Just...broken....

[MechaKingGhidra]

Since my page refreshed for some reason, my eloquent post was wiped and I'm in no mood to try and repeat myself in that manner. Apologies if the following seems a bit blunt.

Short of it:

I live on a farm and my dog of 12-13 years over-exerted herself while following the tractor across the field back and forth. She had an 'accident' in the porch that night due to working herself too hard.

She never showed herself to be in pain and this was an extreme case because she did far more than typical for usual activity and I believed it to be a rare, one-time thing because the only ever time she's 'gone' in the porch is if someone didn't let her out because they thought someone else already did so and even THEN it has always been so few and far inbetween that it's an out-of-sight, out-of-mind thing.

I came home a little bit before typing this and she was not in the porch, the place being completely cleaned. Not even a food/water dish was in sight. My folks are asleep right now but I just *know* what has happened while I was out during the day.

So here I sit, trying to see that I should be glad she isn't going to have anymore troubles but the least they could have done is god-damn well have phoned me or, even better yet, phoned and then got me to drop what I was doing (I could have easily done so and gone straight home as I wasn't terribly busy) and do it myself if they honestly thought she actually was in pain.

I cannot bring myself to outright type or speak the actual words for it but it's so hard to just keep myself from marching into my folks' room right now and shaking and screaming at them for being so...inconsiderate doesn't so much as scratch the friggin' surface of this, I don't know what to say.

I have to admit it is really weird of an experience for me to be typing this but I needed to do something because I've always been taught to never cry over emotional pain. I want to so badly but I just can't get myself there and I feel immense guilt over that shortcoming.

[rakkoon]

My condolences, it's always hard to lose someone you care about

[Asthix]

That sounds terrible.

Its okay to cry.

[Greensleeves]

I lost my dog last fall. I was in another country, doing my first year in college when it happened, so I never really got to say goodbye to him and that does hurt.

You have my condolences and sympathy. I know what it feels like to lose a beloved pet.

And it is always ok to cry.

[Asta Kask]

I'll be devastated when my cat goes to the Happy Mousing Grounds. *hug*

[Mono Vertigo]

So will I. :smalleek:
I know very well what you're going through. I can't remember a time when a pet of time had been put to sleep with any sort of preemptive warning. When I lost my father almost as suddenly, my mother and I still had an old dog and a cat that had adopted us long ago. After 2 months of zombie-like state, I had noticed I'd not heard or seen the dog in, possibly, days, but I naively thought my mother would have told me if she had done anything to the dog. Well, turned out that no. And when, during summer at a friend's place, she called me to tell me the cat had been put to sleep due to a sudden and incurable disease - not that it was about to happen, but that it already did - , I became a wreck because it was the third time in about 6 months that a loved one had passed away and I didn't get the chance to say goodbye to any of them. And the only other living thing back at home beside me, was my equally-if-no-more depressed mother.
... gods, I ranted again.
The point is, I'm terribly sorry about your loss. And you're not guilty of anything. :smallfrown:

[Kislath]

What kind of monsters would teach you not to cry over emotional pain? Are they trying to make a monster out of you as well?

[MechaKingGhidra]

My parents tried to pass on the ideals of "it's okay to have it not sit right with you but that's life: you can either fix it or you can't, if the latter, move on and learn from it".

I can...kind of...see where they try to fit every situation into that and I wouldn't say it's monstrous. Horribly misguided, yes, but not hollow or anything.

Also, being farm folk, they've had to put down many of the family pets over the years. However, as the youngest, been 8 or 9 when we first got my dog it was the only pet I grew up with.

To me, this was far more serious than the rest of them really take it for and when I confronted my Dad this morning he didn't seem to "get it". Sure, he didn't like the idea of having to do it, but tried to shrug it off as a basic need to do so.

I wanted to muster the ability to argue with him but I know exactly what his reply would be at this point and I don't want to break up what little relationship we have.

He's always been a good provider, just not as actively involved in my or either of my sisters lives as he would have otherwise liked to be because he was always working trying to keep us barely afloat for the longest time. As a result, I value what little I have been able to salvage over the years and I can't risk blowing up over something that will open the gate to all the other times I didn't agree with him (be it minor, moderate, or major) and let it pile up the resentment.

[grimbold]

I'll be devastated when my cat goes to the Happy Mousing Grounds. *hug*

as i will be for my cat
i am very sad for you
its okay to cry
just live and let die
it is a hard time for you and i really feel for you
best wishes

[grimbold]

I'll be devastated when my cat goes to the Happy Mousing Grounds. *hug*

as i will be for my cat
i am very sad for you
its okay to cry
just live and let die
it is a hard time for you and i really feel for you
best wishes

[grimbold]

I'll be devastated when my cat goes to the Happy Mousing Grounds. *hug*

as i will be for my cat
i am very sad for you
its okay to cry
just live and let die
it is a hard time for you and i really feel for you
best wishes