I feel... lost.

[TechnOkami]

Fair Warning: this is going to be a rant. For conveniance sake, I'll spoiler everything so you at least have the option of stopping yourself from reading this before you dive into it, but from the looks of how I'm thinking of writing this, it's going to be an interesting story on the unhappy ending side of life.

Without further ado:
I feel... lost.

Of course I mean something other than the literal sense of being lost. I mean, I know exactly where I am right now (at an airport, to be precise, or at least I was at the time of writing this), but I still feel... lost. How to describe... I feel like even though I'm going somewhere specific, I still feel generally lost. It's like that feeling of having a map, and getting confused and lost despite its ability to tell you where to go.
I think what I'm trying to say, minus fluffing it upnfurther is I feel lost at life. I have no set ideas as to what I really want to do or where I want to go.
Well, no, that's not entirely true.
I have ideas of what I'd really love to do (become an artist/story writer/videogame concept artist/videogame review writer/SOMETHING) but... I'm scared to do it? No, that's not right. I think that the real issue here is my... passivity. I am naturally passive, neutral, apathetic even. Now, that's not to say that I don't care about certain topics or have absolutely no interest in things; I'm actually one of the most interesting personalities you could ever meet. I just don't have any desire to root for things (like say, my own college's football team, or sports for that matter, though I have come to like the idea of competitive gaming, especially with League of Legends), if something were to be agressive towards me, I'm usually able to deflect it or just be able to have it not effect or change me, but I also have no drive. I have definite passions about things, but I have no fire to keep me going.
I'm not depressed (though I've definitely had my fair share of that dark path, something I'd not ever like to experience again), I'm just... indifferent. I can't help it, it's just part of who I am. It's so tightly bound to the core of my being that it's nigh impossible to change or fight against.

Oh, I don't know why I suddenly want to talk about this next subject, but I do, so here we go.

I feel unintelligent. I mean, I am legitimateally, but I feel so behind everyone else in terms of raw knowledge. Ironically, I am in college (freshman) but it's just thrown on top of my unintelligence pile. I'm terrible at math and science, two of the largest subjects which are so sought after and have SO MANY different ways in which they can be applied... and they happen to be the two subjects I am worst at and have no desire to seriously study. I mean, I like learning interesting things which involve maths or sciences (say, watching a really interesting and informative show on the Discovery or Science channel), but when it comes down to seriously utilizing either or, I just can't do it, and I hate it. I would probably hate whatever job I was in if it seriously involved some form of science or mathematics, and my ineptitude in both fields just destroys any hope I have in possibly doing something legitimately interesting with my life, or something I feel I would be interested in.

The only thing I probably have going for me is my ability to write. I don't know if this is anything of an example, but if it happens to be, then the quality of how well I might be able to write should be visible. Writing comes easy to me. Words just fly from my mind to the screen/paper, and I can't explain why.
Something else I can do well is draw. I love drawing, and I love to both make art and look at the art of others. I think I have an ability to pick out well done pieces of others, or at least be able to pick the cream of the crop without being too big of a douche-art critic about it. If I had to hold some kind of profession, it would be involved with either writing or art. That said... I don't know what I can do with these traits, or where I can take them. This is probably due to Muskie lack of a drive and entire acceptance to be able to sleep days away or be entirely relaxed enough to do nothing at all and feel good about it, I don't know...

I don't know what the point of writing this was, nor do I know if it'll help. I think I was just ranting to get this out of my system or to do some kind of self-reflection thing... yeah, I haven't a clue. Subconsciously though, I think I had this idea: if I posted this on here, someone would take interest and be able to say something... I really don't know. Anywho, I hope you thought this an interesting read as it was for me to write (and it's all true, or at least as honed and truthful as I can write it) but now I have a plane to catch.

-TechnOkami

[Tyndmyr]

Here's how to fix it. Pick a goal. Any goal. Make it specific! Roll dice or flip coins to determine it if you are undecided between multiple options. Make a plan for how to get there. Then, start working down the steps.

You can work to your strengths, or shore up a weakness, but make it very, very specific. Instead of "feel intelligent", go for "be able to appear intelligent on topic X".

[Howler Dagger]

The only thing I probably have going for me is my ability to write. I don't know if this is anything of an example, but if it happens to be, then the quality of how well I might be able to write should be visible. Writing comes easy to me. Words just fly from my mind to the screen/paper, and I can't explain why.
Something else I can do well is draw. I love drawing, and I love to both make art and look at the art of others. I think I have an ability to pick out well done pieces of others, or at least be able to pick the cream of the crop without being too big of a douche-art critic about it. If I had to hold some kind of profession, it would be involved with either writing or art. That said... I don't know what I can do with these traits, or where I can take them. This is probably due to Muskie lack of a drive and entire acceptance to be able to sleep days away or be entirely relaxed enough to do nothing at all and feel good about it, I don't know...
Sounds like you need to do both.........

Make a webcomic! You could make a living off that. Follow in the footsteps of The Giant!

Start with a fancomic and get bigger from there. Eventually you could get as popular as OotS!

[factotum]

When did being bad at maths and science make you unintelligent? :smallconfused: I must have missed that memo. It sounds like logic is not your strong suit, but that doesn't make you stupid, and you shouldn't listen to anyone who tells you that it DOES--even yourself!

[Prime32]

Here's how to fix it. Pick a goal. Any goal. Make it specific! Roll dice or flip coins to determine it if you are undecided between multiple options. Make a plan for how to get there. Then, start working down the steps.Or find someone else with an appealing goal, and help them achieve it.

[Bhu]

*hugs*

Dude done let it get to you. I have an iq of 147 and I suck at math.It's just not for everyone.

[KinnetDynamon]

Well, if you want something scientific/mathematic for a career, maybe consider something like history of science, which would give you an understanding of the sciences from a humanities standpoint. There is a growing interest in the intersection of visual information and the history of our society, which sometimes artists are better than understanding than historians or scientists. With that, you could combine your love of drawing and writing into a career as a science writer or a science illustrator, which are two emerging jobs.

If you want to avoid science all together, just find a field that you like and go with it. If you want to stop at a BA, pick a practical minor to back up your fun major, the private sector usually does not care too much about your exact field. If you want to go on to graduate school some day, you can still do something fun, just try to meet some goals in terms of making your curriculum unique but relevant.

Another option would be a field like public administration or information studies, which are semi-technical fields that your writing would really help in and in which you could have a solid career.

If you just aren't sure, being a college freshman is an asset, not a liability. Pick a variety of classes in subjects you are not that familiar; you might find something that really motivates you. I went into college wanting to do science and mathematics but left with a degree in Classics with minors in Latin and Philosophy, so college really is a time to explore, as cliche as that sounds.

I am 25 and still struggle with feeling unintelligent sometimes, even though part of me knows that it is ridiculous because I have a good career. I have found that finding new groups and activities helps with this, maybe because it pushes me out of my rut of familiarity and doubt.

I do wish you luck with this. No one can guarantee that you will feel better and, sadly, most people that want to help sometimes cannot understand what it means to be persistently depressed/doubtful/self-critical. They only have experience with those feelings at low points in their life; most cannot see how someone successful could have serious angst or feel bad/doubtful about their abilities. But, there are people out there who can and will understand, and college is the place to find them.

I hope you find what you need on here; this is a good community of people.

[TechnOkami]

...thank you guys, I really appreciate it. I think he himself probably knows this already, but The Giant really has something good going on here.

As per a direction... I like this idea of exploring in college. I guess I'll be seeing what strikes my fancy for now (besides what already does).

[tensai_oni]

From my experience college is no longer the time where you find what you want to do in life. Too late for that - you should know that already. Especially if you are in a country where studying has to be paid from your own pocket, not financed by the government.

There is more to life than work and studying, but if you feel lost or not passionate then focus on having good grades first and worry about hobbies and passions later. A tired mind appreciates his free time much more than one who doesn't do anything all day.

As for your goal in life, this can be it - you study to get an education and a good job later, and this can be your goal so far, a good goal. That is, if your studies allow you to find such a job. What do you study? What opportunities on the work market do you get once you get a degree? These are very important questions you must ask yourself before studying anything. Getting on a course only because it seems fun is usually a waste of time, and often money too.

[missmvicious]

*HUG ATTACK!* Don't worry; I've got some good news for you!

You're not lost... or at least not any more lost than most people are.

It sounds to me like you're creative, introspective, and sensitive... but the overwhelming mediocrity of existence has left you in a state of inert malaise. So, you fill your days with with pre-defined demographic-associated parameters (work, school, church-or-equivalent-family-ritual) and try to cushion the boredom with entertainment (tv, video games, internet) in an attempt to drown the soft whimper of existence with the brash roar of entertainment-fueled laughter.

Unfortunately, you don't need ears to hear the whimper of existence, and even if you did, sooner-or-later the roar of laughter subsides and leaves you to wallow in these melancholic, existential moments of self doubt and criticism.

Pop-analyses won't work for you, believe it or not. The odds that someone here can actually help you with this problem is staggeringly small, because your problem, though common, is still unique to you, and therefore only what alcoholics refer to as an enlightened self-interest can reveal to you what you need to do to get out of this funk. But I empathize with your plight, and would like to offer to you the solution that worked for me.

Long, drawn out exposition below:

My husband once asked me, "What's your passion?" He didn't offer me anything more specific then that. I simply had to work with that. I tried to coax more information out of him so I could give the right answer, but he wouldn't budge... just a simple, "What's your passion?"

Finally, I just did what I should've been doing all along and thought about it... without being told what to think. You'd be amazed at how we are programmed by society to not only do as we're told, but to think as we are told as well. By adulthood, not even our minds are our own anymore, so thinking on my own was surprisingly difficult. It took months to come up with an answer... mainly because I didn't feel like the answer I was coming up with was worthy of the mention. But when I finally shared with him my answer, he didn't judge it, coach it, or even approve of it. He simply said, "Then you should pursue it with as much of your time and energy as you can spare. For as much as I can, I'll support you along the way even if all I can do is cheer you on or call you out."

From there, I cut out the excesses in my life. We got rid of the TV and cancelled internet service and put all our video game consoles in storage so that we could not be passively entertained. Weirdly, I didn't start off with an explosion of productivity. It took a while to adjust to the idea that I could no longer rot on the couch with a slack jaw while sounds and colors blasted my imagination and productivity away. We sat around and talked over coffee at first... about whatever, then we took up hobbies and activities (like rock-climbing, swing dancing, language studies, and of course D&D), then I started having more energy and desire to pursue my passion at a comfortable rhythm. Here we are, three years later... I'm still pursuing my passion, though my passion has changed a bit since then. We never brought the TV back, though we reconnected the internet, but I'm not so enslaved to my entertainment that I can't turn them off to pursue something richer and more satisfying. And because I didn't have those distractions when I was building momentum to pursue my passion, it had time to ferment into a habit that I felt compelled to pursue daily, even against the promise of mindless, passive entertainment or in the face of discouragement, frustration, or self-doubt.

TL;DR: Simplify your life; strip away the distractions; don't give up.

I broke through the malaise. I'm not saying I sprung forth as a butterfly from a chrysalis, but I'm in a rhythm that is satisfying yet easy to maintain. And because the change in my life from existential displacement to enlightened focus has been gradual, deliberate, and within the confines of sustainability, I haven't lost any steam... which is what used to happen when I wanted to affect positive change in my life.

At any rate, life is a work in progress. I still haven't accomplished my goals, but I feel confident that I'll get there. Perhaps this strategy, or a variant thereof, will work for you as well as it worked for me. Either way, I hope something works for you. I bet you have a lot of potential brewing inside of you.

[TechnOkami]

Thank you everyone for your words, I'm not as lost as I hold myself to be (which is a good thing).

Um, to missmvicious: surprisingly, I've gone through something as you've described already without realizing it. For very foolish actions on my part, I was grounded for about... half a year I think? This was way way back though, but I think it still counts. Anyways, I was rather forced into the situation you prescribed: I had little to no television, Internet & computer use was strictly for homework, and videogames were strictly off limits. So... to keep myself sane as I waited it out, I drew. And did I draw. I knew before this point in my life that I could draw and really enjoyed drawing, but this just excelled my passion for art.

A slight note on tv and videogames though: I'm actually not a tv watcher, and if I do watch tv, it's usually a cooking channel, or something on discovery or science channel. Occasionally HBO will have good tv shows (Game of Thrones for instance, though due to my lack of it from college, I'll be picking up the books once I'm done reading my other book) but for the most part, I tend to shy away from almost all and any major tv shows (with the one exception of G4) and stick to good movies. I've always liked movies.

And on the video game note: I actually really really like playing video games (I'm confident it's one of my passions, or just game playing in general). Now, I'm picky as all he'll when it comes to games, because I don't play the next up coming cheesy FPS or Fantasy game. I typically play things that has a great overall package to it (graphics, though it doesn't matter as much to me, but a great art style and a great story really matter). Games that are like this for me? Shadow of the Colossus, Okami, The Legend of Zelda, Silent Hill, Professor Layton.

So... I don't think that my problem is that I'm being weighed down by society and it's idea of a cultural norm, because most of the time I just deflect and don't ackgnowledge it's slight pressures and tendencies to do this or that or behave in such a manner (something I've always been remarked on actually in how unique I am and how differently I act vs everyone else).

If anything, my core issue is I thin a sole lack of a goal. To put more into perspective, something that my father always noted that I did was "go through the motions". I don't typically take things too seriously, I am usually calm and cheerful, and am the relative definition of true neutral.

Anywho, I'm going to stop writing for now, just because I need to be off to class. D:
Thank you everyone once again, I really appreciate the support.

[missmvicious]

Well... if you're usually calm and cheerful, then what's the problem? So you're unambitious... so what. If you're cool with who you are, then leave it be.

I guess here's why I'm confused now:

If you're happy, why do you think you're lost? Does the fact that you don't have a goal in life make you feel lost?

I say, if you're already cheerful most of the time (as long as you're not hurting anyone else doing it), then you're already ahead of the game by miles. Just enjoy the ride, TechnOkami, and count yourself as one of the fortunate few.

[valadil]

I have ideas of what I'd really love to do (become an artist/story writer/videogame concept artist/videogame review writer/SOMETHING) but... I'm scared to do it? No, that's not right. I think that the real issue here is my... passivity. I am naturally passive, neutral, apathetic even.


So you're passionate, but not amibitious? Sounds a lot like me. I'm 28 BTW, and being unambitious is working out just fine, even if it took a while to accept that.



Now, that's not to say that I don't care about certain topics or have absolutely no interest in things; I'm actually one of the most interesting personalities you could ever meet. I just don't have any desire to root for things (like say, my own college's football team, or sports for that matter,


Me too. I read a book about this recently. Well, not about this, but that touched on this.

Apparently for a great many people, belonging to a thing is more important than the thing itself. If you saw last night's local sports event, you're in the elite group of people who participated in watching it. It gives people a huge us versus them mentality. It's what drives high school popularity and it's why people who don't understand why the home team is better than all the other sports teams are often unpopular.

Anyway, that's a tangent. It's okay not to give a damn about that sort of thing. IMO it's actually a sign that you're an interesting person. You know what you like. You don't convince yourself to like other things just because the rest of the world likes them. Being yourself is more important than fitting in.



I'm not depressed (though I've definitely had my fair share of that dark path, something I'd not ever like to experience again), I'm just... indifferent.


Are you sure? In college I got really numb sophomore year. I wasn't unhappy, I was emotionless. When I finally went to see a counselor, they called it depression.



I feel unintelligent. I mean, I am legitimateally, but I feel so behind everyone else in terms of raw knowledge. Ironically, I am in college (freshman) but it's just thrown on top of my unintelligence pile.


A lot of people go through a humbling when they get to college. I certainly did. I was so used to being smarter than everyone. I based my identity on it. When I went to a good school, all the other people there were also used to being smarter than everyone. Being average there was weird.

Eventually I got over it. Basically I realized that in high school I was surrounded by stupid people. They didn't understand me and they made me miserable. They did boring things and I had no interest in interacting with them. I might be average in college, but I was surrounded by smart people doing interesting things. So many interesting things that I could never do all of them. What's so bad about that?



I don't know what the point of writing this was, nor do I know if it'll help. I think I was just ranting to get this out of my system or to do some kind of self-reflection thing... yeah, I haven't a clue. Subconsciously though, I think I had this idea: if I posted this on here, someone would take interest and be able to say something... I really don't know. Anywho, I hope you thought this an interesting read as it was for me to write (and it's all true, or at least as honed and truthful as I can write it) but now I have a plane to catch.


If you want my suggestion, I say you need a project to keep you busy. It doesn't have to be something that uses your writing or artistic talents, but if it does, all the better. It should probably be something collaborative with other people. When you're stuck in a rut like that it's easier to be productive when other people are depending on you to get things done.

[TechnOkami]

Well... if you're usually calm and cheerful, then what's the problem? So you're unambitious... so what. If you're cool with who you are, then leave it be.

I guess here's why I'm confused now:

If you're happy, why do you think you're lost? Does the fact that you don't have a goal in life make you feel lost?

I say, if you're already cheerful most of the time (as long as you're not hurting anyone else doing it), then you're already ahead of the game by miles. Just enjoy the ride, TechnOkami, and count yourself as one of the fortunate few.Yes, actually. It is my lack of a goal therein which gives me this feeling of loss... It's like I should have a goal, yet I don't. Hm, perhaps inshould worry about it less. So... nothing's wrong? :smallsmile:

[Weezer]

Yes, actually. It is my lack of a goal therein which gives me this feeling of loss... It's like I should have a goal, yet I don't. Hm, perhaps inshould worry about it less. So... nothing's wrong? :smallsmile:

It doesn't appear anything major is wrong, you seem to be saying you're happy, which in life is pretty much what matters. One thing that does jump out to me that you said is this

"So... I don't think that my problem is that I'm being weighed down by society and it's idea of a cultural norm, because most of the time I just deflect and don't ackgnowledge it's slight pressures and tendencies to do this or that or behave in such a manner (something I've always been remarked on actually in how unique I am and how differently I act vs everyone else)."

You appear to be brushing off cultural norms in most aspects of your life, which is a fine thing to do, however you still are clinging to one big one, that in our society to be a "success" you need to have some ambitious goal you're working towards. Just do what makes you happy, ensure you somehow earn enough money so you don't need to worry about obtaining basic necessities and you'll be fine in life.

[DeadManSleeping]

You sound a lot like me when I was starting college. I thought I was going into maths and sciences, but in my first quarter, I screwed up all my math and science courses. Big wake-up call there. It took me another year of trying out different things before I figured out what I really like. I've been pursuing it for the last few years, and even though I know my "goal" is many years off, I couldn't be happier, because I know I'm on track to something I truly desire, even if where I am now is kinda, well, dull.

I discovered my love for language by taking classes, but that's not the only way to learn about what you love. Join too many clubs, and drop the ones that suck. Maybe that'll be all of them. Incessantly post your artwork, whether drawing, writing, or other, online. Try to sell some commissions, maybe. The key is to make sure that whatever you're doing is work. If you still enjoy it when it's tough, then that's something you should keep in your life.

But you don't need a passion to be happy. Sometimes you just need to keep changing what you do throughout life. People change as they grow, and it's important to accept that what you want from life will change as part of that.

Oh, and you're in college. Try and date a lot. Great time for it.

[TechnOkami]

It doesn't appear anything major is wrong, you seem to be saying you're happy, which in life is pretty much what matters. One thing that does jump out to me that you said is this

"So... I don't think that my problem is that I'm being weighed down by society and it's idea of a cultural norm, because most of the time I just deflect and don't ackgnowledge it's slight pressures and tendencies to do this or that or behave in such a manner (something I've always been remarked on actually in how unique I am and how differently I act vs everyone else)."

You appear to be brushing off cultural norms in most aspects of your life, which is a fine thing to do, however you still are clinging to one big one, that in our society to be a "success" you need to have some ambitious goal you're working towards. Just do what makes you happy, ensure you somehow earn enough money so you don't need to worry about obtaining basic necessities and you'll be fine in life.Right, so I just need to keep steaming along as I have been. ...this is so much of a relief. :smallbiggrin:

You sound a lot like me when I was starting college. I thought I was going into maths and sciences, but in my first quarter, I screwed up all my math and science courses. Big wake-up call there. It took me another year of trying out different things before I figured out what I really like. I've been pursuing it for the last few years, and even though I know my "goal" is many years off, I couldn't be happier, because I know I'm on track to something I truly desire, even if where I am now is kinda, well, dull.

I discovered my love for language by taking classes, but that's not the only way to learn about what you love. Join too many clubs, and drop the ones that suck. Maybe that'll be all of them. Incessantly post your artwork, whether drawing, writing, or other, online. Try to sell some commissions, maybe. The key is to make sure that whatever you're doing is work. If you still enjoy it when it's tough, then that's something you should keep in your life.

But you don't need a passion to be happy. Sometimes you just need to keep changing what you do throughout life. People change as they grow, and it's important to accept that what you want from life will change as part of that.

Oh, and you're in college. Try and date a lot. Great time for it.I've already got the ladyship, I'm all over that (2-3 years and running since highschool). But anywho, what you've suggested is what I'm doing: taking classes and discovering.

[Weezer]

Right, so I just need to keep steaming along as I have been. ...this is so much of a relief. :smallbiggrin:

Just make sure you don't start getting complacent and continue doing things just because you've been doing then. Do things you enjoy and always be on the lookout for new things to do.

[TechnOkami]

Just make sure you don't start getting complacent and continue doing things just because you've been doing then. Do things you enjoy and always be on the lookout for new things to do.

Will do. Thank you for the advice.

[Weezer]

Will do. Thank you for the advice.

You're most welcome, glad I could help. Wanted to make that last point because I've fallen into that trap a few times myself.

[Hattish Thing]

Well... if you're usually calm and cheerful, then what's the problem? So you're unambitious... so what. If you're cool with who you are, then leave it be.

I guess here's why I'm confused now:

If you're happy, why do you think you're lost? Does the fact that you don't have a goal in life make you feel lost?

I say, if you're already cheerful most of the time (as long as you're not hurting anyone else doing it), then you're already ahead of the game by miles. Just enjoy the ride, TechnOkami, and count yourself as one of the fortunate few.

Oooh purple.

[TechnOkami]

Oooh purple.

I know, right?