Why do we want to be sad?

[vegetalss4]

This is a question that I have often wondered about, but to which I have never been able to find a satisfying answer.
The obvious answer would be to claim that we don't. But then I ask, how do you explain the enormous amount of successful entertainment with that exact purpose? There are sad songs, books, movies, musicals and plays, any and all mediums of entertainment throughout time has examples even. The best of which is noted as having the ability to make their audiences so sad that they cry.
So now I ask you forumites: why do we* want to be sad?

*as a species.

[Traab]

This is a question that I have often wondered about, but to which I have never been able to find a satisfying answer.
The obvious answer would be to claim that we don't. But then I ask, how do you explain the enormous amount of successful entertainment with that exact purpose? There are sad songs, books, movies, musicals and plays, any and all mediums of entertainment throughout time has examples even. The best of which is noted as having the ability to make their audiences so sad that they cry.
So now I ask you forumites: why do we* want to be sad?

*as a species.

I dont think we want to be sad so much as we want to feel emotions. All of the entertainment genres you listed also have entries to make us feel happy, excited, inspired, love, anger, hate, and various other emotions. We want to feel everything, even the more negative emotions.

[vegetalss4]

I dont think we want to be sad so much as we want to feel emotions. All of the entertainment genres you listed also have entries to make us feel happy, excited, inspired, love, anger, hate, and various other emotions. We want to feel everything, even the more negative emotions.

Well yes, I understand that we also want to feel the more positive emotions, but that doesn't seem nearly as strange so I saw no need to ask about them.

[GrlumpTheElder]

I feel another small part of it is that small feeling of self satisfaction that our lives aren't (generally) as sad as those being exhibited. A sort of reassurance, if you will.

[Dvil]

It's also cathartic. Being driven to tears by a sad movie, book, etc allows us to also channel and vent our own negative emotions and thus feel better afterwards.

I can't find the relevant exerpt online, but in the book "Metallica and Philosophy" it's mentioned that although the band used to get a lot of criticism for their music driving teens to be more angry, what it actually did was the opposite. If someone was able to sit down and listen to a thrash metal album, that was catharsis, allowing them to purge themselves of their own anger. Same principle.

[Maxios]

I believe that sadness in media exists to show how good our lives are.

[Savannah]

Well, after you cry, you always feel better. I think sometimes someone needs to cry, but can't or won't cry about whatever it is they need to, and so the sad song/book/movie serves as an excuse.

Also, sometimes it's not that we want to be sad, but that the sadness is a "side effect" of a important/beautiful story (or song). Really good stories tend to make us feel for the characters, and sadness is just one of the emotions they can tap into -- I don't think the people saying "it was such a great story I cried" are necessarily saying they wanted it to make them sad, but that they had an emotional connection with the characters and story. You say that wanting to feel positive emotions makes sense, but think about it -- super positive upbeat things tend to be criticized as too sweet, unrealistic, and so on. We need the sadness as a contrast to the positive.

And, finally, grieving. Sometimes it feels like the world is too happy and you can't connect to it because it doesn't understand the pain you're in. In that case, sad songs/movies/whatever can provide comfort because it feels like the writer understands where you are, even if the rest of the world doesn't.

[AgentofHellfire]

It's basically either a form of venting, or viewed as more complex (and thus, to some, more aesthetically pleasing).

We're also wired to enjoy conflict, because then we won't be completely desensitized to happiness. (Well, evolutionarily because we can put ourselves in a better position through conflict, but...

[Mazeburn]

Because we appreciate things being moved by things. It shows us a little about who we are. Fiction isn't about dosing yourself with happiness; it's about peeling back and revealing what it is to be human, about expressing and understanding a whole spectrum of emotions, good and bad. If something makes you sad, that means it's had an effect on you, for however brief a time become something that you relate to and believe in. And in many ways that's the goal of good entertainment.

That's what I think, anyway. :smallsmile:

[Juggling Goth]

This is a question that I have often wondered about, but to which I have never been able to find a satisfying answer.
The obvious answer would be to claim that we don't. But then I ask, how do you explain the enormous amount of successful entertainment with that exact purpose? There are sad songs, books, movies, musicals and plays, any and all mediums of entertainment throughout time has examples even. The best of which is noted as having the ability to make their audiences so sad that they cry.
So now I ask you forumites: why do we* want to be sad?

*as a species.

From an actually-clinically-depressed perspective:

I don't listen to sad music etc in order to feel sadder. I do it for the reassurance - other people have felt like this, articulated it, lived with it. Transcended it, in some cases - there's hope. Died from it, in others - I'm not the only one to have felt that low. (And yeah, at my worst, that gives me hope, too. Not gonna lie, sometimes I want the light at the end of the tunnel to be an oncoming train. That's not a desire to feel sad, so much as a desire to get away from it; it's just some methods are less healthy and more destructive than others.)

Have you never read or heard something and just felt sheer relief that someone had finally described your situation? Burst into tears because someone had finally put into words what you couldn't? The sheer, cathartic, someone-understands-me "YES! THAT'S IT EXACTLY! THANK YOU!"

I asked my then-girlfriend, once, why she had what I'd consider to be a very triggering picture on her wall. And she said something along the lines of, "Because before I saw this, I thought I was the only one in the world".

I dunno, there's a reason the Smiths paired "the songs that made you cry" with "the songs that saved your life. Yes you're older now, and you're a clever swine, but they were the only ones who ever stood by you."

I don't want to be sad. God, no. I want to be happy and sane. But then, I also want world peace and a pony and to be a ninja astronaut.

[Tragic_Comedian]

We don't wanna be sad. But life is sad. That is, there are sad things in life. But by recognizing the sadness you can put it aside and enjoy the happy side of life. Blues is happy music.

Mostly, it's all about catharsis. As others have said.

[shawnhcorey]

This is a question that I have often wondered about, but to which I have never been able to find a satisfying answer.
The obvious answer would be to claim that we don't. But then I ask, how do you explain the enormous amount of successful entertainment with that exact purpose? There are sad songs, books, movies, musicals and plays, any and all mediums of entertainment throughout time has examples even. The best of which is noted as having the ability to make their audiences so sad that they cry.
So now I ask you forumites: why do we* want to be sad?

*as a species.

David Farland has any idea: Why People Read (http://www.davidfarland.com/writing_tips/?a=37)

[Cespenar]

It's also cathartic. Being driven to tears by a sad movie, book, etc allows us to also channel and vent our own negative emotions and thus feel better afterwards.

I can't find the relevant exerpt online, but in the book "Metallica and Philosophy" it's mentioned that although the band used to get a lot of criticism for their music driving teens to be more angry, what it actually did was the opposite. If someone was able to sit down and listen to a thrash metal album, that was catharsis, allowing them to purge themselves of their own anger. Same principle.

This is pretty much the textbook answer to this classic question.

[Lord Raziere]

Cause I'm bored at lot of the time, and I can't feel emotions when I'm bored. I do things to feel emotion. Entertainment is a thing I do.

[Weezer]

It's also cathartic. Being driven to tears by a sad movie, book, etc allows us to also channel and vent our own negative emotions and thus feel better afterwards.

I can't find the relevant exerpt online, but in the book "Metallica and Philosophy" it's mentioned that although the band used to get a lot of criticism for their music driving teens to be more angry, what it actually did was the opposite. If someone was able to sit down and listen to a thrash metal album, that was catharsis, allowing them to purge themselves of their own anger. Same principle.

This was Aristotle's explanation for the draw of Greek Tragedy, the cathartic overflow of emotion feels incredibly good.

[vegetalss4]

First off, thank you all for taking the time to offer me an answer.

Now to summerize, the common reasons given are

It allows people to work the feeling out of their systems, which feel good.
It helps people who are sad realise that others know what they are going through.
It helps people who aren't sad be glad that they aren't sad.

Thank you again for your help.

An extra thanks to shawnhcorey for the interesting read.

[noparlpf]

First of all, based on my Bio 100 prof.'s lectures, I'm not entirely sure I count as the same species as you. His definition of what makes two things separate species is "can not or will not mate/breed with each other", and I will not mate with a human. But that's controversial nitpicking.

Anyway, I like to be sad because it's a familiar feeling. Happiness is a big, scary emotion that might be scary to confront. When I don't want to be sad, I go and do something stupid for the adrenaline rush, or I hang out with people and talk about inane things to distract myself. But sometimes those things bore me and I just want to be sad because it's familiar and cozy.

[thubby]

because its not real sadness. just like no one is genuinely afraid of the ring girl despite the ring being scary.

its certainly an emotion, but it fits under the "fantasy" sort rather than the actual sort.

[Anxe]

I have a pet theory that many people are secretly masochists.

[noparlpf]

I'm not secretly a masochist. Several of my friends know. :smalltongue:

[Callista]

From an actually-clinically-depressed perspective:

I don't listen to sad music etc in order to feel sadder. I do it for the reassurance - other people have felt like this, articulated it, lived with it. Transcended it, in some cases - there's hope. Died from it, in others - I'm not the only one to have felt that low. (And yeah, at my worst, that gives me hope, too. Not gonna lie, sometimes I want the light at the end of the tunnel to be an oncoming train. That's not a desire to feel sad, so much as a desire to get away from it; it's just some methods are less healthy and more destructive than others.)

Have you never read or heard something and just felt sheer relief that someone had finally described your situation? Burst into tears because someone had finally put into words what you couldn't? The sheer, cathartic, someone-understands-me "YES! THAT'S IT EXACTLY! THANK YOU!"

I asked my then-girlfriend, once, why she had what I'd consider to be a very triggering picture on her wall. And she said something along the lines of, "Because before I saw this, I thought I was the only one in the world".

I dunno, there's a reason the Smiths paired "the songs that made you cry" with "the songs that saved your life. Yes you're older now, and you're a clever swine, but they were the only ones who ever stood by you."

I don't want to be sad. God, no. I want to be happy and sane. But then, I also want world peace and a pony and to be a ninja astronaut.+1 Internets to you. This is the best explanation of it I've ever seen.

[Ravens_cry]

Why do we like coffee and tea? That's bitter, a very common warning sign of poison.
Why do we like hot chilli peppers? That's pain.
Why do we like jumping out of perfectly good airplanes and ride on roller coasters that frighten us so?
Humans love to feel, good and bad.

[thubby]

Why do we like coffee and tea? That's bitter, a very common warning sign of poison.
Why do we like hot chilli peppers? That's pain.
Why do we like jumping out of perfectly good airplanes and ride on roller coasters that frighten us so?
Humans love to feel, good and bad.

in order:

-caffeine is addictive
-spicy foods overwhelmingly have monstrous amounts of energy and nutrition for their mass. your body gets that even if you don't.
-danger releases huge amounts of endorphins, which are very nice. (this is probably also related to horror movies)

[Ravens_cry]

in order:

-caffeine is addictive

People drink decaffeinated coffee.


-spicy foods overwhelmingly have monstrous amounts of energy and nutrition for their mass. your body gets that even if you don't.

With hot sauce, like rooster sauce, the amounts are probably not enough to really make much of a calorific difference, and the salt values would be through the roof if I did. Yet I love that mouth burning, nose drooling sensation. I don't consciously know it's good for me, and it probably isn't, but I love it anyway.


-danger releases huge amounts of endorphins, which are very nice. (this is probably also related to horror movies)
Yes, endorphins are also part of it, but we also enjoy feeling danger as well in and off itself. It's not just the price we pay for the rush, it's part of the package.
The important thing though is these are all controlled amounts of the sensation. The coffee won't poison us in normal amounts, we (hopefully) can pull the ripcord. We can put as much or little of the sauce as suits our palate, we can stop the video or walk out of the theatre and it will be over soon enough anyway.

[Fri]

For me in person, I'm clinically depressed, and that's why I don't watch/read/listen to sad stuffs anymore. I feel that I'm already sad enough/felt enough sadness without it.

And a strange side effect is, I don't get scared by horror stories or ghost stories or haunted places anymore. I also don't get nightmares anymore. And I'm not exaggerating. I think It's because I thought that there's nothing that can be scarier than real life.

But I stll don't watch horror movies though. It's because I hate being surprised by jump scares, and I hate gore.

[thubby]

With hot sauce, like rooster sauce, the amounts are probably not enough to really make much of a calorific difference, and the salt values would be through the roof if I did. Yet I love that mouth burning, nose drooling sensation. I don't consciously know it's good for me, and it probably isn't, but I love it anyway.

the heat of almost all spicy dishes, and every hotsauce i can think of is from capsaicin, the stuff in chili peppers.
you're tricking your body with the taste and sensation of something it knows is good for you.



Yes, endorphins are also part of it, but we also enjoy feeling danger as well in and off itself. It's not just the price we pay for the rush, it's part of the package.
The important thing though is these are all controlled amounts of the sensation. The coffee won't poison us in normal amounts, we (hopefully) can pull the ripcord. We can put as much or little of the sauce as suits our palate, we can stop the video or walk out of the theatre and it will be over soon enough anyway.

"feelings" are inexorably linked to brain chemistry.

[Mikhailangelo]

'As wisdom increaseth so increaseth sorrow'

Some people assume that also works the other way around?

But seriously, yeah, some articulate and no doubt accurate answers here already. I've nothing real to add.

[dgnslyr]

Sean Plott (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2Jt6WkdZ-0) has some wise words on the pleasures of being sad. Specifically, being dumped.

Yeah, indulging in self-pity feels pretty darn good. When I feel sad, I just feel cold and hollow, so I go eat chocolate ice cream. I eat chocolate ice cream when I'm not sad, too, but it's always nicer when you've been having a bad day.

[Liffguard]

People drink decaffeinated coffee.

I don't believe you. Why on earth would anyone do something so foolish?
:smalltongue:

[Ravens_cry]

the heat of almost all spicy dishes, and every hotsauce i can think of is from capsaicin, the stuff in chili peppers.
you're tricking your body with the taste and sensation of something it knows is good for you.

Since humans evolved in the Old World, Africa and Eurasia and chilli peppers in the New World, The Americas, I doubt we could have evolved such a strong response purely on out body figuring "this is good for you.", especially in cases of Eurasian and/or African ancestry.
Despite my WASP heritage, from genetics that has only had barely more than half a millennia of contact with capsicum at most, not nearly long enough for some serious human evolution to occur, I still like that burn.


"feelings" are inexorably linked to brain chemistry.
Did I say it wasn't? But it's not just the endorphin rush that we watch the scary film though, it is also the feeling of fear, panic and loss of control, and whatever chemicals cause/are it, while it happens.

[Brother Oni]

With hot sauce, like rooster sauce, the amounts are probably not enough to really make much of a calorific difference, and the salt values would be through the roof if I did. Yet I love that mouth burning, nose drooling sensation. I don't consciously know it's good for me, and it probably isn't, but I love it anyway.

You mention the answer in the same post. That mouth burning, nose drooling sensation causes damage to the body, which in turn triggers endorphins.
Over time your body associates spicy food with endorphin release, hence why you like eating the stuff - you need your natural opiate fix. :smalltongue:

I remember reading an article where a bloke was addicted to eating stupidly hot spicy curries, to the point where he used to get the shakes and sweats if he didn't eat one for a couple days. That sounds suspiciously like withdrawal symptoms to me, but not to the spice, but to the endorphins.

Note that endorphins are of the same chemical category as opium and its derivative heroin, so they are very addictive.

[Ravens_cry]

So does ALL pain though, that's what those opiates are for.
But I don't go around cutting myself or intentionally twisting my ankle.
I guess it's all about control, the fact that the actual damage is minimal compared to the opiate reaction.
Same with thetear jerker movies, it's a drug, tricking your body into getting a reaction you wont without the problems that arise from actually experiencing the situation it was meant for. I want the rush of adrenalin, another drug, of being in a scary situation, but I don't want to be in an actual scary situation.
I want the body to open it's medicine cabinet of endorphins, but I don't want to get a possibly infected wound or the loss of mobility to a twisted ankle.
From a clinical perspective, I also enjoy the nose clearing properties when I have a stuffy nose, which is just about always.
Yes, I, and other humans, are junkies.

[Weezer]

So does ALL pain though, that's what those opiates are for.
But I don't go around cutting myself or intentionally twisting my ankle.
I guess it's all about control, the fact that the actual damage is minimal compared to the opiate reaction.
Same with thetear jerker movies, it's a drug, tricking your body into getting a reaction you wont without the problems that arise from actually experiencing the situation it was meant for. I want the rush of adrenalin, another drug, of being in a scary situation, but I don't want to be in an actual scary situation.
I want the body to open it's medicine cabinet of endorphins, but I don't want to get a possibly infected wound or the loss of mobility to a twisted ankle.
From a clinical perspective, I also enjoy the nose clearing properties when I have a stuffy nose, which is just about always.
Yes, I, and other humans, are junkies.

The thing is that people do cut themselves intentionally because (and I'm speaking from experience here) it can feel really good, dangerously good in fact. Of course it's incredibly unhealthy both psychologically and physically (for obvious reasons) so I'm in no way encouraging it.

[Ravens_cry]

The thing is that people do cut themselves intentionally because (and I'm speaking from experience here) it can feel really good, dangerously good in fact. Of course it's incredibly unhealthy both psychologically and physically (for obvious reasons) so I'm in no way encouraging it.
People do that for variety of reasons, not just the endorphins rush, but yeah, I'm sticking to hot peppers and wasabi (actually usually horseradish) paste.
I prefer benign forms of masochism.

[Anxe]

Just saw The Descendants which won the Golden Globe for best drama of the year. My sister died in a very similar way, so I was crying at various parts of the movie. I thought back to this thread and some conversations I've had with my dad. He's said that being sad isn't all that great, but to forget she was ever here would be far worse. I agree with that statement. It's not a concrete answer to the question of why we want to feel sad sometimes, but it does provide some insight.

[smellie_hippie]

The additonal (and possibly controversial) reason that some people feel sad (intentionally) is that they WANT someone else to help them feel better.

It's a delicate trap, and by no means do I suggest that people feel sad just for attention. Grieving and loss, emotionally provocative music and theater... these are all very real. But at the same time, "misery loves company".. and sometimes it's just easier to feel sad and have people join you in your funk until you can feel better.

It's also very therapeutic to see how our friends and family "come to our rescue" when they can see that there is something wrong. Sometimes we try and hide it becasue we don't want to burden others with our baggage, but sometimes... we want someone to ask us what is wrong, and we are grateful that they care enough about us to notice...

There, I lobbed it across the plate.

[Vacant]

You know that one guy at the bar who is just too drunk and simultaneously making an utter ass of himself while annoying everyone? That is what happy people are like all the time. The guy in the corner who keeps to himself, doesn't bother anyone, and has intelligent things to say if pressed into conversation? That's what sad people are like. I know which guy I'd rather be, and it's the not the one trying to start a conga line when there isn't even a damn dance floor.

[H Birchgrove]

Hot spice is good for the teeth, mostly because it makes the mouth water and in some cases contain fluoride and/or is anti-bacterial. Also, while it feels hot, it actually cools you down which is good in the tropics.

I don't really want to feel sad, but it's a side effect of wanting to see films about "real" people from time to time. Also, I like the catharsis of seeing the bad guy in crime films getting paid in lead by the hero, but in order to make that work, the film must have shown what evil deeds the villain or villains have done.

[Ravens_cry]

You know that one guy at the bar who is just too drunk and simultaneously making an utter ass of himself while annoying everyone? That is what happy people are like all the time. The guy in the corner who keeps to himself, doesn't bother anyone, and has intelligent things to say if pressed into conversation? That's what sad people are like. I know which guy I'd rather be, and it's the not the one trying to start a conga line when there isn't even a damn dance floor.
I am not sure how to comment on that without sounding mean.
But . . .seriously?:smallannoyed:

[Weezer]

You know that one guy at the bar who is just too drunk and simultaneously making an utter ass of himself while annoying everyone? That is what happy people are like all the time. The guy in the corner who keeps to himself, doesn't bother anyone, and has intelligent things to say if pressed into conversation? That's what sad people are like. I know which guy I'd rather be, and it's the not the one trying to start a conga line when there isn't even a damn dance floor.

I'm with Raven's Cry on this one. I've met loud, obnoxious people who are horrifically depressed and quiet people who are the happiest I've ever met. Your kind of comment feeds into the "extroverts are happy and introverts are depressed and dysfunctional" stereotype that I can't stand. You're making a false dichotomy, the two options aren't either happy and annoying or sad and quiet.

[Vacant]

The bar-person comparisons were allegories, not one-to-one comparisons. Obviously not all happy people are loud, but they're nonetheless as obnoxious as the loud obnoxious person. It's perfectly possible to be quiet and be unbearable to interact with.

I mean, I'm being halfway facetious, but I really have serious ethical reservations about optimism and find particularly cheerful people unpleasant to be around.

[Starwulf]

I am not sure how to comment on that without sounding mean.
But . . .seriously?:smallannoyed:

Yeah...I'm not going to be that nice.

Vacant, you should really refrain from posting comments like that on these forums. That has to be the most asinine, stupid and RUDE thing I've ever read my entire time on these forums, even worse then your view on society vs societal. I got news for ya, I'm a pretty happy person(despite the pretty awful things that have happened to me in my lifetime, such as falling off a 40 foot cliff and breaking my back), and I'll be damned, I'm not some drunken idiot starting a conga line in a bar. I don't drink, nor do I do the conga. You know what you call people like that? I'll give you a hint, you had it right initially: Drunken idiots. Hell, honestly, most of them aren't even idiots, they are just drunk. I'm also fairly intelligent, and I do like to keep myself, but I'm certainly not sad all the time either.

You really need to re-examine your viewpoint, because it is reaaaaallly far off from what is actually the truth, and so abrasive and rude I'm surprised your post hasn't been deleted yet.

[Vacant]

As I said, I didn't mean it was a one-to-one correlation, I just find the chipper, cheery, sunny, and upbeat to be annoying, much as I find The Conga Guy to be. Every time I'm told to "look one the bright side," or "what a great day" it is I cringe. It's like nails on a chalkboard. It's not their fault and they have every right to think it, but I don't see why I should lie and say I love it when people think that it being a nice, sunny Spring day with a slight, pleasant breeze overwrites the fact that baby birds are falling out of their nests and dying while they chirp for a mother who cannot help them. I'm not saying it isn't okay to be happy, just that being around "happy people" has made it clear, at least to me, why some people, including myself, would prefer not to count ourselves amongst the number of "happy people."

[Ravens_cry]

The bar-person comparisons were allegories, not one-to-one comparisons. Obviously not all happy people are loud, but they're nonetheless as obnoxious as the loud obnoxious person. It's perfectly possible to be quiet and be unbearable to interact with.

I mean, I'm being halfway facetious, but I really have serious ethical reservations about optimism and find particularly cheerful people unpleasant to be around.
It's a pretty poor allegory.
You have simultaneously insinuated that happy people are somehow less intelligent than sad people and vise versa.
Yes, when one is in a deep funk, there is a certain annoyance in been around cheerful people, I know this from personal experience.
But whatever you were trying to say, it really comes across as both arrogant and painting people with a rather broad brush, to put it mildly.

[Starwulf]

As I said, I didn't mean it was a one-to-one correlation, I just find the chipper, cheery, sunny, and upbeat to be annoying, much as I find The Conga Guy to be. Every time I'm told to "look one the bright side," or "what a great day" it is I cringe. It's like nails on a chalkboard. It's not their fault and they have every right to think it, but I don't see why I should lie and say I love it when people think that it being a nice, sunny Spring day with a slight, pleasant breeze overwrites the fact that baby birds are falling out of their nests and dying while they chirp for a mother who cannot help them. I'm not saying it isn't okay to be happy, just that being around "happy people" has made it clear, at least to me, why some people, including myself, would prefer not to count ourselves amongst the number of "happy people."

Creatures and people live and die every single second of every single day. To let that stop you from enjoying a beautiful spring day as you put it, is kind of silly. If you're going to let the knowledge that something is dying every single second, stop you from being happy, then you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life, and you'll have no-one to blame but yourself. If you want to acknowledge the deaths, take a moment at the start of every day, or at the end of every day, bow your head, and give a moment of silence for them. But to let such things get in your way of being happy, it's pretty silly.

And Raven_Cry has it perfectly on the head: You insinuated some very nasty things(happy people are stupid, sad people aren't), and painted certain people with a very large brush that doesn't fit the painting.

[Anxe]

Is this argument making you happy or sad?

[Whiffet]

People have already said everything I would say about this, I think. :smallbiggrin: I'm quite glad to see someone reference Aristotle on the subject. You guys never disappoint.