Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero [Archive] - Page 3

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Alabenson

2012-04-19, 02:30 PM

Lawful evil much?

*Flaming weapons are a privilege not a right.

**Flaming anything are a privilege, not a right.
***As a result of the incident with the village, I have lost my flaming privileges.

Sith_Happens

2012-04-19, 05:36 PM

**Flaming anything are a privilege, not a right.
***As a result of the incident with the village, I have lost my flaming privileges.

**** Not to make jokes about "flaming privileges" in any slang sense of the word.

TechnoScrabble

2012-04-20, 11:23 AM

* If I survive holding off enemies so my friends can escape, then it's not heroic sacrifice, it's stealing the EXP.

*I cannot Iron Heart Surge the Chunky Salsa Rule.

*No more playing Elemental Kiths so that I can shape iron without using technology or manmade fire.

**If I still somehow manage to do that, no using my powers to give the entire party cold iron buckshot to use against the fae.

*The next character I make who legitimately earns a nickname with the word 'Dakka' in it will have many more enemies sent after him.

**No, that is not an opportunity to flechette a dragon's face off on live television.

***Or a greater daemon's.

****Okay, no more flechette guns.

*****Or shotguns.

*No more dungeon wildlife sanctuaries. The DM is pretty sure owlbear's aren't endangered. Gelatinous cubes, either.

*Inventing rock music and high explosive grenade launchers is not allowed.

*No more taming gazebos.

*'Brushfire Johnson' is no longer an acceptable concept. Cowboys and flamethrowers don't mix all that well.

Alabenson

2012-04-20, 01:17 PM

**If my character can use a vehicle as a throwing weapon, then its time to ease up a bit.
***This goes double if the vehicle in question is a tank.

Lady Kat

2012-04-20, 02:59 PM

*I am not allowed to kill the other PC's even if they deserve it.
* I am not allowed to side with the villain just because the PC's are going to lose.
* I am not allowed to summon 4 huge sized air elementals in one room even though the book says I can.
* I am not allowed to salt the half-ling and leave him as bait
(and finally) * I am not allowed under any circumstances to baleful polymorph the other PC's, especially not into a fish, and even though they asked for it.

kickassfrog

2012-04-20, 05:12 PM

Largely from GURPS

*Any plan reliant upon spontaneous combustion is immediately vetoed.

*Not allowed to beg demons to eat the rest of the party and spare me

*Not allowed to beg dragons to eat the rest of the party and spare me

*Not allowed to beg goblins to eat the rest of the party and spare me

*Not allowed to beg any NPC to eat the rest of the party and spare me

*No longer allowed to speak to NPCs

*Nuking a site repeatedly from orbit and claiming the crater is not the same as securing it

*Not allowed to rent out the dungeons we clear for additional income

*Throwing a banana at the bandit warlord is funny the first time. And only the first time

*The wizard is not an acceptable shield

*Using leadership to lead a huge horde of weak NPCs is fine. Using them to soak up all the enemies ammo is not.

Spacewolf

2012-04-20, 05:28 PM

* I am not allowed to salt the half-ling and leave him as bait.

id like to hear what resulted in that exact wording being used

The Bandicoot

2012-04-20, 07:55 PM

*not allowed to play a recording of an acoustic rendition of the battle music from the original Pokemon Red Version and say its my bard's inspire courage.

Morithias

2012-04-20, 10:27 PM

* When told to make a character based off of my favorite videogame character, I am not allowed to base the character off my Princess Maker 2 daughter who got the "Prostitute" ending.

* If I am a succubus, I am not allowed to whore myself out then loot the corpses.

* If I am a succubus, I am not allowed to use my suggestion power to make people ravish me, then sue for "damages".

* If I am succubus, I am above level 12, and therefore have better ways to make money then working on the street corners.

* I am not allowed to open a brothel in response to that last comment.

* No more playing succubi, the DM needs to recover

~Next week~

* If I was banned from playing succubi, I am also banned from playing Pleasure Devils.

(Yes I play a LOT of seductive characters, and Yes every one of these has popped up at least once)

Lady Kat

2012-04-21, 10:13 AM

id like to hear what resulted in that exact wording being used

The particular wording here or the connotations behind it?

Spacewolf

2012-04-21, 10:33 AM

The particular wording here or the connotations behind it?

just the situation that resulted in that rule

Ksheep

2012-04-21, 10:37 AM

* May not use Darwin Award winners as character concepts.

Tamer Leon

2012-04-22, 07:05 PM

*I am no longer allowed to have astronomical spot checks, so that I may see the enemies coming from over a mile away.
**Upon seeing the enemies coming from over a mile away, I am not thereafter allowed to start firing on them and consistently dropping them in one hit.
***I am to wait until they are at least within one range increment before attacking them.
****If the DM places this restriction on me, I am to remind him that my range increments are eight hundred feet long.
*****No longer allowed to kill everything in the enemy party before the chargadin can ride out to meet them.
******Must wait until the baddies are within thirty feet before I engage them.
*I am no longer allowed access to firearms.
**I may no longer play a Sniper character.
***Forget it, I'm banned from using ranged weapons.

Lady Kat

2012-04-22, 07:16 PM

just the situation that resulted in that rule
We had an artifact that we'd stolen from a dragon and had been running for a while, eventually we got far enough ahead of it to strategize a little at which point we decided to set a trap to give us a little better chance of beating the dragon. I was playing a NE Drow Cleric, (yes I know it's rather generic) and she already didnt like the halfling. So i suggested that everyone but myself and the halfling go on ahead and we'd catch up when the trap was set. I really was just going to take the halfling along, but then he said something rude and deragatory about women. So I gave him a chance to apologize warned him that he wouldn't like the consequences. Instead of apologizing he mocked me so I knocked him out tied him up, seasoned him and left him hanging on a tree as dragon bait. However when I went back to the party alone they wanted to know what had happened to the halfling, I failed my bluff, and ended up telling them what had happened, which meant they just had to go back and rescue him but the dragon was getting back there at about the same tie we got there battled insued and almost got everybody killed. so because I single handedly almost caused TPK I am not allowed to do that or anything like it really ever again. (Which is perfectly fine by me any way. I don't like being the evil character, but when I do I play it right)

Man on Fire

2012-04-22, 07:16 PM

* Saying that my ranger as a kid had seen an ogre eating goblin child is enough of explanation why ogres are his favored enemy. Describing it in great detail is forbidden.

Randomguy

2012-04-22, 10:41 PM

* Saying that my ranger as a kid had seen an ogre eating goblin child is enough of explanation why ogres are his favored enemy. Describing it in great detail is forbidden.

An ogre eating a goblin or an ogre-eating goblin?

*I am limited to making 10 puns a session.
**This limit is reduced to 5 in any session including pirates.

Lonely Tylenol

2012-04-23, 06:30 AM

*I am neither obligated nor encouraged to roleplay using the Faerie Mysteries Initiate feat.

Gravitron5000

2012-04-23, 01:58 PM

*I am limited to making 10 puns a session.
**This limit is reduced to 5 in any session including pirates.

This makes me want to run a game in a bakery beset by vermin. What? I told you we were playing a game about pie-rats.

Randomguy

2012-04-23, 05:16 PM

This makes me want to run a game in a bakery beset by vermin. What? I told you we were playing a game about pie-rats.
It would be better than running a game in which the BBEG is a neck-romancer.

*If I must remove the party from reality, I'm not aloud to do it before level 7.
**I need to have an in character reason to do so.
***Boredom doesn't count.

*No removing the BBEG from reality.

Alabenson

2012-04-23, 08:12 PM

*Under no circumstances will my character be permitted to buy a satellite-based weapon.
**Nor will my character be permitted to make one.
***Even if the rules say he could.
****This all goes double for the Orbital Friendship Cannon.

Morithias

2012-04-23, 08:43 PM

Ksheep

2012-04-23, 09:11 PM

* If the creature has to roll a 1 to miss the Tank, it may be too high of a CR
** Especially if it's power attacking for full
*** With 6 attacks and a rend
**** If said creature can one-shot the tank with one full attack, something is horribly wrong and it needs to be nerfed.

Sith_Happens

2012-04-24, 06:01 AM

* I am not to stop the game for 30 minutes in order to debate with the DM how big my changeling can make his "hyper weapon" in order to taunt the ogre king.

* I am not to take the form of a "female" then rake in bar bets claiming I have a bigger "hyper weapon" then the commoner males.

* Doing so will get me killed.

** If I ever again use the phrase "hyper weapon" as a euphemism, then all my future characters will be killed by actual hyper-weapons.

:tongue:

Elemental

2012-04-24, 06:19 AM

** If I ever again use the phrase "hyper weapon" as a euphemism, then all my future characters will be killed by actual hyper-weapons.

:tongue:

*** All euphemisms must be cleared prior to use. Failure to do so will result in an unavoidable death through unpleasantly creative means.

Gravitron5000

2012-04-24, 08:37 AM

It would be better than running a game in which the BBEG is a neck-romancer.

This has given me a case of the giggles. Kudos!

*If I must remove the party from reality, I'm not aloud to do it before level 7.

** I am not even allowed to remove them from reality silently. Sorry, but I couldn't for some reason overlook that.

Reltzik

2012-04-24, 08:38 AM

* My barbarian is properly addressed as Guurnderk, or possibly "moron". He is not "King Guurnderk", despite his claims to the contrary, and despite any backstory incident of being made king of a tribe of pixies for lolz. He is no longer allowed to introduce himself as a king, or to attempt to use such putative royal status as a key element of any plan, haggling, or negotiations with NPCs.
** During periods of time in which the party is engaged in research, item construction, or planning in a polity of any size, Not-King Guurnderk is not allowed to help.
*** Not-King Guurnderk is also not allowed to wander the town to alleviate boredom. This includes:
**** May not talk to the natives
**** May not look for local children. (He just wanted to find someone who would actually LISTEN to him about being a king!)
**** May not skinny-dip in the canals. (He didn't! He kept his kilt on!)
**** Never allowed to go anywhere unsupervised.
**** Under no circumstances, voluntary or involuntary, is Not-King Guurnderk to have any contact with the constabulary.
***** ... actually, to be safe, for all extended lengths of research, item construction, or planning, Not-King Guurnderk will be induced into a magical sleep, restrained with a straightjacket, sealed in a barrel, and locked in a broom closet with a pony keg rigged up like a hamster's water bottle.
****** .... or whatever approach the party finds that actually CONTAINS him, since that one failed so ignobly.

(Nevermind that the only trouble King Guurnderk's ever gotten into was "natives keep a suspicious eye on the funny looking outsider" or "the entire party gets arrested for A DIFFERENT PC's commission of Grand Theft Spelljammer.")

Doorhandle

2012-04-25, 06:02 AM

@Reltzik: Hail to the king baby!
Reposting from this thread's buddy in silly message board games.

Originally Posted by GuesssWho
2775: Our campaign is not set in New Crobuzon.
2776: Even if it was, I would not be allowed to play a Weaver.
*Uther Doul is not a good rolemodel.
*May not create the possible sword.
*There are no Avanics, and I cannot cause the ritual to summon one.
* There is not enough L.A in the world to let me play a Grindlylow.
* Cacticae and Scabmettlers are right out.

Quote:
I can't level up by killing lots and lots of flies.

*Depends on the flies in question...
* Can’t send the same enemy with different templates to attack the P.Cs over and over again just to take the effort out of making stat-blocks.

*Cannot use an amulet of mighty fists to give my punches the vorpal enchantment.
*Even if I can to slashing damage with them!
* Cannot enchant a spiked glove with the throwing enchantment.
* Even if I do it still isn’t a ROKETTO PUNCH.
* Cannot enchant this glove with Ki-focus and seeking so I can delver a stunning fist from across the continent.
*Not matter my skill ranks, I cannot steal the eyes out of the watches’ heads without them knowing.
*Likewise with their hearts.
*Likewise with the barmaid’s virginity.
*if you steal a national landmark pre-epic, people WILL notice, thank you very much.
* Even if dragons do have a breath-weapon gland, making a called shot to it will not make them explode like a pinto.

The Glyphstone

2012-04-25, 10:29 AM

Ksheep

2012-04-25, 11:59 AM

AKA the Don't Use Dragons rule.

More like "don't use mutant four-armed gargoyles", but close enough.

Ferreon

2012-04-26, 03:49 PM

Well hello ToH, I didn't expect to see you here.

While that reminds me

*The DM must remember to do more than skim a character sheet to check for balance issues.
**The DM must remember that CR's are at best a guideline.
***The dm must also remember that an Iron Kingdoms Quickplate when applied to a character with full access to all d&d books may have 'interesting' interactions.

I was the DM in question. DAMN YOU immortal paladin robot cat!

TechnoScrabble

2012-04-27, 04:28 PM

*Nobody with Friction-less Boots and a Ring of Jumping has Gotta go fast.
**Not even if he has a Flaming Burst crossbow.

*If my PC replaces the BBEG, he's not allowed to have a motive so sympathetic that the other characters join him, derailing the campaign even further.

elonin

2012-04-27, 05:03 PM

I'm not allowed to kill the quest giver before giving them a chance to talk just because I know that they'll turn on us.

Urpriest

2012-04-27, 06:11 PM

*if you steal a national landmark pre-epic, people WILL notice, thank you very much.

Don't supposed you've seen the Carmen San Diego entry in Iron Chef: Shadowdancer? :smallbiggrin:

Doorhandle

2012-04-27, 06:44 PM

Don't supposed you've seen the Carmen San Diego entry in Iron Chef: Shadowdancer? :smallbiggrin:

No. :smallamused:

And as far as I know, they did notice in the games and knew who did it, it's just they just didn't know where she took them to.

Man on Fire

2012-04-27, 07:31 PM

* There are more ways to Intimidate somebody than just telling him I will take something, shine it really nice, turn it sideways and stick upon his candy a*s.
* My bard cannot spontaneously starts singing "The Game" whenever Barbarian walks into the room.
** Or "King of Kings"
*** Same goes for Dragon Disciple and "Slow Chemical"
**** And Dread Necromancer and Graveyard Symphony
***** And even if that could be climatic, "Rolling" is just silly.
****** All of it goes double if they're sneaking into that room.
* Cannot break through the wall just to give somebody a wiener.
* Character who is Staight Edge is okay. Character who thinks it makes him better than everybody else is acceptable. Character who won't shut the f*** up about it is vetoed.
* When we come to save sacrifical virgin from evil cultists, I cannot kill her for them and attack other players because I decided to turn Heel.
** After killing all my friends I cannot then stab cult's leader in the back and murder remaining cultists because I realized being a Face is better for my carrer.
* Cannot ask question just to yell the answer doesn't matter.
* Cannot base character on Santino Marella.
* There must be 48 hours time gap between the game and the last time I watched wrestling.

Esprit15

2012-04-27, 07:38 PM

My character may not pretend to be all innocent when she has killed more things than the three guys combined.

Antonok

2012-04-27, 08:04 PM

* I can not upstage the party bard with the use Time Stop, Delayed Blast Fireball, and Ghost Sound / Prestidigitation to play Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture...

Socratov

2012-04-28, 08:19 AM

* I can not upstage the party bard with the use Time Stop, Delayed Blast Fireball, and Ghost Sound / Prestidigitation to play Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture...

*start a slow clap*

well done, i tip my hat to you
*takes off hat and bows* :smallamused:

Sith_Happens

2012-04-29, 11:34 AM

Adapted from this (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=240603&page=2) thread page, stemming from this (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=13145739&postcount=27) post on the previous page:

* I may not devise and execute a devious plot with the intent of setting up a foursome between myself, the changeling my character has a crush on, and her two adult changeling children.
** Not even if the idea is for all three of them to be the same person during the deed.
*** Especially not if that's the idea.
*** The two children already sharing the identity in question with their mother on occasion and thereby making my love life difficult is not an excuse for this.
** Executing the "wacky romantic comedy" version of the plan, in which failed Sense Motive checks are used in place of successful Bluff checks such that the whole thing is (in-character) an accident, does not make it any better.

Man on Fire

2012-04-29, 02:13 PM

* Cannot enchant a spiked glove with the throwing enchantment.
* Even if I do it still isn’t a ROKETTO PUNCH.
** Neither is cutting my own hand and throwing it at the opponent, even if my name is Zeus

Beowulf DW

2012-04-29, 06:17 PM

*May never abuse Intimidate checks and rage such that by the time the paladin shows up to stop the interrogation, the prisoners have been reduced to weeping and I'm yelling incoherently.

Chookster

2012-04-30, 05:51 AM

*Playing a lawful evil monk with the sole goal of becoming powerful enough to beat the lawful good god to death with his bare hands is acceptable, actually reaching this goal however is not.

*In fact deicide in all its forms will no longer be entertained as a possibility.

*Goblinflesh is not a delicacy

**unless you're a half-ogre

*Being a half ogre does not give me the right to eat every humanoid the party defeats.

**Seriously thats gross.

Reltzik

2012-05-01, 10:21 PM

* May no longer own, buy, borrow, lease, transport, steal, create, receive as present, requisition as equipment, or otherwise have in my possession a Hat of Disguise.
** Multiple hats, plural, are not exceptions to this rule.

Tamer Leon

2012-05-04, 07:42 PM

Doorhandle

2012-05-04, 08:58 PM

Sith_Happens

2012-05-05, 12:35 AM

*When I go first in initiative, it is considered in poor taste to immediately Time Stands Still-Cascade of Blades-Diamond Nightmare Blade the final boss of the campaign.
**Especially if the boss is flat-footed and I deal well in excess of 4000 hit points of damage to it before anyone else in the party has a turn.
***Also considered in very poor taste to call the combo 'Omnislash'.

...How did you make two full-round actions and a standard action in the same turn?:smallconfused: I suppose a gestalt Warblade//Factotum with a Belt of Battle could do it, but if the first part of that is the case then your DM had it coming.:smalltongue:

Reltzik

2012-05-05, 11:21 AM

In pathfinder, there's an AoE spell that opens a pit beneath the enemies, causing 10d6 falling damage plus 2d6 acid, and an additional 2d6 acid for every round the targets remain within the pit. Reflex to jump to the edge of the pit and avoid the fall, chance to fall in if you end your turn on the edge.

* No longer allowed to open combat by invisibility-acid-pitting the entire enemy force.

BBEG climbs out of the acidy pit. Another spell allows the same caster to effectively bull-rush (with good bonus) the target two squares.

* No longer allowed to combo these two spells more than twice per encounter.

BBEG levitates out of the pit and is floating above it, so he cannot be bull-rushed back into the DISPEL MAGIC OMG THE HUMANITY!

* No longer allowed to have a final boss fight that consists almost entirely of the party knocking the BBEG back into the acidy pit of death for 12d6 damage every time he escapes.

Doorhandle

2012-05-05, 05:57 PM

Sgt. Cookie

2012-05-06, 09:34 AM

*Despite a crossbow bolt costing less than one gold piece, I cannot use eschew materials in conjunction with Launch Bolt

CTrees

2012-05-06, 10:17 AM

-may not use perform (comedy) in place of a heal check, even if my character is a gnomish Patch Adams.
-some uses of perform (comedy) will cause taint.
-perform (comedy) is now banned.

Chookster

2012-05-06, 08:44 PM

*Even if a monk, not allowed to just jump out of an immboilastion effect.
* Not to just randomly steal things and get into trouble because we can.
* The horrid image of the elemental eye is not, in fact, goaste.
*The ooze is not made of jello and is not tasty.
* Not to poke the huge balck obelisk and expect anything good to come of it.
* My barbarian cannot poke the obelisk again immediately after the encounter is over in an attempt to get more daemons to fight.
*throwing antiseptic at the sludge deacon will not do anything.
*I am to avoid Mario-stomping on everything I find.
*even if it’s funny.
* Not to Interupect in the epic speech between our dwarf fighter and the BBEG with “Oh now he didn’t!” and “ Oh snap!”
*I the G.M runs out of lines for the BBEG, you cannot respond in-character with “You’re incoherent!”
*If this fighter is doing more damage than I am AND STILL talking enough hits to drop an elephant, I need to work on my optimisation.

The temple of the elder elemental eye? I'm running that, wait till you get to the tripppy dream sequence inside the obelisk.

*No my crossbow string doesn't count as a stringed instrument
*Similarly my music cannot be "The screams of my enemies"
*Just because my bard has perform: percussion does not mean i can get out of buying an instrument by drumming my feet
*Just because i use tumble a lot that doesn't make it interpretive dance.

Craft (Cheese)

2012-05-06, 09:51 PM

* No, you may not roleplay an air elemental trapped inside an Orien lightning train.
** Really, the name "Thomas" should have been a warning sign.

* I don't care what your character sheet says, you can not get into space just by jumping as hard as you can.
** Flapping your arms really hard is right out.

Sith_Happens

2012-05-07, 12:30 AM

* If a deity's role in the plot of a pre-fab module contains an egregious case of Fridge Logic (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FridgeLogic) implying that s/he is either an idiot or not nearly as Good as the sourcebook says s/he is, I am not to call said deity out on this in-character.
** If the deity in question inflicts some horrible punishment upon me for my remarks, I may not point out that doing so proves my point.

Lonely Tylenol

2012-05-07, 12:31 AM

There is no clause in any rulebook that states that an eternal wand of knock whirs when used...
...But there is also no clause in any rulebook that states it doesn't.
:smallamused:

Snowbluff

2012-05-07, 12:41 AM

*'Avasculate' is not 'hello' in Draconic.

Sith_Happens

2012-05-07, 12:57 AM

There is no clause in any rulebook that states that an eternal wand of knock whirs when used...
...But there is also no clause in any rulebook that states it doesn't.
:smallamused:

** Unless of course I'm playing a Factotum with Leadership, in which case it most definitely does whir.

Morithias

2012-05-07, 01:04 AM

* not allowed to sell the all-important NPC into slavery
** it WILL bite me in the ass.

(not kidding one of my players just joked about selling the fricken god of fiends into slavery....something tells me he doesn't know the whole story yet)

Doorhandle

2012-05-07, 05:40 AM

The temple of the elder elemental eye? I'm running that, wait till you get to the tripppy dream sequence inside the obelisk.

*No my crossbow string doesn't count as a stringed instrument
*Similarly my music cannot be "The screams of my enemies"
*Just because my bard has perform: percussion does not mean i can get out of buying an instrument by drumming my feet
*Just because i use tumble a lot that doesn't make it interpretive dance.

I wish. I was away for that session. :smallmad:

P.M me spoilers? :smallbiggrin:

TechnoScrabble

2012-05-07, 07:00 AM

*No more boots of skating combined with that endless water thingamajig.

*No more wearing live animals as hats.

*Not, my cat familiar is not an intelligent magic item, even if it is smarter than my dwarven necromancer.

*This isn't Dwarf Fortress, undead are easy to kill.

*Except liches.

*Dispel magic does not kill liches.

*The first epic level spell I make cannot be called Endless Siege Engines.
**Or Let It Burn!
***OR Look What I Did!
****OR What Does This Scroll Do?

Elemental

2012-05-07, 07:39 AM

*If your scheme involves undead kittens in anyway... I just won't put down what I'm going to do to your internal organs in case this ends up in the hands of small children.

Tamer Leon

2012-05-07, 08:17 AM

...How did you make two full-round actions and a standard action in the same turn?:smallconfused: I suppose a gestalt Warblade//Factotum with a Belt of Battle could do it, but if the first part of that is the case then your DM had it coming.:smalltongue:

In hindsight, we recently discovered that it was due to a misreading of Time Stands Still. We thought it gave you two Full Round Actions, when in fact it just gives you two Full Attacks.

So, I'm not allowed to do it anyway. We're letting it slide because we both thought it worked that way. I'll just have to be more careful with how I read things in the future.

On topic:

*Not allowed to combine the Saint template with an Archer cleric ever again.

Rockphed

2012-05-07, 01:54 PM

*throwing antiseptic at the sludge deacon will not do anything.

I assume this is a typo. I am much too amused to care.

**Not allowed to come up with the sludge ecclesiastical hierarchy.

Knight13

2012-05-07, 02:35 PM

Well, there is a god of oozes, so for all we know they might have an ecclesiarchy.

Man on Fire

2012-05-07, 06:56 PM

* Cannot keep track of everybody we abbandoned in the face of danger
** Cannot bring it up at every occasion

* Animal Rights Groups won't castrate us for all those death werewolves.

* Before throwing the treasure chest I cannot open on the ground, in attempt to break it, I must be sure the floor isn't rotten.
** Especially if I'm on the attic.

* Cannot derail the game to talk about where they serve the best scrambled eggs.

* Cannot proclaim other player's character to be team's redshirt.

* Cannot summon the cow to drop it at the lich.

* My character cannot be dressed like Cobra Commander for no reason.

From a story one GM had told me:
* Trying to scare somebody to get out of the safe car to where I am will get the opposite result.

* Cannot forget that, as a vampire, I have super strength and can just rip the doors open.

* It's impossible to run away from the police without exceeding the speed limit.

* Cannot slowly pass the police arresting other player, then realize I'm suppose to help him and attempt to jump at them from the bike when I'm already more than ten feet away from them.

* New Orlean has many places through which I can run away on feet. Allotments aren't one of them.

* "Retrive victim's body so nobody will find out he was killed by a vampire" doesn't mean "use it as a living shield to get so many rounds of ammuniton into it that nobody will be able to tell it was once human being".

Crazyfailure13

2012-05-08, 10:45 PM

*cannot have enough stat boosting gear and effects to be able to automatically tackle the tarrasque to the ground and pin it without rolling.

Chookster

2012-05-09, 07:23 AM

*Dunking people in necrotic ooze doesn't actually enhance them

**this goes double for dwarves and minotaurs who get ****ty about losing their fur and hair

Jayabalard

2012-05-11, 02:37 PM

Rogue Shadows

2012-05-11, 02:40 PM

*** we cannot use the jelly as a vehicle to chase the one party member who got out.

Look ye to the Arms and Equipment Guide (A 3.0 book) and behold its description of gelanitous cube cavalry.

Craft (Cheese)

2012-05-11, 03:51 PM

* Farbond Spellblades are not attached to your wrists by a retracting chain.
** Dual-wielding rangers must wear a shirt at all times.
*** Especially if your chosen epic destiny is "godslayer."

* No matter how many blades you attach to your bow, it still counts as an improvised weapon when you try to slice things with it.
** Setting it on fire won't work either.
*** Neither will taking 2 longswords and making them into a bow.

Reltzik

2012-05-12, 12:16 PM

* When designing my characters' personality, I am no longer allowed to replace all measure of common sense with an equal measure of uncommon sense. It makes everyone's head hurt for no net gain.

** For the same reason, this rule also applies to nonsense.

Elemental

2012-05-15, 07:08 AM

*There is no set of circumstances in which attempting to steal a deity's personal weapon in order to destroy their creations won't result in them ruthlessly hunting you down.

Sith_Happens

2012-05-15, 08:03 AM

*There is no set of circumstances in which attempting to steal a deity's personal weapon in order to destroy their creations won't result in them ruthlessly hunting you down.

** Except for sufficiently high social skill modifiers/pools, which I therefore may not have.

Elemental

2012-05-15, 08:40 AM

** Except for sufficiently high social skill modifiers/pools, which I therefore may not have.

***From now on... The number of points in each deity's sense motive is larger than the number of atoms in the entirety of creation.

Omeganaut

2012-05-15, 08:55 AM

*Gnomes may be strange, but they are not THAT strange
**It is not Gnomish tradition to carry around every head of every enemy you have ever slain. Especially those in your backstory
**It is also not Gnomish tradition to keep their spleens
**Gnomish Parents do not leave brawny children in an electrified cage to die alla Sparta
**Gnomes are not part orc
**Gnomes do not have big feet and the prowess associated with such
***My Gnome Characters are no longer allowed to have positive CHA modifiers
***Gnomes are no longer allowed to get a 20 on every social roll despite the above disclaimer
****I am no longer allowed to play gnomes
*****Substituting halflings and playing one like I play a gnome is also banned
******DM will not choose my race
*******DM will also create my backstory and the culture of my race
********Not allowed to suddenly decided my race's established culture is stupid and become a Goblinabal.
********Canabalism does not turn you into a projectile for siege weapons.

Doorhandle

2012-05-16, 01:28 AM

From the end of the elemental eye.

*Not to complain if a campaign is ENDED in a tavern.
* if the D.M is suing an Aboleth to represent an Ox, not to start a speal on the detrimental effects of thaumatic radiation
*When a cart accident happens outside, our first priority should be to heal the victims, not take their stuff.
*If a spider is larger than a Doberman and staring at me, not to refer to it as an Australian spider.
*Nor is it a Mongolian jumping spider when it leaps at a player.
*The ranger cannot stab someone and pull him into a bush, assassin’s-creed style.
* We are to avoid causing property damage by smashing out the window in order to leap into battle.
**The windows are made of lead-reinforced diamond-glass. This discussion is closed.
*** Cannot heckle by stating that lead is actually a weak metal.
*It is assumed that healing the tank is the first priority, not the last one.
**This applies to your own survival.
*If the wizard makes an illusionary pit, not to quote Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff
*Even with supreme flurry, there is a place where one monk’s fist ends and another begins, thank you.
*Reincarnating enemies do not need to be buried upside-down at a crossroads.
*Not to pout when I am healed last.
*The D.M is not to use an enemy that feigns death ever again.
**Especially if it happens so many times that it’s abundantly clear to everyone the barstard was faking even without metagaming.
*** D.M is not to complain when we abuse Area-of-effect attacks to finally KILL that mosntosity.
****Hidesously mauling the corpse of the drow with my monk’s bare hands is welcome, but not encouraged.

GreenZ

2012-05-16, 02:22 AM

Time Shenanigans abound.

* Using Temporal Stasis to create a 'Museum' of enemies encountered should not be the central goal of any character.

* Enemies affected by Temporal Stasis cannot be used as shields even if they are impervious to all damage, spells, and effects.
** This also extents to any kind of use as armor or weapons.
*** Nor can they be used as battering rams or siege ammunition.
**** Using them as a boat or other vehicle is apparently permitted though, as is using them as braces to support a falling building.

* Casting Irresistible Dance on an enemy before casting Temporal Stasis 'just because I can' is not encouraged.

* Any character that can force a target to make more than 2 saves versus Temporal Stasis on the same round is no longer allowed.

* Readying Time Stop for when the enemy army charges just to place Immovable Rods in front of their charging horses is considered bad form.

Vixsor Lumin

2012-05-16, 02:15 PM

Sith_Happens

2012-05-16, 04:52 PM

* Readying Time Stop for when the enemy army charges just to place Immovable Rods in front of their crotches is considered bad form.

Fixed that for you.:smallwink:

Metahuman1

2012-05-16, 06:18 PM

* Under No Circumstances my any character ever have anything that even remotely reminds anyone or makes anyone think of anything or one form the seventy's except Star Wars and Dungeons and Dragons.

*Especially Disco.

**Even if I'm the Bard.

*** Even if it fits the setting and Campaign.

****Especially if I'm NOT the Bard and I'm using it to fuel mechanical ability's of any kind.

*Breaking the above gives the DM and my party blanket permission to to unleash things that would make HP Lovecraft loose his lunch on that character none stop until I roll a character that doesn't involve Disco or the seventy's, with the exceptions of Dungeons and Dragons and Star Wars.

Kane0

2012-05-16, 09:48 PM

There will be no German Sparkle Parties. Ever. No, not even in a temple of Cayden.

Rockphed

2012-05-17, 06:17 AM

* I may not suggest we base our characters off the cast of Twilight as dwarves.
** Sparkly dwarves might make sense. I am still forbidden from using them in the game where I suggested the above.
** Wolfdwarves are entirely acceptable. They do not, however, have significantly less hair in wolf form than in dwarf form.
*** Wolfdwarves do not get charisma bonuses.
** If we disregard the above, the vampire and werewolf are not to jockey for favor with the rest of the party.
*** Dividing into two teams because said jockeying has gotten out of hand is right out.
**** Having more weapons to kill my allies than my enemies is considered poor form.
***** No, it doesn't make me batman.

Yoven

2012-05-17, 10:09 AM

*If i meet a ranger running away from a cave for his life, i should not shout into the cave to wait for an echo.... (just wanted to know how big it was)
* even more so if i hear something scratching inside
*I shouldn't be surprised if my lvl 2 Druid faces A basilisk coming out form said cave, just because it heared me shouting...

Sgt. Cookie

2012-05-17, 02:11 PM

*No matter how high my perform modifer is, my Bard cannot summon a burning zepplin of lead.

Omeganaut

2012-05-19, 08:55 AM

*Gnomes are smart enough not to even try to make zeppelins out of lead.
**No, not allowed to make zeppelins covered in LED's either. Those don't exist in a fantasy setting.
**Just because they did it on mythbusters DOES NOT mean it works in D&D. Period.
***No longer allowed to watch Mythbusters within 2 hours of doing anything D&D related.
***I may break that rule if it is discovered that every single character I have is based off of that show, but their shenanigans are still banned.

There will be no German Sparkle Parties. Ever. No, not even in a temple of Cayden.

*Gnomish sparkle parties will be destroyed with rocks and fire.

Doorhandle

2012-05-19, 09:11 PM

The one-piece D20 system has released a beta! Let’s celebrate it’s glitchyness before they fix it! *ahem*

Reasons Great Captain Doorhandle is no longer allowed to be on the grand line:

*Arrrs, Arrghs, and yohohos are to be kept to 3/session each.
*The one-piece is not, in fact, a Speedo.
* No matter what Franky wants to think.
* The east blue is not a low-level tutorial zone.
* The new-world is not a high-level raid dungeon.
*Cannot have the goal of going to the grand-line in order to “level-grind”
*while little is actually stopping your swordsman from dual-wielding Zoro-style or Masumeme-style, I am to be aware that there is little benefit for additional swords beyond the first.
* So using 20 is just ASKING for a nutpunch.
*Swordchucks are right ou- actually they fit right in, go ahead.
*there is not a class called the Mohawk, nor one called the Budgie Smuggler.
*Just because Oda gives anyone more impressive than a mook a back-story and motivations doesn’t mean you G.M will, so stop poking the NPCs!
*If I am playing a colossal-size giant, can’t volunteer to be the boat.
* Even if I’m a cyborg giant with all the necessary facilities.
*Cannot convince the entire crew to all play fishmen or merpeople, and just swim from island to island.
*there is no such thing as the “Davy Jones' Lockeroom” where all the attractive merpeople get changed, and it cannot be my goal to find it.
* There is no method by which you can make a sea king your mount, giant or no.
*Making a sea-king CHARIOT is right out, even if you use the entire boat!
* Kuja may not know where babies come from or what this earth thing called kissing is, but even so I am not to tell every one I meet this at great length.
*Demonstrating is right out.
*Kuja snakes can be used as longbows, staves, and whips. Not muskets, bazookas, or chainsaws.
*The wonderful world of Yuri is to be forever locked away from Amazon Lily.
*fishmen do not flop like fish, although they do talk like people.
*The fishman member of the crew does not flinch at the mention of “catch of the day”.
* Also, he has nothing to do with Davey Jones, so you cans stop asking about the heart, already!
*The merman rouge does not take a penalty on bluff checks because “Something’s fishy here.”
* Sky tribesmen are not elves, even if some of them share the same stat-bonuses.
*sky-knights are not dragoons.
*Not to tell sky-tribesmen to dial it down.
*Cyborgs may or may not be full of useful devices.
*If playing a Cyborg, cannot be a gundam of any size.
* Keep the “ROKKETO PAWNCH” to a minimum, please.
*no cyborg is fueled by beer, even if one is fuelled by cola.
*cyborgs do not have a racial enmity towards those who have eaten a zoan fruit.
*Cyborgs do not have a vibrate function: it is wrong to tell Kuja this.
*The city of Armada does not reside anywhere NEAR the grand line, let alone the rest of one-piece.
*on the same note, Cyborgs are not the remade, and fishmen are not Grindlylow.
*May not take the shot-on the run feat for every feat until you can make one shot with a 20+ bonus to hit and damage, while moving 200ft while you’re at it.
* May not take whirling frenzy and rage and use them both at once, even if nothing says I can’t.
*No, that is not gear third OR second.
*If am playing a warrior, my taunt cannot be made entirely of your-mother jokes.
*My brawler is not Chuck Norris, even if he can roundhouse-kick for 3d8 extra damage.
*Before using the launch feat to toss my allies around, I am to ask if they WANT to be launched first.
*My specialist’s weapon cannot work based on troll science.
* The specialist is not a “wizzzurd.”
* My specialist’s weapon is not “her presssiousss.”
*Cannot ever make kraken cannon.
*Even if “sodgeking” means “sniper-king” and thus that means Usop is “Sniperking, king of snipers”, this does not mean my marksman can be “Gunlord, lord of guns”
*As above, cannot wield 2 guns in each hand and one in my mouth, pulling the trigger with my tongue.
*Actually, I MAY carry a cannon around for a weapon. It is, however, assumed I will shoot it and not just us it as a club.
* Even if Oda is famous for his nonsensical explanations for things like how Zoro can talk with a mouthful of sword, I am not to assume the same applies for things like, say, gravity.
*not matter how crunchy or delicious they may look, cannot use the Cook feat to kill and prepare mermaid or fishmen to eat.
* Successful cooking a shoe to eat is adequate when supplies are low on long journeys. Making it you main source of food and income is right out.
*Not to learn how to cook gold to save hull-space after a successful venture.
*Cannot make a Devil-fruit smoothie, and it is assumed drinking it will kill me rather than getting all their powers combined.
* The only safe way to cook devil fruit is to leave it in a broth with a rock for 3 weeks, stirring it vigorously with an eggwhisk thrice a day, and then eating the rock.
* Cannot cook and eat c’thulhu.
* If someone is playing a shipwright, cannot play a shipwrong.
*My shipwright may be a relation-shipper, but he still cannot apply shipbuilding-rolls to seduction checks.
* Not matter the roll, cannot make the ship into a transforming robot.
* Cannot use coupe-de-blast to launch the ENTIRE ship at people and let velocity do the rest.
*cannot add SFX so it sounds like Shao khan is yelling “WICKEDSICK every time the burst is used.
*There is no combination of fishman karate, dials, coupe-de-blast, devil-fruit powers, cyborg powers, the Geppo feat or the launch feat that will let us launch our boat into orbit.
*chicken voyage is an emergency mauver for dodging lethal hits. It is not to be used to sneak into a parking line before anyone else.
*The beam attack is not a wave-motion gun, a starlight breaker, or a Hadoken.
*not to use the beam on every foe we come across.
*Cannot attack a smaller ship to the top of a larger ship so that we can shoot 2 beams at once.
* Cannot build an aircraft-carrier for the purpose of launching smaller-ships at people.
*Yes, you may launch your friends out of cannons. However, there is NO cannon big enough to launch a whole ship at someone.
*I make a giant cannon, it is assumed it launches giant cannonballs and not giants (unless the giant is one of your aforementioned friends.)
*Cannons may not shoot cannons.
*I am not to consider the ramifications of making Gatling-cannon.
* May not make a cannon so big it that the boat is a ship attached to a cannon, and not the other-way round.
*even if it would fit with the setting, making any cannon inspired by worms: forts under siege is vetoed.
*Mahogany may be the wood with the most D.R, but even so it is not from the 300-ft fire-breathing trees of Malchior 7, or infused with the blood runes of it’s people.
*Thus the ship cannot warp reality, even if it is nigh-indestructible.
* Archaeologists do not have whip-proficiency by default.
*If I am a marine, not to ask how wearing the uniform somehow gives me a better armour bonus than the guy in full plate.
*I am not a “spesss” marine and I have not “fehild the emperor.”
*If I am playing a marine in a group of pirates or vice-versa, not to rub it into my nakama’s faces all the time.
* There are no ninja, and they are not “always chaotic evil”
* Pirates do not have “favoured enemy: ninja”… but that should REALLY be a feat for them.
* Cannot do what I want in ignorance of Rule 0 ‘cause a pirate is FREE!
*Loosing redundant limbs or facial features does not cause a pirate to gain power based on the number of organs lost.
* Not to insist on being introduced as "Captain Jack sparrow."
*cannot put ranks in “Captain Jack sparrow.”
*The musician cannot have Perform: (metal), and the DON! Feat does not work by melting the enemies’ face off.
*Even if you bring Alestorm music track to the table.
*if I am a scientist, I can learn to make seastone. Not allowed to make armour out of the stuff.
*Genetically engineering devil fruit is an exercise in suicide.
* Inanimate objects can somehow eat devil-fruit, yes. This does not mean I can feed a fruit to a fruit so you can fruit while you fruit, you fruit.
*not to rig the devil-fruit random-selection process by filing it with synonyms of the word “god.”
*there is no fruit-fruit fruit and it cannot let me extrude devil fruit in turn.
*neither devil-fruit nor a fruit-user are “magically delicious.”
*Not to carry about a devil-fruit with the sole intention of feeding it to the next fruit-user I find, thus killing him.
*feeding it to a fishman or mermaid is against the Geneva Convention.
*As a Kuja, cannot feed a devil-fruit to my Kuja snake and THEN use it as a bazooka.
*Cannot gain the power “screw with the D.M”
*If I eat the sea-stone sea-stone fruit, it is assumed I collapse into a paralytic fit and die, not that I become a godless killing machine capable of destroying mortal and fruit-user alike.
* If I eat a logia fruit and thus can become liquid, this does not mean I can hide in a soda bottle. Or in hand-sanitizer. Or in a toilet.
*…Or inside someone’s delicious squishmeats.
*Not to contemplate the ramifications of staying in the squishmeats for too long. In addition, your G.M now needs to eat the bleach-bleach fruit.
*Cannot have the seawater logia fruit. THAT’S CHEATING!
*Logia fruits do not work like the cursed-springs of Ranma one-half, and thus I will not change back after being splashed with water.
* Cannot have any of the logia elements following: Base, surprise, Orange-transparent chainsaw, oestrogen, laser, cheese, or Mohawk.
* I do not need to get one logia fruit user of every element together to summon captain planet.
*Cannot have the “theft-theft fruit.” That one has already been stolen by Carmen Sandieago, anyway.
*May not eat the punch-punch fruit, or the beefsteak-mc-manly fruit.
* The heart-heart fruit isn’t useless! So stop whining!
*If I eat a Zoan fruit it does not make me a furry.
*In this vein, there is not such thing as a “brony-brony fruit.”
*There are not 649 different zoan fruits in the world, and you do not have to “catch-them-all.”
*Zoan fruits can be based on dinosaurs and creatures from myth. This does not mean you can have the “Beholder-beholder” fruit or the “Godzilla Godzilla fruit.” (Although that could be awesome…)
*If I eat the narwhal-narwhal fruit, it does not give me “a kickass facial horn” or make me “The Jedi of the sea,” although I may beat a polar-bear in a fight or stop C’thlhu eating ye.
* Not to question the point of having a zoan fruit that lets you turn into a fish.
* Cannot ask a fruit-user “have you tried… not eating a devil fruit?”
* Fruit users are not lemmings, even if Luffy, Chopper, and Brook have proven otherwise.

Find it here! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=240002) And find more game-breakers too, it still needs some beta-testing.

Acanous

2012-05-19, 09:30 PM

*I am not the Herald of Tiamat
**Especially not if I'm Lawful or Good aligned.
***Even if I'm a half-dragon
*No longer allowed to capture and torture enemies for educational purposes.
*Teaching someone what Pain feels like is not educational.
**Demonstrating the difference between resistance and immunity also does not qualify.
*Simulacrum no longer works on Gods.
**Even dead Gods
**Even if the material component is supplied by plot.
*Fabricate can no longer be used on obstacles
*Fabricate can not create "A Statue of Buddy Christ".
*When playing a Super Hero game, Burning every person and building in the area of the crime does not count as "Compulsively leaving clues", and does not grant any bonus points.
*A Belt of Gender Changing is not a Strapon.
*Artificers cannot build giant mecha.
*You cannot wear a golem
*Golems are not power armor
**even if you shout "For the Emperor!"
***The DM is not a Heretic

Man on Fire

2012-05-19, 10:08 PM

*Cyborgs may or may not be full of useful devices.
*If playing a Cyborg, cannot be a gundam of any size.
* Keep the “ROKKETO PAWNCH” to a minimum, please.
*no cyborg is fueled by beer, even if one is fuelled by cola.

I like your style.

* There must be a reason why my character is dressed like Cobra Commander
** "He is my hero" doesn't cut it.
* When attacked by monstrous dogs in the middle of the night, cannot throw Molotov cocktail at them and go back to sleep.
* Cannot describe what my character will find enjoyable about sticking a bottle up BBEG's candy anus and smashing it.
* If another PC stolen my pants I'm about to assume he did it to show how guy thief he is, not that he's gay.
** Especially gay for me.
* When going to make terrifing speech to a bunch of Orcs, I must have something more prepared than a mix of Domon Kasshu and The Rock quotes.
* My dwarven bard is assumed to know more songs than four lines from ballad "Everything you need to know about Elves".
** Cannot make the Drows look like the good guys.
*** Cannot make Elves and Drows unite to kick my a**

Arbane

2012-05-20, 05:28 PM

*Cannot gain the power “screw with the D.M”.

...Because it's redundant, as all players have that one for free.

Reltzik

2012-05-20, 07:41 PM

* When the raiding minions come to kidnap the teamsters and caravan guards, we are to be careful in our use of AOE effects. In particular, we are not allowed to dump half the caravan into an acid-filled pit.
* Not allowed to blow a 5th level resurrection ability on a nameless 1st level NPC caravan guard.
* Not allowed to debuff the minions to the point where a handful can't creditably escape with prisoners a plot hook.
** When the minions get past this by pulling out a wand and teleporting away with their victims, we are not to peruse the PH and determine that no such spell exists.
*** Nor are we to conclude that we're up against an epic wand.
**** Calling dibs on the epic wand is right out. We saw it disintegrate because it was out of charges.
***** Not allowed to question how we saw it disintegrate.

* Dammit, I'm a cleric, not a wizard.
** No longer allowed to move 30 ft in my best armor option.
** No longer allowed to ignore difficult terrain.
** No longer allowed to teleport out of melee as a move action.
** No longer allowed to bypass 90 minutes of overland movement, in a time-critical situation, by way of a teleport spell. No fair getting the DM's hopes up.
** Nor bypass 80% of the dungeon with a dimension door spell.
*** No longer allowed to play travel domain.

* I am to respect the DMs cut scenes.
** When the villain is chanting at an altar and about to finish its summoning of a big bad evil nastiness monster, I am to amuse myself with killing his minions. No longer allowed to plant an AoE silence spell three inches in front of his face.
*** This also applies to monologuing villains.
**** Also questgivers and authority figures.
***** May not cast silence on the DM.

* When the DM offers the entire party a Wish as a quest reward, we are to be thankful and argue over what wish to make. We are not to all shrug our shoulders, get into cyclical "I dunno, what do you want" discussions, or brainstorm for 30 minutes without coming up with anything.

Knight13

2012-05-21, 10:00 AM

*I am not a “spesss” marine and I have not “fehild the emperor.”
You mispelled "emprah".

Ravenica

2012-05-21, 03:51 PM

*I may no longer make gnomes capable of bull rushing and knocking giants prone
**Past the crowd of hobgoblins
***With no attacks of opportunity
****in fact, gnomes are out altogether
*I may no longer ride the skeletal dragon without a saddle
**I am no longer allowed riding skeletons
***No, especially not if you call it boning

Doorhandle

2012-05-22, 05:34 AM

*I may no longer make gnomes capable of bull rushing and knocking giants prone
**Past the crowd of hobgoblins
***With no attacks of opportunity
****in fact, gnomes are out altogether

Earth-child style. Yes, you can, and it's expected that you do, in fact, trip giants of all shapes and sizes and with your bare hands no less!

Reltzik

2012-05-22, 04:14 PM

If I make a trap-monkey rogue (finding traps or ESPECIALLY setting traps), I am no longer allowed to take "mumbles" as a character flaw.

"Don't *mumble mumble* that *mumble* or the *mumble mumble* will *mumble mumble mumble*."

Loxagn

2012-05-25, 08:52 AM

*When a guard asks me to show my credentials, I am not to respond with a Silent Still Quickened Disintegrate.
*As a DM, I am no longer allowed to use the Evil Overlord's Handbook as a guideline for my villains.

Randomguy

2012-05-25, 04:06 PM

*Whether as DM or player, I may not make the rommance subplot in the campaign as complex (for lack of a better word) as the one in Legend of Korra.

Morithias

2012-05-25, 04:12 PM

*As a DM, I am no longer allowed to use the Evil Overlord's Handbook as a guideline for my villains.

** As a PC, I am no longer allowed to use the Evil Overlord's Handbook as a guideline for my villain, and justify it as "a book a harvester devil gave me".

Kazyan

2012-05-26, 12:19 PM

*The maximum level at which I can play an Iaijutsu Master is 23.

TechnoScrabble

2012-05-26, 07:07 PM

*No longer allowed to make a fighter/barbarian with a spiked shield and melee weapon who focuses on charging feats and the grenadier feats and dips one level into artificer so that he can make his own explosives.

*No more characters based off of youtube videos, either.

NM020110

2012-05-26, 10:30 PM

Socratov

2012-05-27, 07:30 AM

*My character creation battlecry is not to be "Unleash the Cheese!" in any future exercise.
**Present exercises are exempt; there is no other acceptable phrase to denote "Hi, I'm building a young prismatic dragon spell to power erudite as a tenth level character".

*brain.exe has encountered an unexpected error. If the problem persists contact your system administrator. To restart press return*

NM020110

2012-05-27, 04:11 PM

***Just because I can make a great wyrm prismatic dragon at seventh level, doesn't mean that I should, unless we're in a very high optimization environment.

Loxagn

2012-05-27, 04:59 PM

*Not allowed to cast Silent Still Blasphemy and blame it on the Druid's animal companion.
*There is no such thing as a Dire Skunk, and even if there were, it would be in bad taste to polymorph the cleric into one.
**I'm not allowed to argue that the cleric's been walking around in full-plate for a week and thus actually smells better as a result of this.
*Casting Fell Drain Fireball at a flock of pidgeons will incinerate them, not animate them as pidgeonwights.
**Even if I apply the Subdual Substitution metamagic to it.
***There is no conceivable way for me to get pidgeonwights, so stop asking.
*If playing a necromancer, not allowed to start giggling maniacally when asked if anyone can raise the dead.

Beowulf DW

2012-05-27, 08:20 PM

*No matter how high my perform modifer is, my Bard cannot summon a burning zepplin of lead.

*I am no longer allowed to make Bards based on the characters and cast of Brutal Legend.

Kira_the_5th

2012-05-27, 09:54 PM

*I am no longer allowed to make Bards based on the characters and cast of Brutal Legend.

**Nor is my bard allowed to take Leadership solely to receive a cohort capable of helping him play "The Greatest Song in the World"
***Nor any tribute thereof.

Sgt. Cookie

2012-05-28, 07:35 AM

On an unrelated note, the Age of Metal would be a fantastic D&D setting. There is also the fact that Brutal Legend was way too short...

OK, it's decided. Brutal Legend will be converted to D&D. *Runs to homebrew thread*

PS, Eddie Riggs would probably be a Bardsader or Bardbarian.

Man on Fire

2012-05-28, 03:26 PM

* If my wizard is wearing blue robes covered in runes, mystical, exotic amulets and rings, large, pointy hat and pair of glasses ahd has a large beard and carries a huge spellbook and magic staff, I'm no longer allowed to complain that every single enemy with more that two points in Int tries to kill me first.
** No longer allowed to complain everybody can tell in great detail how they guy throwi fireballs around looks like either.
*** Both extend to any kind of caster who looks distinguish.
* If I step foward and throw a spell I'm going to assume every single enemy will try to stop me from doing that again.
* If the GM uses enemy wizards dressed like normal guys and throwing spells from behind a cover, he is trying to give me a hint, not screw the party over.

Loxagn

2012-05-29, 08:12 AM

*Yes. The joke where you cast Glitterdust on the vampire was funny once. It does not bear repeating.
*Casting Bounce on the Dragoon's armor, while hilarious, only works once.
**Said Dragoon would like me to know that, if it happens again, I will be stabbed.
***Using said spell to turn the Throne Room into a bounce house is not going to earn me any brownie points with the king.
*Contrary to what my wizard insists, there is, in fact, a situation in which casting Bounce is frowned upon. In fact, there are a great many.
**Combining Bounce with Grease is right out.
***I am henceforth forbidden from researching the custom spell Bounce, or any spell with similar effects.
****No longer allowed to research my own spells. Ever.

Rockphed

2012-05-30, 03:33 PM

**Nor is my bard allowed to take Leadership solely to receive a cohort capable of helping him play "The Greatest Song in the World"
***Nor any tribute thereof.

**** Trying to summon shiny demons while hitchhiking is similarly forbidden.
***** Shiny demons do not manifest by "shining".

Beowulf DW

2012-05-30, 03:49 PM

**** Trying to summon shiny demons while hitchhiking is similarly forbidden.
***** Shiny demons do not manifest by "shining".

******There is no artifact called "the pick of destiny"
*******Wielding an axe and a guitar does not constitute "dual-wielding axes" and any attempt to argue such will result in rocks and death.

planswalker

2012-06-02, 06:27 AM

*Tattooing the magic missile spell to every slot in your body enough times to fill your body with the spell does not constitute clothes. Especially as a gnome. Especially in the Elf Queen's court.

Ksheep

2012-06-02, 11:18 AM

* Having Power Attack and Cleave is good. Having a full party with Power Attack and Cleave is not…

Randomguy

2012-06-02, 12:04 PM

*I may not activate my moment of persience on a craft (pancakes) check.
My pancakes turned out flawlessly this morning and I think I may have done this subconsciously.

jaybird

2012-06-02, 03:42 PM

*I am never allowed to possess a Rod of Lordly Might.

Dhraseon

2012-06-03, 01:49 PM

*I may never play an Ozodrin again.
** Said Ozodrin is not allowed to have a split personality, where one refuses to fight and the other murders everything
*** I am not allowed to have 32 eyes on my head in the shape of a crown
****I may not try to grapple eat the party spellcaster thus resulting in his hands falling off
*****I may not throw my limbs coverd in barbed teeth at the town tailor
******I may not look hansom while coverd in tentacles and eyes even if my Cha is 22

planswalker

2012-06-03, 05:29 PM

*I may not point out flaws in homebrew classes to their creator. Even if they're glaring. Especially if they make it overpowered.

Ksheep

2012-06-03, 05:44 PM

* Do not threaten the shop keeper who is offering to enchant your weapon.
** Especially if that threat involves bodily harm to the shopkeeper.
*** This goes double after you've already handed the weapon over so they could inspect it.
**** Even if the shopkeeper decides to enchant it at a discount after said intimidation, I shouldn't be surprised when the weapon comes back cursed instead of enchanted.

Man on Fire

2012-06-03, 06:09 PM

*I may not point out flaws in homebrew classes to their creator. Even if they're glaring. Especially if they make it overpowered.

You can always point flaws in mine.

Qwertystop

2012-06-03, 07:53 PM

*I may not point out flaws in homebrew classes to their creator. Even if they're glaring. Especially if they make it overpowered.

Umm...

At least on this forum, pointing out flaws is exactly what you're supposed to do.

planswalker

2012-06-03, 07:54 PM

that's what's said, yes. My experience has been that the creators are very sensitive and take it personally when you do. Not always, no, but quite often.

Doorhandle

2012-06-04, 01:40 AM

I can confirm that statement but I make it a point to accept their advice reguardless.

*May not compensate for a character with an intelligence and wisdom lower than 10 by giving them enough defensive prowess to survive any Darwin Awards they might invoke.

Omeganaut

2012-06-04, 06:35 AM

*May not make a character that's sole purpose is achieving Darwin awards in attempted TPK
**I'm not allowed to have my character volunteer as the party face if he has a CHA of 3 and no ranks in any social skill, especially if it would be IC.

VGLordR2

2012-06-04, 01:02 PM

*I may not look through this thread for ideas.

Ksheep

2012-06-04, 01:35 PM

*I may not look through this thread for ideas.

** I may not even casually GLANCE at this thread for ideas.
*** Looking anywhere in the vicinity of this thread within 48 hours of character creation is strictly prohibited.
**** The same goes for TVTropes.

Esprit15

2012-06-04, 08:24 PM

* 6 CHA is not going to allow me to seduce anything.
** Not anything that I want to seduce, anyways.

* I do not get a bonus to seducing simply for being female.

Loxagn

2012-06-05, 10:59 AM

*I will remember, in the future, that Grafts are a privelige, not a right.
*No, the verbal components for Animate Objects do not involve a musical number.
*Taking a fallen opponent's skull is, while frowned upon, not terribly odd. There are worse trophies to take. Immediately casting Animate Dead and Permanencied Levitate on it and naming the resultant creature my familiar, however, is very frowned upon.
**Awakening my newfound 'familiar' is extremely so.
***Giving the skull a wisecracking personality and naming him Murray is right out.
****Fine, I can name him Murray. The DM will not allow me to run around his campaign with a familiar named 'Skull****y'.
*I am not to be offended when an enemy Paladin doesn't laugh at Murray's jokes.
**No, casting Hideous Laughter on him as a response to this is not funny either.

*Not allowed to poke fun at my fellow Runner's abysmal accent.
**Even if it's impossible to tell whether his character is supposed to be German, Russian, or Middle Eastern.
*There is literally no conceivable reason for my character to start the campaign with 100 Gallons of Nano-paste in his wardrobe.

*No matter what the dice say or how many Righteous Furies I just rolled, I can't decapitate Galgaliel with a thrown Progressive Knife.
*An A.T. Tactician's purpose is to Neutralize the A.T. Field while the rest of the party mops up. Not to solo the world-killing abominations.
*No, there is no such thing as Positron Cannon Tag, and even if there were, I would be court-martialed for playing it.
*Just because two of the other Eva Pilots have the Manufactured background and the Replaceable trait, I'm not allowed to argue that using them for cannon fodder is acceptable.

*Yes. A god of music riding a hot pink chocobo at Mach 1 across the plains does, in fact, draw attention. In fact, it draws a great deal of attention.

Beowulf DW

2012-06-05, 01:31 PM

*In Pathfinder, my Int-based Fighter may not use Craft (Arms and Armor) to combine a crossbow with any magic item that continually produces water to create a hydraulically powered automatic crossbow.
**I may not then use Knowledge(engineering) to make large scale siege weapon versions of said weapon.
***I may not continue to abuse these skills such that my fighter is out-performing the sorcerer with his latest semi-mundane gadgets.
****I may no longer play Int-based Fighters.
*****I may no longer play Fighters.
******Gunslingers are right out.
*******Your character is not Edgar Figaro.
********Wouldn't you rather roll up a cleric?

ryu

2012-06-05, 03:31 PM

wouldn't a rogue or bard do that easier?

Lord_Gareth

2012-06-05, 03:42 PM

Isn't 'int-based fighter' a method of suicide to begin with?

* My multiple-personality wizard is not allowed to be the campaign villain (even when they are).
* Clerics that I play are not allowed to claim that they are more dangerous than their deity (even and especially when they are).
* If I somehow find myself in the position of being the party's ethical compass, I cannot roleplay a slow descent into PTSD and madness (this goes double if I am also the IC leader of the party).
* My position as the party face is not an excuse to persuade succubi to sleep with characters I don't like.
- Especially not if the whole idea is to tell him/her/it, "Take just a little, I want him to remember not to mess with my stuff."
* "Don't break the loot!" is not acceptable as an in-character statement (even when it is).

Kira_the_5th

2012-06-05, 03:48 PM

.
*******Your character is not Edgar Figaro.

******** On that note, when playing in Eberron, I am not allowed to make a monk capable of suplexing a Lightning Rail.

ryu

2012-06-05, 03:57 PM

******** On that note, when playing in Eberron, I am not allowed to make a monk capable of suplexing a Lightning Rail.

********* or a Ghost Locomotive.

********** Epecially a Ghost Locomotive.

*********** All playing of Fantasy Six before a session is banned.

Man on Fire

2012-06-05, 04:08 PM

wouldn't a rogue or bard do that easier?

Isn't 'int-based fighter' a method of suicide to begin with?

That's the entire beauty of it.

* Having 6 Charisma doesn't give me an excuse to hit on female monsters
** Even if I cut my own eyes out, I cannot make a Gorgon fall in love with me.
*** It's not railroading when GM is just trying to save himself from mental images to disgusting for him to handle.

BlackestOfMages

2012-06-05, 04:41 PM

* nor is he allowed to suplex a collosal dragon
* or a mountain
* no matter how hard I try, my monk cannot suplex the planet we are on.
* the DM will not let me use a homebrew feat that discounts max size for grappling/tripping any more.

ryu

2012-06-05, 04:59 PM

*Suplexing the DM while hilarious is right out.

Qwertystop

2012-06-05, 05:02 PM

In an Evil campaign, if I attempt to Ressurrect my (good) opponent's White Dragonhide armor, expecting an ally, I should first consider the fact that said opponent once had an albino Gold Dragon for a friend, who is now deceased.

Beowulf DW

2012-06-05, 06:59 PM

Isn't 'int-based fighter' a method of suicide to begin with?

I wanted the skill points and the full BAB. Also, I was kind of drunk.

Doorhandle

2012-06-06, 06:37 AM

MReav

2012-06-06, 11:01 AM

Socratov

2012-06-06, 11:08 AM

Lord_Gareth

2012-06-06, 11:29 AM

*Researching and casting an epic spell that annihilates a city at the cost of killing my entire party in their sleep is no longer appropriate.

planswalker

2012-06-06, 11:47 AM

*Using a friend's dirty trick to casting 9th level spells at ecl 7 is banned outright. Especially if it's done in WBL. Even more so if said friend is the dm.

NM020110

2012-06-06, 05:12 PM

*Using a friend's dirty trick to casting 9th level spells at ecl 7 is banned outright. Especially if it's done in WBL. Even more so if said friend is the dm.

**Improving the trick to work at ecl 1 should be subject to even less approval.

Kira_the_5th

2012-06-06, 09:19 PM

Lord_Gareth

2012-06-06, 09:26 PM

*When trapped in a prison cell made entirely of diamond, I am no longer allowed to murder the fighter and then use the wall as the component for his resurrection.

Beowulf DW

2012-06-06, 09:46 PM

* I will never again give the party paladin a sword which contains "the power of the angels" only to play "Fly Away Now" whenever he uses it.
** On that note, "Repent, Mother****er" is not an appropriate battle-cry, even for an Inquisitor.

That game was awesome.

On that note:

*I may not use balors as grenades, no matter what my strength score is.

planswalker

2012-06-06, 09:51 PM

**neither may balors be used as improvised melee weapons. No matter the strength score of the party warforged. not even the party half-celestial troll.
*also, trolls may not have half-fiend or half-celestial heritage. Half-dragon is also out.

Esprit15

2012-06-06, 10:13 PM

*I may not have Craft (Insult).

Elemental

2012-06-07, 05:45 AM

*Despite your bonus to diplomacy, if you insult the king, he will have you thrown out into the street.
**Don't try it. That old guy next to the King is the pre-eminent wizard in the kingdom.
***Don't even think it.
****Fine! Go ahead, and when you've been turned to ashes, don't blame me!

Man on Fire

2012-06-07, 08:05 AM

* Just because Chose One of Godess of Death is four years old child it doesn't mean I can give her spanking for talking back to me.
** Even if I'm evil.

Qwertystop

2012-06-07, 11:41 AM

* Just because Chose One of Godess of Death is four years old child it doesn't mean I can give her spanking for talking back to me.
** Even if I'm evil.
I'm not sure what you're saying. Clarify?

*When trapped in a prison cell made entirely of diamond, I am no longer allowed to murder the fighter and then use the wall as the component for his resurrection.

Why not? That's brilliant!

Man on Fire

2012-06-07, 12:28 PM

I'm not sure what you're saying. Clarify?

I'm not sure what to clarify, which part you don't get?

Bouregard

2012-06-07, 02:46 PM

-getting the Hand and Eye of Vecna does not make me eligile to complete the set.

-I will not become Vecna if I collect them all.

-volunteering Vecna as an organ donor is right out.

-not allowed to play Mr. Potatoe Head with Vecna especially if I can.

Before I volunteer to be an organ donor I will check if they need a free musical instrument or vital organs.

Lord_Gareth

2012-06-07, 05:17 PM

I'm not sure what you're saying. Clarify?

Why not? That's brilliant!

To be fair, I was a priest of Lastai (goddess of pleasure and joy, BoED) and I kinda strangled him to death without warning in order to enact said plan. There were...words...exchanged with my deity over that one.

planswalker

2012-06-07, 05:43 PM

To be fair, I was a priest of Lastai (goddess of pleasure and joy, BoED) and I kinda strangled him to death without warning in order to enact said plan. There were...words...exchanged with my deity over that one.

that's because you forgot to give him a *proper* way to die...

NM020110

2012-06-08, 12:38 AM

* I may no longer write backstories which I can not proof-read due to nausea.

Esprit15

2012-06-08, 02:15 AM

*No matter how intelligent I or my characters are, I may not find ways to perform a feat without actually using the required feat.

*Iron Heart Surging pregnancy may not be evil, but it is heavily frowned upon.

newBlazingAngel

2012-06-09, 03:27 PM

*If my bard is lieing to the party about his name and class, I eventually need to stop and tell them.
**If my bard has gone through more than one identity and at least three levels without the party noticing, they need to be informed.
***If my bard has had more than five identities and more than 8 levels with the party, I need to tell them right away
****If my bard has had more than a dozen personas and reaches epic level with the party, they deserve whatever they get.

Doorhandle

2012-06-09, 06:32 PM

To be fair, I was a priest of Lastai (goddess of pleasure and joy, BoED) and I kinda strangled him to death without warning in order to enact said plan. There were...words...exchanged with my deity over that one.

Rightfully so if you didn't ask permission. Seeing your cleric's goddess, he/she should really know all about safe, sane, and consensual.

:smallbiggrin:

planswalker

2012-06-09, 08:33 PM

Rightfully so if you didn't ask permission. Seeing your cleric's goddess, he/she should really know all about safe, sane, and consensual.

:smallbiggrin:

... that's what she said...

Socratov

2012-06-10, 02:47 AM

*"COMMON, MOTHERFORNICATOR! YOU SPEAK IT?!" is not an appropiate way to discern wether the other discussionparty speaks common
**no, neither it is for othe rlanguages
***maybe for abyssal, BUT WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT'S HOLY SHOULD AN ANGEL SPEAK ABYSSAL!
****no more partyface for me, no, not even then

newBlazingAngel

2012-06-10, 07:45 PM

*I am not to burst out laughing after a 15 minute description of the BBEG

*If I am the onlly one familiar with the monster manual, I need to explain to the other players that zombie bites will not infect people

*I may not duplicate anything I saw in dorkness rising.

Velaryon

2012-06-10, 08:50 PM

Man on Fire

2012-06-10, 10:17 PM

*Not allowed to respond to every line spoken by an NPC by simply saying "What?" over and over.
*Not allowed to give beer to NPCs and then randomly attack them while drinking.
*Pinning an enemy for one round (or even three) does not mean I win the fight.
*Not allowed to put on a sock puppet before grappling opponents.
*Not allowed to base a character off of Mankind.
**Or Dude Love.
***Or Cactus Jack.

I need to try that last one.

Lord_Gareth

2012-06-10, 11:25 PM

* "We eat well tonight!" is not an appropriate battle cry for a paladin (even if he technically worships the god of laughter).

Sith_Happens

2012-06-11, 01:29 AM

*Not allowed to respond to every line spoken by an NPC by simply saying "What?" over and over.

** If an NPC does the above to me, I may not respond by threatening them with bodily harm.
*** I may ask "Do they speak English/Common/Basic in What?" exactly once per campaign.

Omeganaut

2012-06-11, 07:38 AM

*My battle cry is not allowed to be "This Is LASTWALL"
**Nor am I allowed to fix this by replacing lastwall with another country's name.
*Nor is my battle stratagy allowed to be kicking people into giant pits.
**I may not find a way to do so with a penguin animal companion.
**Breakdancing is likewise an invalid way of defeating enemies.
*I am not allowed to use 300 or Meet the Spartans in any form for my character model.
**Doubly so when creating monsters while DMing.

stack

2012-06-11, 08:11 AM

Omeganaut: Well, you MIGHT get a chance to do 1 and 3 in our current campaign without breaking character...if you weren't playing a sorcerer. Not sure you have the CMB to bull rush anyone into a pit consistently.

Omeganaut

2012-06-11, 08:44 AM

I don't know. He has cast a fire spell at an undead who attacked with fire, so that very well might be next.

newBlazingAngel

2012-06-11, 08:52 PM

*My character may not discover the existence of skill points

**Or the DM.

***My character may not have a vision telling him the exact core rules of 3.5, and that everything he knows is a lie

****If this does happen, I'm still not allowed to metagame.

*Nonlethal damage is to take enemies that we need alive captive, not so that I may walk out of a dungeon with two dozen prisoners in tow, with plans to sell them into slavery

*Any video game made by Rockstar may not be a campaign model.

planswalker

2012-06-11, 09:54 PM

*No matter how the rules allow it, I may not use the WBL off of chaining the leadership and landlord feat to purchase a city. Building by building.

ryu

2012-06-11, 11:07 PM

* Going to the mayor or king with one lump sum is right out.

newBlazingAngel

2012-06-12, 12:23 AM

*If my wish is that my wish would not be granted, I have to walk on everybodies d4's

Rockphed

2012-06-12, 04:49 AM

*If my wish is that my wish would not be granted, I have to walk on everybodies d4's

** I am not to be surprised when nothing happens.

planswalker

2012-06-12, 05:04 AM

***I am also not to be surprised when that wish is not granted. A different wish that kills my character horribly is.

newBlazingAngel

2012-06-12, 08:06 PM

*If I am the dungeon master, I am not allowed to throw d4's at my players to represent dart traps.

**I may not weigh down d6's and 8's to represent heavier damage.

***My dice may not be heavier than half a pound

****Heating up titanium dice to represent fire damage is just taking it too far.

*****It is not roleplaying to make the cleric really 'feel' magic missle that just hit him.

******Baseballs are not magic missles.

*******Nor are apples

********Footballs, softballs, rocks and anything of the sort is right out.

*********Somebody else is DMing from now on.

Lonely Tylenol

2012-06-12, 09:29 PM

- If I am asked to provide a skirt-length backstory, I am not allowed to argue over the hypothetical lengths of skirt to avoid the work.
- I am NOT allowed to wear a miniskirt to the game to prove my point.

newBlazingAngel

2012-06-13, 12:49 AM

***I may not use said skirt to get the DM to fudge a few rolls in my favor.

****The DM is a straight male and so am I. It's just weird.

Craft (Cheese)

2012-06-13, 02:29 AM

***I may not use said skirt to get the DM to fudge a few rolls in my favor.

****The DM is a straight male and so am I. It's just weird.

***** If I do have the appropriate equipment, that makes it even more uncomfortable. Don't do it.

****** Eschewing pants altogether to take advantage of this is right out.

******* Using either of these tactics while you're the DM to encourage the players to stay on the rails makes you a horrible person.

planswalker

2012-06-13, 02:52 AM

******* Using either of these tactics while you're the DM to encourage the players to stay on the rails makes you a horrible person.

******* Especially if it works.

Rockphed

2012-06-13, 06:25 AM

***I may not use said skirt to get the DM to fudge a few rolls in my favor.

****The DM is a straight male and so am I. It's just weird.

But blackmail is a long-standing gamer tradition. To the man with the least shame fall the spoils.

Please excuse me while I bleach my brain.

Socratov

2012-06-13, 09:28 AM

***** If I do have the appropriate equipment, that makes it even more uncomfortable. Don't do it.

****** Eschewing pants altogether to take advantage of this is right out.

******* Using either of these tactics while you're the DM to encourage the players to stay on the rails makes you a horrible person.

*Eschew clothing is NOT an apriopate feat, no not even when roleplaying a hooker
**Craft(innuendo) is not a valid crafting skill, using it will result in double xp costs
***Boobs are a female only lvl 80 epic spell. for the love of all that is holy and sane, don't try to overuse it...
****Really? You just went ahead either way? have it your way, now anyone with noticable secondary sexual characteristics will have to wear a burka. happy now?

Lord_Gareth

2012-06-13, 09:46 AM

*Shouting, "You activated my trap card!" is not appropriate (no, not even when I readied an action to draw a card from my deck of illusions or a deck of many things).

Ksheep

2012-06-13, 10:07 AM

*Shouting, "You activated my trap card!" is not appropriate (no, not even when I readied an action to draw a card from my deck of illusions or a deck of many things).

** I may not make a spectator sport whereby two duelists summon monsters from decks of illusions and have the illusions fight in the arena.
*** If I do make this, I may not swap out my opponent's deck with a deck of many things when he isn't looking.

Craft (Cheese)

2012-06-13, 10:07 AM

*Shouting, "You activated my trap card!" is not appropriate (no, not even when I readied an action to draw a card from my deck of illusions or a deck of many things).

** If, as a DM, you point out that you have priority, your players reserve the right to set you on fire.
*** If, as a player, you respond that priority rules were removed, your DM reserves the right to feed you to rats.

newBlazingAngel

2012-06-13, 09:26 PM

***Boobs are a female only lvl 80 epic spell. for the love of all that is holy and sane, don't try to overuse it...

****I may not have an enchanted item to get around this rule.

*****A breastplate of boobs is just sad.

The Bandicoot

2012-06-14, 12:39 AM

*****A breastplate of boobs is just sad.
****** Pants of Thunderbuns is right out.

planswalker

2012-06-14, 12:45 AM

****** Pants of Thunderbuns is right out.

******* Any sort of armor/clothing/magic items to compensate for deficiencies in your anatomy are just plain too pathetic to live.

Craft (Cheese)

2012-06-14, 12:48 AM

******* Any sort of armor/clothing/magic items to compensate for deficiencies in your anatomy are just plain too pathetic to live.

******** Telling this to the Artificer with a magical clockwork replacement arm is likely to get you strangled to death.

newBlazingAngel

2012-06-14, 12:52 AM

*********For the last time, we're playing spycraft.

Doorhandle

2012-06-14, 02:37 AM

*.....you put a WHAT in your WHA- screw it. No more cyborgs or magic items for you.

*There is no such spell as Xeuclid's cold shower.

Rockphed

2012-06-14, 08:05 AM

*.....you put a WHAT in your WHA- screw it. No more cyborgs or magic items for you.

*There is no such spell as Xeuclid's cold shower.

** There is also no "Archimedian tub of nudity".
* "Socratic Method" is not an exalted charm.
** Neither is a "Swiss Patent Office" a valid manse description.
* "Apples as Inspiration" does not allow random fruit to be used to boost intelligence.

* A spell called "Tesla's Revenge" should use lightning or electricity in some fashion.
** "Edison's Inception" might be more versatile.
*** "Carver's Creation" will not summon a peanut butter golem.
*** "Mario's Mayhem" might involve pipes or monkeys, but it won't involve a pizza golem.

Gravitron5000

2012-06-14, 08:38 AM

* A spell called "Tesla's Revenge" should use lightning or electricity in some fashion.

** Earthquakes are also acceptable

Novawurmson

2012-06-14, 08:57 AM

*When I am Baleful Polymorphed (http://paizo.com/pathfinderRPG/prd/spells/balefulPolymorph.html) into a rabbit and the Swift Hunter Ranger drops the boss to 1 HP, it is polite to wait until his next turn to let him finish her, instead of charging up behind her and getting sneak attack with my rabbit bite.

The Bandicoot

2012-06-14, 09:14 AM

*Not allowed to multiclass as an Artificer/Variant ranger with increased 'favored enemy' bonuses against a specific animal.
**Most definitely not allowed to play the above as an awakened coyote.
***Nor an awakened dog
****Nor any kind of canine
***** No more old cartoons before games.

newBlazingAngel

2012-06-14, 10:40 AM

*My characters backstory may not involve an orphan who was adopted and had then those parents died.

**If this happens more than on ce in my backstory, I am to trash it.

*If boobs is a real spell, uncovered boobs do not have the affects of fascinate, insanity, and inspire confidence.

**Under no circumstance am I to acquire an item that can enchant any item with the power of boobs.

***If the entire population of a town acquires boobs due to a mysterious enchantment in the water supply, I will be blamed.

Socratov

2012-06-14, 11:29 PM

snip

*If boobs is a real spell, uncovered boobs do not have the affects of fascinate, insanity, and inspire confidence.

snip

ehm... well, they do.

**Uncovered boobs are a oneshot no-save-just-suck fascinate, insanity and Cahrm Person spell. This spell is epic, and can only be used once on a subject. It shifts alignment though.
***No, there is no and never will be a cleavage enhancement bonus
****No, not an insight bonus either
*****Ok, there is one for succubi, no you can't play any

newBlazingAngel

2012-06-14, 11:32 PM

*Excessive boobs gives a penalty to dexterity.

Rockphed

2012-06-15, 01:09 PM

*Excessive boobs gives a penalty to dexterity.

** And lower back pain.

newBlazingAngel

2012-06-15, 01:14 PM

***And a once an hour will save versus fondling.

planswalker

2012-06-15, 03:18 PM

*I may no longer hijack threads with gratuitous boob jokes.

newBlazingAngel

2012-06-15, 03:42 PM

*I may always hijack threads with gratuitous boob jokes.

I fixed it for you.

*Humans are not easy.
** Half elves is just one race
***Not to bring up half dragons
****Half ogres is out of the question
*****Pulling the centaur card is just mean

ryu

2012-06-15, 03:57 PM

*Just because many elf species have the required equipment doesn't mean there will ever be more than one half elf race.
*No the half orcs didn't occur consensually so it doesn't count. Well mostly at any rate.
*No that isn't funny ic.
*Ooc it's just mean.

newBlazingAngel

2012-06-15, 04:31 PM

*My Paladin may not start the "Mark of Justice Tattoo Parlor."

Riverdance

2012-06-15, 04:56 PM

*My character may not use this thread as their bucket list.

*I may not have Craft (Insult).

* I may only have Craft (Insult) if I am willing to do it true Shakespearian justice.

Doorhandle

2012-06-16, 06:10 AM

*My Rogue Trader may NEVER have one gun with the combined full-auto, scatter, twin-linked and storm-bolt qualities.
*It may be star trek IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF THE FAR FUTURE: but my rogue trader still cannot bang every xeno girl he sees.
*If I try this with the forces of chaos, I deserve every corruption point, insanity point and nurlge’s rot infection I get.
* If the arch-militant gets the hideous strength and brute mutations, he does not have to become the hulk.
*If my female navigator ends up with the corpulent mutation, it may not go straight to her breasts.
*While undoubtedly disturbing enough, the combined worm and nightmarish mutations will not result in the human centipede.
*No explorer may scream out ORAORAORAORA, even with the relevant feats and two power-fists.
* No antagonist may respond in kind with MUDAMUDAMUDA, Especially if they are a space vampire.
* The code-word for uszing the lidless gaze is not “Staring contest! (You loose!)"
*The explorator cannot make a looted dalek, TARDIS, or carnifex
* Must not use the baleful eye to toast banana bread.
* There is no such thing as a throwing chainsword.
* Underslung storm-bolters are a thing. Underslung lascannons are not.
* May not use digital weapons and power-fists at the same time.
* Rogue traders can treat the immutable laws of the empire more like guidelines than actual rules. In no universe does this allow me to graft a carnifex arm onto my own.
*(…well, in Black Crusade it’s okay)
* May not cross-over the Deathwatch campaign, the Rogue-Trader campaign, and the Dark Heresy campaign, even if it is possible in canon.
*…Especially to fight the characters in our Black-Crusade campaign.
*May not abuse a warp-loving ship to arrive 5 days before we left, in order to kill ourselves and take our own stuff.
*Even IF I’m an orc freebooter, for whom this is entirely in character.
*Selfcest will get me corruption points.
*There is no chaos champion of Khorne known as “pyramid head”
*likewise Tzeench and “Slenderman”
*likewise Nurgle and “Alex Mercer”
*likewise Slaneesh and “Pedobear.”

Esprit15

2012-06-16, 07:52 AM

*My character may not use this thread as their bucket list.

* I may only have Craft (Insult) if I am willing to do it true Shakespearian justice.

** In a PbP game, I may not have the other players help me OOC if I can't give it justice on my own.

** Animals may not take Craft (Insult)

planswalker

2012-06-16, 07:08 PM

** Animals may not take Craft (Insult)

***unless it is a raven and it's your familiar.

Riverdance

2012-06-16, 10:18 PM

*My rogue may not outperform the bard just because he had extra skill points lying around to put in Perform (whatever the bard plays)

Socratov

2012-06-17, 12:36 PM

***unless it is a raven and it's your familiar.

***or parrot

lalalalalalalalala, my post needs to be longer!

Riverdance

2012-06-17, 11:05 PM

*May not interrupt in the middle of the BBEG's bragging speech with, "BOORRRING," just before beheading him.

newBlazingAngel

2012-06-17, 11:20 PM

*I am not to fall in love with the bad guy.

**The bad guy is not to fall in love with me

***We're only fighting same gender, non humans from now on.

****My character is not bi-sexual

*****My character is not bi-special.

******I must stop seducing litches.

planswalker

2012-06-18, 12:39 AM

*I am not allowed, as the paladin, to be suspicious enough and deceitful enough to justify seeing through the disreputable guy who just approached the party, tell him off, and explain to the party exactly why I metagamed so. Without breaking character.

**Not even as a halfling

***Not even though I got to write my own paladin oaths and did not break them.

****Even if I pass it by my DM before the game starts.

*****Apparently, I am required to make sure every character I make has enough ranks in bluff or sense motive to justify my shenanigans or it's metagaming.

newBlazingAngel

2012-06-18, 12:50 AM

*I am not to take ranks in metagameing

TuggyNE

2012-06-18, 02:08 AM

*I am not to take ranks in metagameing

** Knowledge (Knowledge) is not a valid skill, nor Knowledge (Experience).

Randomguy

2012-06-18, 02:56 AM

*Exam notes are not a masterwork tool for knoweledge checks.

Craft (Cheese)

2012-06-18, 02:58 AM

Esprit15

2012-06-18, 02:59 AM

*Exam notes are not a masterwork tool for knoweledge checks.
* Any plan that requires I prove it would work with a physics book is not allowed.

Novawurmson

2012-06-18, 08:56 AM

*My triceratops animal companion cannot make Diplomacy checks for me.

**Even if he rolls natural 20s every time I try.

Gligarman2

2012-06-18, 10:22 AM

These are all real:

*I may not use Tenser's Floating Disk to kill darkmantles.
*I may not play a bard.
*I may not be secretly Chaotic Evil.
*I may not repeat this word three times: Pazuzu.
*Godhood is not acceptable for a bard 4/ Dashing Swordsman 5.
*Nor is using perform as every other skill.
*The Munchkin's Guide to Powergaming is not a handy book of tips.
*Guns do not make every other skill obsolete.
*Charm person is not used in every situation.
*The Locate City Bomb may not be modified to make wights.
*No world-ruling necromancer PCs who are Lawful Good.

Lord_Gareth

2012-06-18, 10:24 AM

*I am no longer allowed to be the campaign villain while also being a member of the party (as the same character).

newBlazingAngel

2012-06-18, 11:03 AM

*I am not to create an Erfworld game

**We may not battle a league of tools

***If everybody wants to be lord hamster, nobody can be lord hamster

Man on Fire

2012-06-18, 11:35 AM

* I cannot be Bard with 1 level of Paladin of Freedom just so I can seduce every BBEG of opposite gender and then use Smite Evil on my Secret Hyper Weapon.
** BBEG of the same gender isn't allowed either.

* Cannot be Chaotic Good and spend entire game trying to break and corrupt every single Lawful character I stumble upon and claiming I just want them to be themselves.

Ksheep

2012-06-18, 11:53 AM

* Not allowed to use Ghost Sound to convince the fighter that his new sword is talking to him.
** Not allowed to use Ghost Sound to convince the cleric that his god is speaking to him.
*** May not convince said cleric that he must make an ark and collect 2 of each animal.
**** Not allowed to use Ghost Sound.

* Not allowed to combine a Decanter of Endless Water and a guitar to make a guitar that gently weeps.

Dire Panda

2012-06-18, 12:42 PM

My INT 40+ epic wizard may not Genesis a demiplane with flowing time, discover all of modern physics, and return to the Prime Material with a working hydrogen bomb one round later.
I may not name my wizard Mark and demand to be addressed as Arcane Mark.
Similarly, I cannot play a dwarf raised by humans and named Rodney, all for the sake of one day taking levels in dwarven defender and earning the nickname Immovable Rod.
I may not polymorph myself into a copy of my familiar while polymorphing my familiar into myself, on the off chance that someone gets close enough to try to assassinate me.
In the same vein, my familiar will get a veto on all suicidal familiar-abuse plans.
I may not try to invent spells like Contact Other Game (focus: a rectangle of white marble with an apple carved into it) to consult with my munchkin buddies.
I may not use other posts in this topic for inspiration.

newBlazingAngel

2012-06-18, 01:04 PM

*The internet is not a plain of existence

**That doesn't mean I can create it.

***Facebook is not the most powerful of all the warring social networks

****Apparently myspace can be a completely deserted nation.

Kira_the_5th

2012-06-18, 09:00 PM

* Just because my character spent all his skill points on Sing, Craft (Women's Clothing), and Profession (Lumberjack) does not mean he'll be OK.

Dire Panda

2012-06-18, 10:18 PM

Knowledge (plot spoilers) is never a class skill.
It also cannot be used untrained.
I may not Awaken a cannabis plant.
I may not play an Awakened cannabis plant.
If I violate the previous rules, the character does not do INT damage to everything nearby when struck with a fire attack.
I may not use metamagic cheese to Intensify the Awaken spell and produce a 36 INT kitten.
I may not crush civilization beneath the mechanized paws of a thousand genius cats.
I may no longer even consider casting Awaken.

newBlazingAngel

2012-06-18, 10:26 PM

*I may not name my characters by sticking two random words together

**I am to burn the character sheet of Trash Boat the monk

***And Bottle Gum the bard

****The Urge can only be a villains name

*****I can only take names given off the example list in the players manual.

TheJudicator

2012-06-18, 11:47 PM

I may not use metamagic cheese to Intensify the Awaken spell and produce a 36 INT kitten.
I may not crush civilization beneath the mechanized paws of a thousand genius cats.
I may no longer even consider casting Awaken.

The above rules also apply in regards to Awakened squirrels.
If the previous rule may only be broken by a halfling Druid, and then only if said halfling carries a THICK Scottish accent.
I may not abuse the Awaken spell and liberal use of the leadership feat to produce 8 cohorts and over 300 followers of Awakened squirrels, flying squirrels, giant squirrels, and giant dire squirrels.
making every single squirrel in the above army Druids, and then having them all cast Summon Nature's Ally and/or Summon Swarm at once will cause your DM's brain to hemmorhage.

saxavarius

2012-06-18, 11:47 PM

*The verbal component of eldricht blast is not "Hadouken!"
**Nor is it "Sonic Boom"

Balmas

2012-06-18, 11:55 PM

*My monk's battle cry is not "Round One: Fight!"

newBlazingAngel

2012-06-19, 12:46 AM

*My half orc may not have a melee bonus of +7 at level two.

I totally did this first time I even used the forum dice roller. :smallbiggrin:

planswalker

2012-06-19, 01:53 AM

*My half orc may not have a melee bonus of +7 at level two.

** If my orc fighter 2 character doesn't have at least a +10 attack with his weapon, he's doing it wrong.

Elemental

2012-06-19, 05:28 AM

*It is assumed that a wizard actually knows how magic works.
**If for some reason your wizard has absolutely no clue, I'm going to give your spells ransom effects until you invest at least one skill point in spellcraft and/or knowledge arcana.

Man on Fire

2012-06-19, 07:21 AM

*My monk's battle cry is not "Round One: Fight!"

*Neither is it "Heaven Or Hell?! Lets Go!"

Dire Panda

2012-06-19, 10:18 AM

Socratov

2012-06-19, 10:44 AM

The "Rod of Wonder" is a magic item, not a nickname for my character's anatomy.
Should I violate the previous rule, pointing it at a foe and speaking the 'command word' gives them an immediate sunder attempt.
Make Whole doesn't work that way.
I may not be a Eunuch Warlock with the worst backstory ever.

*nor am I a Lord of Rodly Might
**No, a Rod of Lordly Might does not work like viagra
***I am to warn my next DM that I can't play male characters
****A Rod of Wonder/Rod of Lordly Might are not to be used as strap-ons (acutally tested this)
*****I am to inform the DM that I am to play genderless characters...

newBlazingAngel

2012-06-19, 10:58 AM

*I am allowed to play NPC classes, but I may not play a mob of them as a level adjustment.

**A mob of level 12 aristocrats cannot crush a gelatinous cube to death.

*My bard is to never perform standup.

Dire Panda

2012-06-20, 09:31 AM

I may not attempt to unionize another PC's followers.
The same goes for the BBEG's orc legions.
Skeletons are right out.
Looting the king's castle is not redistributing wealth.
I must be prepared for the party cleric to hit me if I go around telling NPCs that religion is the opiate of the masses.
My character may no longer be a communist.

ryu

2012-06-20, 09:39 AM

*No the fact that we all have a set wealth level based on how many wombats we've killed doesn't count.
*No the fact that we can't sell anything at market price and making it ourselves is simply more useful doesn't count either.
*No the fact that most monsters no matter how powerful also have set parameters for wealth doesn't count either.
*I must stop drawing parallels between dnd and communism.

newBlazingAngel

2012-06-20, 10:45 AM

*We are allowed to play awakened animals, but I may not be an awakened rabbit

**Or Panda

***Or crab

****Now I HAVE to play as an awakened fish.

Man on Fire

2012-06-20, 08:33 PM

I must be prepared for the party cleric to hit me if I go around telling NPCs that religion is the opiate of the masses.

*Cannot answer any quote from anyone's holy book with anything involving words "3:16".

Socratov

2012-06-21, 06:13 AM

*We are allowed to play awakened animals, but I may not be an awakened rabbit

**Or Panda

***Or crab

****Now I HAVE to play as an awakened fish.

Claus?

* I may not play as an awakened fish with profession(psychotherapist)

planswalker

2012-06-21, 06:16 AM

Claus?

* I may not play as an awakened fish with profession(psychotherapist)

* awakened frog bards may not choose perform (dance) as their performance art. Neither perform (sing).

Elemental

2012-06-21, 06:54 AM

**That's it. From now on, all living things that are targets of an awaken spell are now extinct due to a ecological catastrophe caused by an awakened mouse.
Congratulations. You've brought untold suffering down upon worlds that don't even exist yet! *edits nature out of the next four campaigns*

newBlazingAngel

2012-06-21, 10:50 AM

*Just because we have a staff of raise dead doesn't mean we need to use it.

**I am not to hold the staff of raise dead until the DM forgets about it.

***If I use said staff to raise a plot important death, it is turned into a staff of fireball.

Arutema

2012-06-21, 01:45 PM

*Neither is it "Heaven Or Hell?! Lets Go!"
** Yelling "Rebel One, Action!" is not an appropriate Join Battle stunt.

Lord_Gareth

2012-06-21, 01:51 PM

*My half orc may not have a melee bonus of +7 at level two.

I totally did this first time I even used the forum dice roller. :smallbiggrin:

Your DM is under the impression that this is something to be afraid of?

Rockphed

2012-06-21, 04:26 PM

* awakened frog bards may not choose perform (dance) as their performance art. Neither perform (sing).

** Perform (kiss) is likewise prohibited.
All women enjoy the kiss of prince Navine.

planswalker

2012-06-21, 04:45 PM

*pointing out the absurdity of ranger's favored enemy bonuses applying to dracotaurs, satyrs, and gargoyles as the same category yet somehow a kobold, elf, and dwarf are too different to be same category will not get all humanoids approved as a single category.

Esprit15

2012-06-22, 01:39 AM

In PTTA
* I may not create a SAD character that gains damage, health and DR from one stat, and pump only this stat.
** Especially if it is not a Psychic.
** Gaining more HP per level than a SAD CON class will get me far tougher encounters than everyone else.
*** If I do this, I may not complain about always having to tank everything for all the other squishy party members.
** I may not create a build like this and then say that I am a pacifist.