Things you do Just to see the Look on your Players' Faces

[Angry Bob]

In my last session, I had my PCs come across slash fiction of themselves while searching the manor of an NPC.

[Pisha]

*falls off chair*

*flashes back to Supernatural episodes*

*dies of laughter*

[valadil]

My players got hired by an idiot bard named Lucien in the first session. He told them about his get rich quick scheme and how he'd already gotten sponsors for his plans. In the second session he died and was un-ressurectable. Then the players search his hotel room and found a notebook entitled Lucien's Outstanding Debts that listed all the criminal organizations he'd borrowed money from and how much money was involved.

[druid91]

"There is a cow on the side of the road."

Then proceeded a level 1 fighter getting beat to hell and back by a cow, while the halfling laughed until he fell over.

All because the fighter wanted some steak.

[Goober4473]

Not just for the look on their faces, but the party bard ("The Rain Master") got kidnapped (while the player wasn't there), and only a bunch of very young kids saw it happen. The kids managed to tell the group that the guy who did it said he was the "biggest." After investigating for a while, they figured out the symbol the guy wore was was a cloud with rain drops that people used to put up during musical events around the city the bard was from. When it dawned on them that he was the Rain Master's biggest fan, their faces were priceless.

[Tengu_temp]

Make the superior of an almost completely all-female PC law enforcement group a creepy middle-aged guy (an expy of Kimura from Azumanga Daioh, even). Fool them into thinking a beloved canon character is helping them out in one mission, when it was actually this guy. They wanted to murder me when they found out.

[Jack DeCoeur]

Part of a campaign I ran had the PCs attempting to track down and kill the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Perhaps the greatest moment was when I fooled them into feeding Famine a Heroes Feast.

Suffice to say it was pretty amusing when they found out what they'd done.

[dsmiles]

My PCs tried to kill Orcus once. Once.

[Talya]

In games where we reuse a setting, we often maintain a certain level of persistency in the campaign world, even from previous campaigns. I had played for about 5 years in a forgotten realms campaign, and we eventually had the campaign end when my sorceress was level 18.

I later started a pirate-based game setting in the forgotten realms. Many of the same people were playing, so I reused their characters (and mine) as high-level quest-giving plot types.

One of the players complained that while I had reused several characters from the original campaign, I had not used his. Now, he had played a knight hospitaller of Tyr, God of Justice. This new campaign was a pirate setting -- the players are all low level rascals, scoundrels, villains, and knaves; devils and black sheep and really bad eggs, etc. I had kept the nasty level 18 justice knight away from them, well, because I didn't want the campaign to end. But since he asked...


At the next port stop, i had his character (and another) arrested in the market. He was quickly brought to trial, where his Knight Hospitaller of Tyr was the judge. The judge quickly pronounced sentence: the pirate was to be hanged at dawn.

Sadly, I cannot see the player's face. It's a PbP game. I will have to imagine how he felt about his new character being sentenced to death by his old character. However, it was a good plot hook just the same. They're currently in the process of planning to break them out of the prison before dawn.

[Eldan]

Well, this one is a bit complicated, but here goes.

Party wants to take down a gang leader.

So, they approach the gang hideout. There's three guards in front of the door. Two muscular ones, just standing there, a third one, small guy, sitting on the doorstep.

They manage to get the first two guards out of the way by intimidating them, but the third one just sits in the door. He asks them what they want, totally cool and unimpressed.

One of the player goes:
"We want to go in and kill Sharky (the gangleader), with as few dead people as possible." (Surprised me quite a bit that they did that, really).
The guard nods, moves out of the way.

The players, disguised as gang members, go in. The gang has a lot of members, so not everyone knows everyone else. There are four more gang members sitting around a table. The players start drinking with them, and finally start talking about Sharky.
"So, where is he? We have to talk to him."
"Oh, he went outside, to sit by the door and get some fresh air..."

At which point half the gang came in from behind them, weapons loaded.

[TARDIS]

Zombie chickens. That is all.

Also, giving players alien machine guns and then sicking a zombified town on them. I think I'm doing Ravenloft horribly horribly wrong.

[Greylond]

Kill Kittens.

[LOTRfan]

Well, this one is a bit complicated, but here goes.

Party wants to take down a gang leader.

So, they approach the gang hideout. There's three guards in front of the door. Two muscular ones, just standing there, a third one, small guy, sitting on the doorstep.

They manage to get the first two guards out of the way by intimidating them, but the third one just sits in the door. He asks them what they want, totally cool and unimpressed.

One of the player goes:
"We want to go in and kill Sharky (the gangleader), with as few dead people as possible." (Surprised me quite a bit that they did that, really).
The guard nods, moves out of the way.

The players, disguised as gang members, go in. The gang has a lot of members, so not everyone knows everyone else. There are four more gang members sitting around a table. The players start drinking with them, and finally start talking about Sharky.
"So, where is he? We have to talk to him."
"Oh, he went outside, to sit by the door and get some fresh air..."

At which point half the gang came in from behind them, weapons loaded.

:smallcool: I'm stealing that.

[Nerd-o-rama]

Make the superior of an almost completely all-female PC law enforcement group a creepy middle-aged guy (an expy of Kimura from Azumanga Daioh, even). Fool them into thinking a beloved canon character is helping them out in one mission, when it was actually this guy. They wanted to murder me when they found out.

SCOURGE FORM

[NichG]

I've got a player who keeps doing really zany stuff, and ends up getting powers that let him do it 'actually'. For instance, he spent a good portion of the campaign talking with a pet rock he picked up, and later got a power that let him speak with stones so he could actually hear it talk back (this basically did not change the RP, since he had been assuming responses the entire time). The campaign continues and his character gets more and more nuts. It's all pretty much harmless stuff.

So at one point, he nearly perma-dies (dying without a purpose driving you is bad in this campaign, and the more you die the more you are eroded - its a meta-stat called Foundation), so another party member suggests his new purpose should be the imagined conspiracy he invented. He grabs onto this heartily, and it makes sense for this character, so I give him a big Foundation boost.

Later, another PC pretends to be a shoulder-angel manifestation of his conscience and he believes her for about two games. Another PC starts using illusion magic to be the 'devil'.

So of course, I make it so there's a third one as a manifestation of his insanity. This creates huge hijinks as the PCs who are screwing with him wonder who else is doing it ("Hey, psst, I'm the shoulder devil, are you the crazy one who likes pie?" "What? No! I'm the shoulder angel...").

[Kaun]

Rust monster Stampede

[Zaq]

I once had them run into Zero. That (http://megaman.wikia.com/wiki/Zero) Zero. This was D&D 4e, so I basically had him as a minion with more hits (I decided that he didn't actually have HP, but three hits from any source would kill him), because, y'know, Zero always dies. Always. Of course, since he always gets better by the next game, I had planned on having them meet him over and over (he was guarding a fortress they were trying to sneak into). However, one of my players got an idea that was both brilliant and awful: he used some kind of disguise potion to make himself look like Zero, planning to tell the next patrol that the party was with him and that they were to be let through unharmed. Of course, Zero was in that next patrol, so . . . well, I basically got to reenact that scene near the very end of Megaman X2 where Zero meets the fake Zero that Sigma slaps together. "You should have studied the blueprints closer, Sigma! There is only one Zero!" It was priceless.

[Greylond]

I also like having the PCs encounter a Gazebo that fights back and tries to eat them...

[kardar233]

In a 40K campaign, during their first adventure they defeated a nasty BBEG, themselves needing extensive surgery after the fact and that even with the help of a powerful bounty hunter. Now, whenever I introduce a new enemy, I joke that he's got a red translucent sword (the first enemy's signature weapon) and watch them freak before I actually start describing the guy.

[MlleRouge]

In my last session, I had my PCs come across slash fiction of themselves while searching the manor of an NPC.


This, sir, made my day. May I borrow this from you?


As for my own example (and I still get playfully jeered at for this), I once had my players roll against frightful presence for the BBEG red dragon even though I knew they couldn't make the DC. I was glad for this; it guaranteed he would get to do his villain monologue uninterrupted.

This was going to happen. It is what it is. But it was the delivery I chose to use that drove this into the 'just to see the look on their faces' territory.


Me: Roll for frightful presence *Nervous expression*
*Everyone rolls and reports their number, many with jostling excitement*
Me:...Sorry losers, you couldn't have made that anyhow :D *Big, sweet smile*

Players:...../weep



All of this was done in good nature, of course. What followed was an enjoyable battle against a magnificent bastard BBEG, an excellent ending to a 1-20 campaign, and a new running joke.

These days, any time I tell them to roll for frightful presence or a similar effect, *someone* goes "Before I bother...can we even make it?"

[panaikhan]

I once had my players roll against frightful presence for the BBEG red dragon even though I knew they couldn't make the DC.

This happens a lot in my campaigns with grapple checks, but to be fair, I ask them to roll before I double check the bonus.

GM: "Can you roll for a grapple?"
PC: "Sure..." ~rolls~ "...26?"
GM: "Oh. Hang on." ~rolls, checks bonus~ "53. You're grappled."

[Grogmir]

I was doing a 3.5 between session two weeker, basically they got transported to another plain were a bbeg abuducts hero's from time and space to watch fight.

During one of there battles which are getting harder and harder they come across this small green man, he looks very old. Before you can even more he bounces off both walls lands behind... stabs one.... crits you..on and on.. then jumps over the jump and lands in front of you. (I had given him almost every movement feat in the book)

"Fight me.... you will"

:confused: alround before they all shout at once.

:amused: It's friggin YODA!

That fight - 5 years down the line - still gets talked about.

[Traveler]

Goblins, with the feral template. The first time the party came across them was priceless. 4 4th-5th level pcs vs 4 CR 2 goblins. It nearly took an hour to chop them down, and the wizard couldn't get a line of sight because the fight was in an ally. By the end of it my players were so aggitated because they more or less felt invincible do to clever tactics and wizard support. And did I mention they were in a city full of these guys :smallbiggrin:. I will admit that once the wizard can get involved combat takes about two or three minutes, but my players still avoid close quaters combat with these guys.

[byaku rai]

My little sister once tried to get her character (a level 10 fighter) to pet a cat. It rolled 4 20s in a row on its claw attack, and insta-killed her. I rewound time so it didn't happen, just to be nice... But she still goes out of her way to stab every cat she sees in the game.

[John Campbell]

As for my own example (and I still get playfully jeered at for this), I once had my players roll against frightful presence for the BBEG red dragon even though I knew they couldn't make the DC. I was glad for this; it guaranteed he would get to do his villain monologue uninterrupted.

This was going to happen. It is what it is. But it was the delivery I chose to use that drove this into the 'just to see the look on their faces' territory.

If you really want to guarantee this... forcing them to roll is a mistake. My DM did something similar one time, having us roll Will saves against DC: Impossible to resist the Aura of Awesomeness of an avatar of a god (patron deity of our paladin and knight).

I nat-20ed the save.

So when the rest of the party went to their knees or bellies to grovel before his divine radiance, I pulled myself up to my full 4'2" ("Dwarves. Don't. Bow.") and proceeded to tell the god off because I didn't like the way he was handling a situation with the paladin.

[Serpentine]

It wasn't actually done by me, and pretty much all the players in question are long gone so I'll never see their faces even if I resolve this, but... dammit, I can imagine.

The party was hired, all formal and contracty, by a high level Wizard (Lord Sutchensuch) who owned a big chain of magic item stores (Sutchensuch Magical Emporium). They were to deliver a series of envelopes to various colourful characters around the continent. Each envelope contained a piece of a complex key to a prison containing a succubus, and the recipients were to guard them as long as they were able. The party was to deliver all the envelopes, and then head back to report the job done. When they arrived, they were to find Lord Sutchensuch's house smashed in, his body torn to pieces and strewn about, and a very big, very angry demon looking to free his succubus.
Anyway.
The Wizard was willing to negotiate the terms. His initial offer was a butt-load of monies, and a big discount at all his stores for the duration of each party member's life. The Rogue was leery of this, and suspected a double-cross: what if he intended to murder them to prevent them from using their discount? So, he made a counter-offer: they would have a big discount for the duration of the Wizard's life. The Wizard I already intended to die a horrible premature death.
I wish I could see the Rogue's face when he realised he savvied his way out of a lifetime discount :smallbiggrin:

[JonRG]

Well, this one is a bit complicated, but here goes.

Party wants to take down a gang leader.

So, they approach the gang hideout. There's three guards in front of the door. Two muscular ones, just standing there, a third one, small guy, sitting on the doorstep.

They manage to get the first two guards out of the way by intimidating them, but the third one just sits in the door. He asks them what they want, totally cool and unimpressed.

One of the player goes:
"We want to go in and kill Sharky (the gangleader), with as few dead people as possible." (Surprised me quite a bit that they did that, really).
The guard nods, moves out of the way.

The players, disguised as gang members, go in. The gang has a lot of members, so not everyone knows everyone else. There are four more gang members sitting around a table. The players start drinking with them, and finally start talking about Sharky.
"So, where is he? We have to talk to him."
"Oh, he went outside, to sit by the door and get some fresh air..."

At which point half the gang came in from behind them, weapons loaded.

:smallcool: I'm stealing that.

Me too! ... soon as I get to DM, or get back into writing again. :smalltongue:

[Chimera245]

I didn't do this on purpose, since I was generating the dungeon randomly, room-by-room, as we played, but I feel it should get an honorable mention because of the looks on the players' faces.

The party was going up through my random dungeon, which was more-or-less supposed to be a tower, passing by such randomly generated room features as antique chairs, and statues, and gold-plated staircase railings, and eventually found themselves in a room with an altar and a wyrmling white dragon.

They fought and killed the dragon, and in searching the room, discovered a secret door. I rolled that there was treasure in the room, and everyone agreed that if there's hidden treasure next to a dragon, then it should be that dragon's hoard, and everyone got their hopes up.

When I rolled to see what the treasure was, it turned out to be 13 copper, and a scroll of Detect Secret Doors...hidden behind a secret door...and that was the dragon's entire hoard.

The party promptly cut up the dragon, to sell its parts in town, and stripped the gold plating off of the staircase.

We still refer to the poor guy as "the failure dragon" or "that dragon that sucks at life."

[Shademan]

I just have to reveal their past.
The creepy evil guy that have kinda helped us at times is...the clerics FATHER?
*classic*
close, but no. You are his CLONE!
*epic forever*

[Sir_Mopalot]

I simply have to threaten them with the Icecube Tray of Doom. I was describing a trap that was the central feature of an encounter with some large dog-type monsters, I forget which exactly, and some monsters with forced-movement powers. Anyone who fell into one of the ice-cube tray slots would freeze there, taking cold damage, until they managed to swim out or died, when it would freeze solid. The dogs grabbed the PCs and dragged them into the trap, and if they got out, or another PC came to help someone out, the other monsters would knock them in as well. Even though they used some magically distilled dwarven super-alcohol to break the trap, only one PC escaped that room. Good times...

[Anansi]

Interrupt their 3-4 minute discussion of combat strategy at regular intervals by describing, in detail, the casualties being incurred by the villagers/bystanders/cancerous orphans while they're hesitating to act.

[Volthawk]

Well, this one is a bit complicated, but here goes.

Party wants to take down a gang leader.

So, they approach the gang hideout. There's three guards in front of the door. Two muscular ones, just standing there, a third one, small guy, sitting on the doorstep.

They manage to get the first two guards out of the way by intimidating them, but the third one just sits in the door. He asks them what they want, totally cool and unimpressed.

One of the player goes:
"We want to go in and kill Sharky (the gangleader), with as few dead people as possible." (Surprised me quite a bit that they did that, really).
The guard nods, moves out of the way.

The players, disguised as gang members, go in. The gang has a lot of members, so not everyone knows everyone else. There are four more gang members sitting around a table. The players start drinking with them, and finally start talking about Sharky.
"So, where is he? We have to talk to him."
"Oh, he went outside, to sit by the door and get some fresh air..."

At which point half the gang came in from behind them, weapons loaded.

Hey, we still beat them. (And we were all surprised when he went up and told the guards that...)

[Captain Six]

Two of my players, a ranger and a knowledge obsessed wizard, were having a "Knowledge: Nature" showdown to pass the time as they traveled through wilderness. Basically they were making repeated opposed rolls without expecting, or even waiting, for me to supply the knowledge they were using. Every once and a while I would slip in a spot of trivia to help the scene.

"That's a Flame Spore, a bulbous mushroom that bursts violently if agitated to spread its spores. If harvested correctly it can be used to make rudimentary explosives."

"That's a gruder, a small rodent covered in long fur. It can make its fur stand on end and transmute its body to metal if frightened. They taste delicious."

"This region is famous for its semi-annual velociraptor migration."

The room was dead silent after I slipped in that last one. It was priceless.

[Hiro Protagonest]

I was doing a 3.5 between session two weeker, basically they got transported to another plain were a bbeg abuducts hero's from time and space to watch fight.

During one of there battles which are getting harder and harder they come across this small green man, he looks very old. Before you can even more he bounces off both walls lands behind... stabs one.... crits you..on and on.. then jumps over the jump and lands in front of you. (I had given him almost every movement feat in the book)

"Fight me.... you will"

:confused: alround before they all shout at once.

:amused: It's friggin YODA!

That fight - 5 years down the line - still gets talked about.
Yoda's a venerable goblin warblade, focused on tiger claw and diamond mind. Oh, and here's a cookie for you. http://betweenthepagesblog.typepad.com/.a/6a0120a5924ef0970b013485391b16970c-pi

Two of my players, a ranger and a knowledge obsessed wizard, were having a "Knowledge: Nature" showdown to pass the time as they traveled through wilderness. Basically they were making repeated opposed rolls without expecting, or even waiting, for me to supply the knowledge they were using. Every once and a while I would slip in a spot of trivia to help the scene.

"That's a Flame Spore, a bulbous mushroom that bursts violently if agitated to spread its spores. If harvested correctly it can be used to make rudimentary explosives."

"That's a gruder, a small rodent covered in long fur. It can make its fur stand on end and transmute its body to metal if frightened. They taste delicious."

"This region is famous for its semi-annual velociraptor migration."

The room was dead silent after I slipped in that last one. It was priceless.

You sir, have won the Internet.

[Qwertystop]

Two of my players, a ranger and a knowledge obsessed wizard, were having a "Knowledge: Nature" showdown to pass the time as they traveled through wilderness. Basically they were making repeated opposed rolls without expecting, or even waiting, for me to supply the knowledge they were using. Every once and a while I would slip in a spot of trivia to help the scene.

"That's a Flame Spore, a bulbous mushroom that bursts violently if agitated to spread its spores. If harvested correctly it can be used to make rudimentary explosives."

"That's a gruder, a small rodent covered in long fur. It can make its fur stand on end and transmute its body to metal if frightened. They taste delicious."

"This region is famous for its semi-annual velociraptor migration."

The room was dead silent after I slipped in that last one. It was priceless.

Can I sig the last one?

[3SecondCultist]

In my last session, I had my PCs come across slash fiction of themselves while searching the manor of an NPC.

Haha, close enough to what I am currently doing!

Except that it is all part of a half-century long plan by a demigod lich who is long since dead. There will also be Socialists, ancient rites and prophecies of ascension to divinity, and of course my own in-game version of the Inquisition. Fun, no? :smallcool:

[Angry Bob]

Haha, close enough to what I am currently doing!

Except that it is all part of a half-century long plan by a demigod lich who is long since dead. There will also be Socialists, ancient rites and prophecies of ascension to divinity, and of course my own in-game version of the Inquisition. Fun, no? :smallcool:

Elaborate and clarify.

[JonestheSpy]

Sent my current players to Bugtown (http://www.matthowarth.com/bugtown.php) when they were looking for weapons. After their visit to Cale's Munitions, I told them there were about a dozen missiles about to hit the street their were walking on. Gave them about three seconds to absorb that information and start to react, then informed them they were dead. Gave them about three seconds to absorb that, then told them they got better and came to in a crater surrounded by regrowing buildings.

Fun times.

[Dire Moose]

Did you know that a pool of water and a pool of concentrated hydrochloric acid look, sound, and smell exactly the same?

[3SecondCultist]

Elaborate and clarify.

As you wish. Keep in mind that this is a tenth level, evil gestalt campaign. The party used to work for this lich sorcerer, but ended up killing him. They found the deed to his manor in the city of Solstice, but also an interesting mural, displaying the six of them rising to divinity, leaving the world behind as a scorched and battered ruin.

They have since made it to the city to investigate further, but have run into some problems. The city is run by Knights-Militant (read: Knighthood of Miko-style Paladins) of Sirramar (a very powerful sun god) and his Priesthood. There is also a Thieves Guild, which operates in secret and is being slowly prosecuted by said religion.

What the players do not know is this: the lich guy planned for the eventuality of his death. This was but one stage in a sequence of plans in order to bring the six PCs into the threshold of godhood. He has been training them, and then showed them the mural that he created. Their betrayal of their master was only a matter of time.

Now, here is where the whole 'alternate version' shtick kicks in: the six PCs are not the lich's first attempt at fostering the next generation of evil gods. The first six attempts are theme based around the Seven Deadly Sins (in this case six, as in my continuity, Gluttony is not a sin) and are, in varying degrees, mentally unstable and power mad. They are too impulsive and destructive, so the lich created the PCs as a weaker, more docile back-up plan.

It will eventually get more convoluted as the factions become intermingled. I am eventually going to have a People's Republic of Solstice, which rises up to take the reins of government from the theocracy and the nobility. There will also be an invasion at some point, and probably a natural disaster. :smallamused:

[Captain Six]

Can I sig the last one?

Go right ahead. I can't say I've had anything of mine sigged before.

[Omeganaut]

I was not actually in this game, but most of my friends were, and one of my less sane friends had decided to take a hand at DMing. Some of the more memorable moments I heard about include the double centaur, which had, in place of the human half, another lower half of a horse. Also, I heard the tale of how the Digimon who was a Pokemon trainer became a dominatrix and made the sex paladin her slave. However, I think the ending of the campaign took the cake. They had just defeated another evil Lieutenant, and opened the treasure which was trapped. They were transported to a new dimension, and the Bardbarian attempted to draw her instrument to sing. That was when the DM informed the party that they had been transformed into magical ponies. Half of the party immediately decided never to play with him again, and the other half of the party began trying to figure out how being a pony would affect their ability to destroy evil.

[Hiro Protagonest]

I was not actually in this game, but most of my friends were, and one of my less sane friends had decided to take a hand at DMing. Some of the more memorable moments I heard about include the double centaur, which had, in place of the human half, another lower half of a horse. Also, I heard the tale of how the Digimon who was a Pokemon trainer became a dominatrix and made the sex paladin her slave. However, I think the ending of the campaign took the cake. They had just defeated another evil Lieutenant, and opened the treasure which was trapped. They were transported to a new dimension, and the Bardbarian attempted to draw her instrument to sing. That was when the DM informed the party that they had been transformed into magical ponies. Half of the party immediately decided never to play with him again, and the other half of the party began trying to figure out how being a pony would affect their ability to destroy evil.

I laughed at this. But I would seriously hate to be in this campaign, I want a serious campaign that won't reduce my sanity score to 0.

[Tiki Snakes]

Transformed into magical ponies, you say.
I'll have to hold that one in reserve... :smallbiggrin:

[BlackestOfMages]

not me doing it, but I was playing.

so, we have a guy who likes to talk strategy, and me, who likes to talk strategy. as such, sometime, when the DM gives us our 5% dosage of 'unwinnable' encounters, we often spend some time theorising about a way to beat the unwinnable part

so, we meet a hydra at level 3, with our only spell-caster being a druid (sneaky based thingy, we weren't supposed to meet the hydra, but the other three ways were to abviously helpful, whislt this one didn;t have a large brighly colour sign)

shenanigans begin, and after around 2 minutes we give up and say we're getting outta there, if it sets of the alarm or not. the Dm smiles... and takes a stop watch out from under the table...

and tells us the hydra dosen't wait for our PC's to finish talking, and makes about 20 rounds worth of actions on our low-leveled asses

we've learnt to be less verbose when planning now:smalleek:

[LOTRfan]

Thats just cruel. :smallbiggrin:

[Tiki Snakes]

not me doing it, but I was playing.

so, we have a guy who likes to talk strategy, and me, who likes to talk strategy. as such, sometime, when the DM gives us our 5% dosage of 'unwinnable' encounters, we often spend some time theorising about a way to beat the unwinnable part

so, we meet a hydra at level 3, with our only spell-caster being a druid (sneaky based thingy, we weren't supposed to meet the hydra, but the other three ways were to abviously helpful, whislt this one didn;t have a large brighly colour sign)

shenanigans begin, and after around 2 minutes we give up and say we're getting outta there, if it sets of the alarm or not. the Dm smiles... and takes a stop watch out from under the table...

and tells us the hydra dosen't wait for our PC's to finish talking, and makes about 20 rounds worth of actions on our low-leveled asses

we've learnt to be less verbose when planning now:smalleek:

That's a bit of a jerk-move, to be fair. I'm sure that you'd notice that you were being attacked by a hydra before 2 minutes of it had gone by...

[Greenish]

shenanigans begin, and after around 2 minutes we give up and say we're getting outta there, if it sets of the alarm or not. the Dm smiles... and takes a stop watch out from under the table...

and tells us the hydra dosen't wait for our PC's to finish talking, and makes about 20 rounds worth of actions on our low-leveled assesTalking is, infamously (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TalkingIsAFreeAction), a free action. :smalltongue:

[kieza]

At one point, I gave several descriptive passages over the course of the party infiltrating a castle held by soldiers of an enemy nation.

"As you creep through the dungeons, you hear a faint noise...possibly music. It's faint, and you can't tell where it's coming from, except that it's several floors overhead."

"You catch another snatch of the music you heard earlier as you race down the battlements. This time, you can hear violin, and what sounds like cheering."

"Pausing at a tower window, you glance down and see a pool of torchlight in the courtyard. You can make out a huge crowd of troopers surrounding what looks like a stage, and there are a lot of dancing, multicolored lights on it. You can finally hear the music clearly: (At this point, I brought out the audio aid: "Violin" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-tGcaVxDl8&feature=fvst)

[Shade Kerrin]

It nearly took an hour to chop them down, and the wizard couldn't get a line of sight because the fight was in an ally.

note to self...run campaign involving PC shrinkage...

[Angry Bob]

I introduced an in-the-shadows type villain that has harassed the players on and off for most of the campaign via telepathic messages.

Then I made an RL facebook page for said villain and had it send friend requests to them with similar messages attached.

[Greylond]

Sometimes my PCs gain a high power magic item and they decide that they don't want it so look for a buyer. What I usually do is to have them contact a special NPC "Agent", think a auction house seller/appraisal expert. They wait a few days for a buyer to chime in. Then they get a visit from a representative of the local government telling them that due to the power of the magic item the government can't let it be in the hands of someone else and they confiscated it and are going to pay them a set price, no haggling. Usually it is a bit less than what the Players think it is worth... ;)

They are learning that they would have been better off keeping it...

[BlackestOfMages]

I introduced an in-the-shadows type villain that has harassed the players on and off for most of the campaign via telepathic messages.

Then I made an RL facebook page for said villain and had it send friend requests to them with similar messages attached.

lol, level of win is nigh on unnatainable

[Eldan]

Hey, we still beat them. (And we were all surprised when he went up and told the guards that...)

Aye. But then, madmen do that.

[Heliomance]

Two word: zombie elephant.

In retrospect, I shouldn't have been surprised that the look on the Dread Necro's face was glee, rather than horror.

[Alton_Utrich]

So my PC's are in the teeth of a siege of a fortified town. The flying ship they were on crashed in front of a gate just as it was being broken down, leaving them as the only thing standing between the invading army and the town. Since it was 4e, I used wave upon wave of minions with the occasional stronger monsters thrown in for flavor. As an added 'bonus' I decided that when three or more enemies died per square, that square would offer cover/concealment. This made it easy to keep track of the amount of monsters that had died. Then the rogue in the party starting piling up the bodies into a 'flesh fort' around him so he could safely snipe.

Then I had a death knight walk onto the field and resurrect everything

The look on his face as I piled miniature after miniature on the board around him is my favorite moment as a DM, bar none.

[Hiro Protagonest]

Sometimes my PCs gain a high power magic item and they decide that they don't want it so look for a buyer. What I usually do is to have them contact a special NPC "Agent", think a auction house seller/appraisal expert. They wait a few days for a buyer to chime in. Then they get a visit from a representative of the local government telling them that due to the power of the magic item the government can't let it be in the hands of someone else and they confiscated it and are going to pay them a set price, no haggling. Usually it is a bit less than what the Players think it is worth... ;)

They are learning that they would have been better off keeping it...

So, you're punishing them for wanting a magic item different than the one you gave them? :smallannoyed:

[Undercroft]

In my eberron campaign, the players have recently just met a rival team of adventurers. this rival team has a backstory that during the Last War they were falsely imprisoned but later escaped. It includes:

- A male changeling bard. Very womanising and acting as the face for this party. (pretty funny because half the PC's team are female)
- A male personality warforged fighter/monk with gold embedded into it's armour plating. Serious bad attitude type of guy.
- A human psion (clairsentience discipline). The brains of this group, using his divination-esque psionics to aid their heists (vs the PCs) and make all the plans.
- a male shifter artificer (going for that airship pilot prestige class later for this guy). Their pilot. Also a bit mad.

My players still haven't figured out who this team is a based on. Not even when they later encountered the warforged who had made a gold mohawk for himself.

[Choco]

In my eberron campaign, the players have recently just met a rival team of adventurers. this rival team has a backstory that during the Last War they were falsely imprisoned but later escaped. It includes:

- A male changeling bard. Very womanising and acting as the face for this party. (pretty funny because half the PC's team are female)
- A male personality warforged fighter/monk with gold embedded into it's armour plating. Serious bad attitude type of guy.
- A human psion (clairsentience discipline). The brains of this group, using his divination-esque psionics to aid their heists (vs the PCs) and make all the plans.
- a male shifter artificer (going for that airship pilot prestige class later for this guy). Their pilot. Also a bit mad.

My players still haven't figured out who this team is a based on. Not even when they later encountered the warforged who had made a gold mohawk for himself.

That's awesome. And kinda sad. Makes you feel old doesn't it, when what USED to be a pop culture icon gets blank stares these days...

I did this to my players just to mess with them once:

They were given a quest to recover an item from an ancient temple, at about lvl 5 or so, and after some issues they finally stumble upon said temple. Then the following took place...

Me: *intricate, long-winded description of this epic temple* "...and still set into the temple are countless gems of various sizes. Gold lines and highlights the entirety of the structure..."
Players: "WHAT!! It is still untouched and basically un-looted? Wait this is too good to be true, why hasn't it been looted yet..."
Me: "That might have something to do with the colossal dragon that is wrapped around most of the temple, currently taking a nap with his tail blocking the entrance"
Players: :smalleek:

[Arbane]

My players still haven't figured out who this team is a based on. Not even when they later encountered the warforged who had made a gold mohawk for himself.

I pity the fools.

That reminds me of the time some Feng Shui characters got attacked by an Ascended hit squad that turned out to be the Spice Girls (remember them?) with good kung-fu...one of them DID figure it out about halfway through the fight, though.

[Greylond]

So, you're punishing them for wanting a magic item different than the one you gave them? :smallannoyed:

Basically, yes. I've told them before that I don't agree with buying/selling Magic Items. It's one of the things that I really dislike about D&D 3.x and up. I believe that Heroes that work hard should flaunt and use the magic items that they defeat monsters and overcome challenges with. When was the last time that you heard/read about Conan(or some other Fantasy Hero) wading into combat with the Uber-Magic Sword that he purchased at "Magic-Items-R-Us"? No sir, in great fantasy stories it's always talked about how a Hero is using such and such item that he wrested away from the Evil Necromancer or got from the Dragon's Horde after slaying Smaug(or some other Big Bad Dragon). It's in the world and system that I run(HM) but I discourage it...

[Tiki Snakes]

Basically, yes. I've told them before that I don't agree with buying/selling Magic Items. It's one of the things that I really dislike about D&D 3.x and up. I believe that Heroes that work hard should flaunt and use the magic items that they defeat monsters and overcome challenges with. When was the last time that you heard/read about Conan(or some other Fantasy Hero) wading into combat with the Uber-Magic Sword that he purchased at "Magic-Items-R-Us"? No sir, in great fantasy stories it's always talked about how a Hero is using such and such item that he wrested away from the Evil Necromancer or got from the Dragon's Horde after slaying Smaug(or some other Big Bad Dragon). It's in the world and system that I run(HM) but I discourage it...

You should give better magic items then, and they wouldn't feel the need to get rid of them for something better? ;)

[Jay R]

...shenanigans begin, and after around 2 minutes we give up and say we're getting outta there, if it sets of the alarm or not. the Dm smiles... and takes a stop watch out from under the table...

and tells us the hydra dosen't wait for our PC's to finish talking, and makes about 20 rounds worth of actions on our low-leveled asses

we've learnt to be less verbose when planning now:smalleek:

After the first attack hits, I would reply. "OK, you're right. It took that round of action while we talked. You caught us being dumb. But if it gets another round of action before I get to roll initiative, I'm leaving."

I've given surprise attacks on people who talked when they should have acted. But it's incompetent DMing and bad combat simulation to pretend that being hit for damage doesn't interrupt a conversation.

[Sillycomic]

My evil campaign had decided to take out a vineyard in order to corner the wine market in this large village. The vineyard was out in the middle of nowhere, nothing but hills and farmland.

My group gets it in their head that they need to find goblins in a cave in order to use them as a distraction.

I never told them there were caves or goblins nearby... but they decided on their own this is how things were going down. All right then.

So, after a day of searching I told them they spotted a cave. It didn't have goblins in it, but it did have a couple of young gnoll pups. The group asked the following questions.

Group: How many are in your tribe?

Pups: Three.

Group: That's kinda small for a group.

Pups: There's just momma, poppa and Uncle Bob.

Group: When are they coming back?

Pups: I don't know, they're out hunting.

So, my group then decides to wait for the gnolls. They make up camp outside the small cave. They were pretty determined to talk to these gnolls, cause I made them wait a day and a half at that spot. They were pretty stubborn.

Anyway, the group finally spots an owlbear climbing up the hill towards them with a deer carcass on its back. The owlbear spots them and starts running towards them screaming in random owlbear rage.

The group takes the owlbear down easily.

As he dies the young gnoll pups run out of the cave, screaming...

And this is the best part, since one of the players said the same exact phrase at the same time as I did. In fact I do believe he face palmed as he said it...

"OH NO!!! UNCLE BOB!!!"

Priceless.

Needless to say, the gnolls didn't agree to be their distraction.

[Cruiser1]

After fighting seemingly endless waves of Giant Constrictors, Huge Vipers, evil Nagas, Yuan-ti, and related slithering monsters while invading a serpent themed level of the Abyss, the NPC Guide to the players (a dark skinned Bard named Sam) stops and shouts:

"Enough is enough! I have had it with these mother[censored] snakes on this mother[censored] plane!" :smallbiggrin:

[Greylond]

You should give better magic items then, and they wouldn't feel the need to get rid of them for something better? ;)

I give perfectly good Magic Items. In fact, I'm about to show them how well. I've got their rival, enemy group about to show up with all the Magic Items that they've sold recently and they are going to use them against the PCs... ;)

[Hiro Protagonest]

I give perfectly good Magic Items. In fact, I'm about to show them how well. I've got their rival, enemy group about to show up with all the Magic Items that they've sold recently and they are going to use them against the PCs... ;)

This is even worse. First, you have a government official pay for it a far lower than normal price, which they can't haggle, on the premise that it won't end up in the wrong hands. Then, you have them show up in the hands of very dangerous, and possibly evil, rivals.

This is basically punishing players for wanting to use a system that's backed up by the rules.

[aart lover]

so it was a first campaign with a bunch of newbies i was DMing. we start crawling around an old castle, and the 2nd room we come across i say
Me: " ok guys, you see a medium sized room, it has a plain wooden table with some peculiar objects on it, a painting of the late King Roland, and a door on the opposite side. What. Do. You Do?"

Players: " ok, i examine the stuff on the table more closely."

Me: " ok, one of the items is a vial of red liquid."

Player: " hmmm. could be poison, i toss it at the wall."

*he rolls a natural 20*

Player: "GET DOWN!!!!" as he throws it at the wall.


after much laughing i say

Me: " oh gee nice way to waste a STRENGTH POTION, N00B!!!"

this moment is laughed about till this day, but it gets better.

Me: " as a reward, the priest hands you a vial of red liquid."

Player: " oh i'm not doing this crap again! i drink that stuff right up!"


* he consumes a vial of alchemist's fire*

Me: *laughing* " OK matt! you drink the alchemist's fire and set your internal organs on fire! n00b!!!"

needless to say this ended with many gaping mouths, and a memorable inside joke that me and my group still talk about 2day.

[Hiro Protagonest]

so it was a first campaign with a bunch of newbies i was DMing. we start crawling around an old castle, and the 2nd room we come across i say
Me: " ok guys, you see a medium sized room, it has a plain wooden table with some peculiar objects on it, a painting of the late King Roland, and a door on the opposite side. What. Do. You Do?"

Players: " ok, i examine the stuff on the table more closely."

Me: " ok, one of the items is a vial of red liquid."

Player: " hmmm. could be poison, i toss it at the wall."

*he rolls a natural 20*

Player: "GET DOWN!!!!" as he throws it at the wall.


after much laughing i say

Me: " oh gee nice way to waste a STRENGTH POTION, N00B!!!"

this moment is laughed about till this day, but it gets better.

Me: " as a reward, the priest hands you a vial of red liquid."

Player: " oh i'm not doing this crap again! i drink that stuff right up!"


* he consumes a vial of alchemist's fire*

Me: *laughing* " OK matt! you drink the alchemist's fire and set your internal organs on fire! n00b!!!"

needless to say this ended with many gaping mouths, and a memorable inside joke that me and my group still talk about 2day.

This is so funny. :smallamused:

[druid91]

Sometimes my PCs gain a high power magic item and they decide that they don't want it so look for a buyer. What I usually do is to have them contact a special NPC "Agent", think a auction house seller/appraisal expert. They wait a few days for a buyer to chime in. Then they get a visit from a representative of the local government telling them that due to the power of the magic item the government can't let it be in the hands of someone else and they confiscated it and are going to pay them a set price, no haggling. Usually it is a bit less than what the Players think it is worth... ;)

They are learning that they would have been better off keeping it...

I wouldn't keep doing this... Then the players assassinate every head of state for a thousand miles and crash the kingdom into a devastating state of anarchy. Just so they can sell something.

That is if they are anything like my usual parties. Who typically have an alignment of "To Baator with rules, morals, and everything else. I want money!"

Except there is always one good guy...:smallconfused:


I give perfectly good Magic Items. In fact, I'm about to show them how well. I've got their rival, enemy group about to show up with all the Magic Items that they've sold recently and they are going to use them against the PCs... ;)

And now they no longer trust Mr. Government man and simply kill him whenever he wants their magic items for sale.

[Lonely Tylenol]

I think the biggest one for me was when our DM built a dungeon with an entire series of encounters in a sex-torture chamber that culminated in in a boss whose signature attack was an act so mortifying that I cannot reasonably expect to even post the name here without being punished.

Hint: It's related to an 18th-century philosopher who went by a pen name instead of his given name for published works.

I rolled Will saves to resist arousal during some of the bizarrest, kinkiest sex acts.

I failed some of them.

I roleplayed it.

EDIT: I tend to "roll saves" for behavior that is characteristic of just failing at life in general. In our very first encounter (in which we were not even properly initiated into level 1, and so had a limited range of abilities), we got ambushed by a 10-foot spider, who in a single attack, injected our leader with a toxic venom that paralyzed and nearly killed him, then kicked him down the hall into the room. I rolled a Fortitude save not to soil myself and failed (rolled a 2, with a +3 modifier). For the rest of the game, I roleplayed having soiled myself, including the uncomfortable squishing when walking and the awkward moments during conversations that usually follow "ew! What's that horrible smell?"

This behavior has become somewhat typical of me in-game (my character's something of a coward, and so on), but it still catches my party off-guard sometimes.

[Solaris]

This is even worse. First, you have a government official pay for it a far lower than normal price, which they can't haggle, on the premise that it won't end up in the wrong hands. Then, you have them show up in the hands of very dangerous, and possibly evil, rivals.

This is basically punishing players for wanting to use a system that's backed up by the rules.


Basically, yes. I've told them before that I don't agree with buying/selling Magic Items. It's one of the things that I really dislike about D&D 3.x and up. ... It's in the world and system that I run(HM) but I discourage it...

Yeah, not so much Swift. It may be in the standard rules, but it's not in Greylond's game. Not the Magic Mart type, anyhow. Don't forget, for a good long while there buying and selling magic items was taboo.

[Greylond]

This is even worse. First, you have a government official pay for it a far lower than normal price, which they can't haggle, on the premise that it won't end up in the wrong hands. Then, you have them show up in the hands of very dangerous, and possibly evil, rivals.

This is basically punishing players for wanting to use a system that's backed up by the rules.

It's HackMaster. The game wurld, in the personification of the GM is actively out to Kill and/or mess with the players. HM is tough on players by design.

[Hiro Protagonest]

It's HackMaster. The game wurld, in the personification of the GM is actively out to Kill and/or mess with the players. HM is tough on players by design.

Is that a setting, or a system?

[Kylarra]

Is that a setting, or a system?
HackMaster is a system based on AD&D. It's actually kind of amusingly complex in its minutiae.

[Greylond]

Is that a setting, or a system?

HackMaster 4th Edition; won Game of the Year in 2001 at the Origins Awards

[Serpentine]

I give perfectly good Magic Items. In fact, I'm about to show them how well. I've got their rival, enemy group about to show up with all the Magic Items that they've sold recently and they are going to use them against the PCs... ;)If they're not things they want, then they're not good. If you really want them to use the stuff you give them, then try finding out what it is they want and start customising the treasure for them more.
You say you told them that you don't like the selling of magic items. And yet, you included it as an option in the game. If you don't want them doing something, make it part of your campaign world, don't punish them for something they're allowed to do both by the game's rules and the world's.

...coming from someone whose party has a bunch of magic items, many quite cool and even specifically intended for certain characters, that are sitting around being neither used nor sold :smallsigh:

[Fiery Diamond]

...coming from someone whose party has a bunch of magic items, many quite cool and even specifically intended for certain characters, that are sitting around being neither used nor sold :smallsigh:

This tends to happen when I DM, too. I'm not sure why.

[Angry Bob]

If you're optimistic, it means you're created a world compelling enough to distract from buying/selling gear.

If you're pessimistic, your players just aren't paying as much attention to their inventories as they should.

[Werekat]

For useful magic items not being bought/sold: *raises hand* Guilty as charged - my character likes to have options to switch around magic items. Not that he gets to use it too often, but he generally keeps the stuff found, unless the stuff bought is *really* useful. And in our world all magic items that can be bought are DM-approved, so no magic-o-marts, really.

I am going to have to do some reorganizing, though... Because getting hit whenever you make yourself a target is deadly in a party of two.

Now, on topic... After listening to a Zelazny audiobook with part of my MtA gaming group, I named an Etherite zeppelin "The Happy Wallaby." Needless to say, only one of them realized what that actually meant, but the look on his face was worth it.

[Greylond]

If you don't want them doing something, make it part of your campaign world, don't punish them for something they're allowed to do both by the game's rules and the world's.


The game rules and world doesn't stop them from going around murdering peasants and laying waste to the countryside but it IS discouraged in the Game Wurld.... Not all local governments are the same, some interfere more in the lives of mercenary adventurers, others don't. It just so happens that the more organized and safe a country is, the more that the Government messes in the daily lives of people. Just like in the USA if you "find" a really powerful weapon in the "lair" of a bad guy, the Government is going to take an interest in it if you put in on the open market. In a very Lawful/Bureaucratic nation then there are going to be licenses, taxes and things on it. Chaotic/Libertarian style Governments, not so much. In my game worlds everything the PCs do has a potential reaction by the NPCs/Monsters. Even if that means dumping powerful magic items into the market place. Those in control are going to want to flaunt their power of government to take what they want, especially if the government thinks that it is doing it for the "Good" of society. Evil governments are going to take the items and give it to their death squads and/or secret police(or what have you).

Step back and think about it from the NPC officials point of view. Is it better to have these weapons/items of power sold off to another mercenary/adventurer who's loyalty to the local government is in question? Or is it more likely to have it taken and given to a more loyal person or military unit?

Therefore, would it not be better to go around bragging or trying to sell off an item and maybe keeping it for later use or to give it to a special Henchman as a gift?

[Sillycomic]

If you've explained that's how your game world works then it's perfectly reasonable. Your players knew the risk of selling magical items and decided it was worth getting possible more gold. It's a gamble, sure.

Personally I think your game world's "government" has a little too much time and money on their hands if they have spies in all of the merchant's shops waiting to see when the next "boots of spider climb" are being bought and sold... but that's just me.

[Knaight]

HackMaster 4th Edition; won Game of the Year in 2001 at the Origins Awards

Not that 2001 really had much in the way of stiff competition.

[Greylond]

Let me put it to you this way.

You play a character who's group just finished off a big adventure and defeated a threat to the local Kingdom. The King awards you with land and a small keep(a county on the fringe of the wilderness). He gives you the power of High and Low Justice(medieval terms that you should google if you don't know what it is) and tells you that you are responsible for securing your land and paying taxes on it.

You get to your small keep and discover it needs a bit of repair and you want to expand on it. So, you and your adventuring buddies pour your treasure into building the keep and recruiting a small army to run patrols and keep order. While you spend the months supervising your Keep construction AND you have to supervise local tax collection AND make sure that you resolve disputes from the higher social class residents who can't be put off by anyone lower than the local Lord(that's you). Yea, running a small County is a lot of hard boring work but you look forward to zipping through the boring stuff with a few die rolls and have a secure base and getting back to adventuring. Meanwhile in the months that you spend there the GameMaster tells you about some up and coming adventurers who just showed up in your local town market looking to unload some magic items, a couple of which are as powerful or perhaps even better than your group already owns but you don't know for sure because there are so many rumors flying around. You have heard these rumors because like a smart local governor you have had your party thief make contact and hear rumors of anything that is going to hurt your county and/or to listen for new adventure hooks to get out of this boring day job.

So, what do you do, let these new and unknown adventurers sell off their magic items to some merchant/dealer who is going to ship them off to some unknown destination? Or do you use your power of the legal system, which you sit on the top of, to make sure that these items of power don't fall into Evil hands. Plus the fact that even if they are less powerful than the items you already own, you can grant them to your NPC officers of your local militia/army to help protect your tax paying citizens?

NPCs are people too. They have agendas, likes, dislikes, plans and schemes. They have reasons for doing things that are not always apparent to adventurers who may just be passing through. The local rulers have to live here for a long time and have to at least make an attempt to maintain society and/or themselves at the top of the Legal System. They also have the obligation to act to try to keep the economy running, whether they are good at it or even have good intentions about it are whole other issue, but they at least have the obligation to pay it lip service.

A good game world is going to reflect all of that is going on behind the scenes. The Players may never, ever know even a small portion of what goes on, but smart Players will realize that all NPCs should act like real people and not some 2D cutouts who freeze in place when they are "Offstage" from the Player's point of view. A good GM takes that into account, they don't always have to explain it other than to present what the Players perceive.

And yes, I find that every once in a while hitting the Players with a non-traditional Adventure that involves social encounters and legal consequences of just killing everything in sight when you are in a town to be yet another way of doing something of seeing the Look on your Party's Faces(see, I brought this thread-jack back around on topic...) I don't do that for many game sessions but I find it makes for a nice break after one dungeon crawl after another and the players are getting burned out. After one of those sessions the adventurers are more than willing to hit the road for the wilderness looking for a good dungeon to crawl back into...

[Greylond]

Not that 2001 really had much in the way of stiff competition.

Really? There was some pretty good games nominated:

Adventure! (James Kiley, Michael B. Lee, Clayton Oliver) from White Wolf Game Studio
Axis & Allies: Pacific (Stephen Baker, Rob Daviau) from Hasbro/Avalon Hill
Budget Battlefield (Greg Poehlein) from MicroTactix Games
CAV: Combat Assault Vehicle (Ed Pugh, Matt Forbeck, Don Perrin, Bill Grand, Ron Hawkins) from Reaper Minatures
Cosmic Coasters (Andrew Looney) from Looney Labs
D&D Chainmail Miniatures Games (Skaff Elias, Chris Pramas) from Wizards of the Coast
Devil Bunny Hates the Earth (Jamest Ernest) from Cheapass Games
The Face of Battle (Michael E. Ball) from Merimac Enterprises
Fairy Meat: Clockwork Stomp (Scott Leaton) from Kenzer & Co.
Fear God and Dread Nought (Larry Bond, Chris Carlson, Mike Harris, Ed Kettler) from Clash of Arms Games
Firestorm Tactical Card Game (Frank Bustamante, Michael Nickoloff, Ben Peck, Dan Grey, Randy Harrington) from Third World Games
Frag (Phillip Reed) from Steve Jackson Games
Girl Genius: The Works (James Ernest) from Cheapass Games/ Studio Foglio
Grave Robbers from Outer Space (Stephen Tassie) from Z-Man Games
Great War at Sea: Mediterranean (Mike Benninghof) from Avalanche Press
GROPOS (Robert Glass) from Agents of Gaming
Hackmasters (Jolly R. Blackburn, Brian Jelke, Steve Johansson, David S. Kenzer) from Kenzer & Co.
Harry Potter Base Set (Skaff Elias, Mike Elliott, Paul Peterson, Robert Gutschera) from Wizards of the Coast
Heroic Fantasy (Rick Loomis, Stephen T. MacGregor) from Flying Buffalo
History of the World (The Ragnar Brothers) from Hasbro/Avalon Hill
Imperium Third Millenium (Marc W. Miller, Brian L. Knipple) from Avalanche Press
John Prados' Third Reich (John Prados, Mike Benninghof, Brian L. Knipple) from Avalanche Press
Key to the West (Devin Cooley, Brad Sanders) from Easy Eight Enterprises
Knights of the Dinner Table: HACK! Card Game (Matt Colville, George Vasilakos, M. Alexander Jurkat) from Eden Studios
Little Fears (Jason L. Blair) from Key20 Publishing
The Lord of the Rings TCG (Tom Lischke, Mike Reynolds, Chuck Kallenbach, Justin Pakes, Tim Ellington) from Decipher, Inc.
Middle Earth FA 1000 from Game Systems
Munchkin (Steve Jackson) from Steve Jackson Games
PBI2 (Poor Bloody Infantry 2nd Edition) (Martin Goddard) from Peter Pig
Proteus from Steve Jackson Games
Riftlords (Charles Gaydos, Rick Loomis) from Flying Buffalo
Risk 2210 (Craig Van Ness, Rob Daviau, Albert Lamorisse) from Hasbro/Avalon Hill
Science Gone Mad (Klaus Teuber) from Mayfair Games
Starship Catan (Klaus Teuber) from Mayfair Games
Starweb (Rick Loomis) from Flying Buffalo
Sturmtruppen (Chris Keeling) from Mars Games
Tenjo: Heaven and Earth (Koroku Hachisuka, Scott Porter, Ying Chiu, David Porter) from WhySpire?
Terra Incognita: The NAGS Society Handbook (Scott Larson) from Grey Ghost Press
US Patent #1 (James Ernest) from Cheapass Games
War: Age of Imperialism (Glenn Drover) from Eagle Games
Warhammer 40,000 CCG (Ryan Miller, Luke Peterschmidt) from Sabertooth Games
Warlord: Saga of the Storm (David Williams, Raymond Lau, Kevin Millard, Ree Soesbee, John Zinser) from Alderac Entertainment Group
Wheel of Time Roleplaying Game (Charles Ryan, Christian Moore, Stephen S. Long) from Wizards of the Coast
Witch Trial (James Ernest) from Cheapass Games
Zombies!!! (Todd A. Breitenstein) from Journeyman Press

[Sillycomic]

I'm not sure why you feel a huge need to justify your actions as a GM. If you're the GM and this is the world you are running, then sometimes the government comes and takes the players shiny new toys.

I just personally have never seen or heard about it in any games, and as a GM I would think it as ludicrous... unless you're playing in a low wealth or low magic game. But if that's the case then the players are just being stupid for advertising all of their awesome magical items anyway, so they get what they deserve.

I just see way too many loopholes around your problem anyway.

As a player if you told me, "The government will steal shiny magical items if they know you have them."

My response would be to look for a dealer myself, someone who has money and can buy the item from me cheap. I won't tell anyone I have the item in question... only that I'm looking for someone who might need something along those lines (+3 greatsword I'd look for a rich barbarian, boots of spider climb I would look for a sneaky rich rogue)

OR...

Just sell it in the black market. Go to a major city with a thieves guild and look to sell it there. I won't get as much as if I had gone through legitimate routes, but at least I'll make a profit and I can "stick it to the man" at the same time, which is always nice.

OR...

Hide the item and then go to the markets to look for a buyer. When the government comes tell them I don't have it. They can search me if they want... unless they look under the second tree off to the path 2 miles from town they aren't gonna find it. Then, keep looking for a buyer. Continue this until the government gets tired of searching me, or I actually do find a buyer.

OR...

Spread lots of rumors around town that I'm selling a bunch of ludicrous items. Hats of infinite potato chips, jewels of slightly more hair than usual, infinite rage frying pans. Have so many rumors flying around no one really knows what's going on with me and what I have. Then look for a legitimate buyer for my boots of spider climbing. By this time the government will have either stopped looking up "magic item" rumors, or discarded my rumors as useless to follow up on and leave me to sell my item in peace.

OR...

Lead a revolt to destroy the government. They're clearly evil if they feel the need to invade someone's privacy to the point that they are following my purchases and will "intervene" whenever I have something that I wish to sell. I don't wish to have a government with this kind of abusive power and will rise with the people to bring this tyranny to an end. Although this will probably end up with just me and my adventuring friends taking down the local sheriff, lord or whatever... but still it's for "the good of the people" so I can feel justified when I do it.

[Cipher Stars]

PC's fight Four giant tentacles on a small island in the center of a lake after trying to retrieve the stone key from its pedestal in the middle. They got the key, tentacles pop up with large HP and a chance to insta kill in three turns with every melee attack they, or the PC's make against them.
Eventually they got through them without waisting too much spells and decent HP (Scrolls of Mass Heal ftw)
They thought it was over, until a Colossal+ sized monster head pops up on four stubby tentacles and fires compressed beams of water that can cut through most metals with ease.
(it was Very weak against electricity though with a x4 on electrical hits)

They managed to win, Though it came with several close calls of player death.
They thought they were screwed when I placed a giant plushy squid on the map, but I always provide a way leading to thrilling encounters.

[Werekat]

"You look down on your belt and see 64 cute baby smiles."

Our current DM has his fun with my Belt of Many Pockets. He says that it's a clutch of baby bags of devouring. He also says they're cute.

[Eldan]

"You look down on your belt and see 64 cute baby smiles."

Our current DM has his fun with my Belt of Many Pockets. He says that it's a clutch of baby bags of devouring. He also says they're cute.

Go along with it. Feed them regularly. I'm sure having 64 bags of devouring can be very useful at some point in the future.

[Cipher Stars]

Ah! I also remember when I stunned a player by having a mage named U cast Spiked Tentacles of Forced Intrusion on Players Nymph character.

[Werekat]

Go along with it. Feed them regularly. I'm sure having 64 bags of devouring can be very useful at some point in the future.

That's the plan, unless he houserules it so that they eat only magic items, which is a distinct possibility. If he does, that's going to be way too expensive! :smalltongue:

[Eldan]

Phh. Caster level 1 0-level spell, single use, spell completion: 12.5 gold. Depending on the level, you can buy tons of these. Or get a spell that makes temporary magic items.

[Werekat]

That's... 800 GP per feeding for 64 of them. At best. And I have no idea how often they need to eat yet. :-P

[dsmiles]

I give perfectly good Magic Items. In fact, I'm about to show them how well. I've got their rival, enemy group about to show up with all the Magic Items that they've sold recently and they are going to use them against the PCs... ;)You know, you could just say that there are no magic-marts. My players tend to use contacts within the guilds to unload magic items they don't want (they don't always get a good price, so they don't always sell), but there's really no place to just go out and buy items like that in my campaign worlds. Now, hiring on a wizard to custom make an item is another matter. That just gets ridiculously expensive, but since they're basically rich, violent hobos anyways, they can usually afford it if they want it bad enough.

[Hiro Protagonest]

The game rules and world doesn't stop them from going around murdering peasants and laying waste to the countryside but it IS discouraged in the Game Wurld.... Not all local governments are the same, some interfere more in the lives of mercenary adventurers, others don't. It just so happens that the more organized and safe a country is, the more that the Government messes in the daily lives of people. Just like in the USA if you "find" a really powerful weapon in the "lair" of a bad guy, the Government is going to take an interest in it if you put in on the open market. In a very Lawful/Bureaucratic nation then there are going to be licenses, taxes and things on it. Chaotic/Libertarian style Governments, not so much. In my game worlds everything the PCs do has a potential reaction by the NPCs/Monsters. Even if that means dumping powerful magic items into the market place. Those in control are going to want to flaunt their power of government to take what they want, especially if the government thinks that it is doing it for the "Good" of society. Evil governments are going to take the items and give it to their death squads and/or secret police(or what have you).

Step back and think about it from the NPC officials point of view. Is it better to have these weapons/items of power sold off to another mercenary/adventurer who's loyalty to the local government is in question? Or is it more likely to have it taken and given to a more loyal person or military unit?

Therefore, would it not be better to go around bragging or trying to sell off an item and maybe keeping it for later use or to give it to a special Henchman as a gift?


Let me put it to you this way.

You play a character who's group just finished off a big adventure and defeated a threat to the local Kingdom. The King awards you with land and a small keep(a county on the fringe of the wilderness). He gives you the power of High and Low Justice(medieval terms that you should google if you don't know what it is) and tells you that you are responsible for securing your land and paying taxes on it.

You get to your small keep and discover it needs a bit of repair and you want to expand on it. So, you and your adventuring buddies pour your treasure into building the keep and recruiting a small army to run patrols and keep order. While you spend the months supervising your Keep construction AND you have to supervise local tax collection AND make sure that you resolve disputes from the higher social class residents who can't be put off by anyone lower than the local Lord(that's you). Yea, running a small County is a lot of hard boring work but you look forward to zipping through the boring stuff with a few die rolls and have a secure base and getting back to adventuring. Meanwhile in the months that you spend there the GameMaster tells you about some up and coming adventurers who just showed up in your local town market looking to unload some magic items, a couple of which are as powerful or perhaps even better than your group already owns but you don't know for sure because there are so many rumors flying around. You have heard these rumors because like a smart local governor you have had your party thief make contact and hear rumors of anything that is going to hurt your county and/or to listen for new adventure hooks to get out of this boring day job.

So, what do you do, let these new and unknown adventurers sell off their magic items to some merchant/dealer who is going to ship them off to some unknown destination? Or do you use your power of the legal system, which you sit on the top of, to make sure that these items of power don't fall into Evil hands. Plus the fact that even if they are less powerful than the items you already own, you can grant them to your NPC officers of your local militia/army to help protect your tax paying citizens?

NPCs are people too. They have agendas, likes, dislikes, plans and schemes. They have reasons for doing things that are not always apparent to adventurers who may just be passing through. The local rulers have to live here for a long time and have to at least make an attempt to maintain society and/or themselves at the top of the Legal System. They also have the obligation to act to try to keep the economy running, whether they are good at it or even have good intentions about it are whole other issue, but they at least have the obligation to pay it lip service.

A good game world is going to reflect all of that is going on behind the scenes. The Players may never, ever know even a small portion of what goes on, but smart Players will realize that all NPCs should act like real people and not some 2D cutouts who freeze in place when they are "Offstage" from the Player's point of view. A good GM takes that into account, they don't always have to explain it other than to present what the Players perceive.

And yes, I find that every once in a while hitting the Players with a non-traditional Adventure that involves social encounters and legal consequences of just killing everything in sight when you are in a town to be yet another way of doing something of seeing the Look on your Party's Faces(see, I brought this thread-jack back around on topic...) I don't do that for many game sessions but I find it makes for a nice break after one dungeon crawl after another and the players are getting burned out. After one of those sessions the adventurers are more than willing to hit the road for the wilderness looking for a good dungeon to crawl back into...

These explanations are reasonable. But your argument about it flys in the fact that the government gave the items to rival adventurers, which are likely evil, and highly unlikely to be members of the army/militia.

[Jay R]

The problem of magic markets comes from the absurd over-abundance of magic items in D&D.

Most fantasy characters have no items (Beowulf, Achilles, Lancelot). A few have one or two. Having more than three or four is extremely rare in the literature. Nobody would ever sell such a thing.

But if you flood the world with something that useful, so people have more items than they need, a trade market will appear.

[Archpaladin Zousha]

The problem of magic markets comes from the absurd over-abundance of magic items in D&D.

Most fantasy characters have no items (Beowulf, Achilles, Lancelot). A few have one or two. Having more than three or four is extremely rare in the literature. Nobody would ever sell such a thing.

But if you flood the world with something that useful, so people have more items than they need, a trade market will appear.

I take exception to these. Yes, both relied on greater-than-average physical strength and Achilles' vaunted invincibility, but do not forget the obviously superior equipment they had. Beowulf not only had Hrunting for a time, but a sword that had been forged by freakin' GIANTS! Without that weapon he couldn't have slain Grendel's Mother. And in the middle of The Iliad, Achilles recieves arms and armor forged by his step-brother Hephaestus, the forge-god himself. They spend an entire book of the poem describing the detailing of his shield, which is so strong that a blow that would have shattered a mortal-forged shield only scratches it. There's plenty of magic items in the hands of fantasy characters. Yes, they don't go shopping for them, but they are there.

[Hiro Protagonest]

I take exception to these. Yes, both relied on greater-than-average physical strength and Achilles' vaunted invincibility, but do not forget the obviously superior equipment they had. Beowulf not only had Hrunting for a time, but a sword that had been forged by freakin' GIANTS! Without that weapon he couldn't have slain Grendel's Mother. And in the middle of The Iliad, Achilles recieves arms and armor forged by his step-brother Hephaestus, the forge-god himself. They spend an entire book of the poem describing the detailing of his shield, which is so strong that a blow that would have shattered a mortal-forged shield only scratches it. There's plenty of magic items in the hands of fantasy characters. Yes, they don't go shopping for them, but they are there.

Yes. And although you never hear about this in stories, it's suitably epic to slay the dragon with the finely made sword you found on display behind the counter in the weapon shop, which is the smith's finest work, inscribed with powerful magic dweomers and made of adamantine.

[Archpaladin Zousha]

Yes. And although you never hear about this in stories, it's suitably epic to slay the dragon with the finely made sword you found on display behind the counter in the weapon shop, which is the smith's finest work, inscribed with powerful magic dweomers and made of adamantine.

True. I mean, these ancient, powerful smithing masters gotta eat too, ya know!

And interestingly enough, that's something shown in Forgotten Realms. The main strategy for Red Wizards of Thay to increase their influence outside Thay is to become indispensable parts of the economy by selling magic items. In the original Neverwinter Nights, you can even help one set up shop in your town, and soon he does so. It's called Thaymart!

[Yukitsu]

I never roll dice behind the screen, I never even use a screen, I never say "Are you sure?" and I always am completely enthusiastic about every fight they try to get into. I'm the only DM in the group that will consistently make the party run away from encounters. Watching their face as I gleefully nod along with their zany schemes is a lot of fun. It's a shame they always wuss out in the end.

[Jay R]

I take exception to these. Yes, both relied on greater-than-average physical strength and Achilles' vaunted invincibility, but do not forget the obviously superior equipment they had. Beowulf not only had Hrunting for a time, but a sword that had been forged by freakin' GIANTS! Without that weapon he couldn't have slain Grendel's Mother. And in the middle of The Iliad, Achilles recieves arms and armor forged by his step-brother Hephaestus, the forge-god himself. They spend an entire book of the poem describing the detailing of his shield, which is so strong that a blow that would have shattered a mortal-forged shield only scratches it. There's plenty of magic items in the hands of fantasy characters. Yes, they don't go shopping for them, but they are there.

You're right - Achilles and Beowulf had magic items. My example was incorrect.

But as you documented, a magic shield is so rare and precious that an entire book of the poem describes how it was made. Beowulf, the greatest hero of the Geats, had no magic sword until he was given Hrunting -- and was it a magic sword? It certainly failed him --it couldn't harm Grendel's mother. (Arguably his armor might be magic, since it stopped Grendel's mother's attacks.) The entire epic has one, two or possibly three magic swords (two of which never work), one set of possibly magic armor, and Hrothgar's magic throne. Oh, and a cursed dragon hoard.

But to defend a system with magic markets and in which a major limitation of paladins is to be restricted to only eight items, you need to provide an example of magic markets and great heroes with more than 8 items.

"There's plenty of magic items in the hands of fantasy characters"? Only for certain very low values of "plenty". Name one classic hero with eight items, or with store-boughten items, or fighting several villains with multiple items each.

[Hiro Protagonest]

"There's plenty of magic items in the hands of fantasy characters"? Only for certain very low values of "plenty". Name one classic hero with eight items, or with store-boughten items, or fighting several villains with multiple items each.

All the classic heroes are in low-magic or no-magic worlds, so magic items are pretty much nonexistent.

If you want a famous character from a high-magic setting, than look at Drizz't Do'urden. Two magic scimitars, magic chainmail, and anklets of speed or something. Now, he didn't get any of that from a store, but that is a lot of magic items.

And his friends aren't lacking in magical gear either. Wulfgar has Aegis-fang, and Cattie-brie has Taulmaril and Khazid-hea.

[AsteriskAmp]

You're right - Achilles and Beowulf had magic items. My example was incorrect.

But as you documented, a magic shield is so rare and precious that an entire book of the poem describes how it was made. Beowulf, the greatest hero of the Geats, had no magic sword until he was given Hrunting -- and was it a magic sword? It certainly failed him --it couldn't harm Grendel's mother. (Arguably his armor might be magic, since it stopped Grendel's mother's attacks.) The entire epic has one, two or possibly three magic swords (two of which never work), one set of possibly magic armor, and Hrothgar's magic throne. Oh, and a cursed dragon hoard.

But to defend a system with magic markets and in which a major limitation of paladins is to be restricted to only eight items, you need to provide an example of magic markets and great heroes with more than 8 items.

"There's plenty of magic items in the hands of fantasy characters"? Only for certain very low values of "plenty". Name one classic hero with eight items, or with store-boughten items, or fighting several villains with multiple items each.

Didn't Hercules have like two pairs of each type of weapon?

[Archpaladin Zousha]

You're right - Achilles and Beowulf had magic items. My example was incorrect.

But as you documented, a magic shield is so rare and precious that an entire book of the poem describes how it was made. Beowulf, the greatest hero of the Geats, had no magic sword until he was given Hrunting -- and was it a magic sword? It certainly failed him --it couldn't harm Grendel's mother. (Arguably his armor might be magic, since it stopped Grendel's mother's attacks.) The entire epic has one, two or possibly three magic swords (two of which never work), one set of possibly magic armor, and Hrothgar's magic throne. Oh, and a cursed dragon hoard.

But to defend a system with magic markets and in which a major limitation of paladins is to be restricted to only eight items, you need to provide an example of magic markets and great heroes with more than 8 items.

"There's plenty of magic items in the hands of fantasy characters"? Only for certain very low values of "plenty". Name one classic hero with eight items, or with store-boughten items, or fighting several villains with multiple items each.

Paladins are only allowed eight items? What system is that? :smallconfused:

EDIT: Also, yes, the shield Hephaestus made for Achilles took a whole book to describe. But you've got to remember that he made stuff like that ALL THE TIME. The shield wasn't some one-off project that he put an abnormal amount of time into, his standard issue work was above and beyond it, and he churned it out like clockwork. The only reason OTHER fighters didn't have stuff from him was because they weren't his regular clients.

[Sillycomic]

Name one classic hero with eight items, or with store-boughten items, or fighting several villains with multiple items each.

Batman.

In fact Batman Begins has a couple of scenes which go through how hard it is for Batman to buy store bought items simply because if he does so people might be able to track it down to him and his company.

[Archpaladin Zousha]

Didn't Hercules have like two pairs of each type of weapon?

Not that I recall. As far as I know, his clubs were nothing special, just a limb of wild olive wood, the first one he broke on the Nemean Lion's head. His bow was pretty ordinary too. It was the arrows that were superpowered, because they'd been dipped in the blood of the Hydra, making them mortally poisonous. The only other magical thing he really had was the Nemean Lion's pelt which he wore as armor. Come to think of it, Heracles really didn't rely on weapons to fight his enemies all that often. Much easier for him to just use his bare hands.

[Otacon17]

Does it count if it's from a classic video game? Because if so, look at Link from Legend of Zelda - specifically, Ocarina of Time. A magic sword (the Master Sword), a magic shield (Mirror Shield), two magic tunics (Red/Goron and Blue/Zora), a pair of magic boots (Hover Boots), three magical crystals (Din's Fire, Farore's Wind, Nayru's Love), a magical ocarina (the Ocarina of Time), three magical kinds of arrows (Fire, Ice, and Light), a magical maginfying glass (the Lens of Truth), magic beans, and a few magical masks (Bunny Hood and Mask of Truth). The Sage Medallions and the Triforce of Courage are also magic, but they aren't really equipment per se. Out of these items, the magic beans, masks, and tunics are all purchasable.

Edited to stay on topic: In 4e, I once gave my players a magical pet lizard who could telepathically communicate in draconic, just for kicks. The Dragonborn Paladin of Bahamut ended up taking care of it. I also let a guy in Pathfinder with Craft: Weapon 'modify' his quarterstaff to ridiculous proportions; by the end of the campaign, it had a shark's head attached to one end and a morningstar dangling off the other. The shark's head had two aklys hooks and a glaive blade coming out of the mouth, and a steel plate attached to the top of the head to be used as a makeshift shield. We decided it dealt a d4, a d6, and a d8 of damage. The guy was a Sorcerer, so it only got used about three times. The crazy thing was, the guy rolled a nat 20 all three times.

[LrdoftheRngs]

Back to the original topic:

My players are going to run into a troupe of bards putting on a play reflecting their adventures. The only catch is that it's going to be a horrible version, and the bards are going to screw up every little detail and make the actors bizarre caricatures of the actual characters. If you've ever seen the Avatar episode "The Ember Island Players", then you know what I mean. :smallwink:

[Getsugaru]

Two of my players, a ranger and a knowledge obsessed wizard, were having a "Knowledge: Nature" showdown to pass the time as they traveled through wilderness. Basically they were making repeated opposed rolls without expecting, or even waiting, for me to supply the knowledge they were using. Every once and a while I would slip in a spot of trivia to help the scene.

"That's a Flame Spore, a bulbous mushroom that bursts violently if agitated to spread its spores. If harvested correctly it can be used to make rudimentary explosives."

"That's a gruder, a small rodent covered in long fur. It can make its fur stand on end and transmute its body to metal if frightened. They taste delicious."

"This region is famous for its semi-annual velociraptor migration."

The room was dead silent after I slipped in that last one. It was priceless.

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BWAAAAAAAAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 !!!!!!!!!!!! :tongue: :biggrin:

[Noremak]

These explanations are reasonable. But your argument about it flys in the fact that the government gave the items to rival adventurers, which are likely evil, and highly unlikely to be members of the army/militia.

Or the evil party intercepted the agent on his way back to the castle and stole the items from him. If this is a standard practice in this campaign world that seems like a hell of a good way to get magic items for an evil party.

[Jay R]

All the classic heroes are in low-magic or no-magic worlds, so magic items are pretty much nonexistent.

Exactly. This is the point I was making. D&D's over-abundance of magic items is not consistent with classic fantasy.


If you want a famous character from a high-magic setting, than look at Drizz't Do'urden. Two magic scimitars, magic chainmail, and anklets of speed or something. Now, he didn't get any of that from a store, but that is a lot of magic items.

He's a character from a D&D setting. The fact that he's also in books doesn't change the fact that he's not the tradition D&D was trying to simulate; he's simulating D&D.

[Sillycomic]

D&D isn't consistent with classical fantasy because it wasn't modeled after classical fantasy.

It was modeled after high fantasy where if you happen to be an adventurer people will give you awesome magical items (or rare helpful items) simply because you are going off on an adventure.

Look at Frodo and Sam from lord of the rings.

Sting.
Mithral armor.
Invisibility ring (of awesomeness that also does lots of other things)
Lembas Bread.
crystal vial of magical elven water
camouflage cloak
Elven rope

[Angry Bob]

Have them travel to a land where all of the wildlife is taken from the epic section of the SRD.

Then have them face a Tayellah (http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/EPIC_Gallery/Gallery5a/44164_C5_tayellah.jpg). Use Hardchorale (http://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/hardchorale) as fight music.

[EccentricCircle]

Well... I once blew up the building the players were in as the cliff hanger before a month long break from the game...

[Greylond]

I'm not sure why you feel a huge need to justify your actions as a GM. If you're the GM and this is the world you are running, then sometimes the government comes and takes the players shiny new toys.

I just personally have never seen or heard about it in any games, and as a GM I would think it as ludicrous... unless you're playing in a low wealth or low magic game. But if that's the case then the players are just being stupid for advertising all of their awesome magical items anyway, so they get what they deserve.

I just see way too many loopholes around your problem anyway.

As a player if you told me, "The government will steal shiny magical items if they know you have them."

My response would be to look for a dealer myself, someone who has money and can buy the item from me cheap. I won't tell anyone I have the item in question... only that I'm looking for someone who might need something along those lines (+3 greatsword I'd look for a rich barbarian, boots of spider climb I would look for a sneaky rich rogue)

OR...

Just sell it in the black market. Go to a major city with a thieves guild and look to sell it there. I won't get as much as if I had gone through legitimate routes, but at least I'll make a profit and I can "stick it to the man" at the same time, which is always nice.

OR...

Hide the item and then go to the markets to look for a buyer. When the government comes tell them I don't have it. They can search me if they want... unless they look under the second tree off to the path 2 miles from town they aren't gonna find it. Then, keep looking for a buyer. Continue this until the government gets tired of searching me, or I actually do find a buyer.

OR...

Spread lots of rumors around town that I'm selling a bunch of ludicrous items. Hats of infinite potato chips, jewels of slightly more hair than usual, infinite rage frying pans. Have so many rumors flying around no one really knows what's going on with me and what I have. Then look for a legitimate buyer for my boots of spider climbing. By this time the government will have either stopped looking up "magic item" rumors, or discarded my rumors as useless to follow up on and leave me to sell my item in peace.

OR...

Lead a revolt to destroy the government. They're clearly evil if they feel the need to invade someone's privacy to the point that they are following my purchases and will "intervene" whenever I have something that I wish to sell. I don't wish to have a government with this kind of abusive power and will rise with the people to bring this tyranny to an end. Although this will probably end up with just me and my adventuring friends taking down the local sheriff, lord or whatever... but still it's for "the good of the people" so I can feel justified when I do it.

Consistentency, my friend. I like my magical fantasy worlds to make some kind of wicked sense and my rulings to be consistent. Also, full of detail.

As for loopholes, of course there are loopholes. Finding those and learning to exploit them are called "Roleplaying Opportunities." Will a Paladin go against a LG Government that his church is supposed to support? The party thieves are going to be looking for ways to cheat and find loopholes. That gives even more reason for the social enounters. Btw, if you haven't guessed I really love me some "urban terrain" adventures. I've found that sometimes players who have dungeon crawl tactics down pat are weak when it comes to urban/social interaction encounters. It keeps things interesting... ;)

There's a whole wealth of encounter styles if you make your world detailed enough.

Plus there's that look on the Players' Faces when they realize that the Game World is complex and can be exploited, if they look for the right opportunities... ;)

[Sillycomic]

Ahh, well in that case I would love to be in one of your games sometime. I do enjoy playing in complex and diverse backgrounds where there are constant surprises such as this.

V~ What he said.

[Hiro Protagonest]

Ahh, well in that case I would love to be in one of your games sometime. I do enjoy playing in complex and diverse backgrounds where there are constant surprises such as this.

If you ("you" meaning "the DM") told me ahead of time that this was going to act like the real world, and that if we acted like it was a traditional game, we would be at a disadvantage, but that if we thought outside the box, we could exploit things, then I would love to be in this kind of game, especially in pbp, where RP is mandatory.

[fizzybobnewt]

It was in a high-comedy, low-logic setting I made up, where the PC completes "quests" to be hit by a harmless radioactive meteor, and so gain a "point" to spend on improving his/her superhero powers. A bit of a running gag in the setting is for the quest to be "mow my lawn". Once, the PC discovered a giant invisible cockroach on the quest-giver's lawn. He somehow used it to mow the lawn for him, but I ruled that technically the cockroach had completed the quest, not him, so the cockroach got the superpower boost. The power it chose was: Invisibility. It wasn't any more invisible now, it just had the power in superpower form as well as whatever it had originally. Stupid, Stupid Roach Creatures. :smallbiggrin: Okay, it was funnier at the time. Another one, in the same setting, was when Mr. PC bought the best safe they had at the store, and man was it a good safe. I believe I went into detail about it's amazing features... Anyway, when he got back from... somewhere, he found a Hobo Convention inside the safe. It seems they all got in very easily. :smallbiggrin: He had his Giant Invisible Invisible Cockroach kill them all, and dump their bodies in the lake. :smalleek: This was revisited when he was DMing in a Harry Potter themed setting and, I, the player, saw the bodies of hobos hovering to the lake at Hogwarts and falling in.

[dsmiles]

Paladins are only allowed eight items? What system is that? :smallconfused:AD&D (1e) had a rule like that, and 2e may have, but I can't recall the exact number of items. It may have been 8...or maybe 10, the memory is kind of fuzzy.

[Tiki Snakes]

It was in a high-comedy, low-logic setting I made up, where the PC completes "quests" to be hit by a harmless radioactive meteor, and so gain a "point" to spend on improving his/her superhero powers. A bit of a running gag in the setting is for the quest to be "mow my lawn". Once, the PC discovered a giant invisible cockroach on the quest-giver's lawn. He somehow used it to mow the lawn for him, but I ruled that technically the cockroach had completed the quest, not him, so the cockroach got the superpower boost. The power it chose was: Invisibility. It wasn't any more invisible now, it just had the power in superpower form as well as whatever it had originally. Stupid, Stupid Roach Creatures. :smallbiggrin: Okay, it was funnier at the time. Another one, in the same setting, was when Mr. PC bought the best safe they had at the store, and man was it a good safe. I believe I went into detail about it's amazing features... Anyway, when he got back from... somewhere, he found a Hobo Convention inside the safe. It seems they all got in very easily. :smallbiggrin: He had his Giant Invisible Invisible Cockroach kill them all, and dump their bodies in the lake. :smalleek: This was revisited when he was DMing in a Harry Potter themed setting and, I, the player, saw the bodies of hobos hovering to the lake at Hogwarts and falling in.

He very firmly wins for the last bit there. :smallbiggrin:

[druid91]

He's a character from a D&D setting. The fact that he's also in books doesn't change the fact that he's not the tradition D&D was trying to simulate; he's simulating D&D.

He is a character set in the world of faerun.

A D&D setting.

Yet somehow... that's wrong?

No. No it isn't. 3.5 at least is built with the idea that the heros have tons of magic items at their disposal.

It was not built to simulate classic fantasy, it was built to be a fun game.

It succeeded.

[Sillycomic]

Can you imagine if you role played in a game based on classical fantasy?

Puzzles with answers so hard you have to know the answer in order to solve it.

(What walks on 4 legs in the morning, 2 during the day and 3 at night? Who would ever get that if you didn’t know it already…)

Constant Deus Ex Machinas being thrown at you by the GM.

(Odysseus was saved and helped by Athena no less than 4 times during his travels)

You’d have magical/rare items which only work once or for one very specific task.

After defeating the deadly monster attacking a nearby city, you set yourself up as king and live 20 years of the good life

(come on Beowulf…. No more adventuring after killing one grendel and one mom? Really?)

If my GM ever did any of that stuff to me, I would definitely give him a funny look.

[Knaight]

Can you imagine if you role played in a game based on classical fantasy?
It depends on the specifics. Actual simulation of Tolkien's fantasy* would work fine, Burning Wheel proved that much. Arthurian myth works just fine as well, as proved by Pendragon. Some of the ancient greek stuff wouldn't, but some would -consider Heracles- and the same applies to the Icelandic sagas.

You’d have magical/rare items which only work once or for one very specific task.
That sounds completely awesome, but then I like sword and sorcery.

*Stretching the definition of classical here, rather a lot, but it was stretched earlier in the conversation.

[JonestheSpy]

You know Sillycomic, there's quite a lot of classic fantasy post-Beowulf. You may have heard of those guys in the armor, rode around on horses, did quests? Or Robin Hood? He didn't just rob one rich merchant then retire. Or Sinbad? Not to mention Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser, Conan, Elric, and all the others that were the direct inspiration for Gary Gygax?

Heck, if you insist on sticking to classical mythology, maybe you remember this guy named Heracles? He kept pretty busy adventuring, you might want to read up on it.

And gee, I don't recall shopping being a major part of any of those stories, despite some modern gamers insistence that it's an integral part of the fun.

In other words, it seems to me that your entire post is a ridiculous strawman argument.

Oh, and btw, the riddle thing? An imaginative mindset, familiarity with poetic metaphor, and a bit of practice does wonders. When Tolkien wrote the riddle scene in The Hobbit, he expected most of his readers to either know the answers already or be able to figure them out.


EDIT: Forgot this part:



You’d have magical/rare items which only work once or for one very specific task.


You mean like the hide of the Nemean Lion, or Perseus's winged sandals, or Excalibur, or Sting, or the Tarnhelm, or the elven cloaks of Lothlorien?

Really, there's a wide range between SillyC's examples and being decked out like a Christmas tree.

[Sillycomic]

Heracles was a demi-god. I suppose if you have a character with superpowers that can't really be defeated by anything. If that’s what you think of as fun, then sure… go ahead.

Aside from that, Heracles brings up another bad example of why classical fantasy wouldn't work. Most classical fantasies have 1 big hero. At the very best there's some sidekicks, but they are most often canon fodder.

Even Jason and the Argonauts had Heracles leave halfway through the journey, and Jason still did most of the amazing cool things in that adventure anyway.

How is Robin Hood considered fantasy? Is there magic and sorcery in Robin Hood tales that I somehow missed? Robin Hood is a classic fictional story, not classic fantasy story... unless we really are stretching classical fantasy to mean "anything fictional that was made up over 200 years ago."

I do admit I didn't know any of the Sinbad tales, so I couldn't put them in my examples. I suppose I can look that up though.

Oh, thanks Wikipedia… yeah, Sinbad is still doing most of these random crazy magical adventurers on his own. However he does go on many adventures and deals with lots of magical creatures and whatnot… so out of all of the random classic fantasy Sinbad is the first one that might actually be fun to model after a gaming adventure.

Still, this seems to be the exception, not the rule.

And as far as riddles, are you kidding me? You think with some clever thinking you could come up with the answer to the riddle such as the walking one?

Ok.

Here you go, with your cleverness answer my riddle.

What sees straight before sunrise and crooked after?

My sphynx gives you til the end of the day to figure it out before he eats your head.

EDIT:

I do like that half of your examples are from modern fantasy, such as Conan and Lord of the Rings... you know, the stuff that most role playing games are modeled after. I suppose that helps prove my point for me. Thank you.

[Knaight]

Aside from that, Heracles brings up another bad example of why classical fantasy wouldn't work. Most classical fantasies have 1 big hero. At the very best there's some sidekicks, but they are most often canon fodder.

A protagonists and some secondary characters works just fine.

[Sillycomic]

For a story, yes, but for a role playing game?

You and your group of friends decide to play an adventure game together...

one of you is a special snowflake with immortal powers and nothing harms you ever at all for any reason!

The rest of you are sidekicks number 1, 2 and 3.

Have fun with that.

[Knaight]

For a story, yes, but for a role playing game?

You and your group of friends decide to play an adventure game together...

one of you is a special snowflake with immortal powers and nothing harms you ever at all for any reason!

The rest of you are sidekicks number 1, 2 and 3.

Have fun with that.
"Special snowflake with immortal powers and nothing harms you ever at all for any reason!" is a huge exaggeration, the classical heroes were always harmed in some way or other, even if not directly. Power variation works just fine in more narrative, story based modes of play, as does having a single protagonist - though these don't necessarily need to be connected.

As a more mild example, say you have a martial arts based campaign, possibly even Wuxia. China had its classical heroes too, and the whole idea of leaders, fealty, hierarchy and such demand "sidekicks". So you have the older martial arts master, and his bunch of students, none of whom are his equal in power, all of whom are just as interesting as characters. This would work just fine.

[Hiro Protagonest]

"Special snowflake with immortal powers and nothing harms you ever at all for any reason!" is a huge exaggeration, the classical heroes were always harmed in some way or other, even if not directly. Power variation works just fine in more narrative, story based modes of play, as does having a single protagonist - though these don't necessarily need to be connected.

As a more mild example, say you have a martial arts based campaign, possibly even Wuxia. China had its classical heroes too, and the whole idea of leaders, fealty, hierarchy and such demand "sidekicks". So you have the older martial arts master, and his bunch of students, none of whom are his equal in power, all of whom are just as interesting as characters. This would work just fine.

Yes, but one guy gets to play a high-level character.

Although I'm pretty sure that in Ranger's Apprentice, Halt's a higher level than Will. Though the gap is closed by the 8th book.

[Sillycomic]

I would agree with you, but I would also say that your example is very specific. Chinese classical fantasy would work in a certain type of game, where character and story are more important than power level.

It still doesn't set up that the game you mention is tailored after classical chinese fantasy, but simply that it might work in that specific situation.

I agree with you.

But I still say that if you tailored a game after classical fantasy and mythology you would not have a very fun game.

[Knaight]

I would agree with you, but I would also say that your example is very specific. Chinese classical fantasy would work in a certain type of game, where character and story are more important than power level.

...

But I still say that if you tailored a game after classical fantasy and mythology you would not have a very fun game.

See that bolded part? Just about every game should fit under that category.

Concerning the second part, you do have to pick and choose among classic fantasy and mythology, but it can certainly work. I used Chinese classical fantasy just because its a current interest, Arthurian Romances would work just as well, and there are parts of Greek myth that work as well.

[Angry Bob]

Or you could, you know, take what you like from it and adapt the rest of it into something your players would enjoy playing. How much you'll have to change it depends on your group, but ultimately, so does any major gameplay style decision.

[BlackestOfMages]

or you could be annoying, make the main hero the DMPC and the 'players' have to work as your sidekicks:smalltongue:

it's a fun system when you get to rotate every hour who's controling what character

[Hiro Protagonest]

it's a fun system when you get to rotate every hour who's controling what character

If that happens, there's a 95% chance he'll have multiple personalities.

[Soranar]

My PCs were about to be TPK by an evil giant. (they were supposed to flee the fight but some of them had very low wisdom and Int scores and decided to roleplay a little too convincingly)

cue halfling paladin on a riding dog charging the thing (I had an npc sheet handy I was saving for much later)

the fling charges the giant while yelling at them to flee

spirited charge (damage x3) + smite evil + crit= 1 dead giant

no xp, paladin takes all the loot and donates it to the poor

leaves

[Geigan]

I got a few.

So there was this smuggler's catch in the basement of the inn my PCs were staying. In said catch there was a very rare looking stone that the smugglers hadn't managed to find the value of. They had to skip town and left it behind, because you know, worthless rock right? Wrong. Turn out it was a dragon egg and sat there a while behind the bricked up portion of the basement. After a while the inn was bought and eventually got an awfully bad rat problem. This is where the PCs come in and go down to the basement, to take care of business. Ends up killing a few rats before this baby dragon comes busting out of the cache angry as hell and squeeing(as much as a wyrmling can squee) like a rat for vengeance for its vermin family.

Also had a wizard's tower. Crazy wizard obviously. First floor contruct butler with a british accent and courteous nature. Engages in fisticuffs to try and expel them from the tower. Easily beaten, but highly amusing banter. Go up stairs open door and "fall" into the next room. The door they came out of was part of the ceiling for the next room. This room had 4 separate doors that lead to random planes of existence. I rolled a bunch of d4s until they hit the one to get to the next room. Fun stuff, like opening the door to the nine hells, plane of fire, plane of water(twice, and a water elemental came in from the first time, freaked out until the PCs calmed it down, and then left the second time), and some summoned random monsters. Next room was actually a brief tunnel through the underdark and came out back in the tower. Next room was the room of overly deadly traps. Every square inched trapped to high heaven, with an "eye" in the middle shooting lightning bolts at intruders. Rogue did some crazy reflex saves and almost got past until he missed a pit and fell. The dragonborn fighter flew through and got over to the end being shocked, fried, put through a blade barrier, and lightning bolted at the end where he found the button that deactivated the damn room. Survived with 7 hp:smallbiggrin:. Didn't get to finish that campaign due to time constraints but it was definitely fun. Had some more stuff like a tunnel of elemental madness, with basically a tunnel divided into four section that rotated periodically, and sectionally. I would have loved to see the look when they opened a door to the "air" portion and get it blown open sending them flying from hurricane force winds.

I also had that one gelatinous cube posing as a cave pool. When one of the fighters went bodysurfing across it on his flotation device/tower shield he got sucked down into it, and then the gelatinous cube came up, with him in it. The cleric got sucked in too, and the wizard and rogue ran around the circular room trying to kill that thing basically playing ring around the rosie with it.

[Greenish]

Here you go, with your cleverness answer my riddle.

What sees straight before sunrise and crooked after?Easy: An orc. Darkvision and Daylight Sensitivity. :smallcool:

[Hiro Protagonest]

Easy: An orc. Darkvision and Daylight Sensitivity. :smallcool:

Or. A drow.

[Sillycomic]

Your answers are wrong because you are assuming the orc or drow in question are outside when the sun is coming up. Either creature in a cave will see the exact same before or after sunrise.


The correct answer is

Once more, it's man.

The Sunrise in question is a tequila sunrise, and a man sees pretty straight before he drinks it, and pretty crooked after.

And my sphynx eats you for not being clever.

[Angry Bob]

The Sphynx is blind. No matter what answer you give, all answering its riddle does is tell it where you are. Then it eats you.

[Traab]

The Sphynx is blind. No matter what answer you give, all answering its riddle does is tell it where you are. Then it eats you.

Its actually a changling disguised as a sphinx. While you are busy figuring out the riddle, the rest of the pack, disguised as various squirrels and shrubbery, are slowly flanking you and getting ready to attack. /nod

[holywhippet]

It wasn't actually done by me, and pretty much all the players in question are long gone so I'll never see their faces even if I resolve this, but... dammit, I can imagine.

The party was hired, all formal and contracty, by a high level Wizard (Lord Sutchensuch) who owned a big chain of magic item stores (Sutchensuch Magical Emporium). They were to deliver a series of envelopes to various colourful characters around the continent. Each envelope contained a piece of a complex key to a prison containing a succubus, and the recipients were to guard them as long as they were able. The party was to deliver all the envelopes, and then head back to report the job done. When they arrived, they were to find Lord Sutchensuch's house smashed in, his body torn to pieces and strewn about, and a very big, very angry demon looking to free his succubus.
Anyway.
The Wizard was willing to negotiate the terms. His initial offer was a butt-load of monies, and a big discount at all his stores for the duration of each party member's life. The Rogue was leery of this, and suspected a double-cross: what if he intended to murder them to prevent them from using their discount? So, he made a counter-offer: they would have a big discount for the duration of the Wizard's life. The Wizard I already intended to die a horrible premature death.
I wish I could see the Rogue's face when he realised he savvied his way out of a lifetime discount :smallbiggrin:

I've run this through my head several times and still can't work out what the rogue was thinking. His change in the terms does nothing to stop the wizard from killing him - unless the rogue expected to somehow still be able to shop after being killed.

[Greenish]

unless the rogue expected to somehow still be able to shop after being killed.D&D, you know. Death isn't the end.

[Traab]

Possibly he took it to mean that if any of them died, the rest also lost the discount? /shrug

[Heliomance]

Your answers are wrong because you are assuming the orc or drow in question are outside when the sun is coming up. Either creature in a cave will see the exact same before or after sunrise.


The correct answer is

Once more, it's man.

The Sunrise in question is a tequila sunrise, and a man sees pretty straight before he drinks it, and pretty crooked after.

And my sphynx eats you for not being clever.

If you are underground, then the term "sunrise" is meaningless. By the standard precepts of riddles, their answer was entirely valid.

Also, orcs have environment: Temperate hills, meaning they're unlikely to be found underground.

[ScionoftheVoid]

If you are underground, then the term "sunrise" is meaningless. By the standard precepts of riddles, their answer was entirely valid.

They also aren't the answer being looked for, proving his point.

[Tavar]

By that logic, someone with high alcohol tolerance or possibly immune to poisons would counter that.

Of course, if you're ruling things that way, I guess it's the point. Have 6 or so answers, and make the final one the one that the players don't guess.

[Quietus]

High alcohol tolerance? He's suggesting that after ONE drink, someone can't see straight. For his answer to be valid, you'd have to have the lowest tolerance ever.

[Heliomance]

They also aren't the answer being looked for, proving his point.

However, traditionally an answer to the riddle that does in fact meet all the criteria would be accepted.

Of course, riddles are traditionally crafted well enough that there is only one answer that meets all the criteria, but still. The point of a riddle is to make you think. If you prove that you can think by coming up with a good answer, it doesn't matter if that was the answer they were looking for or not, you pass.

[Sillycomic]

I'm sure all of these counter arguments to my riddle are valid and understandable and you each have a point.

Some people have a high tolerance of alcohol.
Some people don't see crooked after one drink.
Sunrise here is being manipulated in such a way as to not convey an actual sunrise.
There are other answers which kind of make sense (the orc and drow one still don't make sense to me. I'm not sure how light sensitivity equals crooked seeing... bad seeing yes, but not crooked)

However, I'm sure in the original "Man" riddle all of those arguments were used as well... right before the original sphynx ate them.

Some people don't need a cane when they're old.
A baby crawls, he does not walk. He clearly uses his hands which are not legs.
How does morning constitute beginning of life and evening the end? It's a stretch no matter how you look at it... and not a cute riddle stretch, more like a far fetched definition gap.

Again, that's the point of classical fantasy riddles. It's not about being clever and figuring it out. Either you knew it before hand or you get frustrated because the actual answer doesn't fit and there are several answers you think should be valid.

Sphynx still eats you.

[3SecondCultist]

That's actually quite an interesting scenario. There is no right answer, as the Sphinx will just eat the players either way. The safest thing to do is to not answer at all. This way, the clever and proud ones get killed, and those who are just clever get through unharmed.

[Heliomance]

The thing is, if you can come up with an answer, and explain how it fits convincingly, it would probably be accepted.

[Sillycomic]

If you can convince the sphynx of that... more power to you.

Oh, but the sphynx is in the fridge getting some ketchup.

Hmmm, maybe not.

[Just_Ice]

Very slow talking benign tag-along goblin.
Crocodiles as the only mounts.
NPCs are all level 3 berserker gish class
A section of the game was SMB's World 1-1.
An enemy PC shows up to challenge the party for the right to be the "main character", and by grace of the dice actually somehow wins.

[EccentricCircle]

the player characters broke into the tomb of a long dead king, evaded lots of traps, found the treasure, located the kings burial vault.
the king then proceeded to NOT wake up and try to kill them. but stayed dead flying against all expectations.
there were some suprised faces.

[Asheram]

... the tax collector... *shivers*

Things are going good. You became the steward for a small province, evicted the vampire that kept the local fort as a residence, all is well...

BAM! Two years back-tax on the whole region must be paid within a month.

You don't mess with the taxman. He has the ledger of Doom.

I think the GM laughed when he saw the horror on my face.

[holywhippet]

D&D, you know. Death isn't the end.

That makes sense if the rogue was wanting to keep shopping no matter how many time he was raised. But in this case it was to counter the threat of a double cross. If the wizard was intending to kill off the rogue (and the rest of the party) he'd not be doing it in a way that made it possible for the rogue to ever come back from the dead (since it would be a TPK). If the wizard did turn on a rogue and he survived or came back from the dead, would the rogue really be looking to do some shopping in the wizards store chain given that the wizard would be out to kill (or rekill) him?

[The_Admiral]

In my eberron campaign, the players have recently just met a rival team of adventurers. this rival team has a backstory that during the Last War they were falsely imprisoned but later escaped. It includes:

- A male changeling bard. Very womanising and acting as the face for this party. (pretty funny because half the PC's team are female)
- A male personality warforged fighter/monk with gold embedded into it's armour plating. Serious bad attitude type of guy.
- A human psion (clairsentience discipline). The brains of this group, using his divination-esque psionics to aid their heists (vs the PCs) and make all the plans.
- a male shifter artificer (going for that airship pilot prestige class later for this guy). Their pilot. Also a bit mad.

My players still haven't figured out who this team is a based on. Not even when they later encountered the warforged who had made a gold mohawk for himself.

Me neither so can someone please tell me?

[dsmiles]

Me neither so can someone please tell me?
Spoilered for those who can contain their curiosity.
"In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them....maybe you can hire The A-Team."

I really want to play in your game, Undercroft.

[holywhippet]

Funny though, it just about matches the characters from Star Wars:

Han Solo being the womaniser.
C3PO being the warforged (he doesn't have a bad attitude in terms of toughness, but he does have a bad attitude in terms of pessimism).
Luke being the psion.
Chewbacca being the shifter pilot.

[The_Admiral]

Spoilered for those who can contain their curiosity.
"In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them....maybe you can hire The A-Team."

I really want to play in your game, Undercroft.

Oh "meekly hands in copy of nerd licence"

[Greylond]

Spoilered for those who can contain their curiosity.
"In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them....maybe you can hire The A-Team."

I really want to play in your game, Undercroft.

I actually ran a game like this years ago using the Danger International RPG(Hero System).

[ZeroGear]

I will always remember the expression on my players faces when I introduced that half-giant psychic warrior with a big blond mustache who fought with spiked gauntlets and always yelled about his "family tradition". His name was Alexander Lewis Armstrong.

[Shadowknight12]

In my last session, I had my PCs come across slash fiction of themselves while searching the manor of an NPC.

I hereby solemnly vow that one day, somehow, somewhere, I shall pull this utter piece of genius off.

One day.

[Socratov]

haven't pulled it off yet, but I'm planning to have the players meet Adam Young from Good Omens (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good_Omens) from Pratchett and Gaiman, sla(wish) at will and oblivious of it :) anything will happen :)

[Ganurath]

Have the miniboss wear a Spellstitched Zombie Cloaker "programmed" to pretend to be loot. It was hilarious.

[SirDalyus]

We came across a sphinx in a campaign recently. The sphinx askes the riddle, the DM asks what we would like to do. Our captured orc prisoner, (pc) , asks if he can gnaw through his iron chains and eat the sphinx. The DM agrees, with two rolls of thirty required to pass. To the shock of everyone else he susceeds. The DM then makes him roll a 1d6 to see if he survived eating the whole sphinx, the orc rolls a one and therefore exploded, taking out most of the party with him.

However that particular player is prone to acts of great good and bad luck. In the FFd20 system we were fighting against a lizardman when the player recieved a complication, in this case the lizardman recieved back up. Following immediatly after, he recieves another complication, so a pet admantoise join in. Then another complication, so now a pair of admantatoises are also against us. Then another, so we all get attacked by Bahamut, who fancies an admantoise steak. In order to prevent anymore bad luck the DM had Bahamut cast megaflare on the player, which removed his charecter permanatly from the campaign, and he spent the rest of the game with his soul stuck in his previous charecters chocobo mount.

[Captain Six]

Another fun moment from the same campaign as before. I was actually really happy with the entire session. Usually I stumble upon NPC dialogue but for some reason I did really well that night.

The party was in a wide open field and the sorcerer was taking watch that night. The plains stretched as far as the eye could see in any direction, apart from a dormant volcano they had just traveled from. In the darkness of the night small lights began to glow. They ranged from the size of a coin to the size of a fist, all leaving a trail of luminescence behind them. They drifted aimlessly, beautifully. But then the sorcerer saw a large one, the size of a man's torso. It floated much more aggressively, striking the smaller lights and consuming them. As it grew bigger and bigger it seemed to become more aware of it's surroundings. Finally it plunged into the ground, tearing apart pieces and building a body for itself. The dirt itself began to fuse with the the sphere of light and twist itself into flesh and blood. Understandably terrified the sorcerer ran to and woke up an npc bard they had been traveling with.

Sorcerer: *Points* What is that thing?!
Bard: *wakes up, groans groggily and blinks a few times* Huh...? *I roll knowledge. Natural 20.* Oh... that's just a youkai.
Sorcerer: Youkai?
Bard: *sleeply monotone* Yeah. A youkai. They are an accumulation of the shattered pieces of mortal souls of those who die horrific, traumatizing and miserable deaths given form.
Sorcerer: *frightened* Wait.
Bard: *sleepy monotone* Because their souls are incomplete they endlessly search for mortals who they can brutally murder in order to fracture their souls and devour the fragments.
Sorcerer: *more frightened* You can stop right there.
Bard: *sleepy monotone* And as they consume more they continue to grow bigger and stronger, a miasma of flesh and rage endlessly growing.
Sorcerer: *terrified* Okay shut up!
Bard: *sleepy monotone* ... but I haven't gotten to the bad part yet...

[Katana_Geldar]

Last session I put a level 29 Beholder on the table and calmly finished my donut while the players panicked.

Then i told them it was an eldritch engine, and they relaxed.

[Qwertystop]

Last session I put a level 29 Beholder on the table and calmly finished my donut while the players panicked.

Then i told them it was an eldritch engine, and they relaxed.

Reminds me of the exact opposite of something I found on these forums. You put them against something incredibly tough-seeming but weak, while some other guy did the reverse. He put a high-Epic party against what seemed to be a standard Lich. The party dies in a round. Turns out it was 206 Demiliches.

[DontEatRawHagis]

Knight Hospitaller of Tyr


Is tyr even in Forgotten Realms? I thought it was in Athas, or are there more than one Tyr in DnD?

[Hiro Protagonest]

Is tyr even in Forgotten Realms? I thought it was in Athas, or are there more than one Tyr in DnD?

Tyr is a FR deity, and a DS city.

[Jjeinn-tae]

Another fun moment from the same campaign as before. I was actually really happy with the entire session. Usually I stumble upon NPC dialogue but for some reason I did really well that night.

The party was in a wide open field and the sorcerer was taking watch that night. The plains stretched as far as the eye could see in any direction, apart from a dormant volcano they had just traveled from. In the darkness of the night small lights began to glow. They ranged from the size of a coin to the size of a fist, all leaving a trail of luminescence behind them. They drifted aimlessly, beautifully. But then the sorcerer saw a large one, the size of a man's torso. It floated much more aggressively, striking the smaller lights and consuming them. As it grew bigger and bigger it seemed to become more aware of it's surroundings. Finally it plunged into the ground, tearing apart pieces and building a body for itself. The dirt itself began to fuse with the the sphere of light and twist itself into flesh and blood. Understandably terrified the sorcerer ran to and woke up an npc bard they had been traveling with.

Sorcerer: *Points* What is that thing?!
Bard: *wakes up, groans groggily and blinks a few times* Huh...? *I roll knowledge. Natural 20.* Oh... that's just a youkai.
Sorcerer: Youkai?
Bard: *sleeply monotone* Yeah. A youkai. They are an accumulation of the shattered pieces of mortal souls of those who die horrific, traumatizing and miserable deaths given form.
Sorcerer: *frightened* Wait.
Bard: *sleepy monotone* Because their souls are incomplete they endlessly search for mortals who they can brutally murder in order to fracture their souls and devour the fragments.
Sorcerer: *more frightened* You can stop right there.
Bard: *sleepy monotone* And as they consume more they continue to grow bigger and stronger, a miasma of flesh and rage endlessly growing.
Sorcerer: *terrified* Okay shut up!
Bard: *sleepy monotone* ... but I haven't gotten to the bad part yet...

Good to see some more obscure creatures being used. The bard knew quite a bit of information for only using such a broad term. :smalltongue:





Let's see, personally... *checks to make sure that he hasn't posted in the thread before.*

In an Eberron solo campaign that dealt around an army building motif (the player is used to computer RPG's so I gave him something similar) he managed to win over a captive he took from a khyber cult. The Half-Orc's other two companions got away (I forget how exactly) but had unbeknownst to the player, murdered a fiance of a rival NPC. Queue the NPC introducing herself and trying to get the player to lean on his new recruit to set up a meeting with said accomplice. Mind Thrust is a pretty traumatic way to die, and he witnessed the NPC murder the accomplice with it. I guess I stunned the player a bit as he didn't try to do anything with the lady who just murdered (and apparently, unprovoked) someone in his tavern.

After that, he really speculated what she was, unfortunately he never found out with school starting back up. 'Course, that probably wouldn't go over well with a lot of regular players.

[hamishspence]

Tyr is a FR deity, and a DS city.

There's also a Norse Tyr in Deities and Demigods- which has somewhat different stats.

[BlackestOfMages]

Reminds me of the exact opposite of something I found on these forums. You put them against something incredibly tough-seeming but weak, while some other guy did the reverse. He put a high-Epic party against what seemed to be a standard Lich. The party dies in a round. Turns out it was 206 Demiliches.

this is pretty epic, but rather douchey...


also, emilich teeth? now that is stealth, you just hop in a PC's mouth as a filling and have a platform from where to rule the world!

[DontEatRawHagis]

Bag of holding falls into the ocean, open...

[Quietus]

Bag of holding falls into the ocean, open...

And becomes filled with a few gallons of water. So? Bags of holding do have a limit on what they can hold, you know.

[Qwertystop]

this is pretty epic, but rather douchey...


also, emilich teeth? now that is stealth, you just hop in a PC's mouth as a filling and have a platform from where to rule the world!

Demilcihes need to focus themselves into a bone. A tootth is not a bone, and a filling even less so.

[Darth Stabber]

Every year i run a christmas special in whatever campaign is already going on, with the goal of psychologically scaring the players. A couple years ago i had great success in L5R with the infamous "Samurai Save Santa" story. They have to save a Moto Saint, Santaro Niko Las, from evil maho-tsuki as his flying sled is shot down by Oni. The DMPC nezumi's bag, went from being merely a well stocked utility belt/home for his pet rabbit, became an artifact level item, holding random things, most of which are highly anachronistic including an AK-47, Jegermeister, health potions (not a thing in L5R), and various other usefull Items based on a randomly determined letter of the alphabet. Other features include Ogre pr0n, strangely modern office like atmosphere amoung the various shadowlands monsters, and other insane acts. It was also revealed that the bag can be crawled into and has an internal pocket dimension larger than even the nezumi could estimate. and the nezumi is honestly surprised that any one finds it odd. If the nezumi crawled inside the bag he still had the bag on his person while he was inside of it.

It is later revealed that the bag can take you to anywhere that doesn't fit in the setting, including modern day New York, where they meet a drunk santa in a strip club.

The Nezumi showed up in a subsequent SWSE campaign, leading two of the player to conclude the nezumi is a timelord, and his bag is his TARDIS.

[Just_Ice]

Potatoes that cut through anything. Introducing a player alongside a doppleganger of the same player. Including Level 1-1 of SMB just because.

[BlackestOfMages]

Demilcihes need to focus themselves into a bone. A tootth is not a bone, and a filling even less so.

No, demiliches need to focus themselves into a part of their previous body. dosen't need to even be a bone. we're just lucky most DM's run child-freindly campaigns...

there, we go, there's the extract:


A demilich’s form is concentrated into a single portion of its original body, usually its skull

[PairO'Dice Lost]

Reminds me of the exact opposite of something I found on these forums. You put them against something incredibly tough-seeming but weak, while some other guy did the reverse. He put a high-Epic party against what seemed to be a standard Lich. The party dies in a round. Turns out it was 206 Demiliches.

That was me (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8961994&postcount=14). Took the party a vengeful gaze of god to put it down, and it took them 15 TPKs to get to that point. Protip: do not ask the DM of an epic campaign to pull out all the stops. :smallcool:

[Salbazier]

That was me (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=8961994&postcount=14). Took the party a vengeful gaze of god to put it down, and it took them 15 TPKs to get to that point. Protip: do not ask the DM of an epic campaign to pull out all the stops. :smallcool:

That Sir, is one of the best DnD fight I've ever read. :smallbiggrin:

[Angry Bob]

If it's "any part of the body", couldn't you also preserve all of the fleshy bits and get even more demiliches?

If you weren't averse to ramping up the insanity even more, you could just create an atrocity made of bones with as many demiliches as you could ever need.

But at that point, you're just getting to the point where it may be time to make the PCs gods and reroll.

[Qwertystop]

If it's "any part of the body", couldn't you also preserve all of the fleshy bits and get even more demiliches?

If you weren't averse to ramping up the insanity even more, you could just create an atrocity made of bones with as many demiliches as you could ever need.

But at that point, you're just getting to the point where it may be time to make the PCs gods and reroll.

It has to be a part of the Lich's body. Liches are skeletons. Therefore, no flesh.

[Pigkappa]

In 20 minutes I'm going to flood the room they Rope Tricked in. And send there a few Wraiths. And block the entrance with a Wall of Stone.

That's what they deserve for Rope Tricking for 14 hours in a row in the most dangerous place they've ever been :smallyuk:.

[Angry Bob]

It has to be a part of the Lich's body. Liches are skeletons. Therefore, no flesh.

If it's a really "young" lich, it'll still have some skin and organs left to be preserved. But again, this is probably ramping up the absurdity a little too much.

[Solaris]

If it's a really "young" lich, it'll still have some skin and organs left to be preserved. But again, this is probably ramping up the absurdity a little too much.

I never saw a reason why liches couldn't preserve their flesh if they so chose. They just generally choose not to 'cause most of them no longer care.
Hint to my players: Just 'cause it looks alive...

[DontEatRawHagis]

I never saw a reason why liches couldn't preserve their flesh if they so chose. They just generally choose not to 'cause most of them no longer care.
Hint to my players: Just 'cause it looks alive...
Outside of D&D there have been a few liches that have flesh style, though slightly disfigured. Such as voldemort and the guy from the D&D movie.

[Angry Bob]

I never saw a reason why liches couldn't preserve their flesh if they so chose. They just generally choose not to 'cause most of them no longer care.
Hint to my players: Just 'cause it looks alive...

Note that absurdity isn't having the lich preserving their fleshy bits. That's fine. The absurd part is going on to make one of the bits a demilich, and make it part of the unholy amalgamation described above.

[DontEatRawHagis]

I just remembered in my Dark Sun campaign I put in a cactus in the middle of their path. An small wolf-like creature walked towards it only for the sand to start to shift and a giant mouth engulf the wolf, the cactus being the tongue. They were level 1 and they nearly **** themselves, especially when I showed them the picture of it happening.

[3SecondCultist]

Would you mind posting the picture? I would very much like to see it. :smallbiggrin:

[Solaris]

Note that absurdity isn't having the lich preserving their fleshy bits. That's fine. The absurd part is going on to make one of the bits a demilich, and make it part of the unholy amalgamation described above.

Ah. Yes, it's been established that the demilich has to be bone-bone.

[Choco]

I was just messing around, and had the ~lvl3 party encounter a gargantuan tentacle monster, which I called a Hentai, on their travels once. I described how some of the tentacles had pelvic bones and skulls stuck on em. They went from :smallconfused: to :smalleek: fairly quickly once they realized I didn't take it back. To say they promptly left the area would be an understatement.

[Lurkmoar]

I was just messing around, and had the ~lvl3 party encounter a gargantuan tentacle monster, which I called a Hentai, on their travels once. I described how some of the tentacles had pelvic bones and skulls stuck on em. They went from :smallconfused: to :smalleek: fairly quickly once they realized I didn't take it back. To say they promptly left the area would be an understatement.

Oh lord, that's just HORRIBLE.

I like it!

[ZeroGear]

Just for the hell of it (and for a bit of fun) I had my players in an oriental campaign where they had to go from temple to temple visit one that was usually taken care of by Abeil (bee people). In this case, the head Miko (the queen) had been taken hostage by Formin (ant people). While they were out of range to face the queen level wise, it was part of the plot. I had them encounter a patrol made up of a worker ant and worker bee.
The ant kept going on about how all his work was for the glory of his queen.
The bee thought the ant was just a big suck up.
The bee's name was Waspinator (I have a perfect impression of his voice)

[Nachtritter]

The one that served me best was in a Call of Cthulhu game.

Please keep in mind this wasn't an enemy I threw against them, just a bit of background. My campaign had been utterly serious and filled with horror up to this point - boats haunted by creatures made of slime from the deep, murderous slashers, corpses stuffed with salt, the whole nine yards. But they eventually needed the help of a local scientist/madman to translate something.

What did the mad scientist have grazing in the back lot behind his apartment? Why, the man-eating cow, of course, part of failed experiment he just couldn't bear to part with.

It may seem a little ... silly mentioning it here now, but at the time, after my players had been brought down to the limits of their sanity and were seriously trying to figure out how to save the world from the machinations of a time-traveling cult of terrorist Yith, the presence of a man-eating cow just completely flabbergasted them.

[Qwertystop]

I was just messing around, and had the ~lvl3 party encounter a gargantuan tentacle monster, which I called a Hentai, on their travels once. I described how some of the tentacles had pelvic bones and skulls stuck on em. They went from :smallconfused: to :smalleek: fairly quickly once they realized I didn't take it back. To say they promptly left the area would be an understatement.

I'm not sure I get this...
Then again, I am sure that i don't want to.
:eek:

[ZeroGear]

I'm not sure I get this...
Then again, I am sure that i don't want to.
:eek:

Just consider what led to the death of the previous owners of those bones and you will understand perfectly.

[evirus]

I ended a session on a cliff hanger of the party being surrounded by Trolls (3 of them) and Orcs (5 of them), over all it was going to be a hard encounter (only 1 of the party members had a fire based attack).

When I started the next session to begin , I excused myself from the table once I had set up the combat grid and came back with my paper shreder. I plugged it in next to the gaming table and told them it was to be for their dead PCs character sheets.

Their faces were priceless.

In the end they won with no deaths, but they played like their lives were at stake. I've never had an encounter played with so much vim and concentration. All eyes were on the dice rolls.

[Qwertystop]

Just consider what led to the death of the previous owners of those bones and you will understand perfectly.

What about "Don't want to know" don't you understand?!
:smallmad::smalleek::smallmad:

[cfalcon]

Two of my players, a ranger and a knowledge obsessed wizard, were having a "Knowledge: Nature" showdown to pass the time as they traveled through wilderness. Basically they were making repeated opposed rolls without expecting, or even waiting, for me to supply the knowledge they were using. Every once and a while I would slip in a spot of trivia to help the scene.

"That's a Flame Spore, a bulbous mushroom that bursts violently if agitated to spread its spores. If harvested correctly it can be used to make rudimentary explosives."

"That's a gruder, a small rodent covered in long fur. It can make its fur stand on end and transmute its body to metal if frightened. They taste delicious."

"This region is famous for its semi-annual velociraptor migration."

The room was dead silent after I slipped in that last one. It was priceless.

This is 289% win.




So, years ago, a friend of mine had a monk. This was 2ed, and the monk was imported from 1st. He could speak to any living thing basically, and the group was in a forest. I described the scene, which was a lovely spring, and I said something like "A butterfly alights briefly on your shoulder".

He said, oh a butterfly? Ok. "Hello, butterfly."

So then I had to be a butterfly.

"MUST MATE MOUTHPARTS GONE SUGAR RESERVES AT 30 PER-CENT MUST FLY MUST MATE RESERVES DRAINING NO MATE IN DETECTION RANGE CANNOT LOCATE SOLE PURPOSE FOR EXISTENCE"

He responds, calmly and monkly:

"Yes, butterfly."

So then it flew away.

[Shadowknight12]

"MUST MATE MOUTHPARTS GONE SUGAR RESERVES AT 30 PER-CENT MUST FLY MUST MATE RESERVES DRAINING NO MATE IN DETECTION RANGE CANNOT LOCATE SOLE PURPOSE FOR EXISTENCE"

You have won every biologist's acclaim with that.

[Darth Stabber]

Players defeat evil wizard known to be plotting against the nearby city. Thry find a super cute teddy bear. Player hugs teddy bear, takes 1pt negative energy damage. Nearby pc wizard spellcrafts the effect. The bear casts inflict minor wounds when hugged. They find a room. It's filled with 20 crates full of teddy bears.

[Burnheart]

Players defeat evil wizard known to be plotting against the nearby city. Thry find a super cute teddy bear. Player hugs teddy bear, takes 1pt negative energy damage. Nearby pc wizard spellcrafts the effect. The bear casts inflict minor wounds when hugged. They find a room. It's filled with 20 crates full of teddy bears.

Oh thats Evil, i like it :smallbiggrin:

[Qwertystop]

This is 289% win.




So, years ago, a friend of mine had a monk. This was 2ed, and the monk was imported from 1st. He could speak to any living thing basically, and the group was in a forest. I described the scene, which was a lovely spring, and I said something like "A butterfly alights briefly on your shoulder".

He said, oh a butterfly? Ok. "Hello, butterfly."

So then I had to be a butterfly.

"MUST MATE MOUTHPARTS GONE SUGAR RESERVES AT 30 PER-CENT MUST FLY MUST MATE RESERVES DRAINING NO MATE IN DETECTION RANGE CANNOT LOCATE SOLE PURPOSE FOR EXISTENCE"

He responds, calmly and monkly:

"Yes, butterfly."

So then it flew away.
Awesome.

Players defeat evil wizard known to be plotting against the nearby city. Thry find a super cute teddy bear. Player hugs teddy bear, takes 1pt negative energy damage. Nearby pc wizard spellcrafts the effect. The bear casts inflict minor wounds when hugged. They find a room. It's filled with 20 crates full of teddy bears.
EVIL.

[Jjeinn-tae]

So, years ago, a friend of mine had a monk. This was 2ed, and the monk was imported from 1st. He could speak to any living thing basically, and the group was in a forest. I described the scene, which was a lovely spring, and I said something like "A butterfly alights briefly on your shoulder".

He said, oh a butterfly? Ok. "Hello, butterfly."

So then I had to be a butterfly.

"MUST MATE MOUTHPARTS GONE SUGAR RESERVES AT 30 PER-CENT MUST FLY MUST MATE RESERVES DRAINING NO MATE IN DETECTION RANGE CANNOT LOCATE SOLE PURPOSE FOR EXISTENCE"

He responds, calmly and monkly:

"Yes, butterfly."

So then it flew away.

Hey, that's awesome. Was the butterfly shouting, or monotone?

Hmm... probably pheromone communication, how does shouting or tone work with that...

[TheEmerged]

So, the party is up to the "boss" fight of an encounter where the wizard gives the party the You're Too Late Heroes speech, and they can tell that a summoning ritual completed. The first round goes normally...

In the second round, on the summoned monster's initiative there is a puff of smoke in the summoning circle. "When the smoke clears, you see the unmistakeable outline... of a small furry white rabbit. It's batting its nose with its left paw."

The look on the 3 older players' faces was priceless. The confused look on the two younger players' faces was similarly so.

In the third round, the real summoned monster appeared :smallbiggrin:

[Hiro Protagonest]

So, the party is up to the "boss" fight of an encounter where the wizard gives the party the You're Too Late Heroes speech, and they can tell that a summoning ritual completed. The first round goes normally...

In the second round, on the summoned monster's initiative there is a puff of smoke in the summoning circle. "When the smoke clears, you see the unmistakeable outline... of a small furry white rabbit. It's batting its nose with its left paw."

The look on the 3 older players' faces was priceless. The confused look on the two younger players' faces was similarly so.

In the third round, the real summoned monster appeared :smallbiggrin:

It's the killah rabbit!

[Qwertystop]

So, the party is up to the "boss" fight of an encounter where the wizard gives the party the You're Too Late Heroes speech, and they can tell that a summoning ritual completed. The first round goes normally...

In the second round, on the summoned monster's initiative there is a puff of smoke in the summoning circle. "When the smoke clears, you see the unmistakeable outline... of a small furry white rabbit. It's batting its nose with its left paw."

The look on the 3 older players' faces was priceless. The confused look on the two younger players' faces was similarly so.

In the third round, the real summoned monster appeared :smallbiggrin:

Did it eat the bunny? Or was it a wolf-in-sheep's-clothing?

[cfalcon]

Hey, that's awesome. Was the butterfly shouting, or monotone?

Hmm... probably pheromone communication, how does shouting or tone work with that...

Monotone and fast.

[ZeroGear]

In my home brewed school campaign I tried to run, I had kinda made lectures as a way to explain how class abilities were gained (we were using modified generic classes). I haven tendency of being a bit cliché when I what to be funny, so there were a few examples of that.

Now, one of the players had chosen to use fortitude as his good save, and I had him go though 'fortitude training'.
So, he enters the class and sees the teacher, Master Hammerhome (a dwarf), standing in the middle of the room with three pitchers of foul smelling liquid behind him. He goes on to explain the exercise in a loud, bellowing voice:
"You see those jugs?" points to pitchers, "I want you to drink from them."
Then I realized what I just said and tried to correct it: "By using a cup!"
Again realized what I had said and correct it again: "Like this goblet!" holds up a goblet.

Each time the expression on their faces was a mix of shock and amusement.

[Qwertystop]

In my home brewed school campaign I tried to run, I had kinda made lectures as a way to explain how class abilities were gained (we were using modified generic classes). I haven tendency of being a bit cliché when I what to be funny, so there were a few examples of that.

Now, one of the players had chosen to use fortitude as his good save, and I had him go though 'fortitude training'.
So, he enters the class and sees the teacher, Master Hammerhome (a dwarf), standing in the middle of the room with three pitchers of foul smelling liquid behind him. He goes on to explain the exercise in a loud, bellowing voice:
"You see those jugs?" points to pitchers, "I want you to drink from them."
Then I realized what I just said and tried to correct it: "By using a cup!"
Again realized what I had said and correct it again: "Like this goblet!" holds up a goblet.

Each time the expression on their faces was a mix of shock and amusement.

I don't get it...
Do I want to?

[ZeroGear]

I don't get it...
Do I want to?

Take the phrases out of context, then imagine a gruff, bearded, muscular male dwarf saying that stuff.

[Qwertystop]

Take the phrases out of context, then imagine a gruff, bearded, muscular male dwarf saying that stuff.

Still not getting it, except that I have a feeling that I am being very dense and that it is some kind of innuendo. If it is an innuendo, please don't tell me what it means. If not, please tell me what it is.

[Hiro Protagonest]

Still not getting it, except that I have a feeling that I am being very dense and that it is some kind of innuendo. If it is an innuendo, please don't tell me what it means. If not, please tell me what it is.

I don't get it either.

[DontEatRawHagis]

Paranoia welcome to GRU sector. They didn't even notice that GRU actually stood for something.

15 minutes into it one of the characters died cause he forgot his flashlight.

[Shadowknight12]

Still not getting it, except that I have a feeling that I am being very dense and that it is some kind of innuendo. If it is an innuendo, please don't tell me what it means. If not, please tell me what it is.

"These jugs." It's innuendo. Completely accidental innuendo, but innuendo nonetheless.

[fizzybobnewt]

Paranoia welcome to GRU sector. They didn't even notice that GRU actually stood for something.

15 minutes into it one of the characters died cause he forgot his flashlight.

I truly laughed out loud.

So, a new campaign my friend made up (probably in three seconds, but then all of ours are, and they tend to last even shorter.) where he had me pick something that can do magic and a fantastical creature to combine to be my character. I picked Lich and Hobgoblin (this being Land of the Silver Apples hobgoblins, not DnD hobgoblins). I had told him a riddle recently and he kept trying to get the answer out of me. We played this by passing a piece of paper back and forth during class:

>Hobgoblin Lich inspects surroundings.
You are in a dark cave. Some stalagmites and stalactites prod from the ceiling, floor, and walls. There is a musky smell in the cave.
>Look for exit or life. [meaning living things.]
A small withering creature lays upon the floor. A passage leads steadily downward to the right.
>Inspect creature.
It is a pale yellow color with completely black eyes, slits for nose and small mouth full of sharp teeth. It is humanoid, and about 4 feet tall, and huddled in a corner.
>Do I know what it is?
No.
>Say "HELLO, SMALL UNKNOWN CREATURE."
It looks up at you.
>"WHAT AILS YOU?"
In a withery voice it replises, "Horrible, horrible, dark man- PAIN! AAAAAHHHH!"
>"AH, OKAY. WOULD YOU LIKE TO LEAVE HERE WITH ME?"
It feebly nods it's head.
>Walk down passage.
Creature hobbles after you. The passage leads steadily down until a stone wall is in front of you. Ingrained in it is "SPEAK THE ANSWER TO THE RIDDLE: WHAT HAS NO TOP OR BOTTOM BUT CAN CONTAIN FLESH, BLOOD, AND BONE?" [This, of course, is the riddle I told him.]
>Cast Implosion.
Wall is magic resistant.
>Cursed magic resistance. It's as if the world is trying to force some sort of equality between those of us who can shape the universe to our needs and those who cannot. "I WILL NOT BE RAILROADED!" Begin casting destructive spells at everything not-alive and not-me.
Large bonds of titanium bind your feet and hands in place. A loud booming voice shouts, "Answer the riddle! Any spells you cast will rebound upon yourself!"
>"NEVER!"
You start to feel unimaginable pain. Your will is breaking.
> Use metaknowledge to break out of printed word and be-{drawing of Lich ripping out of page}
{Drawing of Lich stabbed to death with a pencil}
>{drawing of Lich regenerating with phylactery}
Consumed by elder purple worm. {drawing of this}
>A factory opens in the south... {drawing of World of Goo chapter 3 being unlocked, drawing of Lich next to rotting elder purple worm corpse and goo balls}

That is where we left off.

[havocfett]

Players defeat evil wizard known to be plotting against the nearby city. Thry find a super cute teddy bear. Player hugs teddy bear, takes 1pt negative energy damage. Nearby pc wizard spellcrafts the effect. The bear casts inflict minor wounds when hugged. They find a room. It's filled with 20 crates full of teddy bears.

Did something like this (Baby rattles instead of teddy bears). Except the PCs had delayed for a month in game before raiding the tower.

So the Wizard had already shipped off the baby rattles all over the continent.


From now on, when I tell my players 'You may want to hurry up and stop the villains plans' they hurry the hell up.

The nextthing big was the BBEG, who was a Warlord (Provided on this site) and lost all of his weaponry within the first round of combat due to some really lucky rolls. But I had never based him around the weaponry he wielded anyways, the plan was for him to drop his weaponry for what all his feats were actually centered around at roughly 50% health.

What were they centered on you ask?

Bitchslaps.

+5 Unholy Dessicating Burst Bitchslaps.

He killed four PCs. Armed only with his mighty backhand.

Oddly enough, the only survivor was female, and managed to only get hi

[ScionoftheVoid]

Did something like this (Baby rattles instead of teddy bears). Except the PCs had delayed for a month in game before raiding the tower.

So the Wizard had already shipped off the baby rattles all over the continent.


From now on, when I tell my players 'You may want to hurry up and stop the villains plans' they hurry the hell up.

The nextthing big was the BBEG, who was a Warlord (Provided on this site) and lost all of his weaponry within the first round of combat due to some really lucky rolls. But I had never based him around the weaponry he wielded anyways, the plan was for him to drop his weaponry for what all his feats were actually centered around at roughly 50% health.

What were they centered on you ask?

Bitchslaps.

+5 Unholy Dessicating Burst Bitchslaps.

He killed four PCs. Armed only with his mighty backhand.

Oddly enough, the only survivor was female, and managed to only get hi

Mind if I quote the section I bolded? That's just awesome.

[OracleofWuffing]

"Underneath the bed, you find a small chest."
"I take it out and smash it open. What's inside?"
"...Well, the [MacGuffin that has been established to be the BBEG's weakness] was inside, however, it appears to have broke when you smashed the chest open."

[Qwertystop]

"Underneath the bed, you find a small chest."
"I take it out and smash it open. What's inside?"
"...Well, the [MacGuffin] was inside, however, it appears to have broke when you smashed the chest open."
I have 2 responses, depending on context:
Did they know the MacGuffin was fragile?
Did they have any clue that the MacGuffin would be in the area?
Were there any clues that the chest contained something important?
Was there a way of repairing it?

For "no", my response is "You are EVIL"
For "yes", "They deserved it".
For a combination, mix the two as appropriate.

[OracleofWuffing]

I have 2 responses, depending on context:
Did they know the MacGuffin was fragile?
Did they have any clue that the MacGuffin would be in the area?
Were there any clues that the chest contained something important?
Was there a way of repairing it?

For "no", my response is "You are EVIL"
For "yes", "They deserved it".
For a combination, mix the two as appropriate.
Maybe, Yes, No, and it really wasn't in there I just wanted to see the look on his face.

[havocfett]

Mind if I quote the section I bolded? That's just awesome.

Go ahead. If you end up using it, post the reaction here afterwards.

[ScionoftheVoid]

Go ahead. If you end up using it, post the reaction here afterwards.

I do have an unarmed specialist for later use, and playful slaps are my go-to for player stupidity... But no, bad Scion! Stick to established fluff!

[big teej]

for starters, I'm stealing the facebook idea and the velociraptor migration idea.


-yoink!-

as for things I've done.

"as you walk into the tavern, you're propositioned by three different ladies"

they scoffed when I used the phrase "most licentious tavern in the city"
mayhap they knew not what "Licentious" meant...

oh well.

also.
showing the party just how many dice the dragon rolled for it's breath weapon.

[Angry Bob]

"Guys, I need more Large miniatures."

Normally, we have whole box of minis, with like fifteen Large ones.

Naturally, this gets a somewhat worried reaction. Though this isn't just to see their looks, I often do run out of appropriately-sized minis.

[HalfDragonCube]

I do have an unarmed specialist for later use, and playful slaps are my go-to for player stupidity... But no, bad Scion! Stick to established fluff!

Being one of Scion's players, I am now planning to get Slapping Hand next level and have a slap-off with this NPC.

[BlueInc]

So I had a hyper-metagame player who played a character who worshiped a mysterious god known as the "DM," who believed all sentient beings were either "NPCs" or "players" imbued with secret knowledge. I should also mention this character was a ixbian monk with two brothers whose goal was to defeat the evil Troll King and his sons (aka, the Billy Goats Gruff story).

In the final confrontation, the party sneaked into the command room of the trolls, and began fighting the remaining sons and generals of the troll army, when an old, weary troll in a dirty robe comes down the stairs. The Troll King was a LE Monk who served the DM, and had been promised the world by his god, and with the power of the DM, has no chance of losing. Then he nearly rips the ixbian in half.

My moment of triumph was not to last. The player beautifully role-played standing up while mortally wounded and monologue'd: "That's not true...I...was created by the player within me... but he was also the one who decided my story...you did not exist until my player decided you did! I CREATED YOU!"

= = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Epilogue: They let on of the troll king's sons survive. I desperately want to do a campaign where this son becomes a DM-ist and realizes that, as a character in a D&D universe, all of life is suffering; villages are razed and empires burn merely for the amusement of the DM and the Players. In the final fight, the troll prince would summon the DM, a being of infinite power to create and destroy, for the players to fight. Too much?

[Nerd-o-rama]

That is very nearly the ending I decided on for an online RP I finished plotting out recently...but in the end, the co-GMs shot that down and we're going with something a little less meta.

[Silus]

"I try to convince the goblin and orc workers to unionize."

"You guys were in the house the whole time" (If you've seen 1408, it's kinda like that)

When interrogating an NPC on a oWoD game: "She's not going to talk huh? Ok, I cut her ear off."

[Gadora]

So I had a hyper-metagame player who played a character who worshiped a mysterious god known as the "DM," who believed all sentient beings were either "NPCs" or "players" imbued with secret knowledge. I should also mention this character was a ixbian monk with two brothers whose goal was to defeat the evil Troll King and his sons (aka, the Billy Goats Gruff story).

In the final confrontation, the party sneaked into the command room of the trolls, and began fighting the remaining sons and generals of the troll army, when an old, weary troll in a dirty robe comes down the stairs. The Troll King was a LE Monk who served the DM, and had been promised the world by his god, and with the power of the DM, has no chance of losing. Then he nearly rips the ixbian in half.

My moment of triumph was not to last. The player beautifully role-played standing up while mortally wounded and monologue'd: "That's not true...I...was created by the player within me... but he was also the one who decided my story...you did not exist until my player decided you did! I CREATED YOU!"

= = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Epilogue: They let on of the troll king's sons survive. I desperately want to do a campaign where this son becomes a DM-ist and realizes that, as a character in a D&D universe, all of life is suffering; villages are razed and empires burn merely for the amusement of the DM and the Players. In the final fight, the troll prince would summon the DM, a being of infinite power to create and destroy, for the players to fight. Too much?

That's when the PCs summon the players and the whole thing turns into a boffer larp.

[Angry Bob]

Take the Tarrasque and trade in all of its feats for better ones. Rewrite the fluff into them being artificial life forms created as weapons for some forgotten war. Maybe throw on some templates to make them breathe fire or something.

Now make them stampede aimlessly through the city the PCs are staying in.

Imply that they're running from something.

Watch.

Win.

[TheCountAlucard]

I ran the Althing Infernal for them. Exalted players might be familiar with this; to others, just replace that with "big, orgiastic demon party."

To my surprise, my players didn't even act revulsed. :smallannoyed: I blame 4chan. :smallmad:

[Dragonsoul]

Dropping my players into a pit of mimes.
Including a Dread mime-That Attacked by throwing card from the Deck of many things.

End result
The Person who was holding the parties gold, lost it all, he also gained a point of Con(I was Dialling things down a little-They were level 5)
The Bard/Barbarian got a few neat magic items,
The Paladin/Ranger lost a magic item
His Bunny companion got a +4 thundering Shortspear(Appropriately sized)

Then they left and ran into the trap that made them all dance Thriller, with backup dancer zombies

[Qwertystop]

Dropping my players into a pit of mimes.
Including a Dread mime-That Attacked by throwing card from the Deck of many things.

End result
The Person who was holding the parties gold, lost it all, he also gained a point of Con(I was Dialling things down a little-They were level 5)
The Bard/Barbarian got a few neat magic items,
The Paladin/Ranger lost a magic item
His Bunny companion got a +4 thundering Shortspear(Appropriately sized)

Then they left and ran into the trap that made them all dance Thriller, with backup dancer zombies

The Deck of Many Things would technically have affected the drawer, in this case the mime.

[Solaris]

Say "Yeah, that could work". Hilarity invariably results.

[TheAbstruseOne]

First adventure, group of 1st level players in 4e all with varying levels of D&D experience. They go after the kobold bandit lair and work their way through to the High Priest who is about the sacrifice the plot-device kidnapped girl to its dragon overlord. The dragon shows up and is a black dragon wyrmling (small size). So the entire final encounter was a "difficult" but level-appropriate encounter. They killed the dragon and attempted to Intimidate the now bloodied High Priest. Please note I have been using creature and size appropriate minis for the entire encounter and I have one of those tablecloth-sized battlegrid maps.

Player: We've killed your god and if you don't surrender, we'll kill you!
High Priest: Him? He wasn't the Dragon Lord. He was the Dragon Lord's son.

I then place my Huge-sized Black Dragon mini on the board.

Jaws dropped.

(In the interest of fairness, I specifically placed the Level 14 Solo monster exactly 2 double-moves away from the party of 1st level PCs which gave them plenty of time to run down the tunnel which was sized too small for the dragon to squeeze down.)

[Dragonsoul]

The Deck of Many Things would technically have affected the drawer, in this case the mime.

Actually... (http://dungeons.wikia.com/wiki/Red_Jester_%28Dread_Codex_Monster%29)

I really love this creature.

[Anarion]

Hmm, I've had a few different moments, with a few different facial expressions from party members.

First one, at 1st level the party was fighting 3 goblins and rolling really terribly. So, I had a cat intervene to save them, basically just to see what would happen and for the lolz...after the cat got all three kills people were pretty speechless. At this point, the cat will probably make a return as a wizard's familiar or something, just to see if the players remember that.

There was also a griffon that allowed one of the players to fly around on its back as thanks for rescuing it. That produced some genuine awe from the players, though it's not that exciting to relate. Basically, well-described flight when the characters were still too low level to go soaring around themselves.

Oh, there was the one time where the party was traveling and I knew, although they didn't, that there was a werewolf masquerading as a traveling priest staying in the town. I warned the party repeatedly that it was dangerous at night via different townsfolk, I dropped plot hooks about missing villagers being carried away, and one of the townsfolk warned them not to go out alone. What happens...obviously the ranger decided that a midnight walk alone would be good for her health:smallsigh:. That character has now been a lycanthrope for months:smallwink:.
(By the way, the lycanthrope rules are pretty rough to work out. I don't recommend diving into that one as there are a ton of mistakes in the monster entry.)

[Heliomance]

I just gave my party a set of Noldur's Marvellous Pigments. The catch? The red had all been spilled, they can't paint anything that requires red.

[ZeroGear]

(checks to see if still within the six-week timeframe. All clear)

This is something the DM did to us.
Sigfried the bard goes to get some supplies from the local magic-mini-mall. He gets to the enchanter. The enchanter is a wrinkled old human with a beard longer than his gnome-sized body.

Sig (me): Hello, I would like to purchase a weapon crystal of minute fire magic.
Enchanter: Ah, wait a sec. (pulls out the crystal from a drawer) Here you go.
Sig: (notices a shelf that is filled with potions behind what appears to be a force shield) Um, may I ask what is in those bottles over there?
Enchanter: Which ones?
Sig: the ones behind the force barrier.
Enchanter: Oh, let's see...That one has concentrated taint...that one contains a potion that could destroy the world...that one has the blood of Bahamut...
Sig: (stares in shock)

[masterjoda99]

In a game of Exalted (which started as a oneshot that ended up going longer), I made a boss fight consisting of 5 dragonblooded akuma who gave speeches, struck sentai poses, acted goofy, and had a kickarse theme song.

I hadn't even finished descriptions before my players realized they were fighting the Ginyu Force.

[Mixt]

PC's enter the BBEG's throne room...

...And finds the BBEG lying dead on his throne with a sword stuck in his back.

PC's: Wait, this seems familiar.

Trying to take the sword results in a most unfortunate accident with one PC skewering himself on it and the sword then teleporting away.

We later encounter a obscenely powerful psychic ghost armed with the same sword that was found in the BBEG's body, psychic powers and a lot of magic.

PC's: You didn't...
DM: Oh yes i did.

And then half the party dies horribly while One-Winged Angel plays in the background.

DAMN IT!

[Vallum]

Ahhhh, how I miss running my most favorite 1st level adventure of my own design.

The Castle of True Illusions by yours truly

The adventure ranges from hallucinogenic-inducing candy and corndogs, to kid-napped elven children, Dimensional doorway traps, monocle-wearing monkeys drinking punch (obviously wizards)... Much, much more, along those zany antics of getting through those low-level blues

But the best part of this was after being kidnapped to the castle of True illusions... Where the PC's wok up, cross gendered, the 'leader' of the party in a wedding suit/gown, the rest of the party Bridesmaids or Groomsmen, (depending on gender), with the wedded to be, minutes before the wedding ceremony to begin. With none of their original equipment, btw.

When they reach the cathedral inside, awaits are their 'normal' selves, with their equipment, standing in position with the groom/bride awaiting for the PCs to arrive, the BBEG the priest.
then combat begins when the audience of the wedding disappear, the 'clones' turn a dark shade and attack the PCs.

Makes the PCs think and improvise. Ranging from using their high heels to bludgeon their counterparts to death, candle stands as an improvised quarterstaff, swinging about on hanging tapestry, and lots and lots of AoO

It's usually when they become cross-gendered and told the leader is about to be married and unite the kingdoms for eternal peace where I start laughing from the look on their faces. They can't stop laughing when I describe the gumdrop goblins and candy-cane legged spiders that attack them in the opening encounter if they had some of the hallucinogenic food at the fall equinox festival, (always starts off in fall in my campaign when running this adventure, in a large town that celebrates fall equinox as a holiday).

[Angry Bob]

Had the PCs investigate a town that had been overrun by kythons once. I think it took a house with a bunch of torsos stowed under the floorboards to get a reaction.

[Bluepaw]

In my last session, I had my PCs come across slash fiction of themselves while searching the manor of an NPC.

This is. Marvelous.

Most recently, my PCs were milking a pub for information, and came across a table of folks who seemed to really know something was up, were being all cryptic, etc. I let them roleplay out the situation, run the diplomacy and insight checks, etc, but it gradually came out that this group was a party of "PCs" on an entirely unrelated quest, treating our party as NPCs whose sole purpose was to feed them information...

Everyone loved it, except our Assassin, who exacted his revenge by getting the Gnome spectacularly drunk and trying (and somehow failing) to beat him up in the bathroom...

[Ksheep]

In one campaign I was playing in, we came across an orange tabby cat. The problem was that only one person in the party noticed it. He tried to convince the party that we were being followed, but everyone thought he was just seeing things. The next session, we came across the same cat, and the same guy was the only one to see him. This continued happening through the rest of the campaign, even resulting in said character trying to shoot the cat as it jumped in and out of the pipes of a pipe organ my character was playing.

Right before the BBEG, we get visited by an uber-god of time... and by his side is the cat. Turns out that the cat was this god's familiar.

Funny thing is, it all started as a random roll on a benign encounters table (which I had shown the DM a few days prior to the first encounter.

[Gavinfoxx]

My little sister once tried to get her character (a level 10 fighter) to pet a cat. It rolled 4 20s in a row on its claw attack, and insta-killed her. I rewound time so it didn't happen, just to be nice... But she still goes out of her way to stab every cat she sees in the game.

And that is why critical hit houserules and fumble houserules are terrible.