Night of the living bacon

[pendell]

Forget the zombie invasion, are you ready for the
invasion of the pigs? (http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2011/02/07/oink-feral-pigs-growing-problem/)



War is being waged right now across the country -- against huge, ever-growing packs of feral pigs that are running rampant, destroying crops, killing wildlife and spreading disease everywhere they go, the U.S. Department of Agriculture reports.


No indication as to whether they were groaning BRAINS at the time, but pigs will eat anything.

Ah, well. In the invasion of the zombie pigs at least food won't be a problem. Bacon, pepperoni, sausage, barbecue ... *mouth waters*

Think I need to go eat now.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

[Sipex]

This will be the most delicious apocalypse ever.

[Keld Denar]

I, for one, welcome our new swine overlords...TO MY DINNER PLATE!

Someone pass the Sweet Baby Rays? These ribs need sause!

[Marnath]

This is really simple to solve. Send out dedicated hunting parties. Kill every pig you come across until the bean counters say "Enough."

Also, the animal rights guy in that article is off his rocker. If he doubts they can really be causing that much damage, then he obviously doesn't know anything about pigs. :smallamused:

[Gorgondantess]

Also, the animal rights guy in that article is off his rocker. If he doubts they can really be causing that much damage, then he obviously doesn't know anything about pigs. :smallamused:

Well, you have to remember that people like that value the lives of animals above those of humans.:smallsigh::smalltongue:

[rayne_dragon]

Have you guys seen what these feral pigs look like? They're huge overgrown boars and just as big and nasty as the meanest bear you can imagine. Yeah, I don't want to mess with pigs like that.

Also, while I'm all for animal rights... these things aren't doing anyone any good. They need to be destroyed or at least removed from the wild that they were never meant to be part of to preserve the environment and the lives of other creatures, including humans.

[Eldan]

Wild Boar actually regularly cause enormous damage around here. They dig up corpses from graveyards to eat them, they plow over entire cornfields in a single night, they even break into houses. Also, driving a car into a wild pig? Car destroyed, pig walks away. It's probably hurt, but it can survive it.

Hunting them usually involves hunting parties of dozens of people, most of them hiding in the trees. There's regularly hospitalized hunters, and a boar or a sow with piglets can take on several hunting dogs and maul them.

[Keld Denar]

As far as what a pig will and won't do...


And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a xxxxhead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig xxxx, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

[Kuma Da]

Speaking as someone who is a fan of animal rights (mostly because when a giant industrial chicken house looks like some kind of grimdark murdercamp, that translates to a lower food quality,) the wild pig population really needs to be clipped down. I'm all for not perpetrating wholesale slaughter on another species, but when they're jeopardizing an ecosystem, there's plenty of other species at stake.

Plus, wild pig = some good eats.

[Comet]

I, for one, welcome our new swine overlords...TO MY DINNER PLATE!


With a warcry like this, I'd march under your swine-slaying standard any day.

[Marnath]

As far as what a pig will and won't do...

Something to add to that: Make sure to gather up the jawbone and the odd stray vertebrae/floating rib. My experience with domestic pigs indicates they don't eat those.

I have to say though, it takes a lot longer than eight minutes in my experience for them to go through a 200-300 pound hog because they spend as much time fighting each other over who gets to eat it as actually eating it. Which includes any human trying to remove the remains for burial.:smallmad:

[Ragitsu]

Why is it that killing wild pigs is okay (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWE0-hLx2Kc), but people throw a fit if you kill wild dogs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDXxCAGbXvY)/cats (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KRuXzyqYSw)? They're a big problem in Australia, for example.

[SurlySeraph]

This is really simple to solve. Send out dedicated hunting parties. Kill every pig you come across until the bean counters say "Enough."

The issue is that people who are interested and good at in-field porcine destruction don't have enough free time to kill enough of the population. Plus environmental agencies don't have high enough budgets to hire large numbers of hunters, even if doing so wouldn't annoy a lot of their usual supporters.

Also, some people have gotten sufficiently bored with "regular" wild boar hunting that they just use dogs and knives. (http://hunting.nolitz.com/knife-wild-boar-hunting-in-hawaii-with-dogs/) Not guns, bows, or even spears. Knives.

[Eldan]

I wonder how many of them get killed that way. There's a reason we invented the boar spear.

[Keld Denar]

I remember when they decided that there would be no more deer in the park at Presque Isle in Marquette, MI. They hired this super expensive marksman sharpshooter guy to come in and kill all of the deer AND DIDN'T EVEN HARVEST THE MEAT!, and it cost the taxpayers like, $3000 a piece or something rediculous. They could have SOLD special vouchers to harvest the animals to locals who would provide their own weapons and ammo, most of which are as good, or better marksmen than this pro guy, simply if they could keep the venison.

Seriously, problems like this can go away REALLY quickly, assuming you don't trip over red tape on the way to the gun rack.

[rayne_dragon]

Why is it that killing wild pigs is okay (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWE0-hLx2Kc), but people throw a fit if you kill wild dogs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDXxCAGbXvY)/cats (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KRuXzyqYSw)? They're a big problem in Australia, for example.

Because wild pigs are even more dangerous than wild dogs/cats. Also, it is far more common to eat pig than cat or dog. We just aren't as attatched to pigs as cute fluffy animals.

[Ragitsu]

Because wild pigs are even more dangerous than wild dogs/cats. Also, it is far more common to eat pig than cat or dog. We just aren't as attatched to pigs as cute fluffy animals.

Yeah. I guess apex predators killing off multiple native species and farm animals is not very dangerous.

The problem, is, partly something you mentioned: dogs/cats have this image of being "cute", so they're treated less seriously as a threat when wild.

[rayne_dragon]

Yeah. I guess apex predators killing off multiple native species and farm animals is not very dangerous.

The problem, is, partly something you mentioned: dogs/cats have this image of being "cute", so they're treated less seriously as a threat when wild.

You don't have to be an apex predator to kill off multiple native species. Rabbits come to mind as an invasive species that is particularly devastating while being even more harmless than cats, dogs, pigs. The pigs are particularly dangerous because they can grow to a huge size and can be highly aggresive. Frankly, I'd rather get attacked by a wild dog than a wild pig (although I'd prefer just to be left alone).

You do have a point that there are other invasive species that need to be controlled besides wild pigs. I also think that when people are concerned about invasive species they start at the bottom of the food chain and work their way up, which is why cats and dogs don't get as much note as other things. Plants, insects, and small mammels tend to be at the top of the list.

Edit: Also in regards to being dangerous - the following post is a wonderful explaination of how nasty these things are.

[pendell]

I wonder how many of them get killed that way. There's a reason we invented the boar spear.

IIRC a boar spear has a cross piece because a boar could impale itself on a regular spear, keep charging, and gore the guy holding it to death. Nasty creature, more than a match for an armed knight, IIRC.

I also seem to recall that, if anyone was unlucky enough to face off with a boar with a sword, standard procedure was to wait for it to charge, nimbly dash aside like a bullfighter dodging a bull, and whack off the head with the sword as it went by. It didn't work very often. Tough, tough creature and very dangerous.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

[Eldan]

Exactly right on the boar spear.

That's why I said hunting them with knives seems semi-suicidal to me.

[Ragitsu]

How DOES boar taste?

[Eldan]

Pretty good. It's very dark, red meat and more like other game than like pork, really.

[Ravens_cry]

You don't have to be an apex predator to kill off multiple native species.
No, you don't (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human). :smallamused:

[Eldan]

Welll....

"Apex predators (also known as alpha, super-, top-level predators or top predators) are predators that have no predators of their own, residing at the top of their food chain"

Seems like a good description of man's ecological role today.

[Ravens_cry]

Today yes. But for much of our history, no. We were predators, just not apex predators.

[Worira]

Throughout the vast majority of human history, we have been apex predators.

...Why was the "human" article on Wikipedia apparently written by aliens, for aliens?

[Ravens_cry]

Throughout the vast majority of human history, we have been apex predators. Before we had tools, before we invented them, we had but our social skills and our boundless endurance. Not much defence against things like lions and bears and other predators of the primeval savannah. We pulled through, but it was a near thing at one point (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toba_catastrophe_theory#Genetic_bottleneck_theory) .


...Why was the "human" article on Wikipedia apparently written by aliens, for aliens?
Because it is much more fun to write, and read, about humans as any other species, to look at ourselves from the outside. Look on our works ye mighty, and despair.

[rayne_dragon]

Throughout the vast majority of human history, we have been apex predators.

...Why was the "human" article on Wikipedia apparently written by aliens, for aliens?

Because we are aliens! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ancient_astronauts) Or maybe it has to do with wikipedia's policy on trying to maintain a professional neutral tone to their articles.

Humans are technically at the top of the food chain, but it seems debatable if humans qualify as apex predators. Weird, I have a sudden craving for red meat now...

[Shadow of the Sun]

Before we had tools, before we invented them, we had but our social skills and our boundless endurance. Not much defence against things like lions and bears and other predators of the primeval savannah. We pulled through, but it was a near thing at one point (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toba_catastrophe_theory#Genetic_bottleneck_theory) .

Thing is, we had tools since BEFORE we were even humans. Seriously, there are tool lineages that go back far beyond Toba. Admittedly, they weren't exactly great compared to later stone tools, but we had the Oldowan style hand axe and other tools while we were still homo habilis and homo erectus.

I'm not arguing that homo habilis and the like were apex predators, because they weren't; they were scavengers. But we've had tools faaaaaaaaar longer than we've been human.

[Worira]

Before we had tools, before we invented them, we had but our social skills and our boundless endurance. Not much defence against things like lions and bears and other predators of the primeval savannah. We pulled through, but it was a near thing at one point (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toba_catastrophe_theory#Genetic_bottleneck_theory) .


We also weren't extinctinizing things left and right before we had tools, either.

That said, "Humans have been apex predators for the vast majority of human history" is a claim that ranges from "true" to "PREPOSTRODON" depending on how you define "human", "history", and "human history".

[Eldan]

And Apex predators, which has, in it's normal definition "has no predators itself". Humans still had things like bears, wolves and lions back then, as has been said. Of course, we were also predating (is that a verb) them, but it worked both directions.

[pendell]

And Apex predators, which has, in it's normal definition "has no predators itself". Humans still had things like bears, wolves and lions back then, as has been said. Of course, we were also predating (is that a verb) them, but it worked both directions.

Check me on this, but that's where a lot of fantasy mythology and stories come from; they hearken back to a time before humans were apex predators and were hunted by creatures higher on the food chain. We dubbed those creatures "monsters", and made stories about brave heroes who would challenge such things to battle and defeat them.

Today, of course, we have no predators above us or even peers in the food chain, so in the place of real threats we invent apex predators to challenge us in our fantasy; dragons, orcs, trolls, zombies, you name it.

Of course, you occasionally have a real threat such as the porcine menace. I did some googling, and here's an article from Florida on hunting boars with swords (http://www.a-wild-boar-hog-hunting-florida-guide-service.com/sword-hunting.htm). Please not the links at the bottom, including the last one which has two dudes with katanas. I guess it'll keep us in shape until a dragon or something comes along. Perhaps we should invent them through genetic engineering.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

[grimbold]

this could get scary fast

[Bhu]

and here i thought you were referencing this

http://www.wired.com/dangerroom/2009/12/pentagon-zombie-pigs-first-then-hibernating-gis/

this has almost inspired me to make a card/board game based on our new zombie pig overlords