GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread IV [Archive] - Giant in the Playground Forums

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Djinn_in_Tonic

2011-03-01, 09:02 AM

Welcome to the Giant in the Playground Monster Competition chat thread where you can ask questions, comment, or just in general discuss about the submissions to our monthly monster mash.

This month's contest is...

Strange Bedfellows (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=202038)
http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs32/f/2008/219/2/b/Symbiote_Alternate_by_Zatransis.jpg

GITP Monster Competition Chat III (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=157126&page=28)
GITP Monster Competition Chat II (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=5578957#post5578957)
GITP Monster Competition Chat: The Original (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=26636)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Past Competitions

Spirited Away (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=10951767#post10951767)
Dark Deceptions (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=10683352#post10683352)
Once More, With Spirit (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=189214)
Achilles Heel (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=10279533#post10279533)
The Hunt (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=10079520#post10079520)
Nightmare Before Christmas (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=9872118#post9872118)
Considered To Be Unnatural II (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=9675841#post9675841)
It's The Great Pumpkin, Playground (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=9461411#post9461411)
Underfoot (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=9269599#post9269599)
Through the Looking Glass (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=9088161#post9088161)
Beings of Legend IV (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=8753768#post8753768)
ACHOO! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=8605702#post8605702)
Plop Plop Fizz Fizz (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=8411813#post8411813)
Gits and Shiggles (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=8196915#post8196915)
Mr. Roboto (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=7987650#post7987650)
One Flesh (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=7801991#post7801991)
My Immortal (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=137308)
Angels Among Us (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=7416099#post7416099)
Grateful Dead (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=130380)
Fear Itself (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=126929)
Way of the Wyrm (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=123468)
A Thing of Beauty (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=120197)
Beings of Legend III (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=115962)
On the Road Again (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=113230)
Faerie Tales (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=110499)
Game Masters (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=108378)
Mayonnaise Mayhem (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=108284)
Animal Kingdom (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=106259)
Paragons of Passion (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=103694)
Tick... Tock... (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=101136)
Banquet of Beasts (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=98205)
Out of This World (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=95678)
Spooks and Spirits (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=5031721#post5031721)
Urban Legends (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=89675)
♫ Sing Along ♫ (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=4631188#post4631188)
We The People (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=84458)
Beings of Legend II (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=82323)
Now You See Me... (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=79570)
Gone Mental (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=76657)
Creepy Crawlies (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=4002755#post4002755)
Of the Rising Sun (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=3871373#post3871373)
Flights of Fancy (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=68335)
Built of Faith (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=3596892#post3596892)
Home and Hearth (http://tinyurl.com/2rsve3)
Gratuitous Gore (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=3274975#post3274975)
Dream A Little Dream (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=55560)
Tiny But Tough! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=52428)
Beings of Legend (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=49319)
Burn, Baby, BURN! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=46007)
Birds and the Bees (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=2510824#post2510824)
April Fools (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=39178)
A Wizard Did It (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=36196)
Champions of Good (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=33469)
Fimbulwinter (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1762542)
Holly Jolly (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=28603)
Harvest Moon (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1499186)
Fell Beasts (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=10212)
Considered To Be Unnatural (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=10260)

-=-=-=-=-

Monster Index
(Updated as of 'ACHOO!')
* Contest Winners

A Shadow of Spiders (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1238540&postcount=5) by Yahzi
* Aadar Llwach (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5865716&postcount=6) by Stycotl
Ajatarra (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6076419&postcount=8) by strawberryman
Anamnesis (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2039043&postcount=9) by Closet_Skeleton
Angel, Caries (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7540880&postcount=12) by Bisected8
* Angel, Dairymaid (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8290206&postcount=7) by Debihuman
Angel of Sustenance (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5519958&postcount=10) by rtg0922
Angelic Preener (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7430825&postcount=9) by Admiral Squish
Anima Aderendo (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7929812&postcount=9) by NemoUtopia
Ankou (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7055600&postcount=13) by Mulletmanalive
Arcadian Beetle (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4220432&postcount=10) by Belboz
Asherah, Spirit of the Shores (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7749160&postcount=13) by Sir Shadow
Ashling (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3502018&postcount=11) by Mr.Bookworm
Aspect of Leviathan (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7634731&postcount=3) by Schylerwalker
Assimilator Flies (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4060364&postcount=13) by DarkShard
Astarus (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5247523&postcount=3) by Bakkan
Astral Pack-Beast (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4173207&postcount=9) by DracoDei
Astral Shard (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5279219&postcount=6) by vegetalss4
Autumnal Avenger (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7041399&postcount=6) by waterpenguin43
Autumnal Seer (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1513351&postcount=7) by The Demented One
Bad Harvest (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1508157&postcount=3) by Reltzik
* Banksie (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8625812&postcount=7) by Mulletmanalive
Barbed Fleshworm (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4062828&postcount=14) by Reltzik
Bardfly (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4051960&postcount=12) by Cespenar
Bee-Holder (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8239217&postcount=4) by Bhu
Behemoth, Demon Prince of Gluttony (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8413619&postcount=3) by Iamyourking
Belly Serpent (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7881533&postcount=7) by Joxer t' Mighty
Bitterbug (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5403293&postcount=4) by Bisected8
Blight Cow (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1536243&postcount=10) by LordOfNarf
Bloodscarab (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2425764&postcount=8) by Abjurer
* Bloody Handed Jack (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6109266&postcount=9) by Bhu
Blood Ooze (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3278900&postcount=3) by Vaynor
Bone Conductor (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4685417&postcount=14) by adanedhel9
Bornura (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4549797&postcount=9) by Lappy9000
* Bubba the Headless Chicken (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5109496&postcount=14) by Bhu
Burning Bush (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2687147&postcount=9) by OOTS_Rules.
Busker (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4912673&postcount=6) by Vaynor
Butchery Golem (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3381293&postcount=16) by The_Glyphstone
Cab't (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2219642&postcount=18) by NemoUtopia
Cake Golem (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1699134&postcount=17) by Fangthane
Carnivorous Thyme (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5657092&postcount=11) by Bisected8
Caterwaul (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7144100&postcount=23) by Debihuman
Charspawn (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2682266&postcount=3) by Closet_Skeleton
* Chef's Mage™ Brand Fully Automatic Kitchen (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5512106&postcount=7) by Adanedhel9
Chelissadhu (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6062935&postcount=3) by Stormthorn
Child of Flame (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2741688&postcount=17) by Macrovore
Chocolate Truffle (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5514302&postcount=9) by Afroakuma
Christmas Goodies Golem (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1721414&postcount=19) by Purple gelatinous cube o' Doom
Chroneruts (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4145921&postcount=6) by Kellus
Clockwork Weaver (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5656648&postcount=10) by Sir Shadow
Cloud of Strife (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3745708&postcount=4) by Excellence
Coal Elf (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1635649&postcount=6) by Belboz
Coronal Elemental (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2685931&postcount=7) by Icewalker
Corrupted Offshoot of Yggdrasil (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7637774&postcount=4) by Random_person
* Crow Mistress (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6739986&postcount=7) by Sir Shadow
Cruor Skeleton (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3294755&postcount=6) by Bisected8
Cyrocerebellus (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1788588&postcount=5) by Khantalas
* Dadafly (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4079641&postcount=16) by The Demented One
Daemon, Malzalalim (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8529071&postcount=10) by Amiel
Dancing Golem (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4632919&postcount=4) by Bisected8
Dark Seed (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1238900&postcount=7) by Belboz
* Dattar (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2849131&postcount=6) by Poppatomus
Deadly Gaze (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4279172&postcount=4) by Bisected8
* Death (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2830175&postcount=4) by Lyinginbedmon
Deathspore Mushroom (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3054811&postcount=14) by ShneekeyTheLost
Delphine (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7421457&postcount=4) by waterpenguin43
Deus Die (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2990141&postcount=6) by Qube
Devouring Domicile (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3461182&postcount=7) by Kyace
Diatock (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5599580&postcount=6) by Lappy9000
Digit Swarm (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4047163&postcount=8) by rtg0922
Dirgesinger (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4670694&postcount=11) by XenoGeno
* Discernable Anatomy Golem (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2124734&postcount=5) by ArmorArmadillo
Disco Dragon (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6844810&postcount=5) by DracoDei
Dismal Haze (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5095344&postcount=12) by Stormthorn
Disruptor (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3603675&postcount=5) by Lord Tataraus
Divine Brigadier (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5976915&postcount=4)
Divine Spark of Inspiration (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2028721&postcount=7) by Fax_Celestis
Domestic Brownie (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3458084&postcount=6) by Littlechicory
Doomborn Warrior (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=57429&postcount=6) by Carrion_Humanoid
Dopplepunkt (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3449583&postcount=5) by Bisected8
Dracolocust Swarm (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6847626&postcount=7) by Bisected8
Dragon Victim (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6846665&postcount=6) bySlaadLord
Dread Colossus (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7082963&postcount=19) by Holocron Coder
Dringwr (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6067754&postcount=5) by Bisected8
Drome (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3142288&postcount=5) by NakedCelt
Drummer Ghoul (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4632895&postcount=3) by The Demented One
* Dust Bunny (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3502770&postcount=12) by Fax_Celestis
Edible Golem (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5427596&postcount=5) by Bhu
Eggnog Elemental (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5460199&postcount=6) by DragonTounge
Envious Plaguebearer (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8625318&postcount=6) by strawberryman
Emberwilde (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2728831&postcount=14) by The Demented One
E.M.I.T (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=7987650#post8119051) by Bisected8
Empress of Rot (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3339580&postcount=14) by Jaerc
Ender (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=7987650#post8024224) by Schylerwalker
Eqach Wuilees (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1630312&postcount=4) by Grey Knight
Ergotine (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1512154&postcount=4) by Belboz
Essence of Fire (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2685414&postcount=5) by Kel
Ethercat (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5133989&postcount=15) by Adanedhel9
Existential Terror (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5313767&postcount=8) by Ghill
Exploding Chicken (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3054669&postcount=13) by Bitzeralisis
* Facsimilix (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2361619&postcount=6) by Maerok
Falling Foam (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1627347&postcount=3) by Shuryougospel
* False God (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6490179&postcount=6) by Bhu
Farceur (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2337978&postcount=4) by PhantomBread
Favored of the Traveler God (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6267620&postcount=8) by DracoDei
Fear Archon (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7054070&postcount=12) by Flarp
* Fergaast (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2031576&postcount=8) by Palcosmo
Fimbulwight (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1857830&postcount=11) by Purple gelatinous cube o' Doom
Finger of Loki (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=57238&postcount=5) by Beldak
Fish In A Barrel (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8293169&postcount=9) by Cog
Flamefly (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2683612&postcount=4) by Onasuma
Flamehaunt Wraith (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1830529&postcount=8) by Athenodorus
Flent (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2148462&postcount=12) by Kuja.girl
Flesh Beast (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1238346&postcount=4) by Beldak
Flying Spaghetti Monster (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3809836&postcount=12) by NakedCelt
Forsaken Blade (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3911969&postcount=8) by Vaynor
Fractal Bear (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8290906&postcount=8) by DracoDei
Free Spirit (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5054063&postcount=7) by DracoDei
Fungal Banshee (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3446717&postcount=3) by Penguinizer
Furnace Shadow (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5054630&postcount=8) by Bisected8
Futureling (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5579581&postcount=3) by Glooble Glistencrist
Fyumyad (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6109841&postcount=10) by Sir Shadow
Galuverant (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1834477&postcount=9) by MechaKingGhidra
* Gamer (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5991609&postcount=5) by sidhe3141
Gastrus (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4304858&postcount=7) by Belboz
Geliefd (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2576772&postcount=7) by Knight9910
Ghostfolk (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4532654&postcount=7) by Silence
Giant Bacillus (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2516681&postcount=3) by Belboz
Gingerbread Giant (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5402617&postcount=3) by RS14
Glass Golem (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4323024&postcount=11) by Duchess_of_Elysian
Glass Spider (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4020061&postcount=4) by Blue_C.
Gluttonous Plague (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1522578&postcount=9) by Khantalas
Golden Flame of Pelor (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1954913&postcount=4) by Glooble Glistencrist
Gorin No Oni (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3881828&postcount=5) by Caracol
Gorshk (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3367826&postcount=15) by Nelphine
Gothad (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7041537&postcount=7) by Sir Shadow
Graveforged (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2143871&postcount=10) by Hyrael
Gray Master (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3448740&postcount=4) by Vrel
Grey Goo (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2887803&postcount=9) by Belboz
Grey Reaper (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7272186&postcount=6) by Schylerwalker
*Gridoll (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4520705&postcount=4) by Guyr Adamantine
Gumwad (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5513967&postcount=8) by Enlong
Guoreeat (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6361493&postcount=3) by Unosarta
Gut Snake (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3295643&postcount=7) by DracoDei
Haint o’ the Crossroads (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6332969&postcount=10) by rtg0922
* Harvester (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8418214&postcount=6) by Deca
Haurla (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7038380&postcount=3) by dentrag2
* Headhunter (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3339393&postcount=13) by Kellus
Headless Dragon (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4142328&postcount=3) by Bisected8
Hearth Protector (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3508353&postcount=15) by Lord Tataraus
Hearthworm (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7932330&postcount=10) by FirebirdFlying
Heliotoad (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3754057&postcount=6) by Lord Tataraus
Helon of the Heaven's Lore (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7424420&postcount=7) by Anonymouswizard
Herald of Winter (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1636365&postcount=7) by MandibleBones
Hidden Flame (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4279492&postcount=5) by hylian chozo
* Hjordis (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6423271&postcount=5) by Bisected8
Hollow Vicegerent (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3940139&postcount=10) by Jaerc
Hordeling (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7154487&postcount=25) by Cespenar
Icicle Beast (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1784065&postcount=4) by Glooble Glistencrist
Idle Chill (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6121576&postcount=11) by TheLogman
Ilthslamael (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2828293&postcount=3) by Closet_Skeleton
Immortal Frawg (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7657364&postcount=6) by Bhu
In-F-able Horror (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8274859&postcount=5) by Zom B
Inaran Fae (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3749942&postcount=5) by RandomFellow
Invisible Giant (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4277970&postcount=3) by Vaynor
Issun-bōshi (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2994985&postcount=8) by Paragon Badger
Jack-o'-Ripper (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7038547&postcount=4) by Jergmo
Janus Golem (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6259219&postcount=6) by Debihuman
Jump-At-A-Body (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7161227&postcount=26) by Joxer t' Mighty
Karnak the Everfrozen (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7654496&postcount=5) by gorknmork
Kawaii Ooze (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2976469&postcount=3) by Goober4473
Ketrakion (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=7987650#post8032061) by NakedCelt
* Khrysalathi's Memorandum (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=7987650#post7994835) by Joxer t' Mighty
Kindling (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2737264&postcount=16) by Mattarias
* Kiseichuu Yuurei (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7838745&postcount=4) by Bhu
Kittenbush (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2216158&postcount=16) by Shuryougospel
Knight Divine (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1679080&postcount=14) by Peregrine
Lap Dog (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3549180&postcount=16) by Blue_C.
Legendary Crocodile (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5861210&postcount=5) by Bhu
Limb Louse (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4005077&postcount=3) by Bisected8
Living Bard Song (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4751966&postcount=17) by Daedu
Llorrick (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4145571&postcount=5) by Lord Iames Osari
Lord of Rest (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3505010&postcount=13) by DracoDei
Lost Hope (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8616729&postcount=5) by TheLogman
Loutae (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6524731&postcount=7) by Nhoj
*Lowfolk (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4906483&postcount=5) by AKA_Bait
Luugu (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7892464&postcount=8) by NakedCelt
Lure Eel (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2332921&postcount=3) by Icewalker
Lusca (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6656934&postcount=5) by strawberryman
Magic Eater Termites (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4065436&postcount=15) by Caracol
Magypsy (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7658293&postcount=7) by waterpenguin43
Maiden of Plumes (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6746060&postcount=9) by SlaadLord
Malicious Slander (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6331439&postcount=9) by Bisected8
ManBearPig (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2209877&postcount=14) by Maerok
Mandrake Oak (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2562460&postcount=5) by The Gilded Duke
Man o’War (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2134260&postcount=8) by Belboz
Marauder of the Flesh (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=58296&postcount=11) by Maerok
Mawstinger (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5854357&postcount=3) by Bisected8
Megadentis (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8488350&postcount=9) by Mulletmanalive
Melodic Dragon (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4713455&postcount=15) by Arkanis
Mepholk (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4520583&postcount=3) by DracoDei
Mherephess (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2881362&postcount=8) by TheEscapist
Mindmite (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=57967&postcount=9) by Fax_Celestis
* Minimus Drone (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2981285&postcount=4) by The Demented One
Mist Maiden (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6712852&postcount=6) by NakedCelt
Monstrous Cicada (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4030147&postcount=5) by Paragon Badger
Monstrous Silk Worm (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3893009&postcount=6) by rtg0922
Mortal Devil (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4532291&postcount=6) by Bisected8
Mother of Shadow (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=56829&postcount=3) by Fangthane
Mourning Dove (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3006090&postcount=10) by Thistle
Mousefolk (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3507477&postcount=14) by Belboz
MS-OBv9 (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=7987650#post8065473) by waterpenguin43
* Muliwai (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2569488&postcount=6) by Fax_Celestis
Mynithar Beetle (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4046838&postcount=7) by MattKatt
Nephilim (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7423745&postcount=6) by The Gilded Duke
Nephtyan Rivermaid (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7270662&postcount=5) by waterpenguin43
Nigh (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2863397&postcount=7) by Krimm_Blackleaf
Nightleech (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2981923&postcount=5) by Closet_Skeleton
* Nimbus Golem (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2691996&postcount=11) by Poppatomus
Noble Fir (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1687478&postcount=15) by LordOfNarf
Nobody's Problem (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4313986&postcount=8) by TheLogman
Nog Fairy (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1643839&postcount=8) by Thomar_of_Uointer
Nudibrancha (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2135868&postcount=9) by Levi
Occult Cúcharraige (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8414939&postcount=5) by strawberryman
Oculans (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3605315&postcount=6) by Magnor Criol
* Old Man of the Field (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1521307&postcount=8) by Bearofbadnews
* Oneiroi (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3129988&postcount=3) by AKA_Bait
Oran-Spawn (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2212582&postcount=15) by The Demented One
* Oreichalkos Dragon (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6968841&postcount=9) by Stycotl
Panic Shade (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7043096&postcount=9) by Crafty Cultist
Patchcorners (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6640863&postcount=4) by Bisected8
Peanut Reaper (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5070295&postcount=11) by Lappy9000
Pembunuh (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4544204&postcount=8) by Bhu
Penumbral Stalker (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1489623&postcount=10) by The_Glyphstone
Perfected One (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7422575&postcount=5) by Random_person
Phaighthmeam (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3621104&postcount=7) by NakedCelt
Phobus Beast (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7069973&postcount=18) by SlaadLord
Pituku (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5051309&postcount=6) by flyingpoo22
Poisonskin Crusher (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=7987650#post8065914) by Leicontis
Porcelain Doll (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3958533&postcount=11) by Sir Shadow
* Precious Little Thing (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7042651&postcount=8) by strawberryman
Preymaker (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8483841&postcount=8) by Icewalker
Pure Thought (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3600220&postcount=3) by Bisected8
Pyrotechnic Golem (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1672138&postcount=10) by Simius
Pyroworm (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7874431&postcount=5) by Bisected8
* Qliphoth (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5290061&postcount=7) by The Demented One
Quencher (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=58134&postcount=10) by Hyrael
Quiet (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4930071&postcount=8) by Hairb
Quintessence Dragon (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6905686&postcount=8) by NakedCelt
Quintessence Golem (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4143243&postcount=4) by rtg0922
Raenia (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2090076&postcount=12) by Phoenix Talion
Raisuden (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3871888&postcount=3) by Bisected8
Rampant Runner (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8613440&postcount=3) by SlaadLord
Raver Swarm (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4048704&postcount=10) by Stormthorn
Raw Sinusoid (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4645770&postcount=7) by RS14
Raze, the Soul of the Sun (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2731375&postcount=15) by Proven_Paradox
* Reality Shifter (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4154934&postcount=7) by Vaynor
Reanimator (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=7987650#post7995741) by Zom B
Relentless Cuckolder (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1494615&postcount=11) by EndlessEnnui
Repenter of Heironeos (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2025339&postcount=6) by Onasuma
Retrospect (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5665925&postcount=12) by Stycotl
Reveler (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7259141&postcount=4) by Admiral Squish
Rider's Angel (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3670024&postcount=11) by Arioch
Rift Demon (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4320100&postcount=10) by Corncracker
Roach (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4050009&postcount=11) by Billwill91
Roc Golem (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3736464&postcount=3) by Bisected8
Rook, The Greymount Fortress (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7703011&postcount=9) by Admiral Squish
Rthuote (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=58726&postcount=14) by SmileyX
Sabretooth (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5861155&postcount=4) by NakedCelt
Sacrificial (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3671034&postcount=12) by Cespenar
Sandalphon, the Hand of God (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7663086&postcount=8) by Iamyourking
Sandblighter (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3044552&postcount=12) by Sir Conkey
Sapphiren (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6128696&postcount=13) by Elrond
Savior of the Forest (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2581756&postcount=8) by Corncracker
* Scaramouche (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2349736&postcount=5) by The Demented One
Scorpell (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2126944&postcount=7) by Ajkkjjk52
Sebal, Power Unbound (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=57615&postcount=7) by SilveryCord
Sentient Tumour (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3284741&postcount=4) by AtomicKitKat
Seraph of the Heavenly Host (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7416384&postcount=3) by Schylerwalker
Serviceforged (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3468955&postcount=8) by Finerty
* She Who Walks Beneath the Ice (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1860080&postcount=12) by Bearofbadnews
Shimmering Ooze (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5255809&postcount=5) by RS14
Sialla Danda (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4958830&postcount=11) by Afroakuma
Silly Frocker (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8212244&postcount=3) by Bisected8
Silver Lionling (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3816743&postcount=13) by rtg0922
* Skratta-sker (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4323624&postcount=12) by Stycotl
Shiny (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6640394&postcount=3) by Owrtho
Shrieking Slicer (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1238142&postcount=3) by McDeath
Singers From Outside (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4671972&postcount=12) by Bhu
Singing Stone (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4636125&postcount=5) by KingGolem
*Singing Tree (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4636696&postcount=6) by Sir Shadow
Skin Spiders (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3290102&postcount=5) by Dove
Sleeper In the Deep (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3215318&postcount=6) by Alveanerle
Slumber Cat (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3132971&postcount=4) by Thistle
Smokey Floater (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4901130&postcount=4) by DracoDei
Snap Dragon (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6840516&postcount=3) by Sir Shadow
Snowball Warrior (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1699323&postcount=18) by The Demented One
Snowy Archon (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1650902&postcount=9) by The_Cowinator
Soil Keeper (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2538201&postcount=4) by The Demented One
Soluminaire Ooze (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2061701&postcount=11) by ShneekeyTheLost
Somesclaustrum (Whining Head) (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7049961&postcount=11) by Bisected8
Somniletum (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7152904&postcount=24) by FlyingWhale
Sonorous Mouther (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4646372&postcount=9) by rtg0922
Sons/Daughters of Silence (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5061794&postcount=9) by Lord_Gareth
Soot Brownie (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1672829&postcount=11) by Thistle
Soul Hound (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3669233&postcount=10) by RandomFellow
Sower of Seasons (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5656605&postcount=9) by adanedhel9
Spartoi (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6841303&postcount=4) by Joxer t' Mighty
Spideer (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2148944&postcount=13) by Fax_Celestis
Spirit Gate (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5035172&postcount=3) by Owrtho
Spirit of Dullness (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4847700&postcount=3) by Bisected8
Spirit of the North Wind (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1772959&postcount=3) by Duke of URL
Spirit of the Woods (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5036391&postcount=4) by Vaynor
Split Second (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4163493&postcount=8) by Titanium Dragon
Spook (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4315369&postcount=9) by RS14
Spriggan (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2994300&postcount=7) by NakedCelt
Starperson (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=58587&postcount=13) by belboz
Star Spore Seedling (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5327881&postcount=10) by Glimworm
Stoic, Shield of Shields (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2891075&postcount=10) by Proven_Paradox
* Storm Serpent (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3779824&postcount=8) by RS14
Stormhaunt (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1239063&postcount=8) by The_Snark
Strangefolk (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1484986&postcount=9) by Fangthane
Sun Devil (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2690371&postcount=10) by Stolenchariot
Sun Sprite (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2697395&postcount=13) by ZeroNumerous
Sun Thief (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2696987&postcount=12) by Haruspex
Sycophantic Specter (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3309304&postcount=10) by Kyace
Taco Fairy (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6067325&postcount=4) by Lappy9000
Talmascalion (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1238725&postcount=6) by Foeofthelance
* Temporal Echo (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5622228&postcount=8) by TheLogman
Thane of the Anvil (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2837649&postcount=5) by Haruspex
The Angel of Death (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7440724&postcount=10) by Bhu
The Benefactors (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7808017&postcount=3) by Schylerwalker
The Black Mask (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4929558&postcount=7) by Bhu
The Colors Purple (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4565215&postcount=10) by The Gilded Duke
* The Eight Brothers (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3901727&postcount=7) by TheEscapist
The Final/First Word (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5604938&postcount=7) by DracoDei
The Grandfather (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5581944&postcount=4) Djinn_In_Tonic
The Gray Man (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6255054&postcount=5) by Jergmo
The Harvest King (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7046421&postcount=10) by Admiral Squish
The Hawk (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1788755&postcount=6) by Headwarpage
The Jester (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8333331&postcount=11) by The Dark Fiddler
The Known World (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6542407&postcount=8) by The Gilded Duke
The Kulreich von Lemminstantrophonees Legacy (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3479238&postcount=10) by CabbageTheif
The Morrígna (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6131642&postcount=14) by Stycotl
The Name and the Soul (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1947760&postcount=3) by Khantalas
The Resurrection Women (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6741111&postcount=8) by Bhu
* The Slender Man (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7707638&postcount=11) by Hyooz
The Terror (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7056517&postcount=14) by Gorgondantess
The Weeping Children (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6148215&postcount=15) by Jkoshe
These Boots (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6231605&postcount=4) by The Gilded Duke
Thoughtleech (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3003641&postcount=9) by Dennetik
Tome of the Worlds (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6368041&postcount=4) by Vaynor
Torell the Nightheart (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2905588&postcount=11) by Kel
Tosurak (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3300943&postcount=8) by Maerok
Träumen (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3219418&postcount=7) by Calver
Tuatha de Danaan (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6068250&postcount=6) by sidhe3141
Turtlehawk (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2117186&postcount=4) by Krimm_Blackleaf
Unbound Elemental Spirit (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7706149&postcount=10) by Bisected8
Unspoken Chorus (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5068883&postcount=10) by Djinn_In_Tonic
Urban Oasis (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4959611&postcount=12) by rtg0922
Vascula (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3301165&postcount=9) by Kai-Palin
* Vastor (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4452768&postcount=6) by NakedCelt
Vazjura (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5322173&postcount=9) by Lord Iames Osari
Veiled Deer (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4292699&postcount=6) by Malachite
Vertigo Swarm (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7063945&postcount=16) by Ertier
Vetala (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3873599&postcount=4) by Lord Tataraus
Vilapi (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3766335&postcount=7) by Hyrael
Violence (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3316102&postcount=12) by Runeir
Voice of Divinity (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3633375&postcount=8) by Blue_C.
Voracious Lemming (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8420671&postcount=7) by Bhu
* Votive Guardian (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3600963&postcount=4) by Thistle
* Wanderwish (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6206859&postcount=3) by SlaadLord
Watchdog (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5585500&postcount=5) by Debihuman
*Watcher (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4443603&postcount=4) by Paragon Badger
Weirded Way (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4952674&postcount=10) by Adanedhel9
Whimsycap Toadstool (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6124916&postcount=12) by Djinn_In_Tonic
Whisperlings (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4730921&postcount=16) by Daverick
Windsider (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2047219&postcount=10) by Thomar_of_Uointer
Wing Dragon (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3788332&postcount=9) by DracoDei
Wingbane Glider (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3808635&postcount=11) by Cespenar
* Winterchilde (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1631301&postcount=5) by Bearofbadnews
Witch-Begotten Stalker (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2126532&postcount=6) by Closet_Skeleton
Wonup (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5960055&postcount=3) by Bisected8
Woodsman (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=6073678&postcount=7) by The Gilded Duke
Woror (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5042334&postcount=5) by Kyace
Woruldoomwere (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4436823&postcount=3) by Bisected8
Wrath (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=57794&postcount=8) by Krimm_Blackleaf
Wupperhin (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2117013&postcount=3) by The Great Skenardo
Xintri (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4521736&postcount=5) by Sir Shadow
Yersinia (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=58446&postcount=12) by Lucid_Archon
Yule Pig (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1694928&postcount=16) by Total_Viking_Power
Zodiacal Hydra (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2216664&postcount=17) by Calver
Zuni Warrior Fetish Doll (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=7755171&postcount=14) Debihuman

Morph Bark

2011-03-01, 09:14 AM

Hmmmm, delicious.

Ideas are already growing inside my head. :smallamused:

Admiral Squish

2011-03-01, 12:42 PM

I have the perfect idea for this one.

Cheesy74

2011-03-01, 01:18 PM

Forming an idea. Good competition concept.

EDIT: My DM has been looking for a creature who fits the contest's theme for a while. I'll be tying him into the Infernal Monster (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=176059) discipline that Xefas made. This will be fun.

Djinn_in_Tonic

2011-03-01, 01:52 PM

Hmmmm, delicious.

Ideas are already growing inside my head. :smallamused:

I have the perfect idea for this one.

Forming an idea. Good competition concept.

:smallbiggrin:

I'm glad to hear it. I'll admit I was a bit worried, when picking up one of the most consistently awesome contests on GitP, that I'd be unable to live up to it. This is a considerable relief, actually.

EDIT: My DM has been looking for a creature who fits the contest's theme for a while. I'll be tying him into the Infernal Monster (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=176059) discipline that Xefas made. This will be fun.

Awesome. That discipline always intrigued me in concept (I'll admit I haven't read all the way through it yet), so I'm curious to see what you have in store.

Admiral Squish

2011-03-01, 02:18 PM

Ugh. I don't know if my stomach is strong enough for me to find a picture for this one...

The Glyphstone

2011-03-01, 03:12 PM

I think I've got an idea, though it might be popular enough on these boards that someone will beat me to it.

unosarta

2011-03-01, 04:59 PM

My idea: a creature that starts out young, grows to middle age, becomes elderly, and then is reborn young again. They wouldn't die, but they would have new memories each time they were reborn. Thoughts?

Admiral Squish

2011-03-01, 05:03 PM

There you are, the visceral horde is ready for the first reviews. This IS the first draft, though, so keep that in mind.

It's sorta designed to fit into my new campaign setting, but the influence isn't that heavy.

LOTRfan

2011-03-01, 05:14 PM

Oh, man, I so want to convert the Deva from 4e into a 3.5 monster, now! That won't work for this contest, though (obviously converting something isn't making an original monster), so I'll have to think of something...

Cool theme, by the way.

Land Outcast

2011-03-01, 06:05 PM

Now, this is nice... :smallcool:
Though it's difficult not to fall into the clichès of immortal monsters...
(And even more difficult to take one of those and rework it into something fresh and with style, not going there).

Was thinking a sort of inevitable... then an undying man grown mad... until I saw this:http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs12/i/2006/284/1/d/Imp_by_Beloved_Creature.jpg
For some reason it inspired me to make a "Shadow Imp" (working title) who leaves a shadow print when he loses conciousness, from where he spawns again at death, all the information about him stored in a flat surface (holograms, anyone?).
But here's the catch: the spawn may reconstruct the original creature via a touch. Now you're facing two of them. (until a limit of the original's HD).

Not sure how this works, may I call for opinions? or is everyone left to his own?

unosarta

2011-03-01, 06:18 PM

The Fireborn's base and fluff is up. I will get on the abilities in a bit, don't really have the time to get all of them up right now.

Djinn_in_Tonic

2011-03-01, 06:29 PM

For some reason it inspired me to make a "Shadow Imp" (working title) who leaves a shadow print when he loses conciousness, from where he spawns again at death, all the information about him stored in a flat surface (holograms, anyone?).
But here's the catch: the spawn may reconstruct the original creature via a touch. Now you're facing two of them. (until a limit of the original's HD).

Interesting concept, and that could make for quite an unusual fight, depending on the time frame of the duplication.

Not sure how this works, may I call for opinions? or is everyone left to his own?

You're welcome to ask for input/thoughts/opinions. It's a contest, definitely, but from my experience it's a contest where everyone is willing to help out their competitors. :smallbiggrin:

As a heads up, I'll be running critique on the monsters myself, starting in a couple days so that people have time to assemble their thoughts.

unosarta

2011-03-01, 06:32 PM

Finished abilities, just need feats now.

...And feats are done. Wee, that was faster than I expected.

Also, the Fireborn's hit points are 108 (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OneHundredAndEight). :smallbiggrin:

The Glyphstone

2011-03-01, 08:14 PM

It'll take me a few days to work out the details, but my entry will almost assuredly be a homage to Lucius The Eternal (http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Lucius_the_Eternal)from WH40K. A powerful, unique fiend who lives for the glory of combat, but curses whoever kills it to eventually transform into the fiend and resurrect it (with qualifiers, naturally).

MammonAzrael

2011-03-01, 09:46 PM

Fun concept. I'm thinking of a Troll/Highlander hybrid. These ancient/mutated trolls roam the world, looking for others of their kind to fight, kill, and devour. Eating the flesh of another is the only way to permanently prevent the troll from regenerating, as the victor consumes the loser it gains strength (HD).

Killing one of these trolls by reducing them to -10 HP will have is slowly regenerate over the course of a week or so, unless the entire body is consumed (flesh, bones, everything). A non-troll that kills one in this fashion will gain trollish traits and possibly a hunger akin to Undead Hunger in Libris Mortis.

The Dark Fiddler

2011-03-01, 09:51 PM

Question: would a small group of closely related creatures be allowed as an entry? I think I've seen it done in past contests, but it never hurts to ask.

unosarta

2011-03-01, 10:08 PM

Question: would a small ground of closely related creatures be allowed as an entry? I think I've seen it done in past contests, but it never hurts to ask.

I did it with the Xsoaetsziq (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=9278534&postcount=3), but you should still check with Djinn.

MammonAzrael

2011-03-02, 02:54 AM

Alright, so my cannibalistic highlander-troll is in for it's first draft and review. What do you think? :smallsmile:

Admiral Squish - I really hope you don't find any good pictures for that thing. :smalleek: Also, don't tell Keld about it, or I wouldn't be surprised to see the next student we find a victim of this thing!

Land Outcast

2011-03-02, 09:00 AM

@Cheesy74: love the idea, I can totally see a variation of the Hatespawn being individuals like Jack the Ripper, a veteran confederate soldier founding the KKK, etc... some kind of doppelganger never to be revealed.

Hum... Tome of battle is pretty big in the forums it seems, I'll have to learn about this... (particularly in the "give a class to the picture" thread, half of hte suggestions were for swordsages... :smalleek:)

I'll be posting my creature's draft soon.

Cheesy74

2011-03-02, 07:48 PM

Alright, the Hatespawn should be ready for critical review.

LOTRfan

2011-03-02, 08:11 PM

If we are allowed to make monsters inspired by common media, I'm so making something based off of the Mohra demon (http://buffy.wikia.com/wiki/Mohra_Demon)!

Possibly an aberration or an undead... though, then again, undead already have Liches and Death Knights that fit this category....

Djinn_in_Tonic

2011-03-02, 08:23 PM

If we are allowed to make monsters inspired by common media, I'm so making something based off of the Mohra demon (http://buffy.wikia.com/wiki/Mohra_Demon)!

You will be creating an original D&D creature.

Basically, as long as you're simply inspired rather than being derivative, that's fine. If you simply transfer the monster to D&D, I'm going to have to say that's not okay. But inspiration from a source is always fine.

LOTRfan

2011-03-02, 08:26 PM

Basically, as long as you're simply inspired rather than being derivative, that's fine. If you simply transfer the monster to D&D, I'm going to have to say that's not okay. But inspiration from a source is always fine.

Don't worry. It's not going to be a Mohra Demon, in fact it probably won't even be a demon. Now I'm thinking of some sort of deathless whose positive energy is channeled by an item it wears. I'm still debating, though.

LOTRfan

2011-03-02, 09:10 PM

Okay, the stat block for the Mourning Spectator is done. It'll be a Deathless Jerren (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=9993958#post9993958) whose forced to remain on the Material Plane to guard the unholy sites of demonic cult activity of the Jerren from Goblinoids. Their regeneration and rejuvenation abilities keep them "alive" unless someone sunders their mystical longbow first.

I'll finish it up tomorrow, I guess.

Cheesy74

2011-03-02, 10:59 PM

DracoDei hasn't posted here, but I'll respond to his post anyway.

Hatespawn:

Does this mean KNOWN, or readied/expended? As it stands a rules lawyer type interpritation might be "known, readied, and can't be expended if it is the only Infernal Monster maneuver of that level, because then it wouldn't be readied any more.".

Also, if you first introduce this thing at level 5, it might quickly become a "just make a new character" monster after a few deaths... wait... what am I thinking... prisons, Stone to Flesh, etc etc etc. any character that can't figure how to trap it without killing it (at least with some thinking help from the rest of the party) deserves it...

Actually, now that I think of it, it doesn't seem like the sort of thing to deal well with swimming oceans or booking passage on a ship. You should probably make it so it usually drowns itself trying to swim the ocean, and then comes back with the Amphibious quality.
Maneuvers: It means known, ability clarified.

Excessive advancement: That's the main purpose behind it reappearing thousands of miles away in a random location. It's meant to be the DM's call how long it takes to return to the party, how many times it was killed before actually reaching them, etc. This keeps control in the DM's hands over when it's CR appropriate to encounter it.

"Just imprison it": Imprisonment should still work. That's always a viable option, since it's extremely difficult to do. However, save-or-dies like flesh to stone, crystallize, etc shouldn't work. I added a clause to Undying Evolution about permanently being disabled.

Travel woes: Maxed its ranks in swim, gave it the Unceasing Pursuit ability to aid with its travel.

Admiral Squish

2011-03-03, 02:03 PM

Well, I've got progress! My brother is going to be drawing me a picture for my entry. Possibly not in time for the contest end, but it will have one eventually for my setting.

TheGeckoKing

2011-03-03, 05:14 PM

Just posted up Nebula the Starmetal Droid, a unique character that I was inspired to make up on the spot by the picture. Also, will be much cheerier than the Arcadian Shade, which was pretty grim but not scary sounding (i.e a flop).

Fluff will be done later, or tomorrow. Hope it's not too messy.

The Dark Fiddler

2011-03-03, 06:26 PM

Basically, as long as you're simply inspired rather than being derivative, that's fine. If you simply transfer the monster to D&D, I'm going to have to say that's not okay. But inspiration from a source is always fine.

*coughs and points to previous query, conveniently quoted here*

Question: would a small group of closely related creatures be allowed as an entry? I think I've seen it done in past contests, but it never hurts to ask.

Djinn_in_Tonic

2011-03-03, 06:36 PM

*coughs and points to previous query, conveniently quoted here*

Damn. Missed that completely.

Hm. I'm somewhat hesitant to open the door to multiple-monster entries, but by all means go ahead. If I deem the creation can stand on the merits of one of the creatures alone (i.e. the concept isn't ruined completely by the others not being present), I may ask you to choose one to submit for the contest and display the entire set it a separate thread.

Does that sounds fair?

Basically, I can see something like, say, the Three Fates being a single 3-part monster submission, but I'd need to see flavor/concept proof that it's required in the final piece.

Mulletmanalive

2011-03-03, 06:38 PM

While it's down to Djinn but the previous ruling was basicaly that you would only be judged on one critter [the first in the list unless you made it obvious] and all others had to be spoilered. Thr one exception seemed to be different sizes of the same creature like with the hamster things from Bhu's previous works; D&D seems to counnt monstrous centipedes as one critter and so do we...

Djinned

DracoDei

2011-03-03, 07:07 PM

The Dark Fiddler

2011-03-03, 09:20 PM

Damn. Missed that completely.

Hm. I'm somewhat hesitant to open the door to multiple-monster entries, but by all means go ahead. If I deem the creation can stand on the merits of one of the creatures alone (i.e. the concept isn't ruined completely by the others not being present), I may ask you to choose one to submit for the contest and display the entire set it a separate thread.

Does that sounds fair?

Basically, I can see something like, say, the Three Fates being a single 3-part monster submission, but I'd need to see flavor/concept proof that it's required in the final piece.

Suppose it sounds fair enough, though I'm gonna have to think on whether or not one can stand on its own... should be able to, but no harm in taking a day to think it over.

Cheesy74

2011-03-03, 09:45 PM

To repeat from the VT thread I accidentally posted in:
Hatespawn:

Does this mean KNOWN, or readied/expended? As it stands a rules lawyer type interpritation might be "known, readied, and can't be expended if it is the only Infernal Monster maneuver of that level, because then it wouldn't be readied any more.".

Also, if you first introduce this thing at level 5, it might quickly become a "just make a new character" monster after a few deaths... wait... what am I thinking... prisons, Stone to Flesh, etc etc etc. any character that can't figure how to trap it without killing it (at least with some thinking help from the rest of the party) deserves it...

Actually, now that I think of it, it doesn't seem like the sort of thing to deal well with swimming oceans or booking passage on a ship. You should probably make it so it usually drowns itself trying to swim the ocean, and then comes back with the Amphibious quality.

DracoDei hasn't posted here, but I'll respond to his post anyway.

Maneuvers: It means known, ability clarified.

Excessive advancement: That's the main purpose behind it reappearing thousands of miles away in a random location. It's meant to be the DM's call how long it takes to return to the party, how many times it was killed before actually reaching them, etc. This keeps control in the DM's hands over when it's CR appropriate to encounter it.

"Just imprison it": Imprisonment should still work. That's always a viable option, since it's extremely difficult to do. However, save-or-dies like flesh to stone, crystallize, etc shouldn't work. I added a clause to Undying Evolution about permanently being disabled.

Travel woes: Maxed its ranks in swim, gave it the Unceasing Pursuit ability to aid with its travel.

There you go. B|

DracoDei

2011-03-03, 09:58 PM

Excessive advancement: That's the main purpose behind it reappearing thousands of miles away in a random location. It's meant to be the DM's call how long it takes to return to the party, how many times it was killed before actually reaching them, etc. This keeps control in the DM's hands over when it's CR appropriate to encounter it.
I may have originally read this as giving a specific range. It doesn't.

Alright. Doesn't fit location based campaigns with months/years between played adventures, but that is an acceptable limitation of the homebrew I guess.

Travel woes: Maxed its ranks in swim, gave it the Unceasing Pursuit ability to aid with its travel.
Looks good. I think the swim ranks probably don't matter as much as you seem to think, but they don't hurt.

LOTRfan

2011-03-04, 06:49 PM

Alright, so my cannibalistic highlander-troll is in for it's first draft and review. What do you think? :smallsmile:

Would you mind if I used it in a campaign? :smallsmile:

MammonAzrael

2011-03-04, 06:58 PM

Would you mind if I used it in a campaign? :smallsmile:

Go for it! :smallbiggrin: I take it that means you like it. Any questions about it?

LOTRfan

2011-03-04, 07:11 PM

I'm giving it another once-other, now...

When a troll eats primal troll flesh, does it just change to primal troll (stats and everything), or does it gain the traits similar to the way a Dragonborn loses all it's initial racial traits and gain the Dragonborn traits instead? If the former, does a troll with class levels lose them? And trolls with more than 12 racial Hit Dice.

Base Attack Bonus should be +9, not +11. The Attack and Full Attack sections may need to be fixed because of that.

I'll check for more errors later.

On a fluff note, are all trolls descended from the original primal trolls?

Mangles

2011-03-04, 07:31 PM

Got a basis up, needs a bit more work though. The creature I guess could be considered a treasure itself depending on the level played at. I think the LA on the template might be a bit to much but I don't want to give telekinesis out for free.

MammonAzrael

2011-03-04, 07:42 PM

When a troll eats primal troll flesh, does it just change to primal troll (stats and everything), or does it gain the traits similar to the way a Dragonborn loses all it's initial racial traits and gain the Dragonborn traits instead? If the former, does a troll with class levels lose them? And trolls with more than 12 racial Hit Dice.

Like dragonborn, a troll will lose all its initial traits and gain the primal troll traits. Unlike dragonborn, they do not retain their racial stat adjustments. I'll clarify the transformations.

I'm not sure what to do about trolls with class levels. I want trolls that are actually trolls to retain all their class levels, but I don't want any shenanigans like PaO. Though I'm not sure there is anything I can really do about that. Ideas?

Base Attack Bonus should be +9, not +11. The Attack and Full Attack sections may need to be fixed because of that.

Good catch. I had bumped up the Strength by 4 and for some reason though I needed to add the bonus to BAB. I'll recheck the math, but I don't believe anything else needs to be changed on that count.

On a fluff note, are all trolls descended from the original primal trolls?

Spiritually, yes. Part of the inspiration I got here were from the trolls that appear in David Eddings' books centered around the Bhelliom (who, I found out in the process of writing this, is dead :smallfrown:).

Long ago the trolls were created by their god and were effectively immortal. This just didn't work out well as shorter lived or more fragile races became more common. The other gods were not pleased and essentially forced the troll-god to make his creations able to die. The troll-god gave his children as much resilience as he could, while managing to convince the other gods that while he could change all future generations, the primal trolls could not be altered, and would continue to exist.

As a way to save them from confinement by the other deities, he instilled in them a sense of competition and hunger, a drive to seek each other out to improve themselves, as a way of slowly eliminating them. The troll-god, however, was clever, and over the course of eons has managed to "encourage" some trolls to give birth to their ancestors, granting a favored coupling or troll-child his ancient blessing. The insatiable hunger he "cursed" his original creations with was in fact a belief that only the strongest of his children should survive, and he feels to this day he got the better of the other gods, as his children will eventually prove strongest of all.

I'm planning on incorporating this fluff into the entry, when I've got the chance to flesh it out more. :smallsmile: On that note, does anyone know if there already is an official god for trolls?

TheGeckoKing

2011-03-04, 09:21 PM

Land Outcast

2011-03-05, 08:36 AM

Well, got the fluff up on Nebula, so now I would kindly request someone/anyone go over the stat block to catch any errors (I'm getting better at this, mind you). Also, no flipping idea what the CR is (Tried CR 9, but it seems iffy).
I plan for the Notebook to be a mini tome, that you need to study each day to get the effects of, that gives you a bonus of 3 skills of your choice. The Starcore is something you'd have to go to the Solaris Archmage to aquire, and have him craft of for you, with the Schemata as a guide. Other than that, eh. I'll see if I think up anything new.

Ok, I'll see if I find anything in the stat block... by the way:

Here (http://www.2shared.com/file/fwyB38Kn/CR_estimator.html) is a spreadsheet I did, based off Vorpal Tribble's CR estimator, I used it to try and get a better estimate of my creature, might be useful for you or someone else.

----

The Enu Bezgalig is finished too, I'd be grateful for any critique on it.

TheGeckoKing

2011-03-05, 09:02 AM

Huh. A calculator for CR. Go figure. Thank you!

As for the Ezu Bezgalig, i'll look at it when I can.

Huh. Calculator says about 6. That works, I guess.

Land Outcast

2011-03-05, 09:04 AM

OK, lets start with Nebula, the Starmetal Droid:

AC should read:

Armor Class: 13 (+13 Dex), 13 touch, 10 flat-footed

The attacks should take into account its Str bonus both to hit and to damage.

Slam +6 Melee (1d8+3)
2 Slams +6 Melee (1d8+3)

The saves should have its ability bonuses factored in.

Should have skillpoints equal to 8*(2type+7Int)... of simpler: 9 skills maxed out.
Also, it should add its ability bonuses to skills (Dex, Int, Cha).

While it may automatically qualify for the bolded feats, you do not state them as bonus feats... which is what you might want to do. Otherwise it only has two feats (one for its first HD and one for its third)

Feats: Craft Construct, Craft Wondrous Item, Power Attack, Polyglot

Environment: Clockwork Nirvana of Mechanus
Considering this: "This means that Nebula has the ability to survive anything, using the power to fuel his eternal trip around the multiverse." I'd change it to "Any plane".

Organization: None, but is affiliated with his "father", the Solaris Archmage
Organization normally refers to how the creature will be encountered, I'd change it to "Solitary".

-------------------------

Hope it helps... By the way, about the Starcore Overdrive, you do realize that even a 10th level fighter (with +3 Con, a cloak of resistance +3) would only save on a "17", right?

-------------------

EDIT:
Just ran it through the CR estimator (I considered the Overdrive as 2 Really Strong Special attacks because... well, as it is built it is just deadly) and ended up with a CR a bit above 10.
Of course, the spreadsheet just gives a rough thing...

TheGeckoKing

2011-03-05, 09:14 AM

Thank you very much for that.

As for the Starcore Overdrive, would DC20 be better? I've got it at 25 now, which means it might still be a bit high.

Land Outcast

2011-03-05, 09:53 AM

Some more nitpicks:

Saves should be Fort +1, Ref +4, Will +0

Now that you've given it those three feats as bonus feats, it still has space for another feat:
3 bonus feats
1st HD: Power Attack
3rd HD: ???

Treasure is always random, you might want to put something like "Standard, double items, etc" or "Double items only", if you think it might have no coins nor gem/art objetcs.

-------------------------

On Overdrive: considering the droid will probably will be killed with just one hit, and that it will affect all the party members I'd say 20 is about right, because lets see an entire party, with Con 14 each of them and +3 to saves from magical sources:
Wizard & Rogue: To meet a DC 20 must get a 12 in the d20
Fighter & Cleric: To meet a DC 20 must get an 8 in the d20

and considering it is a save or die effect which cannot be countered, well... I think that's about the correct DC. Of course, characters might have further bonuses from multiclassing or feats, but even if they had a further +3, it'd still be quite deadly.

TheGeckoKing

2011-03-05, 09:59 AM

Done, done, done and one question.

What would you suggest Nebula have as his 3HD feat? I've hit a brick wall and can't think of anything.

Debihuman

2011-03-05, 10:45 AM

Just to point out some design features. Creatures really shouldn't have 3 bonus feats. It really means it needs more hit dice to qualify for another feat.

If you don't want to give it the extra hit die, then I'd recommend losing one of the bonus feats and making it a standard feat as long as it qualifies. If it doesn't qualify for the feat, then it probably shouldn't have it in the first place.

Hatespawn's claws show increased critical hit threat (19-20) but is lacking the feat that allows for this. It needs Improved Critical to get this. It should be standard 20 without the feat. I recommend giving it out as a bonus feat since it doesn't meet the requirement for it.

Visceral Horde -- you need to identify the Special Abilities as Ex, Su or Sp. They should all be Ex.

I have no idea why it has Multiattack and Improved Multiattack feats since it only has one attack. They are wasted feats since it cannot use them. A creature has to have 3 natural attacks in order to qualify for the Multiattack feat.

I'd recommend giving it Blind-Fight and Dodge in place of those feats.

Also, you spelled Aberration incorrectly.

Fireborn needs the AC touch and Flat-footed filled in. Touch should be 20 and flat-footed should be 19.

Secondary attacks are ALWAYS secondary, even if used as a primary attack and take the - 5 penalty, that's why they aren't normally listed in the Attack line. The Attack line should list just the creature's primary attack. It only uses its full Str modifier because it has more than one attack. Creatures that have ONLY one attack can use 1 + 1/2 their modifier.

Attack: Claw +19 melee (1d6+7 plus 2d6 fire)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +19 melee (1d6+7 plus 2d6 fire) and Bite +14 melee (1d4+7 plus 2d6 fire)

Wreathed in Flames is overly complex. It has DR 12/Cold in the statblock. I'm not sure why it should have cold damage reduced by 2d6 as well.

As a design feature, anything that makes the DM have to do more work is a bad design as most DMs will try to avoid using such things. It isn't really in keeping with the concept of the monster either. Since it doesn't have the Fire subtype (and thus doesn't take 50% more damage from Cold), it shouldn't take reduced damage from Cold.

Any Cold damage dealt to the Fireborn is reduced by a number equal to the result of 2d6. If Cold damage is actually dealt to the Fireborn, the flames surrounding it are suppressed for one round. Additional Cold damage dealt while the flames are suppressed does not continue to suppress the flames.

Debby

TheGeckoKing

2011-03-05, 10:54 AM

Actually, would Nebula's SLA's Caster Level let it qualify for Craft Wondrous Item (Ignoring RAI crying in the corner), or does it need to come from a spellcasting class?

Debihuman

2011-03-05, 12:09 PM

FYI: List feats, skills, and special abilities alphabetically. Bonus feats are indicated by (B) or B.

If you use a feat not in the Core books please cite to it (Book and page number).

I'm really sorry that I'm not doing a full PEACHING on any of these. I find that while the creatures fit the parameters of the contest, I'm not liking a few of them based on balance. 3 HD creatures should not have DR 5/magic. 5 HD creatures shouldn't have Epic feats. As a result, I'm not going to PEACH every monster. Sorry guys.

Primal Troll is almost flawless in execution. I wish all entries were so thorough. Although Libris Mortis doesn't mention it, inescapable craving should probably be an Extraordinary ability.

Mourning Spectator should cite Deathless to Book of Exalted Deeds since it is non-core. It isn't a complete entry. Its feats are messed up. It can't take Far Shot unless it has Point Blank Shot as it is a prerequisite.

Nebula doesn't really need Craft Wondrous Item as a bonus feat. It has Craft Construct as a bonus feat so you don't need the prerequisite. Actually, with creatures that have a home plane, you should note that plane in the Environment. Nebula should have the Extraplanar subtype. You were right in the first place when you listed his home plane as Mechanus.

Debby

TheGeckoKing

2011-03-05, 12:35 PM

I'm really sorry that I'm not doing a full PEACHING on any of these. I find that while the creatures fit the parameters of the contest, I'm not liking a few of them based on balance. 3 HD creatures should not have DR 5/magic. 5 HD creatures shouldn't have Epic feats. As a result, I'm not going to PEACH every monster. Sorry guys.

I'm sorry, which epic feat? :smallamused:

The Glyphstone

2011-03-05, 12:38 PM

Maybe she means its ability to speak all languages, which is the same thing as the Polyglot epic feat? That's my only guess, though odd because Lantern Archons can do the same thing.

TheGeckoKing

2011-03-05, 12:42 PM

Well, it was a feat but now it's a special ability, thus there should be no problems with it.

Admiral Squish

2011-03-05, 01:18 PM

Visceral Horde -- you need to identify the Special Abilities as Ex, Su or Sp. They should all be Ex.

I have no idea why it has Multiattack and Improved Multiattack feats since it only has one attack. They are wasted feats since it cannot use them. A creature has to have 3 natural attacks in order to qualify for the Multiattack feat.

I'd recommend giving it Blind-Fight and Dodge in place of those feats.

Also, you spelled Aberration incorrectly.

Wow, that's just embarrassing.

Fixed the tags.

The multiattack/imp. multiattack are relics from an earlier draft when the beastie was a single monster with multiple attacks. Fixed.

I agree with dodge, but not blind-fight. There's no way for creatures to have concealment from them, and they'd be unaffected by darkness/invisibility since they're blind and perceive the world through their blindsight.

Wow. I'm... impressed with myself. Fixed that too.

Debihuman

2011-03-05, 01:27 PM

Maybe she means its ability to speak all languages, which is the same thing as the Polyglot epic feat? That's my only guess, though odd because Lantern Archons can do the same thing.

While the end result may be similar, the feat isn't appropriate and the innate Supernatural ability is. Monster design is as much an art as it is a matter of number crunching. There is no rule that allows you to gain Epic feats as bonus feats. However, there is a rule that allows monsters to have special abilities. Furthermore, the archon has to touch the creature to talk to it. Polyglot allows you to talk at a distance. Polyglot doesn't go away in an antimagic field as Tongues does. They are similar but not the same.

I agree with dodge, but not blind-fight. There's no way for creatures to have concealment from them, and they'd be unaffected by darkness/invisibility since they're blind and perceive the world through their blindsight.

Right you are, that's what I get for looking at just the feats and not going back to the monster to double check. My bad. This is why I need help going through all these monsters.

Going backward for a minute: if you don't want your special ability to go away in an anti-magic field, it cannot be a Spell-like ability, it is an Extraordinary ability. Just because something is mechanical in nature, doesn't mean that you should flaunt the rules.

Eternal Star (Ex): Nebula is powered by what is known as a Starcore, a contained galaxy worth of stars contained in his power core in a colossal multi-dimensional space, and his body is made from 90.76% star metal or converted star matter. This means that Nebula has enough power to fuel his eternal trip around the multiverse and can survive in inhospitable places without taking environmental damage. For example, he takes no damage from falling in lava, but would still be burned by a burning sphere.

Death Throes (Ex): If taken to -10 hp or less, Nebula explodes in a conflagration of fire, as if he had used his Starcore Overdrive ability (see below), only with a range of 30 feet. In one week, he is revived in a special retrofitted Creation Forge in Mechanus. Nothing, bar casting a limited wish, wish or miracle in advance requesting this not to happen can stop this, with Nebula's Starcore energy overpowering anything else.

Force of the Stars (Ex): Nebula harnesses the background wasted energies of the Starcore to manipulate gravity in slight ways. Nebula can use telekinesis and levitate as technological manipulation of energies with the same effect as a 5th-level caster using his Intelligence.

Fast Healing (Ex): Nebula heals 1 point of damage per round. As this is powered by the unimaginable power that is a Starcore, this Fast Healing cannot be negated or turned off by any means, unless Nebula has activated his Starcore Overdrive function (see below).

Starcore Overdrive (Ex): Once per month, as a full round action, Nebula may invoke the full wrath a Starcore powered droid can bring. Everyone and everything within 1,000 feet must make a DC 20 Fortitude Save or be incinerated on the spot and reduced to ash, as per the disintegrate spell. The DC is X ability based.

When Nebula uses this, his Fast Healing does not function for 36 hours and he is instantly reduced to -9 hit points.

Supernova Failsafe (Ex): If Nebula is killed outright (such as by using limited wish, wish or miracle to override his Eternal Star quality), his Starcore is immediately set to self-destruct. The casing contains most of the explosion, but it still tears a 50-foot planar rift that leads to a random plane upon Nebula's death. The killer must also be ready to eventually accept the wrath of Nebula's creator, the Solaris Archmage, who is known for his magical power and for being an utter hermit. [This is a plot device that belongs in the fluff not here]

Preset Programming (Ex): When Nebula was built, he was built with pre-set knowledge in order to make his travels easier. Thus, Nebula automatically gains the Craft Construct feat as bonus feat, although Nebula only ever uses the feat to repair himself. He ignores the cost of repairing himself with the Craft Construct feat, using intuition, his programming, and the Starcore's energies to repair himself rather than costly reagents. Last of all, Nebula can speak, understand, and write in all non-secret languages.

Debby

TheGeckoKing

2011-03-05, 01:44 PM

While the end result may be similar, the feat isn't appropriate and the innate Supernatural ability is. Monster design is as much an art as it is a matter of number crunching. There is no rule that allows you to gain Epic feats as bonus feats. However, there is a rule that allows monsters to have special abilities. Furthermore, the archon has to touch the creature to talk to it. Polyglot allows you to talk at a distance. Polyglot doesn't go away in an antimagic field as Tongues does. They are similar but not the same.

The only difference is that Nebula can talk to people that don't want to talk to him. And they could just, ya know, ignore him anyway.

Anyway, it's a special ability now, so no epic feats on non-epic monsters.

Debihuman

2011-03-05, 02:08 PM

GeckoKing -- just see the spoiler above for changes I'm suggesting.

It's better as a special ability rather than a feat. He can still eavesdrop on people who aren't aware that he can understand them. He could even fake not understanding them (if it didn't violate his alignment). :-)

Debby

P.S. Made a few minor corrections to the spoiler above.

TheGeckoKing

2011-03-05, 02:17 PM

Meh. It just seems a bit weird to me when it was doing the same thing.

Anyway, any reason why you put Nebula's exploding into it's own ability?

Debihuman

2011-03-05, 02:22 PM

More updates were made. See death throes special ability in the SRD. Death throes is actually its own entry separate from other special abilities.

Each special ability should do one unique thing not be a laundry list of things piled up on each other. I made an exception for Pre-Set Programming because those thing are related and they have no in-game consequence.

While I'm thinking of it. You should note in the fluff that Nebula can speak, understand and write in all non-secret languages. It just goes in the section to show where the ability comes from.

Debby

TheGeckoKing

2011-03-05, 02:38 PM

Go figure. I thought Death Throes was one of those abilities everyone and their grandmother has.

Well, thanks a bunch Debi. Nerull knows i'm not very good at this.

The Dark Fiddler

2011-03-05, 02:43 PM

Decided my entry could survive if only one part of it was entered, and thus the rage emote is now up! The other parts would have been emotes based on joy and sorrow, possibly love as well. The rage emote was the strongest, though (and not just in combat), so here it is. As always, I fear I've done a terrible job explaining the abilities, even though they make perfect sense in my mind. I also converted from a small creature to a medium creature, so if I made any mistakes there, I'd be very grateful if they were brought to my attention.

Edit: Also, the link in the thread itself still links to the last chat thread.

unosarta

2011-03-05, 02:51 PM

Fireborn needs the AC touch and Flat-footed filled in. Touch should be 20 and flat-footed should be 19.

Secondary attacks are ALWAYS secondary, even if used as a primary attack and take the - 5 penalty, that's why they aren't normally listed in the Attack line. The Attack line should list just the creature's primary attack. It only uses its full Str modifier because it has more than one attack. Creatures that have ONLY one attack can use 1 + 1/2 their modifier.

Attack: Claw +19 melee (1d6+7 plus 2d6 fire)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +19 melee (1d6+7 plus 2d6 fire) and Bite +14 melee (1d4+7 plus 2d6 fire)
On it.

Wreathed in Flames is overly complex. It has DR 12/Cold in the statblock. I'm not sure why it should have cold damage reduced by 2d6 as well.

Cold Iron, thank you. Also, magical damage is never blocked by Damage Reduction, and Wreathed in Flames is specifically only for cold damage, which would otherwise deal damage.

As a design feature, anything that makes the DM have to do more work is a bad design as most DMs will try to avoid using such things. It isn't really in keeping with the concept of the monster either. Since it doesn't have the Fire subtype (and thus doesn't take 50% more damage from Cold), it shouldn't take reduced damage from Cold.

Debby

Um. Really? You roll 2d6, and subtract that from the cold damage that the Fireborn would otherwise take. It is literally wreathed in flames. Not, like, figuratively, it is literally constantly on fire. That fire means that cold cannot penetrate it as effectively, and cannot fully harm the Fireborn. However, flames are not constant. Hardly, in fact. The flames flicker and vary in heat, and this means that at any point, the Fireborn could have the effects of a minor inferno, or just a candlestick. How does that not fit the monster?

Players and monsters in general have to roll d6's and other dice constantly. Rolling another two dice is not a big enough deal for any DM I know to not use it. If they are that picky (which is frankly kind of ridiculous), then they can replace it with Cold Resistance 12, if they want to.

MammonAzrael

2011-03-05, 03:28 PM

Primal Troll is almost flawless in execution. I wish all entries were so thorough. Although Libris Mortis doesn't mention it, inescapable craving should probably be an Extraordinary ability.

:smallbiggrin: This totally made my afternoon, thanks.

As for making the inescapable craving an extraordinary ability...what exactly is the difference between an extraordinary ability and an ability with no classification? Is there any?

Land Outcast

2011-03-05, 04:07 PM

I find that while the creatures fit the parameters of the contest, I'm not liking a few of them based on balance. 3 HD creatures should not have DR 5/magic.

Even 3 HD creatures with intended CR 5?

(Well, Imps, quasits, dretchs, magmins do have DR 5/"cold iron or good", "DR 5/magic" at HD 2-3 and CR 2)

Then, if DR 5/magic in a HD 3 creature is no good balance: then what do you suggest?
Should I upgrade the Enu Bezgalig to 4 HD so that it has DR 5/magic at the same HD as fiendish creatures get it?

(If I do so I'd up the CR, by the way)

Thanks in advance :smallsmile:

MammonAzrael

2011-03-05, 04:24 PM

Even 3 HD creatures with intended CR 5?

(Well, Imps, quasits, dretchs do have DR 5/cold iron or good at HD 2-3 and CR 2)

Then, if DR 5/magic in a HD 3 creature is no good balance: then what do you suggest?
Should I upgrade the Enu Bezgalig to 4 HD so that it has DR 5/magic at the same HD as fiendish creatures get it?

(If I do so I'd up the CR, by the way)

Thanks in advance :smallsmile:

General rule of thumb is: If your creature has CR higher that it's hit dice, you've done something wrong.

It makes for glass cannon monsters that are either extremely easy to defeat or nearly impossible. That said, I'm not sure what the solution is here, since it is an imp. Low CR monsters can be hard. You could remove Deconstruction of Lacuna, to help reduce the CR.

Why would the original shadow imp ever want to dismiss it's imprints? It suffers no negative consequences from multiple copies, and still is immortal. And now they can all gain hit dice.

What happens when a shadow imp has the maximum number of copies around and then one of the copies gains a HD and dies? Does the copy generate a copy, unrelated to the original shadow imp?

unosarta

2011-03-05, 04:44 PM

General rule of thumb is: If your creature has CR higher that it's hit dice, you've done something wrong.

This is not a very good general rule of thumb, and does not necessarily apply to every monster. CR is just a bad system of encounter measurement, since there is no specific for how well a monster should do against PCs, mostly because, there is no way to generally measure something like that. A monster might be ridiculously easy for PCs simply because of a few rolls, the party makeup, and the location and situation. This can vary fairly widely across quite a few different parties, where a monster that could easily be handled by a party with a healer is devastating to one that doesn't have one, a monster that is easily handled by a group with area of effect spells or abilities is devastating to a group without them, etc.

Land Outcast

2011-03-05, 04:52 PM

General rule of thumb is: If your creature has CR higher that it's hit dice, you've done something wrong.

It makes for glass cannon monsters that are either extremely easy to defeat or nearly impossible. That said, I'm not sure what the solution is here, since it is an imp. Low CR monsters can be hard. You could remove Deconstruction of Lacuna, to help reduce the CR.

Well, this creature is intended to be fragile so that its multiple spawning ability doesn't turn every fight into a tpk... perhaps it is a bad initial concept -mechanically speaking-, a creature which multiplies upon eath (hydra-like).

That said, I could remove Deconstruction, and raise it to 4 HD.

Deconstruction (Su)
Anyone an enu bezgalig touches must succeed on a DC 13 Will save or take an extra 1d4 points of negative energy damage as their mind, undermined by the shadow reaching into it, keeps losing memories. The damage continues for another 1d4+2 rounds after the enu bezgalig’s last successful attack. A creature can only be affected by one deconstruction at a time. Ranged weapon attacks also carry this effect. The save DC is Charisma-based.
Ok, took it out and added one HD.

Why would the original shadow imp ever want to dismiss it's imprints? It suffers no negative consequences from multiple copies, and still is immortal. And now they can all gain hit dice. Now that I'm reading again the ability, I realize I made corrections but didn't change the description so that it remains consistent with itself :smalleek: bad thing. :smallredface:

Ok, revised it.

But, by the way, I should certaily add "six hours after the last spawning took place, all spawn but one dissolve, their matter reuniting to re-form the original enu bezgalig. Enu Bezgalig spawn do not gain hit dice."
thoughts?

On print dismissing:
An enu bezgalig might want to dismiss a shadow print because they only leave one shadow print, which means the following: if one fell unconscious and then came back, its print would be affixed someplace it might not want to return when it dies.

What happens when a shadow imp has the maximum number of copies around and then one of the copies gains a HD and dies? Does the copy generate a copy, unrelated to the original shadow imp?
I just adressed this up there :)

Thanks!

Mangles

2011-03-05, 06:52 PM

done with the crunch

xelliea

2011-03-06, 05:40 AM

Well it's my first time making a monster but I hope it turned out ok, there may be a problem with ability wording, but if anyone has any comments then that would be great.

Mangles

2011-03-06, 06:53 AM

I looked over the time guardian and couldn't see anything wrong, but i am by no means the authority on homebrew.

The Dark Fiddler

2011-03-06, 06:57 AM

Well it's my first time making a monster but I hope it turned out ok, there may be a problem with ability wording, but if anyone has any comments then that would be great.

I'll be editing this as I see more (if I see more, that is), but here's what I've found so far:

Outsiders have full BaB (should be +20) and d8 HD, not d6.
Con bonus is +4, so bonus HP is 80, not 62. HP should be 170.
AC should have -1 from size.
Claws should be: Claw +24 (1d6+5), and though the damage die is slightly mutable, it's strange to boost it by so much without a reason, and the extra 12 damage seems to come from nowhere.
Saves should be: +16, +15, +19
Outsiders get 8+Int modifier skill points per level, you're way short. Maximum ranks is 23, by the way.
The Time Guardian should have 7 feats (1, 3, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18).
The Time Guardian has no caster level, so the only feat it qualifies for is Flyby Attack. It also has no reason for Craft Wand, Wondrous Item, and Scribe Scroll, as it gets no benefit from it.
Amended: You should list the caster level for Time Freeze, and it still gets no benefit from Craft Wand and Wondrous Item, and next to no benefit from Scribe Scroll.
All your ability descriptions are run-on sentences and you should probably fix that, because that's just not good grammar, though it's technically not a problem with the monster, so I'll leave you to do that yourself.
You might want to specify what action Time Leap is.
Having Time Freeze last for seconds is kind of awkward. What does one do if it lasts, for example, 8 seconds? It'd probably be better to convert to rounds.
Alter's save is whack, the formula is 10+half-HD(10)+ability modifier (I'd suggest Con in this case, 4), so 19 is far too low.
Don't give the attack bonus or extra damage for the thrall's claw, that would be decided by the creature's own ability scores.
Does Alter have some way to cure it? Most things like this do, whether it's only during the transformation or after it. You don't have to have it, though, just wondering.
The combat section says that a Time Guardian can transport instantly to any plane, but has no ability allowing this. May or may not be a problem, depending on who you ask.

I think that's all, or at least all I could find. I just woke up, so it's not unlikely I made some mistakes of my own.

Land Outcast

2011-03-06, 07:41 AM

Dark Fiddler pretty much covered up what I can see, but I'll add to his comments:

Armor Class
Dark Fiddler: "AC should have -1 from size."
Also: Armor class should have its "+3" Dex factored in, instead of "+2"

Base Attack/Grapple
Dark Fiddler: Outsiders have full BaB (should be +20)
Also: Large creatures have a +4 bonus to Grapple checks

Skills
Outsiders have skill points equal to (HD+3) x (8 + Int bonus).
So the Time Guardian has 299 skillpoints, or -to keep things simple- could have 13 skills with 23 ranks each.

Special Attack
About Time Freeze, do you realize that Time Stop implies the following?:
"While the time stop is in effect, other creatures are invulnerable to your attacks and spells; you cannot target such creatures with any attack or spell."

That's about it... oh, and I don't think it is even near a CR 18, mainly because it has no defenses against attacks (pitifully low AC), melee damage (no Damage Reduction), magical attacks (no Spell Resistance, it does have Immunities, but they still leave space for magical meddling). Also, it has no great attack options besides its claws.

The Dark Fiddler

2011-03-06, 07:55 AM

That's about it... oh, and I don't think it is even near a CR 18, mainly because it has no defenses against attacks (pitifully low AC), melee damage (no Damage Reduction), magical attacks (no Spell Resistance or Immunities). But also it has no great attack options besides its claws.

It does have some immunities, but nothing particularly prohibitive. But yes, if it stays as is, it is certainly not CR 18.

Land Outcast

2011-03-06, 08:12 AM

It does have some immunitiesI totally missed it, thanks... I'll reword.

xelliea

2011-03-06, 09:48 AM

I have made a few changes, thanks for the help and if there are still some things I should change please tell me.

LOTRfan

2011-03-06, 10:01 AM

I'm planning on incorporating this fluff into the entry, when I've got the chance to flesh it out more. :smallsmile: On that note, does anyone know if there already is an official god for trolls?

From my research:

Afnar, god of vengeance (from Temple of the Troll God)
Vaprak the Destroyer, god of Ogres, Trolls, combat, and greed (Deities and Demigods, 1980 version)

Debihuman

2011-03-06, 10:49 AM

You roll 2d6, and subtract that from the cold damage that the Fireborn would otherwise take. It is literally wreathed in flames. Not, like, figuratively, it is literally constantly on fire. That fire means that cold cannot penetrate it as effectively, and cannot fully harm the Fireborn. However, flames are not constant. Hardly, in fact. The flames flicker and vary in heat, and this means that at any point, the Fireborn could have the effects of a minor inferno, or just a candlestick. How does that not fit the monster?

Players and monsters in general have to roll d6's and other dice constantly. Rolling another two dice is not a big enough deal for any DM I know to not use it. If they are that picky (which is frankly kind of ridiculous), then they can replace it with Cold Resistance 12, if they want to.

Cold Resistance 12 is more standard and while sometimes changing a mechanic improves it, in this case I think it needlessly complicates it. The PCs won't care as 2d6 is really to their benefit as the average is 7 points rather than 12. You are really in effect giving it Cold Resistance 7 rather than 12 based on straight averages. Granted, this isn't a problem but I'm not sure this was your intention.

Debby

unosarta

2011-03-06, 10:58 AM

Cold Resistance 12 is more standard and while sometimes changing a mechanic improves it, in this case I think it needlessly complicates it. The PCs won't care as 2d6 is really to their benefit as the average is 7 points rather than 12. You are really in effect giving it Cold Resistance 7 rather than 12 based on straight averages. Granted, this isn't a problem but I'm not sure this was your intention.

Debby

I giving it a feeling of randomness. That is what I intended. Sure, it might go for 7 after a large amount of trials, but unless the PCs deal only cold damage against Fireborns, and they fight some thousand Fireborn, there is still a facet of randomness in the effect. Just using an online dice roller, I have gotten 8, 4, 3, 6, 10, 10, 7, 5, 8, 6. Only once in ten trials did I get the statistical average. I honestly doubt that any players will be getting the statistical average, if they even use cold damage. I do understand that this is not the same as simply giving it 12 Cold Resistance (and is in fact in all cases inferior). I am fine with that. If necessary, I could bump it up to 3d6, but that doesn't appear to be necessary from what I can tell.

Debihuman

2011-03-06, 11:23 AM

:smallbiggrin: This totally made my afternoon, thanks. You're welcome.

As for making the inescapable craving an extraordinary ability...what exactly is the difference between an extraordinary ability and an ability with no classification? Is there any?

The only abilities which are not classified are 1. "Class-based abilities," which monsters should not get unless they get it from having levels of that class, (although some people like to give those things to monsters, but I think it dilutes specialness of the PCs), and 2. "Natural abilities," which stem from the physical nature of a monster i.e. natural weapons. However, even things like Rend and Scent have designators (both are Extraordinary).

If it is listed as a Special Ability, it should have a designator. From the SRD:

A special ability is either extraordinary, spell-like, or supernatural in nature. Unfortunately, this is overlooked in many cases so just add the most appropriate designator.

Even 3 HD creatures with intended CR 5?

(Well, Imps, quasits, dretchs, magmins do have DR 5/"cold iron or good", "DR 5/magic" at HD 2-3 and CR 2)

Then, if DR 5/magic in a HD 3 creature is no good balance: then what do you suggest?
Should I upgrade the Enu Bezgalig to 4 HD so that it has DR 5/magic at the same HD as fiendish creatures get it?

(If I do so I'd up the CR, by the way)

Thanks in advance :smallsmile:

Glad you questioned this. If you look at strict balance, some monsters are more powerful than their HD would suggest but you have to balance the loss of hit points against the increase in power. Imps have 3 HD with DR 5/good or silver and are CR 2, while magmin have 2 HD with DR 5/magic but have CR 3. It's a matter of balancing both the attacks and the abilities to come up with an appropriate challenge rating.

Enu Bezgalig might be appropriate with weapons and abilities to a CR 6 party but being 2 levels lower in hit points is going to be its downfall. By 6th level, clerics and wizards 3rd levels spells that have significant impact on this creature. This is why having a Low HD monster with High CR becomes a problem for the monster, it can dish it out but generally can't take it.

Can it use its shadowspawn ability in areas of complete darkness or magical darkness? It doesn't have a shadow in those conditions.

I'm more concerned about its ability to cause "negative energy damage." I'm not even sure what negative energy damage does other than most creatures channel negative energy and turn it into physical damage (like the inflict light wound spells. Odds of any of the PCs being Undead is fairly slim and the creature doesn't seem to have Undead allies where this would be a factor. Also, the Plane of Shadow doesn't generally have ties to The Negative Plane of Energy unless I am misremembering that information (possible since I haven't looked much at Planar stuff in a while).

Debby

Cheesy74

2011-03-06, 11:57 AM

Debi: Considering that one of its evolution abilities increases its threat range, I'm just going to nix the Hatespawn's improved claw critical entirely. Thanks for pointing it out, and I'm open to any more advice you have.

Debihuman

2011-03-06, 12:43 PM

I giving it a feeling of randomness. That is what I intended. Sure, it might go for 7 after a large amount of trials, but unless the PCs deal only cold damage against Fireborns, and they fight some thousand Fireborn, there is still a facet of randomness in the effect. Just using an online dice roller, I have gotten 8, 4, 3, 6, 10, 10, 7, 5, 8, 6. Only once in ten trials did I get the statistical average. I honestly doubt that any players will be getting the statistical average, if they even use cold damage. I do understand that this is not the same as simply giving it 12 Cold Resistance (and is in fact in all cases inferior). I am fine with that. If necessary, I could bump it up to 3d6, but that doesn't appear to be necessary from what I can tell.

Your sample is statistically even lower than average (adding 8, 4, 3, 6, 10, 10, 7, 5, 8, 6 = 61 and dividing by 10 = 6.1)

Debby

unosarta

2011-03-06, 12:53 PM

Your sample is statistically even lower than average (adding 8, 4, 3, 6, 10, 10, 7, 5, 8, 6 = 61 and dividing by 10 = 6.1)

Debby

True. However, this all depends on how often the PCs A) see the Fireborn, and B) deal cold damage to it. And considering that I already gave the Fireborn fire immunity and healing from fire damage, I would rather not give them high cold resistance.

Debihuman

2011-03-06, 01:06 PM

True. However, this all depends on how often the PCs A) see the Fireborn, and B) deal cold damage to it. And considering that I already gave the Fireborn fire immunity and healing from fire damage, I would rather not give them high cold resistance.

Based on this information, I recommend giving them Cold Resistance 6. That's equal to 1/2 its HD so you can increase it as it advances rather than keeping it a static number. Does that work for you?

Honestly, if the PCs have any common sense, the first thing they will do when they see a creature wreathed in flames is pull out Cold based attacks.

Off topic edit for a bit: If you see something I write and you disagree, please let me know. I make mistakes, sometimes really boneheaded ones. I try to be careful as this is a contest and when all the entries are top notch it makes voting harder.

Also, it is good for everyone to see a different perspective. Feel free to disagree (even vehemently) with me. I sometimes get stuck in a rut with design as well and need to be reminded that there is always a time and a place to bend the rules (and even break them).

That said, I really think every monster (and especially the ones that I don't initially like) deserves to be as good as possible. Sometimes, the editing process gets me to the point where I've voted for a creature that I didn't like in the beginning. I lied earlier when I said I wouldn't PEACH all the entries as it looks like I'm almost up to date. I'm a little burned out today but I'll be back with more PEACHING tomorrow for more of the creatures.

Debby

unosarta

2011-03-06, 01:09 PM

Based on this information, I recommend giving them Cold Resistance 6. That's equal to 1/2 its HD so you can increase it as it advances rather than keeping it a static number. Does that work for you?

Honestly, if the PCs have any common sense, the first thing they will do when they see a creature wreathed in flames is pull out Cold based attacks.

Debby

You know what, fine, since you keep on asking for it.

Debihuman

2011-03-06, 01:24 PM

I am really really sorry. I feel like I'm brow-beating you into the change and that's not my intention. In the end, it's your design and I'm only offering suggestions based on your feedback.

Debby

The Glyphstone

2011-03-06, 01:30 PM

If you want something flavorful and effective without the randomness, maybe have it automatically take minimum damage from cold attacks? If their Cone of Cold does 15d6, it takes...15. Since, as Demihuman pointed out, the first reaction of any party faced with a fire monster is to bust out the cold spells, this could throw them for a loop.

unosarta

2011-03-06, 01:38 PM

I am really really sorry. I feel like I'm brow-beating you into the change and that's not my intention. In the end, it's your design and I'm only offering suggestions based on your feedback.

Debby
No, I understand that you have the best intentions in mind, and that you are just trying to make it easier for a DM. I am sorry if I was being snappy. I really appreciate that you are looking over everyone's monsters like this, it really is kind of a thankless job. :hugs:

If you want something flavorful and effective without the randomness, maybe have it automatically take minimum damage from cold attacks? If their Cone of Cold does 15d6, it takes...15. Since, as Demihuman pointed out, the first reaction of any party faced with a fire monster is to bust out the cold spells, this could throw them for a loop.

This could work! And it wouldn't even require the DM to roll, or do anything, just look at the coefficient on the dice. Thanks, Glyphstone.

[Edit]: ...And Glyphstone's idea is implemented.

Land Outcast

2011-03-06, 01:53 PM

@unosarta: two minor nitpicks for the Fireborn

Touch AC should be 20, Deflection bonuses count towards it.

The bamage bonus in the Attack: line should be of +7, not +10. AFAIK damage bonus for natural weapons doesn't vary between attacks and full attacks

unosarta

2011-03-06, 01:57 PM

@unosarta: two minor nitpicks for the Fireborn
Touch AC should be 20, Deflection bonuses count towards it.

I am fairly sure deflection bonuses do not count towards touch armor class. But, upon reading the bonus description in the SRD, it appears you are right.

The bamage bonus in the Attack: line should be of +7, not +10. AFAIK damage bonus for natural weapons doesn't vary between attacks and full attacks

When a creature attacks with a single natural attack, they gain 1.5 strength modifier to damage, IIRC.

Land Outcast

2011-03-06, 02:38 PM

When a creature attacks with a single natural attack, they gain 1.5 strength modifier to damage, IIRC.
Just went to the SRD to check which was the exact ruling:
they gain Strx1.5 if it is their "sole natural weapon", as in a wolf's bite. Otherwise they get full strength bonus in the primary attack and 1/2 in their secondary attacks.

--------------------

People usually miss adding deflection bonuses to touch AC... perhaps it didn't add to it in 3.0?

unosarta

2011-03-06, 02:44 PM

Just went to the SRD to check which was the exact ruling:
they gain Strx1.5 if it is their "sole natural weapon", as in a wolf's bite. Otherwise they get full strength bonus in the primary attack and 1/2 in their secondary attacks.

--------------------

People usually miss adding deflection bonuses to touch AC... perhaps it didn't add to it in 3.0?

Fixed.

I don't know, the description of deflection doesn't sound like it would be added to touch attacks. Kinda depends though.

Admiral Squish

2011-03-06, 03:33 PM

I don't suppose somebody would be so kind to tear into the visceral horde?

Cheesy74

2011-03-06, 03:42 PM

I don't suppose somebody would be so kind to tear into the visceral horde?

If you'll return the favor, absolutely. Let's do this.

Tiny Aberration (Swarm)
Hit Dice:8d8+40 (76 HP)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 20 feet (4 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (+2 Natural, +2 dex, +2 Size), 14 touch, 14 flat-footed
Base Attack/Grapple: +6/-4
Attack: Swarm (3d6)
Full Attack: Swarm (3d6)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Distraction, Blood Feast
Special Qualities: Half damage from slashing and piercing, Blindsight 60, Scent, Swarm Traits
Saves: Fort +7, Ref +4, Will +6
Abilities: Str 6, Dex 14, Con 20, Int 2, Wis 10, Cha 2
Skills: Survival +13
Feats: Dodge, Track, Self-Sufficient
Environment: Any
Organization: Solitary, Rampage (2-8)
Challenge Rating: 5
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: -
Level Adjustment: -

Base statistics look good, though the speed seems a tad fast for a bunch of hopping organs. The feats seem fairly nonsensical to me, though. Dodge for a pile of nigh-mindless organs? What's the point of Self-Sufficient? Survival provides a bonus to track checks, but Heal is useless for these things. Skill Focus (Survival) might work better if you're trying to focus them on tracking. Even then, the next section suggests more of a "mindless seeking" than a methodical following of tracks. The feats need to be looked over again, for sure.

Combat:
Visceral hordes have only the most simplistic of tactics. They constantly hunt for new victims to sustain themselves, falling upon one target after another in a bloody quest to survive and feed.
Standard fare, sure.

Distraction (Ex): Any living creature that begins its turn with a visceral horde in its square must succeed on a DC 19 Fortitude save or be nauseated for 1 round. The save DC is Constitution-based. You may want to choose a new modifier to base this off. A high-constitution fighter will only have a fort save of +7 at level 5 and thus fail this more often than not. It should probably be a lower DC.

Blood Feast (Ex): Whenever a living, corporeal creature takes damage from the visceral horde’s swarm attack, they take 1d4 points of con damage as the swarm consumes their flesh and blood. For each point of constitution damage dealt, the visceral horde heals 5 points of damage. Any creature slain by this damage has his remains absorbed into the swarm, and cannot be resurrected until the visceral horde is slain. Yeesh, nasty. 1d4 might be a bit much at this level, but otherwise it fits very well.

Blindsight (Ex): A visceral horde can use scent and vibration to ascertain all foes within 60 feet as a sighted creature would.
Absolutely necessary.

It's a decently-balanced monster in its own right, but its save DC and swarm attack special ability might be a little over the top. Otherwise, good stuff.

unosarta

2011-03-06, 03:47 PM

Also, isn't the "half damage from slashing and piercing" already in the swarm traits themselves?

I am not really getting an immortality vibe from the mechanics. Maybe if the Visceral Horde kills a creature from blood loss alone, the newly killed creature creates a new visceral horde?

Debihuman

2011-03-06, 04:02 PM

No, I understand that you have the best intentions in mind, and that you are just trying to make it easier for a DM. I am sorry if I was being snappy. I really appreciate that you are looking over everyone's monsters like this, it really is kind of a thankless job. :hugs:

This could work! And it wouldn't even require the DM to roll, or do anything, just look at the coefficient on the dice. Thanks, Glyphstone.

[Edit]: ...And Glyphstone's idea is implemented.

Great! This is exactly what I mean. It's so helpful when others chime in because they see things I miss. Like I said, I can only make suggestions, though I try to explain why some ideas are better than others. That doesn't mean my suggestion is always right but at least it is a jumping off point.

Thanks for the hug. I'm always worried that I'll come across as harsh and judgmental rather than helpful. This is usually why I wait a while before posting critiques. I want to make the monster better not make the writer feel bad.

Debby

MammonAzrael

2011-03-06, 04:07 PM

I am not really getting an immortality vibe from the mechanics. Maybe if the Visceral Horde kills a creature from blood loss alone, the newly killed creature creates a new visceral horde?

Note that immortality isn't the aim of this competition. Any way of living beyond death, which I think the Horde does quite well, in a very gruesome fashion.

Otherwise, I agree with Cheesy74's analysis that it looks good, but the two unique abilities are a little strong facing down a CR 5 party. Especially since they're synergistic.

unosarta

2011-03-06, 04:12 PM

Great! This is exactly what I mean. It's so helpful when others chime in because they see things I miss. Like I said, I can only make suggestions, though I try to explain why some ideas are better than others. That doesn't mean my suggestion is always right but at least it is a jumping off point.

Thanks for the hug. I'm always worried that I'll come across as harsh and judgmental rather than helpful. This is usually why I wait a while before posting critiques. I want to make the monster better not make the writer feel bad.

Debby

No problem! Thank you so much for critiquing everyone's work! You are a boon to this competition.

Note that immortality isn't the aim of this competition. Any way of living beyond death, which I think the Horde does quite well, in a very gruesome fashion.

Well, yes, but the mechanics don't really talk about living beyond death. There is this small part about how transformative magic can do it, but nothing quantifiable, which is what I meant.

Land Outcast

2011-03-06, 05:11 PM

MammonAzrael already gave me some critique I worked on to improve my creature (and I thank you throughly for that).

Would anyone else like to comment on it? I'm particularly curious about the spawning ability of my creature...

Bardic

2011-03-07, 08:39 PM

Hello, one and all... I decided to try my hand at competition. One glaring problem I see (with my own entry): the only picture that gave my concept of the creature justice is immense. Can anyone give me an explanation on how to fix it to be smaller? Also, please, please PEACH. I just know I did something wrong with the Aura of Inversion. But, alas, I am a mere newcomer to these great forums.

The Glyphstone

2011-03-07, 08:43 PM

Well, it's now in a spoiler box, so that's one solution.

Alternatively, you could save the image, manually shrink it with your image-editing software of choice, then re-upload it to Photobucket or another similar site.

PEACH in progress:

Hit Dice: 91 (14d8+28)

Should be:
Hit Dice: 14d8+28 (91 HP)
-------------

Speed: 8 squares, fly 18 (good)

In 3.5 terminology, this is:
Speed: 40ft. (8 squares), fly 90ft. (good)
------------------

Base Attack/Grapple: +14/+18

Grapple mod should be +21 (+14 BAB, +3 Str, +4 size)

Feats: Empower Spell-Like Ability, Flyby Attack, Hover, Improved Natural Attack [Claw], Wingover

-Imp. Natural Attack is a "wasted" feat when homebrewing a monster, because you design how much its base damage is - feats like INAttack and INArmor are things you're supposed to give to a monster when you advance its Hit Dice.
-Empower Spell-Like Ability needs to select a single SLA that it functions for, of 4th level or lower (because it is CL12th).

Advancement: 16-20 HD (Huge)

Typically, monsters are average for their type, and not at the maximum hit dice before they gain a size category. The standard is that a monster not advancing by class levels can add +50% of its starting hit dice before gaining a size, then another 100% of its starting hit dice at its new size. Also, it has 14 HD naturally, and you've started advancement at 16HD.:smalltongue: This should probably be:
Advancement: 15-21 HD (Large), 22-35 HD (Huge)

Spell-Like Abilities (Su)
At-will - Protection from Law, Minor Creation; 5/day - Major Creation; 1/day - Polymorph. Caster level 12th. The save DCs are Charisma based.

Why does it only cast at CL12, when it has 14 hit dice?

Smite Law (Su)
Three times per day, a Kzetar can make a melee attack against a lawful foe and gain a +14 bonus to the damage roll.

Smite attacks usually add [Stat] to attack and [class level] to damage, or in this case Hit Dice. So if this is supposed to be Smite Law the way a paladin Smites Evil, it would give +4 to attack and +14 to damage.

Endless Cycle (Ex)
A Kzetar’s body continuously wears away, destroyed by the inherent chaos of its origin. Every week, a Kzetar takes 1d8 damage. This damage cannot be restored or resisted in any way. When the first d8 of damage is taken, a new Kzetar is formed with all the memories of the original Kzetar and 1 HD in a random location on a different plane. For each additional d8 of damage the original Kzetar sustains, the new one gains an additional HD. When the original Kzetar drops to 0 HP, the new one gains the Endless Cycle ability and begins taking damage accordingly. If a Kzetar is killed by effects besides Endless Cycle, a new Kzetar with full HD appears on a random plane 1 week following the original Kzetar’s death.

You should probably specify that the new 'baby' Kzetar does not gain Endless Cycle until the original deteriorates to 0 HP.

OVERALL:
An interesting monster - extremely fragile though. It has low HP for its CR, and lacks any sort of resistances or immunities. It's not so much a glass cannon as a glass time bomb - any party that encounters it will likely kill it in one or two rounds, and they have to, because letting it live any longer means all their gear will start taking critical damage (things like Rings don't have a lot of HP, and are expensive).

Bardic

2011-03-07, 09:17 PM

The Glyphstone

2011-03-07, 09:18 PM

Thanks for the critique! I believe I'm going to edit out the effects on held/worn items, because with that it becomes a rust monster on steroids. I do need to bump up the HP, and I think the caster level thing was a typo. I gave it Resist 10/Law, since that seemed appropriate. Hopefully, I've cleared up some of the more glaring problems.

That'd be Damage Reduction 10/Law, since there's exactly one [Law] spell in the game that does damage. Some elemental resistances, or a decent pile of Spell Resistance (26 would be average for a 14HD outsider) would go a long way towards helping.

Bardic

2011-03-07, 09:21 PM

Elemental resistances don't seem to make enough sense for a chaos-based creature, so I'll go with the spell resistance. Thanks again for the tip!

The Glyphstone

2011-03-07, 09:27 PM

Elemental resistances don't seem to make enough sense for a chaos-based creature, so I'll go with the spell resistance. Thanks again for the tip!

I'd think elemental resistance would make perfect sense for a chaos creature, if it spends any time on the Elemental Plane of Limbo (the plane of Chaos) - it's nothing but blobs of conflicting elemental energies running into each other.

Bardic

2011-03-07, 10:00 PM

Hmmm... didn't think of that. Maybe resist 5 to fire, cold, lightning and acid?

Admiral Squish

2011-03-07, 11:51 PM

If you'll return the favor, absolutely. Let's do this.

Alright, I'll get right on that once I'm done responding.

Base statistics look good, though the speed seems a tad fast for a bunch of hopping organs. The feats seem fairly nonsensical to me, though. Dodge for a pile of nigh-mindless organs? What's the point of Self-Sufficient? Survival provides a bonus to track checks, but Heal is useless for these things. Skill Focus (Survival) might work better if you're trying to focus them on tracking. Even then, the next section suggests more of a "mindless seeking" than a methodical following of tracks. The feats need to be looked over again, for sure.

Speed: Well, they are heavily mutated organs. Some have little primitive limbs to use, and others have alternate methods of locomotion. On the mechanical side, realistically, any slower than this would make them too easy to run away from.
Feats: Well, honestly, it's hard to pick feats for a swarm. I mostly chose self-sufficient due to the irony of it, and dodge was suggested by debi. I will be looking for more feats to replace these two.
Tracking: the key is endlessly seeking. They're blind, so they can't see anything beyond the range of the blindsight. But what they can do is follow scents. They blindly attack anything that comes in range, and when nothing is in range, they find the nearest scent trail and follow that in search of new victims.

You may want to choose a new modifier to base this off. A high-constitution fighter will only have a fort save of +7 at level 5 and thus fail this more often than not. It should probably be a lower DC.

Well, every other swarm uses constitution as a base. I could knock it's con down a notch or two, though. Or raise the CR?

Yeesh, nasty. 1d4 might be a bit much at this level, but otherwise it fits very well.

Well, that would fit with the earlier idea of raising the CR.

Absolutely necessary.

Should I add in the blind special quality from the destrachan?

It's a decently-balanced monster in its own right, but its save DC and swarm attack special ability might be a little over the top. Otherwise, good stuff.

would the aforementioned CR increase solve this, or would it be too weak in it's other aspects?

Also, isn't the "half damage from slashing and piercing" already in the swarm traits themselves?

It might be, all tiny swarms I see include it in the block. Possibly just to make sure people can't miss it.

I am not really getting an immortality vibe from the mechanics. Maybe if the Visceral Horde kills a creature from blood loss alone, the newly killed creature creates a new visceral horde?

I WAS considering something along those lines originally, but I decided it didn't fit the fluff. The hordes are created by magic, not an infection. Besides, the fluff demands the organs feed on the bodies of their victims, not just hurt them then leave the organs alone.

Note that immortality isn't the aim of this competition. Any way of living beyond death, which I think the Horde does quite well, in a very gruesome fashion.

Thank you! I'm glad you like it!

Otherwise, I agree with Cheesy74's analysis that it looks good, but the two unique abilities are a little strong facing down a CR 5 party. Especially since they're synergistic.

What do you think would be an appropriate CR, then?

Well, yes, but the mechanics don't really talk about living beyond death. There is this small part about how transformative magic can do it, but nothing quantifiable, which is what I meant.

Well, you could think of the healing the thing gains from eating it's victims as absorbing their bodies into itself.

Debihuman

2011-03-08, 12:31 PM

How long does an enu bezgalig's simulacra weapon last? What happens to the weapon if the creature is disarmed?

Simulacra (Su)
An enu bezgalig has 6 simulacra points*; as a move action an enu bezgalig can distribute these points between weapons and armor as following:
Conjure armor with deflection bonus to AC +X, up to his HD: X points
Conjure simple masterwork weapon: 1 point
Conjure martial masterwork weapon: 2 points
Conjure a simple or martial weapon with +X enhancement: base point cost +X
An enu bezgalig can always use the Weapon Finesse feat to apply its Dexterity modifier instead of its Strength modifier to attack rolls with a light or one-handed simulacra weapon.
An enu bezgalig can dismiss any of his simulacra as a free action.
*An enu bezgalig has simulacra points equal to its HD plus its charisma modifier.

You should note that your sample creature uses 3 points of simulacra for its armor so it only has 3 points for its weapons. It only can conjure simple and martial weapons so it can't have the light crossbow as that is a ranged weapon.

Skills:
An enu bezgalig has a bonus to Knowledge (History) checks equal to his HD multiplied by three (+12 for a 4 HD enu bezgalig).

Way overpowered for any creature for a skill bonus and you don't seem to give it anything in its background. Also, in the text you say it can make an "information harvest" on their enemies but don't have a mechanic or ability that does that.

Mourning Specter needs to have its Special Attacks explained under the Combat section. It isn't complete without it. If it is non-core material just cite to the book.

Nebula:

Starcore Overdrive (Ex): Once per month, as a full round action, Nebula may invoke the full wrath a Starcore powered droid can bring. Everyone and everything within 1,000 feet must make a DC 20 Fortitude Save or be incinerated on the spot and reduced to a pile of fine ash, as per the Disintegrate spell. The DC is Con based. The Fort save is 10 + 1/2 the creature's HD + Con modifier. 10 +2 +0 = 12 not 20.

Symbiotic soul's advancement seems off to me. If it doesn't increase in size, it probably doesn't need to advance at all.

Rage emotes

Rage emotes are beings made of pure anger, born when a person who is prone to excessive and consuming anger dies. This suggests that they should be Undead rather than Outsiders. If they are Outsiders, then you should designate which plane of existence they originate. [Any chaotic plane would do].

Debby

Land Outcast

2011-03-08, 02:52 PM

I had intended for the weapons to have no duration limit... but I see how that can become an issue, I'll add a duration to the ability.

If the enu bezgalig is disarmed he'll simply be disarmed, and the weapon can be used by someone else. Note that he can dismiss any of his simulacra as a free action.

You should note that your sample creature uses 3 points of simulacra for its armor so it only has 3 points for its weapons. It only can conjure simple and martial weapons so it can't have the light crossbow as that is a ranged weapon. I'll note how simulacra points are spent right away!

It can conjure simple and martial weapons, and the light crossbow is a simple weapon.

Way overpowered for any creature for a skill bonus and you don't seem to give it anything in its background. You're right, now that I come to reread looking for it, the knowledge in history -fruit of their hunger for information and nigh-immortality by shadow prints- should be made more explicit in their background.

Also, in the text you say it can make an "information harvest" on their enemies but don't have a mechanic or ability that does that. I wasn't really refering to an ability but rather to "they usually sell their services for information, or for gold which in turn will be used to buy information." and their Gather Information skill.

--------------------------------

I'll write in the modifications later today. Thanks for your help Debby.

The Glyphstone

2011-03-08, 02:58 PM

Way overpowered for any creature for a skill bonus and you don't seem to give it anything in its background. Also, in the text you say it can make an "information harvest" on their enemies but don't have a mechanic or ability that does that.

Why is a bonus to Knowledge: History of any level overpowered? It's not even a viable option for Knowledge Devotion.

Melayl

2011-03-08, 11:15 PM

I am once again throwing my hat into the ring. My Malkin is/are posted up. I still have some fluff to fill in, and possibly some Lore, but they're otherwise done.

Please feel free to comment and critique (I'm sure it will need it), but be aware it may be a few days before I'm able to review and reply.

MammonAzrael

2011-03-08, 11:23 PM

From my research:

Afnar, god of vengeance (from Temple of the Troll God)
Vaprak the Destroyer, god of Ogres, Trolls, combat, and greed (Deities and Demigods, 1980 version)

Oh my. I'll have to do some research. I may expand one of these fellow, or just scrap them and make my own trollish deity.

The only abilities which are not classified are 1. "Class-based abilities," which monsters should not get unless they get it from having levels of that class, (although some people like to give those things to monsters, but I think it dilutes specialness of the PCs), and 2. "Natural abilities," which stem from the physical nature of a monster i.e. natural weapons. However, even things like Rend and Scent have designators (both are Extraordinary).

If it is listed as a Special Ability, it should have a designator. Unfortunately, this is overlooked in many cases so just add the most appropriate designator.

Cool. I'll update that then.

Additionally, I'm thinking of increasing the critical multiplier on the primal troll's bite to x3, as it is quite nasty. Thoughts?

Thoughts on The Glyphstone's Hochmyt:

The +2 adamantine breastplate has a max Dex bonus of +3, so the AC and touch AC need to be reduced by 1.
The attack and full attack bonus for both melee entries need to be increased by +2 (+12 BAB, +10 Str, +2 weapon), and both are lacking an ending parenthesis.
Isn't standard damage for a whip 1d3, not 1d6?
You don't need to include the x2 crit multiplier. The multiplier only needs to be mentioned if it isn't x2.
As with the Balor (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/demon.htm#balor), you may want to note its reach with it's whip.
Have you thought about making the DR overcomable by cold iron? Because it seems like this thing would not discriminate between good and evil that much, and would give all it's opponents an equal chance to ignore it's DR, fitting in with the idea of fairness.
The Reflex save should be +12 unless I'm missing something?
I like that it's Will is it's lowest stat.
How many ranks does it have in it's various skills?
The rest of the stat block looks solid.
I love the flavor, though I have a question. the second paragraph mentions that it can be difficult to evade, but it has no tracking capabilities or anything to back that up mechanically. It might be good to add some kind of homing ability to locate targets it has previously encountered, challenged, or been defeated by.
I feel like this monster is perfect for using the Duels of Wills ability for Intimidate from ToB, always challenging the most worthy opponent.
The various abilities are all good, and appear well-written.
I feel like there should be some mechanical influence of Victory Beyond Death (which feels like a Su ability that would only be suppressed in an AMF) that causes the sufferer to make a Will save to avoid challenging worthy opponents. And the DC varies depending on how much Cha drain the character has suffered.

Final thoughts: Great monster, I really like the "honorable" spin.

Mangles

2011-03-09, 12:46 AM

Took on your advice Debby and change the advancment. Thanks for that.

If i missed any advice let me know. I was AFK for a few days

MammonAzrael

2011-03-09, 07:43 AM

Thoughts on Melayl's Malkin:

Average HP should be 10 + 4*5.5 + 2*5 = 42 HP
Size modifiers apply to touch AC
BAB should be +5, same as it's HD, grapple should be +1.
Attack bonuses should be +11, and +6 for the claws in a full attack.
Odd that this "super-cat" has it's bite as it's primary weapon, whereas cats (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/cat.htm) traditionally have their claws as their primary weapon.
Being able to use what is effectively a 5th level power every 4 rounds is pretty powerful.
Why is Invisibility a move action? A standard action makes more sense, especially since it isn't much of a combat ability, given it drops at the first attack.
Why does it keep its natural armor bonus when it shapechanges? :smallconfused: It is changing into a tiny cat...so why does it get to keep something that it gains purely based on it's original physical form?
Additionally, being able to change back and forth as a free action is a little crazy. I would think it would take at least a swift action, though most shape changing abilities I know of take a standard action.
The Cat Came Back seems kind of awkward. I get that it takes over another feline. But then why would the Malkin just surround itself with cats and kill itself over and over again, gaining hit dice rapidly. They are too intelligent to not think of this. I feel like you have a great chance to do a "nine lives" spin here, either granting them the ability to return from death 9 times, or take over cats 9 times, or something.
How can The Cat Came Back be stopped? Will a wish do it? What about a limited wish? Any kind of immortality I think needs some kind of clause defining how to prevent it. Even the Tarrasque has a clause.
Aside from it's evasiveness, this thing is very fragile to a 6th level character. Only 1 or 2 solid hits are needed, which shouldn't be a problem as the thing has next to no defenses. some type of low magic or material-based DR may be appropriate.
It's Will save should be +4 (1 base + 3 Will).
Why is it so smart? I realize that it could be covered in upcoming fluff, but this thing is wickedly intelligent for a magical beast. AFAIK Winter Wolves are fairly intelligent magical beasts, and they only have an Int of 9.
It also has a pretty impressive Charisma, but that is more understandable.
Weapon Finesse doesn't apply to a single natural attack, like chosing Weapon Focus. It applies to all your attacks that it can.
Force of Personality doesn't apply to all will saves, only to mind-affecting spells and abilities. Also, I personally think it feels a little odd on a magical beast.

Final Thoughts: Looking forward to the fluff!

Eurus

2011-03-09, 11:07 AM

Okay, I decided I want to try and get something up (although knowing me, I may not ever get it to a point where I'm happy enough to post it), so I thought I'd ask for advice. Got two ideas knocking around, both fey:

1) The Green Ladies, a race of hag-like creatures. Potentially friendly if treated well, and with extensive knowledge of magic and medicine. Upon death, undergoes a phoenix-like rebirth after a few hours, with what remains of her corpse melting away to leave a perfectly human-looking newborn baby. The Ladies keep in contact with each other so that when this happens, another Lady is on hand to retrieve and swap the baby hag with a mortal child to live with humans until such time as it becomes fully grown.

2) Kiwicha are a gentle and rare species of fey, much loved for their ability to bring flowering plants in any season; areas where many congregate tend to become locked in a state of eternal spring. They are naturally immortal, and return to life after dying. If slain violently, however, the resulting creature is twisted by hatred, becoming much more powerful and hungry for revenge. Some rare individuals, usually those killed in an attempt to defend something else, manage to hold onto their sanity through this transformation. (Unlike the Green Ladies, I'd do my best to make this one actually somewhat playable from an ECL standpoint.)

Land Outcast

2011-03-09, 03:23 PM

@Bardic:

Attacks should be:

Attack: Claw +16 (2d8+3) or Bite +16 (2d6+3)
Full Attack: Two claws +16 (2d8+3) and bite +11 (2d6+3 each)
Reduced attack bonus from size penalty (-1).
Secondary natural attacks receive a "-5" penalty, which can be lessened to a "-2" with the Multiattack feat.
Damage bonus from strength is: full damage bonus for primary natural attacks*.

*(unless it only has one natural attack, then it would have Str bonus x 1.5)

And a nitpick here:

Resist 5 Acid, Cold, Fire, LightningShould be "Resist Acid 5, Cold 5, Electricity 5, Fire 5".

Debihuman

2011-03-09, 04:00 PM

Regarding the Kzetar

@Bardic:
Attacks should be:

Attack: Claw +16 (2d8+3) or Bite +16 (2d6+3)
Full Attack: Two claws +16 (2d8+3) and bite +11 (2d6+3 each)

Sorry but this is incorrect. Secondary attacks are still secondary even when used as primary attacks. This is why they generally aren't listed in the attack line. See below (the line in the increased font is the relevant section)
From the SRD (Reading the Monster Entry):

Attack

This line shows the single attack the creature makes with an attack action. In most cases, this is also the attack the creature uses when making an attack of opportunity as well. The attack line provides the weapon used (natural or manufactured), attack bonus, and form of attack (melee or ranged). The attack bonus given includes modifications for size and Strength (for melee attacks) or Dexterity (for ranged attacks). A creature with the Weapon Finesse feat can use its Dexterity modifier on melee attacks. If the creature uses natural attacks, the natural weapon given here is the creature’s primary natural weapon. If the creature has several different weapons at its disposal, the alternatives are shown, with each different attack separated by the word "or." A creature can use one of its secondary natural weapons when making an attack action, but if it does it takes an attack penalty, as noted in the Full Attack section below. The damage that each attack deals is noted parenthetically. Damage from an attack is always at least 1 point, even if a subtraction from a die roll reduces the result to 0 or lower.

I'm gonna tackle this creature now because I'm seeing several stat block errors.

Hit Dice: 14d8+28 (91 hp)

Con 15 is +2 bonus (2x14=28 so it has 28 bonus hit points). 14x4.5=63 +28= 91 hit points.

Armor Class: 21 (-1 size, +7 natural, +5 dexterity), 14 touch, 16 flat-footed
Don't put the AC in parentheses.

If the Claw is the primary attack, then the bite is secondary. If the bite is primary, then the claw is secondary. With natural weapons, only one can be the primary weapon.

It looks like the bite is secondary. I am not sure why you have an "each" in the full attack line since nowhere do you describe the creature as having more than one mouth. Melee attack is BAB + Size modifier + Str modifier.
14 -1 + 3= 16. It appears that the claw attack is primary and the bite is secondary. Since it doesn't have any feats that would affect the numbers, the correct lines are as follows:

Attack: Claw +16 melee (2d8+3) or bite +11 melee (2d6+1)
Full Attack: Two claws +16 melee (2d8+3) and bite +11 melee (2d6+1).

Special Qualities: Aura of Inversion, DR 10/Law, Endless Cycle, Evasion, Flight, Resist 5 Acid, Cold 5, Electricity 5, Fire 5, Spell-like Abilities.

Note: there is no "resistance to lightening", you resist electricity. It also looks like it should have Evasion. See your text:
Combat
In combat a Kzetar never uses the same stratagem twice. They move and attack within planning or forethought, but somehow seem to anticipate an enemy's every move. Though they may charge wildly and strike without reason, they move fluidly and dazzlingly quickly, evading reprisal by an inch each time. . It should also have the Flight ability since it does not appear to have wings and it should be Su rather than Ex because it doesn't seem to have wings.

Feats: Empower Spell-Like Ability (minor creation), Flyby Attack, Hover, Quicken Spell-Like Ability (minor creation), Wingover

While I like the use of some of these feats, I wonder if it should have Dodge as a feat rather than Hover. It isn't a creature that is going to stay still long enough to Hover in place. If you prefer, you could increase its maneuverability to Perfect and that would allow it to hover without the need for the feat.

Organization: You say it can be in any plane but it isn't immune to fire, or negative/positive energy etc. so you should list which plane would be its home plane. Any Chaotic Plane would work too.

Debby

Land Outcast

2011-03-09, 05:06 PM

Sorry but this is incorrect. Secondary attacks are still secondary even when used as primary attacks. This is why they generally aren't listed in the attack line. See below (the line in the increased font is the relevant section)I guess you're right.

I made a mistake in that I just decided the examples (see below) would overrule the rule.

I then found the manticore and the wyvern, which had more than one "primary" natural attack all of them at the same attack bonus.

Just bad design in those I guess, and a bad call by me.

LOTRfan

2011-03-09, 05:13 PM

I intend to finish the Mourning Spectator this weekend (although that's cutting it a little too close for comfort). Until then, any comments/criticisms of the statblock and fluff?

MammonAzrael

2011-03-09, 05:46 PM

Debihuman

2011-03-09, 06:24 PM

I guess you're right.

I made a mistake in that I just decided the examples (see below) would overrule the rule.

I then found the manticore and the wyvern, which had more than one "primary" natural attack all of them at the same attack bonus.

Just bad design in those I guess, and a bad call by me.

Actually the reason the manticore's tail spike is listed as a secondary attack is because it has 3 attacks but it apparently cannot use its bite as primary attack. In the SRD, the manticore's secondary attacks are at -2 penalty due to Multiattack feat. However the wyvern seems to be in error (well we know WotC wasn't perfect).

Debby

LOTRfan

2011-03-09, 07:07 PM

Thoughts on LOTRfan's Mourning Spectator:

Is Deathless a Type or Subtype? It appears to be a type in 3.0 in the BoED, but online seems to imply that in 3.5 it is a subtype of undead. :smallconfused:
What did a gaunt and pale halfling do to get +4 natural armor? They aren't hairy, scaly, leathery, boney, or otherwise in any way less squishy than their living counterparts. So why do they have natural armor?
The Goblin-bane should be noted in the attack section, and the bow should be in the treasure section. Additionally, if it is a bow, and not a natural goblin-bane ability of the mourning spectator, then the bow needs to be at least a +1 longbow.
Eldritch blast should be listed as an option for attack. On that note, how much damage does it deal?
I'm guessing the regeneration is a representation of the curse about them not being able to die, and that is fine. But what is it overcome by? Or are you saying that this goblinoid deity decided to turn these buggers into little tarrasques that can't even be kept down by a wish?
Note that Willing Deformity was updated to 3.5 in Heroes of Horror (and thus overrides BoVD), and grants a +3 bonus to Intimidate checks.
Far Shot (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/feats.htm#farShot) and Rapid Shot (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/feats.htm#rapidShot) both have Point Blank Shot (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/feats.htm#pointBlankShot) as a prerequisite.
What is their CR?
Why do they advance with hit dice, and not character level? These things are basically halflings in all but name, so it is strange that they don't advance by class...especially given their predilection for warlock.
No LA? Why can't these guys be a playable race?

Final thoughts: These guys are solidly evil, yet deathless is a type that is essentially "good undead," so it feels very strange (the type is in BOED for goodness sake!). And if Deathless was converted to 3.5 as a subtype, that needs to be taken care of. I don't understand why these guys can't simply be undead. The special attacks and qualities need to be filled in and clarified, especially the eldritch blast.

Being cursed to live forever seems like a very odd punishment, especially from an evil goblinoid god, unless Jerren society is seriously obsessed with killing yourself and the afterlife (which I don't get from the fluff). Hell, the god basically created undead monsters that just want to keep doing the same thing that pissed him off in the first place.

They currently have no melee capabilities, which is strange. The longbow and eldritch blast are redundant, you should choose one or the other, and then give the guys some way to fight in melee.

The Goblin Bane Bow is slightly different than the common magic weapon; it channel's the Mourning Spectator's lifeforce. I haven't included the crunch yet (as I mentioned earlier), but this is what grants the creature it's regeneration. It can only be killed by sundering the longbow (obviously I left some fluff out, which must be included later). The regeneration itself will probably be over come by negative energy and good-aligned weaponry.

You're online source is wrong, sorry. I'm flipping through the Eberron Campaign Setting right now, and it is indeed a type (although it is weird that it is not just a subtype, considering only a couple of things separate them from conventional undead...).

I'll get rid of Eldritch blast and add in some melee weapons.

They advance in HD for the same reason Deathless elves in Eberron do so instead of gaining character levels; They are meant to be monsters, but player characters. I could probably add an LA, but as far as I am aware, no other undead besides Gravedtouched Ghoul and Necropolitan has one.

I'll fix up the feats.

Bargrivyek was specifically noted as being very cruel, and dishes out some rather unusual punishments in in earlier settings. What punishment could be worse than being forced to watch over and protect the graves of those they killed? I'll add something that binds them to that area, similar to the Dryad's ability.

As for the whole positive is good, negative is evil debate, I'll disagree with that. Although rare, there are a few nonevil undead in books, and I felt the same should be done with Deathless. After all, these are not outsiders; they are not made up of pure good/law/chaos/evil/whatever alignment.

I'll switch natural armor for actual armor.

I think that is everything. Thank you for the critique.

MammonAzrael

2011-03-09, 07:48 PM

I have updated the primal troll with finalized fluff and lore. I'd love to get some comments and PEACHes on them, especially the fluff.

The Goblin Bane Bow is slightly different than the common magic weapon; it channel's the Mourning Spectator's lifeforce. I haven't included the crunch yet (as I mentioned earlier), but this is what grants the creature it's regeneration. It can only be killed by sundering the longbow (obviously I left some fluff out, which must be included later). The regeneration itself will probably be over come by negative energy and good-aligned weaponry.

You're online source is wrong, sorry. I'm flipping through the Eberron Campaign Setting right now, and it is indeed a type (although it is weird that it is not just a subtype, considering only a couple of things separate them from conventional undead...).

I'll get rid of Eldritch blast and add in some melee weapons.

They advance in HD for the same reason Deathless elves in Eberron do so instead of gaining character levels; They are meant to be monsters, but player characters. I could probably add an LA, but as far as I am aware, no other undead besides Gravedtouched Ghoul and Necropolitan has one.

I'll fix up the feats.

Bargrivyek was specifically noted as being very cruel, and dishes out some rather unusual punishments in in earlier settings. What punishment could be worse than being forced to watch over and protect the graves of those they killed? I'll add something that binds them to that area, similar to the Dryad's ability.

As for the whole positive is good, negative is evil debate, I'll disagree with that. Although rare, there are a few nonevil undead in books, and I felt the same should be done with Deathless. After all, these are not outsiders; they are not made up of pure good/law/chaos/evil/whatever alignment.

I'll switch natural armor for actual armor.

I think that is everything. Thank you for the critique.

*nod* Happy to help! I figured a lot of the issues were simply going to be added, but better to mention them and see them all get addressed, I figure.

Not surprised about the Deathless source. I agree that it makes more sense as an undead template. But...*shrug*...what're you gonna do, right?

From the fluff so far, I don't understand why the longbows are so important. Why can you only kill them by sundering the bow? What makes it so significant? Since these are basically cursed Jerren, keeping the eldritch blast seems like the more flavorful long range weapon, and that can easily have a goblin-bane enhancement.

Fair enough on the advancement.

The feats seem easy. Just switch out Weapon Focus for Point Blank Shot and you're golden.

Bargrivyek has only cursed them to remain at the site of the slaughter. They can still kill any goblinoid they wish, or desecrate the area however they want. And there are no mechanical effects enforcing the curse. If you really want to punish them with protection, make them completely subverient to the surviving goblins of the massacre, unable to harm their new goblin masters, having to obey orders, and protect them at all costs. That way they aren't bound to a small portion of the world, and the curse is more active and punishing and eternal.

Debihuman

2011-03-09, 07:48 PM

While this is off-topic, I just want to let everyone know that my mother passed away yesterday. Although she had been ill, her death was sudden and not entirely expected.

I expect to continue critiquing, but I am probably going to make more than my usual share of mistakes so please bear with me. This place is a great refuge for the craziness in my life right now.

Debby

LOTRfan

2011-03-09, 07:50 PM

I'm so sorry Debbie. I hope you are alright, and I am terribly sorry for your loss.

Land Outcast

2011-03-09, 08:11 PM

I'm sorry for your loss Debby, and I hope you find the strength to bear it.

Djinn_in_Tonic

2011-03-09, 09:44 PM

While this is off-topic, I just want to let everyone know that my mother passed away yesterday. Although she had been ill, her death was sudden and not entirely expected.

I'm very sorry to hear that, Debi. :smallfrown:

This place is a great refuge for the craziness in my life right now.

If there's anything we can do for you, please don't hesitate to let us know. It's doubtful there is, but, and I think I'm speaking for all of us here, we're willing to try our best if there is anything we can do.

MammonAzrael

2011-03-09, 10:03 PM

unosarta

2011-03-09, 10:36 PM

Melayl

2011-03-09, 11:27 PM

My prayers to you and your family, Debby.

Melayl

2011-03-09, 11:49 PM

I have a brief moment to reply to some thoughts, so here goes:
First, thanks for the review. I knew it would need some work.

Thoughts on Melayl's Malkin:

Average HP should be 10 + 4*5.5 + 2*5 = 42 HP -- oops. Thanks for catching that one. A holdover from when the HD were 4 and a math error. Fixed
Size modifiers apply to touch AC Will fix.
BAB should be +5, same as it's HD, grapple should be +1. Oops. Put the size modifier on the BAB by mistake. Will fix.
Attack bonuses should be +11, and +6 for the claws in a full attack. Will also fix.
Odd that this "super-cat" has it's bite as it's primary weapon, whereas cats (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/cat.htm) traditionally have their claws as their primary weapon. I originally based this off a twisted interpretation of the Cheshire Cat. Since the smile usually faded last, I took the bite to be more important (plus, it caused more damage). I may change this, since you do have a point.
Being able to use what is effectively a 5th level power every 4 rounds is pretty powerful. Yeah, it is. I didn't look at the levels for Blink and Displacement. I'll do that, and then maybe make changes. I wanted them to be quite mobile (the Slide is an important part of their combat style). What would you suggest?
Why is Invisibility a move action? A standard action makes more sense, especially since it isn't much of a combat ability, given it drops at the first attack. Again, because it was based off the Cheshire Cat, and his invisibility episodes seemed more like a move, or even swift, action to me. It is also the othe half of their combat style (which I will get updated on the monster post one of these days soon).
Why does it keep its natural armor bonus when it shapechanges? :smallconfused: It is changing into a tiny cat...so why does it get to keep something that it gains purely based on it's original physical form? Another good question. I'm not sure why I put that part in. I'll think on it.
Additionally, being able to change back and forth as a free action is a little crazy. I would think it would take at least a swift action, though most shape changing abilities I know of take a standard action. I'll think on this, too, but it comes somewhat from their fluff...
The Cat Came Back seems kind of awkward. I get that it takes over another feline. But then why would the Malkin just surround itself with cats and kill itself over and over again, gaining hit dice rapidly. They are too intelligent to not think of this. I feel like you have a great chance to do a "nine lives" spin here, either granting them the ability to return from death 9 times, or take over cats 9 times, or something. The ability was originally named "Nine Lives". I may yet change that. I did add (forgot in the OP), that the halved HD are rounded down. Therefore, the feline must have at least 2 HD for the malkin to gain even 1 HD.
How can The Cat Came Back be stopped? Will a wish do it? What about a limited wish? Any kind of immortality I think needs some kind of clause defining how to prevent it. Even the Tarrasque has a clause. I haven't come up with one yet. Quite frankly, I'm not sure what to do with that. Suggestions?
Aside from it's evasiveness, this thing is very fragile to a 6th level character. Only 1 or 2 solid hits are needed, which shouldn't be a problem as the thing has next to no defenses. some type of low magic or material-based DR may be appropriate. I had thought about it, but thought it might end up overpowered. I might do a DR/Cold Iron.
It's Will save should be +4 (1 base + 3 Will). I had thought Force of Personality applied to ALL Will saves. I'll fix that.
Why is it so smart? I realize that it could be covered in upcoming fluff, but this thing is wickedly intelligent for a magical beast. AFAIK Winter Wolves are fairly intelligent magical beasts, and they only have an Int of 9. This will also (hopefully) be reflected in the fluff...
It also has a pretty impressive Charisma, but that is more understandable. Also part of the fluff...
Weapon Finesse doesn't apply to a single natural attack, like chosing Weapon Focus. It applies to all your attacks that it can. Oops again. I had forgotten that (and didn't look). Thanks, I'll fix that, too.
Force of Personality doesn't apply to all will saves, only to mind-affecting spells and abilities. Also, I personally think it feels a little odd on a magical beast. See above. It was meant to reflect their strong personality affecting their Will saves (They're supposed to be hard to control, etc).

Final Thoughts: Looking forward to the fluff! I hope not to disappoint you, then!

I had contemplated giving them the Chaotic subtype as well (again, based on the Cheshire Cat), and then a DR/Law. The subtype would probably be well reflected in the fluff, but I'm not sure.

I also contemplated naming them "Cheshire" instead of malkin. Any thoughts, anyone?

----------
:smalleek: D'Oh! Accidental double post!! Sorry, folks. :smalleek:

MammonAzrael

2011-03-10, 12:14 AM

Debihuman

2011-03-10, 03:02 AM

Thanks for all the good wishes and support.

Now back to critiquing :-)

Hatespawn is missing its Treasure. I recommend it be None. Since the text mentions that they are native to Limbo, they should have that as their Environment. They should have the Extraplanar subtype.

Just to nitpick a little you should capitalize the names of saves (i.e. Will save), conditions (i.e. Shaken) and abilities when abbreviating them (i.e. Str). You don't capitalize the name of the monster except at the beginning of the a sentence.

Using an extraordinary ability is usually not an action because most extraordinary abilities automatically happen in a reactive fashion. Those extraordinary abilities that are actions are standard actions unless otherwise noted. You also don't note how long the condition lasts

As written Roar of Hatred is too powerful for its HD. As written, it can roar every round. For CR 5, I'd recommend toning it down a bit. Creatures affected by the roar as an extraordinary ability generally take sonic damage while creatures affected as a supernatural ability are affected as by a fear spell. Your roar is odd in that it sorta combines the features and I think it is far too powerful for CR 5. Here is how I recommend changing it.

Roar of Hatred (Su): Once a day, a hatespawn may loose a terrible roar, embodying the hatred that forms the creature. All creatures within 50 feet with fewer HD than that of the hatespawn must make a Will save (DC 10 + 1/2 Hatespawn HD + Str modifier) or be Frightened for 1d6 rounds. All other targets must make the same Will save or be Shaken. The hatespawn's object of loathing (see below) receives a -2 penalty to this save. Any creature with less than half the hatespawn's HD is affected by this ability regardless of immunity to fear. Any creature that saves against the hatespawn's roar may not be affected again by the roar for one day. This is a mind-affecting ability.

Looking at all the special abilities, I think the CR might be too low. I get the idea of Unceasing Pursuit but it's far too powerful at CR 5. Outsiders generally need to breathe and have Darkvision 60 ft. as per their Type (see here: http://www.d20srd.org/srd/typesSubtypes.htm#outsiderType).

I recommend losing DR 5/- as inappropriate for CR 5. It is chaotic so give it DR 5/lawful instead.

If the only way to kill it is with wish or miracle, the appropriate CR should be on par with that level. I think there are more creative ways to challenge the party than to have to find those spells. If nothing else banishing it to a lawful plane might be sufficient.

Nebula -- in full attack you can remove the word "each." It isn't necessary. See every monster in SRD with 2 attacks. Rather than Lore, the information in the spoiler should be listed as Background Information or History. Lore is reserved for Lore checks as in MM4.

Debby

The Glyphstone

2011-03-10, 08:59 PM

Thoughts on The Glyphstone's Hochmyt:
[LIST]
The +2 adamantine breastplate has a max Dex bonus of +3, so the AC and touch AC need to be reduced by 1.

The attack and full attack bonus for both melee entries need to be increased by +2 (+12 BAB, +10 Str, +2 weapon), and both are lacking an ending parenthesis.

Fixed both.

Isn't standard damage for a whip 1d3, not 1d6?

So it is, so it is.
Have you thought about making the DR overcomable by cold iron? Because it seems like this thing would not discriminate between good and evil that much, and would give all it's opponents an equal chance to ignore it's DR, fitting in with the idea of fairness.
[/quote]
It's got a demon's idea of fairness though, which isn't entirely coincidal with everyone else's. The hochmyt chooses its opponents based on their skill at arms...if they're unfortunate enough to not have an appropriate weapon at hand, then too bad. You've got a point on the good/evil thing, though - I'll up the DR to 15 and make it Good or Cold Iron.

The Reflex save should be +12 unless I'm missing something?

Right. It originally had Dex 14, and I forgot to change the Reflex when I added Dex points.

How many ranks does it have in it's various skills?
D'oh!

I love the flavor, though I have a question. the second paragraph mentions that it can be difficult to evade, but it has no tracking capabilities or anything to back that up mechanically. It might be good to add some kind of homing ability to locate targets it has previously encountered, challenged, or been defeated by.

Hmm. That's a good point there. I'll give it Locate Creature as a SLA, and some ranks in Survival for tracking.

I feel like there should be some mechanical influence of Victory Beyond Death (which feels like a Su ability that would only be suppressed in an AMF) that causes the sufferer to make a Will save to avoid challenging worthy opponents. And the DC varies depending on how much Cha drain the character has suffered.

Thought about this, but wasn't sure how to word it. VbD is Extraordinary because it's physically transferring a portion of the demon's essence into the target upon death - it functions mechanically closer to a disease, though it's closer to a curse in actual stats. I'll add a 'must make additional will saves to avoid engaging in duels any day that the save is failed', to make a penalty that doesn't go away with a daily Restoration.

Final thoughts: Great monster, I really like the "honorable" spin.

It's demonic honor, remember. It likes a fair fight as long as it's being challenged, and doesn't mind losing because it can just live again through its murderer; if it stops having fun though (usually because the opponent isn't living up to expectations), it'll do all it can to get the other side to cheat, so it can go all-out while still keeping its "honor".:smallbiggrin:

Also - so sorry to hear the bad news, Debby.:smalleek: Much sympathy.:smallfrown:

MammonAzrael

2011-03-11, 12:19 AM

@ Admiral Squish - Sorry for the delayed answer, as the CR question got lost. My first question is...why is the distraction DC 19...wait, it didn't always have 8 HD, right? As it stands now, I think giving is a CR of 8 would make it comparable to a hellwasp swarm (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/swarm.htm#hellwaspSwarm). Other than that, its great.

@ The Glyphstone - Shiny. I like the change to Victory Beyond Death! Really enhances the feeling of the character succumbing to the demon.

Thoughts on Cheesy74's Hatespawn:

Why does it have such a high base land speed? I could see the speed increasing as it gained HD (like an extra 5 ft. per evolution), but 50 just seems really high at first.
I understand the low Int, but it really needs a higher Charisma. A single ego whip (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/psionic/powers/egoWhip.htm) and this thing is a joke. It is aware enough of itself and it's surroundings to hunt the object of its hatred, which it easily recognizes as something other than itself.
Power Attack makes sense a bit, but I always frown with I see a creature using it without a two-handed weapon.
Since these fellows are native to Limbo (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limbo_%28Dungeons_%26_Dragons%29), shouldn't their alignment be "Always Chaotic Neutral?"
So they grow in size every two incarnations? Seems a little fast, but I can go with it. (I would've gone with every three)
In the flavor text, having it "trudge" anywhere seems out of place with both it's murderous rage and it's high land speed.
Why are they native to limbo? I agree with the choice, as they are certainly chaotice, but don't feel good or evil, but the fluff makes it feel like they aren't natives, so much as just that is where their WoW graveyard is.
I would make an adendum to the combat section, noting that it remembers tactics and actions that killed it if it was capable of understanding the tactic. It is stupid enough to not learn the right lesson or realize what it lost to.
It really needs a suggested list of maneuvers, and suggested progression for them. Additionally, the crusader's constant refreshing seems a better fit, so it doesn't just run out of maneuvers and then either back off to refresh or continue without them. Crusader refreshing would provide a nice constant stream of action. Either way, I'd recommend All Consuming Rampage Release, Charging Minotaur, Sudden Leap, Hunter's Sense, Blood in the Water, Stone Vise, Rabid Wolf Strike, and World-breaker Grip for maneuvers, adding Stone Bones if you choose to change over to the crusader.
For unceasing pursuit, outsiders naturally don't need to eat or sleep.
Undying Evolution says that the additional abilities are chosen by the DM, yet the abilities are all worded as if there was no choice, and they only applied when the hatespawn was destroyed in a certain way.
Magical resilience - What about if it is taken out by an SLA like eldritch blast?
Inured to elements is much weaker than magical resilience.
Claws of Hatred...I feel like it should increase the damage die size, rather than added an extra d6, as you're already getting extra damage from the Str boost.
Spurred by anger seems overly complicated.
You should include a note that it only uses Plane Shift if it isn't already on the same plane as it's target. Otherwise it could cut thousands of miles off it's hunt each time it dies.

Final thoughts: Cool creature, good for a DM to weave a background menace and extra threat into their story. I'd love to see some lore or plot hooks for this thing!

MammonAzrael

2011-03-11, 02:19 AM

Thoughts on unosarta's Fireborn:

By my math, average HP should be 102 (12*5.5 + 12*3)
Initiative should be +4
The attack entries are odd. Where are the extra 2d6 damage coming from?
The bite, as a secondary attack, should only receive 1/2 strength to damage.
Why are they resistant to electricity? Nothing in their fluff supports this.
DR 12 is an odd number. I'm assuming this is DR = HD, yes? It would be much more in line with standard monster creation to change this to DR 10/cold iron, and make for easier math as well.
The spell resistance is feels low. Against an 10th level party it will only kick in 25% of the time, so it just doesn't seem terribly relevant. A full pheonix has SR equal to 15 + HD or 11 + CR, for comparison.
In the world of DnD, I'd hardly describe a 5 ft. tall bird great and huge. *shrug*
"...fire coming from the great, gaping chasm it sports as a mouth..." So does it have a beak? Because this description sounds like it just has an empty...hole...in it's head where it's mouth should be.
Interesting approach to the concept of rebirth.
Why are they treasured by collectors? Any reason other than prestige? I could see their unusual (presumably divine or epic) curse to be a matter of curiosity and research among scholars, but that their constant flames and the fact that they're effectively impossible to train or befriend would lessen the appeal to a wider audience.
Why are they regarded as demonic? Most races view the phoenix as a god or divine messenger, and they're always Neutral Good. I would think these would have a similar reception.
It'd be nice to have a paragraph describing their common tactics in a fight.
Breath of flame seems solid except for one thing: breath weapons (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/specialAbilities.htm#breathWeapon) DCs are universally (AFAIK) based on Con, not Cha. Having the breath weapon based on Cha is extremely unusual.
Given that a fireborn has nothing else to do with it's swift actions, why would it ever not extend the ancient song? Seems like an unnecessary complication.
Skin of ash, frankly, makes no sense to me. First, a physical object like ash in no way makes sense to offer a deflection bonus. I could see it adding a weak addition to natural armor, but not deflection. Second, how does ash give the bird intense pain (something that is not mechanically reflected at all)? If you want to keep the mechanics of this ability (aka keep the Cha mod deflection bonus), then I'd change it to something referencing the flames and the bird's natural majesty. Or knock off the phoenix's defensive aura.
Born from Ashes does nothing, as Fireborn are immune to fire. (In addition, the fluff doesn't really compute, as they don't actually die through immolation, but rather regress once they hit their maximum age.)
I would change wreathed in flame to the following: The Fireborn is constantly alight in brilliant golden flames. The fires burn any who touch it, and protect it from the cold. Any creature that makes a non-reach melee attack against the Fireborn takes 2d6 fire damage. In addition, all cold damage dealt to the Fireborn that has a variable roll uses the lowest roll possible (for example, if the fireborn would take 3d6 cold damage, it would take only 3 cold damage). If cold damage is dealt to the Fireborn, the flames engulfing it die downa nd flicker weakly as this ability is suppressed for one round.
"...reborn and rebirthed" is redundant and feels awkward.
"...anarchical in its frenzied shifting" gives a strong chaotic feeling to the creature that isn't reflected anywhere else in the fluff.
Every hour should be sufficient, having it change on the hour is just odd, and recalls the modern day and new reports. Not what I think you're going for.
The ability bonuses the creature gets are...really strange. Since it is literally running through the various age categories (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/description.htm#age), I would think the creature would start at young, progress through middle age, old, and venerable, accumulating the related bonuses and penalties, before reverting to young again. And the sheer size of the stat adjustments are just plain nuts. The HD I can sort of understand, but I do feel that it will be a major headache for a DM to basically need multiple stat blocks for a single monster, and makes determining a proper CR more difficult, as its average abilities are not reflected appropriately.
How much of their memories do they lose upon "rebirth?" Do they know how to fly? What to eat? How to sing? Where they are? How can they advance in HD when their life cycle not only modifies their HD, but the reset their memories (which presumably means any EXP they may have gained) every few hours or less?
Why does the "rebirth" process speed up in combat? Does it heal damage when it gains HD or when it reverts to a young age? How can it know if the first thing it sees is an enemy? Without memories, how could it possibly have any reference to decide something is an enemy, unless it attacks?
Finally, do the fireborn know they live short lives and are reborn? Is it instinctual knowledge, or something they'd forget with "rebirth?"

Final thoughts: Its a cool concept. I feel like I may have come off as harsh, but I'm only trying to offer an honest critique. :smallsmile:

EDIT: Sorry for the double post, but I didn't want the PEACH to get missed because I edited into my previous post.

MammonAzrael

2011-03-11, 04:27 AM

Thoughts on Land Outcast's Enu Bezgalig:

First off, why the complicated name? Does it mean something? Why not just "Shadow Imp?"
Standard speed for a land-based small creature is 20 ft. Any particular reason you went with 30 ft. instead?
AFAIK there is no official thing as "negative energy damage" (though 4th edition sort of has it with necrotic damage). Even the negative energy planes (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/planes.htm#negativeDominant) deals normal damage (until it starts dishing out negative levels, at least).
How does it have +10 Bluff? (7 ranks + 2 Cha + ?)
Why are they evil? Both their fluff and their link to the plane of shadow support a more neutral outlook.
Why do they change their style of dress to match the current region? There is no way local dress is going to make their short gray bodies and lack of facial features like a nose or mouth, less obvious. In fact I would think it would highlight the oddities.
The background info is interesting, but a little confusing. It feels a little muddled, especially the beginning.
I'm guessing, based on their Knowledge (history) bonus, that their "feeding" of memory is more of an absorption? In which case, why does it focus on history? I would think a lower bonus applied to all knowledge checks would make more sense.
Why is their touch ineffective against creatures of shadow?
How do they "make an information harvest?" How long does it take? They have no mechanical representation of this harvest. Is it like an illithid eating a brain?
As stated above, there is no official thing as negative energy damage. You can channel negative energy to deal damage, but saying it deals negative energy damage is like saying it deals rainbow damage...it doesn't mesh.
What happens if the shadow imp falls unconcious because of something like drow poison (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/specialAbilities.htm#poison)? Do they still create a shadow print?
Can the shadow print move through walls and matter, or does it just move along a surface? So if it was fully enclosed in a dark room it was be effectively useless?
I feel like Shdowspawn needs some work for clarity. I might write it as:
When an enu bezgalig or shadowspawn falls below 0 hit points his shadow automatically becomes a shadow print; his shadow is affixed to the surface it occupies. An enu bezgalig can move his shadow print 15 ft. as a move action. If the space occupied by a shadow print is completely covered, the shadow print will move 5 ft. per round until there is enough free space for shadowspawn to form. Should an enu bezgalig or shadowspawn fall below 0 hit points in an area where he doesn't cast any shadow, he won't be able to create a shadow print.

When the enu bezgalig or a shadowspawn dies, his shadow print immediately forms two shadowspawn, which are indentacle to the enu bezgalig that created the shadow print. The maximum number of shadowspawn that can come from a single enu bezgalig is equal to it's hit dice (4 shadowspawn from a 4 HD enu bezgalig). Shadowspawn cannot gain hit dice. The flesh of each shadowspawn grows steadily more smokey and translucent as more are created.

Six hours after the last shadowspawn was formed, all the shadowspawn dissolve and colaece, re-forming into the original enu bezgalig. Should the maximum number of shadowspawn be reached, and all of them are killed, the original enu bezgalig will re-form in the plane of shadow in 2d6 days. A limited wish (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/limitedWish.htm) or greater effect that is cast during the time the enu bezgalig is re-forming in the plane of shadow can stop this effect.
What do you think?
As I said earlier, I feel like the knowledge bonus would make more sense if it were lower (perhaps = to HD) and applied to all knowledge skills.

Final thoughts: Its a nifty little imp, and I like the knowledge focus. Their mercenary nature should be a good way to get them involved as both enemies and allies.

And like my previous post, sorry for posting in a row but I don't want any of these critiques to get missed. :smallsmile:

unosarta

2011-03-11, 08:02 AM

Thoughts on unosarta's Fireborn:
By my math, average HP should be 102 (12*5.5 + 12*3)
On it.

Initiative should be +4
On it.

The attack entries are odd. Where are the extra 2d6 damage coming from?
Herp, that was part of Wreathed in Flame that wasn't put in. It is extra fire damage on all natural attacks.

The bite, as a secondary attack, should only receive 1/2 strength to damage.
On it.

Why are they resistant to electricity? Nothing in their fluff supports this.
On it.

DR 12 is an odd number. I'm assuming this is DR = HD, yes? It would be much more in line with standard monster creation to change this to DR 10/cold iron, and make for easier math as well.
...I would have to ask why anyone would have a hard time subtracting twelve from another number, or why that would be any harder than ten. If someone is having problems with subtracting twelve I don't think making it ten is going to help their problem. :smallconfused:

The spell resistance is feels low. Against an 10th level party it will only kick in 25% of the time, so it just doesn't seem terribly relevant. A full pheonix has SR equal to 15 + HD or 11 + CR, for comparison.
On it.

In the world of DnD, I'd hardly describe a 5 ft. tall bird great and huge. *shrug*
... the largest non-landbound bird in the world, AFAIK, is at most one foot high. This is five times that. Most birds are 3-6 inches tall. This bird is 10 to 20 times that size. The fluff isn't comparing them to other monsters, else it would have said "a five foot tall monster," and not used the great or huge modifiers. But compared to birds, that thing is fracking ginormous.

"...fire coming from the great, gaping chasm it sports as a mouth..." So does it have a beak? Because this description sounds like it just has an empty...hole...in it's head where it's mouth should be.
Herp, just bad description.

Interesting approach to the concept of rebirth.
...Thank you?

Why are they treasured by collectors? Any reason other than prestige? I could see their unusual (presumably divine or epic) curse to be a matter of curiosity and research among scholars, but that their constant flames and the fact that they're effectively impossible to train or befriend would lessen the appeal to a wider audience.
Phoenixes are treasured because of their inherent magic and their beauty. The Fireborn are A) phoenixes that have been curse with ancient magic, and B) actually fairly pretty. I will edit that in. However, it is mostly because of the magic that is inherent to them, and the fact that it is really, really easy to capture a Fireborn, since they pretty much forget everything that has happened to them every three hours.

Why are they regarded as demonic? Most races view the phoenix as a god or divine messenger, and they're always Neutral Good. I would think these would have a similar reception.
Giant, fiery bird? These birds also constantly rebirth themselves, practically immortal? A) They can be a danger if they light something on fire, B) people have a fear of what they do not understand. Yes, Phoenixes are nice and all, but that great bird that is on fire and wandering around the town is not likely to be treated as well.

It'd be nice to have a paragraph describing their common tactics in a fight.
On it.

Breath of flame seems solid except for one thing: breath weapons (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/specialAbilities.htm#breathWeapon) DCs are universally (AFAIK) based on Con, not Cha. Having the breath weapon based on Cha is extremely unusual.
Um...and? Actually, the description doesn't even note it as being a Breath Weapon. "Burning with the ageless strength of the bird," is really the only description, and does not mention Breath Weapons. If it is that big of a deal for you, just don't think of it as a Breath Weapon.

Given that a fireborn has nothing else to do with it's swift actions, why would it ever not extend the ancient song? Seems like an unnecessary complication.
What else would they do with them? Twiddle their thumbs for 1.5 seconds?

Skin of ash, frankly, makes no sense to me. First, a physical object like ash in no way makes sense to offer a deflection bonus. I could see it adding a weak addition to natural armor, but not deflection. Second, how does ash give the bird intense pain (something that is not mechanically reflected at all)? If you want to keep the mechanics of this ability (aka keep the Cha mod deflection bonus), then I'd change it to something referencing the flames and the bird's natural majesty. Or knock off the phoenix's defensive aura.
"But more than that, the very fire of the bird protects it from harm, at the same time giving it intense pain." The Fireborn is literally on fire. It says that in the description several times, and in italics. They are on fire, not because they just burn really well, but actually because of the magic affecting them. Phoenixes are inherently magic, and their magic can affect other magic. In this case, they took the flames, and made them their own. They could not get rid of them, so they shaped them, and made protections with them. But it is still a flame. That is part of the curse. They are forever lit on fire, still feeling the pain of the flames, even if their flesh does not burn.

Born from Ashes does nothing, as Fireborn are immune to fire. (In addition, the fluff doesn't really compute, as they don't actually die through immolation, but rather regress once they hit their maximum age.)
On it. Also, figurative. The "ash of their burned feathers, their burned skin, their burned memories." The last bit is the most important. And nothing there really says that they die through immolation, but are rather born with the ashes and flames around them already.

I would change wreathed in flame to the following: The Fireborn is constantly alight in brilliant golden flames. The fires burn any who touch it, and protect it from the cold. Any creature that makes a non-reach melee attack against the Fireborn takes 2d6 fire damage. In addition, all cold damage dealt to the Fireborn that has a variable roll uses the lowest roll possible (for example, if the fireborn would take 3d6 cold damage, it would take only 3 cold damage). If cold damage is dealt to the Fireborn, the flames engulfing it die down and flicker weakly as this ability is suppressed for one round.
On it.

"...reborn and rebirthed" is redundant and feels awkward.
Fine.

"...anarchical in its frenzied shifting" gives a strong chaotic feeling to the creature that isn't reflected anywhere else in the fluff.

an·ar·chy
[an-er-kee] Show IPA
–noun
1.
a state of society without government or law.
2.
political and social disorder due to the absence of governmental control: The death of the king was followed by a year of anarchy.
3.
a theory that regards the absence of all direct or coercive government as a political ideal and that proposes the cooperative and voluntary association of individuals and groups as the principal mode of organized society.
4.
confusion; chaos; disorder: Intellectual and moral anarchy followed his loss of faith.

Anarchy doesn't just mean that the creature has a chaotic alignment. As an adjective, it actually has a meaning other than that. Basically, the bird changes really, really, really fast, and the description is describing how the changes are chaotic, chaotic not being the alignment but that actual adjective, and confused.

Every hour should be sufficient, having it change on the hour is just odd, and recalls the modern day and new reports. Not what I think you're going for.
On it.

The ability bonuses the creature gets are...really strange. Since it is literally running through the various age categories (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/description.htm#age), I would think the creature would start at young, progress through middle age, old, and venerable, accumulating the related bonuses and penalties, before reverting to young again. And the sheer size of the stat adjustments are just plain nuts. The HD I can sort of understand, but I do feel that it will be a major headache for a DM to basically need multiple stat blocks for a single monster, and makes determining a proper CR more difficult, as its average abilities are not reflected appropriately.
On it.

How much of their memories do they lose upon "rebirth?" Do they know how to fly? What to eat? How to sing? Where they are? How can they advance in HD when their life cycle not only modifies their HD, but the reset their memories (which presumably means any EXP they may have gained) every few hours or less?
They know all of those except their location. The only thing they do not know is what happened to them before being reborn. If they are being attacked, they can sense the danger inherent to the situation, and try to defend themselves.

Phoenixes can be advanced, correct? And this is a curse being put upon a Phoenix? They wouldn't be able to be advanced in their own lifetime unless they are magically boosted (which isn't an impossibility), however they can be advanced prior to becoming a Fireborn.

Why does the "rebirth" process speed up in combat? Does it heal damage when it gains HD or when it reverts to a young age? How can it know if the first thing it sees is an enemy? Without memories, how could it possibly have any reference to decide something is an enemy, unless it attacks?
It speeds up for several reasons. Adrenaline, and the magic itself noticing an enemy/s. Oh, bad description. It is supposed to be as the above. Basically, if they are attacked, they understand the inherent danger to a situation and will fight back. However, this does leave open the option of befriending the Fireborn upon it being reborn. This isn't really an easy process, but if the attackers simply back off and let the creature find its legs and then attempt to peacefully contact it, it will pretty much immediately befriend them. That was my intention.

Finally, do the fireborn know they live short lives and are reborn? Is it instinctual knowledge, or something they'd forget with "rebirth?"
They do not. They have no idea about what they go through, and think they die upon being rebirthed.

Final thoughts: Its a cool concept. I feel like I may have come off as harsh, but I'm only trying to offer an honest critique. :smallsmile:
No problem! :smallsmile:

[Edit]: Changes are complete.

Debihuman

2011-03-11, 10:40 AM

Great job on the critiquing everyone. It's tough to ask the questions but it makes for better design.

Just a few things I'm going to throw out randomly (I had a lovely post but stupid computer ate it so I'm not going to be as eloquent this time).

1. Size descriptors. Try to get innovative when describing a monster to avoid describing a Small bug as huge. Small is dog-sized. Large is horse-sized. For a bug, it may very well be huge but a gigantic bug doesn't have the Size implication.

2. Don't make your Special Ability a laundry list of bonuses. Adding a bonus to Attack, Damage and AC is one thing. If it does X,Y and Z too, it probably should be broken down into individual components. Special Abilities should all have designators (Ex, Sp or Su).

3. Don't give out special abilities that mimic feats. Feats should be special. Also, 3 feats = 1 HD. If your creature has more than 2 bonus feats, it needs an extra HD (unless it gained those feats from a class or template).

4. Skills make me cry. Be a sport and maximize your skills (or explain how you gave them) and don't forget to add ability modifiers and synergy bonuses. You can show your math if you like but do it in a special notes section. I channel BarbieTM and math is hard. This is the real reason I hate critiquing epic monsters.

5. Please look at your monster Type and Subtype to make sure you've put in the traits or explained why it doesn't have trait it should have.

6. Don't give your monster a name that isn't pronounceable. If it doesn't easily roll off the tongue, it's probably a bad name and someone will find a rude or silly nickname for it anyway. What a monster calls itself is fine, but the rest of us will be calling it by its "common" name.

More to come
Debby

Land Outcast

2011-03-11, 12:10 PM

Thoughts on Land Outcast's Enu Bezgalig:

First off, why the complicated name? Does it mean something? Why not just "Shadow Imp?"Hehe... it was just me having fun: bezgalig means "endless/for indefinite time" in Latvian. "Enu" is a twisting of "ena", meaning "shadow", again in Latvian.
Perhaps I should switch places with the specific name and the common name? Shadow Imp (Enu Bezgalig)?

Standard speed for a land-based small creature is 20 ft. Any particular reason you went with 30 ft. instead?
As with their high dexterity, I had the idea of these swift shadow creatures, plus, they are not very enduring combatants so I wanted them to get to the enemy before they were destroyed.

AFAIK there is no official thing as "negative energy damage" (though 4th edition sort of has it with necrotic damage). Even the negative energy planes (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/planes.htm#negativeDominant) deals normal damage (until it starts dishing out negative levels, at least).

As stated above, there is no official thing as negative energy damage. You can channel negative energy to deal damage, but saying it deals negative energy damage is like saying it deals rainbow damage...it doesn't mesh.

Why is their touch ineffective against creatures of shadow?
Damn, I should have realized the negative energy thing... I might change it to say that they channel negative energy, adding to the description that creatures of shadow are rarely vulnerable to said damage.

Thinking about it too, I might have to give the Shadow Imps a way to be immune to the damage they'd be subject while in the shadow plane. Would a constant deathward effect be an overkill?

How does it have +10 Bluff? (7 ranks + 2 Cha + ?)By my mistake :smalltongue:

Why are they evil? Both their fluff and their link to the plane of shadow support a more neutral outlook.
I started off with a more sinister concept actually... now they're neutral.

Why do they change their style of dress to match the current region? There is no way local dress is going to make their short gray bodies and lack of facial features like a nose or mouth, less obvious. In fact I would think it would highlight the oddities.
My bad, my bad, (used to a setting where a "short gray bodies and lack of facial features" isn't that strange) I'll give them ranks in disguise and add somethign about it in the fluff.

The background info is interesting, but a little confusing. It feels a little muddled, especially the beginning.
I'll try and rewrite part of it.

I'm guessing, based on their Knowledge (history) bonus, that their "feeding" of memory is more of an absorption? In which case, why does it focus on history? I would think a lower bonus applied to all knowledge checks would make more sense.

How do they "make an information harvest?" How long does it take? They have no mechanical representation of this harvest. Is it like an illithid eating a brain?
I guess I was being far too metaphorical, they don't actually feed off anything, they just have an obsession with information.
The focus in history answers to the fact that, given the right circumstances, a shadow imp can live forever, the bulk of their information is therefore about the past.

What happens if the shadow imp falls unconcious because of something like drow poison (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/specialAbilities.htm#poison)? Do they still create a shadow print? Yep. That's one of the reasons why they might want to dismiss their shadow print a t a later time.

Can the shadow print move through walls and matter, or does it just move along a surface? So if it was fully enclosed in a dark room it was be effectively useless?
It should move along a surface (adding it now), and yes, if the dark room was small enough that the shadow imps couldn't appear inside then it'd be useless until an opening appeared.

I feel like Shdowspawn needs some work for clarity. I might write it as:
When an enu bezgalig or shadowspawn falls below 0 hit points his shadow automatically becomes a shadow print; his shadow is affixed to the surface it occupies. An enu bezgalig can move his shadow print 15 ft. as a move action. If the space occupied by a shadow print is completely covered, the shadow print will move 5 ft. per round until there is enough free space for shadowspawn to form. Should an enu bezgalig or shadowspawn fall below 0 hit points in an area where he doesn't cast any shadow, he won't be able to create a shadow print.

When the enu bezgalig or a shadowspawn dies, his shadow print immediately forms two shadowspawn, which are indentacle to the enu bezgalig that created the shadow print. The maximum number of shadowspawn that can come from a single enu bezgalig is equal to it's hit dice (4 shadowspawn from a 4 HD enu bezgalig). Shadowspawn cannot gain hit dice. The flesh of each shadowspawn grows steadily more smokey and translucent as more are created.

Six hours after the last shadowspawn was formed, all the shadowspawn dissolve and colaece, re-forming into the original enu bezgalig. Should the maximum number of shadowspawn be reached, and all of them are killed, the original enu bezgalig will re-form in the plane of shadow in 2d6 days. A limited wish (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/limitedWish.htm) or greater effect that is cast during the time the enu bezgalig is re-forming in the plane of shadow can stop this effect.
What do you think?
Yay! I'll just switch it to loses conscience instead of "fall below 0 hit points" and specify "total darkness" instead of "doesn't cast any shadow".
Thanks, I know I should have gone around making it clearer some time ago. :smallredface:

As I said earlier, I feel like the knowledge bonus would make more sense if it were lower (perhaps = to HD) and applied to all knowledge skills.I might just go for that, adding that it can use any knowledge skill untrained and keeping the creature's ranks in the Planes and History.

The thing is that a bonus equal to HD won't mechanicaly reflect any fluff need to go after one of these for information... I'll keep it twice their level to History checks I guess. I mean, a total of +12 at sixth level isn't that impressive.

Final thoughts: Its a nifty little imp, and I like the knowledge focus. Their mercenary nature should be a good way to get them involved as both enemies and allies.:smallbiggrin: Thanks and thanks again.

MammonAzrael

2011-03-11, 04:29 PM

Herp, that was part of Wreathed in Flame that wasn't put in. It is extra fire damage on all natural attacks.

*nod* In which case I'd note in the stat block that it is fire damage, like in the fire elemental (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/elemental.htm#fireElemental) attack line.

...I would have to ask why anyone would have a hard time subtracting twelve from another number, or why that would be any harder than ten. If someone is having problems with subtracting twelve I don't think making it ten is going to help their problem. :smallconfused:

I wouldn't say that subtracting 12 is difficult, but given out base-10 number system 10 is easier. If you dealt 61 damage it is easier to reduce it to 51, rather than 49. Additionally, it would bring the number in line with standard monsters, as they usually have DR divisible by 5.

On it. (SR)

Now that is some respectable SR! Now an average wizard only has a 20% chance of getting his magic through. Was it your intent to have sucha magic-resistant creature for the CR?

... the largest non-landbound bird in the world, AFAIK, is at most one foot high. This is five times that. Most birds are 3-6 inches tall. This bird is 10 to 20 times that size. The fluff isn't comparing them to other monsters, else it would have said "a five foot tall monster," and not used the great or huge modifiers. But compared to birds, that thing is fracking ginormous.

A matter of personal taste, I suspect. I agree, if I were describing it for our world it would be huge. However, Grewhawk and other DnD worlds regularly see things like the giant eagle (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/eagleGiant.htm), giant owl (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/owlGiant.htm), and the roc (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/roc.htm). I would feel differently if this were an animal, but its a magical beast so I personally feel it should be compared as such.

...Thank you?

This was meant to me more complementary than it sounded. You took a creature know for it's power of resurrection, so much so that it is the picture for the contest, and gave it a unique spin. It effectively dies every few hours, yet is constantly alive. It is a very clever and interesting thing. :smallsmile:

Phoenixes are treasured because of their inherent magic and their beauty. The Fireborn are A) phoenixes that have been curse with ancient magic, and B) actually fairly pretty. I will edit that in. However, it is mostly because of the magic that is inherent to them, and the fact that it is really, really easy to capture a Fireborn, since they pretty much forget everything that has happened to them every three hours.

Fair enough. :smallsmile: Can anything be done with their inherent magical curse, or is it effectively a brag-worthy novelty for collectors?

[qupte]Giant, fiery bird? These birds also constantly rebirth themselves, practically immortal? A) They can be a danger if they light something on fire, B) people have a fear of what they do not understand. Yes, Phoenixes are nice and all, but that great bird that is on fire and wandering around the town is not likely to be treated as well.[/quote]

Fair enough. And their intelligence mixed with their constant memory wipes support this.

Um...and? Actually, the description doesn't even note it as being a Breath Weapon. "Burning with the ageless strength of the bird," is really the only description, and does not mention Breath Weapons. If it is that big of a deal for you, just don't think of it as a Breath Weapon.

What? The ability is called Breath of Flame. And more than that the very first sentence starts off with "As a standard action, the Fireborn may breathe a vast cone of fire..." That is a breath weapon. And as far as I know, every single breath weapon in the game is based off of constitution.

What else would they do with them? Twiddle their thumbs for 1.5 seconds?

It isn't that they shouldn't have something to use the action with. It just feels like the ability could be...was the non-lethal damage there last time? If it was I completely missed it and I apologize. If it wasn't, then that is a great reason to have the ability sustainable.

"But more than that, the very fire of the bird protects it from harm, at the same time giving it intense pain." The Fireborn is literally on fire. It says that in the description several times, and in italics. They are on fire, not because they just burn really well, but actually because of the magic affecting them. Phoenixes are inherently magic, and their magic can affect other magic. In this case, they took the flames, and made them their own. They could not get rid of them, so they shaped them, and made protections with them. But it is still a flame. That is part of the curse. They are forever lit on fire, still feeling the pain of the flames, even if their flesh does not burn.

I'm not sure how this answers my point. The ability name is referencing ash, as does the description. And yet I can see no logical way ash could create a deflection bonus. I could see ash granting a bonus to natural armor. I could see it granting a resistance to fire and cold damage, as it is a decent insulator. But how could it possibly offer a deflection bonus, much less one connected to their Cha? If the intent is for the fire to be creating the deflection bonus, then the name and fluff of the ability should be rewritten to get rid of the ash.

Yes, the birds are on fire, but they shouldn't give a hoot or be harmed at all because they're immune to fire. You mention several times that the fire is a curse and that it causes them pain. The issue is that...it doesn't. They aren't taking damage. They aren't suffering a penalty caused by pain. There are no mechanics to support the claim that being on fire distresses them in any way. As far as I can tell, the curse is their rapid aging, and not being on fire.

On it. Also, figurative. The "ash of their burned feathers, their burned skin, their burned memories." The last bit is the most important. And nothing there really says that they die through immolation, but are rather born with the ashes and flames around them already.

From what I can see, the fire immunity issue still exists. The firebird will never get healed from fire damage because it will never take any fire damage. the simplest solution would be to remove the fire immunity (Born from Ashes would effectively be their Fire Immunity Plus).

Also, go check the Phoenix in Monster Manual II, page 168. The name of the ability to be reborn is literally "Immolation" and it deals massive fire damage to all in range and then the phoenix is reborn.

On it. (Wreathed in Flame)

The reason I worded it the way I did was for RAW clarity. I think your intent is clear, that cold damage will turn off the extra fire damage and cold "resistance" for a round, but that isn't what it actually says atm. Suppressing the flames is a purely cosmetic description, and doesn't actually turn off the ability.

Also, if the flames that cover it are supposed to be pale and ghostly, I would mention that in the initial description of the creature. Currently you don't, and I had a mental picture of the bird glowing with brilliant red and gold flames.

Anarchy doesn't just mean that the creature has a chaotic alignment. As an adjective, it actually has a meaning other than that. Basically, the bird changes really, really, really fast, and the description is describing how the changes are chaotic, chaotic not being the alignment but that actual adjective, and confused.

I'm not saying you used the word incorrectly, just that I don't see how it fits. While the bird itself my be confused from the loss of memories, the ability itself is anything by chaotic. The changes and aging can be predicted like clockwork. There is no randomness or chaos in it's pattern. If you wanted there to be chaos, then replacing it aging every hour (or 2 rounds) with dice rolls would greatly help.

On it. (aging)

The aging looks a lot cleaner, though there are a couple things. The bonuses and penalties for middle age are -1 Str, Dex, Con, and +1 Int, Wis, Cha. Also, there is no "ancient" age category. It should go from young to Middle Age to Old to Venerable and back to Young.

Also, do they heal at all when they shift from venerable to young?

They know all of those except their location. The only thing they do not know is what happened to them before being reborn. If they are being attacked, they can sense the danger inherent to the situation, and try to defend themselves.

Phoenixes can be advanced, correct? And this is a curse being put upon a Phoenix? They wouldn't be able to be advanced in their own lifetime unless they are magically boosted (which isn't an impossibility), however they can be advanced prior to becoming a Fireborn.

Ok. :smallsmile:

It speeds up for several reasons. Adrenaline, and the magic itself noticing an enemy/s. Oh, bad description. It is supposed to be as the above. Basically, if they are attacked, they understand the inherent danger to a situation and will fight back. However, this does leave open the option of befriending the Fireborn upon it being reborn. This isn't really an easy process, but if the attackers simply back off and let the creature find its legs and then attempt to peacefully contact it, it will pretty much immediately befriend them. That was my intention.

Shiny.

They do not. They have no idea about what they go through, and think they die upon being rebirthed.

Nifty.

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Hehe... it was just me having fun: bezgalig means "endless/for indefinite time" in Latvian. "Enu" is a twisting of "ena", meaning "shadow", again in Latvian.
Perhaps I should switch places with the specific name and the common name? Shadow Imp (Enu Bezgalig)?

I'd recommend it. Shadow Imp is much easier for people to remember, though the fancy "true" name will occassionally be used, especially be scholars.

As with their high dexterity, I had the idea of these swift shadow creatures, plus, they are not very enduring combatants so I wanted them to get to the enemy before they were destroyed.

Fair enough. Though a lower speed would give a greater incentive to forming a crossbow and kiting for a while.

Damn, I should have realized the negative energy thing... I might change it to say that they channel negative energy, adding to the description that creatures of shadow are rarely vulnerable to said damage.

Thinking about it too, I might have to give the Shadow Imps a way to be immune to the damage they'd be subject while in the shadow plane. Would a constant deathward effect be an overkill?

Mechanically the biggest question here is: Do you want their touch to heal undead? If yes, then they channel negative energy. If not, then I'd say they either flat out deal extra damage, or they deal cold damage.

Yeah, I'd say deathward would be overkill. Especially since there isn't anything to be immune to in the Plane of Shadow (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/planes.htm#planeOfShadow). And while I can't find the rule right now, I was under the impression that an extraplanar creature is immune to the planar traits of their home plane (I could easily be wrong here).

My bad, my bad, (used to a setting where a "short gray bodies and lack of facial features" isn't that strange) I'll give them ranks in disguise and add somethign about it in the fluff.

Lol, what setting do you play in where not having a mouth doesn't stand out?!

I'll try and rewrite part of it.

Clearer. Do you mind if I take a swing at it?

It is said by some that the first of the shadow imps were spawned when the universe grew so old and filled with wonders that it began to forget all that it contained. It is also said that the enu bezgalig are the curious creation of a long forgotten god of memory and loss. Some others claim these fantastical tales to be absurb, posititing that these creatures are nothing more than a random condensing of the plane of shadow, formed from a chance twisting of magics. However they came to be, the true answer is lost, known now only to the imps themselves, and they aren't talking.

While not an embodiment of forgetfulness, the enu bezgalig are closely related to loss and death of memory, and they greatly covet knowledge, lest it be forgotten by those that know it. Their bodies are smooth and featureless, with one almost impossible to tell from another. If fact, their personality, memories, and everything that defines them as individuals are represented and stored in the tattoos and patterns covering their skin.

These denizens of the shadow plane have occasional societies scattered throughout the flowing terrain of that transitive plane, usually small tribes more than villages. Most groups are guided by a powerful, pragmatic leader or are subservient to fiends, and many tribes hold to a sacred duty drives them to find portals to the prime material plane and gather the memories and of its inhabitants, to preserve the knowledge before it can be forgotten like so much has.

They are not murderous maniacs; accustomed to being underdogs in the plane of shadow, they seek to make pacts and agreements, their price generally information of some sort. While more feral and bloodthirsty bands might go on hunts for wise sages to extract knowledge forcibly, most enu bezgalig will sell their services for information, or for gold which in turn will be used to buy information.

They are sought, themselves, as the deathless repositories of information they are, constantly seeking information and spawning, never losing an line of that which is written on their skin. No enu bezgalig shares information easily though, for any prized information piece becomes an integral part of him, one of the most intimate aspects of any individual. Though if the price is right...

I guess I was being far too metaphorical, they don't actually feed off anything, they just have an obsession with information.
The focus in history answers to the fact that, given the right circumstances, a shadow imp can live forever, the bulk of their information is therefore about the past.

Fair enough :smallsmile:

Yep. That's one of the reasons why they might want to dismiss their shadow print at a later time.

Got it.

It should move along a surface (adding it now), and yes, if the dark room was small enough that the shadow imps couldn't appear inside then it'd be useless until an opening appeared.

Ok.

Yay! I'll just switch it to loses conscience instead of "fall below 0 hit points" and specify "total darkness" instead of "doesn't cast any shadow".
Thanks, I know I should have gone around making it clearer some time ago. :smallredface:

I'm glad I could help.

I might just go for that, adding that it can use any knowledge skill untrained and keeping the creature's ranks in the Planes and History.

The thing is that a bonus equal to HD won't mechanicaly reflect any fluff need to go after one of these for information... I'll keep it twice their level to History checks I guess. I mean, a total of +12 at sixth level isn't that impressive.

I got the feeling they had desire for all knowledge, so the spread boost would better represent that. Technically, anyone can make a knowledge check untrained, it's just an intelligence check. Personally, I'd go with:

As undying repositories of memory, shadow imps gain a racial bonus to all knowledge checks equal to twice their HD. They are considered trained in all knowledges, even if they have no ranks in the skill.

This, I feel, really represents their wide selection of knowledge. And offers a point of optimization for advanced imps, as they could make good use out of Knowledge Devotion.

MammonAzrael

2011-03-11, 08:51 PM

Thoughts on TheGeckoKing' Nebula, the Starmetal Droid:

By my calculations, nebula should have an average of 27 HP. (5*5.5)
Armor class should read +3 Dex, not +13.
Grapple needs to be added at +6
Why Power Attack? I would think a more defensive feat, like Combat Expertise, would be more fitting.
I think his organization qualifies as "Unique"
I don't believe he is a CR 10, since he is remarkably easy to one-shot, and his Starcore Overdrive is really the only reason.
Strange that Nebula cannot advance at all.
I would add some lines to Eternal Star, seperating the fluff from the crunch. Like: Nebula is immune to all environmental hazards, as well as all alignment traits (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/planes.htm#alignmentTraits) and any positive-dominant (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/planes.htm#positiveDominant) or negative-dominant (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/planes.htm#negativeDominant) traits of any planes. Slipped in before the last sentence.
Can the plane shifting Starcore be impeded by a dimensional anchor or dimensional lock? What happens if Nebula is hit with a dimensional anchor, then reduced to -10 HP?
I love the fluff, very fun!
I'd like it if Nebula's Notebook, or rather the extra copies, were a little more spread out. Perhaps one can be located in nearly any great library in the universe.
Both artifacts are solid and well thought out. I'm assuming the Starcore Schemata can be found among the Solaris Archmage's library?

Final thoughts: A wonderfully fun creation, this inquisitive guy fits perfectly into Planescape. Great job!

MammonAzrael

2011-03-11, 09:39 PM

Thoughts on Mangles' The Symbiotic Soul:

This needs either the extraplanar (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/typesSubtypes.htm#extraplanarSubtype) or native (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/typesSubtypes.htm#nativeSubtype) subtype.
Outsiders have a d8 hit die, and it's average HP should be 27+ (6*4.5 + See below)
Initiative should be +1
Armor class should be 15 (+1 Dex, +4 Size), touch 15
Grapple modifier should be -8 (6 BAB - 2 Str - 12 Size)
Attack modifier should be +8 (6 BAB - 2 Str + 4 Size)
Space should be 1 ft.
Reflex save should be +6, Will save should be +8
A diminutive creature with a strength of 6 is actaully very strong. If it were increased to Medium size it would have an average Str score of 16.
Why does it not have a Constitution score? Constructs (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/typesSubtypes.htm#constructType) and Undead (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/typesSubtypes.htm#undeadType) are the only types that do not have a Con score. All outsiders have a Constitution score. This either needs a Con score, needs to have it's type changed, or needs a special ability detailing why it doesn't have a Con score (and the fluff to back it up)
There are more than 10 separate knowledge skills, even in just the SRD (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/psionic/skills/knowledgePsionics.htm). Additionally, the knowledge skills it does have full ranks in should be at +17 (9 ranks + 6 KotH + 2 Int)
It doesn't meet the prerequisites for either Craft Wondrous Item (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/feats.htm#craftWondrousItem) or Scribe Scroll (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/feats.htm#scribeScroll).
Why does it have no advancement options?

Thoughts: This creature needs a lot of work. The fluff is unclear, and I have no idea what the creature are about, or what they want or what they're like. Worst of all, I get no sense of the contest's theme from these creatures. If you can clean the creature up and define it then I will be happy to review it again.

MammonAzrael

2011-03-11, 10:54 PM

Thoughts on The Dark Fiddler's Rage Emote:

Grapple mod should be +16
Rage falls under Special Attacks
Why does it have DR that can't be overcome? Is this a barbarian reference? Feels like the DR should be overcome by good or lawful weapons.
Reflex save should be +9
Aura of Rage's secondary effect needs "All creatures that fail or have failed their save against this aura(creatures..."
Last word in Being of Emotion needs an "s."
Can the Rage Emote end the possession voluntarily? Would it? Is the save DC Cha based?

Final thoughts: Mechanically, this thing is very solid. It is a decent creature to throw at PCs just because. However, I don't see any connections to the theme of the contest. And the fluff while functional, is rather bland. Which works for some creatures, it just feels...uninspiring. Adding some history and lore could help in this regard.

The Dark Fiddler

2011-03-11, 11:03 PM

Why does it have DR that can't be overcome? Is this a barbarian reference? Feels like the DR should be overcome by good or lawful weapons.

Well, it has DR in the first place because I felt that with only one attack, it needed at least some DR to help keep it at a somewhat reasonable challenge. DR/- was partially because of the barbarian, yes. I'm not so sure about making it /good or /law because although it is usually chaotic evil, it's neither an Chaotic or Evil outsider.

Can the Rage Emote end the possession voluntarily? Would it?

I suppose technically it could, though I don't see any reason it would.

However, I don't see any connections to the theme of the contest. And the fluff while functional, is rather bland. Which works for some creatures, it just feels...uninspiring. Adding some history and lore could help in this regard.

The connection to the theme is the idea that emotions are everlasting, continuing even after death. It's not quite as blatant as some of the other entries, no, but it's there. Sorry it seems so bland, fluff has always been a weakness of mine. I'll see if I can think anything up to improve it.

This suggests that they should be Undead rather than Outsiders. If they are Outsiders, then you should designate which plane of existence they originate. [Any chaotic plane would do].

Although I can see why you'd think it, I picked Outsider because of the following line in the type description:

Some creatures start out as some other type and become outsiders when they attain a higher (or lower) state of spiritual existence.

I figured that the rage emote counted, so I chose Outsider. Plus, I'm not mechanically a fan of the Undead type, so there's that.

The plane they originate is given, in a way. Statblocks are used with the assumption of an encounter on the material plane, so the lack of the extraplanar subtype means they're a material plane outsider. If you think I should list that more prominently, where should I put it?

Also, my condolences for your loss, Debi.

MammonAzrael

2011-03-12, 12:50 AM

Thoughts on xelliea's Time Guardian:

Needs the extraplanar (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/typesSubtypes.htm#extraplanarSubtype) subtype.
By my math, average HP should be 170. (20*4.5 + 20*4)
How does a flying eyeball get +19 natural armor? Giving them an ability that granted a deflection bonus equal to their Wis mod would help reduce the huge NA and improve their horrible touch AC.
Grapple modifier should be +33 (20 BAB + 5 Str + 4 Size + 4 Imp. Grapple)
I understand where the huge attack bonus came from, I'll cover it later.
1d6 isn't much damage for a large creature. I'd bump them up to 1d8.
I don't understand why the static damage is doubled from their claws on a full attackbut I'm guessing it has to do with Time Strike, which I'll cover in a bit.
DR that can't be bypassed is rare on its own. DR that high is unheard of even in Epic Level monsters. I'd reduce it to 20 or 25 and make it bypassable by at least epic items.
By comparison the SR is weak and should be upped to 30 or 35.
The regeneration is not covered in the combat description, what overcomes it? Also, it feels rather like overkill. Though lowering the DR to 10 or 15 and giving the Time Guardian fast healing would have a nice, time-altering feel to it.
They should have a total of 13 different skills at maximum rank, and the three already maxed need their stat mods added.
A CR 20 monster with no treasure just seems like a cheap way to piss off your players.
The fluff strikes me in several ways as reminiscent of Inevitables (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/inevitable.htm). In fact, thinking on it, I think there is an inevitable out there with just such a function. Regardless, I see the similarities.
The hive mind approach is interesting, as it makes me think of giant time-bees. I would think they would have some way of telepathically communicating with others.
How to giant flying eyeballs make high-pitched sounds? Do they have a mouth or something hiding somewhere?
20% seems like way too high a chance, given that it is such a popular spell. Maybe a 5% chance.
I'm not understanding how leaping through time can translate into leaping through multi-dimensional space. :smallconfused: Additionally, what is a surprise attack? Do they get to make a single attack, against which the target is flat-footed?
Time Stop is awesome for wizards because they have things they can do while the rest of the world takes a break. These guys don't, so time freeze is rather underwhelming.
Alter is interesting, as far as effective SoDs are concerned, but I think it would work better if the DC was bumped up to 26 (19 + Wis mod), required a touch attack to lodge the shard, and the subject could make a Fort save every round to avoid falling unconscious.
Glare should be a swift action, as time guardians don't have any. I feel like glare should be a gaze attack (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/specialAbilities.htm#gazeAttacks). Dealing such a stupid amount of damage is crazy, and d20s aren't used for damage for a reason, there is just too much variation. Where did you get the DC numbers, and what stat are they based on? And for such a powerful ability, why isn't it mentioned at all in the fluff?
Regarding Time Strike, doubling anything is not only dangerous in DnD, but it doesn't feel right here. Why is their accuracy doubled? I would think that doubling their attacks (2 for a standard attack, 4 for a full attack) would represent time manipulation better.
Being able to attack others while under the effects of a time stop is a nice idea, but in practice is rather unfun. It basically gives the 1d10 free rounds to just pile up damage, and players are helpless to do anything about it, unless they're playing sufficiently optimized, in which case this thing will be nuked.
Being of Time can be folded into immunities.
Immortal Rest could use some refinement. What happens if the Time Guardian dies in the area of a Dimensional Lock? What happens if it's attacked while "sleeping?" If we can only kill them by killing Matiris and destroying the Hive, we need stats and info on them.
Lore could use a number of grammatical fixes
Why are the Time Guardians so weird looking? Just because?
I feel like the fluff could be expanded, and go into more detail of Matiris, since these guardians seem like a bunch of faceless mooks.

Final thoughts: Its a good thought, protecting time. I feel like it could use some refinement. And maybe it is just me, but the immortality feels rather tacked on, there mostly because the contest required it. I'd love to see this polished.

Well, it has DR in the first place because I felt that with only one attack, it needed at least some DR to help keep it at a somewhat reasonable challenge. DR/- was partially because of the barbarian, yes. I'm not so sure about making it /good or /law because although it is usually chaotic evil, it's neither an Chaotic or Evil outsider.

Fair enough. And DR 5 is low enough to be ok.

I suppose technically it could, though I don't see any reason it would.

*nod* I'm not sure if it would either, but I was just wondering if they even could as they can't as possession is currently written.

The connection to the theme is the idea that emotions are everlasting, continuing even after death. It's not quite as blatant as some of the other entries, no, but it's there. Sorry it seems so bland, fluff has always been a weakness of mine. I'll see if I can think anything up to improve it.

I can understand that. Giving it some ability to reflect that, like reforming whenever the creature that killed it feels a moment of serious anger, could really help.

MammonAzrael

2011-03-12, 01:41 AM

Last, but not least, thoughts on Bardic's Kzetar:

First off, any meaning behind the name?
By my math, average HP should be 91 (14*4.5 + 14*2)
Attack bonus should be +16 (14 BAB + 3 Str - 1 Size)
Creatures can only have one primary attack, you'll have to choose either the bite of the claw. The other becomes a secondary attack, which can only be used on a full attack with a -5 penalty to hit and only 1/2 Str damage.
Any particular reason for the energy resistances?
Needs four more skills maxed out.
Empowering (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsterFeats.htm#empowerSpellLikeAbility) minor creation (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/minorCreation.htm) does nothing.
It doesn't qualify for quickening (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsterFeats.htm#quickenSpellLikeAbility) minor creation until it has a CL of 16.
The fluff is solid and well polished. It explains what they are, what they want, and what to expect. Excellent.
As stated earlier, Empowered and quickened minor creation is going to need some revision.
I feel like instead of Polymorph they should be casting Polymorph Any Object (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/polymorphAnyObject.htm).
You can simplify Aura of Inversion (which I think is quite cool), by rewriting the second sentence so: "All unattended inorganic, nonmagical objects and materials within twenty-five feet..." and just delete the fourth sentence. Feels like a supernatural ability, though.
Endless Cycle needs some number crunching, since it also has to chew through the extra HP granted by a Con score. So it needs to deal more than 1d8 damage, otherwise these things will just get progressively bigger. And given thay a fully mature one already has it's replacement somewhere in the universe, I'd have only the less-than-mature ones respawn on a random plane.
The plot hook strikes me as odd for one reason: the kzetar aren't invisible, so their presence should be very easy to discern.

Final thoughts: I really like these guys. Their chaotic reforming of the world around them is very interesting. The mechanics are in good shape, and the fluff is entertaining. They could be fun and memorable opponents.

Cheesy74

2011-03-12, 08:19 AM

Thanks a lot for all the criticism, guys. I'm currently having the best weekend of my life at PAX, but I'll get down to gutting this thing once I get back.

On a much more somber note, you're in my thoughts, Debby. I'm extremely sorry for your loss.

TheGeckoKing

2011-03-12, 09:19 AM

Thoughts on TheGeckoKing' Nebula, the Starmetal Droid:

By my calculations, nebula should have an average of 27 HP. (5*5.5)
As my maths teacher says, I can do the algebra, but god forbid I try basic maths. :smallsigh:
Armor class should read +3 Dex, not +13.
Whoops. Got it.
Grapple needs to be added at +6
Got it.
Why Power Attack? I would think a more defensive feat, like Combat Expertise, would be more fitting.
Now that I think about it, yeah.
I think his organization qualifies as "Unique"
Got it.
I don't believe he is a CR 10, since he is remarkably easy to one-shot, and his Starcore Overdrive is really the only reason.
I would agree, but the problem is he's so easy to one-shot that if you do it without knowing, you could just as easily flop your save and get dusted.
I shall think about it.
Strange that Nebula cannot advance at all.
That is pretty stupid for something that is based on learning. Added in.
I would add some lines to Eternal Star, seperating the fluff from the crunch. Like: Nebula is immune to all environmental hazards, as well as all alignment traits (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/planes.htm#alignmentTraits) and any positive-dominant (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/planes.htm#positiveDominant) or negative-dominant (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/planes.htm#negativeDominant) traits of any planes. Slipped in before the last sentence.
Go go copy pasta man!
Can the plane shifting Starcore be impeded by a dimensional anchor or dimensional lock? What happens if Nebula is hit with a dimensional anchor, then reduced to -10 HP?
I think i'll take advantage to punish the smarty pants caster trying to get a Starcore the easy way.....
I love the fluff, very fun!
Glad you do :smallsmile:
I'd like it if Nebula's Notebook, or rather the extra copies, were a little more spread out. Perhaps one can be located in nearly any great library in the universe.
Sure thing.
Both artifacts are solid and well thought out. I'm assuming the Starcore Schemata can be found among the Solaris Archmage's library?
It would be. Done and done.

Final thoughts: A wonderfully fun creation, this inquisitive guy fits perfectly into Planescape. Great job!

Replies in Bold. Glad you think it's good. :smallsmile:

Also, my condolences Debi. I'm sorry to hear your loss.

unosarta

2011-03-12, 03:20 PM

*nod* In which case I'd note in the stat block that it is fire damage, like in the fire elemental (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/elemental.htm#fireElemental) attack line.
On it.

I wouldn't say that subtracting 12 is difficult, but given out base-10 number system 10 is easier. If you dealt 61 damage it is easier to reduce it to 51, rather than 49. Additionally, it would bring the number in line with standard monsters, as they usually have DR divisible by 5.
Fine.

Now that is some respectable SR! Now an average wizard only has a 20% chance of getting his magic through. Was it your intent to have sucha magic-resistant creature for the CR?
... You said HD + 15. Their HD is 12...

A matter of personal taste, I suspect. I agree, if I were describing it for our world it would be huge. However, Grewhawk and other DnD worlds regularly see things like the giant eagle (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/eagleGiant.htm), giant owl (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/owlGiant.htm), and the roc (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/roc.htm). I would feel differently if this were an animal, but its a magical beast so I personally feel it should be compared as such.
On it.

This was meant to me more complementary than it sounded. You took a creature know for it's power of resurrection, so much so that it is the picture for the contest, and gave it a unique spin. It effectively dies every few hours, yet is constantly alive. It is a very clever and interesting thing. :smallsmile:
... Thank you? That is kind of my answer for all compliments, don't worry.

Fair enough. :smallsmile: Can anything be done with their inherent magical curse, or is it effectively a brag-worthy novelty for collectors?
Presumably if magic is able to be converted to other forms, like how energy can, it could be converted into some other form of magic. This should really be a magical item or spell that can do it, although it currently doesn't exist AFAIK. If you think about it, the amount of magical energy you could harness from their rebirth would be magnificent.

What? The ability is called Breath of Flame. And more than that the very first sentence starts off with "As a standard action, the Fireborn may breathe a vast cone of fire..." That is a breath weapon. And as far as I know, every single breath weapon in the game is based off of constitution.
Consider the difference in saving throw, first of all
Con: 21
Cha: 24
That is mostly what I was thinking of.

It isn't that they shouldn't have something to use the action with. It just feels like the ability could be...was the non-lethal damage there last time? If it was I completely missed it and I apologize. If it wasn't, then that is a great reason to have the ability sustainable.
Sorry, ninja added it in. :smallbiggrin:

I'm not sure how this answers my point. The ability name is referencing ash, as does the description. And yet I can see no logical way ash could create a deflection bonus. I could see ash granting a bonus to natural armor. I could see it granting a resistance to fire and cold damage, as it is a decent insulator. But how could it possibly offer a deflection bonus, much less one connected to their Cha? If the intent is for the fire to be creating the deflection bonus, then the name and fluff of the ability should be rewritten to get rid of the ash.
The fire is the thing that is protecting them. I could rename the ability, I suppose.

Yes, the birds are on fire, but they shouldn't give a hoot or be harmed at all because they're immune to fire. You mention several times that the fire is a curse and that it causes them pain. The issue is that...it doesn't. They aren't taking damage. They aren't suffering a penalty caused by pain. There are no mechanics to support the claim that being on fire distresses them in any way. As far as I can tell, the curse is their rapid aging, and not being on fire.
Just because they are not physically harmed doesn't mean that it cannot cause pain. That is part of the curse. The unending pain, the constant rebirth, the unending circle that continues for ever. Every minute, the bird is reliving the moments it has already lived, and burning the whole time. The Fireborn's only moment of partial freedom from the flames is as it flies free, its form shifting once again, being rebirthed. But as the Fireborn finds its new form, its new feathers, its new life, the fires find it. And they burn once again. Truly it is a terrible curse, the only respite a death that the bird knows coming, which leads to another lifetime of pain.

From what I can see, the fire immunity issue still exists. The firebird will never get healed from fire damage because it will never take any fire damage. the simplest solution would be to remove the fire immunity (Born from Ashes would effectively be their Fire Immunity Plus).

Also, go check the Phoenix in Monster Manual II, page 168. The name of the ability to be reborn is literally "Immolation" and it deals massive fire damage to all in range and then the phoenix is reborn.
I can see your point. On it.

However, the Fireborn does not immolate. It changes form, and mind, but it does not die. It is like a shapeshifter. It grows older and older until it "dies" (it doesn't really), and then it loses its memories and becomes young again. Its body doesn't change.

The reason I worded it the way I did was for RAW clarity. I think your intent is clear, that cold damage will turn off the extra fire damage and cold "resistance" for a round, but that isn't what it actually says atm. Suppressing the flames is a purely cosmetic description, and doesn't actually turn off the ability.

Also, if the flames that cover it are supposed to be pale and ghostly, I would mention that in the initial description of the creature. Currently you don't, and I had a mental picture of the bird glowing with brilliant red and gold flames.
On it.

I'm not saying you used the word incorrectly, just that I don't see how it fits. While the bird itself my be confused from the loss of memories, the ability itself is anything by chaotic. The changes and aging can be predicted like clockwork. There is no randomness or chaos in it's pattern. If you wanted there to be chaos, then replacing it aging every hour (or 2 rounds) with dice rolls would greatly help.
Fine, removing the word/phrase.

The aging looks a lot cleaner, though there are a couple things. The bonuses and penalties for middle age are -1 Str, Dex, Con, and +1 Int, Wis, Cha. Also, there is no "ancient" age category. It should go from young to Middle Age to Old to Venerable and back to Young.

Also, do they heal at all when they shift from venerable to young?

Ancient is supposed to represent "maximum age" which the aging tables have. After the maximum age, the character is supposed to die.

[Edit]: All suggestions added and fixed.

MammonAzrael

2011-03-12, 03:24 PM

I'm starting to think that CR 12 is just too high for my entry, as it will be taken down quickly at that level. I'm thinking of decreasing the CR down to 9 or 10, as well as enhancing some basic defenses (an AC that might actually matter, and some kind of protection against will saves, or this could be a joke).

... You said HD + 15. Their HD is 12...

This wasn't meant as a criticism, just a question. Just how magically resistant do you picture these birds? SR is really just a number crunch, with the question being how often you want spells of the expected CR to fail against it.

Presumably if magic is able to be converted to other forms, like how energy can, it could be converted into some other form of magic. This should really be a magical item or spell that can do it, although it currently doesn't exist AFAIK. If you think about it, the amount of magical energy you could harness from their rebirth would be magnificent.

Got it.

Consider the difference in saving throw, first of all
Con: 21
Cha: 24
That is mostly what I was thinking of.

I can understand wanting the higher DC, but the fact is that breath weapons are governed by Con. Now, if you wanted to change it from a breath weapon to an SLA, perhaps even one that deals damage in a sphere rather than a cone, I could get behind the Cha use.

Sorry, ninja added it in. :smallbiggrin:

:smallsmile:

The fire is the thing that is protecting them. I could rename the ability, I suppose.

That would alleviate the confusion.

Just because they are not physically harmed doesn't mean that it cannot cause pain. That is part of the curse. The unending pain, the constant rebirth, the unending circle that continues for ever. Every minute, the bird is reliving the moments it has already lived, and burning the whole time. The Fireborn's only moment of partial freedom from the flames is as it flies free, its form shifting once again, being rebirthed. But as the Fireborn finds its new form, its new feathers, its new life, the fires find it. And they burn once again. Truly it is a terrible curse, the only respite a death that the bird knows coming, which leads to another lifetime of pain.

But...it doesn't know it is reliving all these moments. It is, in effect, a new consciousness every time it is "reborn." The short life span is all it knows, so how could that be torturous? Perhaps if the transition from the oldest stage to being "reborn" took 1 round, and in that round the firebird remembered its entire life, all the death and rebirths, it would be torturous.

And while I can understand a respect fluff like the flames that envelope them do no physical harm but still hurt, I think it needs to be explained a little more in the general fluff, and not just the ability's fluff (I, at least, don't automatically assume that a creature on fire in a magical world is in pain).

I can see your point. On it.

However, the Fireborn does not immolate. It changes form, and mind, but it does not die. It is like a shapeshifter. It grows older and older until it "dies" (it doesn't really), and then it loses its memories and becomes young again. Its body doesn't change.

*nod*

Ancient is supposed to represent "maximum age" which the aging tables have. After the maximum age, the character is supposed to die.

I can understand that. I do want to mention, though, that there are no stat adjustments for this new age category, and for most races, Maximum age means that you don't live past that age, that is the day you die of old age, in your venerable years. No one lives past their maximum age without interference.

[Edit]: All suggestions added and fixed.

Looks good!

Admiral Squish

2011-03-12, 06:44 PM

Alright, I've upped the CR of the Visceral Horde to 8. Is it still too strong for the CR? Or did I overshoot?

Bardic

2011-03-12, 07:07 PM

Last, but not least, thoughts on Bardic's Kzetar:

* First off, any meaning behind the name? Nope, I just thought it sounded cool. :smallbiggrin:
* By my math, average HP should be 91 (14*4.5 + 14*2) I upped their HP so that they'd be less of a 'glass cannon'. See my posts with The Glyphstone.
* Attack bonus should be +16 (14 BAB + 3 Str - 1 Size) Thanks.
* Creatures can only have one primary attack, you'll have to choose either the bite of the claw. The other becomes a secondary attack, which can only be used on a full attack with a -5 penalty to hit and only 1/2 Str damage.
* Any particular reason for the energy resistances? They were suggested by The Glyphstone.
* Needs four more skills maxed out.
* Empowering minor creation does nothing. I think I'll swap this out for an attack power of some sort, either Shatter or Chaos Hammer.
* It doesn't qualify for quickening minor creation until it has a CL of 16.
* The fluff is solid and well polished. It explains what they are, what they want, and what to expect. Excellent. Thank you!
* As stated earlier, Empowered and quickened minor creation is going to need some revision. Really, I only put them there because I couldn't decide on any other feats.
* I feel like instead of Polymorph they should be casting Polymorph Any Object. Good idea... makes much more sense, considering the fluff.
* You can simplify Aura of Inversion (which I think is quite cool), by rewriting the second sentence so: "All unattended inorganic, nonmagical objects and materials within twenty-five feet..." and just delete the fourth sentence. Feels like a supernatural ability, though. Supernatural would be better, yeah.
* Endless Cycle needs some number crunching, since it also has to chew through the extra HP granted by a Con score. So it needs to deal more than 1d8 damage, otherwise these things will just get progressively bigger. And given that a fully mature one already has it's replacement somewhere in the universe, I'd have only the less-than-mature ones respawn on a random plane. I think that I'll just make it remove one HD per week, with the Kzetar 'dying' when it reaches 0. The bonus to hp will remain constant, so the minimum hp will be 54.
* The plot hook strikes me as odd for one reason: the kzetar aren't invisible, so their presence should be very easy to discern. I'll just make it so that the townsfolk know the kzetar is there, but not what it is beyond an incredible force of destruction.

Final thoughts: I really like these guys. Their chaotic reforming of the world around them is very interesting. The mechanics are in good shape, and the fluff is entertaining. They could be fun and memorable opponents. Thank you very much! Answers are in bold. Excellent critiquing, sir! I thank you very much. Also, I have changed Aura of Inversion to include Major Creation as an at-will, but it cannot fashion weapons using it. Either Major or Minor creation is used, depending on the composition of the cubic foot of material destroyed.

MammonAzrael

2011-03-12, 09:53 PM

@ Admiral Squish - I think CR 8 is a solid choice.

Answers are in bold. Excellent critiquing, sir! I thank you very much. Also, I have changed Aura of Inversion to include Major Creation as an at-will, but it cannot fashion weapons using it. Either Major or Minor creation is used, depending on the composition of the cubic foot of material destroyed.

I can understand not wanting to have a glass cannon, but as it stands your creature has an extra 22 HP from...nowhere. Why don't you just give it +4 constitution, which will grant 24 HP and a +2 bonus to it's Fort save
The attack bonus and damage should be included for the claws on the full attack line.
Fly is not a skill. But you have 10 other skills, so all you need to do is remove it and your skills are good.
Endless Cycle could still use some tweaking to prevent these guys from spawning like crazy. I think I'd go with: A kzetar’s body continuously wears away, destroyed by the inherent chaos of its origin. Every week, a kzetar loses 1 HD. When the first HD is lost, a new kzetar is formed with all the memories of the original kzetar and 1 HD in a random location on a different plane. The new kzetar does not have this ability. For each additional HD lost by the original kzetar, the new one gains an additional HD. The new kzetar gains the Endless Cycle ability the instant the original dies. If a kzetar is killed by anything other than Endless Cycle, the new kzetar gains 1 HD a day until it has the same number of HD as the original kzetar. If the new kzetar is killed before to original loses all it's HD, then the next HD it loses will create another new kzetar and the cycle will continue.

I'm glad I could help, the monster looks great!

unosarta

2011-03-12, 10:16 PM

This wasn't meant as a criticism, just a question. Just how magically resistant do you picture these birds? SR is really just a number crunch, with the question being how often you want spells of the expected CR to fail against it.
Well, considering the amount of magic that it has naturally, the magic that permeates it because of the curse, the magic it uses to control the flames, pretty dang resistant.

I can understand wanting the higher DC, but the fact is that breath weapons are governed by Con. Now, if you wanted to change it from a breath weapon to an SLA, perhaps even one that deals damage in a sphere rather than a cone, I could get behind the Cha use.
Fine, I will change it to Con. :smallsigh:

That would alleviate the confusion.
Already did it. :smallsmile:

But...it doesn't know it is reliving all these moments. It is, in effect, a new consciousness every time it is "reborn." The short life span is all it knows, so how could that be torturous? Perhaps if the transition from the oldest stage to being "reborn" took 1 round, and in that round the firebird remembered its entire life, all the death and rebirths, it would be torturous.
Each time they regenerate, they live a new lifetime of pain. Although it may not seem the same because we don't live that short lived, but their lives are incredibly more potent. As it says in the description, the Fireborn's life is full of emotion, and far more deep and incredible in every aspect than a normal creature. Unlike many immortals, who bore easily, who find immortality more of a curse, with diluted emotions, the Fireborn lives forever, but each forever is so filled with emotion, with joy, with excitement, with love, with hate, with despair, with passion, with pain, that they feel like the lives of a thousand mortals. The Fireborn feel every emotion as if it were ten times as intense. They spend their lives living and breathing more than any human or elf will. But this multiplies all emotions. The Fireborn love unconditionally, fear unconditionally, hate unconditionally, trust unconditionally, and feel pain unconditionally. Their lives are intense. Without the fires that burn them, the Fireborn would live lives full of happiness, full of fear, but full. The one who curse them couldn't live with that. The Fireborn had to burn, burn eternally. They would burn for all time. The fires cause the Fireborn pain, but the Fireborn have innate magic such as the one who cursed them could not imagine. They molded and shaped the pain into something more manageable, just as the changed the flames themselves into something they could use for protection. But that pain always remained. The Fireborn's magic could shape it, and mold it, but never completely erase it.

And while I can understand a respect fluff like the flames that envelope them do no physical harm but still hurt, I think it needs to be explained a little more in the general fluff, and not just the ability's fluff (I, at least, don't automatically assume that a creature on fire in a magical world is in pain).
Added it to the general fluff (in a giant paragraph, no less).

I can understand that. I do want to mention, though, that there are no stat adjustments for this new age category, and for most races, Maximum age means that you don't live past that age, that is the day you die of old age, in your venerable years. No one lives past their maximum age without interference.
I will simply mention that it gains the same ability increases as going from middle aged to old.

[Edit]: Also, added Regeneration 2, which is bypassed by cold damage. This way, the Fireborn really is practically impossible to kill, unless you suppress the fires by using cold. But, also, the only reprise they get from the pain of the flames is from the cold, so the only way for them to ever ignore the pain is to kill themselves with cold damage. :smallfrown:

The Glyphstone

2011-03-12, 10:32 PM

Fine, I will change it to Con. :smallsigh:

If you want a higher save DC while still being Con-dependent and thus fitting with other breath weapons, you can always choose to give it a racial bonus to the DC.

unosarta

2011-03-12, 10:44 PM

If you want a higher save DC while still being Con-dependent and thus fitting with other breath weapons, you can always choose to give it a racial bonus to the DC.

I already gave it the Ability Focus (Breath of Flame) feat. I can just give it any racial bonus I want? :smallconfused:
Wouldn't that cut down the necessity of the Ability Focus feat for monsters?

MammonAzrael

2011-03-12, 11:05 PM

I already gave it the Ability Focus (Breath of Flame) feat. I can just give it any racial bonus I want? :smallconfused:
Wouldn't that cut down the necessity of the Ability Focus feat for monsters?

Yes, you can, that's a good idea Glyphstone.

And Ability Focus, I've always felt, is like Improved Natural Attack. It's there for advanced or improved monsters. The base model you can set their damage to whatever you want.

Bardic

2011-03-12, 11:36 PM

Thank you, MammonAzrael! I greatly appreciate the critiquing and aid thus far, as well as the compliments.

MammonAzrael

2011-03-13, 12:49 AM

My pleasure! :smallsmile: You're welcome to return the favor any time. :smallwink:

unosarta

2011-03-13, 01:11 AM

My pleasure! :smallsmile: You're welcome to return the favor any time. :smallwink:

Just a formatting thing, but the color of the abilities is jarring. Something less bright and annoying would be much better, in my opinion.

MammonAzrael

2011-03-13, 01:22 AM

Is that better? :smallsmile:

EDIT - I've made a number of changes to the Primal Troll:

+2 to Dex, which boosts it's inti, AC, and Reflex save. Partially to compensate for their low scores in these areas, and partly to help emphasize their physical superiority to standard trolls.
+2 to Con, again to reinforce their physical superiority,
+10 ft to base speed (total of 40 ft.). As above, to make them more fearsome than their brethren.
Increased natural armor to +10. Their AC was a joke, and at least now it should come into play. Pitted against each other, two primal trolls will hit with their bite attacks half the time, which I like.
Reduced CR to 11, as these things can be brought low quickly if you don't just try to pound them with HP damage. (aka, exploitable will saves)
Added optimization section.

unosarta

2011-03-13, 01:49 AM

Is that better? :smallsmile:

Much. Looks great now. Nothing else I really noticed.

Debihuman

2011-03-13, 09:59 AM

More editing and critiquing.

Symbiotic Soul
Since it doesn't advance fix caster in Telekinesis. Using a Supernatural Ability is a Standard Action unless otherwise noted.

Telekinesis (Su): A symbiotic soul can use telekinesis as a standard action (caster level 12th) at will. It may use this ability while inside a host.

Hochmyt

Armor Class should note the type of armor not just +7 armor

Attack lines only note the damage and if the threat range and critical modifier are standard to the weapon, you don't include them. All longswords are 19-20/x2 so you should remove that (keeps the line cleaner). Also the weapon should be first in the attack line. The reach of a weapon belongs in the Space/Reach not in the attack line.

Attack: Blade of suffering +22 melee (1d8+12) or Lash of Torment +22 melee (1d3+12)

Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft. (15 ft. with Lash of Torment)

In environment, you should only list the creature's home plane. It is native to that plane and extraplanar everywhere else. Also, you should use the full name of the plane.

Environment: The Infinite Layers of the Abyss

Interesting although I'm not really buying a chaotic demon with a code of honor for dueling. That's where it breaks my willing suspension of disbelief.

Time Guardian

In environment, you should only list the creature's home plane. It is native to that plane and extraplanar everywhere else.

Environment: Plane of Time

Malkin

Hit points are off 5x5.5+10=37.

Weapon Finesse applies to ALL natural weapons (as they are considered light weapons). Also, Force of Personality is non-core, you should cite to the book (name of book and page number). Complete Adventurer page 109.

Size modifier also applies to melee attacks.

Feats: Weapon Finesse (B), Force of PersonalityCA,109
Attack: Bite + 13 melee (1d6)
Full Attack: Bite + 13 melee (1d6) and 2 claws + 8 melee (1d4)

Advancement should start at 6 and generally only includes 2 sizes. Creatures often increase in size when they double their HD.
Size: 6-7 (Small) 8-14 (Medium) or by Character class.

Debby

The Glyphstone

2011-03-13, 10:17 AM

More editing and critiquing. Next up Hochmyt:

Armor Class should note the type of armor not just +7 armor

Attack lines only note the damage and if the threat range and critical modifier are standard to the weapon, you don't include them. All longswords are 19-20/x2 so you should remove that (keeps the line cleaner). Also the weapon should be first in the attack line. The reach of a weapon belongs in the Space/Reach not in the attack line.

Attack: Blade of suffering +22 melee (1d8+12) or Lash of Torment +22 melee (1d3+12)

Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft. (15 ft. with Lash of Torment)

Environment: only list creature's home plane.

Interesting although I'm not really buying a chaotic demon with a code of honor for dueling. That's where it breaks my willing suspension of disbelief.

Debby

Everyone's got their limits then. If it helps, think of it as an 'honor code' the way the Joker in Batman: TDK has an 'honor code' - it'll obey certain, specific rules to keep the game fun; the instant the fight stops being a challenge, all the rules go out the window.

As for the environment - it's technically native to the Abyss (that's where it goes if you Banish it), but they spend 99% of their time on the Prime Material, so that's as much their standard environment as the Abyss is. Hence, listing both.

Debihuman

2011-03-13, 10:33 AM

Everyone's got their limits then. If it helps, think of it as an 'honor code' the way the Joker in Batman: TDK has an 'honor code' - it'll obey certain, specific rules to keep the game fun; the instant the fight stops being a challenge, all the rules go out the window.

As for the environment - it's technically native to the Abyss (that's where it goes if you Banish it), but they spend 99% of their time on the Prime Material, so that's as much their standard environment as the Abyss is. Hence, listing both.

See this is where it gets ugly. If they are only native to the Abyss (regardless of where they hang out) that should be their environment.

If they are 99% found on the Prime Material Plane, then they need the Native subtype and that has consequences for them: "These creatures have mortal ancestors or a strong connection to the Material Plane and can be raised, reincarnated, or resurrected just as other living creatures can be. Creatures with this subtype are native to the Material Plane (hence the subtype’s name). Unlike true outsiders, native outsiders need to eat and sleep."

Notice all it takes is a "strong connection" to be considered Native.

Debby

The Glyphstone

2011-03-13, 10:58 AM

I'd disagree, on the grounds that they don't (individually) have any strong connection to the Prime at all. They're always found on the Prime because they have Planeshift as a SLA, and the Prime is a better hunting ground than the Abyss.

If it'll pacify you, I'll change their native environment to only list The Abyss, and add notes that despite their listed home plane, they are almost invariably encountered on the Prime, unless one is somehow slain without triggering Victory Beyond Death and immediately travelling to the Abyss to hunt it down again.

LOTRfan

2011-03-13, 01:25 PM

I don't have the time to finish my entry, as I have stuff going on and I'd like to spend what free-time I would have finishing up some higher-priority work that I have been neglecting. Maybe next month I'll finish it up faster...

Goo luck everyone! :smallsmile:

Debihuman

2011-03-13, 03:18 PM

I'd disagree, on the grounds that they don't (individually) have any strong connection to the Prime at all. They're always found on the Prime because they have Planeshift as a SLA, and the Prime is a better hunting ground than the Abyss.

I think that is exactly what is meant by strong connection. If they come to the Prime to hunt because it's better that fits the criterion.

If it'll pacify you, I'll change their native environment to only list The Abyss, and add notes that despite their listed home plane, they are almost invariably encountered on the Prime, unless one is somehow slain without triggering Victory Beyond Death and immediately travelling to the Abyss to hunt it down again.

This is not about pacifying me, it's about following the RAW.

Debby

Mangles

2011-03-13, 04:51 PM

I have decided to pull my entry out of this months competition . It simply doesn't feel up to the standard that it should be at, nor does it seem to meet the criteria for entry. Thanks to all those who peached my entry. I'm sorry it was in vain.

The Glyphstone

2011-03-13, 04:55 PM

I think that is exactly what is meant by strong connection. If they come to the Prime to hunt because it's better that fits the criterion.

This is not about pacifying me, it's about following the RAW.

Debby

So how would you do it, then? They cannot be raised or resurrected, as that would invalidate Victory Beyond Death - a hochmyt either successfully possesses its killer, is eradicated, or respawns in the Abyss to try again. That means they cannot be Native Outsiders, as that would allow them to be raised or resurrected. The RAW cannot be followed here, so what would you recommend other than 'change it'?

MammonAzrael

2011-03-13, 07:25 PM

I'm with The Glyphstone on this one. The Abyss is clearly the home plane for the hochmyt, so it should have the extraplanar subtype when not there. And while it may have a strong preference for the Material plane, I don't think that constitutes a strong connection. It only cares about the plane because of who resides there...they're probably just as likely to explore other planes that have a high ratio of worthy opponents.

Melayl

2011-03-14, 09:27 AM

@ Melayl

Actually I was doing the math wrong for the HP, as monsters don't get maxed 1st level. So it should be 37.
The attack bonuses are correct at +12, though the secondary attack should be +7 (forgot the bonus from size).
I get the mobility. Since they can pounce after it anyways, I don't think it would hurt too much to make it a standard action. In fact if I understand the interactions correctly, a Malkin can dimension slide as a move action next to an opponent, triggering a full attack from pounce, then use their standard action to dimension slide again, gaining a second full attack in the same turn. I'd also be inclined to increase the wait duration to every 5 rounds, but that is just to reflect the way binders having their recharging abilities set up. 2 things with that. 1st, they can only use dimension slide every 4 rounds (not twice in a round). 2nd, it was my understanding that, even using pounce, you only got one full attack per round; that however you got your full attack action, it still consumed your standard action for the round. I could be wrong, however, and if I am I will have to change it or make specific note in the Pounce entry.
Given that they already have access to invisibility, I wouldn't give them any blur or displacement (doesn't really fit the Cheshire cat theme anyways). Actually, I was looking at those as they related to Blink Dogs and Displacer Beasts. I was comparing the every 4 round 5th level ability to their at-will abilities (which are 3rd level, as it turns out). Still not sure if I'll change the frequency of it.
If you made dimension slide a standard action then this would make more sense as a move action. If I was wrong about how pounce works with (see my above notation), I will change dimension slide to a standard action.
While it does need at least 2 HD, that won't stop a creature with 14 Int from farming 2HD cats all day long. I suppose it could, but 2 HD felines aren't all that common, I don't think. Plus, they would feel it to be kind of a cop-out. They value a challenge, and take on difficult opponents because they know they'll eventually get to live again if they lose. Artificially increasing their power would take away some of the fun for them. Changing the ability to something nine lives related would be both flavorful and put a natural limit on their immortality. They could only resurrect eight times, for a total of nine lives. This would also take care of how to defeat their immortality. This I can get behind, and will be making some changes.
Something like DR 5/cold iron seems fitting, as the Cheshire cat always felt very fey-like to me. I'll likely add this as well.
I'd note which book Force of Personality can be found in at the bottom of the stat block. See LOTRfan's entry for how he formatted it. If I keep it, I will do so.
I could easily see a Chaos subtype here. Do you think I should also give them DR/law, then? If so, would it be DR/Cold Iron or law or DR/Cold Iron and Law?
Does "Malkin" mean anything? What relevance does it have to the creature? If nothing, then yeah, I'd go with Cheshire. Malkin (apparently) comes from Very Old English. It was a way of referring to cats, and also the name of a long-haired dust mop... I went with it because I had originally thought about naming them Greymalkin, but there's already one of those in the MM's. I'll be changing it to Cheshire, though, because I think I do like it better.

More editing and critiquing.

Malkin

Hit points are off 5x5.5+10=37. Fixed, and thank you both.

Weapon Finesse applies to ALL natural weapons (as they are considered light weapons). Also fixed. Also, Force of Personality is non-core, you should cite to the book (name of book and page number). Complete Adventurer page 109. Again, if I keep it, I will make the changes.

Size modifier also applies to melee attacks.

Feats: Weapon Finesse (B), Force of PersonalityCA,109
Attack: Bite + 13 melee (1d6)
Full Attack: Bite + 13 melee (1d6) and 2 claws + 8 melee (1d4)

Attack stuff also fixed.

Advancement should start at 6 and generally only includes 2 sizes. Creatures often increase in size when they double their HD.
Size: 6-7 (Small) 8-14 (Medium) or by Character class.
I thought you were supposed to start with the median HD for the creature? And why only 2 sizes? I know most creatures only have one or two, but others (like dragons), have multiple. Yeah, I know these are far from dragons in power level, but I didn't think it would be horrible to do. Particularly considering their (now to be renamed) Nine Lives ability. Unconventional, perhaps, but not wrong, IMO.
Debby

Thank you both for the critiques. I'll try to get all changes made and fluff up soon. Changes made and fluff updated! Now Cheshire instead of Malkin.

The Glyphstone

2011-03-14, 05:06 PM

MammonAzrael

2011-03-15, 12:18 AM

@ Land Outcast - Just wanted to make sure you didn't miss it, but the second half of this post (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=10537556&postcount=140) was directed at you. :smallbiggrin:

@ Melayl -
Point regarding the DimDoor every 4 rounds. Not sure about the full attack ruling, though.
I like Nine Lives.
The DR looks solid. A defense, but is overcome-able, and doesn't conflict with the fluff at all.

Debihuman

2011-03-15, 10:51 AM

Well, within reason. Some hochmyts prefer the Heroic Domains of Ysgard, but that's not quite as sporting because everyones back to life anyways if they lose.

Fair enough. If Hochmyts are only "native" to the Abyss, then is should have the Extraplanar Subtype, not the Native Subtype.

Finding a hunting party on the Prime isn't enough to qualify them as Native but putting their environment as the Prime Material Plane suggests otherwise. You can find plenty of Extraplanar Outsiders on the Prime Material Plane, but if you look at the SRD, none of them list the Prime as their environment.

What happens if an opponent declines the challenge?

Cheshire

Advancement should start at: 6 (Small) ...

Creatures advance only with more HD than the sample creature. Since your creature has 5 HD, it can't "advance" at 4. The sample creature should be the typical representative of the monster.

Nine Lives should be an Extraordinary ability.
Debby

The Glyphstone

2011-03-15, 03:47 PM

Fair enough. If Hochmyts are only "native" to the Abyss, then is should have the Extraplanar Subtype, not the Native Subtype.

Finding a hunting party on the Prime isn't enough to qualify them as Native but putting their environment as the Prime Material Plane suggests otherwise. You can find plenty of Extraplanar Outsiders on the Prime Material Plane, but if you look at the SRD, none of them list the Prime as their environment.

What happens if an opponent declines the challenge?

They tend to force the issue, usually by stalking/harassing the target until they or their friends attack, at which point it's game on as normal.

Melayl

2011-03-15, 10:42 PM

Cheshire

Advancement should start at: 6 (Small) ...

Creatures advance only with more HD than the sample creature. Since your creature has 5 HD, it can't "advance" at 4. The sample creature should be the typical representative of the monster.
Ahh. I had misunderstood you. I had thought you were telling me that the cheshire should have 6 HD. I get what you mean now (I'm a little slow some days). I will fix it.

Nine Lives should be an Extraordinary ability.
DebbyOops. Thanks for the catch. I will fix this as well.

Cheesy74

2011-03-18, 02:49 PM

So following the busiest days of my life...

Thoughts on Cheesy74's Hatespawn:

Why does it have such a high base land speed? I could see the speed increasing as it gained HD (like an extra 5 ft. per evolution), but 50 just seems really high at first.
Yeah, you're probably right. Reduced to 40. Any less doesn't get that "obsessive pursuit" angle I'm after.
I understand the low Int, but it really needs a higher Charisma. A single ego whip (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/psionic/powers/egoWhip.htm) and this thing is a joke. It is aware enough of itself and it's surroundings to hunt the object of its hatred, which it easily recognizes as something other than itself.
Forgot the consequences of low charisma, upped to 8.
Power Attack makes sense a bit, but I always frown with I see a creature using it without a two-handed weapon.
I'd be remiss to not include Power Attack in a creature that always attacks with wild abandon.
Since these fellows are native to Limbo (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limbo_%28Dungeons_%26_Dragons%29), shouldn't their alignment be "Always Chaotic Neutral?"
The evil is kind of debatable anyway. Changed.
So they grow in size every two incarnations? Seems a little fast, but I can go with it. (I would've gone with every three)
Well, its HD is supposed to be very close to its CR, so it should go up in size reasonably with the players. Its later size increases should be slowed though.
In the flavor text, having it "trudge" anywhere seems out of place with both it's murderous rage and it's high land speed.
Ran out of synonyms. Remedied.
Why are they native to limbo? I agree with the choice, as they are certainly chaotice, but don't feel good or evil, but the fluff makes it feel like they aren't natives, so much as just that is where their WoW graveyard is.
Honestly, I was kind of at a loss for where to put them. A chaos where anything can happen including emotions taking form seemed to fit best. I'd welcome better ideas, I don't like Limbo much either.
I would make an adendum to the combat section, noting that it remembers tactics and actions that killed it if it was capable of understanding the tactic. It is stupid enough to not learn the right lesson or realize what it lost to.
Absolutely. Fixed.
It really needs a suggested list of maneuvers, and suggested progression for them. Additionally, the crusader's constant refreshing seems a better fit, so it doesn't just run out of maneuvers and then either back off to refresh or continue without them. Crusader refreshing would provide a nice constant stream of action. Either way, I'd recommend All Consuming Rampage Release, Charging Minotaur, Sudden Leap, Hunter's Sense, Blood in the Water, Stone Vise, Rabid Wolf Strike, and World-breaker Grip for maneuvers, adding Stone Bones if you choose to change over to the crusader.
Definitely. Adding that tonight.
For unceasing pursuit, outsiders naturally don't need to eat or sleep.
Remedied.
Undying Evolution says that the additional abilities are chosen by the DM, yet the abilities are all worded as if there was no choice, and they only applied when the hatespawn was destroyed in a certain way.
Removed the conditions. They were meant to be suggestions, but that was very unclear.
Magical resilience - What about if it is taken out by an SLA like eldritch blast?
Moot point now that conditions are removed. Spell resistance applies to Eldritch Blast anyway, right?
Inured to elements is much weaker than magical resilience.
Will be remedied tonight. I'm considering ways to do it.
Claws of Hatred...I feel like it should increase the damage die size, rather than added an extra d6, as you're already getting extra damage from the Str boost.
I figured adding an extra d6 was functionally the same as improving the die size, albeit slightly more powerful. It's just a bit cleaner this way.
Spurred by anger seems overly complicated.
Changing it to a fixed increase.
You should include a note that it only uses Plane Shift if it isn't already on the same plane as it's target. Otherwise it could cut thousands of miles off it's hunt each time it dies.
Well, you can't plane shift to the plane you're already on, but definitely.

Final thoughts: Cool creature, good for a DM to weave a background menace and extra threat into their story. I'd love to see some lore or plot hooks for this thing!
I'll be adding those in before the deadline for sure. Thanks!

Thanks for all the good wishes and support.

Now back to critiquing :-)

Hatespawn is missing its Treasure. I recommend it be None. Since the text mentions that they are native to Limbo, they should have that as their Environment. They should have the Extraplanar subtype.
Fixed, fixed, fixed.
Just to nitpick a little you should capitalize the names of saves (i.e. Will save), conditions (i.e. Shaken) and abilities when abbreviating them (i.e. Str). You don't capitalize the name of the monster except at the beginning of the a sentence.
Fixed it up a bit.
Using an extraordinary ability is usually not an action because most extraordinary abilities automatically happen in a reactive fashion. Those extraordinary abilities that are actions are standard actions unless otherwise noted. You also don't note how long the condition lasts
Adding a duration of one minute, but I figured the standard action should be clarified regardless.
As written Roar of Hatred is too powerful for its HD. As written, it can roar every round. For CR 5, I'd recommend toning it down a bit. Creatures affected by the roar as an extraordinary ability generally take sonic damage while creatures affected as a supernatural ability are affected as by a fear spell. Your roar is odd in that it sorta combines the features and I think it is far too powerful for CR 5. Here is how I recommend changing it. <snip>
Making it supernatural, reducing the HD-related effects fairly substantially, fixing the per-day bit.

Looking at all the special abilities, I think the CR might be too low. I get the idea of Unceasing Pursuit but it's far too powerful at CR 5. Outsiders generally need to breathe and have Darkvision 60 ft. as per their Type (see here: http://www.d20srd.org/srd/typesSubtypes.htm#outsiderType).
It needs to breathe now, but the rest of it has no real effect except improving the hatespawn's pursuit.

I recommend losing DR 5/- as inappropriate for CR 5. It is chaotic so give it DR 5/lawful instead.
Kay.

If the only way to kill it is with wish or miracle, the appropriate CR should be on par with that level. I think there are more creative ways to challenge the party than to have to find those spells. If nothing else banishing it to a lawful plane might be sufficient.
It can only be killed permanently by a wish or miracle so it stays in the game until late levels. Obviously it can be killed temporarily in normal combat. With well-chosen measures it should be imprisonable, though. It can no longer plane shift to or from lawful planes.

MammonAzrael

2011-03-18, 03:08 PM

Things that you've changed or will change - Cool.

Everything else:
Fair enough of power attack. In which case you may want to specify in it's combat block that it always uses power attack for X.
I think Limbo would work as a home plane if they took some time there, and if that is where they went after they killed their target.
Yes SR applies to eldritch blast and all other SLAs (assuming the spell allows SR!)
You may not be able to plane shift to the same plane, but you do spawn thousands of miles away, so you can shift to Limbo, wait a week, and then shift to your target, so you will have cut the distance between you to 500 miles or less, guaranteed.

Cheesy74

2011-03-18, 03:11 PM

You may not be able to plane shift to the same plane, but you do spawn thousands of miles away, so you can shift to Limbo, wait a week, and then shift to your target, so you will have cut the distance between you to 500 miles or less, guaranteed.
That's a pretty smart tactic for such a stupid creature. Couldn't I just put "Don't be an *******, DM" at the top of the entry and call it a day?

Other stuff:
Power Attack - Probably put it at a minimum of half.
SLAs - Coo'. Defending against the irresistible stuff is what its high saves and elemental resistance are for anyway.
Limbo - Yeah, I guess reforming in Limbo would streamline its death a little.

MammonAzrael

2011-03-18, 03:15 PM

That's a pretty smart tactic for such a stupid creature. Couldn't I just put "Don't be an *******, DM" at the top of the entry and call it a day?

Well you've got the DM note right? So that should be fine. As for learning the tactic...the creature is banished to a non-lawful plane, and then it plane shifts back to continue it's pursuit. I think that that point it could realize the significantly shorter distance. I'm just saying, it's feasible.

xelliea

2011-03-18, 03:58 PM

Anything wrong still with my time guardian?

MammonAzrael

2011-03-18, 06:35 PM

Since you appear to have missed it:

Thoughts on xelliea's Time Guardian:

Needs the extraplanar (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/typesSubtypes.htm#extraplanarSubtype) subtype.
By my math, average HP should be 170. (20*4.5 + 20*4)
How does a flying eyeball get +19 natural armor? Giving them an ability that granted a deflection bonus equal to their Wis mod would help reduce the huge NA and improve their horrible touch AC.
Grapple modifier should be +33 (20 BAB + 5 Str + 4 Size + 4 Imp. Grapple)
I understand where the huge attack bonus came from, I'll cover it later.
1d6 isn't much damage for a large creature. I'd bump them up to 1d8.
I don't understand why the static damage is doubled from their claws on a full attackbut I'm guessing it has to do with Time Strike, which I'll cover in a bit.
DR that can't be bypassed is rare on its own. DR that high is unheard of even in Epic Level monsters. I'd reduce it to 20 or 25 and make it bypassable by at least epic items.
By comparison the SR is weak and should be upped to 30 or 35.
The regeneration is not covered in the combat description, what overcomes it? Also, it feels rather like overkill. Though lowering the DR to 10 or 15 and giving the Time Guardian fast healing would have a nice, time-altering feel to it.
They should have a total of 13 different skills at maximum rank, and the three already maxed need their stat mods added.
A CR 20 monster with no treasure just seems like a cheap way to piss off your players.
The fluff strikes me in several ways as reminiscent of Inevitables (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/inevitable.htm). In fact, thinking on it, I think there is an inevitable out there with just such a function. Regardless, I see the similarities.
The hive mind approach is interesting, as it makes me think of giant time-bees. I would think they would have some way of telepathically communicating with others.
How to giant flying eyeballs make high-pitched sounds? Do they have a mouth or something hiding somewhere?
20% seems like way too high a chance, given that it is such a popular spell. Maybe a 5% chance.
I'm not understanding how leaping through time can translate into leaping through multi-dimensional space. :smallconfused: Additionally, what is a surprise attack? Do they get to make a single attack, against which the target is flat-footed?
Time Stop is awesome for wizards because they have things they can do while the rest of the world takes a break. These guys don't, so time freeze is rather underwhelming.
Alter is interesting, as far as effective SoDs are concerned, but I think it would work better if the DC was bumped up to 26 (19 + Wis mod), required a touch attack to lodge the shard, and the subject could make a Fort save every round to avoid falling unconscious.
Glare should be a swift action, as time guardians don't have any. I feel like glare should be a gaze attack (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/specialAbilities.htm#gazeAttacks). Dealing such a stupid amount of damage is crazy, and d20s aren't used for damage for a reason, there is just too much variation. Where did you get the DC numbers, and what stat are they based on? And for such a powerful ability, why isn't it mentioned at all in the fluff?
Regarding Time Strike, doubling anything is not only dangerous in DnD, but it doesn't feel right here. Why is their accuracy doubled? I would think that doubling their attacks (2 for a standard attack, 4 for a full attack) would represent time manipulation better.
Being able to attack others while under the effects of a time stop is a nice idea, but in practice is rather unfun. It basically gives the 1d10 free rounds to just pile up damage, and players are helpless to do anything about it, unless they're playing sufficiently optimized, in which case this thing will be nuked.
Being of Time can be folded into immunities.
Immortal Rest could use some refinement. What happens if the Time Guardian dies in the area of a Dimensional Lock? What happens if it's attacked while "sleeping?" If we can only kill them by killing Matiris and destroying the Hive, we need stats and info on them.
Lore could use a number of grammatical fixes
Why are the Time Guardians so weird looking? Just because?
I feel like the fluff could be expanded, and go into more detail of Matiris, since these guardians seem like a bunch of faceless mooks.

Final thoughts: Its a good thought, protecting time. I feel like it could use some refinement. And maybe it is just me, but the immortality feels rather tacked on, there mostly because the contest required it. I'd love to see this polished.

The Glyphstone

2011-03-19, 09:22 PM

One day left, right?

MammonAzrael

2011-03-20, 12:42 AM

I believe so! I hope everyone's entry is polished! :smallbiggrin:

The Glyphstone

2011-03-20, 09:52 AM

*sprays Windex on the thread*

The Dark Fiddler

2011-03-20, 09:57 AM

Hey, where'd the thread go?

*wanders around looking before running into the thread*

Stupid Windex... :smallannoyed:

MammonAzrael

2011-03-20, 10:37 PM

Is everyone ready? the contest is either over, or will be in the next 3.5 hours depending on when Djinn_In_Tonic ends things! Good luck to you all!

Djinn_in_Tonic

2011-03-21, 01:26 AM

Is everyone ready? the contest is either over, or will be in the next 3.5 hours depending on when Djinn_In_Tonic ends things! Good luck to you all!

And the contest is now over!

Great turn out this time, which is, to me, a great welcoming present. Hopefully I can come up with an equally inspiring theme for the next one... *schemes*

Anyway, voting should be up shortly...keep an eye on the forums for when the thread gets its "polls are up" bump. :smallbiggrin:

MammonAzrael

2011-03-21, 07:46 PM

*whistles*

So...polls any time soon?

Also, can't wait for the next inspiring theme! :smallbiggrin:

The Glyphstone

2011-03-21, 08:09 PM

Poll is up. Sorry for the delay.

MammonAzrael

2011-03-21, 08:11 PM

I like the poll My only question is (and this can be for The Glyphstone or Djinn_In_Tonic): What is to prevent people from voting for their own creations?

The Glyphstone

2011-03-21, 08:13 PM

Absolutely nothing. If you really think yours is the best of the bunch, you can totally vote for yourself; it's just been a sort of gentleposter's agreement not to, and pick whichever one aside from yours is your favorite.

MammonAzrael

2011-03-21, 08:16 PM

Fair enough. I always assumed that part of the reason you posted your vote was so you couldn't vote for yourself. Let the democracy begin! :smallbiggrin:

There are a lot of excellent submissions. In the end, I decided to cast my vote for Nebula, the Starmetal Droid. The creature is functional and interesting, and adds a great bit of fun flavor to the universe that you are playing in. Outside of Planescape, I suspect this could find a terrific home in Eberron. The detail, including new items and artifacts, sent this entry over the top for me.

Melayl

2011-03-21, 10:47 PM

As usual, this was a tough choice for me. In the end, though, I had to go with the Primal Troll. I found it flavorful and fun, and well made. The only complaint I have is that I now have a vision of a large, ugly troll version of Sean Connery grunting "there can be only one!" A mental image that will haunt me for some time, I'm sure. :smalleek:

The Dark Fiddler

2011-03-23, 08:00 AM

I went with the Hochmyt in the end. I really liked the idea of an eternal warrior, where victory is almost as bad as defeat.

The Glyphstone

2011-03-23, 05:31 PM

I was personally split between the Hatespawn and the Primal Troll - in the end, the Primal Troll's cool backstory/origin myth is what sold me.

Djinn_in_Tonic

2011-03-30, 08:27 PM

*oops* :smallredface:

MammonAzrael

2011-03-30, 08:31 PM

I thought voting ended tomorrow, the 31st?

Djinn_in_Tonic

2011-03-30, 09:16 PM

I thought voting ended tomorrow, the 31st?

...:smallredface:

Sorry. I've been out of it lately, and forgot the date.

Cheesy74

2011-03-31, 06:30 AM

Man, competition between the Hatespawn and Primal Troll is tight. I wonder if it'll still be a tie by tonight.

Djinn_in_Tonic

2011-04-01, 09:06 AM

Voting is Closed.

And we had a tie between two incredible monsters: the Hatespawn and the Primal Troll. Which means that I have to decide. Damn it all.

Anyway, after much deliberation, I've arrived at my decision. The winner of this month's GitP Monster Competition is...

* MammonAzrael's Primal Troll *

It was a really tough choice though...the Hatespawn is an amazing monster with a lot of potential as a recurring villain, but something about the flavor of the Primal Troll tickled my fancy, and I have to go with my instincts when deciding between two beautifully done creations.

Congratulations to everyone for a really strong turnout! Monsters across the board were excellent and creative.

And an unofficial Djinn's Choice "award" (no, you don't get an award...just some recognition) goes out to the Fireborn by unasorta. I simply adored the flavor of that entry...it would make for a superb short story topic.

Anyway, well done all. Expect the next contest sometime today. :smallbiggrin:

Lord_Gareth

2011-04-01, 09:17 AM

I vote that the contest is My Little Pony themed.

*Pointedly ignores own avatar*

Djinn_in_Tonic

2011-04-01, 09:36 AM

I vote that the contest is My Little Pony themed.

Your vote has been tallied, and will be studiously ignored. :smalltongue:

Cheesy74

2011-04-01, 04:04 PM

Fantastic competition. Congrats to MammonAzrael, that was a well-deserved win.

unosarta

2011-04-01, 04:53 PM

I vote that the contest is My Little Pony themed.

*Pointedly ignores own avatar*

Oh my gods, yes. Yes yes yes yes yes.

The Glyphstone

2011-04-01, 04:55 PM

Contest topic: Best My Little Pony redesigned as an Elder Evil/Eldritch Horror.

Djinn_in_Tonic

2011-04-01, 05:15 PM

My Little Pony aside (I'm most fond of the contests that produce monsters that DMs are likely to actually use)...

A new contest arises. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=193461)

And, appropriately, it's somewhat in keeping with the month. :smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin:

Admiral Squish

2011-04-01, 05:29 PM

...Fine. But we continue to demand ponies for the month following!

unosarta

2011-04-01, 05:34 PM

Idea for now; an undead who was killed upon a moment of dreaming, who naturally spawned, and now wanders listlessly, ever dreaming and spinning the dreams of those around them.

Just for the sake of the idea, and so that I can have actual evidence of the fact of my idea. >_> :smallwink:

The Glyphstone

2011-04-01, 05:41 PM

I think I'm going to try something like a monkey's paw monster - it hands out gifts and wishes that always backfire horribly on the wisher, usually once the creature is safe from retribution.

Admiral Squish

2011-04-01, 05:51 PM

Most of my ideas for this one end up feeling like they're just ripping off the succubus. I don't have anything solid to work off just yet.

Mulletmanalive

2011-04-01, 07:14 PM

Gosh, it almost seems like this contest was made especially for me...

Pity none of my current "to do" stack are tricksters. Going to have to come up with something unique...

unosarta

2011-04-01, 07:36 PM

The Usora is done. I love that I finally got to use Rainbow formatting for a class/monster/whatever. Rainbows make everything better.

The Dark Fiddler

2011-04-01, 08:30 PM

Ho-hum, I was hoping for a more silly contest this month. Oh well, I think I've got myself a concept that I can work with...

The Glyphstone

2011-04-01, 08:32 PM

The joke, of course, is that tomorrow Djinn will post the actual contest for April, and it'll be completely different.

unosarta

2011-04-01, 08:33 PM

The joke, of course, is that tomorrow Djinn will post the actual contest for April, and it'll be completely different.

Noooooooo....!

I put so much heart into this monster! Didn't you see the Rainbow formatting!?
:P

Cheesy74

2011-04-01, 08:37 PM

Alright, got a new actually-original idea: an immobile disk that constantly transforms an entire room to fill it with an ever-changing array of traps, obstacles and terrain made entirely of shadows. Though illusory (as with shadow conjuration), it can still harm and impede. I'm not sure if this will include shadow creatures or flat-out attacks, nor am I sure how to balance this with the action economy. I'll see if I can work out mechanics when I get home from vacation.

Djinn_in_Tonic

2011-04-01, 09:10 PM

Ho-hum, I was hoping for a more silly contest this month. Oh well, I think I've got myself a concept that I can work with...

Personally, I'm not as big a fan of the silly contests as VT seemed to be. That's not to say they won't ever happen, but...well...I'm just not as fond of them.

The joke, of course, is that tomorrow Djinn will post the actual contest for April, and it'll be completely different.

I honestly don't know what you're talking about. *shifty eyes*

MammonAzrael

2011-04-02, 01:46 AM

Anyway, after much deliberation, I've arrived at my decision. The winner of this month's GitP Monster Competition is...

* MammonAzrael's Primal Troll *

Wow...thank you! :smallbiggrin:

Fantastic competition. Congrats to MammonAzrael, that was a well-deserved win.

Indeed, thank you much! Fantastic entry of your own! :smallbiggrin:

As for the April contest...I need to recharge from WonderCon before really getting ideas. Right now I'm actually batting around an idea that spawned from Admiral Squish's Tryor...a super-powerful semi-creature, almost a template, except that it inhabits creatures, granting them nearly god-like powers, and then abandoning them at inopportune (aka "funny") times.

This may seem really stupid when I wake up tomorrow. :smalltongue:

The Dark Fiddler

2011-04-02, 07:20 AM

This may seem really stupid when I wake up tomorrow. :smalltongue:

I think it sounds interesting, if that means anything.

Debihuman

2011-04-02, 11:06 AM

Unosarta:

Armor Class should spell out deflection (Def is not an abbreviation for it; natural should also be spelled out).

Poison in the Mind (Su): As a standard action, the Usora may spit a blob of Dream Ichor, which is a mind corroding acid, at a target within 30 feet, as a ranged touch attack. If the Usora hits the target, that target takes 1d4 Wisdom damage, and another 1d4 Wisdom damage 1 minute later, as the Dream Ichor makes it all the way to their brain. They may make a Fortitude save (DC 16) to avoid the damage from this effect. The DC is wisdom based. A creature may only be affected by this ability once every 3 rounds. The secondary damage does not stack.

Sounds like it should do some acid damage as well as poison otherwise simply change the word "acid" to poison in the 2nd line. I highlighted it for emphasis.

I hate to say this but Devour the Nightmares is badly written. Either it is mind affecting or the creature takes physical damage. Pick one. If it has to eat the creature then it makes sense for it to be a physical attack. Saying it is mind affecting at the end makes no sense. A creature with a Wisdom of 0 is no longer a creature; it is an object. I recommend that you revise this significantly. The transfer of hit points doesn't "happen in the mind" it happens because the Usora is eating it. Lose the last 2 sentences and it makes sense. This also assumes that the creature has at least 10 hit points so that 10% per round is at least 1. It is clunky. Can it heal more hit points than it originally had or does it heal up to its maximum hit points? Why not just say this:

Devour the Nightmares (Su): The Usora may, over the course of one minute, eat any creature that has had its Wisdom score reduced to 0 by the Usora’s Dream Ichor. For every round the Usora spends eating a victim, it can transfer up to 5 hit points from the victim in order to heal itself. The Usora cannot gain hit points in excess of its full normal total. Creatures consumed in this manner cannot be raised.

More to come
Debby

TheGeckoKing

2011-04-02, 12:01 PM

Oh, I know EXACTLY what I can do for this competition. Mehehehehe.......

unosarta

2011-04-02, 01:38 PM

Unosarta:

Armor Class should spell out deflection (Def is not an abbreviation for it; natural should also be spelled out).
On it.

Sounds like it should do some acid damage as well as poison otherwise simply change the word "acid" to poison in the 2nd line. I highlighted it for emphasis.
I will change it to poison.

I hate to say this but Devour the Nightmares is badly written. Either it is mind affecting or the creature takes physical damage. Pick one. If it has to eat the creature then it makes sense for it to be a physical attack. Saying it is mind affecting at the end makes no sense. A creature with a Wisdom of 0 is no longer a creature; it is an object. I recommend that you revise this significantly. The transfer of hit points doesn't "happen in the mind" it happens because the Usora is eating it. Lose the last 2 sentences and it makes sense. This also assumes that the creature has at least 10 hit points so that 10% per round is at least 1. It is clunky. Can it heal more hit points than it originally had or does it heal up to its maximum hit points? Why not just say this:
Oh, this is me being stupid. I originally had it eating the thoughts, which wouldn't make sense, so I changed it to eating the body, and accidentally left the Mind Affecting bit in there.

Devour the Nightmares (Su): The Usora may, over the course of one minute, eat any creature that has had its Wisdom score reduced to 0 by the Usora’s Dream Ichor. For every round the Usora spends eating a victim, it can transfer up to 5 hit points from the victim in order to heal itself. The Usora cannot gain hit points in excess of its full normal total. Creatures consumed in this manner cannot be raised.

More to come
Debby
Fine.

[Edit]: Done.

TheGeckoKing

2011-04-02, 02:08 PM

Just posted the Chameleos, a D&D version of my favorite creature from one of my favorite games. Any feedback would be much appreciated.

unosarta

2011-04-02, 02:15 PM

Why does the Chameleos have a CR of 17 and an LA of +3? I don't like the LA system, and I don't think it should be directly associated that LA is CR, but +3 seems kind of low.

TheGeckoKing

2011-04-02, 02:22 PM

Because of the amount of HD, and thus it should stack up against 20th level characters
(I'm not even sure of that). Mind you, I'm not really set on +3 so any suggestions are welcome.

unosarta

2011-04-02, 02:24 PM

Because of the amount of HD, and thus it should stack up against 20th level characters
(I'm not even sure of that). Mind you, I'm not really set on +3 so any suggestions are welcome.

I never understood how the system really worked for monsters anyway.

TheGeckoKing

2011-04-02, 02:30 PM

ECL = HD + LA + 1st Character Level, basically.

So, scratch that. It should hopefully stack up to (Say, with a level of fighter, for balances sake) a 21st level character. Which I'm not sure about. Anyway, no-one is going to play this when they can play an epic wizard, so who cares? :smallwink:

Volthawk

2011-04-02, 02:38 PM

Hmm, interesting. I'm thinking perhaps a creature that has...spores or the like, that filter out around its lair, that alter victim's perceptions and feelings, making them extremely vulnerable to the creature's attack.

Djinn_in_Tonic

2011-04-02, 02:46 PM

Just posted the Chameleos, a D&D version of my favorite creature from one of my favorite games. Any feedback would be much appreciated.

Hm. I'm honestly not sure what call to make on this with regards to the requirement "You will be creating an original D&D creature..."

Any thoughts, other competitors? I'm somewhat hesitant to allow conversions, simply for the sake of getting more original work in the contest, but I think it's best to leave this decision to the community in general.

TheGeckoKing

2011-04-02, 02:48 PM

Well, Chameleos is a sneaky, tricky, annoying creature. I didn't pick any old creature. But if it's not original, i'll change some stuff so it's just "inspiration"..........

unosarta

2011-04-02, 02:48 PM

Hm. I'm honestly not sure what call to make on this with regards to the requirement "You will be creating an original D&D creature..."

Any thoughts, other competitors? I'm somewhat hesitant to allow conversions, simply for the sake of getting more original work in the contest, but I think it's best to leave this decision to the community in general.

Hard decision to make. On one hand, it is hard for some people to gain inspiration enough to dedicate time to a work. On the other hand, as you mention, this contest is about original work. Ooo, man. Difficult decision...

*wanders off, pondering the choice*

The Dark Fiddler

2011-04-02, 02:51 PM

Hm. I'm honestly not sure what call to make on this with regards to the requirement "You will be creating an original D&D creature..."

Any thoughts, other competitors? I'm somewhat hesitant to allow conversions, simply for the sake of getting more original work in the contest, but I think it's best to leave this decision to the community in general.

I vaguely remember somebody entering a creature based on Kirby in a previous contest, though I can't remember the exact one... or the final decision on that. Sorry :smallfrown:

TheGeckoKing

2011-04-02, 02:52 PM

We've had The Slender Man and the Flying Spaghetti Monster in past competitions, so I don't see what's wrong with it. Couldn't you pweeeeeese let it slide? :smallfrown:

The Glyphstone

2011-04-02, 02:53 PM

I based my last entry off Lucius The Eternal, so I can't in good faith complain about someone else making a heavily inspired entry.

Djinn_in_Tonic

2011-04-02, 02:56 PM

I based my last entry off Lucius The Eternal, so I can't in good faith complain about someone else making a heavily inspired entry.

I vaguely remember somebody entering a creature based on Kirby in a previous contest, though I can't remember the exact one... or the final decision on that. Sorry :smallfrown:

We've had The Slender Man and the Flying Spaghetti Monster in past competitions, so I don't see what's wrong with it. Couldn't you pweeeeeese let it slide? :smallfrown:

Alright. I'll allow it for this contest. I'll never let it be said that I'm unreasonable (...well, only 'cause those who call me unreasonable are never seen again...). :smallbiggrin:

In the future, however, I might add a few rules regarding conversions.

TheGeckoKing

2011-04-02, 02:59 PM

Yay! However, would you prefer if I called it a similar name, say, Chameleon Wyrm? I don't really mind, and it would make it look like less of a copy.

Djinn_in_Tonic

2011-04-02, 03:01 PM

Yay! However, would you prefer if I called it a similar name, say, Chameleon Wyrm? I don't really mind, and it would make it look like less of a copy.

Entirely up to you. :smallbiggrin:

TheGeckoKing

2011-04-02, 03:03 PM

I'll leave it then. Mainly because I want to stat up other MH critters in the future, and I can just be lazy and link to my first post :smallbiggrin:

Lord_Gareth

2011-04-02, 03:07 PM

Gideonson Industries is proud to present its latest advancement in sapient constructs: the Equilizer. Get yours today!

Debihuman

2011-04-02, 04:30 PM

Just adding my 2 cents.

As long as the creature isn't an already existing D&D monster, you can enter it. Names can be reused as long as the stats aren't. I'd forgotten about the Caterwaul in Tome of Horrors when I made my creature. The two are completely different monsters so it wasn't a problem.

You can use whatever source material you want (movies, tv, books, songs, etc.) as long as your creature's stats are original. I made a Zuni Warrior Fetish Doll (with help from Wikipedia and The Trilogy of Terror movie starring Karen Black) and statted out the Watch Dog from the Phantom Toll Booth in these contests so that shouldn't be a problem.

However, if you use popular culture as references, you may find it's been done already. Keep in mind that there are a lot of websites, 3rd party books and magazines.

Debby

Cheesy74

2011-04-05, 03:16 PM

I can't make my idea work mechanically and haven't really been hit with other inspiration, so I'll just be sitting this month out.

Debihuman

2011-04-06, 05:52 PM

Unfortunately, I may not have time this month to critique the entries. Cheesy74, could you pick up some of the slack?

Debby

SlaadLord

2011-04-06, 10:37 PM

I could also lend a hand critiquing, if necessary.

Cheesy74

2011-04-07, 03:01 PM

Absolutely. I'll take a look at some of the current entries once I get back from work tonight.

I have time for the Usora right now, so let's get that out of the way.

Medium Undead
HD 6d12 (39 hp)
Speed 40 ft. (8 squares)
Init: +7
AC 18; touch 16; flat-footed 15 (+3 Dex, +3 Deflection, +2 Natural)
BAB +3; Grp +0
Attack Slam +6 melee (1d6-3), or Dream Ichor +6 ranged touch (1d4 Wis)
Full-Attack 2 Slams +6 melee (1d6-3), or Dream Ichor +6 ranged touch (1d4 Wis)
Space 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft.
Special Attacks Sanity Stealing, Wake the Dreamers, Poison in the Mind, Devour the Nightmares
Special Qualities Dreamborn, Damage Reduction 4/Piercing, Ever-Dreaming, Undead Traits
Saves Fort +2 Ref +5 Will +10
Abilities Str 5, Dex 16, Con -, Int 16, Wis 16, Cha 12
Skills Spot +14, Listen +14, Sense Motive +14, Hide +12, Move Silently +12, Bluff +10, Knowledge (Arcana) +12
Feats Weapon Finesse, Improved Initiative, Ability Focus (Ever-Dreaming)
Environment Anywhere
Organization Solitary
Challenge Rating 5
Treasure Standard
Alignment True Neutral
You have a few errors where wisdom-based stuff is concerned (I assume it used to be Wis 20?). Will save should only be +8, Spot, Listen and Sense Motive should be +12 apiece.

Combat
The Usora spends most of combat using illusions to confuse and disorient opponents. They strike out against opponents who come near them, and use Dream Ichor on opponents who seem to be especially dangerous. They will use Wake the Dreamers only at the last possible moment, being unable to control the dreamers. They often are able to defeat opponents just by using Illusions on them and waiting for Sanity Stealing to force them unconscious. After defeating opponents, unless that opponent was killed by the Usora’s Dream Ichor, the Usora leaves the opponents alone.
Good detail on tactics.

Sanity Stealing (Su): Whenever a creature interacts with an illusion created by the Usora and fails their will save, they take 1d6 points of non-lethal damage. Fine.

Wake the Dreamers (Su): Once per day, as a full round action, the Usora may summon 1d4 Shadows (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/shadow.htm) who are not under their control. They appear within 30 feet of the Usora, in locations chosen by the Usora. They attack indiscriminately, killing and eating any who are closest to themselves. The Shadows disappear after 5 rounds. This needs a tiny bit of tweaking. Maybe make it a one-round action so it's interruptible (like a typical summoning spell).

Poison in the Mind (Su): As a standard action, the Usora may spit a blob of Dream Ichor, which is a mind corroding poison, at a target within 30 feet, as a ranged touch attack. If the Usora hits the target, that target takes 1d4 Wisdom damage, and another 1d4 Wisdom damage 1 minute later, as the Dream Ichor makes it all the way to their brain. They may make a Fortitude save (DC 16) to avoid the damage from this effect. The DC is wisdom based. A creature may only be affected by this ability once every 3 rounds. The secondary damage does not stack. The save should specify that it nullifies secondary damage, like with most poisons.

Devour the Nightmares (Su): The Usora may, over the course of one minute, eat any creature that has had its Wisdom score reduced to 0 by the Usora’s Dream Ichor. For every round the Usora spends eating a victim, it can transfer up to 5 hit points from the victim in order to heal itself. The Usora cannot gain hit points in excess of its full normal total. Creatures consumed in this manner cannot be raised. Alright.

Dreamborn (Su): The Usora is literally born from the dreams that it had just before it died. It is surrounded by surreality wherever it goes, and the insanity and brittle mind that it possesses do not want it to be killed. The Usora’s dreams unconsciously push attacks away from the Usora, leaving it unharmed. The Usora gains a Deflection bonus to armor class equal to its Wisdom modifier. Okay.

Ever-Dreaming (Su): The Usora unconsciously projects the subconscious dreams it constantly views to others around it. The Usora creates a figment every round, the figments it creates only visible to those within 30 feet of it. It may only have a number of figments in this way equal to its hit dice. In addition, the Usora is constantly surrounded by a Mirage Arcana effect, as the spell. This only affects terrain within 30 feet of the Usora. Any creature that interacts with a figment from this ability is allowed a Will save (DC 20) to disbelieve the figments. This DC is wisdom based, and includes a +2 racial bonus to the DC. This is a mind affecting ability. Like a dream, they are also intangible and hard to find. Any creature that sees the Usora must make a Will save (DC 20), or ignore their presence, and act as if the Usora is Invisible, as the spell. A natural twenty does not automatically defeat the effect. The DC is Wisdom based, and includes a +2 racial bonus to the DC. This DC is way too high, especially with the Ability Focus feat. DC 17 is the maximum DC that a level 5 creature should have for its abilities, and even that is a tough save. Beyond 17, even clerics (typical level 5 save of +7) will fail the save more often than not.

Overall this is a fairly interesting monster, though it requires a creative DM to use the illusions well enough to truly disorient the party. Good work.

unosarta

2011-04-07, 04:28 PM

Absolutely. I'll take a look at some of the current entries once I get back from work tonight.

I have time for the Usora right now, so let's get that out of the way.

You have a few errors where wisdom-based stuff is concerned (I assume it used to be Wis 20?). Will save should only be +8, Spot, Listen and Sense Motive should be +12 apiece.
Yeah, it did. I guess I lowered it. :smallconfused:

This needs a tiny bit of tweaking. Maybe make it a one-round action so it's interruptible (like a typical summoning spell).
I could just add a clause to say that it provokes attacks of opportunity. I don't think making it one round would make it interruptible by default. Adding the clause would work, though.

The save should specify that it nullifies secondary damage, like with most poisons.
On it.

This DC is way too high, especially with the Ability Focus feat. DC 17 is the maximum DC that a level 5 creature should have for its abilities, and even that is a tough save. Beyond 17, even clerics (typical level 5 save of +7) will fail the save more often than not.
You are not including Wisdom bonus, which would pump that save up to around +11 for Clerics or Druids. Also, it deals non-lethal damage, which means that a creature, unless they go unconscious, is not going to be killed by the ability, and it still would take a while for them to get killed after that. Even with no bonus and no penalty, the character has a 1 in 20 chance of making the save. There weren't really any other feat options and that seemed to be optimal or even appropriate.

I don't know. 1d6 non-lethal damage doesn't seem that much. Is it really that bad? I can change it if you really think it is necessary.

Also, it is actually DC 18, with the change in Wisdom.

Overall this is a fairly interesting monster, though it requires a creative DM to use the illusions well enough to truly disorient the party. Good work.
Thank you! Yeah, the illusions are kind of hard to make useful, but if you can do it, it would be fun.

I am thinking of making a greater version for creatures that died from the Dream or Weird spells and come back as undead, which can read a creature's thoughts and reproduce their fears into illusions. I wouldn't do it in this thread, though.

Added some stuff to Dreamborn so that the creature also twists the mind of those who try to read their thoughts or communicate with them Telepathically. Thoughts?

Cheesy74

2011-04-07, 09:16 PM

You are not including Wisdom bonus, which would pump that save up to around +11 for Clerics or Druids. Also, it deals non-lethal damage, which means that a creature, unless they go unconscious, is not going to be killed by the ability, and it still would take a while for them to get killed after that. Even with no bonus and no penalty, the character has a 1 in 20 chance of making the save. There weren't really any other feat options and that seemed to be optimal or even appropriate.

Actually, I'm assuming they have a 16 wisdom. Clerics/druids have a base will save of +4 at level 5. If they have an 18 wisdom (typical, I suppose) it bumps it up to +8, which still makes a DC 18 a fairly formidable save.
And it's not the nonlethal damage I'm worried about. That's perfectly fine. It's the invisibility effect. At a level like this, if the melee types (almost none of whom have will saves worth considering) don't have blind-fight, they're basically useless, even if they can find where the usora is through other means. But a small adjustment to DC works wonders. Replace the Ability Focus feat with a burn feat like Improved Toughness (the usora's HP isn't that great) and it'll be golden.

Added some stuff to Dreamborn so that the creature also twists the mind of those who try to read their thoughts or communicate with them Telepathically. Thoughts? Probably won't come up much in combat, but that's good flavor. I like it.

unosarta

2011-04-07, 09:31 PM

Actually, I'm assuming they have a 16 wisdom. Clerics/druids have a base will save of +4 at level 5. If they have an 18 wisdom (typical, I suppose) it bumps it up to +8, which still makes a DC 18 a fairly formidable save.
And it's not the nonlethal damage I'm worried about. That's perfectly fine. It's the invisibility effect. At a level like this, if the melee types (almost none of whom have will saves worth considering) don't have blind-fight, they're basically useless, even if they can find where the usora is through other means. But a small adjustment to DC works wonders. Replace the Ability Focus feat with a burn feat like Improved Toughness (the usora's HP isn't that great) and it'll be golden.
Oh, shoot, didn't quite calculate that right.

And if the main problem is the invisibility, I can remove it. The invisibility was only ever to explain why the Usora aren't seen everywhere, since they are nomadic and essentially immortal. This is offset by their fairly few numbers. I can change it so that the Invisibility fades whenever they are in combat.

Probably won't come up much in combat, but that's good flavor. I like it.
Yeah, I know, but I like the image of something like an Illithid going crazy while it tries to read the Usora's mind.

Cheesy74

2011-04-08, 04:04 PM

Alright, let's take care of the next one. Corrupted Unicorn:

Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 8d8+48 (84 HP)
Initiative: +7
Speed: 60 ft. (12 squares)
Armor Class: 21 (-1 size, +4 Dex, +8 Natural), 13 touch, 17 flat-footed
Base Attack/Grapple: +8/+17
Attack: Horn +15 Melee (1d8+8) or Drain +15 Melee
Full Attack: Horn +15 Melee (1d8+8) and 2 hooves +7 (1d4+2)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Drain
Special Qualities: Aura of charm, darkvision 60 ft., immunity to poison, charm, and compulsion, low-light vision, scent
Saves: Fort +12, Ref +10, Will +7
Abilities Str 20, Dex 19, Con 22, Int 10, Wis 21, Cha 22
Skills: Hide +10, Listen +14, Move Silently +10, Spot +14
Feats: Alertness, Dodge, Improved Initiative
Environment: Temperate Forest
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 5
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always chaotic evil
Advancement: 9-12 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: -

Initiative should be +8. Horn and drain should both be a +16 to hit. Please note the horn as a +3 horn to make the attack math less ambiguous. Hooves should be +8 to hit, but their damage is correct. Speed is 10 ft faster than a typical horse. I suppose it's acceptable considering that it's a magical creature, but it's still pretty fast.

Please make things easy on your critics and use max ranks or no ranks for skills. I can't check the math on those.

Both AC, attributes and damage are fairly high for a CR 5 creature. You may want to consider increasing its CR slightly (I'd say an even 7 would work), especially with its special abilities.

A corrupted unicorn is a unicorn that has been exposed to corrupting evil forces and more vile fey creatures. They are physically nearly identical to normal unicorns, though their coats tend to be darker, occasionally even black. The similarities end there, however, as corrupted unicorns are much more hostile, and actually derive some of their strength from feeding off of other intelligent creatures.

Corrupted unicorns usually keep to a specific target, following them wherever they go. They will allow themselves to be seen by the target during hours of waning light, when they are most likely to be mistaken for a normal unicorn. They play off the wonder and fascination associated with unicorns, and use that to draw their targets to them, at which point they steal part of their life force to feed themselves. It is possible for a corrupted unicorn to continue feeding off a single target for months before it becomes aware of what is happening, at which point the corrupted unicorn will finally make its kill. Interesting ideas, though I'm not sure why they focus on a single target exclusively (one at a time would be understandable though).

Combat
Corrupted unicorns prefer not to fight until they decide to finally kill their target. When they do fight, however, they usually attempt to drain their targets to death. Like standard unicorns, corrupted unicorns' horns are a +3 magic weapon. Well, that explains the attack math. You may want to expound on combat tactics a bit more, since the unicorn has a decent intelligence score.

Aura of Charm (Su): A corrupted unicorn constantly emits an aura that it uses to obtain its victims. This aura extends 60 feet from the corrupted unicorn, and any humanoid or monstrous humanoid that enters the aura must make a will save (DC 20, charisma based) upon entering the aura. Any creature that fails the save loses any hostility towards the corrupted unicorn and approaches it calmly. The effect ends once the creature leaves the aura. Regardless of the result of the save, any creature can only be affected by the aura once a day. This is a mind-affecting compulsion. A DC 20 will save is extremely high for a CR 5 creature. As I detailed in the usora's critique, a DC 17 is a good benchmark for CR 5. If you do increase it to CR 7, you'd be looking at a maximum will save of roughly +10 from the wisdom-based casters (45% chance to fail at DC 20), but besides that almost everyone would fail. I'd drop the charisma score to 18 or 19 even if you do up its CR.

Drain (Sp): A corrupted unicorn feeds partially on the life force of other creatures. As a standard action, a corrupted unicorn can drain others by touching its horn to their forehead, as a touch attack. If the attack hits, the target must make a will save (DC 20, charisma based) or take 2d6 damage, as well as two points each of constitution and charisma damage, which the unicorn gains as temporary hit points lasting one hour. A creature that fails the save also has its memory of encountering the corrupted unicorn altered to ensure that it only remembers a mysterious, benign creature. The memory altering function of the ability functions only once a day, but the ability as a whole can be used however many times the corrupted unicorn wants. Save is, again, too high, and using this at will is far too powerful for a level 5 creature. Consider dropping the ability damage to 1d2 each or making this a normal attack instead of a touch attack (it's almost impossible for the unicorn to miss a touch attack with this).

Any creature that has been affected by the corrupted unicorn's aura of charm automatically fails the save against this ability. The DC for the aura of charm also increases by one every two times the creature has its memory altered. If the DC is reduced as suggested, this is fine, but the save removal needs to expire. As stated, it lasts forever after a victim fails his or her save once.

This is a fairly interesting monster in terms of flavor, but its abilities vastly outstrip its CR. Even as a boss monster, this creature would easily defeat an equivalent-level party. Consider making the aura of charm unusable in standard combat, something that it only uses against an isolated target to drain it or something similar. In combat, it makes things ridiculous, since (even though it's canceled when the unicorn attacks) it removes the save from its Drain ability.