Iron Chef Optimization SPECIAL EDITION: Pimp My Ride

[OMG PONIES]

Welcome, contestants, judges, and guests to Iron Chef...PIMP MY RIDE EDITION! Here in Optimization Colosseum, contestants will endeavor to create an optimized and flavorful character vehicle using the D&D 3.5 ruleset.

Contestants: You will need to present your vehicle at at least one of the following points: 5th level WBL, 10th level WBL, 15th level WBL, 20th level WBL, and a "sweet spot" that you feel is the high point of the build. Feel free to present as many of these as you like, and please give a rundown of the vehicle's abilities and playability at all of the levels you didn't show. The rules are as follows:

Kitchen: Competitors will be free to use any official 3.5 rulebook in constructing their builds. Dragon magazine is disallowed, and Unearthed Arcana is allowed; but see Elegance below. Alternate rule systems from UA such as gestalt are not allowed, as they create a different playing field. Also, item familiars are forbidden because I hate 'em.

Cooking Time: Contestants will have until 11:59pm CUT on Monday, April 18th 2011 to create their builds and PM them to the Chairman, OMG PONIES. Builds will then be posted simultaneously, to avoid copying.

Judging: Judging will be based on the following criteria, with each build rated from 1 (very poor) to 5 (exemplary) in each area: Originality, Power, Affordability, and Style.


Power level is up to you. Cheese is acceptable, but should be kept to a sane level unless you're showcasing a new TO build you've discovered. In the words of one of my predecessors, a little cheddar can be nice, but avoid the mature Gruyere unless you're making a cheese fondue.


Affordability could use a little elaboration. Sure, it's great if you make a killer vehicle using every last drop of a 20th level character's WBL, but it's better if you make something that might actually see play in the course of a normal campaign. The question is twofold: do you get a lot of bang for your buck? And secondly, is there any way to get the same bang for less bucks?


Style is exactly that. We all know you can smash together a bunch of abilities, doodads, and bits of esoterica to make an invincible box. But, unless you're the Borg, that doesn't exactly scream cool. Your vehicle should have a personality, a name, a story...


I am going to have to ask the contestants to PM me about any disagreement with the judges. Under no circumstances is a contestant to defend themselves inside the thread, since it breaks anonymity.

Presentation: Builds will be posted anonymously, in order to avoid the potential of bias towards a particular competitor. For this reason, please don't put your name in the build, as I'm likely to miss it when reviewing the entries!

Speculation: Please don't post or speculate on possible builds until the "reveal," in order to avoid spoiling the surprise if a particular competitor is producing a build along those lines.

Leadership and the Landlord feat are banned; we're producing a meal, not a seven-course banquet for a hundred diners.

So! Who wants to sign up as a contestant, and who wants to sign up as a judge? Looking for about 5 judges and as many contestants as feel like playing!

We may have trophies for 1st through 3rd places, as well as a special trophy for honorable mention. Judges, contestants and guests alike are invited to vote for honorable mention via PM.

Allez optimiser!

Judges

Contestants

The Rides

Past Competitions

Iron Chef I: Entropomancer (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=142470)
Iron Chef II: Psibond Agent (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=146583)
Iron Chef III: Cancer Mage (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=148584)
Iron Chef IV: Stonelord (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=150595)
Iron Chef V: War Chanter (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=152543)
Iron Chef VI: Master of Masks (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=156876)
Iron Chef VII: Green Star Adept (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=158633)
Iron Chef VIII: Pyrokineticist (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=160266)
Iron Chef IX: Animal Lord (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=162702)
Iron Chef X: Mythic Exemplar (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=164381)
Iron Chef XI: Blade Bravo (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=166539)
Iron Chef XII: War Mind (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=9426386#post9426386)
Iron Chef XIII: Vigilante (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=172233)
Iron Chef XIV: Seeker of the Song (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=174434)
Iron Chef XV: Drunken Master (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=176049)
Iron Chef XVI: Assassin (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=178202)
Iron Chef XVII: Ardent Dilettante (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=182492)
Iron Chef XVIII: Unseelie Dark Hunter (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=186097)[/QUOTE]

[Urpriest]

Beautiful. I've got at least one vague idea, I'll have to see if I can get it into workable shape before entering.

Also, does the restriction on 3.5 rulebooks mean that 3.0 books aren't allowed? Because I see Stronghold Builder's Guide and Arms & Equipment Guide being both almost necessary in this kind of contest.

[Thurbane]

Nice, I'll need to brush up on the 3.5 vehicle rules, but I hope to get an entry in...

[Tvtyrant]

How are we defining vehicle?

[OMG PONIES]

Stronghold Builder's Guide and Arms & Equipment Guide are available...are they usually out of Iron Chef rounds?

[OMG PONIES]

How are we defining vehicle?

Nonliving item that moves?

[Urpriest]

Stronghold Builder's Guide and Arms & Equipment Guide are available...are they usually out of Iron Chef rounds?

It's just that the rules up there say you can use any 3.5 book, and those two are both 3.0. Plus, there's been some resistance by judges to unupdated content in the past. But really, for this competition nobody should have an issue with it.

[Thurbane]

Nonliving item that moves?
That would include most Constructs and Undead...not that they can't be vehicles, just sayin'...

[Urpriest]

That would include most Constructs and Undead...not that they can't be vehicles, just sayin'...

Yeah, we need a space for passengers requirement too. That said, hmm...more fun ideas...

[Thurbane]

According to Dictionary.com:

1. any means in or by which someone travels or something is carried or conveyed; a means of conveyance or transport: a motor vehicle; space vehicles.
2. a conveyance moving on wheels, runners, tracks, or the like, as a cart, sled, automobile, or tractor.

...in D&D terms, I think we need to differentiate between vehicle and mount. An elephant would be a mount, while the howdah on it's back is the vehicle, for instance. For this contest, we should probably just concentrate on the vehicle, but obviously if it needs to be drawn or carried by creatures, they could be detailed as well.

[true_shinken]

I never tried anything relating to vehicles, so count me as a judge. Otherwise I'd compete.

[TheFallenOne]

I have an idea for this. I'm in

[ShneekeyTheLost]

How does one calculate the cost of the ride? The formula used in the SRD (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/magicItems/creatingMagicItems.htm) is notoriously... unreliable.

I've got a rather boring and uninteresting idea, but at least it should be fairly cheap to produce...

[Zaq]

Do we assume that there's a character who's working on this, providing spells and whatnot? Or is it just what a Commoner who walked into Sigil with a bag of diamonds worth exactly [WBL at whatever level you choose] could buy, assuming someone didn't kill him for his jink before he could move?

Similarly, if we want spell effects (say, Continual Flame or whatever), do we buy scrolls, pay for hired castings, or what?

[Zonugal]

Do we assume that there's a character who's working on this, providing spells and whatnot? Or is it just what a Commoner who walked into Sigil with a bag of diamonds worth exactly [WBL at whatever level you choose] could buy, assuming someone didn't kill him for his jink before he could move?

I'm a little confused to this as well.

[true_shinken]

I'm a little confused to this as well.
Well, this is not about building a character, is it?

[TheFallenOne]

Indeed. Since we're looking for the WBL of the vehicle, it seems that tricks that allow cheaper crafting are out. We are designing the vehicle, not the guy who builds it

Also, anything that hasn't a listed price isn't avaiable by that token. That should be emphasized, I wouldn't be surprised if someone tried using rituals and what not


But I'm unsure what exactly we are supposed to submit


You will need to present your vehicle at at least one of the following points: 5th level WBL, 10th level WBL, 15th level WBL, 20th level WBL, and a "sweet spot" that you feel is the high point of the build

So we need two versions of the vehicle, once at any of these given levels, once at a level of our choice?

[OMG PONIES]

Yes, various WBLmancy tricks are out (Crafting, artificers, crazy spell uses, etc.) We're looking for the coolest vehicle you can build and/or find. Bonus points for creating an identity for it (much like a backstory).

You can present it at any one of the points listed.

[Urpriest]

Ok, my planned entry is ruled out by these rules. I'm not particularly bitter about this, since it involved some bending of the contest's expectations anyway. Still, since it was an awesome idea, I'd like to share at least some general details. Putting it up here before the reveal shouldn't be a problem, as it should have very little in common with builds that actually follow the current rules.

Basically, I was going to make a Packmate Homunculus into an Improved Familiar, using Fleshwarper to enlarge it to Medium (and possibly Large if the Artificer's ability to create a Small version of the normal homunculus can be extended), which along with a Bottle of Air makes it able to carry a small creature inside it. You then have a walking treasure chest that can carry a halfling artificer/wizard, pouring potions down his mouth if he's injured. Give it Aberrant Wings and a few Flying enhancements from Improved Homunculus so it flies with speed 80ft (perfect) and it's a very mobile conveyance, while a bevy of maug grafts allow it to chase down (rollers), and gently persuade (locking hands, spike stones, Martial Stance (Crushing Weight of the Mountain) a reluctant rider to get in. Here were the stats I ended up with for the 15th level version:

Medium Aberration
Hit Dice: 13d8 (58 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 50 ft. (10 squares), fly 80 ft. (perfect)
AC: 25 (+16 natural, -1 dex), touch 9, flat-footed 25
Base Attack/Grapple: +9/+15 (+25 vs. attempts to escape)
Attack: Slam +15 melee (1d4+6), or Stone Spitter +8 ranged (1d4)
Full Attack: Slam +15 melee (1d4+6) or Stone Spitter +8/+3 ranged
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Throw flask, Stone Spitter Enhanced Ammunition, Spike Stones, Shoving Arm (+15 melee touch, +11 opposed Strength check), Rollers (4d6, DC 22), deliver touch spells
Special Qualities: darkvision 60ft, feed potion, hold item, low-light vision, ready item, grants master +2 vs. mind-affecting and Alertness, Improved Evasion, empathic link, speak with master, Weapon ability (Warning), Locking hands, Shudder plate
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +5, Will +9
Abilities: Str 22, Dex 9, Con -, Int 9, Wis 12, Cha 7
Skills: Swim +14
Feats: Flyby Attack, Martial Study (Mountain Hammer), Martial Stance (Crushing Weight of the Mountain), Point-Blank Shot, Precise Shot

I planned to call it either the Homuncuveyance or the Luggage. Meat Pie for the latter reference.
I particularly liked the idea of a student of the Far Realm with Wizzard on his hat.

[Thurbane]

Meat pie? I'd rather a sausageinabun from CutMeOwnThroat Dibbler. :smallbiggrin:

[Urpriest]

Meat pie? I'd rather a sausageinabun from CutMeOwnThroat Dibbler. :smallbiggrin:

Ah, a fan of his more recent innovations I see.
http://ca.perfspot.com/5b5b9419-dd53-42c3-ba96-aadf42e97a84.jpg

[WinWin]

Similarly, this rules out my Centaur Chariot. Warhulk combined with charge feats, overrun, horseshoes of flying and ram attacks while drawing a seige tower.

[mikau013]

Nonliving item that moves?

So no oozes allowed :smallfrown:

[Amechra]

Count me in for this. I've got a great idea...

Any specific format?

[Thefurmonger]

Wow, this really looks like fun.

I may have to go bust out the SBH

[kestrel404]

The lack of a secret ingredient makes me sad. That said, I'm totally in.

[gallagher]

are there specific rules to putting magical effects on vehicles?

as of right now, i am assuming that i would treat it like a wondrous item, and having a use-activated ability, making it

Use-activated or continuous Spell level × caster level × 2,000 gp

[ScionoftheVoid]

I may try my hand at this. Need to get my copy of the DMG and a few other books which I won't reveal 'cause the build is based around them, but it seems like fun, and I've always wanted to take part in an Iron Chef challenge but haven't had the time. So, I'll be down as a probable contestant, then.

[nedz]

I'd like to enter this since I have a cool idea. I just have to find a rules-legal way of building it:smallcool:
Actually I have two ideas, but since living vehicles are out, just the one really.

[kestrel404]

I've got most of my entry finished. I just wish there were some example for me to use in formatting. Ah well, I'll figure it out.

[ShneekeyTheLost]

Unfortunately, there are no rules covering my idea, which is a shame. Vectors, acceleration curves, and everything simply do not exist within the rules of D&D 3.5 that I could find. Any attempt to stat it out would inevitably end in 'because I say so', because there are no rules for or against it.

I tried to find some way, any way, to do what I wanted to do, that had rules to support it, and couldn't find it. This from the guy who created the Scariest Samurai Alive and the Joker Bard...

Unfortunately, there's a dearth of rules concerning vehicle creation in D&D 3.5. AE&G only had pre-defined vehicles. What I was wanting to do did not even remotely come close to anything found there.

[OMG PONIES]

Sorry that this Special Edition round is so free-form. With that veing said, feel free to submit any odd or non-RAW ideas you'd like. Shneekey, I'd hate to NOT see what you're dreaming up. While I'm going to try to get some judges, this round--much like the real Pimp My Ride--is more about showing off than anything else. I'm sorry if I didn't stress that from the beginning.

[ShneekeyTheLost]

Sorry that this Special Edition round is so free-form. With that veing said, feel free to submit any odd or non-RAW ideas you'd like. Shneekey, I'd hate to NOT see what you're dreaming up. While I'm going to try to get some judges, this round--much like the real Pimp My Ride--is more about showing off than anything else. I'm sorry if I didn't stress that from the beginning.

Very well... entry submitted.

[SPoilaaja]

not familiar with the books nor the rules for vehicles. But I will definitely be following the contest.

[nedz]

Well I've submitted my entry.
And I have to say it is very solid.:smallsmile:
I'll say no more.

[OMG PONIES]

I have 3 entries, and the deadline is fast approaching. I'll be posting entries sometime tomorrow morning. No real judging for this round--just showing off, so feel free to comment on the builds and speculate.

[TheFallenOne]

I won't give in an entry after all. While working it out, I noticed that my concept - chariot pulled by Magebred Awakened Dragonborn Deinonychi serving Bahamut - places way too little emphasis on the actual vehicle compared to the creature pulling it.

I still think that "Because nothing says 'war' like a scythed chariot pulled by winged dinosaurs" would be a great slogan though.

[nedz]

Yeah - it would have been much more fun if we could have used living vehicles. Still: maybe another time ?

[true_shinken]

Yeah - it would have been much more fun if we could have used living vehicles. Still: maybe another time ?

Who said you can't use living vehicles? As long as you can buy it...
Nevermind, I'm just dumb.

[OMG PONIES]

I specified that vehicles were non-living moving objects. Sorry.

[kestrel404]

And quite rightly so. Because the phrase 'Pimp My Mount' is just all kinds of wrong.

[OMG PONIES]

C3PO: "The odds of surviving an attack on an Imperial Star Destroyer are approximately..."
Leia: "Shut up!"
-Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back


Name: Kurtulmak's Instant S.T.A.R. (Stealth Transport Armed Recon) Destroyer

External Diagrams:

http://i1184.photobucket.com/albums/z340/Glenn_Townsend/ICV10000.gif


Internal Diagrams:

http://i1184.photobucket.com/albums/z340/Glenn_Townsend/ICV20000-1.gif

Stats block:

Movement 40 feet flying speed, average maneuverability, 8 mph cruise speed.
HP: Hardness 15, 60 HP per Carapace (Upper and Lower).
AC: 13 (10, -1 large, +4 shield bonus)
Primary attack: Boulder Canon: +10 to hit, 6d8 damage, 120' range increment. Up to 10 Boulder canon attacks in a round, but no target may be targeted by more than 1.
Cost: 99,604 gp
Other Attributes: As Pilot

Combat:
Boulder Canon:
Based on Mechanical Trap C and Magical Trap C below. With 10 of each, and 10 skeletons programmed as 'gunners'.
Each one launches Hill Giant thrown boulder equivalents (closest match I could find), scaled up to Collosal size: (70 lbs scaled up to 560 is a factor of 8, so +3 size categories) that each deal 6d8 damage.
Because 1 new boulder is being created and shrunk each combat round, and each one lasts exactly 7 hours (Minor Creation runs out a round before shrink item, since Shrink Item is cast at CL 7), this means that the boulder ammunition stockpile is self repleneshing and that the magazine reaches equilibrium at 4200 shots. All 10 canons are fed ammunition from the same magazine.
In case anyone worries about the validity of using a 'CL 1 dispel magic' trap to un-shrink the boulders without dispelling them, the basic logic is that dispel magic can automatically dispel any spell cast by the original wizard, and one of the possible targets for dispel magic is 'a spell'. So, if we get the wizard who cast the spell for the Shrink Item trap (a level 7 wizard) to then cast the spell for each Dispel Magic trap (with a target of 'my shrink item spell'), then the dispel on the shrink item should automatically work, even in trap form. Hence the cost of the dispel magic trap - 500 gp for the Level 1, CL 1 spell, 70 GP for the level 1 spell cast by a level 7 wizard.
If that's not enough, the dispel magic could be left out completely simply by adding a single flat panel to the end of each canon that gets knocked out of the way by the shrunken boulder (the affect this has on aim can be compensated for easily enough). Doing this would be enough to evoke the 'thrown onto a flat surface' clause for ending the shrink item spell. Considdering this can be done effectively for free (cost included in the mechanical portion of the trap) means that using the magical dispel is just there to keep things more reasonable.


Cost Breakdown:

NAME OF ENTRY
{table=head]Amount|Component|Retail Cost|Craft Cost+
1|Small (5x5) flying carpet|20,000 gp|10,000 gp
2|Enveloping Pits|7,200 gp|7,200 gp+
3|Ounces Soveriegn Glue|7,200 gp|3,600 gp
1|Upper Carapace*|2,210 gp|1,105 gp
1|Lower Carapace*|2,210 gp|1,105 gp
1|Magical Trap A*|15,280 gp|15,000 gp
1|Magical Trap B*|10,710 gp|10,500 gp
10|Magical Trap C*|5,700 gp|5,000 gp
1|Mechanical Trap A*|500 gp|500 gp
1|Mechanical Trap B*|1,000 gp|1,000 gp
10|Mechanical Trap C*|5,500 gp|5,500 gp
1|Masterwork Periscope*|100 gp|75 gp
1|Masterwork Piloting Station*|50 gp|25 gp
100|Ladders**|5 gp|5 gp
10|10'x10' Wooden Floors|1,000 gp|500 gp
1|Eternal Wand Create Water CL4|1,540 gp|770 gp
1|Eternal Wand Unseen Servant|820 gp|410 gp
10|Small 1HD Skeletons|1,750 gp|250 gp
1|Fancy Bedroom|5,000 gp|2,500 gp
1|Fancy Bath|2,000 gp|1,000 gp
1|Basic Kitchen|2,000 gp|1,000 gp
1|Fancy Work Area|2,000 gp|1,000 gp
1|Basic Stable|1,000 gp|500 gp
2|Basic Storage|500 gp|250 gp
2|Prison Cells|1,000 gp|500 gp
1|Barracks|400 gp|200 gp
1|Basic Library|500 gp|250 gp
1|Book Lot (Know: Arcana)|1,000 gp|1,000 gp
13|Everburning Torches|1,430 gp|0 gp
|Total|99,605 gp|69,995 gp[/table]
* Explained in detail below
** Mostly broken up and used for building materials
+ Craft costs are based on a hypothetical level 10 artificer, who can craft anything here except the Enveloping Pits. You'd need a level 18 artificer for that.


Component Explanations and Descriptions:

Upper Carapace: This is a Large Mithril Tower Shield that has been carved into interlocking sections and incorporated into Mechanical Trap A. Despite having been taken apart, when re-assembled correctly it is just as strong and resilient as a normal mithril tower shield of its size.

Lower Carapace: This is a Large Mithril Tower Shield that has been carved into interlocking sections and incorporated into Mechanical Trap B. Despite having been taken apart, when re-assembled correctly it is just as strong and resilient as a normal mithril tower shield of its size.

Magical Trap A: This spell trap is set up to automatically conjure a wooden spheres every round. At CL 7, each sphere is 7 cubic feet (roughly 1.2 feet in radius), and making these from the densest possible wood (Lignum Vitae, 30% more dense than water) yields boulders weighing in at roughly 560 lbs.
{table=head]Component|Specifics|Description|Cost
Spell|Auto-reset, Lvl 4, CL 7|Minor Creation - Sphere of Lignum Vitae Wood|14,280 gp
Timed Trigger|1/round||1,000 gp
Total|||15,280 gp[/table]

Magical Trap B: This spell trap is set up to shrink the boulder after it has been created, and after the fall of the boulder has added its energy to the power springs of mechanical trap B.
{table=head]Component|Specifics|Description|Cost
Spell|Auto-reset, Lvl 3, CL 7|Shrink Item|10,710 gp
Trigger|Alarm Spell (touch)||0 gp
Total|||10,710 gp[/table]

Magical Trap C: This spell trap is set to dispel the Shrink item spell when a boulder is launched from Mechanical Trap C.
{table=head]Component|Specifics|Description|Cost
Spell|Auto-reset, Lvl 1, CL 1|Dispel Magic - target Shrink Item spell cast by same caster|570 gp
Trigger|Alarm Spell (small area)|Placed at the tip of each Mechanical Trap C|0 gp
Total|||570 gp[/table]

Mechanical Trap A: This trap moves extends and assembles the Upper Carapace. A hidden pressure plate/puzzle lock (you have to step down on the plate, twist your foot just right, then release) causes the carpetted upper section to open up (dropping the person activating it into the piloting chair) and the Upper Carapace to lock into place, fully assembled. Triggering this trap will automatically 'set off' Mechanical Trap B. Additional triggers below the trap allow it to be reset manually and allow some control over Mechanical Trap B (noted below).
{table=head]Component|Specifics|Description|Cost
Trigger|Touch (Attached)||-100 gp
Reset|Manual||0 gp
Bypass|Hidden Switch||200 gp
Search Difficulty|DC 21||200 gp
Control|Interface to Mechanical Trap B|Priced as Hidden Switch|200 gp
Total|||500 gp[/table]

Mechanical Trap B: This trap moves extends and assembles the Lower Carapace. A a key/drive shaft is extended from the upper side of the carpet, activating the trap and causing the Lower Carapace to lock into place along with the Uppaer Carapace. The key/drive shaft from the upper section also provides commands to Mechanical Trap B to do the following:
1. Ring a bell (this is used to communicate with the firing crew - 1 ring for 'man battle stations', 2 for 'open fire', 3 for 'cease fire', 4 for 'stand down')
2. Open/close lower hatch (the center 2 pieces of the lower carapace can open up like bomber bay doors, providing access to the inside of the vehicle or allowing things to be dropped from it)
3. Automatically Reset the trap (this retracts the lower carapace, and is triggered automatically when Mechanical Trap A is reset.)
{table=head]Component|Specifics|Description|Cost
Trigger|Touch||0 gp
Reset|Automatic|Triggered by Mechanical Trap A's Reset|500 gp
Bypass|Hidden Lock||300 gp
Total|||800 gp[/table]

Mechanical Trap C: This trap shoots a small wooden sphere roughly the size of a pea at very high speeds. The exit aperature of this trap is itself trapped with Magical Trap C, which expands the projectile from a pea-size sphere into a 500 lb boulder. While individually this trap may have a fairly limited firing arc (roughly 30 degrees), there are 10 of them, each on separate firing trajectories. This does however leave the Star Destroyer with a 60 degree 'blind spot' directly behind it.
{table=head]Component|Specifics|Description|Cost
Trigger|Touch|Manual Controls|0 gp
Reset|Auto||500 gp
Attack Bonus|+10||0 gp
Damage Bonus|Ranged, +0|0 gp
Periscope||For manual aiming|50 gp
Total|||550 gp[/table]

Masterwork Periscope: This is custom crafted viewing device cobbled out of mirrors, tubes and pivots to allow binocular vision out of the upper dome from within the control station below.
{table=head]Qty|Component|Description|Cost
4|Mirror||40 gp
|Misc. other components|Pipes, etc.|10 gp
1|Masterwork Tool (Spot)|*Pilot's periscope only|50 gp
|Total|For Pilot|100 gp
|Total|For Gunner|50 gp[/table]

Masterwork Pilot station: This is a swivel-chair in the midst of all of the controls, allowing access to all of the features of Kurtulmak's Instant Star Destoryer.
{table=head]Qty|Component|Description|Cost
1|Masterwork Tool (Prof: Pilot)||50 gp
|Total||50 gp[/table]

Eternal Wand of Create Water - This is a cheap source of effectively unlimited water (at least, cheaper than a Decanter of Endless Water, and a lot less messy). It is permanently affixed into the water tank in the kitchen.

Eternal Wand of Unseen Servant - Since it's unreasonably expensive to create a drain/sewer, the unseen servant is used to empty out the waste water, 1 bucket at a time, as needed. It will also make the bed, feed the chickens, and pick up after the lazy adventurer.

Skeletal Gunners - Each one is following a fairly simple set of commands, under the assumption that when they're told to fire (by the ringing of bells, described in 'Mechanical Trap B' above) the only other things in the air will be enemies. More complicated bell ring patterns can also get a single gunner to open fire (five rings, followed by a number of rings from 1 to 10 since the gunners are effectively numbered), or the gunners on the front two canons to fire (6 rings) - they won't be aiming though, so this is only effective as a siege weapon attack - but considdering that they can keep up a stream of 2 boulders dealing 6d8 damage each every round for nearly 5 hours (and 1 boulder a round indefinitely after that), it's a pretty effective siege tactic.


Construction:

Step one of construction is to place out two Enveloping pits (10' by 10' by 50' portable holes). At the bottom of one pit, construct a square room of cut stone blocks. Then, Soverign Glue is used as a form of 'liquid nails' to attach the wooden floors at pre-determined intervals within the pits - effectively partitioning the rest of both pits into a number of rooms. Ladders and other bracing elements are put in place to increase structural integrity. Lastly, everburning torches (made by continual flame spells) are added to each room to provide light (some with removeable covers).
The top pit is then placed on top of a standard small magic carpet (5' by 5' square). Thanks to the odd nature of the Envoloping Pit, even when it is not fully expanded to its 10' by 10' size on a solid surface, it will still open onto a 10' by 10' by 50' deep pit - so when an enveloping pit is sovereign glued to the top of the magic carpet it will both remain open so long as the carpet is flat (i.e. while it's flying). Once the top carpet has settled into place and the glue has been applied, quickly flip both over (without disturbing them and while holding the bottom pit in place) and do the same to the second pit. Done properly, this will yield what ammounts to a magic carpet sandwich, with an extradimensional space on either side.
Once this has been accomplished, it is time to move the furniture into your brand new 12 story flying carpet. Coming in at 1225 square feet, this 2 bedroom, 1 bath, mini-mansion with dine-in Kitchenette, walk-in closets and free utilities! The prices for all rooms are taken from the Stronghold Builder's guide. While the cost of building the rooms is ignored, that is covered in other areas, and it is assumed that the cost of getting multifunction/space efficiency furniture is balanced by having a lot less of it.
Lastly come the 'traps'. These are really just mechanical devices which deploy the armor and weapons around the flying carpet, turning an innocuous-looking 5x5 flying square into a weapon of war.


Affordability by level:

5th Level - The GM would never let you have one of these at 5th level. You might be able to get an Enveloping Pit and start building it up into a portable fortress (perhaps stick it in the back of a wagon), but the flying carpet is entirely out of your price range.
10th level - A 10th level Artificer who finds 2 Enveloping Pits and throws the entire remainder of their personal wealth into this can JUST BARELY manage it as-is (through crafting) - assuming they're willing to forego a few of the really exorbitent creature comforts (like a fancy bedroom and library).
15th level - With a bit of party assistance (and honestly, they're totally going to be getting rides in this too), this becomes a legitemate 15th level purchase. It may take a bit to get all of the components together, and a few months of downtime for assembly, but it's entirely within the scope of possibility.
20th level - At this point, you're EXPECTED to have something along these lines. You're an adventurer - having a floating fortress of DOOM is par for the course.


Adaptation:

Obviously, the list of rooms given can be changed completely without significantly impacting the vehicle itself - you could turn this into a ridiculoush troop transport, a luxury cruise liner, or anything in between.
More importantly, the primary weapon for this vehicle can also be changed easily enough - it's unlikely that any GM is going to let a PC get away with what amounts to having 10 catapults on his flying carpet (no matter how cool it is).
Really, the basic premise of this build is the combination of Flying Carpet, Portable Hole (or equivalent) and Sovereign Glue to create an airship equivalent out of a 2-dimensional 5x5 square. Having it armed to the teeth while simultaneously containing a mini-mansion is just the pimpin' edition.


Sources:

Magic Item Compendium - Enveloping Pit, Eternal Wand
Stronghold Builder's Guide - All of the Room costs + Book lot (found under 'library'). Descriptions of each room can be found there.
Core - Everything else
Some Guestimates were made for pricing (10' by 10' wooden floors, priced at 10 gp, 'misc components' for periscopes priced at 10 gp)

[OMG PONIES]

"Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to the Ethereal Plane we go."


Zymbo Zarak

The Dwarves needed something to counter the non traditional tactics which some of their opponents were beginning to use.

Rather than face them in hand to hand combat: their enemies had started to outflank them on the ethereal plane. So the

Dwarves decided to do something about this problem.

Gathering a collection of their greatest smiths, of both metal and runes, around their forges the Dwarves created the Zymbo Zarak. Whilst a Karak is a fortress: a Zarak is just a strongpoint. The ironsmiths created an armoured box fifteen foot long and ten feet wide. The front is curved with a semicircular slit running horizontally from side to side. Inside there is a seat in which

the operator sits so that they have a wide field of view. On each side there are two small arrow slits, suitable for crossbows.

Beside each of the slits is a lever which operates an armoured shutter to secure the opening. At the back of the Zymbo Zarak is

a single armoured door which, if secured, can only be opened from the inside. Other races can find the inside of the Zymbo Zarak quite claustrophobic and dank, especially since the ceiling is only 4'6" high. In the middle of the compartment is a small ladder which leads to an armoured trapdoor above which is a small turret. The turret is only large enough for a single dwarf but is armed with a compact mountain ballista.

What they had here was little more than an iron bunker, but this is where the runesmiths started their work. They arranged that the Zymbo Zarak can phase between the Prime and Ethereal planes, though the basic model can only do this once per day.

They also arranged for the Zymbo Zarak to be animated, though obviously it cannot move on the Prime. On the Ethereal however it can glide at a base speed of 20', it cannot run.

Both of these functions are under the control of the operator, who sits in the chair at the front.
It has a crew of 6.

There is also an advanced model which can phase between the two planes at will. This model is identical in every other way.

Cost
Basic Model 156,080 (Well within 15th level WBL)
CL 17,Etheralness 1/day, CL8 Animate Object at will
9x17x1800x(1/5)+8x6x2000+Metalwork [55,080+96,000+5,000]
(Adding an extra use of Etherealness would add 55,080 to the cost)

Advanced Model 376,400 (Well, within 18th level WBL)
CL 17, Etheralness at will, CL8 Animate Object at will
9x17x1800+8x6x2000+Metalwork[275,400+96,000+5,000]

It is a group item though, so perhaps the WBL should be divided among the passengers.

Notes:
The cost for the Metalwork is a wild estimate, but its probably about right.

Gripe: Why is Etheralness a level 9 spell ? When Plane Shift and Phase Door are 7th ?
This raises the cost significantly.

Incidently a version that just did Plane Shift 1/day would come out far cheaper. It would lead to random travel though.

[OMG PONIES]

"But I was going into Tosche station to pick up some power converters!"
-Luke Skywalker, Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope


Hover-Boats

Don't look like much, eh? I suppose that's your point of view, anyways. But ya see that back there? That's my dual telekenetic propulsion kick-drive. Each one kicks out enough force on startup to launch a troll halfway down that there launchway. I can flat guarantee you that however fast you think you are, you ain't fast enough to keep up.

- Professional speeder driver

At it's most basic, a hoverboat is just that... some planks of material that float in the air, thanks to application of a Levitate effect. Not too terribly interesting, really. Not particularly economical by itself, either, considering the cost of a continuous magic item. However, it's got some interesting quirks...

You see, Levitate lifts the target up in the air. That's about it. Provides no propulsive force at all. That's where we get a bit... creative. And that's where we can truly pimp this ride.

First off, let's look at the price of your basic barge:

Levitate is a spell which has a duration of 10 minutes per level. It's a 2nd level spell, which means a minimum caster level of 3. So the cost for the enchanting is going to be: 2 (spell level) X 3 (caster level) X 2000 X 2 (10 min/level as continuous effect) = 24,000 gp.

Ouch. That's almost the total WBL of an 8th level character... and all it does is float there. Well, not exactly. You see, it can go up or down 20' per round, due to the Levitate effect. With no apparent limit on how high it can go. So you go up a couple hundred feet, and nothing is going to really be able to threaten you, other than flying threats.

Now then, if we use this on a Rowboat, which weighs 100 lbs, we still have 200 lbs left of 'lift' on your basic 3rd level Levitate effect. Plenty for your average adventurer with access to extradimensional storage space, and can carry a passenger or two. But we have to make this thing Masterworked, right? Okay, so we make it out of Darkwood. Costs you an extra grand, but shaves 50 lbs off of the weight and makes it masterworked in the process and gives a total of 250 lbs to devote to passengers and cargo.

Okay, so that's your basic chassis for your single-person conveyance. Now, how do you get it to go from point A to point B? I'm glad you asked!

A cheap way would be to hitch up a critter to it. It would be more efficient than a wheeled contrivance, because it has no drag, momentum would keep it going forward for a trivial amount of endurance. So, for the most part, your animal can keep it going as long as it can keep walking, without worrying so much about hauling weight.

Of course, that negates the primary advantage of Levitate being able to avoid opponents.

Another inexpensive option would be to install a Sail. Harvest the power of the wind to get you around. Best of all, you can sail just about anywhere, since you're not exactly ground-bound. This assumes, of course, that winds are favorable. If you pick up Lesser Wind-Favored Sails from the A&EG, you've got a steep price hike... adding 40,500 to the cost, putting it out of the price range of anyone under 13th level, realistically, but it would guarantee that you go zipping around wherever you please.

If you want some class, you can always get a Phantom Steed to propel you. The A&EG has bridles that summon them, but I don't really like how they did their calculations, and it's a bit limited for what we want to do. So let's do a bit of custom work under the hood, and let's see where it gets us.

Now, if we're wanting to take full advantage of the Levitate ability, we're wanting this to be at at CL of at least 14, for the Fly speed of 240'. Yea, I'll take that. So, we're looking at two options here: One option, for those who will be planning on making stops every night and don't need it to run continuously, can get a 1/day Command Word activation at 14th level of a 3rd level spell for a total charge of: 3 x 14 x 1800 x 1/5 (1.day) = 15,120. So we're getting a good deal more speed than the wind-favored sails at less than half the cost. If you want it to run all day long, you'll only need two charges a day, for a doubling of the price. However, it can then run even while you sleep, meditate, concentrate on something else, or do whatever else you'd like to do.

So why would you want such a method of transportation? At that level, Teleport is probably available. However, if you are not a spellcaster capable of casting it, nor have one on hand, it can get quite expensive. That's a 5th level spell cast by a minimum 9th level caster who has to already know where you are going. That's 4,500 gp in caster fees alone, and you'd damn well better trust the caster! Besides, there's always things like Dimension Lock, Forbiddance, and the such to prevent teleportation.

Besides, can you imagine the look on the Duke's face when you drive up in your phantom-steed-driven darkwood boat? Right into his courtyard, mind you, over the walls and such.

Also, this makes a fairly powerful fighting platform as well, particularly for those who have ranged combat options. An archer, for example, could have a commanding view of the battle below. See also: shooting fish in a barrel. To say nothing of what a wizard might be able to do to make others disinclined to pursue him. Being out of reach is a good way to avoid being hurt, and because it is your contrivance, not you, which is levitating, the penalties for fighting while levitating does not apply.

Now then, some of you may well wish to rig something up which you can take to the Boonta Open or around Beggar's Canyon. For that, we give you the Telekenetic Propulsive Kick Drive, created by Nicholai O'Sprite, and is still affectionately referred to by his initials by those who use it frequently.

A spell of Telekenesis can kick out sigificant force, if one uses a Violent Thrust rather than the Continuous effect. Since you're not inclined to STOP moving once initially propelled, we really don't need the continuous effect, and can get quite an initial thrust from the other use.

There's several options here. For the amatuer sportster, you can pick up single-use TPK (or, if you prefer, NOS) drive for pretty cheap. 12th level caster (for a 300 pound object flung) and 5th level spell would make a single use activated item cost 3,000. Fairly cheap, even if it is one-use. Range on the TK spell is 880 for a 12th level caster. So in one round, you go 880' in 6 seconds. That comes out to 146 2/3 feet per second or 100mph. You go 0 to 100 in 6 seconds. I daresay that's fast enough to do something stupid in. The only problem, of course, is navigation. You'd need a set of vanes hooked up to controls in the cockpit, it'd be the only way to maneuver something going that fast, barring more magic. You'll need Profession (Hoverboat pilot) to handle it properly.

Now, for the pro, you'd want a Command Word activated drive. That's a good deal more expensive. 5*12*1,800= 108,000. For a 'racing day' vehicle, wherin you are only using it once a day, it would only cost 21,600.

Mind you, none of these methods of transportation have to be mutually exclusive. You could, for example, have one that uses a Phantom Steed setup for 15kish, that also has an emergency overdrive to get you out of trouble instantly once per day for another 21,600.

So, to recap costs:

Basic one-man chassis: (based on Darkwood Rowboat) 25,000

Sail (silk) (10 sq ft): 100 gp Movement: 30' x wind modifier (found in A&EG)

Mule (plus assorted gear to hook up): 25gp Movement: 30'

Wind-Favored Sails: 40,500 Movement: 90'

Phantom Steed: Movement: 240'

1/day (14 hours of travel) 15,120
effectively unlimited (28 hours/day usage) 30,240

TPK (NOS) drive: Movement 880'

One-shot can of get-gone: 3,000 gp
1/day 'emergency booster': 21,600
unlimited command activated: 108,000

Samples:

Basic chassis, using sails to propel: 25,100. Comes in under the 8th level WBL, but realistically not viable until around level 9.
moves 30' x wind multiplier

Basic chassis, with a 1/day phantom steed propulsion system: 35,120. Barely comes in at WBL 9, but realistically, not going to be able to slide this in under 10th level.
Moves 240'/round (48 squares) for 14 hours a day.

Basic chassis, using the 1/day phantom steed, and has a 1/day emergency booster: 56,720. Slides in just under WBL 11, but realistically not viable until at least level 12.

Basic chassis with unlimited use TPK drive: 133,600, which is available to a WBL of a 14th level character, and moves 880'/round

Accessories
Now then, what else can we install here to further increase the comfort level? Well, a rowboat is plenty long enough to sleep in, you can store a bedroll here quite easily. Of course, you may have to worry about weather. Again, we go to Magic for our solution.

No one likes to sweat in the summer or freeze in the winter. And, my friends, we have a solution for YOU! For a mere 1,000 (1st level spell, 1st level caster, *2,000 for continuous item, at 1/2 cost because spell is 24 hour duration), we can install a continuous Endure Elements effect, giving you comfort in any temperature range.

Now, there's nothing worse than having your ride shot out from under you, so there's a couple of interesting devices we can use to protect you from the slings and arrows (and fireballs) of outrageous fortune.

First off, you can't hit what you can't see. So if you want to leave 'em behind in a cloud of smoke, you can't do better than pulling out your Eversmoking Bottle, for a mere cost of 5,400, and leave 'em eating your dust.

Then, we worry about fireballs, being wood and all. Have no fear, Resist Energy is here. As a continuous effect, it's another 24,000. Continuous effect 2nd level spell 3rd level caster and double cost for it being 10 min/level. However, if resistance 10 is not enough, we can upgrade to deluxe models. For 56,000, you get energy resistance 20, and for 88,000 you can have energy resistance 30. Most tend to make it fire resistant, but you can put any of: fire, lightning, cold, acid, or sonic resistance if you like.

Please note that while your vehicle may be highly resistant, it does not confer any such resistance to any occupants. Having said that, depending on where the burst occurs, it may grant partial or full cover, which may inadvertently prevent some or all damage to the occupant anyways. As always, we highly suggest you find means of protecting yourself in the event that the hoverboat is not sufficient cover.

If you're worried about volley-fire, and have no interest in trying the same, then simply summon up a protective Wind Wall! A use-activated Wind Wall will cost you 27,000 for unlimited use, or a mere 5,400 for a 1/day usage. Lasts for 5 rounds, plenty long enough for you to make your getaway.

But wait, there's more!

For the party-wide contrivance, we have the following option:

A Carriage weighs 600, which means we're going to have to increase the caster level, since even with Darkwood, it'll still weigh 300 lbs. So, since we're going to be going all-out, let's do this in style.

A Carriage-based hoverboat looks much like a regular stagecoach, albeit without wheels. We're needing enough weight capacity to handle 6 people. If we assume a weight of 250 lbs per person, that comes out to 1,500 lbs of lift needed, plus the 300 for the contrivance itself, for a total of 1,800 lbs of lift needed.

This means, it's going to be a 2nd level spell, cast by an 18th level caster, 2k for continuous and 2x for it normally being a 10 minutes per level spell, for a total cost of 144,000. Plus the cost of the vehicle itself, which will be 6,000, for a grand total of 150,000 even.

However, this is for 6 people, so if we share the cost over the whole party, rather than forcing a single person to foot the bill, you're looking at an even 25,000 each. So really, it comes down to about the same cost per person. And, assuming the TPK drive launches everything individually (it can affect a number of targets greater than 7), and each one is individually under 300 lbs, then it should still be able to function properly. And only the two drivers will have to be out in the elements.

If you use a Phantom Steed for a contrivance, you'll need two of them working tandem to pull the vehicle. But since the cost is shared six ways, you're actually looking at coming out ahead by a full two-thirds of the price.

They cannot effectively be rigged for sails. Hitching normal animals follows the normal rules for such.

So, as an example hovercoach:

Basic chassis: 150,000
2x 1/day Phantom Steed: 30,240
Heating and A/C unit: 1,000
1/day Wind Wall: 5,400
1/day TPK Drive: 21,600
Total: 208,240 gp
Amortized over 6 party members: 34,707 (rounded up). Viable by around 10th level, according to WBL charts.

This vehicle will move the party in style, with plush velvet interior, windows which can be used to fire out of, and an ability to get out of a tight spot quickly. The four internal seats are covered by the Endure Elements effect, but the two drivers are not. It will completely bypass any ground-based hazards simply by flying at cloud-level. Since the vehicle doesn't ever need to land, there's no reason to not simply camp in it when the steeds wear out. This negates most of the potential night-hazards, simply by being out of reach.

If instead of a 1/day wind wall, they opt for the smokescreen effect, then by deploying the smokescreen in a cloud bank around them, they become effectively invisible to all but the most determined of aerial pursuers. Unless you happen to have pissed off a dragon or two, very little will threaten your sleep.

This will get you from where you are, to where you need to go, even if you've never been there. It's not teleportation, so very little can truly bar your way.

Bonus Example: Bad Bart's Buggy

Bad Bard was a rather infamous hoverspeeder driver who won a number of races through the use of dubious tactics. While most fans openly decried him, the crowds were never thicker than when he took position, so since he kept filling seats, he was never formally ejected from the racing circuit.

Basic Chassis: 25,000
TPK drive: 108,000
Smokescreen: 5,400
Wind Wall (unlimited use) 27,000
Total: 165,400

By deploying smokescreen on turns and judicious use of wind walls behind the referee's backs, he was able to climb to the top of the profession. When he was finally ejected, he started a new circuit called Speedster Dueling with an enterprising merchant known as Uncle Al, in which weapons were mounted on hoverspeeders, winner takes all.

[OMG PONIES]

Okay, that's the lot of them! Let's thank our brave competitors for this special edition, everyone. Shower them with comments on their build, discuss what yours would have been, post judging of your own if you feel so inclined.

[kestrel404]

Lots of views, not much in the way of comments. OMG, do we really need anonymity considering there's no judging?

[true_shinken]

Lots of views, not much in the way of comments. OMG, do we really need anonymity considering there's no judging?

There is no judging? But judging is mentioned in the OP!

[flabort]

Judging, but no judges, I surmise.

[WinWin]

Was going to try and update a Neogi Spider Ship for 3.5

Basically a flying, sealed stronghold, substituting bone and wood for chitin. Was going to include a few Sci-Fi shout-outs, notably Babylon 5's Shadow Ships and SG:A's Organic Wraith Hive Ships.

Including Web Projecting spinnarets (spell turrets/enchanted wall sections) for grappling or towing. A turret that would cast Fear repeatedly on it's forward/lower arc.

I even wanted to include a lauch bay for tiny, Neogi piloted spider darts and abseiling Umber Hulk sappers, but the additional costs, not just for the additional ships but for the extra stronghold space were horrendously prohibitive. Was going to include a 'crew' of Umber Hulk slaves, but according to LoM they come out to about 5k gold each.

No way it was going to happen without the Stronghold Feat, even then not before a very high level.

[Thurbane]

I was going to go for a Halfling War Wagon, armed with spell turrets, and drawn by Brass Steeds, but I just wasn't comfortable enough with the vehicle rules...

Nice work from the competitors, BTW.

[Zonugal]

I had been playing with the idea of building a mobile, planar prison for a single prisoner that was always traveling through the astral plane. Add as many precautionary defenses (Nondetection, Anti-Magic, ect...) but while still trying to get it low enough to be reasonable.

It would serve as a housing for really dangerous mages who were to dangerous to let die.

[kestrel404]

My original plan was to create an updated version of a spelljammer, but I figured that had been done so many times before that I wanted to make something really ineresting.

[Amechra]

My plan (which was scrapped because I COULDN'T FIND THE FREAKING COSTS FOR A FREAKING CHAIR! And because apparently there are no rules for enchanting armor made of Shapesand. Also, I wasn't here when the ability to not use RAW was introduced afterwards.) was to do the following:

1. Make Full Plate armor out of Shape-sand. Enchant it with Called. Hopefully, this has the result of allowing you to reform the armor at will, pretty much, from anywhere in the same plane.

2. Make THE CHAIR! THE CHAIR! is a simple throne (made out of different materials based on your WBL), with 10 ft poles supplying the ability to be carried (those 10 ft poles? made of Serrenwood. You'll see why soon.), and a pair of banner/pole combinations coming up the back. There is also a Portable Hole full of Shapesand inside, with small holes to let it out.

3. What enchantments are on said chair? Permanent Shroud of Undeath on our friend, the pilot. Also, 4 Ghost Commoner 1's are Haunt Shifted into the poles; normally, they power the whole thing with continuous Telekinesis (taking it in shifts), but Violent Thrust works for fast propulsion, and there is a spell trap of Persistent Summon Undead I? to Summon Medium Skeletons?, and also one of Persistent Black Sand, for when you want to look really impressive... Oh, and the chair is magically enchanted to supply a single feat... Item Familiar (the Throne, silly.)

4. How does it all come together?

a. Pilot puts on the armor. This is called "claiming the vehicle." All of the spells on the vehicle are set to not work unless the rider is wearing the armor.

b. Pilot sits down, Shroud of Undeath comes up, and the Item Familiar set-up menu runs through the pilot's mind. Pick the intelligent item options. Choose Wisdom as the high mental stat; the chair will run the Shapesand.

c. The Shapesand in the chair comes out of the holes in the chair, and follows channels along the surface, until it meets the armor; at this point, it bonds to the armor, thus making the chair count as armor, making it immune to being destroyed while you are there (by RAW, there is no way to destroy worn armor, iirc.)

d. The ghosts start to propel your throne to wherever you want it to go (not sure how you get them to agree, but I'm sure there is a way (screw it, just use Command Undead)); alternatively, you can go down among the peasants...

e. "Initiate UNDEAD HORDES! Initiate Black Sand! Party time, people!" (Essentially: run the Spell Trap of Summon Undead, and have the Skeletons carry your awesome chair around. Black Sand can legally affect Shapesand, hopefully resulting in the Shapesand gaining the properties of Black Sand, but not losing its own.)

f. Shape yourself a crown and LORD IT OVER EVERYONE! Screw being invincible, I just want to ride around in my Pimp throne of undeadness.

Sorry about that detailed plan. I wasn't entering it, just the idea for anyone who wants to do something awesome with this idea.