View Full Version : [Any] Your Favorite Character Quotes?

2011-02-06, 12:37 AM
If it makes it more funny/badass/whatever, explain the context in which it was said.

2011-02-06, 12:40 AM
My mage once said "Suck Bolt V Lizard" to a gargantuan sized black dragon.

Admittedly, had I not made a severe tactical blunder and nearly died from it, it would have been much cooler.

2011-02-06, 12:46 AM
Coming from my players more often then they'd like to admit...

"I'm convinced my god hates me now."

And coming from me to my players.

"And you think that is enough to stop me?"

2011-02-06, 12:55 AM
"Thank you, Uncle. It was getting rather warm in here."

Context: It was a climactic duel with my evil uncle. He'd murdered my father (his brother), denied me of my birthright, the whole shebang. When I confronted him at his (my) estate and demanded he vacate, he stood up and started SPEWING FIRE at me. In this universe, that pretty much amounts to "HERETIC!! BURN wait he's immune to fire DROWN HIM!" Unfortunately, I'd been so intimidated by his display that I could only react to defend myself. He conjured a whip of fire and lashed out at me, taking the buttons off my jacket. I found strength in my faith in the Prophets and shrugged off my jacket, drawing my sword. "Thank you, Uncle. It was getting rather warm in here."

2011-02-06, 01:04 AM
To a group of Paladin's:

"I'd like to think that when it comes to a choice between doing what's right, and what I'm told, I'll do what's right every time. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some orders I need to ignore"

And then there was this exchange between me and the Party paladin (who was in the previous group)

Paladin: "Remember that promise, where I'd said I'd gladly give my life for a chance to stop him?"
Me: "Yeah, I recall calling you stupid for throwing away your life instead of thinking of something tactically sound
Paladin: "Well, in case you haven't noticed, we Paladin's are rather stubborn when it comes to keeping our promises. So if you'll excuse me, I have some orders about not charging into that room that need ignoring. You coming with, or what?"

2011-02-06, 01:11 AM
My Hardass Paladin to the Party Thief: "What's your safety word?"
After been apart an (in-game) year, the Thief (OK Rogue, but he was a thief), in character, sighed and 'handed' me an imaginary rope, saying thusly "Here's my leash." And I replied, with a twinkle in my eye, . . . well, you know the rest.:smallbiggrin:
The Thief went on to be best man at my Paladins wedding to a harpy.

2011-02-06, 01:40 AM
Monk whose first words in the campaigne were "Ore...SANJOU!" Also, he has also said, on what were crits/killing blows, before it happened, either "Charge and Up" or "Rider Kick."

Also, a Warforged Psywar who used Enlarge and said "Big O, SHOWTIME!"

Nowhere near as good as some of the others here, but I thought they were good, and got some laughs in. My one regret is not Gestalting Monk or SS//Sorcerer, get to level 18, and use "Clock Up" as the verbal component for time stop.

2011-02-06, 02:31 AM
"What's your problem? You eat meat."

Said by my callous neutral druid to a lawful nice character that didn't want to strip our enemies' corpses of all valuables.

2011-02-06, 03:08 AM
An earth elemental paladin in a Planescape game, who's just watched a sentient mass of maggots ambush and devour some innocent bystanders: "It spat out the bones. That means I can stop it. I have to try."

2011-02-07, 04:37 AM
I used to play a primitive warrior (it was a homebrew class) that whenever he saw hobbits or gnomes said "delicious gnomits!"

2011-02-07, 08:16 AM
I have two.

First One:(this one usually gets a laugh)There we were, crawling through this epic dungeon set in a dormant volcano (epic in scale, not level; 2e didn't use the term that way). We get through the upper levels without too much inconvenience, but we finally get to the bottom of the volcano, and there it is. The biggest red dragon we've ever seen (not really saying much, though). We're lucky, it's asleep. The party surrounds it, and accidentally wakes it up. We're locked in a battle for our lives (and its treasure). My half-drow wizard is getting kind of low in hit points (after taking a couple of blasts from the dragon's fiery halitosis), so I decide that now's a good time to make my way to that ledge behind it. Quickly flipping through my repertoire of spells, I find that I used my last dim door already, and all I have left are a couple of teleport spells, and some blasting. Ok, here's the plan: I teleport to the ledge, and blast it on my next round with a cone of cold. Here we go. "TELEPORT!!!!" *bamf* I saved the day, and won the spoils...I slew the dragon! Coincidentally, I teleported directly into the dragon's left ventricle. Instant death for me, cardiac arrest for the dragon.

Favorite Character Quote: "TELEPORT!!!"

Second One:(a little more recently, probably early '04)An ancient red dragon (are we sensing a pattern here?) is gathering an army of orcs, hobgoblins, ogres, trolls, and goblins, and we have to stop him/her/it (we were never really sure). So my archer ranger/summoner druid, the half-golem fighter, and the tiefling rogue are out to scout this mountain pass where the army is amassing. We're at the top of a 300-foot-cliff, and directly below us there are several battalions of these creatures. Now, my character has this OCD-like...thing...about running out of ammo. so bad, in fact, that I traded most of the treasure from out last adventure to the tiefling for a bag of holding to keep spare arrows in. So we literally see thousands of troops in this pass. We start thinking. And thinking. I have an idea. I look at the tiefling and the fighter and say, "If an arrow falls off a cliff in the mountains, does the orc at the bottom make a sound?" I reach into my bag of holding, and empty it. We come up with about a thousand arrows. Well, arrows are heavier at the tip, and terminal velocity's a bitch. We start chucking handfuls of arrows over the cliff. Sure enough, the orcs at the bottom start making sounds. Eventually, we run out, and run away (before the dragon figures out who just decimated half his/her/its army).

Favorite Character Quote: "If an arrow falls off a cliff in the mountains, does the orc at the bottom make a sound?"

Combat Reflexes
2011-02-07, 11:20 AM
Anything, literally ANYTHING from MP and the Holy Grail:

-Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who.

-Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!!

-Burn it! Burn it!

and, of course, all our characters have 1st level cohorts that slam coconuts together :smallbiggrin:

2011-02-07, 11:47 AM
"You should call for back up now..."

Had a gambler/drunk/Ftr/Rog/Barb who was being arrested for stealing the archeological finds from an expedition. When he was surrounded by 13 guards that was my response. It was made all the better by finishing my drink and lighting a cigar while he said it. They all blundered their check vs intimidate and decided my idea had merit. To bad 13 became 40 and I was caught later.

2011-02-07, 12:46 PM
had a barbarian
name grimbold (hence the username)
i loved this guy
he once said upon being forced into a solo duel with a great wyrm gold dragon said
"I know that i'm supposed to not stop believing but the suspension of disbelief has gone tofar on this one"

2011-02-07, 12:56 PM
One of my favourite moments in a game was when my fighter challenged an evil baron to a duel, pulling a line from "Scaramouche": something to the effect of "Your cheeks are looking a bit pale; perhaps I can give them some COLOR!" *slapped his face twice with my gloved hand*.

(I ended up losing pretty badly, but we later took him out as a party.)

2011-02-07, 01:52 PM
Context: D&D Encounters, after spending the chapter fighting our way through lizard country, we arrive at the lair of the black dragon. While poking around her cave, she rose up out of a pool of water before me and said, in a nutshell: "Ah, good. Supper has arrived"
I paused, looked the dragon straight in the eye and simply stated: "You know, we killed everything between the keep and here. What makes you think you're more than a speedbump to us?"

The Valiant Turtle
2011-02-07, 02:43 PM
Quote #1: "Well, I guess they didn't have any money."

Party encountered some random bunch of undead and the Cleric of Greed/Money steps forward and says "Drop your money and run!" (Turn Undead). He rolls pretty well on the turn check and most of the undead get disintegrated, prompting the quote above. Per Rule of Cool/Funny the DM decided that the undead who got the standard turning result (run) did indeed drop some money.

Quote #2: "Because break limb didn't work."

This was a Rolemaster campaign and some town thug decides to challenge the party Sorcerer to a duel. Said Sorcerer had an eyepatch covering the portal to the void that used to be his eye, wore his ex-wife's shrunken head as an amulet and brilliant elbow-length glove with a flame motif embroidered all over it. Just plain destroying thing's is pretty much what RoleMaster Sorcerers do. That includes people and they do have a spell named "Break Limb" and he tried it the first round, but said thug actually managed to resist the spell. The next round... that flame glove of his casts Fireball 1/day and he unleashed that and he rolled very well and completely incinerated the guy. This caused us some complications and when we asked why he did that he gave the very straightforward explanation above. The unusual thing was that AOE attacks are generally pretty weak in RoleMaster; that was actually a pretty unusual result for a fireball.

Zach J.
2011-02-07, 02:53 PM
A few years ago I found myself in a HackMaster game. I was new to the game and hadn't played many RPGs in general so I made a cleric of Thor. His abilities were nothing impressive, but he soon developed into a pretty crazy character.

"Your god is weak and has puny arms! Now, Thor? There's a god. His arms are the size of WHALES!" -Trying to stir up a fight with a rival priest.

"May I stain the stone with the blood of my enemies?" -Upon
being given a stone of penance to wear around his neck. It was punishment for that fight with the rival priest...

"For the party!" -The same cleric, now throwing his trusted warhammer at a paladin who had arrived to bring the party to justice. Rolled a nat 20 and disarmed him. It was great. :smallbiggrin:

Edit: I just thought of another quote that's still brought up now and again. I was playing a Solar in an Exalted game who was a skilled sea captain and good marksman. I created a special maneuver that I ended up calling "A Sure Thing" that resulted in a massive bonus to hit and damage when I used it. The first time I tried it, I managed to miss my target entirely. at that point my character, "Mad Dog" Hardigan, said with a slight tremble in his voice, "But it's a sure thing."

2011-02-07, 09:28 PM
From my warforged in his first battle since the war that granted him his sentience:
"Even as a civilian, I've hungered for war. For three hundred years I've waited for an opportunity to wield this blade. Let me show you why I haven't rusted."

A little bit over-the-top since we were just fighting some ghouls, but man did I feel badass.

2011-02-07, 10:23 PM
Monk whose first words in the campaigne were "Ore...SANJOU!" Also, he has also said, on what were crits/killing blows, before it happened, either "Charge and Up" or "Rider Kick."

Also, a Warforged Psywar who used Enlarge and said "Big O, SHOWTIME!"

Nowhere near as good as some of the others here, but I thought they were good, and got some laughs in. My one regret is not Gestalting Monk or SS//Sorcerer, get to level 18, and use "Clock Up" as the verbal component for time stop.

You win all my cookies, sir. That's just so awesome!
I had a Swiftblade player using "Clock Up" as the verbal component of his haste spells.

2011-02-08, 01:05 AM
My Half-orc fighter with a rather low intelligence score has a couple

After waking up and finding himself tied up in a room with the rest of the party,after supposedly successfully negotiating themselves out of a tight spot and succeeding their mission, my orc turned to the one NPC halfling who knew what was going on and said, "I 'ave jus one question....which gnome am I ripping in half when I get out of here?"

While attempting to cross a border, with papers claming he's a cleric of Correllian... "Kord be with you"

While talking to the Red Baron; a man who dresses head to toe exclusively in red: "Why ye called the red baron?"

Finally whilst fighting some orc pirates: "YOU MIGHT BE GREENER BUT I'M MEANER!" *bullrushes an orc overboard*

2011-02-08, 01:16 AM
System: Scion: God
My Role: Storyteller
Character: Loki

It was the night before Ragnarok, and the Aesir (including the newly-ascended PCs) were feasting in Odin's hall, preparing for battle and celebrating their last night of glorious life, when Loki walks in. Heimdall goes to seize him, but Loki looks at Odin and snidely reminds the All-Father that he'd sworn an oath that neither god would take drink unless the other also had a cup. Odin reluctantly admits that he did, in fact, swear such and oath, and extends Loki his hospitality. Loki begins to feast and drink and carry on as though he's having a great time while all the other gods seethe with their fury and glare at him, biting back hatred.

Finally, Loki stands up and drunkenly proclaims a toast, and then proceeds to insult every single god present. He calls Odin a stupid old man who lets birds think for him, mocks Thor's love life with lurid descriptions of sleeping with Sir, accuses Forseti of being a coward who hides behind peace, and degrades all of the god's strengths while dredging up all the times that they acted weak or cowardly. Just as they're all getting up to kick his ass, he delivers the finish to his speech:

"And in conclusion, I now know what it must have been like for the first lowly human to develop intelligence while all the other cave men were still howling and pounding their damned chests. I hope you morons appreciate the fact that the only intelligent man among you dies tomorrow because of your stupidity. Goodnight!"

At which point he drains his drinking horn, slams it on the table, gives Thor the finger and walks out of the Hall without ever looking back.

2011-02-08, 12:18 PM
Playing a compassion one tank Alchemical (basically a golem), I was struck by a massive blow by a Immaculate Monk. Being that most of my charms were damage reducers, I negated it out of hand.

"You seem to have struck me in the heart. Fortunately, my utter lack of compassion means I seem to be missing that particular organ..."

He escapes by plummeting off of a cliff, producing an artifact of paper to allow him to fly. I turn to my friends, look down a 1800 foot drop.

"I can soak it. ...IF I STUNT ENOUGH ON THE WAY DOWN." and dive after him.

2011-02-08, 03:09 PM
The one and only quote worth quoting.

"Nope. Paladin." (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=150139)

2011-02-08, 03:14 PM
A wildshaped druid who knew something really important but couldn't talk (he didnt have fingers and couldnt write either)...

"Roar ROAR roar...claw claw...roar.."
Group: "Okaaay, good boy..pats head"

Otherworld Odd
2011-02-08, 05:10 PM
"Silly American trap door is no match for Russian explosives," A player said in a d20 modern zombies game as he planted C4 on a rickety trap door to get into the basement as he detonated it so it would explode behind him valiantly as he lit a cigar on the flames.

2011-02-08, 05:43 PM
This is the background to a Sci Fi campaign I'm in. A group of people is the first to visit this world that was found through wormhole tech. Probes had been sent before hand and it was considered a dangerous place, so the people they sent were military trained, but they were still nervous. A new planet, with life and predators and the like. The leader turns to them and says, "Don't worry, I brought extra ammo."

Also awesome paladin quote Cog.

2011-02-08, 05:48 PM
"Hey, we got some problems, boss; gonna lock ya in here awhile, hope ya don't mind."

The party was being paid to escort a business man to another system; they got boarded.

"But if things go bad, I don't want any bitching for the direction I take."

The party was skeptical.

2011-02-08, 06:04 PM
I've had several, but they have all faded from memory. With the exception of my friends weapon master in a wheel of time game.

At one point we were being continually harassed by guards under the..insightful...leadership of captain Abel. Eventually we managed to kill him and the WM took the head. Bizarrely having ranks in Craft: Embalming, he asked if he could use that to clean the skull and put in screws for the jaw so it could move up down and stay together. The DM allowed this.

About 4 levels and 5 or 6 months later (both in and out of game) the captain's followers found us again finally. They gave a very long speech on how they had hunt us down and they were sure that this is what Captain Abel would want. At this point we had completely forgot that the WM had done the skull thing, which he whips out, fingers inside of the skull, and uses his thumb to move the jaw in order to make it look like he said "Captain Abel disagrees."

Glorious. The DM looked shocked and we laughed like crazy.

2011-02-08, 09:09 PM
"Run. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. You, run."

About a year ago I was playing a centaur ranger with the Giant Killer kit (if you're not familiar with kits, they're kind of like prestige classes in reverse- you can ONLY take them at character creation, and they give certain benefits in exchange for losing other abilities. Basically the same thing as variant classes) in the old Against the Giants modules. Anyway, we'd been sneaking around, killing frost giants half a dozen at a time and messing with them with the fairly low-level spells at our disposal (invisibility + really fast screaming dwarf = they think they're haunted; hitting their sentries with Call Lightning, stuff like that. We had to make heavy use of psychological warfare due to the fact that we were about half the level characters expected to do that module were supposed to be.)

We'd gone down to the lower levels of their stronghold, which was carved out of a glacier, and were staring down no less that fifty frost giants. I was like level 7 or 8 at the time, and two solid hits from a frost giant could have easily killed me. Altogether, we had about a dozen people (me and my sister, our henchmen, and an NPC jungle giant we'd rescued from the previous module.) Pretty much all of us were there, and we hadn't expected to see this many all at once. My plan was to fire a few arrows at them to draw their attention and rely on my 18 Constitution and good AC, as well as a class feature Giant Killers got that allows them to dodge one giant missile per round, to keep me alive. Then I would escape via my Ring of Invisibility and another item that allowed me to fly indefinitely, though slowly. I hadn't counted on the jungle giant NPC who was with us staying behind with me. We stalled them for a few rounds to give out allies a good lead, then followed suit. We both took a couple hits, but we made it out alive.

2011-02-08, 09:29 PM
You win all my cookies, sir. That's just so awesome!
I had a Swiftblade player using "Clock Up" as the verbal component of his haste spells.

*Takes cookies*

I hadn't thought of Haste with Clock Up.

Also, a Hobgoblin fluent in Klingon. It is amusing to call a Dwarf Lord a "P'tagh," especially when it confuses the DM. Now all Hobgoblins speak Klingon at my group's table.

2011-02-08, 10:20 PM
"We have to get back to Hell."
-unnamed Lawful Evil Catfolk Gunslinger upon realizing he had been shanghaied to the The Endless Maze in the Abyss.

2011-02-08, 11:36 PM
I had a few.

"Nah, I got this"

Dwarf fighter losing a 1 on 1 with a giant. The giant offered to let me forfeit. My character proceeded to roll a 3 (triple damage in the 3d6 system we were using) and one shot the giant, claiming his belt of permanent stone flesh (DR 6/- equivalent).

"Get off my arm. GET OFF MY ARM!"

A werewolf, homebrewed by the DM to have a massive attack, failed to penetrate my character's DR (which by this point was massive, as I had been stacking it through the roof). Behind him, the charger's mind controlled giant octopus had also completely soaked the other werewolf's attack. So the DM told us that both were shaking their arms trying to throw the werewolf off in the exact same manner.

"I pee on it"

Party was fighting a fire elemental, which could only be damaged by water spells or flasks of water thrown on it. Since my character had neither, I decided to take a shot and see if the DM would let it fly. He did, though he said it would only do one point of damage and I couldn't do it again the next round. Then the fire elemental threw a fireball at my crotch.

I talked in a really high voice for the rest of the dungeon, then payed 2500 silver for a potion of full restore (actually, as I recall I couldn't find one and had to brew one up over the next week). It was totally worth it.

2011-02-08, 11:44 PM
"Don't worry, I got this"
-Everyone in our group of 6 or more will say this at least once during every big encounter. Usually, the wizard or toughest fighty guy is knocked down in one turn of combat with the boss after saying it. Then, the next people who say it will be the scout/rogue, who gets a critical miss (roll of 1 followed by roll of 1-5) and breaks his bow in half, becoming useless. Next, when the first person down is on the verge of death, the warlock will attempt to save their life with a quick potion, avoiding multiple AoO's to do so, only to be laid low by a critical hit the next turn. This usually goes on until the boss is left at less than 10 hp, and one player at 0 (sometimes others are there, but useless, like a wizard out of spells, archer with no bow, or the meleer is feared and half a mile away). By the end of the fight, the last person kills the boss just far enough away that he or she can't run to grab the last healing potion to stop someone from dying in the next turn. It's great:smallbiggrin:.

2011-02-08, 11:52 PM
The one and only quote worth quoting.

"Nope. Paladin." (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=150139)

That one is really the best ever.

2011-02-09, 05:13 AM
I talked in a really high voice for the rest of the dungeon, then payed 2500 silver for a potion of full restore.

What is this, Pokemon? :smalltongue:

N'thing the Paladin, by the way.

2011-02-09, 05:24 AM
One: A friend's Cleric who would turn undead by bellowing "Get Bennnnnnnnt!", brandishing holy symbol.

Another: Same friend - another character (Warhammer) named Vangbad (the butcher). Taking part in a festival there came a fun game where people would throw stones at a clay jug filled with sweets, after which the children from the village would gather up the sweets to eat, think a pinata and you won't be too far off... "In my country - we throw the stones at the children"

One of my own: Playing a mage in Warhammer (same party as above), we happened across a chaos cultist/warrior type, evil lord of some mansion and all that. After his rather long dialogue in which he tried to recruit us to chaos the following transpired...

[evildude] "If you will not join me - then you will..."
[me - cutting in] "Fireball"

He promptly died on the spot