Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Wizard

[Gnome Alone]

Here's a character concept I had that I'm offering up here - so maybe you can help yourself be annoying too.

So, barbarian wizard. Not typically considered a good multiclass option, if I'm not mistaken. But, O my brothers, we are not talking about a barbarian/wizard. We are talking about a straight-classed barbarian, whack-things-with-a-murder-deliverey-stick kind of character, who labors (violently, of course) under the impression that he is somehow, despite all appearances to the contrary and the accurate impressions of everyone he meets, a wizard.

So, here are my ideas so far. If anyone has any additions or improvements I'd love to hear them.

Sword Spell - To cast his mighty Sword spell, he needs only a verbal comcomponent (screaming), a material focus ("this sword-shaped totem metal wand" which is, of course, a sword. Is totem the right word, though?) and the somatic gesture of swinging the sword into people. (I suppose this works with any weapon, as long as it is sufficiently brutal and not normally used by spellcasters.) This spell can be Empowered with metamagic. That is, he can use Power Attack.

Arcane Fury - Verbal component: "Arcane Furyyyyyyy!" Somatic gesture: Throwing back head, outstretching arms horizontally, clawing hands upward. In every way it is equivalent to a Barbarian's Rage, because, yes, you guessed it, that's what it is.

Eldritch Attentiveness - Verbal component- he whispers the phrase "Eldritch Attentiveness!" quietly and confidently to himself before making a perception-based check (i.e., Spot, Listen or Search.)

Mage Armor - He Permancied this one. Because it's just armor.

Which brings me to another point, which is that he will sometimes claim to know actual spells, and "cast" them if he can do the action mundanely, e.g., "Disguise Self!" (puts on a hat.)

Note that this barbarian is specifically a "wizard," not a sorcerer. Mainly because I like the idea of him sitting there doing nothing for hours to "prepare my spells," so he can't help his adventuring buddies out with any tedious mundane tasks like gathering firewood, hunting or taking watch. Oh, and he has a spellbook, despite not spending the skill points to become literate. It consists entirely of drawings of what he imagines ancient magical runes would like. Plus naked ladies and monsters and stuff.

Thoughts?

EDIT: In which the poster incorporates some of the spells suggested to him in the character's spellbook, and commits to certain specifics about his particular character.

Korg the Magical
Half-Orc Barbarian "Wizard"
Familiar: Xerxes the Somewhat Terrified Stray Cat

Whether I end up using point buy or just rolling (which is what my group usually does,) I think I'm going to dump all of Korg's mental stats. Especially Intelligence- Korg absolutely must have an INT penalty. Although a touch of Charisma might make sense, because I don't know about you but I can't help but love Korg. And I think having him be a Half-Orc Barbarian wielding a greatsword is just too blatantly unwizardly to pass up.

It'd be a bit unwieldy to credit everyone's contributions, so, just read the thread if you want to know who came up with what. Because my own are limited to the ones above. But props to streakster for the name "Xerxes" for his cat familiar, and Zaq for the name "Korg the Magical," which I absolutely love. Also, this build/concept is named "The Thogaturge," thanks to Darrin for thinking of that one.

Korg's Spellbook
Read Magic: Sits and looks at things believing to understand them.

Magic Stone: Picks up stones from the ground.

Summon Horse: Finds a horse.

Lesser Flight: Jumps.

Mage Hand: Picks up anything. Ever.

Detect North: Happening to know which way North is.

Longstrider: Casts it on himself every morning.

Detect Poison: By consuming it.

Charm Person: Flex oily barbarian muscles.

Shrink Item: Takes item. Folds it in half or squish it in hands.

Blindness: Gouges out eyes of subject.

Magic Circle Against Evil: Draws circle in ground, punches everything evil that crosses it.

Summon Storm: Performs a ritual. The next time it rains, he explains that the spell can take weeks to work.

True Seeing: Sort of squints. Claims loudly that anything he couldn't detect must "have mighty power of illusion!"

Bull's Strength: Flexes his muscles.

Bear's Endurance: Takes off his shirt and flexes his muscles.

Stoneskin: Barbarian's DR.

Protection from Arrows: As above, but pretends arrows don't hurt.

Wish: Tells opponent that he will grant him a single wish. When he answers, punches him in the face and tells him his wish sucks.

Locate Object: Arbitrarily picks a direction. When proven wrong, it must have moved.

Knock: Slams body into door. May require material focus: battering ram.

Sending: Makes something up.

Teleport Object: Throws it, and it's gone.

Color Spray: Throws multi-colored sand in opponent's face.

Silent Image: Crudely draws carboard cutout.

Minor Image: As Silent Image, but stands to the side poorly attempting ventriolquism.

Stinking Cloud: Farts prodigiously.

Disintegrate: Hits things until broken into a bajillion pieces.

Unseen Servant: Forces other party members' to carry gear. (This one works especially well with a 20 Strength Half-Orc, which is what I intend to make Korg.)

Rope Trick: Throws rope with grappling hook into nearby tree. Sleeps in tree.

Summon Monster I: Picks up one of the creatures attacking him and throws it at another.

Suggestion: Makes an Intimidate check.

Reduce Person: Messy.

Enlarge Person: Also messy.

[Draculmaulkee]

I have nothing constructive to add. I do feel compelled to say this is the best character concept EVER.

That is all.

[TroubleBrewing]

I did the opposite of this with a character once.

I played a warmage who pretended to be a trip-oriented fighter until we got into a scrape with some Dire Wolves. I tossed down a Fireball, and the party had no idea how I did it. They were convinced that I'd somehow talked our DM into giving me a Necklace of Fireballs.

But this sounds like an even better idea. Go for it. Try to avoid showing your character sheet to the other players, if you can avoid it.

[DeltaEmil]

And then, when the players (or the NPCs and monsters) start laughing at the "wizard", let him use Power Word: Iron Heart Surge to end the sun.

[Eldan]

And even better: you can cast in antimagic fields!

You also have grown your skills beyond the need of a spellbook.

[Karoht]

The first thing that I thought of was
"Needs moar FALCON PUNCH!"

...I know, there's something wrong with me.

[Re'ozul]

I actually laughed out loud when reading this, its so awesome.

Good spells would be:

Magic stone: Picks up stones from the ground.

Launch Bolt: throws Bolt.

Read Magic: Sits and looks at things believing to understand it. (This one could be extra hilarious)

Disrupt undead: He is embarassed that he has not learnt to do it at range and needs melee touch but basks in the fact that his spell is better. (He punches the undead)

Also, obvious use of stinking cloud spell, centered and permanencied on himself, or non permanent use of a swift action...

[Crossblade]

I have nothing constructive to add.

Me either, because this:


the somatic gesture of swinging the sword into people. This spell can be Empowered with metamagic. That is, he can use Power Attack.

...sounds like a Lightning Warrior.

[byaku rai]

This is amazing, in an utterly horrifying way. :smalleek: I would play this character.

[erikun]

I admit to being a bit confused, mainly because I don't recognize the options. Are you trying to play a Barbarian that everyone thinks is a spellcasting wizard, or a Wizard that everything thinks is a rampaging barbarian? Or is he just trying to convince himself? In either case, I'd think you a Duskblade or something similar rather than a Wizard.

There are several Rage feats that do stuff like sheathe you in ice or set you on fire. They would be very effective towards making people believe you are a spellcaster.

Remember that Raging doesn't mean you need to be drooling incomprehensibly. You could be chanting, or yelling out litanies during combat - although I'd think you a Paladin in that case.

[Just_Ice]

Whenever you get a horse, pretend you summoned it.

"Lesser flight" is just jumping.

Whenever you pick up anything at all, claim you're casting "mage hand".

Having a flask is create water.

Potions or heal checks have relevant spells.

If you know which way north is, it's obviously because of detect north.

It's the little things that count. Even speak the name of the cantrip as you shine someone's shoes or pass gas.

[Inkpencil]

Let's not forget the large amount of knowlege skills wizards have. He should never be without an answer to a question, even when he isn't asked.

[Cog]

I admit to being a bit confused...
The point is to, in character, be a barbarian who thinks he's a wizard. So, the fewer actual magical abilities,the better.

[Feldarove]

well clearly every morning you cast longstrider on yourself (fast movement)

you could have him wear goggles on the back of his head when he gets uncanny dodge and say he cast "eyes in the back of my head" spell

[OracleofWuffing]

"Lesser flight" is just jumping.
"Fly," when casted on other things, is just picking them up and throwing them. "Well, you're obviously not used to flying, so you flew straight into the ground! It's not my fault you suck at this!"

Detect Poison by consuming it.

Open/Close by... Well... Um...

Unseen Servant works by a complicated system of pulleys and thin wires.

Charm Person with your incredible studly well-oiled barbarian muscles.

See Invisibility by throwing sand in a general direction.

Detect Thoughts: "Think of an integer between six and eight." "... That number is seven!"

Deafness: Scream very, very loudly.

Pyrotechnics: Gunpowder, Gasoline, etc. Apply directly to fire.

Rage: Don't know what to do here.

Tiny Hut: Put up a tent.

Wind Wall: Take a tip from the Big Bad Wolf.

Shrink Item: Take the item, fold it in half.

Water Breathing: Eat the Constitution checks. Claim that the water is poisoned if people start failing.

Mnemonic Enhancer: Limericks.

[Urpriest]

This guy needs to use Barbarian Celerity:

Instantaneous Rage, Intimidating Rage, and Imperious Command: He can yell at people in reaction to anything they do, forcing them to cower for a round while he goes into a rage and does stuff. He thinks he's casting Celerity (or even Time Stop) and that he's going really fast when really everyone's cowering in fear.

[nedz]

Do not meddle in the affairs of Wizards,
Because they are subtle and quick to ANGER/RAGE/POWER ATTACK

[pilvento]

Also, wear empty glases and robes since u are a mage. u can also create magic items as a wizard, ask your party for their weapons, set them on fire and there ya go, +1flaming.:smallcool:

[Darth Stabber]

Magic missile - fired from his bow.
Shatter - with your fists.
Speak with dead - what, you couldn't hear him?
Confusion - just say I am a wizard.
Baleful polymorph - he rearranges your face.
Faithful watchdog - via handle animal.

[Darth Stabber]

Also get him a familiar of whatever animal he succeeds his handle animal check against.

[Cog]

His familiar should be a housecat. He's not the melee type, you see, so his pet covers that for him.

[Lord.Sorasen]

Whenever he realizes he's in an anti-magic field, or whenever an enemy hits him with dispel magic, he freaks out and drops his sword.

Every day he prepares spells from his spellbook. His spellbook is actually just a regular book, and instead of arcane runes he's actually just hastily drawn pictures of himself shooting fireballs.

His idea of casting any communication spell is just to yell loudly. Likewise, when meeting with a foreigner he will cast "tongues" and then proceed to talk to them like stupid people talk to foreigners : "HELLO. WEEE ARRRRE GOOOOOD. DOOO YOOOU UNDERSTAAAAND? GOOD. WHEEERE - YOOOOU - FROOOOM?" Naturally he insists he understands them, and he will feed the rest of the party ridiculous backstories without the slightest bit of accuracy, and insist they're true even if it's later proven to be wrong.

He doesn't know where North is but he insists he does.

When he swings his weapon (I like to imagine it's a weapon a wizard has proficiency with) he not only shouts the name of an evocation spell but also makes the sound effects as he hits them. Something to the extent of "Fireball! Bwoosh fgggggrrrrrrrr!"

He has no ranks in knowledge arcana and thus has no idea what a spell component is. He owns a spell component pouch but uses it to store shiny rocks he finds on the ground and little bits of old food.

If confronted about his lack of magical knowledge he just sighs loudly and states "You non-magics will never get it!" Before walking off. If annoyed enough at this he might respond with the comeback "Sticks and stones may break my bones but your words can never hurt me because you're not a wizard."

[marcielle]

Grease - Focus: Bottle of oil, Somatic: throwing of bottle
Blindness - pokes people's eyes out
Resist energy - He pretends the fire doesn't hurt
Sleep - Knocks you over the head with a sap
Magic circle against evil - draws circle in ground, punch everything evil that crosses it

[Hiro Protagonest]

Magic circle against evil - draws circle in ground, punch everything evil that crosses it

I LoLd. :smallbiggrin:

[Sacrieur]

I may give you a hug. This is awesome.

Wish: Tell your opponent that you will grant him a single wish. When he answers, punch him in the face and tell him his wish sucks.

[The Cat Goddess]

Have him "cast" Beast Speech so he can talk to animals. Then grunt/bark/howl/chitter/whatever randomly. When the animal clearly does not understand or does something different, he can say "huh, must speak a different language than the wolves/bears/chipmunks of my homeland."

[grarrrg]

I'm in. Where do I sign up?

My only question is this:
What would his mental scores be?
High to help pull it off (ad-libbing his "magic"),
Low and he's just crazy,
Or, (my personal favorite), High, and he IS crazy.

If you want his "spells" to actually be effective then he should definately have a high Intelligence so he can fake use more spells by substituting skill checks.



he has a spellbook, ... It consists of.... Plus naked ladies and monsters and stuff.

Why would you want naked monster pictures in your spellbook?
Gross.

[Hiro Protagonest]

Move earth: you kick some sand or rocks.
Shield: uses total defense and pretends magic missile doesn't hurt.
Magic missile: throws a dart and whines at the DM if it misses.

[streakster]

Wield a cudgel and refer to it as your "Wand of Pain".

Create Food: Kill some poor, nearby critter.

Touch of Death: applied, very tightly, to the neck.

Summon Storm: Perform a ritual. The next time it rains, explain that the spell can take weeks to work.

True Seeing: Sort of squint. Claim loudly that anything you couldn't detect must "have mighty power of illusion!"

Wand of Sleep: A sap.

Light: A torch.

Repel: Bull Rush.

Kinetic Acceleration: A charge attack.

Also, you should get a familiar. Ideally, just a random, angry alley cat that you talk to, and throw at your enemies while yelling "Xerxes! Distract them!"

[Cog]

Why would you want naked monster pictures in your spellbook?
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/MM35_gallery/MM35_PG240.jpg
I don't see any clothes there. He's a respectable wizard. He shouldn't go around just making things up!

[jiriku]

Survival skill: endure elements!
Successful tracking attempt: Find the path! You say it's not a wizard spell? Not for you, maybe! I took Extra Spell, suckas!
Bull's Strength: flex your muscles.
Bear's Endurance: Take off your shirt and flex your muscles.

[NNescio]

Stoneskin - Barbarian's DR.
Protection from Arrows - As above, but pretends arrows don't hurt.

[Zaq]

Don't forget to occasionally "run out of spells," so long as doing so would be 1) funny and 2) not actively life-threatening, if a bit stupid.

Party: "Come on, Korg the Magical! Just trip him!"
Korg the Magical: "I can't! I didn't prepare Trip today!"

[Strife Warzeal]

I may give you a hug. This is awesome.

Wish: Tell your opponent that you will grant him a single wish. When he answers, punch him in the face and tell him his wish sucks.

My DM does that to me already.

Yes I'm just joking.

This is one of the best character concepts ever, without a doubt.

[Mutazoia]

Well Annoying goes beyond your build...you need to Role Play it.... have your Barbarian/Wizard constantly be ashamed of himself. Every time he casts a spell he should look like a teen age boy who's mom just caught him wearing a pair of nylons and eye shadow.

[NNescio]

Don't forget to occasionally "run out of spells," so long as doing so would be 1) funny and 2) not actively life-threatening, if a bit stupid.

Party: "Come on, Korg the Magical! Just trip him!"
Korg the Magical: "I can't! I didn't prepare Trip today!"

"Come on, Korg the Magical! Just stand up already!"
"I can't! I didn't prepare Stand* today!"

*Yes, this is an actual spell.

[Quietus]

Just want to throw out there that you shouldn't have a sword. I mean, what wizard uses a sword? Get a good solid oaken staff. Everyone knows that wizards use staves, you know! And pointy hats!

[NNescio]

Just want to throw out there that you shouldn't have a sword. I mean, what wizard uses a sword? Get a good solid oaken staff. Everyone knows that wizards use staves, you know! And pointy hats!

http://ompldr.org/vODk3dw/Gandalf.jpg

[Quietus]

I believe consensus says that Gandalf isn't a wizard, but rather an outsider with a collection of SLA's.

[DeltaEmil]

Then what about that sickly pale guy?

http://www.stormbringer.net/images/elric/elric_wolf.jpg

[NNescio]

I believe consensus says that Gandalf isn't a wizard, but rather an outsider with a collection of SLA's.

http://ompldr.org/vODk3eQ/Deathly_Hallows_2-_Neville_Longbottom_holding_the_Gryffindor%27s_swo rd.jpg

[Quietus]

Then what about that sickly pale guy?

I see no pointy hat. Obviously not a wizard.


<Pic removed for brevity>

See above.

[Darth Stabber]

Simple solution: wield a greatclub and call it a staff.

[Mutazoia]

Simple solution: wield a greatclub and call it a staff.

And if it had dry rot...would that be a staff infection?

[AsteriskAmp]

Just say it's an oversized Metal Wand

[NNescio]

I see no pointy hat. Obviously not a wizard.



See above.

http://ompldr.org/vODk4bw/Elminster_-_Ciruelo_Cabral.jpg

Note the sword on the belt.

Same guy, no pointy hat, sword is more obvious:
http://ompldr.org/vODk4cA/Elminster2.jpg

[Telonius]

So, regarding the Spellbook. I would suggest you keep a book and write in it. Just make sure you never use the skillpoints on Literacy. Just scribble, doodle, make pretty geometric shapes. Maybe say you know enough letters to sign your name. Write "Thogz buk, stai owt!" on the cover. With any luck, some rival wizard will steal your book and go mad trying to decipher it.

[Darth Stabber]

So, regarding the Spellbook. I would suggest you keep a book and write in it. Just make sure you never use the skillpoints on Literacy. Just scribble, doodle, make pretty geometric shapes. Maybe say you know enough letters to sign your name. Write "Thogz buk, stai owt!" on the cover. With any luck, some rival wizard will steal your book and go mad trying to decipher it.

Or worse, the wizard learns to hit things really hard with a stick! That's the most dangerous spell evar!

[Mutazoia]

Or worse, the wizard learns to hit things really hard with a stick! That's the most dangerous spell evar!

Summon lump
Conjuration
Level: Barbarian/Wizard 1
Components: M (A big stick), S (swing the stick)
Casting time: Instant
Range: Touch
Target: Creature touched
Duration: Instant
Saving throw: None
Spell Resistance: None

When cast, the caster brings his material component down upon the head of the target creature. A successful touch attack will raise a painful lump on the target's noggin.

[Flickerdart]

Better yet, hire a real Wizard to fill your book with magicky stuff (really, Explosive Runes). Anyone who tries to read your book gets a facefull of boom.

[Cog]

Only a very poor stick would be an M component. The F version is only 5 gp.

[Mutazoia]

Only a very poor stick would be an M component. The F version is only 5 gp.

That's Summon Improved Lump

[Mutazoia]

Better yet, hire a real Wizard to fill your book with magicky stuff (really, Explosive Runes). Anyone who tries to read your book gets a facefull of boom.

Until you forget what this bookish thing is and try to use if for toilet paper

[Cog]

I don't think that, err... "defaecing" the runes triggers them. And seeing as you're illiterate, you won't accidentally use them for reading material while you're tending to your, ah, needs.

[Mutazoia]

I don't think that, err... "defaecing" the runes triggers them. And seeing as you're illiterate, you won't accidentally use them for reading material while you're tending to your, ah, needs.

Everybody needs something to read while attending to business...or at least pretty pictures to look at

[Count D20]

"I am a master of many spells; I just don't know which ones will happen next."
Proceeds to smash dude in face with rod of wonder that has a morningstar head on it.

Maybe some sort of belief/morale bonus on activate blindly use magic item checks.

[MerlinTheWizard]

Oh gosh. It's going to be so funny when this character somehow actually casts a spell, and he's going to have no idea how he did it.

[Cog]

Maybe some sort of belief/morale bonus on activate blindly use magic item checks.
Or he just disdains the use of items. Those are for weaklings whose own magic isn't up to the task.

@Merlin: A companion with Deceptive Spell?

Hm, I'm starting to think that this guy should be under 10 in his mental stats. Not for stupidity - it's just to ensure that he couldn't cast a real cantrip even if he wanted to.

[Kumori]

A couple more spells for you:
Entangle Throw a Bolas at the target
Obscuring Mist: Ignite a Smokestick
Slow: Throw a Tanglefoot bag
Cause Fear: Intimidate check
Locate Object: Arbitrarily pick a direction. When it's proven that you are wrong, it must have moved
Knock: HULK SMASH!!!
Sending: Make something up
Teleport Object: Throw it, and it's gone

[Hiro Protagonest]

Arcane lock: material component, acid. Close and lock the door, then rust the handle in place with a very small amount of acid.
Time stop: full attack.
Beast shape: act like an animal.
Color spray or prismatic spray: throw multicolored sand in your opponent's face.

[Mutazoia]

Magic Missile: Throw the nearest mage at your target.

[Rei_Jin]

You're looking at it the wrong way... you need to get a Goliath and give them the feat tree that ends up with him having Fling Ally and Fling Enemy, then he says that he's a master of Telekin... Telekin... movin stuffs!

[Darth Stabber]

He's even awesome enough to use cleric spells
Inflict light wounds - don't use power attack
Inflict moderate wounds - power attack a little
Inflict serious wounds - full power attack
Inflict critical wounds - critical hit version of above
Death knell - coups de gras
Bless water - say you blessed the water, then throw it really hard at undead, can even be used to prove a target is undead.
Remove fear - be scarier than whatever is scaring your comrades.
Shield of faith - a large shield with kord's or gruumsh's holy symbol
Shield other - step in the way of attacks targeting comrades, heck you have a better version, the normal one only transfers half.
Contagion - don't shower, touch enemy with unwashed unmentionable.
Meld into stone - dig a hole.
Stone shape - with a hammer.
Discern lies - insist enemies are lying, if they are proven honest, they were lying about something else.
Freedom of movement - who's going to stop you?
Divine power - always active.
Sending - paper airplane
Imbue with spell ability - give a comrade your weapon, and instructions on the right way to scream.
Command - intimidate
Blade barrier - duration=concentration
Animate dead - marionette puppets anyone.
Harm - your main ability
Regenerate - tape the arm back on, when that doesn't heal back up, castigate them for not cleaning it often.
Endure elements - the hard way.
Jump - jump
Animal messenger - tie a note to a squirrel, throw the squirrel
Barkskin - tie bits of bark all over yourself, you already have dr.
Charm person - intimidate them into being nice to you.
Suggestion - see above
Dominate person - see above
Glitterdust - throw a hand full of glitter at your foes.
Minor image - crudely drawn cardboard cut out.
Passwall - your shoulder and a good running start.
Dimensional anchor - unconsious things rarely teleport.
Dismissal - intimidate them into going home.
Hold person - as command
Statue - stike a pose
Temporal stasis - sap+place to hide the body
Tenser's transformation - rare moment of lucidity.

[Eldan]

I may give you a hug. This is awesome.

Wish: Tell your opponent that you will grant him a single wish. When he answers, punch him in the face and tell him his wish sucks.

Tell him his wish backfired.

[Jan Mattys]

http://metranet.altervista.org/files/internet-map.gif

I want to award a whole internet to all the posters of this thread, startin with the OP down to the last post I read.

Starting my morning by reading this made my day brighter, my smile larger, and my life a lot whole better.

Thanks. Enjoy your Internets.
Jan

[ILM]

See Invisibility by throwing sand in a general direction.
More like Glitterdust then.

[Eldan]

Well, it can't be hard to buy some glitter and some dust somewhere in town :smalltongue:

Erase is also pretty easy to cast.

Plus, he might be able to cast Nightmare on people by talking to them.

And you don't want to know where his Stinking Cloud came from.

[Runestar]

Hah, brings back memories of my barbarian turned sorc in Diablo 2. :smallbiggrin:

[Quietus]

http://ompldr.org/vODk4bw/Elminster_-_Ciruelo_Cabral.jpg

Note the sword on the belt.

Same guy, no pointy hat, sword is more obvious:
http://ompldr.org/vODk4cA/Elminster2.jpg

Elminster's always struck me as more of a bard, the way he's presented in the FR corebook. Bards can use swords, they're proficient with them. Wizards are not.

[Mutazoia]

Elminster's always struck me as more of a bard, the way he's presented in the FR corebook. Bards can use swords, they're proficient with them. Wizards are not.

Well if you've read the Novel on Elminster's back story he's a fighter/thief/cleric/mage

[The Glyphstone]

I thought he was a gestalt Author Avatar//Gary Stu.

[Eldan]

Well if you've read the Novel on Elminster's back story he's a fighter/thief/cleric/mage

His 3.5 stats make him an Archmage Mystra-thingie Rogue Cleric.

[Mutazoia]

His 3.5 stats make him an Archmage Mystra-thingie Rogue Cleric.

And the "new" TARDIS is vat-grown. At the end of the novel Mystra asks big E to be her champion on Faerun .... So the archmage of Mystra/rogue/cleric still fits his back story :)

[The Cat Goddess]

I'm surprised nobody has mentioned...

Continuously hit something until it's broken into a ba-jillion pieces = Disintegrate.

*SMASH*, *SMASH*, *SMASH*!
"What are you doing?"
"I am disintegrating this evil idol!"

[Hiro Protagonest]

Unseen servant: force the other party members to carry your gear.
Light: light a torch.
Continual flame: buy an everburning torch.
Alarm: set up lots of dried twigs around camp.
Flame arrow: put rags on an arrowhead and dip it in oil, then put it in flame.
Pyrokinetics: for the choking fog, put some water on the fire.
Daze: hit on the head with a club.
Confusion: as daze.

[Tvtyrant]

Symbol of Insanity: Draw a picture, look at it and go insane.

[Cog]

Unseen servant: force the other party members to carry your gear.
While wearing a blindfold.

[Hiro Protagonest]

Symbol of Insanity: Draw a picture, look at it and go insane.

Symbol of pain: draw a symbol, look at it, and stab yourself.
Symbol of death: draw a symbol, look at it, and stab yourself in the heart.

[HalfDragonCube]

Death knell - coups de gras

What, a blow of fat?

[Darth Stabber]

What, a blow of fat?

Yes, that's how you fight Americans.

[Eldan]

I thought they were largely immune to it?

[NNescio]

...Pyrokinetics: for the choking fog, put some water on the fire. ...


For the blinding light version, toss an eggshell grenade (flash powder) into the fire.

(AKA the lesser cousin of the infamous dust grenade.)

[Smokin Red]

LOL
AWESOME
everything!
where can I enlist?

[Hiro Protagonest]

LOL
AWESOME
everything!
where can I enlist?

Enlist? You just post your ideas.

[Randel]

Summon Familiar class feature - A Barbarian wizard may choose a familiar to accompany him locating a suitable familiar and using an intimidate check to get it to follow you (or by buying one from a pet store or just putting a rope around its neck and dragging it along with you). Some familiar provide a bonus to certain skills.

Cat - Can often be found stuck up trees. If a small child thanks you for getting Mr. Scruffles down from a tree, inform her that he will now be acomanying you in a magical journey to fight evil. Cats can provide a bonus to climb checks by tying a rope around one and flinging it toward something where it can use its claws to provide a suitable anchor.

Dire Wolf - Can be aquired by finding a pack of wolves and bonking them very hard on the head, if any survive then force them to become your familiar.

Imp - Can be aquired by finding an imp and bonking it lightly on the head until it agrees to become your familiar.

Horse - Can be aquired by buying a horse (or aquiring through other means). Providea a bonus to land speed while riding it.

Necrotic Familiar - If a familiar dies then it can be turned into a Necrotic Familiar through a several hour long process that includes removing its insides and replacing it with stuffing (and/or rocks or bombs). While Necrotic Familiars lack some of the uses of living familiars, they can be used for other things... like rugs or bludgeoning instruments.

Improved Familiar - A Barbarian Wizard can tell its familiars to improve themselves. Alternatly if that doesn't work out he can get a better familiar. Getting a better one doesn't necessitate leaving the old one behind (though familiars unwilling to improve themselves may be converted into Necrotic Familiars).


Magic Item Familiar - A barbarian wizard can declare a magical (or nonmagical) item to be his familiar. Examples of Magic Item Familars include:

Smashy the War Axe

"This big pile of gold that wants to follow me"

My lunch

The color purple

This healing potion that provides a bonus to healing (may or may not be a keg of ale).

A portable battering ram to aid in lockpicking.

Ambassidor Pineapple (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_RXybFDoj8) (found around 30 seconds into the video) A powerful thrown alchemical item that provides a bonus to diplomacy checks.

[nedz]

Don't forget to carry a length of rope with a grappling hook on the end. When you get tired and need to rest up, just walk under a tree and cast Rope Trick.

[Flickerdart]

A portable battering ram to aid in lockpicking.


No, that's the focus for Knock and Passwall.

[Forbiddenwar]

Summon Monster 1: Pick on one of the creatures attacking you and throw it at another.
Floating disc: Disc plus str check
Color spary: paint in can + ranged touch attack.
Reduce Person: messy.
Enlarge person: Also messy.

I'm surprised how A) easy this is and B) how entertaining.

[Hiro Protagonest]

Suggestion: use intimidate.
Stinking cloud: material component: beans. Somatic component: eating them.
True strike: Whine at the DM if you miss.

[Randel]

Fireball: Get a spell component pouch, remove bat guno and sulpher to make gunpowder. Repeat until you have enough to make as big of an explosion as you want!

Also, don't forget all the roleplay possibilities:

"Hey Korg, help us pack up the camp."

"Korg busy preparing spells!" (Sits there looking at pictures of naked women)


"Well Korg, looks like we'll need you to dispell the curse on that sewer zomb..."

"Korg out of spells! Korg need to rest now." (sits down and takes a nap).

"Um... Okay..." The team sits around for a bit then fixes the problem while Korg sleeps.


""Korg, we need you to fix this prob..."

"Korg not have spell prepared for that!"

"But you just dealt with the same problem ten minutes ago."

"Hello?! Korg Wizard! Korgs magic very specific and absurdly context sensitive. Korg prepare only one of those spells this morning and can only do it once today. Korg can't do that same thing anymore."


The party comes across a damsel in a cage.

Rogue: Don't worry, I'll save you... Ack!

Kord: Korg use scroll to save you! *looks at a piece of paper for two seconds before pulling out a crowbar and breaking the cage open*

Rogue: But you said you couldn't do that!

Korg: Korg have magic scrolls to cast spells in emergency! Do not question Korgs magical prowes!

Rogue: Well can you help us deal with this...

Korg: Korg need to spend eight hours scribing new scroll to replace one Korg used to save damsel. Also need several hundred gold for ridiculously expensive ink used in magic scrolls!


Later:

Rogue: Well, I managed to disarm all the traps keeping us away from the treasure (that Kords magic couldn't acomplish disarm for various reasons)

Korg: Do not berate Kords magic!

Rogue: Alright! Well anyway, time to divvy up the loot.

Korg: Korg say stop! *shoves the rogue out of the way* Hmm... Yes... *Korg looks at all the stuff, occasionally chanting magic word and tossing dust on things*.

Paladin (who is a fighter with a horse and healing kit): What is it, oh great wizard?

Korg: Korg see some of these items are curse. Korg keep them in special bag so they not harm Korgs friends (dumps a bunch of jewels and weapons in a bag). Korg also see these magic items here are very expensive, way more expensive than this gold. Puts all the gold in one pile and an old pair of mice-infested boots in another part. Korg think rogue friend could use boots of Mice-like sneaking more than this potentially cursed gold.



And then feel free to spend a lot of time "crafting" stuff for the team.

Potions - Just buy a lot of bottles of ale for your party members, if they get tired of that then make potions in cookie form (or beef jerky if you'd rather go that way).

Scrolls - Just scribble some stuff on pieces of paper.... be sure to spend eight hours and alot of money on doing that. You're totally not spending your scroll money on booze, whores, and gambling.

Wands - Sticks of dynamite... I mean... clubs or something.

Staffs - Bigger clubs for performing very specific spells.

Rings - Korg likes to wear jewelry cuz it makes him more magical. ANYONE WHO MAKES FUN OR KORG GETS SMASHED WITH MAGIC!!!

Wonderous Items - Korg has lots of wonderous items that are all magiced so that you can't tell they are magical.

Magic Arms and Armor - Korg can make magic weapons and stuff, usually +1 weapons. If you don't see yourself hitting more often with them that means you're dumb and weak.

[Cog]

Plainer Binding: Use hempen rope instead of fancy silk rope to tie somebody up.

Orb of Force: Chuck a rock at the target.

Enlarge Person: Wear platform shoes.

Entropic Shield: Paint your shield with an optical illusion (http://hidden111.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/spinning-wheel-illusion.gif).

False Vision: Numerous illicit substances deposited in the target's food/drink supply.

Augury: Flip a copper for a 70% chance of a useful answer. Each increase in denomination adds 10% to the probability.

Silent Image: Paint it on a wall (http://img15.imageshack.us/img15/7629/coyotec.jpg).

Minor Image: As above, but standing off to the side attempting ventriloquism as well.

[grarrrg]

BarbarianWizard should name his greatclubstaff "Magic" or "Juju", or something to that effect. Then when something happens he can say "Korg use his 'Magic Power'" and then he bashes away.
Korg's "Magic Power" is to be feared and respected.



You're totally not spending your scroll money on booze, whores, and gambling

I lol'd.

[ILM]

True strike: Whine at the DM if you miss.
Alternatively, exclaim that your opponent must be a true combat master.

[NNescio]

... Paladin (who is a fighter with a horse and healing kit): What is it, oh great wizard? ...
I lol'ed.

(On a related note, he may also need a good sized stick applied in the posterior region.)

[RunicLGB]

Dear god this that first post was just beautiful. :smallbiggrin:


Blade Barrier: Swings Sword around super fast hitting everything that comes near.
Web: Throws a net.

Metamagic:

Chain Spell: Cleave/GreatCleave/Whirlind Attack...
Or
Chain Spell: Uses other "spells" with Spiked chain for focus.
Scult Spell: Quick Draws a different weapon to hit with.
Maximize spell: Coup de Grace.

[Eldan]

Shield of Faith: "Here. Just believe in it. A lot. Kronk great mage. Kronk cast divine spells too."

Miracle: whenever anything good happens, loudly proclaim: "It's a miracle!"

Stone Tell: "Yes, little pebble? Oh, really? And then? NO! Paladin did what to you? Don't worry, Kronk make sure it never happen again!"

[HalfDragonCube]

Necrotic Familiar - If a familiar dies then it can be turned into a Necrotic Familiar through a several hour long process that includes removing its insides and replacing it with stuffing (and/or rocks or bombs). While Necrotic Familiars lack some of the uses of living familiars, they can be used for other things... like rugs or bludgeoning instruments.

Something like this?

http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/ex_stitched_flesh_familiar.jpg

[Darrin]

All the best TO builds have cool names. We need a cool name for this build. How about:

Arcane Brutalist
Arcanosmasher
Barbarizard
Smashomancer
Spellrager
SpellThog
Thogaturge
MegaBigBee
Teer-Wun
Woundini
Spellothaumarcanomancerlockaster-user... or was it Spellockothaumaturgicastermancer-user?

Taglines:

"I put the MAGE in DAMIDJJ!"

"Battlefield Control the way it should be... shoved up your Otyugh Hole, sideways."

"Power Word: WINNING!"

"There is no Saving Throw vs. Pure Awesome."

[fizzybobnewt]

Barbarizard sounds like a Pokémon. I vote for Spellockothamaturgicastermancer. :smallbiggrin:

[Eldan]

War-mage? :smalltongue:

[Urpriest]

Thogaturge


THIS.

"We are a brotherhood of scholars who have studied under the great mage Thog. He has taught us many secrets, and shown us the true nature of magic. If you disagree, I will use my magic staff to fracture your skull.":thog:

[Cog]

I think we have our new Confusion spell!

not nale, not-nale. thog help nail not-nale, not nale. and thog knot not-nale while nale nail not-nale. nale, not not-nale, now nail not-nale by leaving not-nale, not nale, in jail.

[Gnome Alone]

O pitiless ancient gods, what have I done?

Wow. I thought I'd get the equivalent of a few eye-rolls, but, k'damn. I think I'll edit the first post and put some of the more amusing "spells" in his "spellbook." Thanks everyone. Especially to araveugnitsuga for the idea of his sword being an "oversized metal wand" which I actually thought of once and then forgot, and to Randel for the scene which includes this line: "Hello?! Korg Wizard! Korg's magic very specific and absurdly context sensitive." I think that pretty much writes the character for me.

[HalfDragonCube]

There is a problem with this: the incredibly high hp of a barbarian compared to that of a wizard.

In almost every campaign a squishy spellcaster falls unconscious due to an effect something everyone else would shrug off. Playing dead after the slightest injury might work.

*Thog stubs toe and falls over*

Thog: Augh! Thog badly hurt! Thog needs healy spell!

Cleric: I cast Deathwatch.

DM: He's absolutely fine.

Thog: ... Thog needs healy spell!

Cleric: :smallannoyed: *Sighs* I cast cure minor wounds.

DM: That only works on real wounds.

Cleric: :smallmad: Fine, I cast Calm Emotions.

Thog: Thog back from brink of death.:smallbiggrin:

[gallagher]

Wind Wall: he spends several rounds standing in front of allies and blowing really hard. arrows that hit must have been shot over the wall! they are archery masters

Shocking Grasp: make a grapple check. on a success, shake them really hard while going BBBZZZZZZZTTTTTT

Ventriloquism: start talking out of the side of your mouth. funnier if you have a puppet. funnier still if you perceive the puppet to be your familiar. bonus points if you give him an accent

Hideous Laughter: laugh in their face. they roll a save vs the sausiating stench of your breath. when they dont lose their round, they obviously must have strong will!

Spells like Whispering Wind and Message would be hilarious to act out

[nedz]

This might be an interesting way to play a tank.
The Whackomancer stands at the back with their pointy hat, robe and big stick. 'Intelligent' foe closes in and tries to target the caster, ...

[dragonsamurai77]

Polymorph Any Object: Even messier than Reduce/Enlarge Person.

[Randel]

A few ideas:

I wouldn't recommend giving him a penalty to Int (he could use the skill points to put into various disguise or bluff skills or whatever) but he could totally dump Wis or something. I always though of Intelligence as being (the mental ability to think up cool stuff) while Wisdom is (the mental ability to avoid doing stupid stuff). Charisma is just the ability to look cool while doing whatever you're doing... be it cool or stupid.

Anyway, he'll also need a beard. Wizards have long flowing beards while barbarians might have wild unshaven beards, just give your wild beard a few run-throughs with a comb and you've got the wizard look down pat.

Of course, you could always try to equate a wizards power with the length of their beard.

Evil Wizard: So, you foolish adventurers have come to stop my masters plans? Well, I wil defeat you all with my powerf...

Korg: Korg challange dumb wizard to wizard duel!

Evil Wizard (has no points in sense motive): Oh, so I finally meet the famed Korg the Magical. I must admit you've provem quite effective despite your... ahem... mongrel heritage.

Korg: Korg better wizard than you because Korgs beards bigger than your beard! Korg break your beard and you not be any kind of wizard to hurt anyone!

Evil Wizard: Umm... I see, you think your greater age and experience will give you victory. (Gah, how I dislike dealing with other wizards. We have such abysmal charisma that its a wonder we can talk straight). Well you're mistaken,Old Man! My youth and vitality will se me triumph over you ancie...

Korg: Arcane....DISJUNCTION! RAHHHH!!! *Korg runs up to the Evil Wizard, grabs onto his beard and rips it right off of his face!*

Evil Wizard: HOly Sweet mother of!! My Face, my beauiful face! *grabs onto the bleeding part of his face where his beard was*

Korg: Smite EVILL! *Smashes the evil wizard over the head with his staff of smiting*

Paladin (still a fighter with a horse): Wow, such a wonderous display. Looks like that necromancer won't be causing any more troubles.

Evil Wizard: Oh god I'm in such pain...

Korg: *snaps the evil wizards neck* Korg good at breaking neckromancers.

Paladin: Well then, I'll just go search the rest of the place: Detect Evil *looks at some ugly minion* ... he's evi! Kill him! *kills the minion* Detect Evil *looks at a hot chick* She's good... but wounded. Time to lay on hands!

Korg: Now Korg take evil wizards power for Korgs own. *Takes the ripped off beard and knits the hair into his own beard to make it longer* Now Korgs beard bigger than ever! Korgs wizardly powers get better every time Korg beat other wizards in wizard duels.



If you want to play Korg as being "Fairly smart in his own way." Have him take an interest in stuff like riddles or arcane theories. Not that he cares for them or even half-understands them but he knows how to spout stuff that seems magical for those not versed in it while giving severe headaches to those who actually know how magic works.


Korg: Evil Wizard not be able to defeat Korg because Korgs familiar better than your familiar and grant Korg more spells! *holds up terrified cat*

Evil Wizard: What? Thats not... I don't even have a familiar! Familiars are a waste because wizards lose power if their familiar gets hurt.

Korg: Exactly! Clerics gets spells from gods and get all kinds of spells and can wear armor. Wizards get spells from tiny animals *screaming cat* and get specific blasty spells but can't wear bulky armor. You no have familiar to give you spells while I have a familiar so I stronger than you and you lose already!

Evil Wizard (also has no ranks in sense motive): What?! Thats not possib... but it makes logical sense that the source of magic would require a secondary node to transmit the infromation through nondimentional space...

Korg: Arcane Transformationg! *flexes muscles* Rawwr! *Smashes wizard with his staff*

Evil Wizard: Nooo! I knew I should have gotten that toad familiar instead of trading it for an extra feat! *dies*


Not sure what skills you want Korg to have but Handle Animal could let you train some animals to be your familiars/summoned monsters/thralls or whatever.

Also, there is the feat "Able Learner" (http://dnd.savannahsoft.eu/feat-16-able-learner.html) that lets you buy cross class skill ranks at a ratio of 1:1 but are still limited by the maximum ranks you can have in the skill. So, instead of a character using their skill points to max out one class skill could train in two cross class skills for exactly the same numer of skill points.

Not sure how well this fits in with the character concept but I'm thinking having Korg moderately skilled in bluffing, sense motive, and other skills could come in handy while pretending to be a wizard. Unless you'd rather he just brute force his way through everything which could work out just as well.


Also: He can train various animals to help him (either the nice way or the les than nice way). Use a skunk as the animal focus for the stinking cloud spell.

Oh, and see if there is a way to grapple an enemy wizard by their beard and twirl them around in a circle.

[pilvento]

DAM i lol´d so loud in the office, now everyone is mad at me! :smalltongue:

[Karoht]

Grab enemy wizard by beard/mustache/hair/long pointy nose/eyebrows/sprouty ear hair. Win.

Why didn't I see this before?! That is brilliant.


Korg: *Rip off beard*
Wizard: *Screams like girl*
Korg: Acid Splash *throws a vial of vinegar or sea water onto the wound*
Wizard: *screams extra loudly*
Korg: Whoa! Must have crit, he scream real good.

[prufock]

I really like the idea, and may steal it in the future. However, what caused him to be this way? Why does he fervently believe that he IS a wizard?

[Karoht]

Korg: Watch this. I make head of other wizard disappear!
*lops off head, kicks it under a bush*
It's maaaaaaaaagic!

[The Cat Goddess]

I really like the idea, and may steal it in the future. However, what caused him to be this way? Why does he fervently believe that he IS a wizard?

Two possible reasons:

#1: Rule of Funny.

#2: Rule of Cool.

[nedz]

I really like the idea, and may steal it in the future. However, what caused him to be this way? Why does he fervently believe that he IS a wizard?

Simple: A wizard did it.

[grarrrg]

I really like the idea, and may steal it in the future. However, what caused him to be this way? Why does he fervently believe that he IS a wizard?

Korg want be magic-guy. But Korg no have time for "learning". Korg figure out how be magic-guy on Korg own. Korg is intelej...indelli...intelaq.........Korg is smart. Korg be awesomeest magic-guy EVER!

Now where Korg leave Korg famuli...famillow........Where Korg leave Korg magic-cat-pet?




Barbarizard sounds like a Pokémon.

*barbarizard used MAGIC SMASH*
*it was super effective*

[Randel]

What would be hilarious is if other wizards were unable to tell that Korg isn't a real wizard.

Many wizards don't put ranks in Sense Motive, Spot, and other social/perception skills as they put the points into other knowledge skills to improve their powers.

Evil or power hungry wizards (or the ones willing to go raid dungeons instead of go to a wizard university) often dump their charisma score. Half-Orcs especially since they would need to work extra hard to become a wizard. So if Korg acts strange or says stupid stuff then they think its a matter of him being unable to communicate his thoughts properly as opposed to not really having any arcane thoughts to begin with.

If they see him carrying around bits of dead animals or bones then they think he's a necromancer or something, not that he's a barbarian keeping parts of his opponents as a trophy.

Korg could pay bards to sing about his great wizardly tales and give them enough info on his "magic" to make any enemies studying him unable to tell his barbarian magic from real magic.

Their attempts to scry on him don't detect any magic... so he must be using some abjuration to hide his magical auras! Clearly he's smart like that because few mages take the time to hide their arcane auras properly and thus expose themselves to others learning what spells they use!


So... other mages might think he's a necromancer who's using abjuration spells to hide his magical auras, thus leaving no trail for his enemies to find his weakness and try to kill him when he inevitably becomes a lich! The fact that he's incredibly stong and durable clearly means that he's already in the process of turning himself into an undead of some sort. His appearance, strength, durability, and smell all back this theory up (though he does seem to keep his robes in better shape than other necromancers who let their robes turn into moth-eaten tatters while they are wearing them...)


Or he's an abjurer (rare but that just makes their potential more unknown) who's hiding his auras and boosting himself with protective spells.

Or a Transmuter who's permanantly increased his strength and constitution to eliminate the traditional Wizard weaknesses! Only particularly high level spells like Polymorph any Object can achieve a permanant effect like that so he must be powerfull... or might not have even been a half-orc origionally! He could actually have been human, or elvish, or something else before changing species. Cue enemies looking through old books to find any powerful wizards who "dissapeared" and might have taken on a new identity.

Or he's an illusionist (easiest explaination!) and he's hiding his true power behind a veritable onion of multi-layered illusions like a diabolical cake of arcane mystery! Naturally the illusions are hiding his real spells and tricking the mind into thinking that he's just throwing rocks at people... but of course no wizard would be strong enough to throw rocks around and no other class of person could be smart enough to pretend to be a wizard!

And of course there are those who think he's a changeling or something because no half-orc could be smart enough to wield magic like that. This doesn't discount the idea that he might actually be a member of one of those "lesser" spellcasters like a sorcerer or (god forbid) a bard or beguiler. Warmage is the absolute farthest one could rationally expect his deception to go but warmages aren't 'proper' spellcasters and anything less than that would be ridiculous.

Though he could actually be a psion (bah, psionics isn't even close to being real magic) or some other freakish non-mage on account of his startling ability to operate inside of an anti-magic field and protect his spell from dispells, counterspells, and even disjunctions!


Cue Krog running into various enemy wizards who are certain they know his "big secret" and try taking him out with cold iron, garlic, control undead, anti-psionic fields, or overly complex attempts to find out what god he's serving and making him break his divine vows or destroy all the plants in a 100 foot radius so he can't call on the power of nature.

Korg: Korg not stopped by puny weak tricks. Korg magic comes from Korg and not stopped by anything except things too strong for Korg to smash with magic! *brings his big staff back* Nailed... Tooo ... THE... (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/epic/spells/nailedToTheSky.htm)

Evil Wizard: What? Nooo! He's Epic Level! And possibly some kind of arcane demigod who grants himself spells somehow!

Korg: SKY!! (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/epic/spells/nailedToTheSky.htm) *Smashes the evil wizard so hard between the legs that he's launched up into the air and smashes up into the ceiling*

[nedz]

Naah - what he needs is a few levels of Hulking Hurler for those Epic Teleports.

[Larpus]

Sorry about the slight necro, but I do feel the need to add to this with a small concept of my own: the Barbariancist.

It basically means stretching exactly what "illiteracy" of the Barbarian means: it can be interpreted (impending GM approval) as the Barbarian being unable to write and read in all known languages, which mean that, in theory, the Barbarian can, effectively, write and read in a language known only to himself.

As for my Barbarian, since he was in a lighthearted campaign and was almost a joke character (such as having 08 Int and acting as such but being as polished as I could be whenever he'd read his self written romances), his personal language was just the palm of his right hand stamped on the page of a book, but he still could make sense of it; in your case, your Barbarian Wizard can just say to everyone that it's "dragon language" or just say it's a language no one else knows (Orc or Undercommon usually work).

Another thing to consider would be taking a race with Natural Armor so the Mage Armor deal is covered and, if needed, actually give him a normal armor 'cus he's such a prodigy that he learned how to cast in it.

[Firechanter]

BTW, as for Barbarizard spells.
Did you already list Explosive Runes?
Hand someone a folded piece of paper. When they unfold it to read, hit them hard on the head with your club.

[Darth Stabber]

BTW, as for Barbarizard spells.
Did you already list Explosive Runes?
Hand someone a folded piece of paper. When they unfold it to read, hit them hard on the head with your club.

Korg develop his own version - KonKussive Roons
Kord also cast finger of death using titan finger (he has a titan finger made into a club, power attack enough to force a massive damage save)

[LansXero]

What about tossing a giant's foot on people?
http://www.paulprofherbert.com/Gallery/images/Foot%20of%20Gork.jpg

[grarrrg]

What about tossing a giant's foot on people?

*uses Turn Unthread*

[Shpadoinkle]

I believe this is my favorite thread ever.

Gnome Alone, did you ever actually get to play this character? How did it go?

[Mabmoro]

What about tossing a giant's foot on people?


Foot of Python
Components: S, F (Giant's Foot)

Krog not remember where he learn this spell from, but spell is very silly.

[Gnome Alone]

I believe this is my favorite thread ever.

Gnome Alone, did you ever actually get to play this character? How did it go?

I have not actually been able to play this guy yet, but someday, someday.

[Laniius]

he could just go around saying that he has permancied Tenser's Transformation.

[Hiro Protagonest]

he could just go around saying that he has permancied Tenser's Transformation.

Nah, first he has to learn Tenser's Transformation and permanency, then he does that.

[Talya]

If I were dming a "wizard" like this, I would so create an evil animated windmill for the party to battle.

[Cog]

Permanency
Components: V, S, M
Material Component: One flask of sovereign glue.

[NNescio]

Transmute Water to Acid

"Krog bathes in the river."

[QuidEst]

Some of these may have been done, I didn't read everything.

Ghost Sound: Korg inconspicuously stands to one side, and tries to imitate an owl.

Phantasmal Killer: Korg is very good at casting this. Nobody has yet realized it is only an illusion of an angry, deluded barbarian half-orc coming to make a pretzel out of their spine.

Raise Dead: Korg lifts up dead thing.

Mirror Image: Material component: Mirror. Korg stands in front of mirror.

Alternate Mirror Image: Korg hops between four spots. Quickly.

Hideous Laughter: Material component: disposable person. Korg makes a joke, and punches out disposable person when he doesn't laugh.

Fireball: Korg throws campfire. (I would love to see how that goes with the DM.)

Alter Self: Korg puffs out his cheeks and walks on his knees.

[Divide by Zero]

If I were dming a "wizard" like this, I would so create an evil animated windmill gazebo for the party to battle.

Fixed for you Oh wait, he's a barbarian, not a paladin.

[Starwulf]

A few ideas:

I wouldn't recommend giving him a penalty to Int (he could use the skill points to put into various disguise or bluff skills or whatever) but he could totally dump Wis or something. I always though of Intelligence as being (the mental ability to think up cool stuff) while Wisdom is (the mental ability to avoid doing stupid stuff). Charisma is just the ability to look cool while doing whatever you're doing... be it cool or stupid.

Anyway, he'll also need a beard. Wizards have long flowing beards while barbarians might have wild unshaven beards, just give your wild beard a few run-throughs with a comb and you've got the wizard look down pat.

Of course, you could always try to equate a wizards power with the length of their beard.

Evil Wizard: So, you foolish adventurers have come to stop my masters plans? Well, I wil defeat you all with my powerf...

Korg: Korg challange dumb wizard to wizard duel!

Evil Wizard (has no points in sense motive): Oh, so I finally meet the famed Korg the Magical. I must admit you've provem quite effective despite your... ahem... mongrel heritage.

Korg: Korg better wizard than you because Korgs beards bigger than your beard! Korg break your beard and you not be any kind of wizard to hurt anyone!

Evil Wizard: Umm... I see, you think your greater age and experience will give you victory. (Gah, how I dislike dealing with other wizards. We have such abysmal charisma that its a wonder we can talk straight). Well you're mistaken,Old Man! My youth and vitality will se me triumph over you ancie...

Korg: Arcane....DISJUNCTION! RAHHHH!!! *Korg runs up to the Evil Wizard, grabs onto his beard and rips it right off of his face!*

Evil Wizard: HOly Sweet mother of!! My Face, my beauiful face! *grabs onto the bleeding part of his face where his beard was*

Korg: Smite EVILL! *Smashes the evil wizard over the head with his staff of smiting*

Paladin (still a fighter with a horse): Wow, such a wonderous display. Looks like that necromancer won't be causing any more troubles.

Evil Wizard: Oh god I'm in such pain...

Korg: *snaps the evil wizards neck* Korg good at breaking neckromancers.

Paladin: Well then, I'll just go search the rest of the place: Detect Evil *looks at some ugly minion* ... he's evi! Kill him! *kills the minion* Detect Evil *looks at a hot chick* She's good... but wounded. Time to lay on hands!

Korg: Now Korg take evil wizards power for Korgs own. *Takes the ripped off beard and knits the hair into his own beard to make it longer* Now Korgs beard bigger than ever! Korgs wizardly powers get better every time Korg beat other wizards in wizard duels.



If you want to play Korg as being "Fairly smart in his own way." Have him take an interest in stuff like riddles or arcane theories. Not that he cares for them or even half-understands them but he knows how to spout stuff that seems magical for those not versed in it while giving severe headaches to those who actually know how magic works.


Korg: Evil Wizard not be able to defeat Korg because Korgs familiar better than your familiar and grant Korg more spells! *holds up terrified cat*

Evil Wizard: What? Thats not... I don't even have a familiar! Familiars are a waste because wizards lose power if their familiar gets hurt.

Korg: Exactly! Clerics gets spells from gods and get all kinds of spells and can wear armor. Wizards get spells from tiny animals *screaming cat* and get specific blasty spells but can't wear bulky armor. You no have familiar to give you spells while I have a familiar so I stronger than you and you lose already!

Evil Wizard (also has no ranks in sense motive): What?! Thats not possib... but it makes logical sense that the source of magic would require a secondary node to transmit the infromation through nondimentional space...

Korg: Arcane Transformationg! *flexes muscles* Rawwr! *Smashes wizard with his staff*

Evil Wizard: Nooo! I knew I should have gotten that toad familiar instead of trading it for an extra feat! *dies*


Not sure what skills you want Korg to have but Handle Animal could let you train some animals to be your familiars/summoned monsters/thralls or whatever.

Also, there is the feat "Able Learner" (http://dnd.savannahsoft.eu/feat-16-able-learner.html) that lets you buy cross class skill ranks at a ratio of 1:1 but are still limited by the maximum ranks you can have in the skill. So, instead of a character using their skill points to max out one class skill could train in two cross class skills for exactly the same numer of skill points.

Not sure how well this fits in with the character concept but I'm thinking having Korg moderately skilled in bluffing, sense motive, and other skills could come in handy while pretending to be a wizard. Unless you'd rather he just brute force his way through everything which could work out just as well.


Also: He can train various animals to help him (either the nice way or the les than nice way). Use a skunk as the animal focus for the stinking cloud spell.

Oh, and see if there is a way to grapple an enemy wizard by their beard and twirl them around in a circle.

LOLOLOL! I literally almost choked on a damn cracker as I was reading the bit about Korg ripping off the beard. So freaking hilarious!

[Andre]

And no one has mentioned yet Korg's strongest spell, the bane of any spellcasters!

Fear the mighty Mage's Disjunction - Any enemy spellcaster within Korg's fists radius is disjoined. That is, the mage itself is separated into its individual components... say, bones, flesh, muscles, tongue, brain, spinal chord...

[Taelas]

You might want to take a peek at the spoiler posted just above you -- Korg 'cast' "Arcane Disjunction" there.

[Darth Stabber]

"Korg make shelaylay oyl (a bottle of cinnamon oil), so majik staff (greatclub) hit harder."
"Isn't that a druid spell?"
Cue rage and numerous "inflict spells".
"Oh sweet pelor that burns"

Also korg master of psionics. Korg manerfest:
Schism - starts talking to himself, and allows him to cast multiple arcane strikes each round (iteratives)
Shatter Mindblank - also affects teeth.
Ego Whip - "not in the face, not in the face".
Time Hop - knock them into next Tuesday.
Energy Retort - korg only one that manerfest this power as wood (robilar's gambit+greatclub)
Psychic crush - Headbutt.
Affinity Field - whenever someone hits you, you punch everyone else in the area just as hard.
Elfsight-pulls out a severed elf head, and points it all around, when that doesn't work shout "dang this only half-elf".

[NNescio]

Reality Revision - By CROOOOOOM!!!

Related:

http://ompldr.org/vOTdhaA/81560-186971-superboy-prime_super.png

[Vemynal]

I love you and this is amazing, just linked this to my friend who plays a barbarian named "Korgal" =lol

[Timeless Error]

This is such an AMAZING character concept. Really, wow, this is brilliant.

[Socratov]

WOW! what is this, I don't even *brain fries*


seriously though, awesome concept.

anyway, I guess you could do this with druid too :) making a barbarian believe he is a druid :) just by mimicking sounds he will speak 'druidic'

[Nachtritter]

Permission to steal this character concept the next time my GM kills my PC through ridiculousness.

I, too, wish to play a MUSCLE WIZARD.

[Andre]

You might want to take a peek at the spoiler posted just above you -- Korg 'cast' "Arcane Disjunction" there.

Amazing, they are really worded identically. :smallcool:

By the way, could you please point out in which rulebook Arcane Disjunction can be found? Thanks!



More spells!

## Blade of Blood
Components: M - a corpse freshly killed by Korg; S - splashing the weapon with blood.
## Touch of Idiocy
Korg casts this on himself first thing in the morning to avoid being "too overpowering".
##Expeditious Retreat/Haste
Run feat, Fast movement, yelled before moving full speed. :smalltongue:
##Acid Arrow
Components: M - ingest poison, make Fortitude save; V - spit at nearby mage with CON as a dump stat.

[Socratov]

cloudkill(M garlick, V): Korg eats garlick and breathes heavily.

Featherfall(S), ignore damage from falling, this is a mind affecting ability

Daze(M,S) : hit target to the head, is effective against all HD

detect secret door(S(M)): hit agianst the wall until it sounds funny or Korg smashes through the wall, battering ram as focus provides a +10 on the search check

locate city(V,S,M): with a map spekaing the city's name pointing it on a map

discern bloodline(V,S): intimidate check made with the question who/what are you

Master's touch(M,S,V): Korg thrusts a weapon into someone's hands, and threthens them to use it well, the target will **** she/he/it's pants and do it's absolute best to wield it.

Forcewave(S): Korg bullrushes target, no save will apply

Dragon's breath(M,V): Korg takes a sip of very flammable material, and spits it out while holding a torch in front of it. this will create a 15' cone chaped burst of fire, 1d4 per level (max 5d4)

Angry visage(V,S): Korg gets level as bonus on initmidate while raging

Cause fear(V): Korg looks angry and intimidates enemies for 1d4 rounds and they are frightened.

lantern light won't be in the spellbook, because, seriously, Krog will use his rod of Lordly Might :smallamused: and thus can't cast lantern light :smallwink:

[Hiro Protagonest]

cloudkill(M garlick, V): Korg eats garlick and breathes heavily.You mixed up cloudkill and stinking cloud.
detect secret door(S(M)): hit agianst the wall until it sounds funny or Korg smashes through the wall, battering ram as focus provides a +10 on the search check

Automatic success if using an adamantine weapon as a focus.

[Divide by Zero]

You mixed up cloudkill and stinking cloud.

I think you underestimate Korg's breath.

[NNescio]

GlitterIrondust -- Flint and Steel.

[Socratov]

I think you underestimate Korg's breath.

indeed, also stinking could was already accounted for by using farts...

[Omeganaut]

Glitterdust: Throw pouch of flour into the air. Material component: pouch of flour. Why doesn't it glitter? Because Korg is no girly elf.

Detect invisibility: "I SEEEEEE YOU!" Unfortunately the Target moves too fast to catch.

Arcane Lock: focus, one lock, placed on item to be locked. Now magically locked!

Blight: Material component: Contents of Bladder.

Calm Animals: "Animal calm now. See him lying there peacefully? No, he not dead, that silly... oops, maybe Krog too powerful a wizard."

Circle of Death. Draw circle in ground. If a creature crosses into circle, they die.

Confusion: works on enemies that see Krog 'casting'

Contagion: Krog sneezes on nearby opponent.

Create Food/Water: Survival check

Darkvision: Krog even got it permanent on himself. If it doesn't work, then you must have been blinded.

Detect animals or plants: "HEY YOU GU-UYS!"

Discern lies. Requires a hammer to make Law and Order sound, then Krog decides which words are lies and which aren't (hint, most enemies lie all the time)

Disguise Self (as barbarian) "Krog good wizard!"

Disrupt Undead: "He no have head. That disrupted!"

Eyebite: Krog drops pants

Forsight: "Krog knew that would happen!"

Ghost Sound: "Oooooh; Sppooooooooky!"

Hide from animals/undead: "They no can see me know" "Must have good will saves" Material component: Bush, placed on Krog's head.

Hold Portal: "Krog got it!"

Identify: "That pretty necklace."

Illusory script: "Krog protect spellbook with Illusory Script!"

Invisibility "If Krog can't see you, you can't see Krog!"

Mage Hand "Krog mage, so Krog's hand Mage Hand."

Mage's Lucubration: Material Component: alcohol "Krog Lucubrated!"

Mage's Sword: See Mage Hand, replace hand with sword

Magic Mouth: More Ventriloquism

Make Whole: Action: squeeze until parts stick together. Optional material component: Glue

Misdirection: Krog Misdirect other casters to believe Krog simple barbarian.

Open/Close: Focus: key for item to be opened or closed.

Passwall: Focus: digging tools

Produce Flame: Focus; Flint and Steel

Reduce Person/Animal: sit on target

Shrink Item: See above

Ventriloquism: "I'm really speaking from the statue and not from behind the middle door!"

Web: Material component: Net

I don't know if any of these are repeats, but I thought they were good ideas

[Ralcos]

A Barbarian Wizard? That Character must have been an illegitimate child to an actual wizard, but was raised by his father, being the chief of his clan.

[Divide by Zero]

Calm Animals: "Animal calm now. See him lying there peacefully? No, he not dead, that silly... oops, maybe Krog too powerful a wizard."

He not dead, he...he resting.

[NNescio]

He not dead, he...he resting.

Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

[Shpadoinkle]

Animate Dead - Ties strings to a corpse and uses it like a marionette

Animate Rope - Replaces the rope with a snake when he thinks nobody's looking

Blindness - Throws a handful of pepper

Charm Person - Five words: "Fezzik, tear his arms off."

Chain Lightning - Whirlwind attack with a Shocking weapon

Color Spray - Punches target in the face while holding a handful of colorful feathers

Dancing Lights - Waves around a torch

Endurance - He has this one cast and permanancied on himself several times already, of course.

False Vision - Focus: A psychoactive toad the target has to lick

Feather Fall - Somatic component: Frantically flapping his arms

Gentle Repose - Material component: a large barrel of alcohol

Hold Person/Monster: Foci: nets and ropes

Move Earth - Focus: a shovel

Nightmare - Hides and waits until the target is asleep, then jumps out screaming as loud as he can

Obscuring Mist - Spits a large mouthful of water

Passwall - Foci: a big hammer and/or mining pick

Persistent Image - Draws a picture and nails it to a wall (or just draws it on the wall)

Phantasmal Killer - He channels this one through his own body and temporarily becomes the PK himself

Polymorph (other) - Breaks the bones of whatever he casts it on until they're polymorphed into an ooze

Rope Trick - Focus: A big sack and a length of rope.

Sculpt Sound - Shouts at the top of his lungs to drown out the real sound

Shield - Stands in front of the person he's casting it on.

Slow - Breaks the targets' legs

Wall of Fire - Lights a bunch of torches and sets them on the ground

[Dragonsoul]

Split Spell-Cleave

[Darth Stabber]

Repeating spell: hits you again next turn.
Empower Spell: power attack
Maximize spell: leap attack

[Socratov]

*bump* Oh what is this? Ah, yes... this nice and shiny diamond...

seriously though, we should start looking for feats and more spells :)

spells:

animate weapon, korg swings his weapon while claiming it moves on it's own (best used for punisment among partymembers "you deserved it, club thinks" )

Meterioite fall: take ranks in prestigeclass hulking hurler and lift and hurl giant boulders. This spell is only available to wizards with the hulking hurler prestige class ("Korg has taken presti-thingy class, Now Korg more powerful")

Pity the Fool: Korg pities the fool who challenges him, the fool (i.e. enemy) is shaken vor 1 round /caster level

Fly, swift: Korg jumps

Bull's strength: Korg Rages!

Mud to stone: Korg grabs some mud and squishes the water from it

Stone to mud: Korg spits on stone

Stone to sand: see disintegrate

Feats:

Craft wand: Korg picks up a twig and scratches is, presto: Korg has wand now, however, Only Korg can use it.

empower [metamagic]: Korg rages

Twin spell[metamagic]: Instead of once, Korg attacks twice

widen spell: whirlwind attack

[NNescio]

Baleful Utterance: Krog tell bad joke.
Miasmic Cloud: Krog burp.
Summon Swarm: Krog open loincloth flap.
Cold Comfort: Krog hug allies.
Mask of Flesh: Krog rip enemies' faces off.
Caster's Lament: Krog listen to the lamentations of your women.
Path of Shadow: Krog hold up tower shield.
Steal Summoning: Krog perform submission hold on creature.

Hellfire Blast: Krog eat onions. Then burp.

[Socratov]

Summon Swarm: Krog open loincloth flap.

thank you for waking my dirty mind...

[JackRackham]

Idk if this adds to or detracts from the awesomeness of this character concept but if you want some character development, you could take Bear Warrior ("wow, Korg has gotten WAY better at magic...."). Your teammates would have long since realized you didn't really cast magic (really, they would?) and their characters would be SHOCKED when you turn into a bear.

Importantly, I don't see this as actual magic. I've always fluffed it as getting so pissed you turn into a freaking BEAR!!!

Another option is frenzied berzerker, if you want your guy to cast greater (whatever you call ur rage). You can only cast it once per day, initially, because it is a high-level spell slot.

Apologies if any of this has been suggested, I only read the 1st two pages of the thread.

[Hiro Protagonest]

Idk if this adds to or detracts from the awesomeness of this character concept but if you want some character development, you could take Bear Warrior ("wow, Korg has gotten WAY better at magic...."). Your teammates would have long since realized you didn't really cast magic (really, they would?) and their characters would be SHOCKED when you turn into a bear.

Importantly, I don't see this as actual magic. I've always fluffed it as getting so pissed you turn into a freaking BEAR!!!

Another option is frenzied berzerker, if you want your guy to cast greater (whatever you call ur rage). You can only cast it once per day, initially, because it is a high-level spell slot.

Apologies if any of this has been suggested, I only read the 1st two pages of the thread.

"KROG CAST POLYMORPH!!!"

[Guest#1]

I admit to being a bit confused, mainly because I don't recognize the options. Are you trying to play a Barbarian that everyone thinks is a spellcasting wizard, or a Wizard that everything thinks is a rampaging barbarian? Or is he just trying to convince himself? In either case, I'd think you a Duskblade or something similar rather than a Wizard.

There are several Rage feats that do stuff like sheathe you in ice or set you on fire. They would be very effective towards making people believe you are a spellcaster.

Remember that Raging doesn't mean you need to be drooling incomprehensibly. You could be chanting, or yelling out litanies during combat - although I'd think you a Paladin in that case.

the point is that it's a very stupid barbarian who is sure that he is a mighty wizard

[Darth Stabber]

lesser Orb of cold = Snowball fight!
lesser Orb of acid = material component acid flask

[Hiro Protagonest]

TURN UNTHREAD lower case

[noparlpf]

Fireball: throws torch, runs in and uses Whirlwind Attack.
There's also feat that lets you throw a weapon during a charge. I think it's called Hurling Charge...maybe from the Miniatures Handbook?

By the bye, this all sounds very familiar. Do I know you?

[grarrrg]

TURN UNTHREAD lower case

I wish you luck. It resisted the first attempt. I think its level is too high.
(See page 5, 2nd post)

[Hiro Protagonest]

I wish you luck. It resisted the first attempt. I think its level is too high.
(See page 5, 2nd post)

I know.

Wait! I'm helping it resist my own turning check! Turn Unthread! Turn Unthread!

[Wyntonian]

I feel like this could work as a Psion too.

Ego Whip?

"Thog think your mom ugly!"

Inflict Pain?

Guess.

Psionic Knock?

*Whacks head into door until it opens*

[Rimeheart]

This is bloody brilliant.

[Dalek-K]

Blade Barrier: Sword Chucks Yo'

[QuidEst]

I'm not sure where you can use it, but I think a cry of "Kame hame falcon SMASH!" should be implemented if it's possible.

[DonQuixote]

What happens if Korg dies and reanimates himself? KORG THE LICH. :xykon:

Necropolitan. One level in monk, nineteen levels in barbarian.

He now has a touch attack (unarmed strike) and a lich's paralyzing touch (Stunning Fist), as well as all the spells Korg had in life.

He'll also think that he's invincible--"What you mean, be careful? Korg has fila...fillet...Korg has magic life-box!"

May God have mercy on our souls...

[MeeposFire]

Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

Wait is this an Eric the Awful reference?

[legomaster00156]

This concept, sir, is the greatest I have ever seen, You have, by some miracle, won your own thread.

[Hiro Protagonest]

This concept, sir, is the greatest I have ever seen, You have, by some miracle, won your own thread.

If you win a thread by posting a post in it, do you win a subforum by posting a thread in it?

[grarrrg]

What happens if Korg dies and reanimates himself? KORG THE LICH. :xykon:

Necropolitan. One level in monk, nineteen levels in barbarian.

He now has a touch attack (unarmed strike) and a lich's paralyzing touch (Stunning Fist), as well as all the spells Korg had in life.

He'll also think that he's invincible--"What you mean, be careful? Korg has fila...fillet...Korg has magic life-box!"

May God have mercy on our souls...

Korg not take levels in not-barbarianWizard class, then Korg would lose caster level!
Lich tembl, tenp,...LA too high! not good for Korg. Korg need more barbarianwizardness!

Korg prepared Explosive Runes this morning!
But Korg no can read...

[legomaster00156]

If you win a thread by posting a post in it, do you win a subforum by posting a thread in it?

Ah! Even better!

[DonQuixote]

Korg not take levels in not-barbarianWizard class, then Korg would lose caster level!
Lich tembl, tenp,...LA too high! not good for Korg. Korg need more barbarianwizardness!

Well, I guess it can just be modeled with Improved Unarmed Strike/Superior Unarmed Strike and the Stunning Fist feat. Lord knows that a barbarianwizard's damage relies very little on his actual weapon.

[Enterti]

Thread is getting a little tl/dr so forgive me if these or similar have been presented

Time stop- sits in empty room by himself

Prestidigitation- whenever he does anything not covered by another spell

I would also like to add that this thread has the best opening post ever, of all time

[TinyMushroom]

"KROG CAST POLYMORPH!!!"

Polymorph. Perhaps the messiest one yet.

[Mutazoia]

Wait is this an Eric the Awful reference?

Kid's these days...no classical education...

It's a Monty Python reference

[grarrrg]

Top 3 ways (in no particular order) to have a thread NOT get locked for Threadcomancy.

1. It is an FAQ type thread (usually gets Stickied).

2. It is a [class]-Handbook thread.

3. The thread is pure undiluted awesomeness.

That is all.

[nedz]

Krog crafts magic items now:
Bag of Tricks - Sack full of small forest critters
Staff of Power - Greatclub
Rodney of Metamagic - requires Leadership for WizardBarbarian cohort

[Hiro Protagonest]

Top 3 ways (in no particular order) to have a thread NOT get locked for Threadcomancy.

1. It is an FAQ type thread (usually gets Stickied).

2. It is a [class]-Handbook thread.

3. The thread is pure undiluted awesomeness.

That is all.

4. PM a mod. Get their permission to raise it. It's in the rules.

Plus I don't think this has every gone 6 weeks between posts.

[Doughnut Master]

Minor Creation- He just rips some plants out of the ground.

"You pretty. I use wizard powers to make you flowers. We married now."

[Black_Zawisza]

Create Water: Thog passing urine. :smallbiggrin:

[nedz]

Create Water: Thog passing urine. :smallbiggrin:
Create Food: (I think I'll just leave that to your imagination):smallsmile:

[Diefje]

Paint your "familiar" silver, claim you are a master golemmaster.

Live in a house with bricked up doors, claim it is your mage tower. Teleport in/out via jumping through the window. Have animated discussion about wizardry with anyone who manages to penetrate your magical defenses.

Stand on a bridge, screaming "YOU SHALL NOT PASS" and proceed to sunder the bridge. Bonus points for saying "run, you fools" to bewildered bystanders as you fall.

Arcane Mark - punch someone in the face, so you can find him later on with your magical fist-shaped bruise-colored rune.

Liveoak - the tree next to your house has a smileyface carved into it. Claim it is a treant that guards your mage tower. And that druids stole the spell from master wizards such as yourself.

Plane Shift - after successfully teleporting your party, inform them you have arrived on the plane that looks exactly like the Material Plane, except all dragons wear moustaches. Inquire about said moustache with the next dragon you meet.

[The Boz]

My cheeks hurt from laughing.

[A_S]

Take the Leadership feat to get a cohort:
-Prestidigitation: "GET OVER HERE AND CLEAN THIS UP!"
-Unseen Servant: "GIMME THAT!"
-Amanuensis: "Here, copy this!"
-Message: "Pssst! Go tell the cleric to come heal me!"
-True Strike: He flanks for you.
-Identify: "Hey, go find out what the hell this thing is."
-Mirror Image: You dress him in the same armor you're wearing and have him stand next to you.
-Luminous Assassin: Dress the cohort in something shiny, then yell at him to kill somebody.

[Mrgnjr]

This has got to be the best idea I've heard, Ever! i want to know how this character works out when someone gets a chance to play him.

[Gavinfoxx]

-True Strike: He flanks for you.


He flanks for you and tries to aid another so you can hit!

[Socratov]

Hold person/animal/dimensional anchor: he grapples...

[cthulhubear]

Fireball: He grabs an enemy or ally if your feeling gutsy, preferably an elf, sets them on fire, and throws them.

[DrDeth]

We had a player do something quite a bit like this once. It was hilarious the first game. Mild chuckles the 2nd. Annoying as all heck after that, to the point where about the 5th time one of his fellow players said “If you’re gonna run him again, then I am just going to sit out. “ So, please, if this is a one shot in a not serious game, by all means do it.

But just be aware the joke gets old pretty fast.

[Dr.Epic]

His spells are written on weapons. A dagger is the equivalent of two pages from a spell book (since it has two sides). Bigger weapons are more pages. Your character will then memorize spells by starring at weapons.:smallwink:

[Socratov]

His spells are written on weapons. A dagger is the equivalent of two pages from a spell book (since it has two sides). Bigger weapons are more pages. Your character will then memorize spells by starring at weapons.:smallwink:

ofcourse Korg gijsh then...

[Grytorm]

Invisibility- Korg close eyes amd shout "Korg no see you!"

Greater Invisibility- Same as Invisibility, but Korg take off clothing!

[Rubik]

He can cast Create Water a few times per day, but only when his bladder is really full.

He can cast Simulacrum, but his version is a ritual requiring two people, the other of which must be female, and it takes about 20 years to finish...

To cast Grease, he simply doesn't bathe for a few weeks then rubs them on his head.

His version of Shatter is to sunder his opponent's weaponry. His even works on magic weapons!

[Suteinu]

Just saw this. Reminds me of a character my younger brother played back in 2nd Ed: a kender archer w/ Bands of Billaro and a Wand of Wonder, between which he had convinced himself that he was a wizard.

Is still waiting for an invitation to take his Test in a Tower of High Sorcery.

[doko239]

Some gear for Krog the Mighty Wizard:

Gauntlets of Ogre Power (on a string thru his armor, so he doesn't lose them)

Bag of Holding (which contains a full kitchen, his mother, and a bottle of air; Bag lunch everyday!)

Wand of Haste (Only works on his familiar for some reason. Also, looks suspiciously like a launching crossbow)

[Ranting Fool]

If I were dming a "wizard" like this, I would so create an evil animated windmill for the party to battle.

Yes that would be a way to go:smallsmile:

Well I laughed a little too hard there :smallbiggrin:

Now if I was in a party with Mighty Wizard Krog I would play a beguiler and watch how confused everyone got when Krog started randomly to do some really funky spells :smallbiggrin: Oh the confusion :smallbiggrin: Oh the jokes that could be made :smallbiggrin: *I'm tempted to add a few more smilies but I don't want to get banned + my face hurts now*

[TuggyNE]

:durkon:: TURN UNTHREAD!

Seriously: this was and is an awesome thread, but it's past the limit, sorry.

[Hiro Protagonest]

:durkon:: TURN UNTHREAD!

Seriously: this was and is an awesome thread, but it's past the limit, sorry.

It hasn't been six weeks. If there was a necro, it was a while ago.

But yeah, it's getting annoying.

[Rubik]

:durkon:: TURN UNTHREAD!

Seriously: this was and is an awesome thread, but it's past the limit, sorry.And I say that's a stupid reason to lock a thread. If it's awesome and there's more to discuss, we should be able to without cluttering up the server with redundant topics.

That's 99% of why we have Monkdays around here.

[TuggyNE]

It hasn't been six weeks. If there was a necro, it was a while ago.

But yeah, it's getting annoying.

The necro I referred to was, indeed, a few weeks ago :smallwink:

01-03-2012 04:54 PM to 04-02-2012 12:30 PM.

[grarrrg]

The necro I referred to was, indeed, a few weeks ago :smallwink:

01-03-2012 04:54 PM to 04-02-2012 12:30 PM.

This thread has been Necro'd at least 4 times by now.
I think its Saves are too high.

[Rubik]

His version of swiftblade is the triple-deluxe espressoccino he drinks every morning.

[Gnome Alone]

It's been necro-ed a lot. Always cracks me up. Also that's the second time someone's made the joke about it too high of a level to be turned or something. I still have yet to actually play Korg the Magical, but the night is young and all.

[TuggyNE]

Also that's the second time someone's made the joke about it too high of a level to be turned or something.

Someone should stat up a silly template that is applied to Plants* to make them undead and give them a great deal of turn resistance. :smallbiggrin:

*Thread? Anything?

[Zubrowka74]

I don't know if it has been mentioned yet but...

Power Word, Disgust : Burps and belches

Cloudkill : Cracks a huge fart.

(It's a barbarian after all, eh)

[QuidEst]

Prismatic Ray: Krog point at rainbow, then Krog hit seven people while they distracted.
Glitterdust: Krog squish sparkly fairy.
Fly: Krog hold arms out sideways and make "BBbbbbbbbb!" noise. Others not understand. Krog just ahead of Krog's time.
Raise Dead: Krog lift dead guy. What? Is Cleric spell? Oh. Krog not lift dead guy. Krog put dead guy back down. All better, see?
Ghost Sound: Krog go "Ooooh! OoooOOoooooh! Boogaboogabooga!"
Disrupt Undead: Krog think battleaxe component of spell disrupt undead pretty good.
Touch of Fatigue: Krog touch back of person's head, hard. Person so fatigued, person go to sleep.
Touch of Idiocy: Krog touch back of person's head, very hard.
Message: KROG WHISPER REALLY LOUD.
Comprehend Languages: Krog understand what funny Dwarfy man is saying. Krog just not tell you.
Detect Thoughts: Hmm. Krog will listen to person's thoughts. Hmm. Person is wishing person could just say thoughts out loud right now. Person is also wishing for Krog to hit person very, very hard. Person is lucky, and can pick one!
False Life: What is you needing Krog cast False Life for? You is playing D&D, and is having false life already.

[Doughnut Master]

Magic Mouth = Profession (Sock Puppeteer)

[grarrrg]

I think at this point, the OP should change the title to "Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Lich"

[Zubrowka74]

"Help Me Be Annoying with an Epic Barbarian Lich"

[Morph Bark]

"Help Me Be Annoying with a Barbarian Incantatrix Demilich"?

[Uncle Pine]

Men, I'm using Korg as a NPC in my 4th level campaign and he's AWESOME!!!
Not to mention that the whole party think that he IS a powerful wizard :smallbiggrin:
Thank you, Gnome Alone!

[_flint_]

Mystic Agility: Uncanny dodge, trapsense-claims it's an immediate spell

TIME FOR CANTRIPS!!!

Acid splash: Urinates on opponent

Detect magic: Looks at something for fifteen seconds, if it is fancy looking or shiny it's magical

Daze: Hits enemy with pommel of sword/Shouts "BOO" in their face

Dancing Lights: Lights a lantern/torch and swings it around

Flare: Throws torch in opponent's face

Light: Sets object on fire

Ray of Frost: requires cold environment, throws water at opponent

Ghost sound: Attempts to throw his voice

Touch of Fatigue: Tickles opponent

Mending: Smashes broken pieces back together

Message: Shouts across the battlefield

Open/Close: Refuses to open or close anything, claiming it would be a waste of his spells per day

Arcane Mark: Doodles on an object

Prestidigitation: Never bathes, waves his hands over his body every morning and claims he smells fine

[koboldish]

Fly (probably already been posted, but I haven't seen it yet): ties flasks of holy water to self. They are lighter than air, because flasks are heavier when empty!

Resurrect thread: post something way to late like I am doing right now.