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Flame of Anor
2012-01-13, 01:23 AM
Here's the third volume of the Playground's compendium of zany and game-breaking things not to do! In the noble tradition of the Mr. Welch list, of course. Many thanks to RandomLunatic for suggesting the new title, and to all the other suggesters (whose proposals were all good).

[Any] Things I may no longer do while playing. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=175909)
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=207015)


Note: if you're going to use numbers, please keep the numbering in order. This means:
1) don't add sub-rules to previous numbers--people will think that number is the current one
2) look to make sure that the last post isn't a sub-rule to a previous number

I suggest using asterisks, though, as the first thread did.

Doorhandle
2012-01-13, 02:16 AM
I will respect your wishes even though having a counter is fun.

Also, LOLFIRST!

*My Seeker cannot impersonate Odin, Thor, Atremis, or any other mythological figure with a ranged weapon.
*Ahab is right out.
*No, my Seeker does not play quiddich, and he has never heard of a golden snitch.
* If my character can jump into orbit, I will not be surprised when the G.M forces me to take fire, lightning, and necrotic damage.
* If I survive this, I may not complain if I take the same damage again while falling back to earth, or while flying into space.
*may not sing “In the belly of the whale” if my character has been swallowed whole.
* It is bad form to bring any substance with a PH above 8 whenever this happens.
* Cannot elect to crawl out the smelly end, and I deserve everything I get if I try.

Esprit15
2012-01-13, 02:38 AM
Some PTTA ones that have been sitting around in my mind.

*I may not rewrite my motto from "The world is my oyster" to "The world is my burn barrel."

*Confuse Ray does not hit other planets.

*I am not Death, and I am not the Destroyer of Worlds. Not even if my team would fit the theme.

*Psychics don't work that way.

*Someone's heart is not a legal target for telekinesis.

*Blood plasma, even if mostly water, is not water and is not controllable as such.

*My name may not be Newton Jule Tesla. The DM knows where things will go if I am allowed this. Especially if I would have had a massive INT score.

*Phasing my hand into someone's body, then stopping while my hand is over any vital organ will result in the loss of said hand.
a. No, I may not do this until I just have a stump and then switch to the other arm.
b. Not even if I keep making the death saves for dismemberment.
c. Replacing the stump with a mechanical arm is just poor taste. Expect malfunctions.

Flame of Anor
2012-01-13, 03:10 AM
* I may not use the Daern's Instant Fortress as a command-activated grenade/mine to fling enemies across the board.

Winds
2012-01-13, 09:21 AM
* I may not use the Daern's Instant Fortress as a command-activated grenade/mine to fling enemies across the board.

That's brilliant, actually.

*If I know the town is defending against an attack and teleport somewhere else rather than help defend, I will miss at least one encounter.
*If I get too specific regarding how thoroughly I want to coup the bad guy's corpse, no amount of insisting my class is trained to react to danger will allow me to act in the initiative placing I would otherwise.

Ksheep
2012-01-13, 10:53 AM
* May not use any items out of the Warcraft RPG books if we're playing normal D&D.
* May not play a Warcraft Gnome or Goblin.
* May NOT play an artificer as though he were a Tinker from the Warcraft RGP.

jindra34
2012-01-13, 10:46 PM
Getting numbering right (I hope, and as of ksheep, 22 in this thread + 2126 prior).

2149) I'm am not allowed to use any kinetic weapon that fire projectiles larger than hand grenades.

Vknight
2012-01-13, 10:51 PM
*My players can no longer play bards
*I can no longer play a summoner with access to mage armor or shield
*I may Iron Heart Surge domination even if I can't
*I may not Iron Heart Surge saving throws
*Chainsaws may be on the equipment list but not a weapon for zombie killing
*The dual nun-chuck is not a weapon
*Either is the dual cane
*The dual knife is right out

blackjack217
2012-01-14, 12:05 AM
2157) I may not Iron heart surge Gravity.
2158) Even if I could it does not end the effect of gravity throughout the prime.
2159) You know what? It worked, now you get to go on a quest to fix it before your idiocy destroys everything.

Vixsor Lumin
2012-01-14, 12:53 AM
*My players can no longer play bards
*I can no longer play a summoner with access to mage armor or shield
*I may Iron Heart Surge domination even if I can't
*I may not Iron Heart Surge saving throws
*Chainsaws may be on the equipment list but not a weapon for zombie killing
*The dual nun-chuck is not a weapon
*Either is the dual cane
*The dual knife is right out

*dual sword chucks will get me thrown a free table. To the face yo

Antonok
2012-01-14, 01:47 AM
*dual sword chucks will get me thrown a free table. To the face yo

*Cannot yell Gnome-dokun if I throw the party gnome.

*Halfling-dokun isn't acceptable either.

*Neither is Goliath-dokun.
^Specially when I'm playing a halfling.

Waspinator
2012-01-14, 02:15 AM
2157) I may not Iron heart surge Gravity.
2158) Even if I could it does not end the effect of gravity throughout the prime.
2159) You know what? It worked, now you get to go on a quest to fix it before your idiocy destroys everything.

Congrats, you broke the world:
http://www.rpgnow.com/product_info.php?products_id=50019

Necroticplague
2012-01-14, 09:20 AM
*Open-heart surgery is not aided by the Knock spell.

Metahuman1
2012-01-14, 09:50 AM
2165: My Barbarian may not yell "KIAOKEN!!!" when he enters his Rage.

2166: He may also not yell/scream with out using actual words as part of entering it.

2167: And the Frenzied Berserker absolutely may not yell/scream with out using actual words and when Frenzy is active have blond hair and blue eyes. More so if his hair and eyes were black prior too.

Civil War Man
2012-01-14, 10:48 AM
* The verbal component for Control Weather is not an impromptu a capella rendition of The Scorpions' Rock You Like a Hurricane
* My characters are no longer allowed to apply the Silent Spell metamagic feat to the following abilities: Command, Suggestion, Speak with Dead, Power Words, or any spell that deals sonic damage.
* My Divine Metamagic (Persistent) cleric is no longer allowed to take the Planning Domain.

Doorhandle
2012-01-14, 05:17 PM
My characters are no longer allowed to apply the Silent Spell metamagic feat to the following abilities: Command, Suggestion, Speak with Dead, Power Words...

*If I attempt this anyway, it will result in the spell being lit up with bright neon lights.

Anyway, here's some from a one-off session.

*The huge crevasse that just opened in the street is not the buttcrack of hell.
*Even if it smells of brimstone and the elemental chaos.
*My first response to the situation is not to call the fire brigade.
* If my character breaks rule one, and the GM’s paladin of kord uses a storm-hammer with the dragonborn mark of lightning, that does not make us Odin and Thor.
*If I am using an attack which is a push, it is expected to push the enemy AWAY from myself.
*The D.M shall be informed that if failing a reflex save results in you falling for 7d6 damage, and then taking 5 ongoing fire damage, at lv 8, it is still going to be considered a save-or-die.
* The warlock is not to show up for the session after all the fighting is done and a character has died.
*If you can climb down the shaft, or switch places with someone to teleport down there, it is considered polite to just climb down.
*Not to question how said lightning paladin can cast endure elements against fire.
*Fire mephitis cannot be destroyed with judicious application of a fire extinguisher.
*Not to ask why dust mephitis are intangible while smoke mephitis are not.
* The smoke mephitis do not own or use cigars, pipes, or cigarettes.
*Salt mephitis are not salty old sea dogs.
*The warlock is not to teleport everywhere just to confuse us.
* My seeker doesn’t resist fortitude attacks on account of sheer manliness.
*Even if it was vs lava.
* Helpful hint: Disabling the mephit-summoning traps is done with a skill check, not by hitting them real hard.
* If this results in 2 concurrent natural ones to disarm it, it is all my fault.
* Stopping these portals does not result in despondent mephitis knocking on the other side of the portal and asking if anyone’s there.
*Nor does it result in the disconnection noise.
*Even if he didn’t make his save against blindness for 7+ turns, the paladin is not called Blindy McSightless.
*Not to run out of ideas and just bounce around the walls blindly on the seventh turn of this.
*Killing whatever blinded you is not how you cure blindness, no matter what the warlock says. He’s not a real doctor!
*If the paladin opens his eyes again and finds that everyone is dying, this doesn’t mean he has a gaze attack.
*The warlock dose not curse enemies by swearing furiously.
* While awesome, flipping off the enemy doesn’t do this either.

boomwolf
2012-01-14, 05:28 PM
*may not use vorpal swords to auto-kill the universe.

Pie Guy
2012-01-14, 09:58 PM
*may not use vorpal swords to auto-kill the universe.

Of course you can't do this, the universe doesn't have a specific head in melee range.

Waspinator
2012-01-14, 10:01 PM
If someone asks if you're a god, you may NOT say yes.

Ksheep
2012-01-14, 10:12 PM
*Vampires are allowed to hit water elementals, even if it would make the elemental cross.

Qwertystop
2012-01-14, 10:12 PM
Of course you can't do this, the universe doesn't have a specific head in melee range.

Technically, the head doesn't need to be in melee range. You can slice a dragon in the tail with a Vorpal dagger and have a 1/20 chance to decapitate.

Vknight
2012-01-14, 10:24 PM
*If some one asks if your a god you say yes!
*If some one asks if your a demonic entity from beyond there mortal realms you should ask them why?

Doorhandle
2012-01-14, 10:39 PM
*Vampires are allowed to hit water elementals, even if it would make the elemental cross.
*Cross-bows are not holy symbols, and you cannot kill vampires with them unless they shoot stakes.
* While it WOULD do a lot of damage, launching a Minotaur from a ballista wouldn't work unless it also carried another kind of stake.
* Filling a portable hole with water will not work for this purpose.
*...you are no longer punny.
*Using control undead on the vampire lord will not let me control all his spawn, and this goes treble for wights.
* If this vampire sparkles in sunlight, that doesn’t make him actually some sort of leech man.
*It is clever, but in poor form, to booby-trap your blood by consuming huge amounts of garlic, holy water and communion wine.
* Fire damage in excess of 260 HP will not evaporate the vampire's mist form
*The cleric's bodily fluids will not harm the vampire without 100gp of materials, thank you.

RandomLunatic
2012-01-14, 10:53 PM
* - Casting Glitterdust on a vampire and waiting for it to be crushed to death by a mound of squeeing fangirls is not an effective battle strategy.

Vknight
2012-01-14, 11:07 PM
*If some one asks if your a god you say yes!
*If some one asks if your a demonic entity from beyond there mortal realms you should ask them why?

NikitaDarkstar
2012-01-14, 11:16 PM
* My bard may not out damage the barbarian.
* Especially not by smacking things with his guitar.
* No matter the charisma score the dire bear will not calm down and walk off because I said "nice bear..." in a really friendly tone.
*While awesome I do need to stop using summon weapon+whirling blade as an answer to everything, especially while also maintaining a Bardic Music, it upsets the wizard.
* "Thunderstruck" is not an acceptable song for Inspire Courage. (Everyone knows it needs to be "We will Rock you.")
* No matter how good the Diplomacy roll was my bard can not talk the Lady of Pain into giving him Sigil.
* Being 1/4 nymph does not make you irresistible to women of any species.
* If it does, expect it to include species who's attention you absolutely do not want.

ryu
2012-01-14, 11:22 PM
* May not be into that sort of thing. Seriously ew.

Flame of Anor
2012-01-15, 01:39 AM
* My Divine Metamagic (Persistent) cleric is no longer allowed to take the Planning Domain.

Sorry, that doesn't work--time stop has an Instantaneous duration (since durations are measured in the real-time world).


Technically, the head doesn't need to be in melee range. You can slice a dragon in the tail with a Vorpal dagger and have a 1/20 chance to decapitate.

But the universe does not have a discernable anatomy. :smallwink:

Rankar
2012-01-15, 02:52 AM
*I may not use a Wish spell to turn everyone of evil alignment into a puppy.
*I may not use a Wish spell to turn everyone of good alignment into a puppy.
*I may not use a Wish spell. Period. Ever. Stop looking at it.
*I may not usher in a new age of reason by proving that a wizard can divide by zero.
*I may not outperform the bard with the wizard just because I had the skill points to spend on Perform [rhythmic gymnastics].
*I may not make a Vow of Poverty Druid with the Saint template.
*I may not make out with a gibbering mouther. Ew.
*I may not teach the paladin communism and the concept of the greater good.
*It is not within my rights to overthrow the established monarchy using the communist paladin.
*I am not allowed to play a wizard with Flaw [No 4th wall]
*I am not allowed to play a wizard.
*I am not allowed to play a spellcaster.
*I am not allowed to play anything but a rogue and fighter.
*I am no longer allowed to play a rogue.
*I may now play a warrior.

Socratov
2012-01-15, 07:11 AM
*no, vampires and glitterdust do not go together. that's it: vampires are now houseruled to be immune to glitterdust.
*shifters are no werewolves, and they don't imprint...
*no any combination of shifter, werewolf and/or annointed knight. No oils for you...
*No, you don't have proficiency(squealing fangirl), no, a spealing fangirl is not a throwable object

Metahuman1
2012-01-15, 10:46 AM
* - Casting Glitterdust on a vampire and waiting for it to be crushed to death by a mound of squeeing fangirls is not an effective battle strategy.

* Neither is casting glitter dust on the vampire and waiting for it to be ripped to shreds by a mod of Geeks/Nerds/Normals who are sick to death of a certain franchise aimed at Squealing teenage Fangirls.

Kymme
2012-01-15, 11:46 AM
Love that new thread smell.
*my ninja is not a hoodie ninja (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1uG03JRQiU)
*nor is my cleric a medic (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36lSzUMBJnc)

Metahuman1
2012-01-15, 12:20 PM
Sorry, that doesn't work--time stop has an Instantaneous duration (since durations are measured in the real-time world).



I think he might have been referring to the fact that a 1st lvl cleric with the planning domain and either a flaw or a race that gives a lvl 1 bonus feat can take and be using DMM: Persist.

Heck, Human Cleric 1 with two flaws can have Extend Spell, Persist Spell, DMM: Persist, Travel Devotion, EXP: Spiked Chain and his choice of Power attack, Combat reflexes, or just about any other neat feat.

fryplink
2012-01-15, 09:26 PM
Summon Instrument is banned from characters of mine with a str score higher than 16

Civil War Man
2012-01-15, 09:47 PM
I think he might have been referring to the fact that a 1st lvl cleric with the planning domain and either a flaw or a race that gives a lvl 1 bonus feat can take and be using DMM: Persist.

Heck, Human Cleric 1 with two flaws can have Extend Spell, Persist Spell, DMM: Persist, Travel Devotion, EXP: Spiked Chain and his choice of Power attack, Combat reflexes, or just about any other neat feat.

I was referring to Time Stop, but that also works.

* My Divine Metamagic (Persistent) Cleric cannot take the Trickery domain for the sole purpose of making the Psion think he is schizophrenic.

Pokonic
2012-01-15, 10:28 PM
You cannot tell the parties Minotaur to to take Spanish in its next level.


*No, not even then.

Arbane
2012-01-16, 12:33 AM
* Your animal companion cannot be a chihuahua.
* If you DO somehow get a chihuahua as an animal companion, I don't care how many ranks you have in Ride, it's not a Riding Dog.
* No, not even if your character is Tiny.

NikitaDarkstar
2012-01-16, 02:21 AM
* Your animal companion cannot be a chihuahua.
* If you DO somehow get a chihuahua as an animal companion, I don't care how many ranks you have in Ride, it's not a Riding Dog.
* No, not even if your character is Tiny.

Of course not, you need to be Fine at the very least for that.

* If I somehow get a Fine sized character the chihuahua is still not a Riding Dog.
* I can however have a rat.

boomwolf
2012-01-16, 08:46 AM
*under no circumstances that would be a rat swarm though.

Grendus
2012-01-16, 12:15 PM
*No longer allowed to taunt Murphy ("there's no way he can hit me", "bah, they can't possibly win", etc).
*If I do taunt Murphy and the inevitable happens, the damages come out of my loot.

*If the DM rules that failing a check to dive through a window without cutting myself does as much damage as a machete, I'm not allowed to collect the glass for throwing purposes.
*Even if I pay an armorer to make a special sling for it.

*No longer allowed to play a charger, or a thrower/chemist who throws universal solvent, or an archer who abuses the multiple attack rules to get five attacks per round for more damage each than the fighter gets on her one.
*Also not allowed to play a wizard who abuses crafting to cast a myriad of high level spells without fatigue.

Metahuman1
2012-01-16, 12:53 PM
Of course not, you need to be Fine at the very least for that.

* If I somehow get a Fine sized character the chihuahua is still not a Riding Dog.
* I can however have a rat.

*A Humming Bird is also a viable option. (Did a Pathfinder Pally with this once. I'd LOVE to do it again in the right game with the right DM. Was a blast to play! )

Velaryon
2012-01-16, 01:29 PM
A couple from the RCR Star Wars (the edition before Saga):

*Not allowed to abuse the hyperspace travel rules to go back in time.
*Not allowed to use said time travel to mount a campaign for Supreme Chancellor by campaigning on a dozen worlds at once.
*My Gand Findsman is not allowed to use his 3/day Farseeing to spy on absolutely everyone.
*If the Sith Lord flees and hides somewhere on a remote mountain, not allowed to orbitally bombard the site until the mountain is reduced to glass.
*Unless we purchase the land from the local government first.
*Especially not allowed to hijack the Star Forge and build our own fleet with it.

Waspinator
2012-01-16, 01:39 PM
It's probably safe to assume that a universe with faster-than-light ships is also a universe where special relativity isn't true. Otherwise everyone and their dog would have abused time travel by now.

Siosilvar
2012-01-16, 01:54 PM
* Even though light is radiation, Rad-X does not protect me from lasers.

Angry Bob
2012-01-16, 04:29 PM
I may not be a cleric of any god whose wrath is described as having a half-life.

Velaryon
2012-01-16, 07:08 PM
It's probably safe to assume that a universe with faster-than-light ships is also a universe where special relativity isn't true. Otherwise everyone and their dog would have abused time travel by now.

Sure, if you want to apply some sort of logic to it. But that particular system had charts to determine how long your trip was, based on where you were coming from and where you were going. Also, if you beat your Astrogation check by a certain amount, you would roll 1 or 2d12 and subtract that from the number of hours the trip would take. Thanks to this system, if the GM didn't choose to apply some sort of common sense (and mine didn't), it was possible to end up with a negative number for the total number of hours your trip was going to take. Ergo, you arrived before you left. My GM knew we would cause trouble with this, but he allowed it anyway (he's a very permissive GM, perhaps too much so).

wiimanclassic
2012-01-16, 10:15 PM
Sure, if you want to apply some sort of logic to it. But that particular system had charts to determine how long your trip was, based on where you were coming from and where you were going. Also, if you beat your Astrogation check by a certain amount, you would roll 1 or 2d12 and subtract that from the number of hours the trip would take. Thanks to this system, if the GM didn't choose to apply some sort of common sense (and mine didn't), it was possible to end up with a negative number for the total number of hours your trip was going to take. Ergo, you arrived before you left. My GM knew we would cause trouble with this, but he allowed it anyway (he's a very permissive GM, perhaps too much so).

*No abusing the above to save Alderaan.

DrSaering
2012-01-17, 12:53 AM
- The class is "Bard", not "Idol Singer" and will appear as such on my sheet and in-game

Doorhandle
2012-01-17, 04:57 AM
*Not allowed to abuse the hyperspace travel rules to go back in time.



*No abusing the above to save Alderaan.

*If I repeat this feat in Rouge Trader due to luck and good rolls, I am getting SOOOO many corruption points.

NikitaDarkstar
2012-01-17, 10:29 AM
- The class is "Bard", not "Idol Singer" and will appear as such on my sheet and in-game

* This also applies to Dirge Singer which is not, never has been and never will be a heavy metal singer.

* If I play a Dirge Singer, "Enter Sandman" is not a valid Dirgesong. This also goes for "Run to the Hills", "Aces High" and "Crazy train." Dirges are supposed to actually be dark and depressing.

Socratov
2012-01-17, 11:32 AM
*No, a dirge singer does not cut his wrists whiel performing

*Perform(emo) is not eligable for bardic music, in what form whatsoever

*perform(emo) will count as a coupe de grace on yourself, roll fort save...

Vknight
2012-01-17, 12:54 PM
*Shouting I am a Man and punching the closest enemy is not a Coupe De Grace

*I am not do the look at me now back to yourself routine

*None of my characters can be copies of characters played by Bruce Campbell. No matter how awesome it would be to have Sam Axe as my character for the Shadowrun game

Metahuman1
2012-01-17, 12:57 PM
*No abusing the above to save Alderaan.

*And using it to be at the Cantena on Tatooine to give the Farm Boy and the Old Man a better deal on a ride to Alderaan is right out.

Sgt. Cookie
2012-01-17, 01:33 PM
*"Fire" is not a substute for "exorcism".

Flame of Anor
2012-01-17, 02:37 PM
Repost from the "Most Evil PC" thread:


I would have to say that the most evil PC I've ever played happened to be a Druid Greensinger that went on to become a corrupted Planar Shepherd with the intentions of aligning Dal Quor with the prime. He succeeded.

The campaign started off fairly normal with our group being not so odd. That was... until the DM decided to screw with us. He thought it would be a great idea to pick up the Druid & the Cleric and hurl us through time forward into a world where the Quori had enslaved everyone. The cleric of course decided that we had to stop this all and after a mini-adventure (Everyone else was unable to make this session except the two of us) we arrived back in the present.

The Cleric immediately told the Paladin and they began to plan to stop this 'imminent' invasion from the Quori. Now I was very helpful and began to go along with them and I entered planar shepherd to help 'quell' the threat of Dal Quor and to also be able to sense and 'seal' away anything that was from it. Of course I did the opposite. We wandered around the world finding artifacts that had been used to seal Dal Quor and the N & T gladly trusted the Druid with them.

Eveything went according to their plans for awhile; the DM even thought I was on their side. This was until the DM and I sat down for a side-adventure. Over the course of it I explained my plan to unweave the magic that the artifacts were imbued with to open a gate into Dal Quor. The DM almost died right there. He'd been sure I was up to something (I always have another plan) but he had thought it was something that would have been against the Campaigns design.

So we gathered for the end of the campaign during a week when we had nothing to do and for 5 days we played out the end of the campaign. It started with us searching for the location where Dal Quor had been sealed, I had informed the Cleric that during my side adventure I had learned magic that would empower the seal.

So after four and a half days we had traveled through a massive dungeon that was merged with Dal Quor and we arrived at the gate. I went about setting up the ritual while the cleric, paladin, wizard & ranger defended against hordes of enemies. I activated the ritual and began to intone it, the DM started to laugh manically. The other PC's immediately moved to stop me, thinking that I had been tricked or mind controlled to do something wrong. I dropped my planar bubble, wild shaped into a Quori Dream-master, killed them and the campaign ended with me ascending to become the god the Quori.

I am not allowed to play a Druid anymore.

boomwolf
2012-01-17, 04:34 PM
*"Morgan Freeman" is NOT an acceptable choice for my Favored Soul's deity.
*Double so "Gordon Freeman".

Metahuman1
2012-01-17, 06:04 PM
* This also applies to Dirge Singer which is not, never has been and never will be a heavy metal singer.

* If I play a Dirge Singer, "Enter Sandman" is not a valid Dirgesong. This also goes for "Run to the Hills", "Aces High" and "Crazy train." Dirges are supposed to actually be dark and depressing.

* Anything from Dragon Force is Right out.

Arbane
2012-01-17, 06:16 PM
* Anything from Dragon Force is Right out.

Right, you have to play an Abyssal Exalted (http://keychain.patternspider.net/archive/koc0040.html) for that. :smallbiggrin:

Acarhol
2012-01-18, 09:39 AM
*no shooting town guards in the knee to see what jobs they take up next

Valgunn
2012-01-18, 10:24 AM
* I may no longer play a Halfling Paladin.
* I may no longer play characters called Milo Hilltopple.
* I may no longer charge into a dragons mouth.
* I may no longer point out that deliberately being eaten by dragons has, so far, had a one-hundred percent success rate.

NikitaDarkstar
2012-01-18, 10:31 AM
* Anything from Dragon Force is Right out.

* However SOME Hammerfall and Avantasia songs MAY BE acceptable.

* "Everything bigger than me" is not an acceptable favored enemy.
*No, not even if I'm playing a gnome ranger.
*Same goes for half-lings.
*Forget it, pixies are right out.

Beowulf DW
2012-01-18, 02:26 PM
*I may not team up with two other players to use my grappling, another's high strength score and the third's ability fly to create a three-stage human rocket to launch what was suppose to be an unkillable bad guy into the sun.

Ksheep
2012-01-18, 04:22 PM
*Not allowed to suggest that the entire team is made up of Harpoon-wielding fighters just so we can harpoon any enemy and hold them at bay in the middle of the room.

*May no longer make any projectile with the exploding property.
*This goes double when tied in with the Exit Wound property.
*May not place both of these on a harpoon and expect it to explode, pass through the target, explode again on the next target (etc) and also remain embedded in all those who were hit, allowing me to pull them around.

Qwertystop
2012-01-18, 06:06 PM
*May not place both of these on a harpoon and expect it to explode, pass through the target, explode again on the next target (etc) and also remain embedded in all those who were hit, allowing me to pull them around.

By RAW, I think it would. Nonsense, but still.

Personally, I think Exit Wound or Exploding would be fine on their own.

Angry Bob
2012-01-18, 07:05 PM
"Spiders gonna spide" is not an acceptable justification for anything your Drow will ever do.

In fact, no variation of that is to ever be uttered again.

Ksheep
2012-01-18, 07:07 PM
By RAW, I think it would. Nonsense, but still.

Personally, I think Exit Wound or Exploding would be fine on their own.

Exit Wound by itself is just fine. Exploding, however, can have some… complications.

*May not use Exploding weapons in a bar, tavern, inn, brewery, flour mill, or other area with potentially explosive fuel.

Siosilvar
2012-01-18, 07:10 PM
* Biotic abilities may not single out parts of a creature.
* The above applies to Force Pull as well.

boomwolf
2012-01-18, 07:20 PM
*Telekinesis as well.
*NOTHING can single-out creature's internal body parts unless specified that it does.

Dimonite
2012-01-18, 10:42 PM
*I may not take ranks in Profession (Assassin).

Doorhandle
2012-01-18, 10:54 PM
*I may not team up with two other players to use my grappling, another's high strength score and the third's ability fly to create a three-stage human rocket to launch what was suppose to be an unkillable bad guy into the sun.

Details, please. That's too specific to be made up on the spot.

Sith_Happens
2012-01-18, 11:01 PM
* If a party member's backstory contains any variation of "May/will only marry/sleep with someone who defeats her in single combat," I may not contrive for my own character to knock her out in the first session for some unrelated reason and then be oblivious to her advances for the rest of the campaign.

* If I do attempt the above, the party member in question reserves the right to go completely, intolerably tsundere on me.

Esprit15
2012-01-19, 12:00 AM
*I may not make the Empath/Liberator cry when she talks to my Pokémon.

Adendum - Even if she needs to realize that good trainers' Pokémon don't like their trainers being accused of being abusive.

*If I succeed in doing so, she has the right to free any Pokémon who have a loyalty of 1 that I have.

a. I also have the right to fight her if this happens. Try to keep it non-leathal.

b. If she dies in an accident during the ensuing fight, burning the body in front of her Pokémon is in poor taste. Or any other way of post humurous desecration. Yes, that includes any method of soul destruction.

Doorhandle
2012-01-19, 01:36 AM
*Wait you're going to do what to her body?
* I am no longer allowed to play Pokémon. Save the horrorshow for when mortisheen comes out.
*My monk cannot be Master Roshi
*If my monk is wearing weighted clothing, cannot throw it at the enemy.
*If I can make daze work on higher hitdie through use of metamagic, cannot abuse it in every single fight.
*Cannot enhance light spells with the glint of my monk's bald scalp.
*If any of my characters moons the enemy, not to be surprised when I’m sodmised by 50-arrows a round.
* Not to use my experience with this concept to apply it to the big bad with delayed fireball.

Beowulf DW
2012-01-19, 05:46 PM
Details, please. That's too specific to be made up on the spot. :smallamused:

Spoilered due to risk of derailment:

Scion game. My friends and I were fighting a bad who was apparently immune to damage. We were supposed to run. But we had dubbed ourselves "Team Bad@$$, and we don't run. Incidentally, being immune to damage doesn't mean being immune to grappling. I was playing a hand-to-hand specialist (Scion of Sun Wukong) my friends were playing scions of John Henry (LOTS of strength) and Amaterasu (ability to fly).

We hatched a plan: I would grapple the S.O.B. then strong guy would pick me up (picking up the bad guy along with me) then the flight guy would pick all of us up and fly as high as he could. Then Flight guy would throw us, Strong guy would throw me and the bad guy, and I throw the bad guy into the sun (or at least into orbit). Even if he was immune to our attacks, there was no way he could survive hard vacuum.

Our storyteller grinned for awhile, then peaked at our character sheets and blanched, apparently realizing that we could, in fact, carry out our plan. He then declared that he wouldn't allow this, and then declared that we had somehow disabled him, and that we had gotten away, calling it a "moral victory" to appease us.

*My friends and I are no longer allowed to plan strategies with each other.

Doorhandle
2012-01-19, 06:15 PM
No offense to your g.m, but he sounds like a wuss. I would have totally let that through.

big teej
2012-01-19, 07:17 PM
No offense to your g.m, but he sounds like a wuss. I would have totally let that through.

agreed, laughing the whole time I might add.

Metahuman1
2012-01-19, 07:19 PM
Dude, come game at my table. I've got a DM that would TOTALLY go for that and probably drop something really sweet in your lap after the fact for thinking that up and pulling it off!

Esprit15
2012-01-20, 02:56 AM
*I may not take the Heartbreaker homebrew class for a coordinater.
b. I said no.
c. Because no.

Lonely Tylenol
2012-01-20, 03:45 AM
*I may not use Mage Hand to grope a woman in... Certain places.
*I may not use Greater Mage Hand to vice grip a man in... Certain other places.

Snowbluff
2012-01-20, 03:52 AM
* "high fiving" is not an appropriate way of killing someone, even if I am using Slay Living.

Doorhandle
2012-01-20, 04:49 AM
* "high fiving" is not an appropriate way of killing someone, even if I am using Slay Living.

*Neither is "Down low" or "too slow."
*My monk cannot do unarmed damage with a fistbump.
*I cannot use my firm handshake to grapple people.
*Certainly cannot use it to constrict!
*It is considered rude to blow a kiss using a breath attack.
*natral weapons do not give me a bonus to opening jars.

Snowbluff
2012-01-20, 12:44 PM
*My monk cannot do unarmed damage with a fistbump.
*I cannot use my firm handshake to grapple people.
*Certainly cannot use it to constrict!


This!

* People I am shaking hands with are not flat-footed, and I may not use Disintegrate, Inflict spells, Ray of Exhaustion, Destruction, Enervation, or Finger of Death on their incredibly easy to hit bodies.

I love my Ur-Priest RKV and my DN! :smallbiggrin:

Need_A_Life
2012-01-20, 02:16 PM
*Immunity to fear does not, in fact, mean that my Paladin cannot retreat. :smallannoyed:
*No, you're not "immune to fear of social rejection from being naked." :smallmad:
*Remove Disease is for blessings, not discounts at the brothel. :smallfurious:

These have not actually occured in any group I've played in, although they have been much-too-frequently hypotheticals.

boomwolf
2012-01-20, 04:22 PM
*It is considered rude to blow a kiss using a breath attack.

Been there, done that, was an acceptable repeating quirk of one of my characters.

Doorhandle
2012-01-20, 07:08 PM
*Immunity to fear does not, in fact, mean that my Paladin cannot retreat. :smallannoyed:
*No, you're not "immune to fear of social rejection from being naked." :smallmad:
*Remove Disease is for blessings, not discounts at the brothel. :smallfurious:

These have not actually occurred in any group I've played in, although they have been much-too-frequently hypotheticals.


*My bard cannot learn mage-hand, presdigination, and mending with the intent of take up the job of a laundromat.
* My conjurer cannot retire at level 16, and take up the fulfilling job of becoming a transcontinental teleporter.
*Likewise with an earth elementalist and a quarry.
*Likewise a diviner and the national post.
* The world is too young to have undead-based factory lines.
*If my chaotic cleric casts cure disease on a prostitute, I will not be surprised if the harlot-of-choice is insulted.
*If I do the same to the party rouge with the same implications, I am so getting shanked.
* Even if it’s in character, my antiplaladin cannot seek out the sexually infected with the purpose of improving his bringer of plague ability.
*Cannot cast Unnatural Lust so as to induce narcissism.
*Cannot use begiling gift to give the druid a metal shield and make him loose his class features.
*Just because my sorcerer can’t wear armour, doesn’t mean she gets to run about nekkid.
*Neither cold resistance nor charisma 22 justify this.
* Persistent invisibility won’t help me there either.
*My golem armour cannot wear golem armour, even if it is the caster that built it.
* I will not do this recursively.
*…No, your golem armour cannot have a golem arm.
* My golem-arm is not my pimpsmakin’ arm.
* Cannot make 4 golem arms and then have my cassihern familiar “Form the head.”
* Even if it’s infinitely more affordable and useful, cannot make a really tiny adamantdite golem and make THAT into golem armour.
* You witch cannot be Grunty and she is forever banned from having the Craft Golem feat.

Sith_Happens
2012-01-20, 08:00 PM
*My golem armour cannot wear golem armour, even if it is the caster that built it.

* My golem armor caster is not Alphonse Elric.

Kira_the_5th
2012-01-21, 05:29 PM
*I may not team up with two other players to use my grappling, another's high strength score and the third's ability fly to create a three-stage human rocket to launch what was suppose to be an unkillable bad guy into the sun.

Good times, good times. Still think we should have been able to pull it off, though.

Anyway, on topic:

* Giving a handshake laced with Bestow Curse is a terribly impolite way of greeting someone.
* War, oddly enough, doesn't appreciate Good Omens references.
* I am no longer allowed to convince the rest of Team BAD@$$ to dress up as the cast of Friendship is Magic for Halloween any more, lest someone else gets stuck that way.

Metahuman1
2012-01-21, 05:44 PM
* I am no longer allowed to convince the rest of Team BAD@$$ to dress up as the cast of Friendship is Magic for Halloween any more, lest someone else gets stuck that way.

You say this as though it might potentially be a bad thing. Seriously, those pony's are Batman level Memetic Bad A$@'S!

Flame of Anor
2012-01-21, 07:18 PM
You say this as though it might potentially be a bad thing. Seriously, those pony's are Batman level Memetic Bad A$@'S!

Memetically only, I'm afraid. Also, I think you can say "badass" here.

Doorhandle
2012-01-21, 07:26 PM
Thats what I was going to say... But after seeing the sonic rainboom I'm not sure how much of it is memetic.

Metahuman1
2012-01-21, 07:34 PM
Sonic Rainboom Aside, please note we have defeating dragons on more then one occasion, tearing down a several story building with bare body parts, successfully Wrestling a Bear, Outright Winning a Staring Contest against a creature that has a Medusa style gaze attack, And most recently Canon Confirmation that at least one of them can outright Ignore the fourth wall.

Yeah, Even Batman and Conan and Harry Dresden are gonna get a run for there money against opponents capable of feats like that.

NikitaDarkstar
2012-01-21, 07:35 PM
Thats what I was going to say... But after seeing the sonic rainboom I'm not sure how much of it is memetic.
Very little of it, Rainbow Dash pwned the laws of physics so hard with that one even the wizards cried.

Morithias
2012-01-21, 07:49 PM
*If raising taxes give a 5% boost for -1 loyalty, and I have the ability "exalted monarch" (hero of the people AEG empire, your people never rebel no matter how much you abuse them) I am not allowed to infinitely raise taxes in order to fund world domination.

Drathmar
2012-01-21, 11:26 PM
*I am not allowed to start campaigns with oil and tindertwigs... ever again

*I am not allowed to light the rogues tail on fire... even if he did steal my things

*I am not allowed to start campaigns with lots of rope, grappling hooks, oil, acid flasks, alchemists fire, caltrops, and/or tanglefoot bags or any other alchemical items in conjunction with craft (traps) ever again.

*I will not reference sleeping with an old man ever again

*Even if I succeed at all checks, I am not allowed to make reins of adamantium razor wire for the evil dragon we are fighting, attach them to an immovable rod... and then activate said rod.

*I am not allowed to climb dragons to get into position to use adamantium razor wire on them ever again

*I am not allowed to play a bard and use charm person to sleep with other PC's against their players will ever again

*I am not allowed to use spells for sexual means

*I am not allowed to fill all my spell slots with 'cheat' when entering a town and use it to end up owning every building in town... and 'favors' from most male NPC's female relations...

*I am not allowed to ever gamble as a bard... EVER

*I am not allowed to become emperor of the empire and then use the standing army to clear dungeons

*I am not allowed to ready an action for when our fighter charges.... then cast baleful polymorph to turn him into a chicken when he does

*I will not use Geas to force PC's to perform sexual favors, to fight each other for my amusement, or to force the dwarf cleric whose form of praying is to drink to abstain for the rest of his life again (I miss my evil tiefling bard)

*I will not use arcane locks and glyphs of warding on the doors to other PC's rooms anymore.

*I will not use arcane locks and glyphs of warding on NPC's rooms anymore.

Doorhandle
2012-01-21, 11:37 PM
*Even if I am a monk of many styles, cannot have more attacks of opportunity than the rest of the party’s collective normal attacks.
*Not to enter arcane trickster solely so I can steal panties at a range of 30 feet.
*Cannot use steal spell to cast genesis, even if the martial components are right there
*Bear cavalry is not an appreciated character concept.
*My character cannot be a shifty trader.
* Cannot use wall of stone and then stone to flesh in order to provide a free supply of limitless meat.
*No tinned trollflesh.
*Cannot fill a bag of holding with colossal arrows and then use telekinesis to launch them at my enemies.
*Cannot do the same with a bagful of alchemist’s fire.
* It’s just crass to do the same with a bag of wights.
*Not you slay a cloud giant just to reanimate it’s corpse and make it my skeletal familiar.
*If I repeat the trick with a dragon, the Wight template from undead revisited and create undead, books will be thrown.
* Cannot combine the powers of the party alchemist, wizard, and druid to fill a bag with enough delayed blast fireballs, explosive runes, remote bombs, and fire seeds to kill a tarresque, and then feed it to one.
* Cannot waste five minutes and 2 rounds of our time casting sleep on the BBEG, Implanting a bomb, and then detonating it as soon as he wakes up.
*My arcane trickster cannot use form of the dragon and greater invisibility in conjunction ever again.
* Not to drug the owner of ye local magic mart, so I can steal all the scrolls and learn ALL the spells.
*Not to slaughter everyone as the mage’s college and then use blood transcription to learn their spells.
*If it’s the lich training camp for the big bad’s forces, it’s still an evil act.
* Cannot abuse tireless rage to rage, use all my once-a-rage abilities, and then unrage and repeat the process next turn.
* Cannot call this gear third.

Beowulf DW
2012-01-22, 12:55 AM
* I am no longer allowed to convince the rest of Team BAD@$$ to dress up as the cast of Friendship is Magic for Halloween any more, lest someone else gets stuck that way.

While we're taking a trip down memory lane:

*I may never again punch through the fourth wall, with the result that a dot of legend gets erased from the Big Bad's character sheet.

Dragonsoul
2012-01-22, 01:13 AM
My Shapeshifter cannot use Operation: Turn into a Naked man as a solution to all failed infiltration rolls <Shadowrun>

Doorhandle
2012-01-22, 02:24 AM
My Shapeshifter cannot use Operation: Turn into a Naked man as a solution to all failed infiltration rolls <Shadowrun>

*Party of horny teenagers or no, operation: Turn into a naked woman will bring similar results.
*There is no island of Lusty Argoinain Maids.
*Come to think of it, there are no islands of Argoinians, maids, or Lusty X Ys either…

Sith_Happens
2012-01-22, 05:57 AM
* If a party member is about to score, my congratulatory fist-bump/high-five/pat-on-back may not deliver a Bestow Curse spell such that the curse is impotence.

* A curse guaranteeing conception is right out.

* ESPECIALLY if the party member in question is female.

Flame of Anor
2012-01-22, 06:53 AM
* I will not go anywhere near Drathmar


*There is no island of Lusty Argoinain Maids.
*Come to think of it, there are no islands of Argoinians, maids, or Lusty X Ys either…

Someone wants to talk to you about that:


Since we're maids, we're Lusty X-X's, my dear geneticist. Ooh, may I turn your doorhandle? It's so large and brassy!

Drathmar
2012-01-22, 10:57 AM
* I will not go anywhere near Drathmar

Only the campaign start and some of the bard ones are mine... the rest are things others I have played with have done that don't get on here.

Beowulf DW
2012-01-22, 12:33 PM
* A curse guaranteeing conception is right out.

* ESPECIALLY if the party member in question is female.

That...that's just mean, Sith.

SleepyShadow
2012-01-22, 06:33 PM
* I am no longer allowed to grapple a hydra and two minotaurs at the same time.
* I may not make a rail gun using a bar stool, a bottle of sovereign glue, and several wands of magic missile.
* I may not help the old woman across the street and then ask for payment.
* I may also not insist on payment up front.
* My minotaur does not have the racial ability to lead a stampede.
* My minotaur's gold nose ring did not "come standard".
* My minotaur may not take Improved Bull Rush for any reason.
* Even if it is thematically appropriate.
* I may no longer play a minotaur.

Flame of Anor
2012-01-22, 06:55 PM
* I may not make a rail gun using a bar stool, a bottle of sovereign glue, and several wands of magic missile.

What the what?

Drathmar
2012-01-22, 07:00 PM
* I am no longer allowed to grapple a hydra and two minotaurs at the same time.
* I may not make a rail gun using a bar stool, a bottle of sovereign glue, and several wands of magic missile.


I'm stealing this idea for my current campaign. Screw me and our monk making the rogue wrist-mounted repeating crossbows...

we are making him wrist-mounted railguns!

blackjack217
2012-01-22, 08:11 PM
*you may not build a space ship in a medieval setting
*okay according to the stronghold builders guide book you can but it don't see the point
*you could just use teleport to explore other planets you know.
*I'm imposing a light speed limitation
*you can't Iron Heart Surge special relativity

Flame of Anor
2012-01-22, 09:01 PM
*you may not build a space ship in a medieval setting
*okay according to the stronghold builders guide book you can but it don't see the point

Has anyone here read David Drake's Igniting the Reaches? It kind of has that.



*you can't Iron Heart Surge special relativity

I LOL'd

Waspinator
2012-01-22, 09:24 PM
Don't you see? With gravity slain, now we can FLY!

Marillion
2012-01-22, 10:11 PM
Don't you see? With gravity slain, now we can FLY!

But he.... you can't...love...hate...clouds...
*collapses*

Doorhandle
2012-01-22, 10:24 PM
Don't you see? With gravity slain, now we can FLY!

*If I play Black Mage, Fighter, Thief, or Red Mage from 8-bit theatre, the D.M is playing Sarda.

*Cannot kill gravity or any of it's incarnations.
*No, grind-killing aeons will not let you do this.
*Cannot make a jetpack using 8 linked decanters of endless water
*this does not give me an excuse to try the same with 80 of them.
*Cannot attach a saddle of flying to any mount.

Marillion
2012-01-22, 10:38 PM
*Just because a party member said that you were like his brother does not mean your Lost Relative background is resolved, nor do you gain XP for it.

blackjack217
2012-01-22, 10:51 PM
*even if the rules allow it you cannot have a contingent true resurrection.
*yes that covers all other revival spells

SleepyShadow
2012-01-22, 11:00 PM
* I may not melt down five +1 longswords and forge them into a +5 greatsword.
* I may not convince the entire group to play warforged druids just so we can be the Autobots.
* Said warforged druids are also not allowed to fuse together to become the Megazord or Voltron.
* Even if someone takes a level dip of artificer.
* I may not farm exp for repeatedly killing a lich without destroying his phylactery.
* I may not play a cleric in All Flesh Must Be Eaten.
* I may not kick the gnome down the stairs to test for traps.
* I may not store food in the dwarf's beard.
* Or in the elf's ears.
* Halflings are not a healthy part of my balanced breakfast.

Esprit15
2012-01-22, 11:13 PM
* I may not convince the entire group to play warforged druids just so we can be the Autobots.

Of course not! Druids can't be lawful good.

* Never again may Pokémon have class levels.

Waspinator
2012-01-22, 11:14 PM
Wouldn't Warforged Druids be the Maximals?

Beowulf DW
2012-01-23, 12:34 AM
(Not one of mine, but a player I know)

*May not play a bear-riding, vodka-swilling, Russian who dual-wields lances.
*Even if lances are considered one-handed weapons when mounted and we can't find anything that says dual-weapon feats don't work that way.

Flame of Anor
2012-01-23, 01:38 AM
*May not ever fail to play a bear-riding, vodka-swilling, Russian who dual-wields lances.

Fixed that for you.

Cormag81
2012-01-23, 03:14 AM
* no matter how good I am at optimizing I can not play as either ezio auditore or altiar
* can not then proced to form a secret underground organization for the sole purpose of training enough followers to take over the world

Necroticplague
2012-01-23, 06:06 AM
*you can't Iron Heart Surge special relativity

*Unless you are a nuetrino

TuggyNE
2012-01-23, 06:59 AM
*Unless you are a nuetrino

* I may no longer play as a neutrino.
* Other sub-atomic particles are right out.

Qwertystop
2012-01-23, 08:59 AM
*even if the rules allow it you cannot have a contingent true resurrection.
*yes that covers all other revival spells

Seems fine to me. Are you aware that Contingency only activates once? you're just buying a True Resurrection in advance and paying extra XP and gold to have it auto-activate instead of hiring a 17th level cleric to follow you around.

NikitaDarkstar
2012-01-23, 09:38 AM
* no matter how good I am at optimizing I can not play as either ezio auditore or altiar
* can not then proced to form a secret underground organization for the sole purpose of training enough followers to take over the world
*coughs innocently*

You might want to add a comment about the leadership feat.. cause otherwise, I can, I have and I will do it again! :p



* I may no longer play as a neutrino.
* Other sub-atomic particles are right out.

*Come to think of it, the same goes for black holes.

Sgt. Cookie
2012-01-23, 03:01 PM
*Pouring Sovereign glue into the Paladin's armour will cause smite evil to function properly on me, despite not being evil.

Beowulf DW
2012-01-23, 05:12 PM
*May not create an Unarmed Swordsage specializing in Desert Wind in 3.5
*May not make a Monk of the Four Winds in Pathfinder
*On the off chance that I'm able to create anything with similar abilities, under no circumstances may I yell "Falcon Punch!"
*You know what? You say Falcon Anything, you're getting polymorphed into a newt, and you will not get better!

Doorhandle
2012-01-23, 07:22 PM
*Falcon punch is not edible.
*Falchion punch crits on an 18.
*My bard cannot have the leadership feat, and the N.P.C horde you get from it is not made up of groupies.
*Not to cast Statue on myself and then launch myself out of a cannon.
* Magic jar does not let me ASSUME DIRECT CONTROL.
* Not to ask how an alchemist can cast magic jar.
* My earth elemental cannot be made of caesium.
* my earth elemental cannot be made of hydrogen.
* Not to detonate elementals for fun and profit.
* Bite attack or no, unicorn flesh is a sometimes food.
* People recovering from flesh to stone are not, in fact, high, and they certainly aren’t stoned.
* Not to cast speak with dead on a recently slain foe to ask if the rent in hell really is paid in advance.
*If I tell a grunt to tell Asmeodus that Nephco© sent him to ask for a business proposition, not to be surprised when I actually get one.

SleepyShadow
2012-01-23, 07:57 PM
* Not allowed to attach old magic swords to a spinning wheel of any kind.
* Especially if said spinning wheel is on the front of the wagon we push down the dungeon corridors.
* My treant artificer cannot use leaves or branches from his own body as components for anything.
* Casting cone of cold inside a force cage does not create a refrigerator.
* My bard cannot be named Slowhand, Clapton, or Eric.
* Oiling the barbarian's muscles does not increase his charisma.
* I may not grease the rogue without permission.
* Even if it would increase his escape artist checks.
* I may not grease the elf girl for any reason.

Doorhandle
2012-01-23, 10:14 PM
* May not point out the unfortunate implications of casting grease on our foes, in light of the above statments.

Flame of Anor
2012-01-24, 01:45 AM
* I may no longer play as a neutrino.
* Other sub-atomic particles are right out.

But just think of the size bonuses...and the fly speed...

Doorhandle
2012-01-24, 01:54 AM
But just think of the size bonuses...and the fly speed...

Whish is exactly why you're not allowed to play one. :smalltongue:

Elemental
2012-01-24, 03:28 AM
But just think of the size bonuses...and the fly speed...

That's all very well and good and everything, but the racial penalties leave a lot to be desired.

Flame of Anor
2012-01-24, 03:35 AM
* Even in a nautical adventure, I may not play a Higgs Bo's'n.

Arbane
2012-01-24, 04:46 AM
* Even in a nautical adventure, I may not play a Higgs Bo's'n.

Not even The Unstoppable Axel Higgs (http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20070402)?

Flame of Anor
2012-01-24, 04:54 AM
Not even The Unstoppable Axel Higgs (http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20070402)?

On that note,

* I may not have a CON in the 30's by 5th level.

Necroticplague
2012-01-24, 07:21 AM
That's all very well and good and everything, but the racial penalties leave a lot to be desired.

Plus, permanent incorporeal is a relative downside, plus the rules for how they interact with larger races are overly complicated.

Esprit15
2012-01-25, 02:53 AM
*FEAR with a Scrappy Pokémon who has been as their types screwed with to the point where weather and status problems don't hurt them is in poor taste and will result in attacks being directed at me.

*Being able to pull off FEAR as a trainer when this happens is just wrong.

*Using the new effects of Sturdy and a Shell Bell to keep doing this over and over is just asking for it.

Keasby
2012-01-25, 05:28 AM
*I may not check for traps by sliding a dead body down a hallway and then repeating as needed

*Especially when the body wasn't dead the first time I did it.

Bit Fiend
2012-01-25, 01:11 PM
* There is no such thing as a "Dwarf Tosser" PrC.
* Even if there was, it's capstone is not the ability to knot two dwarves by their beards and use them as "Dwarf-bolos"

Metahuman1
2012-01-25, 01:21 PM
*The Cleric may not cast Bless Water on the mist to help expedite consecrating an area.

*Nor may he cast Bless Water just to make the mist Holy Water and get the terrain advantage of doing such.

*Especially in any game making heavy use of Undead or anything else harmed by Holy Water.

*Doing so in Raven Loft is Right out.

(Actually happened a couple of weeks ago at my in person table. DM literally dinged his head face down on the table, at which point we decided to use different and more manageable tactics to cut him a break instead of breaking the game.

He is a fairly new DM, and I don't think he really appreciates the power a T1 character can bring to bare, but he is learning very fast. )

SleepyShadow
2012-01-25, 02:55 PM
* My warforged ninja cannot be called Gray Fox.

* My mounted paladin cannot be called The Midnight Rider.

* My yuan-ti ranger cannot be called Solid Snake.

* My pacifist may not knock on dungeon doors politely and offer the monsters pamphlets detailing why they are in the wrong.

* Especially if "I didn't know the rogue would sneak attack them again".

Ksheep
2012-01-25, 03:54 PM
*The Cleric may not cast Bless Water on the mist to help expedite consecrating an area.

*Nor may he cast Bless Water just to make the mist Holy Water and get the terrain advantage of doing such.

*Especially in any game making heavy use of Undead or anything else harmed by Holy Water.

*Doing so in Raven Loft is Right out.

(Actually happened a couple of weeks ago at my in person table. DM literally dinged his head face down on the table, at which point we decided to use different and more manageable tactics to cut him a break instead of breaking the game.

He is a fairly new DM, and I don't think he really appreciates the power a T1 character can bring to bare, but he is learning very fast. )

*The same goes for casting "Water to Acid" on the fog.

Metahuman1
2012-01-25, 05:32 PM
*The same goes for casting "Water to Acid" on the fog.

*Custom spell "Water to Lava" is right out.

Qwertystop
2012-01-25, 05:58 PM
*Custom spell "Water to Lava" is right out.

That would just trap everyone in a huge mound of very hot dust. The lava would cool fast into rock, and is too heavy to hang in the air anyway.

Metahuman1
2012-01-25, 06:20 PM
That would just trap everyone in a huge mound of very hot dust. The lava would cool fast into rock, and is too heavy to hang in the air anyway.

He said of a game were a guy can make a weird jesture and spit out a none-sense word while thinking of turning his foe into a bunny rabbit AND IT ACTUALLY WORKS!!!!!

Seriously, a spell that out right punches Common sense and the laws of physics in the face is nothing new.

NikitaDarkstar
2012-01-25, 08:43 PM
*The Cleric may not cast Bless Water on the mist to help expedite consecrating an area.

*Nor may he cast Bless Water just to make the mist Holy Water and get the terrain advantage of doing such.

*Especially in any game making heavy use of Undead or anything else harmed by Holy Water.

*Doing so in Raven Loft is Right out.

(Actually happened a couple of weeks ago at my in person table. DM literally dinged his head face down on the table, at which point we decided to use different and more manageable tactics to cut him a break instead of breaking the game.

He is a fairly new DM, and I don't think he really appreciates the power a T1 character can bring to bare, but he is learning very fast. )

You need to play with my DM, he'd totally let it fly. (Granted the next time we see mist we most likely shouldn't assume it's normal...)

* Cone of Cold will NOT freeze the mist into a small glacier and trap any creature that was in it.

* Chain lightning will not conduct electricity through the mist and electrocute everything caught in it.

* Water Walk will not let me bypass the area by walking over the mist.

*No, not even then.

blackjack217
2012-01-25, 10:28 PM
*despite the fact that sending is impossible to block I may not use it to harass the BBEG in the middle of the night.
*or any other time of day for that matter
*despite the fact that in no place in the description does it say the receiver knows the identity of the sender the king will figure out you were the one who caused him to flub the yearly address.
*Sending only allows non magical words. It is most certainly not a vehicle to deliver a sequence of 25 spells of the power word line.

Angry Bob
2012-01-25, 10:46 PM
* Even in a nautical adventure, I may not play a Higgs Bo's'n.

I played in a game where a guy played a rogue/Lord of Silence(3rd party) named Higgs Boson. He had something like +70 to hide, and due to his class abilities could not be heard at all for the better part of the day. Throw in Darkstalker and a friendly, if morally bankrupt artificer PC, and he was absolutely undetectable to all but the most powerful spells(Discern Location etc) and the most esoteric senses(Lifesight, mindsight), and if the game had gone on any longer, he would have avoided those, too. Throw in Mostquito Bite, and an enemy would completely ignore him as he was stabbing their throat out. And, because just being undetectable is never enough, he could also sprint across continents, case dungeons in under a round, and with adequate preparation time, one-shot pretty much anything level-appropriate, if the term could really be said to have applied to that party. All at level 8.

Sith_Happens
2012-01-25, 10:59 PM
That would just trap everyone in a huge mound of very hot dust. The lava would cool fast into rock, and is too heavy to hang in the air anyway.

*I may not use this tactic against catfolk.:smalltongue:

Morithias
2012-01-25, 11:16 PM
*I am not allowed to buy an item that gives me a 20% experience point boost for only 8000 gp, regardless of what the Fiendish Codex 2 says that that bonus is worth. (seriously check page 49 and 50)

Sith_Happens
2012-01-26, 01:18 AM
* Wearing feycrafted twilight mithril full plate with nothing on underneath it does not cause enemies of the opposite sex to suffer attack penalties due to distraction (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DistractedByTheSexy).

Doorhandle
2012-01-26, 07:18 AM
*Even if my club does charisma damage, not to call it the ugly stick.
*Ommipotent pork swords only exist in my mind and the dungeons of dreadmor.
*Wands are magical implements of great power, not dildos.
*Even if that's all a wand of jump is useful for.
*Not to use enlarge person to bellyflop on people.
*Same with iron body, wildshape, and form-of-the-X.
*The lost armlet of whatshisface was not behind the sofa the whole time.
*Not to drag a cannon around to snipe dragons with.
* Feather fall as a spell-like ability is not an excuse to launch the party out of catapults instead of walking.
*If a siege weapon cannot fit into the door of a dungeon, I cannot have it.
*If I use it to blow a hole large enough for it to fit, I still can't keep it.
* It is incredibly crass to use reduce object on a pair of cannons so I can wield them like handguns.
* Cannot use a bag of holding to survive being launched out of a siege weapon.
*Cannot use ant haul, bull's strength, enlarge animal, and a team of donkeys to haul around a pile of loot the size of a small hill.
*This does not mean I can do the same with a pile of loot the size of a large hill.
*If I can survive indefinitely inside the stomach of a creature or construct that has swallowed me whole, not to hide inside there and snipe from inside it.
*If I use a rope trick and Magnificent mansion to build a house inside of one, I will be attacked by dire tapeworms as thick as treetruncks.
*Cannot use an undead variation and cut portholes and channels into it so I can fire out of it.
*My first response to finding a forest, cave, or enemy encampment is not "Set it on fire."
*This cannot be my second response after a paltry effort to do otherwise.
* The D.M is still figuring out how I set the forest on acid, the cave on ice, and the encampment on sonic, but it is assumed I am also banned from doing that.
*Cannot divert a river to clear out the location in question.
*Cannot create a river with a decanter of endless water in the general direction of the encampment.
*I AM allowed to use an avalanche, provided I do so in an area where there is actually snow.
* Cannot abuse stone-to-mud to bury all my enemies in thousands of tonnes of the stuff.
*Not to abuse the ridiculous wealth-by level of high-powered characters to just buy the place from under them.
*No, you cannot use a lyre of tunnelling to undermine them.
*JUST FIGHT THEM ALREADY!
*Cure wounds or no, I still have to say sorry.
*My character cannot have the stated goal of sleeping with each and every kind of compatible creature on the planet.

The Succubus
2012-01-26, 07:52 AM
* I may not Iron Heart Surge rule Zero
* I definitely can't Iron Heart Surge Rule 34 either.

eulmanis12
2012-01-26, 08:05 AM
*my charecter may not show up just to kick a** and chew bubble gum.
*especialy if he is out of gum

* while yes, helping the umemployed find jobs is a good act, this does not justify shooting beggars in the knee to help them become guards.

Socratov
2012-01-26, 09:18 AM
*Even if my club does charisma damage, not to call it the ugly stick.
*Ommipotent pork swords only exist in my mind and the dungeons of dreadmor.
*Wands are magical implements of great power, not dildos.
*Even if that's all a wand of jump is useful for.
*Not to use enlarge person to bellyflop on people.
*Same with iron body, wildshape, and form-of-the-X.
*The lost armlet of whatshisface was not behind the sofa the whole time.
*Not to drag a cannon around to snipe dragons with.
* Feather fall as a spell-like ability is not an excuse to launch the party out of catapults instead of walking.
*If a siege weapon cannot fit into the door of a dungeon, I cannot have it.
*If I use it to blow a hole large enough for it to fit, I still can't keep it.
* It is incredibly crass to use reduce object on a pair of cannons so I can wield them like handguns.
* Cannot use a bag of holding to survive being launched out of a siege weapon.
*Cannot use ant haul, bull's strength, enlarge animal, and a team of donkeys to haul around a pile of loot the size of a small hill.
*This does not mean I can do the same with a pile of loot the size of a large hill.
*If I can survive indefinitely inside the stomach of a creature or construct that has swallowed me whole, not to hide inside there and snipe from inside it.
*If I use a rope trick and Magnificent mansion to build a house inside of one, I will be attacked by dire tapeworms as thick as treetruncks.
*Cannot use an undead variation and cut portholes and channels into it so I can fire out of it.
*My first response to finding a forest, cave, or enemy encampment is not "Set it on fire."
*This cannot be my second response after a paltry effort to do otherwise.
* The D.M is still figuring out how I set the forest on acid, the cave on ice, and the encampment on sonic, but it is assumed I am also banned from doing that.
*Cannot divert a river to clear out the location in question.
*Cannot create a river with a decanter of endless water in the general direction of the encampment.
*I AM allowed to use an avalanche, provided I do so in an area where there is actually snow.
* Cannot abuse stone-to-mud to bury all my enemies in thousands of tonnes of the stuff.
*Not to abuse the ridiculous wealth-by level of high-powered characters to just buy the place from under them.
*No, you cannot use a lyre of tunnelling to undermine them.
*JUST FIGHT THEM ALREADY!
*Cure wounds or no, I still have to say sorry.
*My character cannot have the stated goal of sleeping with each and every kind of compatible creature on the planet.

is there anything left you are allowed to do?

Maquise
2012-01-26, 11:05 AM
*A red-and-white orb is not the focus component for Summon Monster Spells.
*Nor is it used in the Summoner's Call Eidolon ability.

Drathmar
2012-01-26, 11:10 AM
*A red-and-white orb is not the focus component for Summon Monster Spells.
*Nor is it used in the Summoner's Call Eidolon ability.

*However it is a component for Summon Nature's Ally :P

Arbane
2012-01-26, 12:43 PM
* I definitely can't Iron Heart Surge Rule 34 either.

** No matter how much we all wish you could.

SleepyShadow
2012-01-26, 02:16 PM
* My ranger's favored enemy cannot be Other PCs.

Beowulf DW
2012-01-26, 07:13 PM
is there anything left you are allowed to do?

He's allowed to play and breath, as far as I can tell.

Burnheart
2012-01-28, 07:17 AM
He's allowed to play and breath, as far as I can tell.

You mean he's not allowed to eat? Hmm
* As the DM i'm not allowed to kill my players and reanimate them as Zombies :smallamused:

Martin Greywolf
2012-01-28, 09:48 AM
*When travelling with the most wanted person/criminal in the world (wanted literally everywhere), I´m not allowed to go straight to the capital city of a nation that is searching for her the most, ask the ruler of said nation (also a brother of the said criminal, who she tried to kill on a number of occasions) for hospitality... and recieve it.
(For those interested, said ruler os a nation is Zuko, criminal is, naturally, Azula. What can I say? Turns out a dragon really *does* solve all your problems)

Doorhandle
2012-01-28, 05:49 PM
You mean he's not allowed to eat? Hmm
* As the DM i'm not allowed to kill my players and reanimate them as Zombies :smallamused:

*Players not to kill themselves and reanamate as undead. :smallbiggrin:

Rankar
2012-01-28, 06:35 PM
*I may not use dating site profiles for character concepts.
*I may not post a character's profile on a dating site.
*I must not post my DM's profile on a dating site without his knowledge or permission.

Terracotta
2012-01-28, 08:35 PM
*Keen scimitars, falchions, and rapiers are off limits. So is the improved critical feat. I've exhausted my critical hit privileges.

Shoot Da Moon
2012-01-29, 04:40 AM
* I will not use my fellow party members as ammunition.
* I will not defeat the boss monster with a religious debate - especially if the boss is a demigod.
* If my character's actions would cause the political borders of half the setting's contients to be redrawn, they are all vetoed.
* I do not get XP for destroying the GM's faith in humanity.
* I will not abuse the social influence rules to get a major NPC to pay my bar tab.
* If my character devotes an entire session to getting a rebate on an "unfair border toll", he does not get any XP for the next three sessions.
* Being a thief does not mean I get XP for ripping off copyrighted songs.
* I do not get XP for killing the potential for plot advancement.
* "Public decency" can not be my Favoured Enemy.
* It is not a competition to see who can make the most NPC enemies.
* Assassination attempts are not my primary form of communication with the elves.
* Dwarven is not "just Spanish with the sex appeal taken out".
* I will not become the messiah figure of a new religion, just so it can be horribly twisted into an oppressive theocracy during offscreen downtime.
* My bard will not burn a feat on Leadership, just so he can get groupies.
* I do not lose sanity points from reading anything by John Ringo.
* I get XP for ENDING lives, not BEGINNING them. So my character should stop getting women pregnant.
* I will not attempt to loanshark the king, regardless of the potential for war profiteering.

Sith_Happens
2012-01-29, 06:58 AM
*When travelling with the most wanted person/criminal in the world (wanted literally everywhere), I´m not allowed to go straight to the capital city of a nation that is searching for her the most, ask the ruler of said nation (also a brother of the said criminal, who she tried to kill on a number of occasions) for hospitality... and recieve it.
(For those interested, said ruler os a nation is Zuko, criminal is, naturally, Azula. What can I say? Turns out a dragon really *does* solve all your problems)

Wait, are you playing an Avatar: The Last Airbender RPG? If so, you win the Internet.:smallcool:

Drathmar
2012-01-29, 11:13 AM
*Keen scimitars, falchions, and rapiers are off limits. So is the improved critical feat. I've exhausted my critical hit privileges.

You forgot keen kukris

Venusaur
2012-01-29, 12:09 PM
May not use adamantine armor spikes to burst through walls and yell "Oh Yeah".

Just saw this in a thread

eulmanis12
2012-01-30, 04:40 PM
if my plan involves more than 3 of the folowing:
e
π
∫a∆m (integral of (a x change in mass))
.5mv^2
k
g

µ
Ω
it is automaticly vetoed

My plan may not require the use of a calculator, slide rule, physics textbook, trigonometry, calculus, or theory of relativity

My plans may no longer use math or physics

I may not set the world on fire

I may not freeze the world to put out said fire

I may not go to the forest moon of endor to take out a large battle station's defences and kill the entire garrison of storm troopers by donning a fireproof suit, lureing them out of their base, and starting a forest fire

If I do the above (again) I will be locked in a cage with smokey the bear

dammit already! no more F=ma

I may not defeat the zombie apocolipse by pointing out that the average corpse decays in less than a month and then holeing up in a bunker for 3 months (just to be safe)

my emergancy survival kit may not contain just a gun and ammo, so that I can take the supplies of someone who spent more time and effort preparing.

If my chareceter can kill everyone in the room with a free action, I may no longer play him.

Especialy if the room in question is the hall of the Norse gods

Cormag81
2012-01-31, 01:42 AM
* I get XP for ENDING lives, not BEGINNING them. So my character should stop getting women pregnant.
Yet the more lives the more lives there are to end so your creating opportunities to gain even more XP so it's still okay
*Being targeted by dominate person is a WILL save not a Reflex save no matter what your DEX is you can't dodge the BBEGs will

Cormag81
2012-01-31, 01:45 AM
Sorry I can't fix my Fd up quote you'll just have to deal guys sorry

Ksheep
2012-01-31, 02:00 AM
Sorry I can't fix my Fd up quote you'll just have to deal guys sorry

Add a "/" to the beginning of the second [quote]

*May not turn the dungeon of my keep into the Tomb of Horrors
*Especially if I haven't told the rest of the party
*May not suggest that we have a meeting in the treasury, at the back end of the dungeon

Silverscale
2012-01-31, 10:57 AM
* I get XP for ENDING lives, not BEGINNING them. So my character should stop getting women pregnant.
* However, if playing a Female character, and you become pregnant, you do get XP for the birth.
* No having an Abortion, or Miscarridge does not count for XP.

NikitaDarkstar
2012-01-31, 01:09 PM
*Being targeted by dominate person is a WILL save not a Reflex save no matter what your DEX is you can't dodge the BBEGs will

* If I manage to get the Dexterous Will feat the DM is allowed to throw books at me.

* This goes double if I manage it before epic level.

Martin Greywolf
2012-01-31, 01:13 PM
Wait, are you playing an Avatar: The Last Airbender RPG? If so, you win the Internet.:smallcool:

Yes, i am, in fact. Incidentally:

*There is no such thing as bearsharctopus.
**Not even in Avatar: tlA universe.
*The aerial move where I get on my dragon after falling off is not called a "Nutcracker".
**I am no longer allowed to name any moves, especially since I thought up a female version of the aforementioned one. (Azula was not amused)
*I can get away with pranking firelord with a pet turtleduck one time, and one time only!

jindra34
2012-01-31, 04:10 PM
*May not use skills in magic, biology and/or biotech to create chimeric entities. Or any new creatures period.

Kymme
2012-01-31, 04:24 PM
*by the gods of probability, i am not allowed to build a gatling gun that fires 10 fingers of death per round
*even if the save DC is 2
*nor can i mount the gatling gun on a wagon
*charging into battle against a dragon, finger-of-death-gun firing madly is considered bad form
*doing the above while screaming, "YOU WILL FAIL EVENTUALLY!!!!!" is right out

Ksheep
2012-01-31, 05:17 PM
*by the gods of probability, i am not allowed to build a gatling gun that fires 10 fingers of death per round
*even if the save DC is 2
*nor can i mount the gatling gun on a wagon
*charging into battle against a dragon, finger-of-death-gun firing madly is considered bad form
*doing the above while screaming, "YOU WILL FAIL EVENTUALLY!!!!!" is right out

If the DC is two, chance of them failing is next to null, unless they've got no save modifier. Fairly certain that natural 1s only count for attacks, not saves.

Qwertystop
2012-01-31, 05:20 PM
If the DC is two, chance of them failing is next to null, unless they've got no save modifier. Fairly certain that natural 1s only count for attacks, not saves.

Attacks and saves, nothing else.

ideasmith
2012-01-31, 05:25 PM
If the DC is two, chance of them failing is next to null, unless they've got no save modifier. Fairly certain that natural 1s only count for attacks, not saves.

What the rules say:


A natural 1 (the d20 comes up 1) on a saving throw is always a failure (and may cause damage to exposed items; see Items Surviving after a Saving Throw). A natural 20 (the d20 comes up 20) is always a success.

Ksheep
2012-01-31, 07:24 PM
Attacks and saves, nothing else.

Ah, guess my previous DM ignored the saves part, only allowing crits on attacks. Carry on.

Necroticplague
2012-01-31, 07:26 PM
*by the gods of probability, i am not allowed to build a gatling gun that fires 10 fingers of death per round
*even if the save DC is 2
*nor can i mount the gatling gun on a wagon
*charging into battle against a dragon, finger-of-death-gun firing madly is considered bad form
*doing the above while screaming, "YOU WILL FAIL EVENTUALLY!!!!!" is right out

on a related note:

*The Law of Large Numbers is not a deity with the darkness, luck,death, life and competition domains.

Marillion
2012-01-31, 09:26 PM
*Yes, becoming a master of runic sorcery involves branding yourself with a rune. That does NOT mean that Harry Potter is the youngest master of the Lightning rune in existence, nor are you allowed to go around attempting to recreate the incident that branded him with the Lightning rune.

Rockphed
2012-01-31, 10:42 PM
* my earth elemental cannot be made of hydrogen.
* Nor can my air elemental.


* Bite attack or no, unicorn flesh is a sometimes food.

*Unicorn, like phoenix pate, is impossible to eat without a permanent alignment change.

Razgriez
2012-01-31, 11:47 PM
*Unicorn, like phoenix pate, is impossible to eat without a permanent alignment change.
*The penalty of the Alignment Change, will be doubled, if I make any comments while eating the Phoenix pate, along the lines of "It taste just like Spicy Chicken!"
*Tripled if I'm the Paladin... and an angry fist of my chosen former deity aimed directly for my head.

*My Norse Paladin, will not call upon an avatar of Odin, that wields a shield, and large Two-Bladed Sword, no matter how much good graces I am with Odin.
**Addendum, The Avatar of Odin also most certainly does NOT transform into a Horse, and nor does it grant me temporary access to the Two-Weapon Fighting feats, nor Monkey-Grip.

Ulysses WkAmil
2012-02-01, 12:00 AM
*I may no longer set the drug warehouse on fire after killing the workers in it, forgetting the poofed character is (following an immersive story) still upstairs, having "contracted explosive diarehha and then being hit by a concussive bear trap"
*I am not allowed we opt to leave the drug-riddled explosion-mangled fire-scorched body behind
*I am not allowed to carry a tinderbox

Shoot Da Moon
2012-02-01, 03:03 AM
* I will not learn the Timeport spell just so I can put on a great preformance of "Johnny Be Good".
* My bard will not steal rock 'n' roll music from drow musicians.
* I will not abuse the Planar Shift spell, especially for the purposes of bypassing copyright laws.
* Funny noises are not funny.
* I will not have the party cleric executed by the authorities just in case all of humanity's sins need to be absolved. Especially if the authorities are offering a generous monetary reward.

Sith_Happens
2012-02-01, 03:44 AM
Yes, i am, in fact. Incidentally:

*There is no such thing as bearsharctopus.
**Not even in Avatar: tlA universe.
*The aerial move where I get on my dragon after falling off is not called a "Nutcracker".
**I am no longer allowed to name any moves, especially since I thought up a female version of the aforementioned one. (Azula was not amused)
*I can get away with pranking firelord with a pet turtleduck one time, and one time only!

*I may bend the classical elements ONLY.
*Even if my character is loosely based off of Redcloak.
*ESPECIALLY if my character is loosely based off of Redcloak.
*No, I may not use that one xkcd comic to justify breaking the above rules.

Doorhandle
2012-02-01, 06:05 AM
is there anything left you are allowed to do?

I get away with a lot because I haven’t done any of the above.
YET.

Alright, started up a pathfinder “City of rouges” adventure path and it’s looking to be fuuuuun.

The D.M does not speak in Italics while narrating the adventure path intro.
The players are to let him finish said intro.
The hellknights are not the Spanish inquisition.
Cannot be a half-orc bard.
Cannot describe said bard as 6 feet tall, ripped, green, with a great singing voice.
Having a Cha of 18 due to pathfinder rules is just an insult.
Opportunistic piety will not endear me to the party.
The cleric did not find the city through a vision quest.
The cleric does not know the half-orc merchant because the latter sold him drugs.
The shadowbeasts cannot be defeated by flashing lights in their eyes really fast.
Not to offer children beer.
The Halfling ranger is not belkar, even if they are C.E.
The Halfling doses not require a booster chair.
The Halfling dose not need to swim as the rest of us walk though the water in the oddly expansive sewers.
Not to tell the NPC to “Lead on, fearless leader!”
A light spell will not automatically blind my halforc, darkvision or no.
The blockage affecting the tunnel ahead of us is not THAT kind of blockage, even if we are in a sewer.
Not to tell the prudish never-nude cleric to that the troll ahead is naked.
Hide may be clothing, but no, that does not mean the troll covered in trollhide is wearing clothing.
If I am attempting diplomacy, I am actually to attempt to IMPROVE their attitude.
The cleric’s sword is not to be called diplomacy.
Sareiniae is not the “Oh no you didn’t!” goddess.
If the hellknight initiates were ”just kids,” that means teenagers, NOT six year olds.
I don’t need to dance in person to use bardic performance.
Cannot use a falchion as a golf club to hit a goo rat.
The half orc cannot cut himself in two on a failed to-hit roll.
Cannot hit a rat so hard that it bounces of one wall, bounces off another, to bounces off the ranger, and then fly down the corridor and explode.
The offending cleric cannot then put on sunglasses and not look at the explosion.

big teej
2012-02-01, 03:02 PM
*I am not to suggest "lets rob a bank"
*upon being informed there is no bank, not to instigate a scheme to found a bank
*having founded a bank, I am not to seek investors and other clientel so the bank will grow profitable
*having made the bank profitiable, I am not to then rob my own bank.


*not to use the conservation of ninjitsu to obliterate the evil monks controlling everything.

Rockphed
2012-02-01, 05:43 PM
The cleric did not find the city through a vision quest.
The cleric does not know the half-orc merchant because the latter sold him drugs.


But...but...those mesh so very well! I think I will have to use them at some point in the future.:smallamused:


Sareiniae is not the “Oh no you didn’t!” goddess.

Of course not! That would be "LaSareine".

*I am not allowed to name the industrial city hit by hard times "Lostretto"(Itallian translation of "Detroit")
*Or Destraat(Dutch)
*Or Angkipot(Fillipino)
*Translating city names into other languages is forbidden.
*If I break the above, they do not worship a lawful warforged with domains of justice, law, punishment, and police work. (http://detroitneedsrobocop.com/)

...Okay, Lost Retto, former manufacturing capital that has fallen on hard times and is watched over by a war-forged god of law and justice doesn't sound half bad.

Randomguy
2012-02-01, 09:11 PM
The cleric did not find the city through a vision quest.
The cleric does not know the half-orc merchant because the latter sold him drugs.


*As a DM, not to make rules for fictional drugs and the penalties (and possible bonuses) they cause.
*If I do so, I can expect at least one PC to be addicted to something.
*Dug dealers are not druids, even though many drugs are made from plants.
*Similarly, not all fey are hippies.
*A mind flayer doesn't get high if it eats an addict's brain.

jaybird
2012-02-01, 09:54 PM
*The verbal component of Bigby's Forceful Hand is not "FUS RO DAH".

Kazyan
2012-02-02, 11:56 PM
*Cannot impersonate the 17th+ level cleric's god and excommunicate him using primarily cantrips.

Sith_Happens
2012-02-03, 03:12 AM
I posted the first of these on the previous thread, but I'm repeating it here so the joke with the new ones isn't broken up:

* My dread necromancer may not be named Chuck Testa.
* If my dread necromancer is masquerading as a cleric, the rest of the party must know out-of-character what his real class is.
* When I'm asked to resurrect a party member, that means Raise Dead, not Animate Dread Warrior.
* Not to create a dread necromancer named Chuck Testa masquerading as a cleric just so I can eventually have the chance to tell one of the other players that "I bet you thought your character was alive. Nope! He's not. He's undead. He's been reanimated by Chuck Testa."

big teej
2012-02-03, 10:00 AM
*As a DM, not to make rules for fictional drugs and the penalties (and possible bonuses) they cause.
*If I do so, I can expect at least one PC to be addicted to something.
*Dug dealers are not druids, even though many drugs are made from plants.
*Similarly, not all fey are hippies.
*A mind flayer doesn't get high if it eats an addict's brain.

but.... we already have rules for drugs...

BlackestOfMages
2012-02-04, 07:51 AM
but.... we already have rules for drugs...

shhhhh. don't bring logic into this

Z3ro
2012-02-04, 12:18 PM
*The verbal component of Bigby's Forceful Hand is not "FUS RO DAH".

OMG I laughed so hard at this...

lerg2
2012-02-05, 01:51 PM
When playing D&D in an online game, I may NOT say in every chat server; "Spin to win, kids!"

Esprit15
2012-02-05, 03:16 PM
*My party is not a hinderance. As such, I may not Iron Heart Surge them away.

BlackestOfMages
2012-02-06, 06:45 AM
* Hide in plain sight does not function if I'm hiding in the shadow of the person who is looking for me

Andreaz
2012-02-06, 06:57 AM
* Hide in plain sight does not function if I'm hiding in the shadow of the person who is looking for me

Actually, it does.

Socratov
2012-02-06, 10:20 AM
Actually, it does.

*even if it works, it is still considered bad form

WeAreUnity
2012-02-06, 12:31 PM
*I will not drop a sphere of annihilation into the ocean just to see how long it takes to absorb all the water.

*I will not use time stop on an enemies heart.

Vixsor Lumin
2012-02-06, 12:42 PM
*I will not use time stop on an enemies heart.

*no using time hop either.

*their brain is also not an acceptable target

*I'm no longer allowed to use time hop

*body parts can't be targeted. I either hit or I don't.

Qwertystop
2012-02-06, 03:56 PM
* Hide in plain sight does not function if I'm hiding in the shadow of the person who is looking for me

Nor does it work if the shadow is caused by holding a tower shield over my head.

jindra34
2012-02-06, 04:35 PM
Nor does it work if the shadow is caused by holding a tower shield over my head.

Nor for that matter my own shadow from the lantern I'm holding.

Esprit15
2012-02-06, 10:04 PM
Nor for that matter my own shadow from the lantern I'm holding.

Oh course not. You can't ever be in that shadow.

*You can't take ten on an accuracy check. That defeats the purpose.

*Psychic moves do miss. Don't ask how, they just do.

*Awesome=/=Critical Hit

jindra34
2012-02-06, 10:22 PM
Oh course not. You can't ever be in that shadow.


But you can be within five feet of your own shadow. In fact its more suprising when your are not.

Esprit15
2012-02-06, 10:50 PM
But you can be within five feet of your own shadow. In fact its more suprising when your are not.

Ah, that would be evidence of me not actually looking at the rules.

ArcGygas
2012-02-07, 02:25 AM
All of these are things my group has tried (some with more success than others)

* No, you may not HiPS by using the shadow created by your finger.

* The Female Paladin (with a 20 Cha) in a chainmail bikini's breasts are not allowed to be used for HiPS, either.

* The Giant's loincloth is right out.

* When playing the Cavalier class in Pathfinder, you are not allowed to do 45 (Power Attack) + 80 (Challenge) + 20 (Weapon Enhancement) + 45 (Strength) = 190 damage on the charge... and then ask if you really need to roll the 4d8, too.

* The Druid may not spend all his money on Wild Full Plate because he forgot Druids can't wear metal.

* Should the Druid waste his money in such a way, the GM shouldn't be a jerk and gloat about it.

* Should the GM gloat about it, the Druid is definitely not allowed to completely outclass the Fighter while naked.

* If the Fighter is completely outclassed by the naked Druid, the player should temporarily be allowed both the Throw Anything feat, as well as Catch Off Guard. Not the character, the player.

Esprit15
2012-02-07, 02:33 AM
*May not question why the game universe works as it does, in character or not.

ScionoftheVoid
2012-02-08, 02:58 PM
*I am never, ever allowed the use of the spells Grease and Animate Rope, in combination or otherwise, ever again. Ever.

*In an associated and perfectly justified ruling, bosses are not to be defeated by sapping their will to live and then removing their organs from their still-weeping husk.

*In an associated, perfectly justified and pre-emptive ruling, this also goes for mooks of all kinds, NPCs in general, and, look, just anything that it would be possible to defeat in such a manner.
*And anything that it isn't possible to defeat in such a manner, just in case.

*If the DM introduces a powerful NPC who is going to stop us from being killed by the hordes of ravenous demons we've drawn to ourselves, we are not to turn them to stone.

*We are certainly not to use the resulting statue to fight off the demons anyway.

* "We didn't know it was going to be turned to stone when we activated the Rod of Wonder" is a condemnation, not a legitimate excuse.

*Animal Husbandry checks are not the solution to every problem, even if I am playing a character based on 8-Bit Theatre's Red Mage.

*While they are, factually speaking, the beginning of every problem for our enemies, this is no more acceptable.

*Animal Husbandry isn't even a skill.
*No, you cannot refluff your Bardic Knowledge checks like that.
*Nor your Dark Knowledge checks.

*Animal Husbandry is banned in all forms, for the sake of the DM's mental well-being.

Randomguy
2012-02-08, 06:04 PM
*As a DM, I am not to make a game that starts with the characters in a dungeon with nothing but a set of ring gates, at the mercy of an insane intelligent trap that spans the entire dungeon.

Portal, anyone?

Blisstake
2012-02-08, 06:09 PM
*I may not continuously swing my sword at atoms until I roll a natural 20 and create a nuclear explosion.

Lord Il Palazzo
2012-02-08, 06:28 PM
*As a DM, I am not to make a game that starts with the characters in a dungeon with nothing but a set of ring gates, at the mercy of an insane intelligent trap that spans the entire dungeon.Of course not! They should have to make it through several rooms worth of puzzles and traps before they find the ring gates.
Hurray for Portal.

TheRedWidow
2012-02-08, 06:33 PM
*I am not allowed to make a level one character that carries an entire party full of level fives.
*I won't fend off an entire strike force of orcs with one non-damaging spell again.
*The party does not appreciate my paladin leading them into a death trap simply by virtue of being too LG.

Doorhandle
2012-02-09, 06:41 AM
*I may not continuously swing my sword at atoms until I roll a natural 20 and create a nuclear explosion.

Unless you're level is very high or your weapon has the fission quality, you won't do any damage. The strong nuclear force gives them a high D.R :smallbiggrin:

*Cannot wield a natural weapon that isn't attached to me.
*No, duct tape will not let me do that.
*Cannot make a mecha out of the monster's bisected corpses without relevant ranks in nechrotech.
*Cannot rocket jump using a fireball.
*Cannot sticky jump using a delayed-blast fireball.
* Cannot wield 3 swords in each hand and one in my mouth.
*this dos not mean I can weild 6 swords in one hand and three in my mouth.
*Jotengrip be dammed, this still applies to battleaxes and all other weapons.

* I will be rewarded for having the character quirk "draws his sword at the first sign of trouble" in Mousguard, but I should not expect similar results if I try this in shadowrun.
*Especially if I do this in respone to a troublesome letter.
*Cannot perform a single-stroke battle with an owl.
* Not to scream out CRAAAAAAAAAB! if we are just encountering a normally-sized one.
*Even if we're mice and so it's 5 times our size and ravenous.
* If we enter a tunnel system, and come to a fork in the path, we cannot use the markings from our pathfinder session to find the right way.
*This also means we cannot end up in a crossover with them.
*Especially not as the slime rats from the last session that were kicked and exploded.
* If the young hotblooded mouse charges into the light, he cannot blame me when he end out sailing through the air into the ocean.
*It is not in the Nature of a mouse to be able to bisect a serpent in one strike, redwall be damned.
*Cannot play as a mice who was cursed by a war god to have a fit of rage that killed his family.
*Perticually if this same mouse is white-furred with read streaks going over his eye, and who wields two fish-hooks in battle.
*…for frik’s sake, YOU CANNOT BE MOUSE KRATOS!
*The mousguard rules state it takes 20000 mice to succeed in killing one black bear. This does not mean I can achieve the same thing using 2000000 ravenous tadpoles.
*It is beyond the ability of mouse society to develop a nuclear bomb for the purpose of killing bearthulhu.
*not to refer to bears as bearthulhu.
*Even if one is capable of eating the entire mouselands and dark rituals are held in order to plactate them.
* No matter what the scale rules indicate, cannot fit a mouse fortress on the back of a moose.

Andreaz
2012-02-09, 06:59 AM
*…for frik’s sake, YOU CANNOT BE MOUSE KRATOS!

...want...

BlackestOfMages
2012-02-09, 07:35 AM
* No matter what the scale rules indicate, cannot fit a mouse fortress on the back of a moose.

* Nor onto a camel
* or Bearthulu

Metahuman1
2012-02-09, 03:03 PM
* Nor onto a camel
* or Bearthulu

*Taming Bearthulu to be my mount is right out.

Blisstake
2012-02-09, 03:13 PM
Unless you're level is very high or your weapon has the fission quality, you won't do any damage. The strong nuclear force gives them a high D.R :smallbiggrin:

*If I know something I'm attempting isn't possible, I am now required to tell my DM.

Vixsor Lumin
2012-02-09, 03:22 PM
*If I know something I'm attempting isn't possible, I am now required to tell my DM.

*I can't bring up this rule when ayone is using magic
*also cannot bring it up when we fight undead
*or any monsters

*conversly, being a smart*** and saying that anything is possible at a quantum level, doesn't help my case

Chilingsworth
2012-02-09, 03:24 PM
*I may not continuously swing my sword at atoms until I roll a natural 20 and create a nuclear explosion.

*As objects, atoms aren't subject to crits.

*also, the spliting of single atoms wouldn't release much energy, anyway.

Blisstake
2012-02-09, 03:31 PM
*As objects, atoms aren't subject to crits.

*also, the spliting of single atoms wouldn't release much energy, anyway.


*If I know something I'm attempting isn't possible, I am now required to tell my DM.

(Also nat 20's still auto hit)

Arbane
2012-02-09, 04:16 PM
*I may not continuously swing my sword at atoms until I roll a natural 20 and create a nuclear explosion.

Well, of course not! Atoms come in swarms, so they're immune to weapon damage anyway.

On the other hand...



*also, the spliting of single atoms wouldn't release much energy, anyway.

So, you'd also need Whirlwind Attack or Supreme Cleave. :D

Alabenson
2012-02-09, 04:59 PM
*I am forbidden from playing a bard based on Roy Wood from Wizzard.

*I am forbidden from playing any character based on Roy Wood from Wizzard.
*I may no longer attempt to seduce Elder Evils.

*Even if there is a chance I may succeed.


*Especially if there is a chance I may succeed.

Morcleon
2012-02-09, 08:43 PM
*I may not use the Stronghold Builder's Guide and the fact that enhancements are based off of size to create nigh-invincible starfighters for less than 100k.

*I may not use the Ardent's Dominant Ideal to infinitely stack Empower Power.

*I may not use Rope Trick and Transdimensional Spell to attack without chance of harm.

*I may not play Spellblade Tennis with Transmute Mud to Lava to turn the world into Mustafar.

*I may not build mythals for the purpose of granting myself infinate Wish, Miracle and/or Reality Revision.

*I may not build mythals to get constant Timeless Body.

*I may not build mythals period.

Randomguy
2012-02-09, 11:38 PM
*Taming Bearthulu to be my mount is right out.

*Am not even to consider training Bearthulu to ride a mouse into battle.


*Warforged don't dream of metallic sheep.
*Sheering metallic sheep doesn't get you steel wool.
*Am not to make a fortune in the steel wool market by putting warforged to sleep.

*Am not to play a crazy cat lady druid.

Doorhandle
2012-02-10, 12:11 AM
Just wanted to include this thread in this game: (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=231503)

*Cannot be Mao Zedong in a Robot Suit.

Alabenson
2012-02-10, 02:20 PM
Just wanted to include this thread in this game: (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=231503)

*Cannot be Mao Zedong in a Robot Suit.

*Cannont be Stalin, Lenin, or any other Communist leader in a Robot Suit either.

Forrestfire
2012-02-10, 04:56 PM
*Just because a rat swarm is technically a Tiny Animal, does not mean my halfling can be a lycanthrope of it.

Sinfonian
2012-02-10, 05:14 PM
* There is no God of Bacon, even if his portfolio is delicious.
*If there is such a deity, he is not to be described as Omn-nom-nipotent.

Doorhandle
2012-02-10, 07:19 PM
* There is no God of Bacon, even if his portfolio is delicious.
*If there is such a deity, he is not to be described as Omn-nom-nipotent.

*I would say that's because it's ceiling cat's domain, but frankly you can't worship him or his fellow lolgods either.

Arbane
2012-02-10, 07:55 PM
* Even if the Summoner is both female and Small sized, she can't make her Eidolon a My Little Pony.
** ESPECIALLY not Pinkie Pie.

Martin Greywolf
2012-02-10, 10:15 PM
*I cannot threaten players making "arrow in the knee" jokes with an arrow to the knee.
**Especially if I happen to have a 65 lb longbow and two dozen arrows on hand.
*I´m forbidden from discovering periodic table of elements in The Last Airbender universe.
**No, Avatar doesn´t have to master 118 styles of bending.
**There is no such thing as plutonium bender.
*If I am in a three-person party, I´m forbidden from introducing us as the good, the bad and the ugly.
**If I do, I am to assume I´m automatically the ugly.

Socratov
2012-02-11, 05:22 AM
* Even if the Summoner is both female and Small sized, she can't make her Eidolon a My Little Pony.
** ESPECIALLY not Pinkie Pie.

*No, a rainbow-colored pegasus does not give a 20% bonus on charisma based checks
*No, not even in 2 rounds

Sith_Happens
2012-02-11, 05:48 AM
*I must remind the Storyteller of my fire-based contracts before she decides to incorporate vampires into the game.
*I may not scare the pants off the Queen of Autumn.
*(Irony) is not a legitimate Craft specialty, nor does is justify breaking the above rule.
*Just because a contract's catch is trivially easy to fulfil does not mean I can keep spamming said contract until it works.
**Especially not Fleeting Autumn 1.
***Especially not when the target is the Queen of Autumn.
*If the Storyteller informs me of various rumors my character has heard about an important NPC, the intent is for me to be impressed by said rumors, not to exploit them until the NPC is question is eating out of my hand.

Lonely Tylenol
2012-02-11, 07:12 AM
* Summon Monster II cannot be used to summon a Human Centipede, no matter how fiendish or monstrous it may be.

Brennan1214
2012-02-11, 09:24 AM
* May not use epic magic to permasummon spellcasters just to make my rituals stronger.

* May not colossal wild shape and dragon wild shape to turn into a great wyrm prismatic dragon at level 24. PS, no primal elementals at level 23 either.

* May not use permanent skill boosting epic magic to buff spellcraft.

* May not use epic magic to origin of species a rapidly breeding creature loyal only to me to take over the world.

* May not play epic-level characters.

Sith_Happens
2012-02-17, 03:50 AM
* I may not allow this thread to drop off the first page.:smalltongue:

* Flamethrowers are weapons, not cooking supplies.

Doorhandle
2012-02-17, 05:12 AM
* I may not allow this thread to drop off the first page.:smalltongue:

* Flamethrowers are weapons, not cooking supplies.

*This also applies to katanas, ankle grinders, chainsaws, explosives, and small bears.
*Cannot play Saxton HAAAAAAAAAAAALE!
*Or Saxton whale.
*And especially not Hatston Sale, even if it approximates valve's interests.
* A wand of magic missile is not a missile launcher.
*A wand of delayed blast fireball is not a Stickybomb launcher.
*Cannot use staff mastery to dual-wield staves as a staff magus.
* The hammer is not my paladin’s peinis.

Meanwhile, in mouseguard:
*If I am making a sailor mouse, hook, eyepatch and all, must actually have skills relevant to sailing.
*Cannot lash together the bodies of fallen crewmembers to make a raft, boatcrafting or no.
*If the G.M retroactively gives a character the ‘paranoid’ trait and the instinct ‘suspect EVERYONE,’ that is an indicator for the player to tone it down.
*No longer allowed to talk if I have to go over my speech 3 times in order not so say too much.
*If I am borrowing a ship, I am expected to bring it back in one piece, particularly if the captain owning it was a drinking buddy.
*Not to tell a predator of our species if we can avoid it.
* If we are like 5 seconds from being torn apart by zealous ferrets, not to let the injured party member squeak in pain.
*If we haven’t been seen by the ferret isles for 1000 years, this dose not make us mythical figures, it makes us mythical lunch.

Lonely Tylenol
2012-02-17, 06:37 AM
* I may not equip six weapons in two hands if their names are "shortsword", "shortsword", "bo bortsword", "bananafana fo fortsword", "me mi mo mortsword", "shortsword".

Sith_Happens
2012-02-17, 07:28 AM
*This also applies to katanas, ankle grinders, chainsaws, explosives, and small bears.
*Cannot play Saxton HAAAAAAAAAAAALE!
*Or Saxton whale.
*And especially not Hatston Sale, even if it approximates valve's interests.

* Even if Saxton Hale does fight with his bare hands, and in a loincloth, a Vow of Poverty Monk is a poor representation of his abilities.
* I may not introduce my character to the party by randomly bursting through a wall and yelling "Property damage!"
** If the party has been through enough weird stuff that they find this not-startling by comparison, I may not take offense.
* The Druid is not a hippie.
* I may not take Perform (One-liner) as an excuse to spout off poorly-adapted Saxtone Hale quotes at every opportunity.
* The party Sorceress is inexplicably immune to my manly charms.
* Even if it's what Saxton Hale would do, I may not confront every situation by recklessly charging head-on.
** Especially if that's what Saxton Hale would do.
* Even if Saxton Hale would never, ever back away from a fight, I may still run from the stone giant barbarian who would have TPKed the party during his first appearance had he not been dealing nonlethal damage.
** If I choose not to run, I am not to complain when the rest of the party still does.
** I definitely may not then expect my character to survive the fight.

...In case you're wondering, a guy I know did in fact play Saxton Hale for his first ever D&D character. All of the above things actually happened.

TuggyNE
2012-02-17, 07:37 AM
* I may not equip six weapons in two hands if their names are "shortsword", "shortsword", "bo bortsword", "bananafana fo fortsword", "me mi mo mortsword", "shortsword".

WUT. :smalleek:

I... I don't even.

Maquise
2012-02-17, 01:10 PM
*The Chief Librarian of my DIY Space Marine chapter is not named Crepusculum Mico.

(Lets see how long it takes someone to get that)

Beowulf DW
2012-02-17, 01:22 PM
*I may not abuse the Craft skill to make a pressure washer.
*I may not then get the Cleric to Bless the water in said pressure washer.
*Under no circumstances am I to use this now holy pressure washer to approximate a holy water "flamethrower" to clear out the vampire lair.

Metahuman1
2012-02-17, 01:39 PM
*I may not have the Cleric cast plane shift, moving the entire encounter to the elemental plane of water, only to cast bless water.

*Even if the things were fighting aren't hurt by holy water.

Arbane
2012-02-17, 02:16 PM
* Even if the Summoner is both female and Small sized, she can't make her Eidolon a My Little Pony.
** ESPECIALLY not Pinkie Pie.
*** Pinkie Piedolon is not allowed to have the Swallow Whole mutation.
**** If Pinkie Piedolon does have Swallow Whole, she is not retroactively the reason goblins are deathly afraid of horses.

Lea Plath
2012-02-17, 03:08 PM
*If we find an NPC, we are not allowed to stick them in a papoose and take them with us.
*We are not allowed to use wolves as drug dealers
*Or give them pimp hats

Blackdrop
2012-02-17, 09:59 PM
*It's considered to be in extremely bad taste to hide in the recently constructed funeral pyre during an ambush just because the ambient fire damage can't overcome my fire resistance.