I've never experienced death before...

[Kjata]

I can't find the depression thread. So I'm making this.

So, I am 19. I still have all my grandparents. I've only met 3 people who have died, them being great-grandparents who died in their late 80s/ early 90s. They were old when I was young, and it was expected.

I just found out one of my friends from high school passed away from a drug overdose.

I haven't seen him in over a year. I quit hanging out with my friends from high school because I was cleaning my life up. I was on the verge of alcoholism and drug addiction at 18, and needed to change.

It never seemed possible. Looking back, I realize that we thought we were indestructible, nothing could hurt us.

Knowing that I can never bridge the friendship we shared once is crushing me. Surviving where he didn't also is.

He was friendly and attractive, everyone loved him. He partied from time to time, but had a lot of other interests. I was the one who took the most drugs, drank the most, drove on tons of various substances. If I had died, it would have been tragic, but expected.

I feel guilty because I was the one who introduced so many drugs to my old circle of friends, and now one of them is gone because of it while I am alive and mostly sober.

[polity4life]

Yet it is incumbent upon each individual to make choices for themselves. You shouldn't harbor any guilt for what happened to your friend. He made lifestyle choices, choices that led to this terrible end. You didn't decide for him to carry on like he did. It's callous but it's honest and true.

I know it isn't a consolation but, if anything, use this as an opportunity to see what could have been and learn. Hopefully others in that circle realize the possible tragic outcome of substance abuse and turn the ship around, like you have. This could even be a point of intervention for them.

I'm sorry for your loss.

[One Tin Soldier]

:frown:
*offers internet hug*

[Juggling Goth]

I'm sorry.

[pffh]

I'm sorry for your loss. I can tell you that you will feel better but it will take time. A friend of mine ended his own life a little over 15 months ago and I was the last person with him so I still feel like it was my fault but it does get better. If you need someone to talk to my pm-box is always open and it can be about anything.

Also talk to a professional grief counsellor or a therapist it may seem weird but it can really help.

[Mono Vertigo]

Also talk to a professional grief counsellor or a therapist it may seem weird but it can really help.

Seconded.
Also, I know what you're going through. So have a hug.

[irenicObserver]

You have made mistakes, that much is true but you are trying to fix yours. Your friend dying is a tragedy, but what happened was his choice, that is also true. You will never see him again and you will mourn, but there is nothing you can do but move forward, that's kind of what you are doing already.

All in all, you must always seek help to move forward, even if it seems like you can't because you must. Seek help, professional help and gain the comforts you need to move on.