Getting what you wish for...

[Melayl]

Have you ever really wanted something, I mean really wanted something? Dreamed about it and prayed for it for years, and then finally gotten it, only to find it it doesn't please you the way you thought it would?

I find myself in such a situation tonight. My wife's stepfather -- an evil, foul, dangerous man that I have hated for near 15 years with passion that continues to disturb me -- died tonight suddenly. Likely a heart attack, though I haven't heard specifics yet.

I know it may sound petty or cruel to have fantasized about his death -- and yes, it disturbs me that I did. I have my reasons -- for the sake of forum rules, I don't think I'll delve into those, but suffice to say his actions toward my wife cannot ever be forgiven by mortal hearts. Yeah, I know I need professional therapy regarding the issue.

By all of my previous reasoning, I should be ecstatic right now. My family is safe from him now, and my despised foe now faces his eternal reckoning. Yet I find -- partially to my relief -- that I am not finding all the joy I thought I would at this moment. I am glad he is dead, I won't deny it, but not the way I thought I would. I feel sadness for the rest of my wife's family, as I expected to. They did love him, after all, no matter what he was to me and to my wife. It is more than that, though. Perhaps my soul has not been as tarnished by my rage as I thought it had. Perhaps this is what it feels like to start finding closure.

I haven't yet had the opportunity to discuss the ramifications of tonight with my wife. She is tied up at a catering at the moment, but I did inform her. I'm not sure how she will feel, either. She did hate him, though not to the extent I did. The human brain is good at blocking things it doesn't want to remember, I'm told. I wouldn't know -- I have never let myself forget what happened. She was "raised" by him for 16 years, though, and not all of those memories were bad.

I guess I just needed to get this off of my chest to an impartial ear. I knew the Playground was always here, and even if this particular thread is never read, it did help to express things here.

[Mutant Sheep]

Well, not feeling ecstatic that somebody died, even if that person seemed evil, is a very reasonable response to somebody dying. He died and is out of you and your wife's lives, which is a good thing, but he is dead, which is something you have been wishing for (Though it seems like you were just hoping he'd leave your lives), and death is seen as bad by humans. Assuming you are a human (:smalltongue:), feeling sadness at other people's loss is a very good thing, even if you did despise the person who died. Wishing him to be gone from your life, and your wife's life, is a totally reasonable wish, and you could just be feeling guilty he actually died, instead of say, moving to Antarctica to study penguins.

TL;DR: *hugs*:smallsmile:

[Starwulf]

Have you ever really wanted something, I mean really wanted something? Dreamed about it and prayed for it for years, and then finally gotten it, only to find it it doesn't please you the way you thought it would?

I find myself in such a situation tonight. My wife's stepfather -- an evil, foul, dangerous man that I have hated for near 15 years with passion that continues to disturb me -- died tonight suddenly. Likely a heart attack, though I haven't heard specifics yet.

I know it may sound petty or cruel to have fantasized about his death -- and yes, it disturbs me that I did. I have my reasons -- for the sake of forum rules, I don't think I'll delve into those, but suffice to say his actions toward my wife cannot ever be forgiven by mortal hearts. Yeah, I know I need professional therapy regarding the issue.

By all of my previous reasoning, I should be ecstatic right now. My family is safe from him now, and my despised foe now faces his eternal reckoning. Yet I find -- partially to my relief -- that I am not finding all the joy I thought I would at this moment. I am glad he is dead, I won't deny it, but not the way I thought I would. I feel sadness for the rest of my wife's family, as I expected to. They did love him, after all, no matter what he was to me and to my wife. It is more than that, though. Perhaps my soul has not been as tarnished by my rage as I thought it had. Perhaps this is what it feels like to start finding closure.

I haven't yet had the opportunity to discuss the ramifications of tonight with my wife. She is tied up at a catering at the moment, but I did inform her. I'm not sure how she will feel, either. She did hate him, though not to the extent I did. The human brain is good at blocking things it doesn't want to remember, I'm told. I wouldn't know -- I have never let myself forget what happened. She was "raised" by him for 16 years, though, and not all of those memories were bad.

I guess I just needed to get this off of my chest to an impartial ear. I knew the Playground was always here, and even if this particular thread is never read, it did help to express things here.

Hmm, I believe I know where you're coming from on the incessant hatred of a family member, just, instead of marrying the abused, I WAS the abused, by my biological mother. On the other hand, I don't think I'll feel a bit of remorse the day the woman dies, and if I do, I'll be very, very, VERY surprised. Sometimes anger sets in, and you think nothing can ever remove it. In your case, death has cooled the anger a bit and allowed you to feel what a person normally would. In mine, I don't think the anger will ever cool.

[Juggling Goth]

At the risk of breaking out the platitudes, death is a big deal. Probably the biggest deal. Even if we loathed the person, it can trigger stuff. We don't necessarily react to it the way we think we will, and thinking about it beforehand isn't the same as it actually happening.

I'm glad your loved ones are safer, and I hope you and your wife... I dunno... get to an emotionally-all-right point about it? Take care.

[Dr.Epic]

Getting a material item and realizing a fantasy about mortality are two COMPLETELY different things. Getting an object you always wanted but not being excited about it represents how fickle and short-minded we are. The death of a person we always hated that evokes sympathy from us shows us we can't completely hate someone or reminds us pf the frailty of life and at some point we all have to go.