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Choco
2011-05-16, 10:40 AM
A spinoff of the Habits that kill fun in a session (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=192060) thread, where we imitate the Real Men of Genius (http://budlight.whipnet.com/) beer commercials.

Like so:


Mr. Really bad Improv DM

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Really Bad Improv Dungeon Master
Mr. Really Bad Improv Dungeon Maaaaster!

Like a four star General, you plan the defense of your evil warlord with various traps, planned choke point, and assaults by your overwhelming minions. What you didn't plan on, was the players rolling a Natural 20.
5% chances seemed so unlikely!!!!

But don't worry, you have a plan B. This carefully laid back up plan, is the one where you place your self in a near catatonic state, rolling away on the various encounter and treasure charts, while you're players get tired of just facing a bunch of random encounters, with room after unfurnished, boring rooms
Oh noooooo!

Your final bit of brilliance? throw the left over, low level minions at the adventurers, in a suicidal frontal assault, in a weak revenge attempt for the PCs derailing your plans.
"They were taking up space in my note book!

So power up the video game console and TV, O master of improv, and grab your self an ice cold Cure Light. Because at least First person Shooters and Tv show Re-runs may distract your friends long enough, for you to go cry about how they ruined your plans, in your room.
Mr. Really bad at Improv Dungeon Master!


Mr. Chaotic "Neutral" Guy

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Roleplayers of Geeeeeenius!

Today we salute you, Mr. Chaotic "Neutral" PC.
Mr. Chaotic Neutral Player Characteeeeer!

In a party filled with do-gooders and law-abiders, you're the albatross who forcefully hangs yourself around their necks. You constantly turn the most innocent of situations into a stroll through the ninth level of the Abyss.
Watch out for the demons!

Who cares that the PHB says that you try to avoid the law, authority figures and generally causing trouble for trouble's sake, because while the party discusses their next quest with the king, you're busy thinking of ways to kill the king just for laughs.
Stop metagaming and detecting my alignmeeeeeeeent!

Your crowning moment was the moment after you'd caused an entire town of innocent people to burn, when your paladin "buddy" tried to smite you and for good reason. You unloaded your chaotic spellcaster's abilities to make him fall, ruining that player's fun while claiming that the smite didn't work because your alignment is still Neutral.
My actions just have an evil side!

So here's to you, O master of hiding your real alignment, and grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light; you've earned it. Because without you, Chaotic Neutral might actually be a fun alignment to play.
Mr. Chaotic Evil "Neutral" Guuuuuy!

Mr. Senior Newbie

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Senior Newbie
Mr. Senior Neeeeeewbie!

Like all of us at one point, you were the new guy in the group, the fresh face, the first-timer, still learning the ropes in an unfamiliar environment. You were forgiven for not knowing the rules and not even knowing how to play your character.
How I mine for fish????

But now you have 5 years of experience under your belt, one of the most senior members still left in the group, you are the experienced player that newbies look to for help. But 5 years of vegetating at the table have taken their toll, because despite your experience you have not gained a single shred of game knowledge in that time.
What do I roll to attaaaaaack????

Your best moments are when you claim you have a life and are too busy to waste time reading D&D books all day. You are so busy with your life that you do not even have the time for paying attention during the game to aid in figuring out the Fighter you have been playing every week for 5 years.
Some of us have lives outside of D&D!

So here's to you, O master of blocking new knowledge, and grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light; you've earned it. Because you make the married-with-kids guy working 2 jobs and effectively playing a caster despite only being introduced to D&D 1 year ago look even more awesome.
Mr. Senior Neeeeewbie!

Feel free to transform anything in the Habits that kill fun in a session (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=192060) thread into the commercial version here. I lack the talent/creativity to do so myself and make it funny, so I'll leave the comedy to the pros.

Sipex
2011-05-16, 10:54 AM
Mr. Always Forgets his Stuff

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Always Forgets his Stuff
Mr. Always Forgets his Stuuuuuuuuff!

Why break your back carrying your own copies of the players handbook when you can just borrow someone elses? It's not like they need to use it every minute of the game anyways. As long as no-one else forgets their copy you're gold!
Just five more minutes, I swear!

Same goes for dice. Why risk losing your animal bone or pewter dice when the DM has eight sets? It's not like your dice need to match and the other players won't mind if you lose random dice from each of their sets, right?
What do you mean I had your silver D20 laaaaast????

Of course, bringing your character sheet is far out of the question. Why remember to bring your stats when your DM can print you out a new one? These things have to get updated all the time anyways so it pays to be on top of your game!
I swear, I put it in my baaaaag!

So here's to you, O master of borrowing our things, and grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light; you've earned it. Because nobody is even sure if you have your own supplies since we've never seen you bring a single die during the five years we've played.
Mr. Always Forgets his Stuuuuuff!

zorba1994
2011-05-16, 10:19 PM
Mr. My Dice Must Be Perfect

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. My Dice Must Be Perfect
Mr. My Dice Must Be Peeeeerfect!

You and you alone know that the only way that you are going to deal max damage on your sneak attack dice is if you first successfully sift through all the other players' dice to find the 3 d6s that have the same fonts on them.
What, do you want us to looooooose?

Searching left and right through the piles of dice at the board, you will hold up the game for minutes on end if you can't find that d20 with the star next to the 20, because what would you be without your magic lucky die?
I got three 20s ooooonce!

Nothing will stop you and your voracious hunger to find the perfect polyhedrons to pound your enemies with. Not the other players, not the Dungeon Master, and certainly not your 8 year-old younger brother who is playing for the first time today.
I don't care if you found it fiiiiiiiirst!

So here's to you, O delver of dice, picker of polyhedrons, grabber of game implements, and grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light; you've earned it. Because if the party wipes and you didn't get a critical in that encounter, its clearly the rogue's fault for not letting you have the silver d20.
Mr. My Dice Must Be Peeeerfect!


Mr. I Want To Have A Pet Dragon

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. I Want To Have A Pet Dragon
Mr. I Want To Have A Pet Draaaaaagon!

The second that you saw the cover art for the player's handbook, you knew one thing and one thing only: That you simply MUST have a dragon.
Victory is with the Taaaaalons

It doesn't matter what the LA is, it doesn't matter if it fits your class. Hell, it doesn't even matter if you're playing a no-magic d20 Modern campaign. There is nothing that will get between you and a giant flying reptile.
Together we will touch the skyyyyyyyyy!

Every time you see one of these regal reptiles, your response shall be simple; your mantra pure. It shall be your pet. Even if its 20 levels above you.
Ancient Wyrm I choose yoooooooou

So here's to you, O nagger of naysayers, connoisseur of class choices, and crack yourself open an ice cold Cure Light, because if anyone needs it after that last encounter, its you and your 7 invoked talon attacks of opportunity.
Mr. I Want To Have A Pet Dragon!

Mr. Too Long Didn't Read

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Too Long Didn't Read
Mr. Too Long Didn't Reeeeeeead

The fear of heavy roleplayers everywhere, you alone keep the manliness in the d20 game. With your devoted avoidance of flavor text, diplomacy, or really any conversation not involving dice rolls, only you keep the game rolling on.
What did this paragraph saaaaaaay?

You don't care that you officially signed up for a palace court diplomatic intrigue game without a grid: You just know that now its time for the d20s. Regardless of furious posts from the DM and other players, you know that only through your greatsword does the game continue.
I kiiiiiiiill the palace guaaaaaard!

You will dash forth unwavering into danger. When the Dungeon Master describes the gruesome corpses left behind by the traps in the room ahead of you, you- well, you didn't even listen to the description: You just pushed your miniature forward and said "I do that".
I'm going to pull the leveeeeeer!

So here's to you, O Idol of Illiterates, Wrecker of Roleplayers- You probably didn't even read this whole thing. Tl;dr: crack yourself open an ice cold Cure Light, just trust that there's a reason.
Mr. Too Long Didn't Reeeeead!

Ezeze
2011-05-17, 02:14 PM
Mr Homicidal DM

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr Homicidal DM
Mr Homicidal Deee-eemmm!

You can't hold a steady job, your girlfriend just broke up with you, and you still live in your parent's house, but that's okay because tonight your so-called "friends" are coming over and you get to use them as your personal punching bag.
At least you have control somewheeerrree!

You whip out the biggest, baddest monsters you have and relentlessly assault your players, beating them down until they are forced to flee. Then you mock them, because after all, they should be able to beat these things.
You guys need to learn how to plllayyyyy

Let them rest? Hah! No where is safe! No inn is without homicidal maniacs, no camp free of cleverly hidden assassin vines. So what if the casters need sleep to be of any use at all? They aren't getting it!
No spells for yoouuuu!

So here's to you, memorizer of monster manuals, king of total party kills, overlord of optimization. Grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light, Mr Homicidal DM. Because if your friends will still agree to hang out with you, your games aren't hard enough.
Mr Homicidal Deee-eemmm!

Razgriez
2011-05-17, 05:19 PM
Oh dear... It seems I have started a trend...

........


.........*cackles like an evil genius on a power trip*

Go my imaginative minions, write up more Real Roleplayers of Genius! Do it for the great cause of keeping me amused :amused:

Bobby Archer
2011-05-17, 06:12 PM
Mr. Out-of-Character Conversationalist

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Out-of-Character Conversationalist.
Mr. Out-of-Character Conversationalist!!

Whenever a game gets rolling, you're there to stop it cold, with jokes, callbacks, and stories from your outside life.
You'll never believe what happened at work todaaay!

Disinterest? Nasty looks? Other players trying to talk over you? None of these are a match for your Save vs actually playing the game.
Hey! Remember that other tiiiiiime..!

And when combat actually starts? You're there too, spending twenty minutes discussing the party's strategy.
Talking's a free aaaaactioooon!

So here's to you, O Chatterbox Chancellor, Momentum Mutilator, Impresario of Immersion Immunity. Grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light, Mr Out-of-Character Conversationalist. Because without you, this one-shot game would have ended years ago.
Mr. Out-of-Character Conversaaaaaaaationalist!!

The-Mage-King
2011-05-17, 06:15 PM
YOU JERKS!

I was eating ice cream when I read these!

Do you know how painful it is for that to go out your nostrils?


[/statement of how funny this is]

Good work!

Codenpeg
2011-05-18, 11:51 PM
Someone do one about the house cat. I'd do one myself but my brain is failing on me.

gdiddy
2011-05-19, 09:49 AM
Mr. Always Plays an Over-Sexualized Woman

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Always Plays an Over-Sexualized Woman.
Mr. Always Plays an Over-Sexualized Womaaaaaan!

It's accepted by the people that you game with that every sheet that passes between your cheetos-stained stubby-sausage fingers has "F" under gender and "hot" in the description box. You spend every session getting your character naked, seducing party members, and arguing with the GM that the fade to black is Puritan.
"I roll to seduuuuuce!"

Nothing will stop you from your special snowflake, though the tasteless rape backstory is optional. The fact that you're corpulently obese and smell like something fried doesn't stop you from wanting to be fan service in the imaginations of your gaming friends.
"This is ironic because I'm a feminiiiiist!!"

You don't always get along with other players, like the time an actual woman showed up and wanted to play her own gender. You showed her though, she isn't coming back. You were upset when the DM invented his "Your character must have smaller breasts than you"-rule-...that meant you were limited to DDs.
"You're stifling my roleplaaaaaay!"

So keep making people feel really awkward by describing how your character bends over, o master of gender relations, and grab your self an ice cold Cure Light. Because even though you never stop describing the genitalia of Elara Moonbeam, nudomancer, it's not like you've seen anything resembling it in real life.
Mr. Always Plays an Over-Sexualized Womaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

onthetown
2011-05-19, 08:30 PM
Mr. Always Plays an Over-Sexualized Woman

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Always Plays an Over-Sexualized Woman.
Mr. Always Plays an Over-Sexualized Womaaaaaan!

It's accepted by the people that you game with that every sheet that passes between your cheetos-stained stubby-sausage fingers has "F" under gender and "hot" in the description box. You spend every session getting your character naked, seducing party members, and arguing with the GM that the fade to black is Puritan.
"I roll to seduuuuuce!"

Nothing will stop you from your special snowflake, though the tasteless rape backstory is optional. The fact that you're corpulently obese and smell like something fried doesn't stop you from wanting to be fan service in the imaginations of your gaming friends.
"This is ironic because I'm a feminiiiiist!!"

You don't always get along with other players, like the time an actual woman showed up and wanted to play her own gender. You showed her though, she isn't coming back. You were upset when the DM invented his "Your character must have smaller breasts than you"-rule-...that meant you were limited to DDs.
"You're stifling my roleplaaaaaay!"

So keep making people feel really awkward by describing how your character bends over, o master of gender relations, and grab your self an ice cold Cure Light. Because even though you never stop describing the genitalia of Elara Moonbeam, nudomancer, it's not like you've seen anything resembling it in real life.
Mr. Always Plays an Over-Sexualized Womaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

We need to have a like button.

dsmiles
2011-05-19, 08:47 PM
These are awesome. God bless Vicodin!

Mr. Drinks Until He's Incapacitated
Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we salute you, Mr. Drinks Until He's Incapacitated.
Mr. Drinks Until He's Incapacitated!

It's accepted by the people that you game with that everyone at the table is old enough to drink. It's even accepted that you drink more than anyone else.
Pass me another beeeeeeer!

Nothing can stop you from drinking yourself under the table, though your friends dislike drunk players. The fact that you're constantly making drunken in-character decisions, that inevitably lead to TPKs, means nothing to you.
What do mean I *hic* failed my saaaaaaaaave?

You don't always drink yourself under the table, but the bad decisions keep coming as long as you've had that first beer. In an all-good party, your neutral good rogue constantly wants to kill the prosoners, as long as you've had that first beer.
I'm a rogue, I can dooooooooo that!

So keep pissing off the other players with those TPK inducing decisions, o master of the bottle. Nobody will miss you when you pass out anyways. So grab yourself an ice cold forty of Cure Light, because even when you're lying on the floor, you still try to take your actions. Literally.
Mr. Drinks Until He's Incapaaaaaaaacitaaaaaaaated!

TroubleBrewing
2011-05-19, 08:54 PM
Mr. Party Thief Kender Guy

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Roleplayers of Geeeeniuuuss...

Today, we salute you, Mr. Party Thief Kender Guy.
Mr. Party Thief Kender Guy!

It is obvious even through a cursory glance at your character sheet that you intend to steal everything the party owns.
I'm Chaotic Neutraaaal!

You are the first to volunteer for first watch, you constantly 'secretly' text the DM, and your first response to any accusation of theft is "I make a Hide check!"
Oh sure, blame the kender!

Any party member who relies on equipment is bound to get totally ruined by your 'hilarious antics', but you annoy even the party Druid.
I pick that guy's pocket!

So keep pissing the party off, o 'master' of sleight of hand, and grab yourself a refreshing Cure Light. Because after the Paladin caves your skull in, you're going to need it.
Mr. Party Thief Kender Guuuuuuuyyyyyyy!

Lonely Tylenol
2011-05-20, 12:45 AM
Mr. "Aggressively Metagames Everything" Guy

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Aggressively Metagames Everything Guy
Mr. Aggressively Metagames Everything Guy!

Like a bat out of Hell, you fly recklessly through the dungeon's many rooms and hallways, until you roll a natural 1 on your untrained Spot check--at which point you begin searching for anything suspicious with single-minded obsession.
I have a hunch, guys!

Never mind that the band of orcs were able to sneak up on you because you failed your passive Spot, because you, Mr. Aggressively Metagames Everything Guy, are never caught unprepared--even if it takes a judicious application of rules lawyering and out-of-character knowledge to do so.
But I had Mordenkainen's Faithful Watchdog cast!

Don't let the fact that you're a Barbarian with no ranks in Knowledge (Religion) stop you from running to the back the moment that Wight shows up, because even though you're a lion in the face of undead, you turn into a mewing kitten at the thought of their negative level attack.
It's in the monster manuaaaaaal!

So sit back with your light crossbow, rebuffer of roleplay, overlooker of objectivity, and grab yourself a Cure Light; because when the DM throws every book at the table at you, you're going to need it.
Mr. Aggressively Metagames Everything Guyyyyyy!

TheCountAlucard
2011-05-20, 06:57 AM
Mr. "Aggressively Metagames Everything" GuyGrargh, at least don't tell the others what it is. :smallfurious:

Pretty funny stuff, guys. :smallsmile:

Grongore
2011-05-21, 12:11 PM
Mr. Team killing archer

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we salute you, Mr. Team killing archer.
Mr. Team killing archer!

You may have the dexterity and feats to get a good roll, but it always seems to be directed at the party member in front of you.
He's on your side...

anything the dm throws is minimal, when the guy who downs the fighter was your own party member.
I need a cleric...

So keep your swords drawn, master of the backstabbing and grab yourself a Cure light. Because when the fighter gets healed, you're gonna need it.

Mr. Team killing archer...

Skaven
2011-05-22, 03:50 AM
Mr. Stuck in the classical 50's fantasy man.

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Stuck in the classical 50's fantasy man!

Everything is knights, castles and black and white to you, Mr. Stuck in the classical 50's fantasy man! Lawful stupid is the alignment you are of, a fan!
He hasn't read a single modern fantasy novel.

Wizards are old men, fighters are knights. Elves come from woods and Dwarves are grumpy and like fights! Ignore the whole background section on every other species if it didn't appear in LotR or an adaptation of King Arthur. Loudly complain if another player wishes to play something that didn't appear in the mainstream idea of tolkein. Orcs, Kobolds and Lizardmen are always evil and live in 10x10 rooms guarding treasure chests. They're not something you play!
"He can't play thaaaaat. They're supposed to be out in the wild waiting to attack humans!"


He doesn't think about a more logical fantasy setting or non-human characters! Nothing else thinks, they're there for xp! Morals are black and whiiiite. If he does wrong, its ok to kill because he's in the right.
"I'm gonna play a Paladiiiin. He's a Knight."

The party fighter slapped the barmaids rear and made a lude remark? I draw my sword and kill him for this! My paladin fell?
"You're stifling my roleplaaaaaay!"

So here's to you for blocking depth of creative thought and grab yourself a cure light, Stuck in the 50's fantasy man because your efforts make it all worth it to see a world setting truly evolve for a basis of comparison for how far we've come in creative collaborative fiction.
Mr. Stuck in the classical 50's fantasy maaaaan!

FelixG
2011-05-22, 07:19 AM
We need to have a like button.

FelixG and 1 more liked this

Notreallyhere77
2011-05-22, 02:56 PM
Mr Never-shows-up-on-time guy.

Giants in the Playgrounds forums presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius
Reeeal roleplayers of geeeniuuus!

Today, we salute you, Mr. Never-shows-up-on-time guy.
Mr. Never-shows-up-on-tiiime guy.

They say a wizard is never late, nor early, but arrives when he's needed. But you're playing a rogue.
Hooope I didn't miss much!

No matter when the game starts, you won't show up until two turns into the second combat, at the earliest.
Wheeere did that dragon come from?

Other people use watches or cell phones or alarm clocks, but you don't need any of those things to tell you when to leave the house. You just trust yourself to wake up on time.
I sleeept through my sundial.

So crack open a nice cold Cure Light, O Enemy of Expeditiousness, you've earned it. And by the time you're done drinking it, you'll already be late. Again.
Mr. Neever-shows-up-on-tiiiiime guy!


Mr. Spotlight-stealing Munchkin

GitP forums presents: Real roleplayers of genius.
Reeal roleplayers of geeeniuus!

Today we salute you, Mr. Spotlight-stealing munchkin.
Mr Spotlight-steealing Muuunchkin!

Whether the game is a bunch of dungeon crawls, or a political intrigue, you will make a build to win, even at the expense of other players' fun.
It's not my fault you don't optimize!

You are always a killing machine. If combat lasts beyond your first turn, it's because you spent it charging up.
That's my thiiird tarrasque today!

You know you're the star of the story, and you're the storyteller. The other PCs are just there in case you get bored and want to kill something.
I neeeded the xp.

So crack open a nice cold Cure Light, O derailer of plot development. You've earned it. And then sell it, because everyone knows you'll never take enough damage to need it.
Mr. Spotlight-steealing Muuuunchkin!

RaggedAngel
2011-05-22, 08:06 PM
Mr. Optimized Druid Man:

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Optimized Druid Man
Mr. Optimized Druid Maaaaaaaaaaaan!

Why not fill every party role better than the other players? Who cares that you hit harder and more often than the fighter, control the field better than the wizard, and make the rogue seem tongue-tied? Why not do it as a bear?
My animal companion's also a bear!!

Just because you're playing the best class with internet-powered optimization doesn't mean the other players should complain. In the end, it was their fault for choosing a class other than druid.
I'm a full caster with class featuuuuuuuures!!

You know that a game can only be enjoyed when, while summoning an army of bears, in the form of a bear, your bear animal companion is himself summoning bears.
I'm wearing bearskin armor with a wilding claaaaaasp!!

So here's to you, O master of brokenness, and grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light; you've earned it. Because when the other players have all started a new game, you're still taking on CR-appropriate encounters solo.
Mr. Optimized Druid Maaaaaaaaaaaan!!

To be fair, you can be like this with any base class. Druids just amuse me the most.

DontEatRawHagis
2011-05-22, 11:18 PM
Mr. High-CHA-PC-having player

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr High-CHA-PC-having player
Mr High-CHA-PeeeCeeee-having pllaaayerrrrr!

You have all the answers and no one else can say it. It doesn't matter if the other player is the team leader or diplomat because you have a 20 in Charisma. They could be talking to there mom and you would just-
Keep buttttiiiing innn!

There are some points when you don't even try to make sense and just spout out nonsense. Hoping that that those modifiers keep stacking. You took high crit for bluff for a reason, so you could say you are part of the "Bikini Inspector Squad"
That doesn't make seennnsssse!

Let them talk? No. This is a job for your mighty lungs. It doesn't even matter to you that you repeat...
Exactly what they saaaaayy!

Everyone knows that even though its the same, a +5 Charisma Modifier makes everything sound better. Grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light, Mr High-CHA-PC-having player. Because talking to imaginary characters is easier than talking to real ones.
Mr Mr High-CHA-PeeeCeeee-having pllaaayerrrrr![/QUOTE]

Dedicated to a player in my Spycraft Campaign who we literally had to message everytime we wanted to do something.

Want to enter that building? Well tell G that he has to bluff the guards to let you in.

Chess435
2011-05-22, 11:22 PM
FelixG and 2 more liked this

Fixed that for you. :smallwink:

Notreallyhere77
2011-05-23, 05:22 PM
Mr Can't stop making dirty jokes guy.


Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!
Today we Salute You, Mr Can't stop making dirty jokes guy.
Mr. Can't stop making dirty jooookes guy!

No one at the table minds one or two dirty jokes. So why should anyone mind when you tell one hundred and eighty?
There was a guuuy from Nantucket...

You're always ready to turn any character name or fantastic location into a naughty pun. And no word is too foul to use.
Thaaat's what shee said!

It doesn't matter that none of the other players can bring a guest, or that they get uncomfortable, only that you keep yourself entertained.
A dirty miiind is a joy forever!

So crack open a nice cold Cure Light, O schiller of filth, you've earned it. Just don't tell us that joke agian.
Mr. Can't stop making dirty jooookes guy!

Razgriez
2011-05-24, 08:39 AM
Mr Never-shows-up-on-time guy.

Giants in the Playgrounds forums presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius
Reeeal roleplayers of geeeniuuus!

Today, we salute you, Mr. Never-shows-up-on-time guy.
Mr. Never-shows-up-on-tiiime guy.

They say a wizard is never late, nor early, but arrives when he's needed. But you're playing a rogue.
Hooope I didn't miss much!

No matter when the game starts, you won't show up until two turns into the second combat, at the earliest.
Wheeere did that dragon come from?

Other people use watches or cell phones or alarm clocks, but you don't need any of those things to tell you when to leave the house. You just trust yourself to wake up on time.
I sleeept through my sundial.

So crack open a nice cold Cure Light, O Enemy of Expeditiousness, you've earned it. And by the time you're done drinking it, you'll already be late. Again.
Mr. Neever-shows-up-on-tiiiiime guy!



I'm Guilty as charged for this, on at least several games.

*grabs a Cure Light*

That said, it is indeed for the same reason, and that is due to work.

Plus the drive home, where I drive as legally fast as I can while trying to avoid idiot drivers.

Lord Raziere
2011-05-24, 08:56 AM
Mr. High-CHA-PC-having player

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr High-CHA-PC-having player
Mr High-CHA-PeeeCeeee-having pllaaayerrrrr!

You have all the answers and no one else can say it. It doesn't matter if the other player is the team leader or diplomat because you have a 20 in Charisma. They could be talking to there mom and you would just-
Keep buttttiiiing innn!

There are some points when you don't even try to make sense and just spout out nonsense. Hoping that that those modifiers keep stacking. You took high crit for bluff for a reason, so you could say you are part of the "Bikini Inspector Squad"
That doesn't make seennnsssse!

Let them talk? No. This is a job for your mighty lungs. It doesn't even matter to you that you repeat...
Exactly what they saaaaayy!

Everyone knows that even though its the same, a +5 Charisma Modifier makes everything sound better. Grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light, Mr High-CHA-PC-having player. Because talking to imaginary characters is easier than talking to real ones.
Mr Mr High-CHA-PeeeCeeee-having pllaaayerrrrr!.

*grabs cure light* more than once did I solve a sticky situation by singing and putting my faith into my CHA stat.

BlackestOfMages
2011-05-24, 09:55 AM
*grabs cure light* more than once did I solve a sticky situation by singing and putting my faith into my CHA stat.

that's more a hit who never let anyone else talk to anyone, as they have the highest Cha - which gets pretty boring when your demoted to combat person, or having to face a whinefest.

Not someone who makes use of their stats:smallbiggrin:

Choco
2011-05-24, 10:01 AM
Mr Can't stop making dirty jokes guy.


Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!
Today we Salute You, Mr Can't stop making dirty jokes guy.
Mr. Can't stop making dirty jooookes guy!

No one at the table minds one or two dirty jokes. So why should anyone mind when you tell one hundred and eighty?
There was a guuuy from Nantucket...

You're always ready to turn any character name or fantastic location into a naughty pun. And no word is too foul to use.
Thaaat's what shee said!

It doesn't matter that none of the other players can bring a guest, or that they get uncomfortable, only that you keep yourself entertained.
A dirty miiind is a joy forever!

So crack open a nice cold Cure Light, O schiller of filth, you've earned it. Just don't tell us that joke agian.
Mr. Can't stop making dirty jooookes guy!


*Grabs a Cure Light*
I'll admit to this one...

Notreallyhere77
2011-05-24, 10:32 AM
I'm Guilty as charged for this, on at least several games.

*grabs a Cure Light*

That said, it is indeed for the same reason, and that is due to work.

Plus the drive home, where I drive as legally fast as I can while trying to avoid idiot drivers.

I thought of putting a reference to a job in, but it's a legitimate excuse, not to be mocked, but pitied.

Sipex
2011-05-24, 10:36 AM
To be totally fair, if we put enough of these things up eventually we'll all fit into at least one.

And that's fine, if you find me the 100% perfect player that NOBODY could complain about then I'll at a deep fried hat. These things only get bad when you're occupying several of them at one time or if you're particularily bad in one area.

Razgriez
2011-05-24, 03:28 PM
Mr. Elite Critic Player As per my post in the "Habits that kill fun in a session" thread.
http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=11057360#post11057360

Partially inspired by "Mr. Pro Sports Heckler Guy" from Budweiser "Real Men of Genius"
Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius....
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss.

Today, we salute you, Mr. Elite Critic Player.
"Mr. Elite Critic Playeeeeer!

They say that a good 4 member party, is a Fighter, Thief, Cleric, and a Mage. You however, view it as you're self, and 3 others who you swear, you can play better than they can.
"Some people just don't know how to plaaaay!"

Some go into battle armed with a great sword, some with a mace and shield, and others with a magical staff and a book of spells. You wade into battle, with 5+ source books, some of which players at the table have never heard of, and a laptop opened with 3 tabbed websites, and a mathematical calculations that proves you're superior to everyone else.
"Not my fault you didn't buy that book!"

Sure, a player may be doing a theme build, but clearly you know better than them, and tell them how their character theme is stupid. The only theme for you, is one done strictly by Numbers and being better than anything else.
"Arithmetician isn't even a campaign job class!!!"

"You Should've cast that!" "Why didn't you learn this feat?" "You suck, I can play better than you!". Not just insults, you claim to a DM whose confronting you over complaints they received from the players, but in truth, tools to inspire a team, who despite their best efforts, will never reach the level of Elite that you are on.
"It's simply reverse psychology!!!!"

So here's to you, The Elite master of character builds, and grab your self a Cure Light, you'll need it, especially after the party healer refuses to cure you in battle, since he's just not quite as awesome as you.
Mr. Elite Critic Player Guuuuuuy!"

Viszla
2011-05-25, 12:33 PM
Mr. Elite Critic Player As per my post in the "Habits that kill fun in a session" thread.
http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=11057360#post11057360

Partially inspired by "Mr. Pro Sports Heckler Guy" from Budweiser "Real Men of Genius"
Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius....
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss.

Today, we salute you, Mr. Elite Critic Player.
"Mr. Elite Critic Playeeeeer!

They say that a good 4 member party, is a Fighter, Thief, Cleric, and a Mage. You however, view it as you're self, and 3 others who you swear, you can play better than they can.
"Some people just don't know how to plaaaay!"

Some go into battle armed with a great sword, some with a mace and shield, and others with a magical staff and a book of spells. You wade into battle, with 5+ source books, some of which players at the table have never heard of, and a laptop opened with 3 tabbed websites, and a mathematical calculations that proves you're superior to everyone else.
"Not my fault you didn't buy that book!"

Sure, a player may be doing a theme build, by clearly you know better than them, and tell them how their character theme is stupid. The only theme for you, is one done strictly by Numbers and being better than anything else.
"Arithmetician isn't a campaign job class!!!"

"You Should've cast that!" "Why didn't you learn this feat?" "You suck, I can play better than you!". Not just insults, you claim to a DM whose confronting you over complaints they received from the players, but in truth, tools to inspire a team, who despite their best efforts, will never reach the level of Elite that you are on.
"It's simply reverse psychology!!!!"

So here's to you, The Elite master of character builds, and grab your self a Cure Light, you'll need it, especially after the party healer refuses to cure you in battle, since he's just not quite as awesome as you.
Mr. Elite Critic Player Guuuuuuy!"


Viszla and every other RPer that doesn't do this to people liked this.

I once was in a group with a guy that did this, and not only did he do it to everyone, but he made sure to criticize at least one action of each other party member per encounter. We were all getting really sick of it, but we had no way to prevent him from doing it without just starting a fight, vocal or physical, perhaps even both. Until, that is, he started to metagame and actually have his character tell everyone else's what they should be doing. His reasoning was that his character had evidently (though the GM knew nothing of this) spent at least two years with Epic level members of each of our classes, and studied what they did best and how. He continued to criticize our characters in this manner, and we allowed him to, saying nothing so that the in game time would add up to two weeks (We had a plan). Then, when our ranger had found our camp to rest one night, he criticized the spot, saying that the trees around the site would prevent our "imbecile" INT-based wizard from seeing intruders coming to attack us. The elven ranger responded in kind, and with a rather scathing remark regarding the character (a half elf rogue)'s parentage, at which point the rogue drew his blade. The other party members, quite justifiably fed up with him at this point, assisted the ranger in violently murdering the rogue. Upon his death, the EC got up and screamed "You all did that just because I was telling you the right way to play your characters! I'm sorry that you're all idiots!" The player of the wizard responded "And I'm sorry that you have the social skill of a rabid goat, and the kindness of a wolverine." The EC stormed out, and starting the next session, the campaign actually became fun.

hamlet
2011-05-25, 12:57 PM
Mr. Always Plays an Over-Sexualized Woman

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Always Plays an Over-Sexualized Woman.
Mr. Always Plays an Over-Sexualized Womaaaaaan!

It's accepted by the people that you game with that every sheet that passes between your cheetos-stained stubby-sausage fingers has "F" under gender and "hot" in the description box. You spend every session getting your character naked, seducing party members, and arguing with the GM that the fade to black is Puritan.
"I roll to seduuuuuce!"

Nothing will stop you from your special snowflake, though the tasteless rape backstory is optional. The fact that you're corpulently obese and smell like something fried doesn't stop you from wanting to be fan service in the imaginations of your gaming friends.
"This is ironic because I'm a feminiiiiist!!"

You don't always get along with other players, like the time an actual woman showed up and wanted to play her own gender. You showed her though, she isn't coming back. You were upset when the DM invented his "Your character must have smaller breasts than you"-rule-...that meant you were limited to DDs.
"You're stifling my roleplaaaaaay!"

So keep making people feel really awkward by describing how your character bends over, o master of gender relations, and grab your self an ice cold Cure Light. Because even though you never stop describing the genitalia of Elara Moonbeam, nudomancer, it's not like you've seen anything resembling it in real life.
Mr. Always Plays an Over-Sexualized Womaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

You, sir, win the internet.

nyarlathotep
2011-05-28, 01:22 PM
I have sort of had a problem that was the inverse of the elite critic guy. There was a girl ink our group who would get mad at us and complain about how "rulesbound" we were every time we tried to do anything with a die role. Thankfully it never came to the point you had Vis. After some exceedingly good roleplaying by the rest of the group she got better about and seems to accept that people can find then rules fun without being EVIL MUNCHKINS OF DOOM (tm).

Necroticplague
2011-05-29, 09:05 PM
Mr. Obscure Source User
Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Obscure Source User.
Mr. Obscure Source Useeeeeeeeeer!

Traditionally, it is thought that their is a set amount of books that exist out their, and you could list them all one page.
How many is that?

You on the other hand, know otherwise. Magazines nobody has, third party books noone cares about, or poorly written internet homebrew. No source of game information can avoid your vigilant eye, and your willing to use anything you get your cheese covered hands on.
Is Gheden fine?

It doesn't matter that much of these material is badly written, and almost never playtested. After all, you are one of the few who realize that most official material also is.
Why can't proteans be PCs?

So keep finding rules for absolutely everything, o' archivist of uncared lore, and grab yourself a nice cold Cure Light. Of course, their are better sources of healing, but the GM banned third party, so your a it stuck.

Mr. Obscure Source Useeeeeeeeeer!



*empties potion bladder into mouth*

dsmiles
2011-05-29, 09:10 PM
Guilty as charged. :smallredface:

Necroticplague
2011-05-31, 07:47 AM
Mr. Erudite Memory:
Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Erudite Memory.
Mr. Erudite Memoooory!

When your average person plays, they bring books. Even if they don't have much they at least bring Core with them.
Which books are Core again?

For, you though, it as if books are unnecessary. You haven't seen the Phb in so long, you forget what its cover looked like. This doesn't stop you from knowing all of what is inside it, though.
Rogue has no capstone!

You haven't seen a book or a pdf in forever, and never bothered to bring one. Sure, you know everything by heart, but that doesn't help your confused tablemates.
Snap Kick's an attack action!

So keep remembering the rules, and forgetting the books, o' lexeme of unread rules, and grab yourself a nice Cure Light. You'll need it, since your the only one who remembered a Healing Belt.


Man, if I keep doing things based on myself, I may be here a while.*chug*

The-Mage-King
2011-05-31, 02:38 PM
Mr. Erudite Memory:
Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Erudite Memory.
Mr. Erudite Memoooory!

When your average person plays, they bring books. Even if they don't have much they at least bring Core with them.
Which books are Core again?

For, you though, it as if books are unnecessary. You haven't seen the Phb in so long, you forget what its cover looked like. This doesn't stop you from knowing all of what is inside it, though.
Rogue has no capstone!

You haven't seen a book or a pdf in forever, and never bothered to bring one. Sure, you know everything by heart, but that doesn't help your confused tablemates.
Snap Kick's an attack action!

So keep remembering the rules, and forgetting the books, o' lexeme of unread rules, and grab yourself a nice Cure Light. You'll need it, since your the only one who remembered a Healing Belt.


Man, if I keep doing things based on myself, I may be here a while.*chug*

...Guilty. That is, if I found an IRL group...

AFS
2011-06-01, 11:00 AM
Mr. 'The rules don't say I CAN'T do it!

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. 'The rules don't say I CAN'T do it!'
Mr. The rules don't say I CAN'T do iiiiiiiit!

The rule of cool applies to you for every action that you do. You feel that since you are the player it is owed to you, the rules just don't apply to your coolness even if the dice roll low.
Only rolled a two!

You want to do a spinning jump kick, shoot twice, dodge the incoming attacks, disarm the bomb, shoot a blastwave out of your hands, have sex with the local hottie, barter with the shopkeeper while singing a few lines from The HMS Pinafore.
That's right mother%$@!

You try to use the fact that the rules are silent on an issue as an excuse that it should be allowed. When told simply that this is not how the rules work you accuse the GM of bad GMing and railroading.
Choo choo!

So here's to you, O whiner of the rules, spoiled brat of the table, kung fu master of disaster. Grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light; you've earned it. Just because it worked in a movie by John Woo, doesn't mean it should work for you.
Mr. The rules don't say I CAN'T do it!

Nachtritter
2011-06-06, 05:43 PM
Mr. Doesn't-Understand-Basic-Hygiene-Guy

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius....
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss."

Today, we salute you, Mr. Doesn't-Understand-Basic-Hygiene-Guy.
"Mr. Doesn't-Understand-Basic-Hygiene-Guy!"

Not content to just sit there and act like your half-orc druid/barbarian who hates civilization and all things soft, you've decided to smell like him too.
"Grognar doesn't understand the soooooaaaaap!!!"

You come to the game every week smelling like your dad's ancient unwashed gym socks from high school because you're too busy to bathe. The game must go on, even at the expense of a 99-cent bar of soap and five minutes in the shower.
"Does anyone else smell corn chiiiiiiiips!?"

No matter how many hints are dropped or how many windows are opened, you'll stick to your tried-and-true strategy of keeping clean. From the top of your stringy, matted hair to the bottom of your stinking fungus-encrusted feet, you're just 'keeping it real' the only way you know how.
"Someone get the Febreeeeeze!"

So here's to you, Mr. Doesn't-Understand-Basic-Hygiene-Guy, for making it harder for us to find some decent players in the group. Grab your self a Cure Light from the fridge. You'll need it, since the DM's dog's suddenly decided you smell like an foreign rat in her territory that she needs to chuck over the fence.
"Mr. Doesn't-Understand-Basic-Hygiene-Guuuuuuy!"

And before you ask, yes, I had to game with someone like that for... oh, three months before he was kicked out. It was like gaming with something pulled out of the shower drain.

big teej
2011-06-06, 07:27 PM
I too, have played with someone who believes hygine is something that happens to other people.

he is no longer with our group. for various reasons

Notreallyhere77
2011-06-07, 05:04 PM
Mr. Erudite Memory:
*snip*
Man, if I keep doing things based on myself, I may be here a while.*chug*

Yeah, I do this, too. I can tell you which book any feat (and about half of the prestige classes) in 3.5 D&D came from. And I'm rarely wrong. And when I am, I usually can correct myself by telling you the correct book immediately.
Urg.

Ivellius
2011-06-08, 07:08 AM
Mr. Copious Backstory Writer

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Roleplayers of Geeeeeenius!

Today we salute you, Mr. Copious Backstory Writer.
Mr. Copious Backstory Wriiii-ter!

When the GM asked for character biographies, you went the extra mile. He got two sentences from everyone else; you handed him a stack of papers longer than his campaign module.
Can I get the Cliff Notes!?

To everyone else, it’s a piece of paper and a collection of stats. But your character has to be “organic”--his detailed character history takes into account every feat, ability score, and skill point you ever spent.
That’s why I have Profession (cow-herding)!

Unusual creatures encountered? You thoughtfully provided an explanation of Ragnar’s views on every class, race, and sub-race to help with your role-playing. Never mind that your farmboy never traveled more than 2 miles from his back-water home before this adventure.
Where you’d meet a derro?

So keep putting the other players to shame when you write your character biographies, because nobody but the GM will end up knowing that your cleric changed his name when he was 12. Grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light, if only to save yourself from having to write another book after the next party wipe.
Mr. Copious Backstory Wriiii-ter!

This is most definitely not based on my first character. Or any character I've made since.

dsmiles
2011-06-08, 08:15 AM
I write complete backstories, but not quite that bad. *Grabs Cure Light* :smalltongue:

big teej
2011-06-08, 08:55 AM
I write complete backstories, but not quite that bad. *Grabs Cure Light* :smalltongue:

same here,
I think my longest one tops out at 4 pages. :smalltongue:

and I like to think they're pretty good.

*grabs a cure light*

TheCountAlucard
2011-06-08, 10:08 AM
So, I've got about half of one, if anyone would care to finish it... Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Roleplayers of Geeeeeenius!

Today we salute you, Mr. Extradimensional Space Abuser Guy.
Mr. Extradimensional Space Abuser Guy!

The second anyone in the party gets so much as an enchanted haversack, you see it as an excuse to start buying in bulk. Everything.
Can I get fifty antitoxins?

To you, it's a pretense to drop all verisimilitude concerning the limits on what gear the party can bring with them, or loot the party can bring back from the dungeon.
Just put it in the bag!

dsmiles
2011-06-08, 10:13 AM
I can't quite finish it, but you should discuss A-hole and B-hole antics. :smallwink:

Sipex
2011-06-08, 11:52 AM
So, I've got about half of one, if anyone would care to finish it...

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Roleplayers of Geeeeeenius!

Today we salute you, Mr. Extradimensional Space Abuser Guy.
Mr. Extradimensional Space Abuser Guy!

The second anyone in the party gets so much as an enchanted haversack, you see it as an excuse to start buying in bulk. Everything.
Can I get fifty antitoxins?

To you, it's a pretense to drop all verisimilitude concerning the limits on what gear the party can bring with them, or loot the party can bring back from the dungeon.
Just put it in the bag!

Things are no longer what they are but what they're made of to you! Dungeon? More like 50 tonnes of wood, 200 tonnes of stone, 25 tonnes of steel, 150 litres of water and 400 pounds of monster meat, am I right?
We'll have to make eighteen trips!

So here's to you despoiler of dungeons, carrier of carrion and all around loot whore. So grab yourself an ice cold Cure Light, because once you're done stripping down this dungeon the rest will be buried under everything you're making us carry around.

Absol197
2011-06-08, 02:16 PM
Mr. Copious Backstory Writer

*snip*

This is most definitely not based on my first character. Or any character I've made since.

*grabs Cure Light...or three...* :smallredface:


You know I'm bad with this when I e-mailed my current DM my backstory, and she said, "I was surprised that it was only 10 pages!"

Bobby Archer
2011-06-08, 02:37 PM
Mr. Copious Backstory Writer

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Roleplayers of Geeeeeenius!

Today we salute you, Mr. Copious Backstory Writer.
Mr. Copious Backstory Wriiii-ter!

When the GM asked for character biographies, you went the extra mile. He got two sentences from everyone else; you handed him a stack of papers longer than his campaign module.
Can I get the Cliff Notes!?

To everyone else, it’s a piece of paper and a collection of stats. But your character has to be “organic”--his detailed character history takes into account every feat, ability score, and skill point you ever spent.
That’s why I have Profession (cow-herding)!

Unusual creatures encountered? You thoughtfully provided an explanation of Ragnar’s views on every class, race, and sub-race to help with your role-playing. Never mind that your farmboy never traveled more than 2 miles from his back-water home before this adventure.
Where you’d meet a derro?

So keep putting the other players to shame when you write your character biographies, because nobody but the GM will end up knowing that your cleric changed his name when he was 12. Grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light, if only to save yourself from having to write another book after the next party wipe.
Mr. Copious Backstory Wriiii-ter!

This is most definitely not based on my first character. Or any character I've made since.

*Grabs a Cure Light* I think my most egregious example spanned 3 e-mail attachments, including a genealogy of the family of vampire hunters that had been tracking down my character for generations.

Ivellius
2011-06-09, 10:23 AM
Another day, another contribution.

Mr. Ridiculously Silly Namer

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Roleplayers of Geeeeeenius!

Today we salute you, Mr. Ridiculously Silly Namer.
Mr. Ridiculously Silly Na-amer!

You’ve got all the stats down for your brand-new character. Everything looks in order for your first campaign. Now all you need is a good fantasy name to go along with it.
Check the Player’s Handbook!

But you can’t be bothered to waste time googling a name generator or flipping back three pages to find a sample name in your books or even asking the nerdy Tolkien expert next to you for help. No, you’ll figure this out on your own—by coming up with the most inappropriately silly name you can think of.
How about ‘Gallant Ladiesman’?

But it’s okay—you’re playing a bard, and bards are supposed to be silly, right? In fact, that sounds like a great name right now: Barty T. Bard. Chew on that, serious roleplayers.
The ‘t’ stands for ‘the’!

So keep breaking the verisimilitude of your GM’s lovingly crafted fantasy world every time you introduce yourself. And go ahead and grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light—there’s a chance Ragnar the cleric won’t help out next time Barty goes down.
Mr. Ridiculously Silly Naaa-amer!

Sadly, those two silly names were, in fact, the names of two bards in my first-ever D&D group. They weren't even played by the same person.

Uh, I mean...none of these are based on anyone I've ever played with. Yeah, that's what I meant to say.

big teej
2011-06-09, 10:28 AM
Another day, another contribution.

Mr. Ridiculously Silly Namer

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Roleplayers of Geeeeeenius!

Today we salute you, Mr. Ridiculously Silly Namer.
Mr. Ridiculously Silly Na-amer!

You’ve got all the stats down for your brand-new character. Everything looks in order for your first campaign. Now all you need is a good fantasy name to go along with it.
Check the Player’s Handbook!

But you can’t be bothered to waste time googling a name generator or flipping back three pages to find a sample name in your books or even asking the nerdy Tolkien expert next to you for help. No, you’ll figure this out on your own—by coming up with the most inappropriately silly name you can think of.
How about ‘Gallant Ladiesman’?

But it’s okay—you’re playing a bard, and bards are supposed to be silly, right? In fact, that sounds like a great name right now: Barty T. Bard. Chew on that, serious roleplayers.
The ‘t’ stands for ‘the’!

So keep breaking the verisimilitude of your GM’s lovingly crafted fantasy world every time you introduce yourself. And go ahead and grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light—there’s a chance Ragnar the cleric won’t help out next time Barty goes down.
Mr. Ridiculously Silly Naaa-amer!

Sadly, those two silly names were, in fact, the names of two bards in my first-ever D&D group. They weren't even played by the same person.

Uh, I mean...none of these are based on anyone I've ever played with. Yeah, that's what I meant to say.

ya know, I tell stories alot about a player that was with us for a (thankfully) very brief time.

I was upping the lethality of the campaign, and insisting on backup characters.

the chracters name?

Epic, McFail.

I've been told I visibly cringed when I was told that.

Janus
2011-06-09, 10:50 AM
Mr. Doesn't-Understand-Basic-Hygiene-Guy

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius....
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss."

Today, we salute you, Mr. Doesn't-Understand-Basic-Hygiene-Guy.
"Mr. Doesn't-Understand-Basic-Hygiene-Guy!"

Not content to just sit there and act like your half-orc druid/barbarian who hates civilization and all things soft, you've decided to smell like him too.
"Grognar doesn't understand the soooooaaaaap!!!"

You come to the game every week smelling like your dad's ancient unwashed gym socks from high school because you're too busy to bathe. The game must go on, even at the expense of a 99-cent bar of soap and five minutes in the shower.
"Does anyone else smell corn chiiiiiiiips!?"

No matter how many hints are dropped or how many windows are opened, you'll stick to your tried-and-true strategy of keeping clean. From the top of your stringy, matted hair to the bottom of your stinking fungus-encrusted feet, you're just 'keeping it real' the only way you know how.
"Someone get the Febreeeeeze!"

So here's to you, Mr. Doesn't-Understand-Basic-Hygiene-Guy, for making it harder for us to find some decent players in the group. Grab your self a Cure Light from the fridge. You'll need it, since the DM's dog's suddenly decided you smell like an foreign rat in her territory that she needs to chuck over the fence.
"Mr. Doesn't-Understand-Basic-Hygiene-Guuuuuuy!"

And before you ask, yes, I had to game with someone like that for... oh, three months before he was kicked out. It was like gaming with something pulled out of the shower drain.
I'm glad I haven't had to go through this. Heck, I once had my players wait while I went to take a shower (long story short- we met at a game shop really quick right after I got off of work, then went to my house. I wasn't about to play while still sweaty).


Mr. Stuck in the classical 50's fantasy man.

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Stuck in the classical 50's fantasy man!

Everything is knights, castles and black and white to you, Mr. Stuck in the classical 50's fantasy man! Lawful stupid is the alignment you are of, a fan!
He hasn't read a single modern fantasy novel.

Wizards are old men, fighters are knights. Elves come from woods and Dwarves are grumpy and like fights! Ignore the whole background section on every other species if it didn't appear in LotR or an adaptation of King Arthur. Loudly complain if another player wishes to play something that didn't appear in the mainstream idea of tolkein. Orcs, Kobolds and Lizardmen are always evil and live in 10x10 rooms guarding treasure chests. They're not something you play!
"He can't play thaaaaat. They're supposed to be out in the wild waiting to attack humans!"


He doesn't think about a more logical fantasy setting or non-human characters! Nothing else thinks, they're there for xp! Morals are black and whiiiite. If he does wrong, its ok to kill because he's in the right.
"I'm gonna play a Paladiiiin. He's a Knight."

The party fighter slapped the barmaids rear and made a lude remark? I draw my sword and kill him for this! My paladin fell?
"You're stifling my roleplaaaaaay!"

So here's to you for blocking depth of creative thought and grab yourself a cure light, Stuck in the 50's fantasy man because your efforts make it all worth it to see a world setting truly evolve for a basis of comparison for how far we've come in creative collaborative fiction.
Mr. Stuck in the classical 50's fantasy maaaaan!
I'm not that extreme about it, but I admit that I do prefer classic, Tolkien fantasy to some of the stuff popular in D&D these days.
So....

Mr. Unconventional Character Maker
Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius....
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss!"
Today we salute you, Mr. Unconventional Character Maker.
Mr. Unconventional Character Maker!

To you, classical fantasy tropes are cliché and overused. While the rest of the party is using the beloved rogues, fighters, knights, and wizards, you break out the non-Core and pick a class that sends the DM running for the dictionary.
What the crap is a Factotum!!???

And you don't stop there- Humans, elves, and dwarves are all childish concepts to you. You play a real man's character, be it some half-dragon shifter or a warforged.
Why's there a medieval robooooot!!???

And just to prove that you're not bound by society's mores, you slap on an evil alignment to somehow prove that you're a hardcore anti-hero.
I kill the blacksmith!!!

So grab yourself a Cure Light, O Hipster of Roleplaying! Because if you can't prove that the age-old classics are all boring trash, no one can.
Mr. Unconventional Character Maaaaaker!!!

Guess we all have our tastes in fantasy. :smallbiggrin:

dsmiles
2011-06-09, 12:25 PM
I'm not that extreme about it, but I admit that I do prefer classic, Tolkien fantasy to some of the stuff popular in D&D these days.
So....

Mr. Unconventional Character Maker
Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius....
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss!"
Today we salute you, Mr. Unconventional Character Maker.
Mr. Unconventional Character Maker!

To you, classical fantasy tropes are cliché and overused. While the rest of the party is using the beloved rogues, fighters, knights, and wizards, you break out the non-Core and pick a class that sends the DM running for the dictionary.
What the crap is a Factotum!!???

And you don't stop there- Humans, elves, and dwarves are all childish concepts to you. You play a real man's character, be it some half-dragon shifter or a warforged.
Why's there a medieval robooooot!!???

And just to prove that you're not bound by society's mores, you slap on an evil alignment to somehow prove that you're a hardcore anti-hero.
I kill the blacksmith!!!

So grab yourself a Cure Light, O Hipster of Roleplaying! Because if you can't prove that the age-old classics are all boring trash, no one can.
Mr. Unconventional Character Maaaaaker!!!

Guess we all have our tastes in fantasy. :smallbiggrin:
Ohhhh...how I hate those guys (and gals). :smallfurious:

Of course, I take my fantasy back even further to the mid-to-late 1920s, with Robert E. Howard. Conan, Kull, Bran Mak Morn, Dark Agnes, Red Sonja, and Solomon Kane are the classical fantasy archetypes that I like to play.

Vulaas
2011-06-09, 01:15 PM
Between Erudite, Dirty jokes, and now Unconventional character maker, I'm going to need my stomach pumped due to the sheer volume of CLW I'll be imbibing :smallredface:

What do you mean you don't think a strongheart halfling factotum is appropriate for this game?

dsmiles
2011-06-09, 01:31 PM
Well, I was running a 4e Iron Kingdoms-esque (rough translation from 3.5 to 4e, but still workable) game. Specifically outlined all of the available races and classes. One of the guys comes to the table with a Minotaur (available race) Runepriest (not an available class).

His justification: "It's in the book, why can't I play it?"

My answer: "...http://downloadgeneration.info/images/smilies/facepalm2.gif..."

randomhero00
2011-06-09, 01:49 PM
Mr. Oblivious Munchkin

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius....
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss!"
Today we salute you, Mr. Oblivious Munchkin
Mr. Oblivious Munchin

You must be not only in the spotlight in combat, but no one else can claim that light for a second, even in social situations, or they are overpowered! You feel you are above everyone else and can take and look at other player character sheets at your whim to try and discredit any power they might have gained. Forget the DM! You are Right!

If someone else even tries to go against your character you will kill theirs outright; but its all in the name of roleplay! swears!

If you can't walk all over an encounter then it must be rigged and the DM must be out to get you.

Your character sheet is longer than your excuses.

Who needs the party? Time for a solo adventure! While everyone else twiddles their thumbs.

Someone else other than you found something clever in a book you didn't?! Oh noes! It MUST BE overpowered! And it can't be allowed!

So grab your "friends" character sheet and give it a good tear. They were cheating clearly as they were approaching your powerlevel!

Mr. Oblivious Munchkin.

Notreallyhere77
2011-06-09, 05:17 PM
Mr. Unconventional Character Maker
Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius....
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss!"
Today we salute you, Mr. Unconventional Character Maker.
Mr. Unconventional Character Maker!

To you, classical fantasy tropes are cliché and overused. While the rest of the party is using the beloved rogues, fighters, knights, and wizards, you break out the non-Core and pick a class that sends the DM running for the dictionary.
What the crap is a Factotum!!???

And you don't stop there- Humans, elves, and dwarves are all childish concepts to you. You play a real man's character, be it some half-dragon shifter or a warforged.
Why's there a medieval robooooot!!???

And just to prove that you're not bound by society's mores, you slap on an evil alignment to somehow prove that you're a hardcore anti-hero.
I kill the blacksmith!!!

So grab yourself a Cure Light, O Hipster of Roleplaying! Because if you can't prove that the age-old classics are all boring trash, no one can.
Mr. Unconventional Character Maaaaaker!!!

Guess we all have our tastes in fantasy. :smallbiggrin:

I feel for you. one of my players has decided to play a fire elemental, savage species style. Worse, he convinced two other players to be an air and water elemental. The player in question is also the can't-stop-telling-dirty-jokes guy, and almost everyone in the group hates him for being a CE troll. I would like to kick him (and the other two; they're all trouble-makers) out of the game, but he has the maturity level of a 12-year-old, knows where I live, weighs as much as three of me, and carries knives everywhere he goes. Needless to say, I fear what he might be capable of.

Wow. That was more of a rant than I intended.

LrdoftheRngs
2011-06-09, 05:53 PM
Mr. Rainbow Alignment

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius....
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss!"
Today we salute you, Mr. Rainbow Alignment.
Mr. Rainbow alignment!

You start out playing a Lawful Good wizard, but you don't like that. You constantly steal from the bad guys, so the DM changes that Lawful to Chaotic.
What do you mean I wasn't playing my aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiignment!!???

But that isn't good enough for you! No, you don't care if the town you live in burns to the ground! When a fire does start, you roast marshmallows over the fire! Suddenly, your Good changes to Evil!
But I didn't start the fiiiiiiiiiiiire!!!!!

But you're not happy with that. Now, that mayor who was granting you favors doesn't like you anymore! So you become a crusader of all that is right again!
Why does my Vecna haaaaaaaaaaate me now??!!!

So grab yourself a Cure Light, O champion of many things; you've earned it. So now, when all your allies attack you when your alignment takes another U-turn and the Cleric of Pelor won't heal you, you might have a chance.
Mr. Rainbow Aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiignment!!!

This is most certainly not modeled after a Gnome Sorcerer in the Campaign I'm DMing.

nyarlathotep
2011-06-09, 05:58 PM
I feel for you. one of my players has decided to play a fire elemental, savage species style. Worse, he convinced two other players to be an air and water elemental. The player in question is also the can't-stop-telling-dirty-jokes guy, and almost everyone in the group hates him for being a CE troll. I would like to kick him (and the other two; they're all trouble-makers) out of the game, but he has the maturity level of a 12-year-old, knows where I live, weighs as much as three of me, and carries knives everywhere he goes. Needless to say, I fear what he might be capable of.

Wow. That was more of a rant than I intended.

That sucks it's people like those that give creative players everywhere a bad name. I could see a fire elemental being a good character as long as you roleplayed it well and had a reason for being with the party. Say you are stuck on the material plane because of a botched summoning spell and then play up the alienation an elemental feels when in a world totally unlike its home.

Jarveiyan
2011-06-09, 06:13 PM
I'm not that extreme about it, but I admit that I do prefer classic, Tolkien fantasy to some of the stuff popular in D&D these days.
So....

Mr. Unconventional Character Maker
Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius....
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss!"
Today we salute you, Mr. Unconventional Character Maker.
Mr. Unconventional Character Maker!

To you, classical fantasy tropes are cliché and overused. While the rest of the party is using the beloved rogues, fighters, knights, and wizards, you break out the non-Core and pick a class that sends the DM running for the dictionary.
What the crap is a Factotum!!???

And you don't stop there- Humans, elves, and dwarves are all childish concepts to you. You play a real man's character, be it some half-dragon shifter or a warforged.
Why's there a medieval robooooot!!???

And just to prove that you're not bound by society's mores, you slap on an evil alignment to somehow prove that you're a hardcore anti-hero.
I kill the blacksmith!!!

So grab yourself a Cure Light, O Hipster of Roleplaying! Because if you can't prove that the age-old classics are all boring trash, no one can.
Mr. Unconventional Character Maaaaaker!!!

Guess we all have our tastes in fantasy. :smallbiggrin:
Would someone hand over the sixer? I've had quite a few unconvential characters.

Notreallyhere77
2011-06-09, 06:53 PM
That sucks it's people like those that give creative players everywhere a bad name. I could see a fire elemental being a good character as long as you roleplayed it well and had a reason for being with the party. Say you are stuck on the material plane because of a botched summoning spell and then play up the alienation an elemental feels when in a world totally unlike its home.

It gets worse. They're claiming to be brothers. All created by a wizard. I tried to tell them elementals don't work that way, but they said "screw that, it's magic, we don't have to explain it." It's my world, guys. Not that they care.
I liked it better when he and one of the friends were plaing actual aasimar twins, paladin and antipaladin (I think they forgot their character sheets again and just wanted new characters). He was the antipaladin, of course, because he has such a skewed view of morality that he can't play lawful good for more than one or two sessions without goofing up. Speaking of which, the three of them, in return for letting them play elementals, they all promised to be LG and keep their alignment by not pulling the hostage/vendor/orphan-torturing shennanigans they usually do. There's already a betting pool in place for how long they can keep it up. The odds are heavy against them.

I'm going to have to move this to the other thread so I can rant properly. Here, I'm just getting in the way of cure light ads.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-06-09, 07:02 PM
Mr. Unconventional Character Maker
Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius....
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss!"
Today we salute you, Mr. Unconventional Character Maker.
Mr. Unconventional Character Maker!

To you, classical fantasy tropes are cliché and overused. While the rest of the party is using the beloved rogues, fighters, knights, and wizards, you break out the non-Core and pick a class that sends the DM running for the dictionary.
What the crap is a Factotum!!???

And you don't stop there- Humans, elves, and dwarves are all childish concepts to you. You play a real man's character, be it some half-dragon shifter or a warforged.
Why's there a medieval robooooot!!???

And just to prove that you're not bound by society's mores, you slap on an evil alignment to somehow prove that you're a hardcore anti-hero.
I kill the blacksmith!!!

So grab yourself a Cure Light, O Hipster of Roleplaying! Because if you can't prove that the age-old classics are all boring trash, no one can.
Mr. Unconventional Character Maaaaaker!!!

Guess we all have our tastes in fantasy. :smallbiggrin:

*grabs cure light*

Some day I wanna play a goliath dragonborn dungeoncrasher fighter/warblade. Of course, that really isn't strange, it's just a big scaly brute.

EagleWiz
2011-06-09, 08:19 PM
Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Smite-Happy guy
Mr. Smite-Happy guuuuuuuy!

Where the rest of us use detective work to solve a murder, you detect evil. And smite evil. If you leave a big enough pile of evil corpses, you will eventually get the bad guy right?
Why are they arresting me!

And why even bother detecting evil when you can smite it! It's not like you deal that much damage to good guys! Plus, he was jaywalking.
It was just 2d12+Fourteeeen

When the rest of the party broke into the vampires' mansion, you called the cops. On the party. When they wanted to negotiate with the high level bandits, you charged. And when the rogue picked the evildoers pocket you smote them both.
That's against the laaaaaaw!

So here's to you, O master of attacking all, and grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light; you've earned it. Because now that you are playing a fighter without bonus feats, you need it.
Mr. Smiiiite-Happy Guyyyyyy!

Hiro Protagonest
2011-06-09, 08:31 PM
Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Smite-Happy guy
Mr. Smite-Happy guuuuuuuy!

Where the rest of us use detective work to solve a murder, you detect evil. And smite evil. If you leave a big enough pile of evil corpses, you will eventually get the bad guy right?
Why are they arresting me!

And why even bother detecting evil when you can smite it! It's not like you deal that much damage to good guys! Plus, he was jaywalking.
It was just 2d12+Fourteeeen

When the rest of the party broke into the vampires' mansion, you called the cops. On the party. When they wanted to negotiate with the high level bandits, you charged. And when the rogue picked the evildoers pocket you smote them both.
That's against the laaaaaaw!

So here's to you, O master of attacking all, and grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light; you've earned it. Because now that you are playing a fighter without bonus feats, you need it.
Mr. Smiiiite-Happy Guyyyyyy!

At least WotC didn't slip up and make it smite evil/chaos.

dsmiles
2011-06-09, 08:42 PM
At least WotC didn't slip up and make it smite evil/chaos.To be fair, there was a Greyhawk specific, LN Paladin-type prestige class for clerics of St. Cuthbert. They got...I think it was called 'Smite Infidel' that was a 'Smite Chaotic' ability. I forget what issue of The Dragon it was in.

Captain Six
2011-06-09, 09:45 PM
There is also the Paladin prestige class called Grey Guard in Complete Scoundrel that gets Smite Chaos. It eventually becomes Smite Anything. They also have less penalties for getting Atonement. The class pretty much makes you Batman.

Chess435
2011-06-10, 04:17 PM
There is also the Paladin prestige class called Grey Guard in Complete Scoundrel that gets Smite Chaos. It eventually becomes Smite Anything. They also have less penalties for getting Atonement. The class pretty much makes you Batman.

The first thing I thought of was this gestalted with Wizard. :smallbiggrin:

big teej
2011-06-10, 04:28 PM
I've got an idea for one of these things, but I need help coming up with a short witty title.

this is a pbp DM who runs the session like you were in person
I.E.
player: asks a question
DM: answers question
player: acts on tiny morsel of information, asks 2 new questions
DM: answers

irl, this exchange takes about 5 minutes or so, pbp... that could take a week.

gracypetro
2011-06-12, 11:52 PM
That sucks it is people like those that give creative players in all places a bad name. I could see a fire elemental being a lovely character as long as you roleplayed it well and had a reason for being with the party.

Notreallyhere77
2011-06-13, 05:06 PM
That sucks it is people like those that give creative players in all places a bad name. I could see a fire elemental being a lovely character as long as you roleplayed it well and had a reason for being with the party.

Yeah, like I said, I've wanted to play one myself, but it doesn't make sense for the campaign, and he's a poor roleplayer. I'm afraid he's going to go on a killing spree by "accident" at the first opportunity. Rant: And even though he says he's going to be LG, the last time he played a good character, he played CG. And tried to commit genocide, successfully tortured and killed orphans (3) in his quest for lichdom, and raided the temple of a good god. And tried to avoid an alignment change by saying these evil acts were chaotic. Why did he resist the alignment change? Because good liches gain more special abilities.
Yep. No act too distasteful to try in the name of plusses.
Sorry about that.
If any other player in the group wanted to play an elemental, I'd consider it. Unfortunately, he's about to realize that playing an Ifrit (fire-based planetouched from Bestiary 2), which I recommended multiple times, really IS a better choice for his character. Why? Ifrits aren't vulnerable to dismissal. And when one of my players said he'd be a summoner, I noted that a few villains should have that spell ready. Including one they're going to meet next session. Looks like his antipaladin will be returning sooner than he thought (and that's a character he can roleplay without even trying). To all players! Learn to trust your DM when he tells you flat out not to play something and he doesn't want to spoil why!

Razgriez
2011-06-13, 05:51 PM
Mr. Copious Backstory Writer

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Roleplayers of Geeeeeenius!

Today we salute you, Mr. Copious Backstory Writer.
Mr. Copious Backstory Wriiii-ter!

When the GM asked for character biographies, you went the extra mile. He got two sentences from everyone else; you handed him a stack of papers longer than his campaign module.
Can I get the Cliff Notes!?

To everyone else, it’s a piece of paper and a collection of stats. But your character has to be “organic”--his detailed character history takes into account every feat, ability score, and skill point you ever spent.
That’s why I have Profession (cow-herding)!

Unusual creatures encountered? You thoughtfully provided an explanation of Ragnar’s views on every class, race, and sub-race to help with your role-playing. Never mind that your farmboy never traveled more than 2 miles from his back-water home before this adventure.
Where you’d meet a derro?

So keep putting the other players to shame when you write your character biographies, because nobody but the GM will end up knowing that your cleric changed his name when he was 12. Grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light, if only to save yourself from having to write another book after the next party wipe.
Mr. Copious Backstory Wriiii-ter!

This is most definitely not based on my first character. Or any character I've made since.

Ooooooooooh boy........I am so very guilty of this..... :smalleek:

*downs an entire tankard of Cure light, then dons a hard hat, and starts signalling to a crane operator, instructing the operator to "Just set the stack of oil drum sized barrels of healing potion liquid in an empty space!" *

Choco
2011-06-13, 06:00 PM
Ooooooooooh boy........I am so very guilty of this..... :smalleek:

*downs an entire tankard of Cure light, then dons a hard hat, and starts signalling to a crane operator, instructing the operator to "Just set the stack of oil drum sized barrels of healing potion liquid in an empty space!" *

Hey!

That was the crane I was using to deliver my backstory to my DM! It only got done with the first 17 loads, so please send him back my way when he's done....

*grabs Cure Light*

Rixx
2011-06-14, 10:07 PM
Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius...
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss!"
Today we salute you, Mr. Smug Character Optimizer.
"Mr. Smug Character Optimizer!"

You know there's a sharp line between munchkins and optimizers, which you never hesitate to point out, directing attention to your venerable dragonwrought kobold factotum's elaborate backstory.
"Stormwind Fallacy!"

You scoff at the sword-and-board fighter, berate your party wizard for blasting, and shake your head as your cleric friend heals you in combat. And the monk? You won't even give him the time of day.
"You MAD?"

The GM pulls his hair out figuring out encounters with you in the party, but it's not your fault - it's the fault of your incompetent party members, whose characters are built with less than 15 different source books.
"No human would stack books like that!"

So toss aside your ice cold Cure Light in favor of a cheap wand, O master of the game, and type away on the internet in one of your play-by-post campaigns, because you know that being a hero means being immune to adversity. And though you may be a feeble, smug nerd in real life, at least you'll have one thing in common with your unbeatable optimized heroes - no charisma.
"Mr. Smug Character Optimizer!"

nyarlathotep
2011-06-15, 10:29 AM
Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius...
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss!"
Today we salute you, Mr. Monks can take on Wizards.
"Mr. Monks can take on Wizards!"

You know there's rules for selling partially charged wands, so you think why not buy partially charged wands?
"That's half-price!"

You scoff at the the idea of summoning. After all every DM has to have you exact interpretation of flavor.
"That Solar's gone be out for revenge!"

You're not satisfied until all other players admit that wizards are instantly obliterated by 2d10 damage fists.
"I reach him before he cast a spell!"

So grab yourself a Cure Light, O champion of the underdog; you've earned it. When a forumite challenges you to a duel it'll be more than enough.
"Mr. Monks can take on Wizards!"

Sucrose
2011-06-15, 11:04 AM
Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius...
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss!"
Today we salute you, Mr. Nup-Nup Character Actor
"Mr. Nup-Nup Character Aaactor!"

You know that power corrupts, and so you strive to avoid it. Your characters are always completely useless, even when the rest of the group is highly competent.
"I just wanted to focus on my backstooory!"

The group wants to take on the lich king? But what of your dirt farm?! It's not wasting time, it's character development!
"What's the bellhop looook like?"

The GM pulls his hair out figuring out encounters where you could possibly contribute, but it's not your fault - it's the fault of your overpowered party members, who foolishly claim that classes are not visible in-game.
"A Fighter isn't a Samuraaaaiiii!"

So throw together your third character of the night, oh prima donna of pointlessness, and grab an ice cold Cure Light. Odds are, it'll heal you all the way back to full.
"Mr. Nup-Nup Character Aaactor!"

obliged_salmon
2011-06-15, 11:33 AM
Mr. Indie-RPG Lover
Giant in the Playground Forums presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
"Real Roleplayers of Geeeeenius!"
Today we salute you, Mr. Indie-RPG Lover.
"Mr. Indie-RPG Looooover!"

You've spent more money, time, and energy on learning rules for obscure RPG's than most people have on raising their own children, but only the merest fraction of that time actually playing the games.
"Only fifteen bucks for this ruuuuulebook!"

Sure, good old fashioned DnD is good enough for most people who share your interests, hobbies, and ideals, but you demand more and different mechanics, over and over and over again.
"We need rules for social cooooooombat!"

You're not happy unless your ruleset can incorporate your new character idea, be it a guy with a sword or a hippie, postmodernist, tuba-wielding jetski racer.
"In this game we get to be miiiiiice!"

So fill out another never-used character sheet, oh snob of sourcebooks, and grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light. Even if your game doesn't support magical healing, it'll still be worth the novelty.
"Mr. Indie-RPG Looooover!"

*Grabs cure light*

Arbane
2011-06-16, 11:38 AM
Mr. Indie-RPG Lover
Today we salute you, Mr. Indie-RPG Lover.
"Mr. Indie-RPG Looooover!"

(SNIP)

*Grabs cure light*

Make mine a double.... :smallsmile:

Telonius
2011-06-16, 12:29 PM
Mr. Over-Organized Loot Tracking Man!

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mister Over-organized Loot Tracking Man!
"Mister Over-organized Loot Tracking Maaaan!"

Whenever the fight's over, that's when your fun begins. Your pencil at the ready, you write down every possible thing that could benefit the party at any point in the future. When others only list their main gear, you keep track of everything down to the copper.
"That chandelier looks expeeeennsive!"

But it doesn't stop there. Your Excel sheets rival the accounting departments of major corporations. You carefully set up the formulas, complete with a function suggesting future gear for all your friends, and share it with everybody ... even if nobody actually reads it.
"I sent the e-mail last weeeek!"

Your character always has the right gear for the job, whether it's a Trident of Fish Command or a wand of Confusion. The only thing you don't have is a way of carrying it all - since you're playing a low-strength Wizard.
"Don't worry, I have a bag of hooolllding!"

So keep your eye on the bottom line, Mister Over-organized Loot Tracking Man, and grab your self an ice cold Cure Light. Because, after all, you're absolutely sure you get four of the next five potions, and you have the data to prove it.
"Mister Over-organized Loot Tracking Maaaan!"

The-Mage-King
2011-06-16, 01:21 PM
Mr. Over-Organized Loot Tracking Man!

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mister Over-organized Loot Tracking Man!
"Mister Over-organized Loot Tracking Maaaan!"

Whenever the fight's over, that's when your fun begins. Your pencil at the ready, you write down every possible thing that could benefit the party at any point in the future. When others only list their main gear, you keep track of everything down to the copper.
"That chandelier looks expeeeennsive!"

But it doesn't stop there. Your Excel sheets rival the accounting departments of major corporations. You carefully set up the formulas, complete with a function suggesting future gear for all your friends, and share it with everybody ... even if nobody actually reads it.
"I sent the e-mail last weeeek!"

Your character always has the right gear for the job, whether it's a Trident of Fish Command or a wand of Confusion. The only thing you don't have is a way of carrying it all - since you're playing a low-strength Wizard.
"Don't worry, I have a bag of hooolllding!"

So keep your eye on the bottom line, Mister Over-organized Loot Tracking Man, and grab your self an ice cold Cure Light. Because, after all, you're absolutely sure you get four of the next five potions, and you have the data to prove it.
"Mister Over-organized Loot Tracking Maaaan!"

*Grabs a Cure light*

Guilty.

TheCountAlucard
2011-06-16, 01:27 PM
(grabs Cure Light) It's less that I try and take advantage of it, and more that the others are too freakin' lazy to start writing things down when we stumble across some monster's hoard. :smalltongue:

FelixG
2011-06-17, 12:30 AM
Mr. Over-Organized Loot Tracking Man!

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mister Over-organized Loot Tracking Man!
"Mister Over-organized Loot Tracking Maaaan!"

Whenever the fight's over, that's when your fun begins. Your pencil at the ready, you write down every possible thing that could benefit the party at any point in the future. When others only list their main gear, you keep track of everything down to the copper.
"That chandelier looks expeeeennsive!"

But it doesn't stop there. Your Excel sheets rival the accounting departments of major corporations. You carefully set up the formulas, complete with a function suggesting future gear for all your friends, and share it with everybody ... even if nobody actually reads it.
"I sent the e-mail last weeeek!"

Your character always has the right gear for the job, whether it's a Trident of Fish Command or a wand of Confusion. The only thing you don't have is a way of carrying it all - since you're playing a low-strength Wizard.
"Don't worry, I have a bag of hooolllding!"

So keep your eye on the bottom line, Mister Over-organized Loot Tracking Man, and grab your self an ice cold Cure Light. Because, after all, you're absolutely sure you get four of the next five potions, and you have the data to prove it.
"Mister Over-organized Loot Tracking Maaaan!"

-looks at his spreadsheets for the various RPGs he plays...-

Pass me a Cure light someone...for I am guilty.

Sipex
2011-06-17, 09:58 AM
I am totally an over-organised loot tracker. I want to make sure I know who has what so when it's time to bring out the neat item that no one ever suspected to be useful I have proof it exists and which person has it.

*Grabs a cure-light*

Choco
2011-06-17, 02:07 PM
I am totally an over-organised loot tracker. I want to make sure I know who has what so when it's time to bring out the neat item that no one ever suspected to be useful I have proof it exists and which person has it.

*Grabs a cure-light*

+1

Also because the group I currently play with are below even what most people consider casual gamers when it comes to paying attention, and forget even their most powerful magic items (the same ones they been using for MONTHS) sometimes....

*Grabs a cure-light*

NX_Phoenix
2011-06-18, 06:00 PM
Mr. Over-Organized Loot Tracking Man!

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mister Over-organized Loot Tracking Man!
"Mister Over-organized Loot Tracking Maaaan!"

Whenever the fight's over, that's when your fun begins. Your pencil at the ready, you write down every possible thing that could benefit the party at any point in the future. When others only list their main gear, you keep track of everything down to the copper.
"That chandelier looks expeeeennsive!"

But it doesn't stop there. Your Excel sheets rival the accounting departments of major corporations. You carefully set up the formulas, complete with a function suggesting future gear for all your friends, and share it with everybody ... even if nobody actually reads it.
"I sent the e-mail last weeeek!"

Your character always has the right gear for the job, whether it's a Trident of Fish Command or a wand of Confusion. The only thing you don't have is a way of carrying it all - since you're playing a low-strength Wizard.
"Don't worry, I have a bag of hooolllding!"

So keep your eye on the bottom line, Mister Over-organized Loot Tracking Man, and grab your self an ice cold Cure Light. Because, after all, you're absolutely sure you get four of the next five potions, and you have the data to prove it.
"Mister Over-organized Loot Tracking Maaaan!"

*Pulls looted Cure Light from party Haversack #2*
Guilty 50-75% of the time and increasing. The rest of the time one other person in my, now lapsed, local group is just as guilty.

Requiem_Jeer
2011-06-18, 10:58 PM
*Grabs a cure light* They're lucky I'm playing a paladin and am thus incapable of cheating them. I still have the WBL of a character five levels above me, but that's because I was the one holding the loot when the party stormed off from each other.

Now why in the nine hells would I share my one hundred fifty thousand gp with people I just met? I don't care if you guys have twenty-seven thousand with your new characters, I'm not going to metagame such ridiculous generosity.

Chess435
2011-06-19, 12:42 AM
I don't think a Cure Light is going to cut it for me. *Grabs a Cure Moderate*

Gavinfoxx
2011-06-19, 01:00 AM
Mr. Smug Character Optimizer.

*Winces* I try not toooo.... to be sure, I mostly only happen do this online, I don't do it to the folk in real life. I care about them... >.>

*Grabs a potion of Faith Healing* ...What?

lerg2
2011-06-19, 08:16 PM
I'm guilty of the long backstory one. I know, having your entire family killed in the backstory just so you can play an evil character isn't original, but it's fun to make everyone go: "Wait. So this epic level wizard owes you a favor because of your backstory?" I really like to roleplay.

TroubleBrewing
2011-06-19, 08:24 PM
Today we salute you, Mr. Smug Character Optimizer.

Yeah, yeah... *grabs Cure Light*.

I do this in real life, too... :smallannoyed: *grabs second Cure Light*

And I'm not sorry, about it, either. :smalltongue: *grabs entire 6-pack of Cure Light*

Hiro Protagonest
2011-06-19, 08:28 PM
*grabs entire 6-pack of Cure Light*

I think that's called a mass cure light.

TroubleBrewing
2011-06-19, 08:37 PM
I think that's called a mass cure light.

If I was sharing with the party, sure.

This party is all for me. :smalltongue:

Pisha
2011-06-22, 10:32 PM
*Grabs a cure light* They're lucky I'm playing a paladin and am thus incapable of cheating them.

Yeah, I'm not sure why my old group thought that putting the CN rogue in charge of distributing the treasure was a good idea. Granted, she did eventually stop cheating them, but mostly because it was no longer a challenge!

onthetown
2011-06-23, 07:56 PM
So, I've got about half of one, if anyone would care to finish it... Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Roleplayers of Geeeeeenius!

Today we salute you, Mr. Extradimensional Space Abuser Guy.
Mr. Extradimensional Space Abuser Guy!

The second anyone in the party gets so much as an enchanted haversack, you see it as an excuse to start buying in bulk. Everything.
Can I get fifty antitoxins?

To you, it's a pretense to drop all verisimilitude concerning the limits on what gear the party can bring with them, or loot the party can bring back from the dungeon.
Just put it in the bag!

I love to CostCo buy in a D&D campaign, because I have a DM that doesn't keep track of encumbrance (he more or less just lets us use bags of holding and whatnot), so I'm the one with the fifty antitoxins. *grabs a cure light*

Then I started playing Runequest and it runed (get it? ruined, runed... hahaha... ha...ha...) me. Damn encumbrance points interfering with my spellcasting and stamina... Every little pebble I manage to find is at least half a point more than I can afford to lose.

/rant

bebosteveo
2011-06-27, 01:08 PM
Mr. Pure RAW DM

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius...
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss!"
Today we salute you, Mr. Purely RAW DM
"Mr. Purely RAW DMmmmmm!"

You know that D&D is a game. And like any game the only way to have fun is to follow all the rules.
"Let me check the manual!"

Encumbrance? You bet. Grappling? By the book. And you make sure that every encounter follows the pre-approved Challenge-Rating guidelines.
"What's the DC to climb stairs?"

You players complain of boredom but you know that's just how they express their satisfaction. Nothing livens up a party like a pile of errata the size of Everest to show you the right way to roll.
"I looove item deterioration and maintenance!"

So keep one eye on the rules, oh purveyor of pedantry, and grab an ice cold Cure Light. Whether its a round flask or square, nothing's better than having a drink the editors approved.
"Mr. Purely RAW DM!"

TheCountAlucard
2011-06-27, 01:16 PM
All right, not bad, but for equality's sake, I now demand that there be a "Mister It Doesn't Say I Can't Guy." :smallamused:

Dark Kerman
2011-06-27, 01:44 PM
Hmm. I think if it wasn't for the curative properties of Cure Light, I probably would have died from drinking too much Cure Light.
Oh the irony.

SleepyShadow
2011-06-27, 02:48 PM
All right, not bad, but for equality's sake, I now demand that there be a "Mister It Doesn't Say I Can't Guy." :smallamused:

You did ask, so here you go :smallbiggrin:

Giant in the Playground Forum presents: Real Role-Players of Genius.
Real Role-Players of Geniuuuuus!
Today, we solute you, Mr. Rules-Don't-Say-I-Can't.
Mr. Rules-Don't-Say-I-Caaaaaaaaan't!

You know that whatever the rules DON'T say is up for interpretation. Especially if your interpretation works better for you.
The rules are vaaaaaaaague!

Humans with 157 arms? Check. A full heal from doing the "I'm A Little Tea-Pot" dance? Check. Clearly, if the designers didn't want you doing it, they would have said so.
My bones are made of steeeeeeeel!

You don't care what the DM says. He's no game designer. He's clearly just house-ruling away your fun.
What are the penalties for being dead??????

So here's to you, lord of loop-holes, killer of common sense, and duke of the dubious, and grab an ice cold Cure Light. Because where in the rules does it say how many doses can fit in one bottle?
Mr. Rules-Don't-Say-I-Can't!

Hatchet91
2011-06-27, 03:25 PM
my backstories dont get that extensive ..... *sets down third cure light*


so i might have written a 10 page storry for my half drow assassin of awsome ness.


or two page storie explaining the history of my changling spie master (the bastard son of a king)

or the crazy backstories i tried when tying to convince my dm as to why i should be allowed to be a werewolf.


... alright nvm just give me another one.

big teej
2011-06-27, 03:36 PM
or the crazy backstories i tried when tying to convince my dm as to why i should be allowed to be a werewolf.


... alright nvm just give me another one.

psht, that's nothing, try pitching something like a Were-Bison.

that gets you some odd looks

Hatchet91
2011-06-27, 03:44 PM
you should have seen me trying to pitch the royal bastard child in a game of thrones d20, when i couldnt think of a way to explain who's child i was i said that it was a horrible orgy party full of only royals so no one knew exactly who's child i was.

Sipex
2011-06-27, 03:45 PM
Okay, I think you two have had enough cure lights, you're both cut off for the night.

McStabbington
2011-06-27, 04:35 PM
Mr. Underoptimizing Roleplayer


Today we salute you, Mr. Underoptimizing Roleplayer.
Mr. Underoptimizing Roleplayer!
When lesser men roll five sevens and an eighteen on four d6, they beg for a reroll. But when it happens to a real man, a real man bets it all on charisma.
He's a fun-loving barbarian!

And when others say "Hey, that race doesn't work with those classes, you're quick to point out that there is fun and challenge to be had in playing against type.
This orc sorceror/bard's gonna be awesome!

So crack open an ice-cold Cure Light, Mr. Underoptimizing Roleplayer, because without you, your dungeon master's CR planning would be all too simple.

Mr. Underoptimizing Roleplayer

dsmiles
2011-06-27, 04:46 PM
Mr. Underoptimizing Roleplayer


Today we salute you, Mr. Underoptimizing Roleplayer.
Mr. Underoptimizing Roleplayer!
When lesser men roll five sevens and an eighteen on four d6, they beg for a reroll. But when it happens to a real man, a real man bets it all on charisma.
He's a fun-loving barbarian!

And when others say "Hey, that race doesn't work with those classes, you're quick to point out that there is fun and challenge to be had in playing against type.
This orc sorceror/bard's gonna be awesome!

So crack open an ice-cold Cure Light, Mr. Underoptimizing Roleplayer, because without you, your dungeon master's CR planning would be all too simple.

Mr. Underoptimizing Roleplayer
I wouldn't say that this is a flaw. This is a specific choice of playstyle. I happen to enjoy playing in a low-optimization group. I'm not saying I don't know how to optimize, I'm saying I don't enjoy it.
*grabs Cure Light*

Tavar
2011-06-27, 04:47 PM
I wouldn't say that this is a flaw. This is a specific choice of playstyle. I happen to enjoy playing in a low-optimization group. I'm not saying I don't know how to optimize, I'm saying I don't enjoy it.
*grabs Cure Light*

Considering how other playstyle choices are being called out, I'm not sure that matters.

McStabbington
2011-06-27, 06:35 PM
I wouldn't say that this is a flaw. This is a specific choice of playstyle. I happen to enjoy playing in a low-optimization group. I'm not saying I don't know how to optimize, I'm saying I don't enjoy it.
*grabs Cure Light*

I wouldn't have written that if I hadn't done that too many times to count. I was the guy in our group who creates builds just to see what will happen rather than from any serious attempt to powergame. Remind me to tell you some time about what happened to my drow hexblade/spellthief.

*grabs another Cure Light*

Bobby Archer
2011-06-27, 09:12 PM
I wouldn't have written that if I hadn't done that too many times to count. I was the guy in our group who creates builds just to see what will happen rather than from any serious attempt to powergame. Remind me to tell you some time about what happened to my drow hexblade/spellthief.

*grabs another Cure Light*

I'm in the same boat. In some White Wolf games I've played, I've taken more flaws than I could get bonus points for at character creation, just for the sake of having the flaws.

*finishes off a case of Cure Light*

Rogue Shadows
2011-06-27, 10:02 PM
Other Game's Setting DM

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius...
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss!"

Today we salute you, Mr. Other Game's Setting DM
"Mr Other Game's Setting DM!"

Eberron? Forgotten Realms? Ravenloft? Spelljammer? They've all been published for D&D - they're no good for you!
"How UN-original!"

No, you've got to come up with the good stuff - Magic: the Gathering, Legend of Zelda, or dare we suggest it: Kingdom Hearts
"I LOVED the Lion King!"

You just aren't satisfied unless you've printed more pages homebrewed races, classes, skills, feats, monsters, magic, and house rules than could fit in ten officially-published splatbooks. And you expect your players to read and memorize every single one.
"Only a thousand pages..."

So grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light, O Creator of Worlds, you've earned it. Except that in this world they're called Healing Salves.
"Mr Other Game's Setting DM...!"

...

...*sigh* pass me a Cure Light...

Chess435
2011-06-27, 10:58 PM
Other Game's Setting DM

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius...
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss!"

Today we salute you, Mr. Other Game's Setting DM
"Mr Other Game's Setting DM!"

Eberron? Forgotten Realms? Ravenloft? Spelljammer? They've all been published for D&D - they're no good for you!
"How UN-original!"

No, you've got to come up with the good stuff - Magic: the Gathering, Legend of Zelda, or dare we suggest it: Kingdom Hearts
"I LOVED the Lion King!"

You just aren't satisfied unless you've created printed more pages homebrewed races, classes, skills, feats, monsters, magic, and house rules than could fit in ten officially-published splatbooks. And you expect your players to read and memorize every single one.
"Only a thousand pages..."

So grab yourself a cold Cure Light, O Creator of Worlds. Except that in this world they're called Healing Salves. You've earned it.
"Mr Other Game's Setting DM...!"

...

...*sigh* pass me a Cure Light...

*Looks at open Word document of MTG Planeswalker homebrew*

In the name of Pelor, I find you worthy of an internet and a year's supply of Cure Light. Now I've got to go off and find a Cure Critical for something like this..... :smallwink:

Rogue Shadows
2011-06-27, 11:25 PM
Hooray! An Internet!

Hmm...I prefer the greenback (http://knowyourmeme.com/i/000/046/443/original/127097131928.jpg?1271184851) to the more recent Euro (http://captionsearch.com/pix/w3vt3ll3qu.jpg)-like one myself.

Chess435
2011-06-27, 11:30 PM
Hooray! An Internet!

Hmm...I prefer the greenback (http://knowyourmeme.com/i/000/046/443/original/127097131928.jpg?1271184851) to the more recent Euro (http://captionsearch.com/pix/w3vt3ll3qu.jpg)-like one myself.

:biggrin:

Sorry, but I only have 87 to hand out.

The-Mage-King
2011-06-27, 11:34 PM
:biggrin:

Sorry, but I only have 87 to hand out.

I can loan you some, if you need them. Reasonable rates.

Rogue Shadows
2011-06-27, 11:45 PM
:biggrin:

Sorry, but I only have 87 to hand out.

Those were just examples. I've never seen a single Internet bill...

Quietus
2011-06-27, 11:50 PM
I wouldn't say that this is a flaw. This is a specific choice of playstyle. I happen to enjoy playing in a low-optimization group. I'm not saying I don't know how to optimize, I'm saying I don't enjoy it.
*grabs Cure Light*

Not to get into the whole debate, but some do see that as a flaw - namely, the DM. How do you balance for three strongly competent characters and one bumbling fool?

With an ice cold Cure Light, that's how. Cheers!

Seb Wiers
2011-06-28, 12:13 AM
I wouldn't say that this is a flaw. This is a specific choice of playstyle. I happen to enjoy playing in a low-optimization group. I'm not saying I don't know how to optimize, I'm saying I don't enjoy it.
*grabs Cure Light*

Low-optimization presumes there is still SOME optimization, as opposed to zero / negative optimization.

dsmiles
2011-06-28, 07:43 AM
Low-optimization presumes there is still SOME optimization, as opposed to zero / negative optimization.
Yep, we put our highest roll in our class's prime requisite (regardless of whether or not the race we pick has a bonus or penalty). That's as far as it goes.

Choco
2011-06-28, 08:18 AM
Not to get into the whole debate, but some do see that as a flaw - namely, the DM. How do you balance for three strongly competent characters and one bumbling fool?

With an ice cold Cure Light, that's how. Cheers!

+1

Nothing wrong with either playstyle, but they just don't mix very well unless the player(s) of the bumbling fool are willing to accept that everyone else will outshine them at everything all the time...

Sipex
2011-06-28, 09:54 AM
Seat of my pants DM

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius...
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss!"

Today we salute you, Mr. Seat of my pants DM
Mr Seat of my pants DeeeeEmmmmm!

Planning too far ahead always leads to disaster with much of your work going down the drain anyways. Four hours of planning? Puh-lease! More like four minutes, am-I-right?
I name all my cities after places I knowwwwwww!

Really, what the players don't know won't hurt them, so what if you constantly have to ret-con choices and come up with crazy excuses for events because you didn't think it through?
The princess was totally a dragon the whole time, I sweeeeaaaaar!

The thrill of the game comes with the potential of writing yourself into a corner but if the plot works out it'll be epic, right? That's what alternate planes and illusions are for!
It turns out everything was a dreeaaaaam!

So grab yourself a cold Cure Light, O Flyer of Pants. And think quick, your players are suspicious to why their natural 20 in detect motive didn't work on the king five sessions ago.
Mr Seat of my pants DeeeeEmmmmm!

Janus
2011-06-28, 10:47 AM
Other Game's Setting DM

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius...
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss!"

Today we salute you, Mr. Other Game's Setting DM
"Mr Other Game's Setting DM!"

Eberron? Forgotten Realms? Ravenloft? Spelljammer? They've all been published for D&D - they're no good for you!
"How UN-original!"

No, you've got to come up with the good stuff - Magic: the Gathering, Legend of Zelda, or dare we suggest it: Kingdom Hearts
"I LOVED the Lion King!"

You just aren't satisfied unless you've created printed more pages homebrewed races, classes, skills, feats, monsters, magic, and house rules than could fit in ten officially-published splatbooks. And you expect your players to read and memorize every single one.
"Only a thousand pages..."

So grab yourself a cold Cure Light, O Creator of Worlds. Except that in this world they're called Healing Salves. You've earned it.
"Mr Other Game's Setting DM...!"

...

...*sigh* pass me a Cure Light...
Using EverQuest's setting in 4e despite there being a d20 EQ RPG?
*grabs a Cure Light*

Grongore
2011-06-28, 04:29 PM
Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we Salute You, Mr. Smite-Happy guy
Mr. Smite-Happy guuuuuuuy!

Where the rest of us use detective work to solve a murder, you detect evil. And smite evil. If you leave a big enough pile of evil corpses, you will eventually get the bad guy right?
Why are they arresting me!

And why even bother detecting evil when you can smite it! It's not like you deal that much damage to good guys! Plus, he was jaywalking.
It was just 2d12+Fourteeeen

When the rest of the party broke into the vampires' mansion, you called the cops. On the party. When they wanted to negotiate with the high level bandits, you charged. And when the rogue picked the evildoers pocket you smote them both.
That's against the laaaaaaw!

So here's to you, O master of attacking all, and grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light; you've earned it. Because now that you are playing a fighter without bonus feats, you need it.
Mr. Smiiiite-Happy Guyyyyyy!

reminds me too much of my current groups paladin... he was essentially mermaid man when he detected it and almost ruined his entire side plot with Smite...

Notreallyhere77
2011-06-28, 05:43 PM
Other Game's Setting DM

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius...
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss!"

Today we salute you, Mr. Other Game's Setting DM
"Mr Other Game's Setting DM!"

Eberron? Forgotten Realms? Ravenloft? Spelljammer? They've all been published for D&D - they're no good for you!
"How UN-original!"

No, you've got to come up with the good stuff - Magic: the Gathering, Legend of Zelda, or dare we suggest it: Kingdom Hearts
"I LOVED the Lion King!"

You just aren't satisfied unless you've printed more pages homebrewed races, classes, skills, feats, monsters, magic, and house rules than could fit in ten officially-published splatbooks. And you expect your players to read and memorize every single one.
"Only a thousand pages..."

So grab yourself an ice-cold Cure Light, O Creator of Worlds, you've earned it. Except that in this world they're called Healing Salves.
"Mr Other Game's Setting DM...!"

...

...*sigh* pass me a Cure Light...

Have you seen the Naruto d20? You have, haven't you? I hear it's hundreds of pages of thorough documentation of the ninja abilities. I know of none who play it.

The-Mage-King
2011-06-28, 06:20 PM
Have you seen the Naruto d20? You have, haven't you? I hear it's hundreds of pages of thorough documentation of the ninja abilities. I know of none who play it.

Myself and several others have been trying to get a game going.


Much like the PTA curse, there's one for Naruto d20, and every game dies before it starts.

Disappoint.

TheAbstruseOne
2011-06-28, 09:32 PM
Mr. Makes the DM Learn Obscure Rules Guy
Giant in the Playground Forum presents: Real Role-Players of Genius.
Real Role-Players of Geniuuuuus!
Today, we solute you, Mr. Makes the DM Learn Obscure Rules Guy
Mr. Makes the DM Learn Obscure Rules Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuy!

All those attack powers and spells you have are boring. So you have to make sure to pick an action that makes the DM spend twenty minutes staring at the PHB and DMG.
I initiate a grapple!

If you absolutely have to use a spell, you try to use it in a "creative" way that forces the DM to read rules from five different chapters.
I use Entangle on the ogre's greatsword for a sunder attack!

So here's to you, King of Skill-based Attack Actions, and grab an ice cold Cure Light. Because what's the point of playing a game if the DM doesn't spend at least half the session figuring out the attack bonus for jumping off your mount during a charge?
Mr. Makes the DM Learn Obscure Rules Guuuu-uuuuuuuu-uuuy!

I never liked those commercials, so I'm not sure if I got the format right...and yes, I joined the forums just so I could post this.

Grongore
2011-06-28, 10:34 PM
Mr. Makes the DM Learn Obscure Rules Guy
Giant in the Playground Forum presents: Real Role-Players of Genius.
Real Role-Players of Geniuuuuus!
Today, we solute you, Mr. Makes the DM Learn Obscure Rules Guy
Mr. Makes the DM Learn Obscure Rules Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuy!

All those attack powers and spells you have are boring. So you have to make sure to pick an action that makes the DM spend twenty minutes staring at the PHB and DMG.
I initiate a grapple!

If you absolutely have to use a spell, you try to use it in a "creative" way that forces the DM to read rules from five different chapters.
I use Entangle on the ogre's greatsword for a sunder attack!

So here's to you, King of Skill-based Attack Actions, and grab an ice cold Cure Light. Because what's the point of playing a game if the DM doesn't spend at least half the session figuring out the attack bonus for jumping off your mount during a charge?
Mr. Makes the DM Learn Obscure Rules Guuuu-uuuuuuuu-uuuy!

I never liked those commercials, so I'm not sure if I got the format right...and yes, I joined the forums just so I could post this.

what if im the dm making hte players learn obscure rules?

Rogue Shadows
2011-06-28, 10:44 PM
Have you seen the Naruto d20? You have, haven't you? I hear it's hundreds of pages of thorough documentation of the ninja abilities. I know of none who play it.

No, I've actually never heard of it, though I am not surprised that it exists.

Personally if I were ever to try and run a Naruto d20 game, I'd just use Big Eyes, Small Mouth d20 and save myself the effort.

Rhaegar14
2011-06-29, 12:36 AM
Personally if I were ever to try and run a Naruto d20 game, I'd just use Big Eyes, Small Mouth d20 and save myself the effort.

This. Or Tri-Stat dX (which is made by the same company to do basically the same thing, but with built-in "tiers" based on whatever number you use for X). The system is literally meant to be able to make any special ability or skillset. Perfect for Naruto. It's also freely, legally, and intentionally distributed online.

Especially perfect when you're me, and have made custom kekkei genkai with 20+ unique jutsu for forum-based freeform roleplays. :smallbiggrin:

Now, back to topic:

*Grabs a cure light for overlong backstories and another for excessive metagaming.*

TheAbstruseOne
2011-06-29, 01:14 AM
what if im the dm making hte players learn obscure rules?

Goes for you too, but to a lesser extent. This was specifically directed at the guy who, in the very first encounter of what was supposed to be an easy intro adventure for the mostly new player group, attempted to do the following in one round (they were attacking a 30 foot tall tower):

Run up to the half-orc fighter, use a combination of Athletics for jumping (using an encounter power in the process) and the half-orc throwing him to chuck him to the top of the tower and turn that into a charge attack with an Acrobatics check to get combat advantage for the unexpected maneuver.

I sat there for a moment and tried to figure out all the advanced rules I'd need to use for that (in a table full of complete newbs except for me, him, and one other player), decided screw that and just had them make a bunch of random skill/attribute checks and arbitrarily decided whether or not they succeeded just so I wouldn't have to explain everything to everyone. And it just got worse from there.

Jarveiyan
2011-06-29, 07:44 PM
Mr. Underoptimizing Roleplayer


Today we salute you, Mr. Underoptimizing Roleplayer.
Mr. Underoptimizing Roleplayer!
When lesser men roll five sevens and an eighteen on four d6, they beg for a reroll. But when it happens to a real man, a real man bets it all on charisma.
He's a fun-loving barbarian!

And when others say "Hey, that race doesn't work with those classes, you're quick to point out that there is fun and challenge to be had in playing against type.
This orc sorceror/bard's gonna be awesome!

So crack open an ice-cold Cure Light, Mr. Underoptimizing Roleplayer, because without you, your dungeon master's CR planning would be all too simple.

Mr. Underoptimizing Roleplayer

Grabs a cure light...or alot.

MidnightOne
2011-07-02, 07:33 PM
Mr. Copious Backstory Writer

*takes a keg*

I've got four characters that I play as mid to high level. I'm writing the backstory as a story.

So far, 36,000 WORDS. No joke.

Edit: HRRRRGH. WORDS. Not PAGES. WORDS.

Ye gods.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-07-02, 07:53 PM
*takes a keg*

I've got four characters that I play as mid to high level. I'm writing the backstory as a story.

So far, 36,000 pages. No joke.

That's longer than all the Harry Potter, Ranger's Apprentice, Redwall, Percy Jackson, and Kane Chronicles book combined. :smalleek:

Timeless Error
2011-07-02, 07:58 PM
*takes a keg*

I've got four characters that I play as mid to high level. I'm writing the backstory as a story.

So far, 36,000 pages ^H^H^H^H^H WORDS. No joke.


So far, 36,000 pages ^H^H^H^H^H WORDS. No joke.


36,000 pages.

:eek::eek::eek:
*Faints*

Lurkmoar
2011-07-02, 08:13 PM
Thankfully he edited it, as he meant words. But still!

MidnightOne
2011-07-02, 08:34 PM
Thankfully he edited it, as he meant words. But still!

The hell of it is I'm nowhere near done. The original female lead was brought into an online free-form game and I just had to backfill how she got there.

big teej
2011-07-02, 11:27 PM
I demand this monstrosity be published immedietly.

Timeless Error
2011-07-03, 08:03 AM
I demand this monstrosity be published immedietly.

+1 to this. I'd read it! (Assuming it is 36,000 words instead of 36,000 pages.)

Seb Wiers
2011-07-03, 07:52 PM
Goes for you too, but to a lesser extent. This was specifically directed at the guy who
<snip>
And it just got worse from there.

Guess I'll only be drinking half a cure light then; my sentinel druid's bear leaping off a building roof into a nearby tree and trying to knock a sniper out of the tree with a flying tackle just doesn't measure up, and the DM actually seemed to like the idea even though I had no idea what skills / attack types to use.

"Summer druid bear companion- the pet that can make all those Athletics checks you can't!"

MidnightOne
2011-07-03, 09:03 PM
+1 to this. I'd read it! (Assuming it is 36,000 words instead of 36,000 pages.)

Ask and ye shall receive (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=205795).

Sleepy Shade
2011-07-05, 06:36 PM
Giant in the Playground Forum presents: Real Role-Players of Genius.
Real Role-Players of Geniuuuuus!
Today we salute you, Mr. Has To Make an Original Setting Unprepared Newbie DM.
Mr. Has To Make an Original Setting Unprepared Newbie DM!

After two months of creating you have an original setting detailed down to the individual towns.
He made forty different Gods!

And when game night rolls around you remember you forgot to make an actual campaign and wing it.
You all meet in a tavern!

So Mr. Has To Make an Original Setting Unprepared Newbie DM crack open an ice-cold Cure Light, No will remember your botched campaign, because the regular DM is coming back next week.
Mr. Has To Make an Original Setting Unprepared Newbie DM!


I tried to make a D20 Apocalypse campaign once and this was the result.

Silus
2011-07-05, 06:58 PM
Seat of my pants DM

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius...
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss!"

Today we salute you, Mr. Seat of my pants DM
Mr Seat of my pants DeeeeEmmmmm!

Planning too far ahead always leads to disaster with much of your work going down the drain anyways. Four hours of planning? Puh-lease! More like four minutes, am-I-right?
I name all my cities after places I knowwwwwww!

Really, what the players don't know won't hurt them, so what if you constantly have to ret-con choices and come up with crazy excuses for events because you didn't think it through?
The princess was totally a dragon the whole time, I sweeeeaaaaar!

The thrill of the game comes with the potential of writing yourself into a corner but if the plot works out it'll be epic, right? That's what alternate planes and illusions are for!
It turns out everything was a dreeaaaaam!

So grab yourself a cold Cure Light, O Flyer of Pants. And think quick, your players are suspicious to why their natural 20 in detect motive didn't work on the king five sessions ago.
Mr Seat of my pants DeeeeEmmmmm!

*Grabs a Cure Light*

Ah, improv DMing is so fun...

Starwulf
2011-07-06, 03:35 AM
*takes a keg*

I've got four characters that I play as mid to high level. I'm writing the backstory as a story.

So far, 36,000 WORDS. No joke.

Edit: HRRRRGH. WORDS. Not PAGES. WORDS.

Ye gods.

Wow, a kindred spirit. I recently wrote a 5,102 word backstory for a LEVEL ONE character, for a game on these forums no less. I admit, I really got into the character, delved inside the depths of his mind, and of his parents as well. If I ever got that far into a higher level character, I'd probably end up with something like you, simply because you can expound upon so much more of their quests and dealings with others that have brung them to this point in their lives(ie: why they are such a powerful character in the world they live in), compared to what you can do with a level 1 character.

in other words: Takes a cure Light! Also another one for the "Under-optimizing Roleplayer! And I'm pretty sure there are a few others I'm guilty of, so, hell, just give me a 6-pack of cure lights!

Nidogg
2011-07-07, 01:05 PM
Seat of my pants DM

Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Role Players of Genius...
"Real Role Players of Geniuuuuuss!"

Today we salute you, Mr. Seat of my pants DM
Mr Seat of my pants DeeeeEmmmmm!

Planning too far ahead always leads to disaster with much of your work going down the drain anyways. Four hours of planning? Puh-lease! More like four minutes, am-I-right?
I name all my cities after places I knowwwwwww!

Really, what the players don't know won't hurt them, so what if you constantly have to ret-con choices and come up with crazy excuses for events because you didn't think it through?
The princess was totally a dragon the whole time, I sweeeeaaaaar!

The thrill of the game comes with the potential of writing yourself into a corner but if the plot works out it'll be epic, right? That's what alternate planes and illusions are for!
It turns out everything was a dreeaaaaam!

So grab yourself a cold Cure Light, O Flyer of Pants. And think quick, your players are suspicious to why their natural 20 in detect motive didn't work on the king five sessions ago.
Mr Seat of my pants DeeeeEmmmmm!

*Grabs Cure Light*
Because when the PC's are ruining your 8 hour long planning session, you know you are going to go to town on them.

HyperionWolf
2011-07-28, 02:24 AM
Giant in the Playground Forum presents: Real Role-Players of Genius.
Real Role-Players of Geniuuuuus!
Today we salute you, Mr. Has To Make an Original Setting Unprepared Newbie DM.
Mr. Has To Make an Original Setting Unprepared Newbie DM!

After two months of creating you have an original setting detailed down to the individual towns.
He made forty different Gods!

And when game night rolls around you remember you forgot to make an actual campaign and wing it.
You all meet in a tavern!

So Mr. Has To Make an Original Setting Unprepared Newbie DM crack open an ice-cold Cure Light, No will remember your botched campaign, because the regular DM is coming back next week.
Mr. Has To Make an Original Setting Unprepared Newbie DM!


I tried to make a D20 Apocalypse campaign once and this was the result.

It feel so sad, but i will take two Cure Lights to go, please. Done it twice. Meh.

begooler
2011-07-29, 01:16 AM
Mr. Drinks Until (s)He's Incapacitated
Giant in the Playground Forums Presents: Real Roleplayers of Genius...
Real Role-Players of Geeeeeenius!

Today we salute you, Mr. Drinks Until He's Incapacitated.
Mr. Drinks Until He's Incapacitated!

It's accepted by the people that you game with that everyone at the table is old enough to drink. It's even accepted that you drink more than anyone else.
Pass me another beeeeeeer!

Nothing can stop you from drinking yourself under the table, though your friends dislike drunk players. The fact that you're constantly making drunken in-character decisions, that inevitably lead to TPKs, means nothing to you.
What do mean I *hic* failed my saaaaaaaaave?

You don't always drink yourself under the table, but the bad decisions keep coming as long as you've had that first beer. In an all-good party, your neutral good rogue constantly wants to kill the prosoners, as long as you've had that first beer.
I'm a rogue, I can dooooooooo that!

So keep pissing off the other players with those TPK inducing decisions, o master of the bottle. Nobody will miss you when you pass out anyways. So grab yourself an ice cold forty of Cure Light, because even when you're lying on the floor, you still try to take your actions. Literally.
Mr. Drinks Until He's Incapaaaaaaaacitaaaaaaaated!

Ok, I grab an ice cold Cure Light Fifth of Whisky make it scotch.
Hey, it never resulted in a TPK that I remember. Just roleplaying scenarios that I got made fun of for in the morning.

"That (bard) was totally somethingone my character would do!"