So, I walked out of work this morning...

[Katana_Geldar]

Yeah, it got that bad that I couldn't stay.

I work in reception for my stepfather, who's an accountant. Last night he told me (actually he didn't, he got my Mum to tell me for him) that there were papers he put on my desk and not to touch them before he got there.

So, this morning I had to shift the papers slightly to turn on the PC. When he arrived he blew his stack, saying that I had to "do what I was told" and asking where a certain piece of paper was.

That did it, I walked out as I knew that vday it was going to be like working with an angry bear or a thundercloud.

Now, he's still refusing to speak to me. I spoke to my mum earlier, she suggested to go back and apologise. I was going to do that (despite my own misgivings) and then I was informed (through my sister) not to come back to work today and to either call in sick or resign. I'm considering the latter, what do you think?

This wasn't an isolated incident and the main reason I walked out was how he was speaking to me, and it's the only way you can deal with such situations.

There just seems to be so little good things in my life though, and he seemed to be holding the fact that he was employing me over my head as an excuse to pretty much be his target from time to time.

[WarKitty]

How easy is it where you are for you to get a new job? I would certainly start putting in applications. Whether you resign straight away or call in sick would depend on how easily you can get a new job and how much you need one right away.

[Katana_Geldar]

Well, I found it very hard to get a job and that's why I ended up working for him,

[Winter_Wolf]

Sounds like an abusive employer. Whether you want to keep putting up with that is up to you, but I have never regretting leaving a job that sucked the life out of me and then demanded that I thank them for it.

[AsteriskAmp]

Know into what you are getting.
Get a quick gaze at your local job market, see if it really is open wide and there are positions you could fill, preferably more than one since the process is always against you. Also note that you could be on the air for a while, somewhat around 3 to 6 months, so if you can't survive without income for that amount of time you could be in troubles. Finally, if this man is related to you, quitting will definitely bump the issue to a personal level, so know that your situation, as well as your mother's could get really difficult, remember she is in the middle as well as she will have to inevitably deal with both sides, and having a psycho-familiar crisis and a laboral-economical vacuum would put you into a really delicate state.

However, if you REALLY believe the situation is currently that bad, and it would overweight all the possible cons, it's your life, and life is nothing more than the pursuit of a life plan which will provide you happiness. So if you see your current job not taking you near your life plan, then quit, there's no reason material concerns should trump happiness, be however conscious of the consequences of whatever decision you take before doing so.

Take a walk, clear your mind and think about your situation, sometimes anger does cloud judgement and leads you into a rushed decision.

[WarKitty]

Do you have vacation, and if so how much? Call in sick for today, at least so you can clear your mind. You can still resign if you feel that you need to.

[Katana_Geldar]

I do have annual leave, but you need to give notice. I'm going to talk to him tonight as they still seem to think the issue is me following instructions, not the way he speaks to me and the fact I am expected to "deal with it".

Job market, I'm not sure at the moment. Thing is, he might come cap i hand and ask for me to come back, it's been done before, and say things will be better. But I don't trust him.

[Mordokai]

Working the job you hate sucks. I know, I did for long enough.

What sucks even more is being home without money, looking for the next job to come up and knowing it may take a good long time before that happens. And lets face it, job market today is a battlefield and quite bloody one at that.

At the risk of sounding like a jerk... suck it up, go back to working for the guy and do what you can. At the same time, start putting in the job applications and looking for a way to get a new job. Ten months it took me to find it. And trust me, working four shift job and trying to stick the time for a job interview into this time every two or three weeks is no piece of cake. But I managed to do it and I regret nothing in the end.

[phoenixineohp]

Address the problem. Explain that a normal employee would not be treated in such a manner. You have no problem following instructions to a logical extent. Logical includes being able to function at work (turn on the computer) and still respect the intent of the instructions. (Why put papers on your desk anyways if you can't touch them? Anyways...) Receiving these instructions from an outside source, your mom, and then however he 'lost his stack' is not professional or conductive to a healthy work place. Walking out wasn't a good idea, and you might want to apologize for that. But discuss that you have no issue doing your actual job, but you expect to be treated fairly, like a regular employee and not have to deal with complications due to the familiar relationships involved. If that is not possible, then it is understandable that you would want to leave and find work elsewhere. But leaving without having this addressed will negatively influence your family life anyways.

[WarKitty]

So, here's my advice:

Don't quit yet. Start putting out job applications. Arrange for some time off in the near future so you can focus on a job search, get interviews done, and just destress. But put up with the job until you find another one. I know it will cause some tension, but that's his issue there.

[Skeppio]

:smalleek: I don't have any advice, but *hugs*. You shouldn't have to put up with that. You didn't do anything wrong. :smallfrown:

[Lady Moreta]

Address the problem. Explain that a normal employee would not be treated in such a manner. You have no problem following instructions to a logical extent. Logical includes being able to function at work (turn on the computer) and still respect the intent of the instructions. (Why put papers on your desk anyways if you can't touch them? Anyways...) Receiving these instructions from an outside source, your mom, and then however he 'lost his stack' is not professional or conductive to a healthy work place. Walking out wasn't a good idea, and you might want to apologize for that. But discuss that you have no issue doing your actual job, but you expect to be treated fairly, like a regular employee and not have to deal with complications due to the familiar relationships involved. If that is not possible, then it is understandable that you would want to leave and find work elsewhere. But leaving without having this addressed will negatively influence your family life anyways.

I second this... this is the best thing you can do. If he still can't act like a decent employer, then start looking for other employment. Actually I'd start looking for other jobs before having this conversation but don't make it official and don't tell anyone you're doing it until you've talked to him. Walking out probably wasn't the best idea, but he needs to understand that you aren't there to be his verbal punching bag just because you're related. That's not right.

[WarKitty]

Also, might I recommend looking for a family therapist? It's really sounding like you need one. Even if he's not interested (I don't know how close you two are), it might help deal with other matters. Particularly since he seems to be using relatives to get to you instead of dealing with you himself - it might help ease the strain on any other relationships.

[thubby]

my inclination would be to go in anyway and do my job.
if he makes drama over it, explain to him calmly and respectfully that you will not be treated so poorly.

i definitely wouldn't apologize unless i actually did something wrong, and walking away from abuse never is.

[grimbold]

i would recommend talking to him and giving him a caveat that if another incident happens you will simply leave
however if it is really that bad
start looking for other options

[skywalker]

i definitely wouldn't apologize unless i actually did something wrong, and walking away from abuse never is.

Abuse is a funny thing, we all have different definitions.

And walking out of work is worth apologizing over. At least he was there so he knew it was happening, but even still, there are all sorts of issues that raises for the employer, covering your shift and all of that if it's even possible. I say you're lucky to have the option of calling in because at every place I've ever worked, if you walk out, you're not welcome back. Period.

Other than that, I second phoenix's advice. It's really quite good.

[Mercenary Pen]

I hate to say this under the circumstances, but unless you cannot go through with it, the best choice is to stick it out- as your employer, this individual has the power to make it more difficult for you in the future (for example by refusing to provide a reference for any other job you apply for), and also anywhere else you apply could well ask under what circumstances you left your most recent job- and they may not be interested in taking on somebody who has walked out of previous employment.

On the other hand, do try and straighten things out if at all possible (if not with your stepfather, who by the sound of things put you in a no-win situation, with your mum, who seems to have misunderstood the circumstances somewhere along the line), and look up local employment law and examine your contract to your heart's content to make certain that if something else happens you are not the one in the wrong...


I work in a slightly different situation from you, but the only time I have seen anybody get even the opportunity to come back to work after they walked out, they just happened to be the manager's daughter, so that opportunity isn't one that comes up every day, I'd make the most of it to keep up your income whilst you look for something better.

[Melayl]

Address the problem. Explain that a normal employee would not be treated in such a manner. You have no problem following instructions to a logical extent. Logical includes being able to function at work (turn on the computer) and still respect the intent of the instructions. (Why put papers on your desk anyways if you can't touch them? Anyways...) Receiving these instructions from an outside source, your mom, and then however he 'lost his stack' is not professional or conductive to a healthy work place. Walking out wasn't a good idea, and you might want to apologize for that. But discuss that you have no issue doing your actual job, but you expect to be treated fairly, like a regular employee and not have to deal with complications due to the familiar relationships involved. If that is not possible, then it is understandable that you would want to leave and find work elsewhere. But leaving without having this addressed will negatively influence your family life anyways.

Thirded. This is sound, logical, mature advice.


Also, might I recommend looking for a family therapist? It's really sounding like you need one. Even if he's not interested (I don't know how close you two are), it might help deal with other matters. Particularly since he seems to be using relatives to get to you instead of dealing with you himself - it might help ease the strain on any other relationships.

Seconded. Granted, we only have one example of behavior, and it is from your point of view, but it sounds like verbal (and possibly emotional/psychological) abuse. Or, at least it seems you interpret it as abusive (which is pretty much the same thing). Counseling is a wonderful tool to help all parties work through things.

[Vonriel]

Address the problem. Explain that a normal employee would not be treated in such a manner. You have no problem following instructions to a logical extent. Logical includes being able to function at work (turn on the computer) and still respect the intent of the instructions. (Why put papers on your desk anyways if you can't touch them? Anyways...) Receiving these instructions from an outside source, your mom, and then however he 'lost his stack' is not professional or conductive to a healthy work place. Walking out wasn't a good idea, and you might want to apologize for that. But discuss that you have no issue doing your actual job, but you expect to be treated fairly, like a regular employee and not have to deal with complications due to the familiar relationships involved. If that is not possible, then it is understandable that you would want to leave and find work elsewhere. But leaving without having this addressed will negatively influence your family life anyways.

And I'll agree with this advice as well. Just to reiterate, be calm when you do this, and for the love of god, don't approach him at work to talk to him about this. Call him up and set up a time where you can tell him face to face, outside of work, because this isn't a public issue and nothing is gained by making it one.

[Lady Moreta]

And I'll agree with this advice as well. Just to reiterate, be calm when you do this, and for the love of god, don't approach him at work to talk to him about this. Call him up and set up a time where you can tell him face to face, outside of work, because this isn't a public issue and nothing is gained by making it one.

I semi-disagree with this. I agree that it should be a private conversation, but I don't think it should be outside work. This is a work-related issue, namely that your boss is abusing his position and making impossible demands of you ('don't move the papers that you have to move in order to do your job' - and I'm assuming that when you moved them, it was just a slight shift in order to reach your PC). Since he's your step-father as well, you need to make a clear cut line between work-life and personal-life. This is a work issue and needs to be dealt with at work.

[phoenixineohp]

And I'll agree with this advice as well. Just to reiterate, be calm when you do this, and for the love of god, don't approach him at work to talk to him about this. Call him up and set up a time where you can tell him face to face, outside of work, because this isn't a public issue and nothing is gained by making it one.

That's a good addition. I disagree with Lady Moreta, this is both a family and a work issue. Use a place that allows for private conversation in a non-threatening environment and that isn't directly related to either your family or office. A no mans land so that you can talk about both sides of the issue.
Addressing the situation afterwards with the other members of your family that are involved, one on one, would also be a good idea. Or address them together with your stepfather (especially your mom in this case).

[Asta Kask]

Also, if he comes back cap in hand - ask for a raise. He wants you back, he pays.

[phoenixineohp]

Also, if he comes back cap in hand - ask for a raise. He wants you back, he pays.

:smalleek:
Or, you know, don't. You're quite lucky that you weren't instantly terminated. You aren't really in a position to make demands, or even strong suggestions. You don't seem to have outside options yet and the issue is more about professionalism and family relations. You walk out, then walk back in, aren't handed your head and then tell him he's going to 'pay' if he wants you back? If you aren't handed you head then, I'd be shocked.

[grimbold]

:smalleek:
Or, you know, don't. You're quite lucky that you weren't instantly terminated. You aren't really in a position to make demands, or even strong suggestions. You don't seem to have outside options yet and the issue is more about professionalism and family relations. You walk out, then walk back in, aren't handed your head and then tell him he's going to 'pay' if he wants you back? If you aren't handed you head then, I'd be shocked.

i beg to differ
if he's had enough then thats it
i am sure if his stepfather really wants him back then he should get a raise to combat these mediocre work situations

[Mordokai]

First of all, it's her.

Second, you haven't worked a real job a lot, haven't you? Don't want to sound inflammatory, but the way the world works today, you have to suck up a lot of excrement from your superior. It's the way I very much loath it, but there you have it. You'll find it out yourself soon enough.

[Keld Denar]

I got one minor piece of advice that I'll pass along. Its WAY easier to get a job when you have a job. That means you are desired, or at least competant. If you get sacked or quit, that often indicates to an employer that there is a reason why, even if there isn't, or the reason is non-professional. In a competative job market, you need every advantage, and a big black mark that says "FIRED" is notably not an advantage, whatever the reason. Chances are, you won't even get to the interview process to explain why you were fired, if the stack of resumes you are competing with is big enough.

Don't set bridges on fire until you get all the way across them, cause those flames can move pretty fast and you don't want to cook your tushie.

[Mordokai]

Don't set bridges on fire until you get all the way across them, cause those flames can move pretty fast and you don't want to cook your tushie.

And that's a worthy piece of advice, if there ever was one. I still have some fires burning under my tush and I imagine those will make it quite hard for me to get a job in my choosen profession.

Sure, I have a steady job at the moment and it's one I intend to keep. With due time, something better may show up and I am confident it will. But still, the marks from the past stay with you and from personal experience, let me tell you... it is not easy to get rid of them.

[Thes Hunter]

Screw it. That sort of abuse isn't worth it. Take any other job you can, even working in a fast food restaurant cleaning muck from the grease traps.

Because then you would be doing it because you respected yourself enough to not let yourself put up with that kind of bull.

You may have to stay away from your family for a while, because for right now, if you are in anyway dependent on them, it will always somehow come back to being your fault, (and it's in no way shape or form is).

Remember, you can't make someone do anything. You can't make someone drive recklessly because you said something they disliked, they did that. They choose to respond to their anger in that fashion, and they need to take personal accountability for their actions.

While you only need to be accountable for your own, and right now, you need to get out of and away from that situation as fast as possible.

and yep, I am sure this advice won't be taken, because "It's not that bad." Or "It's not like that, it's too complicated to explain, but really it is my fault", or something of the like, because these situations are very hard to leave, partially because they are very hard to admit we are being victims. Believe me, I repeated the cycle several times.

[Katana_Geldar]

Well, I managed to sort it out. In the end we agreed that we both overreacted. I'm still going to be working here, but not indefinitely. I'm going to be looking around for other opportunities and saving up to go to film school, which is something I should have done a very long time ago.

[Keld Denar]

Yay.

Sometimes you have to pretend you're a dwarf and just stoically do your duty.

And if that doesn't work, pretend you're a dwarf anyway, get drunk, and go forge something out of metal or carve something out of stone.

Win-win, if you ask me!

[Vonriel]

Don't forget the mining of, and singing songs about, and worship of, gold above all other things. :smallwink:

It's good to hear you were able to talk to him, but did he commit to changing the dynamic in any way? Because, if not, you need to move on sooner rather than later.

[WarKitty]

Just one more bit of advice. Start a journal. Keep track of everything that happens at work. Hopefully you won't need it, but if you do get fired it can help with unemployment (at least where I am). And it can help keep smears from coming at you later if you have a record.

[Keld Denar]

Smart Kitty is smart. This is actually good advice for anyone about anything. Document document document. Someone bullying you? Document. Boss a douche? Document. Coworker slacking? Document. Ex making harrassing calls/visits? Document.

Eventually, you may be called on to make an account of what happened, and possibly to cite specific examples. I don't care who you are, nobody's memory is THAT good to recall specific dates and times and exact events. Document document document! It can never hurt, and it really doesn't take very long if you make a habit of it.

[Runeward]

To follow up on above--
Documentation is important and admissible in court. It will be considered highly persuasive and can even prove a "constructive firing" if you feel you were harassed into quitting.

But solutions involving non-legal mechanisms, talking, and relationships will always be more satisfying and fair than anything else. I've seen a lot of people believe they have the upper hand because they have documentation or the truth is on their side. Court will just grind both sides into dust. Think about what is best for you and yours and try and find the shortest line to get there.