View Full Version : Robe of Oddly Specific Items

Mr. Anon Omys
2011-11-08, 04:14 PM
Hello, People in the Playground. I come with a request for a bunch of bizarre, mostly mundane items, which, as the title suggests, are extremely specific in their name or application. For example, a 1/2 foot pole, a key to the back door at the Drunken Donkey in, or the knucklebones of the great gold dragon Ixniur.

Context: My group has been asking me to give out some interesting magic items. However, due to the rotating DM setup that we currently have, the party has been laden with powerful magic by a newer to the game DM. So, I plan, as part of the loot to give my group a robe of useful items (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/magicItems/wondrousItems.htm#robeofUsefulItems), except with a bunch of these oddly specific mundane items on it instead of the standard stuff.

All items suggested would be appreciated, even very minor magic items that may be included as separate loot.

2011-11-08, 04:31 PM
what level is the party, so we can recommend good other loot?

As for your robe of oddly specific items, try going to each room of your house and picking some inspiration. trying this in my house gives:

a bag of marbles(caltrops)
a slinky(extendable rod)
a potato(food for a day)
a pen(chalk)
...and my cat's hairball. lovely. acid flask, perhaps.

or are you looking for items that are not generally considered useful?

Mr. Anon Omys
2011-11-08, 04:59 PM
First, items which are not generally considered useful. On top of that, though, I want the items to be very non-generic. For example, instead of a bag of caltrops, a bag of green d4s. Then I can leave it up to the players what exactly they want to do with each item, instead of having a preset generic purpose.

And for reference, the party is currently level 6 and unoptimized, but we level quickly, and I would like everything to remain relevant.

2011-11-08, 05:35 PM
The rotten femur of Saint Archibald
A robe (a robe within a robe!)
Floral Undergarments -for a dwarf
Rotten Chicken's Eggs
The tail of a donkey
A slightly soggy book of the edible fungi of (random Country/Nation/Territory)
Stew (but no bowl)
A pulley
A rubber chicken

2011-11-08, 06:00 PM
An autograph book full of the signatures of famous bards
A torn half of a map of the sewer system of a major city
A plush beholder
A glittery feather boa.
The bloodstained jolly roger of the dread pirate Strober
A dented, old bugle
The fang of a dire lion

2011-11-08, 06:13 PM
A potion that turn blonde hair red, but only blonde hair, and it also increases hair length by 2.5 inches. It grants a +3 bonus to disguise.

2011-11-08, 06:18 PM
Two pounds of butter.
An ant farm.
A dead ferret.
An eyepatch with a hole in it.
Striped pantaloons - ogre sized.
A wand of cure critical wounds, with no charges left.
How to be a Hero: For dummies The book is full of references to powerful magical items, but is always missing critical pages.

Lord Il Palazzo
2011-11-08, 06:23 PM
A plain silver wedding ring engraved with a pair of setting appropriate names
A potion of Cure Critical Hiccups
A wooden comb with two teeth missing
A crystal swan figurine
A chocolate bunny with the ears bitten off
An extremely tiny (and very uncooperative) earth elemental
A random page torn from a wizard's spellbook (with a random level 1 spell recorded on one side and illegible scribbles on the other)
A halfling child's left shoe
A 7 inch tall stone statue of the character who removed the patch
A salad fork forged by the great dwarven swordsmith Sklar Hammersdin during his apprenticeship
A burlap sack with the words "Bag of Hodling" written on it
A glass eye
Half a pound of butter EDIT: Hmm. I didn't see PrinceOfMadness's post (particularly the two pounds of butter) before typing this. I think the internet's trying to tell you something.
A 9 3/4 foot pole
A finely carved set of stone polyhedral dice
A vial containing one tear from the world's saddest dragon

2011-11-08, 06:34 PM
Exactly 1 pound of Eternal Hard Cheese:
Perfectly weighted and suitable for use in calibrating scientific instruments. Immune to rotting. Edible only when cooked, but delicious and provides one day's worth of nourishment by itself.
Hardness of 20, 10 HP. Can be hurled (unmelted) as a Medium Sling Bullet. Bypasses hardness less than 20. Not automatically destroyed when slung on a hit or miss. Melts on striking creatures made or protected by fire. +1 to hit and damage.
Close examination for magical properties (Appraise, Intelligence, or Wisdom check DC 20) determines all of the above. Detect Magic finds a faint aura of magical power and provides a +5 circumstance bonus to the aforementioned check.
Careful appraisal (DC 15) determines that the cheese is of the finest quality, and at least 800 years of age. A connoisseur of fine cheeses would pay up to 100 gp for this glorious cheese. Without appraisal or identification, the cheese appears to be worth no more than 5 cp. With only its magical properties determined, its approximate value as a weapon appears to be 60 gp. However, warriors and weapon shops are unlikely to purchase the cheese without a Diplomacy or Bluff check (DC 20). On a successful check, the merchant will pay 50% of the value plus 5% for each point above the minimum DC to a maximum of 100% (60 GP). Friendly NPCs may recommend that you seek out a dealer in cheeses, rather than trying to pass cheese off as a weapon.

The patch appears as a wedge of pale yellow cheese on the robe. On detachment, it appears as a wheel of pale yellow cheese weighing one pound, about twice as large as an adult human fist. The cheese feels like smoothed stone, ungiving to squeezes and jabs. Its odor is faint, undetectable by normal human senses by more than 1 foot away. Up close, its smell is pungent, yet delicious if you happen to enjoy cheese.
In its current state, the cheese is plainly inedible for humanoid creatures. However, it might make for a delicious meal when melted.

Vial of Mustache Elixir
One drop on the face causes a fine mustache of 1" length to grow over the course of 1 round, or causes an existing mustache to increase in length by 1" and apparent thickness. Even creatures who do not normally grow notable facial hair - or facial hair at all - are susceptible to the effects of the Mustache Elixir. The facial hair matches the primary color of the creature's hair - if any - or randomly appears as Black, Brown, Yellow, or Red (roll a d4 to determine the color) if none. On creatures without heads or faces, drops will cause a mustache to manifest wherever it would appear most aesthetic. The vial contains 10+d20 drops on creation.
The mustache is immune to non-magical cutting implements for one day after its creation or enhancement for each drop administered, and magical effects below the 7th spell level for one hour per drop. The duration of protection stacks with additional drops. The mustache will maintain its state until at least 95% of it is removed. On removal, remaining hairs will rapidly fall out until the face or non-face returns to its pristine state.
Greater Dispel Magic, Break Enchantment, Remove Curse, or similar effects will immediately destroy the mustache without a caster level check.
On ingestion of 10 or more drops, the elixir causes permanent widespread external body hair growth, as well as some hair on the tongue. The hair is susceptible as normal to mundane implements, but regrows within a day. Other than being excessive for most creatures, the hair causes no penalties. Only Remove Curse or similar effects will restore the creature to normal.

The patch appears as a potion bottle with a mustache growing from the bottle to both sides. On detachment, it appears as a small corked vial containing a foul-smelling purple liquid that bubbles constantly. A small scroll also appears with the bottle describing the functionality of Mustache Elixir, as above, and a very clear warning not to ingest the elixir.

beyond reality
2011-11-08, 06:38 PM
-A jewelers hammer
-A wooden stamp in the shape of a star
-A small pair of scissors suitable for trimming toenails.
-A pencil-sized candle.
-A perfectly life-like great wyrm red dragon (1/150th scale) crafted from chocolate.

2011-11-08, 06:54 PM
A patch that looks like a gelatinous cube, that conjures a cube of jello

2011-11-08, 07:22 PM
Try to give them stuff that will be more fun than all their fancy loot. From the following, feel free to consider stuff into the separate loot category. Most of this aims for "oddly specific, but potentially useful under the right circumstances." The feeling you get from solving a problem with something you remember having in your pocket is always a great one.

-Have a single percentile for another robe of oddly specific items. XP (Might wanna pre-roll that one if there's a patch for it.)
-A lock of the [insert decent princess/elf queen/etc. equivalent]'s hair.
-Gotta repeat the rubber chicken here.
-A trick collapsable dagger that magically produces fake blood when used.
-Finely crafted mask of the cloak owner's face.
-A coin that, when flipped, always lands on its side.
-A pocketbook guide to goblin etiquette.
-A compass that points west.
-A mundane magic eight ball (or the regular pool eight ball)
-A masterwork nail file.
-A pocket full of lint.
-A Ring of Three Wishes. (I should note- this does not grant wishes, it creates them. Put it on, and roll will against wanting to take up farming, marry a rogue, and stack as many gold pieces in a tower as you can. Come up with some creative stuff!)
-A road sign labeled "67 miles".
-The head of a hammer.
-A complete, trained flea circus.

2011-11-08, 08:04 PM
Weight Scale set at exactly 5/7 a pound
The Step of Grand Emperor Aza-Thor (a box that can support the weight of 1 person)
Wand of Poking People in the Eye
Disappearing Ink (jar of lemon juice)
Blessed Identifier of Vergadain (one of those spinners used in board games)
Handheld Propulsion Based Soaring Object (a paper airplane)
Crooked Wand of Returning (boomerang)
Captivating Distraction Device (a cute cuddly kitten, that takes 1 attack at the nose of any individual that comes close)
a drop of Red Honeyed Ambrosia (the most delicious drink of all, pity it's fatal to mortals)
A pocket for useless trash (it will reject anything put into it that is in any way useful)
Lucky Charm of Elminster (A small well made idol worn by Elminster himself through his youth, said to unlock the hidden potential of those who wear it and unlock it's secrets. It actually does nothing)
Book of Insults (translations for all the great abuses in every language known in the multiverse, and a few the author just made up)

2011-11-08, 09:15 PM
The head of a troll that is hollowed out at the neck to make a helmet of sorts, that when worn, regenerates a body around the wearer, it grants no bonuses to anything, but you might be able to pass for a very odd, stout trollish zombie. To free yourself you must cut yourself out.
Miniature dancing skeletons
A self screwing screw, say a command word & it burrows itself into whatever it's point is touching (can only screw into materials a normal screw can go in to.)
A pair of obsidian spectacles that the wearer can see out of perfectly but observers cannot see the wearers eyes.
A fishing lure that acts like live bait
A pouch made out of minuscule golden rings that turns any metal placed within it into lead.
A pipe that lights itself
A tiny clockwork dragon that flies & breathes smoke as long as you wind it
A mirror that detects the alignment of anyone who looks into it. (No one else can see the alignment, only the person looking at himself- great for introspection)

2011-11-08, 09:51 PM
Glove of Thrill
Single glove that, when worn, grants a +20 circumstance bonus to a single Perform (Dance) check, so long as the wearer is controlling at least one undead creature. The glove bursts into smoke after the check is complete.

Swanky Orange Pants
-2 to Intimidate checks, but on the other hand, you're wearing swanky orange pants.

Token of the Barrel Roll
If the user has the Deflect Arrows feat, they can attempt a DC 15 Tumble check to move 5 feet as a free action after a successful deflection. This movement provokes no attacks of opportunity unless the Tumble check is failed. Once per encounter, the user may reflect the projectile back on the attacker. Unusual ranged attacks still cannot be deflected.

Box of a Trick
When opened, it punches you in the face, dealing one point of nonlethal damage.

Dust of Dustiness
This fine powder appears to be a very fine, very light dust. When flung into the air (if you mistake it for magical dust), it coats your face with dust, making you cough unless you succeed on a DC 10 Fortitude save. When used on an object, it compels other creatures to attempt to brush it off as a full-round action. The creatures cleaning will stop if provoked (a weapon is drawn, etc.) in any way.

Crystal Mask of Sight
This mask looks like a Crystal Mask of Insight (from MIC page 91), but is does nothing except look really cool.

When worn, it grants a +2 bonus on Sense Motive checks to assess your opponent (see Complete Adventurer page 102). In addition, if the result is "A Dire Threat", you get a +4 circumstance bonus on any Strength check to crush a Fine object in your hand.

2011-11-09, 02:31 AM
I've never used a robe of useful items so I'm not sure of the specifics of how it works, but here are a few amusing things to pull out of your pocket in a group of adventurers:

A claw hammer head with no handle
The fork of Duchess Sputerfudge (recently used and not cleaned)
Three gallons of hair gel (gnomish)
A pencil sharpener
The wheel to a typical farmer's cart
A foot (you're not sure who's)
A lute with no strings
A holy symbol of Kurtulamak
The Dungeons & Dragons player's handbook 3.5 edition
A lightsaber which emits a three inch blade
A bobblehead of the king of the region the party is currently in (may be drawn again in a different region for a different effect, collect them all! :smallbiggrin:)
The codpiece the nearest archmage was wearing (which could result in further amusement if he comes to claim it!)
A small, jet statuette of one of the other party members (no value)
A fine portrait of Ron Pearlman
An entire sailing galleon complete with very confused crew
A small bottle of goat urine
A bill for services rendered from the nearest brothel, addressed to the nearest paladin
A shotglass full of an oddly addictive substance that smells faintly of cheese
A set of crutches sized for a dwarven child
A full sized printing press
A halfling scribe in perfect health who speaks only giant and is carrying an extensive amount of paper, but no writing tool
Edit: Also, a book of poetry written by an awakened baboon

Rising Phoenix
2011-11-09, 07:26 AM
Oddly specific items?

A canary (for detecting gas in dungeons)
A scuba diving mask
Dragon nip (like cat nip, but for dragons, provides a +20 social check once versus a dragon. Unfortunately dragon nip is very rare)
Shark repellent
A field guide to the plants of whatever area you are currently in
A very fancy suit/ dress for that surprise party
A common to whatever language you need at the time dictionary
A blank sheet of paper
A condom
The key to the cell your currently in.

2011-11-09, 08:41 PM
A Pound of Lard
Long handled nail file
A Rod of Wonder with 1 charge
A Housecat and a Mouse
A Common to Dwarven phrase book, full of insulting or funny mistranslations
A Doormat
A petagram which scibes itself on the floor around you (5'diameter)
A Locked wooden Door, which appears in front of you.
A ten inch pole
Three house spiders
A suit of knitted wooled chainmail
A wooden hat

2011-11-10, 05:07 PM
A Pattern of Mind Blank (small picture with wierd optical illusion (mundane)). Patch is smaller version of picture.
Kettle Paint (small dropper full of jet-black paint. when one drop is put on an object, the whole thing becomes so dark that they appear as a mere silloghett in any lighting). Patch is a shady sheep cloaked in darkness.
Crawling Tendon (can be added under the skin to make your skin crawl, literaly. You gain a small bonus to escape artist and intimidate).Patch looks like a worm.

2011-11-10, 05:31 PM
Patch of infinite patches: The patch contains a patch, which contains a patch, which contains a patch, which ...

2011-11-10, 06:20 PM
A Pound of Lard

Why oh, why did I forget to mention lard???. I have dishonored myself.:smallannoyed:

2011-11-10, 06:52 PM
A taxidermied jackalope
A swiss army knife that instead of having handy things like a screwdriver and a bottle opener just has more knives
A music box with a little mechanical ballerina on the inside. The ballerina is, of course, an obese, bearded male dwarf in drag.
An everfull mug that produces hot sauce instead of other liquids.
A doily. Although that may be too powerful (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0033.html).
Thieves tools that sound a magical alarm and flash brightly whenever they are removed from their case.
A box of those candy hearts with writing on them. These ones are inscribed with insults in Undercommon or Infernal.

2011-11-10, 08:00 PM
A patch that looks like a powerful magic item (determined randomly). When peeled off, it remains a patch. You can stick it on to any fabric, and it comes off just as easily.

Turns out some clothmaker-wizard was bored when he found this cloak, and decided to mess with the next person to find it.

2011-11-10, 09:08 PM
A swiss army knife that instead of having handy things like a screwdriver and a bottle opener just has more knivesSpoons


2011-11-11, 12:44 PM
One third of the spellbook of <insert well known dead wizard name here> - specifically, he cast a spell to split his spellbook into thirds. This copy has the last 3rd of each spell he knew written into it (and twice that much blank space). Could perhaps give a circumstance bonus to any wizard using the spell creation rules to re-invent an existing spell... if he could figure out which spell each of these was.

Decanter of Endless Cooking Oil - produces enough oil each day to create one cake.

Deed to a long destroyed (and far away) castle.

Self-sharpening pencil

Detailed map of the city (whatever city is cetral to the campaign), from about 200 years ago (presumably almost everything has changed).

Treasure map to a valuable treasure, that's already been recovered.

One half of a "best friends" heart locket.

Sign from the Beer Golem (a tavern)

A dagger designed for a tiny creature.

Coupon for one free ale from <insert tavern name>, only usable on Tuesdays.

Vial labeled "hangover relief" - actually a sedative that knocks you out until you've slept it off.

Badge of the city guard of <insert town name>

2011-11-11, 12:57 PM
A collection of tuning forks and a telescoping flute to fit, where the tuning forks go well beyond human hearing range. If you want to add magic, the flute automatically stretches to fit the tuning fork you immediately pair it with.

2011-11-11, 11:48 PM
Ah, I've got a few you might try:
A potion of Cure Sobriety(Dwarven hard liquor, but in a potion bottle. Probably requires a Fortitude save.)
A Glass Golem that is only too happy to assist the party, but shatters itself the first time it attempts to do anything useful.
A Dwarf's beard. Confused, freshly shaved dwarf not included.
A bag of holding that holds less than a non-enchanted bag of it's size would.
A stick.
A 'spellbook' that was copied by an absolute failure of an apprentice mage. Any spell found within will either sputter out completely, or backfire in the most amusing way possible.
A complete set of D&D sourcebooks, dice, character sheets, etc. that contain a powerful enchantment. Anyone who handles them must succeed on a will save or spend the next 6d4 hours oblivious to the passage of time while they create characters and play..

2011-11-12, 01:06 AM
An easy button - push it and it says "That was easy"

A ShamWow

A wagon. Unassembled. With instructions in an obscure language. Contains several extra random pieces that don't fit anywhere, and is missing an essential part (axle, wheel).

After they abandon the wagon, another patch turns out to be the missing part.

Supply of rations with all the good bits already picked out (think M&M's from the party mix). Hmmm, maybe we should call them D&D's - candied monster bits mixed into rations. Different colors for different monsters...

2011-11-12, 11:21 AM
The Dungeons & Dragons player's handbook 3.5 edition

No meta-gaming. :smallbiggrin:

Sgt. Cookie
2011-11-12, 04:07 PM
The key to a jewellery chest that contains three pounds of flawless diamonds. The only problem is that this jewellery chest is encased in lead and is currently residing in the stomach of a flesh golem, that is directly across from a very irritable halfling necromancer who likes to kill people who get within several miles of him. This necromancer is also called Steve. But tells everyone that his name is Zergolot. The halfling necromancer also likes cheese.

Specific enough for you?

The Reverend
2011-11-12, 05:58 PM
A bane weapon- its bane happens to be of the same creature type as the last creature that sneak attacked you.

2011-11-12, 06:03 PM
A Bane bane weapon-It only works against Bane. Bonus points if you're not even playing Forgotten Realms!

2011-11-12, 06:33 PM
Exactly 8/13 of a giant's shoe, cut into 5 pieces.

A large box of 8d10+7 chocolate candies, each with a filling that mimics a different usage of prestidigitation. DC 15 appraise check to determine the effects of each piece.

The Diary Nathanial the Lich, volume 16 of 2,000. Written in a dead language, of course.

A fancy hat appropriate for the patch-puller's gender.

A 1 gallon bottle of a strange, sweet red sauce emblazoned with the picture of a tomato.

Seed packets for region-appropriate flowers.

Iridium gnomish cutlery set.

A solid gold Illithid tooth.

A wind up mechanical chicken that eats gravel and lays a 1d4-1 stone dice per day. A set of dials near the winding key can be used to determine the size, shape, and numbering system of the dice.

The Reverend
2011-11-12, 07:36 PM
"Solid Gold Illithid Tooth".

Literally soooo many character concepts based on that I dont know where to begin. My favorite....Illithid Mafioso Seargent

2011-11-12, 07:59 PM
"Solid Gold Illithid Tooth".

Literally soooo many character concepts based on that I dont know where to begin. My favorite....Illithid Mafioso Seargent

I want to see the writeup for the dentist that put it in. Epic level expert?

2011-11-13, 02:51 AM
-A single chopstick
-(Going off a previous post) a robe that can only be worn by the current wearer of the Robe of Oddly Specific Items
-A Pinochle (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pinochle) deck of cards (perhaps a Pinochle Deck of Many Things (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/magicItems/artifacts.htm#deckofManyThings)?)
-A butter knife
-Extra pair of bootlaces
-A stick perfect for roasting marshmallows/hot dogs but useless in combat

2011-11-13, 04:59 AM
From 2nd Edition, I bring you...the Robe of Useless Items.

This robe appears to be a garment of no great value - appearances can deceive, but not in this case. The wearer will notice several odd-shaped patches on the garment - because they chafe in uncomfortable places. Detaching one of the patches causes it to actually become one of the following items (roll 2d8):

2 - A bag containing 1,000 lead pieces.
3 - A 1-inch length of rope.
4 - One pair of high, hard boots, halfling size.
5 - A wooden ladder, 25' long, with three rungs.
6 - Half a pair of safety scissors.
7 - A string of electrical Christmas tree lights.
8 - A rubber dagger and a glass shield (matched set).
9 - A book of exalted deeds, written entirely in Thieves' Cant.
10 - A pint of sovereign glue (undiluted with oil of slipperiness) in a tightly stoppered unbreakable bottle.
11 - A treasure map pinpointing the exact location of an immense hoard, relative to "the old oak tree," "the big rock," "the woodcutter's shack," and "the bend in the river" (extraneous details such as the name of the kingdom or the continent are omitted).
12 - A 25th-century, death-ray handgun, 100% accurate within 300 feet, that kills anything it hits (batteries not included).
13 - A letter from Ed McMahon, telling the PCs they may already have won $20 million.
14 - A normal bo stick, jo stick, awl pike, fauchard, partisan, and mancatcher. (In the history of the AD&D game, has any PC ever willingly become proficient with one of these weapons?)
15 - Half a bucket of fresh, orc beer.
16 - A wanted poster (600,000 gp bounty) for an ex-paladin gone really bad who's 20 levels higher than the highest-level character.

Not all of those are great, but it certainly has some gems on that list.

2011-11-13, 05:10 AM

101 currious items

2011-11-13, 06:59 AM
From 2nd Edition, I bring you...the Robe of Useless Items.

Not all of those are great, but it certainly has some gems on that list.

Does the orc beer mean its made by orcs, or out of orcs?

2011-11-13, 12:31 PM
A staff with a ball on the end that will stand up on it's own and play soft, haunting music.
A magic 8-ball that never answers in the positive. Whatever it is asked will come true if it is negative for the person (and not something specific - 'Will the evil dragon would die and snow land on my head?' will only result in snow landing on one's head), any question that it could 'hear' it will assume is directed at it even if it is covered/in a backpack.
Cheese that tastes like whisky, and will get you drunk. Screams if sliced, moans if bitten into.
An overly complicated harmonica. Dusty.
A rotted set of dentures, inhabited by ants.
A rotted painting frame, inhabited by Spectres.
Three dozen gold candelabras, each animated to perform a single simple household task.
A replica of Link's Master Sword. Completely nonmagical and made of shoddy, although pretty, steel. -2 to hit and damage.
The pickled penis of Emperor Wu, stolen from his tomb. Ninjas will infrequently attempt to retrieve it in order to return it to its rightful place.
An empty, rusted birdcage from which the chirping of birds can be heard at 11.58pm every day. Reaching into the cage at this time will allow one to retrieve a handful (1d4) of small tropical birds with a DC 15 Dexterity check.
A lovely brass teapot, etched with pictures of naked men. Heats water to boiling temperature.
A hunk of rough soap the size of a man's head.
Stones in the shape of elven lembas bread. Taste like lembas bread but hard as stone. Provide no nourishment.
A horde of 100 tiny clockwork spies. Swift, stealthy, vigilant and fiercely loyal.
A bathtub filled with stale spit.
A magical horn forged from copper. Sounds loudly (DC 0 listen check) whenever the wielder attempts to make a Move Silently check.
A well-dressed, well-spoken English butler named Jeeves, who has all the normal needs of a regular human being when he is released from the Robe of Oddly Specific Items. He charges 10 gold pieces for a week of service, and requires the occasional use of a curling iron. His only magical ability is to appear in a place nobody is looking at when his name is called.
A seemingly ordinary black cat with a collar stating his name to be Severus. Follows the party if fed regularly, attempts to shred shreddable items when the party is asleep.
A suit of +5 glittering obdurium plate mail. Becomes completely ethereal when a weapon hits it. Therefore it is only effective against weapons with the Ghost Touch property.

2011-11-13, 06:11 PM
A Hog roast

A Gourmet meal

A Hero's Feast for one

2011-11-13, 08:20 PM
A chinese finger trap

A blue unremarkable bag which contains one green glass orb, one wooden cube and one black stone pyramid all the size of roughly a billiard ball.

A chess set but without the board and every piece has a different color

A blank notebook but the paper is laminated so you can´t write in it.

A big key made out of gold and with emeralds in it but no markings or any hints where it might be used (your players will never ever sell it for money :smallbiggrin:)

2011-11-13, 08:36 PM
Does the orc beer mean its made by orcs, or out of orcs?
I have no idea. But neither of those options sounds particularly good, so...DM's choice?

2011-11-13, 09:28 PM
A single square of toilet paper.

A rooster blessed by the (drunk) gods so that it may lay eggs of gold.

The patch puller's mother's favorite recipe embroidered onto a stained apron.

Illithid's Guide to Vegan Cooking for One

A kit containing almost every tool an orthodontist needs to preform dental work on an illithid, all masterworks quality. The kit is missing head protection.

A powerful wizzard's dirty laundry. (1d8+2 low-level magical garmits, like socks of perpetual dryness, pantaloons of fire resistance, ect.)

A wooden duck.

A wooden trout.

A wooden hoe.

A wooden ax.

A wooden sword.

A wooden pickax.

A wooden shovel.

A blast furnace made from wool.

A small child's tattered illithid doll.

A very confused illithid tailor. Patch looks exactly like the above doll's and is always found on the same robe.

Mercenary Pen
2011-11-14, 03:19 PM
A wooden rabbit's foot, painted in a shade of bright pink that offends the eye.

A page from the journal of an ancient explorer describing the appearance of a wyvern, but referring to it as a "Snagglebeast"

A toy snake made of rubber, no more than five inches long.

A wig made from the hair of the current reigning monarch as plucked from their head by the magic of the cloak.

The front cover to the [insert name of city here] Guild of alchemists handbook for beginner alchemists- Volume VI.

An ivory whistle that makes the noise of a cat being stepped on by a half-orc when it is blown.

A colossal sized clown costume, each article of clothing bearing a name tag saying that it once belonged to the Giant King Thoistavarg.

The front door of a halfling domicile (there are books that might help with descriptions here)

Colour changing tapestry thread

The Acclaimed cookery book "101 ways to cook a weasel"

The equally acclaimed cookery book "1001 ways to cook a humanoid"

A prize-winning modron poem, which in this retelling has had all the words sorted into alphabetical order.

A picture claiming to be of the cloak's wearer, made when they were aged 503.

2011-11-14, 05:56 PM
here's a few oddly specific items.

A masterwork lock with no key
A key (not to the masterwork lock)
A magical mask that makes you appear as a drow (and only a drow)
A two headed coin
A can of lard (one pound)
A lump of coal (1/2 pound)
A deck of mundane playing cards, with lewd pictures of the reigning nobles of a specific country, as the face cards.
A woman’s (mundane) makeup kit
A pebble
A roll of paper towels
A ball of yarn
Mundane chalk (random color)
Knuckle bone dice made from a giant’s knuckle bones (read very large)
An empty beer mug (holds one pint of liquid)
1 liter of water, not in a container of any sort (drinkable)
A white, fine ordinary powder
A 6 inch statuette of a famous NPC
A book of names (randomly chosen)
A small brass bell
A golden egg, fertilized

2011-11-14, 08:50 PM
Here are some of my ideas:
Elvis (The most optimized 15th level bard the DM can make).
A book with the cover saying "How to own the universe in 3 easy steps", but inside is blank except for big red letters saying "You got punked!!".
A trumpet, which when blown on, says "All hail king waffle!!".

No brains
2011-11-14, 09:03 PM
A cube of lead. The patch is only a few inches across, but the actual cube is many times larger- often over encumbering the person who pulls it.

An inter dimensional toilet. When the patch is removed, a sparkling clean toilet appears anchored to the ground. When the handle is pulled, the waste within the bowl can be emptied onto any area on any plane. This can be used to infuriate deities.

A colossal dagger.

Tharizdun. Upon being removed, the evil god looks around suspiciously, then turns back into a patch on the robe.

2011-11-14, 09:13 PM
3 quarts of professional quality elbow grease
striped paint
half a door with half a doorknob
12 tons of pie, steaming hot, 12ft above their heads
a bag of holding containing paper with every digit of pi, in order, (the bag is consequently full)
ring of uselessness, (turns wearer into politician of your choice)
a map of a nation that is 3 planes away
a grenade pin, followed by the cloak exploding
37 cp (in scrabble tiles, 37 c's 37 p's)
a risk board with no pieces
several monkeys, with typewriters and the completed works of Shakespeare
a full quiver of arrows without shafts (just the heads and fletchings)
a bow with no string
an ax that causes recently felled trees to stand back up.
a left shoe
Half a sock
a book of the worlds 1000 funniest jokes, missing all the punchlines
a very confused whale
the belt or suspenders of the nearest politician currently giving a speech
a fully funcioning .50 cal with no ammo

2011-11-14, 09:32 PM
Torgo's Executive Powder.
Every missing sock in the multiverse

2011-11-15, 12:53 AM
Portable Hole (malfunctioning)
When removed, this patch creates a hole in the ground 6 feet in diameter and 10 feet deep in a random location at least 600 miles away from the wearer of the cloak. All substances previously occupying the location of the hole appear adjacent to the wearer.
Scroll of Create Gold (actually creates pyrite)
Miniature city (1ft by 1ft)
Head of most recently deceased ruler on the same plane as the wearer of the cloak
Anti-Magic Hairpin: blocks all use of Detect Magic within 20 feet
1d10 chocolate tarrasques with lemon flavored filling
Potion of Cure Hangover: instantly cures any hangover and removes all alcohol or similar intoxicating substances from the body, does 2d4 fire damage (no save)

2011-11-15, 01:10 AM
A wand of cure hiccups. Cures hiccups if used in conjunction with any semi-reliable hiccup cure.
Two AA batteries.
A pound of tungsten in the shape of a fist.
A welder's mask.
A forge suitable for working any metal the party should come across. Forms around the puller immediately. Cannot be moved. Requires lava within 100 feet to work properly.
A dozen fertilized ostrich eggs.
A cast iron skillet.
A loaf of bread, a hunk of cheese, a string of sausage if you please.

2011-11-18, 03:35 AM
A robe (a robe within a robe!)

Patch of infinite patches: The patch contains a patch, which contains a patch, which contains a patch, which ...
Yo dawg, I herd you like...

That aside, straight from Bethesda's newest game..
Apple, salt, broom, bucket, basket, wooden plate, wooden ladle, iron fork, pitcher, shovel, pitchfork, pickaxe, woodcutter's axe, books about something campaign-specific (a niche cult somewhere?), an ancient traveler's skull, food in general (http://killscreendaily.com/articles/things-i-ate-skyrim), and stuff in general (http://www.uesp.net/wiki/Skyrim:Miscellaneous_Items)... Yeah, there's a lot of stuff, and I'm generally a looter hoarder by nature, so I feel myself over encumbered often.

A scroll of transmute: Transmutes one piece of unrefined Iron ore to Silver, or Silver ore to Gold if the caster is carrying any. "Cooldown"-time; 1 hour.
Allow a spellcaster to put this in their spellbook. ;)

Other than that..
A magic item that only works if the wearer has purple hair, one man-boob, and a green eye. It also only works when standing on one leg, singing Merry Christmas, and holding a hand in front of the non-green eye at 3:12:22 AM in the forest of Glutt at the 1d3rd tree from the left of the 1d6th clearing when entering from the southeast, and works for 1d% seconds after that.

2011-11-18, 06:22 AM
An intelligent spork with a ridiculously high ego score. The spork's drive is to be returned to it's rightful owner, an Illithid named "Sven" that "accidentally" dropped the spork. The spork knows no more than this about Sven.

Provided the spork feels you are making adequate progress towards the finding of Sven, it is eager to provide aid in the culinary arts, providing them with recipes for foods that provide various effects, such as removing fatigue and other minor things. Of course, should none of the PC's have a relevant profession, they'll need to find people capable of making these for them.

Should the PC's find Sven, they may learn that he is actually a humanoid mage who has created a powerful spell that makes it so that even with mental probing, the Illithids cannot distinguish that he is in fact, not one of them, a talkative spork would have just exposed him.

Sven may be eager to teach his spell or remove the spork's quest should the PC's assist him in bringing down the group of Mind Flayers he has infiltrated.

2011-11-18, 12:50 PM
A patch of a hole, as in you place it on the ground & a hole appears, it cannot be moved. It isn't magical. It's like someone excavated the land/material. The patch is 3x4'' it annihilates matter to form a 30x40ft hole, 20ft deep.There is only one patch. Useful for creating a foxhole, or annihilating a door or wall & other obstacles.

2011-11-18, 01:17 PM
A patch of a hole, as in you place it on the ground & a hole appears, it cannot be moved. It isn't magical. It's like someone excavated the land/material. The patch is 3x4'' it annihilates matter to form a 30x40ft hole.There is only one patch. Useful for creating a foxhole, or annihilating a door or wall & other obstacles.

how deep?

a bucket with a hole in it.

a magical longsword that glows neon green. (has no other effect)

a +12 longsword of unexpectedness, (counts as a +12 longsword, but can only be used by PC's without the proficiency to wield a normal longsword.)

an animal call that attracts d20 dire tree sloths when blown, they attack everything in sight, usable once per encounter.

an illusion of a cake. (the cake is a lie)

red dragon, angry at being awakened from its nap.

the BBEG's childhood diary.

A search warrant for the BBEG's dungeon.

a cupon for half off the price of one magical sword at any participating sword smithy, (the nearest participating one is 18 days away.)

2011-11-18, 02:25 PM
Oh, I forgot to put that in. Fixed

2011-11-18, 10:19 PM
A 15' self-standing rope ladder. When you place it on the ground, it automatically extends upwards to it's full height. It can only be collapsed from the top.

A selection of scented candles that smell like various types of food (apple pie, pot roast, etc).

A wand of Create Food with 18 charges left

A wand of Create Water with 9 charges left

5 wooden stakes

A small brass gong and striker

No brains
2011-11-19, 10:30 PM
Vomit: what looks like a crust stain of throw-up is actually a patch that creates a wet, stinking, and even in a desperate situation- edible, pile of puke.

2011-11-20, 02:35 AM
An astonishingly detailed and accurate world or planar map... for a campaign setting you aren't using.

2011-11-20, 08:34 AM
- Magic mirror that shows the gazer wearing a silly hat.
- A free trial of America Online.
- Spork, counts as a double weapon, allowing you to eat twice as quickly but at a -2 penalty.

2011-11-21, 05:15 PM
a sword of improbability, (counts a a magical long sword with no bonuses)
it rolls to hit applying all modifiers as normal but counts misses as hits and hits as misses. A natural 1 is a crit, a natural 20 is a failure etc. Its good against enemies who are much better than you but bad against enemies you should crush easily.)

a life sized Abrams tank, with no gass and no ammo.

a Colt .45, loaded with blanks

the most powerful monarch in the campaign's favorite pet, dead, with wounds that are caused by whatever weapon/magic you use the most.

A lit stick of dynomite (the patch looks like a candle)

a jetpack with fuel, but no ignition.

Indiana Jones's whip, (counts as a +10 whip).

an autographed copy of Sun Tzu's art of war, written in chinese.

The BBEG+minions

The biggest, scariest, most powerfull monster the DM can think of.

A "Linear Guild" for the party.

The Linear Guild

Elan's Dad + Army

2011-11-22, 09:15 PM
An enchanted anvil: it cannot be slowed or deflected by magic, and upon hitting the ground instantly teleports exactly one mile away in a random direction and exactly one mile straight up

A bag of licoriche allsorts and a single mangosteen

A beeswax candle in the shape of an Ionian pillar

A left shoe of walk on water and a flying right shoe, they look completely the same, as a red and white modern running shoe, size 6

2011-11-23, 01:12 AM
Additional pylons
Some vespene gas (no container)
(# of party members) peanut butter jelly sandwiches
Some vitamin pills
A painting of the day the PC's met.
A painting of the BBEG
A map of the BBEG's old dungeon.
A +1 longsword which randomly changes the wearers hair colour, and on occasion gives them fur.