Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

[Sutremaine]

* I have to tell rest of the party that Frenzied Berserker I'm making may turn on others after failed Will save, before they pick up classes that don't know a single spell, power or ability that could stop her.
50ft move speed and lots of taunting.

Edit: Ooh! May also Bluff the berserker into believing that an opponent has fast healing or other regeneration that requires her to keep hacking at it even after it's down. May not work more than once...

[Techwarrior]

*I may never again equip multiple intelligent items with high ego scores to counterbalance each other.

On a similar note:

My CG rogue may not wield a LG Holy Avenger and an intelligent weapon who is actually a polymorphed CE demon and use the fact that I'm holding both to become a god.
Especially since this is back in 2nd Edition where UMD doesn't allow me to fake alignments (rogues could only fake it to cast scrolls).

[Beowulf DW]

*My dragon bloodline sorcerer/dragon disciple is not "the one they fear."
*In their tongue, he is not Dhovakiin, Dragonborn.
*The verbal components of his spells never consist of "Fus," "Roh," or "Dah."
*He may never hire a band of Savage Skalds to follow him around singing in a vaguely Viking-ish language whenever he spots a dragon.

[Hyena]

May no longer create a swordsage with AC so high that he couldn't hit himself even if he tried.
May no longer have AC higher then 20 on the second level.

[Elemental]

*No, you cannot use the flimsiest grounds to declare yourself to be as gods.
**If you are somehow able to follow this up and become supreme ruler of most of the material world, challenging the heavens is a bad idea.
***Look! You know all those books and television shows with those vast and powerful empires that no longer exist for seemingly no reason? That's why!

[boomwolf]

*I will not abuse stacking luck modifiers to ensure a natural 20 on all rolls. (this is using the old 3.0 luck modifier, where it actually changed the dice, not the final score)

**Using said luck modifiers in negatives to force natural 1 rolls for anything trying to to me any harm is even worse.

[Dark Elf Bard]

* I may not equip six weapons in two hands if their names are "shortsword", "shortsword", "bo bortsword", "bananafana fo fortsword", "me mi mo mortsword", "shortsword".

[Saintheart]

May not use a bag of marbles to defeat the big bad.

* May not use a bag of jumping jacks to defeat the big bad.
** May not use a bag of gumdrops to defeat the big bad.
*** May not carry any more bags, at all.

[eulmanis12]

Pretty sure the value of that would be much more than 500 GP. Willing to say that it's actually bordering on minor artifact level…

sorry about that. in the campaign I'm currently playing in, our DM has messed with the currency a little to make it more closly resemble medieval europe. Getting any money is rather difficult, and 500 gold crowns is a hefty sum of money.

for example our free company was paid just a single crown per man for participating in a major battle.

[Sutremaine]

** May not use a bag of gumdrops to defeat the big bad.
**May not use a bag of jelly babies to defeat the big bad.

[Ksheep]

sorry about that. in the campaign I'm currently playing in, our DM has messed with the currency a little to make it more closly resemble medieval europe. Getting any money is rather difficult, and 500 gold crowns is a hefty sum of money.

for example our free company was paid just a single crown per man for participating in a major battle.

Ah, well that makes sense then. So would the conversion rate there be something like 1 standard D&D gold = 1 campaign copper?

[Urpriest]

* I may not make rooms the exact same shape as the BBEG's AoE effects, then invite the PCs in for a chat before combat

[Ksheep]

* I may not build a glass house and staff it with hundreds of Stained Glass Golems

[Riverdance]

*fighting with your off hand just so you can say "I am not left handed" is considered bad form
*If you do so you're opponent will reveal that he is not left handed either.

*I have not developed an immunity to Black Lotus Extract

*I do not not believe in Dire Rats.

[Flame of Anor]

Yes there is, I just made it.

Bag of Hold 'em

weight: 1/2 lb

value: 500 gp

properties:once per encounter the player may reach into the bag of hold 'em and withdraw a deck of cards, a game of texas hold 'em immediatly begins with all sentient creatures within 20 ft participating unless they pass a DC 50 will save. Ante starts at 1 gp. During the game the 5 cards in the center will magicaly conform to whatever the owner of the bag wishes them to be, however they will not change value once flipped face up thus, to the casual observer the owner of the cards will not appear to be cheating.

**The face-down cards are not your "Portable Hole cards".




*fighting with your off hand just so you can say "I am not left handed" is considered bad form
*If you do so you're opponent will reveal that he is not left handed either.
*I have not developed an immuntity to Black Lotus Extract
*I do not not believe in Dire Rats.

*I may not rename my Bluff skill to "Blave".

[Ksheep]

*fighting with your off hand just so you can say "I am not left handed" is considered bad form
*If you do so you're opponent will reveal that he is not left handed either.

*I have not developed an immuntity to Black Lotus Extract

*I do not not believe in Dire Rats.

*I may not rename my Bluff skill to "Blave".

* I may not wear a black mask at all times, claiming that it's stylish and extremely comfortable.
** May not insist that in the future, everyone will wear masks because of how comfortable they are.

[Tantaburs]

* I may not wear a black mask at all times, claiming that it's stylish and extremely comfortable.
** May not insist that in the future, everyone will wear masks because of how comfortable they are.

my name is not inigo montoya
*The BBEG did not kill my father
**He will not prepare to die

[newBlazingAngel]

*When I receive orders, it does not mean that the person giving them is saying that they love me.

**Acting on this will have me jailed.

[Ksheep]

* I may not make my character with six fingers on his right hand, just to taunt the party's fighter/swashbuckler.

* I may not make a goliath monk who occasionally speaks in rhyme.

* I may not make a wizard who repeatedly says a certain word as an explicative, even though said word does not mean what I think it means.

[Erik Vale]

* I may not make a wizard who repeatedly says a certain word as an explicative, even though said word does not mean what I think it means.
Expert or Rogue actually.

*The princess does not change her mind every time someone apears or talks to her. Dispite respective will saves and social skill rolls.

[Esprit15]

*I am not only mostly dead.

[Erik Vale]

**Even when at -9 hp. Saying something like this even by accident will result in lightning strikes.
***Being indoors be damned.

[Ksheep]

*I am not only mostly dead.

Definitely going to have to make a healer who says this now…

* My cleric with a lisp can no longer officiate any church events.

[Techwarrior]

Even if I am the Lord of the area we are in, my barbarian with 5 charisma still has to have the party Bard write my speeches.

If I am the party Bard, someone else has to write my speeches still.

[newBlazingAngel]

*Inventing a weapon that involves infants in any possible way is wrong.

[Flame of Anor]

*I am not only mostly dead.

**Unless the party cleric has revivify prepared.

[Manly Man]

My half-dragon my no longer shout "HALT! I AM REPTAR!" before using his breath weapon.

[Saintheart]

**May not use a bag of jelly babies to defeat the big bad.

** No, not even if I am wearing a Hat of Disguise and a multicoloured scarf.

[Dire Panda]

My druid may not develop a theory of evolution, no matter how many ranks in Knowledge (nature) he has.
Nor may he cast Genesis and create a demiplane with accelerated time to test said theory.
Depending on what selection pressures are present, millions of years of accelerated evolution may not produce a stronger monster.
On the off chance it does, I may not create hundreds of demiplanes in order to acquire new Wild Shape forms.
Inspire Courage does not use power metal lyrics.
My bard may not imbue his guitar with a permanent Haste effect and start a band called Dungeonforce.

[Saintheart]

**Unless the party cleric has revivify prepared.

*I am in any event forbidden from using Suggestion to tell the party cleric to change his name to anything with the words "Miracle" and "Max" in it.
* I am also forbidden from achieving godhood for the stated purpose of "appointing the party cleric Pope so I can contradict all his dogma".

[BlackestOfMages]

* If the game system does explicitly have the souls of the powerful ferried from their body by the Grim Reaper, I may not bluff him into believeing I'm still alive after dying
** Nor can I bluff him itno believeing the other guy is dead
*** The annoying halfling party member is right out

* If the game we're playing requires each character to have a rival, my rival may not be any of the following; imaginary, a housecat, a great wyrm black dragon polymorphed into a housecat, the person who killed my father, may father, my evil self, the DM
** I may not forget who my rival is and thus, upon meeting him, dismiss him as a random mook
*** Even if he did fall in one turn.

[Silverbit]

* I'm no longer allowed to have an Elan Swordsage named Sean Connery with a katana.
** Even Especially if it is an anachronism.
*** Warblade is right out.

(Highlander 1 references for those not nerdy about 80's films.)

[Saintheart]

* I'm no longer allowed to have an Elan Swordsage named Sean Connery with a katana.
** Even Especially if it is an anachronism.
*** Warblade is right out.

(Highlander 1 references for those not nerdy about 80's films.)

**** Levelling up does not involve decapitation of fellow party members.
***** Or any form of [lightning] based spell cast on myself.

Also,

* I am not allowed to chain-gate solars in order to provide Latin chanting soundtracks for the party's battles.
* I am not permitted to cast Stand on the enemy's blackguards just so I can say "The Dark Knight Rises".

[newBlazingAngel]

*Creating sheets for famous characters is a hobby, not a job.
**Players will not be expected to use these.
***Dieing in an avalanche of Dr. Who character sheets will be what's coming to me.

[Menteith]

- Willing Deformity: Madness is a privilege, not a right.

- I may not role play The Joker.

- Horrifying the BBEG with my actions does not constitute a victory, moral or otherwise.

Man, that was a good campaign.

[Qwertystop]

No. Sorry, but that's just not happening.
*Stop complaining, I won't change my mind.
**You're bluffing.
*** Fine. Just never show those to ANYONE.


:smallbiggrin:

[Techwarrior]

If the fresh level 1 party looks at what has just happened and the resulting 'obvious explanation' involves more than a dozen double crosses, four triple crosses, and someone they aren't even sure how many times that guy has betrayed people, my DM license will be revoked.

[Ksheep]

* I may not name my character "Hiro Protagonist"
** Especially if the campaign is centered around plane-hopping.

[kardar233]

If the fresh level 1 party looks at what has just happened and the resulting 'obvious explanation' involves more than a dozen double crosses, four triple crosses, and someone they aren't even sure how many times that guy has betrayed people, my DM license will be revoked.

I would play in that game. For sure.

[Manly Man]

I may no longer quote Kenshiro when my monk performs Flurry of Blows.

[Man on Fire]

*My dragon bloodline sorcerer/dragon disciple is not "the one they fear."
*In their tongue, he is not Dhovakiin, Dragonborn.
*The verbal components of his spells never consist of "Fus," "Roh," or "Dah."
*He may never hire a band of Savage Skalds to follow him around singing in a vaguely Viking-ish language whenever he spots a dragon.

Changing class to Dragonfire Adept won't give me a pass on this one.

[Ksheep]

* May not make a playlist of songs suitable for any situation to play as background music
** Especially if I'm NOT a Bard
*** If I try this and I AM a Bard, the others may point out that I can only play one instrument at a time, so all the music with more than just one instrument shouldn't be played
**** I may not see this as a challenge.

[Techwarrior]

I would play in that game. For sure.

I may not make up the plot as I go along in such a game. It must have everything down in DM notes so that I can prove that's really what was happening.

*I may however, write so horribly they can't read it. :smallwink:

[Sgt. Cookie]

* May not make a playlist of songs suitable for any situation to play as background music
** Especially if I'm NOT a Bard
*** If I try this and I AM a Bard, the others may point out that I can only play one instrument at a time, so all the music with more than just one instrument shouldn't be played
**** I may not see this as a challenge.

***** I may not use Ghost Sound to get pass this restriction.

[Menteith]

- My Half-Minotaur, Water Orc Bardblade isn't allowed to use her massive carrying capacity to abuse Summon Instrument.

- There is no use of Summon Instrument that enables it to create Total Cover against enemies.

[demigodus]

* May not make a playlist of songs suitable for any situation to play as background music
** Especially if I'm NOT a Bard
*** If I try this and I AM a Bard, the others may point out that I can only play one instrument at a time, so all the music with more than just one instrument shouldn't be played
**** I may not see this as a challenge.

***** I may not take Versatile Performer so that I get to play multiple instruments at once anyways
****** I may not get a bonus for playing more then one instrument at the same time

[NM020110]

***** I may not take Versatile Performer so that I get to play multiple instruments at once anyways
****** I may not get a bonus for playing more then one instrument at the same time

*******Some people are exceptions. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTU84uwyN5w)

[Dimers]

* May not make a playlist of songs suitable for any situation to play as background music
** Especially if I'm NOT a Bard
*** If I try this and I AM a Bard, the others may point out that I can only play one instrument at a time, so all the music with more than just one instrument shouldn't be played
**** I may not see this as a challenge.

* I may not take ranks in Perform (one man band (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_man_band)).

[Ksheep]

* I may not take ranks in Perform (one man band (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_man_band)).

** Nor may I take ranks in Perform (Wurlitzer Organ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0US1Y877aec)).
*** If I somehow MAKE a Wurlitzer, I may not bring it with us while adventuring…

[Beowulf DW]

- My Half-Minotaur, Water Orc Bardblade isn't allowed to use her massive carrying capacity to abuse Summon Instrument.

- There is no use of Summon Instrument that enables it to create Total Cover against enemies.

*No matter how many Nat 20s I roll, I cannot stab someone in the heart with a grand piano.

[Hyena]

I, in fact, did expect spanish inqusition. I am still strictly forbidden to mention it, however.

[Ksheep]

*No matter how many Nat 20s I roll, I cannot stab someone in the heart with a grand piano.

* I may not attach an instrument blade to a grand piano.
** I may not attach an instrument blade to an upright piano either.
*** Nor can I attach an instrument blade to an organ.
**** The same applies to harmonicas, drums, handbells, harpsichords, cymbals, flutes, recorders…
***** You know what, I'm not allowed to have an instrument blade at all…

[newBlazingAngel]

*My campaigns are not to be centered around a dumb deaf and blind child who is the best pinball player in the world.

[Ksheep]

*My campaigns are not to be centered around a dumb deaf and blind child who is the best pinball player in the world.

** May not use mage hand while playing pinball and claim to be the pinball wizard.

[Saintheart]

* Not allowed to steal the paladin's sword, cast Meld Into Stone and then leave the sword behind half-sticking out of the rock.
** Am particularly not allowed to start calling the paladin "Arthur" after this.

[Fargazer]

*May not put ranks in perform (otamatone) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxLB70G-tRY)
**Especially if I own an actual one.

[Rockphed]

* Not allowed to steal the paladin's sword, cast Meld Into Stone and then leave the sword behind half-sticking out of the rock.
** Am particularly not allowed to start calling the paladin "Arthur" after this.

*** If he manages to pull it out on the first try, I am to swear fealty to him as the rightful king. And make sure his glorious and righteous rule is spread throughout the land.
**** If the ogre we were fighting yanks the sword out still attached to the surrounding rock, I am not allowed to swear fealty to the ogre.
***** Even if said ogre would be a better king than the Paladin.

[newBlazingAngel]

* Not allowed to steal the paladin's sword, cast Meld Into Stone and then leave the sword behind half-sticking out of the rock.
** Am particularly not allowed to start calling the paladin "Arthur" after this.

***Or Link

[Esprit15]

*If the DM makes it clear that stealing one of the PC's dog was just the result of a lost fight, we are not to derail the campaign to track down his captors. Get him a new dog and shut up about it.

**May not raze a forest to find captors.

***May not finance the construction of a highway over the charred remains of said forest to cut down travel time again and make travel between towns safer.

[Manly Man]

Making a character whose race is "Munchkin" is no excuse.

[Man on Fire]

As DM

* Cannot make God of Love be known in celestian pantheon as "Sexy Boy"
** His apperance cannot be accompained by Devas singing this song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zehPyQFfHCY&list=FLaeoX3CApple3apt_n02XTA&index=51&feature=plpp_video)
** He cannot be best friends with God of War
*** God of War cannot be woshipped as King of Kings
**** Or Cerebral Asassin
***** Band of demons suspiciously similiar to Motorhead cannot start singing whenever he appears
*** Those two cannot hang out together and fool around the mortal world
**** If players are not down with it, they doesn't have two words for them.

[Saintheart]

* Burning down the entire forest to smoke out the BBEG is not a legitimate tactic.
** No, not even if certain other Neutral Good characters have done it.
*** No, not even if I declare my character just wants to watch the world burn.
**** I do not get to pick up rubies the size of tangerines after the event.

* I do not gain Inspire Awe by putting ranks into Perform (Vogon Poetry).
* Summon Instrument is not to be used to see if the party mage can in fact hit the side of a barn with a bull bass fiddle.

* "HASSAN CHOP!" is not an appropriate battlecry.
** Not even if I bought an oversized falchion for that purpose.

[ACSherman]

As a DM:
*I may no longer create a giant gingerbread castle as the next dungeon for the party
**I may no longer stock said dungeon with Warforged refluffed as gingerbread men.
***The dungeon may not be filled with perversions of sugary cereal mascots as its major encounters, no matter how badass I can make Tony the Weretiger, Count Chocula, Snap, Crackle, and Pop, or "The Cookie Crisp Heirarchy."
****While travelling through the sewer system of the castle, a large red water elemental encased in glass construct armor cannot burst through the wall yelling "OH YEAH!!!" and bodyslamming the warmage into a wall.
*****If the party almost dies to a BBEG named "The Confectioneer" they have a right to pelt me with candy of their choice.

[byaku rai]

*The ability to create stable time loops is a privilege, not a right.

*If I use the time-looping ability so much that time-clones of me and my party become a non-negligible demographic of their own within society, I deserve what I get.
**Especially when the party is a Neutral Evil housecat obsessed with fire, a Killoren Druid Fluttershy, a constantly drunk draconic gnome rogue, and a halfling cleric with a pet hellhound.

*Oddly enough, I /am/ allowed to use the time loops to abuse the heck out of the stock market.
**However, I am /not/ allowed to use the massive amount of accumulated wealth until the final loop.

*The timeclones aren't allowed to tell me what I'm supposed to be doing. Unless they're supposed to, in which case they will whether they're allowed or not.

*I may only explode my fellow players' brains once per session.
**If I start doing crazy things with the time travel, it is within my fellow players' rights to ask that I chart the timeflow out.
*** If the chart ends up looking like something out of a topographical mathematician's LSD trip, that plan is to be discarded.
****If the plan gives the party any sort of mechanical, time-based advantage in a battle other than the ability to come back and try again if we're about to lose, it is also to be discarded.

*The time-loop spell is not to be given to anyone with 'Chaotic' in their alignment, on general principle.
**The time-loop spell is not to be given to anyone with an Intelligence score below 18, also on general principle.
***There is a minimum Intelligence threshold for creating plans that span multiple loops. If there is only one party member who is over that threshold, then that is how things are.

*We are to assume that the timeline we are on is the Alpha timeline, and not do contrary things on the off chance it isn't.

[Flame of Anor]

**** The same applies to harmonicas, drums, handbells, harpsichords, cymbals, flutes, recorders…

You know, it would actually make sense on a flute.

[Ksheep]

You know, it would actually make sense on a flute.

Where would you attach it? Plug up the barrel with it, or just slap it on the side? Either way, it would make it more difficult to play, if not impossible…

[Man on Fire]

As a DM:
*I may no longer create a giant gingerbread castle as the next dungeon for the party
**I may no longer stock said dungeon with Warforged refluffed as gingerbread men.
***The dungeon may not be filled with perversions of sugary cereal mascots as its major encounters, no matter how badass I can make Tony the Weretiger, Count Chocula, Snap, Crackle, and Pop, or "The Cookie Crisp Heirarchy."
****While travelling through the sewer system of the castle, a large red water elemental encased in glass construct armor cannot burst through the wall yelling "OH YEAH!!!" and bodyslamming the warmage into a wall.
*****If the party almost dies to a BBEG named "The Confectioneer" they have a right to pelt me with candy of their choice.

* No longer allowed to take inspiration from "Breakfeast of The Gods"


*The ability to create stable time loops is a privilege, not a right.

*If I use the time-looping ability so much that time-clones of me and my party become a non-negligible demographic of their own within society, I deserve what I get.
**Especially when the party is a Neutral Evil housecat obsessed with fire, a Killoren Druid Fluttershy, a constantly drunk draconic gnome rogue, and a halfling cleric with a pet hellhound.

*Oddly enough, I /am/ allowed to use the time loops to abuse the heck out of the stock market.
**However, I am /not/ allowed to use the massive amount of accumulated wealth until the final loop.

*The timeclones aren't allowed to tell me what I'm supposed to be doing. Unless they're supposed to, in which case they will whether they're allowed or not.

*I may only explode my fellow players' brains once per session.
**If I start doing crazy things with the time travel, it is within my fellow players' rights to ask that I chart the timeflow out.
*** If the chart ends up looking like something out of a topographical mathematician's LSD trip, that plan is to be discarded.
****If the plan gives the party any sort of mechanical, time-based advantage in a battle other than the ability to come back and try again if we're about to lose, it is also to be discarded.

*The time-loop spell is not to be given to anyone with 'Chaotic' in their alignment, on general principle.
**The time-loop spell is not to be given to anyone with an Intelligence score below 18, also on general principle.
***There is a minimum Intelligence threshold for creating plans that span multiple loops. If there is only one party member who is over that threshold, then that is how things are.

*We are to assume that the timeline we are on is the Alpha timeline, and not do contrary things on the off chance it isn't.

* My character's motivation cannot be finding a way to timeline he calls Steins;Gate
* Cannot name my final time-loop plan "El Psy Congo"

[Dimers]

* Sigh. No, I may also NOT take ranks in Perform (vuvuzela).

[Ksheep]

* Sigh. No, I may also NOT take ranks in Perform (vuvuzela).

* I CAN have a weapon blade on a vuvuzela, provided it it attached on the mouthpiece and facing me at all times.
** If I get a vuvuzela, I MUST put a weapon blade on it as soon as possible.

[Saintheart]

* I CAN have a weapon blade on a vuvuzela, provided it it attached on the mouthpiece and facing me at all times.
** If I get a vuvuzela, I MUST put a weapon blade on it as soon as possible.

*** No, I may not take a bard cohort solely for the purpose of him having Perform (Vuvuzela).

[Qwertystop]

Where would you attach it? Plug up the barrel with it, or just slap it on the side? Either way, it would make it more difficult to play, if not impossible…

The end of a flute is flat and closed. Make that end sharp.

[Ksheep]

The end of a flute is flat and closed. Make that end sharp.

One end is flat and closed, but that's the end right next to your mouth. The other end is open, and if it wasn't it wouldn't produce sound properly. Sure, you COULD put it on the closed end, but then you'd risk slitting your cheek every time you play…

[Qwertystop]

One end is flat and closed, but that's the end right next to your mouth. The other end is open, and if it wasn't it wouldn't produce sound properly. Sure, you COULD put it on the closed end, but then you'd risk slitting your cheek every time you play…

Oh...


Take the open end and sharpen the rim? Like a cookie-cutter!

[Ksheep]

Oh...


Take the open end and sharpen the rim? Like a cookie-cutter!

Hmm… now that might work. Just be sure you remove any meet from the end before playing it again…

[Flame of Anor]

One end is flat and closed, but that's the end right next to your mouth. The other end is open, and if it wasn't it wouldn't produce sound properly. Sure, you COULD put it on the closed end, but then you'd risk slitting your cheek every time you play…

It's easy. Just put an unsharpened 1-foot rod coming out of the closed end, with a spear point on the end. Balance it right, and you've got a little shortspear.

[byaku rai]

That's gonna alter the acoustics of the flute some, but if you're using it to stab people you probably don't care too much about that anyway... >.>

[newBlazingAngel]

If you're going to do that may as well modify it to have a wider hole for deeper notes that also perfectly cradles blow darts.

[Doorhandle]

*The ability to create stable time loops is a privilege, not a right.

*If I use the time-looping ability so much that time-clones of me and my party become a non-negligible demographic of their own within society, I deserve what I get.
**Especially when the party is a Neutral Evil housecat obsessed with fire, a Killoren Druid Fluttershy, a constantly drunk draconic gnome rogue, and a halfling cleric with a pet hellhound.

*Oddly enough, I /am/ allowed to use the time loops to abuse the heck out of the stock market.
**However, I am /not/ allowed to use the massive amount of accumulated wealth until the final loop.

*The timeclones aren't allowed to tell me what I'm supposed to be doing. Unless they're supposed to, in which case they will whether they're allowed or not.

*I may only explode my fellow players' brains once per session.
**If I start doing crazy things with the time travel, it is within my fellow players' rights to ask that I chart the timeflow out.
*** If the chart ends up looking like something out of a topographical mathematician's LSD trip, that plan is to be discarded.
****If the plan gives the party any sort of mechanical, time-based advantage in a battle other than the ability to come back and try again if we're about to lose, it is also to be discarded.

*The time-loop spell is not to be given to anyone with 'Chaotic' in their alignment, on general principle.
**The time-loop spell is not to be given to anyone with an Intelligence score below 18, also on general principle.
***There is a minimum Intelligence threshold for creating plans that span multiple loops. If there is only one party member who is over that threshold, then that is how things are.

*We are to assume that the timeline we are on is the Alpha timeline, and not do contrary things on the off chance it isn't.
Details about your campaign. Please. :smallcool:


As a DM:
*I may no longer create a giant gingerbread castle as the next dungeon for the party
**I may no longer stock said dungeon with Warforged refluffed as gingerbread men.
***The dungeon may not be filled with perversions of sugary cereal mascots as its major encounters, no matter how badass I can make Tony the Weretiger, Count Chocula, Snap, Crackle, and Pop, or "The Cookie Crisp Heirarchy."
****While travelling through the sewer system of the castle, a large red water elemental encased in glass construct armor cannot burst through the wall yelling "OH YEAH!!!" and bodyslamming the warmage into a wall.
*****If the party almost dies to a BBEG named "The Confectioneer" they have a right to pelt me with candy of their choice.

Y'know, I have ALLWAYS wanted to send a group of players to the elemental plane of candy. I mean, there's enough precedent for it in video-games.... :smalltongue:


**May not raze a forest to find captors.

***May not finance the construction of a highway over the charred remains of said forest to cut down travel time again and make travel between towns safer.

the idea of razing the forest to find their foes? Common P.C tactic.
Building a highway on it so they can get to their foes faster? Ingenious. :smallcool:


**** If the ogre we were fighting yanks the sword out still attached to the surrounding rock, I am not allowed to swear fealty to the ogre.
....*PLOTLINE FUEL.*

[Man on Fire]

* If party finds out the plot is based on the lyrics of Sabaton's "Metal Crue", I'm paying for the pizza.

[Esprit15]

the idea of razing the forest to find their foes? Common P.C tactic.
Building a highway on it so they can get to their foes faster? Ingenious. :smallcool:


Not to find them faster; to make the slow three day journey between towns only one day. And to avoid swarm encounters.

[TheJudicator]

As a female halfling dragoon fighter...

*I may not out-intimidate the half orc samurai. It hurts his feelings
*I may not team up with a Tengu dragonrider solely to gain free use of a mount and free rides places.
*I may not tell the male members of the party to "grow a set" when approached by an overpowering force.

*I may not use the Leaping Lance feature to make a leaping charge from over 600 feet in the air on top of my target.
*adding in a long length of chain and have the aforementioned dragonrider effectively "slingshot" me in is right out.
*crunching out the mounted charge damage and the added impact damage, plus the dragon's damage for technically also throwing me, will result in lost lunches and requests for soda money.
*Realizing that this move effectively combines the "throw the halfling" and "orbital strike" tactics discussed in theory all the time does not make it okay. Only awesome.

[Esprit15]

*I may not ask the BBEG to stop being mean.
** Even if I can pass the DC.

[Techwarrior]

If the fresh level 1 party looks at what has just happened and the resulting 'obvious explanation' involves more than a dozen double crosses, four triple crosses, and someone they aren't even sure how many times that guy has betrayed people, my DM license will be revoked.

From the same game:
If the first spell that the PC's research is Discern Lies, Greater the custom spell that works like Discern Lies, but isn't fooled by things that allow you to lie while under its effects. My DM license will be revoked again, although under the table DM'ing is encouraged by the same group.

PC: You are disgusting, keep doing this.

[byaku rai]

Details about your campaign. Please. :smallcool:


Well, we're currently in the capitol city of [insert the DM's made-up country here >.>] doing infinite time loops as an excuse not to fight the BBEG as level 4 characters.

Bonus points for guessing which of the four characters I am. :smallbiggrin:

[Lord_Gareth]

*I am no longer allowed to arrange for the execution of one of my motley mates by submitting evidence to the Crown that he is in a romantic relationship with a Fetch.
** I am also not allowed to complain when it turns out I was right and aforementioned Fetch comes after me for it.
*** Really, not expecting her father to shoot me after I killed his daughter and her boyfriend is a bit much.

[boomwolf]

*I may not use a dragon as an improvised weapon.
**Even if I do possess the strength to fling him around.
***Double so if I am currently riding him.

[Techwarrior]

If I take Improvised Weapon Proficiency, I must now select what Improvised Weapon I am proficient with, I am not proficient in all of them.

[Doorhandle]

Well, we're currently in the capitol city of [insert the DM's made-up country here >.>] doing infinite time loops as an excuse not to fight the BBEG as level 4 characters.

Bonus points for guessing which of the four characters I am. :smallbiggrin:

...It was a homestuck reference, wasn't it, Strider. :smallamused:

[newBlazingAngel]

*My characters motivation is not to be to 'test the limits of a Dungeon Master's sanity

[Techwarrior]

Nor may it be to test the party's sanity.

[newBlazingAngel]

*Nor my own

[Sith_Happens]

Well, we're currently in the capitol city of [insert the DM's made-up country here >.>] doing infinite time loops as an excuse not to fight the BBEG as level 4 characters.

Bonus points for guessing which of the four characters I am. :smallbiggrin:

Link, obviously.:smallwink: You know, because you basically just described the premise of Majora's Mask.

[Saintheart]

*Nor my own

* Unless it is a Call of Cthulhu game.
** When playing a CoC game, SAN is not shorthand for "sanitary" and I am not permitted to record the phrase 'napkins' at this entry.

* The BBEG does not have, and does not need, my permission to die.

[Ksheep]

* The BBEG may NOT be Discord
** Nor may he be Q
*** Q and Q are also not allowed
**** No, the BBEG is NOT a member of the Q continuum

Oh, and here's one of my player's reactions (http://thisragingpeace.tumblr.com/post/27520505407/when-your-dm-suggests-discord-as-a-possible-enemy) when I suggested that first one.

[Emperordaniel]

* The BBEG may NOT be Discord
** Nor may he be Q
*** Q and Q are also not allowed
**** No, the BBEG is NOT a member of the Q continuum

Oh, and here's one of my player's reactions (http://thisragingpeace.tumblr.com/post/27520505407/when-your-dm-suggests-discord-as-a-possible-enemy) when I suggested that first one.

***** If the DM turns unspeakably evil, I am not allowed to blame it on Discord.

[Marillion]

*Before I am allowed to challenge someone to "split their lungs with blood and thunder", I must first have maxed out the Whaler skill.

[Socratov]

Y'know, I have ALLWAYS wanted to send a group of players to the elemental plane of candy. I mean, there's enough precedent for it in video-games.... :smalltongue:



*If I play an awakened unicorn named charlie, I will have to expect this, as well as beïng crowned king and having an aquatic adventure. I will have to take deformities (willin gor otherwise) to further the plot

[Man on Fire]

* The BBEG may NOT be Discord


* If other players make characters based on MLP cast and are expecting me to do Pinkie Pie, I can make Kratos just to piss them off. I'm however, not allowed to complain to the DM about the beating I'm going to suffer.
** After party tries to kill my character and force me to make pinkie pie, I cannot channel my inner munchkin and create guy clearly based on Asura just to kill everybody.
*** Cannot turn the game into murderous arms race with me and other guys constantly killing each other with more and more optimized characters.
**** Even if DM isn't a fan of MLP, Driving Fluttershyish-character to suicide with my tiny-veiled Spider Jerusalem is corssing the line.
***** Destroying everybody's love for the show by having their Ponylikes hunted and tortured to death by my pseudo-Piramidhead wil lget me kicked out of the game.

[Craft (Cheese)]

* If other players making characters based on MLP cast and are expecting me to do Pinkie Pie, I can make Kratos just to piss them off. I'm however, not allowed to complain to the DM about the beating I'm going to suffer.

Just say you're Pinkamena and everyone will be okay with this.

[BlackestOfMages]

* I am not to point out flaws or weakpoints in my players plans/supposedly-optimized builds by using the version without them against them and smiling whilst doing so
* I am not to "help" my players upgrade their build to take the BBEG in single combat
* If My players live under the impression that killing the BBEG in early encounters equals an early win, I am not allowed to react to my players defeating the BBEG earlier than the final confrontation with glee and smiling, before shuffling through paper work and slowly pulling out a new sheet with the words "if only" written on the back
* I may not make my players to worried to act in a room with three doors for fear that one of them will kill them if all three are entierly untrapped and in fact lead to special fun stuff
* I may not use the dwarf fortress version of the term special fun stuff
* Psychology is important in games, but I am no longer allowed to use it.

[Saintheart]

* May not use a credit card for Ubercharger builds.
* The Cheater of Mystra does not involve loaded d20s.
* Jack B. Quick does not require a candlestick as part of his equipment.
* May not name my kobold character Pom-Pom.
** And he cannot take levels in bard, or Profession (Cheerleader).
* May not use an elixir of love to try and make the paladin fall.

[newBlazingAngel]

*As a dungeon master I am to stop testing my poker face with these games.

[Randomguy]

*May not make a 9th level version of prestidigation for the sole purpose of cleaning an entire city.
**May not use it to set everything flammable in the city on fire, either.

*If I ever get the ability to make artifacts, may not make the first one a portal gun.
**An unbeatable wand, a stone of True Resurrection and a cloak that makes me completely undetectable are also out of the question.

*The far realms are not my playground.
**There's a difference between going outside to play and going Outside to play.

*If I become a thrallheard and repeatedly kill off my followers for the raw materials, I can expect to depopulate the surrounding area very quickly.

*May not planar bind Succubi or Lillitu to make an entire group of paladins fall, just because I'm bored.

*This isn't sparta.
**Not to ask how the bottomless pit got there.
***Not to begin an exploration mission to the centre of the earth through said pit.
****Not to use it as a waste disposal.
*****Not to try filling it with water.
******Not to trick the party members into thinking I succeeded.

*There's a time and a place for tactical nukes. Hand to hand combat is not one of those times or places.
**No, not even then.

*As DM, may not base campaigns on Eversion.

*The bad end may not have the lines "and they lived happily ever after" in it.
**The good end may not end with billions of people dying.

[Techwarrior]

The BBEG's plan may not involve Decanters of Endless Water (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/magicItems/wondrousItems.htm#decanterofEndlessWater) in any way.
No, especially not if the plan also involves bunnies.
The BBEG may not create the custom item Decanter of Endless Lava.
I am not allowed to use Decanters of Endless anythings.
No, not even Decanters of Endless Fluffy Bunnies, nor Decan'ters of Endless Pizza.
Especially if I can't get the evil grin off of my face when I say it, due to the evil plan I have for it.

[Esprit15]

*No matter how in character, I may not start the game by killing half the PC's and most NPC's in the area.

*If I am not the party face, I may not speak to important NPC's.
**I must have a bonus to CHA if I am the party face.
***I may not have a bonus to CHA.

*'Nice' when dealing with NPC's may not be "Well I didn't electrocute them."

[Man on Fire]

*The bad end may not have the lines "and they lived happily ever after" in it.
**The good end may not end with billions of people dying.

Even if entire party is composed of Chaotic Evil characters based on iconic Disney vilians?

Hmm...


* Cannot base the plot on Epic Mickey.

[Reltzik]

* No longer allowed to decoy my players into false preparations through use of puns.

((1st level PCs fight a bunch of goblins and overhear them talking about "hobbies" up ahead. They charge ahead and fight a bunch of hobgoblins, and learn that there are multiple "buggies" in the building ahead. They buff for bugbear, charge in, and find a coach house.))

* No longer allowed to decoy my DM (different campaign) through use of puns.
** .... actually, NEVER WAS allowed to do this.
*** No puns. Period.
**** Why am I asking if they cramp my DM's style?

[BootStrapTommy]

*You may not use Tenser's Floating Disk, portable holes, and several thousand Alchemist's Flask to carpet-bomb an enemy army. Or the BBEG. Or cities. In general really.

[Ksheep]

*You may not use Tenser's Floating Disk, portable holes, and several thousand Alchemist's Flask to carpet-bomb an enemy army. Or the BBEG. Or cities. In general really.

** May not use ring gates and Overland Flight either.

[Doorhandle]

*May not make a 9th level version of prestidigation for the sole purpose of cleaning an entire city.
**May not use it to set everything flammable in the city on fire, either.

*If I ever get the ability to make artifacts, may not make the first one a portal gun.
**An unbeatable wand, a stone of True Resurrection and a cloak that makes me completely undetectable are also out of the question.

*The far realms are not my playground.
**There's a difference between going outside to play and going Outside to play.

*If I become a thrallheard and repeatedly kill off my followers for the raw materials, I can expect to depopulate the surrounding area very quickly.

*May not planar bind Succubi or Lillitu to make an entire group of paladins fall, just because I'm bored.

*This isn't sparta.
**Not to ask how the bottomless pit got there.
***Not to begin an exploration mission to the centre of the earth through said pit.
****Not to use it as a waste disposal.
*****Not to try filling it with water.
******Not to trick the party members into thinking I succeeded.

*There's a time and a place for tactical nukes. Hand to hand combat is not one of those times or places.
**No, not even then.



*Not to use nukes while within visual range.

*Not to empty out the entire plane of water using the bottomless pit.
*not to then traverse that plane, coop-de-grasing all the washed-up survivors and eating their meats.
*Not to empty out the plane of water into the plane of fire to destory them both.
*Paritucalry not to turn the plane of water into a cooking-pot.

**May not Use a few helms of change alignment to make an entirely new group of palladins out of planar-bound Succubi or Lillitu ethier.


** May not use ring gates and Overland Flight either.

*Using a dragon cohort for the same purposes is also banned.
**using a lindworm and casting fly on it first is similarly disliked.

[BootStrapTommy]

*You may not save your entire party from falling to death by casting Quickened Create Water 26 times.

*You may not use a rogue with a crossbow loaded with Bolts of Cure Serious Wound as a rough substitute for the cleric who drown.

[Randomguy]

*You may not save your entire party from falling to death by casting Quickened Create Water 26 times.

*You may not use a rogue with a crossbow loaded with Bolts of Cure Serious Wound as a rough substitute for the cleric who drown.

**A healing shiv (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HealingShiv) is also not allowed.

***Bolts of cure serious wounds can, however, be used against undead.

[TuggyNE]

**May not Use a few helms of change alignment to make an entirely new group of palladins out of planar-bound Succubi or Lillitu ethier.

Whyever not? :smalltongue:

[Esprit15]

PTTA
*Our Engineer may not make combustable lemons. Engineers make vehicles.
**No, the Artificer may not make combustable lemons. Lemons are not a weapon.
***A Botanist cannot breed combustable lemons.
****No combination of classes results in combustable lemons.
**We may not burn down houses with combustable lemons.
**We may not get mad at life.
**Life does not have a manager.
**No more Portal references.

[Riverdance]

*My Wu Jen's lips may not continue moving after he is done speaking.

(Idea Credit to Mr. Welch, #9)

*Severe brain trauma does not result in my bodyguard permanently talking like Sean Connery after he wakes up.

[Doorhandle]

*You may not save your entire party from falling to death by casting Quickened Create Water 26 times.

*You may not use a rogue with a crossbow loaded with Bolts of Cure Serious Wound as a rough substitute for the cleric who drown.

*Not to point out that falling on water from a great height is as bad as hitting concrete if the G.M is trying to save our puny asses.

[Techwarrior]

Why did you have Quickened Create Water prepared? :smallconfused: 26 times?

[Sith_Happens]

* If my Exalt is secretly designed for the express purpose of recreating the finale to F-Zero: Falcon Densetsu (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFtw7qW7Vcw), then he must likewise sacrifice himself in the process of performing his Falcon Punch.
** I am not to be upset when the Big Bad uses a perfect defense.

* It doesn't matter that the Far Realm is a place of utter madness and illogic, the FATALverse is not one of its layers and I am not to trick my players into going there.
** No, not even if the whole point is to eventually bait the wizard into casting a spell so that it can "accidentally" turn into the FATAL spell and destroy the whole "layer."
*** After putting them through this experience, the least I can do is tell the party that they are now immune to the Far Realm proper's insanity-causing mechanic (because it suddenly seems quite sane by comparison), and that the paladin will forever be in the utmost favor of his/her god due to his/her part in this immense act of Good (i.e.- destroying the FATALverse).
**** If the paladin, or any other PC for that matter, is in fact a she, then that does not even come close to making up for it.
** I am never allowed to GM, except in my sick, twisted imagination.

[Randomguy]

Why did you have Quickened Create Water prepared? :smallconfused: 26 times?

How else are you supposed to kill a Dry Lich?


*May not use Disintigrate to clean up garbage. That's what Prestigidation is for.

*If the BBEG's evil plan is to destroy the earth, destroying it before he can, and in a different way, is not victory.

*May not put one ring gate into the elemental plane of water and the other into the elemental plane of air (suspended in a strong updraft) just to make bubbles.
**Not to use those bubbles to sink ships.

EDIT:
*Not to polymorph the bard into a gibbering mouther so he can sing barbershop quartet by himself.
**Not even if the preformance is in the far realms.
***Not to make a band with a gibbering mouther as the singer, an aboleth on bass and a grell playing drums.
****all Bard Party + aberration PC's don't mix.

[Saintheart]

*My Wu Jen's lips may not continue moving after he is done speaking.

* Not allowed to cast Ghost Sound on the initiative count after the Unarmed Swordsage has hit with an unarmed attack.
* Perform (Weapon Drill) does not actually give me +10 to BAB when using nunchaku.
* My samurai is not played by Sonny Chiba and is not named Hattori Hanzo.
* "Wingrish" is not a valid language selection.

[Man on Fire]

* Cannot research a spell allowing me to recreate finale of Gurren Lagann.
** Cannot research greater version of that spell to recreate finale of the movie
*** Cannot research spell to recrate finale of that finale either.

[BlackestOfMages]

*cannot destroy all of reality on a whim
*Cannot have the ultimate goal of intrumentality
*Cannot declare the total lack of identity to be utoipia
*my character cannot be so neutoritc and broken he would be unable to function in the real world
* or an emotionless clone thats part eldritch abomination
*Not even in cthulutech
Especially in cthulutech
Not allowed to instroduce a self-proclaimed mecha fan to Evangellion through his love of cthulutech jut to watch his poor mind warp so I can cackle maniacally... then steal his chips.

[saxavarius]

Blackest that is mean; Evangelion is bad enough but you had to steal his chips on top of shredding is hopes and dreams. Take this: http://www.icitta.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/cookie.gif


*May not make a tibbit wizard bent on world domination
**double so if he is named Salem Saberhagen (a cookie to anyone that gets this)


also anyone know how to embed a link in text?

[Ksheep]

also anyone know how to embed a link in text?

Yes. Type [URL="www.websitenamehere.com"]Text you want to be hyperlinked… [/url (and then a close brace)

[newBlazingAngel]

*May not make a tibbit wizard bent on world domination
**double so if he is named Salem Saberhagen (a cookie to anyone that gets this)


Sabrina the Teenage witch, human turned into cat for attempting world domination.

[Geigan]

*Just because you can create a couple hundred little shadow sprite minions does not mean you should cover the area around your house with them.

**No really stop, you're scaring the townsfolk and that's bad for business.

***I will not teach my less responsible colleagues the powers of The Sigil of the Brass Dawn, just because they ask me to.

****I am not allowed to teach people magic.

[enderlord99]

***I will not teach my less responsible colleagues the powers of The Sigil of the Brass Dawn, just because they ask me to.

****There is no such thing as a Far Realm of the Tungsten Dusk.

*****I may no longer assume we are playing Planescape.

[Kira_the_5th]

* Turning the party's world into a musical is a trick I can get away with exactly once.

[saxavarius]

Here you go Angle one cookie as promised (http://www.icitta.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/cookie.gif)

*I may not seduce the owner of the tavern for a cheaper price on room and board
**even especially if I am playing a succubus
*If playing a succubus I may not use charm person and diplomancy to gain worshipers and ascend before 20th level

[Riverdance]

* Turning the party's world into a musical is a trick I can get away with exactly once.

*The Paladin's name is not Truly Scrumptious
**Even if it is, my bard may not convince orphan waifs to follow her, pleading her to be their mother in musical verse.
***I may not play any class with musical ability or access to enchantment features.

[Arbane]

*If playing a succubus I may not use charm person and diplomancy to gain worshipers and ascend before 20th level


How about AT 20th level? :smallbiggrin:

[Doorhandle]

*Just because you can create a couple hundred little shadow sprite minions does not mean you should cover the area around your house with them.

**No really stop, you're scaring the townsfolk and that's bad for business.

***I will not teach my less responsible colleagues the powers of The Sigil of the Brass Dawn, just because they ask me to.

****I am not allowed to teach people magic.

A legend campagin? Sign me up!

*Not to use bull-rush and a Mighty Devsistaing weapon in order to launch my allies great distances.

[Hyena]

*When I'm asked to play non-codzilla cleric, may not start with wisdom score of 20 and ready only cure minor wounds.

[Mindartis]

*Wearing a shirt with the name of a company while robbing another company is not a good idea.
**It will lead to war between the two companies
***They will probably still figure out who you are anyways.
(Shadowrun)

[Lord_Gareth]

*Cults are a privilege, not a right.

[Blisstake]

When the bard does a very special dance for me, I'm not allowed to say "I have the weirdest bonus right now."

[Dead_Jester]

*Wearing a shirt with the name of a company while robbing another company is not a good idea.
**It will lead to war between the two companies
***They will probably still figure out who you are anyways.

****I should not then proceed to claim to have been working for another company to muddy the issue further.
*****Evidence indicating that we are, in fact, completely innocent will probably not be considered, especially if it "magically" appears after our incarceration and the previous evidence still exists
******Making a deal with a dragon to get out, only to betray him and his company afterwards, is the definition of insanity, and will lead to a major reduction of life expectancy

Yes, my Shadowrun players forgot the first rule...

[Lord_Gareth]

Yes, my Shadowrun players forgot the first rule...

"Always make three characters, because you'll probably manage to kill all three of them."?

[Riverdance]

When the bard does a very special dance for me, I'm not allowed to say "I have the weirdest bonus right now."

That made me laugh inside.

**I may not use "bonus" as a euphemism. Ever.

[Ksheep]

*** Perform (belly dance) is not allowed for my bard.
**** The same goes for Perform (pole dance)
***** You know what, I'm not allowed to play a bard anymore.

[Saintheart]

* Pyrotechnics does not allow me to create a dragon firework that explodes somewhere over Bywater.
** And I'm not allowed to try and play "catch up" on halflings by stealing their stuff while they're watching the show.
* "Smite Good" refers to alignment, not effectiveness.
* Flash photography against the vampire in the party is not on.

[Sith_Happens]

When the bard does a very special dance for me, I'm not allowed to say "I have the weirdest bonus right now."

http://i901.photobucket.com/albums/ac213/jwill187/vw/SpockWin.jpg

[I, Dashing Cube]

"Always make three characters, because you'll probably manage to kill all three of them."?

I believe he was talking about the points he was adding. But anyways, in our present situation, our de facto first rule in Shadowrun is :

Plan B : Add 20kg of high explosives.

It as worked spectacularly for the time being.

* In Shadowrun, Plan A must never be use 20kg of high explosives. It derails the plot and any further plans from the DM.
**Faking the explosion is, on the other hand, perfectly fine.

[Riverdance]

*When making a Character at Level 10 I may not blow 1000 of my leftover 3000 GP on Alchemists Fire, Oil, and Caltrops and the other 2000 on 2 GP Bear Traps.

[Kane0]

* I may no longer be more popular and reasonable than the party Paladin while playing a Lawful Evil character.
* Actually, no more Lawful Evil for you.

[eulmanis12]

*I am encouraged to role play dialog between myself and any folowers that I controll. However if the dialog sounds like this I am to be hit in the head with a bat, repeatedly.
"Tangos in building ahead!. Ryans, and Macniel lay down covering fire from that defelade, Kowalski, breach the door, Sanovich and Montigleoni with me"
"sir yes sir"
"tangos at three o clock in the alley"
"Kowalski Status report!"
"Wizard three this is charlie six, you are cleared to engage"

*I may not create or utilize a magical equivalent of walkie talkies
**I may not speak in military phonetics on them
***I may not use them to direct artillery fire, call for reinforcements, or call in air strikes

*I may use thrown weapons that explode, I may not use them to clear rooms prior to my entry
** I may not shout "Grenade!" or "Frag Out!" while doing so.

*If I create another spec ops team equiped with automatic crossbows, vials of alchemist fire, magical communications gear, and trained in aquatic insertions I will be beated with a golf club.
**No more D&D seal teams.

*If I convince the other pcs to go along with me and create a party of awakened penguin artificers, I am awesome.
**If their names are Skipper, Kowalski, Ricco, and Private, I will be sued for copyright infringement. and will still be awesome.

[Randomguy]

**No more D&D seal teams..

***Were-seal teams are also out of the question.

[Rockphed]

***Were-seal teams are also out of the question.

***Awakened seals are also off limits.
****For that matter, so are walruses.
*****Animated blobs of wax are especially out.

[Riverdance]

**No more D&D seal teams.


***Having the team be entirely comprised of rogues with the Sniper Archetype is right out.

[Beowulf DW]

*I may not have my dragonsteed put ranks into Stealth to create a "Stealth Dragpn"
**I may not then use said stealth dragon to do covert infiltrations
***I will not name my infiltration team the Dragon Entrance and Liftoff Tactical Assault Force.

[Riverdance]

* When my character, Ryan contracts on STD from a sketchy brothel, our next quest is not, "Saving Ryan's Privates."

** When Ryan's disease becomes the town gossip our quest does not become, "Saving Ryan's Privacy."

[Metahuman1]

*The Warforged may not be a cleric/decisive strike monk/Bard.
**If he is, he may not have extend spell.
***If he has extend spell, he may not use it to start a fight with extending a cure or inflict line spell.
****Especially if he's got a way of either empowering or maximizing it, and more so if he's got a way of doing both.
*****Can't also have song of the white raven.

******Under no circumstances if the above rules are broken may he start a fight by hitting an opponent with a decisive unarmed strike channeling an appropriate Cure/Inflict spell while inspiring courage.

*If he does so, he may not declare in or out of character that he's got the touch, or the power.

*Yeah.

[Rockphed]

*The Warforged may not be a cleric/decisive strike monk/Bard.
**If he is, he may not have extend spell.
***If he has extend spell, he may not use it to start a fight with extending a cure or inflict line spell.
****Especially if he's got a way of either empowering or maximizing it, and more so if he's got a way of doing both.
*****Can't also have song of the white raven.

******Under no circumstances if the above rules are broken may he start a fight by hitting an opponent with a decisive unarmed strike channeling an appropriate Cure/Inflict spell while inspiring courage.

*If he does so, he may not declare in or out of character that he's got the touch, or the power.

*Yeah.

** Doing so as a warforged bard (and breaking into a rock number) while holding some sort of artifact is expressly forbidden.

[Geigan]

*We will not feed people to our ever hungering ghoul PC.

**Unless we don't want said person to come back in which case we will encourage it, even if it is unlikely to insure that they won't return as a robot or something anyway.

[Riverdance]

*Flight is a privilege, not a right.
**Using it to drop bear traps on the fighter's head will get it revoked.

*Not to refer to British Revolutionary War Soldiers as "Red Shirts" instead of "Lobsterbacks" even if they totally are.

[Esprit15]

*May not ever found a religion.
**Said religion is not to appear in subsequent games and be taken seriously.

[Ksheep]

*Flight is a privilege, not a right.
**Using it to drop bear traps on the fighter's head will get it revoked.

*** Nor may I drop drop bears (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drop_bear) on the fighter's head.
**** I may not sell drop bear repellant to the fighter after telling him of vicious drop bear attacks, even though I know there is no such thing as a drop bear.
***** I may not be surprised when the DM drops a drop bear on my head, just to prove that there ARE, in fact, drop bears.

[Saintheart]

* Not permitted to try and teach the party barbarian the art of trapfinding by having him close his eyes, put his fingers in his ears, and slap his foot randomly around in front of him as he walks.

[Randomguy]

*A bear trap is not a trap that drops a bear on someone.
**Unless wizards are involved, in which case it drops an Owlbear on someone.

[Metahuman1]

*Charm Persons Stomatic Component is not a hand wave.

*Neither is Suggestions.

*Even if I have that skill trick that let's me disguise my casting.

*If I have that skill trick, I may not know Suggestion or Charm person.

*More so if there are Warforged in the party.

*And I am absolutely not permitted to be able to silence either spell.

*Ignoring the rules so that I can wave my hand and cast the spell and then inform the guards that these are not the warforged they are looking for and that I can go about my business will cause the guards to all suddenly have mind blank and the ability to auto detect what I'm doing, then to attack.

[Riverdance]

*Charm Persons Stomatic Component is not a hand wave.


**The somatic component to Charm Person most certainly does not involve removal of clothing.
***If I put it down to a Wardrobe Malfunction I will lose my Charm Privileges.


*Neither is Suggestions.


**The Somatic component to Suggestion is not Suggestive in any way.

[Ksheep]

*** Suggestion isn't just me staring straight at the target either.

[BootStrapTommy]

*** Nor may I drop drop bears (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drop_bear) on the fighter's head.
**** I may not sell drop bear repellant to the fighter after telling him of vicious drop bear attacks, even though I know there is no such thing as a drop bear.
***** I may not be surprised when the DM drops a drop bear on my head, just to prove that there ARE, in fact, drop bears.

Is it just me or EV Nova?

[Ksheep]

Is it just me or EV Nova?

Originally heard of Drop Bears from EV Nova, and based the above on it, yes. However, I have since then read/seen other occurrences of Drop Bears, namely on the continent of XXXX on Discworld.

Speaking of which:
****** May not use unnaturally pointy hats as a defense against drop bears.

[Incom]

*If my warforged partymate of any class is somehow destroyed, I may not exclaim "[class] is broken!"
**If a partymate loses a leg, I may not call him imbalanced.
***Balance discussion at the table is forbidden.
****Even in character.
*****You may talk about balance in the context of balance checks.
******The above rule refers to physically balancing, not game balance.
*******You now fail all your balance checks.

[Doorhandle]

Originally heard of Drop Bears from EV Nova, and based the above on it, yes. However, I have since then read/seen other occurrences of Drop Bears, namely on the continent of XXXX on Discworld.

Speaking of which:
****** May not use unnaturally pointy hats as a defense against drop bears.

Drop bears are a tall tale made by australians to scare tourists the greatest threat to the australian way of life!

Ward them off by placing vegmite on the back of your neck!

[Morithias]

* Having a character be a Spoony Bard is okay, having a character be Lord Vyce is not.
* A person who wields a magic gun and is a man is okay, but he is not allowed to be named Linkara
* No more basing characters off internet celebrities.

[Sith_Happens]

*If my warforged partymate of any class is somehow destroyed, I may not exclaim "[class] is broken!"
**If a partymate loses a leg, I may not call him imbalanced.
***Balance discussion at the table is forbidden.
****Even in character.
*****You may talk about balance in the context of balance checks.
******The above rule refers to physically balancing, not game balance.
*******You now fail all your balance checks.

* There is no such skill as Perform (metagame puns)

[BootStrapTommy]

*Under no circumstances may I worship the Second Law of Thermodynamics as a means to bypass the lawful alignment restriction of a monk.

[BootStrapTommy]

*Under no circumstances can I build my own plane inside of a true bag of holding.
**In such a plane in such a bag, I cannot establish a kingdom of kobold cohorts using the leadership feat.
*** I may not gift these kobolds with vast numbers of ring gates, nor train them to be sorcerers, assassins, and fighters.
**** I may not line my party member's tower shield with the ring gates' exits and have kobold sorcs fire spells through them on telepathic command.
***** Not allowed to do the above holding the rings instead in the air with telekinesis.
****** I may not sew ring gates to my robes which link to kobold assassins, who can stab things which attempt to sneak up on me through the gates.
******* I will not reach in the bag, pull out a kobold fighter, and toss him at enemies yelling "Fighter-dokun!".
******** "Kolbold-dokun!" is right out.
********* I can never play a Wizard again, nor have bags of holding, ring gates, or even similar things like portable holes.

* I cannot build a mobile sniper mech for myself and the party's deepwood sniper out of a golem, golem armor, a marvelous mansion, and a conveniently placed hole.
** I cannot use Daern's Instant Fortresses in place of bullets in my sling
*** I cannot build an wrist-mounted repeating crossbow to fire Daern's Instant Fortresses, just because I think the sling is too slow.
**** I'm banned from owning alchemists fire, or any other item roughly equivalent to it.
***** I'm banned from playing an artificer, or having an form of the Craft skill.

[BootStrapTommy]

*Not to point out that falling on water from a great height is as bad as hitting concrete if the G.M is trying to save our puny asses.
If you're summoning water, you're summoning it near you. Thus, being submerged within a giant mass of water would theoretically slow down the duration of the impact when you hit, especially if the volume of water is significant compared to the size of the cavern you find yourself in.


Why did you have Quickened Create Water prepared? :smallconfused: 26 times?

Not an optimal way to built a character, but fun. A Water cleric who was a wall of meat and health, healed with spontaneous conversion, and for flavor he created water, made water holy, and then controlled said water.

When you can flood a cavern with water almost instantaneously, you can let a lack of oxygen do most of your killing for you. Bless the water in case of undead.

[Edog]

*I may not attempt to purify the lower planes by Planar Binding demons and devils, wiping their alignments, converting them to the forces of Good, and then dismissing them.

[Sith_Happens]

* Even if it doesn't sound out of place in the setting, my Exalt's name may not be Vash the Stampede.
** "Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gumbigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andres Charton-Haymoss Ivanovicci Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III" is out of the question.

[Arbane]

** "Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gumbigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andres Charton-Haymoss Ivanovicci Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III" is out of the question.

*** Even if everyone calls her "Ed".

[Man on Fire]

* No longer allowed obliberating entire plane by opening huge portals to Hel and Abyss and watch as Blood War devours everything.
** Even if I'm playing planar traveller who landed in Dark Sun.

[deworde]

Fiasco:
* I am not allowed to play any character in a position of authority
* I am not allowed to play any character with money
* I am not allowed to play any character who can manipulate others through fear
* I am not allowed to play any role that causes one of the other players to state "Oh God, He's Back!"
* I am not allowed a speaking role
* I am not allowed a role where I can gesture
* I am not allowed to play Fiasco
* The name "Doctor Clark Devlin MD" is no longer to be spoken aloud
* The name "Doctor Clark Devlin MD" is no longer to be written down

[Lord_Gareth]

*Imps are not nunchucks, no matter how many Malconvoker levels I might have.

[Rockphed]

* No longer allowed obliberating entire plane by opening huge portals to Hel and Abyss and watch as Blood War devours everything.
** Even if I'm playing planar traveller who landed in Dark Sun.

*** I am not to be surprised when dark sun halflings conquer the lower planes.
**** The default cosmology does not have 3 foot tall, cannibalistic archfiends.

[nene490]

When the party commits a contract killing a days travel from the queen who gave us the contract

*I may not abandon my watch in order to cut the head off of the body we are transporting and take it for myself.

**I may not, after stealing said head of our contract kill, abandon my party with an 8-hour head start to collect everyone's share of the bounty

***I may not lie to a queen, telling her my entire party has perished, when they are on their way to speak with said queen

****I may not hide everyone's share of the bounty and pretend to have only collect my portion.

if I do, I should expect everyone in the party to hate me (except for the class Rogue, who will respect me for getting away with it)

[Randomguy]

*The Continuum system is absolutely not to be used for a Homestuck campaign.

[MisterBananas]

*Buzzing the Jade Pleasure Dome at Mach 3 will irritate the gods therein. (1st Ed Exalted)
*A single magi-tech contraption pumping out more than 17 million damage per turn... Mystra's attention, you have it. (Playing an Arcane Mechanik PrCing into Warcaster in Faerun.)
*I am no longer allowed to follow through with any idea that starts with my character yelling "Hey guys, watch this!"
*No, my arcane mechanik cannot resurrect our dead party member.
**Even if he slaughters an entire town of innocents in a single blaze to funnel their souls into said party member.
*One should not be surprised when their character is regarded differently after slaying a group of apprentice red wizards with a rain of metal rods of... a dubious shape.
*No, a Mercy focused hunter would not use a meat slicer on a screaming vampire's head. (Hunter: the Reckoning)
**No, they... you know what? Your Martyr is now a Wayward.

[Sith_Happens]

**Even if he slaughters an entire town of innocents in a single blaze to funnel their souls into said party member.

*** The resurrected party member does not then function as a powerful magic amplifier.

[Rockphed]

*** The resurrected party member does not then function as a powerful magic amplifier.

**** Building a warforged does not involve attaching a human soul to a suit of armor.

* I may not make villains based on the 7 heavenly virtues.

[Ksheep]

**** Building a warforged does not involve attaching a human soul to a suit of armor.

* I may not make villains based on the 7 heavenly virtues.

** I may not make heroes based on the 7 deadly sins.

[Elemental]

*Duct tape will not allow the party members to mend the tear in reality caused by the party wizard accidentally destroying one of the crystals that holds the Universe together.

[eulmanis12]

*Duct tape will not allow the party members to mend the tear in reality caused by the party wizard accidentally destroying one of the crystals that holds the Universe together.

It definitly will.


*Duct tape does not replace a silence spell

*Duct tape may not be used to screw with cat people

*Wrapping the villan in duct tape to stop him from doing anything will work if we have enough duct tape
**We don't have enough

[Riverdance]

*Duct tape will not allow the party members to mend the tear in reality caused by the party wizard accidentally destroying one of the crystals that holds the Universe together.

**The way to turn lead to duct tape is not the great alchemical mystery of the present era.

***My character can not figure it out no matter how high his Alchemy Skill.

[Craft (Cheese)]

*Duct tape will not allow the party members to mend the tear in reality caused by the party wizard accidentally destroying one of the crystals that holds the Universe together.

** Regardless, I may not smoke the broken pieces of the crystal afterward.

[Kazyan]

* No domesticating elk.

[Beowulf DW]

*I may not send Ensign Ricky to the surface of the planet to see if it's poisonous.
**I may not send Ensign Ricky to see if the new species is peaceful or not.
***I may no longer command ensigns.

[Antonok]

*I may not send Ensign Ricky to the surface of the planet to see if it's poisonous.
**I may not send Ensign Ricky to see if the new species is peaceful or not.


**** Doubly so if Ricky turns out to be the captains pet Mongoose.

Kudos to who gets that reference.

[Ksheep]

*I may not send Ensign Ricky to the surface of the planet to see if it's poisonous.
**I may not send Ensign Ricky to see if the new species is peaceful or not.
***I may no longer command ensigns.

*****May not give all children born on ship the rank of Ensign as soon as they are old enough to walk.

[Chookster]

*If the DM realises that me and my friends characters are based on pinky and the brain and our only goal is to take over the realms they are vetoed.

*It turns out romancing a princess while deposing her father is mutually exclusive, despite what history tells me.

*If I stat up the slender man for a call of cthulhu campaign I shouldn't be surprised when he comes for me.

**I will not stat up the slender man

***No. You. Will. Not.

[the OOD]

I got my new DM to give me a house ruled spell that separates an area containing only 1 type of molecule and reduce in into the base elements
(I used the example of splitting table salt into sodium and chlorine)

when our 2nd level party was attacked by 20+ orcs who were crossing a fiver with a battering ram I convinced a party member to "stand by the river with a torch" saying i had a "good plan" (thank you massive bluff score). I promptly cast my spell on the river thus turning H2O into 2parts explosive gas and 1part flammable gas. the whole river blew like a bomb killing a grand total of 23 orcs 1PC and a fair amount of vegetation and wildlife, the GM finish by telling my deceased ally "your dead corpses levels up as it is swept away by the angry waters"

Every DM who saw this has considered some or all of the following rules:
I cannot use houseruled spells anymore
I cannot play an alchemist anymore
I cannot play a chaotic alignment anymore
I cannot put ranks in charisma-based skills anymore

[Esprit15]

*Not to have access to Multitasking, Dual Wielding, Professor and Commander at the same time.

[Ksheep]

* I may not throw a Roc at the party, only for it to grab one of the party members and fly away.
** I may not then throw a White Dragon with Snatch at the party, just to have it grab the same party member and fly away.
*** May not use any monsters with the Snatch feat
**** May NOT throw Tucker's Kobolds at the party either.
***** That's it, no more hit and run tactics from monsters EVER

[Rockphed]

* I may not throw a Roc at the party, only for it to grab one of the party members and fly away.
** I may not then throw a White Dragon with Snatch at the party, just to have it grab the same party member and fly away.
*** May not use any monsters with the Snatch feat

**** Not to be surprised when the player generates a new character who can pin anything.

[Riverdance]

*To name a character Bilbo and have him be a nicotine addict is ok.
**To name a character Bilbo and make him the world's best ruthless sniper is not.

[the OOD]

*I may not play a charecter called "the doctor"
**I may not have a blue telephone box that is bigger on the inside
***if I do it canot teleport in space and time
****when I die I may not create a character called the second(or third or fourth) doctor that is identical save slight cosmetic changes
*****I may not have a sonic screwdriver
******ever

[Riverdance]

*I may not play a charecter called "the doctor"
**I may not have a blue telephone box that is bigger on the inside
***if I do it canot teleport in space and time
****when I die I may not create a character called the second(or third or fourth) doctor that is identical save slight cosmetic changes
*****I may not have a sonic screwdriver
******ever

*******The paladin is an evil detector, not a timey-wimey detector.
********The paladin does not go ding when there's stuff.
*********No the paladin does not even go ding when there's evil.

[Arutema]

* No party member is allowed to scout ahead alone after the incident with the Red mantis.

* May not seduce anyone named "Eats What He Kills".

* No party member is allowed to scout ahead alone after the second incident with the Red Mantis.

* The Red Mantis do not have plot-important-NPC bane weapons.

* May not split the party in any way following the third incident with the Red Mantis.

[BootStrapTommy]

* I may not throw a Roc at the party, only for it to grab one of the party members and fly away.
** I may not then throw a White Dragon with Snatch at the party, just to have it grab the same party member and fly away.
*** May not use any monsters with the Snatch feat
**** May NOT throw Tucker's Kobolds at the party either.
***** That's it, no more hit and run tactics from monsters EVER

****** No having a phase spider which levels with the party randomly show up through out the campaign, maul the party, and then planeshift away before the party can kill it.
******* No using the threat of phase spiders to curb a party's metagaming.

[Ksheep]

****** No having a phase spider which levels with the party randomly show up through out the campaign, maul the party, and then planeshift away before the party can kill it.
******* No using the threat of phase spiders to curb a party's metagaming.

******** Not allowed to make a Phase template to make combat more… interesting
9x* NO, YOU CANNOT MAKE A PHASE-TARRASQUE!!!

[NM020110]

*May no longer specialize in one thing to the exclusion of others.
**Especially if that one thing is magic.
***If the above rules are disregarded, I may not use any variant of an anti-mundane field.
****If the above is disregarded, I may not summon magic immune constructs to do my fighting.

*Any form of stealth attacker is not to be used on other players.
**If said stealth attacker uses suicide attacks, then it is to be considered banned.
***Shape-shifting suicide attackers are right out.
****May no longer apply the stealth prefix to a construct whose only attack results in the elimination of city blocks.
*****May no longer hold the ability to make combat constructs remotely.
******May no longer hold the ability to make combat constructs.

*Even if it fits perfectly within my philosophy of combat, I may not alpha strike in pvp.
**I may also not use attacks which will kill without a chance of retaliation, but which are not alpha strikes, in pvp.
***May no longer attack other players remotely.
****May no longer attack other players from stealth.
*****I must give at least three round's notice before attacking.
******The notice must be clear.
*******I may no longer attack other players outside of self-defense.
********No more self defense for me.

*May no longer leave misleading hints regarding future strategies in this thread to trap metagamers...

[Antonok]

* Not allowed to make the BBEG of my campaign a Hecatoncheires with 13 levels of Duskblade and a single level in lion totem barbarian.

** Not allowed to have the BBEG wizard cross breed a bodak and a 12 headed hydra and sic it on the party.

*** Cockatrice is right out.

**** Put the Hyd-usa down and step away from the books.

* My Druid/Stormlord/Stormcaster is not Zeus.

** Nor does he have a son named Apollo.

*** When face to face with Zeus, said character is not allowed to threaten to shove a lightning bolt up Zeus's behind.

**** However, after Zeus stops laughing, he WILL proceed to shove one up yours.

[Dimers]

**** Doubly so if Ricky turns out to be the captains pet Mongoose.

Kudos to who gets that reference.

That would be Rikki-tikki-tavi, I believe. Kipling FTW.

[TuggyNE]

That would be Rikki-tikki-tavi, I believe. Kipling FTW.

... How did I miss that? I feel fail. :smallsigh:

[Metahuman1]

I love that!

[Roguenewb]

*I may not have a method of destroying dieties with more divine ranks than I have levels.
**This method must not be reliable

*I am no longer capable of having a one turn attack routine that takes longer to write out than another player's character sheet.
**especially as a fighter 1
***Hell, even as a wizard 20 it's frowned upon.

[Riverdance]

*My fighter 1 may not do more bonus damage automatically on a hit than the maxed total of the dice.

**If any hit by my fighter 5 automatically forces a massive damage roll I am to make a bard.

***Said bard is required to put strength as their dump stat.


... How did I miss that? I feel fail. :smallsigh:

I too am surprised I missed that.

[BootStrapTommy]

*Just because as a Goliath your Great Crossbow does 3d8 damage and almost weighs as much as the elf does not make it "effectively a Ballista".
**Just because you crit with it doesn't mean that that gnome "circumnavigated the globe".
***Just because the Wizard cast Persistent Greater Enlarge Person on you, doesn't means a Ballista is "effectively a Hand Crossbow".
****Or that that watchtower is "effectively a warmace".

*Just because your epic level Knight gets Loyal Beyond Death, doesn't mean your -364 HP walking corpse can continue on a mad quest to avenge the party.


That would be Rikki-tikki-tavi, I believe. Kipling FTW.

You just blew my mind.

[Antonok]

That would be Rikki-tikki-tavi, I believe. Kipling FTW.

Well I'm just glad SOMEBODY got it.

Bad enough I already feel like the only person in the world thats seen that... (none of my rl friends ever saw it).

[Antonok]

Grr stupid internal errors...

[Tohron]

*My fighter 1 may not do more bonus damage automatically on a hit than the maxed total of the dice.

**If any hit by my fighter 5 automatically forces a massive damage roll I am to make a bard.

***Said bard is required to put strength as their dump stat.


****The bard may not go for the Dragonfire Inspiration variant and end up with more bonus damage than the fighter.

[Madfellow]

* When interrogating an NPC for information, I may not convince the party to dress up as the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future.
** I may not dress up as the Ghost of Christmas Future.
*** If above rule is broken, I may not point and glare at said NPC.
**** If above rules are broken, a nat 20 Intimidation roll will not give said NPC a heart attack.
***** I may not point and glare at a crowd of random NPCs.
****** I may not point and glare at anyone. Period.

[Rockphed]

* Double finger points are reserved for FBI agents.
** No, you may not play as FBI agents.
*** Less known federal agencies are out of the question.
**** Made up federal agencies will be vetoed.
***** If you really want to play as federal agents, I know a guy who can hook us up with "Bureaucracy: the Game"

[Flemkopf]

*If I'm playing a cleric and the party rogue needs healing in the middle of combat the proper response is not to throw him in my bag of holding so I can deal with him later.
**Nor is it to throw him into my portable hole.
***If I throw him into my bag of holding while conveniently forgetting he is carrying his portable hole I am not to be surprised when we both get sucked into the Astral Plane and are surrounded by angry natives.
****If I throw him into my portable hole while he is carrying his bag of holding I am not to be surprised when he comes back as a major deity leading an army of millions of said natives bent on my destruction.
*You know what, how about you just heal yourself.

[Craft (Cheese)]

* If it annoys me that one of my PCs keeps referring to his manhood as his "Bag of Holding" I am to respond in a mature and polite manner.
** Even when he hits on female NPCs by asking if he can get inside her "Portable Hole."
*** Allowing him to have sex with one of these NPCs and then castrating him with a resulting rift into the astral plane is neither mature nor polite.

[Metahuman1]

* If it annoys me that one of my PCs keeps referring to his manhood as his "Bag of Holding" I am to respond in a mature and polite manner.
** Even when he hits on female NPCs by asking if he can get inside her "Portable Hole."
*** Allowing him to have sex with one of these NPCs and then castrating him with a resulting rift into the astral plane is neither mature nor polite.

*Having a stilled, Silenced Programmed Amnesia put on him by said NPC to write his whole life story in his mind to be nothing more then to serve her ever again, is also not mature and polite, but more creative then killing him, and fun.

[Techwarrior]

I may no longer use more than high school level chemistry while making decisions on how things interact with the world.

I may also not use physics higher than you would find in a fifth grade science text while making such decisions.

[Acanous]

Any time I wish to incorporate real world science into fantasy planning, I must be able to demonstrate the science in front of the group.
If this takes longer than six seconds, it is over a full round action, and provokes attacks of opportunity.

[Dimers]

If this takes longer than six seconds, it is over a full round action, and provokes attacks of opportunity.

Are the attacks in-game or IRL? :smalltongue:

[ryu]

Yes. I would think that's the simplest accurate answer to that question.

[Rockphed]

Any time I wish to incorporate real world science into fantasy planning, I must be able to demonstrate the science in front of the group.
If this takes longer than six seconds, it is over a full round action, and provokes attacks of opportunity.

So you need to generate gunpowder in less than 6 seconds in order to produce it in game?

[radmelon]

*Not allowed to mercy kill other PCs and turn the corpse into a walking stick, even if the player is okay with it.

Yes, that actually came up once.

[demigodus]

Any time I wish to incorporate real world science into fantasy planning, I must be able to demonstrate the science in front of the group.
If this takes longer than six seconds, it is over a full round action, and provokes attacks of opportunity.

So, if I need to demonstrate that a lightning bolt does indeed turn water into Hydrogen and Oxygen, do I need to acquire a river and a lightning bolt in those 6 seconds? Or are the 6 seconds only after acquiring all materials my PC already has?

Or do you mean explaining the theory? In such a case, up to how technical can I get?

[Maugan Ra]

I believe he's not requiring all scientific theories from being expressed inside of six seconds, so much as capping how much jargon and theoretical planning one can fit into a conversation with fellow team-mates while also avoiding getting Inez's face chewed off by assorted gribblies.

[Ksheep]

* I may not give a flock of flamingos a yo-yo

[kardar233]

*I may no longer collapse an entire mountain on a dragon's head with a couple hundred gallons of oil and a 7th-level wizard.
**I am definitely not allowed to quote Heath Ledger's Joker afterwards.

*My solution to destroying an entire enemy fleet should not be intricately designing the magi-punk equivalent of Dreadnought.
*My solution to killing the king should not be preempted by me designing the world's first IED.

*I am no longer allowed to use anything in game that I have drawn schematics for.

*I am no longer allowed to utter the words "I have a cunning plan". Ever.

[Man on Fire]

* BBEG does not get villain song to explain his motives
** He doesn't summon a rock band from other time to perform it
*** If that song is Sabaton's We Burn (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3G60XHaFZA) or Carolus Rex (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZMY-YXLa38) I'm buying everybody a beer.
*** Megadeath's Prince Of Darkness (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPwj7GMp0PM) isn't a good way to reveal the bad guy is really the Devil himself.

* Genies aren't fans of metaphors
** I'm about to stop calling Gm a killer for that time my bard asked for "heart of fire and nerves of steel".

High five if you get the refference in that last one.

[Beowulf DW]

* BBEG does not get villain song to explain his motives
** He doesn't summon a rock band from other time to perform it
*** If that song is Sabaton's We Burn (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3G60XHaFZA) or Carolus Rex (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZMY-YXLa38) I'm buying everybody a beer.
*** Megadeath's Prince Of Darkness (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPwj7GMp0PM) isn't a good way to reveal the bad guy is really the Devil himself.

*My bard's name is not Johnny.
**My bard may not challenge devils to fiddle duels.
***My bard may not have a mansion with a room full of golden fiddles taken from defeated devils.

[Acanous]

Are the attacks in-game or IRL?
Yes.

So you need to generate gunpowder in less than 6 seconds in order to produce it in game?
If I wish to do it inside of a combat round, without provoking attacks of opportunity, yes.

So, if I need to demonstrate that a lightning bolt does indeed turn water into Hydrogen and Oxygen, do I need to acquire a river and a lightning bolt in those 6 seconds? Or are the 6 seconds only after acquiring all materials my PC already has?

Or do you mean explaining the theory? In such a case, up to how technical can I get?
You can explain your theory as much as you like before the DM starts throwing books at you. You get whatever materials are available in the house/shop/school you play at. Not allowed to leave the building to get more. If you DO have access to a high-powered electric generator and some water, then yes, you can pull that off, but need to do it within 6 seconds if you don't want to provoke.

Generally, it is considered bad manners to attempt an action that requires more time to explain than it does to execute.

[Esprit15]

Generally, it is considered bad manners to attempt an action that requires more time to explain than it does to execute.
Electrolysis doesn't take 6 seconds to say though, so he's good. :smalltongue:

[stabbitty death]

*May not create an Unarmed Swordsage specializing in Desert Wind in 3.5
*May not make a Monk of the Four Winds in Pathfinder
*On the off chance that I'm able to create anything with similar abilities, under no circumstances may I yell "Falcon Punch!"
*You know what? You say Falcon Anything, you're getting polymorphed into a newt, and you will not get better!

the same applies to a magus with force punch

[Acanous]

Electrolysis doesn't take 6 seconds to say though, so he's good. :smalltongue:

True enough!

..No longer allowed to apply the second law of thermodynamics in a fantasy setting.

[Bayar]

* When the DM says the field of battle contains any weapon in the PHB, that does not mean I can take all of them.
** Especially if it means looting small sized Dwarven Urgoshes and Orc Double Axe's.
*** I no longer allowed to use the PHB weapon list as a check list of what weapon I used to kill things.
**** My character does not have the title "Doorslayer" "Doorbane" or anything related to smashing doors down.
***** If I am an evil kobold paladin, it is assumed I am not a fanatical worshiper of Pelor.
****** No longer allowed to dodge bluff checks by using logic.

* When the water orc barbarian is the voice of reason in the party, there is a problem.
** No longer allowed to commandeer an airship and force it to ram two other airships as a means of distraction.
*** Shouting profanities at the bound elemental is not the best idea.
**** Airships are destroyed, not killed or slain.

* As an artificer, I'm not allowed to forget that I have spell scrolls, especially if they could have ended the previous fight in one round.

* If I am the party wizard, my first reaction to city guards asking us to help them is not to teleport away.

* No longer allowed to play a bard that is useless to the party (must have been drunk when I built that character)

[Wraith]

*My bard's name is not Johnny.
**My bard may not challenge devils to fiddle duels.
***My bard may not have a mansion with a room full of golden fiddles taken from defeated devils.

* My bard's name is not Jack Butler.
** Just because I'm RPing that he sold his sold to a Devil in order to be an expert musician, doesn't mean that I don't have to point any points into Perform (Instrument).
*** He also does not have DR vs. Rock and Roll.
**** Even if he does have Weakness: 5th Caprice.

[PaperMustache]

*I may not flirt with the BBEG
**Especially if my significant other is at the table
***Especially if said BBEG is a ghost wizard known for possessing people in the night to act out his nefarious plans and I have NO will save.
****I am not to sleep outside the magical warded safe area after taunting said ghost wizard
*****After defeating the BBEG I am not to go into mourning.

*High diplomacy is not an excuse to make friends with the BBEG
**If I do so, I should not demand the XP we would have gotten for killing him.
***I will not aid the BBEG in his nefarious plans to the detriment of party goals.
****Even if my party doesn't trust me anyway
*****Especially if my party doesn't trust me anyway

[Techwarrior]

The BBEG can not be defeated by my Fighter 5/Bard 2/Arcane Archer 7 casting the spell Charm Person.

Especially if he is a Cleric and my Charm Person DC is 11.

[Socratov]

The BBEG can not be defeated by my Fighter 5/Bard 2/Arcane Archer 7 casting the spell Charm Person.

Especially if he is a Cleric and my Charm Person DC is 11.

well, technically that's what the critical failure is for... If it works, it works by raw and blame the bad railroading skills of the DM. Also did I hear phat lewt and lots of XP? :smallamused:

*I may not abuse the critical succes and critical failure rules just because I can
**No, not even If my schtick is being a lucky bastard
***not even with the luckstealer, fortune's friend and fatespinner PrC's, the luck domain, surge of fortune etcetera...
***neither may I create the Luck dragon as a mount, and even if I do it won't say "With a little bit of luck"

[Dimers]

* Given that checking accounts have not yet been invented in this gameworld, my character's background fluff may not involve scamming people via bad checks.
** My character's background may not involve checks at all.
*** Even if I invent checking accounts in-character and convince a banker to extend credit to me, I may still not write bad checks.
**** And I am now also disallowed from referring to Forgery, Bluff or Profession (Scam Artist) rolls as Kite checks.

[Sgt. Cookie]

*If my DM allows me to be a werebeetle, I turn into an insect, not Ringo Starr

[Riverdance]

*Ever since he was a young boy my bard did not play the silver ball.

[Lord Il Palazzo]

I may not play a savage bard who never ever learned to read or write so well but he could play the guitar just like-a ringin' a bell.

[Sith_Happens]

* No longer allowed to play a bard that is useless to the party (must have been drunk when I built that character)

** I may not play 50 bards that are useless to the party.
*** Becoming a pile of corpses large enough to grant total cover does not count as being useful.

[Madfellow]

* Trying to rob a party member does not count as joining the campaign.
** Even if they robbed you first.
* Trying to bull-rush a party member into shark-infested water does not count as joining the campaign.
** Even if they are a size category larger than you.
* Trying to Turn a party member's undead familiar does not count as joining the campaign.
** Even if you are not a divine caster.
* Trying to kill/incapacitate a party member does not count as joining the campaign.
** Even if they are 2 size categories larger than you.
* When the paranoid warforged killing machine has become the voice of reason for the party, there is a problem.

[Ksheep]

** I may not play 50 bards that are useless to the party.
*** Becoming a pile of corpses large enough to grant total cover does not count as being useful.

**** I may not use up all the charges in the Staff of Resurrection within the first 10 minutes of play

* May not ask the NPC paladin to step outside for a minute whenever we want to torture a prisoner for information
** May not do this so often and in such an obvious manner that said paladin realizes when we're about to do so and finds the most trivial of distractions to facilitate our wants.

[Madfellow]

* I may not rip off The Gamers 2: Dorkness Rising
** I may not rip off The Gamers.
*** I may not rip off Journeyquest or any other Dead Gentlemen or Zombie Orpheus materials.

[Riverdance]

** I may not play 50 bards that are useless to the party.
*** Becoming a pile of corpses large enough to grant total cover does not count as being useful.

Yes! Thank you!

*I may not weasel a lightsaber in as a "psionic spirit blade"
**Even if I manage to somehow pull that off, "gnomish mechanical buzz-swords" are right out.
***As are "dwarven speed-mining sticks"

*Raise Dinner is not a spell.
*The DM is rule 0 so I'm to stop whining about how he cut off my cleric from his god.
**Yes even if it got the party killed
***Because maybe it would FORCE ME to ROLEPLAY!

[Randomguy]

*Snicker Snack is the sound effect for a nat 20 while wielding a vorpal sword, not the sound effect of a player eating a snickers bar.