Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

[MesiDoomstalker]

In PTTA
* I may not create a SAD character that gains damage, health and DR from one stat, and pump only this stat.
** Especially if it is not a Psychic.
** Gaining more HP per level than a SAD CON class will get me far tougher encounters than everyone else.
*** If I do this, I may not complain about always having to tank everything for all the other squishy party members.
** I may not create a build like this and then say that I am a pacifist.

*If such character is created, Electrode carpet bombing is now a valid tatic for the GM to use against you.

[Esprit15]

*If such character is created, Electrode carpet bombing is now a valid tatic for the GM to use against you.
* In such a scenario, I am to treat it as "Rocks fall, everyone dies," not count out the damage or devise a way to avoid dying.

* I also instantly fail the death save.

[planswalker]

*I may no longer watch strange indie Alice in Wonderland films when creating a dnd campaign setting.
**Especially ones set in downtown London.
***Double for ones that feature creepy dolls.

[Man on Fire]

Cannot use anything I read in Twisted Princess series (http://jeftoon01.deviantart.com/gallery/11344500) with changed names as a character backstory.

[BlackestOfMages]

Cannot use anything I read in Twisted Princess series (http://jeftoon01.deviantart.com/gallery/11344500) with changed names as a character backstory.

* unless I'm playing the villain...

* Cannot use a variation f your standard cindrella story as background but add in a few twists such as godmother being more eldritch lovecraftian horror and mass-murder.
** Especially not when I was told I wasn't a villain...

[newBlazingAngel]

*My bard may not be an 'adult play' star.

**He may not take it as a skill

***I may not inspire confidence this way.

****I fascinate EVERYONE when I do this.

[CTrees]

-when you insult the DM as he's about to roll for how many monsters attack the party? He's going to decide to just go with the max, and probably start it as an ambush. Protip, etc.
-if the DM pulls out the Call of Cthulu D20 rulebook, things are not going to go as anyone expects. Not even for the DM.

[Randomguy]

*Creating a spell that summons technicolour pachiderms will result in san damage. So will casting it or seeing the results.
Pink elephants

[big teej]

if memory serves, we're allowed to bring in non-dnd stuff

and I don't recall seeing this mentioend (though I'm sure it has been)

*** I am not to base Shadowrun Characters on Team Fortress 2 characters...

((apparently it traumatizes my players.))

[Rockphed]

if memory serves, we're allowed to bring in non-dnd stuff

Oh, yes please. D&D may be the biggest demographic, but any game is fair game. Just please elaborate if it is an obscure game or setting.


and I don't recall seeing this mentioend (though I'm sure it has been)

*** I am not to base Shadowrun Characters on Team Fortress 2 characters...

((apparently it traumatizes my players.))

* If my character's best weapons are a crowbar and a ranged object manipulator, I am doing things wrong.
** If my character only has the ability to teleport and fall from arbitrary heights, I am doing things wrong.
* Being a mute is a privilege, not a right.
** I am not allowed to give my character a snarky animal sidekick just so I can participate in conversations while playing a mute.
*** If my formerly mute character has been tortured for several years, his first words should be plot significant. "Cheese" does not cut it.
*Being a cheerleader is likewise a privilege, not a right.
** I may not use a rod of wonder on my enemies in the hopes that they will turn blue.
*** Nor may I give them hair styling tips.
**** Nor funky fresh flying cars.
***** Nasty scars are fine.
** If my involves rapping, I had better be playing a bard.

[planswalker]

*If the dm for a game I am applying to asks me to explain what sorts of roles my summoner druid would find useful to complement him, I better be able to come up with an answer besides "decoys" and "minions to carry my loot".

[Emperordaniel]

*If me and my mid-level party sees an Adult Silver Dragon, we will not charge at it, weapons drawn, without provocation.
**No, not even then.
***Killing the Silver Dragon after - due to a lucky critical - it has surrendered and is pleading for its life is right out.

[Bearpunch]

*No, you cannot be a cat with psionic powers.
*Not even if he spends most of the game in a battlesuit.
*Especially if he spends the game in a battlesuit.
*Even if this were to be allowed, the acronym for your battlesuit may not be M.E.O.W. Even if it makes total sense.
*Please don't throw the druid.
*Even if it seems to be the only way out of the pit.
*If your back-up plan ever again contains enough c-4 to level a city block, think of a new back-up plan.
*Stop insulting the elder demon.
*Don't punch it, either.

[Acanous]

*Even if this were to be allowed, the acronym for your battlesuit may not be M.E.O.W. Even if it makes total sense.


Please elaborate.
I know of one acronym I use often in futuristic RPG's, C.A.T.S. (Command and Tactical Support, a unit designation) and a C.A.T.S. M.E.O.W. is just too good to pass up.

[Metahuman1]

*If me and my mid-level party sees an Adult Silver Dragon, we will not charge at it, weapons drawn, without provocation.
**No, not even then.
***Killing the Silver Dragon after - due to a lucky critical - it has surrendered and is pleading for its life is right out.

*If we do this, we will not question are alignments changing to evil.

**Nor will we question our DM opting to do something bad to us for this if he happens to like dragons in general, good aligned dragons in particular, and Silvers as one of his top favorites in D&D.

[Man on Fire]

* No longer allowed to combine Summon Nature's Ally with Irresistible Dance to recreate Happy Feet movie.

[planswalker]

* No longer allowed to combine Summon Nature's Ally with Irresistible Dance to recreate Happy Feet movie.

** Double ditto for Summon Undead substituted for SNA and thriller.

[newBlazingAngel]

*My players should not need to test underground dungeons with canaries

[Dire Panda]

I may not refer to my animal companion as "Mister Fluffykins" if he is larger than me.
Especially if my animal companion is female.
If I violate the previous rule, I may not complain if my character gets eaten.
I may not attempt to research "Spay/Neuter" as a first-level druid spell.
Not even if I attempt to justify it in-game as controlling animal populations to benefit nature overall.
If my DM is gullible enough to let me break the previous two rules, I will not use the spell on NPCs.
Especially not questgivers, kings, epic wizards, or other important figures.
Should the aforementioned powerful NPC roll a natural 1 on his Fortitude save and suffer the spell's effects, I should expect both myself and Mister Fluffykins to die horribly.

[Ridureyu]

I may not combine Aberrant feats with Druid and Master of Many Forms to become a Beholder at level 7. Especially when in a diplomatic position.

[Techwarrior]

*I may no longer use the spell Mage Hand to throw the BBEG Nixie Sorceror onto his own spike traps.
**I may no longer use the spell Mage Hand to throw knives.
***I may no longer use the spell Mage Hand to pull out the one book in the stack and knock over the bookcase on the enemies.
****I may not use the spell Mage Hand when we are in a combat situation.
*****I may not prep the spell Mage Hand more than once a day, nor may I take it on a Sorceror or Bard.
******If the DM calls for a DC when I use the spell Mage Hand, the answer may not be higher than 25.
*******I may not use Mage Hand to prepare for a battle situation.
********I may never cast the spell Mage Hand again.

[newBlazingAngel]

*Mage hand is a serious spell, not for my characters own pleasure.
**Or practical jokes
***Or some other persons pleasure
****Or filthy jokes
*****Or filthy actions

[planswalker]

*I may no longer use the spell Mage Hand to throw the BBEG Nixie Sorceror onto his own spike traps.
**I may no longer use the spell Mage Hand to throw knives.
***I may no longer use the spell Mage Hand to pull out the one book in the stack and knock over the bookcase on the enemies.
****I may not use the spell Mage Hand when we are in a combat situation.
*****I may not prep the spell Mage Hand more than once a day, nor may I take it on a Sorceror or Bard.
******If the DM calls for a DC when I use the spell Mage Hand, the answer may not be higher than 25.
*******I may not use Mage Hand to prepare for a battle situation.
********I may never cast the spell Mage Hand again.

* I may no longer blatantly and utterly ignore the rules of mage-hand to try to force my DM to let me pull off the above tricks which do not work by the rules at all.

[Techwarrior]

Actually they all do, at least in 3.0. 3.5 edited the spell Mage Hand to not allow targets that weren't nonmagical inanimate objects, and it gave no save DC.

That's the only ones that I can think of that don't work :smallconfused:

[planswalker]

Actually they all do, at least in 3.0. 3.5 edited the spell Mage Hand to not allow targets that weren't nonmagical inanimate objects, and it gave no save DC.

That's the only ones that I can think of that don't work :smallconfused:

wrong.


Mage Hand
Transmutation
Level: Brd 0, Sor/Wiz 0
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 action
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Target: Nonmagical, unattended object
weighing up to 5 lb.
Duration: Concentration
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No
You point your finger at an object and can
lift it and move it at will from a distance.
As a move-equivalent action, you can move
the object up to 15 feet in any direction,
though the spell ends if the distance
between you and the object ever exceeds
the spell’s range.

I'll grant that your book trick is by RAW because dnd fails at physics forever, but the dagger attack is a very debatable thing your dm should never have allowed. Grabbing the nixie explicitly is disallowed. If a spell that doesn't normally call for a dc needs one, the dc isn't something you pull out of your butt. DC's for spells are easily calculable and your dm should never have to ask you for it. Mage Hand, being a 0 level spell, would have a dc of 10+relevant ability modifier+any other bonuses relevant (specialist, spell focus, etc). Unless you have an absurdly high number of miscellaneous bonuses, you're nowhere close to dc 25.

[Techwarrior]

Hm... You're right. I had been operating under limited information, as at the time that I was playing, I had never even opened the player's handbook. It was my first roleplaying experience and I was using a premade character with very little actual description of my abilites.

To answer the DC question.
I had 36 Int (+13), Spell Focus Transmutation, and Greater Spell Focus

In defense of myself abusing the system. The character was over a decade ago, and I knew very little about the system at the time. I was a friend of a friend who was handed a 20th level character. Not entirely the greatest experience, as I had to figure out the entire system as we went along, and had to contend with a 20th level wizard.

[planswalker]

Fair enough. I just wanted to point out that most of the tricks you pulled are things that don't really work.

but yeah, if you're playing a 20th level wizard with 36 int and you actually ever cast a 0th-level spell, odds are good that wierdness happens.

[Techwarrior]

No matter the system, I am not allowed to have access to any power that allows telekenesis.

[Lord_Gareth]

* My Soverign-class battleship is not the F.S.S. Snuggleguts.

* Chuck Norris is not my character's Fetch

[Jay R]

* I may not base a character on Captain Jack Sparrow.
* I may not base a character on Edward Scissorhands.
* I may not base a character on Barnabus Collins.
* I may not base a character on the Mad Hatter.
* I may not base a character on Sweeney Todd.
** I may never watch a Johnny Depp movie again.

[newBlazingAngel]

*I may not give my character the flaw 'believes he is always right.'
**Or 'believes he is smarter than everyone else.'
*** 'Incapable of talking to woman unless drunk' is right out.
**** 'Impulsive pervert' is just weird.
***** I am to stop basing character flaws off of big bang theory.

[planswalker]

*If I base a character off of the Harry Dresden novels, it may not be the giant necromantic monster.
**Or the plant monster.
***Or the wolf monster.
****In fact, for now on, I must roleplay humanoids only.

[newBlazingAngel]

* I am not to base characters off of Edgar Allen Poe's writings
** Or Steven King
*** If I need to pull out a Lovecraft novel to explain what something looks like, I am to gracefully retire into using nothing but gnomes.

[Arbane]

* I may not base a character on Captain Jack Sparrow.
* I may not base a character on Edward Scissorhands.
* I may not base a character on Barnabus Collins.
* I may not base a character on the Mad Hatter.
* I may not base a character on Sweeney Todd.
** I may never watch a Johnny Depp movie again.

Ao, Hunter S. Thompson is all right, then? :smallbiggrin:

[Socratov]

* I may not base a character on Captain Jack Sparrow.
snip

did this once, it was hilarious. I played him as a dread pirate (with some cocktail of classes to start with), I was put into decisions pertaining a pirate's refugee island and defending that against the armada of a thrane (In Eberron) and needless to say it was a great success! At some point I was like:
"Where is the enemies admiral! I want to slice and dice him up too (like I had just done)!"
at wich my DM says: "you remeber that exploding ship? Well his hat is jsut now floating right beside your boat..."
me: "Soooo... No slicing and dicing?"
DM: "nope."
me: "Aw shucks!"

[planswalker]

* I may not build a druid where a single class feature I have will invalidate two party members at once.
** Especially if I have to gimp my feats to avoid doing so.
*** Even if it is far too easy.

[Bearpunch]

Please elaborate.
I know of one acronym I use often in futuristic RPG's, C.A.T.S. (Command and Tactical Support, a unit designation) and a C.A.T.S. M.E.O.W. is just too good to pass up.

It is a poor acronym, I'll admit, but it was Mechanized Energy-sufficient Man-operated Weapons platform. More or less M.E.O.W.

[planswalker]

sorry, but no. It is MESMOWP... dropping half your words in an acronym is very bad form...

[Man on Fire]

* Cannot base Call of Cthulhu adventure on any manga written by Juni Itou.
** This also includes World Of Darkness adventures
*** And Toon.

[Jay R]

sorry, but no. It is MESMOWP... dropping half your words in an acronym is very bad form...

But reasonably common anyway. There is no clear rule that they are always exact initialisms.

"Light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation": LASER or LABSEOR?
"Radio detection and ranging": RADAR or RDAR?
"Completely automated public Turing test to tell computers and humans apart": CAPTCHA or CAPTTTTCAHA?
"Special executive for counter-intelligence, terrorism, revenge, and extortion": SPECTRE or SEFCITRAE?

[Geostationary]

*Even though I'm playing Nobilis, I may not play an acronym
**Or a present participle, should I feel inclined
***Especially not if I'm the Power of Grammar and Syntax

[Bearpunch]

But reasonably common anyway. There is no clear rule that they are always exact initialisms.

"Light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation": LASER or LABSEOR?
"Radio detection and ranging": RADAR or RDAR?
"Completely automated public Turing test to tell computers and humans apart": CAPTCHA or CAPTTTTCAHA?
"Special executive for counter-intelligence, terrorism, revenge, and extortion": SPECTRE or SEFCITRAE?

Exactly my thought-process, and besides, it was for a joke character, so I didn't really mind that the acronym sucked.

[newBlazingAngel]

*I am to stop making characters with lisps

*I am to stop making characters with horrible but no penalty deformities.

*I am to stop making characters with emotional problems.

*A character with daddy issues, two noses, and a lisp will be permanently killed.

[planswalker]

But reasonably common anyway. There is no clear rule that they are always exact initialisms.

"Light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation": LASER or LABSEOR?
"Radio detection and ranging": RADAR or RDAR?
"Completely automated public Turing test to tell computers and humans apart": CAPTCHA or CAPTTTTCAHA?
"Special executive for counter-intelligence, terrorism, revenge, and extortion": SPECTRE or SEFCITRAE?

* I must refrain from creating a campaign centered around killing the morons who came up with the above acronyms...
** Especially those who skip at least 2 letters in a row to make it

[Sith_Happens]

It is a poor acronym, I'll admit, but it was Mechanized Energy-sufficient Man-operated Weapons platform. More or less M.E.O.W.


sorry, but no. It is MESMOWP... dropping half your words in an acronym is very bad form...

Mechanized Enhancement and Operations Weapon (pretty sure it's okay to drop an "and").

Mechanized Extreme Operations Weapon.

Man-Enhancing Operations Weapon.

Man-Enhancing Omnipurpose Weapon.

Take your pick.:cool:

[newBlazingAngel]

Man enhancing and weapon should never be in the same sentence.

[Craft (Cheese)]

Man enhancing and weapon should never be in the same sentence.

"It can kill a man within 3 miles and has no known defenses."

"Fascinating, how does it work?"

"It drains all the blood from the brain, causing severe damage due to lack of oxygen and eventual death."

"And how does it drain the blood?"

"You really don't want to know."

[newBlazingAngel]

*I am not to use this to 'make an example of' my players.

**I am not to describe the effects of this weapon.

***If I make a miniature over six inches of somebody being effected by this machine, the players have to crucify me.

[Sith_Happens]

* I may not be upset when something I write is construed in a fashion such as the above. I posted it in this thread at my own risk.

[planswalker]

* I am not allowed to confide my darkest secrets in a seven-year-old and expect them to keep it a secret.

[Socratov]

*I may not put profession(economics) on my sheet and put ranks in it (neither craft or perform)
*I may not make use of my insights into the world economy irl to wreck the economy in game and get filthy rich (say getting wbl at 3 times the speed)
**I may nog teach anything in in any DnD campaign

[Craft (Cheese)]

* I am not allowed to confide my darkest secrets in a seven-year-old and expect them to keep it a secret.

** If I confide my darkest secrets in the DM instead, I deserve whatever happens next.

[Elemental]

*I may not put profession(economics) on my sheet and put ranks in it (neither craft or perform)
*I may not make use of my insights into the world economy irl to wreck the economy in game and get filthy rich (say getting wbl at 3 times the speed)
**I may nog teach anything in in any DnD campaign

But... Pointing out the flaws in the economy of a world where vast quantities of treasure are buried deep below the ground and then brought back without the markets of precious metals collapsing is the best part!

***Knowledge (Economics), while a reasonable sounding and believable skill, will never confer any bonuses upon your character.
****Nor will Knowledge (Physics), Knowledge (Chemistry), Knowledge (Climatology) or Knowledge (Biology).

[Emperordaniel]

*I will not drop my fellow players into big pits filled with angry tortoises.

[Esprit15]

****Nor will Knowledge (Physics), Knowledge (Chemistry), Knowledge (Climatology) or Knowledge (Biology).

***** If I employ Knowledge (Physics) or Knowledge (Chemistry) out of character, I will be beaten with a text book of the offending subject.

[newBlazingAngel]

*I will not drop my fellow players into big pits filled with angry tortoises.

**I WILL explain this in funny D&D stories.

[Qwertystop]

*If I try to summon Candlejack, I am no

[Ksheep]

* May not use a combination of feats and quirks of item creation to make an item for only 22.5% of the normal cost.
** May not argue that several of the discounts stack, actually knocking the total cost to 17.5% of the normal cost.
*** May not fudge the math and insist that you're actually making the item for 5% of the normal cost.

[Geigan]

*I may not play an inanimate object
**Just because certain previously inanimate objects can be animated does not mean I should play one.
***If I can reanimate broken animated object I am not to play an undead animated object.

[white rider]

As a player:
*I may not have access to the maximize spell feat
**I may not have access to the empower spell feat
***I may not have access to any metamagic feats
****I may not have any metamagic rods, either
As a DM:
*The pyroclastic dragon may not use heighten breath
**Said pyroclastic dragon may not heighten it's destruction breath to a DC such as that the breath will take several years to recharge
***I may not use the Dracinomicom
*I also may not use Heroes of Horror
**Or any issues of dragon magazine
***I may only use the core 3 rulebooks
****I may not use the players handbook or DMG

[planswalker]

lol, wow, your players need to learn to not get so attached to their characters.

* I may not, as a mid-20's college male, set my campain in a world I homebrew in extensive detail based on a popular female-targeted tv series I am a rabid fan of in order to try to attract girls to my group.
** Doing so in order to give myself and my heterosexual male friends and I a chance to write our own self-insert fanfiction is sad and pathetic, but allowable.
*** Not keeping the above rated pg-13 or nicer is banned, however.
**** Doing point 2 in a group that's already gender-mixed may be acceptable, provided I'm not just doing it in order to impress my crush.
***** Better yet, pretend this post doesn't exist. I am not allowed to base my campaigns on any tv show. Just to be safe.

[Ksheep]

lol, wow, your players need to learn to not get so attached to their characters.

* I may not, as a mid-20's college male, set my campain in a world I homebrew in extensive detail based on a popular female-targeted tv series I am a rabid fan of in order to try to attract girls to my group.
** Doing so in order to give myself and my heterosexual male friends and I a chance to write our own self-insert fanfiction is sad and pathetic, but allowable.
*** Not keeping the above rated pg-13 or nicer is banned, however.
**** Doing point 2 in a group that's already gender-mixed may be acceptable, provided I'm not just doing it in order to impress my crush.
***** Better yet, pretend this post doesn't exist. I am not allowed to base my campaigns on any tv show. Just to be safe.

****** The above goes double when said female-targed TV series is aimed at pre-teens and young teens…

[newBlazingAngel]

*I may not write an RPG where the only available weapons are fireworks.

[planswalker]

*I may not write an RPG where the only available weapons are fireworks.

** I am required to write an RPG where the only available weapon is fireworks.

[newBlazingAngel]

***In this hypothetical word, most builders would have the common sense to build non-flamable houses.

****I have to logically explain how exactly a sparkler is a dagger substitute.

*****If I create hellfire sparklers I am not to be surprised when my players invent this: http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o11/yhjow/swarmofbees2.jpg

[Flame of Anor]

sorry, but no. It is MESMOWP...

Well, my cats often say "mesmowp"...



dropping half your words in an acronym is very bad form...
But reasonably common anyway. There is no clear rule that they are always exact initialisms.

"Light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation": LASER or LABSEOR?
"Radio detection and ranging": RADAR or RDAR?
"Completely automated public Turing test to tell computers and humans apart": CAPTCHA or CAPTTTTCAHA?
"Special executive for counter-intelligence, terrorism, revenge, and extortion": SPECTRE or SEFCITRAE?

The problem with this is that (1) it's okay to drop the little words, like "and" or "by", and (2) it's also okay to use multiple letters from one word if your acronym would be unpronounceable.

So LASER, RaDAR, and SPECTRE actually follow the rules, since "counter-intelligence" is one word. CAPTTTCHA, however, does have a problem.


* I may not derail threads with technicalities.

[Ksheep]

Well, my cats often say "mesmowp"...



The problem with this is that (1) it's okay to drop the little words, like "and" or "by", and (2) it's also okay to use multiple letters from one word if your acronym would be unpronounceable.

So LASER, RaDAR, and SPECTRE actually follow the rules, since "counter-intelligence" is one word. CAPTTTCHA, however, does have a problem.


* I may not derail threads with technicalities.

If you are counting the compound word "Counter-intelligence" as one word, then you should also count the compound words from the original MEOW as single words as well. You can't have it both ways.

** I MAY NOT derail threads with technicalities.

[BlackestOfMages]

* No matter how Ironic it is, the party - after going chaotic stupid in the last town - may not run into a party of higher leveled characters murdering everything for fun...

** No justification exists for a chotic stupid paladin that will prevent its fall

*** not even that

[newBlazingAngel]

*If I am running a star wars D&D campaign I am required to have seen at least half the movies.

**If the characters encounter 'Bubba Feet' I have to pay for the pizza.

***If I point out how incompetent Bubba Feet os at his job, I have to pay for all the drinks.

****If the plot is centralized around JarJar binks I am required to chip in to everybody's mortgages.

[Metahuman1]

*Unless it involves killing him. Horribly.

[newBlazingAngel]

*If my characters do brutally murder the entire gungan population, I am not to then introduce darths and droids to them.

[Flame of Anor]

If you are counting the compound word "Counter-intelligence" as one word, then you should also count the compound words from the original MEOW as single words as well. You can't have it both ways.

** I MAY NOT derail threads with technicalities.

Technically I never made a judgment on the validity of MEOW.

*** I must whack myself in the head.

[planswalker]

* Modern science has no bearing on fantasy roleplaying.

[Menteith]

I may not ask for a quiet corner in the Temple of Pelor to cast Desecrate to boost my Animate Dead spell. They will be upset with me, even though we're ostensibly on the same side.

[planswalker]

I may not ask for a quiet corner in the Temple of Pelor to cast Desecrate to boost my Animate Dead spell. They will be upset with me, even though we're ostensibly on the same side.

** In Aldhaven, their only problem with that would be that you're a rogue necromancer and didn't pay them their cut first.
*** I am not allowed to present my players with concise evidence why Pelor, in every instance that doesn't explicitly state him to be good show him as a jerkass at best, ultimate evil at worst.

[Menteith]

** In Aldhaven, their only problem with that would be that you're a rogue necromancer and didn't pay them their cut first.
*** I am not allowed to present my players with concise evidence why Pelor, in every instance that doesn't explicitly state him to be good show him as a jerkass at best, ultimate evil at worst.

May I present Pelor, the Burning Hate (http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75882/19558798/Pelor_the_Burning_Hate)?

[newBlazingAngel]

*I may not create a character with flaw "pervert" and "racist simply to create drama.

"She's amazing...but she's an elf...but her jugs are amazing...but she's a black elf...BUT BOOBIES!

[planswalker]

May I present Pelor, the Burning Hate (http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75882/19558798/Pelor_the_Burning_Hate)?

Menteith, I love you.

Marry me?

[Marillion]

*If I am to fake a party member's death in front of their enemies, I must first acquire their consent.
**This does, in fact, require me to inform them of my plan.
***Especially when the plan is to hold them underwater until they stop kicking.

[newBlazingAngel]

May I present Pelor, the Burning Hate (http://community.wizards.com/go/thread/view/75882/19558798/Pelor_the_Burning_Hate)?

We should have known...

[Balmas]

As a DM:

*If you call for an unnecessary spot check to heighten tensions, you can expect that a natural 20 will be rolled.
**Thou shalt have a good poker face when the PCs interpret the subsequent "You don't see anything" as "Egads, something invisible, kill it with all your high level spells."
***Be consistent. Thus, you can now expect your PCs to cast Glitterdust on a torch to make a gout of flame at least once per session.

(Yay for the most recent gaming session!)

[Techwarrior]

As a DM:

*If you call for an unnecessary spot check to heighten tensions, you can expect that a natural 20 will be rolled.
**Thou shalt have a good poker face when the PCs interpret the subsequent "You don't see anything" as "Egads, something invisible, kill it with all your high level spells."
***Be consistent. Thus, you can now expect your PCs to cast Glitterdust on a torch to make a gout of flame at least once per session.

(Yay for the most recent gaming session!)

Ah, the number of times such things have happened to my poor DM'ing self...

****If we roll opposed rolls for Spot and Hide, and I roll a 2 while the player rolls a 20 and the player still fails, I am legally allowed to be shot.

[planswalker]

Ah, the number of times such things have happened to my poor DM'ing self...

****If we roll opposed rolls for Spot and Hide, and I roll a 2 while the player rolls a 20 and the player still fails, I am legally allowed to be shot.

* If the player is in the Aldhaven docks district at night, their subsequent death to knives in the dark is 100% justified.

@V We did warn everyone in Aldhaven to stay out of the Docks at night. If you ever read the obituaries post, we point out explicitly those who died in the docks... at night...

[Techwarrior]

Similarly, if I am told, "stay out of (insert place here)" and the first thing I do is go there, I will be rolling a new character. Preferably with a higher Wisdom score.

[Lord_Gareth]

*In Star Wars games, I am not to confuse my party members by creating a Sith with more ethics than their Jedi.

[BlackestOfMages]

*In Star Wars games, I am not to confuse my party members by creating a Sith with more ethics than their Jedi.

** The sith thats has been hunting the party may not be doing so out of concern for the people and to stop these super-powered marauders before they destroy a planet. it's just wierd*

* gotta love the fact that the difference bwteen light/dark side is the emotions/attitudes they draw power from, not what they do with it... :smallwink:

[newBlazingAngel]

*If my characters first action is to attempt to find a brothel, I am to expect it to be below my characters standards and above his price range.

[BlackestOfMages]

*If my characters first action is to attempt to find a brothel, I am to expect it to be below my characters standards and above his price range.

** Unless the DM is feeling very, very cruel - whereas the brothel is cheap, high class, filled with lovely men and ladies of all species and specifications...which will all turn out to be level draining succubi.

[newBlazingAngel]

Oh God...I'm glad my DM didn't come up with that.

[Qwertystop]

If my character's main motivation is to find the people who massacred his village, his first action upon finding those people should not be to congratulate them heartily and sincerely.

[planswalker]

* I may not use calculus as a metaphor for anything in DnD. Even if I use it properly, the odds that the person I am talking to will pick up on it, understand it, and properly be able to use it themselves is too slim.

[Razgriez]

*No matter how much it may have seemed like a "Good idea at the time", making a pact with a red dragon is not such. At best, I might be cursed with some major disability, and soul linked to a creature that is typically high up on the "Things to kill" list of adventurers and questing knights. At worst, I'm it's next meal.

*Note To self: Werewolf Curse in Skyrim = Awesome. Werewolf Curse anywhere else= being hunted down and/or burned at the stake

*No matter how much I shout words in Draconic, they won't give me any special powers.

*Shooting a party member in the knee with an arrow is neither "funny" nor a solution to handling my party arguments

[BlackestOfMages]

* Shouting words in true speech will produce special effects... they will just suck epicly :smallsigh:

[Ksheep]

* If we are playing by encumbrance rules, I must remember that there are effects for different levels of weight.
** This means that I can't walk around with a light or a heavy load just fine, and become totally immobile if I pick up an ounce over my heavy load.
*** No, this does not mean that I can still walk around at half speed even if I'm carrying 10 tons of junk on my back…

[ryu]

* If we are playing by encumbrance rules, I must remember that there are effects for different levels of weight.
** This means that I can't walk around with a light or a heavy load just fine, and become totally immobile if I pick up an ounce over my heavy load.
*** No, this does not mean that I can still walk around at half speed even if I'm carrying 10 tons of junk on my back…

****No carrying items in a trashcan does NOT mitigate this. (Totally does. Not kidding try it in your fallout or elder scrolls of choice.)

[Ksheep]

****No carrying items in a trashcan does NOT mitigate this. (Totally does. Not kidding try it in your fallout or elder scrolls of choice.)

***** Trash cans are NOT the Poor Man's Bag of Holding

[planswalker]

* I may no longer try to combine the physics of any of these three realms: real life, tabletop games, or videogames

[Lord_Gareth]

* I may no longer make villains with higher moral standards than my PCs.
* I am definitely no longer allowed to use aforementioned moral standards to cause PvP.

[newBlazingAngel]

*My plan for world domination is not to buy and handpick all the crops in the world only to sell them back to the farmers.

**I already have ten thousand cabbages, I need something to do with them.

***Dropping them off the highest mountain on the continent and screaming "CABALANCHE" Is not cool.

[ryu]

*My plan for world domination is not to buy and handpick all the crops in the world only to sell them back to the farmers.

**I already have ten thousand cabbages, I need something to do with them.

***Dropping them off the highest mountain on the continent and screaming "CABALANCHE" Is not cool.

*Replacing cabbages with all movable items in existence and a few permanently stationary ones is just mean. (Buy ALL the property!)

[newBlazingAngel]

*Combining all game science to create a helicoptor just so that I can float it a few feet above a an unsuspecting soul, jump out and scream "HELLO-COPTOR!" before the fiery explosion kill them is...awesome.

[Craft (Cheese)]

*Combining all game science to create a helicoptor just so that I can float it a few feet above a an unsuspecting soul, jump out and scream "HELLO-COPTOR!" before the fiery explosion kill them is...awesome.

** House Lyandar airships are not helicopters.
*** I may not make the BBEG have an extendable tentacle-arm for the sole purpose of latching onto the airships, hijacking them in midair, then crashing them into things.
**** Know what? Just don't base anything off of Prototype anymore.

[TuggyNE]

***Dropping them off the highest mountain on the continent and screaming "CABALANCHE" Is not cool.

**** Don't even think about pulling this stunt with holiday presents.

[Maugan Ra]

* When the BBEG makes his 'we can rule together' speech/offer thing, the correct answer is not 'hmm, actually, that makes sense. OK then.'

(Dark Heresy, where the plot was supposed to be that our Inquisitorial master had gone too far. Only when he explained his motives and actions, my character concluded that he was actually right and promptly betrayed the rest of the party)

* I am no longer allowed to corrupt the paladin into worshipping Asmodeus through nought more than careful reasoning. No matter how funny it is.

* If a fellow party member has fallen in a pit of acid, I am to get him out immediately, not wait to see if he asks for help. This applies even if I am evil and he is a paladin.

(He was apparently attempting to redeem me by getting me to perform an unasked for act of charity. Just sat there in the acid, slowly dissolving, not saying a word. Eventually I got him out, but the ranger had to threaten me into doing it, so it didn't count)

[BlackestOfMages]

(He was apparently attempting to redeem me by getting me to perform an unasked for act of charity. Just sat there in the acid, slowly dissolving, not saying a word. Eventually I got him out, but the ranger had to threaten me into doing it, so it didn't count)

pffft, thats not an act of charity. thats an act of preserving the meat shield so you don't get inured...

[planswalker]

* Alignment is not an excuse for screwing over my party.

[eulmanis12]

*My party cannot be a group of bards called the S men armed with rapiers just to give us the excuse to open every battle with "Lock S Foils in attack Position"

*I may not take weapon proficiency (whip) and fear (snakes) in the same character

*My character may never say, "Use the Force"
** he may not circumvent this by saying "Use the Mass x Accelleration"

*force choke is not a spell in DnD

*I can't have a +42 longsword
**it is not red
***nor can I have black armor, a black cape, black helmet, and breathing problems

*my shapshifter may not open each battle with "Hulk Smash"

*I do not get to shout "Finish Him" before each coup de grace

*I may not have a young sidkick named short round

*I may not take ranks in profession (archeologist)

*I may not have a walking carpet as a sidekick
**May not engage in bilingual dialog with him

*My Father's name is not Harry, nor is my name Ford. Thus I may not introduce myself as "Harry's son Ford"

[Techwarrior]

My two bladed sword kensai/acrobat may not place brilliant energy on both of the blades.

[NM020110]

*I may no longer engage in the mass mind rape of the citizens of an allied nation without the consent of said nation and its allies.
**Convincing said nation and its allies that the act was morally justified after the fact is to be considered poor form.

[Ksheep]

* May not make an awakened dog artificer with an inept commoner "master" who takes one rank in a different profession each level…

[planswalker]

* Half-dragon half-ogres are not a valid race choice. Especially if you try to then take aberrant feats. Only mongrelfolk are allowed to be that much of a mutt.

[ryu]

*I am not to stack templates just to spite whatever dm is using the above rule.

[Rockphed]

* May not make an awakened dog artificer with an inept commoner "master" who takes one rank in a different profession each level…

Is there an explanation for this? I feel like I should know it.

[Ksheep]

Is there an explanation for this? I feel like I should know it.

Wallace and Gromit (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wallace_and_Gromit), much? Probably could have added "Mustn't make complex Rube-Goldberg-esk machines to do everyday tasks" and "Can't have a penguin who disguises as a chicken as an arch rival"…

[Beowulf DW]

*Even if we didn't plan it out in advance, my oracle is forbidden from worshiping our party's tetori as a messianic figure due to backstory synergy.

[BlackestOfMages]

* wiping out a small island miles away is not an acceptable method of intimidating someone
** Especially not if the person I'm tyring to intimidate asks me to prove I did so
*** Especially, especially not to repeate procedure centered on myself to prove I did so...
**** I am not allowed near casters and/or intimidate

[newBlazingAngel]

*I am to stop pulling out the star wars roleplaying game in hopes that I can slip something in to a game of d20 modern.

[Urpriest]

* I may not use calculus as a metaphor for anything in DnD. Even if I use it properly, the odds that the person I am talking to will pick up on it, understand it, and properly be able to use it themselves is too slim.

** Quantum Field Theory is right out.

[planswalker]

** Quantum Field Theory is right out.

*** Know what, let's just go ahead and say that the hard sciences and fantasy roleplay are mutually antithetical to each other and be done with it.

[Randomguy]

* wiping out a small island miles away is not an acceptable method of intimidating someone

** That's what wiping out populated cities is for.

[Ksheep]

** That's what wiping out populated cities is for.

*** The Locate City Bomb, Wightocolypse edition, is NOT a proper intimidate technique.
**** If I try this, I must remember that I don't actually control the wights, and they will eventually come after me…

[newBlazingAngel]

*I am to stop inventing my own weapons just so that I can become proficient with them.

[Lord_Gareth]

*My Fatespinner's battlecry is not, "Do you feel lucky, punk?"

[Esprit15]

* TVTropes is not there to take ideas from for characters.

** Or settings.

** If I actually name a character Awesome McCoolname I will be smacked with a computer.

** If I get bored and look to find how many tropes I accidentally made a character fall into, I am to share this knowledge with no one.

[hewhosaysfish]

* May not make an awakened dog artificer with an inept commoner "master" who takes one rank in a different profession each level…


Wallace and Gromit (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wallace_and_Gromit), much? Probably could have added "Mustn't make complex Rube-Goldberg-esk machines to do everyday tasks" and "Can't have a penguin who disguises as a chicken as an arch rival"…

This may be thinking about things too much but...

I never thought that there was much to suggest that Wallace didn't build his own inventions; it was just that he lacked basic common sense or competence in absolutely anything else (which may explain the Rube-Goldberg nature of the inventions). So I would stat Wallace as the artificer of the pair.
Since Gromit ends up taking responsibility for everything apart from building crazy contraptions, he needs to to very broadly competent: Factotum.

[Man on Fire]

* Craving "Dovahkiin deserves better game" in Norvegian on my sword doesn't make it automatically kill every enemy it strikes.


(My buddy was quite dissapointed with Skyrim)

[eulmanis12]

*I may not called shot (knee) with my bow
**if successful the target does not immediatly recieve a job as a town guard

*If I create a setting where titles of nobility are in a different language from english that required a good bit of research on my part and a friend complains about "all the made up words for titles" this is not an excuse to hit him over the head with a history textbook

*Yes, saltpeter, sulfer, an charcoal all exist in D&D. No I may not manufacture gunpowder.

*Yes cows poop in D&D, no I may non make Nitroglyceren from their waste products

*It is possible to utilize magic to run an electrical charge through water thus providing a source of hydrogen. I am not permitted to use this hydrogen to create a Fusion Bomb

*if I break any of the above rules, I may not forcefeed the explosives to a cow, drench said bovine in barbecue sauce, tie it to a post in the middle of a field, wait for the dragon to show up, and watch the fireworks.

*If I become king, I may not make Explosive Runes the official written language of the my kingdom

*IF I become a king I am encouraged to create a constitution. Its bill of rights may not be
The right to pie
the right to pi
the right to cheese
the right to beer
the obligation to bacon

*The names Han, Luke, Indiana, Henry, Short, Jones, Round, Junior, Lando, Sanders, Ben, Hogan, Laboe, Carter, Newkirk, Shultz, Klink, Maxwell, any number, Chief (police, indian, tribal or otherwise), Abbot, and Costello, are all off limits

*Robin Hood has been done, many times, he is no longer an acceptable charecter concept.

*If my D&D character is a smuggler ship captain with weapon proficency (hand crossbow), and gorrilla for a sidekick, impossibly good ship handling skills, a bounty on his head, and an amaizingly skeptical attitude towards the party wizard(s), I am not allowed to play him

* If the same character, gets himself frozen in a block of Ice and send to the NPC who put a price on his head I must accept this as poetic justice.

* I reserve the right to view a semi-botched rescue attempt as poetic justice against the DM

* If my character ever goes whaling, he may not shout, "Use harpoons and tow cables"

*

[planswalker]

*It is possible to utilize magic to run an electrical charge through water thus providing a source of hydrogen. I am not permitted to use this hydrogen to create a Fusion Bomb

If you think this could make a fusion bomb in our world, you clearly don't understand the science behind one.

[Ksheep]

This may be thinking about things too much but...

I never thought that there was much to suggest that Wallace didn't build his own inventions; it was just that he lacked basic common sense or competence in absolutely anything else (which may explain the Rube-Goldberg nature of the inventions). So I would stat Wallace as the artificer of the pair.
Since Gromit ends up taking responsibility for everything apart from building crazy contraptions, he needs to to very broadly competent: Factotum.

It seems to me that, while Wallace does make the inventions, or at least design them, Gromit is usually the one who has to get it in working order and fix it whenever it invariably goes wrong. Besides, whenever they're reading, Wallace is reading some book about cheese, while Gromit has "Electronics for Dogs" or some similar book open.

[Gravitron5000]

*If my characters first action is to attempt to find a brothel, I am to expect it to be below my characters standards and above his price range.

* My characters second action should not be to start and run a more affordable brothel.

[Randomguy]

* My characters second action should not be to start and run a more affordable brothel.

**My wizard may not make a chain of brothels using planar bound Succubi as the employees.

* I'm not to ignore the plot to set up a small business.
** I'm not to ignore the plot to set up a monopoly of huge businesses.
***Not to wait until the last second and then suddenly wipe out the BBEG in one round using a super enchanted weapon that I could afford only thanks to my entrepeneurship.

[Ksheep]

**My wizard may not make a chain of brothels using planar bound Succubi as the employees.

* I'm not to ignore the plot to set up a small business.
** I'm not to ignore the plot to set up a monopoly of huge businesses.
***Not to wait until the last second and then suddenly wipe out the BBEG in one round using a super enchanted weapon that I could afford only thanks to my entrepeneurship.

**** May not turn the world into the Tippyverse and have a monopoly on the world's food supply.

[newBlazingAngel]

*Not to trample the BBEG to death under my army of hookers.

[Man on Fire]

**** May not turn the world into the Tippyverse and have a monopoly on the world's food supply.

*****Anything even remotely inspired by Tippyverse wil get me kicked out.


*If I create a setting where titles of nobility are in a different language from english that required a good bit of research on my part and a friend complains about "all the made up words for titles" this is not an excuse to hit him over the head with a history textbook


**Stopping the game to read him out loud excerpts from said textbook is acceptable only once.

[planswalker]

* If my players spend all session to come up with a credible plan on how to kill the tarrasque, when they tell me this plan I am not allowed to say, "Nope, wrong, doesn't work. Instead, you must force-feed him the druid's animal companion" as a corny reference to an old campaign of mine that ended like this.

[Flame of Anor]

*My plan for world domination is not to buy and handpick all the crops in the world only to sell them back to the farmers.

**I already have ten thousand cabbages, I need something to do with them.

***Dropping them off the highest mountain on the continent and screaming "CABALANCHE" Is not cool.

****Nor may I give a cabbage to each member of my secret council and call it the Cabbal.

[elonin]

I am not allowed to take advantage of the planar trait timeless.

I am not allowed to stuff a healer into a portable hole with a bottle of air. Even if it would keep him safe.

[newBlazingAngel]

A flask of endless whiskey that can only be used on geyser is awesome, but should not be weaponized.

[Techwarrior]

But.. . flamethrower... :smallfrown:

[Morithias]

* It is okay if I play a cleric of estanna, but I shouldn't act like everyone's mother.
** I cannot max/min my cleric's diplomacy mod to make her the face of the party when everyone else is CN
*** If we travel to amazon lands I am not automatically in charge cause I'm the girl
**** I am not allowed to try to teach the amazons "the joy of the domestic life".
***** I am not allowed to SUCCEED at teaching the amazons "the joy of the domestic life".

[newBlazingAngel]

*I am not to teach amazons how to 'polish the long spear.'

**Sheathing the longsword is not appropriate either.

***Replacing longsword with shortsword solves nothing.

[Geigan]

A few recent Legend games.

*It is not recommended to destroy the costume given to you as "a part of the act" when performing for the circus.
**It is especially not recommended when the costume was a disguise to keep you from being recognized by mobsters.
***Considering that you are also undead, and a skeleton at that under said costume is not helping out your chances of keeping the crowd from recognizing you past your perception defense.

*Just because they didn't want to pay you doesn't mean they're not going to.
**Just because they didn't end up paying you doesn't mean you can't make your money back anyway.
***Not all of your employers deserve to have their organs sold to the mafia.

And Legend with Paranoia setting and modifications.

*Just because there are reports of Anti-mutants in the area does not mean that you need to kill anyone who gives your party's registered mutants dirty looks.
**New items handed to you by R&D for purposes of testing should not be tested by yourself. Always get an infrared you suspect of treason to test it first.

*I will not sign my party leader's name on every form that requires a signature for liability purposes. At least not while he's looking.
**Nothing should go undocumented, except what would make you look bad.

[byaku rai]

*The party is no longer allowed to get a Decanter of Endless Whiskey.

**If the party does, the DM may not be surprised when the more engineering-minded among the party immediately create Whiskeypunk.

***Drinking whiskey in a town while the town is on fire is counterindicated, and will lead to both fire breath and damage to the firebreather.

*No longer allowed to play an awakened housecat, especially with LA +0.

**/Especially/ not allowed to play an Awakened Housecat Unarmed Swordsage.

***If I roll max Int on Awaken, I will not be allowed to keep it, even if I do so in full view of the rest of the party.

****I am /definitely/ not allowed to be simultaneously the most intelligent and the wisest member of the party as a housecat, and I should not be surprised if the rest of the party refuses to take me seriously as a result.

*Strength should not be a dump stat for a melee damage-dealing character, even if technically I don't /need/ it.

[Man on Fire]

* Not matter how how I punch DM with my copy or "origin of the Species", I still cannot take human as my animal companion.

[Sgt. Cookie]

*I may not abuse Eschew materials to deal damage with a cantrip.

[newBlazingAngel]

Writing my own source book will never ever do me good.

[Ksheep]

* Not matter how how I punch DM with my copy or "origin of the Species", I still cannot take human as my animal companion.

** Not allowed to make an epic level spell called Rapid Evolution so I can cast in on my chimp animal companion in order to get around this ban.

[Man on Fire]

** Not allowed to make an epic level spell called Rapid Evolution so I can cast in on my chimp animal companion in order to get around this ban.

*** If I'm about to complain what inhuman monstrority I got from this, I'll be forced to write paper thesis about how human evolution really worked.


Humans haven't evolved from chimps, humans and chimps evolved from the same species but are seperated evolutionary routes.

[Sith_Happens]

** Not allowed to make an epic level spell called Rapid Evolution so I can cast in on my chimp animal companion in order to get around this ban.


*** If I'm about to complain what inhuman monstrority I got from this, I'll be forced to write paper thesis about how human evolution really worked.


Humans haven't evolved from chimps, humans and chimps evolved from the same species but are seperated evolutionary routes.


*** After realizing my mistake, I am not to run around spamming said Rapid Evolution spell on every animal, magical beast, vermin, humanoid, monstrous humanoid, and ooze species I can think of just to see what happens.
**** Casting Rapid Evolution on an aberration is just asking for trouble.

[Doorhandle]

*before researching a reverse-evolution spell, I am to consider that birds, crocodiles and dinosaurs are all distantly related and it might be unwise to poke them, chonologically speaking.

[Ksheep]

Humans haven't evolved from chimps, humans and chimps evolved from the same species but are seperated evolutionary routes.


Yes, I am quite aware of this. However, my spell caster might not :smalltongue:
Now, would that be high-INT/low-WIS that would cause this mixup, or high-WIS/low-INT?

*May not make a high-INT, low-WIS wizard…

[Emperordaniel]

* When confronted by a mere 20 of the BBEG's mooks (each with a CR of 1/2), the 13th-level Wilder/Cleric and 15th-level Cleric/Bard are not to surrender to them.

[newBlazingAngel]

*I am not to live my character by the Chicago Way.

[Man on Fire]

*I am not to live my character by the Chicago Way.

** Cannot watch Spoony's Counter Monkeys series in search for ideas.


Yes, I am quite aware of this. However, my spell caster might not
Now, would that be high-INT/low-WIS that would cause this mixup, or high-WIS/low-INT?

High Int, low Wis, I say - guy' smart, but not exactly educated...or wise for that matter.

* Party's wizard cannot use rapid evolution to prove world's religions wrong.
** If Party's wizard does this, party's cleric cannot summon his god to prove him wrong
*** Cannot drive rest of the party and DM insane by asking them to explain how the two are possible at the same time.


*before researching a reverse-evolution spell, I am to consider that birds, crocodiles and dinosaurs are all distantly related and it might be unwise to poke them, chonologically speaking.

** Cannot use reverse-evolution to see where the hell does owlbears come from.

[Flame of Anor]

*I am not to teach amazons how to 'polish the long spear.'

**Sheathing the longsword is not appropriate either.

***Replacing longsword with shortsword solves nothing.

****Teaching "put the longsword in the alternate sheath" is right out.


*May not make a high-INT, low-WIS wizard…

Wait...there are wizards that aren't high-INT, low-WIS?

[Ksheep]

Wait...there are wizards that aren't high-INT, low-WIS?

** Harkle Harpell is NOT what all wizards should aspire to be…

EDIT:
*** Neither is Rincewind…

[Arbane]

* Party's wizard cannot use rapid evolution to prove world's religions wrong.
** If Party's wizard does this, party's cleric cannot summon his god to prove him wrong

*** Wizard can NOT use Rapid Evolution on the god.

[Craft (Cheese)]

High Int, low Wis, I say - guy' smart, but not exactly educated...or wise for that matter.

To paraphrase SMBC...

"How dare you! With who were you cheating on me!? You ****ing bastard!!"

High-WIS answer: "Baby, I love you! I'd never cheat on you!"

High-INT answer: "You mean 'with whom'."

[Kira_the_5th]

* I am no longer allowed to throw guards off of their towers, solely to bodyslam them once they hit the ground.
* I am no longer allowed to be worshiped as a god at level 1.
* If my plan is to convince everyone that I'm a knight of noble birth, and not just some brigand who stole his stuff, I had better have a pretty good plan.

[Kaveman26]

*I will not try to take Weapon Focus and Weapon Specialization: Caltrops
* I will not give my gnome giant slayer climbing pitons so he can make climb checks on giants.
* I will no longer ambush my players with sociopathic halfling barbarians from inside their own Heward's Handy Haversack
*I will no longer call for random perception checks just to make them jumpy.

[Lord_Gareth]

*"Attempting to create a god of atheism" is not an appropriate goal for my Ur-Priest.

[newBlazingAngel]

*My character may not be named "Dr. Spaceman."

**Pronouncing it Spa-che-man does not help

***He does hand out prescriptions of animal blood to "straighten the spine."

[nyarlathotep]

* Party's wizard cannot use rapid evolution to prove world's religions wrong.
** If Party's wizard does this, party's cleric cannot summon his god to prove him wrong
*** Cannot drive rest of the party and DM insane by asking them to explain how the two are possible at the same time.


****I am also not allowed to use rapid evolution to prove the theory of evolution wrong.
*****The existence of monsters that turn people into more monsters does not support my theory of evolution through mass spawn creation.

[Ksheep]

* "Captain Proton" is not a valid character concept
** The BBEG is not Chaotica
*** Nor is it Queen Arachnia
**** Holonovels written by Tom Paris are not to be used in character/world creation

[Doorhandle]

* Party's wizard cannot use rapid evolution to prove world's religions wrong.
** If Party's wizard does this, party's cleric cannot summon his god to prove him wrong
*** Cannot drive rest of the party and DM insane by asking them to explain how the two are possible at the same time.



The gods created the first organism, and set it into a suitable environment, which over billions of years and with the aid of divine presence, eventually emerged in their image. What's so hard about that? :smallbiggrin: :smalltongue:


* I am no longer allowed to throw guards off of their towers, solely to bodyslam them once they hit the ground.

Again, once you have the hit due to survive it, when is this ever a bad idea? :smalltongue:

[newBlazingAngel]

*I am to stop writing entire game systems, only to hide them inside my house only to be discovered after my suicide

[Kira_the_5th]

Again, once you have the hit due to survive it, when is this ever a bad idea? :smalltongue:

Yes, but it's doing it at level 1, when you have single digit hit points, that makes it inadvisable. Granted, the fact that that character hasn't miraculously died yet is a good part of the aforementioned worship, given the stupid things he's done.

That said,
*Grappling two ogres in order to throw them into a river of lava is something best done at high levels, not Level 1. (To be fair, those ogres couldn't roll above a 5 to save their lives...)

Also, newBlazingAngel, is everything alright? That one's oddly specific, and a bit worrying.

[newBlazingAngel]

It's based off this writer who did something similar. I frankly have no idea who, could have even been a false memory on my part. I in no way plan to commit suicide and don't have the attention span to leave behind many home written game modules.

[Morithias]

Deleted due to warning

[Craft (Cheese)]

* Not allowed to assassinate the big bad by hiding a vial of poison in my vagina.

(Not kidding, after I did it, the group literally told me "never do that again")

It's the GM's fault, really, s/he failed to remember Evil Overlord item #26:


No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me.

[Doorhandle]

* Not allowed to assassinate the big bad by hiding a vial of poison in my vagina.

(Not kidding, after I did it, the group literally told me "never do that again")

** Not allowed to assassinate the big bad via energy drain due to my succubus/thrall of the succubus queen (I can't spell her name to save my life) levels.

*** Not allowed to use sex as a weapon unless it does NOT involve the perform (sex) skill. I.e Flirting with the guard to get him to let us through.

****Smothering a guard with my Heaving Bosom/Chiseled Pecs is more acceptable, but still not encouraged.

[Man on Fire]

* Not allowed to assassinate the big bad by hiding a vial of poison in my vagina.

* If big bad is a woman I have to remind the DM that I can use Smite Evil on anything, before she attempts to rape me.

(I heard of a guy who did this once).

* If male character is trying o buy their freedom by offering BBEG night with female character, I can reveal BBEG is gay and have him drag said male character to his bedchambers. However, making this face (http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mTC4edmNqKM/TqgM6kaROHI/AAAAAAAAHfs/V1pHnI1IdyM/s1600/scan0004.jpg) while doing so is crossing the line.
** So is quoting that picture.

[Craft (Cheese)]

* If big bad is a woman I have to remind the DM that I can use Smite Evil on anything, before she attempts to rape me.

(I heard of a guy who did this once).

I once tried to deal with this by houseruling that Smite Evil can only be used with weapons capable of drawing blood.

And it... well... you can probably already guess how that turned out.

[newBlazingAngel]

*I am to stop insulting my players in foreign languages.

[Ksheep]

*I am to stop insulting my players in foreign languages.

** I am to stop using normal phrases in fictitious languages that sound menacing.

I had decided that the language of the Orcs in my campaign is Klingon (since I had a Klingon-English dictionary lying around. Don't ask.) They managed to capture an orc and started questioning him. He spat out answers in his guttural language. They thought he was threatening them, until one cast "Comprehend Languages" and found out he was simply asking where the bathroom was…

[Flame of Anor]

I once tried to deal with this by houseruling that Smite Evil can only be used with weapons capable of drawing blood.

And it... well... you can probably already guess how that turned out.

**Smite Evil can only be used with weapons which are capable of drawing blood from people other than female virgins.

[Lord_Gareth]

*Using Smite Evil with a whip while crying out, "Kneel before your master!" is not acceptable behavior for a paladin.

[Arbane]

** Not allowed to assassinate the big bad via energy drain due to my succubus/thrall of the succubus queen (I can't spell her name to save my life) levels.


I'm confused. Isn't that basically what that class is FOR?


*Using Smite Evil with a whip while crying out, "Kneel before your master!" is not acceptable behavior for a paladin.

** No, not even for a Grey Guard
----

* I may not try to kill off annoying NPCs by setting them up with my character's psycho ex from their backstory.

[Craft (Cheese)]

**Smite Evil can only be used with weapons which are capable of drawing blood from people other than female virgins.

It was a pit fiend of all things, actually.

[newBlazingAngel]

*I am only allowed one character at a time.

**Controlling a platoon of level 2 warriors does not equal a level twenty fighter.

***Trampling only does a d1 of damage.

[eulmanis12]

If you think this could make a fusion bomb in our world, you clearly don't understand the science behind one.

I don't think that this could produce a fusion bomb. I do know that it will provide hydrogen which is one of many requirements of the fusion bomb. I know that this is not enough, I also know that the look on the dm's face when the party artificer did just that justified me keeping my mouth shut about what I do know about physics.

For the record I do not claim to know more than the basics of how a fusion bomb works. Nor do I claim to be capable of building one. If I were capable, I would not be discussing it on an internet forum anyway for fear that the black helicopters would descend on my house:smallwink:

*I may not become king
*if I do become king I may not make the official written language of my kingdom be Explosive Runes, even though this would result in much less paperwork.
*I might hold a degree in mechanical engineering in real life, my barbarian does not, as such he may not engineer solutions to every problem encountered.
*A cannon is not a "wheeled lockpick"
*If asked for my invitation to a party that I was not invited to my response cannot be to blow up the building.

*If despite all of my lawbreaking the town guard refuses to attempt to arrest me due to the fear of what I did to the last set of guards to try it, my alignment will be set at chaotic evil.

*the folowing shows are no longer permitted to influence my charecter:
Monty Python, Star Wars, Star Trek, Spaceballs, Family Guy, The Simpsons, Indiana Jones, Hogan's Heroes, Get Smart, Robin Hood, anything that ever at any point appeared on telivision, or in written literature, or in cave paintings.
* I must stop referencing other works

*my character may not have a catchphrase

*My bard may never again say this line or any variation therof, "What do you mean violence isn't the answer? I find two things wrong with that statment, the negative and the grammar. Of course violins are the answer." (folowed by hitting the BBEG over the head with a violin)
**repeating this horrible pun ever again will result in me being beaten to death with a chello.

[Sgt. Cookie]

*Using Smite Evil with a whip while crying out, "Kneel before your master!" is not acceptable behavior for a paladin.

**Smite Good on the other hand...

[Ksheep]

* I may no longer describe the scene in David Attenborough's voice.
** The same goes for Morgan Freeman
*** Ditto for James Earl Jones, Hal Douglas, Mike Rowe, Alan Alda…
**** You know what, if I try to describe a scene as any actor or narrator, the players are now allowed to punch me in the throat.

[Techwarrior]

My dwarves must stop speaking in German accents.
Elves do not all sound like gay Brits.
The PC elf in the party does not count for this count
Catfolk do not speak with a French accent.
Goblinoids do not all speak like Scottish pirates.
Kobolds do not have Australian accents.

I am no longer allowed to do voices while DM'ing.

[Ksheep]

I am no longer allowed to do voices while DM'ing.

** I may run an entire session speaking in a monotone

[Riverdance]

My dwarves must stop speaking in German accents.
Elves do not all sound like gay Brits.
The PC elf in the party does not count for this count
Catfolk do not speak with a French accent.
Goblinoids do not all speak like Scottish pirates.
Kobolds do not have Australian accents.

I am no longer allowed to do voices while DM'ing.

*I may not base the dwarf king's accent on Fat Bastard.

[Esprit15]

*If I am playing a foreigner, I must not always make their real world equivilent French.

**Even if it makes sense.

*May not take up another language just to have something different.

**Especially if it doesn't use our alphabet.

[Flame of Anor]

It was a pit fiend of all things, actually.

Wait, wait, are you telling me that a paladin character actually drew blood from a pit fiend by attacking it with his manhood? :smalleek:

[Techwarrior]

My dwarves must stop speaking in German accents.
Elves do not all sound like gay Brits.
The PC elf in the party does not count for this count
Catfolk do not speak with a French accent.
Goblinoids do not all speak like Scottish pirates.
Kobolds do not have Australian accents.

I am no longer allowed to do voices while DM'ing.

Also, swapping languages because I know the party didn't know the language is rude. Particularly if I do so more than three times a sentence

[Cealocanth]

I am not allowed to do a fairly major plot exposition doing my best imitation of GLaDOS for several hours.

* this includes if the plot exposer is an AI or other non-human device.

I am not allowed to have Microsoft Sam do the voices for my Warforged NPCs.

[Flame of Anor]

I am not allowed to do a fairly major plot exposition doing my best imitation of GLaDOS for several hours.

* this includes if the plot exposer is an AI or other non-human device.

I am not allowed to have Microsoft Sam do the voices for my Warforged NPCs.

**Clippy is right out.

[Craft (Cheese)]

Wait, wait, are you telling me that a paladin character actually drew blood from a pit fiend by attacking it with his manhood? :smalleek:

* I don't care what you intend to use them for, you may not buy silvered condoms!

[Man on Fire]

* Cannot base my artificer on Doctor Insano
** Or Doktor Sleepless for that matter
*** Cannot combine Bard and Artificer and base him on Doctor Horrible
**** Basing him on Doctor Steel is right out.

[Jivundus]

*My character's ethos cannot be "because I'm a prick."
** Not even if he's NE.
***The best use of my standard action is not "to screw over as many people as possible."

*I cannot use Alter Self to trick the Paladin into sleeping with me.
**Especially if he's conservative
***If said Paladin refuses to enter conjugal relations before marriage, I may not devote all my effort to tricking him into marrying me.
****If I do break the above rules, my overall goal is not to make him fall.
*****If this results in my death, I deserve everything I get.
*****+If the (ex)Paladin failed to see through a plan that spent five minutes in the sun on a hot day and got called dinner, he deserves everything he got.
******If anyone understands the above idiom, they deserve a cookie.

[Wraith]

**** You know what, if I try to describe a scene as any actor or narrator, the players are now allowed to punch me in the throat.

* Must not point out that legendary British monologer Ronnie Corbett (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxQrp0VQlCI) is, technically, none of those things due to being retired.... :smalltongue:
** Also that Pee-Wee Herman is the character, not the actor. :smallbiggrin:

* Must not challenge the DM's decisions by calling his wife in from the other room and having her harangue him until he relents.

[DontEatRawHagis]

*Even if my Villain is a master of disguise he cannot pretend to be a super hero known as the "Human Sub"
**Even if he is dressed as a sub sandwich and has two condiment guns that shoot mayo and mustard.
**Also cannot pretend to be KungFu Chicken Noodle, a man who fights crime ever since he was trapped inside a large soup can.

[Arutema]

* No party member is allowed to scout ahead alone after the incident with the Red mantis.

* May not seduce anyone named "Eats What He Kills".

* No party member is allowed to scout ahead alone after the second incident with the Red Mantis.

[Flame of Anor]

*****+If the (ex)Paladin failed to see through a plan that spent five minutes in the sun on a hot day and got called dinner, he deserves everything he got.
******If anyone understands the above idiom, they deserve a cookie.

Because it's half-baked?

[Morithias]

* As a DM I cannot justify all the dungeons being filled with tons of loot due to "on every June 25th the anti-santa delivers presents to all the evil girls and boys".
** An exception to the above rule will be made if the normal santa gives gifts to the heroes when december 25th comes around.
*** As a player if the anti-santa exists, I may not hunt down his workshop and just rob him.

[Socratov]

* As a DM I cannot justify all the dungeons being filled with tons of loot due to "on every June 25th the anti-santa delivers presents to all the evil girls and boys".
** An exception to the above rule will be made if the normal santa gives gifts to the heroes when december 25th comes around.
*** As a player if the anti-santa exists, I may not hunt down his workshop and just rob him.

It is however fully acceptable to make this a BBEG masterpaln only to be averted/corrected by sad heroes.

[Flame of Anor]

It is however fully acceptable to make this a BBEG masterpaln only to be averted/corrected by sad heroes.

What's wrong with the happy ones?

[Craft (Cheese)]

What's wrong with the happy ones?

Well, think about it: If you had to kill Santa, would you be very happy about it?

[Ksheep]

What's wrong with the happy ones?

The happy ones are the evil ones… although I'm sure they'd like to kill Anti-Santa as well so they can hoard all the evil people's goodies for themselves :smalltongue:

[Doorhandle]

*May not become bad-santa.
*There is no badass santa that gives gifts to whomever impresses him.

[Ksheep]

*May not become bad-santa.
*There is no badass santa that gives gifts to whomever impresses him.

** No, badass Santa is NOT Chuck Norris…

[Craft (Cheese)]

*There is no badass santa that gives gifts to whomever impresses him.

** Yes there is, her name is the GM. I'll happily give a reward for player creativity!
*** "Reward for player creativity" may or may not consist of falling rocks.

[Jivundus]

Because it's half-baked?

And the cookie is won.



It is however fully acceptable to make this a BBEG masterpaln only to be averted/corrected by sad heroes.

*This is not an excuse to use a certain Dr Seuss book as the plotline.
*No, your bard doesn't habitually speak in rhyme.
**Especially if he's an Awakened Anthropomorphic cat.
***If you must break the above rule, under no circumstances may he wear a hat or cast Conjuration [Summoning] spells.
****That's it. Dactylic trimetre for all dialogue, no exceptions.

[Lord_Gareth]

*If the key to defeating the BBEG is the power of friendship, I must learn to accept that my players are doomed to failure.
** This includes if their backstories say they are friends.

[Ksheep]

* I may not make Glasses of Disguise using the alternate body slot rules for magic items.
** Said glasses do not provide my extremely well known, super strength character with a secret identity.
*** Especially if all it does is change my brightly colored leotard into a suit, brush my hair back, and make it so I'm wearing a pair of glasses…

[LaughingGnoll]

* I must have "Common" (English) as a known language, even if I could proficiently speak an entire game of D&D in another language
** Having this proficiency means you have to use it
* If you want to play as a construct, you aren't allowed to have said construct develop "feelings for other characters"
** Extended to other constructs as well
* Just because the game is "non-serious" or "just for laughs" doesn't mean you can make a monk who's only form of combat is removing clothing from all enemies in order to humiliate them
* Having a fighter who is "suspicious of magic" doesn't allow you to threaten to kill every caster in the party whenever they cast a spell
** I am no longer allowed to cause lethal damage to my fellow party members (without reasonable cause)
*** Reasonable cause is now up to a vote put solely to the entire party
*A mount with a burrow speed isn't able to be ridden while burrowing

[newBlazingAngel]

*I am to stop bringing soundtracks for my bard music
**Skrillex is indeed, horrible at inspiring confidence.
***I am not to pronounce it Skillrex and turn it into a monsters roar.

[Socratov]

* I may not make Glasses of Disguise using the alternate body slot rules for magic items.
** Said glasses do not provide my extremely well known, super strength character with a secret identity.
*** Especially if all it does is change my brightly colored leotard into a suit, brush my hair back, and make it so I'm wearing a pair of glasses…

**Nor wil lifting those glasses and saying my name, temporarily and only for the person spoken to, reveal my real identity

[Flame of Anor]

****That's it. Dactylic trimetre for all dialogue, no exceptions.

Why do you curse us perniciously?
I feel that dactylic trimeter
Lends no iota of dignity
To dialogue one must use it for.

Now, tetrameter trochaic
Though it seem a tad archaic
Has a sounding beat of progress
Dignity in all its lines is.
Much though I am loath to lose it,
Yet, alas, I cannot use it,
Lest ye be all moved to laughter
By comparisons hereafter:
"Hiawatha aimed an arrow
Whom the angels name Lenore."

Iambs are swift to write and trochees not;
Pentameter is easy to be got.
But all great lines were taken by the Bard,
And writing good ones is exceeding hard.

I don't know how to write anapests
So this line is the end of my jests.

[Esprit15]

Even if in character, I am not to make a list of exactly how much I expect to be relayed for actions that would be expected of being a member of a party, e.g. helping someone regain conscousness using my own supplies and expecting reimbursement, chipping in a minor sum of money for something that benefits the group, etc.

[Randomguy]

*I may not swap the Paladin's Phylactery of Faithfulness for a cursed fake that gives him bad, but convincing, advice.

*No crafting a magic item that lets me use ventriliquism at will. It's all fun and games until the entire party turns against each other.
**No getting Pazuzu to make one for me, either.

[Jivundus]

e.

*No crafting a magic item that lets me use ventriliquism at will. It's all fun and games until the entire party turns against each other.
**No getting Pazuzu to make one for me, either.

***If I use it to make trolls argue until the sun comes up, I am getting slapped so hard.

[newBlazingAngel]

*I am not to start every session by singing the parody of the black eyed peas song "I got a feeling (that tonight's gonna be a gaming night)"

[Saintheart]

* Not allowed to pronounce that my class is magic-usurer and charge people for casting Glitterdust on the monster presently bearing down on us.

[Ksheep]

* Pickpocketing may not be my Assassin's main source of income
** Nor shall it be from finding unlocked treasure chests on random rooftops…

[Flame of Anor]

* Not allowed to pronounce that my class is magic-usurer and charge people for casting Glitterdust on the monster presently bearing down on us.

**Not allowed to announce that my class is magic-boozer and get drunk before all of my casting.
***Not allowed to announce that my class is magic-loser and forget all of my spells before combat.
****Not alllowed to announce that my class is magic-abuser and make my party members' lives hell.

[Rockphed]

**Not allowed to announce that my class is magic-boozer and get drunk before all of my casting.
***Not allowed to announce that my class is magic-loser and forget all of my spells before combat.
****Not alllowed to announce that my class is magic-abuser and make my party members' lives hell.

** I may not be a magic-cruiser and "Pimp my Floating Disk"
** Casting sleep on myself as a magic-snoozer is also forbidden.
** Being six inches tall does not make me a magic doozer.
*** Not even if I make edible constructions out of radishes.

[Hyena]

May not use a bag of marbles to defeat the big bad.

[Esprit15]

*I am never again to dump WIS

*If I dump CHA, I am to be kept away from important people.
**If taking 10 gets me a result worse than a Nat 1 from the party face, I am to just remain silent. He's got it under control.

*I may not pretend to pass out in the poison gas and make a CON check to withstand it because my character is in a personal spat with another party member.
**I will fail this check. Always.

*Never. To play. Low INT. B****y/a*****e high INT is still preferable to that.

*Doesnt matter that it's the second highest STR in the group, +3 mod isn't that much.

*You're 6 CHA. You're not a catch by anyone's standards.
**Above average STR doesn't make it better.
***Being female, it may actually repel people. Now set that nice man down.

*Not to point out illogical scaling of Power and Intelligence capabilities.
**I don't care that they technically suggest that a supercomputer is only 25% more likely to be right than a mentally disabled infant.

*If a system switch brings me from lowest CHA to second most charming party member while keeping the same classes, suddenly becoming the second party face may still be a bad idea due to personality remaining the same.
**I may make Intimidate checks though to feel useful.
***Nevermind.

[Manly Man]

*I am no longer allowed to claim that my wizard schooling came from a red-headed wizard/artificer with a green pseudodragon familiar who gave firsthand lessons through the usage of an enchanted wagon.

[Erik Vale]

I use the Heroes system but...

*My Teleporter cannot Telepport People off cliffs and similar hazards.
**Above Lava is a similar hazard, even for dragons and people immune to fire.
***Usuable on others as an attack is now a revoked advantage for all non-attack abiliies.
****Usable on others is now a revoked advantage.

*I can no longer perform my 'blink' trick in order to avoid being shot at by over 50 goblins using magical arrows.
**My character is not allowed to survive being shot at by a small horde of goblins by dodging and the use of 1 healing potion for 1 or more turns.

*I can not use spells to turn the butcher shop into a basically limitless source of character points for enchanting.
**The GM will now actually make the Enchanting Rules.
***I can nolonger play an enchanter of any kind.

*The GM will now actually make investment/housing rules.
**My character is now a bad invester, and always has any house they by burn down.
***The above rule doesn't apply if I manage to by an castle occupied by an opposing force from the king, thus immolating the (Insert race/group here) Horde/Army.

*I am not allowed to build my own magical items.
**Other players are not allowed to sell me magical items they supposedly bought for themselves.
***No one is allowed to use any of the item creation rules.

*When the GM kills my character, one of the many Heroes characters I have lieing around because I like to make characters does not immediately or soon after join the party.
**I am not allowed to have pre-built character sheets.
***I can nolonger occasionally GM to get around this rulling by pretending for them to be NPC's.
****I can not be currently helping another player build a character.
*****Other players can not bring in their backups for me if my character dies.
****** Yes, all these apply nomatter what, it does't matter if it is because of the parties 'Jenkins', we forgot something in the plan, bad luck or plane ineptitude on one or more players part.

*Any gunpowder analouge will kill me in its creation.

*I am nolonger allowed to use the martial arts rules.

*Dispite the crappy falling system that would allow me to survive, the fact other players have survived the same thing with worse preperation, and the ability to teleport mid fall to the ground at 0 velocity, a fall from a 10 story building is an instant death. The .2g just became 1g.

*I am nolonger allowed near the rulebook without GM supervision.
**Yes, despite the fact I own it.

[Emperordaniel]

*I may not go hunting Flumphs and after capturing them, stuff them into my bags of holding just to throw them out underneath me whenever I am falling from a great height.

[Morithias]

*I am not allowed to summon "Satan claus" due to misprint on the memo from the mall boss.
** I am not allowed to explain that she came "because she's my girlfriend"
*** I have to explain in-game how me and Satan are dating.
**** "SCIENCE!" is not an acceptable answer.

[Shinkirou]

**** "SCIENCE!" is not an acceptable answer.

Should have just used "SILENCE!" as your answer then they would not be able to point out the fact that it is unacceptable.

[Techwarrior]

*No character of mine may have full ranks in every single Perform skill available. Even if I am playing a Bard.
**No character of mine may have full ranks in every single Knowledge skill available. Even if I am playing a Wizard.
***No character of mine is allowed to have full ranks in every single subskill of a skill.
No, not even then.

****In fact, I may not have characters that more than 3 subskills maxed out in a single skill.
*****I may not put less than full ranks in a skill to get around this

[Ksheep]

*No character of mine may have full ranks in every single Perform skill available. Even if I am playing a Bard.
**No character of mine may have full ranks in every single Knowledge skill available. Even if I am playing a Wizard.
***No character of mine is allowed to have full ranks in every single subskill of a skill.
No, not even then.

**** This goes double for all Profession skills…

[Techwarrior]

My bard may no longer take the perform skill, but not carry an applicable instrument. Especially if I do not know the spell Summon Instrument

[Vortling]

Things my psion is no longer allowed to do:
1) I may not set the druid on fire to prevent ninja attacks.
2) I may not set myself on fire, even if I have the fire resist to take it.
3) Ditto for the swordsage.
4) The elf's woodsy nature does not make her extra flammable.
5) Pointing out that forest fires occur naturally will not make the druid less upset
6) Even if it makes him do more damage, I may not set the grappling barbarian on fire.
7) I may not set the bard on fire for the sole purpose of making "flaming" jokes at his expense.
8) I will stop referring to the halfling as kindling.
9) While fire is a versatile problem solving tool, setting the rogue on fire does not improve his sneaking ability.
10) I may not set enemies on fire as an intimidation technique.
11) Especially if I have no way to extinguish the fire.
12) I may not try to set records in the "Most enemies set on fire in an encounter" category
13) This goes double if it is a social encounter
14) [redacted]
15) If the DM includes monsters with fire resist in the encounter, I will not complain about having to use one of the "boring" elements (aka cold, lightning, or sonic).
16) I am not allowed to make a knowledge (flammability) check upon entering a building.
17) I do not receive xp for anything killed in any tavern, brothel, stable, castle, or forest fires I start.
18) I may not refluff my energy ray power as coming from my eyes, mouth, or any other orifice on my body.

[Hyde]

*I am not allowed to make the BBEG think he is an orange (flavor for psychic crush)
*I am not allowed to play a mind flayer.
*I am not allowed to play a psion
*I am not allowed to play a vampire wizard with one level in fighter (Actually the DM's idea- the vampire bit anyway. Don't think he counted on the 46 AC).

*I am not allowed to convince the underlings of the BBEG that perhaps they are undervalued as people, and should unionize
*I am no longer allowed to play a half-celestial warforged paladin.
*Balor's nimbus set to "Hug" is not for burning down forests.
*I am no longer allowed to play any class that utilizes spells with the [fire] descriptor.
*I am no longer allowed to come up with "Xanatos gambits" as plans of attack.

*I am the DM
*I am no longer allowed senile wizard npcs who forget they have war wizardry (4e)
*I am no longer allowed to set the adventure in a haunted house.
*I am no longer allowed to tell scary stories afterwards
*If I break these rules, I have to cuddle the players to sleep because that was not nice, you big meanie (Totally fine with this).
*The deck of many things is right out.
*I am not allowed, to prove a point, to pit the party against a like-leveled group of doppelgangers- with NPC class levels.
*Maybe you should just read a book, Hyde.



*I am no longer allowed to bring romance novels to the weekly DnD session, and read the steamy bits in my "creepy little asian girl" voice.

[Wookieetank]

*Things I am no longer allowed to use the deck of many things for:
-Texas Hold 'em
-Fortune Telling
-Solitare
-Magic Tricks
-Playing a Gambit expy
-Building card houses
*In fact I'm no longer allowed to find a deck of many things as a player, even though i'm the only one brave/foolish enough to want to/acutally use one.

[Ksheep]

** If I ever find a Deck of Many Things, the DM will explicitly tell us that it IS a Deck of Many Things, not just "You find a deck of cards"
*** The DM will do this even if we don't check it for magic or get it identified.
**** The DM may not drop a Deck of Illusions and make us THINK that it's a Deck of Many Things…

[NM020110]

*Divinations may no longer interact with the Deck of Many Things in any way.
**When challenging Death to a game, I may challenge with 52 card pickup exactly once.

[Man on Fire]

* I have to tell rest of the party that Frenzied Berserker I'm making may turn on others after failed Will save, before they pick up classes that don't know a single spell, power or ability that could stop her.

(I'm really afraid that once our party in all-Orc game will have a serious fight, this will bite us hard).

[Ksheep]

*Divinations may no longer interact with the Deck of Many Things in any way.
**When challenging Death to a game, I may challenge with 52 card pickup exactly once.

*** 26-card Stud is also disallowed…

[Flame of Anor]

**** "SCIENCE!" is not an acceptable answer.

Oh, but it's poetry in motion...



-Texas Hold 'em

*There is no such magic item as the Bag of Hold 'em.

[eulmanis12]

Oh, but it's poetry in motion...



*There is no such magic item as the Bag of Hold 'em.

Yes there is, I just made it.

Bag of Hold 'em

weight: 1/2 lb

value: 500 gp

properties:once per encounter the player may reach into the bag of hold 'em and withdraw a deck of cards, a game of texas hold 'em immediatly begins with all sentient creatures within 20 ft participating unless they pass a DC 50 will save. Ante starts at 1 gp. During the game the 5 cards in the center will magicaly conform to whatever the owner of the bag wishes them to be, however they will not change value once flipped face up thus, to the casual observer the owner of the cards will not appear to be cheating.

[Ksheep]

Yes there is, I just made it.

Bag of Hold 'em

weight: 1/2 lb

value: 500 gp

properties:once per encounter the player may reach into the bag of hold 'em and withdraw a deck of cards, a game of texas hold 'em immediatly begins with all sentient creatures within 20 ft participating unless they pass a DC 50 will save. Ante starts at 1 gp. During the game the 5 cards in the center will magicaly conform to whatever the owner of the bag wishes them to be, however they will not change value once flipped face up thus, to the casual observer the owner of the cards will not appear to be cheating.

Pretty sure the value of that would be much more than 500 GP. Willing to say that it's actually bordering on minor artifact level…

[newBlazingAngel]

But...it's awesome.

[Man on Fire]

* When facing multiple enemies, who all happens to have long beards, Dwarf and Human aren't allowed to tie thier beards together
** No, it doesn't give them "secret maneuovers of Beard Fighting Style"

[Reltzik]

Olinda, halfling rogue, closed her eyes and ignored the recriminations of her companions. They were blaming her. Of course. Just like they always did. How often, HOW OFTEN, did she have to explain to them that she wasn't a trapfinder? That wasn't her specialty! She didn't get past traps by finding them and disabling them, she did it by talking their owners into turning them off! THAT was her specialty! But apparently this wizard had some spell going (according to Arcanus the Wise, stupid name but you can't always pick your coworkers) that let him see through any lies she told.

Which explained why four out of five of their number were up to their necks in solid stone. Moments before, it had been mud. Moments before that, it had been stone. The fifth, the monk Angle, had drawn the iron golem (complete with armor spikes) away from his helpless friends to a corner of the wizard's "throne room" to deal with on his own. Olinda knew that Angle could draw the fight out a nice long time, but only because their foe was sitting back and laughing at their predicament. Once he started casting spells again it would be all over.

"Shut up," Olinda hissed to her companions, who saw nothing more productive to do with their time than to blame her for their predicament. "Shut up if you want me to get us out of this."

"How?" demanded Oran Thorson, with biting sarcasm. She ignored him.

"How?" asked Grunk. Grunk, in Olinda's mind, was the smartest of their crew, in that he knew the limitations of his mental capacities. Smartest not counting her, of course. So when he asked, it wasn't sarcasticly.

"Fly fishing," she told him. And then, without giving them time to further question her instruction to shut up, she hollered at the wizard. "Hey! You! Yeah, you, the robed moron!"

This drew another round of laughter from the wizard. "You're up to your neck in stone and I'M the moron?"

"You made that big hulking liability, didn't you? Probably from some manual based on Gann the Blue's work?"

"Never heard of him. It was Abindra the Wise."

Abindra the wise? REALLY? What WAS it with these spellslingers, anyway. But there wasn't time to think about that. Instead, Olinda hooted with laughter. "Abindra? ABINDRA? That's even worse! What an imbecile!"

His face darkened. Feeble taunts were one thing, but the repetition was getting him angry. Good. The fish was angry, now to get it hooked. "I'm a thousand times more intelligent than you, wretch! I am a GENIUS! And once I crush the last of you pitiful bugs-"

"Oh, sure, right, genius. THAT'S a laugh. I bet you didn't even remove Abindra's master command words when you built your golem -- for now -- exactly to her specifications. Shall we find out?"

The wizard's brow furrowed. "What master command words?"

"She put them into all her tomes. They let her take command of any golem made from them! And you... you CRETIN!... you left them in!"

The wizard snorted. Right. The spell told him she was lying. She hadn't come right out and SAID those command words existed at first, so his spell hadn't registered a lie. But he'd realized it and prompted her into something more. "You're bluffing!"

"You really think so?"

"Yes!"

Olinda sneered back. "Want to bet? Are you willing to stake your life on that?"

"Yes!"

A crash came from the side. Angle had been cornered and was entirely on the defensive. Time was running out.

Olinda pitched her voice higher. Shout, shout, shout. More volume the better. Enough to be heard over the ruckus in the corner. "Really? Really? You think you're calling a bluff?"

"YES! Do your best! Try it and be damned!"

"Wow. Just.... WOW. You're really commanding -- COMMANDING -- that I should take COMPLETE, TOTAL, and IRREVOKABLE control of that golem AWAY from you, FOREVER, with a single word?"

"YES!!!!"

Olinda's face relaxed into a smile that was entirely, ENTIRELY, to big for the comfort of anyone who knew her. "Thank you!" she sang out cheerfully. "Iron golem! Restrain your former master. And break his moronic arms and jaw if he casts a spell."

========================================

* No longer allowed to cause the DM severe injury through autoreflexive facedesking. (This may already be on the list.)

(This didn't actually happen, but it would be pure awesome if it did.)

[newBlazingAngel]

For a second I thought you were getting very off topic. Then it was awesome.

[Tantaburs]

*fighting with your off hand just so you can say "I am not left handed" is considered bad form
*If you do so you're opponent will reveal that he is not left handed either.

*I have not developed an immuntity to Black Lotus Extract

[Qwertystop]

Wow...

That was great.

[Cealocanth]

I am no longer allowed to create a small society of insane sewer mutants selectively named the Lords of the Sewers who's various divisions (divided by separate encounters) are the Lords of Furniture, the Lords of Clothes, and the Lord of Weapons.

I am also not allowed to have this be an actual integral part of the BBEG's villainous plot.

[newBlazingAngel]

*Having the players fight moon rats is just plain stupid

[boomwolf]

*I may never again equip multiple intelligent items with high ego scores to counterbalance each other.