Video Game Excuses

[Otherworld Odd]

You all know what I'm talking about, I'm sure. You're playing with a friend and they lose. "This controller sucks." There's so many excuses I've heard and it's kind of a pet peeve when people just can't suck up a loss. Of course, if the controller really does suck, it's understandable.


What are some of the more ridiculous excuses you guys have heard over game losses?

[Triscuitable]

I've had one. I was playing Street Fighter Alpha, and lost. My friend rubbed it in, but the game was very close. One more Gadoken and I would have won. (Gadoken is not a typo.)

[hobbitkniver]

Llllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[GolemsVoice]

That heal was through! I did CLEARLY not stand in this! I didn't SEE this!

[Eldan]

This game has bugs! See? It totally didn't count my hit! It's unbalanced! They should patch this!

[MrPig]

My friend used to complain about his wireless controller batteries running out and thus affecting his performance.

[Emperor Ing]

My friend used to complain about his wireless controller batteries running out and thus affecting his performance.

I had this one not too long ago, it would turn off every 5 minutes even though the system said the battery was ~75% full :smallsigh:
My personal favorites (that I am guilty as charged of) is lag, and terrible team.

[MrPig]

I had this one not too long ago, it would turn off every 5 minutes even though the system said the battery was ~75% full :smallsigh:
My personal favorites (that I am guilty as charged of) is lag, and terrible team.

Well, the controller didn't die. At all. He just claimed that the weak batteries are the reason for his sluggish performance.

[Trekkin]

From a less than technically inclined girlfriend after playing Mario Kart:
"I'm too naturey; the box likes you more because you're all techy."

Praise the Omnissiah, apparently.

[Gaius Marius]

From a less than technically inclined girlfriend after playing Mario Kart:
"I'm too naturey; the box likes you more because you're all techy."

Praise the Omnissiah, apparently.

It's merely spiritual rationalization to a very existing situation. You are more in synch with the Ways of the Game, of its Controller, to be able to practically make it work the way you wish.

Like a Man/Car relationship. Do I make sense? Some people know their pets, other know their forest, you know your Machine.

[druid91]

From a less than technically inclined girlfriend after playing Mario Kart:
"I'm too naturey; the box likes you more because you're all techy."

Praise the Omnissiah, apparently.

My Desktop would flip out whenever anyone but me used it, it is now my sisters computer. It's still mine but they are the main users...

It hasn't worked well.

[Timberwolf]

Lemme see...

I've seen accusations of hacking, character sucks, build sucks etc etc.

Game specific, the one I have most experience of is Mechwarrior 4. There's a few from that.

"###### Poptarts" - the individuals who hide behind a hill in a jumpjet equipped mech with ridiculous firepower and no armour. If they fire everything it shuts down due to heat. The invention of this tactic was not a good thing and tends to result in a server full of them while you want to get in a few fights. A good excuse for why you made a poor tactical choice.

"Oi, you've pimped your connection !" - mainly to be seen in a game of Capture the flag, this is using lag as your friend. The runner, who drives a small, fast mech, will often tell the game they are using a far faster connection than they are, inducing lag and making them very hard to hit as they warp everywhere. Irritating, but generally discouraged. Still, a good excuse for why you can't hit him.

"Hah, I lost because I took a (insert mech that no one takes) However, this means I have far more style than you in your (insert ultra popular config)" Everyone has mechs and weapons they hate. Some things though, despite being sub optimal, you just love. Always a good excuse for propping up the leaderboard.

"Oh no, I forgot to read the game type." Done by me, once, when I didn't notice it had changed and took a small, thinly armoured mech in a game type that awarded one point for a kill. On a server full of big, heavy, stupidly over gunned opponents. Yeah, went well.

[Trekkin]

It's merely spiritual rationalization to a very existing situation. You are more in synch with the Ways of the Game, of its Controller, to be able to practically make it work the way you wish.

Like a Man/Car relationship. Do I make sense? Some people know their pets, other know their forest, you know your Machine.

Oddly, it was my younger brother's. I don't bother with consoles often, so I use his whenever I want to play with friends in the same room.

I have, however, noticed an affinity effect of the sort you describe with my desktop. I built its first incarnation with parts out of a dumpster when I was five (by which I mean peripherals and an intact box) and have upgraded its components piecemeal since as it's gone through various incarnations from gaming PC to render engine to protein folder. I do all the maintenance on it myself, and it simply will not start correctly for anyone else that's tried.

Another fun excuse: "I'm on an a laptop!"...in games with a mouse-only interface.

[Lhurgyof]

Well, the controller didn't die. At all. He just claimed that the weak batteries are the reason for his sluggish performance.

That actually does happen from time to time on my controller. It wasn't getting my crouch until a few clicks in a second ago, and time and time again before my controller dies I'll aim in a random direction for a few seconds.

Also: Worn out control sticks suck ass! (I'm looking at you, N64!)

[MrPig]

That actually does happen from time to time on my controller. It wasn't getting my crouch until a few clicks in a second ago, and time and time again before my controller dies I'll aim in a random direction for a few seconds.

Also: Worn out control sticks suck ass! (I'm looking at you, N64!)

Odd. Never happened with my PS3 controllers and I usually drain those suckers until they do die. Same thing with my wireless 360 controller I no longer use.

[Xefas]

I play Rock.

Scissors is balanced.

Nerf Paper.

[tyckspoon]

Ping variance. It gets pretty hard to play when your ping swings from 80-ish to 200 for 10 seconds without warning. Not that 200 is unplayable, but when your lead times and your lag-compensation are trained and set for 80.. well, you get a lot of trying to shoot ghosts.

[Cespenar]

I play Rock.

Scissors is balanced.

Nerf Paper.

Paper requires more way more skill than it's apparent. Also, you probably missed the new patch. Scissors can now beat both Paper and Rock. I can't imagine the flame wars at the forum right now.

[Eldan]

And one I've actually heard once:

"That wasn't me! I went to the toilet and my five-year-old brother took the controller and started a new round while I was away!"

The guy was twenty-three and didn't have any siblings.

[Maxymiuk]

"That doesn't count, because your car was slower than mine!"

A friend, after I beat his slick A3 sports car to the finish line with my lumbering A6 Skoda Octavia in International Rally Championship.


To give this a bit more context, in that game, if you missed a turn on an intersection, you could keep going for half a kilometer or so before running into a fence that'd let you know you've goofed. In that particular race he did that twice. His argument was, in essence, that if I had chosen a faster car, I'd have made the same mistakes.

[Mx.Silver]

"I was eating some bread!"
explanation given by my cousin for plummeting off the course during an extended family game of Mario Kart Double Dash. Was immediately picked-up and used by everyone else for the remainder of the day.

[JeminiZero]

"The ground was too soft"

-Used to explain defeat in a (very old very obscure) Versus fighting game. And no, the game didn't actually have variable terrain as a feature.

[Sipex]

"What?! I totally did X before Y happened!"

"Augh, they must be cheating, I shot that guy in the head!"

[Triaxx]

Dwarf Fortress ate my homework! Oh, not that kind of excuse? (It really did happen, something about DF caused the computer to crash and loose my entire paper. Grr...)

"My console came unplugged." - Online score tards.

[Zocelot]

In Smash Bros at least, I hear, and am guilty of saying "Dude, I totally dodged/countered that".

And blaming controllers is completely legitimate. Like dice, some are lucky while others hate you.

[Linkavitch]

You don't wanna know how many times I've heard, and/or said "Dude, I keep shooting you in the head you won't die, you shoot me once, I die, What the heck?!?!?" Or some variation.

[Leecros]

I find it funny once a friend of mine and i were playing Super Mario World. This was actually quite recent and he kept dying on one of the early levels and he was complaining that the control was terrible. In his defense it was the original controller that came with the console where i had one i bought like a year later. So i switched him controllers. He entered a level and walked....i don't know half a screen-length before he died again.

[Spartacus]

I find the Wii controller to be totally useless for many games (maybe because I don't actually own one). For Brawl, for example, my ability to win trebles (at least) when I use a Gamecube controller.

[Triscuitable]

I find the Wii controller to be totally useless for many games (maybe because I don't actually own one). For Brawl, for example, my ability to win trebles (at least) when I use a Gamecube controller.

Me as Samus: Right Smash, Right Smash, Down Special, Right Smash, Right Special, Right Special, Taunt (for laughs), Right Smash, Right Smash... You countered? Lucky hit. Right Smash, Right Smash, Down Special, Taunt (once more!)

[Geno9999]

For platforming games:
"The controls are sloppy!"
"The character is too slippery/floaty!"
"Come on, I barely touched the spike/lava/death water"

[MachineWraith]

I've been playing Battlefield: Bad Company 2 with some friends of mine quite a bit recently, and my friends and I are all guilty of blaming lag, bad teammates (sometimes even when our teammates are doing better than us), over/underpowered weapons, camping, etc.

Throw in far more foul language than could ever be necessary along with tactical advice, and you have a typical night of BF:BC2 for us.

The most common word in the game is "Bull****", heh.

[Triscuitable]

I've been playing Battlefield: Bad Company 2 with some friends of mine quite a bit recently, and my friends and I are all guilty of blaming lag, bad teammates (sometimes even when our teammates are doing better than us), over/underpowered weapons, camping, etc.

Throw in far more foul language than could ever be necessary along with tactical advice, and you have a typical night of BF:BC2 for us.

The most common word in the game is "Bull****", heh.

I wish 360 gamers would learn to treat each other with respect. IN THE MEANTIME, I shall be enjoying Minecraft, in a solo experience with NO OTHERS CALLING ME A *****.

[VonFenris]

Me and my friends would play g-switch (http://www.kongregate.com/games/Vasco_F/g-switch) during breaks. Each player has only one button, and since we always used my laptop, and I always played as the 'm' key, it was rumoured to lag less. It might even be true, with the amount of wins I racked up (unfortunately always followed by a shamefull defeat...)

[Lhurgyof]

For platforming games:
"The controls are sloppy!"
"The character is too slippery/floaty!"
"Come on, I barely touched the spike/lava/death water"

I hate slippery platformers. Gosh darn you, Mario 3!

[Cespenar]

"There's a fly on my face!"

Funnily, this was true, and the said fly continued to terrorize everyone in the room when they most needed their concentration. Because of the intricate timing of the attacks, no one dared to leave the game to catch the fly for good either.

[shadow_archmagi]

I loved the game of Civ 5 where another player shouted at me for having spammed "units."

He was apparently operating under the impression that militaries had some unspoken maximum size, and six infantry, two artillery, and four airplanes was TOO MANY UNITS.

[Gaius Marius]

I loved the game of Civ 5 where another player shouted at me for having spammed "units."

He was apparently operating under the impression that militaries had some unspoken maximum size, and six infantry, two artillery, and four airplanes was TOO MANY UNITS.

Duh, they are.

Didn't you got the memo?

[Tengu_temp]

One of the most annoying:
I play this game for fun, (http://nerfnow.com/comic/285) you only play (http://nerfnow.com/comic/286) to win! (http://nerfnow.com/comic/287)

[Serpentine]

My Boy and I sometimes play League of Legends together. Once, there was a guy on the other team who was absolutely adamant that my Boy was hacking. He was having a good game, and this guy couldn't believe that his Garen could have that much armour and speed at that level, and something about how he totally used that spell and he must've hacked him somehow to stop it working. Then he started calling me a troll and stuff for explaining that he definitely did not has mad hacking skillz, and then for making fun of him. Even his own teammates thought he was being ridiculous...
Bah, it was more absurd than that, but you get the idea. It was hilarious at the time. Many logical fallacies were involved - particularly "you can't prove I'm wrong, therefore I'm right".

[Forbiddenwar]

I play this game for fun, (http://nerfnow.com/comic/285) you only play (http://nerfnow.com/comic/286) to win! (http://nerfnow.com/comic/287)

good god, what happened to the last 5 hours of my life?

[MachineWraith]

I wish 360 gamers would learn to treat each other with respect. IN THE MEANTIME, I shall be enjoying Minecraft, in a solo experience with NO OTHERS CALLING ME A *****.

Well, to be fair, we all play in the same squad, and chat in a Live Party. Nobody hears our cursing or whining except our friends, and none of us mind, particularly since none of us is the target :D

When playing with others, most of us are actually fairly polite.

[Tengu_temp]

good god, what happened to the last 5 hours of my life?

I know, right? Nerf Now is a pretty fun webcomic when the author is not whining about how everyone and their dog is better at Starcraft than him and how unfair is that.

[Domochevsky]

I know, right? Nerf Now is a pretty fun webcomic when the author is not whining about how everyone and their dog is better at Starcraft than him and how unfair is that.

I'm fairly sure the author never engaged in any of that with any kind of seriousness. :smallwink:

[Tengu_temp]

I'm fairly sure the author never engaged in any of that with any kind of seriousness. :smallwink:

Are you sure? Read the author comments to the comics I linked. They're very whiny. And that's not the first or the last time he did something like that.

I assume he's good at TF2 though.

[Spartacus]

He plays on ChHa at times. Not bad. Seems to like Heavy.

[tyckspoon]

He plays on ChHa at times. Not bad. Seems to like Heavy.

There's a guy who sometimes shows up that goes by 'Nerfnow', has his female-player character icon, and claims to be the Nerfnow guy, at least. We naturally can't validate his actual ID. Tends to wind up pretty squarely in the rest of the pack with those of us who aren't Drolkcal/one of the freakishly good Snipers we've attracted/some Medic who has been alive and healing people for 10 minutes running.

[Balain]

Not so much an an excuse for the friend to not play but an excuse for us to tell him not to play any more.


So we use to play Duke Nukem 3d at a friends house all the time. They had 6 computers at the time all networked. Problem is we were all new to duke nukem and sucked at it, except for the friend that had all the computers. he would play at work with all his co-workers at lunch time and after work. But after several weeks we got better and caught up to him.

We also aded in our own wav files as taunts. So when we would kill someone with a rocket launcher we would hit the taunt that was Homer Simpson say" Wooooo.... look at that blubber fly"

Well the friend heard this about 10 times in a row as each of us hit him a bunch of times as he would re-appear in front of one of us.

On top of all this the friend is known to have temper issues...

We all stopped playing when he picked up his super nice keyboard and smashed it against the wall.

[Artanis]

Are you sure? Read the author comments to the comics I linked. They're very whiny. And that's not the first or the last time he did something like that.

I assume he's good at TF2 though.

He's not bad. He played a lot on the server I used to play on the most, Couchathletics. I haven't played in a year or so though because I got tired of always being the worst player on whatever server I went to :smallfrown:



On another note, regarding the "my teammates suck" excuse: I try really, really hard to avoid using it, even when it's true. So if I ever do use it, you know it has to be REALLY bad. Of course, it's usually me who's the crappy teammate, but that's beside the point :smalltongue:

[Pie Guy]

On another note, regarding the "my teammates suck" excuse: I try really, really hard to avoid using it, even when it's true. So if I ever do use it, you know it has to be REALLY bad. Of course, it's usually me who's the crappy teammate, but that's beside the point :smalltongue:

I only use it with people who call me out when they're doing as bad as I am.

[sircarp]

Lag is pretty much the only excuse I need;occasionally I dip into misclicks.

My personal favorite is my trackball messing up; I can't use a normal mouse as well as my trackball anymore. But there is a fine balance in using it; after you clean the mounting it needs time to build up some lubricating crud from your hands (super clean hands=sticky trackball) but if there is too much it also starts to stick. That and it's very sensitive.

[Typewriter]

I had an 'aquantaince' that was a weird guy. He used to make up all kinds of stories about his hometown, and how his rich family was responsible for the town, and whenever he visited there would be a parade, etc. etc. That's tip of the iceberg stuff. Spent 18000 dollars on stippers over a single year, married a 17 year old girl that became a stripper when she turned 18 then starting dealing drugs. This is all 'tip of the iceberg' stuff too.

Dude was 27.

So anyway, when I had only known the guy for a few months, I had some friends over playing Smash Bros. on gamecube. Whenever he died he would curse and swear, and grumble. I had a feeling that controller was low on batteries so I asked if it was not responding/did he need new batteries. And then this happened:

Crazy Guy: "NO, that won't help! This is just the same thing that always happens when I try to use wireless controllers"
Me: "What do you mean, you have bad luck or something."
CG: "No, whenever I hold wireless devices they respond to my magnetic aura and try to perform the actions I want them to do, which causes interferance with the buttons I'm actually pressing."
Me: "Ha ha ha ha......"
CG: "..."
Me: "Ha???"
CG: "..."
Me: *Pauses game, sets down controller*, "Say again?"
CG: "Every now and then when I hold wireless controllers, for the TV or games - y'know whatever - I can make it simply do what I want without pressing anything. I'm so focused on the game right now that that's happening while I'm pressing the buttons, so the two commands are getting mixed up, and it's making me do all kinds of wacky things."
Me: ".... Oh... Ok... do you want a wired controller, or...?"
CG: "Nah, I need to head out anyway. Thanks for having me over", and he leaves.
Me: "Did everyone else here what I heard?"

At this point my wife walks out from the other room and says "What the ****?"

It took me forever to decide he wasn't screwing with us. Guy had some serious issues. His office had to make a "No crying at your desk" policy because of him.

[Shas aia Toriia]

As far as the "awful team" argument goes, I have been known to make that one. Whenever I play Bad Company 2, I'm always top 3 players, loads of objectives, kills, everything.

But, when I have literally armed an M-COM station 4 times in a row only for the other team to defuse it, despite my entire team camping. At least, I'm assuming they're camping, because the server is full and I haven't seen any of them go for the objectives. IN AN OBJECTIVE BASED GAME.

[Archpaladin Zousha]

"JACOB! YOU'RE JINXING ME! GO AWAY!"

Jacob is me, by the way. :smallfrown: