I am an Introvert. [Archive] - Giant in the Playground Forums

Kneenibble

2012-02-01, 05:22 PM

I found this essay (http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts) today quite by chance while researching something else. It's short and sweet, but it resonated so deeply inside me that it hurts. I've never been able to articulate these things to others before which now, having read them, feel like fundamental truths about me. It is incredibly freeing to suddenly find the words to express something previously lodged beneath expression.

10 Myths about Introverts
Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

“You cannot escape us, and to change us would lead to your demise.” <-- I made that up. I'm a screenwriter.

And most importantly, what really caught me was this paragraph:

It can be terribly destructive for an Introvert to deny themselves in order to get along in an Extrovert-Dominant World. Like other minorities, Introverts can end up hating themselves and others because of the differences. If you think you are an Introvert, I recommend you research the topic and seek out other Introverts to compare notes. The burden is not entirely on Introverts to try and become "normal." Extroverts need to recognize and respect us, and we also need to respect ourselves.

Now that I'm a grown independent adult, I can set my own boundaries, but I know that as a teenager and younger man my family (and not to mention the world in general) harassed the **** out of me -- sometimes good-naturedly but sometimes perniciously -- and did not respect my need to be quiet, alone, and not to yak. My so-called "anti-social" tendencies were seen always as problems to be fixed. It hurt me and it caused a lot of pressure to be fake and falsely extroverted to shut them up and fit in, which damage I am still undoing.

I am more than certain that this will resonate with lots of Playgrounders as well. Does this hit anybody as close as it hit me?

Incidentally, has anybody read the books by Dr. Marti Laney that the essay's author mentions?

Coidzor

2012-02-01, 05:26 PM

I thought I was an introvert growing up. Even took several personality inventories for some strange reason that confirmed this. Then psychiatrists told me I was actually an extrovert and administered tests that confirmed this.

Then later they told me I was an introvert again and administered tests that confirmed this.

The words have lost all meaning to me, I must admit.

Mercenary Pen

2012-02-01, 05:34 PM

I never thought I'd say this to you considering the way in which our interests normally clash- but I actually identify with most if not all of this Kneenibble- thanks for setting this out much better than I would have.

Tengu_temp

2012-02-01, 05:37 PM

Nix Nihila

2012-02-01, 05:42 PM

I didn't even know there were such tests. Interesting.

But yes, much of that list resonates well with me. It can be rather offensive when people tell me that I'm antisocial. I certainly enjoy being around people, but I also quite enjoy being alone. It also made me realize that I thought of extroversion as being superior to introversion despite being an introvert myself.

Grinner

2012-02-01, 05:42 PM

I like it.

I thought I was an introvert growing up. Even took several personality inventories for some strange reason that confirmed this. Then psychiatrists told me I was actually an extrovert and administered tests that confirmed this.

Then later they told me I was an introvert again and administered tests that confirmed this.

The words have lost all meaning to me, I must admit.

Don't feel down about it. Clinical psychology is next to useless.

Thufir

2012-02-01, 05:43 PM

I am more than certain that this will resonate with lots of Playgrounders as well. Does this hit anybody as close as it hit me?

Wouldn't say it hit me per se - I never really had a lot of difficulties with people harassing me to try and make me more extroverted. But it definitely resonated.

Orzel

2012-02-01, 05:47 PM

But Introverts are weird. They don't feel the need to inject themselves in everything always at the same time. What is the deal with that?

For an extrovert (well a New York style extrovert anyway), I do understand that some thoughts about introverts arent true. Somewhat.

And yes. I noticed that I injected myself into conversation about introverts when I am not one. I got a problem, man.

Coidzor

2012-02-01, 05:48 PM

Don't feel down about it. Clinical psychology is next to useless.

I don't, I just find the terms to be meaningless to me.

I didn't even know there were such tests. Interesting.

Well, one of the mostly pointless but somewhat popular in the business world back in the 80s was the Myers-Briggs (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator) something-or-other.

Howler Dagger

2012-02-01, 05:50 PM

But Introverts are weird. They don't feel the need to inject themselves in everything always at the same time. What is the deal with that?

I hope this is sarcasm :smallannoyed:.

As an introvert, I have longed for an answer to this question: If talking requires the body to use energy, why do some people find it so hard to stay quite?

Yora

2012-02-01, 05:50 PM

The only actual problem is that people make way too much fuss about it.

Being introverted is not autism or a disorder, and I would say not even rare. Generally I agree with most points from the list.

Someone (I think my father, who's a psychologist) once told me that extroverts have a stronger focus on the social interaction and introverts have more interest in deeper thoughts and emotions. Both their own and those of the people they interact with. I'm not even sure its a bipolar thing, or maybe just a spectrum.

The one thing I really disagree with is that inroverts don't care about politeness. I have no idea who got that idea. Yes, I don't care at all about socializing with people I don't have any relationship to, but lack of manners would make me think even more that the other person couldn't care less for me as an individual. Yes, the whole ritualistic dance of not mentioning these things and complimenting on those things probably doesn't have much meaning for many introverts, but that doesn't mean you can be rude. If you're genuinely interested in something, I think many introverts would be less offended if the subject is somewhat considered "improper" for public conversation. But yes, that also would be an indicator that you have genuine interest and are not just asking "for being polite". Still an unfortunate way to phrase it.

It also made me realize that I thought of extroversion as being superior to introversion despite being an introvert myself.
Without attempting to be offensive to anyone, but I think the logical conclusion would rather be that extroverts are inferior. After all, they do all this socializing only to be popular with others and talk without any substance. Why be popular with people who don't care for you? It's easy to make the connection "All extroverts are attention *****s!"

Coidzor

2012-02-01, 05:51 PM

As an introvert, I have longed for an answer to this question: If talking requires the body to use energy, why do some people find it so hard to stay quite?

Really? :smallconfused: Boredom never sufficed as an overly simplified explanation?

Edit: I just noticed how Myth #10 subtly calls extroverts stupid and uncreative. Always refreshing to see that kind of confrontational assertion in something that's supposedly arguing for something like peace or tolerance or acceptance.

Without attempting to be offensive to anyone, but I think the logical conclusion would rather be that extroverts are inferior. After all, they do all this socializing only to be popular with others and talk without any substance. Why be popular with people who don't care for you? It's easy to make the connection "All extroverts are attention *****s!"

No it's not. Or I'd've done so rather than finding the intelligent, outgoing young women I had the fortune of sharing classes with in highschool to be incredibly attractive on both an intellectual and physical level. :smalltongue:

A Rainy Knight

2012-02-01, 05:57 PM

I am more than certain that this will resonate with lots of Playgrounders as well. Does this hit anybody as close as it hit me?

Yep! I was honestly pretty surprised that I could identify with pretty much everything on that list.

Eakin

2012-02-01, 05:58 PM

I hope this is sarcasm :smallannoyed:.

As an introvert, I have longed for an answer to this question: If talking requires the body to use energy, why do some people find it so hard to stay quite?

The physical act of talking doesn't take much energy. However, for many people making a conscious effort to analyze what they're about to say and deciding whether it's appropriate and constructive to put out there DOES take energy, or more accurately concentration.

Introverts are more thoughtful, not because they somehow have higher quality thoughts to draw on but because they make sure that only their best comments get out at all. Quality vs. Quantity

Coidzor

2012-02-01, 06:00 PM

Eakin

2012-02-01, 06:09 PM

Indeed, isn't that one of the most common delineations between extroverts and introverts? For introverts they can do all of those things, but it's marginally to much more taxing for them to do so for long periods of time without recharging, whereas extroverts recharge their mental fortitude and energy by being around others and/or require less time on their own to recharge before being ready to go back into the fray?

:smallconfused:

I've heard that as well. As an introvert myself, it's always made me imagine extroverts to some kind of creepy social vampire... thing.

I've also just felt that extroverts are just less comfortable being alone with their own thoughts for an extended period of time. I can go for DAYS without talking to anybody and still be OK, but I know people who can only be alone for an hour or so before they go stir crazy (or so they report. I'm rarely with other people while they're alone :smallamused:)

EDIT: Also, it's possible to be TOO introverted, or pathologically shy. Being introverted isn't harmful, but if you can't have a 30 minute one-on-one conversation without freaking out that's a whole other thing that's worth addressing

Orzel

2012-02-01, 06:16 PM

I hope this is sarcasm :smallannoyed:.

As an introvert, I have longed for an answer to this question: If talking requires the body to use energy, why do some people find it so hard to stay quite?

Yes, it is.

Answer. Who says the energy is stable enough to control?

For an extrovert like me, the act of doing noting when a social interaction is available takes more energy than the social interaction itself. You may be reading a book. Now I want to know about the book and why it grips your attention so. Now I have to fight the urge to know the tittle your awesome book, why it is so awesome, why do you think it is awesome, and why I should be reading it. And each answer, each word, each second of gaze... fuels my very life force.

Riverdance

2012-02-01, 06:24 PM

Eldariel

2012-02-01, 06:35 PM

I'm not even sure introvert vs. extrovert is any kind of a constant. I know I've juggled on both sides of the boundary over the various phases of my life, strongly exhibiting varying traits for short periods of time. Maybe my personality is in a constant flux or maybe it's just not a static state.

THAC0

2012-02-01, 08:37 PM

Interesting experience. A friend and I hiked the Grand Canyon over six days. Both of us are quite introverted. When passing someone on the trail, we're inclined to the "wave, say hi, keep going" idea. Most other people? Wanted to sit down and share their life stories since they'd gone a few hours without seeing another person. Meanwhile the both of us (accustomed to backpacking in Alaska where you could reasonably go a whole trip without seeing anyone) are thinking "Oh my gosh just hush and enjoy the trip!"

Mauve Shirt

2012-02-01, 08:41 PM

I'm an introvert. I've always been kind of quiet, and it's only a problem now that I'm working full time. I don't want to say anything unless I have something useful (or funny) to say, so people assume I'm not learning, and I'm not "networking". I am shy. I do enjoy social interactions, but I'm pretty picky about who I interact with. I'm trying to fix that, as now all but one of the people I genuinely want to interact with are too far away, because though I'm shy and introverted I really do enjoy hanging out with people I enjoy hanging out with, and I like having more of those I'm just not fond of finding them. Drinking makes this so much easier.
I can seem kind of rude because I often only say what I think is necessary.

Savannah

2012-02-01, 08:44 PM

Lord Raziere

2012-02-01, 08:54 PM

Yea, I don't think I have an extroverted bone in my body. pure introvert. accept no substitutes.

I am proud of what I am. Extroverts have their value and I have mine. Everyone is valuable, in a different way and its because of said differences that value exists. There is no value if everyone is the same.

Hattish Thing

2012-02-01, 08:57 PM

I am an extrovert. I am rather bombastic...slightly annoying occasionally. I am friends with many introverts however. Which is always interesting for me. :smallsmile:

Cikomyr

2012-02-01, 08:59 PM

Oh well, I think this is what I am.

Interesting. So is Sheldon an Introvert^9001?

DeadManSleeping

2012-02-01, 09:02 PM

I like being in the middle. Extroverts don't find me too weird and introverts don't find me too bothersome.

They can dislike me for me, y'know? :smalltongue:

wxdruid

2012-02-01, 09:02 PM

I'm definitely an introvert and I can agree with most of that list. I will even try to avoid things I don't like (like concerts, parades, large crowds, etc) The one exception is GenCon of course, because it's filled with people like me. :smalltongue:

I even shared that list with a coworker and he definitely agreed that I fit most of that list.

On the other hand, catlover is somewhere in the middle, she's willing to talk to new people and get into social situations that I would rather stay out of. I even make her do the talking at the store.

Mauve Shirt

2012-02-01, 09:14 PM

Of course, a common joke in my workplace is "How do you know someone working in X office is an extrovert? It's the one looking at the OTHER person's shoes."

Moff Chumley

2012-02-01, 09:16 PM

I talked my shrink into letting me take a Meyers-Briggs, and apparently I'm mildly extroverted. Which means I'm a goddam party animal compared to most of the people I associate with.

Of course, jury's out on whether Meyers-Briggs or the 3.5e alignment system have more practical value, so that proves absolutely nothing. :smalltongue:

Whiffet

2012-02-01, 09:52 PM

Haruki-kun

2012-02-01, 09:53 PM

Oh well, I think this is what I am.

Interesting. So is Sheldon an Introvert^9001?

Sheldon Cooper? He's an exaggeration of several different psychological/psychiatric conditions* for comedic purposes. He probably has at least 5 different conditions aside from being introverted.

EDIT: *I'm not sure if I should refer to that sort of thing as a condition, a trait, a quality...

Artemis97

2012-02-01, 10:45 PM

As part of a program I was a part of over the summer, I took part in a Meyers-Briggs seminar, just to see where I'd end up, though I already had a decent idea. My mother, who took a lot of psychology courses and such in college, has always wanted me to take one as well. To her I was always a little too quiet. Asking me why don't I go out on a Friday night and such. I knew I was an introvert, while my mother's quite the extrovert. It took getting it writing for her to accept that.

As a part of the seminar they explained there was nothing wrong with being an introvert or an extrovert or somewhere in between. It's just your personality type. They told us that extroverts draw energy from social interaction, it pumps them up, while introverts are drained by it, and need to be by themselves for a while to recharge. Being an introvert has nothing to do with how much you enjoy socializing, and doesn't necessarily make you shy, either.

Accordion Twome

2012-02-01, 11:01 PM

I'm an introvert too.
Or at lest i think I am.
I live in an extroverted family so I am probably less introverted then some.

one think introverted about me is that I think about what I post thoroughly.And don't post excess stuff that often,like just now i could have wrote another line or so about how I have I bit of trouble posting my opinion but I didn't because I'm an introvert and done want to trouble you with my petty problems.

Anyway, I do find some stuff on the list to relate to me and enjoyed reading it.

thubby

2012-02-01, 11:05 PM

this is a dnd webcomic based forum.
if the internet wasn't a nest of introverts enough, this has to concentrate it to near toxic levels.

yes, im an introvert too. it was a family therapist (dont ask) that noticed this. my parents almost put me on anti depressant medication :smallannoyed:.

my friends and family are good about it for the most part. it's cooworkers and classmates that are annoying.

Coidzor

2012-02-01, 11:25 PM

How many people do you think would be interested in temporarily seeing how the other half lives?

Moonshadow

2012-02-01, 11:29 PM

How many people do you think would be interested in temporarily seeing how the other half lives?

Well, it depends. Would you be watching from the sides, or would you actually be that person, or what? I don't think I could handle being an extrovert to be honest, I just don't have the mindset to deal with it.

Coidzor

2012-02-01, 11:32 PM

Well, it depends. Would you be watching from the sides, or would you actually be that person, or what?

Well, that depends upon your personal stance on the metaphysics of neuroplasticity, I think.

Savannah

2012-02-01, 11:35 PM

How many people do you think would be interested in temporarily seeing how the other half lives?

Aw, hell no, I've seen it from the outside and I don't even want to try to experience that!

Weezer

2012-02-01, 11:37 PM

I'm definitely an introvert, and thankfully I've gathered a small group of close friends who, despite not really being introverts, understand when I say on a friday night "I just need to be anti-social tonight" that they'll probably hear from me the next day, or perhaps not until the end of the weekend. They've gotten used to the fact that I will occasionally drop off the face of the earth for upwards of a week. I suppose my inconsistent presence is one of the reason I have so few friends. Oh well.

Well, that depends upon your personal stance on the metaphysics of neuroplasticity, I think.

Details please? And I would be more interested to see people's reactions if they were plopped down in my head. Now that would be truly fascinating.

Whiffet

2012-02-01, 11:45 PM

How many people do you think would be interested in temporarily seeing how the other half lives?

Well, I'm curious to know what it's like to be energized instead of drained by social interaction, but this possibility of finding out sounds frightening and potentially harmful to my sanity.

Eldariel

2012-02-01, 11:52 PM

Or since introvert/extrovert is a continuum, not a binary choice, you're probably just somewhere near the middle.

Plausible. But I do argue my alignment in that regard has changed drastically over long periods of time. Then again, I don't think the argument that one's tendencies in this regard were static is even included in the theory so I suppose my post is largely pointless.

Savannah

2012-02-01, 11:54 PM

Oh, sure, you can certainly slide around on the continuum, too. I think I was trying to say that you probably average near the middle.

Coidzor

2012-02-02, 12:09 AM

Details please? And I would be more interested to see people's reactions if they were plopped down in my head. Now that would be truly fascinating.

I dunno, imagine a drug that temporarily switched the switch so to speak and nothing else with little to no side effects? I think that'd fall under neuroplasticity.

Aw, hell no, I've seen it from the outside and I don't even want to try to experience that!

Must... Stifle... Dirty... Joke.... :smalltongue:

Zjoot

2012-02-02, 12:19 AM

Uhh..I don't really want to read through the whole thread at this point, but I found the same article posted on Owl City's blog and it spoke to me so loudly. Like everything I read from Mr. Young, I drank the words right off the screen. So thanks for posting this, Kneenibble. You just made an excellent day even better fo me.

TurtleKing

2012-02-02, 12:59 AM

I used to be an Extrovert...tilll my mind went crack. Don't worry they only ban me from that school and I almost.... Nevermind. I did put myself back together though no longer an Extrovert. Been Introvert ever since with a wonderful Extrovert facade to use in public. And about co-workers who are Extrovert not respecting me needing to be alone...well I didn't kill them only left the ARMY with a Honorable Discharge for also having Asperger's.

How does Introvertness and Autism Spectrum Disorders interact with each other?

Flame of Anor

2012-02-02, 02:41 AM

Kneenibble, thou most excellent rascal! Yet wherefore hast renounced thy bold avian blazon in favor of the current equine device?

Fri

2012-02-02, 06:20 AM

Old essay is old. Doesn't mean it's not true, though.

The society is prejudiced against introverts, especially introverted women - because introvert traits might make a man appear cool, distant and tough, but a woman exhibiting them will just be seen as weird by most people. More and more subjects in schools are taught in ways that makes it easier for extroverts and harder for introverts to learn them. Many employers are looking at extrovert personality traits as positive and introvert personality traits as negative.

On the other side. You know what introverts have? People who think that because they're silent and don't like to talk they're deep and smart and misunderstood where they're actually just boring and really don't have enough knowledge of anything to talk about.

Anyway, the bit about employers looking for extroverted personality makes me remember about that one time, when someone leaked the answers for walmart's personality test, basically walmart have something they thought as the 'right' answers for the personality test.

People in forums that I read went bat**** and angry at walmart and basically fling poo all around, saying that they're going to spread these answers to as many people as possible, because this is catering to a certain type of 'sheeple' people and that's bad, and making people with non-conformist mind out of job and everything.

I just scratched my head while reading that forum thread. Aren't certain jobs have certain type of personality they're looking for? I mean, if you're looking for people greeter in walmart, obviously you're not looking for introverted, creative people who's easily bored with routine and everything. Just as how you need to be creative to be an artist, and so on.

thubby

2012-02-02, 06:30 AM

I just scratched my head while reading that forum thread. Aren't certain jobs have certain type of personality they're looking for? I mean, if you're looking for people greeter in walmart, obviously you're not looking for smart, creative people who's easily bored with routine and everything. Just as how you need to be creative to be an artist, and so on.

you're assuming such personalities make them better at the job, which is false.

it's on par with an assessment based on race or sexuality.

SweetLikeLemons

2012-02-02, 06:52 AM

I haven't read the book mentioned, but I did hear an interview with another author on the subject just a couple days ago. Very interesting: http://www.npr.org/2012/01/30/145930229/quiet-please-unleashing-the-power-of-introverts

I do find the ten things article to be a little judging of extroverts, but I suspect that is a somewhat intentional pushback against the perceived bias against introverts. To my mind, both mindsets offer advantages and disadvantages, and I dislike the insinuation that extroverts think less. It may be more collaborative, thinking out loud and bouncing half formed ideas of one another to see what sticks, for example, but good things can come of that. Science has not been done only by the Isaac Newtons of the world.

Don't feel down about it. Clinical psychology is next to useless.
Clinical psychology is VERY useful for some people. Pop psychology as applied by HR offices, perhaps less so.

Of course, jury's out on whether Meyers-Briggs or the 3.5e alignment system have more practical value, so that proves absolutely nothing. :smalltongue:
This made me do a small happy dance. Thank you.

You may be reading a book. Now I want to know about the book and why it grips your attention so. Now I have to fight the urge to know the tittle your awesome book, why it is so awesome, why do you think it is awesome, and why I should be reading it. And each answer, each word, each second of gaze... fuels my very life force.

:smalleek: Have you sat next to me on an airplane before? Depending on the trip (or more on the book) we either had a wonderful conversation and annoyed those sitting near us, or I seethed with resentment for the entire trip. :smallwink:

Sheldon Cooper? He's an exaggeration of several different psychological/psychiatric conditions* for comedic purposes. He probably has at least 5 different conditions aside from being introverted.

EDIT: *I'm not sure if I should refer to that sort of thing as a condition, a trait, a quality...

But he's not crazy. His mother had him tested. :smalltongue:

Orzel

2012-02-02, 06:53 AM

Fri

2012-02-02, 06:54 AM

Hm really? I always thought that certain type of job do work better with certain type of personality.

I mean, I know I'm not cut and won't like working as a people greeter in walmart. I imagine that people who use the cheatsheet will soon find the job boring and stifling, though sure, it will still pay the rent. And other things like, won't introverted people who hate talking to people won't do a good job being an on-the-street journalist and such.

Being a web admin or a book translator, sure, your personality doesn't matter that much. But won't being a talkshow host need you to be able to craft conversation on the run and such?

SweetLikeLemons

2012-02-02, 07:06 AM

One thing I don't get...
is that the internet is full of introverts.
Should it be an extrovert paradise?
Forum topics filled to the brim until mods and admin close them.

Millions of people!
Thousand of stories about what animal chased them or their more painful injury or their memories of their favorite juices and foods.

On the internet, you can carefully compose what you want to say, edit and re-edit it, and then put it out there without someone interrupting or talking over you. You can also selectively participate in discussions that interest you, for only as long as they interest you. Very different than, say, making small talk at a party.

Yora

2012-02-02, 07:09 AM

One thing I don't get...
is that the internet is full of introverts.
Should it be an extrovert paradise?
Forum topics filled to the brim until mods and admin close them.

Millions of people!
Thousand of stories about what animal chased them or their more painful injury or their memories of their favorite juices and foods.
But you get to read only the stuff that interests you and reply to things you have a strong oppinion on. If you just don't care, you can ignore it without anyone expecting you to show any reaction just for reactions sake.

Orzel

2012-02-02, 07:27 AM

On the internet, you can carefully compose what you want to say, edit and re-edit it, and then put it out there without someone interrupting or talking over you. You can also selectively participate in discussions that interest you, for only as long as they interest you. Very different than, say, making small talk at a party.

But you get to read only the stuff that interests you and reply to things you have a strong oppinion on. If you just don't care, you can ignore it without anyone expecting you to show any reaction just for reactions sake.

Yes. I know that the internet is probably... well it is.. agreat medium for introvert as they can pick and choose here they get involved in and choose how and how long they will be involved.

But shouldn't the thought of a person who is constantly on their computer or smartphone not automatically default to an introvert? This is part of the problem. It is just as easy trot me to talk to strangers (between my last two posts in this topic: 3) as it is to rapidly reply to 4 or 5 forum topics. When I see someone sitting there on the laptop, why should I assume they want to be alone?

Castaras

2012-02-02, 07:31 AM

I found a better word for me than Introvert.

I'm a Webtrovert. Which is basically an Introvert IRL but as soon as I get on the internets it's extrovert time. :smalltongue:

KenderWizard

2012-02-02, 07:34 AM

Of course, a common joke in my workplace is "How do you know someone working in X office is an extrovert? It's the one looking at the OTHER person's shoes."

When I changed to Geology, my Geology professor told me that joke about Theoretical Physicists, which was where I came from. I laughed! :smallsmile:

I am a fluctuating/combination personality, in a long term relationship with a classic introvert. I hate talking to people in shops, I get exhausted very quickly in most crowds and I'm frankly terrified of my own peer group, so I always come across as aloof and they leave me alone. On the other hand, I automatically make friends with people I bump in to in the bank / on the train / in the shops I frequent, I enjoy public speaking, and when I do enjoy a party or gathering, I'm on fire. In a good way.

My partner is classic, though. He never talks unless he has something important to say. We argue over who has to talk to the person in the shop (it's usually me, which is fair enough, I suppose!).

One of my friends is a complete extrovert, and she's convinced that "shy" people are just being rude. So that's awkward, because she thinks he's ignoring her conversation because he hates her and is being rude, and he thinks she's a crazy person who never stops talking for long enough for him to get a word in, even if he had anything to say to her.

Gullintanni

2012-02-02, 07:45 AM

I found a better word for me than Introvert.

I'm a Webtrovert. Which is basically an Introvert IRL but as soon as I get on the internets it's extrovert time. :smalltongue:

:smalltongue:

I think that's probably more attributed to the fact that introverts (myself included) tend to have niche interests, and once hooked, as the essay states, an introvert can go on and on forever.

Introverts just need something specific to grab their attention.

Murska

2012-02-02, 07:54 AM

Hm. I know I'm introverted and I was already aware of pretty much every point on that list. It's made my life somewhat lonely at times, since I also tend to avoid social interaction as I feel more relaxed alone, and I find it difficult to form strong friendships as I'm annoyed if people force themselves into my me-time, which I need a lot of, and they're annoyed as they feel I don't want to be a friend since I don't want to be with them. Basically I want people to be there when I need to talk, and then be gone when I don't, and despite my attempts at compromizing most of the time it won't work out that way.

Regardless, I can't imagine being any different. I deal with life in my own way, and will continue to do so.

aberratio ictus

2012-02-02, 07:55 AM

Just one thing - don't try to be a screenwriter. Alternatively, if you really want to, try harder. That was quite bad and cliché.

thubby

2012-02-02, 08:04 AM

I mean, I know I'm not cut and won't like working as a people greeter in walmart. I imagine that people who use the cheatsheet will soon find the job boring and stifling, though sure, it will still pay the rent. And other things like, won't introverted people who hate talking to people won't do a good job being an on-the-street journalist and such.

this is the problem right here.

being "good with people" is fundamentally a skill. almost everyone likes music, doesn't make them good at playing. similarly, extroverts aren't necessarily good with people.

I'm having trouble coming up with an example of the opposite besides myself, and i don't expect you to just accept that. but i hope you realize there are people who are good at things they dont like doing.

besides which, formal interaction (such as with a customer) is far simpler than actually dealing with people. the fact that we're replacing cashiers and the like with machines proves that much.
___________
as to the internet for introverts thing.
it's not. at least, not anymore. youtube, facebook, myspace, all the big names are very extroverted affairs.
the forums and hobby based stuff is because it's exactly what introverts want. our subjects, at our speed, with people we can acknowledge or ignore as we please. there's no more obligation for me to even write this much.

Kobold-Bard

2012-02-02, 08:50 AM

I spent years convinced I was introverted. But I was completely wrong, turns out I'm an extrovert with a great deal of social phobic personality...whatevers.

I envy introverts, I would love to be happy in my own company. I crave being involved in other people's lives but I'm too afraid of embarrassment/rejection to be able to make myself do it. I apologise for any harm I may have done to people's perceptions of introverts durin my time masquerading as one.

H Birchgrove

2012-02-02, 09:32 AM

I strongly believe I'm an introvert. Always enjoyed either playing with LEGO/video games, drawing, watching cartoons, building model aeroplanes, and/or reading books and comic books, etc for myself.

I dislike parties with loud music, discos, going to bars "just" for drinking and socializing, etc, but I like to have friends, both IRL and over at the Interwebs. I like eating out with friends though.

Tangent:
I don't agree that drinking makes it easier for me to socialize. I generally like talking with sober people as long as I'm not too tired, but even somewhat tipsy people make me a bit nervous. I realize that people enjoy the influence of alcohol. I appreciate that for several persons, alcoholic beverages simply taste good, and I don't mind that reason. That's not more odd than the fact that I like soft drinks. Heck, one or two glasses of red wine a day is more healthy than drinking a can of coke a day.

However, I still don't get why people want to alter their personalities, kill brain and liver cells, and partially lose their balance, even if it makes it easier to talk. Because what is the point in talking when you talk in platitudes, if not gibberish? As for romance and sex, intoxicated persons are a big buzzkill, because I don't know if (usually a) she can consent to sex.

I'm also tired of people who want me to start drinking. Well, I've tried beer and flavoured 4% vodka (is it really still vodka when it's flavoured?), I'm done with it. I may still try wine at some point but never try to get me drunk, or bad things will happen. :smallannoyed:

Yes, it is.

Answer. Who says the energy is stable enough to control?

For an extrovert like me, the act of doing noting when a social interaction is available takes more energy than the social interaction itself. You may be reading a book. Now I want to know about the book and why it grips your attention so. Now I have to fight the urge to know the tittle your awesome book, why it is so awesome, why do you think it is awesome, and why I should be reading it. And each answer, each word, each second of gaze... fuels my very life force.

Good gods, if I read a novel or a comic book or whatever, and you asked me about it, I would bombard you with information about it, its genre, its media, its author/s, its significance, and so on. For example, if I read a graphic novel with Doc Savage or The Shadow, and you asked me about it, I would soon lecture you about the history of pulp magazines in general and hero pulps especially.

I'm not sure if I should add this smiley :smallbiggrin: or this one :smalleek: .

Faulty

2012-02-02, 10:22 AM

Hey Nibbles. <3

My grandmother and I once had a conversation on the subject, and she described the pair of us as being "pseudo-extroverts", which I think is a good term. We get chatty about subjects we like or in small groups, and can be very friendly, but like our alone time a lot. I think the introvert/extrovert dichotomy is simplistic, and all dichotomies have an unequal power structure innate to them, with extrovert holding the power, so in a way I don't like to describe myself as an introvert though. I think first you have to realize that introversion isn't bad, and that being who you are is healthy. Then when you realize the silliness of the introvert/extrovert dichotomy, you have the ability to break out of that and just be who you are, how you are.

Orzel

2012-02-02, 10:34 AM

So I did the search and found 10 Myth about Extroverts
I read it and now have cut and slashed it up and replaced the answers with my own words.

Myth #1 - Extroverts like to talk and can't be silent.

It is more that we hate unnecessary silence and awkward inevitable encounters than us liking to talk. Awkward Silence forces us to go into our minds. Alone. This is what is draining to us. This is why we break the ice. The ice drains our heat.

Also there is a such thing as a listening extrovert. Some of us prefer to hear others talk rather than talk ourselves.

Myth #2 - Extroverts need to be the center of attention.

No. No. Some of us hate the limelight. The point of being extroverted is to be there in the situation but that necessarily don't mean we want all the attention.

Many like to be the Second in Command of the attention, swaying the encounter but not leading it. Other are Lancers who feel the need to inject themselves without pulling all the attention, often acting as the voice of reason/emotion/gloom/optimism/etc. And others love being the hype man, the one who pushes the attention onto others.

Myth #3 - Extroverts enjoy public speaking.

Groups have different sizes and extroverts have different comfort levels. As with Myth #2, not every extrovert likes to be the general of attention. Then there is Myth #8.

Myth #4 - Extroverts love meeting people.

See Myth #1. Meeting people can be as stressful and scary to an extrovert as anyone else. The only difference is that we have to do it. Also Myth #8

Myth #5 - Extroverts don't want to be alone.

Just because we get energy from social interaction and despise awkward silence, doesn't mean we always need to be up in someone's face. We do need to wind down when our batteries are charged.

Myth #6 - Extroverts have a lot of energy.

If that were true, why are we always trying to leech energy off of others. If anything, we have low energy and like to put ourselves in a constant drain and spend cycle via social groups.

Myth #7 - Extroverts don't need time to recharge.

Untue. We have to recharge every once and a while. We do get overwhelmed at times. So we do often self empty and self recharge. Social interaction is taxing to anyone involved. We just have a faster self recharge time. Our problem is that our batteries suck. It can't hold and charge for long.

Myth #8 - Extroverts are not shy.

Just because you need something doesn't mean you are good at it nor even like doing. Almost everyone likes music but everyone isn't a musician and some hate playing certain instrument.

Starting conversations is stressful, tiring, and scary. Some people handle it better than others.

I actually am a shy extrovert. New people are scary. Rejection still hurts. But I have to do it. Silence SUCKS. It is like a lion hunting a water buffalo knowing it could be trampled

Myth #9 - Extroverts don't have close friends, but a lot of acquaintances.

Extroverts can choose how much energy and investment each person they know get. Even though they like being in large groups, not everyone gets the same amount of treatment.

Myth #10 - Extroverts like everything.

Extroverts have likes and dislikes. An extrovert can pick and choose which social interaction we want to be in. The problem is that we don't necessarily want to end the encounter.

Kobold-Bard

2012-02-02, 10:39 AM

So I did the search and found 10 Myth about Extroverts
I read it and now have cut and slashed it up and replaced the answers with my own words.

Myth #1 - Extroverts like to talk and can't be silent.

It is more that we hate unnecessary silence and awkward inevitable encounters than us liking to talk. Awkward Silence forces us to go into our minds. Alone. This is what is draining to us. This is why we break the ice. The ice drains our heat.

Also there is a such think as a listening extrovert. Some of us prefer to hear others talk rather than talk ourselves.

Myth #2 - Extroverts need to be the center of attention.

No. . No. Some of us hate the limelight. The point of being extroverted is to be there in the situation but that necessarily don't mean we want all the attention.

Many like to be the Second in Command of the attention, swaying the encounter but not leading it. Other are Lancers who feel the need to inject themselves without pulling all the attention, often acting as the voice of reason/emotion/gloom/optimism/etc. And others love being the hype man, the one who pushes the attention onto others.

Myth #3 - Extroverts enjoy public speaking.

Groups have different sizes and extroverts have different comfort levels. As with Myth #2, not every extrovert likes to be the general of attention. Then there is Myth #8.

Myth #4 - Extroverts love meeting people.

See Myth #1. Meeting people can be as stressful and scary to an extrovert as anyone else. The only difference is that we have to do it. Also Myth #8

Myth #5 - Extroverts don't want to be alone.

Just because we get energy from social interaction and despise awkward silence, doesn't mean we always need to be up in someone's face. We do need to wind down when our batteries are charged.

Myth #6 - Extroverts have a lot of energy.

If they were true, why are we always trying to leech energy off of others. If anything, we have low energy and like to put ourselves in a constant drain and spend cycle via social groups.

Myth #7 - Extroverts don't need time to recharge.

Untue. We have to recharge every once and a while. We do get overwhelmed at times. So we do often self empty and self recharge. Social interaction is taxing to anyone involved. We just have a faster self recharge time. Our problem is that our batteries suck. It can't hold and charge for long.

Myth #8 - Extroverts are not shy.

Just because you need something doesn't mean you are good at it nor even like doing. Almost everyone likes music but everyone isn't a musician and some hate playing certain instrument.

Starting conversations is stressful, tiring, and scary. Some people handle it better than others.

I actually am a shy extrovert. New people are scary. Rejection still hurts. But I have to do it. Silence SUCKS. It is like a lion hunting a water buffalo knowing it could be trampled

Myth #9 - Extroverts don't have close friends, but a lot of acquaintances.

Extroverts can choose how much energy and investment each person they know get. Even though they like being in large groups, not everyone gets the same amount of treatment.

Myth #10 - Extroverts like everything.

Extroverts have likes and dislikes. An extrovert can pick and choose which social interaction we want o be in. The problem is that we don't necessarily want to end the encounter.

Maybe it's just me, but you made extroverts sound not unlike drug addicts there.

Whiffet

2012-02-02, 11:03 AM

Good gods, if I read a novel or a comic book or whatever, and you asked me about it, I would bombard you with information about it, its genre, its media, its author/s, its significance, and so on. For example, if I read a graphic novel with Doc Savage or The Shadow, and you asked me about it, I would soon lecture you about the history of pulp magazines in general and hero pulps especially.

I'm not sure if I should add this smiley :smallbiggrin: or this one :smalleek: .

I'm tempted to ask you about that just to see how large the wall of text would be. :smallwink:

Yeah, definitely normal for introverts. Heh, between semesters my family got together at a restaurant and I was just completely silent until someone brought up how in around a year The Hobbit would come out in theaters which got me started. I got weird looks from everyone. :smallbiggrin: Hey, c'mon, guys, you know me, you should know I just don't have anything to contribute when you're talking about the cousin of the friend of the daughter of your friend I've never met.

Mando Knight

2012-02-02, 11:17 AM

The society is prejudiced against introverts, especially introverted women - because introvert traits might make a man appear cool, distant and tough, but a woman exhibiting them will just be seen as weird by most people.
It depends on how the trait is expressed. Sure, she might come off as standoffish, but she could also have that moe (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Moe) or hot-librarian (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HotLibrarian) factor. Adorableness, like introversion/extroversion, has many facets.

Karoht

2012-02-02, 11:24 AM

Kobold-Bard

2012-02-02, 11:47 AM

Karoht

2012-02-02, 12:16 PM

I think both put the same amount of thought behind their words. The difference is that an introvert will decide whether it's worth saying overall, and won't if it isn't. Whereas an extrovert will say it anyway, since every addition helps build the conversation further.

Or I could be completely wrong. In which case.....meh.The bolded part sounds like additional consideration, but upon thinking about it, it isn't really much more consideration.

I guess what I mean is, I've yet to meet an introvert who regularly and consistantly blurts something out without thinking it through. I've met extroverts who just run at the mouth, constantly. Anecdotal evidence and all that.

Orzel

2012-02-02, 12:42 PM

This might be just me, but it seems as though introverts tend to be people who think about what they are going to say before they say it. I'm not saying extroverts run at the mouth but perhaps put less thought into it?

Generalization is general, naturally. Just wondering if there is any others with a similar observation.

I find that it is not that introverts take more time to think, it is that they have more time to think because if they aren't interested heavily in the topic, they wont talk. Extroverts tend to stay engaged in the conversation and edit after speaking.

"...Um... I dont listen to them but I like that one song... heh."

VS

"No. No. I don't like them. Well I used to. I like some of their album. But everything...."

Maybe it's just me, but you made extroverts sound not unlike drug addicts there.

I find that anytime people talk about social energy and introverts/extroverts, the extroverts end up looking like vampires or addicts and the introverts come off as helpless prey rather than having different liking and tolerance to a natural social process.

Tyndmyr

2012-02-02, 01:17 PM

On the other side. You know what introverts have? People who think that because they're silent and don't like to talk they're deep and smart and misunderstood where they're actually just boring and really don't have enough knowledge of anything to talk about.

Anyway, the bit about employers looking for extroverted personality makes me remember about that one time, when someone leaked the answers for walmart's personality test, basically walmart have something they thought as the 'right' answers for the personality test.

People in forums that I read went bat**** and angry at walmart and basically fling poo all around, saying that they're going to spread these answers to as many people as possible, because this is catering to a certain type of 'sheeple' people and that's bad, and making people with non-conformist mind out of job and everything.

I just scratched my head while reading that forum thread. Aren't certain jobs have certain type of personality they're looking for? I mean, if you're looking for people greeter in walmart, obviously you're not looking for introverted, creative people who's easily bored with routine and everything. Just as how you need to be creative to be an artist, and so on.

This. Kinda thinking this the entire time.

Being an introvert is not superior to being an extrovert, which the article kind of implied. In fact, being too far to either extreme is likely to be more of a problem than anything else.

A better solution is to identify the strengths of both, and work on the areas that you find more challenging.

Also, meyers-brigs thinks I'm INTP, for whatever that matters.

you're assuming such personalities make them better at the job, which is false.

it's on par with an assessment based on race or sexuality.

Personality is mutable, and most definitely does affect job performance. I don't know why you'd think otherwise.

I would be more likely to criticize such a test for being shallow, easy to dupe, or having other more procedural flaws than I am for it having right answers. Of COURSE they had right answers for it. Otherwise, why bother administering it? It's not that the idea of the test is bad, it's more that psychology as used for corporate reasons is often simplified to the point of error.

I have no difficulty in believing that personality type matters a great deal in terms of fitness for a job. I work with programmers. The amount of extroverts here is...none, I can safely say. You *can* be good at things you dislike, but it seems fairly unlikely in practice.

Kneenibble

2012-02-02, 01:52 PM

Kneenibble, thou most excellent rascal! Yet wherefore hast renounced thy bold avian blazon in favor of the current equine device?

Lo! Hail to thee, my rogue, my Flame d'Anor,
I wish thee health; I wish thee weather fair;
I wish thee wealth, and bounty in thy store,
And lovers lithe of limb and long of hair.
As for myself: yes, I have swapped my seal.
Though prone to parrot purple poets' words
And preen in purpler feathers and high heels,
I've left my soft gay flock and joined a herd.
The rainbow comes full circle: here I am,
Who pranced and played with ponies as a child.
Though shorn of wings, I've not foresworn my iambs!
My pen's not blunt! My wits have not gone mild!
A verse may soar with wings as fleet as feet;
To dance a verse with hooves is just as meet.

Hey Nibbles. <3

My grandmother and I once had a conversation on the subject, and she described the pair of us as being "pseudo-extroverts", which I think is a good term. We get chatty about subjects we like or in small groups, and can be very friendly, but like our alone time a lot. I think the introvert/extrovert dichotomy is simplistic, and all dichotomies have an unequal power structure innate to them, with extrovert holding the power, so in a way I don't like to describe myself as an introvert though. I think first you have to realize that introversion isn't bad, and that being who you are is healthy. Then when you realize the silliness of the introvert/extrovert dichotomy, you have the ability to break out of that and just be who you are, how you are.

Hello & yes for sure, points well taken, mi mica.

To clarify myself: I'm not trying to use the article as misanthropy or as self-aggrandizement. & I'm certainly not trying to nourish LORD DUALITY. To meet me in person you will notice that I am loud, gregarious, goofy, and confident... for a while. I still want to kill myself in crowded places and have to be alone in a quiet place for at least few hours each day to feel sane. I still almost went firebug liptwiddling crazy when I had a job that required constant public interaction last year. And that's okay. The insight from this article is not self-limiting: the opposite, in fact.

So I did the search and found 10 Myth about Extroverts
I read it and now have cut and slashed it up and replaced the answers with my own words.

You're hilarious.

All the same, if you find me reading in public, stay the **** away. :smalltongue:

Mewtarthio

2012-02-02, 06:23 PM

I find that anytime people talk about social energy and introverts/extroverts, the extroverts end up looking like vampires or addicts and the introverts come off as helpless prey rather than having different liking and tolerance to a natural social process.

Which is ironic, since most vampires tend to be introverts.

Also, meyers-brigs thinks I'm INTP, for whatever that matters.

I'm fairly certain it means that you score INTP on the Meyers-Briggs test, and not much else.

I have no difficulty in believing that personality type matters a great deal in terms of fitness for a job. I work with programmers. The amount of extroverts here is...none, I can safely say. You *can* be good at things you dislike, but it seems fairly unlikely in practice.

But you have to agree it'd be silly to hire a programmer based on how introverted the candidates were. You judge them on their skills. Now, the skills someone chooses to develop are based on their personalities, but you should really only care about the end result*. Likewise with the Wal-Mart greeters: What does it matter how much they enjoy interacting with people, so long as they do an adequate job of greeting customers?

And, yes, I am aware that it's somewhat insulting to use "programmer" as the introvert example and "Wal-Mart greeter" as the extrovert example. Those are the examples I was given. You could replace "greeter" with "politician," if you like, or maybe "programmer" with "professional vampire."

*Barring some extreme cases, such as when the candidate's programming knowledge comes from the days when he or she used to bypass corporate security systems and steal millions of dollars from his or her employers.

The Succubus

2012-02-03, 06:26 AM

Lo! Hail to thee, my rogue, my Flame d'Anor,
I wish thee health; I wish thee weather fair;
I wish thee wealth, and bounty in thy store,
And lovers lithe of limb and long of hair.
As for myself: yes, I have swapped my seal.
Though prone to parrot purple poets' words
And preen in purpler feathers and high heels,
I've left my soft gay flock and joined a herd.
The rainbow comes full circle: here I am,
Who pranced and played with ponies as a child.
Though shorn of wings, I've not foresworn my iambs!
My pen's not blunt! My wits have not gone mild!
A verse may soar with wings as fleet as feet;
To dance a verse with hooves is just as meet.

:smalleek: - That was incredible!

H Birchgrove

2012-02-03, 06:48 AM

I'm tempted to ask you about that just to see how large the wall of text would be. :smallwink:

Yeah, definitely normal for introverts. Heh, between semesters my family got together at a restaurant and I was just completely silent until someone brought up how in around a year The Hobbit would come out in theaters which got me started. I got weird looks from everyone. :smallbiggrin: Hey, c'mon, guys, you know me, you should know I just don't have anything to contribute when you're talking about the cousin of the friend of the daughter of your friend I've never met.

That's so true for me as well! :smallbiggrin:

Orzel

2012-02-03, 09:53 AM

@ Mewtarthio

Vampires aren't introverts by choice. They have a serious sun allergy and everyone who they don't see as prey cannot be trusted.

But boy, if they trust you and don't want to eat you... they never shut up.

Tyndmyr

2012-02-03, 10:48 AM

But you have to agree it'd be silly to hire a programmer based on how introverted the candidates were. You judge them on their skills. Now, the skills someone chooses to develop are based on their personalities, but you should really only care about the end result*. Likewise with the Wal-Mart greeters: What does it matter how much they enjoy interacting with people, so long as they do an adequate job of greeting customers?

And, yes, I am aware that it's somewhat insulting to use "programmer" as the introvert example and "Wal-Mart greeter" as the extrovert example. Those are the examples I was given. You could replace "greeter" with "politician," if you like, or maybe "programmer" with "professional vampire."

I'm pretty ok with those examples. They're pretty typical ones.

That said, the AF test that determines if you can be a coder is one that has no coding on it whatsoever. First, you pass the ASVAB, which basically ensures that you are a functioning human being who has not suffered massive head trauma. It's a general test. Then, you take the coding specific test which is designed to select for people who think a specific way. Logical, all that jazz.

There was exactly one person in my class I would have classified as a extrovert(and quite a strong one at that) after passing that. She was in my class solely because she was retaking the class for a third time, if memory serves. While she was a very, very nice person, and she tried extremely hard*, she never really was much of a coder.

The sorts of things you like to do are sufficiently closely tied to things that you do well that I think it's reasonable to consider that in employment.

*I'd get into details, but it would likely be sufficient to identify the person, which would be undesirable.

WalkingTarget

2012-02-03, 12:11 PM

The physical act of talking doesn't take much energy. However, for many people making a conscious effort to analyze what they're about to say and deciding whether it's appropriate and constructive to put out there DOES take energy, or more accurately concentration.

Introverts are more thoughtful, not because they somehow have higher quality thoughts to draw on but because they make sure that only their best comments get out at all. Quality vs. Quantity

This. Very this.

I was astounded a while ago to learn that several of my friends considered me to be an amazing conversationalist. Apparently I have a reputation for not saying much, but when I do it's always worth listening to. In my own head I'm generally just listening and composing/recomposing/giving up/starting over/finally getting my wording right/noticing that the conversation has moved on/starting over again/finally getting a word in.

It's exhausting and I don't feel like I'm great at this, but I manage to convey the fact that I listen and care enough about what others say to form coherent, thoughtful responses.

Teddy

2012-02-03, 12:21 PM

I'm definitely an introvert myself. I do enjoy socialising quite a lot, even if I'm rarely especially talkactive myself and pretty anxious about initiating new conversations, but the whole act of socialising is extremely taxing to me, and I require huge amounts of downtime or I'll start to panic.

Without any scientific expertise on the subject, I must say that I'm quite partial to the hypothesis/theory/whatever-scientific-stage-it-is-in that introverted people are more sensitive to dopamine, as it would certainly explain my hypersensitivity to impressions. Being constantly aware of everything around you isn't always as helpful as it sounds...

Also, I'm not especially partial to the common mixup of the words "antisocial" and "asocial". "Anti-" means "against" (in the case of "antisocial", that is socially destructive). "A-" means "not" (think "asexual"). It hasn't happened yet, but I wouldn't take being called antisocial without giving a rant in return.

Karoht

2012-02-03, 12:34 PM

@The Wal-Mart Greeter Example:
Yes, you probably should enjoy interacting with people, and it would make sense for a company to hire someone who enjoys it over someone who doesn't. If you enjoy it, you're more likely to remain in the position. Hiring someone for any job costs more than people realizes, so the prospect of hiring someone who you know you are likely to replace is a waste of money right there. Sure, it's walmart, the turnover is probably pretty high and all, but cost avoidance is cost avoidance.

On the flip side, a personal anecdote. I consider myself an introvert, and I don't hide this fact. A bank hired me as a front line teller. Within 3 months I was given an award for the best customer service, with the comment of "wow, what an extrovert" in my review.
While I don't enjoy interacting with the public, that doesn't mean I can't do it well. "Fake it until you make it" as Rayne Summers would say.

But as far as hiring goes, sure one could hire based on qualifications, but if it is for a job where social interaction is a noticeable aspect of the job, I'll hire for personality to a degree.

Indurain

2012-02-03, 06:17 PM

I was actually just reading an article in the Feb. 6, 2012 TIME magazine called THE POWER OF (shyness). It's a very good read, and talks about how too often introverts are pressured to be more like extroverts. Reading this article got me thinking.

Those who have met me would very quickly and easily classify me as an extrovert. I'm loud, very vocal, and will usually interject myself into just about any conversation I can find. As was said earlier in the thread, this is in part because I don't like silence. It makes me feel awkward and uneasy (I'd imagine in a similar way to how introverts feel in crowds or rapid conversation)

That said, I've found that in the past 2 years (of which a large percentage of my time was spent alone) I've developed some very introverted habits. My fear of crowds has grown to almost unbearable levels. I'm fine at a small party or the lunchroom at work, but after an hour at a mall, I begin to have trouble breathing, and sometimes just need to get out. I also have days where I don't want to deal with the world, and will ignore friends calls/texts so that I can be alone. And I really don't do well with strangers, often so afraid of saying the wrong thing, that I don't speak at all.

So, while I find myself "recharged" by good conversations with friends (which I'm always active in, and often leading the talk), I find myself commonly paralyzed with fear/unease in situations that extroverts are supposed to thrive in (and which I used to relish and enjoy so much). So what does that make me? Extrovert? Introvert? or just confused?

I do believe that we are genetically disposed to be a certain type of person, however I do believe that that can change as you grow and mature. However, I DO NOT believe that either side is superior to the other. Sure there are certain situations where an extrovert is better equiped than an introvert, and vice versa, however this just means we need each other. Sometimes the extrovert needs the intro to say "Slow down, you're rushing into things." And sometimes the introvert needs the extro to show them how to enjoy spontaneity and unpredictability. Just remember, we're in this thing together.

Trog

2012-02-04, 09:52 AM

@^ Shy extrovert, perhaps? But yes you seem very energized when in crowds so I'd peg you as an extrovert. At least at meet-ups, anyway. :smallwink:

This is a good article. And all of those things are indeed very true of introverts. Or at least of me as an introvert, anyway. I recharge when alone, like my house quiet when I can get it, need to duck out of crowded social settings now and then to get more energy, and will talk your ear off if we hit upon a certain subject in conversation. But mostly I've been told I'm quiet while others talk and then I'll suddenly speak up and say something other people find funny for some reason.

I'd hug all my fellow introverts but that seems a bit "extro" to me so instead I will leave these Hershey's Hugs in this little bowl over here in the corner and then I'll go to the other end of the room and be preoccupied with whether or not I did the right thing by getting hugs and whether or not kisses would have been a better choice because they taste better to me.

*slides little bowl onto end table. Wanders off to lurk more*

H Birchgrove

2012-02-05, 09:24 AM

An article from Scientific American (http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=the-power-of-introverts)

Also, I'm not especially partial to the common mixup of the words "antisocial" and "asocial". "Anti-" means "against" (in the case of "antisocial", that is socially destructive). "A-" means "not" (think "asexual"). It hasn't happened yet, but I wouldn't take being called antisocial without giving a rant in return.

From what I've heard here in Turnipland, "osocial" or unsocial just means you're shy or want to be left alone, while "asocial" means you have mental issues of some sort, that makes you unable to act correctly among people.

Take what I say with a grain of salt.

Teddy

2012-02-05, 02:20 PM

From what I've heard here in Turnipland, "osocial" or unsocial just means you're shy or want to be left alone, while "asocial" means you have mental issues of some sort, that makes you unable to act correctly among people.

Take what I say with a grain of salt.

Probably true, but "antisocial" means something more along the line of "socially destructive". An antisocial person can be highly social, but they're prone to be so at someone's expense, and seldom have any qualms about it either.

Weezer

2012-02-05, 02:26 PM

Probably true, but "antisocial" means something more along the line of "socially destructive". An antisocial person can be highly social, but they're prone to be so at someone's expense, and seldom have any qualms about it either.

Especially since "antisocial" has a medical meaning that includes that kind of destructive activities.
Here's the wiki link about it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antisocial_personality_disorder

The Extinguisher

2012-02-05, 08:06 PM

Lord Raziere

2012-02-05, 09:27 PM

I'm all for getting rid of "introvert" and "extrovert" completely. They really don't do anything other than give people a line to draw in the sand. Even ignoring that everyone is going to be on a scale somewhere, not some binary "yes or no" thing, the idea of "social energy" just seems ridiculous to me. We don't make divisions based on how much food someone can eat at a time, or how fast someone can run, why make divisions on this.

Arbitrary groupings are pointless and destructive.

Would you do the same for all definitions? There can be no meaning without definition. If one cannot define themselves by anything….then how can they be or mean anything? I agree with you that pointless divisions are destructive, but to destroy definition is to destroy all meaning, and I would rather have all definition and diversity contributing to the world without conflict, rather than destroying all definition, for at a certain point, how do you describe anything, how can you know what you mean if you can't define it?

I define myself as an introvert, and therefore I know the meaning of myself.
I wouldn't force my definitions on others though, people can define themselves however they like, and I will gladly adhere to how they want to be defined, but to destroy definition to destroy meaning.

Amridell

2012-02-05, 09:43 PM

I may yet be an introvert. I tend to not want to go near people I don't know, but maybe that's because I am simply of an entirely different caste socially. Albeit, I talk to the guy sitting next to me on an airline. Then again, I'm going this instead of watching the super bowl with everyone else. So glad my family doesn't have some gathering for it. Is there an online test for these kind of things?

Inglenook

2012-02-06, 02:52 AM

I've always tested very strongly on the Introvert side of the spectrum, but whenever I drink I'm gregarious and noisy and affirm my love for everyone present.

I wonder if I'm a closeted extrovert, or if the alcohol is just allowing me to be more liberal with the things I'd like to say normally but never do. :smallredface:

Story Time

2012-02-06, 05:55 AM

I'm yet another Introvert. My mom is an Extrovert and since I was a little kid she thought something was wrong with me. She made me start going to a psychologist in elementary school and continue with sessions all the way through high school. Quite often these sessions consisted of my mom talked to the psychologist about how I wasn't acting normal.
[...]
Anyone here know enough about these things to know if this is accurate? It would certainly explain a lot. Wikipedia seems to support the idea, but it could be wrong or I could be missing something.

Two pages late. Sorry about that, but here is a response about it.

The brain is composed of approximately one hundred billion nerve cells. These cells form roads and paths through the brain. Every thought and memory is a path branching out from the road. There are seven roads ( the number discovered so far ). One of the roads focuses on inter-personal thoughts and thinking. An other focuses on intra-personal thoughts and thinking.

The science is not so heavily chemical as one might expect. The larger and stronger a road is, and its paths, the stronger a person is in that type of thinking. So branding a person as an introvert or extrovert is...inaccurate. It would be better to say that he or she is strong in one road or another.

1
For the record, and in regard to the original post, I found the essay to be fairly soothing. I've always had a deep sense of inner contemplation more than what I discovered from my contemporaries. I was glad that Nibble pointed to it. Thank you. :smallsmile: