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View Full Version : Angry Badgers, is there anything they can't solve?



big teej
2011-03-04, 11:22 AM
greetings playgrounders,

two of my players have decided to take Dire Badgers as mounts.

this reminded me of a former DM of mine who's party SOP was to take the pet badger, stuff it into a backpack, and then throw said backpack at a bad guy, causing untold amounts of carnage.


so I ask

what problem cannot be solved by angry badgers?


come here and propose as many problems as you can think of, meanwhile, also post solutions to other people's problems in how they could be solved with angry badgers.


the more creative the better. (otherwise every answer will be "throw badgers at the problem")

though that in and of itself would be absolutely hilarious.


PS: if you have any angry badger stories (successful solution or not) please share them.

Gullintanni
2011-03-04, 11:25 AM
My cousins level 1 paladin was beaten half to death (and fully unconcious) by a rabid badger. The rogue dragged the paladin away from the battle and the paladin lost his boots in the process.

When the party returned for the boots, the badger had peed in them.

supermonkeyjoe
2011-03-04, 11:29 AM
greetings playgrounders,

two of my players have decided to take Dire Badgers as mounts.

this reminded me of a former DM of mine who's party SOP was to take the pet badger, stuff it into a backpack, and then throw said backpack at a bad guy, causing untold amounts of carnage.


so I ask

what problem cannot be solved by angry badgers?


come here and propose as many problems as you can think of, meanwhile, also post solutions to other people's problems in how they could be solved with angry badgers.


the more creative the better. (otherwise every answer will be "throw badgers at the problem")

though that in and of itself would be absolutely hilarious.


PS: if you have any angry badger stories (successful solution or not) please share them.

I infuriated a former DM once by chain-summoning celestial badgers all over a red dragon we were fighting, they did surprisingly well with the +4str from the augmented summoning feat, 1/day smite evil and flanking bonuses, never look down upon summoning 1d4+1 badgers a round :smallbiggrin:

Gullintanni
2011-03-04, 11:32 AM
I infuriated a former DM once by chain-summoning celestial badgers all over a red dragon we were fighting, they did surprisingly well with the +4str from the augmented summoning feat, 1/day smite evil and flanking bonuses, never look down upon summoning 1d4+1 badgers a round :smallbiggrin:

This begs for someone to stat up a badger swarm.

big teej
2011-03-04, 11:36 AM
I love it ^_^

moar moar!

grarrrg
2011-03-04, 12:28 PM
what problem cannot be solved by angry badgers?


Angry bears. [/thread]

Fitz10019
2011-03-04, 12:38 PM
Don't forget the tunnelling power of the dire badger.

To formally begin the OP's game...

Problem 1: when a paladin can't get his boots off.

Solution 1: angry badger (full bladder optional)

Problem 2: angry bears

Solution 2: more and more angry badgers

Problem 3: a premature "[/thread]"

Solution 3: more posts about angry badgers

Problem 4: Insomnia

blackjack217
2011-03-04, 12:43 PM
solution 4: badgers beat you unconscious

gomipile
2011-03-04, 12:45 PM
Angry bears. [/thread]

No. I'm afraid the result depends too sensitively on the badger/bear ratio. This is far from a trivial problem, and I am afraid that a full analysis would require at a minimum several grad students, a massive government grant, a large wall of flat panel multitouch displays, much coffee, and some high quality prostitutes.

Marillion
2011-03-04, 12:48 PM
We did pretty much the same thing as OP, except with a raccoon.

And we'd shake it first.

"Prime the raccoon!"

big teej
2011-03-04, 03:14 PM
Don't forget the tunnelling power of the dire badger.

To formally begin the OP's game...

Problem 1: when a paladin can't get his boots off.

Solution 1: angry badger (full bladder optional)

Problem 2: angry bears

Solution 2: more and more angry badgers

Problem 3: a premature "[/thread]"

Solution 3: more posts about angry badgers

Problem 4: Insomnia


No. I'm afraid the result depends too sensitively on the badger/bear ratio. This is far from a trivial problem, and I am afraid that a full analysis would require at a minimum several grad students, a massive government grant, a large wall of flat panel multitouch displays, much coffee, and some high quality prostitutes.




We did pretty much the same thing as OP, except with a raccoon.

And we'd shake it first.

"Prime the raccoon!"




-hands each a cookie-


MOAR!!!:smallbiggrin:

-snigger- prime the racoon- -bursts into helpless laughter-

I'm stealing that quote for my group.

may I sig that?

Zefig
2011-03-04, 03:39 PM
One of my recent campaigns had our party accidentally trapping, then adopting a young white dragon whelp. We ended up finding a helm of opposite alignment and sticking it on the little guy until it took effect. Leaving us with a mischievous little white dragon following us around.

A few dungeons later, we found a small gray bag in our pile of loot. Reasonably sure of what it was, I reached in and pulled out a rather angry badger. I wasn't really sure what to do with it at first, but then inspiration struck. I told our little dragon to sit, and when he did, tossed him his hissing, spitting, raging snack.

We never had to worry about finding treats for the little guy again.

Radar
2011-03-04, 04:09 PM
Well, one angry badger is not enough to slay a Demogorgon (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KqjOGdOMtA).

Unless you go into Black Mage type of plans, then crossing a dangerous river might not be solvable by usage of furious furries.

Marillion
2011-03-04, 04:21 PM
-snigger- prime the racoon- -bursts into helpless laughter-

I'm stealing that quote for my group.

may I sig that?

Haha, go ahead. :smallbiggrin:

gomipile
2011-03-04, 04:31 PM
Well, one angry badger is not enough to slay a Demogorgon (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KqjOGdOMtA).

Unless you go into Black Mage type of plans, then crossing a dangerous river might not be solvable by usage of furious furries.

Depending on how many catgirls you want to kill, one angry badger accelerated to relativistic velocities might do the trick. On a similar, but more RAW note, in 3.5 a Factotum could stack lots of precision damage on a badger used as an improvised ranged weapon. A badger used as an improvised weapon also qualifies as a target for the spell Hurl, giving it the returning property with a range increment of 10 feet.

Thus, using a returning badger, one could potentially slay a Demogorgon with one badger. I imagine that this would make the badger angry as well. Therefore one can only conclude from your linked video that a badger thrown by a level 1 gnome 4E barbarian is insufficient to kill Demogorgon. It might well be possible to slay Demogorgon with one badger using extraordinary means, however.

Calimehter
2011-03-04, 04:41 PM
so I ask

what problem cannot be solved by angry badgers?

Can angry badgers help me have sex with Sandra Bullock?

:smalltongue:

gomipile
2011-03-04, 04:44 PM
Can angry badgers help me have sex with Sandra Bullock?

:smalltongue:

Are you more sexually attractive than a pit of angry badgers? Appearing better than the alternative by comparison can be a powerful psychological motivator.

GeekGirl
2011-03-04, 04:51 PM
No. I'm afraid the result depends too sensitively on the badger/bear ratio. This is far from a trivial problem, and I am afraid that a full analysis would require at a minimum several grad students, a massive government grant, a large wall of flat panel multitouch displays, much coffee, and some high quality prostitutes.

I volunteer my services. Not sure what exactly i can do for this, but I'm determined to help :D

Can angry badgers help me have sex with Sandra Bullock? high bluff check.. convince her it is the only way to live through the oncoming badger assault.

Cartigan
2011-03-04, 04:52 PM
Can angry badgers help me have sex with Sandra Bullock?

:smalltongue:

Tell her she is twice as lovely as an angry badger.

Reverent-One
2011-03-04, 05:02 PM
Can angry badgers help me have sex with Sandra Bullock?

:smalltongue:

Get mauled by a group of angry badgers in her vicinity (perferably saving her from them), so that she can nurse you back to health and (theoretically) fall in love with you.


*Reverent-one does not endorse or suggest actually following the above plan and is not responsible for any injuries resulting from attempting it*

gomipile
2011-03-04, 05:18 PM
For some reason, this thread has me imagining Insane Clown Posse singing the line "Angry badgers, how do they work?"

The Cat Goddess
2011-03-04, 05:25 PM
Can angry badgers help me have sex with Sandra Bullock?

:smalltongue:

Utilize Angry Badgers to remove all other possible suitors.

You become "the final option".

Unless she's in to Angry Badgers... then they would have to remove themselves somehow.


Thus, the problem of "Angry Badgers" becomes a problem that "Angry Badgers" can't solve. :smalleek:

gomipile
2011-03-04, 05:29 PM
Utilize Angry Badgers to remove all other possible suitors.

You become "the final option".

Unless she's in to Angry Badgers... then they would have to remove themselves somehow.


Thus, the problem of "Angry Badgers" becomes a problem that "Angry Badgers" can't solve. :smalleek:

Ah, you assume that the quality "angry" is binary. To counter that assumption, I posit the existence of an angrier badger. The angrier badger is still, obviously, angry, therefore qualifies as a member of the set of angry badgers.

Alternatively, you also assume the general equivalence of all badgers. Conversely, I propose the introduction of the stronger angry badger.

Cartigan
2011-03-04, 05:31 PM
For some reason, this thread has me imagining Insane Clown Posse singing the line "Angry badgers, how do they work?"

Angry Badgers go in, Solution comes out. Can't explain that.

The Cat Goddess
2011-03-04, 05:38 PM
Ah, you assume that the quality "angry" is binary. To counter that assumption, I posit the existence of an angrier badger. The angrier badger is still, obviously, angry, therefore qualifies as a member of the set of angry badgers.

Alternatively, you also assume the general equivalence of all badgers. Conversely, I propose the introduction of the stronger angry badger.

Ah, but then you're not solving the problem with "Angry Badgers". You're solving the problem with "Angrier" or "Stronger" Badgers. Thus, you are outside the bounds of the debate.

Not to mention the fact that any person aroused by "Angry Badgers" would most likely be even more aroused by "Angrier" and/or "Stronger" Badgers.

Ravens_cry
2011-03-04, 05:42 PM
For some reason, this thread has me imagining Insane Clown Posse singing the line "Angry badgers, how do they work?"
Well, if there anything like Magnets, they are MAGIC.

gomipile
2011-03-04, 05:46 PM
Ah, but then you're not solving the problem with "Angry Badgers". You're solving the problem with "Angrier" or "Stronger" Badgers. Thus, you are outside the bounds of the debate.

Not to mention the fact that any person aroused by "Angry Badgers" would most likely be even more aroused by "Angrier" and/or "Stronger" Badgers.

My point is that angrier badgers and stronger badgers are still angry badgers.

For every finite badger problem posed, one can posit bigger, stronger, angrier or whatever-er angry badgers which can beat the problematic angry badgers.

You'd have to go trans-transfinite to beat this chain. You would have to pose a problem involving the angriest, most powerful badgers possible.

To that I would have to respond, the only way to solve that angry badger problem with angry badgers is to find a way to declare that the problem in question is its own solution.

Calimehter
2011-03-04, 05:46 PM
Much seems to hinge on whether or not I am more desirable than a pack of Angry Badgers.

.
.
.

*ponders*

.
.
.

Ah, crud. :smallfrown:

some guy
2011-03-04, 06:03 PM
the more creative the better. (otherwise every answer will be "throw badgers at the problem")




PS: if you have any angry badger stories (successful solution or not) please share them.

I do have an angry badger story, but involves throwing badgers at a problem.

I was DM'ing a bunch of friends who had never played D&D, as such they were ill equiped in the field of ranged weaponry. A problem most perilous when they encountered a perched harpy. The harpy pestered them with fly-by attacks, some of the party were enchanted by her song (and inclined to climb a very spikey tree) and not all had prepared ranged magicks or had ranged weaponry. They all had low hit points, so a tight spot.

Cue one of the druid-players: "Can I throw my badger at it?"
Me: "... Yes. Yes, you can."

That badger saved the party.

NekoJoker
2011-03-04, 06:42 PM
I was once playing a specialist Conjurer for a WoW campaign a friend of mine concoted once, I started summoning all kinds of crazy stuff and used them in... questionable ways, such as hippogriffi grappling some orks, flying away and then sending them down as bombs on the unsuspecting platoon still on foot...


but I digress... this is a story about badgers and badgers it will have!

I summoned 1 and only 1 celestial badger onto the battlefield... it obliterated a whole squad of orks...

in reality it just dealt the finishing blows on already heavily damaged orks, but it was awesome to see how this tiny little creature just jumped and mawled at the greenskin bafoons!! In the end the bager had slain about 5 or 6 orks before dying heroically.

I was planning of making several statues of the little fella once we hit town again. It would have been the badger standing triumphally over a pile of greenskins. Unfortunately that campaign never got too far, one day we will come back to it and give the heroic badger the memorial he deserves

All hail Badger! All hail the orksbane!

grarrrg
2011-03-04, 06:47 PM
Badgers? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gx6TBrfCW54)
10 char limit

NekoJoker
2011-03-04, 07:00 PM
Badgers? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gx6TBrfCW54)
10 char limit

oh yeah?! don't get me started on ... NARWHALS (http://www.youtube.com/user/NekoJoker?feature=mhum#p/f/18/ykwqXuMPsoc)

those things are like the Jedi of the sea!

yeah... they're just awesome

Shademan
2011-03-04, 07:10 PM
well if the druid can solve trouble by rubbing his nipples with badgers I guess it's true.
there is nothing badgers cant do

Yukitsu
2011-03-04, 07:11 PM
I once had an infestation of angry badgers camped under the porch. I tried to solve it with moar angry badgers. I ended up with 4 times as many angry badgers. :smallannoyed:

Mikeavelli
2011-03-04, 07:28 PM
Ah, but then you're not solving the problem with "Angry Badgers". You're solving the problem with "Angrier" or "Stronger" Badgers. Thus, you are outside the bounds of the debate.

Not to mention the fact that any person aroused by "Angry Badgers" would most likely be even more aroused by "Angrier" and/or "Stronger" Badgers.

While this has already been addressed with words, I feel it's important to include a Venn Diagram.


http://i55.tinypic.com/2r7204o.jpg

Dimers
2011-03-04, 08:49 PM
Differential equations, perhaps?

The common cold?

Angry badgers could certainly solve world hunger, from both the supply and demand sides. First, the angry badgers kill all the vegetarians, then the omnivores eat the angry badgers.

Angry badger story: For a recent campaign, I wanted to make a dwarf / HD-advanced dire badger lycanthrope. The DM thought the idea was ridiculous. That made me a little angry.

gomipile
2011-03-04, 09:51 PM
Differential equations, perhaps?



Well, you could make a Turing machine out of a large series of interconnected pens full of badgers in various states of anger. Sort of like ants, but more awesome.

Vknight
2011-03-04, 10:01 PM
Can Angry Badgers help me find were on earth Carmen Sandeigo is?

Kyrthain
2011-03-04, 10:19 PM
Last year for english class, my speech was on how there are no problems that cannot be solved with enough wolves. I approve of this topic immensely

big teej
2011-03-04, 11:18 PM
everyone who has posted in this thread gets 3,000 points.

I am now in tears and my ribs hurt from laughing so hard.

also, I'm thinking the thread itself is going to have to go in my sig, this is just too great.

Meta
2011-03-04, 11:27 PM
I've never played 3.5 but could you awaken some badgers, enlarge others, and have badger riding badger Calvary?

slaydemons
2011-03-04, 11:57 PM
I've never played 3.5 but could you awaken some badgers, enlarge others, and have badger riding badger Calvary?

this reminds me of one of my friends who said they could have a bear companion ride said companion and turn into a bear since their druids so you have bears riding bears

Sith_Happens
2011-03-05, 02:52 AM
Well, you could make a Turing machine out of a large series of interconnected pens full of badgers in various states of anger. Sort of like ants, but more awesome.

This is going in my sig.

On topic, are badgers under-CR'ed or something that they are apparently useful in combat situations?

grarrrg
2011-03-05, 09:02 AM
On topic, are badgers under-CR'ed or something that they are apparently useful in combat situations?

Of course they are under-CR'ed, they're BADGERS for crying out loud!!

Cieyrin
2011-03-05, 12:08 PM
this reminds me of one of my friends who said they could have a bear companion ride said companion and turn into a bear since their druids so you have bears riding bears

Let's not turn this into a bear thread. That'd be unbearable and possibly pandamonium.

...

:smalltongue:

fizzybobnewt
2011-03-05, 01:03 PM
It's easier to magically create badgers than humans (I think). Summon many badgers. Get those aliens from Grease Monkey to elevate them to the evolutionary level of humans, or higher. Loads of scientist badgers with cure the common cold in no time!

But I mainly posted for the 3000 points.

grarrrg
2011-03-05, 01:10 PM
...common cold in no time!

But I mainly posted for the 3000 points.

Oh, sorry, no points for you:


everyone who has posted in this thread gets 3,000 points.
(emphasis mine)

Past tense, you get nothing.

But I'll share half of mine with you.
And throw in a bonus internetz.

Vknight
2011-03-05, 01:12 PM
Can Angry Badgers help me find were on earth Carmen Sandeigo is?

And still no ideas for how angry badgers can help me with this task!
Hah hah that means They can fail at doing things! Victory!

Cieyrin
2011-03-05, 01:45 PM
And still no ideas for how angry badgers can help me with this task!
Hah hah that means They can fail at doing things! Victory!

If we breed a variety of badger that gets angry when they can't find things and summon a bunch of them to find Carmen Sandiego, they'll get angry and destroy things till they find her. Since badgers aren't easy to calm after being angered, most likely they'll kill her when they do find her, so mixed victory.:smallwink:

gomipile
2011-03-05, 02:03 PM
If we breed a variety of badger that gets angry when they can't find things and summon a bunch of them to find Carmen Sandiego, they'll get angry and destroy things till they find her. Since badgers aren't easy to calm after being angered, most likely they'll kill her when they do find her, so mixed victory.:smallwink:

I'm sure there are some people out there who got frustrated by those games and would call your plan's result a win-win.

Vknight
2011-03-05, 04:31 PM
I wouldn't but it would help find her. Now I just need to make them immune to Sneak Attack.
Soon the Party will fear the Badger Summoner!!

gomipile
2011-03-05, 04:50 PM
In 3.5 is there any way to make the creatures you summon advanced in hit dice compared to the base creature?

Cieyrin
2011-03-05, 05:18 PM
In 3.5 is there any way to make the creatures you summon advanced in hit dice compared to the base creature?

There are certain summons that call forth creatures with max hit points, though getting advanced creatures is more of a Calling effect via Planar Ally/Binding.

TheEditor
2011-03-05, 05:33 PM
If we breed a variety of badger that gets angry when they can't find things and summon a bunch of them to find Carmen Sandiego, they'll get angry and destroy things till they find her. Since badgers aren't easy to calm after being angered, most likely they'll kill her when they do find her, so mixed victory.:smallwink:




As for Carmen Sandiago - with enough angry badgers you could cover the globe and would, statically, eventually, run into her (and maul her). Problem Solved.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIyixC9NsLI

Nuff said

Cieyrin
2011-03-05, 07:15 PM
As for Carmen Sandiago - with enough angry badgers you could cover the globe and would, statically, eventually, run into her (and maul her). Problem Solved.

That was my other idea, I just didn't know how to be succinct enough about it. I think my second idea of breeding badgers gives me more lulz, though.

Vknight
2011-03-05, 08:00 PM
How about fighting a Dragon

Cieyrin
2011-03-05, 08:10 PM
How about fighting a Dragon

Someone had a dragon story earlier on how to use badgers to great effect. :smallbiggrin:

John Campbell
2011-03-05, 08:12 PM
And still no ideas for how angry badgers can help me with this task!
Hah hah that means They can fail at doing things! Victory!

Badgers get Track as a racial bonus feat. With enough angry badgers to stack up the Aid Another bonuses, you should be able to find Carmen Sandiego in no time.

Vknight
2011-03-05, 11:00 PM
Ok what happens if she goes through time?
And what about finding her an Waldo's kid.

No massive amounts of badgers because with enough of anything something will eventually happen

akragster
2011-03-05, 11:30 PM
1. Write explosive runes on a sheet of paper.

2. Attach said paper to angry badger.

3. Send angry badger at target.

4. Repeat.

5. ???

6. Destroy the fabric of reality, accomplish your goal, and profit.

Vknight
2011-03-05, 11:39 PM
I think we may have a problem with that because the explosion wouldn't be that powerful.

akragster
2011-03-05, 11:41 PM
That's why step 4 (Repeat) exists. If you're worried about the damage, you could Maximize it or strap a few flasks to the badger that explode when in contact with air.

Vknight
2011-03-05, 11:42 PM
Still not enough damage to destroy reality. It would take hundreds of years to brew the explosives need and write the explosive runes needed.

akragster
2011-03-05, 11:47 PM
Yes, but it would still be possible, given a large enough amount of badgers and runes.

Plus I have no more need for time once I destroy reality.

Vknight
2011-03-06, 12:04 AM
You'd have to be a Lich or Elan because you need the time to do this.
Think several millenium and if anyone kills you you fail because they destroy your stuff

akragster
2011-03-06, 12:09 AM
Angry badgers can solve all problems, therefore they can solve the problems of me not having enough time/not being able to make runes fast enough.

Vknight
2011-03-06, 12:14 AM
So your using awakened badgers to help you destroy the universe?

That is the best campaign idea ever!
Think about it the evil wizard has super badgers who have all sorts of templates on them and class levels. They then get worshipers and start kidnapping mages to help them create the runes and potions!

akragster
2011-03-06, 12:27 AM
I think it'd be cool if they were using all the runes, mages, and badgers to make a hole in reality just large enough that [insert Deity of choice here] could get through.

Vknight
2011-03-06, 01:04 AM
Ok your job is to now make that campaign I can't because I'm making a homebrew world so no time.

navar100
2011-03-06, 01:08 AM
Badgers? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gx6TBrfCW54)
10 char limit

I knew someone would do this before I got a chance.
:smallamused:

akragster
2011-03-06, 02:00 AM
Ok your job is to now make that campaign I can't because I'm making a homebrew world so no time.I have never homebrew'd before, any guides that would help?

I'm thinking huge city where badgers and humans co-exist (kinda). Badgers and volunteer mages make up the ruling class, civil workers make up the next, then citizens (there will be heavy prejudice between classes). The badgers, while not particularly intelligent, are plotting something in the Burrowhalls beneath the earth. All attempts to find out what is happening are shrouded by an unknown force. Several organizations have decided to form parties to find out what is going on down there (whether for their benefit or the benefit of the people).

Spoilers for what might happen:
I'm thinking that the badgers are using explosives, large machines, and magic to force open a gate through which Meleus, the god who granted thought to badgers and has been shrouding events from snooping citizens, may enter. The opening will likely culminate with one final effort (read: big explosion) which will destroy everything for several hundred miles except the Burrowhalls, which will be protected by Meleus.

I'm hoping to make it so that when players begin, they'll be given an ulterior motive. For instance, a player might have been sent to join the group by a church to Asmodeus (who wants to destroy this new god, but is unable to tell his followers about him) and/or another player may have been sent by a pro-humanity group who want to put power back in the hands of humans (other than the mages). I think making a d% chart would be enough to make sure every party's backstory sounds different.

Vknight
2011-03-06, 02:26 AM
Yeah that sounds cool.

I don't know of one just search for it on the forums or online and you should find one. But what you've given is a good start.
Now just make the individual orginizations along with the plan being far enough off the players can stop it.

Cieyrin
2011-03-06, 12:01 PM
I think it more likely for the city to be either gnomes or wildren instead of humans.

Wildren/Badgerfolk!http://132.209.40.23/w4/campagne/images/WotC_Art_Galleries/Planar_Handbook/Wildren%20by%20David%20A.%20Roach.jpg

Also, instead of alchemist fire, put something really good on 'em, like Gnomish Fire or the much more nerfed and published Kobold Dither Bombs. Get a big enough one made and you'll probably cause a planar tear, whether you want it or not. You definitely want to be off-plane if a gnome is foolish enough to make a d1000 Gnomish Fire. :smalleek:

gomipile
2011-03-06, 01:10 PM
I think this thread is approaching a badger singularity.

Vknight
2011-03-06, 01:22 PM
And once we reach that we have control of the Badgers in the universe!

akragster
2011-03-06, 02:34 PM
I think it more likely for the city to be either gnomes or wildren instead of humans.

Wildren/Badgerfolk!http://132.209.40.23/w4/campagne/images/WotC_Art_Galleries/Planar_Handbook/Wildren%20by%20David%20A.%20Roach.jpg

Also, instead of alchemist fire, put something really good on 'em, like Gnomish Fire or the much more nerfed and published Kobold Dither Bombs. Get a big enough one made and you'll probably cause a planar tear, whether you want it or not. You definitely want to be off-plane if a gnome is foolish enough to make a d1000 Gnomish Fire. :smalleek: May I ask why you think Wildren/Badgerfolk and Gnomes are more likely? I was thinking that a human village (with small-average amounts of the other core races) was built where a small congregation of badgers was. When the first traces of the badger god poked through, the badgers gained sentience (read: Awakened template) and declared the spot holy for badgers. Now, a city stands due to the gifts of fertility and prosperity from the badger god (it's basically his chosen/favored city, kind of like in Greek mythology).

As for the ditherbombs, that's a good idea.
When the PCs start, the badgers are pretty far away from opening the rift in reality as they've been trying a mix of opening the rift and tapping it for power. They'll be using explosives, but not as many as near the end, when they try to use everything at once to pry open the rift.


I can't find gnomish fire, so I can't comment on that.

gomipile
2011-03-06, 03:09 PM
I can't find gnomish fire, so I can't comment on that.

I can't find it either, where is this d1000 capable alchemical treat?

Vknight
2011-03-06, 03:16 PM
I forget but really do you want the PC's able to get there hands on that?

gomipile
2011-03-06, 03:18 PM
I forget but really do you want the PC's able to get there hands on that?

That has nothing to do with my curiosity.

Cieyrin
2011-03-06, 03:23 PM
May I ask why you think Wildren/Badgerfolk and Gnomes are more likely? I was thinking that a human village (with small-average amounts of the other core races) was built where a small congregation of badgers was. When the first traces of the badger god poked through, the badgers gained sentience (read: Awakened template) and declared the spot holy for badgers. Now, a city stands due to the gifts of fertility and prosperity from the badger god (it's basically his chosen/favored city, kind of like in Greek mythology).

Gnomes and Badgerfolk have a natural rapport with Badgers and other burrowing creatures, which makes me think they'd be more likely to live in closer proximity to each other than Humans would, who'd tend to see them more as nuisances to be rooted out as opposed to kindred spirits like Gnomes and Badgerfolk would.


As for the ditherbombs, that's a good idea.
When the PCs start, the badgers are pretty far away from opening the rift in reality as they've been trying a mix of opening the rift and tapping it for power. They'll be using explosives, but not as many as near the end, when they try to use everything at once to pry open the rift.


I can't find gnomish fire, so I can't comment on that.

I forget sometimes that people have no idea what Gnomish Fire is, considering it's an item homebrewed by a RL buddy of mine, which I'm fairly certain WotC borrowed the idea for with Ditherbombs. Anyways, Gnomish Fire is basically unstable alchemist's fire that comes in degrees of effectiveness that correspond to different die sizes, from the fire cracker d4 to respectable d8, the rather dangerous d20 to the apocalyptic d1000. The basic mechanic is you roll the corresponding die size and then the die's result in that type of dice in fire damage and radius in feet.

So, a d4 can vary from 1-16 damage and up to ~30' diameter burst. A d8 can cause 1-64 to up to ~130' diameter blast. As you can see, they can vary in effectiveness very wildly, especially as you increase in die size. We tend to call when you roll low on the amount of dice 'duds' for obvious reasons and, as I mentioned earlier, you don't want to be in the same plane of existence if someone makes a d1000 variety, as that world and probably any moons and possibly nearby planets are likely to be ashed rather quickly. :smallredface:

It's one of the few things the Tinker Gnomes had the sense to tightly control, in the face of not wanting to bring about the end times and turn the campaign into the start of a Gamma World campaign early. :smallbiggrin:

Xondoure
2011-03-06, 06:03 PM
3 pages and no one mentioned Salamandastron. My lord Brocktree is dissapointed.

akragster
2011-03-06, 06:47 PM
Gnomes and Badgerfolk have a natural rapport with Badgers and other burrowing creatures, which makes me think they'd be more likely to live in closer proximity to each other than Humans would, who'd tend to see them more as nuisances to be rooted out as opposed to kindred spirits like Gnomes and Badgerfolk would.Well, I'm trying for a highly-prejudiced society, so it's kind of required that the two main races not get along.


Gnomish fire stuff... I don't know, with the top one you can only get 1,000,000 damage over a 2000 foot diameter AT BEST. That is not enough dakka. Also, overpowered is not a problem, since the PCs would essentially have to play the campaign perfectly in order to get their hands on the explosives (which would be set off if they looked at any explosive runes).



Disregarding that setting for now: If massive inflation of gold were to occur in a setting, everyone could use badger pelts as currency!

Cieyrin
2011-03-07, 11:47 AM
I don't know, with the top one you can only get 1,000,000 damage over a 2000 foot diameter AT BEST. That is not enough dakka. Also, overpowered is not a problem, since the PCs would essentially have to play the campaign perfectly in order to get their hands on the explosives (which would be set off if they looked at any explosive runes)

Damage and radius is the same, so 2 million foot diameter, which is ~380 miles. Still a pretty big hole. Considering most things in the MMs top out a couple thousand hit points, unless they're immune to fire, are gonna be dust. While there can never be enough dakka, I think that's still pretty damn respectable.

begooler
2011-03-07, 11:55 AM
Also, overpowered is not a problem, since the PCs would essentially have to play the campaign perfectly in order to get their hands on the explosives (which would be set off if they looked at any explosive runes).

PCs are badger totem barbarians?

The Cat Goddess
2011-03-07, 01:34 PM
Damage and radius is the same, so 2 million foot diameter, which is ~380 miles. Still a pretty big hole. Considering most things in the MMs top out a couple thousand hit points, unless they're immune to fire, are gonna be dust. While there can never be enough dakka, I think that's still pretty damn respectable.

Yes, a pretty big hole with a random scattering of Monks, Rogues and Warblades with Iron Heart Surge standing around.

big teej
2011-03-07, 02:41 PM
:smallconfused:

no no no

moar problems solved with badgers

for instance, a certain government agency is causing me problems,
this can easily be solved by convincing a giant wooden badger to storm their building.


I don't get paid enough at work.

this can be solved by leading an army of angry badgers into the store and demanding a raise

:smallbiggrin:


I'm seriously considering getting a shirt made with a graph that says "as the number of angry badgers increases, the amount of problems unsolved in the world approaches zero"

or something like that (somebody worded it really well earlier in the thread, when I dig up the quote you're name is going on said shirt)

Combat Reflexes
2011-03-07, 03:12 PM
I have one for you.

Some unknown force at the other side of the universe starts Familiciding all kinds of burrowing mammals. What now?

akragster
2011-03-07, 04:20 PM
I have one for you.

Some unknown force at the other side of the universe starts Familiciding all kinds of burrowing mammals. What now?Somber Shrews?


Need to redirect lightning to a nearby area? Make a line of badgers, get them all wet, and make sure they aren't grounded.

gomipile
2011-03-07, 04:54 PM
I have one for you.

Some unknown force at the other side of the universe starts Familiciding all kinds of burrowing mammals. What now?

Morbo: Familicide does not work that way!

Vknight
2011-03-07, 05:33 PM
There using it on every burrowing animal they come across not just on one type I believe.

Xondoure
2011-03-08, 10:55 PM
Link needs to be shared: This is the honey badger (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg)

big teej
2011-03-08, 11:08 PM
I'm tempted to go to the avatar request and ask for
1) a angry badger
2) the previously mentioned graph

blackjack217
2011-03-09, 12:21 AM
I have one for you.

Some unknown force at the other side of the universe starts Familiciding all kinds of burrowing mammals. What now?

Angry badgers do detective work to discover who it is, and then kills the responsible party.

John Campbell
2011-03-09, 01:13 AM
I have one for you.

Some unknown force at the other side of the universe starts Familiciding all kinds of burrowing mammals. What now?

You ever tried to make a defensive casting check while covered in angry badgers?

Combat Reflexes
2011-03-09, 11:48 AM
You ever tried to make a defensive casting check while covered in angry badgers?

Of course they all possess the Mage Slayer feat.
Or it could be that the whole world was covered in a badger swarm so that our familicidal wizard was nauseated (and distracted) all the time :smallsmile:

Ok, i'm out of options: there's badgers for everything.

The Big Dice
2011-03-09, 12:46 PM
Ok, i'm out of options: there's badgers for everything.
Can they solve a Rubik's cube? Or does that just make the badgers more angry?

Tiki Snakes
2011-03-09, 12:50 PM
Can they solve a Rubik's cube? Or does that just make the badgers more angry?

Angry badgers tear the cube apart, scattering it's hateful pieces.
Problem solved.

As for the differential equations;
Throw angry Badger/s at Math's tutor. Tutor is mauled to death by angry badgers, differential equations no longer a problem.
Problem solved.

Cieyrin
2011-03-09, 12:52 PM
Can they solve a Rubik's cube? Or does that just make the badgers more angry?

If by solve you mean break to pieces, then yes, they can "solve" a Rubik's cube. :smallwink:

Darth Stabber
2011-03-09, 01:35 PM
I had a wizard that teemed up with a druid to craft a heavy crossbow that launched weasels (after casting rage on them). Since weasels and badgers both come from a grey bag of tricks, i could easily switch it up. Angry Badgers with a 120ft range increment for the win. And even if I couldn't, it still launches an unhappy mustelid.

HalfDragonCube
2011-03-09, 02:15 PM
Half-dragon/celestial/fiendish/zombie/vampire/lich/wormthatwalks angry badgers! :smallbiggrin:

They can solve even more stuff than angry badgers!

But angry badgers can solve anything...

A paradox?:smallconfused:

Darth Stabber
2011-03-09, 02:37 PM
Half-dragon/celestial/fiendish/zombie/vampire/lich/wormthatwalks angry badgers! :smallbiggrin:

They can solve even more stuff than angry badgers!

But angry badgers can solve anything...

A paradox?:smallconfused:

No Paradox, the template badgers solve things with reduced numbers. What orginally took X badgers to solve, now takes X/Y badgers to solve.

Sipex
2011-03-09, 02:41 PM
What about the problem of an excess in angry badgers?

Cartigan
2011-03-09, 02:46 PM
What about the problem of an excess in angry badgers?

Angry badgers fight to the death until an equilibrium of angry badgers is reached.

The Cat Goddess
2011-03-09, 02:46 PM
What about the problem of an excess in angry badgers?

Badgers, when angered enough, will eventually turn on each other.

Thus, the problem solves itself.

Thalnawr
2011-03-09, 03:12 PM
So what if the angry badgers are in fact, angry Badger Starfury (http://babylon5.wikia.com/wiki/Badger-class_Starfury) fighers? Or is this just a case of badgers being so awesome that people named their primary space superiority fighter after them?

Darth Stabber
2011-03-09, 03:38 PM
the later Text for the Text god

minchazo
2011-03-10, 08:55 PM
Here's one:

A party I DM'ed was raiding a black dragon's lair. They went through the trapped hidden entrance. The final door before the dragon's hoard was trapped with an alarm spell to wake the dragon. They found the trap but misread it as a 'fireball' spell.

They then summoned a regular ol' badger to dig out underneath the door, snuck in through the hole, swiped the one treasure they were after and ran like crazy to escape (and succeeded due mainly to luck and a healthy dose of panic).

All this was after I statted the dragon out and said, "Wow, if you guys meet this thing you're toast!"

flabort
2011-03-10, 09:56 PM
I'll bet an angry badger can't solve grammar nazis.
Speaking of which


the latter

CIP, FTFY

big teej
2011-03-10, 10:50 PM
I'll bet an angry badger can't solve grammar nazis.
Speaking of which



CIP, FTFY


I seem to recall a similar problem posed a while back, I shall offer a similar solution.

'feed grammar teacher/textbook/excercise,etc. to angry badgers, problem solved.'

FelixG
2011-03-11, 10:44 AM
So what if the angry badgers are in fact, angry Badger Starfury (http://babylon5.wikia.com/wiki/Badger-class_Starfury) fighers? Or is this just a case of badgers being so awesome that people named their primary space superiority fighter after them?

Angry badgers are who pilot the Badger Class Starfury! Then the angry badger uses a badger to solve a badger related problem!

Could this be how Angry Badgers solve a problem of a meteorite headed for the planet?

its like monkeys and typewriters!

Stick enough angry badgers in a starship and it WILL fly and destroy something somewhere!

big teej
2011-03-14, 10:32 PM
aww.... no more?

what about the need to make smaller rings because making size 12 and 1/2 rings is getting to expensive?

akragster
2011-03-14, 10:37 PM
aww.... no more?

what about the need to make smaller rings because making size 12 and 1/2 rings is getting to expensive?Reduce a badger, then tape it to your finger. If you can keep it from gnawing off the flesh, you'll have a ring of insta-badger.

zorba1994
2011-03-14, 10:40 PM
Can angry badgers solve the dreaded Internet Troll?

Cieyrin
2011-03-14, 11:22 PM
Can angry badgers solve the dreaded Internet Troll?

Find his address and send him a package of primed angry badgers. No more Internet Troll! :smallwink:

big teej
2011-03-14, 11:34 PM
Reduce a badger, then tape it to your finger. If you can keep it from gnawing off the flesh, you'll have a ring of insta-badger.

while I approve of the idea, I was referring to my jewelry class :smallbiggrin:

Darth Stabber
2011-03-15, 02:32 PM
http://images2.memegenerator.net/ImageMacro/6130489/If-theres-a-problem-Yo-Ill-solve-it.jpg?imageSize=Medium&generatorName=Swagger-Badger

Cieyrin
2011-03-15, 03:03 PM
http://memegenerator.net/Swagger-Badger/ImageMacro/6130489/If-theres-a-problem-Yo-Ill-solve-it

I assume you meant to do this?
http://images2.memegenerator.net/ImageMacro/6130489/If-theres-a-problem-Yo-Ill-solve-it.jpg?imageSize=Medium&generatorName=Swagger-Badger

Darth Stabber
2011-03-15, 03:11 PM
yes sir, I did.

big teej
2011-03-15, 08:54 PM
I like that picture ^_^


how about.... "my heater is broken"

or...

"I"m getting sick"


"I have a midterm friday"

John Campbell
2011-03-15, 09:35 PM
how about.... "my heater is broken"
Huddle under a pile of badgers.


"I"m getting sick"
Inject miniaturized badgers into your bloodstream to fight the virus for dominance.


"I have a midterm friday"
Badgers in the instructor's office.

Cieyrin
2011-03-15, 09:39 PM
How about.... "my heater is broken"

Raging badgers produce lots of heat. Lots of angry badgers raises the ambient temperature to comfortable levels, making the heater obsolete.


"I"m getting sick"

Miniaturize the badgers and inject them into your bloodstream. Miniaturization will piss off the badgers, who will attack the viruses till there are none left, after which your white blood cells will clean up the lingering badger problem. And/or the badgers will kill each other till tolerable levels.


"I have a midterm friday"

Send badgers to your professor. You have no professor, no notes and his home is now a danger zone of badger warrens, where no one sane will venture ever again.

EDIT: Humm, strong with the badger, ninja John Campbell is...

blackjack217
2011-03-15, 11:33 PM
An Italian plumber is attacking my minions.
Chuck Norris has teamed up with Mr T to kill you.
You need to redeem a blizzard character.

Melayl
2011-03-16, 01:52 AM
Last year for english class, my speech was on how there are no problems that cannot be solved with enough wolves. I approve of this topic immensely

This is a speech I would most want to hear/read...

Dr.Gunsforhands
2011-03-16, 02:37 AM
An Italian plumber is attacking my minions.- Let the badgers attack your minions instead.


Chuck Norris has teamed up with Mr T to kill you.- Send them an angry badger as a gift to placate them. Either they accept it and no longer want to kill you, or they fight each other over who gets to keep their new pet.


You need to redeem a blizzard character.- Replace each instance of the character with an angry badger. The badger has no lines. Other characters continue to talk to the badger as though it were the original character.

big teej
2011-03-16, 09:49 AM
okay, somebody go research the spell required to make badgers small enough to take out the virus

Darth Stabber
2011-03-16, 01:01 PM
Just refluff remove disease

big teej
2011-03-16, 02:52 PM
that's a third level spell.......

Cieyrin
2011-03-17, 10:03 AM
okay, somebody go research the spell required to make badgers small enough to take out the virus

Scale up Reduce Animal (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/reduceAnimal.htm) (or is it scale down? :smallwink:) and you'll probably have it work.

blackjack217
2011-03-17, 11:35 AM
- Let the badgers attack your minions instead.

that does not solve the underlying problem of my minions being attacked. And do you have any idea what redemption means.

Dr Bwaa
2011-03-17, 03:45 PM
The druid in a game I DMed had a badger animal companion. He also had a surplus of wealth (gained through a repeated scam he and the party's fey'ri kept pulling in big metropolises, spoiled for off-topic):1. Fey-ri Alter-Selfs into some exotic fey
2. Druid disguises himself in one way or another
3. They find a zoo/curcus/whatever will pay
4. Druid sells fey'ri to them as slave/pet/whatever
5. Profit
6. Fey'ri alters self into something that can escape, and escapes (usually further robbing the place in the process).He spent almost all the money he got on his badger. Kitted that bamf out with full plate barding armor, paid a wizard to permanize his GMF on there, bought customized poison claws (and one for its tail...)... The thing was a tank. It solved so many problems. Like, nearly all of them (but the player was aware of how OP he was and kept it under control. The badger was basically the nuke of the party, to be pulled out at last resort to auto-win a tough fight).

Cieyrin
2011-03-17, 03:51 PM
Tail attack? Badgers don't have a tail attack, though... :smallconfused:

Xuincherguixe
2011-03-17, 04:39 PM
Tail attack? Badgers don't have a tail attack, though... :smallconfused:

Tie an angry badger to the first badgers tail!

zorba1994
2011-03-17, 04:46 PM
Tail attack? Badgers don't have a tail attack, though... :smallconfused:

Apparently, they do now.

EDIT: Grrr, kinda swordsaged.

At any rate, new problem that angry badgers can't solve: Angry Hufflepuffs.

Dreadn4ught
2011-03-17, 05:04 PM
At any rate, new problem that angry badgers can't solve: Angry Hufflepuffs.

What exactly is preventing you from sending your horde of angry badgers into the mob of angry hufflepuffs and annihilating them? Angry badgers show no remorse for exterminating the people for which they are a mascot.

Xuincherguixe
2011-03-17, 05:06 PM
Give the angry hufflepuffs angry badger pets!

Dr Bwaa
2011-03-17, 05:25 PM
Tail attack? Badgers don't have a tail attack, though... :smallconfused:

Oh, I know. So did the player. You'll note that I didn't say "it attacks with a poison stinger on its tail," but rather "he bought a poison stinger for its tail." I think I gave it some small chance of making an "attack" with it when it was in close enough combat or grappling or something for that little badger tail to possibly hit something by sheer luck.