Good ways to humiliate a rival NPC

[aabicus]

I'm a CN Level 2 Unarmed swordsage in a rivalry with a Level 2 Warrior who specializes in weaponsmithing. I don't really want to kill him, I just want to humiliate him in as many ways as possible. I know where he lives, down to the location of his house/shop.

I also know after throwing an enraged cat at him that his AC is at least 11. Plus the GM has told me that he'll gain levels at the same rate I do, since he's my designated rival.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Since I don't need to buy weapons, I have a fair amount of gold and nothing else to spend it on. I'm also an air goblin, so I don't need to breathe, if that helps.

[Volos]

Break his masterfully crafted weapons. Either hire or become a sunder monkey. If you can punch his blades in half, then you will have humiliated him. He would have to be a pretty terrible smith to make blades that cant stand up to being punched, right? If he doesn't think so, convince others to think so. Take away his business, making it harder for him to eek out a living. When he goes adventuring or takes odd jobs to make money since his business is failing, take the jobs from him or make sure he fails. Do this until he has no money, no customers, no friends, and no hope. Then declare victory. This is how you humiliate an NPC rival who happens to be a weaponsmith.

[CTrees]

Excess gold, you say? Buy poisons (maybe have someone else apply them for you). Drop one of his mental stats to 1 (preferably Intelligence, I'd say - don't think he'll be able to speak anymore). Pretty nice bit of humiliation, there... Hell, Dex or Str would be amusing, too - make him either incredibly clumsy, or too weak to lift his own weapon. Sure, it's curable, at a price, but funny to make your DM roleplay? Oh yeah.

[Hirax]

Bestow curse, limitless possibilities. A straight -6 to charisma, though unimaginative, is a simple solution, but the spell description leaves the door wide open for all sorts of prankish possibilities.

[Forged Fury]

Sunder their pants.

[Thurbane]

Hire some bards to sing unflattering songs about him.

[Zaq]

You're a Swordsage. Take Mighty Throw and the other "huck your opponent wherever you damn well please" Setting Sun maneuvers. Throw him into the mud (or something worse). Bonus points if you can disarm him of one of his prized weapons so it too falls in whatever unpleasant substance you've tossed him into, but that's not strictly necessary.

[Strife Warzeal]

You're a Swordsage. Take Mighty Throw and the other "huck your opponent wherever you damn well please" Setting Sun maneuvers. Throw him into the mud (or something worse). Bonus points if you can disarm him of one of his prized weapons so it too falls in whatever unpleasant substance you've tossed him into, but that's not strictly necessary.

Manure, definitely manure. Turn it into a running joke that whenever you run into him you throw him into manure. When you meet one of his relatives (older or younger) throw them into manure too.


Yes I've been watching Back to the Future recently.

[RaginChangeling]

When you get slightly higher in level you can use the Shadow Blink/Stride/Jaunt line to teleport to places he can't reach and taunt him from there. Dance of the Spider works for this as well.

You could also use some Desert Wind maneuvers to 'accidently' keep setting fire to his house or shop, not necessarily large fires but scorch marks everywhere and the like.

Or you could just beat him unconscious a few times, especially if he's using a weapon. Or disarm him and run away with the weapon.

[faceroll]

I really like the idea of smashing his weapons. Maybe even take the time to challenge him to a "your best weapon vs. my fist!" smashing contest in the town square, where you put his weapon on something that everyone can see, then punch into a 1000 pieces.

[KillianHawkeye]

Just be careful he doesn't decide chopping your hands off is a suitable form of revenge.

[Bhaakon]

1) Help him get a big weaponsmithing contract, something that will truly test the limit of his abilities, preferably from someone who will take revenge if he fails to complete the contract.

2) Find a wizard to cast energy drain on your character, hopefully reducing you to 1st level.

3) your rival, whose level tied to your own, suddenly becomes an utter incompetent, barely able to sharpen a butter knife. His business goes bust, his reputation is shot, and he's just mode a powerful new enemy. Hilarity ensues.

4) After the contract is blown, get someone to restore your levels.


Too meta?

[aabicus]

Found this, its exactly what I was looking for: http://www.scribd.com/doc/4761448/DD-The-Big-Book-of-RPG-Practical-Jokes-and-Pranks

Pity Sovereign Glue is so expensive.

[BobVosh]

Is it just me, or do a lot of these seem a bit extreme for what sounds like time for a prank war?

[Cespenar]

Is it just me, or do a lot of these seem a bit extreme for what sounds like time for a prank war?

Totally agreed. 'Weapon against fist' and 'Mighty Throw into manure' are good ideas, but poisons, curses etc. are severely missing the point IMO.

[Knaight]

Totally agreed. 'Weapon against fist' and 'Mighty Throw into manure' are good ideas, but poisons, curses etc. are severely missing the point IMO.

I agree entirely, particularly weapon against fist.

[Darth_Versity]

Get someone to make an oil that will cause his weapons to become brittle and break easily (like in Baldurs Gate) and then wait for the angry customers to come back.

Altenativly get some sovreign glue and stick his smithing hammer to his anvil, and then stick all the weapons he's made into their scabbards.

[Knaight]

Mail him a rust monster in a box.

[HalfDragonCube]

Mail him a rust monster in a box.

Or dress up a rust monster wand as some kind of 'Rod of good crafting skills'.

[Knaight]

Or dress up a rust monster wand as some kind of 'Rod of good crafting skills'.

Contaminate his leather supply with rust monster antenna feathers. That way, whenever a weapon is put in a sheath it rusts, until he catches on.

[HalfDragonCube]

Contaminate his leather supply with rust monster antenna feathers. That way, whenever a weapon is put in a sheath it rusts, until he catches on.

Congratulations, you have invented the +1 scabbard of tetanus.:smalltongue: