My heart is racing, my throat tightens. I can't do a thing about it.

[Ytaker]

And I pick up the phone.

Does anyone else here have such extreme anxiety about picking up the phone to call strange people?

I was signed up to the ilovefilm service, with the hope that I'd have some use for it. I didn't. In my extreme aversion to a five minute call to cancel I lost somewhere between 26 and 52 pounds of money not cancelling the service I wasn't using at all for several months.

I really hate calling strange people. They always ask you questions to try and convince you to stop, and sell you stuff you don't want. I have in the past avoided doing this for months for the same reason. Am I alone in this?

[Dvil]

I severely dislike communicating by phone. I think it's my least favourite method. I don't get physical symptoms, but I'm very reluctant to phone someone if there's an alternate route. If I know them then it's not so bad, but I still end up getting tired of the conversation after a couple of minutes, even with people I can talk for hours with in person/online.

So no; you're not alone.

[KenderWizard]

I will go to great lengths to avoid talking to strangers on the phone. This includes trying to make my mother do it for me, even though I'm an adult now! I will use email if at all possible.

Interestingly, my boyfriend is the same, only worse. Because he's even worse than I am, I end up doing much more of it than I did when I was alone, because I want to help him when he gets anxious about it. I'm slightly more relaxed about calling, say, the post office, about _his_ problem, because I'm more removed from the actual situation, and I'm doing it to help someone else. So now I'm getting better at it. He isn't at the same rate, of course, but as you get more exposure to it, you get slowly better.

Writing down the number, your own number, and what you have to say on a pad in front of you, and keeping the pen in your hand so you can take notes if you have to, can really help.

[KuReshtin]

I used to have this problem as well.
For some reason, my problem was only when I called strange people about personal business, like in the example you've described.
If I had to make a call due to work related business, I never had a problem about it.
I don't really know why that was the case, though.

I still have a feeling of hesitance when having to make calls for my own business to companies and stuff, but it's not as bad as it used to be.
It's just a matter of doing it, doing it and doing it again and make sure hat you steel yourself against any attempts at sellig crap to you.

Worst case scenario, have a backup excuse handy to get out of the call (moving out of town/state/country is always a good one) which they won't be able to counter.

[Thufir]

I'm rubbish at phonecalls with people I don't know that well. With friends, I'm usually OK, unless there are some particular circumstances which would make it of more significance and concern to me.

[Mauve Shirt]

I hate using the phone to call strangers. If I need to call the DMV or the doctor's or something, I pretty much spend a week preparing for it. This was a problem when I was a telemarketer.

[Don Julio Anejo]

Despite my usual extroversion and lack of any sense of shyness/embarassment, I have the exact same problem.

Actually I have problems calling pretty much anyone who isn't my parents or one of my best friends.

[redcodekevin]

I do have an aversion for calling strange people. Five years of working tech support has done nothing for it. I can, however, receive calls from anyone without problems, but calling... is a different story.

[Temotei]

I hate phones. I don't have a problem calling if I must, but if I don't have to, I'm not going to.

The only exceptions are me mum asking me to after going somewhere (never happens anymore except with extremely long drives) and when my ex-girlfriend wanted to. I usually asked her to do it, though. :smalltongue:

[THAC0]

Hate phones. I don't even really have a cell phone cause of it (just a tracfone I keep in the glove box for emergencies).

I even hate calling my husband when he's at work, for fear of someone not him picking up.

The only person I can call without any worry is my mom.

[Galileo]

I always start pacing and finding distractions to avoid making phone calls. I'm fine with talking to people over the phone, it's just starting the conversation that I hate. I don't really like striking up conversations in person either, though, so I guess it's not anything specific to the phone.

[Lady Moreta]

I always start pacing and finding distractions to avoid making phone calls.

I do that while I'm on the phone :smalltongue:

I too hate making phone calls and talking on the phone. Which is ironic, because I work as a receptionist, so it's kinda - my job...

I procrastinate about it too... I had to ring up a doctor and cancel my appointment and it took me two weeks to actually get up and do it.

For those occassions when they try and talk over you to get you to change your mind, I would second the write down what you want to say idea - and keep the pen handy A) to write notes with and B) to have something physical to do. I find having part of my body active, even just fidgeting with a pen, helps me focus and helps me relax. When they start their pitch just keep saying no. Even tell them "look I know you're just doing your job but I'm not interested". If they get too pushy - hang up on them. Then call back straight away and tell the next person you talk to that you actually just hung up on the last rep you were on the phone with because of their pushy attitude. Get in first so they realise that you're just not interested.

Don't be afraid to push back. I had to do that with a call I got at work yesterday. Some customer service rep rang to ask if I was satisfied with the service I'd gotten from them a couple of weeks ago. I said yes and he started then going on about how did I find them as a company... At this point I interrupted him and said "look I've got another call on another line that I have to deal with (and I did) I don't have time for this right now I have to go" and very nearly hung up on him too because he just wouldn't shut up!

[Ytaker]

I too hate making phone calls and talking on the phone. Which is ironic, because I work as a receptionist, so it's kinda - my job...

Ohh, I would hate that.


I procrastinate about it too... I had to ring up a doctor and cancel my appointment and it took me two weeks to actually get up and do it.

I've done that. Except I went. It healed before I got there and I just couldn't bring myself to cancel it.

[rayne_dragon]

I too hate making phone calls and talking on the phone. Which is ironic, because I work as a receptionist, so it's kinda - my job...


Funny, I have horrible anxiety about talking to strangers and I'm a receptionist too. Every call that comes into our head office (usually) goes to me first. Fortunately, we don't get too many calls and I've been dealing with this anxiety so long that it doesn't bother me as much now that I've been there almost a month.

I really always hate having to call up the phone company or my bank though. I'll put those off as long as possible.

[Phishfood]

Yeah, I hate phoning people. Even to order a pizza.

"Hi, I'd like to order a pizza"
and in my head is:
"Well, its a damn good thing you phoned a pizza place then, if you were phoning to order a sofa it would be a problem"

and I hate having to clarify and spell everything because phone lines are **** or one of us is in a noisy room. Additionally for me because I'm dyspraxic and have trouble separating voice from noise at the best of times never mind over a phone.

I find e-mail or in person much more accurate and easier. This goes triple for outsourced call centres that put me on to someone who doesn't speak a word of english and a heavy accent that I have trouble with. Seriously, not being racist here but if I am trying to describe a complex technical problem I would have trouble explaining to one of my peers who speaks perfect english what chance do I have speaking to an indian who does not speak english well?

[Mauve Shirt]

Last Sunday I had to speak in German for a job interview over the phone. It was awful. I forgot words, used "du" instead of "Sie", and let the interviewer do all of the talking. I really wanted that job too.

[grimbold]

well i think for me i have the same issue talking face to face
i feel that if i screw up face to face they will still recognize me
whereas screwing up over the phone i wont get recognized

[Sipex]

I had to get over my dislike for using the phone and it's not so bad now, I can even argue with sales if they get pushy enough.

Otherwise a good solomn 'no' works. Repeat as necessary.


Yeah, I hate phoning people. Even to order a pizza.

"Hi, I'd like to order a pizza"
and in my head is:
"Well, its a damn good thing you phoned a pizza place then, if you were phoning to order a sofa it would be a problem"

Try using "I'd like to place an order for delivery/pick up" instead

[Remmirath]

I really hate making phonecalls, or talking to people I don't know. E-mail is better - at least then I have time to make sure I'm writing the things I want to say, although I always worry over whether I've said the right thing before I send the e-mail.

I just tell myself I'm better than I used to be about it, because now I'll do it even though I hate it. Perhaps someday I'll get to the point of not minding it.

My current method for dealing with it is to just force myself to get it over with, as soon as possible, so I don't have to worry about it any more. The only problem with this is I usually end up sounding as rushed and nervous as I feel, which is annoying.

[KoboldRevenge]

I don't talk to people on the phone for more than a couple minutes becuase I get tired of the talking to the people with out being able to look at them so I barely ever carry my phone with me.

[Lioness]

Phone is my least preferred method of communication, but I don't fear it or hate it.

Communicating in text is...probably my favourite. I like language. When I speak in text I have time to consider my words and make them mean what I want them to. Exactly what I want them to.
In person, body language assists with that, and removes the need to be exactly precise.

Over the phone...no body language. Only tone of voice. Noise around makes it harder. Bad reception makes it harder.

[Lex-Kat]

I hate conversating on the phone. For business purposes, I have no problem. But just to chat, or talk personally... I freeze up. I'm always afraid I sound bad, and I can't see how the person on the other end is reacting. And I say "Um" a lot too. :smallyuk:

[fimzo]

Yeah, I don't like phone conversations. With people I know well, I'm okay, but I hate talking to strangers by phone. While on the phone, I'm usually uncommunicative, and my voice comes out strangely through the receiver. I like online talking via forums and such, since it gives me time to think over my words. Phone texting is annoying to me, since I always try to spell, punctuate, etc. correctly, which takes a long time. I don't talk a lot when speaking in person, and if I say "um" and things like that somewhat frequently, but I'm fine otherwise.

[Liriel]

I used to have this problem as well.
For some reason, my problem was only when I called strange people about personal business, like in the example you've described.
If I had to make a call due to work related business, I never had a problem about it.
I don't really know why that was the case, though.


That's me! I've never understood it either!

There's so many of us phone-haters! I feel so much better now.

[Vella_Malachite]

Yeah, phones kinda bother me as well, strangers or people I haven't called before. I remember I was even scared of calling my friend's house for a while because his grandmother picked up. She didn't speak much English, and I had to battle with some strange woman to get my question across, never quite sure that I'd end up with a friend's grandmother thinking I was a rude little girl...

Nevertheless, I've been told that I sound very professional on the phone, and once the other person starts talking, I'm usually OK. It's just psyching myself up to make the call.

[ForzaFiori]

I turn into a nervous wreck whenever I call anyone on the phone, even if it's my mom. I despise it. If someone calls me, it doesn't bother me though, I guess because if something goes wrong then (some sort of miscommunication or something) it isn't ME that is gonna be completely screwed.

I have almost the same reaction to starting a conversation as well. I hate when people come up and just start up random conversations with me normally, especially if it's just someone trying to make small talk on a bus or something. If have a reason for talking to me other than to pass the time, great, we'll have a cool conversation. If you want to find a way to pass the time, you should have brought a book or mp3 player.

My preferred mode of communication is text. Either texting, forums, e-mail, etc. It's a slower paced conversation, so you can take the time to think about what point your trying to get across, and make sure that you do so clearly, efficiently, and without less mistakes. Just in this post, I've completely changed the entire way I was writing it, rearranged sentences both after and during writing them, and caught several typos. If I had been talking, I would have had to deal with poorly phrased sentences, tripping over my tongue, and saying the wrong word and what not.

[Lady Moreta]

I find e-mail or in person much more accurate and easier. This goes triple for outsourced call centres that put me on to someone who doesn't speak a word of english and a heavy accent that I have trouble with. Seriously, not being racist here but if I am trying to describe a complex technical problem I would have trouble explaining to one of my peers who speaks perfect english what chance do I have speaking to an indian who does not speak english well?

I have this problem too... I have real trouble with understanding heavily accented speech. Doesn't matter what accent it is, we get a lot of visitors from the French office at work and I struggle to understand them sometimes. Indian I will admit, is an accent I really struggle with. I always feel bad about it though - it's not really their fault that their accent is strong, but then again, it's not really my fault that I have trouble with accents. It's not like I set out to do it deliberately...


I had to get over my dislike for using the phone and it's not so bad now, I can even argue with sales if they get pushy enough.

I hang up on them :smalltongue: Actually I don't usually... if I'm at home, then I'll usually just say 'no I'm not interested' and if they get pushy I'll repeat it and then hang up on them. I have noticed though that telemarketers these days seem to be a lot better at just going 'okay have a nice day' and not pushing it. At work, it depends on what they're selling. Most of the time I foist them off onto the Melbourne head office - all sales decisions are made from there so there's no point asking us!


Communicating in text is...probably my favourite. I like language. When I speak in text I have time to consider my words and make them mean what I want them to. Exactly what I want them to.
In person, body language assists with that, and removes the need to be exactly precise.

This exactly :smallsmile: I'm a much better writer than talker :smallsmile: and it gives me a chance to wait until I've got the time to really consider my reply.


Nevertheless, I've been told that I sound very professional on the phone, and once the other person starts talking, I'm usually OK. It's just psyching myself up to make the call.

Yeah, my old boss (from the job I first got when I moved to Australia) told me on my first day after hearing me answer the phone told me that I have an exceptional phone voice. And I do, even if I say it myself. I rather think it's because I hate phone-talking so much that I just go uber-formal right from the beginning. But I also have a good memory for voices, so now when I'm at work I can recognise people's voices when they call and can usually remember who it is they're looking for. It makes you look really good when you can say "Oh right, you're looking for xyz? I'll just put you through" :smallbiggrin:


I have almost the same reaction to starting a conversation as well. I hate when people come up and just start up random conversations with me normally, especially if it's just someone trying to make small talk on a bus or something. If have a reason for talking to me other than to pass the time, great, we'll have a cool conversation. If you want to find a way to pass the time, you should have brought a book or mp3 player.

Oooh, I hate it when people do that to me. Especially first thing in the morning. There's actually a lady who catches the same bus I do who likes to sit and chat - we don't actually know each other, just happen to have been catching the same bus for the past year. I've actually started catching an earlier bus just so I don't have to talk to her any more. She's a perfectly nice person but I'm not a morning person and I hate having to talk to anyone first thing in the morning.

Worst example of that - actually I have two... one when I was sitting on a bench down the street from work on my lunch break and some guy (definitely drunk, he reeked of alcohol) came up and sat next to me. I think he asked for the time at first, which I told him. But then he sat down and started talking to me about how he wanted to marry me and that I was the one for him. I pointed out that I was already married (and I am). He kept going on about it, implying that he wanted to have sex with me. Eventually I told him I had to get back to work and he asked where I worked and I pointed and went vaguely "down that way" (like I was going to honestly answer that one!) and then I booked it back to the office.

The second one was sitting at a bus stop. There was me, another girl, and a guy. Who saw that I was reading (I think it was The Hobbit) and asked me why I read fiction (and not non-fiction) and started going on about how fiction was bad and I shouldn't read it and that he only read non-fiction. Meanwhile he's leaning across the poor girl sitting between us, who's rolling her eyes and giving me sympathetic looks. The guy even acknowledged that he was making me uncomfortable (I'm not good at hiding such things) and that he should shut up. He didn't though. I've never been so grateful to see my bus!

Best random encounter was the office worker who sat at the other end of my bench and offered me chocolate :smallbiggrin: