Question about wording, what’s most practical and elegant ?

[zagan]

Hello all, so I'm currently in the prosses of rewritting my template project and i'm wondering how to formulate the bab, saves and skill part.
On version is detailled, like that:


Base Attack Bonus: An Arthropod Base Attack Bonus derived from it’s racial Hit dice is changed to become equal to three quarter of it’s racial Hit dice (as a cleric of it’s level), recalculate it if necessary.

Base save Bonus: An Arthropod save change to a good Fortitude save (equal to two plus half Hit dice round down), Reflex and Will saves become poor (equal to one third Hit dice round down), recalculate if necessary.

Skills: An Arthropod gain two plus its Inteligence modifier (2 + int) skills points per racial hit dices (four times that at first level), recalculate the creature skill rank if necessary. The class skill list of the creature is unchanged but add Climb to it. In addition Climb is always a class skill for an Arthropod.
Also an Arthropod gain a +8 racial bonus on climb check, it can take 10 on Climb checks, even if rushed or threatened, and it can use its dexterity modifier instead of its strength modifiers on Climb checks.

The other is more concise,


Base Attack Bonus: An Arthropod BAB (from racial HD only) is changed to become equal to 3/4, recalculate it if necessary.

Base save Bonus: An Arthropod save change to a good Fortitude save, the others become poor, recalculate if necessary.

Skills: An Arthropod gain 2 + int skills points per racial hit dices, recalculate the creature skill rank if necessary. In addition Climb is always a class skill for an Arthropod.
Also an Arthropod gain a +8 racial bonus on climb check, it can take 10 on Climb checks, even if rushed or threatened, and it can use its dexterity modifier instead of its strength modifiers on Climb checks.

I'm curious on which version you prefer ? Or perhaps an even better idea ?

[DracoDei]

Well, both of them have the following awkward phrase in them:
"is changed to become equal to"

Try
"changes to" in its place.


You have other such problems. Try looking at templates that other people have posted, then come back and ask again if nobody has answered your original question by then.

[zagan]

Well, both of them have the following awkward phrase in them:
"is changed to become equal to"

Try
"changes to" in its place.


You have other such problems. Try looking at templates that other people have posted, then come back and ask again if nobody has answered your original question by then.

That's a good start thanks, I'll go do that.

[Solaris]

Base Attack Bonus: An Arthropod's BAB from racial HD changes to the average progression (3/4), recalculating if necessary.

Base Save Bonus: An Arthropod's Fortitude save changes to good while Reflex and Willpower become poor. Recalculate the saving throws if necessary.

Skills: An Arthropod gains 2 + Int skills points per racial Hit Die, recalculating the skill ranks if necessary. In addition Climb is always a class skill for an Arthropod.
An Arthropod gains a +8 racial bonus on Climb check and can take 10 on Climb checks even if rushed or threatened. It can use its Dexterity modifier instead of its Strength modifier on Climb checks.

You neglected some 'S's, and certain game terms are always capitalized. I also patched up some other abuses of the English language. I'm not sure if it's necessary to say to recalculate - if this is an inherited template, wouldn't they be recalculated unless it specifically said not to?

[zagan]

Base Attack Bonus: An Arthropod's BAB from racial HD changes to the average progression (3/4), recalculating if necessary.

Base Save Bonus: An Arthropod's Fortitude save changes to good while Reflex and Willpower become poor. Recalculate the saving throws if necessary.

Skills: An Arthropod gains 2 + Int skills points per racial Hit Die, recalculating the skill ranks if necessary. In addition Climb is always a class skill for an Arthropod.
An Arthropod gains a +8 racial bonus on Climb check and can take 10 on Climb checks even if rushed or threatened. It can use its Dexterity modifier instead of its Strength modifier on Climb checks.

You neglected some 'S's, and certain game terms are always capitalized. I also patched up some other abuses of the English language. I'm not sure if it's necessary to say to recalculate - if this is an inherited template, wouldn't they be recalculated unless it specifically said not to?

Thank you very much, that help a lot.:smallsmile:
As for recalculating well most template that change type have a statement like that at the begining "do not recalculate bab, save and skill" the half-dragon template for example.
In addition this template isn't really inherited, in my current game it's aquired. It's more work for me to recalculate for each monster but I want the change to be profound, not just add a +2 to an ability score and a few ability.
Thanks again.