PDA

View Full Version : Famous Last Words



skreweded
2006-06-08, 05:11 PM
Im pretty sure this already exists, but it's ok, it would be thread-necromancy to bring it back. I think.

What are some famous last words you've heard.

My first campaign I played in... I was the last remaining (alive) person other than the wizard, the two warriors were crushed under a dragon.
"So... me and the wizard are alive?.. ok, im closer to the book, I read it..."

I was a cleric. The noobliest cleric.

Signmaker
2006-06-08, 05:14 PM
"That's only some liquid-moss buildup"
-Last opinion to what eventually turned out to be an Acid Gel Creature that a DM made up. Think more fluid gelantinous cube that destroys flesh.

dragonseth
2006-06-08, 05:15 PM
"Pffft. It's just a door."
"Pffft. It's just a tiger."
"Pffft. It's just an orc."

skreweded
2006-06-08, 05:17 PM
DM:"Ok, guys, so this campaign isnt ruined.... escape, save, new save, enter."

(After playing many hours of oblivion...)


Edit: On a secondary note, famous wussy moves are cool too.

We were planned to fight our way out of a slave camp. Through diplomacy (we feared fighting) we ended up getting the camp to listen to us. An army we joined later made us come back and kill it though.

Wolf53226
2006-06-08, 05:20 PM
"OK, We get this guy..."

That became the start of a plan to do something, except that when we went to go kidnap the hobo(we were the good guys, but saying that we were good was a long shot), he beat the snot out of us. Random NPC's on the street should not beat the snot out of the PC's. But the GM's dice were vastly against us, so now, we never go with a plan that has "we get this guy" in it.

ExHunterEmerald
2006-06-08, 05:21 PM
"Oh, I'll find a weapon..." *makes grapple for opposing barbarian's scythe. Attack of Opportunity'd, crit'd, bisected.*

DMgrinder
2006-06-08, 05:27 PM
"It's okay, I have more Hp than the dragon. There is no way it can kill me in one round. Fireball centered on me!"

Famous Last words.

Vorkosigan
2006-06-08, 05:41 PM
"Let's just barricade the entrance and sleep so that we're recharged. They won't come after us in this dead-end cave!"

(For the record, that wasn't my idea. I was, however, dumb enough to stay and get slaughtered loyally.)

Callos_DeTerran
2006-06-08, 05:42 PM
"Oh sweet Golden God above not AGAIN!" This is what my mage/cleric screamed as he went flying up into the black screen of disentergration.

Or as was the case when I was DMing a real life level 19 game...

"Oh come on, what kind of threat could a kobold with no armor or equipment possibly pose to us?"

NEO|Phyte
2006-06-08, 08:09 PM
"Oh come on, what kind of threat could a kobold with no armor or equipment possibly pose to us?"
VoP Monk'd?

Dragonmuncher
2006-06-08, 08:17 PM
VoP Monk'd?

heh, either that, or they saw Pun-Pun form before their eyes.

Idiotbox90
2006-06-08, 08:23 PM
"Relax, I'll be fine as long as I don't roll a 1."

or

"He'd have to roll a 20 to kill me."

The dice hate me.

geez3r
2006-06-08, 08:34 PM
"You guys go do that, I'll be all the waaaaay over there."

That was said by my frenzied berserker in a dungeon. We had reached this part of the dungeon, where there was no floor. In order to get a floor to get to the room which held anceint relic deal, we would have to pull this lever, which also activated the meat grinder traps, like swinging axes, and the alike. We could not disable the traps as they were actually going off at the moment, so we had to go down the hall making Reflex saves the whole way.

Now you may ask why my tank was not willing to go in, it was because that he's a frenzied berserker and if he got hit, he would kill the party (he was several levels higher due to some solo adventures, and the death of other characters). The party fighter forgot this, and decided that he would bull rush my character into the grinder (the level was already pulled). He succesfully pushes me into the grinder, and I promptly get hit by a dart trap, which after DR does 1 damage; I roll a natural 1 on my Will save to avoid going into a frenzy.

The DM had made it very clear that when I took the FB PrC, I needed to really try and kill everything, and if I didn't go full out he was going to deduct XP. So I decided that I would rage as well to play this up. I also got a surprise round, because the rest of the party was not ready for me attacking.

In the surprise round, I charged past the fighter (who was denied AoO by DM who said he was flat-footed) and attack the party wizard, whom I drop to about -22, note to all wizards: never dump Con. Thanks to cleave, I get to attack the party rouge, which is now down to 8Hp.

Then the regular rounds start, I win initiative. Now, for metagame reasons, I do not attack the rouge because that would kill him, and the cleric does not have 10,000gp worth in diamonds. So I decide to attack the fighter, assuming with his high hit points that he will be able to withstand the hit. I assumed this. The dice did not. I proceed to crit the fighter and provoke a death by massive damage roll. The fighter will make his save on a roll of 3 or higher, he rolls a 2. But it does not stop there. I have 2 more attacks this round, and a cleave attempt.

I then decide to cleave the cleric, as the rouge would most likely die. Through luck, I fail to hit the cleric. I hit the cleric on my next attack, and miss on my final one. The cleric is missing a sizable chunk of his Hp, but nothing life threatening; or so we thought.

It's the rouge's turn now. The rouge could have backed away from the fight, and used some potions or wands he had on him. He did not. He decided that he was going to stand and fight the party tank. The rouge thought that he could take me down, he forgot that my breastplate had the heavy fortification enchantment on it, rendering his sneak attacks useless. The rouge attacks me for 25 damage; I am the party tank. The cleris is up, he takes a 5-foot step away from me and uses Quicken Spell to cast "Calm Emotions" twice in an attempt to stop my murder spree. He should have used a higher level spell. I make both of my Will saves and it is my turn again. I hit the rouge, killing him. I then supreme cleave and hit the cleric with it. I then follow up with 2 more attacks, both of which hit. The cleric is at -7. The cleric casts "heal' defensively, but fails his concentration check to cast it. Needless to say, he died shortly there after.

And so, "You guys go do that, I'll be all the waaaaay over there." Became the Last words my party ever heard.

Goff
2006-06-08, 08:46 PM
"Ooo a lever!"

Spasticteapot
2006-06-08, 08:56 PM
Recent character death:

Okay, I get out of the armored station wagon. There's no way they could tell that we fired that shot.

You fired with your shotgun, right?

Yes, why?

Okay, so that's still in the Medium range category. The enemy sniper's got a scope.
So... 6 dice from sniper rifle specialization, 5 dice from Agility, two from Smartlink.

Blam!


It was'nt so much of an issue of his having a hole in his brain so much that he had little bits of brain in the gaping hole.


Then, there was time time that my PC's managed to drop a 40-ton armored truck on the guy they were trying to contact. The game did'nt really cover trucks being dropped from two hundred feet; however, I ruled that resisting damage was not an issue of Dead or Not Dead as an issue of Crunchy Vs. Smooth.

So...


Dude, I think that Novacoke you scored us was doc'd. I, like, totally see a flying truck!

Cerberus
2006-06-08, 09:01 PM
My first death-At level 1 I only had 6 hp

Il check this chest again...
-you cut your finger on razor..roll a d6 to see how much damage you take

Cerberus
2006-06-08, 09:07 PM
My second and most foolish's deaths last words:

Hey watch this!

Thray
2006-06-08, 09:08 PM
"You guys go do that, I'll be all the waaaaay over there."

That was said by my frenzied berserker in a dungeon. We had reached this part of the dungeon, where there was no floor. In order to get a floor to get to the room which held anceint relic deal, we would have to pull this lever, which also activated the meat grinder traps, like swinging axes, and the alike. We could not disable the traps as they were actually going off at the moment, so we had to go down the hall making Reflex saves the whole way.

Now you may ask why my tank was not willing to go in, it was because that he's a frenzied berserker and if he got hit, he would kill the party (he was several levels higher due to some solo adventures, and the death of other characters). The party fighter forgot this, and decided that he would bull rush my character into the grinder (the level was already pulled). He succesfully pushes me into the grinder, and I promptly get hit by a dart trap, which after DR does 1 damage; I roll a natural 1 on my Will save to avoid going into a frenzy.

The DM had made it very clear that when I took the FB PrC, I needed to really try and kill everything, and if I didn't go full out he was going to deduct XP. So I decided that I would rage as well to play this up. I also got a surprise round, because the rest of the party was not ready for me attacking.

In the surprise round, I charged past the fighter (who was denied AoO by DM who said he was flat-footed) and attack the party wizard, whom I drop to about -22, note to all wizards: never dump Con. Thanks to cleave, I get to attack the party rouge, which is now down to 8Hp.

Then the regular rounds start, I win initiative. Now, for metagame reasons, I do not attack the rouge because that would kill him, and the cleric does not have 10,000gp worth in diamonds. So I decide to attack the fighter, assuming with his high hit points that he will be able to withstand the hit. I assumed this. The dice did not. I proceed to crit the fighter and provoke a death by massive damage roll. The fighter will make his save on a roll of 3 or higher, he rolls a 2. But it does not stop there. I have 2 more attacks this round, and a cleave attempt.

I then decide to cleave the cleric, as the rouge would most likely die. Through luck, I fail to hit the cleric. I hit the cleric on my next attack, and miss on my final one. The cleric is missing a sizable chunk of his Hp, but nothing life threatening; or so we thought.

It's the rouge's turn now. The rouge could have backed away from the fight, and used some potions or wands he had on him. He did not. He decided that he was going to stand and fight the party tank. The rouge thought that he could take me down, he forgot that my breastplate had the heavy fortification enchantment on it, rendering his sneak attacks useless. The rouge attacks me for 25 damage; I am the party tank. The cleris is up, he takes a 5-foot step away from me and uses Quicken Spell to cast "Calm Emotions" twice in an attempt to stop my murder spree. He should have used a higher level spell. I make both of my Will saves and it is my turn again. I hit the rouge, killing him. I then supreme cleave and hit the cleric with it. I then follow up with 2 more attacks, both of which hit. The cleric is at -7. The cleric casts "heal' defensively, but fails his concentration check to cast it. Needless to say, he died shortly there after.

And so, "You guys go do that, I'll be all the waaaaay over there." Became the Last words my party ever heard.

You do realize that you can make a will save each round to end the frenzy, right?

Bobthedwarf
2006-06-08, 09:18 PM
1 level 9 ranger vs 3 level 1 orc barbarins and a level 3 fighter orc. Ranger says "with my +2 sword and magic items it will be easy win" Roll a one on first attack roll, magic sword goes flying out of hand. level 3 orc fighter rolls 20 on first hit. Poision arrow from goblin slave naturel 20. And I roll 1 on fortitude save.

Later at the burial site of my ranger

PandaNecromancer
2006-06-08, 09:26 PM
"Okay, I grab the golden sword."

Yeah. I was immediately buried by 13 skeletons that fly out of the walls and two Wites all being bolstered by an evil cleric. I became a Wite! Yeah!

"Blargheaidngasdd!"
Character didnt speak Common. Poisoned Heavy Pick Death Attack Coup De Gras. Survived poison, survived Death attack, Coup de gras killed me. Crap.

"I'll take down the Minotaur myself!"
Er...No I wont.

Me, as the player: "I'll be right back"
*comes back*
DM: You're dead.

Shiny, Bearer of the Pokystick
2006-06-08, 09:33 PM
"It's a statue, what's it going to do about it?"
*plucks gemmed eyeballs*
*statue animates, adamantine golem*
Oh, sh-

Later, at the temple...

Hario
2006-06-08, 09:36 PM
I was playing BESM and failed my appraise check on an artifact and was making a good rping scene...
Me "Pfft this mirror isn't anything!" ::picks it up::
DM: you're soul is ripped from you're body
Me "Ok I'm pulling a DI ;D"

Goumindong
2006-06-08, 09:46 PM
My first death-At level 1 I only had 6 hp

Il check this chest again...
-you cut your finger on razor..roll a d6 to see how much damage you take


That wont kill you(though the idea that a razor is 1d6 is pretty crazy)

PandaNecromancer
2006-06-08, 09:48 PM
That wont kill you(though the idea that a razor is 1d6 is pretty crazy)

Razor..wire? maybe?

Cerberus
2006-06-08, 10:03 PM
i checked the chest lke 3 times before looking for am key and i started to fool with stuff...dm said ok for fooling around you cut yourself on razor..roll a d6 to see how much damage you take....guess what I rolled.

Spasticteapot
2006-06-08, 10:05 PM
Razor..wire? maybe?

Monofilament wire.


You know, those fingers never did you much good, anyway...

The_Logic_Ninja
2006-06-08, 10:06 PM
Er, a 6 would drop you to 0. 0 isn't dead. It's not even unconscious. It's staggered.

Blaze
2006-06-08, 10:11 PM
I was playing a dwarven defender...

Me-"Alright I'm going giant huntin' who wants to come?!"
Party-"Yeah you go do that and come back and let us know how that went."
Gnome-"I'll GO!"
Party-"Don't be stupid the dwarf likes going out to risk his life"
Gnome-"I rarely risk my life, maybe I'll have fun"
Me-"Alright let's go!"
Party never hears from us again

Steward
2006-06-08, 10:17 PM
You do realize that you can make a will save each round to end the frenzy, right?

He's been looking for an excuse to butcher those guys since the time they made him fight a Tarrasque bare-handed while beating off an army of Illthids with nothing to do.

DMgrinder
2006-06-08, 10:55 PM
"I challenge you to single combat!"

Goumindong
2006-06-09, 12:43 AM
Er, a 6 would drop you to 0. 0 isn't dead. It's not even unconscious. It's staggered.

That is what i was commenting on ;)

Ing
2006-06-09, 01:29 AM
"I'll grapple the troll!"

*said by a recently ONE armed eldrich knight....he was sorely missed*

sun_tzu
2006-06-09, 02:43 AM
"I...prepared...explosive...runes...this...morning ."
Okay, that never happened to me, but I had to do it.

Nerd-o-rama
2006-06-09, 03:18 AM
"Cures? Nah, keep DPSing. This cow couldn't hit the broad side of a--"

-R.I.P. Sir Alestair. Taken down to exactly -10 on the minotaur's next turn. On the plus side, getting killed heroically worked out really well in terms of timing.

The_Pyre
2006-06-09, 03:21 AM
"We'll bring him down on our next round!"

or

"All I need is one more turn/hit."

Didn't really happen in a campaign, but it did in combat simulations. ;D

Altair_the_Vexed
2006-06-09, 07:14 AM
DM: You see several orcs and an Orcus.
Player: No problem! Get them!

Player didn't know what Orcus was... Maybe that DM was being a bit mean.
;D

TimB
2006-06-09, 07:18 AM
DM: You see several orcs and an Orcus.
Player: No problem! Get them!

Player didn't know what Orcus was... Maybe that DM was being a bit mean.
;D

That's disgraceful. The DM should be ashamed of themselves. Really, shocking behaviour I don't approve at all.

Sir_Banjo
2006-06-09, 07:38 AM
"Oh, I'll be right, Chaos-beasts only have 52 hp."

Player sat around in melee for 4 rounds having his flesh turned to pulp by various beasties.

Telok
2006-06-09, 08:19 AM
"My pink panties itch for you. Come to me!"

I did not say this, the sorcerer said it... in draconic... which he did not speak... so he asked the chaotic neutral dwarven psychic to translate...

"I am your god. Worship me!"

Of course his audience only turned out to be a half-dragon cleric with the Death and Destruction domains, and several rounds to prebuff. Smite, death touch.

The rest of us fell down laughing, that cleric got a free round of attacks.

Gerrtt
2006-06-09, 09:34 AM
"Hold my beer, watch this..."

This actually happened in the last game I played in. My character, the bard who drank with the cleric, and my friends character, the cleric who carried a beer keg at all times, would constantly be drinking beer on adventures and we would have to put our beers down to do stuff like work locks and read books and that sort of thing.

It generally didn't lead to trouble, but once I pulled a lever that required two hands, after passing off my beer, and I thought it was going to open a big hole in the ceiling to hopefully kill a vampire with sunlight...nope, I got impaled with some spikes and had acid poured on me.

Callos_DeTerran
2006-06-09, 09:59 AM
VoP Monk'd?



More like a specially made rules impossible creature that I had made to show that something was wrong with reality so they would fix it.

The kobold in question was a tenth level Soul Eater Were T-Rex.

Meat Shield
2006-06-09, 10:08 AM
The kobold in question was a tenth level Soul Eater Were T-Rex.
OK, ouch.

<Were-Rex. Gotta remember that...>

roadkiller
2006-06-09, 10:36 AM
"Hi mom!"- After a hallucinogenic poison.
"Duck!"- He didn't.
"I'm not dead yet!"- Soon he was.
"It's a freaking cape! Watch, I'll put it on."- Yay cloakers!
"Why is this tapestry mag--"- CR 13 animated tapestry. 140 something points in one turn. To the wizard.
"Give me the keg of alchemist's fire! I'll do it right!"- Two turns and one explosion later, he did it right.
"That's not a frogman is it?"- It was a grey slaad.
"Ooh! Shiney!"- So many different times.

Yeah, people die in such strange ways.

Slash_Z
2006-06-09, 02:08 PM
Recent play...
"Ha! This dragon was good.. wait... goblins? These fu**ing hateful creatures will have to hit a 20 to kill me!!!!"

Hateful die...

Thrune
2006-06-09, 02:09 PM
"The fighter needs healing, I'll head up and do it..."
Opponent took a five-foot step and applied a double critical hit(House rule), a critical hit, and a normal hit to the poor, poor, foolish Mystic Theruge who had tried to heal the fighter.
We held and killed him the next round, but my friend's favorite character never got ressurected...

Artisan
2006-06-09, 02:53 PM
"Did you say sni-"
Sgt. Colm Harris, during a WW2 roleplay

"Kobolds! Oooo, kobolds! I'm scared!"
A paladin, right before discovering the kobold's latest invention, the musket.

"Men of the Emperor! Do you want to live forever?!"
They didn't

Wolf53226
2006-06-09, 03:04 PM
"OOHHHHHH, I wonder what this does." - as he's pressing a bright yellow button. This led to him getting pasted by a rapid fire laser rifle. It really is a great type of trap for the inquisitive

dragonseth
2006-06-09, 03:14 PM
No no no. If there's a button, it has to be gigantic, red, and say 'DO NOT PRESS' on it. The temptation is just that much bigger.

Cerberus
2006-06-09, 06:53 PM
he has a point-if its not red...its not interesting

Cerberus
2006-06-09, 06:57 PM
also about the razer-I didnt get to -10...but me and dm were only ones playing and He eventually just sent in a cobalt to finish the job.

Foeofthelance
2006-06-10, 12:20 PM
"Bah, it's just a big bug!" -Level 12 dwarf rogue tank, right before realizing it's the tail, then the eyes. Always get the tail off first.

"Yeah, we try the mushrooms." -Level 3 Werewolf Barbarian, in regards to the 'special' mushrooms our druid had been gathering. Our hippy druid...

"Good day officer." -Same barbarian, shortly after the mushroom incident...

"I fireball the wolves." -Level Five necromancer. Turned out there was a vampire involved...

"I fireball the vampire!" -Same as above...

Krugg
2006-06-10, 12:32 PM
"Krugg likes puppies"
Those were the last words of my 1st level half orc barbarianbarbarian before he was killed by a Worg... The consequences of having 6 Int...
The Worg double Critd... I hate my DM

MrNexx
2006-06-10, 01:39 PM
He's been looking for an excuse to butcher those guys since the time they made him fight a Tarrasque bare-handed while beating off an army of Illthids with nothing to do.

But Illithids have no genitalia...

(I am so getting banned for that one...)

Falrin
2006-06-10, 01:54 PM
Dm : A tiger jumps out of his ambush. It bites your leg off.

Player : A tiger ? In Africa ?

Lord Iames Osari
2006-06-10, 02:14 PM
geez3r wrote:

the party rouge

Your party has makeup as part of its common equipment? In excess of the rouge contained in a disguise kit?

Goumindong
2006-06-10, 02:17 PM
Dm : A tiger jumps out of his ambush. It bites your leg off.

Player : A tiger ? In Africa ?



i dont get it.

BelkarsDagger
2006-06-10, 02:22 PM
The classic: "Oops..."

"Aw come on it's only a glowing gem, how bad could it be?"

"Gee I'm glad the DM smite hasn't hit us yet."

"Aw crap!"

ExHunterEmerald
2006-06-10, 02:23 PM
But Illithids have no genitalia...

(I am so getting banned for that one...)
Oh, ack. ACK.
Best worst running joke ever.

geez3r
2006-06-10, 02:29 PM
"I'll draw X cards from the deck of many things."

"Don't worry, I can cast raise dead."

DM- "It doesn't work like that."

Darkie
2006-06-10, 02:29 PM
i dont get it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monty_Python

Goumindong
2006-06-10, 03:20 PM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monty_Python

I must have missed that sketch.

Nahal
2006-06-10, 04:01 PM
It's in The Meaning of Life

Darkie
2006-06-10, 06:05 PM
I must have missed that sketch.

Here (http://www.mwscomp.com/movies/mol/m-06-iii.htm)

DOCTOR LIVINGSTONE:
Uhh,... I think I'd better come clean with you about this. It's, um,-- it's not a virus, I'm afraid. You see, a virus is what we doctors call very, very small. So small, it could not possibly have made off with a whole leg. What we're looking for here is, I think,-- And this is no more than an educated guess. I'd like to make that clear. ...Is some multi-cellular life form with stripes, huge razor-sharp teeth, about eleven foot long, and of the genus Felis Horribilis: what we doctors, in fact, call a 'tiger'.
PERKINS, PAKENHAM-WALSH, and AINSWORTH:
A tiger?!

EVERYONE:
A tiger?!
[mayhem]

PAKENHAM-WALSH:
A tiger... in Africa?
AINSWORTH:
Hm?
PAKENHAM-WALSH:
A tiger in Africa?!
AINSWORTH:
W-- Ah, well, it, uh,-- it has probably escaped from a zoo. Mhm.
PAKENHAM-WALSH:
Doesn't sound very likely to me.
AINSWORTH:
Stumm. Stumm. Stumm.

belul_kegbreaker
2006-06-10, 11:33 PM
a friend is playing a shadow
and the cleric said "I turn Undead"

Who_Da_Halfling
2006-06-12, 05:32 AM
have to include the classic:

The party is in trouble, the rogue pulls out a lamp and rubs it in a last ditch effor to get the answer to a riddle:
Genie: "I am the all-powerful Genie. I will answer one question."
Rogue: "For each of us?"
Genie: "No." <poof>

DM: You activate the portal and a Balrog comes out.
Player: Activate it again, maybe another will come out and they'll fight!

Player: Give me the fireball scroll!!! Oh, forget it, just read it to me!

DM: You enter the cave and smell the scent of oil.
Player 1: Ok Bob, whatever you do, no fire spells. Ok?
Bob: Ok.
Player: What did i just say?
Bob: No fire spells.
- five minutes later -
DM: A party of goblins approaches.
Bob: I cast burning hands!

-JM

Varnithis
2006-06-12, 07:37 AM
Level 20 party of three.

"Ha! Cloakers are only CR 5"




... 20 cloakers will kill anyone.

Goff
2006-06-12, 08:41 AM
Party Wizard: (new to the game) "I take the lead."
DM:"Are you sure? That's rather daangerous for your class."
Wizard: "That's alright, I've got 18 strength, I should be alright.

Needless to say, moments later he was hit by one rogue after she was confused by a gibbering mouther, followed by a critical fumble by the other rogue brandishing the newly found vorpal longsword.

SlyJohnny
2006-06-13, 09:49 PM
*After my character attempts to jam up all targetting systems and navigation, and lead some civilian ships into docking manually:*

"Alright, just follow these coordinates and you'll be fine. Im not going to let you die. Trust me." She tells the refugee ships reassuringly.

((Roll: 2, Critical Fail))

Thray
2006-06-13, 09:52 PM
"Oh, come on, the probability that such & such will happen is 1/8000."

cupkeyk
2006-06-13, 10:26 PM
We were rushing through an empty city to return an artifact back to a temple to close a gate that releases an evil force whatever. We were being chased by the things and I suggested we take this 15 foot alley. By the end of the alley I told them I will be staying behind to delay the baddies. Even one round of delay will save the day. My fighter (tripper) delayed the baddies for three rounds before he got slaughtered. What should have been a few knowlege local checks and run checks that we could have possibly failed because we had a dwarf and a lousy bard instead turned out to be a suicide mission for me. After ards we all had pizza and beer and celebrated the death of my character.

His famous last words, "Don't worry - a few seconds of horrible pain can't be that bad."

Cathrindir
2006-06-30, 09:14 PM
I was the Dm in a campaign where the characters were in a little seaside village being attacked by orcs, and a man named Angdosh (who was secretly an Ogre Mage) was infiltrating the party. During a battle, nagdosh ran towards the party, provoking the now dead PC to say, "Hooray, it's Angdosh, here to help us!"
Roll roll roll.
And that was the end of Zartex, the Elven Sorceror.
Snicker.

Sir_Vrati
2006-06-30, 09:55 PM
Wizard needs some EXP so he goes out into the wilderness alone in search of some random monsters.

Me after making some rolls on my home brewed encounter tables: You spot three baboons in the distance.
Wizard: Three baboons, what punks, I can take them.

I think his actual last words were something like "Oh crap" or the like.

Don't let your wizard go fight things alone. Ever.

Jarl
2006-07-01, 02:19 AM
"What duck?"
-I got that from here, actually, but I put it on a tombstone in a graveyard as someone's last words.

"I can see in the da-"
"I found the do-"
(http://www.geocities.com/bearded_jarl/dnd.txt)

-I don't feel like telling the story again. Basically, methane soaked bats + flaming arrows + already beaten and worn-out party = notfun.

King_of_Oz
2006-07-01, 04:08 PM
Two last words, one from DND one from Terry Pratchett
Pratchett: I give my soul to any god who can find it
DND: "What the..." - said by DM after the party killed off the recurring villian the first time the met him.

Saihyol
2006-07-01, 04:27 PM
'No fear, I'm virtually immune to poison...'

Key word Virtually

eggy_goodness
2006-07-01, 07:25 PM
Munchkin: "I can take it!"...
there is always someone stronger ;D

SpiderBrigade
2006-07-01, 09:20 PM
Munchkin: "I can take it!"...
there is always someone stronger ;D

Thank you, Muro.

beholder
2006-07-02, 03:37 PM
Munchkin: "I can take it!"...
there is always someone stronger ;D

especially if they are a munchkin
thank you

hyikim
2006-07-05, 06:47 PM
"HA! is that the best you've got?"

Or

"Whats the worst that could happen?"

eggy_goodness
2006-07-05, 07:00 PM
Thank you, Muro.

Dude, there is another Oni fan out there? Sweet! Thank you. :D

I am still chuckling about that. I had completely forgotten Muro, that crazy mother.

Meldar
2006-07-05, 09:44 PM
DM (me):"Are you sure you won't need a party for this adventure?"

Player: "No, I'll be fine! I'll use tactics!"

He got killed by Dire Rats in the first encounter.

Herbert_West
2006-07-05, 09:48 PM
DM (me):"Are you sure you won't need a party for this adventure?"
Player: "No, I'll be fine! I'll use tactics!"
He got killed by Dire Rats in the first encounter.

Shhhh!
I will pay you to never mention that again.

hyikim
2006-07-05, 10:43 PM
This looks like a good place to rest!

Steward
2006-07-05, 10:47 PM
Bob (In a room full of zealous Paladins and Clerics): Relax! I took the lichloved feat!

Skyserpent
2006-07-05, 11:08 PM
So how was my spot check?

BelkarsDagger
2006-07-05, 11:14 PM
"But... but..."

"I hate you. *middle finger's a Giant*"

"Kiss my shiney metal ass (Wearing full plate)."

"A 1... is that good?"

Umael
2006-07-05, 11:42 PM
Somewhere I have a compilation of Famous Last Words... the thing is huge, something like 900+ comments. They include things like:

"I stab the dragon and tell it to get off me."

"I drink the bottle marked POISON on the off-chance that it's the extra-healing potion."

"What a useless scroll. I just says, HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR over and over again..."

"Whaddya mean, a pentagram only has FIVE sides?"

"Why is your torch flame turning blue?"

(A corridor ahead is full of brown mold) "I cast Fireball down the hall, then send my fire elemental to investigate."

"I bet without Mjolnir, you're a real wuss."

"He hit me for HOW MUCH?????"

"They're only kobolds!"

"Hey, this chest just bit me!"

"I'll just close my eyes and walk up to the dracolisk holding up my mirror."

"There is no trap on the door, so let's open it."

I think I just picked out the choicest ones from the first 25 or so...

ExHunterEmerald
2006-07-06, 09:45 AM
"What a useless scroll. I just says, HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR over and over again..."

Pfffffft! That one's awesome!

Sir_Vrati
2006-07-06, 12:48 PM
."
(A corridor ahead is full of brown mold) "I cast Fireball down the hall, then send my fire elemental to investigate."


I remember palying a wizard and flinging fireball into every room I couldn't see into yet. I killed a lot of innocent people who were trapped in that dungeon and could have provided us with useful information.

sapphail
2006-07-07, 02:58 PM
I dissolved a fair few enemies with the 2nd Ed Vitriolic Sphere spell... then later it turned out that I had just melted the person our party needed to interrogate. Whoops.

DM, on hearing I was about to try and fireball a wild mage: 'Are you sure?'
Me, confidently: 'Yep. I cast Fireball!'
DM rolls, then gleefully: 'The spell is reflected. You all cop it in the face. Roll damage.'
Me: Crap.

Tyas
2006-07-07, 03:48 PM
BESM campaign I ran:
A grizzled crimefighter (The Wombat), a pre-teen vampire (she's soooo cuuuute.. and 784 years old.), a magical girl (think a Dryad in a Sailor Moon costume, she had wood instead of skin), a 4' blue furred catgirl with a lightsaber, a time traveling high school student pilotiing her form fitting power suit who's chief armament was a longbow wielded by the legendary Robin Hood for ranged combat and Excalibur for melee (yes on a mecha), and a mecha pilot/inventor (in his 5 ton Ravage class power armor) have just decimated the forces of evil who were about to convert an entire living world and people into energy, and are standing at the base of the machine that was going to do the deed, the machine crackling with energy.

Machine: Systems Charged. Transfer stability compromized. Request instructions. Energy must be discharged. Request instructions.

The Wombat: Well, what do we do?
Magical Girl: This thing is bad right?
Vampire (condecending): Yes, it's very very bad.
Mecha Pilot (To thingy): Shutdown all systems

Machine: Shutdown unavailable. System state unstable, unable to halt. Request instructions for energy discharge.

Catgirl: Uhm... what are our options for energy discharge.

Machine: High speed discharge required. Omni or Unidirection pattern available. Third alternative is Self destruct.
School Girl: Well, even if it discharges, it could still be dangerous right?
Mecha Pilot: But the self destruct is probably going...
Magical Girl: You're right. Activate Self Destruct immediatly

(several people protest. A couple of die rolls later)

Machine: Self Destruct initiated. Please clear blast radius to minimum safe distance of 700 miles. Time to self destruct set minimum countdown: 15 seconds.

Mecha Pilot & The Wombat: Abort Self Destruct

Machine: Error. Self Destruct cannot be canceled at T-30 seconds. T-5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

The Wombat: I hit (Magical Girl Name) IN THE FACE!

*Boom*

(The Wombat had made a big deal about not hitting women. Just wouldn't do it.)

I enjoyed that game...

redwingdragon13
2006-07-07, 04:15 PM
IC: "I leap for the table!"
DM: Are you going to use a force point?
Me: No
DM: Okay, how many ranks do you have?
Me: None.
DM: Okay, tell me what you get.
Me: Does a 2 make it?
DM: You jump up, hit your head on the edge of the table and fall back down.

With two Jedi facing me...

*I must mention, it was a level 16 character that couldn't beat down thugs easily.

DMgrinder
2006-07-09, 12:51 AM
"I grapple the Dreadnaught!"

Cerberus
2006-07-09, 01:34 AM
I had unlimited casting of burning hands and fire immunity. My enemy had the same.
For fun I set the entire dungeon afire Door by door.
Just to find out that...That fire burns oxygen

My ring protected me from fire damage but not from suffocating.

proud_walker
2008-01-15, 04:10 PM
is just a goblin!

a drow player, in the game i was the dm, against a goblin in the arena...

mostlyharmful
2008-01-15, 05:17 PM
"Did I remember to carry the 2?" - Homebrewed madscientist just before activating the jerry rigged McGubbins powered/consisting of a hypercharged Psi crystal wired to a demon corrupted artifact within a decayed Mythal. I figured you could hear the noise three planes over.

and of corse the all time classic - "Don't worry we're well out of range." (had that one too, Giants lobbing rocks have a Loooong range, especially from the high ground.:smallfrown:

daggaz
2008-01-15, 06:10 PM
party cleric/tank "I dont want to go over there, lets just check the other tunnel out."

party druid/munchkin "dude, there's a Chuul in there. Its worth xp, dont let it get away..."

cleric "I know there's a Chuul in there! It'll kill me lets just leave it alone!"

druid "It will probably just come sneak up on us from behind.." (I laughed when he said this, cuz I knew he would metagame that a Chuul wouldnt leave its watery home to hunt adventurers in the underdark, he just wanted xp)

cleric "Fine, I walk up to the water's edge.."

Lord Lorac Silvanos
2008-01-15, 06:12 PM
Famous Last words:

"Let's raise this thread dating back to 2006"

daggaz
2008-01-15, 06:18 PM
Famous Last words:

"Let's raise this thread dating back to 2006"

Meh, some threads deserve to be stickies. At any rate, people started posting on this one because its funny, so... got anything good to add? (tho i did chuckle at your irony)

Lord Lorac Silvanos
2008-01-15, 06:27 PM
I only remember one OoC and it did not result in death, just negative HPs.

3.0 Wizard with shield and mage armor up doing the math:

"Haha, he cannot hit me with the crossbow! He needs to roll a 20!"

Stormcrow
2008-01-15, 06:45 PM
"Oh, come on, the probability that such & such will happen is 1/8000."

Theres a quote from the discworld like;
Mathematicians would say it is a one in a million chance, but wizards say one in a million chances happen all the time.

Lighturtle
2008-01-15, 06:58 PM
The level 1 mage (a friend) was having a solo adventure to explain why did he join the group. It was time to rest.

"-I lit up a fire!
-Okay, skill check."

*We both stare at the natural 1*.

His next mage died with his feet perforated by a spike trap.

Mages my friends, NEVER take Con as a dump stat (his next character was a gnome barbarian...). And take 10 when you lit fires :p.

Star_Rider
2008-01-15, 07:01 PM
"Does a 3 save?:smalleek: "

My friend, shot with a ray of disintegration trying to take on a beholder by himself at level 1.

Prometheus
2008-01-16, 11:27 AM
"We need to steal a dragon egg for the ritual, maybe the newcomers can help us sneak in and steal it" - Council of Serpent-worshiping goblins, shortly before the players tell the dragon and watch the temple get ground into the sand.

Mutant terrorist: "Halt, take one step further and I'll kill these hostages"
PCs: "Hokay" *slaughters mutants while hostages die*

Druid: "The guards wouldn't kill an innocent little mouse would they?"

And of course "Hnnnnnnn. Huh. That's harder to break than I would have expected. Maybe if I-" (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0443.html)

SoD
2008-01-16, 11:53 AM
Hmm, what were mine?

''Come on! I know you said not to wake you on pain of death, but you've got to come! We're being attacked! The paladin told me to get you!...uh...why are you looking at me like that?''

Me-to the Dread Necromancer proficient with the greatsword. He cleaved me in half. And got killed by the pally and the barbarian. Who then, in turn, got killed by the things that were attacking us. The Rogue and the Bard NPC survived though.

Irreverent Fool
2008-01-16, 12:20 PM
Toro!

We were playing a homebrewed Superhero/villain game set in the Marvel Universe. One of our team had the power to open portals. We were facing Rhino, a villain who -- if you're not familiar -- is pretty much just what his name implies. He charges into things and breaks them. He hadn't hit anyone yet, and we figured his change to hit was pretty darn low, though his damage potential was quite high.

Well, portalgirl (don't recall the real name) opens up a portal behind her connected to one several hundred feet in the air. She stands in front of the one and taunts Rhino to charge her, planning to jump out of the way at the last second. Rhino charges. She yells, 'Toro!' as he reaches her... and rolls a 1 to dodge. (All attacks are opposed by a dodge roll, I must say it makes things a bit more exciting.) So Rhino hits her, dealing damage. Then she falls through the portal.

So does Rhino.

The two of them crash into the roof of the beach club we're near, the skinny teenage super-powered mercenary beneath... well, a Rhino. Splat.

Irreverent Fool
2008-01-16, 12:36 PM
One more.

Bard: I cast summon swarm

He had just learned the spell and I guess assumed it worked the same way other summons do... when you cast summon swarm, it goes after the nearest living thing and the caster has no control over it. Guess where he summoned it.

I guess his actual last words were closer to: Augh, stop attacking me you stupid spiders! Get the hobgoblins! Attack! No, not me! Waaaauuuuugggghhh!!!!

MCerberus
2008-01-16, 12:42 PM
"I jump off the branch taking the dire wolf pack by surprise!"

Personal favorite -

"They're only kobolds. We faught them at level 1 remember? Hell let's kill them unarmed!"

And thus the party was wiped to CR appropriate Kobold Fighter/Rogue commandos.

PlatinumJester
2008-01-16, 03:11 PM
Dude, there is another Oni fan out there? Sweet! Thank you. :D

I am still chuckling about that. I had completely forgotten Muro, that crazy mother.


If you're referring to the video game then I love it Kung fu + guns = fun.

As for famous last words mine are

"I'm going to pick up the deadly cursed sword, with a piece of cloth wrapped around my hand. As long as it doesn't touch my skin I should be fine."

This was said (by me) after my friend just picked up a cursed sword which he couldn't let go and which made him explode after holding it for 10 seconds without a save. Fortunately my Barbarian managed to survive but only after the paladin had severed off his left arm.

Krusty Kobold
2008-02-15, 04:29 AM
A bard, cleric, aredent dilettante. one of two chaos gnome twins who was sentenced to death by a lawful evil magistrate who didn't know they were twins.

to the axeman. "Show my head to the people, it is worth seeing."

that night the other twin, a sorceror, teleports in and assassinates the magistrate. the described look on his face was great. the sorceror then leaves a trail of evidence leading to his buried brothers corpse and covers his previously washed hands with the magistrates blood. The entire city flips out in fear after the next night when the axeman mysteriously dies.

sure the line is far more famous than my character but the mood it captured was perfect

Superglucose
2008-02-15, 05:52 AM
"Let's see how you do solo against a Titan."

Two rounds later my pally stood over that bastard's broken corpse with a smile on his face.

Mad Wizard
2008-02-15, 02:43 PM
Off topic: I keep seing """ in a lot of peoples' posts. Is this a problem with my computer, browser, or something else? I use Firefox and Windows XP by the way.

On topic: "I charge across the bridge over the chasm..." He was at low HP and died when the bridge flipped and dropped him in.

Lord Lorac Silvanos
2008-02-15, 02:49 PM
Off topic: I keep seing """ in a lot of peoples' posts. Is this a problem with my computer, browser, or something else? I use Firefox and Windows XP by the way.

Post number 98 above explains this, albeit indirectly.

The Board software changed and those quote tags happened as a result of that.

Mad Wizard
2008-02-15, 02:55 PM
Thanks for the direction.

Just Alex
2008-02-15, 03:07 PM
"Bah! I can get that curse removed after the battle."

Shraik
2008-02-15, 03:14 PM
"I'm gonna go say hi to the creatures over in the field"
"Fine, your dead"

I think the DM was just angry that day

Shraik
2008-02-15, 03:20 PM
"I'm gonna go say hi to the creatures over in the field"
"Fine, your dead"

I think the DM was just angry that day

John Campbell
2008-02-15, 04:50 PM
My not-too-bright but very gung-ho fighter:

"I'll hold them off while you escape!"

The really annoying part was, the party didn't escape, either.


A street samurai with a not-too-bright but very gung-ho player:

"I tackle the Yakuza!" followed by, "Uh, armor? I didn't get any."


Oh, and, same game, different player, after being asked to create a distraction:

Player: "I accelerate up to like 80, and then roll my truck."
GM: "You.... are you sure?"
Player: "Yeah! Do I need to make a driving check?" -rolls a bunch of dice-
GM: "Oooookay....." -looks up vehicle crash rules, starts figuring damage- "Are you wearing your seatbelt?"
Player: "No."

Actually, his final words were, "I light a cigarette off the burning truck and lie there and smoke until the paramedics show up," which I have to admit was pretty cool.