[Discussion] S.T.A.L.K.E.R 2121

[Freelancer Jack]

S.T.A.L.K.E.R 2121 Story thread. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=225783)
Somebody asked me in a PM to make a Discussion thread for the story So that It would be all the chapters together without having peoples comments on each in between them. So here you go.

If you have any questions related to the story, S.T.A.L.K.E.R, the characters, the setting, or anything at all. Post it here.

[GolemsVoice]

Looking good so far, and I'll definitely see where this is headed. The setting is unusual, as it removes much of what defines STALKER, namely the Chernobyl surroundings and the decaying soviet architecture, it's nothing that destryos the atmosphere, so it's fine. It looks like you know quite something about the world of STALKER as well as about guns and whatnot, and that's good, it makes the story feel authentic.

Nevertheless, here's some construcitve criticism:

1. Your grammar. The story was very much readable, so it's not a really big problem, but I find it detracts from the reading experience. Things like random capitalizations or the lack of capitalization and using wrong words (their/they're, say/saw).

2. Sentence structure: sometimes you repeat yourself (Major was a short, fat ginger kid with a Neapolitan complex. He stood no taller then 5ft tall and had Ginger hair.), and sometimes you contradict yourself (Major was a short, fat ginger kid with a Neapolitan complex. He stood no taller then 5ft tall and had Ginger hair. When they had met him he had been fat, but time and constantly running for his life had changed that. He was a crack shot With his rifle, so they kept him around. So has he been fat, but slimmed, or is he still fat?), and sometimes, your sentences get repetitive. Look at the action paragraph where your Stalker are attacked by mutants. Almost every sentence begins with I. You could work on that.

3. logic issues: so we're in the far future, but people are still using today's guns? And somebody dresses in Nazi attire, about 170 years after the Nazis were defeated, and with original material, to boot? I find that kind of hard to believe. And lastly, I do not believe anyone would use magazines to light a fire since a) you're depriving yourself of ammo (Stalker has a strong survival aspect, and ammo is going to be rare) and you're lighting a fire with explosives, I don't think that would work.


Still, don't take my criticism to hard, it's not meant to be that way. You're writing is solid, and I like the beginning. As I said, I'll definitely follow your story.

[Freelancer Jack]

1. I'll fix grammical issues once my finals are over.

2. see #1

3. In the Zone, Logic is kind of tossed out the Window. Have you actually played any of the Stalker games? YES, they have guns, in The Zone you don't survive long without one, considering all the half mutated creatures there want to kill you and eat you.

[GolemsVoice]

3. In the Zone, Logic is kind of tossed out the Window. Have you actually played any of the Stalker games? YES, they have guns, in The Zone you don't survive long without one, considering all the half mutated creatures there want to kill you and eat you.

I DID play the games, and you'll notice I didn't complain about them having guns.