Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

[NikitaDarkstar]

*I am not allowed to watch MacGyver right before or during character creation
*Especially not if my character has any craft skills.
*Craft (Any) is not a valid craft skill.
*This goes double if I plan on taking any class in any game that has a knowledge or technological orientation.

*Same goes for Doctor Who
*And Doc from back to the future
*Double for any engineer from any star trek show ever, triple for Scotty.

*You know what? If it has craft as a class skill I can't have it.
*I'm still on probation when it comes to classes with knowledge skills on their class skill list.

[The-Mage-King]

*I may NOT play a dwarven artificer who's motto is "Enchantment?"

[Ksheep]

*May not diffuse a tense situation between the party and a tribe of lizardfolk with a 30 diplo roll.
**Especially at 2nd level.
***Even if all you did was make it so you wouldn't have to give them your prisoners of an enemy tribe of lizardfolk.

*Shouldn't be surprised when the town guard whom you turn the hostile lizardfolk over to decide to burn them alive.
**Shouldn't be surprised later when said guards attack the friendly lizardfolk tribe just because you were rather vague when saying "don't attack our friends", ie. not telling the guards that said lizardfolk are the friends in question.

[Chilingsworth]

* I may not act on my urges to kill the idiotic NPC's that killed my character's friends/allies.

[Mystify]

* May not play an awakened zombie incarnate construct warforged ninja with the dread pirate prestige class
* said character is not a ninja pirate robot zombie

[Doorhandle]

*While Legend is one of the few systems that could possibly run it, not to make a campaign based on "How To Kill A Mockingbird." (http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/mockingbird)
*In the same vein, lightsaber gun-swords only exist in that flash movie.
* Not to make a Gestalt ninja/druid.
*Cannot literally make a character a murderhobo.

[Lea Plath]

*When looking to blow something up, I should not ask the GM will it burn aswell.

[BlackestOfMages]

*Cannot literally make a character a murderhobo.

Homocidal Transients (http://rpg.drivethrustuff.com/product_info.php?products_id=97811), my freind. The name should say it all

* May not wield bags of holding as a melee weapon
* Nor as a thrown weapon
*The portable Hole Discus does not work
* I am only allowed extradimesnional space to store inanimate objects
* Turned of goldems do not count, nor do yet to be animated corpses

* Bags of holding are not red and white plastic balls
* If, in any way, I do encapture an enemy in a bag of holding, letting them out will not make them loyal to me and fight for me
* Even with magic
* My sorceror is not now, nor will he ever be, a pokemon master

* Duct tape cannot be used to make new monsters on the fly in the middle of combat
* No matter how hard I try

[ClothedInVelvet]

* I cannot force the Druid's animal companion to walk ahead of the party to set off traps.

* Nor NPCs

* Kidnapping children from the market for the purpose is right out.

[boomwolf]

*A favored soul of the goddess of nature should not be investing in gnome technology so they would make this a grenade launcher.

*said grenade launcher shooting "only" alchemical flasks does not improve the situation.

*lunching alchemist fire at animals that -might- have been hostile in the forest is enough to make the goddess take away my magic.

[Lonely Tylenol]

WUT. :smalleek:

I... I don't even.

Context! (http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3299/3272548352_b5066e0ccc.jpg) :smallsmile:

* I may not use "talking is a free action" to justify having elaborate, minutes-long negotiations with the enemy NPC during my round in the initiative without losing my move or standard.

[Arbane]

* My sorceror is not now, nor will he ever be, a pokemon master


Of course not! That's the Summoner's job.



* I cannot force the Druid's animal companion to walk ahead of the party to set off traps.

* Nor NPCs

* Kidnapping children from the market for the purpose is right out.

Well, duh. That's why mules only cost 8 GP!

[NikitaDarkstar]

* Duct tape cannot be used to make new monsters on the fly in the middle of combat
* No matter how hard I try

Obviously you need a paperclip and possibly a chewing gum to make that possible. For Large and above you may want to substitute "paperclip" with "coat hanger"

*And there goes my necromancer rights too.

[ClothedInVelvet]

*No matter how powerful my archivist or factotum is, I may not build a sonic screwdriver and refer to myself as "the Doctor."

[Randomguy]

*No matter how powerful my archivist or factotum is, I may not build a sonic screwdriver and refer to myself as "the Doctor."

**Even if I have ranks in profession (Doctor).

[jindra34]

**Even if I have ranks in profession (Doctor).

Well duh. He has profession (The Doctor) and (Being Mysterious).

[Beowulf DW]

*never again may I make a dual-wielding scimitar+kukri-using fighter
*If I am scoring critical hits about once every two rounds, the DM is going to be very cross with me.
*If I am able to use critical feats to make the BBEG blind, deaf and dumb all in the same round, the DM will go into that corner and cry until we get him a pizza.

[Doorhandle]

*never again may I make a dual-wielding scimitar+kukri-using fighter
*If I am scoring critical hits about once every two rounds, the DM is going to be very cross with me.
*If I am able to use critical feats to make the BBEG blind, deaf and dumb all in the same round, the DM will go into that corner and cry until we get him a pizza.

*If all our foes from now on have elemental body, ARE elementals or oozes, or are otherwise immume to crits, I can blame no-one but myself.

[blackjack217]

*If I get fragged by the groups rogue I still have no one else to blame

[Morithias]

"If I am the only character who took profession (cooking) as a class skill, I am not allowed to slip potions of gender bending into the party's food."

"I am going to turn them back to men, even if I think they look better as women."

"If another PC is going to get romantically involved with my female PC at anytime I am to warn them in advance if she has been "experimenting" on her own body."

"I am not allowed to play D&D for at least 1 week after downloading a new X-change game."

[Doorhandle]

"If I am the only character who took profession (cooking) as a class skill, I am not allowed to slip potions of gender bending into the party's food."

"I am going to turn them back to men, even if I think they look better as women."

"If another PC is going to get romantically involved with my female PC at anytime I am to warn them in advance if she has been "experimenting" on her own body."

"I am not allowed to play D&D for at least 1 week after downloading a new X-change game."

*If I genderchange the barbarian using magic, I will not be surprised if the new shim gender-changes me by force.

*Slowly.

* With a rusty, damp knife.

[Drathmar]

*I am not allowed to carry a box of bastard swords (katanas) on my back and then throw them in battle at the ground to walk on.
*I may not throw 8 katanas per round at an enemy, even if I am a bloodstorm blade with 8 attacks for a full round action.
*Even if my character is named Mifune
*Especially if my character is named Mifune
*I may not make characters based on anime period

[Sith_Happens]

*I am not allowed to carry a box of bastard swords (katanas) on my back and then throw them in battle at the ground to walk on.
*I may not throw 8 katanas per round at an enemy, even if I am a bloodstorm blade with 8 attacks for a full round action.
*Even if my character is named Mifune
*Especially if my character is named Mifune
*I may not make characters based on anime period

* My character's legend does not begin in the 12th century.
* I may not demand that the party follow a series of 1000 increasingly insane rules just so they can adventure with me.
* If my character could one-shot the entire campaign, I may not say that I'm "just here to observe" the final battle.
* I'm not from the United Kingdom.
* I'm not looking for him/her.
* I'm not going to California.
* FOOL!

[jindra34]

* If my character could one-shot the entire campaign, I may not say that I'm "just here to observe" the final battle.


*Nor may I one-shot the entire campaign and then sit out the final part claiming to have already done my part.

[Vixsor Lumin]

*I am not allowed to combine cloth and sovreign glue and create duct tape.

*I'm not allowed to use duct tape and animate object to create an army

*animate rope does not affect rolled up duct tape

*I am not allowed to make duct tape armor

*yes IRL duct tape fixes everything, but your not allowed to use it in place of any tool

*especially not to be used in Heal checks.

*no. Ruling the world through power of tape is not allowed.

*if I try that, a rebellion of solvent users will over throw me

[Antonok]

Ignore this post, might have double posted due to server error :smallsigh:

[Antonok]

*If I genderchange the barbarian using magic, I will not be surprised if the new shim gender-changes me by force.

*Having my CE Halfling Sorcerer bluff the LG Paladin into wearing a Belt of Gender Change will allow said paladin a Smite Evil against me.

*Even if it is metagaming due to me wearing an item that prevents alignment detection.

*My CE Halfling is not allowed to take the Winged templete ever again.

*Nor is he allowed any of the following:
Rod of Wonder,
Staff of Charming,
Staff of Power,
the party's only healing wand,
conjuration spells,
evocation spells,
spells at all,
a Baslisk's severed head,
the Head's Up feat,
Chaotic Evil alignment,
the right to be a halfling.
the right to even exist at all.

(He wasn't mass murderer evil, but he was definitely an evil little prick)

[Doorhandle]

*Just because a Gaze attack isn't a natural weapon, dosen't mean I can weaponries the medusa's head.
* Flesh to stone is not flesh to diamond, no matter if the princess planet disagrees
*Cannot carry around donkey jawbones so I can 'get biblical on someone’s ass.'
*Cannot use handle animal to train an elephant to pickpocket.
*Particularly if the best part of that plan is if the elephant is caught, I still have an elephant.
*Cannot wish to roll natural twenties forever.
*cannot use an epic spell to achieve the same result.
*Cannot train a permanent animated object to use magic device.
*Especially if the magic device in question is a wand of fly, and the object in question is a boat.
*Making retributive strikes is not to be a repeated thing.
*potions of light healing are not suppositories, and it is wrong to tell any players this.

[Mystify]

*Cannot wish to roll natural twenties forever.
*cannot use an epic spell to achieve the same result.
*Cannot be a greater deity either.

[Jay R]

* I don't have to see the other PCs' identification.
* The warforged are not the droids I'm looking for.
* They can go about their business.

[Sith_Happens]

* I don't have to see the other PCs' identification.
* The warforged are not the droids I'm looking for.
* They can go about their business.

* I do not want to sell them deathsticks.
* I want to go home and rethink my life.

[Beowulf DW]

*Cannot carry around donkey jawbones so I can 'get biblical on someone’s ass.'

*If I am given a fetch quest involving 100...things, I may not decide bring back 200...things, to impress my future father-in-law and win the hand of the princess.

*My cleric may not carve ten laws into two tablets, break them, and then put them in a box just so that he can melt his enemies' faces.

[Velaryon]

*My cleric may not carve ten laws into two tablets, break them, and then put them in a box just so that he can melt his enemies' faces.

*Creating three tablets, but pretending there were only two because he accidentally dropped one, is right out.*

[TheJudicator]

*if the player in question happens to be deaf, that does not mean that character automatically knows Drow Sign Language for free.

*"When in doubt, throw the halfling" is not a viable tactic.
*Especially if said halfling is also a sorceress.
*Substituting this with catapults is considered bad form.

[Randomguy]

*If my character ever becomes the leader of a town or village, my evacuation plan for the women and children in case it ever gets attacked can under no circumstances involve catapults.

[Lonely Tylenol]

*"When in doubt, throw the halfling" is not a viable tactic.

Nor, I must add, is "punt the gnome".

[blackjack217]

*fighting with your off hand just so you can say "I am not left handed" is considered bad form
*If you do so you're opponent will reveal that he is not left handed either.

[Elemental]

*No plan can on any occasion involve a checklist more than one metre in length.
**Cheating by putting it in book form will not be tolerated.

[Beowulf DW]

*Making Plan A be "Think of a plan," may not be the wisest course of action.
*Making Plan B be "Kill it with fire," will come back to bite you in the ass.
*Making Plan C be "Run away and think of a new plan," might actually work, but it will earn your character a reputation as a wimp.

[Drathmar]

Nor, I must add, is "punt the gnome".

Wait... I thought "punt the gnome" was ALWAYS a valid tactic, regardless of the situation.

[Sgt. Cookie]

Wait... I thought "punt the gnome" was ALWAYS a valid tactic, regardless of the situation.

Not when you are trying to convince Gnomes that you do not punt them...

[Sith_Happens]

Not when you are trying to convince Gnomes that you do not punt them...

* I may not make a character capable of convincing gnomes that I won't punt them by doing exactly that.

[Doorhandle]

*Cannot control more than tywice my bodyweight in minions at any one time.
*Cannot use iron body to increase my bodyweight for this purpose.
*My cohorts cannot also have cohorts.
*If we are using the "Plushyfication" houserule, cannot sell the plushy.
*My sandwich doesn't tell me to kill people.
*My sword MIGHT tell me to kill people. not allowed to listen.
*My cohorts cannot have cohorts, giving me an army a million strong.
*If I try this, I have to pay for them and feed them.
*Not to great-cleave the huge pile of minions to prove a point.
*No, I cannot put ranks into Profession: Corspecrafter, even if a necromancser.
* We are not playing nethack, and so yes, your charcter can in fact equip pants.

[Necroticplague]

* We are not playing nethack, and so yes, your charcter can in fact equip pants.

Oddly enough, their isn't a "pants" magic item slot, so actually you have to stat up pants as custom slotless magic items.

[Sith_Happens]

Oddly enough, their isn't a "pants" magic item slot, so actually you have to stat up pants as custom slotless magic items.

Or, you know, just not bother wearing pants.:smallwink:

...Which is a perfect segway into these:

* I may not use Iron Heart Surge as a "performance"-enhancer.
* After the scene fades to black, I may not make a bunch of random skill checks and "let everyone imagine what the heck that means."
** Especially not Handle Animal.

[Arbane]

* After the scene fades to black, I may not make a bunch of random skill checks and "let everyone imagine what the heck that means."
** Especially not Handle Animal.
*** Or Ride.

[Randomguy]

*** Or Ride.

**** Disguise is out of the question.

[ClothedInVelvet]

**** Disguise is out of the question.

**** If you make a Use Rope check, you have to make sure a safety word is specified.

[Beowulf DW]

**** If you make a Use Rope check, you have to make sure a safety word is specified.

*****A UMD check in reference to a Rod of Wonder is crossing the line.

[eulmanis12]

**in a medeval setting I may not under any circumstance craft a .50 cal

**Nor may I build a Mini-gun
*it is not named sasha
*it may not be more intelegent than I am
*It may not cost $2.6 million to fire for 8 and a half seconds.

**if I become a sniper it does not make me australian
*I may not be a deranged gunman, paid assassin is acceptable though
*Professional have standards though
*parents will not approve

**Sun Tzu did not take two of every animal on a boat a beat them all up
*nor is this event the origin of the word Zoo

[Jay R]

* My backstory does not include destroying an entire pantheon.
* My backstory does not include causing Atlantis to sink.
* My backstory does not include burning down eighteen villages.
* My backstory does not include permanently backing up the sewers of a major city.
*The DM will write my backstory.

[Crafty Cultist]

* The lightning rail conductor is not Claire Stanfield

[Sniper]

**** If you make a Use Rope check, you have to make sure a safety word is specified.

***** 'What is love' will not be accepted.

* The verbal component for Telekinesis is not 'The power.... to move you'

* you do not need to burn every corpse just in case they're a Polymorphed Troll
** Nor is there any need to burn them 'in case there's any wandering Necromancers around'
*** Raising the corpses as undead yourself before said hypothetical Necromancer can do it, therefor keeping them under your (and indirectly, your party) control instead of some random NPC is still an Evil act.

[Sith_Happens]

* The lightning rail conductor is not Claire Stanfield

** Unless I make too much trouble on the train.

[wiimanclassic]

*My character cannot be the Lone Wanderer and The Courier.
**Fine, he can. But he can't focus on any weapon skills.

[Socratov]

*no I may not have a rod of lordly might
*If I have one I'm not a lord of rodly might
*no, the rod is not, I reapeat, not a metaphor...

[Elemental]

*Jumping at the paladin will not convince him to let you accompany him on his travels.
**If he has to repeatedly hit you in the head with his shield so you stop scaring him, he will not fall, because that counts as self-defense.

[Sith_Happens]

* My fighter does not move at the speed of sword.
** My warblade using Time Stands Still does, but I may not actually say so.

[Doomboy911]

*Because he was getting uppity with me is not a valid excuse for my actions.
**No one is getting uppity with me.
***Lack of respect is no reason to unleash the fairy super beast on the fairies.
****Not allowed to enslave the fairy super beast and order it to go grocery shopping.
*****Fine I'm allowed to make it fight the tarrasque but only because it would be awesome.
******I am allowed to use my leadership feat and bard spells to enlist the homeless I can not use my vast wealth to arm them to the teeth.
*******I do not merely have to wink three times to unleash my homeless man army.
********I can not say the cleric was forced to close the door of a small hole on the grounds that I made it into my new home. (message me if you want a background on that bad boy and if you aren't let me add a subsection to the rule.)
I must accept the fact that I am now shrapnel.
********* Not allowed to use the threat that I will turn back into shrapnel but I probably will anyways.

[BlackestOfMages]

* When encountering the BBEG, I may not chalange him to a Ham-off to decide who is the real villain here
** If I do make the BEG submit, I may not take his place and dump said BBEG on the party
** My PC's motivation for joining the party cannot be that the BBEG isn't villainy enough and needs to be replaced

* The party paladin does not apreciate my plan to stop the bandits if it involves a citysworth of casualties
** Or opening a gate to hell beneath them does not work either
** inding solars to commit said mass murder/opening the gate to hell does not make it any less "evil"
** The party paladin is not secretly begging me for a quick Morality Unbound, nor is he secretly supportive of my evil
** I cannot use the paladin as ammunition in a seige.
** This cannot be because his average damage and survivability are far to low to make it worth it
** If I point that out I will get smoten. multiple times.

[Rockphed]

** I cannot use the paladin as ammunition in a seige.
** This cannot be because his average damage and survivability are far to low to make it worth it
** If I point that out I will get smoten. multiple times.

*The party Barbarian is also forbidden ammunition.
**Okay, if he asks for it, fire away.
***Complaining of boredom is not asking for it.

[Ksheep]

*As a Hulking Hurler, may not use other party members as weapons without their permission
**Just because the rogue gave me permission does not mean that I can throw the wizard

*May not have a siege crossbow as my main weapon
**Especially if it's used to remove doors from their frames, their houses and the world of objects larger than a matchstick.
***Especially if the only safe place to be when it is used is a hundred feet or more behind the user

[Thomo]

*As a Hulking Hurler, may not use other party members as weapons without their permission
**Just because the rogue gave me permission does not mean that I can throw the wizard

*May not have a siege crossbow as my main weapon
**Especially if it's used to remove doors from their frames, their houses and the world of objects larger than a matchstick.
***Especially if the only safe place to be when it is used is a hundred feet or more behind the user

So in other words, can't play Detritus from Discworld

[TechnoScrabble]

*Cannot play a Discworld troll.
*No more starting the space age before the industrial or even the renaissance ages begin.
*I am not the God Emperor of the Imperium of Dwarf/Hadozee/Gnome/Man/Half-Elf/Awakened Baboon.
*STOP. ROLLING. MONKEY CHARACTERS.
*Apes, hadozee, chimps, and other monkeyish primates count.
*My rat catcher's dog did NOT just rip off a greater daemon's head, no matter what the rolls say.

[Tesla_pasta]

* my warforged bard does not have "hextech sub-woofer" as a body feature, nor can he take ranks in Perform (Dubstep)
* No, not even if "Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites" fits the campaign theme

* My kobold paladin does not worship Pun Pun

* My mount can not "crazy ivan"

* nor can it "sonic rainboom", even if it is a pegasus.

* Sadly, I cannot iron heart surge Murphy's Law

*when an enemy fumbles on an itenerative attack, I may not yell "C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER"

[Doorhandle]

{{scrubbed}}
*If my alchemist makes an extract of greater invisibility, this does not entitle him to go bat**** crazy as soon as he quaffs it.
*Strength mutagens will not atrophy my genitals.
* Potions of flight will *get* you high up, they will not *make* you high.
*It has been made abundantly clear that no, your alchemist cannot quit any time he wants.
*Even if there are rules for it, cannot make a hwacha.
*Especially cannot fill it entirely with wands.
* Am not to use animate object on siege weaponry.
* or on the traps in my secret volcano lair.
{{scrubbed}}
*Our mouseguards are not to have the goal ‘Raft all our enemies”
*Particularly if I actually go through with it and make a raft out of the shrike we just killed.
* While using the action cards given, cannot play the attack card in face-up position.
* Or the defend card, in face down position.
{{scrubbed}}
*Cannot play a mouse with 5 ranks in pathfinder and zero in scout.
*Especially if it’s a sailor.
*Not to have both a monocle AND an eyepatch, even it would sorta make sense.
*Using a fishing hook as a grappling hook is okay in mouseguard, and ONLY mouseguard, size categories be dammed.
* If one player gets a bonus skillpoint for quacking while using duckwise, that does not mean I get a bonus skillpoint for clacking every time I use crabwise.
*Even if it is an injoke/meme, screaming out “CRAAAAAAAB” will likewise not give me this bonus.
* Heroically posing, with arms folded and my cape flapping in the non-existent wind it to be kept at a maximum of once/session.
*Just because journeys are resolved through the conflict mechanics does not mean I can claim I have slain the weather with a cunning feint.
*…Cannot heroically pose atop the weather.

[Randomguy]

*Any organic characters must be male or female, and do not have the gender option of “neither”
** May not play a mind flayer, beholder or nematode just to get around this rule.
***My mind flayer character can not force will saves against insanity or blindness by flashing people.

*No using control winds and control weather just to create good conditions to pose in.
*The half orc barbarian with 6 int cannot invent a camera of any kind to take pictures of said poses.
*Even if my half orc barbarian has high cha to boost his intimidate checks, I cannot be a beauty queen.
Thog too pretty for jail!

*The party rogue did not once dream of being a masseuse.
*No matter how friendly my character is, I cannot point out that the mugger's form is all wrong and proceed to give him tips.

[eulmanis12]

* I may not begin each encounter with the words "R-E-A-D-Y FIGHT!"
** Administering a Coup De Graz to a fallen opponent is not to be preluded by the words "FINISH HIM"
***nor may my charecter claim this as his catchphrase if he is Finnish


*My charecter's first name is not Leroy
*His last name is not Jenkins
*Nor is it Gibbs

*Summon instrument does not permit my bard to drop pianos on his enemies
**tubas and drumsets are also right out.
***NO! even if it is a part of the 1812 Overature as written, a cannon is not a musical instrument.

*Due to my engineering experiance and the resulting methodology of problemsolving that I appy, I may no longer play any of the folowing classes
Wizard
Sourceror
Bard
Druid
Cleric
Psionic
Paladin
Commoner
Warlock
Anything else with magic or psyonics

*Physics (applied or theoretical), calculus, chemistry, Engineering (all disciplines), and Biology textbooks are no longer permitted at a gaming session.

*if my plan involves more than two greek letters, No.

[Socratov]

* I may not begin each encounter with the words "R-E-A-D-Y FIGHT!"
** Administering a Coup De Graz to a fallen opponent is not to be preluded by the words "FINISH HIM"
***nor may my charecter claim this as his catchphrase if he is Finnish


*My charecter's first name is not Leroy
*His last name is not Jenkins
*Nor is it Gibbs

*Summon instrument does not permit my bard to drop pianos on his enemies
**tubas and drumsets are also right out.
***NO! even if it is a part of the 1812 Overature as written, a cannon is not a musical instrument.

*Due to my engineering experiance and the resulting methodology of problemsolving that I appy, I may no longer play any of the folowing classes
Wizard
Sourceror
Bard
Druid
Cleric
Psionic
Paladin
Commoner
Warlock
Anything else with magic or psyonics

*Physics (applied or theoretical), calculus, chemistry, Engineering (all disciplines), and Biology textbooks are no longer permitted at a gaming session.

*if my plan involves more than two greek letters, No.

play something form TOB and/or incarnum :smallamused:

anyway,

*I may not use the social skills in such a way that i end the campaign without a single combat taking place, even if that's what my character would do...
* That's it, i am hereby officially forbidden to utilise diplomacy if i have a total modifier of +10
*Yes, this is my last chance of every using diplomacy again...

[Mystify]

** May not play a mind flayer, beholder or nematode just to get around this rule.
***My mind flayer character can not force will saves against insanity or blindness by flashing people.

****May not get a symbol of insanity as a tattoo to get around this rule.

[boomwolf]

*I am not to play a lightning mage called cole mcrath.
*A shapeshifter ranger named alex mercer is worse.
*Blitzcrank the warforged is right out.
*NO MORE VIEDO GAME CHARACTERS!

[Sgt. Cookie]

*My Knight has never been to an Electric Castle.
**Nor has my Barbarian.

If you got that without looking it up, you're awesome. :smallbiggrin:

[Alabenson]

*For the last time, the paladin's special mount is not Pinkie Pie
**Nor is it Applejack
***Even if you can make the case that she would be LG

[Siosilvar]

*Just because journeys are resolved through the conflict mechanics does not mean I can claim I have slain the weather with a cunning feint.

Of course not. Feints don't do any damage.


Applejack

*May not use "y'all" as a singular pronoun if the DM grew up in the South.

[Esprit15]

If the DM says that this is just set-up story for everything else so we don't need to roll anything yet, that does not mean kill the BBEG as soon as you see him.

If I try this, I have to allow him to get away somehow.

[Marillion]

*My Knight has never been to an Electric Castle.
**Nor has my Barbarian.

If you got that without looking it up, you're awesome. :smallbiggrin:


**Nor have they needed to choose between two gates
**The first one was not plain and old, and the second was not forged of gold

[Kerrin]

* My characters can never (again) have the ability to perform ventriloquism by any means.

* My half-orc barbarian is not allowed to rename the paladin's horse "Breakfast" (or any other meal or food reference).

* Just because dismembering the big-bad-evil-guy, burning each part in a separate fire, mixing the ashes from each part into a separate block of cement, and dropping each block of cement into different oceans is "the only way to be sure", doesn't mean it's necessary.

[Elemental]

* Just because dismembering the big-bad-evil-guy, burning each part in a separate fire, mixing the ashes from each part into a separate block of cement, and dropping each block of cement into different oceans is "the only way to be sure", doesn't mean it's necessary.

**If it is actually neccessary, I will not defer doing so for budget reasons.

[Jay R]

* My ranger's animal companion is not a dinozord.
* My ranger's animal companion is not a thunderzord.
* My ranger's animal companion is not a ninjazord.
* My ranger's animal companion is not a shogunzord.
* I may no longer play a ranger.

[Ksheep]

* May not role-play myself out of the party during the first session… and the second session… and the third session… and twice during the fourth session.
** May not have more than 2 replacement characters already rolled up, ready to play at a moment's notice.
*** Especially when I know that there won't be any encounters this session.

[blackjack217]

* My ranger's animal companion is not a dinozord.
* My ranger's animal companion is not a thunderzord.
* My ranger's animal companion is not a ninjazord.
* My ranger's animal companion is not a shogunzord.
* I may no longer play a ranger.

*druid is right out

[Randomguy]

*druid is right out

I read that as "My ranger's animal companion is not a druid". It was better that way.

[Dimonite]

I read that as "My ranger's animal companion is not a druid". It was better that way.

I agree completely.

*If a campaign begins with a mob of skeletons attacking civilians, I am supposed to kill the skeletons with minimum civilian casualties, not vice versa.
*I am not to prepare only fire-based spells when we are attacking the temple of the goddess of fire.

[Doorhandle]

I agree completely.

*If a campaign begins with a mob of skeletons attacking civilians, I am supposed to kill the skeletons with minimum civilian casualties, not vice versa.
*I am not to prepare only fire-based spells when we are attacking the temple of the goddess of fire.

*Backburning does not work on fire elementals.
*Running one over with a fire truck would work, but that is not why you have to start the fire department.
* There is no such thing as a magically enchanted fire extinguisher.
*This also applies to toasters, and I am not to use one as a meteor hammer.
* Unless it's made of starmetal, cannot use meteors as hammers either.
* While we have already gone over the wielding of natural weapons, it is nerveless appropriate to say that our mouse-guards EPCIALLAY cannot take advantage of this.
*Our cleric cannot be multidenominational.
* The flying spagetti monster is not part of the pantheon.
* Neither is Vesta.
* Especially if you take the domains 'hearth and home' and twist them into the single domain "arson."
*Sun wukong may be part of A pantheon, but you still can't worship him.

[Antonok]

* The flying spagetti monster is not part of the pantheon.
* Neither is Vesta.
* Especially if you take the domains 'hearth and home' and twist them into the single domain "arson."
*Sun wukong may be part of A pantheon, but you still can't worship him.

*Optimus Prime is not the deity of warforged paladins.
*Nor is Megatron the deity of warforged blackguards.

*My warforged is not Optimus Prime.
*Nor is he Megatron.

*No, the secret of making warforged is not the AllSpark.

[Rockphed]

*Optimus Prime is not the deity of warforged paladins.


That would be Robo-cop.

Optimus Prime is the deity of warforged Druids.

[ClothedInVelvet]

*No matter how tone-deaf my character is, I will restrain myself from wailing and belting out terrible songs while I am at the table
**And while I'm in the next room
***And, in the summer when the windows are open, while I'm in the neighborhood
****I may no longer have characters who sing

*No matter what my character wields, "STOP! Hammer Time!" is never an appropriate battle cry
*"Now for wrath, now for ruin, and a red dawn" may be a great battle cry, but I may not use it anytime after noon
*I may only say "For Mako" or "For Lu Ten" once per session, and we will immediately adjourn to mourn individually.

*Even if the Packers are playing the next day, my character will not put a large piece of cheese on his head
*The warforged is not a Borg and does not understand me yelling about resistance being futile.

*I may not go around telling elf/human couples to use birth control because half-elves are worthless
**Especially not in front of the half-elf sorcerer in our party
***It doesn't matter whether its true or not

[Elemental]

*The rules concerning improvised tools are so you can use a hair clip to pick a lock, not so you can use a spoon as a blacksmith's hammer.

[Sith_Happens]

*The rules concerning improvised tools are so you can use a hair clip to pick a lock, not so you can use a spoon as a blacksmith's hammer.

* Using a spoon as a pipe organ is right out.
** Using a masterwork spoon to negate the penalty will get the DMG thrown at me.
*** I may not use the DMG as a pipe organ either.
*** Using it as a blacksmith's hammer is okay though, and in fact it counts as masterwork for that purpose.

[Beowulf DW]

*Firing the tank at the dinosaur is a great idea!
**...Where's that -6 to attack coming from?
***Ooooh....You're firing the tank at the dinosaur...
*I am not allowed to play any character whose strength score would imply having biceps bigger than a human head.
**Especially if that character is himself human.

[Sith_Happens]

*I am not allowed to play any character whose strength score would imply having biceps bigger than a human head.
**Especially if that character is himself human.

* My character my not have a giant bicep for a head.
** Or a pair of heads for biceps.

[Diamondeye]

"Railgun" is not an available Exotic Weapon Proficiency

[Elemental]

"Railgun" is not an available Exotic Weapon Proficiency

**Neither is hydrogen bomb
**Or particle accelerator
***Spork never counts as an exotic weapon!

[Flame of Anor]

Oddly enough, their isn't a "pants" magic item slot, so actually you have to stat up pants as custom slotless magic items.

I'd houserule them into the belt slot.

[Kazyan]

*Strongarm Bracers and a refluffed Large Alchemical Gold Fullblade do not make a Buster Sword.

[boomwolf]

-I cannot mix alchemical fire and holy water to a signle double-sized flask and call it "divine wrath"
-nor will it have the effect of both.
-same is true for acid and unholy water.
-alchemical silver cannot be used as a grenade-like-weapon against lycanthropes.
-STOP MESSING ALCHEMICAL ITEMS!

[Rain Dragon]

* I may no longer bluff my way into having the cleric believe I'm not a rogue just for free heals and the like
** I may no longer steal the cleric's arrows until they have nothing to do all combat
*** (On that note,) I may no longer harass the cleric no matter how nice they really are :smallredface:

[BlackestOfMages]

* I may no longer bluff my way into having the cleric believe I'm not a rogue just for free heals and the like

why would the cleric not heal you if you're a rogue? seems rather an odd sentiment, and counter productive too :smallconfused:

[Rain Dragon]

why would the cleric not heal you if you're a rogue? seems rather an odd sentiment, and counter productive too :smallconfused:

He likes casting lots of different spells which is odd and we have a couple of other people who can and will heal so it doesn't matter all that much. My rogue just doesn't trust the other party members as much.

[Hiro Protagonest]

In Exalted

* The Mask of Winters does not call renegade abyssals "rebel scum" and/or "traitors to the Empire"
* The First and Forsaken Lion does not call renegade abyssals "rebel scum" and/or "traitors to the Empire"
* The Lover Clad in Raiment Tears seduces the heroes, not the other way around
** Even if she is unbelievably sexy
* Just because I (the hero) rescued the Scarlet Empress (the girl) from the Ebon Dragon (the dragon, duh) doesn't mean I get to lay her
** Even if her beauty is outmatched only by The Lover Clad in Raiment Tears and a couple others in the entirety of existence
*** ESPECIALLY if her beauty is outmatched only by The Lover Clad in Raiment Tears and a couple others in the entirety of existence

[Silus]

-I may not say "Pazuzu Pazuzu Pazuzu" to kill off myself or the party.
--I may not counter the aforementioned Pazuzu summoning with "Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice".

[Doorhandle]

In Exalted

* The Mask of Winters does not call renegade abyssals "rebel scum" and/or "traitors to the Empire"
* The First and Forsaken Lion does not call renegade abyssals "rebel scum" and/or "traitors to the Empire"
* The Lover Clad in Raiment Tears seduces the heroes, not the other way around
** Even if she is unbelievably sexy
* Just because I (the hero) rescued the Scarlet Empress (the girl) from the Ebon Dragon (the dragon, duh) doesn't mean I get to lay her
** Even if her beauty is outmatched only by The Lover Clad in Raiment Tears and a couple others in the entirety of existence
*** ESPECIALLY if her beauty is outmatched only by The Lover Clad in Raiment Tears and a couple others in the entirety of existence


On that note, I'm gonna post a few of my own, although they may/may not be you are supposed to do in exalted.

*Cannot perform the Creation-slaying Oblvion kick on the basis of the idea that if I do it, the deathlords can't.
*Cannot cure the great curse with any of the following: sufficiently advanced medical treatment, sufficiently advanced martial arts, or sufficiently advanced lovemaking.
**It goes without saying that this applies to sufficiently advanced basket-weaving, too.
*** Cannot attempt to get around this my making a charm for a bright-slap, allowing the use of both sufficiently advanced medicine and marital arts at the same time.
**** “Tying the offending solar to a wall, while giving them a freezing-cold shower and repeatedly applying a cricket-bat to their gronch” is not sufficiently advanced, or even advanced, medicine.
*Even if a sidereal, cannot literally kick reason to the curb.
*Even if you are a courtier focusing on social charms, exaltations of any kind will not be handed out for sexual acts so perverse that it makes the god’s heads tilt.
*Not to create a perfectly saintly and noble character who made an infernal pact wtih the ebon dragon for the sole purpose of rubbing it in his face.
**Even if it is a REALLY impressive **** move, it will still make me acquire torment.
*Not to bite the hand that exalted me.
*Cannot force the neverborn to reincarnate by nailing them to the wheel of reincarnation.
**Even if I somehow grab ALL of the gods at once and ram them into a wall reputedly, cannot force Yu-Shan to create a mechanic allowing the Neverborn to reincarnate.
*** Repeating the same trick with the Yozis and Malfeas, while cathartic, will not help.
* Cannot hit a corpse so hard that they come back to life.
**This will not work with the Neverborn either.
*There is no Fus-Roh-Dah charm, and the dragonborn aren’t that kind of dragonborn.
* Cannot explain to the dragon-blooded that technically, the Green Sun princes ARE demons possessing a human shape, and that they should kill THEM, and leave solars/lunars well enough alone.
**Cannot do this while carrying an infernal exalted in my left hand and using him as an prop.

[Hiro Protagonest]

*Not to bite the hand that exalted me.
You haven't heard of dem renegade Abyssals and Infernals?

*Cannot force the neverborn to reincarnate by nailing them to the wheel of reincarnation.
Why didn't I think of that!?

* Cannot explain to the dragon-blooded that technically, the Green Sun princes ARE demons possessing a human shape, and that they should kill THEM, and leave solars/lunars well enough alone.

But Infernals are awesome! They're called the rockstars of Hell! Plus, they're more like the primordials than the demons, since essence 10 Infernals ARE primordials. They can make armies out of nothing and become infinitely big.

[Arbane]

* Just because I (the hero) rescued the Scarlet Empress (the girl) from the Ebon Dragon (the dragon, duh) doesn't mean I get to lay her
** Even if her beauty is outmatched only by The Lover Clad in Raiment Tears and a couple others in the entirety of existence
*** ESPECIALLY if her beauty is outmatched only by The Lover Clad in Raiment Tears and a couple others in the entirety of existence

I'm confused. What part of this DOESN'T sound perfectly reasonable in Exalted?

[Harry]

* I may not buy 2 candles of invocation and gate in asmodeus and a solar then fuse with them via the fusion psionic power.

[Elemental]

*under no circumstance will I ever be allowed to turn a dragon into a dragon-slaying spear and then use it to kill it's children. It's just plain mean.

[ClothedInVelvet]

*When rescuing farmers from a magical drought, I may not buy their land beforehand at ridiculously low prices and then sell it back to them after we save them for the normal value.

[Hiro Protagonest]

I'm confused. What part of this DOESN'T sound perfectly reasonable in Exalted?

Well, this is assuming I'm playing an Anathema and that it's before we start restoring the government and getting everything cleared about the Anathema. Including the facts that we're supposed to lord over the dragon-blooded and eventually go insane (which is why my characters want to restore the government as a republic, and then leave to wander so they can't become blinded to the mortal's lives).

Maybe I should've said "I may not rescue the Scarlet Empress solely so I can lay her".

* The FaFL is not my father
** The Mask of Winters is not my father
*** I may not name my character Skywalker
* No keychains
** Or keyblades

[The-Mage-King]

*I may not convince party member to play a human Bardblade if I'm playing a warforged rogue focused on sniping.
**Convincing someone else to play a Crucian Psychic Warrior ubercharger is right out.
*** As is the Katori artificer.
****And the Elf Psion.


*I may not play a warforged rogue focused on sniping.

[Hiro Protagonest]

* In Exalted, when in a First Age flying vehicle and knocked off course so we start heading towards the sun, I may not peer at it and say "that's no sun, that's a space station"
** Or a battle station
*** Even though it is

[Arbane]

* No matter how high-level the druid is, they cannot wild shape into a canidru.

[Jzadek]

* Ghouls are not projectile weapons.
* 'Fabulousness' is not a cleric domain.
* Do not feed the Tarrasque.
* Especially don't feed the Tarrasque the halfling.
* Don't feed the halfling the Tarrasque, either.

[Mynxae]

* Good-aligned rivers and evil bugs don't mix. Especially if said bugs are on me and I jump in said river. xD
** Same with good-aligned rivers and our chaotic evil duskblade.

* I may not jump at our paladin's face. It ends up in our DM fudging the rolls so that he brings his shield up in time so that I get knocked out by it, and lose all memory. And then get manipulated by our rogue. >.>

[Elemental]

* Good-aligned rivers and evil bugs don't mix. Especially if said bugs are on me and I jump in said river. xD
** Same with good-aligned rivers and our chaotic evil duskblade.

* I may not jump at our paladin's face. It ends up in our DM fudging the rolls so that he brings his shield up in time so that I get knocked out by it, and lose all memory. And then get manipulated by our rogue. >.>

**If I deserve my fate, I am not to complain.

[Sith_Happens]

Well, this is assuming I'm playing an Anathema and that it's before we start restoring the government and getting everything cleared about the Anathema. Including the facts that we're supposed to lord over the dragon-blooded and eventually go insane (which is why my characters want to restore the government as a republic, and then leave to wander so they can't become blinded to the mortal's lives).

Maybe I should've said "I may not rescue the Scarlet Empress solely so I can lay her".

* My Solar/Lunar not lay the Scarlett Empress, then reveal this occurence to the public so as to discredit her rule and throw the Empire into chaos.

[Rain Dragon]

* Good-aligned rivers and evil bugs don't mix. Especially if said bugs are on me and I jump in said river. xD
** Same with good-aligned rivers and our chaotic evil duskblade.

* I may not jump at our paladin's face. It ends up in our DM fudging the rolls so that he brings his shield up in time so that I get knocked out by it, and lose all memory. And then get manipulated by our rogue. >.>

That's not fair. I didn't fudge any rolls, and everyone agreed with the idea of your amnesia, which wasn't even my idea... It was the other players. I simply agreed that it was getting very out of hand. :smallfrown:

FTR, that was also the first roll he succeeded against your jumping at him. Please don't take your irl problems to the forums it's offensive. Thankyou in advance.

*I may not trust my players to figure that a massive magical explosion might have messed with the surrounding landscapes by themselves.

[Shoot Da Moon]

* The party will not base their decision to pick a party leader on whose background leaves the biggest possibility for high XP plot hooks.

* The party leader is not allowed to invoke "naming rights". Of anything or anyone.

* The city guards are not racially profiling the halfling.

* If my wizard's spell list was chosen simply to create a funny acrostic, the other PCs are allowed to beat him for 20 seconds each.

* I will not spend half a hour quoting Hamlet every time my PC must make a saving throw versus poison.

[Jzadek]

* The party will not base their decision to pick a party leader on whose background leaves the biggest possibility for high XP plot hooks.

* The party leader is not allowed to invoke "naming rights". Of anything or anyone.

* The city guards are not racially profiling the halfling.

* If my wizard's spell list was chosen simply to create a funny acrostic, the other PCs are allowed to beat him for 20 seconds each.

* I will not spend half a hour quoting Hamlet every time my PC must make a saving throw versus poison.

Teh internetz! You haz won it!

[Alabenson]

* No character I play may be familiar with the term or concept of mutually assured destruction.
* If the DM tells us he's planning a game of political intrigue, I am not to make my character an animated teddy bear.
** Or an awakened animal.
*** I am especially forbidden from playing an awakened pony bard.

[TheJudicator]

*Any and all female characters I make are henceforth forbidden to take ranks in the following skills: Bluff, Diplomacy, Sleight of Hand, Stealth, Perform, and Profession.

**In addition, any and all female casters as described above are forbidden to utilize the following spells: Prestidigitation, Mage Hand, Ventriloquism, Dancing Lights, Disguise Self, Alter Self, and Acid Splash. This list may or may not expand.

***Having a starting Charisma exceeding the teens at level 1 does not work around the above rules, but rather results in stricter enforcement.

[Sith_Happens]

*Any and all female characters I make are henceforth forbidden to take ranks in the following skills: Bluff, Diplomacy, Sleight of Hand, Stealth, Perform, and Profession.

**In addition, any and all female casters as described above are forbidden to utilize the following spells: Prestidigitation, Mage Hand, Ventriloquism, Dancing Lights, Disguise Self, Alter Self, and Acid Splash. This list may or may not expand.

***Having a starting Charisma exceeding the teens at level 1 does not work around the above rules, but rather results in stricter enforcement.

** Mage Armor is not a substitute for clothing.
*** Neither is Web.
** No, that is not what the "Dominate" in Dominate Person refers to.
*** Not even if I also cast Animate Rope.
**** Animate Rope is now on the list.
** No Polymorph. Just no.
** Evard's Black Tentacles is not for recreational use.

[Dumbledore lives]

* Craft (DNA) is not a skill, even if we're playing a sci-fi campaign.
* A spider farm does not work the way you think, and no you can't have one.
* When your first plan is seduction and you have -2, it's not going to work.
* The first plan should not be setting things on fire, even if it worked in the past.
* That optimization trick you just found? No.

[Doorhandle]

* If we are playing a first age Exalted game, not to find two of every animal, herd them onto a boat, and then beat the **** out of them and call it a zoo.
*Cannot repeat the same trick in the second age, as a Sidereal, using Lunars.
*I will be lauded for doing the same to every Wyld creature, but I can only do it once, thanks.
*My Sidereal is not G-man.
*My Infernal who THINKS he's a sidereal is not Slenderman.
*...There are no longer suits in creation.
*Just because both of them prominently involve green suns, doesn’t mean Homestuck is canon in Exalted.
*My Infernal was never a troll, and he's never heard of a hemospectum...
*...He may be already here but Malfeas isn't Lord English either...
*...And you do NOT work for "He who Lives in His Cue-Ball!'
> I am to be referred to as Doc Scratch, thank you very much.


Shows what tvtropes can do for you. I don't even have any of the rules for the game!

[Sgt. Cookie]

* If the DM tells us he's planning a game of political intrigue, I am not to make my character an animated teddy bear.

What? That's the kind of character you WOULD want in a political intruge game. Give it to a child that is often near an enemy ruler, political opponent, etc. And there, sitting right with the child, and by extension, the ruler, you have the perfect spy.

Or, you know, a portable bodyguard for an allied ruler that the child wants to take with them.

[Qwertystop]

* If we are playing a first age Exalted game, not to find two of every animal, herd them onto a boat, and then beat the **** out of them and call it a zoo.
*Cannot repeat the same trick in the second age, as a Sidereal, using Lunars.
*I will be lauded for doing the same to every Wyld creature, but I can only do it once, thanks.
*My Sidereal is not G-man.
*My Infernal who THINKS he's a sidereal is not Slenderman.
*...There are no longer suits in creation.
*Just because both of them prominently involve green suns, doesn’t mean Homestuck is canon in Exalted.
*My Infernal was never a troll, and he's never heard of a hemospectum...
*...He may be already here but Malfeas isn't Lord English either...
*...And you do NOT work for "He who Lives in His Cue-Ball!'
> I am to be referred to as Doc Scratch, thank you very much.


Shows what tvtropes can do for you. I don't even have any of the rules for the game!

Exalted sounds fun. How do I get it, and are there many PbPs on The Playground?

[wiimanclassic]

*Can not have local psionics guy mindrape trolls into being me.

[The Glyphstone]

*Cannot have local psionics guy mindrape me into being a troll.

[ryu]

*Okay you know what? No more mindrape!

[Hiro Protagonest]

Exalted sounds fun. How do I get it, and are there many PbPs on The Playground?

*points at thread in Other Systems*

A few things. You know the sun? Yeah, it's actually a giant glowing battle station. Isidoros is a pretty cool guy if you can get him to take a form that won't destroy everything just by standing there. Adorjan is bat**** insane. Malfeas is REALLY ANGRY, but if you can calm him down, he's not such a bad guy. The Unconquered Sun is a prick who ordered some guys to kill his creators so that they would stop making his job harder and he could play games in the Jade Pleasure Dome. Solars can be anything from superpowered Hitler to Beowulf to Asakura Yoh (I know because Shaman King is influencing my latest character). Infernals can be anything from superpowered Hitler to Beowulf to Asakura Yoh, and even more since they have powers beyond "jump really high, punch super hard, speak really inspiring words". Abyssals are goths with superpowers, and almost all their powers are directed at killing things. Lunars are shapeshifters, who have a totem animal they can turn into and can take more forms by eating the hearts of creatures. Unlike other exalts, Lunars start castelessm and if they don't get the silver tattoos, they might eventually turn into a chimera. Lunars are also bondmates to the Solars, paired when the exaltations were created, so one Lunar shares eternal brohood/love (depending on whether they're the same or different genders) with one Solar. Alchemicals are communist cyborgs from another world. Dragon-Blooded are like the elemental benders in Avatar: The Last Airbender, except there's currently about ten thousand of them and they run the world, with this jaw-dropping beauty of a Dragon-Blooded nobody knows the name of running the world (she disappeared five years ago). In Exalted, there is no "good" and "evil", there is only "better" and "worse", and it's pretty really almost entirely subjective. Except for the Dragon's Shadow/Ebon Dragon, he's definitely "worse".

[Alabenson]

*If the DM tells me he's planning a pirate-themed game, I may safely assume he would like my character to be more Pirates of the Carribean and less One Piece.
*Just because my unarmed swordsage does not need any gear at level 1 is not an excuse to spend all of my starting gold on booze.
**Even if my character is a dwarf.
*Under no circumstances am I to base any part of my character on any aspect of Old Man Henderson (http://forum.spiritsoffire.com/index.php?topic=3954.0).

[Mystify]

*Just because my unarmed swordsage does not need any gear at level 1 is not an excuse to spend all of my starting gold on booze.
**Even if my character is a dwarf.

I beg to disagree.

[Morithias]

"When asked to give the DM a character who has a 'goal', the goal 'have sex with 300 women' does not count."
"Aasimar paladins, do have to use birth control, regardless of what the book of erotic fantasy says."
"I am not to refer to my 'equipment' as 'hyper weapon'."
"I am not allowed to make a character based off of Rance anymore."

~Next week~

"I am not allowed to make characters based off of characters from eroge."

[Beowulf DW]

"When asked to give the DM a character who has a 'goal', the goal 'have sex with 300 women' does not count."
"Aasimar paladins, do have to use birth control, regardless of what the book of erotic fantasy says."
"I am not to refer to my 'equipment' as 'hyper weapon'."
"I am not allowed to make a character based off of Rance anymore."

~Next week~

"I am not allowed to make characters based off of characters from eroge."

I don't know whether to be proud that I know what you're talking about, or ashamed.

[Hiro Protagonest]

"When asked to give the DM a character who has a 'goal', the goal 'have sex with 300 women' does not count."

It does, but you have to tread the world, searching for the 300 most attractive women in it.

Wait, does that make it better or worse? Well, it makes it better and harder, so you won't complete the goal within 150 days of wandering through a metropolis and seducing girls.

[Morithias]

I don't know whether to be proud that I know what you're talking about, or ashamed.

I'd go with proud. Sengoku Rance is an awesome game. Although I would like the main hero to be a bit more likable.

- "Making a character with the nickname 'goddess of war' will result in a talk with the real goddess of war."
- "I am not allowed to sell myself into slavery, then kill everyone with fireballs until I meet an owner who treats me right."
- "I am not allowed to play a knight who is a ten year old girl."
- "If I play the tactician, I am expected to have ranks in knowledge skills, rather then using my own intelligence and tactics (please don't turn this into a metagaming debate)"
- "I am not allowed to save scum the campaign."

~Next week~

- "I am not allowed to save scum, even if my build allows for time travel."

- "When we are asked to do a mission for the king, I am not allowed to reject the offer and counter with 'I want to bang the princess'.
- "Even if she is a Chaotic Evil drow valsharess, forcing myself on the drow queen gets my alignment switched to evil."

[Alabenson]

*My hadozee is able to say more than ook, and I am to remember this.
**Nor is he required to go on a rampage whenever someone calls him a monkey.
*Regardless of how appropriate the lyrics are, my bard is not to sing "Giggle at the Ghostly" whenever he inspires courage.
**My bard is hereby banned from singing any song from My Little Pony for any reason.
***This goes double for any non-bard characters.

[Randomguy]

*Not to make a factotum with a kleptomaniac monkey familiar, ranks in preform (vocal), a sentient carpet of flying and a genie, bound through Planar Binding.

**Making a Disney Princess as a character is out of the question.

[Metahuman1]

*Not to make a factotum with a kleptomaniac monkey familiar, ranks in preform (vocal), a sentient carpet of flying and a genie, bound through Planar Binding.

**Making a Disney Princess as a character is out of the question.

**Even Mulan.

***Especially Mulan.

As DM.


* I make not make the party encounter any form of spider themed monster if they include one player who is Arachnophobia out of character.

* Especially if it's a none combat encounter.

*Having the spider drop down from it's Web, start singing "I like to move it move it, I like to move it move it." in a bad Jamaican accent while moon-walking a circle around the party is absolutely out.

**So is having the party leave the Arachnophobia players high Cha bard a note as there leaving saying "Come back any time." If he offered no violence to the party and clearly wasn't doing in any manner that can be construed as an actual danger to the character.






All of the above actually happened this week at an IRL gaming session I was DMing. In my defense, I didn't know we had an Arachnophobic player in the group till after she freaked out from the note. (She was freaking out before hand but she does that from time to time for reasons as yet not explained so I didn't think it important. )

[Elemental]

As DM.


* I make not make the party encounter any form of spider themed monster if they include one player who is Arachnophobia out of character.


**Under no circumstances will I DM a campaign that will negatively impact the players' psychological health in anyway.

[Mystify]

**Under no circumstances will I DM a campaign that will negatively impact the players' psychological health in anyway.
***Seriously, put the Book of Erotic Fantasy down and back away slowly.

[Necroticplague]

***Seriously, put the Book of Erotic Fantasy down and back away slowly.

******Seriously, put the FATAl rulebook down into the furnace and nobody gets hurt.

[Vknight]

**** & ***** Why were we skipped?
*******Why did we agree to play FATAL again?
********Because I'm mom's favorite

*If at any point I/or my character can safety read fatal that means I take 100d100san loss. Or whatever may be applicable within the game

*Not to send swarms at the party with no area attacks.

*Ghouls are happy and they know it

*Don't anger the ancient order that worships the long dead individual that not even death would take as he was hanged.
**Especially when its established there are 30+ of them and 4of you
***Even worse if your only Lvl2
****Also don't call there religion evil or weak
*****Especially when they speak a language that can change/shift reality to some effect
******If you have fever dreams of speaking to said ancient being its best not to insult it
*******If at any point you meet a member of your family within said cult & there dead but much older leave the questions be
********As answers will cause san lose
*********Don't insult said order as your leaving there temple after they have kicked you around twice

*When given a choice of multiple jobs don't just jump in try and do each
**Especially when your options involve killing several dragons, or a large group of cannibals that can rise from the dead, or a single dragon its rider and her followers, or infiltrating a hostile group to destabilize them
***Even worse is to help some of said cannibals escape from prison so you don't have to hunt more of them
****Even more so when he is a expy of Hannibal Lecter

*If you've doomed the world is best to try and fix your mistakes
**Especially when they involve a world war that will plunge the setting into complete darkness

[blackjack217]

*Seceretly have all members of your trouble shooting team all belong to a secret society founded by yourself with the destruction of Friend Computer as its ultimate goal is something you really should tell your GM about
*It is paranoia is not an answer... okay it totally is.

[Doorhandle]

I make not make the party encounter any form of spider themed monster if they include one player who is Arachnophobia out of character.

* Especially if it's a none combat encounter.

*Having the spider drop down from it's Web, start singing "I like to move it move it, I like to move it move it." in a bad Jamaican accent while moon-walking a circle around the party is absolutely out.

**So is having the party leave the Arachnophobia players high Cha bard a note as there leaving saying "Come back any time." If he offered no violence to the party and clearly wasn't doing in any manner that can be construed as an actual danger to the character.





*May not set the campagin in australia. :smallbiggrin:

[wiimanclassic]

*Just because your staff of fireballs only needs a short phrase to work does not mean you can use 2 like in Skyrim.
**Double if you swap the second for some shield based spell.

[Antonok]

*I may not abuse the Buddhist Monk's vow of poverty to take their monastery and turn it into my stronghold.

**Doubly allowed not to abuse it to take their robes.

***Tripley not allowed to so this to take their underwear just because I'm evil.

****Especially after kicking them out of their monastery that happened to be on top of a mountain.

[wiimanclassic]

*I may not abuse the Buddhist Monk's vow of poverty to take their monastery and turn it into my stronghold.

**Doubly allowed not to abuse it to take their robes.

***Tripley not allowed to so this to take their underwear just because I'm evil.

****Especially after kicking them out of their monastery that happened to be on top of a mountain.

*****A Futurama box set will be thrown if they had a giant sound broadcasting satellite dish on top to try and find god by sending messages to random parts of existence.

******No you can not lock them in the laundry room with nothing to eat but their shoes.

[Elemental]

*****A Futurama box set will be thrown if they had a giant sound broadcasting satellite dish on top to try and find god by sending messages to random parts of existence.

******No you can not lock them in the laundry room with nothing to eat but their shoes.

*******If you try that, it will turn out they all have at least ten levels in monk and multiclassed into sorcerer. Beware the fusion of magic and the martial arts.

[GreenSerpent]

*******If you try that, it will turn out they all have at least ten levels in monk and multiclassed into sorcerer. Beware the fusion of magic and the martial arts.

*******Or they will be Unarmed Swordsages with Tornado Throw and so a whole lot more dangerous than people expect monks to be.

[Doorhandle]

Welp, time to bury you in hypothetical things I can't do now!

*In mutants and masterminds, I cannot have only one device with one power, and attempt to use it for everything.
*Even if it is a hammer.
*there is never an apporotiate time to bring out a superhero called “The Gimp.”
* Cannot build a power that is a Reaction-action strike, just so I can have attacks of opportunity.
*Cannot Build a step-up and strike into it as well, just so I can do it again and again and again…
*I will get books thrown at me if I somehow manage to afford immunity to all forms of damage and saves.
*Cannot say that the objects made by create object are “Pulled outta MY ARSE!”
*Cannot have a pocket-dimesion in the same location.
*My celtic superhero may be allowed to shoot fire form his eyes, but he is not allowed to blast lightning form his ass.
*If a player has intangibility and concealment from all senses, including their own, cannot force them to save VS existential damage.
*Descartes is not the approtiate response.
*Cannot have more minions, sidekicks, or duplicates than I can fit in a small house.
*Cannot get around this by having minions with duplication.
*Or making them really flexible.
*Or microscopic.
*or rebuilding the metaphorical house.
*ONE minion who’s really big is pushing it.
* Cannot use the burrowing power to strip mine earth’s resources.
* Not to ask why my hero can dig faster than he can run.
* My superhero is not subject to change characterisations at the whims of the writers.
* Cannot use the create-objects power to end world hunger and cause world peace.
*Even IF it makes sense.
* Cannot have “Summon C’thulhu” as a superpower.
* Even if he’s hostile to me. No, wait, ESPECIALLY if.
* If I teleport something, I am expected to teleport ALL of it, and not just it’s internal organs.
* Teleporting someone and forgetting their clothes is ground for my character to be arrest for sexual assault.
*Cannot use a mass teleport power that has the side effect of confusion every time it’s used.
*Or one that summons the hounds of tindalos.
*I must have at least ONE power that has side-effects less dangerous than the power itself.
*No matter how many ranks of super strength I have, I cannot be ‘SuperHobo’ and carry our base of operations around on my back.
*Likewise cannot be the “Shoplifter” and carry home entire shopping malls for easy looting.
*Hulking Hurlers be dammned, I cannot have enough telekinesis or super-strength to throw the entire planet about!*
* Cannot use inventing, skill ranks, and Quickness to create deus-ex-machinas in one round.
*Yes, Shapshifting pretty much makes you a quadratic wizard among linear warriors. Cannot be arrogant about it.
*Cannot create an aquaman expy, and then abuse aquaman’s powers in such a way as to make the original scream “this is OUTRAGEOUS, Old Chum!”
*Will not point out that the brave-and-the-bold version of aquaman would say this at pretty much any given opptunity.
*There is no power called “Summon Pop-Culture reference,” and I can’t have it.
*Cannot have a Transfer or Nullify power with the descriptor “EVERYTHING.”
* Cannot use the “Light speed Flight” power to turn myself into a revelaistic weapon.
*No really! You can’t use it in an atmosphere, according to RAW, so you can’t actually hit that planet. Beat that!
*In the same vein, cannot use flight and 40 ranks in the density power to achive the same effect with nothing but gravity.
*STOP ASKING! YOU’VE ALREADY TAKEN THE CATGIRLS, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?!!
* There is not wizard that did it, and I cannot kill, control, or BE him.
*Not to abuse autofire powrs, Growth strike, All-out+Accurate+Power attack, an absurd critical-threat radius and corrosion to do 30 damage ranks above the maximum damage cap.

*They actually gave a value for this. It’s about a D.C 330 check to move earth about, and you have to be able to move under your own power in a vacuum. Even considering super-hero levels of power, it’s a bit beyond the typical protagonist.

[Arbane]

Lunars are also bondmates to the Solars, paired when the exaltations were created, so one Lunar shares eternal brohood/love (depending on whether they're the same or different genders) with one Solar.

I'm confused. Why would gender matter? :smallamused:

You also forgot the ... um... hold on, wasn't there some other type of Exalted...?

[Marillion]

*Not to forget the O' when addressing a member of the O'Toole family.
*Even though his Glamour knack allows you to hide behind an object that is smaller than you, Mad Jack O'Bannon is NOT Bugs Bunny.
** He is not "Delirious Jackie" to his friends.
*No matter how many drama dice you've accumulated, nor how high ranking in the order you are, "I swear that bitch will get what she deserves" is NOT an appropriate Vow for a Knight of the Rose and Cross to make.
*Any plan which involves the phrase "Prime the raccoon" is automatically vetoed.
*The Vesten may not abuse his weather-control powers to "turn on her headlights". He doesn't even know what headlights are.
**Calling them "Lanterns" or "Will'o'Wisps" is missing the point.
*New rule: You must take some damage before going bearsark.
**Stubbing your toe doesn't count.

[Hiro Protagonest]

I'm confused. Why would gender matter? :smallamused:
Well, more sexual preferences.

You also forgot the ... um... hold on, wasn't there some other type of Exalted...?

...Nocturnals? Nocturnals aren't canon. Solars Lunars Abyssals Infernals Dragon-Blooded... there's an upcoming sourcebook with a new type of exalt, but I forget the name and nobody really knows anything about them.

[Morithias]

"I am not to have the PC's character switched genders due to the "ritual of truenaming" screwing up."

~Next week~

"I am not to have the PC's character switched genders due to a 'misfile in the heavenly records'"

~Week after that~

"The PC's do not care that in D&D 3.5 that females are technically stronger then men, STOP TURNING US INTO FEMALES!"

~Week after that~

"I am banned from creating dungeons that have traps that require you to be female to pass"

~Week After that~

- The DM is now in coma due to a Player's handbook injury to the head.

[Qwertystop]

"The PC's do not care that in D&D 3.5 that females are technically stronger then men, STOP TURNING US INTO FEMALES!"

Where's that rule?

[Metahuman1]

Where's that rule?

Would love to know that myself. Along with stronger how/in what way.



*I may not make the party fight a Kobolt who's build is Barbarian 1/ Crusaider 1/ Monk 2 with bonus feat retraining/ Sorcerer 6 focusing on self buffs and a couple of touch attack spells/ Frenzied Breserker 1.

*Kobolt may not also have an Orb attack spell.

*Verbal component may not be Kamehameha!

*Kobolt cannot pose dramatically and brag of all the over the top wuxa sounding techniques he claims to have mastered.

*If the party hits him and triggers a frenzy, I may not win Initiative, and activate rage as my first thing then roll for maneuvers, then tell them that he stands, hands in fists, and screams until he glows and the scales atop his head turn blue.

*He may not then proceed to come withing an inch of TPKing the party before he dies.




This was a major part of last session. It was fun finally forcing the Overpowered (for the rest of the groups op and playing experience level anyway, it would be fine in a higher op game and/or with more experience players.) Samurai homebrew to pull out all the stops and then showing him the build to make the point.


We have since agreed to a couple of nerfs and will be testing them next session to see if they do the trick.

[Necroticplague]

Where's that rule?

Simply put, there are more female only PRCs than male only PRCs (which their is only one of).

[Morph Bark]

Simply put, there are more female only PRCs than male only PRCs (which their is only one of).

Let me guess: Eunuch Warlock?

[Mystify]

Simply put, there are more female only PRCs than male only PRCs (which their is only one of).
Perhaps, but only 1 of them is worth much. Besides, that doesn't make you stronger unless the choice is stronger. It doesn't matter if you make 10,000,000 prestige classes for monk, if they are all tier 3 and below, then monks are still weaker than sorcerers. Options only matter based on what you can do with them.

[Hiro Protagonest]

*When in a standoff with an enemy, and they say "who the hell do you think you are!?", I cannot say "god"
**Nor can I say "...lightning ninja cowboy... can't you hear the music (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIufkLyJuMM&feature=related)?"
*No, I may not play a Solar Akuma who was betrayed by his fellows right after the Primordial War, and have the Motivation "save his daughter" and the Urge "kill the ones who betrayed him"
**No, his former master cannot have the Flaw "Blind", then invest half the bonus points in a homebrew Awareness Charm that gives him the ability to sense where others are and the other half in his fighting skills

[Morithias]

Perhaps, but only 1 of them is worth much. Besides, that doesn't make you stronger unless the choice is stronger. It doesn't matter if you make 10,000,000 prestige classes for monk, if they are all tier 3 and below, then monks are still weaker than sorcerers. Options only matter based on what you can do with them.

Maiden of Pain, Hathran, Thrall of Malachant, that one drow prestiege class that lets you raise zombies with no HD limit. All classes with full casting and powerful abilities that are tier 2 at least.

To this date I have found TWO prestige classes with male only requirements, the thrall of the demon of frost giants (which is melee based, and weaker then just playing a half-minotaur), and the BOEF "Harem protector" which requires you to be castrated to enter.

So yes, overall females are more powerful than males in terms of D&D. It's not much so there is a technical statistical advantage to playing a girl instead of a guy.

[Necroticplague]

*My response to the question "Is this how you play god!?" should not be "No, this is how I play Death"
*Just being an Abysall does not give me a right to have a name that has an acronym longer than the rest of the parties names combines.
*The Harvester of Poisons is no longer a valid choice of totem animal.
**Neither is a Beast of Resplendent Liquid.
*I may never play a chimera ever again.
*I may not be honest about where I get ideas for my dungeons from.
**I may not make a character whose sheer existence is to make every action result in someone requiring brain bleach.

[Hiro Protagonest]

*Just being an Abysall does not give me a right to have a name that has an acronym longer than the rest of the parties names combines.

You spelled Abyssal wrong (Grammar Nazi, away)

** Nor does it mean I can name myself after this Abyssal (http://keychain.patternspider.net/archive/koc0001.html)

[Fluffy_1.0]

*I may not play evil characters
*I am especially not permitted to play evil characters with ranks in profession torturer.
*I may not ask the DM to let me role-play a torture scene if I should for some reason be permitted to "question" someone.
*I may not play child characters with dark abusive backgrounds.
*I may play any characters who believe that pain is love.
*I especially may not play any character with a theme of corrupted innocence.
*I absolutely may not combine all of the above in such a fashion as to give the DM's girlfriend nightmares.

*I may not play bisexual male characters and proceed to hit on the male characters at the table.
*The above is apparently acceptable if the player of a male character is female...
*I may not make such a character steal the hearts of any female NPC that the above characters may fancy.
*I especially may not have my character have a mental breakdown and start screaming "WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME?" when confronted about the behavior.
*If the above does for some reason occur, said character must be immediately turned over to the DM and will become the main villain for the next 6 months.

*I am not allowed to role-play a bard that sings, plays a strung axe like a guitar, or inspires by giving inspiration speeches in iambic pentameter.
*I am especially not allowed to inspire courage with perform pole-dancing.
*Especially not if such a character is a venerable male dwarf who fights with a long spear...

*I am not allowed to play any character remotely similar to Dr. Frankenstein.
*Especially not a necromancer.
*Said character may not raise his lover from the dead as a vampire and immediately retire to their chambers.

*I may not play a halfling fisherman whose primary weapon is a harpoon.
*I may not randomly chuck said harpoon at people.
*Said character may not be named Ahab, nor may it hate anything that is albino.

[Acanous]

Maiden of Pain, Hathran, Thrall of Malachant, that one drow prestiege class that lets you raise zombies with no HD limit. All classes with full casting and powerful abilities that are tier 2 at least.

To this date I have found TWO prestige classes with male only requirements, the thrall of the demon of frost giants (which is melee based, and weaker then just playing a half-minotaur), and the BOEF "Harem protector" which requires you to be castrated to enter.

So yes, overall females are more powerful than males in terms of D&D. It's not much so there is a technical statistical advantage to playing a girl instead of a guy.

There's also Eunuch Warlock. But the strongest prestige classes don't require a gender component, or preclude one.
As far as I'm aware, the strongest Prestige classes are a contest between Shadowcrafter, Initiate of the Sevenfold Veil, and Incantatrix.
Combine with eachother where applicable, or add a dash of Master Specialist, Geomater or Archmage!

But of course, you don't even need a prestige class if you're an elven generalist domain wizard with a certain pair of feats, casting 9th level spells from level 1...

At any rate, I caught the refference to Misfile (www.misfile.com), but that "Ritual of Truenaming" one has me lost. Google-fu just turns up a bunch of websplat to make truenamers not suck. (Most of which doesn't actually make them not suck)

*I may not base a Campaign on Pokemon
**No, not even then.
*I may not play a character who is "The last of his race"
**Doubly so if his goal is to "Repopulate by any means neccesary"

[Ksheep]

* As DM, may not make it so that one of the party members is the last of their race.
** This goes double when there are two members of the party of said race.
*** ESPECIALLY if they are male and female.
**** Not to be surprised when the male tries to cut his wrists after learning that the female is missing, presumed dead.

[Morithias]

There's also Eunuch Warlock.

At any rate, I caught the refference to Misfile (www.misfile.com), but that "Ritual of Truenaming" one has me lost. Google-fu just turns up a bunch of websplat to make truenamers not suck. (Most of which doesn't actually make them not suck)



I will check out the Eunuch Warlock then. It might be interesting.

It's more a joke of how truenames work in my campaign setting. In my campaign setting your truename is basically your life story (helped via the artifact that is a book that reveals your life story and truename if you read it).

So by using the ritual of renaming and giving them a new truename you can basically rewrite who they are mentally, physically, and metaphysically.

It is not uncommon if someone has been unnamed to alter them in a way to prevent abuse. For example making a brunette have blonde hair or a demon who is sick of being summoned to have slightly darker/lighter skin.

And before you ask, yes you could use a forced ritual of truenaming to basically mindrape a person into an entirely different entity. You would probably end up going to the netherworlds after you die, but you could do it. You can also use it to delete memories that you don't want like memories of abuse and such.

Of course it is a level 8 spell that requires you to know the person's original truename so it's pretty powerful.

[Acanous]

So it's a lv 8 spell that works like Mindrape, but requires a Truenaming check.
I assume Rings of Truenaming +30 are a black-market item?

[Chookster]

Though practical and extremely efficient my use of fire is now limited to solving only ninety percent of my problems.

This drops to zero percent if I am referring to relationship problems.

Using a bag of holding to fill the throne room with sand only works once.

Attempting to eat the cleric's pet dog is considered rude, and it means we have to wait for the DM to get back on his chair before we can play again.

[Morithias]

So it's a lv 8 spell that works like Mindrape, but requires a Truenaming check.
I assume Rings of Truenaming +30 are a black-market item?

Hell no. Those are common. You can go to Eternea (A city so big it takes up 7.5% of the known material plane), and buy those for a mere 90k.

Hell in Eternea there's a store called "Recette's" that if you're willing to shell out half a million gold pieces she has a Book of Exalted Deeds to sell you.

World 1 is VERY high magic, and also VERY high power gaming. Not to be rude to faerun and such, but their npcs would be second-rate in world 1, because in world one, research and tactics are a constant evolving thing. If someone find a way to do something easier or better than before, and she doesn't guard her secrets on how she did it, someone else will steal the idea and also do it.

For example the "Eternea eight" are an elite group of bodyguards that protect the young prince. Here's an example of what one of them is.

Dark Changling - Cleric 1/Rogue 2/Deathstalker 5/Rogue 2/Legacy Champion 20.

Ultimately giving her a death attack with a save DC in the 50-60 range. Plus she can death attack undead, and you have to make two saves against it.

It is VERY common to munchkin in this setting, because it is what would actually happen. "Oh you found a way to cast level 2 spells so early in your career. We should all do that it's a good idea". You wouldn't have someone who discovered something like be the only one who uses it, in the real world if a new technology is discovered it is quickly reverse engineered and stolen right? The same is with in my setting.

[Socratov]

Hell no. Those are common. You can go to Eternea (A city so big it takes up 7.5% of the known material plane), and buy those for a mere 90k.

Hell in Eternea there's a store called "Recette's" that if you're willing to shell out half a million gold pieces she has a Book of Exalted Deeds to sell you.

World 1 is VERY high magic, and also VERY high power gaming. Not to be rude to faerun and such, but their npcs would be second-rate in world 1, because in world one, research and tactics are a constant evolving thing. If someone find a way to do something easier or better than before, and she doesn't guard her secrets on how she did it, someone else will steal the idea and also do it.

For example the "Eternea eight" are an elite group of bodyguards that protect the young prince. Here's an example of what one of them is.

Dark Changling - Cleric 1/Rogue 2/Deathstalker 5/Rogue 2/Legacy Champion 20.

Ultimately giving her a death attack with a save DC in the 50-60 range. Plus she can death attack undead, and you have to make two saves against it.

It is VERY common to munchkin in this setting, because it is what would actually happen. "Oh you found a way to cast level 2 spells so early in your career. We should all do that it's a good idea". You wouldn't have someone who discovered something like be the only one who uses it, in the real world if a new technology is discovered it is quickly reverse engineered and stolen right? The same is with in my setting.

you know that with munchkinry is the fact that in these kind of worlds everyone becomes pun-pun...

[Morithias]

you know that with munchkinry is the fact that in these kind of worlds everyone becomes pun-pun...

One Kobold actually did that. The Creator (Who in this setting is literally the personification of whoever is Dming) used his "Rule 0" power to limit the Kobold's power. The Kobold is now a wandering trickster who challenges people to riddle and mind games and gives them a taste of his power if they win. (Think Mr. Myxzlpk from Superman)

Funny story the PC's once challenged him to "who can stay awake the longest" (the kobold isn't an outsider after having his power removed)...he didn't realize that the monk "Arma" was a VERY well crafted warforged. So they won and he gave everyone a free stat boost.

Creators Power

Rule 0: The creator may alter and change the rules of existence at will, the creator is constantly experimenting with new rules and laws of the universe. When a creature becomes too powerful that it is threatening the greater good of the world, the creator may step in. In exchange for this power however, the creator does not have spare power to give to clerics. This power cannot be duplicated or stolen in anyway.

- I may not create an epic spell that can kill Ao in order to blackmail him into removing the wall of the faithless.

[Socratov]

wow, that is actually a sensible move in such occasions...

* I may not create an all powerful character, unless we are playing in high epic levels

[Vizzerdrix]

I am not allowed to be without shapesand. (The DM enjoys my antics with the stuff far too much :smallsmile: )

[Geostationary]

* I may not create an all powerful character, unless we are playing in high epic levels

**Not even if we're playing Nobilis
***Okay, maybe after the first session or two
****I may not be able to destroy Creation as a standard action

[Dr.Orpheus]

*I may not have a giant frog as an animal companion
*I may not be a pack lord
*I may not wildshape into a giant frog
*I may not give my animal companions headbands of intellect
*I may not teach animal companions with sentience teamwork feats
*I may not play PF with the intention of getting similar abilities through other means

[Sith_Happens]

Hell in Eternea there's a store called "Recette's"

Someone tell me, is this (http://www.levanacooks.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/chocolate_chip_cookies-3102.jpg) enough cookies for that reference?

--------------------------------------------------------------

* Yes, my anima banner may be a falcon, why am I even asking?
* Though it's probably abusable somehow, I tentatively may make a charm that expends all of my essence to utterly destroy both myself and the target.
* Both of the above in combination, however, will be recognized as a thinly-veiled attempt to eventually get to do this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFtw7qW7Vcw) to the main villain.
** Okay, I can still do that, but only if I refrain from making any other falcon punch jokes for the entire campaign.
*** That includes after I do that.
*** Or any other campaign for that matter.
**** I may no longer punch things in Exalted.

[Marillion]

*The character, NPC, or player named Amanda is NOT "A man, DUH!"

[Morithias]

Someone tell me, is this (http://www.levanacooks.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/chocolate_chip_cookies-3102.jpg) enough cookies for that reference?

--------------------------------------------------------------



Thank you for the cookies.

- I am not allowed to bind Fierna using her truename in order to have sex with her.
- I am not allowed to bind Glasya using her truename in order to have sex with her.
- When confronted against Asmodeus I am not allowed to ask him why he didn't just use a wish spell to resurrect his dead wife.
- Even if I have a 100% chance of winning I am not allowed to mass hold person the other PC's and fight the final boss one versus one.
- Asking the final boss to marry you in exchange for letting his/her plan succeed is in bad taste.
- Asking another PC to marry you is in bad taste period.
- Due to a series of related events involving alcohol I am not longer allowed to have ranks in profession (brewer).
- Even thought the shopkeeper is only 10 years old, I must keep in mind that attempting to rob the Prince's cousin and the city's most popular merchant in a store that regularly has people coming in to buy holy avengers is a VERY bad idea.
- I am not allowed to sell my soul for a box of cuban cigars. (Anyone who gets that reference is AWESOME).
- I am then not allowed to argue in the court that the devil didn't give me what I wanted seeing how "Cuba" does not exist in this world....and win.
- I am not allowed to create a character who is obsessed with poisons and who constantly cooks and offers the other characters food.
- Even if regular clothes give no penalty to dexterity, I am not allowed to go into combat wearing a maid, schoolgirl, or miko costume.
- Even if you can get cleric spells by worshiping a cause, I am not allowed to choose "start my own religion and become a god" as my 'cause'.

[RockmanDotEXE]

* I'm no longer allowed to make players nauseous with monster descriptions
* I'm no longer allowed to GM at 3:00 in the morning.
*I'm DEFINITELY not allowed to spout out hot blooded one-liners in Adeptus Evangelion. Nor am I to refer to my character's Prog Axe as the "GETTER TOMAHAWK!"
*The end boss is The World, not ZA WARUDO. Get it straight.
*Not allowed to make Cloaca jokes about the androgynous Manufactured.
*I'm not allowed to let my character get seduced by his girlfriend's mother.
*Even if the girlfriend is her clone, not her daughter.

[LibrarianHuntar]

Sonic Rainboom Aside, please note we have defeating dragons on more then one occasion, tearing down a several story building with bare body parts, successfully Wrestling a Bear, Outright Winning a Staring Contest against a creature that has a Medusa style gaze attack, And most recently Canon Confirmation that at least one of them can outright Ignore the fourth wall.

Yeah, Even Batman and Conan and Harry Dresden are gonna get a run for there money against opponents capable of feats like that.

* Will not use mage hand to kill a god by removing the essence of his divinity, which as it happens, ways about as much as a small rock and can be removed by magic, even if the precedent of the nth level spells Gordants Divinity Drain and the more powerful version, Gordants Divinity Theif say that it can be done in my campaign. As an apprentice level wizard/fighter (1/2 level fighter and 1/2 level wizard, becomes level 1 fighter/1 wizard at level 2).

*Will not use an improved stunning impact spell on a huge sized goliath greathammer, combine with monkey grip, whirlwind attack and haste to pummel the crap out of a dragon army, then a linnorm raiding pary, than a level 6 barbarian, level 3 fighter, level 5 cleric, feral templated titan. Ever again.
*Will not be a lower level than the adventures who I hire, and will not poison everything in the mead hall including the floor and train myself to immunity and also just have poison immunity cast upon me for the purpose of killing them for the XP.

That's what the two characters I'm currently running did. not bragging, just...............okay I'm bragging, but I one hit a monster with a CR more than ten above my level, and killed it easily, with a whole 5 hit points remaining. Yeah, that w

[Esprit15]

In PTTA
- Captivate does not grant a bonus to Charisma
- Charm isn't even usable by something with Charisma, so don't ask
- No Hypnotising the Gym Leaders and taking their badge while they're out
- No using Pyrokenesis in place of an actual attack in battle since it doesn't have a health cost

- "I thought it would be funny," may never be my sole justification for something
- Bodily harm is not that funny

[Chookster]

-Beating a wizard to death with his familiar is considered poor form

--this goes double if if my characters strength score is below ten

-If i insist on doing this anyway i shouldn;t be upset when the DM awards the XP to the familiar, and has it go on to be a recurring villain in our campaign.

[BlackestOfMages]

-Beating a wizard to death with his familiar is considered poor form

--this goes double if if my characters strength score is below ten

-If i insist on doing this anyway i shouldn;t be upset when the DM awards the XP to the familiar, and has it go on to be a recurring villain in our campaign.

-- The Familiar cannot also be the BBEG

-- No, the BBEG's Dragon cannot be the druid's animal companion, no matter how much more competant than most of the melee fighters in the party it is

-- The small enslaved servants of the PC's are not secretly spying on thm, and I am not to tell my players such at every opportunity

-- Especially not if the game is subterfuge based and the players are fully aware I'm trying to pick them off one by one, with them having to figure out how

-- My excuse that the great and powerful X merely appears in the form of a common raven because a glimpse at it's true non-eludecian visiage would drive the PCs and players mad is not acceptable. well, unless we're playing call of Cuthulu, in which case it's hardly passable and needs more detail.

[Alabenson]

*My bard is to never again sing "I'm Sexy And I Know It".
**My bard is especially forbidden from performing the accompanying dance.
***I am expressly forbidden from demonstrating the dance my bard is performing in real life.
****I am never to play a bard again.

[LibrarianHuntar]

*May not play as a level 5 cleric level 5 dracolyte with a time dragon wyrmling as my ward (its actually legit by RAW, it just says a dragon wyrmling, it doesn't say a non epic dragon wyrmling, but don't expect your DM to allow it, as you'll be level 10 with a CR 26 ward)

[Silverscale]

*May not play as a level 5 cleric level 5 dracolyte with a time dragon wyrmling as my ward (its actually legit by RAW, it just says a dragon wyrmling, it doesn't say a non epic dragon wyrmling, but don't expect your DM to allow it, as you'll be level 10 with a CR 26 ward)

My DM actually gave my character a baby Platinum Dragon as his ward.

[BlackestOfMages]

-- My players are not to expect to gt something past me by explaining their build as some form of sheep herder.

-- Unless they wan to be facing a higher leveled, btter equiped version of said build, with more lackies as an antagonist.

-- My characters never have authorization to execut plan KFC
-- Or plan buffulo wings
-- Or poultry storm
-- Especially not allowed to refer to this as plan X, or plan X 2.0.
-- ven if they now explode, and are undead.
-- I am not allowed accees to any form of livestock or pets ever again

[Randomguy]

*While taking my character's love interest on a magic carpet ride is acceptable, I may not ing "A while new world".

**Especially if I don't have any ranks in preform.

***May not summon a lillend to sing for me.

*While I am allowed to refluff the visual effects of spells, I may not describe the fly spell that I cast on an elephant as making it's ears so big that it can flap them to fly.

[eulmanis12]

*if the charecters manage to make the barbarian tribe go to war with a nation at pike-and-musket tech level, I may not as DM describe the preparations for war with this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2av9SQsMIi8

this actually happened one game, (though I was not the DM)

[Zale]

*I may not play as an awakened pony.
**Not even if the DM's A Bronie.

[Morithias]

If the DM's campaign revolves around fighting demons...I may not play an unredeemed demon.

If the DM's campaign revolves around fighting thieves...I may not ask why the other PC gets to play a thief.

[Ksheep]

*Not allowed to triple crit an enemy who's trying to run away.
**Especially when said enemy is a 0 HP and staggered.
***This goes doubly so when it's a summoned creature doing the triple-crit.

[Alabenson]

*If I have somehow finally convinced/browbeaten/blackmailed my DM into running a My Little Pony campaign, I am not to then decide to play a standard-issue murderous kleptomaniac hobo.

[Squark]

Another DM one:

*Skipping the tavern and plopping my players straight into the dungeon during my first game is not considered more creative than starting in the tavern**





** I should clarify here. There wasn't any reason for them to be in the dungeon. It just... existed. Look, I'd never run a game, I'd never played a game, my players had never played a game... What do you expect to happen?

[Morithias]

The profession (maid) skill does not give me a synergy bonus to searching dirty rooms.
The profession (cooking) skill does not give me a synergy bonus on fortitude saves versus poison.

~Next week~

The profession (sailor) skills does not give me a synergy bonus to jump checks made in heels.

[Sith_Happens]

The profession (maid) skill does not give me a synergy bonus to searching dirty rooms.
The profession (cooking) skill does not give me a synergy bonus on fortitude saves versus poison.

~Next week~

The profession (sailor) skills does not give me a synergy bonus to jump checks made in heels.

* Profession (student) does not give me a syngery bonus to taking over the evil empire.
* Profession (large ham) no longer exists.
* My characters need to stop being Lelouch clones.
** Especially if I can pull it off. Now if only a campaign would not implode for unrelated reasons before I can actually get to that part...

[Necroticplague]

* Profession (student) does not give me a syngery bonus to taking over the evil empire.
* Profession (large ham) no longer exists.
* My characters need to stop being Lelouch clones.
** Especially if I can pull it off. Now if only a campaign would not implode for unrelated reasons before I can actually get to that part...

Profession (Lumberjack) does not have a synergy bonus with Disguise when cross-dressing.

[Socratov]

Profession (Lumberjack) does not have a synergy bonus with Disguise when cross-dressing.

**nor does it make you 'okay', work all day or buy scones...

[Ksheep]

Profession (Lumberjack) does not have a synergy bonus with Disguise when cross-dressing.

***Nor does it give you a synergy bonus to Perform(sing)
****A penalty to sing, however, is just fine

[Alabenson]

***Nor does it give you a synergy bonus to Perform(sing)
****A penalty to sing, however, is just fine

*If my character was inspired by a Monty Python skit, I may safely assume he is vetoed.
**This also goes for Saturday Night Live, the Muppets, and the Ed Sullivan Show.

[Sgt. Cookie]

*Just because a pint of blood has no listed value does not mean I can use Eschew Materials to create a weredragon.
**A were-werewolf is also out of the question.

[Socratov]

*I may not let this thread slide to other pages then the first...

[Elemental]

*There is no conceivable circumstance where fireballing the enemy is a valid strategy when you are both in a building containing thousands of precariously stacked vials of highly volatile liquids.
**No. No amount of resistance to fire will protect you. When you re-roll your character, put some ranks in Knowledge (Architecture and Engineering).

[BlackestOfMages]

*** Unless your intangiable/ethereal/have a contingiencied teleport set up/make the explosion big enough to vaporise said falling roof/have a burrow speed and thus be able to hide underground/Quickened teleport/have a freind with very high strength and size to hold up the roof/Only blowing up some of the supporting walls so the building collapses towards one direction thus leaving me unharmed/Wall of force under the roof so nothing actually falls on me/that spell that makes you immune to all damage for a time/Place a portable hole above your head as an umbrella/go inside the hole THEN teleport away/numerous other ways to survive such an eaisly survivable encounter :smalltongue:

* May not point out to the DM all the ways that their "your character died" scenario wouldn't work actually kill the character in question

*Especially not when I'm the DM. it makes me feel bad

[big teej]

* I should feel extreme reservations if my AC can be boosted to nearly 40 at level 7, and my party members are hovering around 18 and 20.

* I should give it considerable thought before smashing an "evil being" that was recovered from an artic region. after detecting him as evil.

* I should give more thought to dissolving the resultant corpse with acid.

* while a logical process, I most likely shouldn't then dilute and evaporate said acid, thus completely obliterating about 90% of the DM's planned adventure.


...not that I managed all of those in one character or anything. :smallredface:
it's a great story I think... even if I did wreck the game.

[Ksheep]

**** After a player points out all the ways to avoid the falling ceiling, may not then point out that none of those take into account all the shrapnel from the exploding containers of explosives.

[BlackestOfMages]

**** After a player points out all the ways to avoid the falling ceiling, may not then point out that none of those take into account all the shrapnel from the exploding containers of explosives.

save the intangibility, which remains option 1...

[AtlanteanTroll]

* I am no longer aloud to justify my LG Cleric's slaughtering of unarmed children as a "learning experience" or as an "example of what not to do" to the rest of the party.

[Tamer Leon]

*I am no longer allowed to play a fighter who is clearly just an expy of GILGAMESH.
**I will not insist that Gilgamesh be spelled with all capital letters.

[Rankar]

*I may no longer try and make candied beets into a form of currency.
*I may no longer bully the DMPC child wizard into casting spells on me then getting upset that he dominates my character.
*I may no longer make a Portal Gun as an Artificer.

[Elemental]

*** Unless your intangiable/ethereal/have a contingiencied teleport set up/make the explosion big enough to vaporise said falling roof/have a burrow speed and thus be able to hide underground/Quickened teleport/have a freind with very high strength and size to hold up the roof/Only blowing up some of the supporting walls so the building collapses towards one direction thus leaving me unharmed/Wall of force under the roof so nothing actually falls on me/that spell that makes you immune to all damage for a time/Place a portable hole above your head as an umbrella/go inside the hole THEN teleport away/numerous other ways to survive such an eaisly survivable encounter :smalltongue:

* May not point out to the DM all the ways that their "your character died" scenario wouldn't work actually kill the character in question

*Especially not when I'm the DM. it makes me feel bad


Eh. Those all work, but the person in question was only level six and it was a setting where magic items were really uncommon.
I managed to talk them out of it.



*Just because the common cat can theoretically defeat a level one commoner, does not mean your familiar can take levels as a cleric of Bastet after gaining sufficient experience.

[Esprit15]

Never humiliate the Psychic in front of the entire party.

Especially again at higher levels when I can shrug off most of the damage she does and she's still stuck sacrificing health just to attack.

[Morithias]

Never humiliate the Psychic in front of the entire party.

I will however feel free to humiliate HIM, if I am the girl. In order to invoke "Slap Slap Kiss".

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SlapSlapKiss

I am not allowed to create a build that involves me effectively playing 3 PC's.

[Rockphed]

*I am no longer allowed to play a fighter who is clearly just an expy of GILGAMESH.
**I will not insist that Gilgamesh be spelled with all capital letters.

* My character may not announce himself with a special font.
** No matter what, I may not design a character specifically so that falling out of blimps is only a mild set-back.
*** Being insane and disbelieving gravity is not a worth considering.

* Subsisting on a diet of bugs does not grant me super-strength.
** Nor does dying my skin green.
*** Swearing fealty to omnicidal maniacs does not increase my chances of surviving human trials of a super serum.
** I am not allowed to challenge people to duels for their hats.

[Ksheep]

* I may not play a black-robed character who wields a scythe AND WHO SPEAKS IN A DIFFERENT, ALL CAPS, BOLDED FONT

[Socratov]

* I may not play a black-robed character who wields a scythe AND WHO SPEAKS IN A DIFFERENT, ALL CAPS, BOLDED FONT
**No, i may not play his daugter either

[Elemental]

**No, i may not play his daugter either

*** Any character related to an anthropomorphic representation of a fundamental constant of the universe, by blood or by law, is banned.

[Rockphed]

*** Any character related to an anthropomorphic representation of a fundamental constant of the universe, by blood or by law, is banned.

* Characters who chain primeval forces as sources of sight in darkness are not allowed.
** As are atheist constructs.
*** Being lightning proof is no excuse to mouth off at the gods.

[Necroticplague]

*** Being lightning proof is no excuse to mouth off at the gods.
****Nor is being disintegrate-proof.
I love SLASH'EM.

[Alabenson]

****Nor is being disintegrate-proof.
I love SLASH'EM.

****There is no such thing as being meteorite proof.

[Esprit15]

Losing a Pokémon battle is not reason to kill the two kids I and my friend lost to and burn their bodies.

- Not even if they were really annoying.

- Only the DM may abuse the Pass keyword while having a high Burrow speed.

[Chookster]

*No longer allowed to play as a minotaur hell bent on freeing the cattle from their human oppressors.

** seriously do you know how many cattle there are in this setting?

*The entire party being trapped in an ooze does not make it technically jelly wrestling

**we cant eat out way out

*** we cannot use the jelly as a vehicle to chase the one party member who got out.

****We actually cant because the dm starts laughing too hard to actually DM.

[Beowulf DW]

*After being reduced to a pulpy mass, the PCs may not scoop the remains of another PC into a chamber pot in the hopes of eventually getting a True Resurrection spell sometime in the distant future.

[Qwertystop]

*After being reduced to a pulpy mass, the PCs may not scoop the remains of another PC into a chamber pot in the hopes of eventually getting a True Resurrection spell sometime in the distant future.

Actually, if they get True Resurrection, they don't need the body.

[Morithias]

* Even if our alignment doesn't have to match our deity's. I'm not allowed to play a lawful good follower of Thed. (Goddess of Rape).

[Flame of Anor]

But of course, you don't even need a prestige class if you're an elven generalist domain wizard with a certain pair of feats, casting 9th level spells from level 1...

*May not say things like this without telling us what the feats in question are called.

[Necroticplague]

*May not say things like this without telling us what the feats in question are called.

Versatile Magic and Additional Spell Slot.


*I may not use one feat to qualify for Rainbow Servant at first level, thus going into it at second, hitting its awesome capstone at 11.
Eldritch Corruption

[Beowulf DW]

Actually, if they get True Resurrection, they don't need the body.

Wrong spell, then. I've never played a cleric, you see.

[ryu]

Yeah you were just thinking normal res. True res is higher level and I think costs more in components. It will bring you back from pretty much anything but being unnamed.

[Morithias]

Yeah you were just thinking normal res. True res is higher level and I think costs more in components. It will bring you back from pretty much anything but being unnamed.

Necrotic termination, and being in a Pact Certain will also prevent resurrection.

[Flame of Anor]

Versatile Magic and Additional Spell Slot.


Where does one find those?


pretty much anything but being unnamed.

Wow, Daigo was totally right about how important it is to be named. :smallbiggrin:

[AgentofHellfire]

--I may not do experiments on party members
--I especially may not reverse-engineer my warforged party members so I can build more of them.
--I may not sell them as weapons to governments, either.
--I may not do the above with golems, either.
--I can not get around that rule by selling only the golems "services", not the actual golem.
--I can not make these golems just kill and replace the entire party.
--I can not cut deals with monsters in dungeons to help them rebuild the ancient magics rather than destroying them with the rest of the party.

[Jay R]

I may no longer use the baron's pets as siege engine ammunition. ("They called it a catapult; what did they think I was going to pult with it?")

[Alabenson]

***When playing Promethean the Created, the GM would prefer my character to be more Frankenstien's creature and less Herman Munster.

[Necroticplague]

Where does one find those?
p

Sorry, messed itVersatile Spellcaster (http://dndtools.eu/feats/races-of-the-dragorn--83/versatile-spellcaster--3057/) and alacritous-cogitation (http://dndtools.eu/feats/complete-mage--58/alacritous-cogitation--55/) to qualify for it, elven wizard generalist combined with domain wizard. My mind kind of derped when I answered earlier.

[Metahuman1]

***When playing Promethean the Created, the GM would prefer my character to be more Frankenstien's creature and less Herman Munster.

I don't care what the setting is, I may not make a child character named Eddie and deliberately get him bitten by a werewolf just so I can deliberately fail the save.

[Velaryon]

*If my character was inspired by a Monty Python skit, I may safely assume he is vetoed.
**This also goes for Saturday Night Live, the Muppets, and the Ed Sullivan Show.

***Characters inspired by Blackadder or Red Dwarf are also not allowed.

[Esprit15]

We are banned from using Heartbreaker ever again.

Especially with high CON. At least put some effort into a bad joke.

[Randomguy]

We are banned from using Heartbreaker ever again.


Pardon my ignorance, but what exactly is heartbreaker?

[Esprit15]

Pardon my ignorance, but what exactly is heartbreaker?

Homebrew for PTTA.

[Sith_Happens]

Homebrew for PTTA.

Is it like Dream Eater for attraction or something?

[Esprit15]

Is it like Dream Eater for attraction or something?

Coordinater advanced class focused on seduction. Fairly balanced except for being able to make disguises that there is no check for disbelieving. IrnBruAdict is going to play one in a game that we're setting up after a very quick TPK earlier in the game's continuity. I don't know if I'll get yelled at for linking it in my post.

[Socratov]

*I may not be a bard using perform(drums) and perform Phil Collin's IN the air tonight
** No, not with maracas either
***doubly so if they are hollow adamantine maces with dried beans inside
****You know, what? No more percussion or rythmic instruments for your bards, learn to sing
*I am not to roleplay the perform skill ever again.

[garion1500]

* I may no longer create a dungeon that is full of yogurt.

* I may no longer create a dungeon with a lumpy floor for the express purpose of ordering my minions to jump up and down in order to flatten it.

* I may no longer create a dungeon that exists on an incline so that my creatures cannot play marbles.

(props to those who get the above references)

* I will not trick one of the party members into eating a gelatinous cube by filling it with red dye and claiming it is a massive jello mould I made.

* If I know one of the players does not know what a gazebo is, I will not allow them to remain ignorant if they try to attack one, no matter how funny.

* I am no longer allowed to use logic or other forms of persuasion to trick various magical guardians out of their soul gems or cause them to commit suicide, thus preventing the party from gaining combat XP. (Actually happened once!)

* I am no longer allowed to trick the party into thinking I am their new best friend while being, in actuality, the BBEG they will eventually be set against.

** If I am somehow allowed to be the BBEG, I will not trick the party into locating and retrieving the artifacts of power I need to become a greater deity.

*** I am also not allowed to be the Dragon of the BBEG to fulfill the same objectives listed above.

* I am also not allowed to use cunning or charisma to overthrow any of the current governmental structures in place, even if they are evil or tyrannic, in order to set up my own empire.

* I am no longer allowed to play any character with an Intelligence or Charisma score higher than 11.

[Morithias]

* I may no longer create a dungeon that is full of yogurt.

* I may no longer create a dungeon with a lumpy floor for the express purpose of ordering my minions to jump up and down in order to flatten it.

* I may no longer create a dungeon that exists on an incline so that my creatures cannot play marbles.

(props to those who get the above references)


* Your nocturnal perseverance has earned you a hidden gaming tip...GO TO BED

* I am not allowed to make a dungeon full of mistress's so "there a word for people like me"

Dungeon Keeper 2

[garion1500]

*raises a glass in toast* DK2 indeed!

* The Terasque (sp?) is not allowed to become my personal familiar no matter how charismatic I might be or how enticing I make such an offer.

[Winds]

You mean the Tarrasque?


*The deck of Many Things is dangerous, and should likely be left alone.
*Particularly when opposing Asmodeous directly.
*Moreso when you're a warlock who (somehow) made a pact with him and are still trying to fight him...

[AsDeR]

*I will never again baleful polymorph a good-aligned Order Commander into a pig, order the kitchen to cook it, then arrest the cooker for murder, in order to gain enough reputation to join said Order.
:smallfrown:

[Chookster]

Lawful evil much?

*Flaming weapons are a privilege not a right.