Lord Noble
2011-10-31, 08:56 PM
tell me what you think... complaints are better than complements
oh this is just a radome chapter were my fav character is introduced
Collin, Amelia and Sparrow walked down the beautiful grove of trees wondering how a place of such wonder could exist in world of despair and death. They walked side by side in peaceful silence when a not so musical voice rand in “Three Avarions, Three Avarions diggen in a ditch, one called another one a dirty sun of a, pitch me out the window landed on a rock along came a devil and killed me thinking I had to big a, **** tail, dwarven ail three cence a glass and if u don not like it u can shove it up your ask me no more questions tell me no more lies cause if you do a demon lord will come and eat youre eyes.”
“what in the..” began Collin when a gruff looking dwarf with a shaved head and a wild red beard that waggled to and fro as he walked. But the thing that would astounded any onlooker the most would have been his armor. It was peer gray stone which looked to be be molded to his skin. With every step it caused a huge thud whenever it touched the ground. The dwarf laughed uproariously. Amelia scowled and walked up over to him.
“What the hell are you singing? Demanded Amelia furiously. “That is offensive!”
The dwarf stared at her.
“Sorry, missy, for offendin' yer pretty lil' mind. Jes' go polish yer nails 'er somethin',” replied the dwarf. “I ain't gonna stop singin' jes' to make ye feel better.”
Amelia's brow furrowed. That was probably the second time in her life a man or a select number of women hadn't immediately done what she told them to do.
“Oh. That's...that's alright, then. I'll...I'll let you do that.”
“Y'now missy, ye'd be awful pretty if ye growed a beard,” he said. “Ye needa stop shavin'.”
“I DON'T SHAVE!” Shouted Amelia indignantly. “You go...drink some beer or something!”
“AN' I DRINK!” Shouted the dwarf in return. “Ye needa calm down an' do somethin'...that...er...girls like yeself do!”
“I'm twenty five!”
“Ah! Still in nurse'ry school, eh?”
Amelia looked more confused than she had in her life. “But...but...I...I...What?
“I'm two 'hundred fifty, lady. Do ye wamme t' call yer mother or somethin'?”
This was too much for Amelia's mind to take in. She started to stammer, and sat down on the ground. Collin went up to the dwarf.
“Hello, friend! I'm Collin Winter, and who are you?”
“Storrt Shinderaxe th' Great! I gotta song 'bout me too!” Storrt suddenly broke into song.
Storrt the' Great slices down enemies with a wing o' 'is blade!
Demons cower 'fore 'is strength! Even Kaligor is afraid!
Upon those 'emons Storrt'll raid!
They'll all die t' death, ho-hade!
All 'ail Storrt th' Great! All hail! All hail! STORRT TH' GREAT!”
Collin and Sparrow stared in confusion while Storrt shook his head with a huge smile.
“Please please, 'old yer applause. Don' need more praise.”
“Oh. I see. Of course I will hold my applause,” said Collin. Sparrow stared at him openmouthed, but Collin nudge him with his elbow.
“We need all the help we can get, idiot!” He hissed to Sparrow
“Oh right!” Added Sparrow. “Will you allow us to join you, oh Paragon of Saints?”
“I'll let ye on a few conditions.”
“What would those be.”
“First,” said Storrt, counting on his nine fingers (the little finger on his right hand was missing), “Ye need ta prove yer skills. Secon', ye gotta keep th' girl here for entertainme--”
“WHAT! I REFUSE! GO AWAY!” Screamed Amelia, who had been silent for the fourth time in her life. “I WILL NOT BE ENTERTAINMENT FOR A SLIMY MIDGET!”
“Third,” continued Stortt, “Ye gotta help me kill Kaligor. Fif', ye need ta get me juicy meat ev'ry day.
“um alright, as entertainment well what do you mean.” Asked Collin pleasantly
“well, singin', wha' did ye think I meant? Nude dancin'?”
Collin and Sparrow looked at each other strangely, as that was exactly what they thought.
“Um. No. Of course not,” replied Sparrow.
“Well...” Said Amelia. “Maybe.”
“Ye'd need ta sing dwarvish chanties.”
“No. I will not sing about destruction and lust of drunken dwarves.”
“I drink as much as ye sleep wit' Collin.”
“You've only drank alcohol once?”
“Often.”
“I don't under—what are you saying!”
“An we test you'r metal tomorrer, an' gimme a drink ya dolt!”
Storrt Shinderaxe was already in full battle gear by the time Collin and every one else had woken, his awesome armor fit perfectly around him leaving only his hands feet and head uncovered, his shield glinted with dazzling radiance from the morning sun, and his sword was embedded with perfectly fit gems that all most glowed with his magic, and, not horribly ugly face (if rather dirty) showed only eagerness for the coming battle. Amelia grimaced at the belch that rang out through the tranquil clearing, seeming to come from Storrt's gigantic beard.
“Right, lads and lass! Lessee whacha got!”
Amelia looked and him, and plopped right back down onto the ground.
“You two go,” she said, obviously exhausted. “I'll catch....up...” She promptly resumed snoring.
Collin and Sparrow looked at her in dismay.
“Don't worry we can take him,” said Sparrow confidently. “We beat a bunch of men stronger than—.” Sparrow was cut off by Storrt's cry of “Givvum only blood an' guts!” Storrt charged at them, sword behind and shield in front.
Sparrow shot three arrows seeming to have g'rabbed his bow from another dimension. They all pinged off Storrt's armor, with his shield raised it was an impossible to shoot his face. He barely noticed.
Collin leaped forward and slashed out at Storrt repeatedly. All the attacks were deflected by armor, blade or shield, leaving Collin defenseless. A huge smash of Storrt's shield caused Collin to tumble fifteen feet through the air, crushing him up against a tree where he slumped down unconscious.
Sparrow fired arrow after arrow but nothing affected the dwarf. Storrt's shield knocked Sparrow senseless easily. The two prodigious fighters lay strewn about the glade.
“Well, boys! Ye did a 'undred times better than most fightahs i've met! Ye can join me if ye take th' privledge! But a'member th' terms!”
“wha- oh ya sure but ya know I think were about to do a lot, lot better than then most fightahs you’ve met ” Sparrow replied mimicking the dwarfs accent
“what you' mean you' dolt you and yur broother are stiren around the battle and that girls asleep....oh”
WHAM a giant crack from the hilt of Amelia's sword sent the dwarf sprawling on the ground unconscious with a giant thud. About a minute later the gruff dwarf woke up laughing and hollering from a blow that should have but him in the morgue.
“ho that was fine blow las yey might even help this old dwarf on his quest” he wooted.
“and for are help we wont two things and two things only” a triumphant sparrow said
“well spit it out ya dolt I ain’t gonna wait here all days”
“all right you help us with our quest once your done and you train as a little”
“ what in Ballsolamute are you asking that for I was planning that all all along”.
“Oh” murmured the three people standing wondering why they were beginning to like this weird dwarf so much
still Amelia being Amelia said “i wish that blow had killed him”
Stort only laughed
oh this is just a radome chapter were my fav character is introduced
Collin, Amelia and Sparrow walked down the beautiful grove of trees wondering how a place of such wonder could exist in world of despair and death. They walked side by side in peaceful silence when a not so musical voice rand in “Three Avarions, Three Avarions diggen in a ditch, one called another one a dirty sun of a, pitch me out the window landed on a rock along came a devil and killed me thinking I had to big a, **** tail, dwarven ail three cence a glass and if u don not like it u can shove it up your ask me no more questions tell me no more lies cause if you do a demon lord will come and eat youre eyes.”
“what in the..” began Collin when a gruff looking dwarf with a shaved head and a wild red beard that waggled to and fro as he walked. But the thing that would astounded any onlooker the most would have been his armor. It was peer gray stone which looked to be be molded to his skin. With every step it caused a huge thud whenever it touched the ground. The dwarf laughed uproariously. Amelia scowled and walked up over to him.
“What the hell are you singing? Demanded Amelia furiously. “That is offensive!”
The dwarf stared at her.
“Sorry, missy, for offendin' yer pretty lil' mind. Jes' go polish yer nails 'er somethin',” replied the dwarf. “I ain't gonna stop singin' jes' to make ye feel better.”
Amelia's brow furrowed. That was probably the second time in her life a man or a select number of women hadn't immediately done what she told them to do.
“Oh. That's...that's alright, then. I'll...I'll let you do that.”
“Y'now missy, ye'd be awful pretty if ye growed a beard,” he said. “Ye needa stop shavin'.”
“I DON'T SHAVE!” Shouted Amelia indignantly. “You go...drink some beer or something!”
“AN' I DRINK!” Shouted the dwarf in return. “Ye needa calm down an' do somethin'...that...er...girls like yeself do!”
“I'm twenty five!”
“Ah! Still in nurse'ry school, eh?”
Amelia looked more confused than she had in her life. “But...but...I...I...What?
“I'm two 'hundred fifty, lady. Do ye wamme t' call yer mother or somethin'?”
This was too much for Amelia's mind to take in. She started to stammer, and sat down on the ground. Collin went up to the dwarf.
“Hello, friend! I'm Collin Winter, and who are you?”
“Storrt Shinderaxe th' Great! I gotta song 'bout me too!” Storrt suddenly broke into song.
Storrt the' Great slices down enemies with a wing o' 'is blade!
Demons cower 'fore 'is strength! Even Kaligor is afraid!
Upon those 'emons Storrt'll raid!
They'll all die t' death, ho-hade!
All 'ail Storrt th' Great! All hail! All hail! STORRT TH' GREAT!”
Collin and Sparrow stared in confusion while Storrt shook his head with a huge smile.
“Please please, 'old yer applause. Don' need more praise.”
“Oh. I see. Of course I will hold my applause,” said Collin. Sparrow stared at him openmouthed, but Collin nudge him with his elbow.
“We need all the help we can get, idiot!” He hissed to Sparrow
“Oh right!” Added Sparrow. “Will you allow us to join you, oh Paragon of Saints?”
“I'll let ye on a few conditions.”
“What would those be.”
“First,” said Storrt, counting on his nine fingers (the little finger on his right hand was missing), “Ye need ta prove yer skills. Secon', ye gotta keep th' girl here for entertainme--”
“WHAT! I REFUSE! GO AWAY!” Screamed Amelia, who had been silent for the fourth time in her life. “I WILL NOT BE ENTERTAINMENT FOR A SLIMY MIDGET!”
“Third,” continued Stortt, “Ye gotta help me kill Kaligor. Fif', ye need ta get me juicy meat ev'ry day.
“um alright, as entertainment well what do you mean.” Asked Collin pleasantly
“well, singin', wha' did ye think I meant? Nude dancin'?”
Collin and Sparrow looked at each other strangely, as that was exactly what they thought.
“Um. No. Of course not,” replied Sparrow.
“Well...” Said Amelia. “Maybe.”
“Ye'd need ta sing dwarvish chanties.”
“No. I will not sing about destruction and lust of drunken dwarves.”
“I drink as much as ye sleep wit' Collin.”
“You've only drank alcohol once?”
“Often.”
“I don't under—what are you saying!”
“An we test you'r metal tomorrer, an' gimme a drink ya dolt!”
Storrt Shinderaxe was already in full battle gear by the time Collin and every one else had woken, his awesome armor fit perfectly around him leaving only his hands feet and head uncovered, his shield glinted with dazzling radiance from the morning sun, and his sword was embedded with perfectly fit gems that all most glowed with his magic, and, not horribly ugly face (if rather dirty) showed only eagerness for the coming battle. Amelia grimaced at the belch that rang out through the tranquil clearing, seeming to come from Storrt's gigantic beard.
“Right, lads and lass! Lessee whacha got!”
Amelia looked and him, and plopped right back down onto the ground.
“You two go,” she said, obviously exhausted. “I'll catch....up...” She promptly resumed snoring.
Collin and Sparrow looked at her in dismay.
“Don't worry we can take him,” said Sparrow confidently. “We beat a bunch of men stronger than—.” Sparrow was cut off by Storrt's cry of “Givvum only blood an' guts!” Storrt charged at them, sword behind and shield in front.
Sparrow shot three arrows seeming to have g'rabbed his bow from another dimension. They all pinged off Storrt's armor, with his shield raised it was an impossible to shoot his face. He barely noticed.
Collin leaped forward and slashed out at Storrt repeatedly. All the attacks were deflected by armor, blade or shield, leaving Collin defenseless. A huge smash of Storrt's shield caused Collin to tumble fifteen feet through the air, crushing him up against a tree where he slumped down unconscious.
Sparrow fired arrow after arrow but nothing affected the dwarf. Storrt's shield knocked Sparrow senseless easily. The two prodigious fighters lay strewn about the glade.
“Well, boys! Ye did a 'undred times better than most fightahs i've met! Ye can join me if ye take th' privledge! But a'member th' terms!”
“wha- oh ya sure but ya know I think were about to do a lot, lot better than then most fightahs you’ve met ” Sparrow replied mimicking the dwarfs accent
“what you' mean you' dolt you and yur broother are stiren around the battle and that girls asleep....oh”
WHAM a giant crack from the hilt of Amelia's sword sent the dwarf sprawling on the ground unconscious with a giant thud. About a minute later the gruff dwarf woke up laughing and hollering from a blow that should have but him in the morgue.
“ho that was fine blow las yey might even help this old dwarf on his quest” he wooted.
“and for are help we wont two things and two things only” a triumphant sparrow said
“well spit it out ya dolt I ain’t gonna wait here all days”
“all right you help us with our quest once your done and you train as a little”
“ what in Ballsolamute are you asking that for I was planning that all all along”.
“Oh” murmured the three people standing wondering why they were beginning to like this weird dwarf so much
still Amelia being Amelia said “i wish that blow had killed him”
Stort only laughed