Unoptimization Challenge

[lorddrake]

I'm not all that awesome in optimizating anything at all. And I was thinking how could I contribute to the forum...

And it came to me how funny would be an unoptimization challenge. How to create the least useful character ever made.

Here the rules.
Any book.
Lvl 20.
3.0, 3.5 or PF - your choice.
Stats: 18 16 14 12 10 8 (choose them wisely)

My trial:
Half Orc Truenamer 10/wizard 10
Not a skill point in true naming (I guess it was called that way)
STR 10 (8), DEX 12, CON 14, INT 8 (10), WIS 16, CHA 16 (18)

(I thought of having something to cut spell progression like a terrible race or a weird PrC, but I am lazy... aaaand low int score meant that it is a wizard that couldn't tie his own shoes, magically speaking...)

EDIT: Forgot one rule. No NPC classes!

[Snowbluff]

At firstI was like "Wizard levels?! Wut!?"
Then I saw the Int score and I was all like "lawl" :smallbiggrin:

Here's mine.

Sorc 20
ACF to remove Familar
18:wis
16:dex
14:Str
12:Con -> 8
10: Cha
8: Int

1 skill point per level, d4 hd, no weapon prof, no class features, no spells. Maybe could be worse, so I am taking Pathetic Con and Frail as flaws. And making him an Elf. So 1hp per level.

[ericgrau]

Well mental stat 8 caster 20 is the easy way to get commoner 20, that's not hard. I wonder if there's perhaps a way to make it difficult for a character to avoid killing himself.

As a starting point he could multiclass so much that any monsters actually make him lose xp.

Hmmm how about a race/template with -6 con and the frail flaw, so that he gains 0 HP each level. Then there might be something out there that lets you permanently trade HP for some benefit. The pathetic flaw could also help lower con.

[Snowbluff]

Well mental stat 8 caster 20 is the easy way to get commoner 20, that's not hard. I wonder if there's perhaps a way to make it difficult for a character to avoid killing himself.

As a starting point he could multiclass so much that any monsters actually make him lose xp.

Hmmm how about a race/template with -6 con and the frail flaw, so that he gains 0 HP each level. Then there might be something out there that lets you permanently trade HP for some benefit. The pathetic flaw could also help lower con.

I think their might be a min 1 HP/level rule :P

[Zherog]

As a starting point he could multiclass so much that any monsters actually make him lose xp.

Alternately, if you pick classes that don't grant full BAB and take a different class each level, you can end up with a 20th level character with a +0 BAB.

[lorddrake]

Well mental stat 8 caster 20 is the easy way to get commoner 20, that's not hard. I wonder if there's perhaps a way to make it difficult for a character to avoid killing himself.

Not every caster, I'd say.
You may make a druid with 8 wis score and he will still have neat animal form and animal companion.

Take away cleric casting and he will still have turning/rebuking and weapon and heavy armor proficiencies.

[Psyren]

There's that one build that got 0 BAB and no spells at level 20, then shuffled all its weapon proficiencies away for Toughness. I forget where it is though.

[arguskos]

The actual worst character ever was a kobold Wizard 10/Psion 10 with 0 HP named Nup-Nup. The build is now lost, but it was GOD AWFUL.

[Psyren]

The actual worst character ever was a kobold Wizard 10/Psion 10 with 0 HP named Nup-Nup. The build is now lost, but it was GOD AWFUL.

Ooh I remember that! He had to use Vigor to stay alive every day or something.

[JaronK]

I believe the worst ever was a level 20 build that turned itself into a sandwich. Not an intelligent sandwich. Just a sandwich.

JaronK

[lorddrake]

I believe the worst ever was a level 20 build that turned itself into a sandwich. Not an intelligent sandwich. Just a sandwich.

JaronK

I'm a little scared to know what would happen if it got eaten...

[hushblade]

I believe the worst ever was a level 20 build that turned itself into a sandwich. Not an intelligent sandwich. Just a sandwich.

JaronK

Ah yes, PaO and sandwich into an intelligent target to true mind-swap with the now valid target, dispell the PaO. You are now a sandwich. RAW doesn't really address whether you'd still have an INT score as far as I know though. Maybe you'd still be able to make mental actions and be a psionic sandwhich.

[arguskos]

Ooh I remember that! He had to use Vigor to stay alive every day or something.
Nah, he could take a move action each round without death.

He had mental stats that were all 8s and wielded a merciful vicious dagger. :smallcool:


I believe the worst ever was a level 20 build that turned itself into a sandwich. Not an intelligent sandwich. Just a sandwich.

JaronK
I thought there was some debate on what happens when you Mind Switch into the sandwhich. Either you keep your Int or you don't. If you don't, yeah, this is about as sad as it gets. If you do, you're the Psandwhich and that doesn't count.

[GoodbyeSoberDay]

Build a Risen Martyr who is permanently immune to draining effects, who is 1 XP away from hitting the capstone. If he does anything useful or noteworthy, he dies permanently.

Edit: and no crafting feats, and no spellcasting (thus no spells with XP components) yadda yadda

[Venger]

Ohgod, I love these. the psionic sandwich is an oldie but goodie, so I won't use it, it's been done before. the trick with these is to find classes that not only don't complement one another, but are actively harmful to one another. this is a great way to kill time while I'm waiting to find out the results of iron chef.

Gully Dwarf: +2 Dex +2 Con -4 Int -4 Cha, small, 20 ft., favoured class: (rogue)

18 16 14 12 10 8 (choose them wisely)
Str 10
Dex 14 (16)
Con 12 (14)
Int 8 (4)
Wis 16
Cha 18 (14)

put the 18 where it can do the most harm, into Cha, which no one uses for anything unless they cast off it or are a wintimidator, which this guy is not (little known rule, you get a +4 bonus for every size category you are larger than your target when intimidating and a -4 penalty for every category smaller. since gully dwarves are actually small and most NPCs are medium, this is another thing this character can not do well.)

put the lowest stat into what you need most, intelligence, for artificer infusions. you cannot cast any of them and are on the borderline of very sentience. you gain 1 skill point per level due to your crippling -3 intelligence penalty (artificer gives 4+int) and cannot perform any intelligence based skill (such as crafting) in any method resembling competency, or really any skills at all for that matter

this build really starts to suck at level 11 (also, break at arftificer 10, a dead level instead of lvl 9 when you get craft rod which you can't use to any degree of competency since you have, at the very most, a +10 modifier to it at this level) when you pick up your first level of forsaker from masters of the wild, a little known prestige class that forces you to give up all your magic items, potions, etc forever (including your homunculus, which will incur its normal xp penalty to you when you dismiss or destroy it to fuel your magic item destruction ability) and requires you to relinquish all your ability to cast spells forever (artificer's infusions can debatably fall into this category or out of it since it mentions they're not spellcasters and not arcane/divine, but obey the rules for spells. in any event, since they mostly target magic items, you would get little use out of them anyway, and just as in charop we assume the best for our guy, we assume the worst of our guy in porahc, I suppose it'd be called, so let's say he can't use infusions)

he also can never use, buy, or own a magic item again. as an artificer. the class that makes magic items.

he can also never be the target of any spell willingly and gets SR equal to 10+forsaker level that he is never allowed to turn off for anything (heals, teleports, nothing)

forsaker is intended for meleeish characters and receives an ability boost of +1 at each level, but by level 11, you are so shot to hell, it doesn't matter where you put your ability points, you are still going to be awful. here is a breakdown:

str (20): put them here to boost damage and to-hit to make up for your 3/4 BA artificer levels? good luck, chuck! you're a small character, so can only use crappy small weapons that deal a damage die lower than medium ones and you can never be enlarged to medium size or lose all your forsaker class features for a year and a day. (forsaker also has DR/+1-5 as you level up that is fueled by destroying 100gpxclass lvl magic items every day and fast healing up to a finite number to offset the fact that you can't willingly accede to heal spells, they must pierce your SR, and you can't drink potions)

dex (26): put them here to... well, hell, I don't know why you'd want to put them here. put them here if you want, they won't do anything, AC's totally irrelevant from lvl 11 onwards anyway and your AC's so bad with only mundane medium armor (and a shield if you hate yourself, which you do, so let's assume you have a mundane shield too) that this dex boost won't help much, especially since medium armor has a dex cap that won't let you put all 10 points of dex here, so you'll have to stop just before it'd be useful, or put it all in dex and go naked, making yourself even more vulnerable

con (24): put them here for more hit points? you fool! you've activated my trap card! while forsaker's tough defense ability does give you your con bonus onto AC (albeit as natural armor, so good luck ever using it for anything) your bonus HP won't matter much since you can't ever be healed the way normal characters are. you can't drink potions (or you lose your class features) and if the party healbitch tries to zap you, your SR has to activate or you lose your class features. after a few fizzled spells, I'm sure that even if you ask them OOC to heal you, they'll wisely spend their spell slots on people whose bodies are not trying to kill them.

int(14): put them here to not be retarded? you (arguably) can't cast infusions anymore, so they wouldn't do anything. while forsaker's list of class skills is honestly pretty impressive (with 4+int to boot, just like artificer) you won't be able to boost your int fast enough to actually get any skill points. here's the breakdown for your forsaker lvl assuming you sunk all your ability points into int:
1 5 (-3) 1 skillpoint
2 6 (-2) 2 skillpoints
3 7 (-2) 2 skillpoints
4 8 (-1) 3 skillpoints
5 9 (-1) 3 skillpoints
6 10 (0) 4 skillpoints
7 11 (0) 4 skillpoints
8 12 (1) 5 skillpoints
9 13 (1) 5 skillpoints
10 14 (2) 6 skillpoints

that's a total of 35 skill points over the course of 10 levels, or 3.5 skill points a level. congratulations. over the course of 10 levels, with the help of 10 ability boosts, you are slightly ahead of tordek skillswise

wis (26): put them here to... I must admit, I'm at a loss for witty commentary here. putting them here takes them away from anything else you might do to make yourself a little less terrible. boosting your physical stats will marginally improve your survivability. this not only doesn't help with skill points, it doesn't really help with... anything. will saves maybe, but you've already got spell resistance and slippery mind, who gives a crap?

cha (24): put 'em here, if you want. while cha is associated with skillful classes, it doesn't actually give skill points, it just makes skillful characters MAD if they fall into the trap of relying on it or thinking that a root cha mod is important when you have enough skill points to just buy ranks in bluff/diplomacy/etc. you are stupid, so you won't have any skill points anyway. put points here to talk your enemies to death, it's the only way you'll make any kills

feats below are just prereqs to get into forsaker. I left the 1, 12, 15, and 18 blank because I couldn't think of anything to make this character worse

artificer1- feat
artificer2
artificer3- iron will
artificer4
artificer5
artificer6- lightning reflexes
artificer7
artificer8
artificer9- great fortitude
artificer10
artificer1
forsaker2 - feat
forsaker3
forsaker4
forsaker5 - feat
forsaker6
forsaker7
forsaker8 - feat
forsaker9
forsaker10

storywise, he tried artificing but was too dumb to do it right, so he said "this is dumb, I hate magic items now, I wanna smash 'em all!" and so he did. and he wasn't very good at that either. the end.

if anyone has ideas about how to unop him even worse, please let loose, I'm sure that he could suck more.

[kulosle]

umm something like going venerable for -6 to all physical stats. that is a plus 3 to all mental stats but i'm sure we can circumvent that bonus.

also there is the ghost which doesn't have a strength or con score (thats where you originally put your highest stats). oh and this character is a war hulk didn't i mention. so crap for base attack bonus or metal stats skills. give him a horrible cha so that he can't do anything.

[Venger]

umm something like going venerable for -6 to all physical stats. that is a plus 3 to all mental stats but i'm sure we can circumvent that bonus.

also there is the ghost which doesn't have a strength or con score (thats where you originally put your highest stats). oh and this character is a war hulk didn't i mention. so crap for base attack bonus or metal stats skills. give him a horrible cha so that he can't do anything.

war hulk's +2 str at each level and applying the ghost template (or ghost savage progression) in order to nullify his strength and give him 10 lvls of 0 BA is a stroke of brilliance. well done.

don't forget to gimp his dex (ghosts attack with it) too, so he can't hit anyone with his incorporeal touch. defensively, you'll still be a pain in the ass (all incorporeals are) but this build is a good way towards not being able to do anything to the enemy

[TheGeckoKing]

Errrr, a Risen Martyr character that got insta-killed with a Sphere of Annihilation before he could die and ascend?

[Lateral]

How 'bout this.

Chaotic Evil Gully Dwarf Conjuror 1/Sorcerer 1/Psion 1/Beguiler 1/Warmage 1/Cleric 1/Archivist 1/Shugenja 1/ Favored Soul 1/ Truenamer 1/ Wilder 1/ Ardent 1/ Psychic Warrior 1/ Lurk 1/ Wu Jen 1/ Shadowcaster 1/ Ex-Blue Dragon Shaman 1/ Ex-Druid 1/ Soulknife 1/Spirit Shaman 1. Assuming 25 point buy, because that sucks but I've seen people play it, your stats would look like the following, before racial modifiers and flaws:

Strength 15
Constitution 15
Dexterity 11
Intelligence 8
Wisdom 9
Charisma 13

Say we take Pathetic (INT) as a flaw. Even with the net -4 from Gully Dwarf,
you're still easily able to take that flaw. Now, your stats look like this:

Strength 15
Constitution 17
Dexterity 13
Intelligence 2
Wisdom 9
Charisma 9

Yeah, you're as dumb as a wolverine. The wolverine gets more babes, too. :smalltongue:

You also have BAB +0 and no relevant class features. Make all of your normal feats Extra Turning, since you can turn but aren't going to be able to do any turning. That Wizard familiar is now Rapid Summoning and the bonus feat is Enhanced Summoning- gaining Augment Summoning, something useless for you. Sorcerer familiar is now Metamagic Specialist. Psion feat goes to Unconditional Power, because why not. Beguiler Trapfinding becomes Antiquarian, which is far more useless. From Cleric, take no Devotion feats. The Psychic Warrior's bonus feat is Overchannel- again, useless. Wu Jen gets Quicken Spell, because why not. You have no useful feats, congratulations. Put all of your 20 skill points into Profession (Useless). Lose D&D.

Alternatively, Venerable Dragonborn Xeph Rogue 20 with an 8 base DEX. Catatonia's a bitch, ain't it? :smallwink:

[kulosle]

wow that's good. but he still has a considerable amount of health. this character can probably still beat a 1st level character. most unoptimization challenges are aiming to make someone able to be killed by a first level fighter.

[ericgrau]

I think their might be a min 1 HP/level rule :P

The frail flaw bypasses this.

I think if we mix enough partial BAB casting classes we're already at 0 HP and 0 BAB. Anyone at 0 HP is staggered and most standard actions he takes cause him to drop to -1 and dying.

[kulosle]

the hit dice plus your constitution modifier must be at lest one. Other affects that alter your hit points apply afterwards and are not limited by this rule.

[arguskos]

the hit dice plus your constitution modifier must be at lest one. Other affects that alter your hit points apply afterwards and are not limited by this rule.
The Frail flaw (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/variant/buildingCharacters/characterFlaws.htm#frail) SPECIFICALLY overrides that rule. It is a unique exception. :smallwink:

[Dragonsoul]

-stuff-



I Dunno, he has SR 20, that'll stop a few spells in there tracks from lowerer level characters, and he has ok BAB., but you can use the Exalted vows and break them to burn feats.

[Snowbluff]

The Frail flaw (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/variant/buildingCharacters/characterFlaws.htm#frail) SPECIFICALLY overrides that rule. It is a unique exception. :smallwink:


The frail flaw bypasses this.

I think if we mix enough partial BAB casting classes we're already at 0 HP and 0 BAB. Anyone at 0 HP is staggered and most standard actions he takes cause him to drop to -1 and dying.

Perfect! :smallbiggrin:

[cthulhubear]

Let's see what I can accomplish

Class: Monk 20
Race: Venerable Elf
Stats:
18 Cha+3=21
16 Int+3=19
14 Wis+3=17
12 Dex+2-3=11
10 Str-3=7
8 Con-2-3=3

Flaws:Unreactive

This is a WIP, but he pretty much is auto-killed at level 1 in combat. He has 5 hp, an AC of 13, cannot deal just about a single point of damage for his life, and to add to that, he will just about never, be 1st in initiative, which at especially at level one, in many causes you either win initiative or die horribly.

edit: Oh, and did I mention he's an elf too?

[Fortuna]

Venerable is -6 to all physical stats: that character is already dead with a 0 Con.

[Hunter Killer]

I'm not going to participate in this because it goes against every natural urge I have when playing D&D...

I do, however, want to say that I love the Psandwich. That, to this day, is still one of the greatest things I have ever heard of. Only thing that tops it is the Gazebo. :smallbiggrin:

[Zherog]

Let's see what I can accomplish

Class: Monk 20
Race: Venerable Elf
Stats:
18 Cha+3=21
16 Int+3=19
14 Wis+3=17
12 Dex+2-3=11
10 Str-3=7
8 Con-2-3=3

Flaws:Unreactive

This is a WIP, but he pretty much is auto-killed at level 1 in combat. He has 5 hp, an AC of 13,

He has 20 hp - minimum of 1 each HD.

[RedWarrior0]

So, let's see...

We want as many templates as possible that give LA without boosting other stats (absolutely not Int or Con if possible), as LA are basically free versions of the following

We want a Constitution of 4 and the Frail flaw, with Pathetic as our other flaw.

We want all the feats we can to be Skill focus (They can be craft(whatever), Profession (something that isn't sailor or otherwise useful), perform (gong), or whatever) or the +2/+2 feats (particularly with trained-only feats).

We want negative Int, as low as possible, to have 1 skill point/level. These should be going into other Craft, Perform, and Profession skills than our feats, and under no circumstances into trained-only skills.

We want to dip into as many classes as possible with Int or Con dependency, always with BAB other than full; 2 levels is okay for the classes like Wizard.

We also want d4s for all our HD, since we have -3 from Con and another -1 from Frail.

With 3 Int if possible, we have a -4 Int mod, so we need our class levels to have 4+Int skill points.

We could be Venerable, as it gives us a -6 to our Con, but it also gives a +3 to Int, which is bad.

If we can, have Wis and/or Cha of 10 or lower, so that we can never have spellcasting.

[Lateral]

wow that's good. but he still has a considerable amount of health. this character can probably still beat a 1st level character. most unoptimization challenges are aiming to make someone able to be killed by a first level fighter.

Hmm... you're right. It's difficult to reduce HP to that level, but I'll see what I come up with. How about I modify it to this:

Chaotic Evil Gully Dwarf Conjuror 1/Sorcerer 1/Psion 1/Beguiler 1/Warmage 1/Cleric 1/Archivist 1/Shugenja 1/ Favored Soul 1/ Truenamer 1/ Wilder 1/ Ardent 1/ Psychic Warrior 1/ Lurk 1/ Wu Jen 1/ Shadowcaster 1/ Ex-Blue Dragon Shaman 1/ Ex-Druid 1/ Soulknife 1/Spirit Shaman 1. Assuming 25 point buy, because that sucks but I've seen people play it, your stats would look like the following, before racial modifiers and flaws:

Strength 16
Constitution 8
Dexterity 16
Intelligence 8
Wisdom 9
Charisma 12

Last time, I forgot to add level bonuses, so I have to add another 5 points in placed. If we still take Pathetic (INT) as a flaw, our stats can look like this:

Strength 18
Constitution 11
Dexterity 19
Intelligence 2
Wisdom 9
Charisma 9

Otherwise, the same as last time, but you have two flaws- Pathetic and Frail. You also take the Quick trait for another -1 per hit die. Use these two bonus feats to get Willing Deformity and Deformity (Gaunt) for -2 CON, +2 DEX, and you have a 9 con plus -2 HP/level, for a grand total of -3/level. Unfortunately, several of the classes are above d4 hit dice, so your HP won't end up being about 5. But, let's say he died and was raised three times at 1st level. He now has a 2 CON, so that's -6 HP/level, pretty much a guarantee of less than 10 hit points. He has an 18 strength and 21 dexterity, unfortunately, but he's also intellectually on par with an octopus. Have his WBL go towards a cursed -2 sword, a Ring of Clumsiness, Gauntlets of Fumbling, and Bracers of Defenselessness, plus a Portable Hole completely filled with scrolls of Polar Ray. That cuts his effective dexterity by 6, to 15, plus he drops his weapon about every other round- a weapon he can't lose that gives him a -2 penalty to attack and damage. With no BAB, his to-hit is only +2, and his AC without armor is 12. His HP is most likely below double digits. I don't think your average Warrior 1 in splint mail with a longsword and heavy shield is going to have a problem fighting him.

[Venger]

Hmm... you're right. It's difficult to reduce HP to that level, but I'll see what I come up with. How about I modify it to this:

Chaotic Evil Gully Dwarf Conjuror 1/Sorcerer 1/Psion 1/Beguiler 1/Warmage 1/Cleric 1/Archivist 1/Shugenja 1/ Favored Soul 1/ Truenamer 1/ Wilder 1/ Ardent 1/ Psychic Warrior 1/ Lurk 1/ Wu Jen 1/ Shadowcaster 1/ Ex-Blue Dragon Shaman 1/ Ex-Druid 1/ Soulknife 1/Spirit Shaman 1. Assuming 25 point buy, because that sucks but I've seen people play it, your stats would look like the following, before racial modifiers and flaws:

Strength 16
Constitution 8
Dexterity 16
Intelligence 8
Wisdom 9
Charisma 12

Last time, I forgot to add level bonuses, so I have to add another 5 points in placed. If we still take Pathetic (INT) as a flaw, our stats can look like this:

Strength 18
Constitution 11
Dexterity 19
Intelligence 2
Wisdom 9
Charisma 9

Otherwise, the same as last time, but you have two flaws- Pathetic and Frail. You also take the Quick trait for another -1 per hit die. Use these two bonus feats to get Willing Deformity and Deformity (Gaunt) for -2 CON, +2 DEX, and you have a 9 con plus -2 HP/level, for a grand total of -3/level. Unfortunately, several of the classes are above d4 hit dice, so your HP won't end up being about 5. But, let's say he died and was raised three times at 1st level. He now has a 2 CON, so that's -6 HP/level, pretty much a guarantee of less than 10 hit points. He has an 18 strength and 21 dexterity, unfortunately, but he's also intellectually on par with an octopus. Have his WBL go towards a cursed -2 sword, a Ring of Clumsiness, Gauntlets of Fumbling, and Bracers of Defenselessness, plus a Portable Hole completely filled with scrolls of Polar Ray. That cuts his effective dexterity by 6, to 15, plus he drops his weapon about every other round- a weapon he can't lose that gives him a -2 penalty to attack and damage. With no BAB, his to-hit is only +2, and his AC without armor is 12. His HP is most likely below double digits. I don't think your average Warrior 1 in splint mail with a longsword and heavy shield is going to have a problem fighting him.


your "revolver build" as they are commonly called is an excellent spin (pun intended) on the "1 lvl of as many base classes as possible" thing when it comes to these challenges. I am impressed with his lack of ability to do anything.

I know my guy had SR 20, but the joy in that is turning SR20 into a hindrance rather than a boon. become incompetent in combat and forswear all healing forever.

one note about your dude, even if stats would imply otherwise, as long as your character is not of the animal/ooze/construct type, his int can't dip below 3 due to racial mods or what have you. not that this makes one bit of difference, it's just an important distinction. he's still about as smart as a bag of hammers though

[Lateral]

one note about your dude, even if stats would imply otherwise, as long as your character is not of the animal/ooze/construct type, his int can't dip below 3 due to racial mods or what have you. not that this makes one bit of difference, it's just an important distinction. he's still about as smart as a bag of hammers though

Where does it say that? It implies it under Intelligence, (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/theBasics.htm) but it just says "a creature of humanlike intelligence has an INT score of at least 3." If he has less than 3 intelligence, he's no longer of humanlike intelligence; he's not human, anyway, so it goes both ways.

[Mr.Bookworm]

There's also Gud-Gud (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5475575&postcount=41).


I've got my build!

Gud-gud, Neutral Good Sanctified Venerable Kobold Fiendish Flamewreath Warlock 8
Str 1 (0 if the Pathetic Strength flaw can reduce it to 0)
Dex 4
Con 1
Int 21
Wis 18
Cha 9 (11 and don't take Pathetic Charisma if you rule that a Warlock must have 11 Cha)

Skills:
11 Craft (Basketweaving)
11 Craft (Bookbinding)
11 Craft (Calligraphy)
11 Craft (Cobbling)
11 Craft (Gemcutting)
11 Craft (Painting)
11 Craft (Pottery)
11 Craft (Sculpting)
8 Craft (Weaving)

Equipment:
+1 Heavenly Burst kukri. The Heavenly Burst ability is from the Book of Exalted deeds. On a critical hit against an evil opponent, the opponent takes 3d6 damage and must save or be blinded, but the wielder takes 1d2 Str damage. Since Gud-gud has 1 Str, this means that any time he manages to do significant damage, he paralyzes himself. A +2 Vicious cold iron weapon would be slightly more pessimized, as it would guarantee that he knocks himself unconscious whenever he makes an attack, but I'll let him keep this almost-advantage because the flavor of the Heavenly Burst weapon works well with his build.
If he already has 0 Str through the Pathetic Strength flaw or a -2 Cursed Belt of Giant's Strength, he doesn't need this weapon.

Ring of X-Ray Vision. If he leaves it on for more than ten minutes a day, he dies from Con damage.

Flaws: All of them, and trade them in for Vile feats. If you want to limit them, only Pathetic Constitution and Frail (taken as a young adult, back when he had 4 Con) are necessary.

Feats: All Vile feats. There are 33 of them, so I can take one for every feat I get even counting in flaws. It doesn't matter exactly which ones he takes - you'll see why in a moment.

Invocations:
Doesn't matter. You'll see why in a moment.

This build relies on the beauty of the Sanctified template, from the Book of Exalted Deeds. A Sanctified creature is an evil creature that has survived the Sanctify the Wicked spell - a spell that has been referred to as Holy Mindrape, as it imprisons the target's soul in a gem for a year and brainwashes him into a Good-aligned creature.
A Sanctified creature has +2 LA. It gains a few minor benefits (like Tongues and Magic Circle Against Evil), but the important part of this build is that a Sanctified creature loses all Vile feats it has, *and* all pre-existing supernatural and spell-like abilities. Therefore, a Warlock who takes this loses pretty much all his class features. The reason I'm using the Fiendish Flamewreath class variant is because it replaces Fiendish Resilience with another spell-like ability, so he loses that, too. All the poor Warlock is left with is DR 2/Cold Iron and Deceive Item, which is useless if he doesn't have any magic items to use it with.

Backstory:
Gud-Gud was a big nasty evil warlock. He was completely evil and irredeemable, except for his curious obsession with making artwork, and all his power stemmed from pacts he had made with fiends. Even though he was physically pathetic, Gud-Gud's intelligence made him a deadly opponent.
Fortunately, one day Gud-Gud was defeated by a group of nice paladins. Rather than doing something so horrible as kill him, they decided to lock his soul in a gem for a year and brainwash him into a humble servant of good. When Gud-Gud was released, he was overjoyed. Now, after long years working on behalf of good, Gud-Gud lives only for his art, as there is nothing else he is physically strong enough to do.
Gud-Gud never forgot how to plan, and he wears a Ring of X-Ray Vision to make sure no one sneaks up on him. Unfortunately, when he forgets to take the ring off he dies, but that's OK. Gud-Gud is always wary against evil, and he carries his Heavenly Burst kukri everywhere, knowing that if he is up against a weak opponent such as another kobold, there is a slight chance that it will kill his opponent before it paralyzes him.

HP: 8d6 minus 40. With Frail, he gets 0 HP.

Saves:
Fort +2 base, -6 final (-3 without flaws)
Ref +2 base, -4 final (-1 without flaws)
Will +6 base, +8 final (+11 without flaws)
+2 on all saves vs. evil creatures, for what it’s worth.

AC 8, 10 against evil creatures (9, 11 against evil creatures if the Vulnerable flaw isn't allowed)

DR 2/Cold Iron

Attacks:
Light Ray +1 (only usable once per round), 3d6 damage vs. evil creatures only.
Kukri +0/-5, 1d4+1 damage. On critical hit against evil creature, additional 3d6 damage and save vs. blindness, but wielder takes 1d2 STR damage.

Analysis: Gud-Gud may survive an attack, provided his opponent doesn't have a Cold Iron weapon and rolls unusually badly for damage. However, it is very difficult to not hit Gud-Gud, and most hits will knock him out instantly. Gud-Gud can't be mind-controlled thanks to his permanent Protection from Evil, and his Will save is decent, but with two negative saves he has little chance against anything that isn't mind-affecting. Gud-Gud has Aura of Menace, which gives minor penalties to nearby enemies who haven't hit him yet. Gud-Gud gets a lot more benefit out of Aura of Menace than most creatures would, as once he's hit the fight is usually over. Gud-Gud's Light Ray is his only hope, as it deals reasonable damage and has range (since even if he has enough Str to move, he has a flaw that halves his movement speed). However, it only affects evil creatures, and so won't protect him from mice, sparrows, or other creatures that could easily kill him. His kukri is, of course, worse than useless, as if he ever rolls high enough to hit his opponent, it'll probably be a critical hit that'll paralyze him.
On the bright side, Gud-Gud's Tongues ability and high Int and Wis mean that he can come up with good plans, or talk about his artwork, in any language. Too bad he doesn't have the charisma to convince anyone of what he's saying...

EDIT: Factored in Small size and stat increases. Added every flaw possible. Added an analysis.

I think Nup-Nup was actually worse, and I'm trying to remember exactly how it was done because it seems to have disappeared from Google.

[Dragonsoul]

Hmm...does a character with 6 Greater curses on him count? All his stats are 1 and he has no ability to get them lifted (Its miracle/wish and I'd like to see him ttry to roll diplomacy on that) or does it have to be native?

[arguskos]

I think Nup-Nup was actually worse, and I'm trying to remember exactly how it was done because it seems to have disappeared from Google.
Nup-Nup had 20 levels (Wiz 10/Psion 10) and actually could damage himself with an attack (thanks to a vicious holy dagger and being evil, I think, so that when he attacked, he'd take the 1d6 vicious plus the 2d6 holy [based on a reading of holy] and could potentially die). He also had ranks in Craft and Profession skills that were basically pointless and used all his feats on metamagic and metapsionic feats, which he can't use (yes, they're even more useless than Skill Focus). I think the designer also managed to tank all his saves, even Will (don't remember how though).

[Godskook]

This reminds me of the Ruathar-based challenge I put up a while back. Optimize a PC that can never qualify for Ruathar(with added pre-reqs to account for MoI, Psionics, ToB and similar late-print sources). Had some interesting results too.

[Dragonsoul]

Dragonborn of Bahamut Celestial(+2) Greenbound(+8) Hooded pupil(+5) Anarchic(+5) Kobold Truenamer-CL 20 All those Templates give it loads of cool stuff only for Dragonborn to take it away. I christen him Unp-Unp.

He has 1hp(I think, at least he will with flaws) BAB +0 and no real stat scores to speak of- At level 20 he used his WBL to buy a +5 Flaming burst Unholy Negative energy Burst Spiked chain

[erikun]

Nup-Nup had 20 levels (Wiz 10/Psion 10) and actually could damage himself with an attack (thanks to a vicious holy dagger and being evil, I think, so that when he attacked, he'd take the 1d6 vicious plus the 2d6 holy [based on a reading of holy] and could potentially die). He also had ranks in Craft and Profession skills that were basically pointless and used all his feats on metamagic and metapsionic feats, which he can't use (yes, they're even more useless than Skill Focus). I think the designer also managed to tank all his saves, even Will (don't remember how though).
I believe his weapon was cursed as well, meaning that any attack with any weapon, including swinging his fists, resulted in the dagger appearing in his hand and injuring him.

He also had 0 HP, so any standard action dropped him into negatives.

He tanked all his stats by spending his gold on Bestow Curse on himself; 1s in all his stats, -4 to all rolls, and a permanent Confusion. I think there were some questions about how valid that was for the character, which is why I like Gud-Gud, above, a bit better.

[arguskos]

I believe his weapon was cursed as well, meaning that any attack with any weapon, including swinging his fists, resulted in the dagger appearing in his hand and injuring him.

He also had 0 HP, so any standard action dropped him into negatives.

He tanked all his stats by spending his gold on Bestow Curse on himself; 1s in all his stats, -4 to all rolls, and a permanent Confusion. I think there were some questions about how valid that was for the character, which is why I like Gud-Gud, above, a bit better.
Actually, Nup-Nup I recall as not doing that. There was Bob, the Cleric, who had something like 14 curses on himself, in the same thread as Nup-Nup though, you might be remembering him. Also, I dislike the curses myself. I think they're silly and too easy. No skill in curses.

[noparlpf]

Venerable human Paladin of Heironeous 20, alignment CE.
Str 12 (18-6), Dex 8 (14-6), Con 10 (16-6), Int 20 (12+5+3), Wis 11 (8+3), Cha 13 (10+3)
All eight feats are Toughness.
All skill points go to Speak Language cross-class. This is completely useless because EVERYTHING speaks Common. You speak Bhuka? Darfellan? Loxo? Varrangoin? I don't even remember what speak those or where they come from, but whatever things speak those also speak Common.

Attack Bonus: Sugliin +17 2d8+1 (it has reach) as a full-round action, or unarmed strike +21/+16/+11/+6 1d3+1, provoking an AoO every swing. I can't decide which. I guess the attack bonus for either is still fairly high. I also think I'd prefer using unarmed strikes because they provoke.
AC: 9. What is armor?
HP: 138. Darn, that's pretty high. I picked a class with a decent hit die in exchange for zero class features.

Anyway, I just wanted to throw a fallen Paladin on the pile.

[Venger]

Where does it say that? It implies it under Intelligence, (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/theBasics.htm) but it just says "a creature of humanlike intelligence has an INT score of at least 3." If he has less than 3 intelligence, he's no longer of humanlike intelligence; he's not human, anyway, so it goes both ways.

PHB, page 11:


If these changes put
your score above 18 or below 3, that’s okay, except in the case
of Intelligence, which does not go below 3 for characters. (If
your half-orc character would have an adjusted Intelligence of
1 or 2, make it 3 instead.)

just like how in the game you can't have a con score of - if you are living or an int score of - if you are intelligent, you can't have an int score of 1 or 2 if you are a player character. the only creatures with ints of 1 or 2 are animals. it wasn't intended as a slight on your build, it's just a rule, no matter how much you slam int, you can't pull it below 3

[deuxhero]

While not useless (still the rest of your casting) doesn't some prc remove your abiliy to summon evil outsiders, killing a Malconvoker?

[Venger]

While not useless (still the rest of your casting) doesn't some prc remove your abiliy to summon evil outsiders, killing a Malconvoker?

your phrasing throws me a little. I'm playing a malconvoker now and they're all about summoning evil outsiders. what do you mean?

[deuxhero]

Exactly, thus taking whatever class it was (alienist?) that removes your ability to summon (evil) outsiders makes Malconvoker levels useless.

[Gotterdammerung]

wiz10/blood magus 10

would be pretty hilarious with the 0 hp trick. You would need a way to get a 1 con score to hit the lowest hp. (2 hp- bloodmagus has a toughness prerequ but can permanently lose 1 hp for building a homunculous)

The guy has no spell component pouch so he has to hurt himself for 1 hit point so he can use blood as a material component.

If he uses his blood seeking spell class feature he drops to -1.

He can only use his blood component class feature a few times before passing out.

He drops into negatives easily and auto-stabilizes. Which I find pretty funny because he casts a few spells in his lab, and wakes up a day or two later with his homunculous doting on him like a concerned mother.

It isn't a 100% useless unoptimization BUT I think it has some extra flavor to it.

[kulosle]

Yes it's alienist. It replaces all celestial or fiendish creatures with the pseudo natural template. So no evil creatures left to summon, except for the when you can just planar ally them. That build is far too strong.

[candycorn]

Venerable Arctic Dwarf Wizard 1 / Factotum 19

Str 0, Dex 0, Con 6, Int 1, Wis 15, Cha 17

Items: Bracers of Defenselessness, Gauntlets of Fumbling, Robe of Powerlessness, Ring of Clumsiness, Donkey.

Flaws: Pathetic Dexterity, Frail.
Trait: Quick, Aggressive
Feats: Wild Talent, Body Fuel, Psionic Talent x7

This character has exceptionally low HP (0), and an armor class of -1.

Moreso, due to old age and cursed gear, he is Strength 0 and Dex 0. With an Intelligence of 1, the donkey that he's strapped onto is smarter than he. On the upside, he has 36 power points (and nothing to spend them on).

[Volos]

If I want to be the most useless character I just have to build a Level 20 Monk or Fighter. Why is this a challenge? :smallconfused:

[Venger]

While not useless (still the rest of your casting) doesn't some prc remove your abiliy to summon evil outsiders, killing a Malconvoker?

I misunderstood "still" in your post. I thought you meant "still the rest of your casting" as in getting the still spell metamagic to all of your spells like master specialist: enchanter, which confused me since that's good



Exactly, thus taking whatever class it was (alienist?) that removes your ability to summon (evil) outsiders makes Malconvoker levels useless.

you meant "still" as "still, you have casting" so that was my bad. it is indeed alienist, one of the cleverest traps for a malconvoker after nar demonbinder.



If I want to be the most useless character I just have to build a Level 20 Monk or Fighter. Why is this a challenge? :smallconfused:

will he have 0 hp and coldclock himself like these hilarious glass rapiers? if he will, then I think you will win