TravelLog
2012-02-13, 06:06 PM
I love Brian Clevinger's brilliant sprite comic, 8-bit Theater. Consider this a tribute to its glory. Feel free to contribute!
Sword Chucks? I Like Sword Chucks!
Prerequisites: Preposterous Weapon Proficiency, Strength 20+
Benefit: You can wield sword chucks. No, seriously. They're like nunchucks, but instead of...what do you call the end of nunchucks? It isn't "nuns", is it? Well anyway, they have swords on the end, and they're sharp and stuff. But the important thing is that they're swords. Sharp ones. Also, they're really shiny.
Normal: Who the hell tries to wield sword-chucks (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showthread.php?t=36835)?
Too Dumb To Die
Prerequisites: Endurance, Diehard, Int 5 or below, Humanoid, Constitution 20+
Benefit: You're too stupid to die when you should. Any time when you would be reduced below zero hit points, make an intelligence check. If you fail the check, you instead take no damage that round. This feat can only take effect three times per day.
Four White Mages?! It'll Never Work
Prerequisites: Must have four or more characters capable of casting Cure spells affiliated with you. Must be of good alignment. Character level 15.
Benefit: Any time you face an Elder Evil or an Evil demigod, your spells of the Cure line deal damage equal to ten times the amount they would normally heal against that enemy. Casting the spells in this manner is a full-round action that provokes attacks of opportunity, but also leaves the opponent incredibly embarrassed if it succeeds, rendering them helpless for a number of rounds equal to 1/20th the damage dealt. If you kill them in this way, they cannot be returned to life by any means, and relocate to another dimension where no one knows them just to be sure no one mocks them for losing to stupid White Mages.
Normal: White Mages cannot hope to survive even the simplest of encounters.
Put the Pointy End Into the Squishy Things That Scream And Bleed
Prerequisites: Evil Alignment, Charisma of 6 or below, Must be devoted to an Elder Evil
Benefit: Any damage you deal with daggers is considered to be Vile damage. Furthermore, any dagger you wield has its damage dice increased to d10. Any time you kill an innocent using a dagger, you gain a number of temporary hit points equal to one-quarter the damage dealt. You are also immune to legal consequences for actions involving daggers. Really. Sometimes being totally evil instead of just somewhat evil, or as I call it, "loser-evil", has its perks.
Normal: RUN! SOCIOPATH! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!
I CASTS THE SPELLS THAT MAKE THE PEOPLES FALL DOWN!
Prerequisites: Wizard or Sorcerer, able to cast 6th level Arcane spells, Height below 5 feet, Weight above 200 lbs., Inferiority Complex (Flaw)
Benefit: Any time you cast a spell that deals damage, its damage dice are increased by one die type, and one-third the damage is considered force damage. All opponents must make a Fortitude saving throw or be knocked prone if they are successfully dealt damage. If you do succeed in knocking an enemy over, you receive a +2 morale bonus to the damage and +1 morale bonus to the save difficulty class of your spells (capped at +5). You can also laugh maniacally and taunt your opponents as a free action.
In the Arena of Logic, I Fight Unarmed
Prerequisites: Improved Unarmed Strike, Flurry of Blows, Must be able to cast Arcane spells
Benefit: Whenever an opponent attacks you with a spell that would require a Will Save and that allows spell resistance, you may substitute your unarmed attack bonus for any spell resistance you have to oppose the spell's effects. If you succeed, you may optionally characterize the action as having punched reality in the face.
...You Blocked the Ground?
Prerequisites: BAB 12+, Combat Expertise, Improved Combat Expertise Steadfast Determination, Mettle
Benefit: You can block anything. Literally anything. The air? Yes. Spells? Yes? Any time a creature attempts to attack you while you are holding a melee weapon, you can add half of your Base Attack Bonus as an insight bonus to your Armor Class. Furthermore, if your opponent's attack roll exceeds your Armor Class by only one, you take half damage.
Welcome to Corneria!
Prerequisites: Skill Focus (Intimidate or Diplomacy), Diplomacy or Intimidate 18 ranks, Impatient (Flaw), Must be of race capable of nervous breakdowns
Benefit: Sometimes NPCs are very, very helpful. Other times, they simply repeat themselves to the point where committing omnicide starts to sound like a wonderful idea. In cases like that, you can use this feat to take 2 points of Charisma and Wisdom damage in exchange for being able to kill, injure, maim, or otherwise harm the NPC in question without facing legal repercussions or any sort of plot-related consequences.
Normal: Screw NPCs.
Sword Chucks? I Like Sword Chucks!
Prerequisites: Preposterous Weapon Proficiency, Strength 20+
Benefit: You can wield sword chucks. No, seriously. They're like nunchucks, but instead of...what do you call the end of nunchucks? It isn't "nuns", is it? Well anyway, they have swords on the end, and they're sharp and stuff. But the important thing is that they're swords. Sharp ones. Also, they're really shiny.
Normal: Who the hell tries to wield sword-chucks (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showthread.php?t=36835)?
Too Dumb To Die
Prerequisites: Endurance, Diehard, Int 5 or below, Humanoid, Constitution 20+
Benefit: You're too stupid to die when you should. Any time when you would be reduced below zero hit points, make an intelligence check. If you fail the check, you instead take no damage that round. This feat can only take effect three times per day.
Four White Mages?! It'll Never Work
Prerequisites: Must have four or more characters capable of casting Cure spells affiliated with you. Must be of good alignment. Character level 15.
Benefit: Any time you face an Elder Evil or an Evil demigod, your spells of the Cure line deal damage equal to ten times the amount they would normally heal against that enemy. Casting the spells in this manner is a full-round action that provokes attacks of opportunity, but also leaves the opponent incredibly embarrassed if it succeeds, rendering them helpless for a number of rounds equal to 1/20th the damage dealt. If you kill them in this way, they cannot be returned to life by any means, and relocate to another dimension where no one knows them just to be sure no one mocks them for losing to stupid White Mages.
Normal: White Mages cannot hope to survive even the simplest of encounters.
Put the Pointy End Into the Squishy Things That Scream And Bleed
Prerequisites: Evil Alignment, Charisma of 6 or below, Must be devoted to an Elder Evil
Benefit: Any damage you deal with daggers is considered to be Vile damage. Furthermore, any dagger you wield has its damage dice increased to d10. Any time you kill an innocent using a dagger, you gain a number of temporary hit points equal to one-quarter the damage dealt. You are also immune to legal consequences for actions involving daggers. Really. Sometimes being totally evil instead of just somewhat evil, or as I call it, "loser-evil", has its perks.
Normal: RUN! SOCIOPATH! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!
I CASTS THE SPELLS THAT MAKE THE PEOPLES FALL DOWN!
Prerequisites: Wizard or Sorcerer, able to cast 6th level Arcane spells, Height below 5 feet, Weight above 200 lbs., Inferiority Complex (Flaw)
Benefit: Any time you cast a spell that deals damage, its damage dice are increased by one die type, and one-third the damage is considered force damage. All opponents must make a Fortitude saving throw or be knocked prone if they are successfully dealt damage. If you do succeed in knocking an enemy over, you receive a +2 morale bonus to the damage and +1 morale bonus to the save difficulty class of your spells (capped at +5). You can also laugh maniacally and taunt your opponents as a free action.
In the Arena of Logic, I Fight Unarmed
Prerequisites: Improved Unarmed Strike, Flurry of Blows, Must be able to cast Arcane spells
Benefit: Whenever an opponent attacks you with a spell that would require a Will Save and that allows spell resistance, you may substitute your unarmed attack bonus for any spell resistance you have to oppose the spell's effects. If you succeed, you may optionally characterize the action as having punched reality in the face.
...You Blocked the Ground?
Prerequisites: BAB 12+, Combat Expertise, Improved Combat Expertise Steadfast Determination, Mettle
Benefit: You can block anything. Literally anything. The air? Yes. Spells? Yes? Any time a creature attempts to attack you while you are holding a melee weapon, you can add half of your Base Attack Bonus as an insight bonus to your Armor Class. Furthermore, if your opponent's attack roll exceeds your Armor Class by only one, you take half damage.
Welcome to Corneria!
Prerequisites: Skill Focus (Intimidate or Diplomacy), Diplomacy or Intimidate 18 ranks, Impatient (Flaw), Must be of race capable of nervous breakdowns
Benefit: Sometimes NPCs are very, very helpful. Other times, they simply repeat themselves to the point where committing omnicide starts to sound like a wonderful idea. In cases like that, you can use this feat to take 2 points of Charisma and Wisdom damage in exchange for being able to kill, injure, maim, or otherwise harm the NPC in question without facing legal repercussions or any sort of plot-related consequences.
Normal: Screw NPCs.