Worst OOTS quotes to use in bed

[cdstephens]

I saw this type of thread in another forum, so I thought I'd make one here.

Obvious one: Belkar: "I AM A SEXY SHOELESS GOD OF WAR!"

Elan: Also, if you could stab me in one of the less hurty organs, I'd really appreciate it, Dad.

[MReav]

I Got A Four!!

[Dr.Epic]

I Got A Four!!

:smallbiggrin:This kind of wins!

[mucat]

"I guess there are hidden advantages to dating outside my creature type." (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0315.html)

[Derjuin]

However, isn't this just a little bit...premature? (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0761.html)

[Vladislav]

Silence. If at all possible, try to meet your fate with some dignity. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0200.html)

Even worse, from same strip:

Get off me, you stupid horse!

[Deliverance]

Taken completely out of context:
My seed clearly has adequate mobility. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0761.html)
It's still pretty dirty, we may have to wash it again after we eat. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0742.html)
You can't even tell me you'd be this tightly wound if you were receiving treasure type O regularly. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0408.html)
Erections lasting longer than four hours... (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0324.html)
I initiate a grapple attempt... (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0310.html)
Stay away! Thog not want girl cooties! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0066.html)

[cdstephens]

Belkar, just lay down. Don't resist. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0731.html)

Hey, wait. Weren't you tied up a moment ago? (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0720.html)

[LuPuWei]

Get off me, you stupid horse! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0200.html)

[FoE]

Must ... resist ...urge ... to assert ... heterosexuality! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0365.html)

[squidbreath]

No thanks, I think the visual image you present has sent my libido back into its cave for six more weeks of winter. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0676.html)

[cattoy]

I'm not comfortable being grappled there!

[suszterpatt]

Aunt Judy? Is that you? (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0165.html)

[LuPuWei]

Aunt Judy? Is that you? (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0165.html)

Also: "The noose didn't snap your neck?!?"

[Souhiro]

"Hiding is [its ] best skill"

[suszterpatt]

Is this freshly squeezed? Because let me tell you, it's just... it's just fantastic.

Can I get a refill in a to-go cup? (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0729.html)

[ShinyRocks]

Bite my spell slots, meatshield.

[faustin]

"Looks like you brought a dagger to a swordfight"

[Raging Gene Ray]

No thanks, I think the visual image you present has sent my libido back into its cave for six more weeks of winter. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0676.html)

From the same strip:

:roy: "...This is a cart of gophers, isn't it?"

Actually, that's more of a Worst OotS Quote to Force Someone Else to Use in Bed.

[martianmister]

By the Twelve Gods and in the name of Lord Shojo, I demand to know:

Who removed the tag from this mattress?!? (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0227.html)

[Winthur]

Ahhh! I feel 30 lbs. lighter! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0087.html)

...at least for me, but that depends on personal taste, I guess.

I had no idea that you had such great cleavage. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0102.html)

[happyturtle]

I'm invisible! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0025.html) :elan:

[PsychedelicBard]

I'm invisible! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0025.html) :elan:

"Hey, wanna help me practice my Tumbling skill?"

[random11]

And of course:
Evan's spiked tentacles of forced intrusion!!! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0020.html)

[suszterpatt]

If anyone has to pee before we get started, now's the time. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0300.html)

[Swordpriest]

"I apologize for the abrupt entrance." (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0663.html)

[Eldan]

I just tried some random comic numbers:

:roy:I learned to do it where the ground is softer!" (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0686.html)

:elan: He said I'd never be able to grow facial hair because of the goo Nale used!" (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0388.html)

:vaarsuvius: I think perhaps we should see Ms. Starshine for some well-tied restraints. A gag, in particular." (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0397.html)

:roy: "Sigh. Looks like another all-nighter" (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0014.html)

[happyturtle]

Careful examination will reveal that I'm an adult male. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0140.html)

(Which would really surprise the heck out of Mr Happyturtle :smallbiggrin:)

[Leecros]

You're actually a yellow-footed rock wallaby (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0767.html)


yes i'm lazy today and picked the latest strip :smalltongue:


edit:


Careful examination will reveal that I'm an adult male. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0140.html)



from the same strip:

"Do i look like a 11-year old girl to you?"


sorry that one was wrong...:smallredface:

[Eldan]

Don't worry, most of these are pretty bad if you think about them for too long :smallwink:

[Swordpriest]

PICKLE DEATH ATTACK! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0607.html)

[LuPuWei]

but thog just finished step 3: stuffing potato salad into giant wooden alpaca! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0389.html)

EDIT: Also from the above: "What can I say, you remind me of myself when I was younger."

[Jay R]

The field is far too rich. I suspect you could find a good one in every strip, from "Tee hee, it's so tiny! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0001.html)" to "Behold, the power of lying! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0767.html)"

Other good ones include:

"I'm participating!"

"Man, is having someone who points out the cliches in all your plans always this annoying? (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0766.html)"

"Dunh dunh DUNNH!"

"If I let myself get hung up on only doing things that had any actual chance of success, I'd never do anything!"

"So what are the rest of you spineless mother%$@ers waiting for? I'm a g*dd*mn life-taking, baby-making machine!

Why should I care how many people I have to kill? I can just make more in my tummy! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0587.html)"

"Your approval fills me with shame!"

"Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! ... Ooh! Come on! Pick me! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0002.html)"

"So, what, placing a classified ad didn't have the right tone of personal violation for you? (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0290.html)"

"Aw, man! I didn't know *I* was gonna be the girl! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0590.html)"

"You know, if I knew more about reptilian reproductive anatomy, I'm sure this would answer a lot of questions. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0177.html)"

But my current candidate for very worst is:

"Grrr! That is IT! Go to sleep! NOW! If I hear your voice one more time before morning, I am going to lose my last tenuous grip on sanity -- And I promise that my first official act as a madman will be unpleasant for you! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0336.html)"

[happyturtle]

I just had an evilgasm. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0197.html)

[Scarlet Knight]

"Once you go scaly, you'll be back daily!"

[Jay R]

To test my theory that there's at least one good one in every strip, I tested every hundredth strip:

100: HEAD BUTT SNEAK ATTACK! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0100.html)

200: Silence! If at all possible, try to meet your fate with some dignity. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0200.html)

300: Wow. You really are a dork, aren't you? (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0300.html)

400: We dinnae want ye slippin' back inta gibberish 'fore morning. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0400.html)

500: I'm not going to change who you are as a person just by shouting a few insults at you, no matter how clever they may be. I use to think I could: that if I could just deliver the perfect retort, it would open your eyes a little. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0500.html)

600: Wow, thanks. I can't believe you would stick your neck -- um, I mean, you would risk being disciplined just to help me. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0600.html)

700: Uh, hi. I know I'm not allowed in your room, because of the thing with the peanut butter, but.... (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0700.html)

[Scarlet Knight]

"Start a solo adventure. I'll be in to join the quest after I finish eating."

[Cizak]

With a slight moification:

Well this is a +4 dagger, so suck on that while I shove it down your throat. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0607.html)

[Strife Warzeal]

With a slight moification:

Well this is a +4 dagger, so suck on that while I shove it down your throat. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0607.html)

Thank you sir, this had me laughing uncontrollably.

[MoonCat]

Why'd he do that? Maybe you're squeezing him too hard? (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0591.html)

Hey, I didn't know that crypt-thing was a woman! It's hard to tell when they're a skeleton. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0700.html)

[FoE]

Two from the same strip (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0753.html):

"Caress, caress, carress, carress my lithe supple body!"

"Do you WANT to get with the big stick again?"

[Scarlet Knight]

"I got your marinade right here!" :smallwink:

[MoonCat]

Could everyone stop using "bone" as a verb!?! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0204.html)

You appear to be injured. Would you like me to lay hands upon you? (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0219.html) (Actually, that would be pretty funny.)

My uncle may have kept his junk to himself, but my junk will be for the people! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0418.html)

[In a deep, deep voice] Come on, lets play our game. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0477.html) [Pause] I'll let you be the banker (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0477.html)

[Ralasha]

how about: "SNEAK ATTACK!"

[Derjuin]

How about nut shots? Crowds LOVE nut shots. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0748.html)

[onthetown]

How could this not have come up yet?

This entire strip. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0418.html)

"Your uncle was a very private person. He forbade anyone from touching his junk."

"...my junk will be for the people!"

"...I imagine I'll have no trouble finding people willing to get aboard your junk."

"I agree, my junk appears to be quite long." "Wider than I would have expected, too."

"...you hold my junk here until it is fully loaded."

"I don't care how long it takes, I don't want my junk to launch prematurely."

"...I handled your package personally."

[Ralasha]

Actually, a few of those did.

"I have improvised Weapon!"

[MoonCat]

Variable speed corm muffins!

[Ralasha]

"Brains..."

[Forlong]

Oooo...Weapon shrinkage. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0001.html)
Are ye gonna--
I'm thinking. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0002.html)
Bluff, Bluff, Bluff, Bluff the Stupid Ogre. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0004.html)
You have selected "Colon Tumor". (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0007.html)
This object of arcane power is a Girdle of Femininity/Masculinity. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0009.html) ('nough said?)
And last, but not least, V's speech in this one: http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0010.html

[JonestheSpy]

I can't believe no one's done this one yet:

Tiny man is violating Gortok's personal space! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0132.html)

[Deliverance]

I can't believe no one's done this one yet:

Tiny man is violating Gortok's personal space! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0132.html)
Probably because it is not the sort of thing anybody could conceive of saying in bed or of resulting in anything but a "huh?" unless their name was Gortok. :smalltongue:

[Ralasha]

Teehee, it's so tiny! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0001.html) :P Betcha that'll get his confidence going.

[JonestheSpy]

Probably because it is not the sort of thing anybody could conceive of saying in bed or of resulting in anything but a "huh?" unless their name was Gortok. :smalltongue:

As opposed to "Belkar, just lay down"?

[Watchdog]

This one's for you, Mom. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0422.html)

Sorry, I really don't have time for you right now. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0422.html)

[CletusMusashi]

Yes, the new plan will still involve rocket skates.

[Ralasha]

"Thog Smash!"
"... I am your father!"
"I'm your Twin!"

[John Cribati]

"May Thor protect me soul as I journey inta the heart o' darkness."

*snicker*

[SaintRidley]

Amazed that "Your approval fills me with shame" hasn't made it for pre-, post-, or during the act.

[Ralasha]

"Book him in slot one."

[Jay R]

So, I've met someone who is everything I thought I wanted, and I find that I really just want to kick her in the head. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0215.html)

Stop oppressing my culture you ethnocentric b*tch! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0202.html)

I'm happy to see that you are still firmly rooted at the center of your own personal universe, but sadly,you are no longer of any use to me. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0361.html)

You have your little redheaded girlfriend to thank for giving me this next little pleasure. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0361.html)

I wouldn't touch your skinny uptight ass with a standard-issue 10-ft. pole, you overbearing self-righteous b*tch (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0250.html)

Hilarity ensues when two adventurers from opposite ends of the alignment spectrum must work together in the feel-good comedy of the year. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0387.html)

Why no, it never becomes tiresome hearing THAT shouted at oneself, thank you for inquiring. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0553.html)

You ruined everything!! All that work to push her over the edge, and you interrupt it right before she finally snaps! I guess I can always start over, but all that work wasted! (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0286.html)

[M.A.D]

How'd she get the room to spin like that? Must be a monk thing... (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0408.html)

That's not exactly the type of assistance I have in mind (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0410.html)

If Miko had leaned a few inches to the left, we'd all be screwed (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0411.html)

[faustin]

Don´t forget a classic one:
:mitd: "I tought you coud help me. You know, since you do both"

[SMEE]

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