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Flame of Anor
2011-07-11, 11:08 PM
The old thread is here. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=175909) Go!


And the new thread is here. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=228707) Go there!

Shadowknight12
2011-07-11, 11:08 PM
Licking lampposts in winter.

EagleWiz
2011-07-11, 11:49 PM
2. Having a +1 Vorpal Sword of Speed at level 14 (I was a newb, OK?)
3.Jumping off the ship to fight a CR 24 Leviathin that was attacking the ship of our level 14 party, and 1 shoting it.
4. Keeping the head that was the size of a house as a trophey.

Redshirt Army
2011-07-11, 11:51 PM
5. Refusing to search for traps until paid.

BillyBobJoe
2011-07-12, 12:18 AM
6. I may never play a cleric capable of casting Animate Dead. Ever.

Welknair
2011-07-12, 12:22 AM
7. I may never have my half-orc barbarian invent the "Saddle-pult", mount it on his back, and load the Halfling Druid. Nor may I then charge with said preparations at an enemy with the intention of flinging the Halfling for him to wildshape mid-flight into a tiger.

Flame of Anor
2011-07-12, 01:06 AM
7. I may never have my half-orc barbarian invent the "Saddle-pult", mount it on his back, and load the Halfling Druid. Nor may I then charge with said preparations at an enemy with the intention of flinging the Halfling for him to wildshape mid-flight into a tiger.

But...whyever not?

Saintheart
2011-07-12, 06:57 AM
8. Refuge in Audacity does not grant Resistance bonuses.

9. Doomspeak does not require me to put a green cloak and steel mask on and randomly announce that DOOM is here to solve your pitiful moral quandary.

Megaduck
2011-07-12, 07:13 AM
10. I may not bring puppets to the table.
11. Not even if they are really good puppets.
12. The giant serpent is not a cheese doodle.
13. The giant serpent is not made out of cheese doodles.
14. I may not win fights by eating the monster.
15. The monster is not the stand in for the miniature.
16. I should not expect NPC's to flirt back.
17. Attempting to seduce an NPC is right out.

TheCountAlucard
2011-07-12, 07:19 AM
18) No building characters that can build five-dot artifacts at character creation.

byaku rai
2011-07-12, 07:27 AM
19. I may not help the party warblade optimize.
20. Especially if said optimization allows her to one-shot a hydra.
21. I may not have access to anything vorpal ever again.
22. I may not boost my Tumble to "I don't even have to roll, I win"
23. Ditto for Balance.
24. Ditto for Jump.
25. I may not introduce the party spellcaster to the concept of the Batman Wizard.

Welknair
2011-07-12, 08:14 AM
26. I may not stab an innocent shopkeeper in the face, because a sentient dagger told me to.
27. "A sentient dagger told me to" is not a valid excuse unless you failed your will save.
28. I may not turn my sentient ring into a god.
29. I may not have one of my teeth replaced with a gold tooth which has been enchanted to be a sentient magic item, with a high value in Wisdom and call it a Wisdom Tooth.
30. I may not have sentient magic items. Ever.

Saintheart
2011-07-12, 08:23 AM
31. Charlie Sheen is not a natural 20. No matter how often he shouts "WINNING!"

Lord Raziere
2011-07-12, 09:35 AM
32. I may not accidentally make an airship in a medieval setting.

Welknair
2011-07-12, 10:24 AM
32a. Even if it's Magitech.
33. I will not mislead the new guy by telling him that the Samurai is a great class

Mono Vertigo
2011-07-12, 10:32 AM
34. I may not, in any CoC-based game, make a character with ridiculously low sanity with the sole objective of making them go absolutely mad before the end of the campaign.
I need to at least pretend I intend to have said character do something else beside digging up all the corpses, reading all the occult books, and witnessing all the mind-breaking events.

EccentricCircle
2011-07-12, 11:27 AM
35: "throw anything" doesn't cover small asteroids, no matter how much I wish it did

Arbane
2011-07-12, 11:41 AM
14. I may not win fights by eating the monster.

17. Attempting to seduce an NPC is right out.

I have to ask: Why not? These are GREAT solutions to some problems!

Arbane
2011-07-12, 11:43 AM
34. I may not, in any CoC-based game, make a character with ridiculously low sanity with the sole objective of making them go absolutely mad before the end of the campaign.
I need to at least pretend I intend to have said character do something else beside digging up all the corpses, reading all the occult books, and witnessing all the mind-breaking events.

....Because that's just too easy a goal?



22. I may not boost my Tumble to "I don't even have to roll, I win"
23. Ditto for Balance.
24. Ditto for Jump.


Is this actually a problem? Barring ridiculousness like the Jumplomancer, is being able to not fall down really all that game-breaking?

Welknair
2011-07-12, 11:50 AM
36. I may not use Welsh's List as a bucket list for my character.

Bobby Archer
2011-07-12, 12:06 PM
37. The solution to every problem, puzzle, and challenge in the game is not "murder."
38. Newly-Exalted Deathknights do not make good pets.
39. When the goal is to stop a series of ritual sacrifices, "murdering the victims first" is not Plan A.
40. If I choose to kill a group of Wyld Hunters, hide their bodies, and steal all their artifacts, I am not allowed to call the reaction of the party's Immaculate Monk "silly."

Amphetryon
2011-07-12, 12:08 PM
41. Not allowed to have a character cut himself with a sword of vampiric touch to set up a recursive loop.

Tech Boy
2011-07-12, 12:11 PM
42. No longer allowed to have a character that can change gender at will. Ever.

Mono Vertigo
2011-07-12, 12:46 PM
....Because that's just too easy a goal?

Yes, and because like most acts of evil and cruelty, it's only really worth it if the GM inflicts madness on non-masochist PCs, and vice versa. :smallbiggrin:

Flame of Anor
2011-07-12, 12:47 PM
14. I may not win fights by eating the monster.

Hey, I've done that. Polymorphed into a wyvern remorhaz, of course...good times.

Welknair
2011-07-12, 01:12 PM
Hey, I've done that. Polymorphed into a wyvern, of course...good times.

My players once ate a Red Dragon after slaying it. They ate it raw.

...


43. I may not make a female character who where's bikini mail and wields a broadsword.

44. I may not play a Dragonwrought Kobold. Ever.

45. I may not apply more than one template to my character. Okay, maybe two.

DaragosKitsune
2011-07-12, 01:24 PM
46: No matter how much I want the shiny thing at the bottom of the pit trap, I am not allowed to jump in a second time.

46a: Or a third time.

46b: Or a fourth, fifth, or sixth time, for that matter.

Welknair
2011-07-12, 01:27 PM
47. I may never have an intimacy towards shiny things

48. Nor may I have a flaw that requires me to pursue shiny things

49. "But he had a shiny thing!" is not a valid excuse for murder.

50. Just because something is shiny, that does not mean it's valuable. I may not use spoons in place of currency.

Coidzor
2011-07-12, 01:40 PM
51. I may not suggest forcing the assassins that were hired to kill us by the enemy army to fight the enemy army for us.

52. I may not force indentured servitude upon the street urchins that are hired to toss rotten fruit at us.

53. I may not point out that it actually states in the rules that natural weapons have a crit range.

54. May not use Mirror Image, as we still can't figure that one out. x.x

Bobby Archer
2011-07-12, 01:42 PM
My players once ate a Red Dragon after slaying it. They ate it raw.

Did they at least have ketchup?

51. I may not cause a volcano to erupt, endangering the lives of over a hundred innocent people, without first informing the rest of the party.

Welknair
2011-07-12, 01:45 PM
Did they at least have ketchup?


Does dragon blood count?

52. Mark of justice is to be used for punishing criminals and restricting the actions of captured villains. Not making slaves.

NikitaDarkstar
2011-07-12, 02:17 PM
.
Is this actually a problem? Barring ridiculousness like the Jumplomancer, is being able to not fall down really all that game-breaking?

Have you ever tried to actually hurt someone who can take 10 on tumble and pass DC 60 checks? Jump isn't so bad, but tumble gets.... fun. :D

* I am no longer allowed to use Fell Drain on Magic Missile.

* I am no longer allowed to use Fell Drain on Force Missile either for that matter.

* I am no longer allowed to use Fell Drain at all.

* I am no longer allowed to use level 1 spells against great wyrm red dragons. Especially with metamagic feats stacked high.

* I am no longer allowed to cast Fireballs in "his general direction" in the middle of a forest when an enemy is fleeing.

* Fireball is not a viable option for removing natural cover.

Welknair
2011-07-12, 02:54 PM
59. "More minions" is not the solution to every problem. Even if they seem to be able to solve everything.

61. I may not have an Advanced Half-Dragon Vampiric Fiendish Lich Dire Narwhal as my animal companion.

62. I may not use Stoneskin and Tenser's Transformation to show up our fighter. It would make him sad.

Anarion
2011-07-12, 02:57 PM
63. I may not consult with the NPC's mother in order to find out the solution to all the dungeon's puzzles.

64. I may not put itching powder in the paladin's armor while she's asleep

65. I may not bury the paladins' armor while she's asleep

66. I may not use prestidigitation to soil the paladin's armor at any time.

67. I may not...okay look, it's not my fault if the paladin takes off her armor every night and has no ranks in sense motive.

edit: changed the numbers to match because I got ninjaed.

Welknair
2011-07-12, 03:00 PM
68. I may not makes jokes involving the paladin's immunity to disease

Edit: Fixed that for you.


edit: changed the numbers to match because I got swordsage'd.

Bobby Archer
2011-07-12, 03:17 PM
Does dragon blood count?

Not as ketchup, but I'm betting it'd make a great hot sauce.

69: Not allowed to call our indentured followers redshirts, mooks, or cannon fodder, even if their only purpose is to serve a ablative armor until the PCs can batter down the enemy's defenses.

70: Not allowed to shoot the Sidereal Exalted when the scene being described is unknown to our characters, taking place in the past, and on a different plane of existence.

Notreallyhere77
2011-07-12, 03:18 PM
71. No matter how smug, obfustacing, and condescending the intelligent major artifact is, it is inadvisable to pretend to wipe my butt with it. Even if it lacks the power to kill me, directly or indirectly, it is still aware of its surroundings and will carry a grudge.
In the end, it deliberately chose not save me from certain death the next time I was in peril, so that character died. Totally worth it, though.

Lord Raziere
2011-07-12, 03:34 PM
expanding upon #32....

70. I may not persuade a bunch of wizards under my command to make an airship in a medieval setting

71. I may not persuade a bunch of wizards under my command to make an airship then a bunch of bombs to put on it in a medieval setting.

72. I may not then, fly the airship over the enemy's camp, drop the only two bombs made, then throw the fighter out the window. in a medieval setting.

Welknair
2011-07-12, 03:50 PM
73. As a Drunken Master, I may not wield my halfling teammate.

Arbane
2011-07-12, 03:50 PM
70: Not allowed to shoot the Sidereal Exalted when the scene being described is unknown to our characters, taking place in the past, and on a different plane of existence.

You mean you DON'T have a Charm that can do that?

Wimp.

:smallbiggrin:

Sipex
2011-07-12, 03:55 PM
74. When asked what my idea to defeating the BBEG is I can no longer answer with "Wake up Tharizdun".

edit: On that note

75. When facing a cult which aims to summon a demon to this realm I can no longer choose to beat them to it as my solution.

Welknair
2011-07-12, 04:03 PM
76. I can't write "Batman" as my alignment.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-07-12, 04:04 PM
We're actually two numbers behind:

Not as ketchup, but I'm betting it'd make a great hot sauce.

69: Not allowed to call our indentured followers redshirts, mooks, or cannon fodder, even if their only purpose is to serve a ablative armor until the PCs can batter down the enemy's defenses.

70: Not allowed to shoot the Sidereal Exalted when the scene being described is unknown to our characters, taking place in the past, and on a different plane of existence.


69. No matter how smug, obfustacing, and condescending the intelligent major artifact is, it is inadvisable to pretend to wipe my butt with it. Even if it lacks the power to kill me, directly or indirectly, it is still aware of its surroundings and will carry a grudge.
In the end, it deliberately chose not save me from certain death the next time I was in peril, so that character died. Totally worth it, though.

Ksheep
2011-07-12, 04:06 PM
79. When playing as a mummy who is disguised with a hat of disguise, informing the other party members is a MUST.

80. Not allowed to get angry when the party starts attacking said mummy in the middle of battle, just because he removed his hat of disguise and paralyzed half the party and 2 of the dire sharks we were fighting.

81. Jumping into the water when your swim speed is 2.5 feet (due to being a mummy and being slowed) is NOT a good idea.

EDIT: Fixed numbering

Ursus the Grim
2011-07-12, 04:12 PM
82. I may not use my companion ape to grapple and pin the big bad spellcaster while we bludgeon him to death before he's ready for a fight.

Notreallyhere77
2011-07-12, 04:54 PM
81. Jumping into the water when your swim speed is 2.5 feet (due to being a mummy and being slowed) is NOT a good idea.

But you're a mummy! You don't need to breathe! And water protects you from those terrible fire effects you hate so much!

Also: Fixed my numbering, too.

Ksheep
2011-07-12, 05:04 PM
But you're a mummy! You don't need to breathe! And water protects you from those terrible fire effects you hate so much!

Also: Fixed my numbering, too.

Yeah, but when you've got Dire Sharks with 120' swim speed who are no longer paralyzed below you and angry party members in the boat above you...

Coidzor
2011-07-12, 05:11 PM
Yeah, but when you've got Dire Sharks with 120' swim speed who are no longer paralyzed below you and angry party members in the boat above you...

Who shouldn't willingly attack you anyway due to being animals and you being obviously undead to them...:smallconfused:

Notreallyhere77
2011-07-12, 05:12 PM
Yeah, but when you've got Dire Sharks with 120' swim speed who are no longer paralyzed below you and angry party members in the boat above you...

Oh. Right. Bad idea in context.

Velaryon
2011-07-12, 05:15 PM
83. I am not allowed to kill an Iron Colossus in one round by hitting it 11 times in a row with Avalanche of Blades. While at the center of an antimagic field, of course.

84. I am not allowed to question why my weasel familiar (named Captain Morgan) always smells of alcohol, nor question why I can never find him when I need him to do something.

Xanmyral
2011-07-12, 05:23 PM
85. When encountering a door, my first answer shouldn't always be a Pick/Ax

86. Even if the door is trapped in such a way that our rogue can't disarm it.

RdMarquis
2011-07-12, 08:48 PM
87. Mythic Strength is not an excuse to bust through every single wall that gets in my way. Doors are there for a reason.

Ksheep
2011-07-12, 09:30 PM
88. Just because I killed a bad guy when I kicked down a door doesn't mean I need to kick down EVERY DOOR I SEE.

Techsmart
2011-07-12, 09:48 PM
89: I am not allowed to introduce our DM to stinking cloud.
90: I am not allowed to reset every trap (and set new ones) in the dungeon while my party is in it and leave because they stole an item that had magically enchanted my character to "desire it above all else."

Pokonic
2011-07-12, 10:56 PM
91. I may not Gate in a Green Sun Prince. Not even if it has stats.
92.Not even when playing epic.

sparkyinbozo
2011-07-12, 11:32 PM
93. Zombify a nun and all the priests and direct them to build my own church. Even if the assassin already killed some of them.

Welknair
2011-07-13, 04:37 AM
94. My half-orc barbarian may not dress up in top hat, monocle and tails. Even if it suits him.

Llewelyn
2011-07-13, 01:20 PM
95. I may not use cee-fractional strikes to eliminate the Necron base on the planet I'm trying to save.
96. I may not use kinetic strikes on said Necron base either.
97. In fact, I may not use any sort of orbital strike except for the weapons on our starship.
98. And no, I may not place engines underneath the powerful force field surrounding the Necron base and launch it into the local sun.

Cracking the planetary crust isn't that bad a thing, right? :smallbiggrin:

Sipex
2011-07-13, 01:42 PM
99. I may no longer make bards who's specialty is stand up comedy and rimshot jokes. Regardless of whether or not I bring my own jokes to each session.

Arbane
2011-07-13, 02:06 PM
94. My half-orc barbarian may not dress up in top hat, monocle and tails. Even if it suits him.

If that's wrong, then NOTHING is right!

100. Not allowed to make a character whose to-hit chance is "YES".

Hiro Protagonest
2011-07-13, 02:07 PM
If that's wrong, then NOTHING is right!

100. Not allowed to make a character whose to-hit chance is "YES".

100a. Even if he's a spellcaster who doesn't need to ever roll attack.

Welknair
2011-07-13, 02:27 PM
If that's wrong, then NOTHING is right!

My party's barbarian actually does that.

101. "Leeroy Jenkins" is not an appropriate battle cry.

102. Neither is "For Pony"

DiBastet
2011-07-13, 02:44 PM
103 - I won't make an artificer with mercantile background and exceptional artisan that sells party loot for better than the rest of the party (and asks for a comission) and that make custom magic items for the party for 5% less than what they can find in town.

Hatchet91
2011-07-13, 02:56 PM
104 im not aloud to "convince" another party member to check the depth of a quicksand trap no matter how well i roll on a bluff check to say how good of an idea it is. (nat 20 vs 1 with lots of ranks in bluff vs no ranks sensemotive)


105 not aloud to use bluff as my go to skill check when cought by anyone when cought dooing something frowned upon like convincing one player to throw a rock at another play for "comic" relief. or when breaking my way out of jail.

106 splintered bones do not work as a good replace ment for lock picks when breaking out of a jail cell.

107 not aloud to make char's who are refferred to as captain charisma despite how many points i put in bluff.

Kris Strife
2011-07-13, 03:14 PM
108: Smite Evil is not an appropriate bedroom technique.

Notreallyhere77
2011-07-13, 03:32 PM
106 splintered bones do not work as a good replace ment for lock picks when breaking out of a jail cell.


Meh. Just the usual -2 penalty for improvising tools.

Hatchet91
2011-07-13, 03:36 PM
109 not aloud to have a sparrow familiar named captain jack.

Tyrmatt
2011-07-13, 03:43 PM
One my players have forced upon them
110. I will not interrupt the evil demonic entities growling, carefully planned monologue laced with clues for direct directions as to where to kick his ass.

I laughed for a full five minutes, which rather diminished the impact of my undead creating demon king thing (Orcus essentially but for another system) as I was forced to choke my way through the rest and then give up.

Axinian
2011-07-13, 03:44 PM
108: Smite Evil is not an appropriate bedroom technique.

108a. Neither is Flurry of Blows...

Hatchet91
2011-07-13, 03:50 PM
108a. Neither is Flurry of Blows...

108b. Neither is Sneak attack or sudden strike.

Ksheep
2011-07-13, 03:57 PM
109. When offered 100 acres of my choice for saving a kingdom, I'm not allowed to ask for a 15' wide band around each of the kingdom's cities.

110. Not allowed to then erect a wall and charge a high toll fee to pass through said wall.

111. DEFINITELY not allowed to include a secret back door, info of which I then sell to the enemy kingdom in exchange for 100 acres of my choosing in their kingdom.

Kris Strife
2011-07-13, 04:14 PM
108a. Neither is Flurry of Blows...


108b. Neither is Sneak attack or sudden strike.

108c. Nor are any of them appropriate for babysitting, homework or walking dogs.

Axinian
2011-07-13, 04:17 PM
108c. Nor are any of them appropriate for babysitting, homework or walking dogs.
108d. Nor am I allowed to use Iron Heart Surge as birth control.

This can probably be its own thread.

112. Play a truenamer.

Welknair
2011-07-13, 04:19 PM
108e. Rage isn't an appropriate technique either.

108f. Nor is Stunning Fist

113. I may not play anything with more than six classes.

Flame of Anor
2011-07-13, 04:28 PM
108g. No woman likes a man with Rapid Shot.

108h. Tireless Rage, however, can be interesting for the kinkier sort.

108i. Or even Two-Weapon Fighting, if you can manage it.

108j. Iron Body is right out.

Welknair
2011-07-13, 04:43 PM
108k. Barkskin is as well.

Shadowknight12
2011-07-13, 04:50 PM
108l. Grease, on the other hand, is actually a requirement.

Ravens_cry
2011-07-13, 04:53 PM
108l. Grease, on the other hand, is actually a requirement.
108m Especially if someone is using Shillelagh.

Janus
2011-07-13, 04:54 PM
108n. Bardic music, while applicable to the act of seduction, is also not recommended within bedroom activities.

114. No matter how suspicious the situation, I may not discuss plans to take the baron hostage right in front of his servant who is taking us into the throne room at that very moment.

Welknair
2011-07-13, 04:56 PM
108o. Body of War is a no-no.

Shadowknight12
2011-07-13, 05:00 PM
108m Especially if someone is using Shillelagh.

108mI: Shillelagh is not a valid target for the Enlarge Spell feat.

Shadow Lord
2011-07-13, 05:07 PM
115: I may not create recursive loops. No, not even then.

116: I may not make dirty jokes in front of Lawful Good paladins, about their broadsword.

117: I may not bluff the party ( Female ) bard into making dirty jokes about the Paladin's ( Male ) broadsword.

118: Nor am I allowed to then use bluff to get the Paladin to show the Bard just how big his broadsword is.

119: Nor am I allowed to then point out how awkward the situation is, and how un-Lawful it is.

GFawkes
2011-07-13, 05:14 PM
120. If the Storyteller spent more than five minutes planning out a complex puzzle based dungeon, I may not simply make a Wits + Academics roll and solve the thing in less than ten seconds.

121. Ever since that one time, not allowed to use mass suggestion on every living being.

122. If the class works by draining a percentage, it doesn't work on gods.

123. It can always get MUCH worse, depending on how much the DM hates me.

124. Encountering a large number of cattle does not qualify as any kind of close encounter.

125. Tanglefoot bags are not substitutes for glue

126. Bloodwalk is not a toy

127. Neither is the paladin's sword

128. Same goes for the paladin

129. No matter what the dice say, I did not just one-shot a dragon with a hand crossbow.

Welknair
2011-07-13, 05:20 PM
130. I may not use Craft: Basketweaving in conjunction with Exemplar to seduce barmaids.

Flame of Anor
2011-07-13, 05:42 PM
108p. Craft: Basketweaving is also a bad idea in bed, no matter how many puns and half-rhymes one can make with the word "wicker".

130a. Making a Bluff check in front of said barmaid to convince her father that I am an upstanding nobleman and plan to marry her is not an appropriate seductive use of my Exemplar powers either, no matter how well I roll.

Welknair
2011-07-13, 05:58 PM
http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h287/serpentine16/Avatarables/illithidthumbcat.gif
(Thanks to Serpentine for the image)

Frozen_Feet
2011-07-13, 06:02 PM
108: Smite Evil is not an appropriate bedroom technique.


108n. Bardic music, while applicable to the act of seduction, is also not recommended within bedroom activities.
My Bard / Paladin / Sacred Prostitute disagrees. :smalltongue:

131: If granted a wish by a Faustian Demon (http://blog-imgs-47.fc2.com/s/a/i/saicoron49/QB.png), I will not use it for something as trivial as wealth, killing another party member, or cake.

Welknair
2011-07-13, 06:15 PM
132. I will not use a Candle of Invocation to summon an Efreet and ask for another Candle of Invocation.

Kris Strife
2011-07-13, 06:17 PM
My Bard / Paladin / Sacred Prostitute disagrees. :smalltongue:

They use Smite Evil on their partners? :smalltongue:

Shadow Lord
2011-07-13, 06:20 PM
133: I may not ascend before 13th level.

Janus
2011-07-13, 06:21 PM
They use Smite Evil on their partners? :smalltongue:
:smallconfused: I didn't think paladins were into that.

134. I will not knock a foreign prisoner unconscious, magically disguise myself as a member of his race, then insist he speak Common because we've been "kidnapped by rogue members" of his race.
^^And yes, that one is a true story. :smallbiggrin:

Raimun
2011-07-13, 06:24 PM
135. Not allowed to have a Kraken as a character.

Welknair
2011-07-13, 06:30 PM
136. I may not play a Thri-Kreen quad-weidling pygmy Thri-Kreens each dual wielding double swords of speed.

Edit: I got seriously swordsage'd there. Fixed.

Ksheep
2011-07-13, 06:31 PM
137. May not hire a bunch of towns worth of commoners to worship a simple +1 light mace so that it can get divine ranks.

EDIT: Fixed numbering… again.

Frozen_Feet
2011-07-13, 06:46 PM
They use Smite Evil on their partners? :smalltongue:

Yes, because someone has been naughty, and needs to be, ah, punished. :smalltongue:

138: May not commit wanton piracy before informing the 80+ sailors I hired for my crew what, exactly, they're in for.

Mixt
2011-07-13, 06:54 PM
139: I may not proposition the dragon for sex, especially if it's the BBEG.

140: I may not use an army made exclusively of dragons and half-dragons to take over the world.

141: I may not sexually harass the dragon after defeating it.

142: I may not wear a shirt saying "People like me are the reason Half-dragons exist"

143: I may not tell Tiamat that i have the hots for her, doing so will result in horrible death.

144: I may not help the dragon kill my fellow party members.

Welknair
2011-07-13, 07:07 PM
145. No eating a raw dragon in front of a ten-year-old kid.

Axinian
2011-07-13, 07:36 PM
146. Dropping one's pants and turning around is not a valid way to express a successful use of intimidate to demoralize.

Welknair
2011-07-13, 07:41 PM
147. I may not use a Bag of Holding to get around Teleport's person limit.

147a. I may not store said BoH in my pants.

Ksheep
2011-07-13, 07:45 PM
148. I must remember to remove any bags of holding and/or portable holes BEFORE climbing into anything which has unknown magical powers.

Welknair
2011-07-13, 07:53 PM
149. Hirelings are not to be used as trap detectors. Even if that's what they're best at.

nhbdy
2011-07-13, 08:43 PM
150. I will not use commoners/followers/halflings/gnomes to find traps by having them stomp down a hallway, even if I use bluff/magic to make them agree to it.

EDITED for clarity
and again for a misread of the above

Omeganaut
2011-07-13, 08:57 PM
151. I will not outplay the Rogue in skills, the two paladins together at healing and defense, and the Ranger at wood skills and ranged weapon attack, all while supplying the party's only good magic as a bard!

Welknair
2011-07-13, 09:00 PM
152. When playing a bard, I will never sing in real life.

Shadow Lord
2011-07-13, 09:04 PM
152. When playing a bard, I will never sing in real life.

153: When playing a bard, I will always sing in real life.

NeoSeraphi
2011-07-13, 09:12 PM
154. Having your character introduce himself as a fake class IC is not okay if you don't tell the players the truth OOC

155. Especially if everyone finds out you're not actually a cleric when you can't make a DC 15 Heal check.

156. I am not allowed to play a caster with glibness. Ever.

157. Especially if I take the feat Item Familiar and use it to effectively double my ranks in Bluff

158. Having a +70 to my Bluff skill at level 12 (even after using the above two methods combined) is not okay.

159. Even if I roll a natural 20 on my Bluff check for a total of 90, the blue dragon cleric is not going to believe I am actually Tiamat subject to an epic baleful polymorph

Edit: Swordsage'd

Welknair
2011-07-13, 09:21 PM
160. I am not allowed to create Epic Baleful Polymorph and turn Tiamat into a human.

Edit: I thought we weren't counting Shadow Lord's 153 because it contradicted 152.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-07-13, 09:23 PM
161. I am not allowed to play a commoner who has max ranks in handle animal, then have him refer to himself IC as a ranger.
161a. Even if he's more optimized than the party scout (if I did this, he would be more optimized than the party scout, low-op group).
161b. Even if he has a pet wolf.

And we are on 161, NeoSeraphi got swordsage'd.

Welknair
2011-07-13, 09:25 PM
162. I am not allowed to play a commoner who has max ranks in perform, then have him refer to himself IC as a bard.

Shadow Lord
2011-07-13, 09:27 PM
163: I am only allowed to play NPC classes, because otherwise the game implodes.

Welknair
2011-07-13, 09:27 PM
164. When playing NPC classes, I may not play any of Welknair's NPC PrCs. Or the game implodes.

Shadow Lord
2011-07-13, 09:28 PM
164a: You mean Gareth's NPC PrCs?

NeoSeraphi
2011-07-13, 09:29 PM
160. I am not allowed to create Epic Baleful Polymorph and turn Tiamat into a human.

Edit: I thought we weren't counting Shadow Lord's 153 because it contradicted 152.

Oh Lolth, what have I done! lol To the homebrew forum!

Welknair
2011-07-13, 09:33 PM
Oh Lolth, what have I done! lol To the homebrew forum!

Lolth must be your patron deity, because Boccob would be more appropriate given the circumstances.

165. I may not rename characters and refuse to call them by their given name.

byaku rai
2011-07-13, 09:33 PM
166: I may not ever, under any circumstances, tell any of the female players in our group that they're doing something wrong. :smalleek:

166a: This also applies to outside of the game.

167: I may not make the BBEG lose THE GAME

Welknair
2011-07-13, 09:40 PM
167a. I hate you.

168. I may not fuse a chicken and a squid and call it a "Squicken". Even if it would be adorable. And force SAN checks.

nhbdy
2011-07-13, 09:47 PM
168a. even if it would be an excellent avatar of cthulhu
169. I may not have cthulhu as my patron deity in a non-cthulhu game
170. I may not worship cthulhu in a cthulhu game where the objective is to defeat cthulhu
171. I may not force group members to leave the table by detailing my sacrifices to cthulhu when I am allowed to make them
172. I may not sacrifice other party members to cthulhu
172a. nor banjo
172b. nor giggles
172c. no more sacrifices
173. I may not worship cthulhu

Welknair
2011-07-13, 09:49 PM
174. I may not make a character lacking a name for the sole purpose of angering my fellow players.

175. "Rocks fall, everyone dies" is not an appropriate ending to a Bardic story.

Shadow Lord
2011-07-13, 09:49 PM
168a. even if it would be an excellent avatar of cthulhu
169. I may not have cthulhu as my patron deity in a non-cthulhu game
170. I may not worship cthulhu in a cthulhu game where the objective is to defeat cthulhu
171. I may not force group members to leave the table by detailing my sacrifices to cthulhu when I am allowed to make them
172. I may not sacrifice other party members to cthulhu
172a. nor banjo
172b. nor giggles
172c. no more sacrifices
173. I may not worship cthulhu

176: I may not worship any Lovecraftian Beings. Ever. No matter what.

nhbdy
2011-07-13, 09:54 PM
176: I may not worship any Lovecraftian Beings. Ever. No matter what.

177. Same goes for Elan, or anything he may create later in the comic, or anything he has created that have not been previously mentioned

Welknair
2011-07-13, 10:12 PM
178. I may not use Glibness to convince someone that they're married to me. Even if they have a Charisma of 18.

Shadow Lord
2011-07-13, 10:16 PM
179: I may not graphically explain the differences between each charisma score, when applied to Females.

nhbdy
2011-07-13, 10:20 PM
179: I may not graphically explain the differences between each charisma score, when applied to Females.

180. Nor may I make a size chart for the charisma scores pertaining to males.

Welknair
2011-07-13, 10:39 PM
181. I may not explain the effects of Eagle's Splendor on said descriptions.

Shadowknight12
2011-07-13, 10:44 PM
182. Or Greater Visage of the Deity.

Flame of Anor
2011-07-13, 10:56 PM
183. Even if I do cast disjunction on the Kraken, it does not revert to its component parts of Crab and Chicken.

Welknair
2011-07-13, 11:14 PM
184. I may not use Shatter on a Staff of Power.

WildPyre
2011-07-13, 11:28 PM
185: I may not make a Mutants and Masterminds Character that can take 10 to hack Oracle's mainframe at PL 8.

186: I may no longer combine the Total Defense action with Improved Defense, Elusive Target, Acrobatic Bluff, Redirect, Counter Attack, Defensive Attack and Combat Reflexes.

Welknair
2011-07-13, 11:35 PM
186a. But the Dodge feat is okay because it stinks.

EagleWiz
2011-07-14, 12:31 AM
187. My Druids animal companion probably should not be a better fighter then the fighter.
188. It certanly shouldnt be a better rouge then the rouge.
189. Even if it rolls a nat 20, a Riding Dog cannot pick locks. Or Disarm Traps.

Axinian
2011-07-14, 12:34 AM
188a. I can no longer "just roll with it" when I misspell "rogue" as "rouge" on my character sheet.

Ravens_cry
2011-07-14, 12:35 AM
190 I will not refer to a greatsword/greataxe/earthbreaker hammer as a "Barbarian lockpick."

NeoSeraphi
2011-07-14, 01:00 AM
191. I may not use glibness to convince the party having an injured person dance and sing "I'm a Little Teapot" as I cast on them will increase the restorative power of my cure spells.

192. Especially not when I'm healing them in front of the BBEG

193. Really, I'm just banned from humiliating my party members in front of the BBEG in general

194. Just so I'm clear, this does include using a scroll of gust of wind to blow up the female fighter's skirt when she's adjacent to the evil vampire who's level-draining her.

Flame of Anor
2011-07-14, 01:36 AM
194. Just so I'm clear, this does include using a scroll of gust of wind to blow up the female fighter's skirt when she's adjacent to the evil vampire who's level-draining her.

194a. Using a fireball to blow up the female fighter's skirt is at least as strongly frowned upon.

NeoSeraphi
2011-07-14, 01:37 AM
194a. Using a fireball to blow up the female fighter's skirt is at least as strongly frowned upon.

194b. Not quite. If said fireball actually harms the vampire in the process, then I might be able to get away with it.

Flame of Anor
2011-07-14, 02:07 AM
194b. Not quite. If said fireball actually harms the vampire in the process, then I might be able to get away with it.

194c. "Hey! I was dealing with it! *grumblemengrumble* "

NeoSeraphi
2011-07-14, 02:11 AM
194c. "Hey! I was dealing with it! *grumblemengrumble* "

194d. Exactly!

Hiro Protagonest
2011-07-14, 02:17 AM
195. I cannot use Mage Hand to lift up the skirt of an attractive girl.
195a. I cannot use suggestion to convince them to have a one-night stand with me.
195b. I am no longer allowed to play spellcasters.

I just gave myself some ideas. :smallamused:

Flame of Anor
2011-07-14, 04:16 AM
196. It is inappropriate and a violation of privacy to put my familiar in a room with various other creatures of the same species and opposite sex and then sit back and turn on my empathic link.

byaku rai
2011-07-14, 06:22 AM
197: I may not exterminate the Catfolk race by doing physics OOC.

198: It may or may not work IC.

199: My character cannot be the most optimized in the party despite being a Monk.

200: I cannot use the Touch of Golden Ice Feat (BoED) to poke the Evil Dread Necromancer in the party until they agree to turn good.

some guy
2011-07-14, 07:08 AM
201: If the CoC game is set in the present day and in the city all the players live in, my player character will not be the GM.

Ryu_Bonkosi
2011-07-14, 07:29 AM
202. No matter how much I want it my cohorts/followers/devotees can not all be scantily clad women with at least 18 Charisma.

Cadd
2011-07-14, 07:34 AM
203: I can't make magically infused babies with Profession: Midwife and Master Craftsman.

Mixt
2011-07-14, 07:35 AM
204: I am not allowed to create a Selective Anti-magic field that blocks everybody elses spells and magic items but not my own.
Something about being overpowered.

205: I am not allowed to use a combination of Greater Invisibility, Flight and Silenced Spells.

206: I am not allowed to use Greater Invisibility or any variation thereof, at all, end of discussion.

207: I am not allowed to use the Time Stop + Delayed Blast Fireball trick.

207a: Especially not if i do it every encounter.

208: I am not allowed to go nova on the BBEG in the middle of his monologue.

209: I am not allowed to carry around a laser-reflecting mirror.

210: I am not allowed to use Stilled Silenced Fireball to set the tavern on fire without anybody realizing it was me.

211: I am not allowed to shapechange into a dragon, ever.

212: I am not allowed to play characters with a Wisdom penalty.

Ursus the Grim
2011-07-14, 08:18 AM
213. I will not ready an action to dismiss the Jump spell I cast on the cleric "for the lulz."

sana
2011-07-14, 09:23 AM
214. I am not allowed to write "property of the nine Hells" on the Paladins cloak wen the Inquisition comes for a visit.

215. also no use of illusions to make his horse pink.

216. after clearing with the GM that a Druids poison resist includes alcohol, challenging everyone to a drinking game is not the solution to every problem.

217. I shall not use that drinking game to trick the paladin in to lying and other things that make him fall.

218. Nor should i point out that wen my poison resist works on alcohol that would mean the Paladin used "Poison" in the drinking game.

219. I will never again build a hot tub under the paladins bedroom window.

220. nor shall i use the hot tub as an excuse to start an exotic dance club. even if i make a lot of gold doing so.

221. especially wen my sole intent was to get the paladins followers as premium members.

HalfDragonCube
2011-07-14, 09:33 AM
213. I will not ready an action to dismiss the Fly spell I cast on the cleric "for the lulz."

Fixed that for you.

222. Yuan T.K.O. is not allowed.

Also, isn't this thread mighty similar to the '2000 things I'm not allowed to do in a an RPG' thread?

@V: I think that's best done away from these boards.

Ravens_cry
2011-07-14, 09:34 AM
203: I can't make magically infused babies with Profession: Midwife and Master Craftsman.
I think we need a little talk about where babies actually come from.

Welknair
2011-07-14, 09:44 AM
I think we need a little talk about where babies actually come from.

Right. It's not Profession: Midwife that makes the baby - they only help in the polishing up of the finished product. Craft: Baby is where it's at.

223. I may not carry loot inside my stomach such that it doesn't count towards my encumbrance.

nhbdy
2011-07-14, 10:44 AM
Right. It's not Profession: Midwife that makes the baby - they only help in the polishing up of the finished product. Craft: Baby is where it's at.

223. I may not carry loot inside my stomach such that it doesn't count towards my encumbrance.

isn't there a spell for that? hoard gullet I believe it's from Dragon Magic

Lord Raziere
2011-07-14, 10:44 AM
224. I may not justify every action I do as "because I'm chaotic evil."

225. I may not justify every action I do as "because I'm neutral evil."

226. I may not justify every action I do as "because I'm lawful evil, therefore I'm legally allowed to be however evil as I want."

227. I may not justify every action I do as "I'm Chaotic Neutral, therefore I'm a free spirit and can do whatever I want."

228. I may not justify every action I do as "because I'm True Neutral, I don't care about morality."

229. I may not justify every action I do as "because I'm Lawful Neutral, therefore I'm the law, and the law says I can do whatever I want."

230.I may not justify every action I do as "because I'm Chaotic Good, and its the good of everyone for me to be free and do whatever I want."

231. I may not justify every action I do as "because I'm neutral good, everything I do is for the greater good, and therefore I can do whatever I want."

232. I may not justify ever action I do as "I'm Lawful Good, therefore its my lawful duty to do whatever I want for the good of everyone."

233. screw it. I can't play alignments anymore.

NeoSeraphi
2011-07-14, 10:45 AM
223. I may not carry loot inside my stomach such that it doesn't count towards my encumbrance.

What? Come on, why else would you play a Master of Many Forms and walk around as a creature with the Swallow Whole ability?

Ravens_cry
2011-07-14, 11:08 AM
Right. It's not Profession: Midwife that makes the baby - they only help in the polishing up of the finished product. Craft: Baby is where it's at.

It is also a class skill for everyone.
***
234 When the party thief 'hands back the leash' to my paladin after a long in-game absence, said paladin is not allowed to ask what the thieves safety word is.

Arbane
2011-07-14, 11:18 AM
What? Come on, why else would you play a Master of Many Forms and walk around as a creature with the Swallow Whole ability?

To violate this one:


14. I may not win fights by eating the monster.

Welknair
2011-07-14, 11:25 AM
How does Bite of the King interact with 14?

235. I may not worship Pun-Pun

236. I may not summon Pun-Pun

237. I may not make Pun-Pun

238. I may not attempt to explain Pun-Pun

239. I cannot improve upon Pun-Pun

nhbdy
2011-07-14, 11:35 AM
How does Bite of the King interact with 14?

235. I may not worship Pun-Pun

236. I may not summon Pun-Pun

237. I may not make Pun-Pun

238. I may not attempt to explain Pun-Pun

239. I cannot improve upon Pun-Pun

240. I will not introduce the new player to the concept of Pun-Pun

241. I will not reference Pun-Pun or any aspect of his nonsense in any way, ever, under any circumstance.

Sipex
2011-07-14, 11:44 AM
I can't believe this thread went a few dozen numbers on sexual entendres alone. It was entertaining.

242. I am no longer allowed to put "The Spirit of Rock and Roll" as my diety.

243. I am no longer allowed to attempt the invention of the 'Electric Guitar'.

244. Especially if my blueprints are "Guitar + Call Lightning = Electric Guitar"

245. I am no longer allowed to play theme music whenever my character speaks. Especially if it's from The Lone Ranger.

246. My dual hand-crossbow wielding ranger is not allowed to be named Clint Eastwood.

247. Nor can I simply refer to him as 'The elf with no name.'

248. Nor the Spirit of the West.

249. Future characters may not put 'The Spirit of the West' down as a diety.

Axinian
2011-07-14, 12:06 PM
250. I can no longer use CW Samurai for any of my characters, especially after the whole Shneeky event.

Flame of Anor
2011-07-14, 12:06 PM
I can't believe this thread went a few dozen numbers on sexual entendres alone. It was entertaining.

242. I am no longer allowed to put "The Spirit of Rock and Roll" as my diety.

243. I am no longer allowed to attempt the invention of the 'Electric Guitar'.

244. Especially if my blueprints are "Guitar + Call Lightning = Electric Guitar"

245. I am no longer allowed to play theme music whenever my character speaks. Especially if it's from The Lone Ranger.

246. My dual hand-crossbow wielding ranger is not allowed to be named Clint Eastwood.

247. Nor can I simply refer to him as 'The elf with no name.'

248. Nor the Spirit of the West.

249. Future characters may not put 'The Spirit of the West' down as a diety.

251. Nor is Clint Eastwood a deity.

252. Nor are his guns the loyal solars that serve him.

nhbdy
2011-07-14, 12:11 PM
253. My first answer to a problem is no longer allowed to be "I summon Ashardalon from the realm he was banished to, bind him to my will for one favor before releasing him upon the multiverse."

254. especially if said favor involves baking "the cake to end all cakes."

EDITED because of typo

Coidzor
2011-07-14, 12:13 PM
It is also a class skill for everyone.


There's... There's actually a Weebl song on that subject. Called Babies....:smallcool:


251. Nor is Clint Eastwood a deity.

Actually, I believe he is. (https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/Murlynd) :smallbiggrin:

Welknair
2011-07-14, 12:18 PM
255. "Barbarian" is not the answer to everything.

nhbdy
2011-07-14, 12:26 PM
255. "Barbarian" is not the answer to everything.

255a. Nor is frenzied berserker, especially not frenzied berserker

256. Berserk is not a valid reason to kill other party members, when the whole group was out of combat.

257. "I'm raging at society" is not a valid reason to go berserk

Mixt
2011-07-14, 12:28 PM
258: I am not allowed to play a cleric of Kamina.

258a: I am not allowed to play a cleric of Simon either.

259: I am not allowed to play a baby black dragon ever again.

Welknair
2011-07-14, 12:38 PM
260. I may not hit on every female NPC I meet.

Axinian
2011-07-14, 02:10 PM
258b. "The You Who Believes in Me" is not a valid choice of deity or cause.

byaku rai
2011-07-14, 02:28 PM
261: When playing D&D, I may not create a character from Exalted.

262: Come to think of it, I may not mix two different RPGs at all.

262b: Especially when one is WH40k. :smalleek:

263: Artificers cannot make God-Machines. Period.

Ryu_Bonkosi
2011-07-14, 02:47 PM
264: Even if I have legal documents saying that I own it, I may not sell someone elses soul to the devil.

Welknair
2011-07-14, 03:09 PM
264a. That would be a devil. There are more than one.

264b. While we're at it, selling to Demons is prohibited as well.

264c. Daemons too.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-07-14, 03:16 PM
265. I am not allowed to start a joke thread like this without first checking to see if Silly Message Board Games has it already (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=142337).

266. I am not allowed to link that thread to give people even more ideas.
266a. This also goes for linking this thread in that thread.

Welknair
2011-07-14, 03:26 PM
266b. I am not allowed to copy the entirety of the other thread into a word document, then paste it into a post on this thread.

Axinian
2011-07-14, 03:31 PM
267. I may not list my skill bonus as "very yes," no matter how high the bonus may be.

Welknair
2011-07-14, 03:33 PM
268. Nor may my damage ever be listed as "Yes"

Lord Loss
2011-07-14, 03:42 PM
269. I may not cut the toes off of the kobold to get information. Or else the paladin will smite me.
270. Nor may I light the kobold on fire when no one's looking.
271. I may not charge the giant's camp when I am a halfling rogue.
272. I may not kill the party sorcerer. Or the paladin will smite me.

Ryu_Bonkosi
2011-07-14, 03:48 PM
273: Even if the rules are allow it, every single one of my Unarmed Strikes may not be a pimp slap.

274: I may not start a brothel, especially if my character specialises in Unarmed Striking.

275: The concept of a pimp does not exist in this campaign.

275a: Nor is that an invitation to create the concept of the pimp.

WildPyre
2011-07-14, 03:50 PM
276: Making wise cracks about the possibility of the Joker having a physical attraction to Batman to the Joker's face will NOT give me a psychological advantage.

276a: Nor will it do so with Batman.

277: It doesn't matter what the rules are for jurry rigging inventions in M&M, my character can not spend three rounds in a Radio Shack and make a dimensional transporter.

278: Using that dimensional transporter on another player just because their backstory is that they were accidentally transported to my universe does NOT solve everything.

279: I will just generally stop using the invention system in M&M to try and end the GM's game in the first session.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-07-14, 04:02 PM
277: It doesn't matter what the rules are for jurry rigging inventions in M&M, my character can not spend three rounds in a Radio Shack and make a dimensional transporter.

You make Macgyver sad. :smallfrown:

Welknair
2011-07-14, 04:07 PM
280. When using Welknair's Magitech system, I may not turn the Wizard's cat familiar into a Scorching Ray Gun and call it a "Laser cat".

NikitaDarkstar
2011-07-14, 04:14 PM
You make Macgyver sad. :smallfrown:

and the Doctor! :'(

281. I am NOT allowed to create cat zombie just to make Schröedinger's cat jokes.
281a. The same goes for flesh stiched familiars.
282. I am no longer allowed to question the druids sexual preferences gender or species wise. Especially not while bringing up wildshaping and morals.

WildPyre
2011-07-14, 04:17 PM
You make Macgyver sad. :smallfrown:and the Doctor! :'(



Amateurs... AMATEURS I SAY!

Shep
2011-07-14, 04:28 PM
283. I may not create a halfling bard named Kilmo
284. Who specializes in performance: mime
285. And uses a bicycle horn as a musical instrument
286. Nor may he ever use prestidigitation to create banana peels on the street as the mayor walks by.
287. Nor should my next character try to take vengence on the party for killing Kilmo.

Welknair
2011-07-14, 05:00 PM
288. I may not have a Succubus as my cohort.

Giggling Ghast
2011-07-14, 05:04 PM
289. I may not write "Yes" as my Charisma score on my character sheet.

DiBastet
2011-07-14, 05:13 PM
108q. Trololo song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oavMtUWDBTM) also isn't for your sweet time.

108r. Inspire greatness also isn't.

Welknair
2011-07-14, 05:20 PM
290. I may not use 108 as my to-do list once I get Suggestion.

GFawkes
2011-07-14, 05:25 PM
291. Cleric do not get to add their Perform(Dance) ranks to turn/bolster undead checks. Especially when zombies are involved.

292. Not allowed to use the Portable Hole and Bag of Holding as a bomb. Again.

293. Conjuration [calling] and [summoning] spells are not substitutes for hunting.

294. I am only allowed to reference combat rules from 2 books per encounter.

295. No launching swine past the upper atmosphere.

Welknair
2011-07-14, 05:27 PM
Uh.. You're numbering might need some adjusting. Swordsage'd.

GFawkes
2011-07-14, 05:30 PM
Fixed. And also:

296. No casting Gate on the door to the outhouse.

NeoSeraphi
2011-07-14, 05:33 PM
297. I may not use polymorph any object to turn any chair I sit in into a life-sized statue of the DM's girlfriend.

297a. He will hit me with the Spell Compendium.

298. When I DM, I must exercise restraint on the part of my gods.

298a. One of my player's drawing a fake moustache on Heironeous's statue should not provoke me to get out the Book of Exalted Deeds so I can send an Aleax after him.

299. Playing the Imperial March every time the BBEG shows up is not the correct way to set the mood.

300. I may not write Spot DC 25 as my character's gender.

Edit: Swordsage'd

Welknair
2011-07-14, 05:44 PM
297b. I may not turn it into a life-sized statue of the DM either.

Flame of Anor
2011-07-14, 06:09 PM
265. I am not allowed to start a joke thread like this without first checking to see if Silly Message Board Games has it already (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=142337).

301. I am not allowed to make a rule about starting threads like this without first checking SMBG, without checking to see if a moderator had given explicit permission for this thread to start right here. :smallwink:

Hiro Protagonest
2011-07-14, 06:14 PM
298. I am not allowed to make a rule about starting threads like this without first checking SMBG, without checking to see if a moderator had given explicit permission for this thread to start right here. :smallwink:

I know that. Did the mod know the other thread existed?

GFawkes
2011-07-14, 06:51 PM
302. If someone needs to use psionics more frequently, that does not mean they need to Lurk more.

Welknair
2011-07-14, 06:58 PM
303. I may not make a character using only homebrew material no one in my group has ever heard of.

Check your numbers, guys.

NeoSeraphi
2011-07-14, 06:58 PM
We're on 302

Ksheep
2011-07-14, 07:06 PM
297. I may not use polymorph any object to turn any chair I sit in into a life-sized statue of the DM's girlfriend.

297a. He will hit me with the Spell Compendium.

298. When I DM, I must exercise restraint on the part of my gods.

298a. One of my player's drawing a fake moustache on Heironeous's statue should not provoke me to get out the Book of Exalted Deeds so I can send an Aleax after him.

299. Playing the Imperial March every time the BBEG shows up is not the correct way to set the mood.

300. I may not write Spot DC 25 as my character's gender.

Edit: Swordsage'd


298. I am not allowed to make a rule about starting threads like this without first checking SMBG, without checking to see if a moderator had given explicit permission for this thread to start right here. :smallwink:


302. If someone needs to use psionics more frequently, that does not mean they need to Lurk more.


303. I may not make a character using only homebrew material no one in my group has ever heard of.

Check your numbers, guys.


We're on 302

No, we're on 304. Flame of Anor got thrown off by the regression into 297b.

Welknair
2011-07-14, 07:31 PM
304. I will not try to convert Clerics I meet to Atheism.

304a. Even if I have a high enough Diplomacy.

304b. Especially if I'm trying to use Craft: Basketweaving to do so.

"The basket... It's... It's so beautiful! My god pales in comparison to the perfection that is this basket!"

...

Axinian
2011-07-14, 07:52 PM
305. Elder Brains are not to be eaten, even if they do taste like Jell-O.

nhbdy
2011-07-14, 09:11 PM
305. Elder Brains are not to be eaten, even if they do taste like Jell-O.

306. In Soviet Russia Elder Brains do not eat you, even if I can find a picture of it.

Flame of Anor
2011-07-14, 09:18 PM
I know that. Did the mod know the other thread existed?

Heck if I know, but this board is a much more fruitful place than SMBG for such a thread, anyhow.

Welknair
2011-07-14, 10:24 PM
307. I cannot make Far Realms jokes as if it were Russia.

307a. Even if sandwiches really eat you there.

Flame9006
2011-07-14, 11:40 PM
308:I am not allowed to give the Wilden Druid who is always in bear form a monocle and a top hat

309:I am also not allowed to give said character alcohol EVER

310:I am also not allowed to let him roll Diplomacy to convince a very drunk girl in the bar to get him a room

311:I am not allowed to let him do anything Ic without asking me first OOC (because otherwise he'll try to preform on the streets of the town as a bear to earn money[He actually tried it])

Edit:Added a couple more

Marillion
2011-07-15, 12:31 AM
Most if not all of these apply to 7th Sea.

312: I may not tie the laces on "Mad" Jack O'Bannon's Seven League Striders together.
313: I may not retroactively issue a duel to someone who I have just shot.
314: No matter how many points I put into it, the Quack skill is not a substitute for the Surgery skill.
315: The sympathetic healer may not carry a bag of live rats to transfer his wounds onto.
316: Even if the sympathetic healer transfers eleven wounds onto a rat, it does not explode.
317: Causing a rat to explode and showering the enemies with rat pieces does not give you a bonus to intimidation checks.
318: Mjy Vjesten Skjald mjay njot tjake ljibjertjies wjith thje rjunjic ajlphjabjet.
319: When issued a duel and asked to choose my weapon, I may not choose the other guys weapon.
320: I may not unionize the brute squads.
321: Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.
322: My Highlander's name may not be McHammer.
323: I may not start with every language except for ones the rest of the group speaks.
324: I may not walk into L'Empereur's court, activate Stone Knight to grant me limited invincibility, and talk smack to L'Empereur until I drop dead 24 hours later.
324a: I may not resurrect myself and do the exact same thing the next day.
324b: I may, however, do this to Giovanni Villanova. I understand that I do so at my own peril.
325: Castillians do not end every sentence with "Arriba!"
326: When I accept or issue a duel, I must allow the other guy time to find a weapon.
327: I am not allowed any artistic license while translating.
328: The first rule of the Finnegan unarmed fighting school is not "Do not talk about the Finnegan unarmed fighting school."
329: The titles "Viking" and "Obstetrician" are mutually exclusive.
330: The Throat Punch skill does not give me a bonus to contested philosophy checks.
331: I do not get a bulk discount at the prostitutes guild.
332: No matter how many points I put into the skill, I may not use sword swallowing to parry.
333: My Highlander will refrain from doing the Can-Can.
334: If the villains three-room lair contains more than a hundred brutes, I may not just tip off the fire marshal.
335: My panzerhand does not get a vote.

Ryu_Bonkosi
2011-07-15, 12:33 AM
336: Under no circumstances is it ok to try to have sexual relations with another Pc's animal companion/familiar.

(A player of mine actually did this :smallsigh:)

HunterOfJello
2011-07-15, 12:40 AM
337. I may not try to sneak in an Eternal Wand of Glibness at character creation and hope the DM doesn't notice it.


Note: I was not the player, I was the DM.

Ryu_Bonkosi
2011-07-15, 12:42 AM
Most if not all of these apply to 7th Sea.

312: I may not tie the laces on "Mad" Jack O'Bannon's Seven League Striders together.
313: I may not retroactively issue a duel to someone who I have just shot.
314: No matter how many points I put into it, the Quack skill is not a substitute for the Surgery skill.
315: The sympathetic healer may not carry a bag of live rats to transfer his wounds onto.
316: Even if the sympathetic healer transfers eleven wounds onto a rat, it does not explode.
317: Causing a rat to explode and showering the enemies with rat pieces does not give you a bonus to intimidation checks.
318: Mjy Vjesten Skjald mjay njot tjake ljibjertjies wjith thje rjunjic ajlphjabjet.
319: When issued a duel and asked to choose my weapon, I may not choose the other guys weapon.
320: I may not unionize the brute squads.
321: Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.
322: My Highlander's name may not be McHammer.
323: I may not start with every language except for ones the rest of the group speaks.
324: I may not walk into L'Empereur's court, activate Stone Knight to grant me limited invincibility, and talk smack to L'Empereur until I drop dead 24 hours later.
324a: I may not resurrect myself and do the exact same thing the next day.
324b: I may, however, do this to Giovanni Villanova. I understand that I do so at my own peril.
325: Castillians do not end every sentence with "Arriba!"
326: When I accept or issue a duel, I must allow the other guy time to find a weapon.
327: I am not allowed any artistic license while translating.
328: The first rule of the Finnegan unarmed fighting school is not "Do not talk about the Finnegan unarmed fighting school."
329: The titles "Viking" and "Obstetrician" are mutually exclusive.
330: The Throat Punch skill does not give me a bonus to contested philosophy checks.
331: I do not get a bulk discount at the prostitutes guild.
332: No matter how many points I put into the skill, I may not use sword swallowing to parry.
333: My Highlander will refrain from doing the Can-Can.
334: If the villains three-room lair contains more than a hundred brutes, I may not just tip off the fire marshal.
335: My panzerhand does not get a vote.

I will not try so sneak things I may no longer do from Mr Welch's list into this list after Mr. Welch's list has already been discussed.

Xanmyral
2011-07-15, 01:04 AM
338. I cannot call every dwarf we meet Urist Mc[Profession]
339. I cannot make a dwarf named Urist McAdventurton
340. Not all artifacts menace with spikes.
341. I will stop accusing the elf in the group of cannibalism.
342. I will stop trying to burn said elf with lava.
343. I may not try to create perpetual energy machines.
344. I will stop freaking out every time we see adamantine ore.
345. Mermen/maid bones are not rare. I must stop trying to genocide them.
346. I do not need alcohol to get through the work day.
347. I may not try to trade in my racial hatred of goblins for racial hatred of elephants.
348. There is not, nor has there ever been a boat that has been murdered.
349. I can no longer play a dwarf. Ever.
349a. Even if we play an all dwarf campaign.

Frozen_Feet
2011-07-15, 08:29 AM
341. I will stop accusing the elf in the group of cannibalism.

Of course you can't say that! It's horribly rude! Elves only eat humans, not other elves!

The proper term is anthrophage.

---

350. "I go to the woods" is not valid method for searching pirate treasure
351. I may not lie about my goals to powerful NPCs when it's unnecessary.

351a. Especially if I have no goals.
351b. Especially if it's a coven of witches capable of scry & die.
351c. Especially if it's the ruler of the realm... called "Blood Emperor".
352. I may not beg the Admiral to outfit my ship with cannons if I'm not part of the navy

352b. Especially if going to use them for piracy.
352c. "I need them for self-defense" is not a valid excuse if your ship already has 9 ballistas and 2 catapults. No, not even then.
353. I may not sell my soul to the Devil just for the heck of it.

353a. The Devil has no incentive to buy, he'll get it for free anyways at this rate.

dragonfire42
2011-07-15, 10:00 AM
354. I must never have an undead army ever again. Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Welknair
2011-07-15, 10:53 AM
355. I will not invent anything from the "list of weapons that don't exist but should"

Ksheep
2011-07-15, 11:26 AM
356. Digging in a mine field will not reveal numbers showing how many mines are near the hole.

357. Not allowed to cut off the hands of a dead monk and use them as improvised weapons.

358. Not allowed to have the PC's start a game of D&D in the local tavern.

358a. Not allowed to let the PC's of the PC's D&D game start a THIRD game of D&D in the local tavern.

359. Not allowed to inject live botulinum into your face to increase charisma.

360. Morphine is not the solution to all medical emergency.

360a. Neither is amputation.

361. Not allowed to plug the bowels of cows just to use them as improvised explosive/incendiary weapons.

362. Not allowed to lead a church service for any religion other than your own.

363. Dwarves deserve equal pay, too.

363a. As do Elves, Half-Orcs, Halflings, Kobolds, and Gnomes.

363b. Especially when they are a higher level than you.

TheRiov
2011-07-15, 12:34 PM
From a Vampire LARP

364. I am not allowed to use a Dustbuster as vessel for PC's (vampire) remains.
365. If I every do use a Dustbuster to contain a dead PC I will not hand deliver the bag to the Elysium Keeper with no explanation other than the PC's name and a *@$#-eating grin.
366. 'Fair Escape' rules do not apply when someone is literally stunned into silence.
367. Just because my Malkavian is obsessed with Shakespere I will not name him after the Bard's son, "Hamnet"
368. If I do name a character Hamnet, I am NEVER allowed to use a web of rope to suspend Pig corpses over the Elysium as a calling card.
369. I am not allowed to make a character that stutters when nervous in combat.
370. Dominate cannot make anyone "SLEEP" particularly a frenzied vampire.
371. I may not blood-bond someone by sniping them with tranq darts full of my blood.
372. Especially the Brujah Primogen.

TheRiov
2011-07-15, 12:47 PM
From D&D

373. Just because I took the Lich-Loved feat does not mean the DM Must allow me to RP out the scenes.
374. I am not allowed to play any character masquerading as a 11 year old girl.
374a. Particularly if that character is a necromancer cleric.
375. My necromancer cleric masquerading as an 11 year old girl is not allowed to play with the "other children"
375a. Even if its 'just their heads'

Acero
2011-07-15, 12:50 PM
376: I am no longer allowed to base characters off the cast of Scrubs...:smalltongue:

Flame of Anor
2011-07-15, 01:06 PM
The proper term is anthrophage.

Anthropophage, actually.


377. They are not taking the hobbits to Isengard, to Isengard, to Isengard.

Hatchet91
2011-07-15, 01:08 PM
378 im not aloud to use my changeling to suduce other players and steal their clothes asooon as they undress and run away with them.

EagleWiz
2011-07-15, 01:37 PM
379. There is no such thing as a Were-Warforged.

Axinian
2011-07-15, 01:42 PM
380. "KAMEHAMEHA!!!" is no the proper verbal component for Orb of Force.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-07-15, 01:43 PM
381. I cannot get multiweapon fighting if my guy fights with one sword in his mouth.
381a. This goes double if I name him Roronoa Zoro.

The Succubus
2011-07-15, 01:50 PM
381. I am forbidden from using any sort summoning spells after using a feather, a roc and a succubus to explain the difference between sexy and kinky.

Welknair
2011-07-15, 02:00 PM
377. They are not taking the hobbits to Isengard, to Isengard, to Isengard.

377a. And no, you may not ask where Gandalf is, even if you much desire to speak to him.

Bobby Archer
2011-07-15, 02:18 PM
(We've got two 380s up there)

383. If my Tzimisce creates "Soylent Pub" as an in-game location, he is explicitly to be held responsible when it rampages through Downtown Phoenix.
384. I do not win a LARP by locking all the other players and STs into a room.
385. The STs have the right to ask why I want Molotov cocktails before giving them to me.
386. "To firebomb Elysium" is not a sufficient answer.
387. "To destroy the seditious German propaganda (read: German translations of Harry Potter) the Keeper has in the bookstore Elysium is held in" is sufficient in that it qualifies my character for Death by Molotov Boomerang.

Axinian
2011-07-15, 02:19 PM
SwiftMongoose and Masamune may want to adjust their numbers, since we're really on...

388. The unicorn is not named Charlie... ever.

Welknair
2011-07-15, 02:26 PM
388a. Nor is the Llama named "Carl".

Elyssian
2011-07-15, 02:48 PM
389. I am no longer allowed to buy Greek Fire in kegs...
390. or ask which building is the elementary school
391. I can not take a Roc as an animal companion ever again:smallbiggrin:

NeoSeraphi
2011-07-15, 03:49 PM
380. "KAMEHAMEHA!!!" is no the proper verbal component for Orb of Force.

Yeah, it's definitely "BIG BANG ATTACK!"

Axinian
2011-07-15, 04:06 PM
Yeah, it's definitely "BIG BANG ATTACK!"

380a. I can't use Orb of Force unless its modified by Silent Spell...

Mixt
2011-07-15, 04:15 PM
392: I am not allowed to write "Anti-Spiral" as my characters race and class.

392a: Nor may i name my character LordGenome.

392b: No, i am not allowed to have an armdrill, kapische.

Welknair
2011-07-15, 04:21 PM
393. I am not allowed to use Delay Spell and pretend I failed my concentration check.

Mixt, check your numbers.

Xanmyral
2011-07-15, 04:22 PM
394. If I'm undead, I can't attack random people with the excuse that I'm hungry.
395. Especially if I'm a form of undead that doesn't need to eat.
396. If I'm a wight, I cannot shake the hand of everyone I meet.
397. I may no longer be a necropolitan.

Welknair
2011-07-15, 04:49 PM
398. I may not turn my familiar into a lich.

squeekenator
2011-07-15, 09:34 PM
399. Maneuvers do not have verbal components. Not even FIVE-SHADOW CREEPING ICE ENERVATION STRIKE.

Flame of Anor
2011-07-15, 10:57 PM
400. When the DM calls for a save or check, I am not allowed to reply "Never tell me the odds!"

401. I may not play a Warforged Expert with 3 Str and six million skill points all spent on Speak Language.

Lither
2011-07-16, 02:36 AM
402. Casting Sudden Empowered Sudden Maximised Cloudkill with a rod of Widen causes it to be centered on me every time I cast it before 10th level.

403. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot eat my sword and expect to live.

404. Fireball no longer causes objects to catch fire. The DM is tired of my shenanigans.

Shadowknight12
2011-07-16, 02:45 AM
405. I can no longer headbutt walls to discover secret doors.

byaku rai
2011-07-16, 06:51 AM
406: Vow of Poverty does not make me shiny. :smallfrown:

407: I am not allowed to make a VoP character ever again.

Necroticplague
2011-07-16, 09:19 AM
407: I am not allowed to make a VoP character ever again.

408: As a DM, I may not plate all important quest items in platinum to make to make the person with VoP fall.

LongVin
2011-07-16, 11:07 AM
409. I may not release the Nephandi from his Technocratic prison.

409a. Even if he promises to break us out of prison also.

410. I'm not allowed to touch any big red buttons ever!

Ksheep
2011-07-16, 11:26 AM
410a. Not allowed to press the big shiny button either.

410b. Not allowed to tell the barbarian that the sign on the big red button says "Do push" instead of "Do not push"

Marillion
2011-07-16, 03:17 PM
I will not try so sneak things I may no longer do from Mr Welch's list into this list after Mr. Welch's list has already been discussed.

Sneak? :smallconfused:

The only reason I included those was because they were surprisingly similar to things I or someone in my group had already done :smalltongue: And the ones about tying Jacks laces together, the sympathetic healer, and Stone Knight were allll us.

411: If I cannot say my Castillians name in one breath, it is too long.
412: Vendel brute squads do NOT empty your bank account with every successful hit, no matter their threat rating.
413: My character may pick any one of these three: Blessed Beauty, Dangerous Beauty, full ranks in Seduction.
414: L'Empereur does not care HOW cool my hat is, he has closets full of better hats to be used as napkins.
415: I may not play a "redneck Highlander".
415a: The redneck Highlander will not travel to "Monta-ig-knee" to learn the "Towt Press" school on his way to "Cas-till-ee".
416: I must remember that there is, indeed, more than one Highlander. An entire nation of them, in fact.
ETA 417: If the GM ever says "I need to buff up the villain who can disintegrate matter at will because he's not challenging enough", mayyyybe the party should tone it down.

Welknair
2011-07-16, 06:07 PM
418. If I am a guy, I may not play a female character.

418a. The opposite is usually okay.

super dark33
2011-07-16, 06:12 PM
419. i may never play a lizardfolk ranger using a Senjid's invention* with cleave based build
419b. i may never charge with that charecter to a railroading army of goblins, who were supposed to die to show how the 'chosen ones' (not the us) awosome.
419c. i may not singlehandly destroy that army.

*a double weapon, one heas is a hammer of 1d10 of earth domination, and the outer is scimitar of great cleaving

Welknair
2011-07-16, 09:22 PM
420. As a Wizard I may not show up the rest of the party by fulfilling all of their roles before they get the chance to.

Archpaladin Zousha
2011-07-16, 11:17 PM
Lolth must be your patron deity, because Boccob would be more appropriate given the circumstances.
Maybe this is his patron deity:
http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/028/8/3/836b85c6d80bb5fd28c50f9dc582cff1.png

Mixt
2011-07-17, 02:14 PM
421: Not allowed to glue a key to a knife and claim to be a Keyblade Wielder.

422: Not allowed to throw other party members out of windows.

422a: Even if i think it's funny.

423: The old wizard does not have Narnia in his wardrobe, i am not allowed to try to prove otherwise.

424: Eating the DMPC in his sleep is not appreciated.

424a: This is why i may never play anything that can Swallow Whole.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-07-17, 02:53 PM
423: The old wizard does not have Narnia in his wardrobe, i am not allowed to try to prove otherwise.

425. I am not allowed to cast gate and permanency in the back of a wardrobe.

TroubleBrewing
2011-07-17, 05:11 PM
425. I am not allowed to cast gate and permanency in the back of a wardrobe.

426. I am not allowed to journey into said wardrobe and bring back a the skin of a Dire Lion.

427. No, not even then.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-07-17, 05:20 PM
426. I am not allowed to journey into said wardrobe and bring back a the skin of a Dire Lion.

427. No, not even then.

428. As an epic level druid, I am not allowed to go into the wardrobe and wild shape into a legendary paragon lion, and have a homebrew feat that let's me talk while in animal form.

Flame of Anor
2011-07-17, 05:57 PM
429. I may not create rings of plane shift that only go to a certain wooded plain with lots of ponds.

430. The ponds may not be gates.

431. None of the gate ponds leads to a plane whose only inhabitant is an epic level female sorcerer with a special mass power word kill spell.

Darth Stabber
2011-07-17, 06:12 PM
9. Doomspeak does not require me to put a green cloak and steel mask on and randomly announce that DOOM is here to solve your pitiful moral quandary.

Yes it does.


10. I may not bring puppets to the table.
11. Not even if they are really good puppets.

I have used a puppet to great effect, though it is mostly to drive players insane.