04-23, 07:05 PM
210. Thread Necromancer is not a class. :smalltongue:
211. I cannot kill my characters X amount of times, roll a necromancer, and then reanimate my dead characters.
212:Fire is not a tool for diplomatic occasions.

AllVoice
2011-04-23, 11:23 PM
Demand fair maidens in return for slaying dragons. Between me and the dragons, the kingdom's supply of hot chicks was running dangerously low.

AsteriskAmp
2011-04-23, 11:35 PM
212. Cannot recommend the new coming barbarian to take samurai levels instead. The campaign is neither oriental nor low-optimization.
213. Kidnap a ship using the "pirates are comming, my wisdom modifier and profession checks are better" excuse, the DM knows I won't return it.
214. Negotiate the ship were I'm travelling with the pirates so that they get the crew and I get the ship.
215. Push the cleric to the water, specially if he has heavy armour, and no, not even if he has waterbreathing and could survive for 50 minutes.
216. Suggest to the Barbarian to cut the riggings since they weigh the ship down.
217. Suggest to fry Naki (she is a were rat) at night so that she may pay for ratting her fellow pirates out.
218. Forge a document giving me ownership of the ship, and many ones saying the crew are my slaves, and sell them all upon reaching the port.
219. Dismantle the ship I just sold during the night and sell all the wood as raw material.
220. Use my recently acquired wealth to start a merchant ship venture and simultaneously use my newly acquired control over the pirates to start a monopoly.
221. Use fellow PCs as trading chips with the pirates without their consent, and in the case of the barbarian, with or without his consent.

Marillion
2011-04-23, 11:47 PM
These are based off actual 7th sea events :smallbiggrin:

222: The Vesten sympathetic healer is not allowed to carry a bag of live rats.
223: Using your sympathetic healer powers to transfer 5 dramatic wounds to a rat does not cause it to explode.
224: Showering the enemy in bits of rodent does not give a bonus to Intimidate.
225: The Porte mage is not allowed to use a cannon with his Bring ability.
226: Nor is he allowed to have a cannon in his Pocket.
227: It is not a "fine tradition" to be chased out of every single port you ever stop in.
228: Do not drink anything a Vodacce man gives you. Ever.
229: Not even if he drinks some first. Especially if he drinks some first.
230: Glamour mages are not allowed to walk into L'Empereur's courtroom, activate Stone Knight, and then talk smack to him and the Musketeers while they try (and fail) to kill you for 12 hours.
230a: You ARE, however, allowed to do that to Giovanni Villanova. Do so at your own peril.
231: Glamour mages, after dropping dead when Stone Knight wears off, are not allowed to use Mad Jack to bring themselves back to life, walk into L'Empereur's courtroom, and do the same goddamn thing the next day.
232: You cannot tie the laces on The O'Bannon's 7 League Striders together.
233: You may not play a "redneck Highlander".
234:Yes, improvised weapons break when you roll a 10 for damage. No, beating someone with a safe until you roll a 10 does not open the safe.
235: Faking death is sometimes a viable method of escaping trouble. However, the person whose death you are faking would appreciate it if you let them in on your plan.

Bayar
2011-04-24, 04:47 AM
Original version of OP's list. It has more entries.

http://theglen.livejournal.com/16735.html

And the old Things I'm no longer allowed to do while gaming (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=29508) from this forum.

Might want to tell a mod to move it to SMBG though, since it was a humble request from Roland back in the day :biggrin:

Zhalath
2011-04-24, 10:16 AM
236: Cannot use Diplomacy to convince NPC to do fetch quest for party.
237: Cannot use feminine wiles to convince NPC to do fetch quest for party, especially when not female.
238: The party mule has a weight limit too.
239: A halfling can't weight less than the paladin's armor divided by 2.
240: You are not moe. You will never be moe.
241: Your DM may appreciate you filling in details for his campaign. He doesn't appreciate the detail of "lots of treasure chests full of loot with bad locks"
242: You are not Spec Ops. You are not a Spectre.
243: Cannot play a warforged warlock ("fire PPCs!" *pew pew*)
244: Cannot explain flaws in monarch's policy with macroeconomic theory.
245: You do not need to consult the gods to decide which road to turn on in a desert. If you do so, take less than 1 minute to do so.

averagejoe
2011-04-24, 12:49 PM
The Mod They Call Me: 246: Necromancy threads.