Joke Character --- Skill suggestions

[smashbro]

Alrighty, so. For the next D&D 3.5 campaign we start, I'd like to make a character with almost useless skills, but ones that would be interesting/funny to have. It will be a while before this starts, but I wanted to start working on the skills for him. The character would be focused on getting tons of skill points in certain areas, and that's pretty much it. Haven't planned a background yet, but something fun.



Right now I have him as a male Human Ranger. I guess the gender could change, idc. Human for the extra skill points. Ranger so I can dual wield in combat and hopefully get more damage. Yes, I know Rogues get more skill points, but he feels more like a ranger to me. For stats I'm maxing Int, giving 10's in everything else but Wisdom (8). For level up stat bonuses Int all the way, I'll use magic items for other things list Strength and Con.

... Just changed it to check out rogue's skill points, and holy crap, that's a good amount.


Do I go for a dual wielding ranger, or a rogue, which we're sure to have at least 1 other, possibly 2 others? If I get the feat Whirlwind Attack (instead of full attack, get one attack at full bonus against all enemies within reach) will that let me use my first attack with both hands?





Anyway, enough on that. What skills should I have? I want them to be funny, interesting, weird, or useful once in a blue moon. I want the skills to be only Craft, Knowledge, Perform, or Profession.

So far I have:

Knowledge (genre savvy)
Perform (ballroom dance)
Profession (sailing)
Profession (mining)



Suggestions?

[FearlessGnome]

...Basket weaving?

[Dr.Epic]

Craft (Googly Eyes)
Perform (Monologue)
Knowledge (Metagaming)

[Lateral]

...Basket weaving?
Yes, you have to at least have Profession (Basket-Weaving.) Preferably Profession (Underwater Basket-Weaving.)

And... don't take Whirlwind Attack. Ever.

[Snowbluff]

Use rope and Ride.

Take that as bad as you want to.

[Novawurmson]

No one suggested Forgery?

[Lateral]

Use rope and Ride.

Take that as bad as you want to.
UGH.

No one suggested Forgery?
No, see, first of all, it's not a Craft, Knowledge, Perform, or Profession. Second of all, Forgery is a *good* skill.

[erikun]

Why not just go Expert or Factotum, and not have to worry about cross-classing? You're going to be terrible in battle anyways with straight 10s in stats, unless you are a Warlock or have access to Wildshape.

Perform (Oratory) and Perform (Weapon Drill) are some random skills that have actually been printed - Oratory is a prerequisite for the Ollam PrC (Complete Adventurer) and I believe that Weapon Drill has some use in Complete Warrior. Craft (Gold Coins) is technically usable. Use Rope is always good for the random option. Appraise and Open Lock are skills you rarely see either, and can work well paired with Bluff.

[ShneekeyTheLost]

Profession (Nerf Herder)?
Craft (plot hole)?

[Zale]

Craft (Disturbing Mental Image)
(http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0249.html\)Preform (Vulgar Dancing)
Profession (Time-waster)

[dspeyer]

Perform(juggling)

Get your bonus into the epic, then start juggling allies, bouncing balls off of metaphors...

[Mercenary Pen]

Craft (Cliche)
Profession (The boring one)
Knowledge (Everything about you)
Perform (duty)
Knowledge (awful jokes)

[Ravens_cry]

Knowledge (awful jokes)
That's a skill every PC has full ranks in and is a class skill by default.

[nedz]

You'll want the feat Able Learner - that way every skill is in class.
You'll want lots of Skill Focus feats.

Skills - how about
Profession ( Telephone Sanitiser )
Craft ( Bear Pun )

[Ravens_cry]

Skills - how about
Profession ( Telephone Sanitiser )

Craft: (Jynnand'tawnik?)

[ShneekeyTheLost]

Craft: (Jynnand'tawnik?)

I thought that was covered by Profession (Barkeep)

[RedWarrior0]

Perform (Gong) and Perform (Faux Latin Choral) are two of my personal favorites. Alternatively, Perform (Underwater Basket Weaving), Craft (Basket), and Profession (EXTREME! Underwater Basket Weaver) for a trio of skills that do almost the exact same thing.

Knowledge (Intersection of Main Street and Main Avenue of the town of Rivershire on December 14, 124 at high noon) or some other incredibly specific knowledge skill

[gallagher]

I thought that was covered by Profession (Barkeep)

you dont need to put points in profession (barkeep), you just have to retire from adventuring.

[A_S]

Perform (Gong) and Perform (Faux Latin Choral) are two of my personal favorites.

Needs more cowbell.

[Flickerdart]

Perform (Surgery) is always a favourite.

[ericgrau]

If you put a 10 in your attack bonus stat on a rogue, you might hit 1/6th of the time. On a ranger, 1/3rd of the time. Do you plan on sitting out combats and spending the time commenting about your skills?

I think this type of concept works best when you build a character normally, get 1 or 2 skills you need the dump the rest on silly stuff. If you can find nonsensical ways to actually roll these skills, that's a plus. Maybe exemplar? "Sir, the chieftan was so impressed by the googly eyes you made for him that he'd like to form an alliance with your party."

[Randomguy]

Forgery is a sometimes overlooked skill that could be useful if you take the time to forge something.

Craft (painting): You could be an artist for whom rangering/roguing is a hobby, rather than the other way around. Also useful to paint a picture of someone rather than giving someone a visual description. It's also good for making visual aids and mocking the party wizard when he uses a spell rather than an picture.

Preform (vocal): Richard (http://lfgcomic.com/page/213) proves (http://www.lfgcomic.com/page/493) that you don't need to be a bard to fight to a tune or provide one when your friend's involved in a climactic battle.

[smashbro]

Our D&D sessions are very odd, I think. We run more on the Rule of Fun than anything else. For example, we have one player who was a gnome commoner for the first 14 levels of his life (only upgraded to Duke when a king bestowed the title on him). Also, we have 7 people in the party, and usually end combat in one or two rounds (lately though we've gone up against tougher enemies).

Either way, I do plan on being useless in most things, so I don't really care that I won't be able to help until I get magical items to boost stats. It'll be more fun than not, and the DM is good about adjusting. We've already made money by throwing a kid's party in one adventure (took us an hour to plan out the event :smallbiggrin: ). So yeah, random is good.


Feats... yeah, forgot about skill focus, and I like Able Learner. Took those. So all that's left is deciding some more skills, taking a lot of the meta ones, and trying to figure out which basket weavings to take. Thanks for all the input guys!

[smashbro]

Use rope and Ride.

Take that as bad as you want to.

This story is completely clean! In my first ever time playing, the party came across two kobolds.

DM: you see kobolds. what do you do?
party: FIGHT!
bard: wait, we might need them!

... one battle later, kobolds are defeated (not killed) and tied up.

DM: what do you want to do?
Monk: (reads through skills) I want to ride him!
DM: ... ok... give me a ride check. ... you're riding him. The kobolds is yelling at you.
bard: -_- Bluff that we're professional kobold riders.
DM: He believes you, but is still yelling at you to get off of him.




In an adventure about 6 months later, kobold riding was the national sport of the country they were in, and there was a kobold riding competition.

[Dr.Epic]

Craft (Bacon)

Also, you should expand into spell casting: Animate Doughnut.

[ShneekeyTheLost]

Craft (Bacon)

Also, you should expand into spell casting: Animate Doughnut.

Animate (Marshmallow) and Enlarge Minion works as well...

[Dr.Epic]

Animate (Marshmallow) and Enlarge Minion works as well...

I think the epic level version of the spell would go something like this... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-sALU_hveA)
Don't cross the streams.

[ShneekeyTheLost]

I think the epic level version of the spell would go something like this... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-sALU_hveA)
Don't cross the streams.

That was the idea, yes... hence 'Enlarge Minion'.

[Xefas]

Profession (Born Independently Wealthy)

"I earn [(1d20 + Skill + WIS mod)/2] every week, just by existing. :smallcool:"

[ericgrau]

Our D&D sessions are very odd, I think. We run more on the Rule of Fun than anything else. For example, we have one player who was a gnome commoner for the first 14 levels of his life (only upgraded to Duke when a king bestowed the title on him). Also, we have 7 people in the party, and usually end combat in one or two rounds (lately though we've gone up against tougher enemies).
Forget what I said then, you'll only ruin it for everyone else. <Ahem>, carry on.

[Dr.Epic]

That was the idea, yes... hence 'Enlarge Minion'.

Enlarge minion won't be enough.

[ShneekeyTheLost]

Enlarge minion won't be enough.

If you base it on the Animal Growth spell, which gives three size increases... it's a start, anyways.

Maybe it should be Animate Marshmallow Golem...

[Slipperychicken]

I would suggest Factotum (you're already maxing INT, might as well add it to everything) as your class, mainly for having every skill in-class, bazillions of skill points, and using its many and varied abilities for so many different antics. If your DM rules that Jack of All Trades lets you use Cunning Knowledge for *all skills ever* (mine did), then you pretty much win at skills. Not to mention having casting, and all the silliness you can instigate with spell levels 0-7.

[Endarire]

How'zbout going Factotum (Dungeonscape) for that spiffy skill and INT focus?

[Diefje]

You could put in some fun combos. Like: Disable Device, but no Search. Move Silently, but no Hide. Disguise, but only speak 1 language with a distinctive accent. Forgery, but illiterate. Ride, but no Handle Animal.

And then there's Knowledge (Star Wars), Speak Language (Jive), Craft (Monty Python quotes), and my personal favorite Profession (Mohel)

[werik]

Profession: Marriage Counselor
Speak Language: Riddles
Knowledge: The Plot
Craft: Ends Meet

[Zale]

Preform (Depressing Story)

The most evil preform of all.

====================

You're attacked by a giant.

I roll for preform!

"Once upon a time, there was a puppy.."

*Ten minutes later*

"... The end."

"STORY MAKE GEORGE SO SAD! :smallfrown: POOR PUPPY! WHAAAAA!"

The giant runs off sobbing.

========

[kardar233]

Don't forget to put points in and grab a Masterwork Tool of Craft(One-Liner) (http://www.nonsensebb.com/csi/).


YEEEAAAAAHHHH!!!!

[Socratov]

{{scrubbed}}

[nedz]

You might also want skills like
Speak Language (Cod French)
Speak Language (Cod German)
'Allo Allo'

The skill you won't want though is
Craft (Cheese)

[sonofzeal]

{{scrubbed}}

[Socratov]

{{scrubbed}}

[Mercenary Pen]

Speak language (morse code)

Knowledge (Yorrick)- Alas poor Yorrick, I made the DC on that check without trying.

Also, if you're up to song and dance numbers:

Profession (Major General)*
*warning: this will involve associated knowledge skills, for example:
knowledge (animal), knowledge (vegetable) and knowledge (mineral)

[erikun]

Be an illiterate character with Speak Language (Sign Language). :smallbiggrin:

[nedz]

In a modern setting :
Speak Language (MODEM)

[Venger]

You'll want the feat Able Learner - that way every skill is in class.

Able learner does not work that way, I'm afraid. it's worded weird and this is a common misunderstanding of it. it doesn't make all skills class skills, what it does is make crossclass skills not cost double (the cap is still 1/2 class skills though)

let's say you're a rogue1 and you want to go into spellwarp sniper (because you hate yourself) and you want to get ahead and max ranks in spellcraft for your wizard levels. you wisely took able learner. spellcraft is one of the few things that's not a class skill for you, so normally you can only buy 2 ranks in it as 1st lvl and those 2 ranks cost 4 points. that sucks. able learner makes those 2 ranks only cost 2 points.

make sense?

I agree with the crowd though, just go factotum. they're the best. see about qualifying for "ardent dilettante" (harder than it sounds) or "exemplar" later, those two also have class skills: everything, exemplar's got 8+int/lvl and AD's got 6+int, and are wonderful for joke characters. the most famous exemplar joke character is the infamous anal assassin, which you probably know already.



In a modern setting :
Speak Language (MODEM)
in a less than modern setting, speak language (BASIC)

take ranks in craft (love)
craft (artsand) when people ask you what it is that your character made, tell them "artsand crafts"

take a level of sandshaper to make it worse and to actually make sculptures out of sand using your craft skill, making them actual artsand crafts

craft (musical composition) is another oddball official skill. one ranks will let you write music (operas, plays, sky's the limit)

craft (writing) does novels, reference books, and the like

combing craft (writing) with profession (gambler) and invent D&D in-universe (writing for fluff, the text and stuff, gambling for crunch, the probabilities and numbers) make your character the in-universe DM and have the party sit down and play your strange game with you. watch your DM's face of disbelief

[ericgrau]

This reminds me of paranoia with skills like chutzpah and 2nd to last person out of the room. The latter received frequent use with all the bombs that went off, insuring that you only die from it if things are going really bad and someone else dies with you.

[Elboxo]

Get Skill Focus: Innuendo, ASAP

[A_S]

combing craft (writing) with profession (gambler) and invent D&D in-universe (writing for fluff, the text and stuff, gambling for crunch, the probabilities and numbers) make your character the in-universe DM and have the party sit down and play your strange game with you. watch your DM's face of disbelief
Hey, no recursing. (http://xkcd.com/244/)

[Dr.Epic]

Favored Enemy (the 4th Wall)

[Akto]

Perform: (Interpretive dancing)
Craft: (Decorative Cake frosting)

Usually the 2 we joke most around with on our characters =P

[Mercenary Pen]

Craft (Origami)

[Venger]

Hey, no recursing. (http://xkcd.com/244/)

you got the joke, congratulations

[RedWarrior0]

Also, switch up the skills. For example, instead of Profession (Midwife) and Knowledge (Metagame), take Perform (Midwife) and Craft (Metagame). Also, stack skills. Profession (Craft (Perform (Knowledge (Nested Parentheses)))) so you can make a living crafting performances of your knowledge of nested parentheses.

[Dr.Epic]

Plot Armor - it's kind of like Mage Armor but far better.:smallwink:

[Venger]

take improved hating this campaign

http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=1165

[Ksheep]

Autohypnosis, Concentration, Psicraft, and Use Psionic Device… especially if there is no psionics in this world and you aren't a psion/magic user.

EDIT: Not to mention Knowledge (Psionics)

[Socratov]

also, take Knowledge: TV-Tropes

and take the flaw: Leeeerroooyyyyyy Jeeeeennnkkiiiiiiinnnnnnnsssssss!

for those of you who don't know, have party do something with you, for you, and while they are duscussing tactics you have them all die because you just rush in after saying nothing for 5 rounds

Then there is perform(Guitar hero), Perform(air guitar), Perform(powerslide) and perform (RAWK!)

Speak language: Yoda

oh, and by the way, with all the sugestions in this thread, wear ahelmet and armor, because you are bound te get several sourcebooks thrown to your head....