I can't cry. Help.

[Calanon]

Alright so I took this girl out that I REALLY liked for sometime and after the bro slaps and all that were done I was off and took her out to have an interesting time. Nothing fancy just drove around town watched a movie, hung out at an Arcade, than went out to dinner. After this evening is over I tell her that I've liked her for some time and the what not (Insert romantic music here) and than she tells me the most vile thing in the world "I'm sorry, but I only see you as a friend" WELL oddly enough I took it as a rather painful sign. lied to her and said that it was alright drove her home and said my goodbyes for the evening than drove home.

After I walked into my room I felt like crying and other over dramatic stuff that I usually never display but to my surprise I couldn't cry in the slightest or feel bad or anything, I just felt really empty and hated myself :smallfrown:

tl;dr: Playground help me express these suppressed feelings and let me get these feelings out so I don't cause a scene or complain to anyone else. </3

[llamamushroom]

That sucks, Calanon. :smallfrown: Have a virtual hug. Emptiness and self-hatred are never fun emotions.

As to your "I can't cry" problem, everyone reacts to things differently, and most people don't react like Hollywood says everyone does. If you're worried that you're burying your emotions, from the sound of things you aren't - you are feeling them, they're just not outwardly obvious. It's when you start to feel bad and then put on a happy face and squash all the bad into a ball at the back of your head that you should be worried about it resurfacing at the worst time.

If, however, you do want to cry about it, then try talking to somebody face-to-face about it. Seriously, just having another person there to feel bad with you can tip you over the edge. I know you said you didn't want to complain to anyone else, but I'm pretty sure your friends would understand.

*Hug* Hope you feel better soon. :smallfrown:

[thubby]

there's no "right way" to handle this sort of thing. so long as you're not fighting the urge to cry, or forcing it, you're doing what you're supposed to.

just relax, and do what comes naturally.

[Calanon]

That sucks, Calanon. :smallfrown: Have a virtual hug. Emptiness and self-hatred are never fun emotions.

As to your "I can't cry" problem, everyone reacts to things differently, and most people don't react like Hollywood says everyone does. If you're worried that you're burying your emotions, from the sound of things you aren't - you are feeling them, they're just not outwardly obvious. It's when you start to feel bad and then put on a happy face and squash all the bad into a ball at the back of your head that you should be worried about it resurfacing at the worst time.

If, however, you do want to cry about it, then try talking to somebody face-to-face about it. Seriously, just having another person there to feel bad with you can tip you over the edge. I know you said you didn't want to complain to anyone else, but I'm pretty sure your friends would understand.

*Hug* Hope you feel better soon. :smallfrown:

I understand where your saying and thats kind of what I'm worried about, I can't truly express my feelings or reach out emotionally to anyone usually whenever I'm around people I'm a clown (That uses false emotions to make people happy) if you will and always try to entertain everyone (She had the cutest laugh in the entire world) but now I just don't feel like my normally "happy" but when I had the delusion that we were actually something I was the happiest man in the world. I understand that these feelings won't last forever but I want a quick and painless way to get them out (Most people would see that comment and figure "Oh god he's gonna jump!" but I REALLY like living so THAT isn't an option) I'll cheer up, slowly but surely I will cheer up

This thread was just me seeking attention and I feel ashamed of that.

if a mod comes through here lock this thread please

[Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll]

Don't lock it. It's not mere attention-seeking, you were worried about something, and you need reassurance. That's ok. That's normal. Rejection is a harsh feeling.

[Asta Kask]

This thread was just me seeking attention and I feel ashamed of that.

if a mod comes through here lock this thread please

Now you are scaring me.

Anyway, people react differently to outside events. I did not cry at my Dad's funeral*, but when I read about how they had to euthanize Dewey the library cat I cried like a baby. A very sad baby.

*and yes, I loved him.

[Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll]

I did not cry at my Dad's birthday*,
*and yes, I loved him.

Birthday?
... are we supposed to cry at birthdays? Or do you mean death...

[Asta Kask]

Birthday?
... are we supposed to cry at birthdays? Or do you mean death...

Brain fart. I meant funeral. I cried when he died but not at the funeral.

[Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll]

Brain fart. I meant funeral. I cried when he died but not at the funeral.

Ah, ok, I was guessing it was that.

My little brother is incredibly emotional, but I have never cried at a death before.

[Mutant Sheep]

I understand where your saying and thats kind of what I'm worried about, I can't truly express my feelings or reach out emotionally to anyone usually whenever I'm around people I'm a clown (That uses false emotions to make people happy) if you will and always try to entertain everyone but now I just don't feel like my normally "happy" but when I had the delusion that we were actually something I was the happiest man in the world. I understand that these feelings won't last forever but I want a quick and painless way to get them out (Most people would see that comment and figure "Oh god he's gonna jump!" but I REALLY like living so THAT isn't an option) I'll cheer up, slowly but surely I will cheer up.

I've become more of a clown the more depressed about everything I get because it does make me feel happy to see people laugh. I like living alot too, so I'm fine with clowning around. :smalltongue: I think this is where the hug goes... ; ) <hug>

[Ajadea]

I understand where your saying and thats kind of what I'm worried about, I can't truly express my feelings or reach out emotionally to anyone usually whenever I'm around people I'm a clown (That uses false emotions to make people happy) if you will and always try to entertain everyone (She had the cutest laugh in the entire world) but now I just don't feel like my normally "happy" but when I had the delusion that we were actually something I was the happiest man in the world. I understand that these feelings won't last forever but I want a quick and painless way to get them out (Most people would see that comment and figure "Oh god he's gonna jump!" but I REALLY like living so THAT isn't an option) I'll cheer up, slowly but surely I will cheer up

This thread was just me seeking attention and I feel ashamed of that.

if a mod comes through here lock this thread please

*hug*

Calanon, these problems are real. Just because it gets better without outside intervention doesn't mean it's not a problem. Not crying is okay. That empty hollow feeling is a totally natural expression of anger and sadness. Or at least it better be - I get like that more often than I actually get angry. So don't feel alone in that regard.

Clowning around and false emotions is also okay. I can see where you're worried about that affecting your everyday ability to emote. But you're coming here, to the Playground, and expressing yourself through words. That's just as valid as a full-blown crying fit. Though probably involves less tissues.

[Traab]

All I can say is you arent alone. When my grandpa died, I had to force myself to shed tears because I didnt want my family thinking I was heartless. Same for when my dog was put down. I felt BAD yes, but I wouldnt have cried. Even my other emotions are mostly skin deep. I get angry and get over it, I get happy and it fades quickly, I generally just dont care that much about anything for very long. I wanted a new dog after losing my last one not to fill some hole in my heart or whatever, but because I like dogs and I wanted one in the house.

I tend to blame it on my self control issues. You see, I have attention deficit hyperactive disorder, and that means a lot of things, but the worst was that as a kid id lose my temper at the drop of a hat. I had little to no self control, and even drugged up on ritalin or dexidrene I basically was only able to tell when I was losing it and it would be up to me to stop the acting out, as opposed to not even realizing im flipping out and having to be calmed down by someone, (or restrained). So after a few years I got really good at suppressing my emotional responses so I wasnt getting into a half dozen fist fights every school year, (was down to only 3-4 a year during middle school, my last fight was 10th grade, woohoo!) But anyways, I started to notice that I didnt seem to feel very deeply about much of anything after awhile, but decided to stay as is, since I really dont want to be back on medication.

[AtlanteanTroll]

Crying really isn't that big of a deal, and it's silly to make yourself cry to show your feelings. If you're sad, you're sad, and your distress will be plain on your face.

[Weezer]

Crying isn't important. Everyone cries at different things, some people hardly cry at all and others cry all the time, even when they aren't truly all that sad. What matters is that you accept your feelings, take them up and don't try to push them away. A really ****ty thing happened to you, getting rejected especially when you think it was going some where HURTS. There is no getting around that and it doesn't seem like you're trying to avoid it. As others have said if you feel like you need to let something out, try talking to someone, anyone.

[Castaras]

Nothing wrong with not being able to cry. I only cry when there's really sad things on TV, or occasionally when I've been physically hurt. When people close to me have been hurt/died/left me, I haven't cried much - and in the case of those dying, I haven't cried at all.

People handle things in different ways. It doesn't make you any worse a person if you don't cry. Try attacking pillows, if you're wanting to vent frustration. Or kill things in games. Or find a movie that has a really sad ending - one that is likely to bring you to tears.

Oh, and a slightly different note - eat chocolate. It is no coincidence that chocolate is regularly used in those awful chick flicks as a way to comfort you after problems with relationships - be it "she rejected me" or whatever - chocolate has good chemicals in it to help your mood. So get chocolate. Chocolate fudge cake is a good one to go for, or chocolate cheesecake.

[Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll]

Chocolate ice cream is the best for that, in my experience. Nothing calms your nerves and puts you back on the road to healthy thoughts like a tub of chocolate ice cream.

[Castaras]

Chocolate ice cream is the best for that, in my experience. Nothing calms your nerves and puts you back on the road to healthy thoughts like a tub of chocolate ice cream.

Forgot ice cream, heh. Not a fan of ice cream so I go for cake, but definitely another one to go for. :smallsmile:

[Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll]

Forgot ice cream, heh. Not a fan of ice cream so I go for cake, but definitely another one to go for. :smallsmile:

Chocolate ice cream cake?

Comfort food works. I don't know why, but it does.

[Calanon]

Chocolate ice cream is the best for that, in my experience. Nothing calms your nerves and puts you back on the road to healthy thoughts like a tub of chocolate ice cream.

I usually play D&D (and I mean EXTREMELY) when I'm sad or depressed or something. I recently moved to a place that I don't really feel is my home no matter how many friends I make (2 months and most of the entire school already knows me and thinks pretty positively if i say so myself) This girl took my homesickness away. The moment after I posted on my FB that the girl broke my heart my friends were ready to break her door down and kill her >_> (Talk about love) but meh... This cheered me up a lot :smallsmile: shes now a friend of mines and a somehow got a new girlfriend as I was writing this comment >_>

My entire school life I've never really been alone, I've always had some sort of boyfriend or girlfriend or something (Yes, I once dated something in between) but for now, I think I should stay by myself for a while... :smallredface:

[Tengu_temp]

1. There's nothing wrong with being unable to cry. I can't cry over fictional events and rarely cry over horrible real life events. I couldn't even cry when my grandma died, even though I loved her deeply and I felt great loss when she was gone.
2. You had a crush on this girl but treated her as a friend, and then was surprised when it turned out she considers you just a friend? There is nothing vile in what she said. The fact that she won't become your girlfiend is at least partially, and possibly fully, your fault.

[Aedilred]

Meh, I don't think there's any qualitative judgment you can draw from what makes you cry and what doesn't. The way you handle emotions isn't something you can control or predict. My ex-gf broke my heart last year; we had an hour-long conversation discussing why, and I barely shed a tear. About ten days later, apropos of nothing, I collapsed on the floor of my room weeping uncontrollably because I knew I'd lost her forever. It might be inexplicable, but it doesn't mean it's invalid.

Not to mention that crying doesn't always help, either. I know people say that it helps to be in touch with your emotions and "let it all out" but it doesn't always work like that. Sometimes letting things take complete physical, as well as emotional, control of you can actually make it worse.

You know the last time I cried? I was watching Being Human last week (series 2 finale spoilers) and George, thinking he's about to enter the chamber that will cure him of his werewolf condition (in fact, it kills anyone who goes in, and they're planning to kill him regardless) finds a message addressed to him from Tully, the guy who turned him, telling him all the werewolves die.The idea that he went to his death knowingly, but left a message on the offchance, to save the life of someone who didn't even like him, I found really moving, even though it's fictional. But I can endure great personal upset without any outward indication of emotion at all.

[Howler Dagger]

If you dont cry, then dont. Forcing yourself to cry cant help you.

Hugs will. <hugs>

[Kane0]

My girlfriend cant cry either.

Being unable to cry is fine really, just like crying too much.

If you want to try and vent feelings try something creative, or something new that even vaguely catches your interest.
A bunch of people will say poetry or singing or drawing or whatever, but sometimes you just end up making something that makes you depressed. I tried archery and that did it for me, so the more random the idea the better.

[Tonal Architect]

I'm not sure what the OP meant, but I'm somewhat familiar with the feeling that in spite of being almost overwhelmingly sad, one is still unable to cry. The feeling could better be described as the sensation of not being able to fully give in to the sadness one feels, which in turn produces a notion that such feelings simply won't go away.

Personally, I have a hard time simply being taken over by tears; I miss being taken over by such feelings to the point where all one can do is to cry uncontrollably. It feels as though somehow, something very important is amiss.

[Knaight]

1. There's nothing wrong with being unable to cry. I can't cry over fictional events and rarely cry over horrible real life events. I couldn't even cry when my grandma died, even though I loved her deeply and I felt great loss when she was gone.
2. You had a crush on this girl but treated her as a friend, and then was surprised when it turned out she considers you just a friend? There is nothing vile in what she said. The fact that she won't become your girlfiend is at least partially, and possibly fully, your fault.
I agree entirely. Expanding upon this, and addressing it to the OP:
1. Not crying isn't a big deal. You see that something sad has happened, and it gets magnified by guilt when you don't react in the designated acceptable cultural method. The second part sucks, and even if you know full well you shouldn't blame yourself for it you probably will on some level, but knowing you shouldn't is something.
2. There are two interpretations of that phrase. The first is just honestly, and there is nothing vile in honesty. The second is that she viewed it as a graceful out, due to perceived risk of coming off any stronger than that, and lying to spare another's feelings and keep yourself from harm is entirely reasonable. By no means is it vile.

[Morph Bark]

Brain fart. I meant funeral. I cried when he died but not at the funeral.

While I have not lost my father, I did experience the same thing when my grandfather died.


@OP: To my knowledge, not being able to cry isn't hazardous to either your physical or your emotional health. Don't take it as a sign of anything. It happens. I've had it. Many others have had it. Don't blame yourself, because there is nothing wrong with you.

I do have to say I wonder how going out to both movie and a dinner isn't fancy and how she didn't realize that that meant something. How long have you known each other? Have you been friends?

[Asta Kask]

Chocolate ice cream is the best for that, in my experience. Nothing calms your nerves and puts you back on the road to healthy thoughts diabetes like a tub of chocolate ice cream.

FTFY. :smallwink:

[Karoht]

After I walked into my room I felt like crying and other over dramatic stuff that I usually never display but to my surprise I couldn't cry in the slightest or feel bad or anything, I just felt really empty and hated myself :smallfrown: I doubt you feel empty or self hatred simply because you can't get your tear ducts to do something on command.


Many years ago, a friend of mine killed himself. While on the phone with me. It's not something I talk about.
I didn't cry. Well, I did, but not outwardly if that makes any sense. At first I did feel empty, but that was probably from the shock. Eventually things sort of worked out. I guarantee you I was a wreck. I'm honestly not certain that outwardly crying would have made me feel much better. In all honesty, I didn't cry about it until years later, and usually because at some point I had to explain the whole thing to someone. You don't just duck out to an annual memorial service without someone asking too many questions. There is always 'that guy' that needs a full explanation and doesn't take the hint to drop the subject.
So an explanation/retelling of the event would occur. Then I would cry. A lot.

Personal note, I tend to cry when things hit a sort of emotional pitch. Like a cup that is too full. Maybe your cup simply isn't overflowing yet? Your cup might be larger than you realize. Odd metaphor, but there it is.

I wouldn't take your 'emptiness' towards a girl rejecting you to mean anything all to negative. You might just not be making a big deal about it. Maybe, deep down, you didn't feel as strongly as you think you did towards this girl. Maybe. Good chance I'm wrong. But there is a bit of difference between emptiness and a very soft emotional impact.

As for you playing the clown, not your real self...
That one is a tough one. But I will point out that your real self clearly has the capacity for humor, or your not real self likely wouldn't. Perhaps there is more truth to the role you are playing than you realize?

Go do something that makes you happy for a while. It's much easier to analyse some of this stuff once you clear your head a bit and have a good time.

Just some thoughts. Take with a grain of salt.

[H Birchgrove]

He is Calanon, The Poster, he won't cry. So, I cry for him. (http://youtu.be/vMaK8tBe9SE) *hugs*

[KenderWizard]

I just want to say, while this is not a problem I often experience (I am super-great at crying. It's basically my superpower. They call me Alienating-Others-Through-Emotional-Breakdowns Girl.) it is incredibly frustrating. It sounds to me like you're in a bit of shock. Maybe you'll cry about it when it comes time, maybe you'll feel better about it before you get to the crying stage. Like other people have said, there's no "right" way to grieve anything; a loss, a relationship, a potential relationship, a failure, a regret, anything at all. I cried way more when my cat died than when my real-person grandmother died. I just dealt with the bad feelings in a different way in two different situations, and that's fine.

Anyway, that sucks about the girl. A very similar thing happened to me once. (It was the only time I ever asked anyone out!) I did cry. Embarrassingly enough, I started before we said goodbye and all that, so... oops. But anyway, it's incredibly yucky and frustrating, but we are good friends now. You'll come through this, even though it's really crap right now.

[Silma]

Alright so I took this girl out that I REALLY liked for sometime and after the bro slaps and all that were done I was off and took her out to have an interesting time. Nothing fancy just drove around town watched a movie, hung out at an Arcade, than went out to dinner. After this evening is over I tell her that I've liked her for some time and the what not (Insert romantic music here) and than she tells me the most vile thing in the world "I'm sorry, but I only see you as a friend" WELL oddly enough I took it as a rather painful sign. lied to her and said that it was alright drove her home and said my goodbyes for the evening than drove home.

After I walked into my room I felt like crying and other over dramatic stuff that I usually never display but to my surprise I couldn't cry in the slightest or feel bad or anything, I just felt really empty and hated myself :smallfrown:

tl;dr: Playground help me express these suppressed feelings and let me get these feelings out so I don't cause a scene or complain to anyone else. </3


Don't feel bad Calanon. We've all been through similar occasions more or less. I myself have been a very sad person for many years, and I was feeling like you do, but on a regular basis. I was feeling different than most people I knew, and at the time I thought it was a bad thing. But then I realized something. I like who I am. I know it sounds cliche when everyone keeps saying things like "The most important thing to to get along with yourself", but I myself hadn't realized the wisdom behind it until I grasped that concept myself, not through other peoples' words.
Now from your words
Most people would see that comment and figure "Oh god he's gonna jump!" but I REALLY like living so THAT isn't an option I understand that you DO like who you are. I think that all you have to do is accept that you have your own way to cope with things, which might not always be what others would expect.
I hope that what I said might help you even in the smallest way and that you feel better soon. :smallsmile:

[Pika...]

Alright so I took this girl out that I REALLY liked for sometime and after the bro slaps and all that were done I was off and took her out to have an interesting time. Nothing fancy just drove around town watched a movie, hung out at an Arcade, than went out to dinner. After this evening is over I tell her that I've liked her for some time and the what not (Insert romantic music here) and than she tells me the most vile thing in the world "I'm sorry, but I only see you as a friend" WELL oddly enough I took it as a rather painful sign. lied to her and said that it was alright drove her home and said my goodbyes for the evening than drove home.

After I walked into my room I felt like crying and other over dramatic stuff that I usually never display but to my surprise I couldn't cry in the slightest or feel bad or anything, I just felt really empty and hated myself :smallfrown:

tl;dr: Playground help me express these suppressed feelings and let me get these feelings out so I don't cause a scene or complain to anyone else. </3

I am kinda floating in similar waters. And I too found I could not cry, but that is because I have always tried to not cry. Crying means you're trying to seek help/attention from others (instinctively at least). So I just bottle it up, as I always have. It make you stronger, and less likely to be hurt like that again.

[Calanon]

Oddly enough this thread made me cry a little after reading all the comments. I feel better for the most part and made peace with the girl she told me why she didn't like me in greater detail and I understand now. She is now a good friend of mines (Yes, I got friend zoned :smallannoyed:) She now follows me around... everywhere =_=;;

She joined all my D&D groups, we play D&D errday, and she hangs out at my house for days at a time... not that its annoying just kind of strange... I don't really care since I'm from a Dominican family and we usually cook food at a 1:4 ratio (4 meals for 1 person at dinner time alone) so there is usually less leftovers (And she eats like a Horse! :smalleek:)

I learned a valuable lesson with Women: Sometimes they make better friends then they do Girlfriends (Yes, I learned how she acts at home... because she treats my home as her home... ugh~~~ still can't get over the clipping of toe nails on my bed...)

EDIT: On a funny note she flirts with me when we play D&D :smallredface: