He Won't Die!

[the humanity]

taking over a campaign- the party is being followed by the most annoying undead monkey to ever exist. He regenerates whenever he's killed, and is very smart. He steals, screams at bad times, screws up encounters. what should he do to them before I get rid of him?

[Reluctance]

Are you the DM or a player?

If the former, do you have any use for this character beyond annoying people?

[Frosty]

taking over a campaign- the party is being followed by the most annoying undead monkey to ever exist. He regenerates whenever he's killed, and is very smart. He steals, screams at bad times, screws up encounters. what should he do to them before I get rid of him?
This monkey needs to be the victim of a Shrink spell of some sort, and then stuffed into a bottle.

[Big Fau]

This monkey needs to be the victim of a Shrink spell of some sort, and then stuffed into a bottle.

With a boat.

[marcielle]

And then give said boat bottle to a pirate. Preferably one with tons of ranks in use rope.

[Frosty]

Does this pirate have lots of ranks in Acrobatics, and tons of Luck re-roll feats?

[Circle of Life]

Apologizing for the disruption the monkey caused while not under your control would be a good start.

[Balor01]

Actually, I think, after disposing of monkey, you as a DM shuld consult the link in my signature and roll for one of those options.

[Elboxo]

I'm assuming you're the DM
Clerics, turn undead/heal him as a finish, or alternatively tossed off a cliff into the ocean or something. Plot hooks: You could have the monkey steal something of importance from a local NPC, or perhaps one of the players spellbooks or weapons or something, then have a showdown with it and some other animals ( undead too? )
Have him be a pet/spy of a powerful NPC who is testing the PC's.. etc

[Worira]

Grind him into dust and put him in a tiny metal box.

Then drop the box into the ocean.

[Yuki Akuma]

Assuming you're not the DM, punch the DM in the face.

It may not help but it will totally feel good.

[HappyBlanket]

The monkey is a lich. Find it's phylactery before it starts getting serious.

[JonRG]

1. Put all the Aztec gold back in the chest
2. Apply blunderbuss to undead monkey
3. ????
4. Profit!

Wait, wrong setting. :smallbiggrin:

Edit: I missed the 'how to torment them.' I'd take a page out of Rich's book (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0790.html).


Right, the familiar. Odd. I have one too, now.

[Waker]

1. Stuff monkey in Bag of Holding.
2. Pierce bag.
3. Success!

[Zaq]

Trap him in solid stone somehow. A clever casting of Wall of Stone/Stone Shape ought to do it (or, if you prefer, Transmute Rock to Mud/Transmute Mud to Rock). Then just leave him somewhere.

[Callista]

Portal him to the Positive Energy plane.

[TurtleKing]

Oh that last one is simply exploderific.:smallbiggrin:

[Randomguy]

If you've got access to lvl 8 spells, cast trap the soul on him. It'll cost a lot for the magic gem, though.

Otherwise, turn yourselves invisible while hiding behind a rock and cast an abjuration that stops you from being scryed. Then teleport/plane shift away.


If you're going to planeshift the monkey, put him somewhere where he won't want to leave, but won't die. If he dies, he'll regenerate on your plane. Try the grey wastes of Hades.

[EternalMelon]

Portal him to the Positive Energy plane.

Or to the moon. Bonus points if you trap him there with a being obsessed with space to obnoxiously torment him for the rest of his eternal life.
WHEEEEAAAATLY!?!! WHY WHEATLY WHYYY!!?!

[Zaq]

Portal him to the Positive Energy plane.


Oh that last one is simply exploderific.:smallbiggrin:

The Plane of Positive Energy doesn't hurt undead, though. In fact, they're LESS vulnerable to it than living things are.

[Callista]

Only if you apply the rules without using common sense! That fast healing you get on the positive energy plane obviously comes from positive energy and should mean constant damage to undead.

[Soranar]

Assuming you don't have spells but ranks in use rope

Step 1

catch monkey

Step 2

tie monkey up

Step 3

dig a DEEP hole, put monkey in said hole, fill hole

Step 4

walk away

[Frosty]

1. Put all the Aztec gold back in the chest
2. Apply blunderbuss to undead monkey
3. ????
4. Profit!

Wait, wrong setting. :smallbiggrin:
No, it's exactly the RIGHT setting. It's the setting everyone instantly though of given the opening post. However, do note that the monkey was still undead even after the events of the first movie. In fact, even at the end of the fourth movie when it was trapped in a miniature BLack Pearl inside a bottle, it was STILL undead :smalltongue:

[Graha013]

Would like to point out that OP seemed to be asking for what else he could make the monkey do before removing him from the plot..

[Circle of Life]

Would like to point out that OP seemed to be asking for what else he could make the monkey do before removing him from the plot..

Oh, very well.

He could spontaneously combust and award everyone due xp for all the hassle they've put up with so far.

[Yorrin]

I'm going with "the monkey was a familiar of an enemy spellcaster." What you do is somehow lure the PCs after the monkey into the master's lair, where its nature is revealed. The final encounter with the monkey has it protecting his master using an elaborate set of environment-based traps and such while the master is involved in some crazy arcane ritual. When the PCs finally kill the thing (via ranged attacks, if possible) it falls onto the dais where the caster is finishing his ritual, which messes up the ritual and destroys the monkey in the process.

Or so they think. I'd have the thing make a quick cameo in your "wrap-up speech" at the end of the campaign.

[Xtomjames]

Disintegrate? Polymorph any object?...True Res on it's backside?

[Zaq]

Would like to point out that OP seemed to be asking for what else he could make the monkey do before removing him from the plot..

My suggestion is still relevant. Now there's an undead monkey chasing the party by rolling around in a boulder.

[Yorrin]

My suggestion is still relevant. Now there's an undead monkey chasing the party by rolling around in a boulder.

I just got a wonderful mental image of an undead monkey rolling around in a giant spherical wall of force hamstermonkey ball style.

[JonRG]

No, it's exactly the RIGHT setting. It's the setting everyone instantly though of given the opening post. However, do note that the monkey was still undead even after the events of the first movie. In fact, even at the end of the fourth movie when it was trapped in a miniature BLack Pearl inside a bottle, it was STILL undead :smalltongue:

Because everyone forgot about kill Jack the Monkey. In the easter egg at the end, he steals another coin and becomes ubermonkey again. :smallwink: