Most Boring Monster Movie Ever

[Serpentine]

A little while ago, I saw the movie Monsters. The premise is pretty interesting: half of Mexico has been taken over by impossibly huge, Lovecraftian monsters from another world, and a couple of people want to get from Mexico to the US - straight through the quarantine zone.
The monsters are massive and interesting, and the cinematography is good, but... nothing really happens. There are 3 or 4 scenes where they interact with the monsters, and that's it. The rest is them talking and walking around.
I think they were going for a sort of character study of people in the midst of an extraordinary event, which would've been fine, even quite good, except the characters they intend to study are dead boring.
Here's everything you find out about the characters in the course of this film that I remember (I don't think they're spoilers, but I'll spoiler them anyway just in case):She is the daughter of a media businessman. She's engaged but not happy, and practiced laughing when she was little.
He is an employee of her father's, a photographer but hired to bring her home. He has a son, with whom he talks, but the mother hasn't told the boy who his father is. He's a bit of an idiot.
Supposedly there's massive chemistry between them, but I don't see it.Annnd... that's it. That's all we ever find out about them (or close to it), and that's just not very interesting.
So, all in all, Monsters is a movie that shunts the monsters into the background while focussing hard on boring characters, rendering it, I suspect, the most boring monster movie ever made.

What do you all think? Am I wrong, and it was a masterpiece in subtlety? Or was I wrong, and there's this other monster movie that's way more boring than this one? Or am I, like, totally right?

[Rappy]

So, all in all, Monsters is a movie that shunts the monsters into the background while focussing hard on boring characters, rendering it, I suspect, the most boring monster movie ever made.
No, the truth is that humans are the monsters!

...Seriously. I forget where I read it, but I believe that was supposedly the point of the movie in the end.


What do you all think? Am I wrong, and it was a masterpiece in subtlety? Or was I wrong, and there's this other monster movie that's way more boring than this one? Or am I, like, totally right?
I've seen Monsters, and it doesn't quite hold up to the standards of boredom set by Monster A Go-Go.

[Serpentine]

No, the truth is that humans are the monsters!

...Seriously. I forget where I read it, but I believe that was supposedly the point of the movie in the end.But... the humans didn't even do anything particularly bad :smallconfused: A bit jerkishness, but that's it.
What's Monster A Go-Go like/about?

[Rappy]

What's Monster A Go-Go like/about?
That's a good question. It is supposedly about a radioactive mutant astronaut pilot, but it sort of meanders through without any major direction, and then at the end goes into an unneeded "is this real, or just fantasy?" screed. It is one of the few old, bad monster movies that I tire of even with the comedic stylings of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

[Leecros]

So, all in all, Monsters is a movie that shunts the monsters into the background while focussing hard on boring characters, rendering it, I suspect, the most boring monster movie ever made.

What do you all think? Am I wrong, and it was a masterpiece in subtlety? Or was I wrong, and there's this other monster movie that's way more boring than this one? Or am I, like, totally right?

I don't think you're too far off, but i doubt it's the most boring monster movie ever made. Of course i've seen a lot of boring monster films. I watch a lot of the B-films that air on Sci-Fi. Some of them are horribly stupid. Occasionally there's a rare gem, but most of them are mediocre at best.

Why do i watch them?
Cuz they make me giggle.:smallbiggrin:

[Serpentine]

Then they can't be that boring, can they :smalltongue:

[Eldan]

Yeah. Cringe-inducingly bad is quite different from boring. I can stomach a horribly bad, but entertaining movie if there's enough laughably bad effects, cheesy lines and failed science. But a really boring movie is jsut unwatchable.

[Leecros]

You're right and i guess i phrased it poorly.

[Om]

From what I've heard Monsters should not be considered a monster movie at all. Not in a bad way, its just that the focus is most definitely not on the monsters and more a study of the (normal) humans as they travel through this zone

Even then I don't see how it could be more boring than the recent King Kong remake. One of the few films that I've simply been unable to finish

[Southern Cross]

I nominate Reptilicus. I've had more entertainment from watching Larry Buchanan flicks. Indisputably the worst of Sid Pink's Danish films (even Journey to the 7th Planet had lots of cute imaginary girls in it,plus the Uranian sets were cheezily cool).

[Tengu_temp]

That's a good question. It is supposedly about a radioactive mutant astronaut pilot, but it sort of meanders through without any major direction, and then at the end goes into an unneeded "is this real, or just fantasy?" screed. It is one of the few old, bad monster movies that I tire of even with the comedic stylings of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Oh boy. Monster A Go-Go is probably the worst movie I've seen, ever. Nothing interesting happens in it, ever, almost the whole movie is just people talking recorder in that terrible low-quality oldschool audio where everyone sounds the same and you can't understand anything. There's nothing entertainingly bad about this movie, it's just extremely boring - so boring that even MST3K can't save it. Manos is a masterpiece in comparison.

[Serpentine]

From what I've heard Monsters should not be considered a monster movie at all. Not in a bad way, its just that the focus is most definitely not on the monsters and more a study of the (normal) humans as they travel through this zone

Even then I don't see how it could be more boring than the recent King Kong remake. One of the few films that I've simply been unable to finishKing Kong has a dinosaur stampede.
Monsters has a (a) monster attack... off-screen, while we watch the insipid main characters cower.

[Om]

King Kong has a dinosaur stampedeThe most boring one in film history. And that was a highlight of the ten hours (approx)


Monsters has a (a) monster attack... off-screen, while we watch the insipid main characters cower.Again, pretty much the point. Monsters isn't about the monsters or society or whatevs. Its about these two mundane characters. I wouldn't say its exactly mumblecore but its clearly around that area. Which you may find to be entirely sleep-inducing. That's fine (I know I do) but you'll definitely be bored if you expect it to be something akin to Godzilla. Different type of film entirely

[Serpentine]

But as I said, those two characters about whom this is meant to be a study are deadly, deathly dull. Like I said, a character study against the backdrop of massive monster disaster could be interesting. But not when those characters are stone dead boring. It's just doubly dull.

[Bhu]

You need to watch these Serp:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKO-LoNl39o

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsdB9K9k22c

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjkV70k-3bE

a review of monsters: http://blogs.whatsontv.co.uk/movietalk/2010/12/16/monsters-low-fi-sci-fi-british-filmmaker-gareth-edwards-turns-a-small-budget-into-a-big-success/

that might explain some of it

also spoilers: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1470827/board/nest/168432776

[Innis Cabal]

Monsters-A Go Go is about divers that get overtaken by some form of mutant algea/barnacles and become zombies vampires that go on a rampage through what would otherwise have been a Beach Boys movie.

It's no where near as bad as Robot Monster, which is just Freudian enough to be hysterical but not Jungian enough to be entertaining.

[Serpentine]

Hmmm. The review, if true, makes the movie more philosophically interesting, and the imdb point could make it worth having another look at, but neither makes the journey any less... empty.

[Lord Seth]

All I know about Monster A-Go-Go is that in the Manos: The Hands of Fate episode of MST3K, Joel tries to rally up the others (who are despairing over how bad Manos is) by saying "Come on guys! We survived Monster A-Go-Go, didn't we?"

[Innis Cabal]

It's fairly awful but honestly not the worst of the movies they did in the shows run. Last of the Star Fighters, Robot Monster, The Space Children...those were all bad. Monsters A Go Go was at the very least so absurd it was amusing.

[Om]

But as I said, those two characters about whom this is meant to be a study are deadly, deathly dull. Like I said, a character study against the backdrop of massive monster disaster could be interesting. But not when those characters are stone dead boring. It's just doubly dull.You're missing my point. I'm not saying that Monsters is not a boring film, I'm saying it is, despite its title, not a monster film

[Tengu_temp]

It's fairly awful but honestly not the worst of the movies they did in the shows run. Last of the Star Fighters, Robot Monster, The Space Children...those were all bad. Monsters A Go Go was at the very least so absurd it was amusing.

Oh boy. If those movies are more awful than Monster A Go Go, then I'm not sure do I want to see them - because I heartly disagree that there was anything amusing about this atrocity. Hobgoblins, Puma Man, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians - those are amusing despite (or rather, because of) their badness. Not Monster A Go Go.

[Tazar]

Godzilla vs. Megalon has to be up there.

[grimbold]

Godzilla vs. Megalon has to be up there.

my friend has a cousin who was in that movie

[Tazar]

my friend has a cousin who was in that movie

I'm so sorry. :smalltongue:

Kidding aside, that's pretty awesome.

[Innis Cabal]

Oh boy. If those movies are more awful than Monster A Go Go, then I'm not sure do I want to see them - because I heartly disagree that there was anything amusing about this atrocity. Hobgoblins, Puma Man, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians - those are amusing despite (or rather, because of) their badness. Not Monster A Go Go.

I felt the commentary of Monster A Go Go and the skits were funny, the movie itself? No, not funny at all.

As for the one's I've listed.

Last of the Star Fighters: A movie about fighter pilots refueling their jets in flight all to a stunningly boring sound track which comprises a single song. There is no plot.

Robot Monster: Is just...uncomfortable in a sense. It's a dream of a young boy about robotic monster apemen killing the planet for...little reason and features not just one but two lead outs to sex scenes with the young boys sister. First with another of the characters mixed up with the people (consensual) and the titular Robot Monster (Not consensual). The entire end has segways with a alligator fighting a stuffed dinosaur for no reason. It's a very Freudian movie and a whole 'nother thread to cover it all.

The Space Children: A Sci-Fi film with the actors who played the Professor from Gilligan's Island and Fester from The Adam's Family (Who sports a -thong-) and written by the guy who directed a good deal of the Brady Bunch and also Gilligan's Island. It's a Cold War Era take on Mutually Assured Destruction and how an Alien (Via mind controlling children) stops the entire nuclear arsenal of the entire world because and I quote "The world isn't ready yet." It's not bad because some parts aren't funny, it's bad because the entire thing is so absurd and handled so inappropriately anyone living in the Cold War Era will flinch.

[Serpentine]

my friend has a cousin who was in that movieA friend of my dad's was in Howling III. Yeeeaaaah...

[Bhu]

A friend of my dad's was in Howling III. Yeeeaaaah...

omg that poor man...

[Southern Cross]

Could have been worse: he could have been in Event Horizon. Even E.T. was better than this anti-intellectual atrocity.

[Lurkmoar]

Could have been worse: he could have been in Event Horizon. Even E.T. was better than this anti-intellectual atrocity.

For serious? I find it's a good lead up to Warhammer 40k. :smalltongue:

As for the OP, character study is alright... but I find them as appealing or interesting as eldritch abominations running rampant. With a title like Monsters, I either want to see the travels of a haunted Doctor seeking to stop a serial killer or some monsters rampaging around.

[Bhu]

Could have been worse: he could have been in Event Horizon. Even E.T. was better than this anti-intellectual atrocity.

You'll have to see the deleted scenes of Event Horizon. In the directors cut they mentioned they had to make massive cuts to the film because the studio was shocked by how dark a film had been made. Theres only so much of it surviving still to be included as deleted scenes on that release, and it was pretty darn messed up.

[Southern Cross]

To be honest,the idea of Event Horizon being a prequel to Warhammer 40K makes me more convinced that universe is a suitable target for the Ultimate Nullifier....
And if the incomplete Event Horizon was considered to be a lighter version of the original version, I certainly don't want to see any of the deleted scenes!!!!

[SiuiS]

Event horizon disappointed me because they took a standard plot, left it as bland as when they pulled it out of the hat, and went nowhere with it.
"man brings technology to a point where he steps on god's toes, and hubris results." boring!

Not only that, But the general bias irritates me. We punch a wormhole to... Hell. Not Hel, not Gehenna, not hades, not The Underworld, not anything from any of the more obscure mythologies. Hell.
And then, confirming that the continuity of the movie approaches a specific ethos as true, ignores any other implications.

The entire point was to set up a bunch of brutal suffering and mind screws. They accidentally develop a cool story idea while doing so, but leave it in the conceptual stages so it doesn't detract from their brutal mind screw.

On the upside, this thread has given me a couple movies to look into.

[Bhu]

They described it as hell, but none of the hell scenes contain fire or devils or anything. Just suffering and insanity, and slowly decaying screaming people covered in parasites hanging on hooks or something. Or having coitus while murdering each other. It wasn't quite the traditional Hell, and it would've been interesting to see what the crew did if the studio hadn't looked at it and went "OMG TOO DARK! TOO DARK! REVERSE ENGINES NO ONE WILL LIKE THIS!"

[Serpentine]

omg that poor man...Woman, actually. I haven't seen the movie, though, so I don't know what sort of a role she has in it.