Hilarious RP Fails

[Tael]

So, a little background first: Our group is mostly pretty mature, but our DM's son is still a 13 year old kid. Recently he's been playing a Paladin, and he loves the class mechanically, but he's not so hot on the RP side. He's a very chaotic neutral player who loves fights, and he's having a lot of trouble acting paladin-ish. And a few days ago, the following happened:

[We have just captured an assassin who we believe who is associated with demons, being slightly evil, I decide to start using some "enhanced interrogation" techniques]

Me: I blast him for 1d6, making him shaken
GM: He still doesn't react
Me: I blast him again, making him frightened
GM: Still nothing
Me: I blast him again, making him Panicked
GM: He falls unconscious, critical condition
Me: Dammit, Paladin, have that wand of cure light at the ready, heal him whenever he gets too low, we'll see how long he lasts...
GM: Paladin, do you have a problem with this?
Paladin: Of course I do! My wand only has 23 charges left!
*table bursts into laughter*

The paladin fell after that and is re-rolling as a barbarian.

Have you had any similar situations to this? Times when the players or DM have said some hilarious things during RP time?

[The Reverend]

That is funny and pretty common, the fall was a good response. I would have made him go and do some serious penance less he forever draw his deities wrath and try to make him understand how to be a paladin, not a thug.

[Campbellk8105]

I literally just posted this on another thread right before this but oh well.

Our campaigns are usually fairly long, and we play to high levels. Unless the campaign gets derailed we won't usually finish a campaign before Epic.

The BBEG (Caleb) had 80, 80 levels of various classes. So him creating all that was aboslutely no problem. He had a Divine Tuning type ability on the party so that if anyone said his name, he'd teleport to us, and would kill a party member. One of the biggest pains out of everything, which was still funny to all of us is when someone would slip up.

Especially in conversations like this:
Bard: "Ok, everyone got it? Everytime we say his name, he comes in and kills us. So don't say his name."
Fighter: "Yea, we should just come up with a nickname for him so we don't even think abut saying his real name anymore."
Sorcerer: "How about **** head? That seems logical enough."
Fighter: "Yea, thats a good one for him, since he is in fact, a **** head."
Bard: "Ok so its agreed, Caleb's new... Ahhh ****!"

Needless to say, the Bard got slaughtered.

[Novawurmson]

GM: Paladin, do you have a problem with this?
Paladin: Of course I do! My wand only has 23 charges left!

I feel like there's a sig here.

[Venger]

So, a little background first: Our group is mostly pretty mature, but our DM's son is still a 13 year old kid. Recently he's been playing a Paladin, and he loves the class mechanically, but he's not so hot on the RP side. He's a very chaotic neutral player who loves fights, and he's having a lot of trouble acting paladin-ish. And a few days ago, the following happened:

[We have just captured an assassin who we believe who is associated with demons, being slightly evil, I decide to start using some "enhanced interrogation" techniques]

Me: I blast him for 1d6, making him shaken
GM: He still doesn't react
Me: I blast him again, making him frightened
GM: Still nothing
Me: I blast him again, making him Panicked
GM: He falls unconscious, critical condition
Me: Dammit, Paladin, have that wand of cure light at the ready, heal him whenever he gets too low, we'll see how long he lasts...
GM: Paladin, do you have a problem with this?
Paladin: Of course I do! My wand only has 23 charges left!
*table bursts into laughter*

The paladin fell after that and is re-rolling as a barbarian.

Have you had any similar situations to this? Times when the players or DM have said some hilarious things during RP time?

first of all, is he literally a 13 year old kid or does he just act like one? your use of "still" makes me think it can be either one.

secondly, this story is hilarious. please place your fist against the screen (http://www.maniacworld.com/internet-bro-fist.jpg)

thirdly, I disagree with the whole "paladins must always fall" approach, it's too gygaxian "DM-versus-players" for my tastes. since he's just screwing around and since the other players laughed too, your game doesn't seem to be super serious, so I would say not to make such a big deal about it. if alignments are important, just turn him into a pally of freedom. always fall is why no one rolls paladin, because the DM will just make them fall

I have one of my own. I rolled malconvoker in a game I'm in, and they are basically a nonevil (RAW) demon summoner who summons demons and bluffs them into fighting for the forces of good.

we're adventuring through the woods and the DM has me bump into a barghest. I roll a deific diplomacy check and since I have the appropriate language (malconvoker makes speak language useful) we're able to talk for a while. I bluff him into letting me ride on his back towards the sound of screaming.

the DM says that there are some bandits beating up some orphans (who we can apparently tell are orphans from looking at them)

I make my challenge accepted face

(P.S. my character is dr. facilier)
malc:say, you approve of what's goin' on here?
barghest:ya
malc:all that sufferin' an' torture?
barghest:ya, man
malc: see, from where I'm standin', or, sittin', rather, I think we could make a few improvements
barghest:how d'you mean?
malc:well, those kids don't look like they're gonna hold up too long. we just stand here and do nothin', those bandits're gonna kill 'em
barghest:so?
malc:so, they'd be puttin' 'em outta their misery! can't have that, can we?
barghest:hey... you're right!
malc:they die now, that's maybe five minutes of sufferin' right there. they live and they'll be having nightmares about this for years!

rolled bluff vs barghest's sense motive.

success

barghest kills all the bandits and eats their corpses. he bucks me off his back and screams at the orphans in infernal "ENJOY YOUR LIVES OF SUFFERING!" and then runs away. the orphans do the same

tl;dr: barghest rescues orphans

[umbergod]

tl;dr: barghest rescues orphans

AWESOME! I loves it

[JoeYounger]

When we were starting our first campaign, we had a druid, who was being played by an 11 year old kid. He was pretty smart for a kid (the rest of us being 15ish lol), so he did well enough in the group for the first 2-3 sessions, until our DM asked for all of our character sheets to do an audit. He was looking to make sure we were all right on our WBL and bonuses to hit and jazz. The next time we came to play we picked up where we left off marching down the road, and the DM explained that the drood had a bad case of explosive diarhea out of nowhere and **** out 97 torches. He then asked him why he would buy 100 torches, and the responce was "Idk, they were only a copper?"

[The Glyphstone]

tl;dr: barghest rescues orphans

I call that an RP Win, not an RP Fail.

[Krotchrot]

We have a Druid in our party that went the line of the Warshaper/Master of Many Forms. He used to prefer a Raptor form for several levels. No matter what, everything I saw him shapechange into one, I would always pull two one liners from Jurassic Park: "Clever Girl." or "Your still alive when they begin to eat you."

Needless to say, everyone moans now anytime anyone mentions dinosaurs around me.

[Krazzman]

RP fail? (If RP lead to fail^^)

The blackguard in a former campaign that is told by our group. (God I wish I had played that time...)

Said blackguard tried to intimidate a Goblin cook on a ship. But somehow the Goblin made the Blackguard only angrier and it came to a fight where the Goblin managed it to break the blackguards big toe and thus defeat him. (Player still rants about this hasn't happening :D)

[Aegis013]

Homebrew setting. A world war devastated modern day and due to the fall out and other nonsense, we've ended up in a somewhat traditional D&D world.

Warforged are relics of the "Old World" and the two that work that our party knows of, have memories from the Old World and are rather confused an alarmed by the new world.

Well, after discovering there was more continent than our group had previously believed we eventually stumbled into a land that was basically low-magitech-steampunk. And we came to a news stand where a boy was selling news papers.

My character, the Wizard, asked what that was and the warforged responded: "It's a piece of paper with all the goings on in the world printed on it."

I responded: "HOLY CRAP! I gotta get me one of those!" because my character interpreted it as, in effect, a book that scryed anywhere you desired and narrated the goings on. We ended up having a 10-15 minute side tour as I tried to get that country's currency to buy one (which helped everybody, since we could then buy food/shelter etc) and then buy a news paper to be mildly disappointed.

[Tael]

first of all, is he literally a 13 year old kid or does he just act like one? your use of "still" makes me think it can be either one.
Literally a 13 year old boy.


secondly, this story is hilarious. please place your fist against the screen (http://www.maniacworld.com/internet-bro-fist.jpg)
Many thanks.
*brofist*



thirdly, I disagree with the whole "paladins must always fall" approach, it's too gygaxian "DM-versus-players" for my tastes. since he's just screwing around and since the other players laughed too, your game doesn't seem to be super serious, so I would say not to make such a big deal about it. if alignments are important, just turn him into a pally of freedom. always fall is why no one rolls paladin, because the DM will just make them fall

I normally agree with you, and I feet that we might have been a tad harsh (being a kid and all), but this was really bad. I mean, this wasn't a small or one-time thing, he's been consistently playing a chaotic neutral character, and the only reason he hadn't broken the code before was because we stopped him. Our DM just couldn't have him playing a chaotic neutral paladin anymore, and this was the worst and funniest thing to happen.



tl;dr: barghest rescues orphans

Epic RP win IMO, very creative.

*2nd Brofist*

[Herabec]

So, the group is attempting to sneak into the tower of a powerful lich, this lich also happens to be the ruler of the nation they're in, so the tower doubles as both a dungeon and a center of government. In order to travel throughout the various levels of the dungeon, every officer is given a teleportation stone and taught a Word of Power to use it. The group managed to get a hold of a stone, but didn't know the password...

During their attempt at sneaking in through the sewers, they managed to also befriend two Trolls and an Orc Warchief to, so...yeah, they're not very inconspicuous. So, traveling up from the sewers, onto the ground floor, is an Elven Paladin, a Human Warlock, a Human Fighter, two Trolls and an Orc Barbarian.

Taking the guise of new recruits, the party tries looking for a teleporation pad so they can voom up to the prison ward so they can save one of the player's characters who got captured in a previous session, and after a few minutes of scanning the room, manage to find a pad with a very impressive man standing next to it, in full glorious plate mail - I mean, he looks like someone very high in the chain of command. (He was, in fact, second in command of the nation)...

So what does the party do? Well, they decide to bind up the Trolls and Orc and use the ol' chewbacca ruse ( I think someone even used the phrase 'Prisoner transfer from Cell Block 1138' ). Unfortunately, the Highlord's sense motive was a little too high for this... So instead, the paladin tries her hand at 'diplomacy'.

Paladin: "Now listen here, we captured these monsters down in the sewers and you have to let us teleport them to the cell block."

Highlord: "So do it, why are you bothering me, guardsman?"

Paladin: (rolls a crappy bluff check) "Well...we, um, forgot the Word of Power to work it..."

Highlord: "Where did you say you were posted again?"

Paladin: "That's none of your business! You need to teleport us now, or I'll take this higher up the chain and have you executed for refusing to help us and interfering with official business!" (rolls intimidate, but there aren't enough dice and bonuses in the world...)

Highlord: "Oh. Ahah... Alright then, I'm soooo sorry. Please forgive me. If you'll all just step onto this pad here, I'll send you straight to your destination. I'm so terribly sorry for the inconvenience." (Proceeds to teleport the group)

Queue the fighter, paladin, warlock, two trolls and an orc landing in an 8'x8' cell with no bars, windows or doors. A literal box with only a teleport pad and solid walls on all sides. Yeah.

(And yes, that's an eight foot by eight foot cell. Not squares. Fun times.)

[Venger]

Literally a 13 year old boy.

Many thanks.
*brofist*

you're quite welcome :smallsmile:



I normally agree with you, and I feet that we might have been a tad harsh (being a kid and all), but this was really bad. I mean, this wasn't a small or one-time thing, he's been consistently playing a chaotic neutral character, and the only reason he hadn't broken the code before was because we stopped him. Our DM just couldn't have him playing a chaotic neutral paladin anymore, and this was the worst and funniest thing to happen. glad you do. oh, okay. while you did mention he'd been RPing mostly CN, I didn't infer this was the most recent in a long line of similar instances. it sure is funny though




Epic RP win IMO, very creative.

*2nd Brofist*
thank you, it got a lot of laughs around the table too. *brofist*

[Sliver]

This happened here in a PbP M&M game. Earlier my character infiltrated the new owner's office to plant some bugs to follow his actions. To find out some info I had to do some mind control on his secretary. The day after, he is talking to his girlfriend and she tells him she has to go to her sister because she is upset after someone broke into the offices, where she works. I mind controlled my girlfriend's sister. Great.

A few days later we follow a lead to a shady bar. My character order a drink and finds his girlfriend working at the bar. So one of our party members is upset that his sister is working at a place like that. Oh boy.

So I confess to him that we are dating and then off handedly add that I mind raped his other sister. So I get attacked by him in the middle of the bar. My character is calm because his shapeshifting powers mean that the attacking speedster can't do anything to me so I explain to him that it was when I infiltrated the mayor's office that I did it. We are overheard by thugs that are impressed by the accomplishment and give us an address to meet their boss for a gig, which is what we wanted to get from this entire scenario anyway. The speedster is forced to let this incident slide.

This relationship got even more complicated when the other character I was playing in this game who was my first's alternate version (looked the same, different powers and history) started dating the mayor's secretary. So when my first character goes to visit his gf and only her sister is at home, the sister got upset that her boyfriend is apparently dating her sister and doesn't know her. That's how my first character found out he has a copy of him running around. The speedster didn't like the fact that I'm dating both his sisters and after mind raping one of them, brought the same one to tears.

[Ravens_cry]

I had a paladin, great character, fun to play as well as role play and had many awesome moments, but he also had his more hilarious moments.
One habit I got into was yelling out battle cries and challenges before each swing.
Unfortunately, this is emphases on the before.
It seemed all my best lines came before I missed.

[Cespenar]

One friend had this paladin who for some reason preferred to employ quasi-pro-wrestling stunts with his full plate armor in combat instead of the usual swordplay. Not that he didn't have a sword, but that's not the point.

Among his moves were the helmeted headbutt (which did knock out the odd drow), tackling and smashing people to the wall, and lastly, both a crowd favorite and the bane of every prone enemy, the Full Plate Splash.

[Campbellk8105]

Not that he didn't have a sword, but that's not the point.

Hah, a play on words. I'm gonna go with it was unintended.


Among his moves were the helmeted headbutt (which did knock out the odd drow), tackling and smashing people to the wall, and lastly, both a crowd favorite and the bane of every prone enemy, the Full Plate Splash.

My friend did a character like this, except he was unarmored. Monk/fighter I believe. He preferred throwing them with a suplex. Or the ever popular, Peoples Elbow and instead of a frog splash, his favorite was a Senton Bomb.

Compared to our characters, he was comic relief in compared to damage output.

[starwoof]

Our party is hired through our adventuring guild to make peace between two unknown factions. I'm playing a noble born fighter, the son of a Duke. Very arrogant chaotic good character.

We arrive at the edge oft he swamp and meet a band of about 100 paladins who are planning to attack a large group of undead they've discovered live in the swamp. We stay the night with them and I leave my wagon and hirelings there. The paladins wish us luck and to kill any undead we find.

Then we head into the swamp. It turns out that the undead are not in fact evil, and have a magic crown that prevents them from needing to drink blood/eat flesh/devour souls or what have you, but the paladins are beging bigoted jerks. Also, the undead were our employers.

So we head back to the paladins to negotiate (because they're basically good guys, even if they are being jerks).

Paladins: Hail, friends! Have you had any luck slaying the undead?
Me: No, actually the undead hired us to deal with you.
All paladins immediately grab their swords and start shouting at us. The rest of the party starts going 'Dude, what the hell? BAD WORD CHOICE! He doesn't speak for all of us!'
Me: Deal with you diplomatically! Diplomacy! Diplomacy! :smalleek:

In the end we killed all the paladins because it was the right thing to do. :smalltongue:

[CommodoreCrunch]

I was in a campaign a while back where our party was working for a mercenary company. Our first job was to escort some guy safely to some town while a powerful group wanted him dead. Our party consisted of a Rogue/Swashbuckler/Invisible Blade, me, a Monk/Ninja, a Cleric, a Fighter/Ninja and a Halfling Wu Jen. The Wu Jen was the source of all of our woes in that campaign.

In our first fight, the Wu Jen wastes her (player was male, character female) spells and resorts to a crossbow. She didn't have precise shot. She kept missing due to that "shooting into melee" penalty and the DM was rolling percentiles to see if she hit a party member. The ****ing Wu Jen almost killed our cleric. In our first fight.

Some time later we come upon a small, dirty, extremely poor village where we plan to get a boat across a large lake to our target town. At the docks, we see the harbormaster talking with a suspicious character, so I follow the shady guy after they finish talking and find out he's with the group we're protecting our charge from. Meanwhile, the Rogue is securing passage with a boat due to leave within the hour. And the Wu Jen? Chatting it up with the harbormaster, casually talking about why we're there and revealing all our secrets because "he seemed trustworthy".
So as we're boarding the boat, we see a mob of people coming towards us, along with a ballista. Most of us, including the boat captain, shrug it off. By the time they could get it loaded, we'd be sailing, and the chances of a ballista hitting us at that point were low. The Wu Jen, however, freaks out, and fireballs the damn thing. In a town that's made entirely out of cheap, flammable materials and, if memory serves, produced fertilizer. Needless to say, we sailed away as the town burned to ground.

In the next town, the Wu Jen manages to get herself robbed, so we have to cover her the cost of room and board. That night, we somehow realized that the group we've been trying to avoid knows where we are, so we leave the inn and scooby split before they can catch us, planning to meet up at the docks and split town. Thankfully, our ward is with the Rogue, not the Wu Jen. I say this because the Wu Jen, first to get to the docks, sees a large number of knights (of course affiliated with that group) there, waiting for us. She decides that it would be a good idea to waltz right up to the knight captain and talk to him. She fails all of her diplomacy checks, unsurprisingly, and gets captured.
So the rest of us show up about an hour later to find that they've taken the Wu Jen captive. Facepalming, we (sadly) decided to rescue her. Leaving our ward hidden, we sneak in and manage to free her. But by now, there are two phalanxes of knights moving in and they've blocked us off from everything except the water. So we retreat to a boat, but not before the Wu Jen and the fighter manage to set the entire waterfront district ablaze...

So, on the boat, we ask the captain where he's heading. He tells us that we're going to the town we'd just come from. You know, the one we burned to the ground. The Rogue is planning to warn the captain about that town having bugbear troubles or whatever so we wouldn't have to go back there and be recognized and subjected to the old mob+torch+pitchfork.
Well guess who ****s up. That's right! The Wu Jen blurts out "Oh, I don't think you sohould go there, I heard a crazed wizard burned the place to the ground." The passengers, most of which live in/have family in that town, overhear and demand to stay the course. So a mere one day after destroying the town, we return to it...

We're captured by our bosses when we get there and after we're chastised, warned that one more **** up will get us killed, etc, we're sent to a frozen forest in the frozen northlands via portal.

Immediately we notice dark shapes moving our way through the trees, so we all hide. Me and the Rogue in trees, the cleric under snow behind a tree and the Wu Jen? He drops into the snow where he was standing and doesn't do anything else to hide. Have I mentioned that his character had very long, very bright red hair?
The shapes were a squad of savages with scimitars. We'd been warned about these guys and how dangerous they are, so we're hoping they'll move on without seeing us. They move through our area without seeing anyone (even the Wu Jen, shockingly) and we think we're safe. Then, one of them steps on the Wu Jen. Roll Initiative. Wu Jen is at -X hp right off the bat due to crits, so the cleric has to deal with four of them by herself. On our side of the area, to Rogue and I leap out of trees for sneak attack/sudden strike, dropping one of them immediately.
The cleric does astoundingly well, and even killed two of them by cutting down a (smallish) tree. The Rogue gets incapacitated and is being dragged away by two of them, so I give chase. They knock me down to single digits, so I retreat up a tree. They start dragging the Rogue away again so I chug a potion and, being right above them, fall down onto them and attack. I retreat up the tree again and repeat the process. After doing it one more time, they get scared and run off.

Long story short, we should have left the Wu Jen to the mob the first time she ****ed up. Would have saved us a whole lot of trouble.

[Dr.Epic]

Have you had any similar situations to this? Times when the players or DM have said some hilarious things during RP time?

Yes. I think nearly everyone has. They're not that uncommon. Very few games of D&D are strictly serious. Part of the fun comes from these such interactions.

[MesiDoomstalker]

Have you had any similar situations to this? Times when the players or DM have said some hilarious things during RP time?

Yes. I think nearly everyone has. They're not that uncommon. Very few games of D&D are strictly serious. Part of the fun comes from these such interactions.

I think the point is to share them as others have did.

I had one group with a new player (new for me, he played in other games with the other players) who always played casters. He was pretty into RPing casters. Whenever he had the chance to gather spell components he would. Simply for RP reasons. We were going through a dungeon and came into a large cavern that was "obviously inhabitated by a large population of bats." This player had also visited Meramac Caverns (semi-famous caves near where we live) and knows that bat cave ceiling's are covered in bat guano. So he casts fly and collects about 10 pounds of it. The party is generaly disgusted by this naturally. We reach the end of the dungeon, grap the macguffin and book it back to town to give the macguffin to the NPC that had us go in there. Now this player was playing a very social-orientated Sorcerer and had the highest Diplomancy. The NPC wasn't going to give us a reward becaues we took too long (we blamed him for taking the time to gather 10 pounds of bat poop). So the Sorcerer decides to diplomancy him into giving us the reward that was initailly promised. Series of mostly successful diplomancy checks later, we succeed and get a new mission with the a new reward and the old reward to help us. They decide to shake on it. The NPC's face turns to sheer horror when he grips the Sorcerers poop encrusted hand. Needless to say, we were woefully under WBL for a few sessions.

[Cespenar]

Hah, a play on words. I'm gonna go with it was unintended.


It was unintended. Though my subconscious also may have decided to troll me.


My friend did a character like this, except he was unarmored. Monk/fighter I believe. He preferred throwing them with a suplex. Or the ever popular, Peoples Elbow and instead of a frog splash, his favorite was a Senton Bomb.

Compared to our characters, he was comic relief in compared to damage output.

He was lucky in which our playstyle was closer to freeform than a pure D&D 3.5 RAW-fest, so he didn't have to worry about dealing low damage and all that.

A Dungeoncrasher Fighter may play like something similar and contribute though, now that I think about it.

[Hbgplayer]

This is slightly embarassing, but I have several times that I needed a Gibbs head-slap.

Please note, this is several years ago, when I was still new(er) to D&D.
We are a 3rd level group, I'm playing a Wizard. We go to vist the lord of the city (metropolis), for some reason, I forget by now.
DM: You aproach the Lord's manor, which is in the center of the town on a hill. It is surrounded by a 40 ft tall wall.
Ranger: I spot check to see if I see anything.
DM (with out rolling anything): You see a young woman sitting on top of the wall, which is only about a foot wide, just crouching there. She is looking in at the manor.
Cleric: I call out to her.
DM: She doesn't respond, and doesn't react at all...
We all try getting her attention, but after getting no reaction, we go to the Manor House and talk with the lord of the city. After being asked to go to an abandoned temple several miles out of the city to investigate some strange occurances, we leave.
DM: As you pass the manor gate, you notice that the woman's not up there any more.
Me: I look around, looking for her.
DM: You don't see her, but you notice a group of four men wearing cloaks with hoods covering their faces who appear to be armed. You hear them arguing.
Cleric: I walk over to the men to ask them what's going on.
Me: I follow right behind.
DM: You hear one angrily saying to another "you've got no proof! We can't make that type of accusation with out any proof!"
Me: I ask: "Is there anything we can do for you?"
DM: The group of men look up, and are about to say something, when you hear a demonic scream from the wall. You look up and see the same woman crouching on the wall. She jumps and lands on the man right in front of you, and literaly pulles his face off, leaving behind just the screaming skull and eyes.
Me: I move to grapple, to pull her off of him.
Every one is silent, staring at me, even my cousin who was reading and not playing.
David (Ranger): Dude, she just jumped off the 40 ft tall wall and riped that guys face off, are you sure???
Me: Umm, you're right, I take that back-
DM: NOPE! Too late! Time for some stupid damage! Lets see, what's your strenghth score again? 10, good. Vs. 18 str for Vampire-
*Everyone*: Ah, sh*t!

[noparlpf]

Because Paladins seem to be common on here:
So the first time I played a Paladin, I started out Lawful Good, but kind of naive/gullible and with psychological blinders on: basically I refused to notice if one of my friends did something that was bordering on evil.
Anyway, at one point we found a wand. The Sorcerer decided to test it out of me because that's what we had done with the last wand we found. Turns out it's Shocking Grasp or something like that. I look at my hand, look up into the busy marketplace, use Detect Evil, walk over, and Shocking Grasp a random evil commoner. Without challenging him first, without witnessing any evil deeds, with nothing to go on except that he was mildly evil.
So I kind of fell. I did manage to Atone, though, because we were low-level and he was a young Paladin who hadn't learned to differentiate between different kinds of evil.

Another time, I was playing a Druid. We were fighting an Aspect of the Leviathan in a dark cave, and nobody had thought to cast Light or anything. I was the only one who could see anything because I had Blindsight out to 120'; everyone else was limited to about 20' with a torch on the longboat we came in on. Also, I was a bear and I was flying. The Leviathan comes up, grabs something, and submerges every round. (I guess it had Swim-by Attack?) The DM was using some weird rules for readied actions where they only apply until the end of the initiative count, not until your next turn, so with my natural one for initiative, he wasn't letting me ready actions to attack the Leviathan when it came up to grab somebody. After a minute, I'm the only one left alive. The Leviathan comes up and looks up at me where I'm hovering just out of its reach.
I say, "Hey. How's it goin'?" in that voice you'd expect to hear from a guy at a bar when he starts hitting on someone. I say it in Bearish.
The DM found this hilarious and literally fell out of his chair laughing.

[Rejakor]

Are you kidding? Full Plate People's Elbow is absolutely awesome. Also, fully supported in the rules. Check out Dungeoncrashing.


My 10th level paladin/cavalier/purple knight got dropped into Age of Worms naked under a bookcase in a forgotten library. If he hadn't made his strength roll to wobble the bookshelf, he would've died there.

Well, some drow women turned up to kidnap the party, and due to this naked paladin wandering about asking for a pair of pants, there was never any actual fighting, the party just kind of wandered on board their airship with the promise of a pair of pants.

He spent the next four levels with tight leather female elf pants and a masterwork longsword as his only possessions.

[Ravens_cry]

He spent the next four levels with tight leather female elf pants and a masterwork longsword as his only possessions.
*blink*
***
That sounds disturbingly sexy.

[Geigan]

Once my group had to deal with a villain masquerading as a cleric of a good god. We tried to take him down in the courtyard of the temple he was a part of, which in retrospect was a poor choice since they had guards. When we proclaimed loudly of his actual devotions to an evil deity he immediately made a break for it and shouted for the guards.

Out melee caught up with him so fast he didn't even make it to the door of the temple before we dropped him to the point that he thought that suicide would be easier than getting away from us. The guards arrived at the scene of our paladin and dragon shaman on top of the imposter in question with the paladin's fist clenched in his mouth around what we assumed was a cyanide pill he was trying to swallow. He had a number of grievous wounds that had brought him into negatives as well.

The guards pointed bows at us and told us to step away from him before he died. I was a beguiler at the time working off a proverbial bag of tricks(handy haversacks ftw!) so I had a wand of lesser vigor in my bag that I could heal him with thanks to Use Magic Device ranks. Unfortunately, due to earlier fluff the wand was shrunken head on a rope that I had gotten from my fey mentor. So my beguiler pulled what appeared to be a mini severed head on a rope out of his bag shouting, "I'll fix him!"

The guards opened fire on us.

[Yukitsu]

Sometimes staying in character leads to far worse problems than just ignoring what's going on.

We started with the previous campaign, as this one is the kids of our previous characters. My character was a brilliant roboticist, who ended up marrying a slightly unhinged mad scientist woman. My character created 3 robots whom he viewed as his children, while she created 1, with both sets falling towards their creator's personalities. Which means one of the 4 robots is a bit stalkerish and more than a bit crazy, while the other 3 are pacifists on principle. My character is their biological daughter who goes around with the younger robot (the crazy one).

In campaign, it started at

Me: It's pretty good lemonade. You can't make it until you can encode 110 ranks of knowledge into it, and it requires a progress level 9 machine.
Player 3: What does it grant knowledge of?
Me: 110 ranks in knowledge: pure bliss.
Player 3: This is dangerous stuff... I'm pretty sure I'm an addict now.
Me: It's fulla nanites. So who liked the first Deus Ex?

Leading to...

Player 3: And that's a natural 20 on my seduction check on your sister. She's a lemon powered robot, she might have lemonade [edited out for decency sake]
Me IC: OK sis, let's get away from the pervert.
Player 3: It is entirely not my fault that you are a crack dealer that won't sell me my crack!

Later to...

*we're fighting player 5's deep seated inner emotions. I have handed a 5 charge staff of one of my spells to player 3 with a special spell. Instead of killing an enemy, if you reduce them to dead with it, it knocks them out and mind rapes them into being your friend. Used because we're all friends already, and because I didn't want to kill it. Player 3 just threw out all 5 charges at once.
DM: OK, do the rolls to see how well or how poorly this works.
Player 3: *20
DM: *1
Table: ... ... ...
Player 2: This is all your fault [yukitsu].
Me: More like 60% my fault. I mean, there is no way I could have seen those die rolls coming.
Player 1: That's what happens every. Single. Time you cast that spell.
Player 5: Time to become a stalker.
Player 3: Now there's two of you!
Me: It's a yandere love triangle. I'm moving to the bahamas until one or all three of you get stabbed.

And that's why player 3 is doomed because we RP things that aren't entirely in our control.

[Templarkommando]

first of all, is he literally a 13 year old kid or does he just act like one? your use of "still" makes me think it can be either one.

secondly, this story is hilarious. please place your fist against the screen (http://www.maniacworld.com/internet-bro-fist.jpg)

thirdly, I disagree with the whole "paladins must always fall" approach, it's too gygaxian "DM-versus-players" for my tastes. since he's just screwing around and since the other players laughed too, your game doesn't seem to be super serious, so I would say not to make such a big deal about it. if alignments are important, just turn him into a pally of freedom. always fall is why no one rolls paladin, because the DM will just make them fall

I have one of my own. I rolled malconvoker in a game I'm in, and they are basically a nonevil (RAW) demon summoner who summons demons and bluffs them into fighting for the forces of good.

we're adventuring through the woods and the DM has me bump into a barghest. I roll a deific diplomacy check and since I have the appropriate language (malconvoker makes speak language useful) we're able to talk for a while. I bluff him into letting me ride on his back towards the sound of screaming.

the DM says that there are some bandits beating up some orphans (who we can apparently tell are orphans from looking at them)

I make my challenge accepted face

(P.S. my character is dr. facilier)
malc:say, you approve of what's goin' on here?
barghest:ya
malc:all that sufferin' an' torture?
barghest:ya, man
malc: see, from where I'm standin', or, sittin', rather, I think we could make a few improvements
barghest:how d'you mean?
malc:well, those kids don't look like they're gonna hold up too long. we just stand here and do nothin', those bandits're gonna kill 'em
barghest:so?
malc:so, they'd be puttin' 'em outta their misery! can't have that, can we?
barghest:hey... you're right!
malc:they die now, that's maybe five minutes of sufferin' right there. they live and they'll be having nightmares about this for years!

rolled bluff vs barghest's sense motive.

success

barghest kills all the bandits and eats their corpses. he bucks me off his back and screams at the orphans in infernal "ENJOY YOUR LIVES OF SUFFERING!" and then runs away. the orphans do the same

tl;dr: barghest rescues orphans

You owe me a new keyboard!!! :smallfurious: This one is ruined!?! rofl

[Garwain]

I made a RP fail when I was RP in the DM's favor. Why? I still don't know...

I heard a voice offering a quest, a voice pretending to be of a god. In the course of the quest, we start to realise that things don't add up. When we return, we find out that it was in fact an invisible bard and Ludovic is very angry. Being the end of a story arc, we are prepared for a big and carefully planned battle.

Unfortunatly for the DM, players are unpredictable, and a few rounds later, the fight was already in our favor. My cleric of St-Cuthbert was charging up the Nimbus of Light spell, which would, no doubt, kill the main villain.

Me: The light surrounding me starts flowing towards my hand. I point my finger while shouting: "I will prevent you from doing any more harm."
DM: Are you sure St-Cuthbert will approve when you kill this man?
Me: He loves it when I bring a Lawbreaker to justice! Now let me find my dice....
DM: But you are Lawfull Good, you should have some mercy in you.
Me: Not at all! St-Cuthbert is clear on this matter, evil lawbreakers should be destroyed.

And then I saw the sad look in his eyes when I was about to finish his recurring villain, apparently too early in the campaign.

Me: So he is an orphan as well you say? Now, that's a whole other story... I initiate a grapple instead.

[Rapidghoul]

Me (true neutral halfling rogue), a chaotic neutral half-orc barbarian, and a lawful neutral human cleric are stuck in a hotel in the halfling town when someone gets murdered. I get a 35 on bluff to convince everyone I'm "Detective Inspector John Smith" and get everyone to follow my orders so we can find out who is the murderer.

The orc and I play good-cop (diplomacy) bad-cop (intimidate). When interrogating a halfling guard who ended up being the murderer in the end, he rolls a nat 1 on intimidate and the guard rolls a nat 20 on diplomacy. The DM deemed his tactics seductive.

Long story short, our orc tried intimidating a halfling murderer into confessing, and he fell in love instead.

[grarrrg]

You owe me a new keyboard!!! :smallfurious: This one is ruined!?! rofl

:smallconfused:Then how did you type your response?