Harrison Ford Showdown

[Nerd-o-rama]

It's time for Nerdo to post an overly specific vs. thread out of boredom again. Today's matchup is...

Indiana Jones vs. Han Solo

Let's imagine for a moment that Indiana Jones exists in the pop-pulp 1940's of a galaxy far, far away rather than the pop-pulp 1930's of Earth. He's tracked down a stolen galactic historical artifact, the MacGuffin of Blingtania, with the intent of taking it back from the thieves and putting it in a museum (probably his own university's. For history's sake, you know.)

However, after he arrives in Cairo Mos Eisley to corner the thieves, he learns the artifact has changed hands. Han Solo, smuggler extraordinaire, aka Jenos Idanian (seriously), has been hired to take the MacGuffin and fly it off to parts unknown where, I don't know, Thrawn will use it to calculate a strategy that will crush Blingtania or something.

This is Indiana Jones as of Raiders of the Lost Ark vs. Han Solo as of prior to A New Hope, taking place in Empire-controlled Cairo Mos Eisley, Tatooine.
Indy's objective is to take the MacGuffin from Han Solo and get away with it, Han's objective is to successfully smuggle it off the planet. Han has his heavy blaster pistol, clothes on his back, pocket change, and any reasonable smuggling tools. The Millennium Falcon is parked legally in a docking bay across town from where Han starts. He is aware Indy is in town and looking for him.
Indy has his revolver (which has its advantages and disadvantages in a world of blasters), bullwhip, the clothes on his back, pocket change, any reasonable archaeological tools, one-way charter tickets off the planet, and his hat. Indy is aware of the Millennium Falcon's location, but not Han's, only that Han has the MacGuffin.
Neither of them is willing or able to work directly with either the Hutt syndicates or Imperial authorities.
For the sake of keeping this a one on one competition, Marcus Brody is distracting Chewbacca with a nice game of holo-chess.

So effectively, this is a race to see who can get off Egypt the planet with the MacGuffin first. Han starts with it, but his ship's location is published and Indy is perfectly capable of staking it out, so he can't just waltz off in the Falcon. I leave it to player interpretation as to whether either of them is willing to kill the other incredibly handsome man.

Bonus Round

Jack Ryan and a quirky squad of CIA agents show up to arrest both of them.

[Traab]

Indy is waiting on the millennium falcon in disguise. When Han shows up, Indy will ask for his ticket, then punch him in the jaw, throw him off the falcon, and fly off with his artifact.

[Nerd-o-rama]

Indy is waiting on the millennium falcon in disguise. When Han shows up, Indy will ask for his ticket, then punch him in the jaw, throw him off the falcon, and fly off with his artifact.

But if Indy flies the Falcon, who will land it?


Also, though it's never made clear in the films, I think several novels delineate an extremely thorough security system aboard the Falcon. Indy would have to get past that first.

[Dr.Epic]

Well, Indiana Jones was the father of Shia Labeouf. That's gotta set him at least 20 cool points behind Han Solo.

[The Glyphstone]

Well, Indiana Jones was the father of Shia Labeouf. That's gotta set him at least 20 cool points behind Han Solo.

and Han Solo's kid became Darth Emowhininess, so that's back to an even keel if not putting Han behind Indy.:smallcool:

[DiscipleofBob]

Hey, remember that scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark with that one swordsman who twirls the cutlass around and Indy just shoots him?

Basically that, only Indy's the guy twirling the weapon and Han is the tired guy who just pulls out a firearm.

Also, Han Shoots First.

[kpenguin]

Han was in the Star Wars Holiday Special, which puts him an uncountable amount of cool points behind.

[Mando Knight]

Han was in the Star Wars Holiday Special, which puts him an uncountable amount of cool points behind.

The Holiday Special: so bad, even Lucas shunned it.

[Mewtarthio]

I'm sorry, but my brain is incapable of containing the awesomeness of two Harrison Fords, so I can't properly analyze this scenario.

[Yora]

Also, though it's never made clear in the films, I think several novels delineate an extremely thorough security system aboard the Falcon. Indy would have to get past that first.

Getting through rediculously overblown security is kind of Indies speciality.

[Anteros]

You're all wrong. The only real answer is obviously a super hero team up.

[Nerd-o-rama]

Getting through rediculously overblown security is kind of Indies speciality.

But what's he going to disguise himself as? Ganking a Stormtrooper wouldn't really help, unless he managed to con a team into doing a customs inspection on the Millenium Falcon, which I'm starting to see as a fairly plausible scenario for Indy now that I've suggested it...

Alternatively he could use a hacky-sack again, somehow...

[Weezer]

If we're measuring coolness by relatives, the fact that Indy's father was Sean Connery makes him a shoe in for victory. You can't out cool Connery

[dehro]

Han Solo shoots first

end o'story

[Nerd-o-rama]

There's a reason I didn't set this up as just a shootout fight to the death, you know.

[VanBuren]

Impossible. They could never bring themselves to fight against such dashing figures.

1. It's far more likely that they would just switch lives for a bit... until ultimately realizing that it's really not all that different.

2. If forced to fight, eventually they would be left with no choice but to try and seduce the other. Since they are Harrison Ford, their attempts are successful.

When they are discovered the next morning by the respective cast of each universe, they find themselves with much explaining to do. Both get away, but neither manages to jank the artifact which ultimately ends up in the dual possession of Shia LeBouf and Jar Jar Binks who hock it for booze money.

[dgnslyr]

Han was in the Star Wars Holiday Special, which puts him an uncountable amount of cool points behind.

The Holiday Special does not exist, therefore it is impossible for Han to lose cool points as a consequence of partaking in a nonexistent work.

[dehro]

han solo was basically tagging along to translate for chewbecca. he got himself frozen and in need of being rescued more often than not.
indiana jones did his own rescuing..and is the main character of his epos.

so I'm gonna go with indiana jones..who incidentally isn't adverse to shooting first himself.

[Traab]

Getting through rediculously overblown security is kind of Indies speciality.

True, but generally said security consists of pressure switches, beams of light, and pit traps, not modern devices, (even modern in HIS time frame, let alone star wars)

On the other hand, he would likely follow han solo back to tattoine to sell it to jabba, (gotta pay off those debts somehow) but get there first. Bluff his way into jabbas stronghold by declaring he is there to view his tapestries, then wait for the right moment to steal it from the giant slug. That way both fords win. han gets the profit of selling it, Indy gets to bring it to a museum or whatever.

[Tiki Snakes]

See, this presents a problem for 'Indiana Jones' and 'Han Solo', because now he double checks, he realises that each of his two persona's have been commissioned to secure the same artifact.

Han Solo returns to the millenium falcon, and with the people who hired him listening from outside, he stages a fight between himself and takes off in the confusion.

Escaping the suspicious eyes of the man who hired 'Han Solo', he has the artifact forged and delivers the forgery to the less dangerous of the two organisations, the University on a backwards little planet that doesn't officially have ftl travel yet, where he works in his summer vacation as 'Indiana Jones'.

Obviously.

[AtlanteanTroll]

Well, Indiana Jones was the father of Shia Labeouf. That's gotta set him at least 50 cool points above Han Solo.

FTFY, "Dr." :smalltongue:

[Emmerask]

and Han Solo's kid became Darth Emowhininess, so that's back to an even keel if not putting Han behind Indy.:smallcool:

Star wars EU related spoilers ahead :smalltongue:


But the other did hang around with the Mandalorians which is a plus oh and she also killed darth whinyness ^^

[The Glyphstone]

Star wars EU related spoilers ahead :smalltongue:


But the other did hang around with the Mandalorians which is a plus oh and she also killed darth whinyness ^^



I'd call associating with Travissorians a negative, myself:smallbiggrin: - and even if she did kill him, that just guarantees a null-value result in net coolness change.

[H Birchgrove]

Funny that the spoken dialogue in the films describe Indiana as "Doctor", but the Swedish subtitles call him "Professor". Maybe the translators were afraid we Turnip viewers would think of Medical Doctor, but Doctor IS an academic title over here. :smallconfused:

[Nerd-o-rama]

Honestly, they're more or less equivalent titles in English. Professor implies an academic teaching position (which Indy has), but they both usually just denote someone with a philosophical degree or a medical degree. Exchanging them in translation isn't really incorrect, just random.

[Mercenary Pen]

If it came down to it, Han could win the use of some hired mooks in a sabacc game to well and truly outgun Indy (because, let's face it, winning the stuff he needs in a card game is far more up Han's street than Indy's).

[ThePhantasm]

They battle on the Falcon over the MacGuffin, then someone opens the ramp and James Marshall boots them both out saying "Get off my plane."

[Dr.Epic]

and Han Solo's kid became Darth Emowhininess, so that's back to an even keel if not putting Han behind Indy.:smallcool:

No clue what you're talking about, but they can't be as annoying as Shia LaBeouf.

[Mando Knight]

No clue what you're talking about, but they can't be as annoying as Shia LaBeouf.

No, it's worse. Shia LaBeouf is actually tolerable. Jacen becomes a Villain Sue. Who kills Mara Jade.

It's almost like combining a Mary Sue with Darth Vader with a touch of One More Day. (Except that the last several decades weren't undone in order so that Luke could go back to living with Aunt Beru...)

[VanBuren]

No clue what you're talking about, but they can't be as annoying as Shia LaBeouf.

Ha ha ha.

Oh ye of little faith. Imagine a hybrid of Whinakin Skywalker fused with Shia LaBeouf.

Tremble, mortal. Tremble at Darth Caedus (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Darth_Caedus)

[H Birchgrove]

Honestly, they're more or less equivalent titles in English. Professor implies an academic teaching position (which Indy has), but they both usually just denote someone with a philosophical degree or a medical degree. Exchanging them in translation isn't really incorrect, just random.

Thank you very much. :smallsmile:

[Nerd-o-rama]

They battle on the Falcon over the MacGuffin, then someone opens the ramp and James Marshall boots them both out saying "Get off my plane."

Since President James Marshall is clearly an Alternate Universe version of President Jack Ryan, I guess this is an answer to the bonus round proposition.