Your group's in-jokes

[Necro_EX]

I've recently realized that other groups might have some pretty crazy in-jokes that have spawned from gaming, and I'm sure everyone'll get a chuckle from hearing 'em.

I can only think of two off the top of my head at the moment, but one's pretty damned funny.

"I leave the tavern" gets used in my group to mean you're about to do something that might cause you bodily harm. It usually gets used more retroactively, actually...more like "he left the tavern." After which there's bound to be some laughing at that poor sap's expense.

This one spawned because of me, actually. See, we play DnD up in the two-story shed in my back yard, keeps us from messing up the house and we get pretty loud, so it's best for us to be away from anyone else trying to enjoy some peace and quiet. Well, my friend Mike is running a 3.5 campaign and my character Laucian, whom I lovingly refer to as Spider-elf, was about to leave the tavern in-game while I was stepping out of the shed to take a quick piss-break, right? Well, I jokingly say "I leave the tavern" to Mike as I get onto the ledge and shut the door behind me. This is where it goes downhill for me.
You see, my feet weren't on the ladder quite yet, and pulling the door shut was apparently way too much for me. The ladder wasn't there for me. I plummet ten whole feet to the ground and take falling damage. I don't know if the universe just rolled low or if I'm really all that fortuitous, but this definitely knocked the wind out of me.
All they heard after I shut the door was a delayed "WHAM" followed shortly by some short and rather painful profanities from my now breathless mouth.
The pain wasn't so bad and I could still move just fine, so nothing was broken, I got back up there and we finished the session with me lying on the floor the whole time.

I now refuse to act out my character's actions while we're up there.

The other one is that all wizards say when they're casting a spell is "Azazathat."
This one's not so funny, and again is because of me. This time we were playing Hero Quest. (If you haven't played that game, I'd definitely suggest trying it if you ever get the opportunity, it's a pretty nice, light game.) Well, I'm playing the wizard, because why wouldn't I.
My wizard's name, you ask? Azazathat.
Everytime I cast a spell I'd just say Azazathat. I don't know why, I didn't even really find it all that funny, it was just really pissing off my friend Derek, so I kept doing it.
Every so often his character in our current campaign will say "Azazathat" while casting a spell. It sounds Mulhourand-y enough, I suppose.

So, let's hear some stories!
Hopefully yours will have less bodily injury. :D

[Angry Bob]

The DM telling me my character dies as he enters play.

[Gensh]

Somehow half my characters will end up either naked or stripped down to a speedo that they might not have originally been wearing. All of this is unintentional, mind you. Of course once this has happened, it's tradition to lock me in a room with Leonardo DiCaprio.

With my old group, whenever I'd introduce a character who refused to reveal his name, they'd call him Noname (nonahmay) and act like he was the same guy they originally called Noname, even if it wasn't the same campaign.

One of my former players had a certain quirk that all his characters shared - they'd always remove the eyes of a defeated boss, even the ones they were supposed to take prisoner.

In my current game, my character is a changeling roguebuckler. As a side effect of transforming into Lion-O and standing atop a ship's mast in the middle of a thunderstorm to shout "ThunderCats Ho!" I now permanently have Lion-O's hair. Even better is that no one notices and it's completely impervious to external influence - rain actually deflects around it.

Also in my current game, the hexblade has a hat of disguise, and both of us have made it a habit to change into someone before talking to them and then insist that we're the original, which makes even less sense if we're both in the same room.

[CycloneJoker]

Both me and a friend are huge Kamen Rider nerds, so whenever there is anything that ever resembles anything like Kamen Rider, the jokes are ALWAYS there, and confuse the DM, who is not a Kamen Rider nerd. For example, in one session, my friend was playing a Warlock/Monk Gestalt with Claws, and we managed to not only argue if he was more like TaToBah or Cyclone/Heat Joker, (I said Joker, as he kept on doing a bunch of jumping and tumbling, but whatever), and when he dropped someone with an attack of opportunity we both said "1. 2. 3. RIDER KICK" at basically the same time.

EDIT: Also, Greyskull and Crom both get referenced a lot.

[Necro_EX]

Just recalled two more.

The very first thing I ran for my group was the Alabaster Cup, straight from the Complete Warrior. One of my players made a half-giant psychic warrior named 'Zig' (pronounced like Tsich) and another had made Corvis, the half-elf ranger speced for dual-wielding.

Zig made some pretty big waves in our group, so much so that it's pretty much canon for us that he's a god amongst gods.

You see, these characters were made at level 5, and Zig managed to kill half the competition before the cup was over. First he gets a crit during the joust and blows his opponent's head off. Then he knocks over a tree to get a monk out of it during the boar hunt. I'm sure he ripped someone's head off at some point, but I don't quite recall...

Well, when it came to the one-on-one fights in the cup Corvis got pitted up against Zig. Zig saw that he pretty much had this and so he went into the fight without his weapons (an axe and a hammer) and decided it was time to break the little half-elf with his fists.

The fight lasted all of...two rounds.
Surprisingly Corvis made it out alive, just brutally maimed.

So, there's the first one. Zig beats it, doesn't matter what it is. He wrestles Hecatonchiers for fun. Why? Because he's frikkin' Zig, that's why.

The second was after Corvis's player realized that not only is dual wielding kinda borked in 3.5, but that the kukri (his chosen weapons) are basically the worst things in the game. You see, Corvis went on to open a company that sells the world's shoddiest kukri, 'Corvis brand kukri' we call 'em. Every time something has a kukri, Corvis's player has to ask if they're Corvis brand.

Oh, also you believe Reyas.
Guy's bluff was pretty damned nasty.

Genzodus - Just how often do your characters end up stripped?

[Friv]

In a campaign a long time ago, an NPC butler was leading us somewhere, and refused to tell us his name. One member of the party promptly quoted a (then-extremely recent) Strong Bad email and said, "I'm gonna call you Josh." The party continued to refer to the NPC as Josh for the rest of the campaign, to the great annoyance of the GM.

That would have been the end of it, but the next campaign, which I was running, featured an NPC mentor of the same party member. He had a name, but when the first session started I discovered that I'd misplaced his information sheet, and the player couldn't remember what he'd been called. In a moment of (dubious) inspiration, I announced "I'm gonna call him Josh."

That stuck too.

Since then, it has been a firm tradition within our games that the first time in any campaign that the GM can't think of an NPC's name immediately, and that NPC is likely to be a recurring character, his name is always Josh.

[Dr.Gunsforhands]

My Shadowrun group has a penchant for staging ambushes in bathrooms.

Say the party needs security to find somebody in a restricted/confidential section of a hospital - we wait in the bathroom for a doctor to come in alone, bash his head into the wall, and take his commlink and key cards. There's a powerful mage we need to bring down? Corner him in the bathroom so he can't get away. Need to single someone out, but there are too many people around? Cast suggestion on the target and give him the sudden urge to pee.

We get references to this. My character's new favorite summon is a plumber spirit. The ability to magically screw up and de-screw up pipes and drains is almost as bizarrely versatile as the bathrooms themselves.

When it's not about the bathrooms, it is all about the tacos. On the run with no place to stay? Grab some drive-thru tacos and eat and sleep in the auto-piloted van. Going to stake out some place? It could be a long wait, best get some tacos first. Can't afford your lifestyle costs? Cheer up, thanks to deflation and space meat, tacos are now 10 for 1 nuyen!

One of the technomancer's crazy AI spirit things is basically GIR from Invader Zim. When we told it to go take the car somewhere until we needed it, it went around in circles at Taco Bell and accumulated tacos using counterfeit digital transactions. That may be what started it all.

[Gensh]

Genzodus - Just how often do your characters end up stripped?

Surprisingly often. When I first moved to college, and joined a group (3.5), I died in the first session when my rogue tried to strangle a raptor with a coat hanger because, according to the DM, random passersby aren't going to be carrying weapons. In order to avoid that, my next character was a warlock. The DM told the party that they had to get onto a luxury cruise ship that was leaving town, and since I wasn't in the party yet, I had to figure out how to get on without any extra help. When I asked what items/money I had, he said "nothing." Then I sarcastically replied, "Not even clothes?"

Not the best idea on my part. So I rolled hide and used spiderclimb to get inside through a window. Next, I asked if anyone saw me, and the DM said, "Yeah, Leonardo DiCaprio. He wants to draw you." This group had something like a dozen people in it, all trying to do things at once, and coincidentally, every time I tried to get clothes, the DM was dealing with someone else. So I went through this entire social mission on a high-society cruise ship, surviving being lost at sea in the arctic, a battle with dire sharks, and half of a zombie apocalypse entirely naked over something like ten sessions before finally grabbing some pants off a zombie.

On top of that, the week after this first naked character, I had a different 3.5 session with some friends in which I was playing a warforged warlock (Protoman). I can't remember what happened, but the party needed to get something from the bottom of a well, so I said I was stripping. The rest of the party freaked out for a second before I reminded them that I was a warforged, though I pointed out that I was wearing a red speedo. Some time after that, I ended up being physically chained to a succubus. I don't actually remember how that happened, but the party kept forgetting I was a robot, so some of the dialogue got kind of kinky.

There was a third time that incidentally happened during that same month, but I can't remember what the game was or how DiCaprio was involved. I think it happened a fourth time in Exalted, too...

[RipperOfShirts]

We had 'The List'

It showed up on a Lawful Stupid Paladin NPC determined to take us down (we were a mostly CG/CN group, including a Pally of Freedom, who was his main target) and the DM saw fit, to justify his righteous fury, that he had a magic scroll that, when a name was spoken, would read out a 'list of sins' (read: things that we've done that aren't as perfect as this guy and his order) committed by the person. Instead of, you know, making us feel bad for all the stuff we'd done (excessive partying, neglect of duties, 'questionably moral' acts), it broke down into a competition as to who had the longer list, best entries, hidden secrets, etc.etc.

Anytime after that, when we did something to make the DM facepalm, he would shake his head and go 'the god damn list...'

We spent several sessions planning on going after that thing.



And there's that Shadar-Kai have a creepy hand fetish, after a Shadar-Kai lich in 4e had about a bajillion undead hand thingies that he used for everything.

[Necro_EX]

Genzodus - Niiice, that's just wonderful.
Also, warforged warlock, you say? I'm gonna have to try that one out, sounds right up my alley. :D

ROS - I really want to like Shadar-kai, I really do...I just can't do it, though.
Their fluff is something I can totally get behind except for one thing. The fact that they all have piercings/tattoos and it's not even explained. D:
At least not from what I've read, anyway.
Other than that, they're just fine...but, I can't do it. :/

[Volos]

"Is he a level 6 Paladin?" is what my players ask me almost every time they run into a town or city guard, captian of the guard, a dwarf, or generally just a guy in a suit of armor with a weapon. What happened was they were sailing a smuggling ship that they just happened to find. This ship was infamous for smuggling a dangerous demonic drug that had a good chance of turning people into demons or impregnating them with demons or sacraficing them to... you get the idea. This drug was seriously bad stuff. The players didn't find any on the ship, but they did find out some recently cleared out smuggling holds. They thought nothing of it and just sailed into the nearest port. This port was a large town, but they didn't have much in the way of a defense buget. Being located in the middle of nowhere, they figured they could skimp on certian expenses. One of those they skimped on was the boat for the Captian of the Guard, a 6th level Dwarf Paladin. So the Captian of the Guard rides up on this tiny dingy of a boat, demanding that the PCs allow him to arrest them without conflict. To a Chaotic mostly Neutral leaning on Evil party, this wasn't something they were interested in doing. Not to mention they were 16th level, they could run this guy over if they felt like it. He insisted that they stop, and at that moment the boat just happened to stop. (I had kept track of how much the boat was slowing since the crew was distracted by this lone Dwarf on a dingy) The party immediately decided he was some powerful Paladin of epic and that they shoudl submit to avoid being killed. He pressed them for information for a few hours then let them go while taking possession of their ship. On the way out the warmage casted a Sound Trap (fire trap with sonic subsituted) on the single jar of that evil demonic drug that he had found, leaving it on the Captian's desk when he wasn't looking. He turned into a demon when he went to test the jar for drug content (it exploded in his face from the sound trap) and he nearly destroyed the entire town before the party (now drunk) was rushing across town to fight him. It was an amazing battle, one of the best I have ever run and my players remember it to this day. So now whenever they meet someone who is even remotely similar to the Captian of the Guard, they ask if he is a 6th Level Dwarf Paladin.

[Shyftir]

If we are attacked by Orcs/an Orc shows up, we always ask if one of them/he is carrying a torch. This is a reference to the Orc with a torch who set off the explosion at Helm's Deep in The Two Towers movie. It is bad for your health to carry a torch if your an Orc in one of our campaigns.

[Mr.Christie]

'2' because it seems to be the only thing we roll. Except for when the dice troll us with two 1's in a row.

[BobVosh]

A large meat ration will always be slightly special in our group. Basically we were working as dock workers to earn some scrap for something or other. I assume shenanigans. So it was for frozen beef and the psion hit the rogue with one using a telekinesis like effect (actually alternity but close enough to those two classes).

So eventually afterward we ended up in a gay bar and we kept annoying the rogue with that, so he gets up and asks the nice dancers for a large meat ration in order to beat the psion with it.

Oddly I can't remember any of the other ones at the moment. Stupid fallible memory.

[Necro_EX]

All dwarves in Sharn are drunks and sound oddly Scottish thanks to my interpretation of Sgt. Dolom. Just remembered that from the first campaign I DMed for my local group.

Also, in our Shadowrun group it's been unofficially decided that stealth never works, nerfing my B&E character, I'm just there to party. It would seem that ll elves are just there to party, as both characters one of the other players has written up have had drug problems and my character spent 2000 nuyen on booze alone for a party in an apartment we used a whole once. :D

Also, we refer to our common method of 'blow the **** out of whatever it is' as the "Al solution." This is because our group's big scary troll is named Al Hazid.
He's quite large and rather frightening, really.

EDIT: Mr. Christie reminds me of yet another running joke with my group. We refer to the number 2 on a d20 as 'dog****.' This is because one of the players just said it when I asked what he had rolled and it has stuck since then.

[Gensh]

A large meat ration will always be slightly special in our group.

Oh yeah! Whenever there's any amount of meat involved or mentioned or anything, any survivor of that first game where I was nude feels obligated to ask if if was a dolphin. The ranger had max ranks in Profession (Bowfishing), so while we were lost at sea, he kept asking if he could fish something. Eventually, the DM said he caught a dolphin. He had also been carrying something like a hundred pounds of pure salt for whatever reason, so he salted it and then spent the remainder of the campaign carrying around eighty pounds of dolphin jerky.

[BayardSPSR]

So the players are breakfasting with a dwarf prince in his throne room - an event that involves, of course, consumption of alcohol. One of the characters, however, does not drink, and asks if he could get some milk instead. The prince nods and murmurs something to an attendant, who leaves, and they go back to their meal.

About ten minutes later, the main door to the throne room swings wide open, and in walks the attendant, leading a cow.

Hilariousness ensues.

Eventually the cow is formally given to that character as a gift, and all the players split up to wander around the dwarf fortress. This player decides he wants to try to RIDE the cow.

Hilariousness ensues again (as well as a face full of cow pie).


Another one from that group - practically everything done by a character who is somehow completely self-interested and suicidal. Maybe this is how most players act; he's the D&D vet of the group, while simultaneously being the worst player.


In the other group... Hm. One player decided to try to hide while in plain sight of those he was trying to hide from after having attracted their attention. He rolled well, and I said he lay down on the ground, still in full sight. The character then began to cry.

Same group, Necromancer can summon a Spectral Wolf (which has much better agility stats than the average Necromancer). Confronted with a situation requiring such skills, he decides to ride one. I let him do so, at the cost of his fertility.

[MeeposFire]

If anything is going to die it will be my sisters character. It is a running gag it happens so often (not even intentional).

She was killed in two different games, by two different DM, with two different characters by a cloaker. Second time we asked if she wanted to be in the back since when she was killed last she was in the back, and she said no. The DM asked "are you sure" and she said yes. Of course on the random roll the number was hers and she was killed by another cloaker. She is now deathly afraid of the things.

Another time she approached a large door surrounded by a green mist and dead bodies. She was alone and she declares "I open the dorr". Mind you she was also the party rogue and she of course never checks for traps (ever you had to convince her it was a good idea). The trap went off and she died.

My sister was killed a handful more times and once she even caused the death of our resident druidzilla.

So my sister is the bringer of death and the joke is whenever my sister is involved that she dies. The only question becomes how?

[Arceius]

Man, we have a lot of these...

"I shoot the zombie in the foot."

>.> This requires a bit of explanation (though I've already posted the story on the site before I believe). When I ran my first campaign ever I read through the PH and the DMG over a week and came up with a campaign straight from knowing nothing of DnD... needless to say the campaign fell apart quickly, but not before hilarity ensued. The campaign idea I had was that the party would level up into Epiclevelness and start putting some beatdown on various gods made of badassery and awesome incarnate. That was the plan anyways, and with the way I misinterpreted the experience chart (so everyone gets 300 experience for a CR 3 monster? OK.) it wouldn't take all that long. So I decided that I would level them on mostly mooks and get all the badass introductions out of the way while they were itty bitty oh so squishy level threes.

Introducing the Lich and his posse of zombies and skeletons. CR 24 beast of a "enemy of my enemy is my friend, I'll scratch your back etc" character archetype he was meant to show up, extend friendship, and then leave the party to fight the Hydra on the roof of the giant tower and dodge the doom harbinger gold dragon of death. This plan was nearly diverted when the Lich turns to leave and one of my players pipes up,

"I shoot the zombie in the foot."

*insert collective facepalm.* This was for quite a while the staple phrase for "you just did something horribly stupid, you moron" or just a general reminder of how much that campaign sucked. :P Luckily I decided to let them live to dodge gold dragon breath later that day.

"The Keep is Death"

This one comes from complete GM failure. Which makes it absolutely infuriating for me, as I was the failing GM. *sigh*

This was also pretty early in the entire "Let's Play DnD" my group of friends just decided to do one day, and was... the fourth or so campaign that was run. The players start scantily dressed and imprisoned in a keep. They managed to escape (picking up clothing and equips on the way) and immediately ran smack into... the rails. dun dun duuun!!!

This particular campaign the rails consisted of a resistance group who was fighting something or other who was doing... something evil, maybe. I don't really remember, we never got past the first session. Anyways, the party took one look at the rails and said "F that" and then decided that they should go back to the Keep. I didn't want them to go back to the Keep for various unimportant reasons (*cough* too lazy to make anything up there and wanted them to follow the rails. *cough*) and tried to reason with them. "Oh it's dangerous, there's a large force stationed there, you've heard rumors of its horrors, etc." They wouldn't listen. Eventually I broke down said "The Keep is Death." and very much implied that they would die horrible, horrible total party wipe deaths if they went there. They were not amused. v_v and now that phrase stands test amount to my lazyness forevermore.

Favored of the Gods

Last two have been phrases but this one is an ongoing penchant for one of my player so have luck so good it seems as though the dice gods themselves have chosen him to be their champion. This player has instantly killed more enemies than one of my other players has killed enemies total. It's just ridiculous. There are thre hilarious events that highlight this however.

We switch GM's a lot. Mostly because none of us want to GM all the time, and we each have our own fun ideas so we pretty much switch of every 3 session long never completed campaign. In this particular instance player D was GM while I was absent and had created an entire dungeon. At a certain point in the dungeon our armor toting, baddie bashing, red shirt wearing, healbot - Tifa - decided (Party NPC, sporadically controlled by... anyone really) to take an attack of opportunity from a random mook. She's a Cleric in armor. Her high AC hasn't been touched the whole battle. What could possibly happen?

20
20
20

*death*:smalleek::smallsigh:


During a campaign that Player M was running Player D's ship was wrecked. Player D decided that his character would blame Player R's character and that his most logical course of action would to to give him a punch on the arm and tell him he was an idiot. No, I'm lying. This is my group. He decided to hit the poor guy with his Acid, Electrical, and Cold burst +6 spear of death to teach him a lesson. It wouldn't have killed him, just hurt a lot. Oh wait except for that one detail, almost forgot about it:

20
20
20

*incineration*:smallfrown:

It's like the dice gods have chosen him... and the dice gods hate the rest of us with a passion.


The second one is made particularly funny from yet another GM fail... from yours truly. What about my failure ends up being so spectacularly hilarious? Anyways, party of levels 3's enter a dungeon and are drafted by a residing Choldereth to take out a neighbor. I remembered seeing a picture of a monster I had never gotten to use, but I couldn't remember why. So I announce "You enter the room and a Drider skitters from the darkness."

One of my more experienced players knew what this was and exclaims something to the effect "If that's what I think it is. We are so F***ed."

It was. At that moment I flipped my trusty MM to the page and saw why I'd never gotten to use them. They are CR 7. We've never been high or low enough to fight them. *Activate GM Facepalm Maneuver* Luckily for my players though...

20
20
20

Player D: "YES!!!:smallcool:
Me: :smalleek::smallmad::smallfurious:

His rolls are so good we've switched out his dice on suspicion of faulty ones. Didn't help. He just turned around and crited something into oblivion. :smallsigh:

It's an In-Joke That We Like In-Jokes

We have a lot of in-jokes. It's because we take anything remotely hilarious and bring it up whenever we can find a way to apply it to a different situation. It makes for endless fun... and reminders of failure. >.> It's been mentioned on more than one occasion that we bring up things and quote them with a odd level of frequency.

Player R Has Left the Building... Kill Him Now

Every time one of our players leaves early, Player R, something horrible happens to his character. First time, Death. Second time, Turned to stone. Subsequent times, more death. If he leaves early something happens to his character, and it's never in any way his fault. First off because he's not there, and second off because it's just the result of randomly crappy rolls (Which he has in abundance. One theory has been suggested that Player D steals Player R's luck.)

Search Your Feelings... You <3 Lycans

Player M, who is one of our three GMing players, has a set of stalkers whenever he GMs. Every time he does so Lycans end up in the campaign. Whether it be a player or an NPC, if he's GM's then there will be Lycans. This trend has been noticed recently, but is traceable back through his entire GMing career. It's actually kind of creepy. Or maybe he really just <3's furries. You never know. It's always the ones you'd least expect.

[Combat Reflexes]

My gaming group can't go for 5 minutes without quoting Monty Python (It's just a flesh wound!) or the Gamers (Oh look Sir Osric! An evildoer outside!).

We have a tracking expert Ranger in our group that uses Sherlock Holmes' quote at every opportunity, and our 60-ft. base land speed monk yells LUDICROUS SPEED!!! every time he charges :smallbiggrin:

[DukeofDellot]

"I use Sex Appeal on the monster!"
"It rapes you."

Happened twice. Two separate players.

...

I guess I should explain. In GURPS, Sex Appeal is one of the influence skills, and unlike the others it is governed by the HT stat rather than IQ, so it's popular for ease of use... though it has far fewer applications than many of my players want to think. In the games I've run, only a single character had not taken the Sex Appeal skill. Even the "Barbarian" who was really more of a rock that could hold a sword had Sex Appeal, no intimidate, no survival, no stealth, no tracking, no ability to read a map or even dress himself, but apparently even though he lost every fight he was in, he looked good doing it.

[TheCountAlucard]

Let's see...

One running gag in our WoD games is that we don't usually involve Mages or Changelings in the various plots, simply because the universe hates them and doesn't believe in magic. As in, that's the only reason. :smalltongue:

"All right, we've gone over this - numerous people were miraculously healed during the daytime... so why do you think it was a vampire?"

"Well, the Lupines all got chased out, the only Demon we know doesn't seem the healy-type, Hunters are busy with other things, and the universe just hates Changelings too much." And ya know what? I was right.

We likewise say the same to our new players. "Er, Changeling's a difficult splat to play - you see, when you do your faerie stuff, it's impeded somewhat by the fact that the universe doesn't believe in you. Oh, and Mage? Mage has the same deal, with the added advantage of being able to do anything, but at the cost of pretty much having to figure out for yourself exactly how each of your spells work and why the concentrated unbelief of humanity doesn't come into play when you cast one."

For our Shadowrun games, we've made the joke again and again how if the team needs money, we should just go stealing helicopters. This is due to the sheer absurd pricing of said helicopters; even stripped-out and sold for a third the price, one helicopter will usually turn more of a profit than a month's worth of runs. :smallamused:

We also joke about turning in technomancers (or even suspected technomancers) for cash, since the books imply that some megacorps are interested in what makes them tick, and would pay handsomely for some live specimens... :smalleek:

A tad mean-spirited, but we also joke about a betting pool involving the likelihood of a certain player of ours playing a character with at least some part of the concept involving cats, odds on whether said cat-theme is panther-centered or not, et cetera. Truth is, she does play cat-themed characters quite often, and that specific variety does seem to be her favorite. :smalltongue:

[HalfTangible]

This one doesn't work so much anymore because both of the characters are dead, but I used to have a Hobgoblin druid with a wolf animal companion. Now, the wolf in question had a drow fetish to such an insane degree that he occasionsally often would hump the rogue in the party all the friggen time.

Also, the hobgoblin apparently didn't realize she looked like an orange gorilla-thing and wanted to be a hooker.

And after they died, one of the new characters got a mule.

"A muuuuuuule!"

[Tyger]

"You don't have the proper"

In a Warhammer Dark Heresy game, our Tech-Priest wanted to repair something, can't even remember what it was. He was sorely lacking in tools, owing to it being our first time through the system and lack of knowledge in the requirements. The GM informed him that he didn't have "the proper..." and then waved his hand to indicate whatever. "You don't have the proper" has become a catch all phrase for any time someone can't do something.

[Hazzardevil]

"For the King!" For teh (Insert name of organisation here!"

This came from a drama lesson once where we were reanacting the english civil war. We ended with a big battle mostly involving toy daggers being lobbed at eachother.
It started with one group shouting For the King!
We were improvising most of it and I couldn't think of anything better and shouted: For teh goverment!
Ever since then in any DnD campaign at teh start of any battle our side shouts somethign like: For the Holy Ring of Fire! (This was in an eberron campign where one of the players got the silver flame's name wrong.

[Janus]

the Gamers (Oh look Sir Osric! An evildoer outside!).
We've been having the same issue in our group.
"As if killing the bard impresses us!"

Like others, our group has some in-jokes:

"If my calculations of his dice rolls are correct, seventeen orcs just fell unconscious from the ceiling."
When I'm DMing, I tend to roll dice behind the screen, usually with no explanation (and sometimes simply to psyche the players out). My friend soon started coming up with his own reasons as to what happened. The quoted one is by far the best he's had, and will likely never top. It came the heck out of nowhere, was said with a Sean Connery voice, and left us all laughing for quite a bit."

Justin's character will never die.
One of my friends wants to have a character die in a funny, interesting manner. Barring that, he just wants a good D&D death story. No matter what we come up against, even when the DM is specifically trying to kill us all, he lives. He even ended one adventure with 1 hp left. And when we rolled the dice to see if these one-shot characters survived the war they were fighting in, his survived.

Characters bursting out into song:
Okay, so maybe the only time this has happened was when we were descending down into a dungeon, but my friend started singing "A British Tar," and we all joined in.
We also had a game where the wizard threatened the BBEG with a fireball, who responded with an evil "Goodness gracious, great balls of fire."

"Last time on EverQuest!" *theme music*
When recapping previous sessions, I usually say "Last time on EverQuest!" or "Previously on EverQuest!" while my friend plays the EQ theme song on his phone.
And yes, our 4e D&D games are set in EverQuest, even though there's a 3.5 OGL version of it. Sue us.

[Iceforge]

oh had many of these, some from events I was present at, some carried over by players from previous groups.

"Slam a door in it's face!"
Originated from a player who I used to play with before I moved. I wasn't myself present, but after he told the story, this stuck with this group as well.

It was used for when some random desperate act resulted in great success.

Origin? Well, my friend had player a year long campaign at a school where he was living. As the year was coming to an end, the GM wanted the campaign to have an end, and TPK seemed like his choise for an ending.

The party was 3rd or 4th level (I remember it was very low, pretty surprised by that at the time, but seemed it had been a very slow progressing game)

Party setup:
My friend: Barbarian, forgot race.
Dwarf Fighter
Human Paladin
Evil Human Wizard
Evil Human Cleric

They face a great red dragon after having left a old inca style temple in the middle of the jungle.

The Paladin immediately engage it in melee, while the dwarf and Barbarian goes to flank it.

The Cleric decides to retreat a little, but still remain close enough to help, as the Paladin is his brother.

The Wizard hides in the bushes, deciding to see who is going to be winning the fight and then jump in and aid that side, to save his own ass.

Paladin drops almost immediately, and the dragon tail swaps the dwarf, knocking him into negatives and unconscious.

Red dragon fires its fire breath towards the cleric, who dodges it and barely stayes alive, but the bush containing wizard was in the path and he was not so lucky and is fried instantly.

Cleric is crawling to heal/check his brother, and my friend is last one standing, able to see all the rest are down, but the dwarf, who is his drinking partner, is still breathing, and the dragon is unscratched, so he picks up the dwarf and starts running back towards the temple with him, as the dragon is way to big to enter the temple.

The dragon is slightly delayed, smashing the cleric and assuring the paladin and wizard is dead, but is then right on the tracks of my friend, who is heavily encumbered, carrying a highly armoured fat beer-bellied dwarf over his shoulders.

The DM rules he can make it just inside in time, but that the dragon is clearly going to take a snap at them in the entrance of the temple and my friend decides to slam the door in its face, just to shock it enough to give him time to drag the dwarf down into the lower levels of the temple.

Attack roll:
20
20
20

The nosebone of the dragon is slammed into it's brain, and it drops dead on the other side of the now closed door, and once it is opened, my friend shockingly discovers it is blocking the exit.

Further checking the dwarf reveals that the tumbling has prevented him from stabilizing and he is now dead on the ground, leaving the barbarian all alone, who spends his last remaining living days, trying to slice and dice his way out through the dragon, but succumbs to thirst before successding.

Still, epic for a low level character to kill a great red dragon by slamming a door on it's face

The Wingless Pig Inn
The name of random taverns across the world with one of my old groups, used by both me and the other DM, originated through to the antics of one of the players.

Lets call this player D; D used to get some very crazy ideas with my old group and at one time, he was playing a sorcerer, and had decided that besides his familiar, he needed another pet, but not just any pet, he wanted a pet-pig.

He had handle animal and was able to cast fly, so surely, he spend days casting fly on the pig and training it to be able to fly around.

With the tricks he taught it, it was basicly only able to fly around, fly to target location, play dead and come back when called, so it was pretty useless for most encounters, but was funny comic relief in the group and surely, once he learned permanency, I allowed him to make flying permanent on his little pig.

Soon after that, the player died, and after a few sessions, someone asked where the pet pig had gone, which I had totally forgotten, so I simply replied it must have left once its master had died and was probarly flying around aimlessly throughout the world.

Cue TPK and a new game, and the first time they went into a town to find a random tavern, they asked for it's name (as usual) and I replied it had the strange name "The Wingless Pig", seeing how all our games at that time was featured in our own homebrewed world.

Surely, the quickly asked the inn-keeper about the name, and he explained how it was named after one of the most strangest things he had ever seen: A flying pig, and it had no wings, but was still flying around like it was the easiest thing in the world. The Inn-keeper assured them through, that he was probarly just too drunk at the time and seeing things, but nevertheless, the name stuck and from time to time, when they found and inn and asked it's name, if no other name was handy, it would be called "The Wingless Pig" and the other DM picked up on it as well, and almost became a sport to find the most outrageous reasons for why the inn-keeper had chosen that name.

"Oh no, not a ranged touch attack!"
Became a cry of desperation from a relatively new player at the time, lets call him J.

J had rolled up a sorcerer, and was having great success.

At our table, they dont tell me their attack rolls usually, I tell them the AC in advance and they just announce if they hit and so on, keeps the flow up and encourages them to give some details of it, instead of that being on my shoulder always as the DM.

He had been blasting away for several sessions, dealing out real nice damage and hitting with all his spells, even those requiring an attack roll.

Then at one encounter, the enemy was almost down, but so was the rest of the party, he made his attack roll and started cursing, the AC was like 18 and he had 17, I asked him if that spell wasn't a touch attack spell, he replied "yes" and I then explained the armor didn't apply to it, and the touch attack AC was lower, and he saved the day.

The also became the last time his sorcerer was of any use through, as now when I remembered to inform him of the much lower AC he had to hit, he never landed touch attacks ever again, to the point where he would look at his spell list to find the appropriate spell to use in a situation and then skip those that required a ranged touch attack, as he knew they wouldn't hit.

"Lets just use the packmule to kill them!"
Came from one of my new groups, well, we stopped playing now, but was still funny.

They had a packmule (even named it, but forgot what name they gave it) and at one point, they had been fleeing some goblins who had been tracking them for a while, but that didn't keep them from entering a suspecious looking dungeon to explorer and find possible tresure, leaving their poor packmule outside the entrance.

I secretly rolled for the goblins and they arrived while the party was inside the dungeon and they got all nervous as I started rolling dice, and was pretty anoyed when I asked them to hand me the list of what the packmule was carrying.

The hunting group of 8 goblins, all with class levels, one was 4th level ranger, had swarmed the packmule and slaughtered it brutally in melee, and was about to ransack it's bags.

But once I got the list, the first thing that caught my eye was the 25 alchemist fire bottles that was on the mule. Cue d% dice to determine how many of them had exploded as the mule fell to the ground, rolled pretty high, remember it was almost 20 of them, and some very bad reflex saves by the goblins who was all in melee, and they were dead.

So once the players left the dungeon, they found the burned remains of their mule, all their equipment on it was gone, but they could clearly make out the 8 odd burned corpses of goblins surrounding the now slain mule.

They even held a funeral for that damn packmule and the great strategy of packmules filled to the brim with alchemist fire (or pint flasks of oil and a lid torch) was born

Cant remember more right now

[Lord Loss]

"C'était une gnome?!?!" (translated to english, "She was a gnome?!?!".)

This was spawned by a very inattentive player with high CHA character and... well, you can probably figure out the rest by yourself.

Also, threatening to slap another player character is one of our in-jokes, which started when a character was being quite mean to a very clueless gnome who had been kind enough to offer them a tour around town. Another player got sick of it, declared he was slapping him in the face and rolled damage (on which he got a three). The other player siad that he needed to roll the attack. he did so and rolled a 20 on the attack, hence known as the "Critical b#$@#slap" and brought up whenever a player is acting particularily stupid. The player that got slapped is the same player as in the gnome story.

The nickname harpy boy has been given to said player, because of a very recent session on which he leapt and grabbed onto a harpy as it flew away with a prince. The harpy managed to drag him away and only got killed a few moments later... when it was many, many many feet in the air.

[The Commander]

Ok, so I play Deathwatch on a regular basis with a bunch of friends. We've gone through 3 missions and I've always played the Apothecary. My Apothecary's have died in each mission in exactly the same way. Let me explain:

First mission we got ambushed by a small group of Genestealers who proceeded to cut us all to ribbons. In my last act of Heroic Sacrifice I pull all the pins on my grenades and blow up the building we're in. The 'Stealers all die and the GM (being merciful) allows the others to clamber out of the debris.

Second mission we're tasked to blow up a Tau Comms Tower. We get inside the tower and it's full of Stealth Suits. I get killed in such a way that sets off the Meltabomb I'm carrying. The roof doesn't collapse, but the floor gives way as we only just realise the Tower actually extends underground.

Third mission we're hunting an Ork Warboss on an asteroid. Suddenly, the forces of Chaos start showing up and a Daemonhost pops into existance. Me being a Black Templar at the time raise my Axe and charge the Daemon. I go several rounds with it to be fair before he gets in a few lucky strikes and has me blinded with no arms (again in Heroic Sacrifice) (this was also hilarious in itself, since me being a Black Templar made the scene look exactly like Monty Python's Black Knight :smallbiggrin:). Again, I had a Meltabomb, which I had been trying to place on it, but kept failing. I had dropped it when my arm came off and decided to stamp on the ground until I hit it and caused it to explode. I managed to find it and set it off, causing the entire section of the asteroid to collapse in on me and the Daemonhost.

The Kill-Team, now having established 3 suicide Apothecarys to their name, now no longer know their Apothecarys by name, but by number. And they are always sure to recommend a Meltabomb for any and all missions :smallbiggrin:

[Loki_42]

"I'm an Assassin!"

This one comes from when me, the DM, decided to send a Orc assassin(not actually the class, and more of a hitman anyway) wielding an Orc Double-Axe against the group. Needless to say, my players decided to mock the idea of this completely non-stealthy assassin. I got the last laugh on them when one of my player's started to play the MMO "Aika", which apparently has a group called Dreadful Assassins, who all wield huge battle axes.

[KeithIsTheMan]

"What, didn't you get yours?"

This comes from a campaign where the DM decided that, apart from armor and weapons, everyone got the exact same set of starting equipment. Dubbed the "standard Adventurer's Kit", nobody really bothered to look through the exhaustive list of things we now owned. In the first dungeon we ran across, our Ranger pulled out a 10-foot pole to check for traps, having actually read through the contents of Adventurer's Kit. When asked "where the hell did you get a 10-foot pole?!" he deadpanned "It's in the Adventurer's Kit. Didn't you get yours?"

Since then, it has been the term used to explain a character's possession of a seemingly random item, or one that nobody remembers acquiring. This has since been used to explain possession of a pack mule, a Bag of Holding filled with Zombies, the Necronomicon... the list goes on.

[SuperFish]

Two, mainly.

One is that "I take off my pants" is not nearly as disturbing a thing to hear a player say as "I put my pants back on", and that the one player in our group will always have characters that somehow change colour over the course of the campaign.

[Noedig]

We refer to ragamuffins as rape golems. You don't want to know.

[Siosilvar]

All dwarves in Sharn are drunks and sound oddly Scottish thanks to my interpretation of Sgt. Dolom. Just remembered that from the first campaign I DMed for my local group. Wait, that's not standard for all settings?

[Xyk]

My group once had the duty of protecting a town from a minotaur that had been rampaging through. When questioning one of the townsfolk, the dwarf barbarian just could not keep a straight face. I decided that with his character's 8 charisma, his character couldn't keep a straight face either.

Him: Hello, good sir, do you think you could answer this question for me?:smallbiggrin:
NPC: Wh...Why are you grinning at this most tragic of times?:smallfrown:
Him: (****)...I...uh...heard this really funny joke earlier. Do you want to hear it?
NPC: Well, I guess it might cheer me up...
Him: Okay. A minotaur walks into a bar.
NPC: :smallannoyed:
Him: And he kills everybody!

[Venger]

Heehee. I'm the DM for Genzodus's roguebuckler game, so can attest to all that he said about that (and the other 3.5 games, oddly enough) is wholly true

we've got a whole bunch of other weird inside jokes in that game too. one of my personal favourites:

-the aforementioned duskblade has a bad habit of punching first and asking questions later. the party was set to gather reconnaissance about a new NPC and saw he was recruiting people to come work for him. they snatched someone out of line and the duskblade knocked him out. he then attempted to ask his name. in that order.

as a result, every time the party kayos or kills an enemy, one of the other party members will ask the duskblade if he might like to inquire as to his name.

in another game I run, the pcs are known as "the GTFO Mercenaries" and their motto is "when in doubt, we get the f out!"

when they encounter a challenge that they feel is too great for them, they recite their motto and vacate the premises

[9mm]

"we are not taking a boat"
1 champaign, every time we took a boat, we'd get attacked by pirates, pretty much traumatized one of the player who refuses to take a boat under any circumstances.

[Darwin]

In the second session of my current playgroup the party encountered an Earth Elemental who brutally slaughtered everyone but the party Ranger who managed to escape deeper into the caverns. By sheer, insane luck, he found the only hidden passage that could lead him out without having to pass the Earth Elemental room again by succeeding on a DC22 search check in a random tunnel by off-chance.

Next thing he knows, he's standing outside, ready to head back to town and retire from adventuring after the horrors he's seen. At this point I show him my d100 and tell him: "I'm rolling for a random encounter on your way back!" The players all grit their teeth and watch as the dice rolls. It lands on 66, which, by tradition from the gamemaster who taught me indicates something absolutely insane happens.

And thus started the legend of The Knight of the Mahogany Table. A large, mahogany table suddenly bursts out from the forest, tackling the Ranger, throws him on top of itself and carries him off into the wild yonder.

The players are still exited about the Ranger possibly getting a cameo of the Ranger returning to save them riding atop a living mahogany table. :smallbiggrin:

[Masaioh]

-An inn is the most dangerous place in the world. "You wake up in an inn" is the phrase my group dreads most. This is because someone usually looks out the window and sees that the world has been destroyed, and bar brawls have been known to destroy entire cities, rip holes in the earth and kill hundreds or even thousands of people.

-"The worst ranger in the world". One player's ranger kept rolling natural 1's on all of his skill checks. "Ranger, where are we?" "We're in a forest/in Faerun/in the Prime Material Plane".

-All druids speak with ridiculous Scottish accents and call people "nancy boy".

-"Roll for blame" Whoever rolls the lowest on a d20 gets blamed for the TPK.

[ExtravagantEvil]

I'M An Assassin!!!
About 3 sessions ago I think, the party was attacked in the streets by a Lone Orc charged to kill us, and since he was a hired hand, and my DM is a fan of Robert Benfer, he yelled out "I'm An Assassin!". Before being curtly shot by a goblin with a crossbow :smallbiggrin:

[Loki_42]

I'M An Assassin!!!
About 3 sessions ago I think, the party was attacked in the streets by a Lone Orc charged to kill us, and since he was a hired hand, and my DM is a fan of Robert Benfer, he yelled out "I'm An Assassin!". Before being curtly shot by a goblin with a crossbow :smallbiggrin:

Already told them. And it was you guy's who came up with the "I'm an Assassin" bit.

[calar]

Oh man, our group has like 20, though here are some of the better ones.

"You're on a boat" is our joking reference to how I started the campaign by getting the group shanghaied into the imperial navy after a bar fight. This happened again after they escaped and ran right into another fleet. Its been a running joke since, though I haven't pulled the same thing since.

"Captian Drake's gunna get you!" Captian Drake was the captain of the ship the group got conscripted on. When the group escaped, he went Captain Ahab on them and has been ruthlessly pursuing them since. Hes kinda like the energizer bunny on steroids and with a big axe. He shows up every so often as a recurring villain.

"The drumstick rapist" refers to a stunt our Half-Orc pulled. The group was trying to get a meeting with a paladin hero coming into town and needed to get a way to get him to notice them. They decided dressing up the gnome cleric in rags and having her fall in front of the procession as he entered would work, but they didn't have any begger's clothes. The 7 intelligence half-orc buys a drumstick and goes out to find a hobo to exchange the drumstick for his clothes. The hobo he did find freaked out at the sight of a big half-orc demanding his clothes, and bolts. The hlaf-orc resorts to his default train of thought, and tackles the hobo, grappling him. The hobo eventually escaped, but the group dubbed the event as the drumstick rapist incident.

"Oh god not entangle again!" refers to our insane druid who has a delightful knack for hurting the party about as much as the enemy, a feat chiefly accomplished through use of entangle. His default move is to cast entangle straight into the center of combat, much to the party's horror in most cases.

[Ilmryn]

"The paladin will slap you"
In a campaign I was running, one player was playing a female paladin, and the other was playing a half-dragon fighter who would pretty much instakill anything he came across. Anyways, they were fighting a Dolgrim, and the half-dragon used his breath weapon, and burns through the door behind it. Whereupon the paladin bursts out: "You could have killed innocent people!" and the player announces that his character is slapping the halfdragon. They eventually settle the differences, and continue through the door, and find a dead kobold... After that, whenever a character did something questionable, we would joke that the paladin would slap them.

"You don't have to roll for damage."
A newer group of players that I dm'ed for had two players wielding two handed swords. The fighter had a great sword, and the paladin had a fullblade. The module i was running frequently had the party fighting large mobs of 4 hp kobolds, wich the big sword useres would instakill every time. It became a running gig that if they had to roll for damage, what they were facing was bad...

[James the Dark]

Mostly Scion related ones.
'X' will Come Upon you.

This, as so many others, began with our GM Tony doing his usual spine-breaking amount of background work in his stories, and tending to act with all the verve of an underworked, overqualified thespian (and he's a business major, so...). Anyway, in the Scion game, the two players and a few other hangers-on had just visited the palace of Ogwe. My character gave him a horse as a gift, while the other character was busy robbing Ogwe. Ogwe found out, and puppeted my character's son to deliver a scathing rebuke, but the other player is if nothing quick witted, so managed to negotiate temporary use of what she was going to steal. But she was warned, if she reneged on her deal, she would quickly find that Ogwe would come upon her. And then the player started snickering, and Tony realized what he'd said. Ever since then, any time something ominous is being threatened, we would always answere "Well, at least he's not going to come upon us."

The Greyson Car Curse

Also in Scion: at the beginning of the campaign, its action was mostly limited to the US, and Jacob, who'd had to throw his car off a bridge in the first episode, rented cars to get from place to place. However, not a single one of those cars was ever returned in working condition. They were always thrashed, by giants, ninjas, tengu, landwurms, collapsing buildings, or used as impromptu explosive devices to enter secure government skunkworks where said son of my character had been taken prisoner. This continued into Demigod, until all of the car companies on the planet simply refused to rent to anybody named "Jacob Greyson." Hilariously, due to some time-travel silliness, one of the cars that had been destroyed by an alternate-reality dark-future version of him had never been destroyed. Needless to say, one of the first things my character is going to do upon cracking open the Time Purview is go back to that day and destroy that car, so that his legacy will be unblemished.

#$%^ YOU AND YOUR IRISH METAPHYSICS!

This... well; I vehemently dislike the geography of Tyr na nOg. Let's leave it at that, with the priviso that despite my best intentions, I keep ending up back up there for one reason or another.

[Fox Box Socks]

"Paladin speed: Go!"

Paladins can't roll initiative for beans. Ever. Under any circumstances. It doesn't matter how much they prioritize Dex, how many feats they take to improve their Initiative bonus. Paladins. Cannot. Roll. Initiative. For. Beans.

This hit my playgroup, as there was a guy playing a paladin who literally never rolled higher than a 5 all campaign. Then, when I started playing playing a paladin with 8 Dex, I went last every encounter. Somehow the Cleric (who also had 8 Dex) somehow beat me every time.

Paladins: Because justice moves at the speed of a little old lady in a walker.

[Callista]

The party barbarian got hungry enough to eat a horse. So... she ate a horse. The horse's owner was not happy.

We still mention it occasionally.

[IronWilliam]

One joke my group has is that when someone misses, they kill an invisible spider. This was started when I rolled a natural one trying to hit a monstrous centipede with a full blade. (like a great sword, but bigger:smallsmile:). So the fighter, who resents me for finding a bigger sword then him, immediately starts berating me. So I tell him "I just killed an invisible and highly venomous spider, so you should be thanking me!" ever since then, whenever someone misses horribly, we say they killed an invisible spider.

[fortesama]

"You fall from the sky!"
Whenever someone comes late, the DM always uses this as an excuse on how the character was inserted mid game. It's perfectly harmless though. In indoor, underground or similar situations, the ceiling opens up to receive the falling player, often landing on something unpleasant or a little old lady.

"Damn you batman!"
Every. Single. Game. This is the DM's usual reply to creative uses of the items in my pack. No matter what system, I'm always the one with a bag full of all kinds of odds and ends which could be used to solve just about anything with a little creativity and help, even if it doesn't make sense for my character. In 3.5, a chunk of my WBL always went seemingly random objects and eggshell grenades.

[Shade Kerrin]

"Well that changes everything! I walk in backwards."

I can't even remember what scenario started this(mostly because of bad memory), but this is our standard response when the GM forgets to tell us an important detail until after we've gone in and seen what would become meta-gaming knowledge. Also applies when a player is inattentive.

[Cheesy74]

My first module when I started DMing was The Twilight Tomb (horribly difficult if not outright impossible, never use it for new players). So my players are exploring the central tower of the world (where things are easiest) and happen upon a hobgoblin whose skin had been partially peeled away. Rather than run, they investigated, and were attacked by a forsaken shell (CR 6 against a level 3 party). Carnage and a TPK ensued, including one character being turned into a forsaken shell and another swimming off into the ocean to later drown rather than be killed by the thing.

Any time I describe something moving in the darkness, regardless of how far we've come from that horrible day, the immediate response is "FORSAKEN SHELL" followed by fleeing.

[Silus]

Hooting Phantom Fungus: A Discworld based game, we heard some hooting and I guessed "Owlbears", so on the fly, the DM changed it to Phantom Fungus. And thus, hooting has always equated invisible fungus for us. Or just silly hooting shenanigans.

[Curious]

My first campaign, as a level five paladin. I've been forced to take off my armor, and my team is facing off against several giant skeletons. My character bravely chucks his helmet at his opponent, knocking it off balance long enough to climb inside it's rib-cage, where he then proceeds to tear its spine out. From then on, the other players referred to my character as 'Boner'.

[Aniu]

Need a way into any inhabited building? Simple! Just knock on the gate and... "Excuse me sir, would you like to hear about Pelor?"

[HalfTangible]

"The Buffalo-Horse Horrill."

We use Maptools for our online DnD group, which requires you to upload images for your miniatures. One of our players was a crusader with a horse, but he used a buffalo sprite for it for the first few sessions because they were too lazy to look up an image for a horse. Or something. I really don't know why nobody did. So now, even though all the characters from that campaign are dead, we refer to horrill as the buffalo-horse.

[Gensh]

Need a way into any inhabited building? Simple! Just knock on the gate and... "Excuse me sir, would you like to hear about Pelor?"

I'm not allowed to play cleric ever again for this reason, even if the party has no healer.

Me: "I want to make her repent her ways!"
DM: "She's the high priestess of Vecna. And she's slept with him."
Me: "Still wondering how that worked out, but I'm going to try it anyway!"
Me: *rolls*
Me: *fire and brimstone speech*
DM: "That was actually really good. What did you roll, anyway?"
Me: "57."
DM: *facepalm*
DM: "Fine. Your speech was so earth-shattering to her ideals that she falls into a coma. The cave begins to collapse around you."
Me: "I take her body."
DM: "What?!"
Me: "Well, I'm not going to just leave her there. I'm not a d***."
DM: "What are you going to do with a brain-dead zombie priestess anyway?"
Me: "Put her in the basement."

...which actually leads to another in-joke with my old group. Whenever anything out of the ordinary happens, we put it in the basement because the Church of Vecna put a secret alternate-dimensional temple in the basement of a manor they bought that we subsequently stole the deed to. Incidentally, it's also the largest structure in town after we accidentally let loose a pair of dragons. :smalltongue:

[Necro_EX]

I'm not allowed to play cleric ever again for this reason, even if the party has no healer.

Me: "I want to make her repent her ways!"
DM: "She's the high priestess of Vecna. And she's slept with him."
Me: "Still wondering how that worked out, but I'm going to try it anyway!"
Me: *rolls*
Me: *fire and brimstone speech*
DM: "That was actually really good. What did you roll, anyway?"
Me: "57."
DM: *facepalm*
DM: "Fine. Your speech was so earth-shattering to her ideals that she falls into a coma. The cave begins to collapse around you."
Me: "I take her body."
DM: "What?!"
Me: "Well, I'm not going to just leave her there. I'm not a d***."
DM: "What are you going to do with a brain-dead zombie priestess anyway?"
Me: "Put her in the basement."

...which actually leads to another in-joke with my old group. Whenever anything out of the ordinary happens, we put it in the basement because the Church of Vecna put a secret alternate-dimensional temple in the basement of a manor they bought that we subsequently stole the deed to. Incidentally, it's also the largest structure in town after we accidentally let loose a pair of dragons. :smalltongue:

...and this is why I love you so much, dnd.

[MeeposFire]

FERRET BOMB!!!

My group always threatened to use the ferret bomb, a ferret that was a polymorphed beholder. The idea was to throw the ferret at a monster and then cast dispel magic.

You would not believe how much this came up.

[Smeggedoff]

We refer to ragamuffins as rape golems. You don't want to know.

Ah, we call em panty golems due to the picture

[Brom]

"You're a bad person, Kris."


This is less a thing in game and more a thing on me. I'm the only one in the party who is willing to contemplate and say horrible things that someone else was thinking.

Werewolf in the town? "You know, if we wanted to get this done, we could just slit all the villagers throats in the middle of the night."

"That's horrible!"

"Okay, okay. I'd be equally up for dominating them or taking their spouses hostage and telling them to comply with thorough searches."

"What the hell?!"

"What? It's not evil."

"You're threatening to kill them!"

"But not actually doing it."

"Still!"

This is quite common. I tend to deem my job a failure if I can't get that once per session.

[Succundo]

In one of the earliest games my group played, we were just beginning forge of fury and we entered the dungeon to find a large chasm in front of us with a rickety bridge spanning it.

I suggested we tie ourselves to something before attempting the crossing, but the party cleric decides to try and cross without waiting to get a rope harness, he immediately failed a balance check and fell off the bridge he got a reflex save to grab onto the bridge, he failed that too, and he fell hundreds of feet into a river.

Much falling damage was taken, many laughs were had.

The dead cleric has made many appearances in our other games, mostly turning up floating downstream past our boat or on the end of a fishing line much to the original players annoyance, I swear at this rate we are going to end up carving that story onto his grave.

[Yora]

A long time ago I played with a some people who would name every unnamed NPC Baltasar if any of the players asked for his name. Or her name.

[VeisuItaTyhjyys]

"Oh, I intend to," started with one of our players climbing along the ceiling to drop down on a dragon and surprise it; he took a full move to get above it, and, him being new to 3.5, someone said, "You can't take a full move and attack." He, evidently, failed his listen check, responding, "Oh, I intend to." Nowadays, whenever a task is clearly impossible, even if informed that it is, we will state that we intend to do it.

The same guy started "Oh, I'm fine." Being a halfling, he couldn't get to any enemies and attack on his turn, but the rest of the party was in pretty rough shape. Well, anyway, he complains that he can't really do anything. Helpfully, one of us suggests he might use a healing item of some sort, meaning that it should be used one of us poor souls down in the singe-digits of HP. His response is, "Huh? Oh, I'm fine. I'm almost at full health," like we were all stupid for not remembering.

It's a recurring trend that whoever is DMing, if someone isn't listening, describes whatever they're seeing in some absurd fashion ("The floor of the cavern is made of panties" and so on) to see if the player notices, which he or she usually does when the rest of us laugh.

Also, big, dumb characters calling people "ninnies." A barbarian I played once spent a skill point to learn just the word "ninny" in every language. Similarly, dumb or crazy characters referencing metagame information in character, but having everyone else respond appropriately; "I ROLL NATURAL TWO!!!" (barbarian rages)/"What is he even talking about?"/"Who knows? I just ignore the idiot." Similarly, blatant in-character namedrops of out-of-character information; "It seems as though this boy is adept at casting magic to you," or "What is this creature? It's like a horrible mound in shambles!"

[Rin_Hunter]

Whenever an NPC (or a player, for that matter), it is quite common for the character to say "Ah... My life..." and then collapse.

This came about from a friend of mine watching me play the original Megaman game. I was in one of the levels and came across one of the green enemies with the shields (which we dubbed Shieldman). An epic battle ensues where I have trouble killing him.

My friend is constantly saying stuff in a funny voice, such as: "Ah ha! Oh ho! Jump, dodge, block, block, block, jump, ouch!" and then when I won he says "Ah... My life..."

We started laughing so long that I had to stop playing. I just hadn't expected it and the line keeps coming back. It's always funny, but never appropriate.

[Silus]

For one of the new games I'm in:

Calling one of the players "Ball/s". He's playing a Lantern Archon. Cue various genitalia based jokes around the world "Ball/s".

"I panic." Usually used whenever the DM asks what we do. Even if we're doing well.

Edit: One more:

Pirate game: "Do you have a permit?" My character is a merchant/pirate captain, so wherever we go, if we're about to buy something, I ask them "do you have a permit to sell that?". Swindled one of the other players out of like 10 gold with that. Of course, permits are not required to do business.

[Gnoman]

Right when I started my online game, I had to introduce a new character mid-dungeon. Since there was a party of orcs in the vicinity, I decided that he had been a prisoner, so he was naked in a cage (His starting equipment was in a nearby chest.) I forgot to tell him that he had nothing, but I did remember to tell the other players. This was so funny that this is now my default method of introducing characters. Even in an inn.

[panaikhan]

"I've disarmed the trap guys"

In our group, the dwarven thief (don't ask) consistantly rolls high on his search, then consistantly rolls low on his disarm.
The party almost always hear a boom, or crackle, or somesuch, then "I've disarmed the trap guys" from the singed/frozen/static/dart-riddled Dwarf.

[Uhtred]

One of our players took the Leadership feat and essentially brought in a second character as a cohort. It became an in-joke for the rest of our players to treat the second character as if he was a delusion of the original character, pretended that we never actually saw or met him, and that if we actually DID have any interactions with that second character, we acted as though we were simply patronizing the first.
That may not be fair, because it WAS his first time playing D&D. It didn't help, though, that he spent every spare second criticizing or questioning our DM. It got to the point where, our second session together, he left the room and the rest of us decided it would become a fake drinking game. Every time he raised his eyebrow and said "Really?" in a high-pitched, accusatory tone, we would pantomime taking a shot in sequence, going around the table. For every time that we were able to do so without him catching on, the DM gave us +100xp. He may have been singlehandedly responsible for me getting from Levels 8-10, goodness knows we only fought goblins in the in-between time so it had nothing to do with challenging monsters.
He decided those two characters were stupid, so he killed them off and built a Cleric. Unfortunately, he was really selfish with his heals and pretty much just used them on himself. The one time he DID try to heal one of us he tried to do so at range and our DM told him that heals are touch spells. Later in the game, when it was his turn and his cleric was on the brink of death, he yelled "I touch myself!" He's a sheltered homeschooled kid and didn't get it. Now, whenever any of us use a wand of cure light wounds or something like that on ourselves, we always look at the DM and say, "I masturbate." He then asks us how much it heals us for.
Our Ranger has a Bag of Tricks, although we don't know why since he can only consistently pull the Heavy Warhorse out of it. One of our players was recording initiative order and asked our Ranger where his place in the order was, so he responded "Gudra: 15, Warhorse: 10." The player recording initiative looked up startled and said, "Fat mouse?" It has now become an in-joke that whenever we see a horse of any kind, we refer to it as a fat mouse. I'm running a Scion campaign and "Gudra's Bag of Tricks" has been converted into a relic for those players. When used, it always produces one larger-than-average mouse.

[HerrTenko]

In one of our Amber games, there was this character called Mr. K, son of Random, which was kind of amusing. And there was his personnal bodyguard creature, called Schlöss.

Schlöss is a 2m tall black man in a dark suit. It's indestructible, has the speed of a vehicle and fights with an Ambrian level in Warfare. Schlöss has NO MIND. It's not able to talk, only understands simple orders. It's become a mascot character since its birth. It's been used as a boat or a door-opening device.

Schlöss is actually able to utter a single syllable : "Meh".

"Schlöss, destroy the titanium door.
-Meh..." *SBAF*

[Sipex]

Wow, these are priceless.

Here's a few from my table. We play 4th edition D&D, this is relevant in places.

Eyebite!

One of the characters in our party is a Half Elf Wizard. 4th edition Half Elves get an ability called Diletennte which allows them to take an at-will (simple) attack from another class as an encounter power. As the Wizard's Diletennte feature he chose the Warlock spell Eyebite.

This made sense, it was based off charisma (which he had a decent amount of) and when it hit an enemy, said enemy is unable to see you (just you, everyone else is still visible) until the end of your next turn.

A few sessions go by until the following happens.

Me: You follow the cloaked man through the crowd and down the main street, he doesn't notice you and ducks into a nearby alleyway.
Wizard: I follow him, stealth check.
Me: You enter the alleyway and trip on some garbage. The man is working on some sort of mechanism attached to the wall before he turns to you.
Wizard: "You! What are you up to?" I say
Me: The man frantically looks for a way out.
Wizard: I stand at the exit of the alleyway.
Me: Not seeing anyway out he pulls out a club and dagger.
Wizard: Eyebite!
-Natural 1-

This spell has effectively missed 100% of the time, it's so bad the entire table groans when he says it.

It's now a synonym for 'failure' and accompanies us through many activities. If we miss a critical shot or something we yell out "EYEBITE!"


Sad song

So this one is related to recent activites. Our group's rogue recently got an iPod and enjoys spicing up the table with some appropriate music. He's got battle songs for battles, silly songs for fun and even elevator music.

A while ago the party Wizard was dumped by his (sort of) girl friend in game. They had helped her solve what she needed to solve and she felt the best thing to do would be to leave the party (and him).

His player decides to go with it and plays Emo, he doesn't want to do anything productive, we have to slap sense into him, it's just a mess.

Anyways, one session he starts up his whole emo routine and the rogue pulls out his iPod and turns on a song.

All that we hear, as loud as possible is "CRAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWLLLLINNNNG IN MY SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNN"

Now, whenever someone goes emo at all someone shouts that at the table.

[nekomata2]

My party has a thing going on right now. The elven cleric got drunk in an inn and while he was asleep his pants ended up on the warforged. When he took the pants back there was a rock in the pocket which wasn't there before, so he let the warforged keep the rock. The rock has been talking to the warforged, but thats a different story.

At a different point the cleric found a coin in it that wasn't there before either. The cleric died shortly thereafter. The first conclusion the party came to was "We need to recover those pants."

[Velaryon]

All the groups I game with (there are two or three) have a bunch of in-jokes. The first ones that spring to mind:

Krakens:
I run 3.5 D&D set in Tethyr in the Forgotten Realms. One of the group's missions when they were level 4 or 5 was to act as guards on a cargo barge that was sailing downriver to the port city. The party members start joking that they're going to be attacked by a kraken. I pointed out that krakens are gargantuan and live in the sea, while they are on a river that's not nearly big enough. So they start insisting that they are on the lookout for a "River Kraken."

Next session I have barely anything planned, so when they start joking about a River Kraken again, I go ahead and have the barge attacked by a giant squid. They fought it and killed it, with one of the PCs and an allied NPC almost drowning in the process. But the kraken thing had totally taken hold with the group.

Now whenever they go anywhere they are on the lookout for krakens. Going into a cave? Watch out for Cave Krakens! Going up into the mountains? Keep an eye out for those nasty Mountain Krakens! There's even an inn in one city where one of the regulars has been dubbed a Tavern Kraken. Apparently he wears a top hat and has a giant monocle over his only eye. One of my players even drew a picture.


Terry Tate:
Anybody remember those Reebok commercials with Terry Tate: Office Linebacker? The ones where somebody would be acting like a jerk in an office somehow and then out of nowhere Terry Tate would tackle them and call them out for whatever obnoxious behavior they were up to?

Well, a friend of mine was running an all-Jedi group in RCR Star Wars set at the beginning of the Mandalorian War (before the KOTOR video games). Our first session, we fight a group of Mandalorians and take down all but the leader. As we're chasing him down through a docking bay, we call out for anybody who can to try and prevent the guy from getting away. The GM has some random mechanic try to tackle the guy... and succeeds. We catch the Mandalorian and start joking about how the mechanic must look like Terry Tate. This particular GM is the type who goes with ludicrous things like this, so he goes ahead and makes the character Terry Tate.

Some of us have a habit of grabbing certain NPCs (last survivors of bandits that attack us, random mooks who somehow survive things that should have killed them, and so on) and making them into cohorts. So my character (a Gand Jedi padawan) decides on a lark to see if Terry Tate is Force-sensitive. The GM rolls for it and decides that he is. Our entire group immediately starts convincing him to come with us so we can get him trained as a Jedi. He latched on to one PC in particular and started referring to him as "coach."

We took this so far that one of the players homebrewed a Jedi Linebacker prestige class that was horribly unbalanced (on purpose), and that only Terry was allowed to qualify for. One of the abilities he included was that Terry could negate all size penalties for bantha rushing targets larger than him. He intended this to make it so Terry could tackle things like Wookiees, Yuzzem, maybe even a Rancor or something. But the way he wrote it, Terry was basically allowed to tackle anything regardless of size.

This quickly led to jokes about Terry Tate tackling ships in space combat, or tackling a planet to change its orbit. I believe on one occasion we put him in a spacesuit, strapped a booster to him, and let him loose in space combat all by himself. He did just fine. :smallbiggrin:

[Darth Stabber]

You're a coconut - Meaning "you do not act like one of your kind".
We were playing L5R and there was an npc Nezumi who was raised by humans and acts like a Samurai to the best of his ability. After a while the PC Nezumi says "you are a coconut" to which the npc says "what's that mean?", to which the PC replies "you brown and furry on the outside, but inside you white and flaky".

This reminds me of the chrismas special.
as a big fan of tv christmas specials i tend to run a silly christmas themed session on the day closest to christmas. Well in L5R it led to a bunch of sillyness. I can't tell you the story, because A) you had to be there, B) being their caused severe player sanity damage. Highlights include: a quest for ogre porn, the aforementioned coconut line, a bag that contains the universe, and the bag's owner still having the bag on his person when he goes inside the bag, Officious Maho tsukai that can't tell 14 year old samurai with forged documents from veteran shadowlands comanders, and an npc developing the bunny infested flaw. Samurai save Santa was a rousing success

[ShriekingDrake]

"It is the end of a long day on the road when the elf notices something above and looks up. Now some of the rest of you are following suit. You think you see a mote, a glint. It's almost nothing but then it appears, almost as you begin to peer away. It's bright-ish, just for a moment. Now it appears to be less intermittent, getting closer, getting bigger. There is a reflective twinge and it is clear that it is heading toward you at an amazing speed. It's looming larger; it's definitely not a bird. In fact, it is plummeting, a metallic plummeting thing. It appears to be headed right for your group. And with an amazing burst of speed, it collides with the ground in the midst of your location. Dust is everywhere and as it begins to clear, all of your eyes focus on the armored mangled mess among you and you collectively realize that 'knight has fallen.'

[Yukitsu]

"PLASMA MISSILES!"

"There's like, 150 people outside your window with readied actions, now get back on the rails."

"But Jo is a girl's name."

"Let me see that random encounter table. Tentacle monsters. Why did I have to play a female character this time round?" (Said in half the campaigns.)

"Why do you keep having highly attractive female characters rape my male characters?" (Said in the other half)

"OK, this is just out of line dude, I'm playing a 14 year old guy so this wouldn't happen."
"Anime campaign."
"Fair enough."

"This seems like an unfair encounter."
"[Yukitsu] is in the party so I raised the CR by 5."
"Enjoy your giant buffs."

[HalfTangible]

Once i was in a group where the fighter responded to every NPC's name - invariably - with 'that's a stupid name' ICly. One day the DM got fed up with it, and named all of the NPCs in one tavern after each of our characters. He said 'that's a stupid name' for all of them. We all turned on him and killed him, laughing our heads off. The fighter rolled a new character, and when we read it and had determined it was an ok character, we all said in unison, "that's a stupid name!"

A running gag in my current group is to refer to my characters as various epiteths meaning frail and/or weak (Virila the Feeble, Alloren the Killable) because i use broken builds with low strength scores. Constantly.

[abadguy]

Monkey
Defintion: When you get pwned by unbelievable bad luck.

Verb - Usage "He/She/It is gonna get monkey-ed"
When the PC or NPC in question is about to suck down a big critical hit

Noun - Usage "Monkey! Monkey! Monkey!"
When a PC has rolled 2 natural 20s in a roll and is going for the insta-kill.

This unfortunately happened to me. This was our first campaign in 3.0 and I was playing a samurai/ranger thing. Mid levels and up against a ranger and his army of ... MONKEYS. The monkeys were all armed with daggers and thanks to my superior AC, they could only hit on a 20. Since we were playing with the natural 20 auto-success, 1 auto-fumble rule for attack rolls, as well as an "Insta-Gib" houserule (you rule 3 natural 20s in a roll, the mob dies instantly regardless of HP and saves and what not), you can guess what happened. The DM rolled 3 20s for one of his critters and ... I .... died. To a small monkey holding a 1d3 dagger.

There was once when it worked in our favor. 2nd campaign in 3.5, we were low level and we had a troll thrown at us at the end of a very long day. Usually not much of a problem except we had almost no more sources of acid or fire damage left. The BSF is unconscious. The rogue (me) is bravely tanking it with 8 HP. The cleric is out of spells and whimpering in a corner. The WIZARD had one final acid splash cantrip remaining. And yes, in one Crowning Moment of Awesome, he rolled 3 20s. After the first 2 20s, all the PCs were on their feet chanting (see Noun usage above) and when the third one landed, we were went crazy with relief. Good times.

"Scratch one for yes, scratch twice for no"
For times when you'd kill for permanent Speak to Animals

We had a new-ish player join us for another 3.5 campaign and after reading about how awesome broken druids were, he decided to play one. Badly. He loved remaining in animal form for as long as he could and since none of us put ranks in Speak Language (Bear), coupled with him having the second highest Spot/Listen checks, we ended up highly frustrated with his PC, resorting to playing 20 Questions with him everytime he saw/heard/smelled/blindsensed something the rest of us couldn't.

From then on, every other campaign he joined us in, no matter what character he played, we would deign to talk to his PC, instead spouting the above line and growl at him.

[absolmorph]

"I'M A DEFENDER!" in the 4e campaign I'm in.
Because, well, I play the defender. And have done work to ensure that I'm good at my role. My paladin's divine sanction does 14 damage at level 8.

"I poke it with my sword." and "Poke it with your sword."
My response to any sort of investigation. Even the ones that I'm completely outside of (for example, while waiting for my bard to be introduced in the 2e campaign, I told the other players to poke an obelisk with their sword.)
A characters lack of sword doesn't bother me; I still recommend it.

[MeeposFire]

I"M IN FRONT!

My uncle always plays a tough melee type. Every time party order comes up he says this phrase in a bold loud voice.

[Safety Sword]

When faced with a choice of directions: "We go left".

Every time we don't, someone dies. To the point where the next most common phrase is:

"We turn left 270 degrees, then we go straight".

[Marillion]

With a french accent: "Le [noun]?" *places back of hand on forehead, makes dismissive gesture with other hand* "Le [verb]."
In 7th Sea, the Montaignes are expies of 18th century French people; cheese-eating, wine-drinking, surrenderass-kicking frogs, all.* The Montaigne nobility are famous for their decadence, effeteness, and laziness. One particular noble had an Eisen (German) servant, and when we met this noble he was seated on a large ornate chair. When the noble decided he was bored with us now, he said "Le Eisen? *hand motions.* "Le carry." The Eisen man proceeded to pick up the chair - with the noble still on it - and carry it to another room of the mansion. This has stuck with us ever since.
"Le guard? Le arrest."
"Le servant? Le food."
"Le Castillian? Le lose the war."
"Le Frank? Le go to work for me."

Random Castillian (Spanish) male NPCs will be named "Senor...uh...Blah. And he will fight to the death anyone who says his name too quickly.":smallamused::smallamused:

When I played a Castillian man, whenever anyone would say the word Montaigne (or Frog*), I would turn my head, snort loudly, and spit on the ground. Spittoons are now placed in every Castillian home for just such purposes. :smallamused:

"I ask him a question. Does he answer?"
"He says that - "
"I spit in his mouth."
The natural result of allowing the aforementioned Castillian character to interrogate (or indeed, speak to) a Montaigne.

"You see a pink polka-dotted toad, and are momentarily overcome with the desire to capture it."
Certain Highlander (Scottish) characters carried woad with them, which had been mixed with a mild numbing agent that unfortunately was also a mild hallucinogenic. When nothing life-threatening has been going on, we've spent half a session trying to catch that damned imaginary (?) toad.

*Don't be offended, my group knows French people are badass and the stereotypes are strictly for fun :smalltongue:

[Kerghan]

Early in my roleplaying career (nearly a decade ago), occasionally I would conjure up lines of comedic gold that made more fun of myself than anything else but were nevertheless funny as h3ll. First off, a little background so the jokes are taken in context, and then appropriately taken out of context to make them sound hilarious.

One my travelling companions had acquired a cursed blowgun that he couldn't detach from his hand. Every time he loaded it, and shot it, the ammunition would instead turn into a type of avian creature. It was called the Fowl blowgun. Our group was stuck in a dungeon miles underneath a mountain range with little food, (except for my shield of summon gruel of course), but my character desired something more substantial. Thus, the following:

Nichocas: I'm hungry. Hey Dejumi, could you blow a chicken outta that gun?

Secondly, our group was at a very important delegation with some King from doesn't matter. He's a teenager, with a bit of a mischievous side, a slingshot, and a jar of rare delicacies, pickles. Hence:

Nichocas: Hey Prince, I've got pickles and a slingshot. Do you wanna go bother the maids?

[Ertwin]

Weaponized salesmen! one town we went to had really really enthusiastic salesfolk. Just standing in town square and in a normal voice asking for a specific product or service would have a group of vendors running up to assist. When we found out the chessmaster BBEG was comming, and that we had to meet him there. (at the time we were working together to accomplish the same goal) We correctly assumed it would be a trap. So I spread word around town that there would be a big sale at noon, and if anyone showed up before it was announced they would be guarenteed not to get it.

As soon as the meeting turned south I yelled "I HAVE 1 million gold and need something to spend it on" Cue the entire town flooding the square, and the entire party using various escape tricks to seemingly vanish. That's how we discovered the BBEG's greatest weakness was he does stupid things when he's angry (like bring a small legion of troops accross a neutral border, allowing us to bring in a full army for back-up)

Man Scarlett is dumb! Related to the weaponized Townsfolk, we hired some people to help us explore the vampire castle. Three people dressed in red were the only ones stupid enough to stick around after we mentioned WHERE we were going. We named them after the colours of their shirts. At the castle we found out that only those invited could enter, thus our red shirts couldn't. We were at the edge of a cliff and as a joke I said "Hey Scarlett there's gold at the bottom" He had to be restrained so that he wouldn't jump.

They're looking for arsonists. In our last campaign every single building we were in managed to get burned to the ground...despite nobody in the party having any method of starting fires whatsoever. In fact I only got access to fire in time for the final battle

CHANCE! One character in our current campaign is a warlock named Chance. He was in a library with Mina, our 9 year old warlord. The librarian wouldn't let Mina take a book out, so she and Chance started a comotion. When our rogue showed up and asked what was going on, Mina said "The mean man won't let me borrow the book." At which point the rogue glared and yelled "CHANCE!" The rest of the party ended up filtering in one by one, and upon hearing what was going on, every single one yelled "CHANCE!" in an accusatory tone. Chance now gets blamed for everything.

[supernerd]

One joke my group has is that when someone misses, they kill an invisible spider. This was started when I rolled a natural one trying to hit a monstrous centipede with a full blade. (like a great sword, but bigger:smallsmile:). So the fighter, who resents me for finding a bigger sword then him, immediately starts berating me. So I tell him "I just killed an invisible and highly venomous spider, so you should be thanking me!" ever since then, whenever someone misses horribly, we say they killed an invisible spider.

And then my archivist used his approx +10 on know(dungeoneering) to see that it was harmless. I rolled a 14. My smart guy ws right.

[Necro_EX]

Oh wow, some of these are freakin' priceless.

Got a new one from a d20M game I've been running for a bit.

*Sigh* "The poor Behemoth..."

Comes from one of the most ridiculous kills in that campaign so far (and that says something since it's basically been ridiculous: the game). The party had been drugged and taken to a Thunderdome-ish place out in the wastes and had to fight for their freedom. The two beefiest party members were pit up against equally nasty enemies in successive one-on-one fights and at the end would face the arena's two champions.

One of the enemies Grell (the party's tank. Statted out to absorb damage like a boss and he can put out some hurt in a melee with his power armor, also he runs on all fours, is covered in thick fur, and that fur changes colors like a mood ring) had to fight was "The Behemoth." This guy was huge, had absolutely ridiculous Con, could take a hit like a boss even compared to Grell and was beefed up with all sorts of combat drugs. Basically, he was Bane.

First round of combat they sort of square off, it was a large arena and the pit had holes and walls strewn about. Second round Grell charges at the Behemoth and makes an attack.

Crit.

He does something like 40+ damage, definitely over the Behemoth's threshold.
I go to roll for that fort save, see if he can withstand that kind of trauma all at once.

Fumble.

[absolmorph]

New in-joke for two campaigns:
"I roll a Chrono check."
Chrono is the party fighter in the 3.5e campaign I run. He's a very, very straight-forward person, with three reactions which cover just about everything: smash it, mate with it and a third which eludes me at the moment due to a long period of time without a reminder. The player came up with the idea of a Chrono check: you roll a d20, and depending on the result you can follow one of Chrono's reactions. However, you don't decide which you do, and the DM doesn't say. The person rolling the check just gets told "yes" or "no", and can decide if they follow through or not.
Related is my gentle mockery of Chrono, since when he runs into a new person "he either tries to stick his sword in them or he tries to 'stick his sword' in them" (yes, that's how I put it), almost invariably. Given the similarities between the character and player, the mockery spills over a bit.

[Winds]

Fun with Knowledge checks...

Sorcerer looking at rune on a door: "I think this is divine in nature."
Cleric takes a look: "I think it has something to do with fire."
Fighter rolls a 5: "Guys, I think the door is made of wood."

And yes, we come up with one for any flubbed Knowledge check. For example, Nature roll 7 correctly tells you that really big fish with all the sharp teeth in the flooded dungeon is a horse. (It was a shark, of course.)

[BlackHat11]

"You see dwarf lying naked....."

In the first ever campaign myself or any of my players ever played I introduced a dwarven werebear treasure hunter Bernard whole was trying to buy a cure for his curse.
My player's befriended him and never questioned why he was naked wandering the forest and thus never discovered that he was a Werebear. Things went great until the BBEG ran into them and forced the Bernard the dwarf to transform leading to a spirited chase through the dungeon. They managed to put the dwarf to sleep by having him run through a sleeping dart trap that they had disabled earlier in the dungeon.
Since then a naked dwarf always seems to stumble into our campaigns.

"I burn down the Inn"

In an early one-shot I lured a group of bandits into the Inn and burnt it down around their heads. This has happened many times since then.
In the most recent campaign the first thing the players did was order multiple full bottles of strong spirits and crafted Molotov Cocktails in their room while getting smashed. It has become a running joke to have Inn's named "The Tinderbox" or similar things.

"You catch the scent of lemons in the air"

What was supposed to be a normal campaign night had 4/5 players bail so I improved a horror suspense campaign with my one remaining player. It took place almost entirely inside the "Lemon Tree Inn" so named by the orchard of lemon trees behind it. Everything in the Inn smelt or tasted of lemons, the Inn also had an evil cult in the basement, go figure. Yes, The Lemon Tree was burnt down.
The game was the most fun I've ever had as either a DM or a Player. The joke now universally mean's that there is something evil in the area. The one player I had that night has had every one of his characters since then distrust anything lemony in every campaign since.

"I check for traps *Push Albert*"

Pretty self explanatory. We had a party with no trap monkey but we had a dwarf cleric named Albert that would never die to any kind of trap. Even save or die traps he would always manage the save. We ended up just pushing him down hallways infront of us.

"I'll get the rope"

Related to "I check for traps" poor Albert always got stuck in pit traps and could never roll well on his climb checks so one of the party always had to jump into the pit after him and tied him onto the rope so he could be hauled out.

"I get one out of the chest" or "I thought it might come in handy"
A new player decided that a back pack was to main stream for his character and instead chose to drag a chest everywhere with him. He started to pack the chest with EVERYTHING he could find, logs, bricks empty bowls even prostitutes and at one point the BBEG. Now any chest his character approaches automatically has whatever he is looking for in it because "I thought it might come in handy"

[Silus]

One from my first (and currently only) campaign:

"Make a Listen Check"
The game I was running was a horror game in a Victorian style house (really an evil, reality warping Genius Loci) on Carceri. The first session in the house was nothing but creepy nightmare stuff. Had 3/5 of the players scared silly (the other two didn't have a horror frame of reference for various reasons). At some point near the end of the session, I asked the Summoner to make a listen check, to which she replied "Can't I intentionally fail it?" "No." Not really a "joke", but you mention it and everyone knows what you're talking about.

"Loki"
The previously mentioned Summoner's "pet". Looked like a large snake and would occasionally try to eat various things (except the eldritch tome the Summoner tried to feed it).

And a few from other campaigns I've played:

"Displacer <Monster>"
Game was loosely based on Discworld and the DM thought it would be fun to throw various monsters at us with Displacement. Yeah, things got weird.

"HI MISTER WIZARD!"
I forget what campaign this was in...anyway, the joke is that whenever someone tries to talk to an animal or a plant or really anything with like ~8-10 Int or below, they always get the same voice and personality. Kinda an obliviously stupid personality, like a hyperactive Patrick Star from Spongebob.

"Excuse me, Mr. <animal>?"
"HI MISTER WIZARD!" :smallbiggrin:
"Um, I'm not a wizard."
"THEN HOW ARE YOU TALKING TO ME MISTER WIZARD?" :smallbiggrin:
"Um, magic?"
"WOWIE, YOU MUST BE A WIZARD, HUH?" :smallbiggrin:
"I'm not a wizard!"
"BUT YOU'RE USING MAGIC!" :smallbiggrin:
Ect. ect.

Best results are gotten when done (the "HI MISTER WIZARD" part) with a stupidly big smile on your face.

[Swooper]

:smallsigh:

http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/ff58/Swooper86/Thread_Necromancy.jpg

[Fenryr]

Every NPC who is irrevelant to the story is called Pit. Or Old Pit. Even The Real Old Pit. And is always a Goblin.

Long ago I used to play a Ranger. I rolled Survival and Geography to check the climate. "You see a dark, big cloud." I pointed at it and yelled "THAT CLOUD IS EVIL!" And that phrase came out everytime my Ranger disliked something or someone who seemed evil. The worst part? A year later or so the DM confessed that the cloud were in fact some air elementals. Not evil but dangerous.

[Necro_EX]

:smallsigh:

http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/ff58/Swooper86/Thread_Necromancy.jpg

I know there has to be some regulation with large communities like this to keep things nice and tidy, but I really find this community...kind of anal about some of the rules.

I mean, if the thread is still open for discussion/input and people can still say something new in the thread, what's the issue with it coming back? Better than making a new thread for the same purpose.

I get it when threads get hard de-railed, obviously that one should be enforced.

/minirant

[navar100]

We had our cow incident *before* Knights of the Dinner Table. In the game world there's a forest of Awakened Animals. It was discussed briefly out of character when the party would be traveling by it. DM tells the ranger he sees a cow standing on the side of the path looking at him. The ranger approaches it. Cow doesn't do anything, just stares. The ranger starts talking to it. The cow still doesn't do anything. The ranger continues to engage the cow while the rest of us aren't succeeding in stifling laughter.

As we are traveling a cavern system, we have to crawl through a narrow passageway that has a lot of spiders. The rogue doesn't wants to go in there, fearing attack. They are normal spiders. Rogue gets a reputation for being afraid of spiders.

As an out of character joke I decided upon theme songs for the party members. For my cleric of Justice I chose "I Need A Hero". Soon after, could be coincidence but maybe not, the party came across a magical pool that could provide needed answers to questions we had. Payment was a contribution to the Bardic College, such as a song, a story, etc. In character my cleric had recently written a love poem for courtship. I tried that but rolled low for performance, so it wasn't accepted. No one else had any ideas. I sheepishly tried "I Need A Hero" - in character only, I didn't actually sing it. Rolled high. The pool accepted the payment, and "I Need A Hero" joined the world's Bardic College. The song would be sung by various bards we'd meet for the rest of the campaign and even the next. When a player got married I had the DJ play it at the reception.

Due to incidents of our group's first campaign, we now have The 5 Rules.

1) Always question the sanity of your party members.
(NPC party member got infected by a plague curse.)

2) Always question the identity of your party members.
(When I couldn't show up for a game session, my character was NPC'd but turned out to be an imposter.)

3) If you notice anything strange, extraordinary, or otherwise something worthy of note, inform your party members immediately.
(The Fighter on watch noticed suspicious movement near the party. Didn't tell anyone. He engaged the incident himself. When things got out of hand, he continued to handle it by himself, not waking anyone else up. We had no way of knowing let alone helping.)

4) Never be attached to your weapon. If a better one comes along, use it.
(Because the Fighter chose to act alone, he lost his magic weapon. He moped. When he finally woke the party up, we had to mount an expedition to retrieve it. He continued to mope. When he finally got his weapon back, he refused to change it for the rest of the game, even when better weapons were found in treasure.)

5) If someone you have never met before talks to you like he's your best friend in the whole wide world offering to give you the object or information you are looking for, do not trust him at all.
(Too numerous to name, the Rogue fell for this trap often. He always ended up in some kind trouble the rest of us had to help him with or just made the plot more complicated. Fortunately, at the last moment in one particular incident he got smart and decided not to agree to such a deal. Had he done so, it would have been catastrophic.)

When the cow ranger took Leadership, he taught these rules to his cohort. The cohort taught the rules to the followers. In the second campaign, the ranger as NPC had become the leader of the country. We knew in character previous campaign he would be eventually. The 5 Rules were taught through out the land. PCs and NPCs of importance for every campaign afterwards know these rules in character.

[Shadowknight12]

Whenever anything awesome happens, it's always Abjuration. It stems from the fact that (by random happenstance) all the "awesome" and "memorable" effects that happened over one of the games were all Abjurations.

It got so silly there was a point where the DM said "A wall suddenly rises from the floor, cutting off your only escape route!" and my friend said "I dispel the wall!" Said the DM: "But it's not a magical wall!" And my friend replied: "It's Abjuration! It dispels anything!" To which another friend (noted for being quite impatient and always eager to get back to the action) uttered "I have had it with these m*********ing walls on this m*********ing dungeon! I dispel the wall, too!" And then I joined in. So we all dispelled the wall, right as the unholy flames of Baator filled the dungeon from beneath. And it was awesome.

From then on, whenever there's a contrived obstacle with no obvious means to overcome it, we always try to dispel it. It doesn't always work, but we sure try.

Also, at least one of my NPCs always ends up in bed with the characters. No. Exceptions. Even when it doesn't make any sense whatsoever (tradition's sake?). Oh, and my satyrs, players or NPCs, are always... loose. Even the chaste ones! Can't go into details, of course, but they're always also a rather specific type of... loose. Ah, well. It always makes me laugh when they get introduced as "[Character Name], the slut."

My paladins are always virgins. Don't ask why.

My rogues are always slipped a silver coin by a smiling stranger on a tavern, along with a wink and a head tilt towards the back door. I have no idea why this happens (as the joke this refers to took place while I was away from the table) and they just won't tell me. :smallyuk: One time I thought I'd get the last laugh, so I decided to play along. It did not end well.

[TriForce]

we mainly got a few "in-jokes" like one player always making the same type of character, no matter what class it is, and one player being VERY capable of making the rest facepalm (all in good fun ofc)

but we mainly have at least 1 silly magic item each campaign.

1: magic stone so heavy you are JUST able to pick it up.
no matter how stong you are, you will JUST be able to pick up this stone. great way to annoy titans or dragons

2: wand of infinite pingpongballs
exactly what it says on the tin, never give this to your players, mine used it to kill a adult dragon with it. most humiliating death ever

[Brom]

:smallsigh:

*cut out image*

In the case of a humorous thread like this, I find the gratuitous image pasting more annoying than the revivification of a cool thread.

[Justicar]

So the players are breakfasting with a dwarf prince in his throne room - an event that involves, of course, consumption of alcohol. One of the characters, however, does not drink, and asks if he could get some milk instead. The prince nods and murmurs something to an attendant, who leaves, and they go back to their meal.

About ten minutes later, the main door to the throne room swings wide open, and in walks the attendant, leading a cow.

Your DM show have given the character this. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kumis)

A story from our group is that there is a 50% chance of anything happening. When Walter L. Wagner, a high school teacher from Hawaii, said that the LHC had a 50% chance to destroy the earth: either it would, or it wouldn't. We mocked this mathematical fallacy. Our DM said it was like saying that there was a 50% chance of him rolling a Natural 20 on a d20: either it would, or it wouldn't. He then picked up a d20 and... rolled a Natural 20.

At the end of the game, we were given a small chance of winning something. The DM said that it was very unlikely we'd succeed. He'd basically have to roll a Natural 1 on a d20. I said that I liked those odds; it was 50%. He would either roll it or not. So he picked up a d20 and... rolled a Natural 1.

Since then, everything has a 50% chance of succeeding: you either do or you don't.

[Pokonic]

" Is he a doppleganger?''
In a game I was running, the PCs were in old, rundown village. After a conversation with the black haired waitress, they where alowed to sleep in the inn. During the night, he rouge was attacked, wounded it, and saw its pail, hairless face before it jumped out the window. After waking up the party, the group went to the room where the waiter slept. after having a talk with the brown haired watress from the night before, until at the end of the long conversation the Bard said " When did you have brown hair?''

The doppleganger ran out of the room, alerted the others,and they soon laid seige at the inn. There were about 20 of them,and they were Grazit cultists who had ran the town for nearly 20 years before anyone knew. As such, the pcs are justifiably paranoid anytime they meet somebody more than once, and they always pay attention to how they look like.

[JonRG]

This game was hosted at the LGS, so the party was a bit of a revolving door. A really big door. The group was 12 strong for about a week :smalleek:.

Rather than waste time on introductions, the ranger would just yell, "You seem like a trustworthy fellow!" and that would be it. It even carried over into the next game, which had a more manageable six players.

[randomhero00]

We got this from watching a movie, mainstream but I can't remember the name....whenever we're about to embark on something stupidly dangerous one of us will say, "Come on, River of Death!" And then whenever we pull of some stunt we call it a "Panama" like we actually meant to.

Again, from another movie I can't remember the name of, when we're about to interagate a prisoner we emote that we start rubbing oil over our hairy man nipples while talking to the prisoner in a casual way like nothing out of the oridinary is happening.

[ZeroGear]

Every time we run into a farmer holding a pitchfork, we eventually ask to examine said pitchfork. Why? This has to do with an artifact that is said to be found in our world:
Long ago, an army of Orcs incased a county side. To aid in it's defemce, several farmers stood alongside the army that defended the realm. While this was a loosing fight, a lone farmer managed to fend off the hord after nearly all his comrades had fallen. Armed with nothing but a pitchfork, this farmer charged forward, screaming his name as a battle cry.
Although the farmer is long dead, his courage and valor imbued the fork with arcane might, transforming it into a magic weapon.
This is the legend of JENKINS PITCHFORK,
(yes, the farmer was named Leeroy Jenkins)

[onthetown]

After the party camps for a night: "Morning comes."

I was playing a paladin named Morning at the time.

Morning is long-dead, but now every time we camp there is ensuing hilarity.

[claricorp]

"X goes off to do horrible things to bears"

This is what we say when someone doesn't show up for a session or has to leave early, it has even prompted a druid character wishing to protect said bears.

[Necro_EX]

-snip-


Too bad forums don't have a 'like' or a '+1' function like fb or G+.

[Jay R]

In a Champions games (modern day super heroes), one PC wanted a weapon, so he picked up two dead bodies and started flailing around with them. This doesn't feel like classic comic-book action to me, so I asked plaintively, "Can we be the good guys?"

From then on, anytime somebody proposed a shifty, illegal or gory action, somebody would ask, "Can we be the good guys?"

[Dark Kerman]

We have one in a Ravenloft campaign we're running, basically, at the start of the game, our characters crash landed on an island, where X number of crew died, and only us and the ships cook (Sinjj) survived. Anyway, we get invited in by a local to stay at his, whom we leave the injured Sinjj to care while we go hunt down baddies.

Anyhow, we were duped, it turns out the man we left Sinjj with was Dr Fran, a psychotic pork butcher turn fleshwarper who experiments on turning people into human/animal crossbreeds. We found him mutilated and begging for death on our way back to Fran's, who, as a regenerator, wouldn't die even after being repeatedly stabbed in the face by a lion man (Loooong story, we think he is still alive, but we can't really solve it)

Anyway, long story short, every time we leave a NPC with another NPC to care for them, my wizards yells "SIIIINNNNJJJJ!!!" at the top of his voice in anger/memory.

[LrdoftheRngs]

My group tends to see the game more as a medium for goofing off, so we have a few.

"ME JUGULAAAAAR!"
This one spawned from a crazy session, in which everyone consumed a lot of sugar, and we were all hyper. VERY hyper. Anyways, the PCs were in a corridor in which the tiles teleported them to areas for different tests. One was the test of bravery, in which the PCs had to do something brave but incredibly stupid. For the lulz I had a crocodile analog give them the challenge. Their task was to poke an angry dire lion and get away without taking damage. The Crocodile hunter analog gave a demonstration. He poked the lion, and made a reflex save to get away in time. Cue natural one. Then, the lion got a crit on his bit attack, rolled very high damage, and killed the guy. His dying words were "ME JUGULAAAAAAAAAR!" (I know this is not how actual people from Australia or the Crocodile Hunter sound. This was purely for the lulz). Needless to say, it stuck.

"How big is the room?"
"We're all going to die now..."
In our game, we have houseruled that when a fireball spell is cast, if the room it is being cast in is smaller than the area of effect, the damage is increased. Our sorcerer cast a fireball spell in a 20x20 room, half the size of the spell itself, so the damage was doubled. The sorcerer was level 9l, so the damage was 18d6 (the houserule ignores the cap). It knocked 3 of our four characters into negative, and one had about 6 hit points left. On the bright side, all the enemies were reduced to ash...

"Are there any telepathic whales nearby?"
This was spawned from the same session as the one with the crocodile hunter. The whale gave them the test of endurance, where they had to keep from drowning for ten rounds in the middle of a storm, and the only things they could hang on to were broken pieces of driftwood. It communicated with them telepathically, and they somehow befriended it. They figured out that they were teleported to a location in the world they inhabit, so every time they go sailing, they ask if he is nearby.

[onthetown]

In RuneQuest, one of the players always -- and I do mean always -- searches the latrines or piles of excrement. She always gets the best treasure, paired with the worst diseases. Every time there is even the barest hint of a large animal or a stable of creatures, we always say, "Time for the leather gloves!"

This backfired when we were in the Giant Rubble, in a giant's dungeon. She searched through the large latrine and got totally covered, so we decided to use the kegs of beer we had found earlier on to bathe. As soon as we touched them, we hear the giant's voice from the next room over: "WHO'S STEALING MY BEER?!"

[boomwolf]

"I split up".

Not sure why on earth that came up. but we kept doing that.

Well, only gnolls did that (the original was a gnoll)

[Vknight]

"How Many Taverns Does He Own?"
2 Separate tavern Keepers from two different campaigns had an engagement with the PC's as allies or enemies in both events the Tavern Keeper was never scratched and crit at least 4times. Now they will rate a villain on the number of taverns he owns

[Geigan]

I have quite a few from my first campaign. It was the first time for all of us so I guess they left an impression.

"Can I see the magic mountain?"
I remember describing my campaign world as a circular continent with the most defining feature being an unnaturally tall mountain in the center of it. I said that no matter where you were on the island whether it was day or night you could always see it. My players took that and ran with it. They made spot checks constantly to make sure they could still see this "magic mountain", even if they were inside with no windows or underground. They always panicked if they couldn't see it. This carried over into other campaigns even if they weren't in that world until it eventually came to this conversation.

Player: Can I see the magic mountain?
Me: This is not even the same plane of existence.:smallsigh:
Player: *rolls spot check, gets natural 1*
Me: ...you know what? You see the magic mountain. You are dazed and confused for a moment and then it vanishes.

Now when ever a player rolls a one on a skill check in a different setting, especially spot checks, they see the magic mountain.

Badass NPCs
This is kind of an in joke and kind of just an odd thing I've observed about my group. I'm sure you've all heard about or experienced NPCs that the DM obviously wants you to think are badasses and they try to force it and it just falls flat. Those sort of NPCs are typically not welcome as they tend to steal the spotlight etc. Well the odd thing about my group is that if they don't have one of those guys to resent they will actually pick out a random NPC and sort of signal them out as badass and lift him up like you'd think you meant him to be that badass all along. It's happened in most of the games I DMed.

-Soundal the archmage, powerful archmage of major quest hub city that I apparently roleplayed very intimidatingly. My players were scared ****less of him even though he wasn't even an enemy. He eventually became the god of magic for that setting.

-Ballsy Recruit, this was in a sort of military squad campaign where the group was defending a city from devils. They got a squad of mook NPCs to go along with them. One of these particular NPCs happened to roll a lot of natural 20s and was ordered to do crazy things like push siege ladders covered in devils off walls with average human strength. He was known only as Ballsy recruit and whenever he did something else ridiculous he got another "ball" which conferred a number of benefits such as increased damage, BaB, etc. It was a rather strange on the spot level up system.


Kargan
One of my player's is the type to always play a certain personality. He always plays spellcasters, but not always the same type. They will always be named Kargan and be the Chaotic Stupid comic relief type character. He's always used this guy and it's sort of a running gag that he'll always show up no matter what time period, continent, or plane of existence it is. Apparently some weird event happened and a bunch of different alternate selves got thrown across space time. He'll also almost without fail(unless he entered our current time period earlier than the start of the adventure) show up naked. Just a sudden teleport in with nothing but the required items for whatever spellcaster he is. Sometimes not even that. He is an odd fellow.
I <3 this thread btw

[npc revolution]

"I punch him back twice as hard. / ...In the face twice as hard."

Our group was just getting started, and we were doing the traditional tavern opening. The player in question gets punched by some big angry guy, turns out the girl he was looking at was the big guy's wife. Being relatively inexperienced, the player didn't know he was severely outmatched, being a squishy little wizard. So he made the move to "Punch him back twice as hard."

Nowadays, whenever anyone in the party gets attacked, they call to punch back twice as hard. Giggles all round.

[Kato]

Well... apart from the obvious (quoting Python or the gamers or being scare whenever the GM asks for our character sheets we'll never see them again even though this never happened so far) we all are very careful when putting on rings we find lying around since one of us once got stuck with a cursed ring that got tighter and tighter and tighter over time.
And then there's
'We are on a secret mission for the church!' which one player once announced to a total stranger when we... well were on a secret mission... it's kind of our common start of conversation whenever we introduce ourselves to someone new.

[Mixt]

"The Nimmys eat your face"

Imagine a little lizard like creature (Small sized), looks a bit like an oversized Iguana and seems totally harmless at first glance.

Now imagine if these things had Fast Healing, insane AC, Claws and teeth capable of tearing through solid steel, the ability to zap you like an electric eel for a large amount of electricity damage, and attacked in large numbers (As in, over a dozen of them at once)
As well as being immune to fire, being healed by electricity, being amphibian thus letting them hunt both on land and under water, really good Move Silently, Hide, Listen and Spot skills, Darkvision, the ability to track you by scent, and enough intelligence to use basic strategy, lay ambushes and work like a team.

And they have an ability that allows them to come back from the dead if you don't destroy the body after killing them, if there's enough left of them for a Raise Dead spell to be effective then they are going to come back on their own after a while, if they roll a 20 they even come back only 1 round after dying, though if they roll a 1 the ability doesn't work at all, anything between and it takes 1d20 hours for it to work.

Yes, they eat our faces, every time we encounter them we lose horribly.
Those things are terrifying in large numbers, and since they are pack animals...

The joke comes from the fact that they tend to jump up and latch onto your face with their claws, moments before tearing out your jugular with their steel-piercing teeth.

Nimmys are freaking scary i tell you.

[Timeless Error]

"I burn the cavern down."

Me (DM): You find yourself in a cavern.
Player: A tavern? I burn the tavern down.
Me (DM): ...O...K...Now you're standing in the middle of a burning...cavern...???
Player: Naw, I'm just kidding. I get a drink at the tavern.
Me (DM): Um. Well, I guess there's some sort of geyser...or a stream or something...in the middle of the cavern. Right.
Player: What?!?!

And we've quoted this little sequence every session since.

Also, I'm currently running a Githzerai Ranger character named Timeless Arrow. The party Wizard once directed a comment at me and "misspoke." I'll let you guess what he called me. :smallannoyed:

From then on, everybody has been calling me by that name.

[Kyuu Himura]

"I kill Bonz"

Bonz was a character from one of my friends before I joined the group, the guy was a complete monster and a pretty powerful one at that, the rest of the group tried to kill him several times, when the campaign was over, Bonz was still standing and smiling


"You explode"

My M&M GM always opens with that one


"Who's there, besides Wolverine, I mean"

Running gag in a post Civil War Marvel Campaign for M&M


"Shirahime runs"

BESM, whenever the enemy has tentacles, Shirahime is an extremely genre savvy kunoichi


"That's a tanuki statue"

This one started after a friend of mine failed a tracking roll in L5R, the tracks took him to a harmless racoon statue, we now tell him that's what he finds whenever any of his characters tries to find anything


"Hey, look at that!!"

Kinda my fault, in our M&M group, I am the street guy, as such, I have regular contact with other street level heroes... Daredevil amongst them


"The non-girlfriend"

That's mine, too, it's kind of a stapple of all my characters to have a female friend, their relationship is always quite beligerent and they usually have a huge amount of unresolved sexual tension, the non-girlfriend is the they came up for it

[Quarion Nailo]

My group has been going for several years, so we've got lots of good ones: our chances in an encounter are inversely proportional to the paladin's init roll, etc. etc.

But there are two that stick out.

Both of these took place in the Red Hand of Doom, party was around level 9.

Walking up to the Big Bad's uber-fortress, there is a narrow path through a huge chasm with big cliffs. 20d6 falling damage, and all that.

We fight a patrol of Blackspawn, and some giant blue dragon. While the wizard and the UMD rogue have shapeshifted into hydras and are fighting the dragon, our party sorcerer announces he's bringing out the big guns. "I cast summon monster IV. I summon 1d3 celestial bison!"

*rolls a 3*

"Celestial bison? Really? 30-odd hp, no real attack bonuses to speak of?"

"Yeah. They make a grapple attempt at +13!"

"Ohhh..." *DM nods understandingly* "They're pinned. Now what?"

"I roll off the cliff!"

cue insane laughter.

Later that day, the party is fighting a bunch of high level clerics and several Greenspawn Razorfiends. The sorcerer breaks out the Summon Monster again.

"You could summon 1d4+1 celestial giant bees!" suggests the rogue. "Look, they have poison, CON damage and everything.

(reading aloud) Initial 1d4 con, secondary 1d4 con! Oh, wait, DC 11. Oh. The bee then dies."

hysterical laughter

[Daftendirekt]

So, one time the DM's plothook/DMPC was a 10 year old half-elven girl druid. Her name was Savannah. She was a pretty average kid, silly and fun-loving.

Now, whenever said DM is describing the landscape around us and finds himself using the phrase "rolling savannahs" we all can't help but picture that little girl-druid rolling around in the grass yelling "Weeee!"

ANOTHER (same campaign actually) would be when friend's 16 year old human fighter was at the tavern, as were the rest of us. He wanted a hooker, so he hired one. OOC, he said to the DM "I punch her in the face. They like that, right?" For the rest of the campaign, whenever we were in a town, he looked for a tavern with hookers and asked if they liked being punched in the face.

NOW whenever we're at any tavern with hookers or the subject of hookers comes up at all, we can't help but mention punching them in the face in some way.

[Perryy]

These in-jokes may seem subpar, but it's late and I should really be sleeping. Lately, everyone in my group has started giving eachother (and themselves) nicknames within their player names (ie. FirstName "Nickname" LastName). Luckily they have been evolving into things that have happened in-game. The two that we've given out now are, Name "Rat-killer" Lastname, for the innate ability to kill rats and Name "No-Action" Lastname, for the innate ability to become incapacitated (ie. sleep, poison, etc.) in almost every encounter. If more/better in-jokes are remembered, they are promised to follow!

EDIT: Alas just moments later! A PK has now become, "getting voip'd" after this exchange.

PC: "I am now riding on the Hippogryff, over the lake, away from the Beholder... I yell at the Beholder to 'Bring it on bro!'"
DM: "..." *rolls* "Make a Fortitude Save."
PC: *rolls 1* "Ummmm.."
DM: "The Beholder just disintegrated you."
PC: "... I just got voip'd..."
DM: "Next time, don't taunt the Beholder."

[Darthteej]

During the very first session of the first game my circle of friends had had in a year, the capstone event is the party warblade going off and screwing three elf chicks. It was somewhat humorous to begin with, and then I pointed out that noone was using protection.

There's a short pause as the DM opens a few tabs on his computer, sporting an ever-wider grin as he does this. As he turns the screen around he tirumhantly announces "Gentlemen, we are going to use this. (http://www.amazon.com/Book-Erotic-Fantasy-Gwendolyn-Kestrel/dp/1588463990)

With three D20s in hand and the pregnancy chart filling his eyes, he rolls. And rolls again. And then another time. Okay just once more...

After a half-dozen tries, he concludes that it's almost certain that at least one half-elf will result from this union. Since this would involve dealing with realistic consequences for stupid actions, we all brainstorm how to get out of it.

My druid insists that he's going to right this wrong and midwife the child(a source of amusement in and of itself, since said Druid is a 6 foot tall scar covered half orc with one eye). The warblade wants to cut out of town. The gag originates from our beguiler's elegant solution:

A stilleto and a bag of holding.

Since then, stilleto and a bag of holding has become the de facto suggestion for each and every difficult encounter. As of yet, we haven't actually gotten to use it though :smallfrown:

[zanetheinsane]

"The Team of Archaeologists"

Running our Final Fantasy I campaign, the group encountered Dr. Unne's understudy, Mel from Melmond, in Provoka. Every time he explains a situation and why he's by himself it starts out with "Well, Dr. Unne sent me and a team of archaeologists to....." and the story always ends up with "they never returned" or "we never heard word back from them."

Later the thief picks Mel's pocket and learns that he always has a Potion of Escape with him and that Dr. Unne keeps a whole crate full of them, but apparently only gives them to his star pupil Mel.

Much later on the group was amused when they found the remains of a group of explorers... all wearing uniforms from the University of Melmond and complete with tattered archaeological journals.

Now every time one of the NPCs needs to ask the party to go somewhere dangerous they'll start off by saying "Well we sent a team of archaeologists to explore the site but we haven't heard back from them."

At one point an NPC spent 10 minutes doomsaying how a particular location was filled with danger and evil in vivid detail. Everyone cracked up when he then offered to send a team of archaeologists there to recover information for the party and the group kindly interrupted them to let them know that it wouldn't be necessary. They become sort of an "away team" staffed with nothing but Red Shirts. All of the NPCs completely talk nonchalantly about sending these people away to ridiculously dangerous places as if it were just business as usual.

[DiBastet]

Garred, Lucian, Keith, Uthgarth and Jacob.

Whenever the player would find a random guard, they would say he is one of these names, because they are names of random guards. With time these names evolved into generic appearances too.

Garred is the unshaven guard with long black hair tolkien-style.
Lucian is the young and brash guard, courageous but young, with short blonde hair.
Keith is the female guard. Period.
Uthgarth is the nordic style guard, with blonde hair and beard.
And jacob is the guard with short black hair.

any generic guy in movies or games becomes one of the five. The main char of the Outlander movie (very nice movie!) was effectively baptized as Jacob Generic.

[Hironomus]

One of the things I love about playing long term campaigns is the dozens of little in jokes they spawn.

The longest we ever played one game lasted a couple of years and boy did we have a few inexplicably funny jokes after that.


We would all act unsuprised when a particular players character died. It happened three times and after the first one, we all acted like it was business as usual.
I don't really remember how it came about, but at one point in the game we came across a small village where we could replenish our supplies and rest for awhile. The specifics escape me, but I believe the DM accidently implied a longer timeskip than he intended or we jokingly extended our stay. As a group we decided that we had fallen in love with this rustic hamlet and decided to give up our adventuring ways and settle down, sharing a cottage and taking mundane jobs to pay for it. My battle hardened mercenary became a gardener. Our ninja took up hair dressing and our cleric decided to try his hand at accounting. Even though we all aknowledged that this was a joke and it never actually happened, we henceforth treated it as completely canon and would even refer to 'our time in the village' in conversation.
Our team cleric Chuul died. We were all very attached to him IC and OOC and from then on even mentioning his name was enough to send everyone (character and player alike) into fits of melancholy.
One of our characters had fabulously luscious hair. This was referenced constantly.
The d20 I favoured during play was a yellow dice with black numbers. very simple in design. However it seemed that when I was using it I rolled (in plain sight) an alarming number of natural 20s. This Die became known as the huffledice (harry potter reference) and is highly feared and revered to this day.
Not really an in joke but; the creation of racial accents. We love using them now.
Finally after we achieved something of signifigance we had signature 'celebratory dances' (I use the word dances losely here) Our favourite was the ever annoying and innapropriate, Caramelldansen to which we all danced. Then there was the catchy, Clothes off by gym class heroes to which two off us danced while the other two looked at eachother and rolled their eyes.


And thats all I can remember off the top of my head. For such a serious, dark intentioned party we were pretty light hearted. Sorry for sharing so much :smallredface:

[leakingpen]

Hi, I'm Randall. Take a point of damage.

In a Vampire larp I played, a character had warded gloves that he wore (in and out of character). He would greet new people by shaking their hands and saying the above words. It got to the point where anytime someone in game offered to shake hands, the person always asked ooc if they were wearing gloves.

The Walrus. NSFW OR SANITY

Patton Oswald has a joke where he talks about being the show COPS. Particularly, that you could be in your living room, bent over your couch, and being raped by a walrus with 9 genitalia, look at the tv, see the people on cops, and think, my life isnt so bad. The joke got into our game, and 9 became 12. A character with the ability to make people see things crafted an illusion of this event, and would "Walrus" people that he felt deserved it by making them imagine themselves in this very scenario. Eventually, just mentioning the word walrus was enough to make some players and characters get twitchy and or back down.

[MelloHero]

Our worst player, amid a battle in which there were only two surviving PC's, stopped the action as another player was about to make his damage roll to ask him a very important question:

"Do you have Appraise?"

He hasn't really progressed very far beyond that, but that has now become our go-to phrase to describe a case of severely confused priorities and just really bad players.

[Crusader808]

There are two that come to mind.

One is a DM we had that when moving monsters in an AD&D1 game had taken to singing the sesame street song '1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12" while moving the monsters. When doing this the monsters always seemed to move far move than 12 spaces. So now every time a movement error occurs, that song comes up.

The other relates to one of the players in that game who, thanks to central casting I believe, ended up with a proficiency in spelunking. As this ended up being one of his only proficiencies the question continuously came up "I've got spelunking, does that help?". Naturally whenever my group has found itself without an essential skill, someone will ask if spelunking will help.

[OrzhvoPatriarch]

*Kicks down the door*

WHERE ARE THE ORPHANS!

Its died down now, but there was a time my group did that line every time they entered a room, as a homage to one of our first bad guys, who was evil for the sake of being evil, who had kidnapped a bunch of orphans.

[Autolykos]

The ones I remember right now:

The Crowbar:
When reading the Shadowrun sourcebook "SOTA 2063" (IIRC) we noticed that between all the high-tech equipment in the book were the rules for using a crowbar. Now, pretty much anytime someone wants to bring/buy a crowbar, another player will say "You can't get that, it'll only be invented in 2063." - And if a NPC has one, a player will comment on their top-notch equipment and inquire what secret organization is sponsoring him.

Octopus's Garden:
In a Shadowrun game the players tried to escape from a sinking submarine - and the only one to make it was our Cat Shaman who shapechanged into a shark. The player started to whistle that Beatles song after his escape, and now someone is bound to start it again when another character is drowning.

Small and Rusty:
In describing a room, our GM used the adjectives small and rusty on at least three different objects, so a player asked if the NPC mechanics that were in the room were also small and rusty. Now, pretty much any mechanic in our games will be described as small, rusty mechanic.

[Hironomus]

"This may be forward of me, but can your species mate with my species?"

This is the only pickup line ANY of our characters knew. Regardless of gender, species or any other factors. I believe it worked about zero times.

[Hironomus]

This game was hosted at the LGS, so the party was a bit of a revolving door. A really big door. The group was 12 strong for about a week :smalleek:.

Rather than waste time on introductions, the ranger would just yell, "You seem like a trustworthy fellow!" and that would be it. It even carried over into the next game, which had a more manageable six players.

Heheh.

We have used that line many times ourselves. Not usually in such a ... boisterous manner though.

[Lappy9000]

Oh dear Pelor, there's a thread for this.

"Don't worry, we'll be back. With help."
After a rather surreal dungeon ending with a ghostly bard spirit trapped in a cursed throne, the party assured him they would be back, with help, after accepting his advice and magical aid. Several times. Even as one member doubled back to drag back the rest of the party after a near TKO trap that left only him standing. This line now applies whenever the party has absolutely no intention of returning for an NPC in peril.

"Falvore is watching."
In an attempt to intimidate a lowly orc thug out of a treasure stolen from the country's royal family, the party bard pulls off an incredible Intimidate check followed by the line "Falvore is watching" delivered with eerie coldness and precision. The orc was reduced to a sobbing mess and the line (Falvore came off the top of his head and isn't related to anything I know of) is used frequently in game. My shoulder dragon puppet bears this name in honor.

"We don't trust those who hide their faces."
Said to an NPC by the only party member not covering his face with a dark hood or mask (he wore a pirate hat).

"Elves are racist and cause cancer"
One of my friends regularly plays elves, constantly pointing out to NPC's and the other party members how superior the fair race of elves is. It's gotten to the point where I've considered refluffing elves to be like beholders, each views their own image as perfection, and violently destroys others who they deem unperfect.

(picture in a high-pitched, semi mocking voice)
"M-my character has flame hands, and armor forged by holy angels but blessed by satan and he can fly and shoot fire out of his hands and he's a fallen angel and he can fart lightning and spit acid and his hair is perfect and always flowing and..."
Us giving one of our friends a hard time after hearing his character concept for the most marty-est of marty stu's ever. He took it in stride and proceeded to make an almost perfect barbarian that made monsters cry at the sight of him. (this one has a picture, actually).

[Erik von Nein]

"Just give it to Ben."

This one's a long one.

Now, this was my first personally run campaign ever. I'd been playing on-and-off (and roughly a year solid with 3.5) since I was about 12. Most of that was A D&D (not that I knew), so silliness was inevitable. I'd finally found some people interested in a game again, so offered to DM (as a couple hadn't played before). It starts off in a non(-ish) magical world in the middle of a resource war between two kingdoms.

The players came from Kingdom A (remember my own campaign world? PISHAW!) and were shackled with a bunch of 2nd level warrior NPCs. They were along for the likely event that cannon fodder was needed. Well, two of the players were playing monks and decided to show off their monkitude to the NPCs. They asked if any were impressed, so I rolled a percentile and got 1% of them really excited (which meant one guy). They asked his name and I told them to name him. They named him Ben.

Whelp, the second battle of the campaign involved THE PCS/cannon fodder getting to set up an ambush in some woods for the pack of Kingdom B losers who'd been tracking them. Ben, being that he found one of the PCs REALLY AWSHOME decided to stick with that PC (we'll call him Conner). So, Conner tells Ben that he should shoot whoever comes through the forest, like a lot. Ben sets up his hide check and gets to it. Kingdom B soldiers flood in and get ambushed. FIRST THING Ben does is crit a guy off his horse (the guy died, poor second level ... anyhow) and, because he wasn't all that bright, decided that it was due to Conner's mastery of tactics.

So, the fight continues for a bit before Conner got dropped by an unlucky hit just as the Kingdom B soldiers were retreating. Ben, saddened at his new found mentor's apparent death, vows he'll avenge him! By rolling a 20 on his ride check to mount and control the horse. Oh, he was also in perfect health and the only one chasing the NPCs down. So, I figure he ends up beating the three who ran before coming back to find out Conner lived! Whoo.

Afterwards the campaign ended up in a completely fantastical world of monsters-as-nation-builders (whooo, mouthful), such as thri-kreen and kobolds, who were being overrun by Formians. Whelp, by that point everyone leveled and Ben was still following them around, so I figured he could level, too! INTO MONK! HAHAHA! That poor, poor doomed NPC. The guy had the elite array and most certainly did not prioritize wisdom. Oh, and those first two levels of warrior. Oooh, poor Ben. Poor Ben, except I COULD NOT KILL HIM. Not through dice rolls, not through acts of plot (a stone that began possessing him and causing insanity was FORCEFULLY removed by the players, same thing again with a possessing scythe he found, only that was remade into an AWESOMER weapon for ol' Ben). It was beginning to get stupid.

Only, it got worse. Not only was he an accidental crit monkey whose very existence caused every opponent ever to crit fail against him, but he'd masterfully succeed on EVERY CHECK THAT WAS IMPORTANT EVER.

"Hey, we got this map, should we check it out?" "Nah, give it to Ben, he'll get it." Ben: "Uh, okay? I'm not good with maps." Rolls 20. "Oh, okay, so here's where we should be going."

"So, we've made it back to our world and we need to negotiate a peace so we can get some dudes with us to murder us some formians. Who'll negotiate the peace?" "BEN!" Sigh. Rolls a 20. Sheesh.

Eventually the party just became a vehicle to ferry around a completely unoptomized mess just so he could critically succeed on everything. Last battle of the campaign? Ah, the Formian Queen! Well, dammit Ben, stop succeeding on your saves. Okay, the party's done most of the work and they're almost dead and ... whoops, now they're all in the negatives. So, Ben, mind CRITTING IT TO DEATH? Of course ya don't.

The poor guy had a completely demurred personality and couldn't understand why everyone thought he was so great. He still believed it was almost entirely Conner's tutelage. And by tutelage I mean they shared similar class levels.

Eventually, in a completely different game, an PC was made as a cleric with the luck domain. They're deity? Ben. I eventually went with it as his actual life story, complete with the total confusion as to why he now has divine powers.

He even has his own song that one of the players wrote.

"It's the size of a small bat."

Well, this one's shorter, at least.

So, the campaign after Ben the Mighty involved ... something as a beginning. We were hired for such-and-such a purpose. Well, one town we were in we decided to jokingly-serious suggest going into the sewers to kill monsters to level up. And so we did. Poor DM. We find down there some gelatinous cubes doing their duty of cleaning up poo, when all of a sudden we get attacked by skeletons. This caused me to wonder what wizard was running around raising his army of undead in the sewers, if they were just crazy or what. Now, I won't claim that the DM thought this is how the world should be, but that's how it ended up. With an evil cult dedicated to undeath hiding their armies of undead in the sewers.

But, anyhow, we were travelling along some forest road place thing when he called for a spot check. Mmokay, my Goliath Barbarian ("Brewtus," cleverly named after a real-life hamburger) couldn't see it, but the other party members could! So, what was it? A dot! A dot with wings! DM: "It's the size of a small (motions about a foot-and-a-half across) bat."

"Wait, a 'small' bat?"

"Yes, a small bat (motions same insane size again."

"What world do you live in where small bats are more than a foot-and-a-half across?!"

It turned out to be a pseudodragon (oh, another story there). Apparently he was trying to indicate size categories and got mixed up with how small bats really are.

Since then it's become synonymous with mixing D&D terms with real terms.

"Ryan dies first!"


I don't know how or why it happens (it just does, okay?), but one player's characters always manage to either be the first to die or hold the record for most consecutive deaths in one session.

For one he decided that it was be TOTALLY AWESHOME to have his half-orc ninja (wat) go running through the CLEARLY EVIL forest where bad things happened away from the party. Via the branches. Whelp, he missed the spot check to notice the shambling mound opping the bejesus out of him. He didn't die that time! Oh, no, it was when he thought jumping a 30-ish foot gap after an invisible babau (THAT BABAU ALWAYS ESCAPED! Party never killed one, ever, in a demon-heavy game). While he was low on health. Cue crunching his shin bones against the dirt and going into the negatives. Not content to just leave injured opponents to die peacefully the babau did his thang and CdG'd the poor guy ("Curb-stomped your face" I believe is how I put it). Four reincarnates later (the party's only healer was a druid and they were far from civilization) and he was a Githyanki. A female githyanki. With no cloths. *facepalm* That wasn't my fault, at least, no one bothered to retrieve anything but his big toe.

And so it goes. He made a paladin earlier and, while a couple of Jovacs were killing the party by attacking each other, he decided to go out a hero! With the only two party members being a near-dead spiker and a kobold! Who, sadly for them, were not outside of the Jovacs' damage aura. Hilariously enough he did, like, 30+ damage on his attack, killing himself instantly and, in the process, killed the spiker, as well. But, I let the kobold carry the poor spiker out of the way first as a way of retconning the whole deal. Otherwise the kobold was two-ish days out from the nearest (and only) safe town in the aforementioned evil forest.

It's been something like that for nearly every game. Especially every game I run. I'm not out to kill the guy (any-more-so than the rest of the party, mwa, haha), but he just has this thing about dying. Frequently and hilariously.

[Drachasor]

In one game we played there was a tiny room with one skeleton in it. We opened the door, it attacked, got a crit, we all missed, and then it closed the door.

From that moment forward, an enemy closing the door on us is an unforgivable offense.

[Ya Ta Hey!]

Whenever we get a tie on opposed rolls, we flip this a coin. For some reason, its always heads--PCs have been saved several times by this anomaly.

[EccentricCircle]

too many to count.

the most enduring one from my first campaign was the "You Hear Goblins!" listed in my signature. originally it occured when a party member passed a listen check and the DM told him that he could hear goblins on the other side of the door but didn't give any other details. we were completely sidetracked speculating on how he could know that he was listening to goblins. this is very much a "you had to have been there" kind of moment, as in retrospect its not that funny. but it has become synonomous with failing a listen check.

PC: "can I hear anything"
DM, "No, just the goblins,"
etc...
to the point that it has now spread to at least three seperate gaming groups most of whom don't know the context of the original quote.

there was a very injoke filled Eberron game a few years back. which spawned such jokes as Marshmellows being a slang term for beetle swarms
(the monk tried to explain to my wizard what marshmellows were, saying that you toast them. we then encountered the beetle swarm, and upon realising how well scorching ray worked against them I declared: "ah so these are marshmellows!)

also if you travel by ship you'd better watch out for the undead. as there were a few games in a row where undead showed up during ocean voyages.
I know run with this, often throwing in a random encounter with some undead during a sea voyage and my latest world includes The Coast of Bones, a stretch of coast within a manifest zone of the negative energy plane. guess what happens there...

one amusing joke, which alas never quite became a running joke was a session I ran where two PC's were meeting with a major criminal boss. only two of them were there, but only four people out of the nine usually in the game could make it that week anyway so the two players who weren't involved with the scene instead decided to roleplay the Grand Master's black swathed guards. after a considerable ammount of chattering he turned to them and yelled : "Ninjas should be niether seen nor heard!"

[Daftendirekt]

Whenever we get a tie on opposed rolls, we flip this a coin. For some reason, its always heads--PCs have been saved several times by this anomaly.

We've always just done "tie goes to the defender". I thought it was an official rule, actually. Can anybody disprove that?

[Jerthanis]

"Shoot the gas tank!"
In a Prometheans game (PCs are all vulnerable to fire), we're attacked by some pandorans in an alleyway blocked off by a car at the mouth when this is suggested. The resulting fireball pretty much only hurts our group and passersby, calling down Torment and getting an angry mob together to probably kill us all.

Over the next few games, we ended up shooting the gas tank on other occasions and it always ended horribly for us.

"Two shields, two bows, no eyes... and glasses" (Or scrambled versions, sometimes with additional info)

At some point, a city guard was interviewing the rest of the party looking for my character's whereabouts, and one PC in particular was overtly sandbagging him. The guard gave a curious description where most of my gear was described, as well as the fact I had only one eye. The PC cheerfully repeated the description back having scrambled it into complete incoherence, basically telling the guard where he could stick it. Ever since, we use the phrase to describe random minor characters, or just repeat it when we're actively snubbing authority.

[leakingpen]

Jerthanis, I had a similar issue where a couple fellow pc's decided to shoot the gas tank of a car I was laying under. The narrator began to describe the fireball, and I told him that bullets don't actually ignite gas. Apparently, tweedledum and teweedledummer were using incendiary rounds.

[Daftendirekt]

Jerthanis, I had a similar issue where a couple fellow pc's decided to shoot the gas tank of a car I was laying under. The narrator began to describe the fireball, and I told him that bullets don't actually ignite gas. Apparently, tweedledum and teweedledummer were using incendiary rounds.

Pretty sure Mythbusters tested it, and even incendiary rounds didn't do the trick. Shooting a gas tank will not make it ignite/explode.

[Jerthanis]

Jerthanis, I had a similar issue where a couple fellow pc's decided to shoot the gas tank of a car I was laying under. The narrator began to describe the fireball, and I told him that bullets don't actually ignite gas. Apparently, tweedledum and teweedledummer were using incendiary rounds.

I was actually pretty sure this was the case, but didn't want to stop the game over it. It would've probably resulted in an argument over whether it would cause the car to explode, followed by an argument over whether the shooter could reconsider his action... and anyway it was funny, so...

And anyway, every other time it happened it was more "Scifi/Fantasy" versions of shooting the gas tank, like shooting an energy crystal with a fire spell or shooting an energy cell with a laser gun... and stuff like that.

[leakingpen]

Pretty sure Mythbusters tested it, and even incendiary rounds didn't do the trick. Shooting a gas tank will not make it ignite/explode.


Well, in this case, it was already leaking fuel, and they were incindiary specially designed to light things on fire, so they actually burned with an open flame, rather than getting really hot. So in this instance, it was a fair cop. Of course, said incendiarys automatically in game do no damage to armor, and it had been stated, REPEATEDLY, that it was an armored limo, so unloading 3 magazines of rounds at it was stupid....

[theMycon]

"V, uhhh... Squiggle"

Playing some pathfinder module with many, many Drow, all the names had more apostrophes than vowels. V'vzrts'dla, Xz'qrt'sn, E'tnshr'dlu, stuff like that. After the DM gave up on trying to pronounce it, and just called one of the major bosses "V Squiggle."

Then the next guy was "Z squiggle", then "X squiggle"... we gave up on any drow name. They were just an initial and "Squig"

[lerg2]

I got two ones and not the ones Fred got!
Fred is a wizard, trying to shoot 2 scorching rays. He rolled a 2 seperate ones on his touch attack roll, and after a few more bad rolls, we now joke that an eleven is not the two ones Fred got. Or we sometimes do get the two ones Fred got.

[Parra]

In one of his first sessions ever a player (playing a rogue) tries to bribe the barman of a random inn into telling him where the local thieves guild was. Having already decided that the barman didnt know, the conversation went like this:

Player: "Do you know where the thieves guild is?"
Barman: "No, i dont"
Player: "Do you know where the thieves guild is?", slides a few gold across the table.
Barman: Taking the coins, "No, i dont"
Player: "Do you know where the thieves guild is?", slides a larger amount of gold across the table.
Barman: Taking more coins, "No, i dont"
Player: "Do you know where the thieves guild is?", slides a even more gold across the table.
Barman: Taking more coins, "No, i dont"
Player: "Are you sure you dont know where the thieves guild is?", slides a not small amount of gold across to the barman.
Barman: Still taking the coins, "No, i dont"
Player: reaching for all his remaining gold "Are you sure..."
Other Player: "Dude, I dont think he knows..."

Since then every time a player tries to bribe someone for information always says (ooc) "do you know where the thieves guild is?"

[Xerinous]

I like this thread!

"He seems like a pretty good guy!"
In my first Pathfinder campaign, the primary antagonists were a group of antipaladins, working to, more or less, destroy the entire world. So, one of them decides to storm the city the party was in, which also happened to be where the paladins kept their stronghold (the main reason for the attack, the paladins disrupting plans etc.). In order to bring this city down, he opens several gates to the Abyss, calling forth an army of demons, sending them to do the dirty work.

So after cutting a path to the antipaladin overseeing the battle, the party's cavalier wants to roll a sense motive check* to see if this guy's evil :smallsigh:. I thought it was pretty obvious, what with the whole "surrounded by demons and hasn't been murdered" and the "pitch-black armor" but oh well. So I let him, and what happens but he rolls a Nat 1.

What he took from that was, of course, "He seems like a pretty good guy!" And now, whenever someone fails a skill check to figure something out on a Nat 1, they get the exact opposite information.

*I know now that sense motive doesn't do that, didn't then.

"What wound?"
(I actually don't know if this one will stick, it only happened last session)

In the campaign I'm currently playing, we just fought a linnorm. Nasty piece of work that, at least, after it died. Because it came right back after we killed it. And boosted its AC, saves, and it's tactics. So because of that last bit, it managed to get a few actions off while we all sat around doing nothing essentially. One of those was to bite me, which slipped me some venom of some kind. Now, my saves that night were simply terrible. In that fight I got 2 Nat 1s. That fortitude save was one of them.

So after we kill the thing (again), I ask the cleric to look at the wound. Nat 1 on the check to identify what was going on with it. Her response to me: "What wound? I don't see anything."

Taverns and Griffons
Apparently whenever a tavern is involved with one of members of the group, it must be called "The _____ Griffon". First was when he was DMing, where it was The (Green or Grey, can't remember which it was at the end, it changed at some point...) Griffon. Now he's one of the players and bought a tavern (with one of the others), and we've taken to calling it "The Freakin' Griffon".

There are no saps
Early on in the current campaign, the fighter got hold of a sap. Which he used to knock out the plot-central NPC. Again! (Okay, first time was an accident, he wet the ground with some booze and she slipped on it, but still.)

Later on, in a rescue mission, he also knocked out the one we were supposed to rescue with that sap. Admittedly, she was fighting being rescued (how were we to know she was a druid with like 7 levels on us?).

DM drew the line after that one though, sap-victim #1 took his sap. All other saps ceased to exist, and all knowledge of them was wiped from the minds of every NPC. (The ones he knocked out are still mad at him though.)

[Phloxine]

"You find an ancient gold dragon."
So this happened pretty early on in my first campaign, one where we started at level 1. We were playing in an exploration based campaign (something we hadn't been told in advance, or maybe it would have been different if we'd played more than 2 sessions) where we were inexplicably encouraged to split up and search the area.

Two of us went off and found nothing. Another guy went off and found a guy who trained him in a span of time measured in minutes and gave him an extra point of strength somehow. The other two members of the party, one of whom the DM had a crush on, went to explore the kitchen. There were some non-hostile ogres or something working there, and they didn't seem to mind strangers poking around. On one wall was a door leading to the back room. Inside this room was an ancient gold dragon, who was serving as the source of heat for the kitchen for reasons unexplained. It demanded to be given all of the gold the two possessed, and then gave the one the DM had a crush on a poisoned dagger. A dagger which I later learned ignored all of the normal rules for poisons.


"We follow the plot elements."
We were new to DnD, so when it came to decisions as to what we should do, we always followed the path that seemed most relevant to what we believed to be the main plot. This continued for quite some time, and it drove our DM (who had planned for us exploring a number of side-tracking options) crazy.

He eventually told us that we didn't have to follow the plot elements, and in fact could just decide to do something unrelated to what we perceived to be the plot. Up until that point though, it quickly grew into a recurring theme of our decision making process that we ourselves were making fun of.


"Does it want to join us?"
If it's sentient and has class levels, we'll have it.

Mid battle a winter wolf surrendered just before we delivered a blow that would have killed it, because we had moments before killed the young dragon it had been protecting. It had no attachments to the creature, and had no immediate purpose when it was dead. We asked it some questions, and, then we asked if it wanted to join us. It apparently had nothing better to do, so we healed, took it back to where we'd previously killed a creature it might find acceptable as food, and it then remained in the party for months. It's still a recurring character. I've even considered making a custom item that would grant it a humanoid form so that it could more easily take class levels, in a prestige class I would design specifically for it.

Sometime later we encountered a creature the DM had made, a half frost giant half white dragon. I thought the concept was really cool, and when it got mad at us for killing it's father, I decided that instead of fighting, I would figure out a way to not kill it. It was of course not mad because we killed its father so much as we killed its father before it could.

After a few members of the party delayed because I said I had a plan, it had its turn. It had a breath weapon that was able to hit the entire party, which sort of left me on thin ice. I used suggestion to calm it down, and luckily the DM thought my choice of words was reasonable and granted me a bonus that was needed to overcome its save DC. We then proceeded to ask it to join our party, but it refused.


New title: "the Greasiest Wizard"
As a low level wizard, I quickly realized that I could easily be out damaged by anyone else in the party, except maybe the rogue when she rolled poorly. Then I discovered utility spells and strategy.

I opened every single encounter by ensuring that all opposing creature were standing on a patch of grease. Always, unless they were flying. And it worked. A lot. Early level monsters didn't really seem to have great reflex saves, and didn't like taking attacks of opportunity.

I now devote myself to reducing the challenge of any encounter to the bare minimum without actually causing damage to the opposition directly.


"I'm useless, wait one second while I roll 13d6 for damage"
The rogue of our party had spells of bad rolls frequently. She'd feel useless because she couldn't seem to get anything to work. Then, usually in the same session, she'd get a ridiculous amount of success and outshine the rest of the party. In one such case she got a critical sneak attack that required her to throw a handful of dice onto the table. We were something like level 6 or 7.

This was less of an in-joke, and more of a trend noted with records kept by the rogue herself chronicling the adventures of our party.

[Objection]

I think an IRC group I'm in has officially got a running gag.

There was a battle fairly early on against three guards. We start at range and so we're forced to use our new bows to attack. Unfortunately, we all keep missing. When my character rolls a natural 1, the DM says that she hits an owl. Things go from bad to worse as a couple of our characters end up in negative hit points, but once one of the guards goes down, we go into melee and finish them all off.

After that battle, I tell the DM that my character picks up the owl she shot earlier. Then we have to work out how to get into the granary. We don't hear anyone on the other side of the main entrance, but we suspect that there are more guards preparing to ambush us. So, I have my character cast Ghost Sound (did I mention she's a wizard?) and throw in the dead owl to unnerve them. Turns out there wasn't anyone to surprise, but since then the dead owl has been used as a means of scouting (ie, rudimentary trap detection). There has been a mention of the dead owl at least once per session.

Update: It seems our adventurers are now known as the Dead Owl Troupe.

[Xyk]

New title: "the Greasiest Wizard"
As a low level wizard, I quickly realized that I could easily be out damaged by anyone else in the party, except maybe the rogue when she rolled poorly. Then I discovered utility spells and strategy.

I opened every single encounter by ensuring that all opposing creature were standing on a patch of grease. Always, unless they were flying. And it worked. A lot. Early level monsters didn't really seem to have great reflex saves, and didn't like taking attacks of opportunity.

I now devote myself to reducing the challenge of any encounter to the bare minimum without actually causing damage to the opposition directly.



This is pretty much how these boards play wizards. Like exclusively.

[Prospector]

This happened in a Scion game I'm in, and was the result of the many epic botches we have had.

"Romulans were here! And there going to kill us all!"

So one the characters is a son of Ares. His father builds him his own compound., made by the local dwarves (the player/character doesn't know it is dwarven made). There is a door in the basement with no visible way to open (leads to the dwarven community). So he decides to knock it down. He goes at it for days, and every time he looks away or sleeps the door appears to unscathed. Eventually writing appears above the door. He attempts to translate the text, and botches the roll horribly. The Storyteller decides that the character believes that the writing is Romulan (from Star Trek) and that they are threatening to release nerve gas over the entire region. It was really the dwarven runes saying if he didn't stop all the commotion they sere going to break his legs. Needless to say his character spent a day or two guarding it, until we got it properly translated.

As a result whenever there is a text that we can't translate, we all assume it's in Romulan and they're going to nerve gas us.

[Ason]

"Would you like an informational pamphlet about joining the Silver Flame?" -said by my cleric every time he fumbled any sort of diplomacy, bluff or intimidate check. After another player pointed out that my PC didn't actually have pamphlets, acquiring some became a priority goal.

[Vknight]

I play Pathfinder at the local gaming shop every thursday and we have a few.

"Of course he speaks dwarven he's an elf."
At the beginning of the last meeting the module is in dwarven mountains and the Dm asks. Ok who actually speaks dwarven and the summoner gnome says yes and it goes around the table everyone else saying no. Then it stops on 'Inigo Wayne' (Me:smallbiggrin:) and I say yes.
There was a pause for a full second. Then this
"Wait aren't you an elf?"
"Yup Elven Paladin."
"But you have dwarven"
"Of course he has dwarven he's an elf."
pause then we started laughing.


Wait your a Paladin
Ok this is Pathfinder and there is the archetype 'Divine Hunter' so the paladin uses a bow. So that came as a big shock to everyone else.
The bigger shock was when the Paladin suggested killing a almost hostage fey. His reasoning, 1) It has done great enough evil, 2) We don't know its full capabilities, 3) The dwarf will do it and I cannot let him, 4) My goddess is one of the harvest and natural cycle and those souls I take are personally judged by her.
The Inigo was collecting trinkets you know nick knacks from the dead fey to sell on the caravan he owns. At the end of the session the question finally say..
"So were does your caravan operate?"
"Andoran & Cheliax."
To does not aware Cheliax and Andoran are basically big time enemies like mortal foes. Cheliax worships Asmodeus well Andoran is big Lawful Good/Good nation full of paladins etc. Inigo's reasoning? He can hopefully convert the demon worshipers he won't force the issue but his caravan lets there banners fly.
At each incident the phrase was stated 'Wait your a Paladin'

"Were the Justice League!"

At the end of the session we had decided we were the Justice League and were trying to assign each of us a hero from the team.

Martian Manhunter = The Alchemist
Green Lantern = The Sorcerer 2levels higher then the rest of us
Superman = The Fighter
Aquaman/The Flash = The Summoner/Rogue
Batman = Inigo Wayne (Which is why his last is now Wayne)

I lost the thing that had every characters name on it and combine that with my inability to remember names... well yeah. But that's it for now